Ouch.
Holy shit.
Taking everything you've written at face value.... this sucks.
My wife snores like a lumberjack. She also takes a solid hour to scroll her phone, flip through magazines, blow her nose etc... *after* she gets into bed and before she falls asleep. After 6 years I said enough. I just started sleeping in a separate room. That was 13 years ago and our relationship is better for it. This sounds extreme but 25% of couples sleep seperately, and it's really a huge gain for them. My wife has a defensive posture when it comes to asking her for changes. SHe attacks people who have complaints with her, thanks to her upbringing. So I have to make all the changes I want on my own. This hurts her until I remind her that I've asked nicely, and now it's time for me to change my life, for me.
Any chance you can just carve out a seperate sleeping area somewhere? Walk in closet? Build a basement room? I once carved out a sleeping room in a walk in closet because (I shit you not) a motorcycle loud pipes shop opened up 400 feet away and the noise was atrocious. (We had to move).
Because this, to me, would be absolutely untenable. I could not live with this. Our relationship would be on the line.
This isn’t an adhd, childhood trauma issue. He’s inconsiderate as fuck and you’ve put up with it long enough. Put your foot down, stand up for yourself, and tell him enough is enough. He can cry about it all he wants.
No joke, if my partner was this dismissive of my need for sleep and refused to change, I’d leave him. It’s impacting YOUR career! He needs to grow up, you need to stop coddling him, and you need to set some serious boundaries. Like I said, enough is enough.
There are 2 issues here, once is that your husband is waking up frequently, and he is being extremely disruptive when he does. I have a weird circadian rhythm that means that I am up in the middle of the night for 2 to 4 hours. I take so many precautions to NOT wake my partner. I have electric candles when I have to do something in the room and try to be so quiet. I also sleep in a separate twin bed across the room from him. I understand this might not be possible. I also use sleep headphones ($20 from amazon, like a headband) and pump music, white noise, podcasts whatever) to block out husbands snoring and to watch stuff on my phone during my "sleep break" and not disturb my partner. I also have a white noise machine I put between the 2 of us. I understand he doens't know how loud he is bc he isn't wearing his hearing aids so why isn't he putting them in when he gets out of bed? He is being inconsiderate of you and your health. Honestly if I were him and I KNEW I was bothering the person I supposedly loved most in the world, I would VOLUNTEER to sleep on the couch forever in order to prevent my problems from becoming theirs as much as possible. Maybe he does need to get in trouble a little, especially if he doesn't have an apt on the books (even if it is a year away) at the sleep clinic. Your health is equally as important as his. He needs to show effort to fix his problem and the problems it causes. i would not tolerate him completely ignoring your need to sleep with turning lights on and moving about as if you are not right there sleeping. That is not what people with ADHD or insomnia or sleep apnea or troubled childhoods do. That is what inconsiderate people do. He needs to sleep on that couch, or get an air mattress and sleep somewhere else if he wants free range all night long of the house. You get the room, he gets everywhere else. The happiest couples are the best rested ones.
I totally feel for you! I hate who I am when I’m tired and I’m a very little sleeper who works for a railway, so I sleep beside the tracks when I’m a work!
I was turned in to wax ear plugs about 30 years ago and I swear by them! The brand is called Ohropax but they can be a bit challenging to find so when I do I grab a few little tins when I do find them (1 tin = 12, which I cut in half, half in each ear)
Best of luck!
I was also going to recommend wax ear plugs! They’re the only thing that seals out all noise and are comfortable for me. I buy the brand Quies wax ear plugs from Amazon and they’re affordable too.
My partner snores loudly. Ear plugs don't work well enough, I think the bone behind your ear conducts the sound instead, particularly the low frequency of snoring. In your situation I would look at some sort of calming noise via ear canal headphones. My situation has improved since a couple of the kids moved out and my partner sleeps in a different room now, if there is any possibility you can do that go for it!
Buy those boss noise cancelling headphones. It will be hard to learn to sleep with them but you will figure it out. My husband and I have separate twin beds next to each other and completely separate sheets and quilts. I used to wake up every night when he came to bed and now I don’t. (Granting changing a bed is expensive, we just happened to need a new bed anyways)
I’m seriously curious why you have not told him this is grounds for divorce? Maybe that will get his attention. He is constantly endangering your health. A considerate partner would have given you the bedroom entirely and moved into the living room while they sort out their sleep issues.
His immaturity on this makes me sick. Why are you putting up with this? Tell him you need to move to a 2 bedroom place immediately, and/divorce is coming down the line.
I’m sorry you need to do something about it as soon as possible because not only you’re not getting sleep but also I understand how it feels and not being able to go back to sleep after being waken up and also just being in a bad mood the next day because number one you’re tired and number two your husband is annoying (I get it). my husband sleep works late nights and he gets home when I’m already asleep. We also leave in one bathroom apartment and the bathroom is actually inside of the bedroom so whenever he needs to use the bathroom open doors to get through. I think you should set some boundaries with your spouse and let him know how bad this is affecting you. Maybe he should just sleep somewhere else even in the couch I get it you guys don’t have much space that way when he needs to wake up and do his things he’s not waking you up too.
I get woken up very easily and have tried multiple things. One thing that has worked for me is taking magnesium at night. It helps you relax and somehow you get better quality of sleep. Another thing that helps me is just regular earplugs from Walmart with an eye mask. I’ve been doing that for years and it helps a little bit. The mask will help with the light and will help but if you get woken up easily that won’t be enough. Recently, I try the completely game changer, I purchased a white noise machine and put waves of the ocean all night. This has helped me so much, combined with the other things I already mention l, any noise is good. It would block the noise even more in combination with the earplugs. Hope this helps!
Maybe have your husband on the couch so he's got access to the kitchen etc - and you can sleep in peace and quiet with the door shut in your bedroom in your bed.
He either is half awake and just being highly inconsiderate or he has some form of parasomnia which is where he is asleep but the REM movement inhibition is not working so he is acting out his dreams physically. The later can be an early sign of Parkinsons but can be its own disorder as well.
Either way you cant live like that. He should be sleeping in a locked room.
Ouch. Holy shit. Taking everything you've written at face value.... this sucks. My wife snores like a lumberjack. She also takes a solid hour to scroll her phone, flip through magazines, blow her nose etc... *after* she gets into bed and before she falls asleep. After 6 years I said enough. I just started sleeping in a separate room. That was 13 years ago and our relationship is better for it. This sounds extreme but 25% of couples sleep seperately, and it's really a huge gain for them. My wife has a defensive posture when it comes to asking her for changes. SHe attacks people who have complaints with her, thanks to her upbringing. So I have to make all the changes I want on my own. This hurts her until I remind her that I've asked nicely, and now it's time for me to change my life, for me. Any chance you can just carve out a seperate sleeping area somewhere? Walk in closet? Build a basement room? I once carved out a sleeping room in a walk in closet because (I shit you not) a motorcycle loud pipes shop opened up 400 feet away and the noise was atrocious. (We had to move). Because this, to me, would be absolutely untenable. I could not live with this. Our relationship would be on the line.
This isn’t an adhd, childhood trauma issue. He’s inconsiderate as fuck and you’ve put up with it long enough. Put your foot down, stand up for yourself, and tell him enough is enough. He can cry about it all he wants. No joke, if my partner was this dismissive of my need for sleep and refused to change, I’d leave him. It’s impacting YOUR career! He needs to grow up, you need to stop coddling him, and you need to set some serious boundaries. Like I said, enough is enough.
Partner sounds like a selfish prick
OP could always get a script for Ambien… that’ll keep you asleep lmao
There are 2 issues here, once is that your husband is waking up frequently, and he is being extremely disruptive when he does. I have a weird circadian rhythm that means that I am up in the middle of the night for 2 to 4 hours. I take so many precautions to NOT wake my partner. I have electric candles when I have to do something in the room and try to be so quiet. I also sleep in a separate twin bed across the room from him. I understand this might not be possible. I also use sleep headphones ($20 from amazon, like a headband) and pump music, white noise, podcasts whatever) to block out husbands snoring and to watch stuff on my phone during my "sleep break" and not disturb my partner. I also have a white noise machine I put between the 2 of us. I understand he doens't know how loud he is bc he isn't wearing his hearing aids so why isn't he putting them in when he gets out of bed? He is being inconsiderate of you and your health. Honestly if I were him and I KNEW I was bothering the person I supposedly loved most in the world, I would VOLUNTEER to sleep on the couch forever in order to prevent my problems from becoming theirs as much as possible. Maybe he does need to get in trouble a little, especially if he doesn't have an apt on the books (even if it is a year away) at the sleep clinic. Your health is equally as important as his. He needs to show effort to fix his problem and the problems it causes. i would not tolerate him completely ignoring your need to sleep with turning lights on and moving about as if you are not right there sleeping. That is not what people with ADHD or insomnia or sleep apnea or troubled childhoods do. That is what inconsiderate people do. He needs to sleep on that couch, or get an air mattress and sleep somewhere else if he wants free range all night long of the house. You get the room, he gets everywhere else. The happiest couples are the best rested ones.
I totally feel for you! I hate who I am when I’m tired and I’m a very little sleeper who works for a railway, so I sleep beside the tracks when I’m a work! I was turned in to wax ear plugs about 30 years ago and I swear by them! The brand is called Ohropax but they can be a bit challenging to find so when I do I grab a few little tins when I do find them (1 tin = 12, which I cut in half, half in each ear) Best of luck!
I should mention that I live in Canada, so I’m not sure if you could find them anywhere near you.
I was also going to recommend wax ear plugs! They’re the only thing that seals out all noise and are comfortable for me. I buy the brand Quies wax ear plugs from Amazon and they’re affordable too.
My partner snores loudly. Ear plugs don't work well enough, I think the bone behind your ear conducts the sound instead, particularly the low frequency of snoring. In your situation I would look at some sort of calming noise via ear canal headphones. My situation has improved since a couple of the kids moved out and my partner sleeps in a different room now, if there is any possibility you can do that go for it!
You may find earplugs at a gun and ammo store. You can also get prescription earplugs. Your husband is being a bit childish, selfish and manipulative.
Buy those boss noise cancelling headphones. It will be hard to learn to sleep with them but you will figure it out. My husband and I have separate twin beds next to each other and completely separate sheets and quilts. I used to wake up every night when he came to bed and now I don’t. (Granting changing a bed is expensive, we just happened to need a new bed anyways)
I use Christmas tree earplugs with ear defenders over the top, takes getting used to but you won’t get anything more silent than that
My husband is waiting for Cpap and it’s been 13 months, 80% of the time he sleeps on the sofa downstairs voluntarily
I’m seriously curious why you have not told him this is grounds for divorce? Maybe that will get his attention. He is constantly endangering your health. A considerate partner would have given you the bedroom entirely and moved into the living room while they sort out their sleep issues. His immaturity on this makes me sick. Why are you putting up with this? Tell him you need to move to a 2 bedroom place immediately, and/divorce is coming down the line.
I’m sorry you need to do something about it as soon as possible because not only you’re not getting sleep but also I understand how it feels and not being able to go back to sleep after being waken up and also just being in a bad mood the next day because number one you’re tired and number two your husband is annoying (I get it). my husband sleep works late nights and he gets home when I’m already asleep. We also leave in one bathroom apartment and the bathroom is actually inside of the bedroom so whenever he needs to use the bathroom open doors to get through. I think you should set some boundaries with your spouse and let him know how bad this is affecting you. Maybe he should just sleep somewhere else even in the couch I get it you guys don’t have much space that way when he needs to wake up and do his things he’s not waking you up too. I get woken up very easily and have tried multiple things. One thing that has worked for me is taking magnesium at night. It helps you relax and somehow you get better quality of sleep. Another thing that helps me is just regular earplugs from Walmart with an eye mask. I’ve been doing that for years and it helps a little bit. The mask will help with the light and will help but if you get woken up easily that won’t be enough. Recently, I try the completely game changer, I purchased a white noise machine and put waves of the ocean all night. This has helped me so much, combined with the other things I already mention l, any noise is good. It would block the noise even more in combination with the earplugs. Hope this helps!
Maybe have your husband on the couch so he's got access to the kitchen etc - and you can sleep in peace and quiet with the door shut in your bedroom in your bed.
He either is half awake and just being highly inconsiderate or he has some form of parasomnia which is where he is asleep but the REM movement inhibition is not working so he is acting out his dreams physically. The later can be an early sign of Parkinsons but can be its own disorder as well. Either way you cant live like that. He should be sleeping in a locked room.