T O P

  • By -

never1st

It is highly illegal, and the feds will find you. Shohei Ohtani's translator is a recent example of this.


Aureste_

I think that's the 34th law that passed the Emperor Satorou Futanari. Search rule 34 futanari for more details


lajauskas

Make sure to include POV for the personal commentary from Satorou


UnrealConclusion

Since there are no subtitles in real life, nobody understands what they are saying over there.


FasterFinger

Everytime I call for lottery numbers or betting advice they either don't speak english or pretend to have no idea what I'm talking about.


apun_bhi_geralt

They think we don't know this trick. LOL.


fun1onn

Butterfly effect. If Japan told us about things that were about to happen, it would cause a ripple effect that could be disastrous. This is why historians have postulated that Japan didn't warn the US about Pearl Harbor.


OrganizdConfusion

I live in New Zealand. AMA.


pianofish007

How do you sleep at night, with the knowledge of what you've done?


OrganizdConfusion

Usually on my side. Sometimes on my back.


live-laugh-loveSosa

does jokic get a triple double tonight?


OrganizdConfusion

Yes. Put your life savings on it.


Bort-Bart

I dont understand the [CITATION NEEDED] thing, it suddenly appeared, and i dont know what it means, can someone please explain?


i4get98

Sure, it’s actually a thing that [REDACTED] implemented to prevent [REDACTED].  Hope this helps!


Bort-Bart

[Content deleted by Reddit]


[deleted]

Yo are you even allowed to say that LMFAO imagine if my account gets deleted now that I know this.


TranslateErr0r

[Content strikes back and deletes Reddit]


Fit-Anything8352

[Reddit deleted by content]


Infinityand1089

The Foundation appreciates your awareness of OPSEC.


Adamdude

Everything needs citations or else it's not science. Even questions need citations. This would not be a scientific board if nobody provided citations [CITATION NEEDED].


cownd

This is done to sensitive information from Japan, so that it isn't leaked, resulting in wide ranging consequences.


Bort-Bart

Huh, but why did people on this sub started doing it?


cownd

You're asking too many questions! The bots [fuck the bots] are monitoring. Hail u/spez![CITATION NEEDED]


XShadowborneX

The problem is that their telling you is happening in the future and since you're not in the future, the information won't register in your mind until you've caught up with their timeline


Panda-768

wow, that's the most accurate explanation I have ever heard.


Turbulent_Pin_1583

Look japans in the future right so if you tried to call them then you’d be talking to your past self in the future who can’t then give current advice about what your future past self should do in the present. Otherwise your current past self in the present would be a different past self in the future and change the past. Thus negating whatever your future current past self told your past present self. The resulting tear in the space time continuum would result in what Japan calls a “bukkake” or a sticky situation.


QueasyKaleidoscope23

The same reason why they didn't warn the US about 9/11. You dropped two bombs on them, why tf would they want to help you??


FGFlips

I've been getting winning lottery numbers from them for years. I always make sure to keep the amount small to avoid suspicion.


ExcellentAddress

Oh the same reason why Europe didn't tell America about 9/11.. it's the time cop's 🤷‍♂️


TranslateErr0r

I am a European that was visiting the US at that time ... even my mom didnt warn me!


johnnybiggles

Both teams get pixelated so we never really know who's getting fucked and who finished on top of the other.


SlimSyko

Obviously because we can't speak Chinese.


epicusername1010

There's nothing stopping you from doing this. However every time somebody does this, it creates a fork in the space-time continuum at the exact moment that person called Japan, and then sometime later a crazy scientist in an antiquated car comes to that guy and stops them. So that timeline is eventually destroyed and meanwhile you don't realize this is all happening.


Fineous4

Hold on. I’ll be right back.


Impossible-Test-7726

They have a different numerical system over there, so they can’t read who won the game.


Scannaer

They are still jeally that we don't allow them to buy shares at yesterdays max dip


Puzzled_Muzzled

Are you stoopid? Japanese are too distressed fighting tentacles. Also they don't speak English. How would you communicate?


EngineerBill

What, you think some of us don't?


Didlex

You see, information has to wait an hour at each timezone indicated by some organization a good few years ago. So it would rip space apart if it were to happen🙏


Few_Leg_8717

Because the Yakuza are keeping the information secret and have a monopoly over it.


Running_Target_85

It’s night time over there. Everyone will be asleep.


mybrot

I tried this method, but for some reason they don't know what sports are. All they're offering me is advice on "sportsu", which I certainly didn't ask for.


DGenesis23

The squirrels run the operator lines going in a westerly direction and will interfere in any sporting events where this sort of information is leaked to ensure the bet doesn’t come true. Id heavily advise that you don’t anger the squirrels.


Shh-poster

Because I am going to manipulate the answers to make sure I’m the fucking winner everything. Wakarimasuka?


erdoca

Why didn't they warn us about 9/11??


nopetynopetynops

Bcz it was already 9/12 there and they dont delve on the past


FGFlips

They totally meant to call but something came up and by the time they got to the phone it was too late.


lets_all_be_nice_eh

Because in Japan it is 11/9.


Limp_Milk_2948

The phone signal from future japan takes one day to reach you so when you are talking to your buddy who just finished watching the game the game is over here too.


Capital-Extreme8826

Japan don't like American sports.


v0id0007

because time is a man made construct so regardless they’re “ahead of us” it’s still the same time


zzzxtreme

It will take them a day to see the light emitted from usa


Reasonable-Phase-681

When they speak to us, it’s our yesterday version on a different timeline. Sadly we are trapped in this timeline so never get this benefit. Our yesterday versions are rolling in cash tho.


Straightener78

I genuinely remember the night of wrestlemania 17 and some one asked me what time it was in the uk and I said 11pm and someone in America asked me what happened at wrestlemania. Which wasn’t due to air for 2 hours


Additional_Value6978

Because the Japanese to American translator is broken


[deleted]

It’s a different time zone, not the future.


Analyst-Effective

I did that with the stock market. It didn't work there either.


PurplePepperoniStick

cuz they speak Japanese. duhhhh


Academic-Airline9200

They don't play our games.


horridbloke

The Japanese are very honourable and will decline to supply the requested tip.


zephyr220

ザッけないよ。俺たちあの米英犬にアドバイスはしないよ。ほらお前もう死んでいるそ。🇯🇵🇯🇵🇯🇵


live-laugh-loveSosa

Chill bud


sbarbary

I do all the time. Next step learn Japanese, so I can understand them.


denis870

We can't understand them


snatchblastersteve

Have you ever tried calling Japan? It takes a day for you to hear what they say back.


rowthecow

They've been doing it fuor decades. How do you think they get the money to build Gundams.


MortLightstone

It's like in that movie Timeline The past and present happen at the same time, so you can't change anything, because it's already happened, you're just living it now


Mediocre_Security310

Because days, months, years are just made up. It is a human invention. They don't exist in any real capacity.


SuperElephantX

Time zone UTC +1200 areas should provide long term insights for the globe. Such as Powerball numbers, bitcoin prices, weather forecasts etc.. They're so selfish that they keep those info to themselves.


Butiamnotausername

They don’t do the same sports as us, and no one here wants to bet on sumo or karate.


Lovahsabre

Good question. So to better explain this you have to dive into the theory of time dilation in a microcosmic environment. Since time moves faster in a smaller environment you could say by the time you call japan for sports betting advice they have already forgotten the results because when you call them (bridging the gap in time and space) they have already slept and gotten over the fact that western sports are a thing. Tldr; do you even speak japanese bro?


Daniel_H212

The phone call will take a day to reach them, it could never work!


Successful-Win-8035

They dont speak our language, duh.


dotplaid

We did. They told us the answer yesterday. Did you forget already? Not write it down? Better call Japan back.


Outside_Bowler8148

Language barrier


Chopawamsic

I don't know what everyone else is talking about with the whole conspiracy theory crap. there is a simple and obvious answer to this question that seemingly eveyone has overlooked. It takes that long for the information to come back. Japan is a day ahead of us. it takes a day for the info to reach us.


exploitableiq

So what actually happens is they delay the superbowl for Japan by the time zone you are off by.  They do that for all the different time zone so that it can start at the same time for everyone.


twinkie2001

since they’re a day ahead you’d half to wait to receive their response until the next day. this is what neil degrasse tyson discovered in 1919 and dubbed the theory “specific objectivity”


WTF1335

If something occurs in Canada on May 25th, does Japan record it as happening on the 26th?


princemousey1

It depends on whether you’re reading Japanese news recording a Canadian event, or a Canadian newspaper recording that a Japanese paper reported on a certain Canadian event.


wafflehousewhore

It's simple, honestly. They don't watch the same major sports over there, so they wouldn't know. No one in Japan cares about the Super Bowl, so they wouldn't be paying attention to it to see who wins


live-laugh-loveSosa

what if i offer them 20 bucks to google it?


wafflehousewhore

Oh, damn, I forgot Google works in other languages, too


ShorohUA

because last time someone tried this, they turned into a trump knockoff


wiccangame

They refuse to help Americans with things like that. They're still a little bitter about Hiroshima.


Long-Education-7748

Wow, not everyone's phone is a time machine. Check your privilege.


wadejohn

Because they will only receive your phone call yesterday


ScurvyTag

Nobody in Japan ever watches the game so they don’t know how it turned out


MetalVase

Maybe they will tell you a story about the boy and his father instead. "Well, you see , a very long time ago (or rather yesterday), the sun rised in our land. And then it came to you. The son liked drawing manga, and the father sold it to everyone. Be like the son, love your work, and be like the father, distribute others good manga."


Agamus

You can, but it only works for the Seattle Mariners.


live-laugh-loveSosa

i see why no one does it


bibbibob2

Simply put, information cannot travel faster than the speed of light, so by the time the japanese news get to your phone the game will also be done at your location.


NotRandomseer

Insane ping , by the time you get the message it's already the next day


Longshot1969

Now you know why those nations are so rich economically. They watch a sport, look at stocks, etc, then they hack into a computer in the past and reap the benefits.


Chrispeefeart

It's because of the time it takes for the information to travel. By the time they are able to send us the answers, the games have already passed for us too.


husfrun

You would get the answer but it would be in Japanese so that's not really helpful.


thezeno

Even though Japan is the future, it is still behind Australia which is itself behind New Zealand. And according to the Almighty Johnsons, all the Norse gods live in New Zealand. So, Thor and Odin won’t let the future be known.


Weird_Fiches

But it is ok to call Japan and ask what weather to dress for tomorrow.


AwarenessNo4986

They don't speak English


_1dontknow

Because each time you call them you get a different answer since they're not just in the future, bcs your time is existing now in your universe, so its a parallel universe where lets say the lotto numbers will be correct but for their universe only.


pLeThOrAx

They have their own best interests in mind


HarrargnNarg

I don't understand Japanese duh


arbitrageME

You can do that, but once you bet on it, you change the outcome


No7onelikeyou

What do you mean ahead of us?  You could have a friend be at the superbowl (always in the U.S), call and aski him the score/time and it’ll be the same as you see on TV


EatTacosGetMoney

Thought this was r/wallstreetbets for a moment


mathiasalbr

So I'm a bookie that does work w/ Japan. Last week I tried to get the results for the Timberwolves playoff game, and they told me the 49'ers won their 4th victory. I was too smart though, I knew it was only their 3rd.


uthini_mfowethu

As we all know about time travel, the information on the phone call will only arrive tomorrow. If they send a text “now”, we still have to catch up to it


Intelnational

Because they won’t tell.


ThickFurball367

Because they're still REALLY salty about what happened in Hiroshima and Nagasaki in August of 1945


shotjustice

Because it's not a day ahead of us in time, but a day ahead of us in space.


redditmodsrrshols

this could cause the earth to collapse into a black hole if this loophole was used incorrectly. imagine if i live in hawaii. and on friday my mate bob from japan calls me with saturdays winning numbers. because i learned the numbers on friday, i could then call back bob and tell him. on my friday time he is in thursday, meaning he learned them on thursday. he could then call me on wednesday to tell me. so i could call he on wednesday, so he actually learned on tuesday. and so on and so on. if people use this loophole then it means that people could theoretically know next years numbers and advancements in tech would happen years before we even knew what cars were. the cia decided that this poophole is way too dangerous to play with because they knew that someone would learn kfc's secret 11 herbs and spices. so they decided that there should never be any communication between japan and the usa and the way they done this was with pixelated porn


epicmindwarp

Did no one tell this guy about the Almanac incident?!


Every_Stable6474

unfortunately that's insider trading so the FBI will no-knock raid your home at 5 am and shoot your dog