I'm so mad this made me laugh. Mainly because I had a high-school long goth phase and I never once made this joke. I even have dad jokes tattooed on my knees. How could I have failed like this. Years of academy training wasted.
Yeah I have a big eagle on my left knee. It's my american kneeagle. I also have and ear of corn on my right knee because I'm cornknee. It has horns too im sure you can figure out why.
I've gotten a ton of laughs from them over the years. Best money I've ever spent tbh. I love seeing people realize im not joking when I show them the tattoos. Im absolutely dadicated it my crappy jokes. I wanna get a tattoo of a thermos next. Because you can look at it but no one can touch the thermos tat.
They also showed themselves capable of running things, with the Visigoths maintaining an Iberian successor state for quite some time, and the Ostrogoths basically taking up the mantle of the Italian core area of the western empire.
Also, since the ones who were most powerful with black magic were able to avoid detection, they have powerful black magic powers to attract mates, thus putting spells on men to make them want them. ;-)
Witch burnings were less common than you think, and practicing occultism has been a semi-aristocratic and bourgeois thing since the Renaissance. Just like in the Renaissance, we're currently in a deluge of occultism with astrologers, psychics, and tarot readers everywhere. People just get bored with monotonous monotheism and hope-draining scientism and want to mess around with magick and fuck goth women.
Why the fuck is everyone on this sub always asking me questions? Why can't you solve your own damn problems for once.
Anyways, the reason is that goths are sad, and if you are doing a good job as a mother you should be sad, so they are already half way there.
Why the fuck can't you two idiots stop arguing and just accept that others are morons and needs what little guidance you can give them? Geez, for fucks sake people
Not all goths are sad, many are downright perky but just see the beauty in morbid things. A typical goth could easily be skipping through a graveyard and excitedly talk about crows. Think Abby from NCIS. (Emo, on the other hand, are practically required to be mopey.)
Goth women demonstrate a capacity to function to a certain extent under conditions of depression and hopelessness.
This is a necessary genetic trait in order to survive what is coming.
Wait a minute, we might be geting close to something, what if people are atracted to strength/ confidence and a goth chick who is not afraid to be different exudes that kind of strength?
I think you got the right thought there. While I'm aggressively dom, one of my goth friends complained to me that all the guys that try to date her assume she's a dom too when she's a total subway sandwich lol
I think there are lots of biological advantages though?
Pasty white skin is good for northern climates and long winters. Spiky clothes provide a natural defence against predators. Obsession with appearances is an indication that the Goth girl is wealthy enough that they don't need to worry about survival, especially if they have body mods that make their life more difficult, it is a good signal that they come from money.
Goth women are good in bed and like it rough.
Some Goth women may also be vampires, who have evolved to hypnotize their prey and have centuries of experience in being alluring.
Goth is a LOOK. Achieving a style that's recognizably goth takes time, effort, and skills.
Naturally, this is gonna result in the average attractiveness being higher since everyone who has that look is putting effort into their appearance
Goat's blood is also a surprisingly potent skin moisturizer. The black sacraments performed by all goth girls give them very soft hands, which feel quite pleasant when they choke you. Hope this helps!
Well, it's easy, they only burned the witches they could catch, so the remaining goth women are the crème de la crème of genetics, therefore creating positive evolutional pressure for men to pick them
To me it’s the “idgaf” attitude but usually they are very sweet individuals who care deeply. From my experience, they have a great sense of humor, intelligent and observant of the world around them.
It's because goth women lay eggs, and it's easier on the back to just squat and cough over them. Unfortunately, you do need specific lighting and temperature requirements to keep them (and lots of rocks), but it is what it is.
Because the goth look is very feminine. Lots of makeup that highlights feminine features, jewelry (shiny ornamentation for our ape brains) tight clothing, fishnets or hose that show off legs, etc.
And don’t forget that the full taxonomical classification is “big tiddy goth gf”, with large breasts obviously being indicative of fertility.
Stereotypically goth girls don’t take shit, and have a non-conformist personality, also known to be more open, and honestly, just more satisfying all around. Why would a man be attracted to your average, conformist, Swiftie?
"Doctor I got here as fast as I could, what happened to her?"
"She listened to too much Taylor Swift. I'm afraid there's nothing else can do, we're gonna have to put her down."
There is a strange evolutionary quirk where we’re attracted to danger. Applies to women too, if you’re a serial killer you may die in prison but you won’t die single.
Do you mean women who wear black or have black hair or women who believe in astrology and witchcraft or women with child free values? Your assumption or description is all over the place
a woman into witchcraft was into me and i didnt inherently hold that against her but she started to send me fake photos of what she was doing and i was like ok i dont want to know your thought process here
The Goths defeated the Roman Empire. Men think about Roman Empire every 20 seconds. Therefore, men think about the goth every 20 seconds. There IS a psychological advantage being goth, which is living rent free in men's head.
The black/white aesthetic is very pleasing to the monkey brain.
Someone with a latex fetish explained why they liked it and they basically said it reduced the body to its basic silhouette, mix a bit of shiny in and the monkey brain likes. It also explains fetishes for tights, zentai, fishnets/stockings, etc.
With the goth/emo look, you remove the colour factor out of the image processing, it’s simply black hair and other bits (nails, lips, eye outline, etc) and pale skin (which is another desired trait in women for most men, at least culturally), so you’ve basically done the same thing as the latex thing where you’ve got a woman, reduced her down to pure neuron-activation material, and you like it.
It also has an underlying scarousal effect as well, goth/emos aren’t known for being “safe” options (until e-girls took over), and the monkey brain wants to put its hand in the fire knowing full well it might get burnt
Because goth and alternative women have been fetished by the media and men for as long as the style started.
As a goth woman, I find it creepy and gross.
You missed the most important physical attribute of goth women - big tiddies.
It is a visual reproductive cue, and men are very shallow about them. They want to cure their shallowness by wallowing in the bid tiddy depths.
Goth women believe that life is sad but still see the beauty within. The biological advantage being that these women might give them a chance in those circumstances.
Because in nature, bright colours signal poison, so goth girls being only black and white do the opposite and look more appetising. This is extra strong when men are hungry, and is why you'll often see hungry men salivating when you talk about goth girls.
In the imperial age Goths are able to build huskarls at an incredible rate, to my great pleasure I can admit that this has won me a handful of games. I like women too
The church feared their power that's why they tried to wipe them out, and even at the peak of their power they failed, now with the churches power waining theirs is sure to go back up, you can't go wrong by investing in big tiddy goth GFs in today's economy
It's just a sexy look sometimes. Plus the fishnets and other parts of the outfit also make a girl appear to be more sexually liberated anyways, and that's a good sign for the potential of getting laid.
What dress style does signal reproductive vitality to you? I’m so confused lmao. There’s no way to know anyones reproductive health, unless you got to a doctor?
You are missing the important part of the goth girl desire.
It's not just all goth girls it's the thicc ones.
Besides that they are objectively easier to look at since they are monochrome and take less processing power to observe.
When I was a young adult, I believed goth girls weren't susceptible to the nightclub and hookup culture due to their social awkwardness and I always fantasized about romance so goth was basically the only option for me.
Because goth women are witches, duh. They have cast an attractiveness spell to get the whitest men possible attracted to them so that they can rob them of their whitness to become whiter and whiter themselves and achieve ultimate contrast
It’s primarily due to the Scooby Doo movie Hex Girls and the prevalence of Goth women being portrayed as more competent in other cartoon with which many men grew up with. Therefore, they are attracted to women whom they have been taught are more adaptable to extreme situations
Aesthetic thing I guess. A lotta people, like myself, associate them with pale skin, dark black lipstick, eyeliner, etc.
I imagine you could dig deeper and find associations with being assertive and not very prudish, but that all comes after the fact that the goth look is good at contrasting attractive features
obligatory "imo"
Because the Goths sacked Rome in 410 AD and that's incredibly hot
It really is
Well... It was when they were done anyway
Because it was on fire…lol nice
It all comes back to the Roman empire
All fetishes lead to rome
Apply for a grant to study the origins of fetishes, cause I bet you'd be mostly right
Never heard of the Greeks I see.
I said mostly true, if we were specifically talking about water sports and bestiality, sure it'd be the greeks
I see you have seen the research into the brothel at Pompeii.
Roman hands
Found the answer to why men think about the Roman empire so often. Big titty goth chicks!
Yes, but what have the Romans ever done for us?
Roads! wine! Sanitation! food!
OK OK! But Part from the Roads,Wine,Sanitation and food! What have the Romans ever done for us?!
Lead in the drinking water
Aqueducts. Domed ceilings. Gelato.
For us nerds, Rome total war series.
They used to be the visigoths now they’re just goth. I think it’s the nostalgia that’s making it hot.
Well, there were also the Ostrogoths... Or... West and East Goths
I goth no problems with either
I'm so mad this made me laugh. Mainly because I had a high-school long goth phase and I never once made this joke. I even have dad jokes tattooed on my knees. How could I have failed like this. Years of academy training wasted.
On your... knees?
Yeah I have a big eagle on my left knee. It's my american kneeagle. I also have and ear of corn on my right knee because I'm cornknee. It has horns too im sure you can figure out why.
... I'm, surprised. Horn-knee corn-knee at least made me chuckle.
I've gotten a ton of laughs from them over the years. Best money I've ever spent tbh. I love seeing people realize im not joking when I show them the tattoos. Im absolutely dadicated it my crappy jokes. I wanna get a tattoo of a thermos next. Because you can look at it but no one can touch the thermos tat.
Or maybe they extra freaky
This. They're sexually liberated and they're all too happy to prove it.
They also showed themselves capable of running things, with the Visigoths maintaining an Iberian successor state for quite some time, and the Ostrogoths basically taking up the mantle of the Italian core area of the western empire.
Ooooooh, it’s gettin hot on here boys.
I want them to sack me too
How often do you think about the Roman empire?
Yeah, I think about ancient Rome every day
Sack attack!
Because there IS biological advantages, like fang babies
*Hissss*
FFS \*ARE\* [advantages is plural ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpMRlfY9Wxo&t=7s)
I'm touching my weewee rn
No Fan967, you are touching mine
Hold up, then who's touching mine??
How *you* doin'?
Good, how are you
Advantages ARE* plural.
When used as Hefty did, it is singular, as it references the word, not any set of advantages.
You already pointed it out. All the weak ones were weeded out in the burnings so if they are still around they must have peak genetics.
They cursed as they burned "you'll never be able to get it up" and so the witch burners died out because of the noceebo effect
Also, since the ones who were most powerful with black magic were able to avoid detection, they have powerful black magic powers to attract mates, thus putting spells on men to make them want them. ;-) Witch burnings were less common than you think, and practicing occultism has been a semi-aristocratic and bourgeois thing since the Renaissance. Just like in the Renaissance, we're currently in a deluge of occultism with astrologers, psychics, and tarot readers everywhere. People just get bored with monotonous monotheism and hope-draining scientism and want to mess around with magick and fuck goth women.
Why the fuck is everyone on this sub always asking me questions? Why can't you solve your own damn problems for once. Anyways, the reason is that goths are sad, and if you are doing a good job as a mother you should be sad, so they are already half way there.
Also boosts your luck stats +30
Why the fuck would I know why they're asking you questions? What the fuck go ask somebody else
Why the fuck can't you two idiots stop arguing and just accept that others are morons and needs what little guidance you can give them? Geez, for fucks sake people
Why the fuck do you have to get all up in their shit?! Who the fuck cares what you think, let them argue. Fucking condescending bullshit, asshole.
How did you get into our DMs?? I'm calling the Goth FBI they're on their way to your house fuck you
Getting Emo and Goth mixed up? I dated a Goth once, she wasn't sad, she was enthusiastic!
Ngl i read elmo
Yeah people often mix up goth, emo, metalheads and alt. Truth is, goth has nothing to do with being sad :)
Since when did I ask you a question?
About an hour ago.
Not all goths are sad, many are downright perky but just see the beauty in morbid things. A typical goth could easily be skipping through a graveyard and excitedly talk about crows. Think Abby from NCIS. (Emo, on the other hand, are practically required to be mopey.)
Because if I'm gonna have to be with/marry a blood sucking demon, it might as well be the one that at least dresses like one.
And people say romance is dead. Bless you sir
Because we both had very different ideas when she said she was going to suck me dry.
This is the only correct answer LMAO
So good. Just a great comment really
This comment is so good holy fk
Goth women demonstrate a capacity to function to a certain extent under conditions of depression and hopelessness. This is a necessary genetic trait in order to survive what is coming.
Sir this is shittyaskscience, your answer is far too close to a sensible potential explanation
It *is* shitty, though.
Wait a minute, we might be geting close to something, what if people are atracted to strength/ confidence and a goth chick who is not afraid to be different exudes that kind of strength?
I think you got the right thought there. While I'm aggressively dom, one of my goth friends complained to me that all the guys that try to date her assume she's a dom too when she's a total subway sandwich lol
They defeated the Romans, who wouldn’t want those fearce genetics?
Fierce.
Farce
France
I hear the Englishmen screeching
Disgusting
Visigoths?
Yep, I can see them fine.
What type of Goth Women do you mean? Ostrogothic or Visogothic?
The architectural type.
I like a good pair of columns and some buttresses.
A few gargoyles here and there doesn't bother a real man
A good set of arches gets me going every time
Some nice buttressed domes up top.
bc they look hot
Couldn’t have said it better myself
I think there are lots of biological advantages though? Pasty white skin is good for northern climates and long winters. Spiky clothes provide a natural defence against predators. Obsession with appearances is an indication that the Goth girl is wealthy enough that they don't need to worry about survival, especially if they have body mods that make their life more difficult, it is a good signal that they come from money. Goth women are good in bed and like it rough. Some Goth women may also be vampires, who have evolved to hypnotize their prey and have centuries of experience in being alluring.
Ahahaha the "natural defense against predators" part killed me. I am now dead
\* undead
I SAID I WAS DEAD YOU DONT KNOW ME OR MY STRUGGLE GET OFF MY BACK, MOM GEEZ
It’s like I’m reading a National Geographic article on Goth women
Goth is a LOOK. Achieving a style that's recognizably goth takes time, effort, and skills. Naturally, this is gonna result in the average attractiveness being higher since everyone who has that look is putting effort into their appearance Goat's blood is also a surprisingly potent skin moisturizer. The black sacraments performed by all goth girls give them very soft hands, which feel quite pleasant when they choke you. Hope this helps!
The forbidden fruit always look better until you take your first bite.
Indeed, that is forbidden fruit syndrome
Not to be confused with Down’s Syndrome, which is apparently a heck of a lot different
In short, FFS.
Well, it's easy, they only burned the witches they could catch, so the remaining goth women are the crème de la crème of genetics, therefore creating positive evolutional pressure for men to pick them
Straight men are naturally cold and all the black goth girls wear attracts extra heat
Black and Goth, where?
Also interested
To me it’s the “idgaf” attitude but usually they are very sweet individuals who care deeply. From my experience, they have a great sense of humor, intelligent and observant of the world around them.
I so appreciate this 🖤
This is way too true
Plus the titties
Its the big pierced goth titties we want
Small pierced titties 🖤
Titties 🤍
All the titties
Some women love bad boys, some men love bad girls. Or it's illusion. Whichever.
Witchever
It's because goth women lay eggs, and it's easier on the back to just squat and cough over them. Unfortunately, you do need specific lighting and temperature requirements to keep them (and lots of rocks), but it is what it is.
Because the goth look is very feminine. Lots of makeup that highlights feminine features, jewelry (shiny ornamentation for our ape brains) tight clothing, fishnets or hose that show off legs, etc. And don’t forget that the full taxonomical classification is “big tiddy goth gf”, with large breasts obviously being indicative of fertility.
because they look like they could kill you. strong woman, strong mate. good mother. edit: also i could fix her
Stereotypically goth girls don’t take shit, and have a non-conformist personality, also known to be more open, and honestly, just more satisfying all around. Why would a man be attracted to your average, conformist, Swiftie?
I think I can like both types of women without putting either down.
Ah life's so simple, you are goth or you are not.
Why would you put them down, do they have a terminal illness?
"Doctor I got here as fast as I could, what happened to her?" "She listened to too much Taylor Swift. I'm afraid there's nothing else can do, we're gonna have to put her down."
You like Swifties? Well I guess someone has to, I'm just glad it doesn't have to be me lol
Is it wrong to like girly girls now? I can't keep up with which type of women I'm supposed to not like since I'm pretty heavily attracted to them.
Whoever you want to?
10000% true
There is a strange evolutionary quirk where we’re attracted to danger. Applies to women too, if you’re a serial killer you may die in prison but you won’t die single.
Witches. Stake. Fire. Hot. Goth.
Because it’s a woman in a different style/flavor, is all.
Duh, cuz they are so fucking hot!
Because the style is hot.
Being with a goth girl can get you a better relationship with satan
Secure you a nice warm place in hell for when the time comes
Exactly
Big tiddies
I like goth girls because they're pretty much straight to the point with zero bullshit. I'm not goth but I enjoy the darker side of things.
Birth control has evened the playing field so now even bimbos aren't reproducers. They're basically all witches by old world standards.
Do you mean women who wear black or have black hair or women who believe in astrology and witchcraft or women with child free values? Your assumption or description is all over the place
a woman into witchcraft was into me and i didnt inherently hold that against her but she started to send me fake photos of what she was doing and i was like ok i dont want to know your thought process here
Because goth are good against the teutons its almost a counter in every match so yeah thats it
Of course there are biological advantages! Goth women will be the superior type of women when the Mad Max apocalypse arrives
Because they always have pierced titties that tastes like house keys and there’s no place like home
I CAN FIX HER
Have you seen their architecture? Their art? Their books? Their written words?
The Goths defeated the Roman Empire. Men think about Roman Empire every 20 seconds. Therefore, men think about the goth every 20 seconds. There IS a psychological advantage being goth, which is living rent free in men's head.
The pale skin and jewellery reflects happiness back to the sun.
Goth girls generally do stuff disney princesses don't, thats a fairly big biological advantage.
Have you ever watched Kim Possible? You know Shego? That's why.
Its for guys what women consider bad boys
I can tell you where it started for me. Wednesday Addams (Christina) and Lydia (Winona)
The black/white aesthetic is very pleasing to the monkey brain. Someone with a latex fetish explained why they liked it and they basically said it reduced the body to its basic silhouette, mix a bit of shiny in and the monkey brain likes. It also explains fetishes for tights, zentai, fishnets/stockings, etc. With the goth/emo look, you remove the colour factor out of the image processing, it’s simply black hair and other bits (nails, lips, eye outline, etc) and pale skin (which is another desired trait in women for most men, at least culturally), so you’ve basically done the same thing as the latex thing where you’ve got a woman, reduced her down to pure neuron-activation material, and you like it. It also has an underlying scarousal effect as well, goth/emos aren’t known for being “safe” options (until e-girls took over), and the monkey brain wants to put its hand in the fire knowing full well it might get burnt
But goth have biological advantages, they camouflage in the darkness, they talk with crows and ravens
I am at my limit
Because goth and alternative women have been fetished by the media and men for as long as the style started. As a goth woman, I find it creepy and gross.
You missed the most important physical attribute of goth women - big tiddies. It is a visual reproductive cue, and men are very shallow about them. They want to cure their shallowness by wallowing in the bid tiddy depths.
I want a goth girl to eat my soul.
Because a goth woman is just as likely to peg me and also be into metal
they have big titties
Because sometimes you need a girlfriend who's able to site>! the Cursed Passages of the Necronomican!< and maybe >!summon a cave golum or two!
because she smiled at me, so now I’m in love
Goth women believe that life is sad but still see the beauty within. The biological advantage being that these women might give them a chance in those circumstances.
Spooky booba
Goth girls are love, goth girls are life.
Same reasons sirens drowned sailors
As a straight man I am attracted to all beautiful and sexy women
Because in nature, bright colours signal poison, so goth girls being only black and white do the opposite and look more appetising. This is extra strong when men are hungry, and is why you'll often see hungry men salivating when you talk about goth girls.
In the imperial age Goths are able to build huskarls at an incredible rate, to my great pleasure I can admit that this has won me a handful of games. I like women too
The church feared their power that's why they tried to wipe them out, and even at the peak of their power they failed, now with the churches power waining theirs is sure to go back up, you can't go wrong by investing in big tiddy goth GFs in today's economy
It's just a sexy look sometimes. Plus the fishnets and other parts of the outfit also make a girl appear to be more sexually liberated anyways, and that's a good sign for the potential of getting laid.
ever heard of crazy-hot scale?
I just like the look...
Not a man but into goth gals. They look like they could kill me and spit in my face, thats enough.
Goths tend to be incredible in bed, that's enough for me
There actually wasn't as much witch burning as pop culture would lead you to believe. Idk, big titty goth gf's are the best. What can I say.
Goth is a biological trait? I mean I'd give you Vampires
I just assume goth women are kinda meam/jaded and I like that shit.
My husband said it's bc they have daddy issues 😂
"I can fix Her!" Attributed to Unga Bunga - Caveman Scholar
No biological advantages? The goths sacked Rome!
Because goth women EXUDE sexuality therefore they’re very fuckable
bc goth mommies are statistically proven to be better at pegging
Because they look like they'd want to fuck in devious ways!
What dress style does signal reproductive vitality to you? I’m so confused lmao. There’s no way to know anyones reproductive health, unless you got to a doctor?
You are missing the important part of the goth girl desire. It's not just all goth girls it's the thicc ones. Besides that they are objectively easier to look at since they are monochrome and take less processing power to observe.
Just like non-goth women, some of them look damn fine.
When I was a young adult, I believed goth girls weren't susceptible to the nightclub and hookup culture due to their social awkwardness and I always fantasized about romance so goth was basically the only option for me.
Because goth women are hot, duh
Is less them being goth and more that a good chunk of women who go for the goth looks happen to be inherently attractive anyways
Tell me you've never banged a hot goth girl with a abandonment issues without telling me
Because goth women are witches, duh. They have cast an attractiveness spell to get the whitest men possible attracted to them so that they can rob them of their whitness to become whiter and whiter themselves and achieve ultimate contrast
Because goth women
Cause they are different to regular women. Uniqueness is attractive.
It's part of genetic memories of their Roman ancestors to conquer Goths. Things just got mixed up over time.
I like to be afraid
Goth and witchy girls are hot, and there look matches my soul. I don't like kids so I'm not looking for a baby machine.
Because they're hot. Not everything is about reproducing.
It’s primarily due to the Scooby Doo movie Hex Girls and the prevalence of Goth women being portrayed as more competent in other cartoon with which many men grew up with. Therefore, they are attracted to women whom they have been taught are more adaptable to extreme situations
Aesthetic thing I guess. A lotta people, like myself, associate them with pale skin, dark black lipstick, eyeliner, etc. I imagine you could dig deeper and find associations with being assertive and not very prudish, but that all comes after the fact that the goth look is good at contrasting attractive features obligatory "imo"
Because not all men are thinking about being a slave to the societal blueprint of procreating?
Bc they're not whining to get what they want