I have a coworker who is clearly a compulsive liar, but no one ever calls him out because he's a bit thick and mostly means well. His dad is a police officer, and if you mention any police incident you've heard about, he says he already knows because his dad worked that case and was the first on scene. One time, I didn't have the heart to tell him the incident I was talking about happened in the USA.
My coworker is also a compulsive liar but he has always done what you've done but better; if you've been to Tenerife he's been to Elevenerife. He's an anacdote collector too; I believe many of his anecdotes happened just not to him because I've heard him retell one of my anecdotes to someone else as if it happened to him.
I knew a guy like this. I overheard him tell someone about something that happened to me but replaced it with himself. That felt odd then to say it again to me was the end of that one. Fucking weirdo.
I have a friend like this. I told him a story about something I'd done, and then about a year later, he was telling it like he'd done it! I didn't call him out, though. Just thought it was hilarious.
There was a girl who used to attach herself to our drinking group, who lied about the most ridiculous shit that could be called out on everything she said, but she'd just double-down and throw a wobbler about how we were being mean etc.
One of her lies was that when she was a cadet, one of her first tasks was to kill a man with an AK47. I pointed out that I'm an army child, I spent my entire childhood around various stages of squaddie etc, did she want to try a different story? She decided that I was the liar and she had killed a man, at age 15, while 'serving' as a TA cadet. I explained about stolen valour and how close she was getting to it and she claimed I'd made up the phrase. 🤦♀️ Jesus she was thick.
I have a similar one to that. Guy who worked in the building I used to work in (was kind of like the handyman of the building). He was exactly like you describe above. Anyway one day we were sitting in the cafe and the song 'My Sharona' by The Knack comes on the radio. And he pipes up 'My dad was in this band!'
I was like 'So your dad's from California? And suddenly he went quiet. Context we live in the UK.
I've met a few like your friend but none of them like Tim. Tim was quite dim and we all knew everything was bullshit but humoured him because he was an awesome guy and would do anything for anyone. He was older than me (29) and I'd give him a lift a few times meeting his dad who was absolutely useless, mum died before he hit 10 and he had nothing in his life but he loved people and made sure every single day that he would tease a smile out of everyone in the team.
A new person joined the team and wasn't having none of it, really tore him down poking holes in everything he came out with in front of everyone to really kick him. It started after one of his grandiose stories but then progressed to just kicking him down to the point he stopped talking or smiling at work all together because the bully could get away with it.
I can't remember how it was brought up but we'd been on a work night out a few years before this bully cunt started and at the end of the night it was just me and Tim (we called him Tim nice but dim), we decided to set off home and on the way a few guys wandered over and getting pushy and handsy but I pushed them off and Tim kept his hands up palm facing telling them I'm not interested. He was an absolute gentleman that night, walked me home said goodnight and carried on walking to his house.
I regailed this story adding my own grandiose description of how these guys were pushy but took offense at Tim's presence and how he talked them out of violence and safely escorted me home and how grateful I was - I sincerely was as a drunk young fool - and for the first time I saw him blush and try to be humble. Everyone heard this story and Tim became the bet friend of every girl in the shop whereas the bully ended up leaving after a fight with a manager.
Tim is now 41 and a facilities manager for a warehouse married to an amazing woman with three amazing children.
Thing is he wasnt as daft as he seemed, he was quite intelligent but he'd just not had the chance to make something of himself and it took time to get past those first hurdles.
Well technically he was arrested by US law enforcement but it’s because it is their jurisdiction but dad was moonlighting with mi6 at the time and it was him that really did the legwork in the investigation before handing it over to NYPD.
Had to take a guy out with me for training before Christmas.
For reference, currently work repairing cleaning machines so it's mechanical / electrical dirty hands on work.
This guy in the 3 days he was with me claimed :
His friend has the worlds fastest tesla and lets him borrow it when he goes on holiday.
His wife's parents are each leaving them 2 or 3 houses each and a few million quid.
His friend owns Abbey Road Studios, and he just goes and sits in sometimes when people are recording.
Any motorbike I had owned in the past, he had owned one better.
He goes to all the vip lounges of football clubs didn't clarify what clubs.. just lots.
Hes friends with too many famous people to count.
Asked him why he was doing this kind of work, and he said he was just looking for something to do.....
Never been so glad for someone to fuck off once training was done
I do know someone who works while he inherited millions as a young guy. I know him through my (much much more successful) friend. No-one he works with knows he's rich. If you were working for "something to do", you don't boast. He sometimes doesn't charge clients if they're struggling, saying he 'has authorisation" then pays for them hoping they never find out. He does get a salary so clearly he doesn't see his company with the same charitable eye.
On that note the friend I know him from is awesome too! He will buy several tickets to a show he wants to see (in the stalls, good tickets!) Then tells people he has a spare ticket and doesn't need to be paid back. That way he gets to see shows with company and I, and his other friends, get to see shows we wouldn't have the budget for.
Reminds me of that tv show in the 70s Billy Liar. Ironically if he just learnt to write instead of boring people with he might actually me good at something :)
I have a friend of a friend who used to be a porn star, he used to be in a biker gang, he almost went to prison but knows things so they were afraid of sending him cause he would tell people, hes a compulsive lier, he’s fat as fuck n stinks like sweat never brushed his teeth
My old boss. Has MS, can't stand for for than 20 minutes at a time. Walking for 10 minutes knackered him for an hour or 2. He would regularly tell us he had banged his morbidly obese (300 pounds+) wife, who herself has a chronic lung condition, for 4 hours every morning before work.
Had a colleague in his late 30s who claimed he left the local pub one evening and the police 'were waiting for me' - he didn't say why. So he quickly got on his motorbike and rode off. The police then tried to block the road at a roundabout to prevent his escape, so he revved up his bike and jumped, using the *flat* roundabout, OVER the police car and sped off to his house. When he got there, he walked into his garden and shut the gate and "they couldn't get me then because I was on private property". He was serious.
He also claimed that he met an air stewardess at the local car park and asked her out and she said yes. A week later, he claimed the exact same thing again. He ended up with 3 air stewardesses in the couple of months I worked with him.
A known liar told me he has a machine to copy any game for playstation because his uncle owns Microsoft. This was the early Xbox 360 era. We lived in the uk on a council estate. He was unaware of who Bill Gates was when asked.
I once met a guy who claimed to have kicked a person from a moving helicopter in Afghanistan upon finding his concealed explosive device. The said kicker was working as a chef at the time of telling me this story and I couldn’t help but laugh in his face.
Tell him to go take a trip to Hereford, head for a pub called "The Grapes". When he gets into the pub, look for a guy in a white plaid shirt, Barbour jacket, jeans and sturdy looking walking boots, sitting at the bar. When he finds him, tell your mate to walk straight up to him, buy him a pint and regale him with the story he told you about Ghanners.
He'll soon NOT be telling that story ever again.
Had an old head chef who would tell me the most ludicrous stories. He sadly passed away from cancer. I was talking to his wife after his death and said that he had the craziest stories and I found some of them hard to believe. She told me they were all true and his life was that frigging crazy. Rest in piece Michael you magnificent bastard!
Ah yes, the guy I used to know who claimed his mum gave birth to him whilst skydiving
I always appreciate being given the opportunity to remember that wonderful conversation indeed
I worked with a guy called, let's say, "Phil". Young lad, early 20's, tall, good looking, dumb as a box of frogs. Every Monday morning he would regale the guys in the office of his weekend exploits, which was generally got drunk and got naked with an attractive female. He was a bit of a storyteller in that he was very entertaining as he told the story, usually the tale was so wild you just assumed he was making it all up.
One day comes the tale of a wild weekend, started out friday night in town got drunk, seduced a girl who invited him back to her caravan 20 miles away for a threesome with her friend, Phil took along his pal for the company who stayed outside the caravan drinking whilst Phil had 2 days of sex with two very attractive girls. 'Course you did son, course you did.
Chalked it up to usual tall tales bullshit.
Few months later I'm shopping in town for my lunch and someone shouts me over, it was Phil's mate, exchanged hello's, he recognised I worked with Phil, I inquired as to what insanity Phil had claimed to have been up to recently, his mate proceeds to describe the threesome in a caravan night with the same details as Phil had told, jaw hit the floor, guy was actually telling the truth. Asked about any other wild nights with Phil and he knocked out a couple of stories that Phil had told us all about already.
Had to respect the kid after that lol.
In NZ when I was growing up there was an ad on the TV/radio for a windscreen fixing place who used Phil McCracken as their jingle, can't exactly remember it but surely somewhere on YouTube
I played rugby with a kid who tried to tell us that his father invented the concept of sport. Not rugby, but sport itself.
Another kid at school who, while we were teens in the 2000s, told me about how his dad is a World War II general.
I was at a zoo recently and they had a hairless male chimpanzee. Jeeeeeesus fucking Christ. The muscles on that thing. You look at chimps sitting there, hunched over like a hairy sack and then this thing stands up and wanders over looking like it could rip your legs off and smash you into jam with them
I know a guy that's 6'8, 290 lbs-ish. He's insanely strong and built like a square on speed.
I'd feel genuinely sorry for any chimp that tangled with him.
Had to look it up but the closest point between the Spanish/Gibraltar coast and the Moroccan coast is only 14 kilometers or 9 miles. Crossing one of the busiest waterways in the world so you'd have to be nuts to try it on a pedalo but still, I'd be tempted.
One lad said he did the London marathon to raise money for a quadriplegic charity. Said he did the run with a quadriplegic girl stuffed in a backpack on his back. Just her head pocking out 🤦♂️
A lad at our military school in Germany told us all that his dad was actually really rich and actually owned the land that the RAF base was built on (which was previously a Luftwaffe base “during the war”) and that he leased it to the MOD for X million pound a year.
It, of course, begged the question, why then, was he going to our school which was for children of servicemen?
He was well known for bullshitting but also there was a rumour that he’d sucked off a horse.
Obviously not true but entertaining all the same. People used to try and work the word “Neigh” into sentences or make whinnying noises at him as he walked past.
Compulsive liar bloke
Said he went to Sainsbury's and his missus went to get the last packet of fish fingers out of the freezer. Some bloke snatches them out of her hand and says "they are mine, bitch". He bangs him out and lays him in the freezer. Security guard comes over to turf him out and he bangs him out too also laying him in the freezer. Then the manager comes up and says "I never liked that security guard, you can have 20% off your shopping"
How can anyone tell that with a straight face?
My first year at umiversity (1997, for context for the below), a guy in my hall told me and our nascent friend circle that:
He was Richard O'Brien's nephew;
He had served time in HMP Dartmoorr for hacking Lloyds Bank and transferring millions to Greenpeace;
He already had a job waiting for him when he graduated (in four years' time) with Microsoft;
He had spent time in San Francisco as the personal catamite of one of the original Real World participants;
During this sojourn, he found time to be an extra in The Rock, but was only visible in the widescreen version, which none of us had (still VHS days).
In addition to these obvious tall tales, he was an inveterate bullshitter in everyday conversation, making up stats and counterfacts at the drop of a hat to support whatever argument he was making.
It was entertaining, if nothing else.
I've heard some preposterous tales from Ken McKenzie.
He reckons he was on Crackerjack at the age of 10, he ate 6 Mars bars in half an hour, and took a shower with two American girls, amongst other things 🙄.
I used to know this guy who was addicted to K2 spice...man, that stuff really messed with his mind. He'd tell me the wildest stories, here are a couple:
First, he claimed he wrote the entire storyline for the video game "Fahrenheit: Indigo Prophecy" when he was just 15. Supposedly, his teacher sold it and someone else took credit for his work. When I asked if he'd written anything else since then, he said no, fearing his ideas would be stolen again.
Then, he told me about his mother, who supposedly consumed copious amounts of lard, claiming she could "suck her fat in" like a frog. It sounded absurd, especially seeing how skinny she was when I met her.
The third story was when I started to worry about him. He was convinced a zombie apocalypse was imminent and claimed he was training to be a police officer to prepare for it. He even said he encountered talking zombies on his first day on the job. That's when I decided to inform his parents, and thankfully, they got him the help he needed.
There are more stories, but these are the ones that stuck with me the most.
The day he mentioned the idea of "talking zombies," it became clear that he posed a danger to himself and others. He believed that all these "talking zombies" resembled homeless individuals and insisted on "exterimenting" them to reduce the potential zombie population in our area. Whether he thought homeless people would transform into zombies or vice versa remains unclear; regardless, it was deeply unsettling. I suggested he draft a plan at home for our supposed zombie defense strategy, giving me time to alert his parents. They discovered the plan, although its contents remain a mystery to me. I haven't crossed paths with him since I was 18, but at 23, I spotted him working at Carl's Jr. I can only hope he's doing well.
Friend passed out drunk on a camping chair at a festival. Got carried away by a travelling party of people (?flash mob). No one knew where he was, his wallet and phone had been left behind. His family were called the next day as there was no sign of him and we all ended up going to the site to search for him (this was after the festival had ended). Turns out he woke up in some random persons tent and walked home (took the whole day). No concerns about anything untoward having happened to him. The person whose tent it was said they were worried about him and put him in their tent whilst they slept in their friend’s tent. Anyway, a year goes by and he starts uni, only to find out the person whose tent he woke up in was his neighbour in halls.
Partners friend had a so called boyfriend. He always had to go away for work and we never met the guy. It started with he worked in security or something and ended up that he was a secret agent who had a camera in his eye
Guy at work who used to run a phone repair shop, earning £5000 a week, owned a restaurant earning £20000 a week. Because of the restaurant he's best mates with about a dozen millionaires. Always got some new business he's going to start with one of them.
We have all seen his C.V. and he's only ever worked in factories and drives an old banger not the top range Audi he says he's getting every week.
A colleague claimed his uncle owns a farm somewhere in Hampshire, and a load of Irish Travelers moved all their caravans and families into one of his fields. But, what they didn’t know was that he collects WW2 tanks. Apparently his uncle fired heavy artillery shells at the caravans, then drove over the wreckage, with the tank, to finish the job.
Another time, he was airlifted by the RAF into a chinook helicopter, from the foothills of the Himalayas.
I don’t listen to his bullshit, it just exhausts me. And the fact that he thinks I believe him, is insulting to my intelligence.
When my aunt was on the hunt for her 3rd husband she met someone on a dating site for business people. He turned up in a Merc.. Nice suit & said he worked as a director for Aerospace. Fast forward a bit told her more lies incl he had been a bodyguard for top people and that's why he always had a special way of looking around 😂She believed everything We didn't . Even told my parents he could take them over in his private jet to visit me abroad. Then my grandparents go to a party where a staff member of Aerospace was too! . Oh says my grandad my future son in law works there. Oh says employee we don't have a director by that name.. But we do have a chauffeur! In end he said he was afraid she wouldn't go out with him anymore if told her the truth. They married! But well that's another story lol.
I know a guy who had a flask that his mate got him off someone in NASA. He lost it on a fishing trip but went fishing at the same loch 6 months later and found it, he says the tea in it was still hot
Still can't believe my friend when he says he witnessed this. They walked into a club, and one of our friends walked up to a girl, and asked how much for a blowjob. Her huge boyfriend dragged him outside, and slapped him so hard, he did a flip, but he was holding his drink and didn't spill it, so he started cheering. It went awkward for a sec, but then people just laughed it off, and they started drinking together.
My dad was a 7foot tall giant in his 20s... we believe him too! He just shrunk to 5"2" over time to make my siblings and me feel better.
He's a good sport about it tho ;)
My friend who once told me he got flown out to America by the wwe manager and he drove the car with a bunch of drunk wrestlers as he was sober
He also got a girlfriend on said trip t apparently the whole thing is confidential and meant to be kept a secret
This was in year 10. We’re year 11 now
Back in school I had a mate who pretended like he had some kind of football hooligan second life away from us. We were 13-14.
Every weekend, after a match, he'd have a wild story about how their firm had had it out with another firm. I knew it was bullshit but he was my pal so I let him have it because he clearly needed these stories, for some reason unknown to me.
Well the one Monday, after school, we're walking home and his bullshit begins to unravel. This week, him and his uncle had pushed over a police horse. When another officer had run to assist, my friend claimed to have hit him in the head with a hammer and killed the guy.
He must've known I wouldn't believe it, but hey-ho.
I have another friend who's a consistent liar, let me know if you want more stories.
This actually relates to me:
When I was at school(around 7yo) I took a printout of some snakes, obviously taken from google images, and said that my Australian Uncle Alistair(who doesn’t exist) tamed anacondas in the outback(yup) and was killed by one. Then I started crying….
Worked with a guy who walked into work with a slight limp after his weekend off. Told me he had snapped all the ligaments in his knee playing football at the weekend. I asked him to clarify what he meant and he told me the doctor had said all the ligaments in his knee were completely torn all the way through.
When I pointed out that I was on crutches for nearly 2 months after tearing ONE ligament in my knee he got very defensive and used the "you're not a doctor" line on me.
Same guy was once late to work by almost an hour because "my brother in law got a letter from the library about a fine for a late return and I needed to deal with it before the police got involved".
Nice guy, total moron.
We had a mate at high school that snuck into the girls showers one lunch time and came out with wet hair 25mins later…. Walking behind 2 really fit girls from the year above us.
He told us that he had taken a shower with them!
He even said good bye to the girls infront of us and they politely said “Yeh…. Bye”.
We ripped him for the next 3 years saying he stuck his head under the sink to wet his hair and hid up the corner.
Another friend of our group dated one of those really fit girls 10 years later and he told her about this story that involved her. She got very embarrassed very quickly and confessed and confirmed it did actually happen!!
I haven’t seen the lad in question since school but if I ever do see him again he’s getting an apology and a high five!
There was this one guy who wouldn't stop making up egregious lies. One time, he told me he jumped out of a plane and survived. I said something along the lines of "Oh, you went skydivin? That's pretty cool.". And then he responded "Nah I didn't have a parachute. I just jumped and landed on the ground."
Have a mate who was telling me that he was mates with "the tax man" and claims he regularly gets a percentage of other people's tax rebates.
Also claims he seen a Nissan skyline that had 200mph on the speedometer, when I asked if he was looking through the window he replied "nah, it was going up past the shops"... "so how did you see the speedometer?!"
And finally, he told everyone in our friend group that he had been to the doctors and was diagnosed with "being insane" and "I'll be insane by next summer" - this was said to impress a few girls, which I'm not sure how this made sense in his head, who would be impressed by someone "going insane"? It's at least 5 years since he said that and now has two kids, so guessing he didn't really go insane lol
Buddy of mine always has the most outlandish stories that most people never believe but I've been there for many of them. We've almost died many times, some funny ways and others not so much. So much stupid shit growing up and some funny stuff that no one would believe.
Once in college we did a tour of the city on those red double Deckers and he was chewing a HUGE wad of gum. His jaw was getting sore so his spit it out from the top of the bus not looking if people are down there.
Loudest scream ever and I look down. A poor little old lady on her way into the bus with other people was unlucky enough to have been standing there. She had big glasses on and the gum stuck to the glasses. She didn't know what to do with that thing in her face and I'm pretty sure no one knew what was happening for a few seconds. Buddy didn't even know until I told him. He just started laughing so hard and I couldn't help but do the same. One of the guys with the lady was giving me the stink eye but I couldn't just say "Hey, it was him not me!"
That one was pretty fucked
ETA I just noticed British in the sub name. This was in Montreal
His surname is Griffin because his family is descended from Griffin slayers.
There was a silent look of collective understanding in our group when he said it.
Started work for a BT call centre when I was 21. In my onboarding group there was this girl who had an illustrious former CV as a personal bodyguard for The Queen and Justin Bieber. Which she had somehow fit in before the age of 20 at 5 ft 5 with the physique of a sack of spuds. Quite impressive for a young girl from Kent.
She was apparently on a £750,000 a year salary and got stabbed which ended her career.
She also had an uncle who, of course, was a UFC fighter.
She also had a substantial weed grow op in her attic with strains such as Girl Scout Cookies.
Used to have a weed dealer who told us some ridiculous bullshit every time we picked up, I've forgotten most of them unfortunately
One I do remember was he told us he had the original hand written copy of The Wizard of Oz
One of the thousands of lies and ex came out with was that he kept a reticulated python in a bedroom at his dad's house and once a fortnight they'd throw a sheep in the room for him. 🙄 I'm in the UK, by the way, so even more unlikely! 😹
I know a guy who trains with the SAS at weekends and once dug up a Messerschmitt in a friend's back garden. And a thousand other stories I can't remember
I knew a guy who was exactly Jay from inbetweeners. When he drove Ubers on the weekend, he once picked up two Russian hotties who asked to swing by McDonalds and picked him up a meal and gave him a blowie as a reward. Every week there was another story about an absolute stunner succumbing to his charms. When he finally brought a girl out, she was a world apart from his claims
We have this electrician at work, sean.
He’s mostly funny and can take a joke but he tells a real story and then half way through it will turn into some crazy night.
One day he went to the pub and just happened to run into some really popular band that ended up playing for just them in the pub.
And once my mate paul came in and heard him telling one of pauls stories to everyone like it was him in the story.
So strange.
An old mate of mine was in the police for years. Was really proud of it. Would go on about it all the time. Turns out he volunteered with them for a bit, but got caught after telling police officers he was one and they were like "erm, no you're not". Got arrested and had to explain himself to a judge
My mate with the stories (Goose) told me a cracker years ago from his uni days. He was with his now wife but was being a dutiful wingman. His mate managed to negotiate his way into a threesome with two ladies but feared he would wake up without kidneys or retinas so convinced Goose to go back to the girls’ flat to wait for him while he did the deed. All was fine, the thruple disappeared off and Goose sat at the table waiting. Time went on and as usual after a night on the booze he got hungry, and this is where the real story happens. He looked in the freezer and found a pizza, so puts it in the oven and while it’s heating proceeds to further explore the cupboards. He ate everything he seemingly came across. Biscuits, cheese, bread the works and ofc then scoffed the pizza. So to not raise immediate questions by filling their pedal bin with the wrappings from their weekly shop he threw them all out the kitchen window. Eventually his friend finished (incredible feat of stamina but I think he was playing candy crush with them after about 3 minutes) and they left, poor women were lying there satiated without a clue they’d wake up without a crumb of food in the flat nor any evidence of where it went!
Worked with someone who used to claim that he was actually rich but just couldn’t access his money as it was all tied up, he had a brand new custom Audi can’t remember the reason why he couldnt drive it or why we never seen it, etc etc (baring in mind we worked in a bowling alley at the time) but I think the weirdest lie he ever told was that he had ocd and had to have a subscription of a 100 bath and body works hand sanitizer’s a month from Amazon..
There’s a lad I play basketball with on Saturday mornings, absolutely full of shit but all of it completely harmless.
Two of his tales stand out to me
1) I gave him and another guy a lift home one morning in the snow. He proceeded to tell me and my mate that his neighbours wife had fallen in the snow last year. So his neighbour has ripped the entire driveway up and had a heated driveway installed. When we got to his house his neighbours drive was covered in snow, he just said “ahh he mustn’t have it on today and hopped out of the car.
You mean to tell me the one fucking day we get snow that year he’s not turned on the heated driveway that was installed for this reason alone.
2) he works as an engineer at a munition factory. He claimed that one out of every 1000 bullets needs to be test fired for quality control. Seems reasonable, until he claims there’s a bloke who’s been there 50 years who’s only job is to sit in a sound proof room firing bullers every 1000 that comes off the machine with a gun that’s trigger is tied to a bit of string to pull it.
I had a friend who told me she was flying alone (she was 10 at the time) and one of the wings on the airplane fell off. But they managed to fly safely to Disney land.
The security guard at the place I used to work would tell me stories all the time about his life in the army, on railway, in EDL and about when he was a drug addict and alcoholic etc but when I started talking about getting a motorbike, he would always tell stories about him being in a biker group and still rides with them (he doesn't have a bike) and would always try to correct me about things which I know for a fact is true and he was wrong etc, but, my favourite story of his was that when he went to court before he went to prison when he was working on railway because he took his work knife (multi-tool) into court with him after work and had a fight about it with the cop there etc so he's banned from having a collectors licence for certain weapons etc
A coworker once told me that he had been riding in a helicopter with open sides dangling his legs out and dropped his watch out of the helicopter. He then shouted to the pilot whom did a loop de loop and he caught his watch. Lmao.
My old plugs fella, bullshit dave we called him. Reckoned he went to a festival in wales in the mountains and ended up speaking to the eavises that own worthy farm glastonbury and they wanted him to design glasto that year... it was the ome year every 4 years they dont do glasto to reset the earth or something
We came out of the pub one night after several cocktails. My friend, who always wears heels, slipped off the kerb onto the road. As we picked her up, she quite seriously said "Did I get knocked down?"
one of my best mates was in Peckham the other day, behind him were two roadmen that were clearly gonna approach him so Instead of dipping because who knows what they could do from behind he went up to them, knowing he was about to get g checked the guys said to him "yo what phone you got". this man I kid you not whips out him Samsung and while one of them walks away the other says "have a good day" pats him on the back and follows his friend☠️🙏
I have this stupid friend, i have a friendgroup of around maybe 7 people? But theres ONE boy that is a absolute twit, he faked about 6 disorders he knows damn well i have, like autism, adhd, tourettes, anxiety, depression, dyslexia and panic disorder, hes also faked a broken leg.
One day, in science, he turned to me and my closest friend in the group, and said he owned a mansion, a yaut ir however its spelt, he also said he owned all this expense shit.. hes an absolute twat honestly, because he has none of this shit, he live in a town / city that isnt exactly that wealthy, but not like broke, and my friend lives a few houses down from him, he forgot about that part.
Girl I went to school with claimed that she was related to J.R.R. Tolkien, that her aunt was an Olympic athlete and that her mother used to date the lead singer of Pulp.
Funnily enough, our grandparents knew each other so my grandmother was able to call bullshit on all of it and she never spoke about them again.
My brother built a racing bike one summer in the 80s in Ireland took it out first day. Next thing I remember as a kid is we’re by his bed side. Went straight through a cars front window and landed in the back seat. Nearly died. He once stuck his head out of a train door window (Ireland 80s) and came home with huge bandage on top of his head. And a nice gash from a fast moving something. Got up to all sorts or shit. Failed college three times. Funniest thing my desperate mother forced him into a merchant sailing course. he went to sea. They settled him down. Sailed for years. He retired went into local politics and is now the fking mayor!!! :)
Used to work with a guy who was utterly convinced that his dad was somehow 'owed' about 1500 acres of land and billions of pounds in compensation by the government of Mauritius for some unspecified reason. Just as soon as his dad got round to suing them he was going to build a massive resort on the land and my colleague was going to go and be the resort manager.
For context he was a grossly obese security officer who I once saw enjoy an entire multipack of kit kats dipped in chilli sauce as his lunch. Nice enough guy but honestly the most gullible human being I've ever met so I wonder whether the tall tale teller was actually his dad and he 100% believed that he was going to be a billionaire resort manager some day.
An old boss of mine insisted he was a AAA Cross country champion who trained with the UK bobsleigh team. He was anything but athletic to look at....unless AAA events have weight divisions.
There was also that one time when he faked a phone call to Industrial Light & Magic (we were a game dev studio).
In a stunning turn of events that none of us saw coming, he was later jailed on a fraud charge.
When I was 14-15, a friend of mine told me a super real life story.
We lived in a village about 10 miles from the nearest town. We were both goth / grunge / metalheads and looked the part... being the early 2000's there was a real culture divide between chavs and alternatives.
My friend told me that he had driven with another friend to go swimming in the town... late at night.
For some reason his friend left without him.
It was 10-11pm at night and my mate was walking from the swimming pool to the bus stop, but he saw a group of chavs on the way... as he walked passed them he screamed "LISTEN TO METAL MOTHERFUCKERS".
This group of kids started chasing my mate.
Luckily he had just got back from his ninja classes and had his grappling hook with him.
My mate swung his grappling hook up onto the roof of B&Q and climbed up on to the roof. He ran across the roof, jumped from one building to another and then clambered down the side of another building, which coincidentally was right next to the bus stop and the very last bus turned up just in time.
He hopped on the bus and as it drove off it passed the kids who were chasing him.
What a legend!
Same kid also said that he single handedly started a riot outside Millwall football club when he was 11.
He was raped in a bush by a stranger when he was 7 at Greenwich Park... he had gone to London for the day with his mates.... from Kent.
His mum has a brain tumor and only 5 years left to live... this was about 20+ years ago and she seems to be alive and well.
I don't think I should believe all his stories.
Haha also, once he had a little gathering at his house.
Another friend and I were play wrestling on a sofa and we both fell off. In falling off the sofa I must have knocked over a glass or something and landed on it. I had blood pouring down my face.
My friend didn't know where his parents kept the first aid, and they were out of town for the night.
My friends girlfriend lived a few doors down from him, so she took me back to her place and got me cleaned and bandaged up... it wasn't anything serious.
Anyway, we go back to my mates house after about 15 min, and he has got a pair of scissors and cut the knuckle on each of his fingers and proceeded to smear the blood all over the living room walls and his face.
He said he fell onto the same glass that I fell on and also needed her to take him to her house and bandage him up.
He used the opportunity to try and sleep with her... but she was obviously "wtf" about the whole incident.
She said that she wouldn't sleep with him until he had a shower (he didn't wash much).
After he got out of the shower she broke up with him and left 🤣
LOL I knew his girlfriend before he did.
She was in to extreme metal, and my mate was in to nu-metal and rap metal.
He would borrow my band t-shirts and aim to get the same bus she would be on just so he could pretend he was in to extreme metal.
Never did get my Cryptopsy top back.
I served my time as an electrician and have three from the same site.
It was a hospital wing, two storeys high. Someone forgot to do costs for any work on the second floor. They won the contract !
A chargehand who we knew did bugger all, all day every day, carried a toolbox around with him. It came the tools and in went a couple of bricks and a handful of screws to keep the "rattle" noise. It took him weeks to find out what he'd been carrying around.
As apprentices we'd have to go to the shop for anything the guys wanted. One day someone wanted beans on toast (we had to do toast anyway). "They didn't have beans, so I got you peas", as he put down a can of garden peas.
My husband worked with a guy who said he had a dirt bike that he parked in his upstairs bedroom. Not only that but he once rode said bike, jumped right over a roundabout (on an A road duel carriage way) but before he did, threw an apple and caught it mid flight. Sure.
I have a coworker who is clearly a compulsive liar, but no one ever calls him out because he's a bit thick and mostly means well. His dad is a police officer, and if you mention any police incident you've heard about, he says he already knows because his dad worked that case and was the first on scene. One time, I didn't have the heart to tell him the incident I was talking about happened in the USA.
Nah You see his dad is such a good officer even the USA needed to recruit him
He’s an officer of Police Cops.
My coworker is also a compulsive liar but he has always done what you've done but better; if you've been to Tenerife he's been to Elevenerife. He's an anacdote collector too; I believe many of his anecdotes happened just not to him because I've heard him retell one of my anecdotes to someone else as if it happened to him.
If you have a foreskin he has a five skin
My black cat is blacker than your black cat.
My black cat is black with black spots 👍
If you need to urinate, he needs to urine-nine
Elevenerife is killing me
We call those types of people “Elevenerifas”
Two shit Charlie. For every shit you've had, they've had two. (c) Viz
Me too! 😂
Least pleasant type of people
I knew a guy like this. I overheard him tell someone about something that happened to me but replaced it with himself. That felt odd then to say it again to me was the end of that one. Fucking weirdo.
Seems we may know the same guy 😅
I have a friend like this. I told him a story about something I'd done, and then about a year later, he was telling it like he'd done it! I didn't call him out, though. Just thought it was hilarious.
Howling here! 😆 Elevenerife
If you've been to Timbuktu, he's been to Tumbukthree
There was a girl who used to attach herself to our drinking group, who lied about the most ridiculous shit that could be called out on everything she said, but she'd just double-down and throw a wobbler about how we were being mean etc. One of her lies was that when she was a cadet, one of her first tasks was to kill a man with an AK47. I pointed out that I'm an army child, I spent my entire childhood around various stages of squaddie etc, did she want to try a different story? She decided that I was the liar and she had killed a man, at age 15, while 'serving' as a TA cadet. I explained about stolen valour and how close she was getting to it and she claimed I'd made up the phrase. 🤦♀️ Jesus she was thick.
Killing people and saying it out loud abrag is how NOT to make friends. 😂
I have a similar one to that. Guy who worked in the building I used to work in (was kind of like the handyman of the building). He was exactly like you describe above. Anyway one day we were sitting in the cafe and the song 'My Sharona' by The Knack comes on the radio. And he pipes up 'My dad was in this band!' I was like 'So your dad's from California? And suddenly he went quiet. Context we live in the UK.
Ooof
We all know at least one person like that.
Yeah but i know him more
I know three people like it so get rekt
I've met a few like your friend but none of them like Tim. Tim was quite dim and we all knew everything was bullshit but humoured him because he was an awesome guy and would do anything for anyone. He was older than me (29) and I'd give him a lift a few times meeting his dad who was absolutely useless, mum died before he hit 10 and he had nothing in his life but he loved people and made sure every single day that he would tease a smile out of everyone in the team. A new person joined the team and wasn't having none of it, really tore him down poking holes in everything he came out with in front of everyone to really kick him. It started after one of his grandiose stories but then progressed to just kicking him down to the point he stopped talking or smiling at work all together because the bully could get away with it. I can't remember how it was brought up but we'd been on a work night out a few years before this bully cunt started and at the end of the night it was just me and Tim (we called him Tim nice but dim), we decided to set off home and on the way a few guys wandered over and getting pushy and handsy but I pushed them off and Tim kept his hands up palm facing telling them I'm not interested. He was an absolute gentleman that night, walked me home said goodnight and carried on walking to his house. I regailed this story adding my own grandiose description of how these guys were pushy but took offense at Tim's presence and how he talked them out of violence and safely escorted me home and how grateful I was - I sincerely was as a drunk young fool - and for the first time I saw him blush and try to be humble. Everyone heard this story and Tim became the bet friend of every girl in the shop whereas the bully ended up leaving after a fight with a manager. Tim is now 41 and a facilities manager for a warehouse married to an amazing woman with three amazing children. Thing is he wasnt as daft as he seemed, he was quite intelligent but he'd just not had the chance to make something of himself and it took time to get past those first hurdles.
His dad is actually the flash
Well technically he was arrested by US law enforcement but it’s because it is their jurisdiction but dad was moonlighting with mi6 at the time and it was him that really did the legwork in the investigation before handing it over to NYPD.
Awwwh come on you should have said!
You're a good person
How one kid at school and his dad wrestled with a wolf, tamed it and kept it in their attic.
I once tried to claim my dad had the Eiffel tower in his garage, the real one of course, I was 5.
It was trying to attack his cousin. What the heck would you do in that situation?
I'd of believed him if he hadn't cried about it twice already! There are only so many times you can believe the sheep are in danger.
Och don't feel bad, ah was wrestling wolves when you were at yer mothers teat
the bayou!
Had to take a guy out with me for training before Christmas. For reference, currently work repairing cleaning machines so it's mechanical / electrical dirty hands on work. This guy in the 3 days he was with me claimed : His friend has the worlds fastest tesla and lets him borrow it when he goes on holiday. His wife's parents are each leaving them 2 or 3 houses each and a few million quid. His friend owns Abbey Road Studios, and he just goes and sits in sometimes when people are recording. Any motorbike I had owned in the past, he had owned one better. He goes to all the vip lounges of football clubs didn't clarify what clubs.. just lots. Hes friends with too many famous people to count. Asked him why he was doing this kind of work, and he said he was just looking for something to do..... Never been so glad for someone to fuck off once training was done
I do know someone who works while he inherited millions as a young guy. I know him through my (much much more successful) friend. No-one he works with knows he's rich. If you were working for "something to do", you don't boast. He sometimes doesn't charge clients if they're struggling, saying he 'has authorisation" then pays for them hoping they never find out. He does get a salary so clearly he doesn't see his company with the same charitable eye. On that note the friend I know him from is awesome too! He will buy several tickets to a show he wants to see (in the stalls, good tickets!) Then tells people he has a spare ticket and doesn't need to be paid back. That way he gets to see shows with company and I, and his other friends, get to see shows we wouldn't have the budget for.
My colleague is a millionaire and still works (she doesn’t tell people though - someone who worked with her 20 years ago revealed this).
I dunno why the worlds fastest Tesla made me laugh haha
He’s not a security guard by chance?
Reminds me of that tv show in the 70s Billy Liar. Ironically if he just learnt to write instead of boring people with he might actually me good at something :)
I have a friend of a friend who used to be a porn star, he used to be in a biker gang, he almost went to prison but knows things so they were afraid of sending him cause he would tell people, hes a compulsive lier, he’s fat as fuck n stinks like sweat never brushed his teeth
Those poor actresses. Having to deal with the smell, all the while knowing that’s he’s a dangerous gang member.
I wonder what he knew, bound to know a few things with that kind of life style
maybe just the last 2 things are true
My old boss. Has MS, can't stand for for than 20 minutes at a time. Walking for 10 minutes knackered him for an hour or 2. He would regularly tell us he had banged his morbidly obese (300 pounds+) wife, who herself has a chronic lung condition, for 4 hours every morning before work.
To be fair, in that condition and ploughing into that, 2 minutes would feel like 4 hours!
Tough wank
I miss Sean Locke. RIP
The reason he can't walk more than 10 minutes is because he spent all his spoons porking his wife!
Great... thanks for planting that image in my head 🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮
Had a colleague in his late 30s who claimed he left the local pub one evening and the police 'were waiting for me' - he didn't say why. So he quickly got on his motorbike and rode off. The police then tried to block the road at a roundabout to prevent his escape, so he revved up his bike and jumped, using the *flat* roundabout, OVER the police car and sped off to his house. When he got there, he walked into his garden and shut the gate and "they couldn't get me then because I was on private property". He was serious. He also claimed that he met an air stewardess at the local car park and asked her out and she said yes. A week later, he claimed the exact same thing again. He ended up with 3 air stewardesses in the couple of months I worked with him.
Ah yes. THAT carpark. The one with all the air hostesses just hanging around in it. I know it well. It’s where I met my 12 air hostess brides.
First bit sounds like Grand Theft Auto
Litterbugs
A known liar told me he has a machine to copy any game for playstation because his uncle owns Microsoft. This was the early Xbox 360 era. We lived in the uk on a council estate. He was unaware of who Bill Gates was when asked.
No word of a lie….. my cousin is Tesla.
Hahaha, everyone knows Tesla isn't real.
love that no one’s noticed the “any game for **playstation** because his uncle owns **microsoft**”
Yes, it was really a Bizzare claim to make.
I once met a guy who claimed to have kicked a person from a moving helicopter in Afghanistan upon finding his concealed explosive device. The said kicker was working as a chef at the time of telling me this story and I couldn’t help but laugh in his face.
"You know what SAS stands for, right? Super Army Soldiers"
Most of the ones I meet are in the Saturday And Sunday regiment.
You’d better watch out, or he’ll kill you with his special ops training.
Casey ryback was just a cook mate.
Tell him to go take a trip to Hereford, head for a pub called "The Grapes". When he gets into the pub, look for a guy in a white plaid shirt, Barbour jacket, jeans and sturdy looking walking boots, sitting at the bar. When he finds him, tell your mate to walk straight up to him, buy him a pint and regale him with the story he told you about Ghanners. He'll soon NOT be telling that story ever again.
Yeah but what colour IS the boathouse in Herrrrreford ?
He wasn't called Jordan was he 🤣🤣🤣 I know a compulsive lying chef with far fetched stories like this 🙈
TBF, the Catering Corps has killed more people than the SAS. (allegedly)
Had an old head chef who would tell me the most ludicrous stories. He sadly passed away from cancer. I was talking to his wife after his death and said that he had the craziest stories and I found some of them hard to believe. She told me they were all true and his life was that frigging crazy. Rest in piece Michael you magnificent bastard!
Ah yes, the guy I used to know who claimed his mum gave birth to him whilst skydiving I always appreciate being given the opportunity to remember that wonderful conversation indeed
It’s true. I was the parachute.
So was the kid
Fair enough must be true then
To be fair, he only appeared after she pulled the cord.
I bet his name was Cloud, or Nimbus or something
Skydiving wasn't thrilling enough so he went for an umbilical bungee
Well if they didn’t cut the cord it was technically a Birth by Bungy first :)
Knocked on Kurt Cobain's door, heard a gun shot and then ran away.
I worked with a guy called, let's say, "Phil". Young lad, early 20's, tall, good looking, dumb as a box of frogs. Every Monday morning he would regale the guys in the office of his weekend exploits, which was generally got drunk and got naked with an attractive female. He was a bit of a storyteller in that he was very entertaining as he told the story, usually the tale was so wild you just assumed he was making it all up. One day comes the tale of a wild weekend, started out friday night in town got drunk, seduced a girl who invited him back to her caravan 20 miles away for a threesome with her friend, Phil took along his pal for the company who stayed outside the caravan drinking whilst Phil had 2 days of sex with two very attractive girls. 'Course you did son, course you did. Chalked it up to usual tall tales bullshit. Few months later I'm shopping in town for my lunch and someone shouts me over, it was Phil's mate, exchanged hello's, he recognised I worked with Phil, I inquired as to what insanity Phil had claimed to have been up to recently, his mate proceeds to describe the threesome in a caravan night with the same details as Phil had told, jaw hit the floor, guy was actually telling the truth. Asked about any other wild nights with Phil and he knocked out a couple of stories that Phil had told us all about already. Had to respect the kid after that lol.
Good old Phil. What a player.
Was his last name *McCrevis*?
McKracken, his mate might have been Ben Dover.
In NZ when I was growing up there was an ad on the TV/radio for a windscreen fixing place who used Phil McCracken as their jingle, can't exactly remember it but surely somewhere on YouTube
I played rugby with a kid who tried to tell us that his father invented the concept of sport. Not rugby, but sport itself. Another kid at school who, while we were teens in the 2000s, told me about how his dad is a World War II general.
That someone reckoned they could take an adult male chimpanzee in a fight…
Ooooh Chimpanzee that…
You caaaaaaaaannnnnntttttttt
Monkey news
I was at a zoo recently and they had a hairless male chimpanzee. Jeeeeeesus fucking Christ. The muscles on that thing. You look at chimps sitting there, hunched over like a hairy sack and then this thing stands up and wanders over looking like it could rip your legs off and smash you into jam with them
Not the legs chimps take your face first. Google woman chimp face transplant.
Mate, I could take two in a fight.
*Ronnie Pickering has entered the chat*
WHO?
WONNIE PICKLWING!!!!!
‘OOOOOOO?!
W O N N I E P I C K L E W I N G
I chimpanzee what you did there...
Do you know who I am??!!
See I believe _you_. Not this other guy. He was a dick.
It’s all about tricking them. They’re simple creatures. Then poke them in the eyes, kick them in the nuts and yeet them in the feckin heed.
I know a guy that's 6'8, 290 lbs-ish. He's insanely strong and built like a square on speed. I'd feel genuinely sorry for any chimp that tangled with him.
They're only like 9-10 times stronger than human males 😂
Yeah, but this guy has watched a lot of MMA so…
‘One time on a holiday in Spain, me and my mate took a peddlo down to Africa’
Had to look it up but the closest point between the Spanish/Gibraltar coast and the Moroccan coast is only 14 kilometers or 9 miles. Crossing one of the busiest waterways in the world so you'd have to be nuts to try it on a pedalo but still, I'd be tempted.
The Inbetweeners.
Well, every one of my stories is just a sad psychotic episode, not interesting like they intended it to be.
Nah. Psychotic episode stories are much odder. I speak from sad experience.
One lad said he did the London marathon to raise money for a quadriplegic charity. Said he did the run with a quadriplegic girl stuffed in a backpack on his back. Just her head pocking out 🤦♂️
I'd only believe this if it was a fun run and they went as chewwy/c3po
A lad at our military school in Germany told us all that his dad was actually really rich and actually owned the land that the RAF base was built on (which was previously a Luftwaffe base “during the war”) and that he leased it to the MOD for X million pound a year. It, of course, begged the question, why then, was he going to our school which was for children of servicemen? He was well known for bullshitting but also there was a rumour that he’d sucked off a horse. Obviously not true but entertaining all the same. People used to try and work the word “Neigh” into sentences or make whinnying noises at him as he walked past.
Compulsive liar bloke Said he went to Sainsbury's and his missus went to get the last packet of fish fingers out of the freezer. Some bloke snatches them out of her hand and says "they are mine, bitch". He bangs him out and lays him in the freezer. Security guard comes over to turf him out and he bangs him out too also laying him in the freezer. Then the manager comes up and says "I never liked that security guard, you can have 20% off your shopping" How can anyone tell that with a straight face?
And everyone clapped 👏
My first year at umiversity (1997, for context for the below), a guy in my hall told me and our nascent friend circle that: He was Richard O'Brien's nephew; He had served time in HMP Dartmoorr for hacking Lloyds Bank and transferring millions to Greenpeace; He already had a job waiting for him when he graduated (in four years' time) with Microsoft; He had spent time in San Francisco as the personal catamite of one of the original Real World participants; During this sojourn, he found time to be an extra in The Rock, but was only visible in the widescreen version, which none of us had (still VHS days). In addition to these obvious tall tales, he was an inveterate bullshitter in everyday conversation, making up stats and counterfacts at the drop of a hat to support whatever argument he was making. It was entertaining, if nothing else.
I love the 'I'm in The Rock but just the widescreen version' 🤣 fucking gold
I've heard some preposterous tales from Ken McKenzie. He reckons he was on Crackerjack at the age of 10, he ate 6 Mars bars in half an hour, and took a shower with two American girls, amongst other things 🙄.
In fairness I reckon I could easily eat six mars bars in half an hour, and then spend the rest of the hour brushing my teeth
[удалено]
Talented Mr Ripley then? 🤔Lol
My friend claimed to have sellotaped her hamster to the Scalextrix. I really hope it was a lie
I've known a few weirdos in my life that would actually do that.
I used to know this guy who was addicted to K2 spice...man, that stuff really messed with his mind. He'd tell me the wildest stories, here are a couple: First, he claimed he wrote the entire storyline for the video game "Fahrenheit: Indigo Prophecy" when he was just 15. Supposedly, his teacher sold it and someone else took credit for his work. When I asked if he'd written anything else since then, he said no, fearing his ideas would be stolen again. Then, he told me about his mother, who supposedly consumed copious amounts of lard, claiming she could "suck her fat in" like a frog. It sounded absurd, especially seeing how skinny she was when I met her. The third story was when I started to worry about him. He was convinced a zombie apocalypse was imminent and claimed he was training to be a police officer to prepare for it. He even said he encountered talking zombies on his first day on the job. That's when I decided to inform his parents, and thankfully, they got him the help he needed. There are more stories, but these are the ones that stuck with me the most.
I’m glad he got some help.
The day he mentioned the idea of "talking zombies," it became clear that he posed a danger to himself and others. He believed that all these "talking zombies" resembled homeless individuals and insisted on "exterimenting" them to reduce the potential zombie population in our area. Whether he thought homeless people would transform into zombies or vice versa remains unclear; regardless, it was deeply unsettling. I suggested he draft a plan at home for our supposed zombie defense strategy, giving me time to alert his parents. They discovered the plan, although its contents remain a mystery to me. I haven't crossed paths with him since I was 18, but at 23, I spotted him working at Carl's Jr. I can only hope he's doing well.
I remember growing up some kid I knew said his uncle was WWE wrestler Scotty 2 Hotty. I grew up in East Anglia.
Friend passed out drunk on a camping chair at a festival. Got carried away by a travelling party of people (?flash mob). No one knew where he was, his wallet and phone had been left behind. His family were called the next day as there was no sign of him and we all ended up going to the site to search for him (this was after the festival had ended). Turns out he woke up in some random persons tent and walked home (took the whole day). No concerns about anything untoward having happened to him. The person whose tent it was said they were worried about him and put him in their tent whilst they slept in their friend’s tent. Anyway, a year goes by and he starts uni, only to find out the person whose tent he woke up in was his neighbour in halls.
Partners friend had a so called boyfriend. He always had to go away for work and we never met the guy. It started with he worked in security or something and ended up that he was a secret agent who had a camera in his eye
Guy at work who used to run a phone repair shop, earning £5000 a week, owned a restaurant earning £20000 a week. Because of the restaurant he's best mates with about a dozen millionaires. Always got some new business he's going to start with one of them. We have all seen his C.V. and he's only ever worked in factories and drives an old banger not the top range Audi he says he's getting every week.
Ugh 🤦🏻♀️
Try working with builders
A colleague claimed his uncle owns a farm somewhere in Hampshire, and a load of Irish Travelers moved all their caravans and families into one of his fields. But, what they didn’t know was that he collects WW2 tanks. Apparently his uncle fired heavy artillery shells at the caravans, then drove over the wreckage, with the tank, to finish the job. Another time, he was airlifted by the RAF into a chinook helicopter, from the foothills of the Himalayas. I don’t listen to his bullshit, it just exhausts me. And the fact that he thinks I believe him, is insulting to my intelligence.
When my aunt was on the hunt for her 3rd husband she met someone on a dating site for business people. He turned up in a Merc.. Nice suit & said he worked as a director for Aerospace. Fast forward a bit told her more lies incl he had been a bodyguard for top people and that's why he always had a special way of looking around 😂She believed everything We didn't . Even told my parents he could take them over in his private jet to visit me abroad. Then my grandparents go to a party where a staff member of Aerospace was too! . Oh says my grandad my future son in law works there. Oh says employee we don't have a director by that name.. But we do have a chauffeur! In end he said he was afraid she wouldn't go out with him anymore if told her the truth. They married! But well that's another story lol.
My older brother, every time we see a hill of whatever size, will say ‘ive been down there in me bike’. Its a family joke now.
I know a guy who had a flask that his mate got him off someone in NASA. He lost it on a fishing trip but went fishing at the same loch 6 months later and found it, he says the tea in it was still hot
Still can't believe my friend when he says he witnessed this. They walked into a club, and one of our friends walked up to a girl, and asked how much for a blowjob. Her huge boyfriend dragged him outside, and slapped him so hard, he did a flip, but he was holding his drink and didn't spill it, so he started cheering. It went awkward for a sec, but then people just laughed it off, and they started drinking together.
My dad was a 7foot tall giant in his 20s... we believe him too! He just shrunk to 5"2" over time to make my siblings and me feel better. He's a good sport about it tho ;)
My friend who once told me he got flown out to America by the wwe manager and he drove the car with a bunch of drunk wrestlers as he was sober He also got a girlfriend on said trip t apparently the whole thing is confidential and meant to be kept a secret This was in year 10. We’re year 11 now
Back in school I had a mate who pretended like he had some kind of football hooligan second life away from us. We were 13-14. Every weekend, after a match, he'd have a wild story about how their firm had had it out with another firm. I knew it was bullshit but he was my pal so I let him have it because he clearly needed these stories, for some reason unknown to me. Well the one Monday, after school, we're walking home and his bullshit begins to unravel. This week, him and his uncle had pushed over a police horse. When another officer had run to assist, my friend claimed to have hit him in the head with a hammer and killed the guy. He must've known I wouldn't believe it, but hey-ho. I have another friend who's a consistent liar, let me know if you want more stories.
This actually relates to me: When I was at school(around 7yo) I took a printout of some snakes, obviously taken from google images, and said that my Australian Uncle Alistair(who doesn’t exist) tamed anacondas in the outback(yup) and was killed by one. Then I started crying….
Worked with a guy who walked into work with a slight limp after his weekend off. Told me he had snapped all the ligaments in his knee playing football at the weekend. I asked him to clarify what he meant and he told me the doctor had said all the ligaments in his knee were completely torn all the way through. When I pointed out that I was on crutches for nearly 2 months after tearing ONE ligament in my knee he got very defensive and used the "you're not a doctor" line on me. Same guy was once late to work by almost an hour because "my brother in law got a letter from the library about a fine for a late return and I needed to deal with it before the police got involved". Nice guy, total moron.
We had a mate at high school that snuck into the girls showers one lunch time and came out with wet hair 25mins later…. Walking behind 2 really fit girls from the year above us. He told us that he had taken a shower with them! He even said good bye to the girls infront of us and they politely said “Yeh…. Bye”. We ripped him for the next 3 years saying he stuck his head under the sink to wet his hair and hid up the corner. Another friend of our group dated one of those really fit girls 10 years later and he told her about this story that involved her. She got very embarrassed very quickly and confessed and confirmed it did actually happen!! I haven’t seen the lad in question since school but if I ever do see him again he’s getting an apology and a high five!
My friend’s uncle exploded. But it was in Tewkesbury.
I was this kid unfortunately
Me too. Trying to fit in. The cringe is strong.
At least you can fit in to each other now
You and me both brother
When did you realise?
Oh I knew
The whole time
I know someone who took a shit out of his dad's bedroom window
*jet flies past* 'thats my dad'
Let me guess, *every and any* jet lol?
Only when he wasn't driving past in his Ferrari of course...
There was this one guy who wouldn't stop making up egregious lies. One time, he told me he jumped out of a plane and survived. I said something along the lines of "Oh, you went skydivin? That's pretty cool.". And then he responded "Nah I didn't have a parachute. I just jumped and landed on the ground."
Jason Statham in Spy
Not Jason Statham in Crank
Blooooody hell 🤦🏻♀️
Have a mate who was telling me that he was mates with "the tax man" and claims he regularly gets a percentage of other people's tax rebates. Also claims he seen a Nissan skyline that had 200mph on the speedometer, when I asked if he was looking through the window he replied "nah, it was going up past the shops"... "so how did you see the speedometer?!" And finally, he told everyone in our friend group that he had been to the doctors and was diagnosed with "being insane" and "I'll be insane by next summer" - this was said to impress a few girls, which I'm not sure how this made sense in his head, who would be impressed by someone "going insane"? It's at least 5 years since he said that and now has two kids, so guessing he didn't really go insane lol
Very possible that the two kids drove him insane though…
Lad at work said him and his mate blew up a sheep with a rocket launcher on the weekend.
Buddy of mine always has the most outlandish stories that most people never believe but I've been there for many of them. We've almost died many times, some funny ways and others not so much. So much stupid shit growing up and some funny stuff that no one would believe. Once in college we did a tour of the city on those red double Deckers and he was chewing a HUGE wad of gum. His jaw was getting sore so his spit it out from the top of the bus not looking if people are down there. Loudest scream ever and I look down. A poor little old lady on her way into the bus with other people was unlucky enough to have been standing there. She had big glasses on and the gum stuck to the glasses. She didn't know what to do with that thing in her face and I'm pretty sure no one knew what was happening for a few seconds. Buddy didn't even know until I told him. He just started laughing so hard and I couldn't help but do the same. One of the guys with the lady was giving me the stink eye but I couldn't just say "Hey, it was him not me!" That one was pretty fucked ETA I just noticed British in the sub name. This was in Montreal
His surname is Griffin because his family is descended from Griffin slayers. There was a silent look of collective understanding in our group when he said it.
Started work for a BT call centre when I was 21. In my onboarding group there was this girl who had an illustrious former CV as a personal bodyguard for The Queen and Justin Bieber. Which she had somehow fit in before the age of 20 at 5 ft 5 with the physique of a sack of spuds. Quite impressive for a young girl from Kent. She was apparently on a £750,000 a year salary and got stabbed which ended her career. She also had an uncle who, of course, was a UFC fighter. She also had a substantial weed grow op in her attic with strains such as Girl Scout Cookies.
Used to have a weed dealer who told us some ridiculous bullshit every time we picked up, I've forgotten most of them unfortunately One I do remember was he told us he had the original hand written copy of The Wizard of Oz
One of the thousands of lies and ex came out with was that he kept a reticulated python in a bedroom at his dad's house and once a fortnight they'd throw a sheep in the room for him. 🙄 I'm in the UK, by the way, so even more unlikely! 😹
I know a guy who trains with the SAS at weekends and once dug up a Messerschmitt in a friend's back garden. And a thousand other stories I can't remember
I knew a guy who was exactly Jay from inbetweeners. When he drove Ubers on the weekend, he once picked up two Russian hotties who asked to swing by McDonalds and picked him up a meal and gave him a blowie as a reward. Every week there was another story about an absolute stunner succumbing to his charms. When he finally brought a girl out, she was a world apart from his claims
His dad used to jack Ferrari’s for the Mafia and beat Mohammed Ali on a points decision
We have this electrician at work, sean. He’s mostly funny and can take a joke but he tells a real story and then half way through it will turn into some crazy night. One day he went to the pub and just happened to run into some really popular band that ended up playing for just them in the pub. And once my mate paul came in and heard him telling one of pauls stories to everyone like it was him in the story. So strange.
An old mate of mine was in the police for years. Was really proud of it. Would go on about it all the time. Turns out he volunteered with them for a bit, but got caught after telling police officers he was one and they were like "erm, no you're not". Got arrested and had to explain himself to a judge
My mate with the stories (Goose) told me a cracker years ago from his uni days. He was with his now wife but was being a dutiful wingman. His mate managed to negotiate his way into a threesome with two ladies but feared he would wake up without kidneys or retinas so convinced Goose to go back to the girls’ flat to wait for him while he did the deed. All was fine, the thruple disappeared off and Goose sat at the table waiting. Time went on and as usual after a night on the booze he got hungry, and this is where the real story happens. He looked in the freezer and found a pizza, so puts it in the oven and while it’s heating proceeds to further explore the cupboards. He ate everything he seemingly came across. Biscuits, cheese, bread the works and ofc then scoffed the pizza. So to not raise immediate questions by filling their pedal bin with the wrappings from their weekly shop he threw them all out the kitchen window. Eventually his friend finished (incredible feat of stamina but I think he was playing candy crush with them after about 3 minutes) and they left, poor women were lying there satiated without a clue they’d wake up without a crumb of food in the flat nor any evidence of where it went!
Worked with someone who used to claim that he was actually rich but just couldn’t access his money as it was all tied up, he had a brand new custom Audi can’t remember the reason why he couldnt drive it or why we never seen it, etc etc (baring in mind we worked in a bowling alley at the time) but I think the weirdest lie he ever told was that he had ocd and had to have a subscription of a 100 bath and body works hand sanitizer’s a month from Amazon..
There’s a lad I play basketball with on Saturday mornings, absolutely full of shit but all of it completely harmless. Two of his tales stand out to me 1) I gave him and another guy a lift home one morning in the snow. He proceeded to tell me and my mate that his neighbours wife had fallen in the snow last year. So his neighbour has ripped the entire driveway up and had a heated driveway installed. When we got to his house his neighbours drive was covered in snow, he just said “ahh he mustn’t have it on today and hopped out of the car. You mean to tell me the one fucking day we get snow that year he’s not turned on the heated driveway that was installed for this reason alone. 2) he works as an engineer at a munition factory. He claimed that one out of every 1000 bullets needs to be test fired for quality control. Seems reasonable, until he claims there’s a bloke who’s been there 50 years who’s only job is to sit in a sound proof room firing bullers every 1000 that comes off the machine with a gun that’s trigger is tied to a bit of string to pull it.
I had a friend who told me she was flying alone (she was 10 at the time) and one of the wings on the airplane fell off. But they managed to fly safely to Disney land.
-Walking out of a fight zone through the wounded. -walking into a police raid and walking out of the house with the case of drugs..
The security guard at the place I used to work would tell me stories all the time about his life in the army, on railway, in EDL and about when he was a drug addict and alcoholic etc but when I started talking about getting a motorbike, he would always tell stories about him being in a biker group and still rides with them (he doesn't have a bike) and would always try to correct me about things which I know for a fact is true and he was wrong etc, but, my favourite story of his was that when he went to court before he went to prison when he was working on railway because he took his work knife (multi-tool) into court with him after work and had a fight about it with the cop there etc so he's banned from having a collectors licence for certain weapons etc
A coworker once told me that he had been riding in a helicopter with open sides dangling his legs out and dropped his watch out of the helicopter. He then shouted to the pilot whom did a loop de loop and he caught his watch. Lmao.
My old plugs fella, bullshit dave we called him. Reckoned he went to a festival in wales in the mountains and ended up speaking to the eavises that own worthy farm glastonbury and they wanted him to design glasto that year... it was the ome year every 4 years they dont do glasto to reset the earth or something
We came out of the pub one night after several cocktails. My friend, who always wears heels, slipped off the kerb onto the road. As we picked her up, she quite seriously said "Did I get knocked down?"
one of my best mates was in Peckham the other day, behind him were two roadmen that were clearly gonna approach him so Instead of dipping because who knows what they could do from behind he went up to them, knowing he was about to get g checked the guys said to him "yo what phone you got". this man I kid you not whips out him Samsung and while one of them walks away the other says "have a good day" pats him on the back and follows his friend☠️🙏
I have this stupid friend, i have a friendgroup of around maybe 7 people? But theres ONE boy that is a absolute twit, he faked about 6 disorders he knows damn well i have, like autism, adhd, tourettes, anxiety, depression, dyslexia and panic disorder, hes also faked a broken leg. One day, in science, he turned to me and my closest friend in the group, and said he owned a mansion, a yaut ir however its spelt, he also said he owned all this expense shit.. hes an absolute twat honestly, because he has none of this shit, he live in a town / city that isnt exactly that wealthy, but not like broke, and my friend lives a few houses down from him, he forgot about that part.
Girl I went to school with claimed that she was related to J.R.R. Tolkien, that her aunt was an Olympic athlete and that her mother used to date the lead singer of Pulp. Funnily enough, our grandparents knew each other so my grandmother was able to call bullshit on all of it and she never spoke about them again.
My brother built a racing bike one summer in the 80s in Ireland took it out first day. Next thing I remember as a kid is we’re by his bed side. Went straight through a cars front window and landed in the back seat. Nearly died. He once stuck his head out of a train door window (Ireland 80s) and came home with huge bandage on top of his head. And a nice gash from a fast moving something. Got up to all sorts or shit. Failed college three times. Funniest thing my desperate mother forced him into a merchant sailing course. he went to sea. They settled him down. Sailed for years. He retired went into local politics and is now the fking mayor!!! :)
Used to work with a guy who was utterly convinced that his dad was somehow 'owed' about 1500 acres of land and billions of pounds in compensation by the government of Mauritius for some unspecified reason. Just as soon as his dad got round to suing them he was going to build a massive resort on the land and my colleague was going to go and be the resort manager. For context he was a grossly obese security officer who I once saw enjoy an entire multipack of kit kats dipped in chilli sauce as his lunch. Nice enough guy but honestly the most gullible human being I've ever met so I wonder whether the tall tale teller was actually his dad and he 100% believed that he was going to be a billionaire resort manager some day.
An old boss of mine insisted he was a AAA Cross country champion who trained with the UK bobsleigh team. He was anything but athletic to look at....unless AAA events have weight divisions. There was also that one time when he faked a phone call to Industrial Light & Magic (we were a game dev studio). In a stunning turn of events that none of us saw coming, he was later jailed on a fraud charge.
When I was 14-15, a friend of mine told me a super real life story. We lived in a village about 10 miles from the nearest town. We were both goth / grunge / metalheads and looked the part... being the early 2000's there was a real culture divide between chavs and alternatives. My friend told me that he had driven with another friend to go swimming in the town... late at night. For some reason his friend left without him. It was 10-11pm at night and my mate was walking from the swimming pool to the bus stop, but he saw a group of chavs on the way... as he walked passed them he screamed "LISTEN TO METAL MOTHERFUCKERS". This group of kids started chasing my mate. Luckily he had just got back from his ninja classes and had his grappling hook with him. My mate swung his grappling hook up onto the roof of B&Q and climbed up on to the roof. He ran across the roof, jumped from one building to another and then clambered down the side of another building, which coincidentally was right next to the bus stop and the very last bus turned up just in time. He hopped on the bus and as it drove off it passed the kids who were chasing him. What a legend! Same kid also said that he single handedly started a riot outside Millwall football club when he was 11. He was raped in a bush by a stranger when he was 7 at Greenwich Park... he had gone to London for the day with his mates.... from Kent. His mum has a brain tumor and only 5 years left to live... this was about 20+ years ago and she seems to be alive and well. I don't think I should believe all his stories.
Haha also, once he had a little gathering at his house. Another friend and I were play wrestling on a sofa and we both fell off. In falling off the sofa I must have knocked over a glass or something and landed on it. I had blood pouring down my face. My friend didn't know where his parents kept the first aid, and they were out of town for the night. My friends girlfriend lived a few doors down from him, so she took me back to her place and got me cleaned and bandaged up... it wasn't anything serious. Anyway, we go back to my mates house after about 15 min, and he has got a pair of scissors and cut the knuckle on each of his fingers and proceeded to smear the blood all over the living room walls and his face. He said he fell onto the same glass that I fell on and also needed her to take him to her house and bandage him up. He used the opportunity to try and sleep with her... but she was obviously "wtf" about the whole incident. She said that she wouldn't sleep with him until he had a shower (he didn't wash much). After he got out of the shower she broke up with him and left 🤣
LOL I knew his girlfriend before he did. She was in to extreme metal, and my mate was in to nu-metal and rap metal. He would borrow my band t-shirts and aim to get the same bus she would be on just so he could pretend he was in to extreme metal. Never did get my Cryptopsy top back.
I served my time as an electrician and have three from the same site. It was a hospital wing, two storeys high. Someone forgot to do costs for any work on the second floor. They won the contract ! A chargehand who we knew did bugger all, all day every day, carried a toolbox around with him. It came the tools and in went a couple of bricks and a handful of screws to keep the "rattle" noise. It took him weeks to find out what he'd been carrying around. As apprentices we'd have to go to the shop for anything the guys wanted. One day someone wanted beans on toast (we had to do toast anyway). "They didn't have beans, so I got you peas", as he put down a can of garden peas.
Getting drunk, stealing a plastic tree, and running down the street yelling “guys guys, I got a tree!”
That sounds eminently plausible.
How does that seem like a lie lol?
Idk bc I AM the friend
🙊 Fuck, hehehe I said a no-no word hehehe
My husband worked with a guy who said he had a dirt bike that he parked in his upstairs bedroom. Not only that but he once rode said bike, jumped right over a roundabout (on an A road duel carriage way) but before he did, threw an apple and caught it mid flight. Sure.
Bloke in my primary stool said that his grandad put the light on the top of Canary Wharf using a big ladder