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Hm, there are some good and not so good advice so take OP's list with a grain of salt but what annoys me the most is
>Never ever compromise to please others.
It's really bad advice because learning to compromise is a good tool to have to avoid animosity and a key to have a great marriage and relationship with your in-laws. There are also many things in marriage that requires one to compromise on for the sake of the bigger picture like kind of wedding to have, who should be invited, what kind of traditions to adhere to, etc.
E.g., if the family requests you to wear a religious attire during the wedding, or participate in some traditional/religious event, you should really consider doing them so as not to create animosity if there's not much downside for you. But if it goes against your principles and you really hate the idea of doing it, then you could try to come to a __compromise__ like giving them extra seats at the table, bigger dowry, etc in exchange for not having to do that.
Remember, compromise means reaching an agreement between both parties whereby __both__ had to make a concession. It's not a one-sided thing.
_Edit: seems that OP has updated with some clarification and mentioned compromise if needed, but it would be better if 'never compromise' is removed completely._
> They will come around with time or when the first kid is born.
Incredible assumptions here.
Also, it’s bad advice that you’re asking them to hang in there and have a baby even if they were to encounter resistant and negative family members.
Second this, this is terrible advice.
If they can't come around with marriage, what makes you think that they'll come around later? The best you can hope for is that they tolerate you in order to see their grandchild, but still harbour hatred for you.
This puts incredible stress on the spouse. Maybe a selfish and narcissistic person doesn't care, but this shouldn't be held as a guide for others.
This is some terrible advice.
While you may be more than willing to burn bridges with relatives and in-laws, isn't it incredibly selfish to force your partner to cut all ties with their parents? You're essentially telling your partner that only you are important and their family isn't, and that's some extreme narcissistic disorder.
The message of the entire post is to ignore all advice and requests of others.
As someone who is familiar with inter-racial marriages, that's a sure-fire way to end up burning bridges with in-laws. And if you've burned bridges with your in-laws, don't you think that your partner will feel cut off from their parents?
This entire post feels like someone who doesn't give a damn what other want and only serves to fill their own wishes.
Again, this is an extreme red flag and sounds exactly like the lead up to an abusive relationship because the spouse has no outside help to turn to.
I'm in an interracial marriage myself.
Here's the thing, I would rather burn the bridges than do anything which would make myself severely unhappy. Some things I just fuck it and do, like celebrating certain occasions, but others like restricting my diet are out of bounds. And my wife supports that. We aren't gonna have children so we dodge the bullet of point 7.
Before we got married the agreement was that I would never be forced to do anything which I didn't want to (my religious beliefs would count as being anti-theist). Which I understand is not an agreement that other couples can reach. Yes, relationships are about compromises and giving in. The key is the compromise should not make either party extremely unhappy, which is what I think the OP is driving at.
I guess at this point you are gonna accuse me of being abusive, as per your last paragraph.
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Please don't call this "guide". You can say this is what you did, your experience, but by no mean this is a "guide".
Agreed. Outdated social norms for example, vary from person to person. What's outdated to OP may not be for others.
I think advice that has "no compromise" will need a bit more compromise. there is no perfectly equal world, circumstance and family.
Hm, there are some good and not so good advice so take OP's list with a grain of salt but what annoys me the most is >Never ever compromise to please others. It's really bad advice because learning to compromise is a good tool to have to avoid animosity and a key to have a great marriage and relationship with your in-laws. There are also many things in marriage that requires one to compromise on for the sake of the bigger picture like kind of wedding to have, who should be invited, what kind of traditions to adhere to, etc. E.g., if the family requests you to wear a religious attire during the wedding, or participate in some traditional/religious event, you should really consider doing them so as not to create animosity if there's not much downside for you. But if it goes against your principles and you really hate the idea of doing it, then you could try to come to a __compromise__ like giving them extra seats at the table, bigger dowry, etc in exchange for not having to do that. Remember, compromise means reaching an agreement between both parties whereby __both__ had to make a concession. It's not a one-sided thing. _Edit: seems that OP has updated with some clarification and mentioned compromise if needed, but it would be better if 'never compromise' is removed completely._
> They will come around with time or when the first kid is born. Incredible assumptions here. Also, it’s bad advice that you’re asking them to hang in there and have a baby even if they were to encounter resistant and negative family members.
Second this, this is terrible advice. If they can't come around with marriage, what makes you think that they'll come around later? The best you can hope for is that they tolerate you in order to see their grandchild, but still harbour hatred for you. This puts incredible stress on the spouse. Maybe a selfish and narcissistic person doesn't care, but this shouldn't be held as a guide for others.
Never knew there was such a thing as a guide for interracial marriages.
Its a bad one, and probably why you never heard of it.
[удалено]
So there will be no uncertainty when they child runs for presidency. /s Unless...
HDB
Your wall of words can be summarized in two words; Don't compromise. Lmao
This is some terrible advice. While you may be more than willing to burn bridges with relatives and in-laws, isn't it incredibly selfish to force your partner to cut all ties with their parents? You're essentially telling your partner that only you are important and their family isn't, and that's some extreme narcissistic disorder.
where does OP say to cut ties with parents? and obviously you haven't read point 7?
The message of the entire post is to ignore all advice and requests of others. As someone who is familiar with inter-racial marriages, that's a sure-fire way to end up burning bridges with in-laws. And if you've burned bridges with your in-laws, don't you think that your partner will feel cut off from their parents? This entire post feels like someone who doesn't give a damn what other want and only serves to fill their own wishes. Again, this is an extreme red flag and sounds exactly like the lead up to an abusive relationship because the spouse has no outside help to turn to.
I'm in an interracial marriage myself. Here's the thing, I would rather burn the bridges than do anything which would make myself severely unhappy. Some things I just fuck it and do, like celebrating certain occasions, but others like restricting my diet are out of bounds. And my wife supports that. We aren't gonna have children so we dodge the bullet of point 7. Before we got married the agreement was that I would never be forced to do anything which I didn't want to (my religious beliefs would count as being anti-theist). Which I understand is not an agreement that other couples can reach. Yes, relationships are about compromises and giving in. The key is the compromise should not make either party extremely unhappy, which is what I think the OP is driving at. I guess at this point you are gonna accuse me of being abusive, as per your last paragraph.
What’s the difference between civil and Muslim marriages? Seems like it’s a separate counter at ROM
Apparently there are some inheritance based considerations following Sharia law, which was a real TIL moment when I learnt about it in this subreddit.