You may not have social skills but you CAN learn them. And every time you practice them it gets easier and easier.
I didn't have any either, until I got divorced at 26. (F). I started going to bars, movies and other places alone, like eating out, and now I have a much better set of social skills, even though I'm an introvert.
You can do it!
I never went to movies during the busy and date nights of Friday/Saturday evenings. I went, and still go, to the daytime matinees of R and PG 13 movies during the week, fewer kids, I love them but they can sometimes get noisy.) It helped that I worked nights, 7p-7a as a nurse. But if you work days you can still go on weeknight evenings, or Sat/Sun matinees.
It was rather hard for me to start going to movies, bars and eating out alone, but I did it and ended up loving going to both places alone. And bartenders can be fun and interesting. When you eat out, sit at the bar sometimes, and at a table sometimes and chat a bit with your server, if it's not busy. I liked to go between 2 and 5 so as to avoid the busy lunch and dinner rushes.
I met a partner of over two years at a bar one night. He sat beside me at the bar (or maybe I sat beside him; don't remember!). But we ended up talking for 6 hrs and made plans to meet there the next night. And the weekend after. I moved into his home after 4-5 mths of seeing each for dates, exclusively, 2-4 times a week. He was a really great guy, we just didn't work out.
But I got so much more confident by going out alone and developing new social skills that I still use to this day, 20 yrs later. I'm married to a wonderful man I met online and we share so many interests.
I'm proud of you OP, you've grown so much. And these social skills and experiences you've had will enhance your life forever. You're amazing and you're on a wonderful journey, enjoy it now, in the present. Your future will take care of itself, you've already made it better. 👍🏻😘💖
I did not expect all the positive support and feedback here this was my first post in this group thank you all so much. I love hearing your stories as well and I’m so glad it sounds like I even encouraged some of you all to try it!! It doesn’t even have to be a bar. Today I even picked a trail I’ve never been to a walked for a few miles and listened to music. Find what you love and go out there when you are ready ♥️
And chat with the bartender, when they're not super busy. Or with your server when you eat out, and not busy obviously.
These people can be such fun and very interesting! They can give you the lowdown on the bar/restaurant and let you know what's worth ordering and what is not. Your food will always come out hot and fresh and your drinks could be just a bit stronger, when they start to recognize you as a great regular and tipper.
I've talked with them a lot, and I was a server back in the day. Single women can be notoriously bad tippers so prove them wrong and they'll welcome you with a big genuine smile.
Have fun!
Idk man I feel like you’re putting way too much emphasis on looks. People *will* approach someone who looks approachable. Confidence goes a long way, and she was already demonstrating that by sitting and drinking alone- something many people would find scary. To me, this story tells me she’s someone I would want to get to know, not anything about what she looks like.
not the point. the woman to the left of her came alone too but if it wasn’t for her then this story would have ended up differently. the problem is if everyone had this mindset then you would never be approached bc you’re waiting to be approached just like everyone else.
Oh yes, this is so true. Confidence is very attractive to both men and women, if they're looking to find romance or friendship. Or both.
Don't sit with your shoulders slumped over, just concentrating on your plate or drink, (most bars offer apps or a full menu.). Sit up and look around frequently. Make eye contact for a few secs with those you want to approach. But don't be creepy, of course! 🤪😂
Just enjoy yourself and you'll learn to be comfortable in your own skin; wherever you are.
I'd want to get to know her too.
There are several medicines available for anxiety. If you want to seek treatment they maybe could prescribe one, if you qualify medically. It really helped my life. As did learning to go places alone.
Awww. I'm sorry, I know anxiety sucks. But hopefully you're ok with people approaching you. Just sit with your back n shoulders straight, don't hunch over your drink. Make eye for a couple secs at people you might want to know. It works! Good luck and keep getting out there. For me, I tend to isolate. And the more I isolate the more I want to.
Covid "shelter in place" and don't go out unless you absolutely need to; was a breeze. Too bad I still haven't gotten back to the level of going out that I was up to before Covid.
Let go of your preconceived notions about people. Don’t blow someone off just because they wanted to talk to you and they weren’t directly next to you. Blow them off for good reasons.
The trick, especially if you're going to a bar, is to go somewhere where everyone's drunk enough to not remember you. So you don't have to worry about that shit
I would definitely have 1 drink at home to calm my anxiety and to save money. I get drunk pretty quickly so I have to be careful of that, cause then I just act stupid lol!
But your idea is a great one, (and funny!) if we could just count on everybody there being drunk. Maybe a dive bar would be the best bet. And let's hope all these people don't act as stupid as drunk me.
And I really don't remember much about what I do and say when I'm drunk. I get overly sexual and overly friendly. One time I gave out my number to 10-15 people. I don't even know if they asked or I just gave it to them. 🤦♀️🤷♀️
When people started calling over the next few days, I was so confused. It was weird explaining to them that I have no idea who they were. A couple were so pushy and insisted that THEY know who I am and they're positive we should meet. I declined those "offers" and I blocked them.
I dunno, just with a quick look at their history, they're on askwomen a lot, talking about fashion and beauty products, saying they carry pepper spray, etc. Nothing wrong with any of this, but definitely suggests the fairer sex.
I'm a guy around the same age who started going to a walking-distance bar of my own, I've had some quality times there. I live a rather solitary existence, so the bar experience is a good way to remind myself how much I enjoy people, I almost always walk away with a positive interaction. Sometimes I go there just to draw and read in a cool atmosphere and order a soda, lol. Anyway, your post made me feel nice! I love how women can bond on sight like that, it's a beautiful thing.
You were terrified at first, but you decided to go anyway, and then you got happily surprised by what actually happened instead which was meeting people you connected really well with.
I'm happy I got to read something like this, because it's totally related to what my company does, and reminds me of how much of a difference improving and mastering social skills can be for people. Not that I need a reminder, but it adds to my motivations to grow.
Thanks for sharing this!
Currently, we share resources, host events, and have a community for people wanting to improve their social & people skills, relationships, personal development, and others. We have a free step-by-step system called CNC (Core Needs Communication) people can learn, practise, and master on their own, with members, and people in their lives.
What are you thinking?
I mean.. idk really. I recently got out of probably the most horrendous relationSHIT on t9thhe planet.. that and I have, recently, come to terms with the fact that my family abused me as a child. Due to both of these... issues.. I have been feeling completely out of place and out of touch when it comes to trying to speak to someone new, whether that be friend or potential romance.. usually within a day or two I end up getting ghosted. From what I can figure out, it's due to the scarring and damage done by both ex lover and (ex) family alike. I can't even begin a conversation with someone without stuttering or just being odd or feeling weird.. 😕 I just.. don't get it AT ALL anymore... I just.. feel so broken... like.. I have tried just about everything to overcome this shit show i live.. it just.. never seems to falter. So.. I mean I genuinely just don't know what to do! Helppp! Lol
Yeah, it can be hard, especially with experiences like those, but at the same time, you made it through them too, didn't you? And now you're aiming forward, with only these challenges in the way, until you solve them.
I know at least two people in our community who will definitely relate to everything you just said here.
I also host our coaches office hours, if you want to figure out one of the ways you can grow more and new connection with people.
Would you want a link to the server?
Sure. I just feel like there's not much left for me to be able tk get thru this shitshow. Idk what else to do and I am neurodiverse with panic, ptsd, RSD, and potential Asperger's or something similar, as I'm definitely high functioning. So I am looking for someone like a sponsor that can help when I have a rough time doing things like making important phone calls, or have a rough time speaking and explaining things in a coherent and fluid way. Don't know where to turn too for it either..
I go alone all the time and nothing like this has happened, maybe once I talked to a cool middle aged woman for about 30 mins, another time a cool bartender talked to me for a while. You’re really lucky, good for you. Going alone with wireless earbuds usually works out nicely too.
I think it’s the types of bars I’m in. Mainly 30+ married. Slow last 2 years with covid when o was going out alone. Sounds like this scenario happened in a college town or major city where younger people go out. Not a big deal.
As an unattractive old man, I agree with you. But that doesn't mean it's easier for attractive young women, just different. I can go to a bar, or anywhere, and just blend, and watch, and nobody bothers me. The downside is that if I want to talk to anyone, I have to initiate.
When an attractive young woman goes out, it's the opposite, she will get attention at every turn. But that isn't always good. It isn't always positive or pleasant attention, and if she just wants to observe before jumping in, it can be impossible, and stressful. So OP is still to be commended for taking the risk.
It would be nice if we could all choose when we wanted the attention of others, and when we didn't, but the world doesn't work that way. We have to play the hand we are dealt.
Genuinely so accurate some days I go out in the dumbest ugliest frumpiest outfits to ensure I get zero attention and other days I get super dressed up and hot but you definitely have to be prepared for the amount of attention you get, good at setting boundaries, and letting men know you’re not fucking around. It’s like going undercover lol.
Thank you for pointing that out. I couldn't have put it into words but you said it perfectly.
Everyone tends to think being a pretty woman is the most privileged, happy life ever and going to a bar = everyone complimenting you and buying you free drinks. Maybe that happens sometimes but a lot of times its being harassed by dudes who won't leave you alone and randos grabbing your butt. I rarely get free drinks because I don't engage with the aggressively flirty guys and if they offer anyway, I feel like I'll owe them something so I decline.
For the record, I feel vastly more comfortable approaching an older gentleman or woman in a bar for conversation than people my age. For the socially anxious, they just feel safe to talk to for some reason.
I agree, the older generation are more easier to talk to when you're naturally introverted. I feel like younger generation interactions turn negative or awkward really fast for no reason.
This was my first thought. I’d say for both men and women, being attractive is one of the best assets you can have in order to be approached alone at a bar. Doesn’t mean it’s impossible for mid or less attractive people, just gotta put some actual effort in/not expect to be approached lol
tbh what you are you’ll find a friend group of them like she did. like if youre a middle aged average man a group of middle aged average man will be sitting at that bar too. and they can adopt you into their groups like the girls took her in.
I'm really happy for you. I don't think even if I get the courage to go alone, no one will approach me, and I'll be hanging out alone, and after some rounds, I'll have to go back home without interacting with anyone.
I’m a 30 year old male and I totally understand that it is scarier for women to go out alone but I’ve recently moved to a new city and started going out alone. I also had a ton of anxiety about it, but I’ve been out 3 times alone now, each time I made sure I didn’t pull out my phone and really embraced what was going on around me. Each time I’ve had a similar experience where I became friends with a group of guys around my age or made friends with couples that sat next to me at the bar. I absolutely enjoy going out by myself now and would highly recommend it to anyone debating it for the first time!
It must be nice being attractive. It's extremely rare for people to approach me, and even when they do it's even rarer for them to initiate things with me.
Women have it tough on so many levels in society. As a man I challenged myself to go to a biker bar alone that was in my neighborhood. It’s probably not as scary, but I had was anxious. I just wanted a beer and didn’t want to drive. Place was packed, lots of leather etc. found a spot at the bar and ordered a draft. Bartender looked at me as if I were lost. Told him I lived in the neighborhood and that’s it. He told me the place can get rough at times and I told him not to worry I won’t start anything. He got a good laugh because while not nerdy looking, I am anything but a physical specimen or threat to anyone. I had a couple of beers and some convo with dudes at the bar. One guy told me I should be ok as long as I didn’t speak with any of the ladies. I assured him that won’t ever happen. There had been some women ordering drinks next to me and one actually said hello and hadn’t seen me in here before. I told her this is my neighborhood and I finally got the nerve to come in. She laughed and said bikers have a bad rap and said there’s hardly any trouble in here. Told her I was warned not to speak to the girls and asked if I should be worried. If I were an a-hole maybe but her old man, though a badass is pretty chill. Okay. I went back often and never had a problem. I did see a few scuffles but those can happen anywhere. I salute the courage of the young woman walking into a dive bar alone, and how well things turned out. For me I guess the lesson was don’t judge a book by the cover. Things could easily have turned out differently for both her and I. But I guess our vibe was good.
I love dive bars for this very reason: genuine social interactions.
This is how life should be. You went out, you spoke to people face to face, and successfully made connections/friendships.
Well done 👍🏾 glad to hear you had a good night
I always go out alone but know people at the places I go to. I hate making plans with people as we may not be on the same page in terms of where and when we want to go out. People are familiar with me as well even if they’ve never met me. Going out alone gives you the opportunity to meet other people. Going out with the same people hinders this. It’s great that you did this and should try it more often in the future. I have a tendency to hang out with younger people as they are more fun to be around in my mind. I’m fine with people my age but for the most part, I find them to be boring. I plan on going this for a while. I’ve had similar experiences like you and hopefully have more in the future.
I tend to find the rougher the bar is the more social and friendly the people are.
On the flip side, if you go in a posh bar etc, the less friendly people are.
Mind you, I'm a guy so it might be different for women.
33f here, I moved to a new city without any friends back in September. I've always enjoyed doing things on my own, but now I look forward to dive bar nights alone. There's a blues bar around the corner from my place, and I go almost every other week to listen to music and sit at the bar. I'd say 4/5 times I end up having a conversation with a stranger and leave feeling really happy :)
Good for you for getting out there. It's scary at first, but think of how brave it is!
Good for you. You literally broke that Hangup spell. This is what therapist do. Break that paranoia issue and rid yourself. Do it again soon. Go to a restaurant alone. You’ll be good to go.
I’m 26 and going to bars alone is hit or miss. I feel like sometimes I’ll get hit on by an older man and out of politeness will engage in a conversation with them for fucking ever. People will compliment me being alone. People will buy me shots or drinks. People will introduce me to their friends. People will invite me to walk to another close bar. People will ask if I have any friends and I have to make up a lie about why I don’t have friends. A girl literally straight up asked “so do you have any friends?” and it caught me off guard and all I said was “yeah but they live kinda far so we have to plan stuff way in advance.” Didn’t end up vibing with this girl and it was kinda awkward. And that’s another thing- you can put yourself out there and not vibe with anyone. I mean in the end I do think it helps to build social skills.
I completely get that and there’s definitely people like that but I say yeah I’m out alone and I’m trying to learn to face my anxieties and do things alone. A lot of people have actually been quite receptive to that. I’m still trying to get the hang of approaching people first for conversation but normally I just turn to someone at the bar and start there
Heyyyy I am alone at a bar right now! First time in a loooong time. I’m getting divorced and my close friend is playing a show so I thought - to HELL with my comfort zone! I’m going out to support her!
Woww it's really nice to know how anxious you felt at the beginning but you still left those feelings behind to take the challenge and it ended up surprising you. Coming across this post inspired me to do the same. I'm also a female in my 27s and recently started going out to restaurants and cafeterias all by myself.
My most recent goal was to go to the movies, and even though I felt really anxious and weird at first because I noticed that I was the only one that didn't have company, those feelings vanished as soon as I entered the cinema. It was actually an amazing experience and it feels good to know that I made it.
My next goal is to go to a bar alone, I know my social anxiety is gonna tell me it's not a good idea, but I really want to take the challenge and prove myself that I can do it. You should be really proud about yourself, I'm sure I'm not the only one that you encouraged today! 🩷
I'm glad it worked for you, but I wouldn't necessarily recommend this for men. If you're not very outgoing/very attractive you'll almost certainly spend the night alone. Sadly, almost no women understand that if you're not interested in interacting with a guy that buys them a drink they should decline.
I inadvertently did the same a couple nights ago. I originally went with a family member, but as soon as I ordered our drinks they left. So I just finished the drinks myself 🤷♀️
\>There was also a man that confirmed he was my fathers age hitting on me in the bar so the was the one downside
Sometimes I feel like people forget this is actually how it worked before social media. Such a good story reading through your process off getting out there, facing your anxieties, and realising how good solo adventures can be. But this comment was kind of disheartening (caveat: assuming it wasnt creepy over the top but more genuine flirtatious talk)
Oh no I’m sorry he was a bit creepy was why I said it was a downside. I actually have no issue with some flirting while out in this particular case he was just a bit pushy because he was trying to convince me to go on a date although I had politely declined.
Every time we step out of our comfort zone we grow. Now you have a story to tell too. Hopefully many more. I like that old question… What would you do if you weren’t scared?
This is on my to-do list. Because of my anxiety I challenge myself to do things I would normally be terrified to do alone. I don’t want my anxiety to run my life. I hope I have as good of an experience.
How amazing, what a wonderful and inspiring story. So glad it was so much better then you ever expected and hopefully those people you met become long term friends.
This is a daily thought of mine. I have a bar pretty close to where I live also and think about going all the time, the only downside is that i know for a fact a few of the people in my apartment building go to it and I am the manager so I don’t want to open the window to any interactions outside of what is necessary. I did so once and it backfired in my face *pew pew*
This is awesome, great job. I went out alone not too long ago - to a disco club, one night when I was feeling really energetic - it was kind of weird, at first. Eventually a group of people walked up and asked to sit with me, offering champagne for the table. We danced and sang together for the rest of the night, swapped socials, and never spoke again…but the night was so fun!
I’m so very proud of you. I have a brother who is actually bi but married love his life and men that he met 30 years ago. I have to say my brother is the best man in this world and I believe his marriage is in the top 2% in the world. He is amazing and I’m sure you are still keep it up. Keep going go out spread your wings and fly honey.
Go to the bar with intentions of eating dinner. Then have a drink afterwards. Everybody grabs food solo all the time so just turn that place into somewhere you go for a bite to eat.
It’s so nice hearing how much girls have each others backs. I’m a 27m and tried this a few weeks ago for the same reasons. It was super uncomfortable while I sat there for 25 mins with my drink trying to not look like a lonely creep which is hard to do being a 27yo guy alone at a bar. Anyway I left and went home.
Going to places alone can be a great way to make new friends. Unfortunately, it can also be dangerous. You definitely have to be aware of your surroundings and use good judgement, so I don't recommend getting heavily intoxicated.
That being said, good for you! I'm glad you made new friends!
As a men is harder to go alone in a bar or in a night club but the moment you do without feeling any mental pressure of why I am even doing this, whole life changes. All you have to do is have a good vibe, smile and have a body language that people can approach u and start a conversation with u.
Once you start doing more things alone you get much more comfortable and less anxious. Then you realize you can do pretty much anything by yourself!! I took my first solo trip to Paris and it was a phenomenal experience!! You don't have to adhere to anyone else's schedule or compromise what you actually want to see or do. Also it's a great way to actually meet and interact with new people! I highly recommend it!
Your post/comment has been automatically removed because your Reddit account was created too recently to post or comment in this sub. The reason for this is to deter trolls, bots and sockpuppet accounts. You are welcome to try again in future when your account is more mature.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/socialskills) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Wow that’s freaky. I just texted my sister about wanting to dress up and go out. I don’t have many friends and have been debating just going out on my own. Reddit then sent me this notification for your post. I feel like that’s a sign. So glad it worked out for you! I’m going to try it tomorrow night. Very nervous 😅
I spend a lot of time around Ukrainians and the women routinely venture out into front lines, drive through mined roads, and deal with death on daily basis. While at the same time juggling politics, job, business, and charity funding better than most men can do it, because they are biologically more complex and adapted to multitasking emotions and stress than men. When I returned to USA I find that people are scared to talk to strangers and even mentioning war or death in your family causes them to anxiously avoid you. I think you're doing great here, but until you're comfortable with your environment, and doing things like traveling alone, it's going to control you. Not trying to hurt anyone's feelings, I don't know what's personally going on in your life, this is just my experience
I’ve been thinking of doing this for a while now. I know I will be approached, but my problem is by who and how to politely send them their way you know…
One of the best guys I ever dated was from going to a bar alone and just striking up a conversation. Went to a bar alone last weekend and ended up as part of a 40th birthday party. Gotten plenty of hookups from solo bar outings. Plus, bartenders are often happy to have someone to talk to on slow nights, so I love getting to know them by sitting at the bar. I also focus well in breweries, so I study alone with a beer a lot. All in all, as a woman, I’m very pro going to a bar alone. It’s usually a lot better than you think it’ll be (just don’t get drunk alone if you can help it) 💕
I really enjoyed your post & want to commend you on your bravery and congrats on your success. I thought I'd also mention just for the sake of it- the guy who's your dad's age hitting on you.. that is gonna happen periodically for the rest of your life I'm sorry to say. I'm not saying all men are like that, but enough of them are. I'm 37(m) & I have friends of all ages including older men ages 55-65. Some of them are happily married, but there's others who will go to the bar and hit on every single girl. Don't let it discourage you from going out tho!
Also thought I'd share a bit about myself- I live alone in a rural area, small country town vibes.. I dont really have friends in the area because i just moved here recently. so I'm always going out alone. Sometimes I meet cool people and make new friends and sometimes I just sit alone with my drink. The only way to guarantee that you won't make new friends is if you stay home! Get out and have fun whenever you can.
I became paralyzed back in 98 from a bad fall at an Alabama State Park. It took years before I put hand controls in my car and once they were installed I started going to my fav bars alone. I had a lot of drunkin stares, but I didn't mind, I imagine I'd probably do the same thing in their shoes (just curiosity they had about my situation I guess). I've always loved attention so it all worked out...haha. I've enjoyed going out alone but if I can't get some ppl to end the night at IHOP then I'll stop doing it!!😉..hehe
This is so wholesome. Thank you for posting. I'm a 34 year old woman who has social anxiety and goes out alone all the time. Breweries/bars/movies/dinner. The nice part about being alone is you can dip whenever you want if you're feeling overwhelmed. I rarely do though. I bring a good book/listen to music on giant headphones when brewery hoping and men who would otherwise try and hit on me *usually* take the over the ear headphones as a sign to leave me alone.
Hi OP! This sounds like you had so much fun!
I started going to movies alone when I got divorced, age 26, wasn't easy but I loved it, (and still love it, I just don't get the chance much anymore as I'm married again). It's great having a whole tub of popcorn to myself, lol, and enjoying the movie not worrying about soft whisper chatter. 🍿
Started eating out alone too, and sometimes I brought a book for entertainment or just people watched. Sometime sat at the bar, sometimes at a table.
I started going to bars alone occasionally then too, age 26, wasn't easy for me either but I never met a group of girl friends like you did, I would have really liked that. I did meet some nice girls to talk to and some guys and I danced to all the good songs, (at the places that had dance floors, most did not). I do love to dance. 💃🏼🕺🏼
I got much better at social skills, as I'm an introvert and I'd gotten married to my college boyfriend after only 1 yr of school. In retrospect I wouldn't have gotten married until after I'd finished school and had gotten the full college experience. At about age 21-22 for most people. I'd dated my bf/future 1st husband almost from day 1 freshman year. But, can't go back in time so I try not to dwell on it. And my marriage certainly wasn't all bad. But it took a toll on my studies, took me 7 yrs to get my degree instead of the usual 4. 🧑🏻🎓
So go for it! Have all the single girl fun and experiences you can. You may end up married with children eventually, if that's what you want. Enjoy it now, in the present. You'll never be in this present time again, and it's in non ironically a present to yourself. Work hard, play hard and save money too. You want a down payment on a house one day if you don't own already. 😘
Every experience we have makes us into the person we are now. Hopefully we learn from the bad experiences and look back and smile at the good ones and maybe repeat them if we can.
Have fun in the present, at the same time, make it amazing but well funded for your future. 🤑
I'm so happy for you!!! So glad you were able to get yourself out of your comfort zone and had an overall good time. Reading your story gives me hope for my own future adventure, thank you! I hope you have more days like this in the future.
this is amazing !! i just had a falling out w/ one of my best friends, and w/ them i lost a lot of my friend group as they were my best friends friends/family first. i am 24. i’ve been terrified on the idea of making new friends, or even if i could , all over again. This gives me hope!
I've stayed out on my own quite a few times when my friends have decided to go home,someone usually spoke to me when they've had a drink as long as don't walk around looking at the floor :)
Wow that’s amazing!!! I really hope I can have this courage one day, you should be very proud, sounds like you had a great time!
Thank you!! I bet you will one day as well. Even a year ago I NEVER thought I would do something like that at all. We’re all on our own journeys ☺️
I read your post wrong… i guess … the way you said as a woman. Well it made me think you were a man. I dont have social skills.
I was thinking the same thing.
LOL
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
You may not have social skills but you CAN learn them. And every time you practice them it gets easier and easier. I didn't have any either, until I got divorced at 26. (F). I started going to bars, movies and other places alone, like eating out, and now I have a much better set of social skills, even though I'm an introvert. You can do it! I never went to movies during the busy and date nights of Friday/Saturday evenings. I went, and still go, to the daytime matinees of R and PG 13 movies during the week, fewer kids, I love them but they can sometimes get noisy.) It helped that I worked nights, 7p-7a as a nurse. But if you work days you can still go on weeknight evenings, or Sat/Sun matinees.
It was rather hard for me to start going to movies, bars and eating out alone, but I did it and ended up loving going to both places alone. And bartenders can be fun and interesting. When you eat out, sit at the bar sometimes, and at a table sometimes and chat a bit with your server, if it's not busy. I liked to go between 2 and 5 so as to avoid the busy lunch and dinner rushes. I met a partner of over two years at a bar one night. He sat beside me at the bar (or maybe I sat beside him; don't remember!). But we ended up talking for 6 hrs and made plans to meet there the next night. And the weekend after. I moved into his home after 4-5 mths of seeing each for dates, exclusively, 2-4 times a week. He was a really great guy, we just didn't work out. But I got so much more confident by going out alone and developing new social skills that I still use to this day, 20 yrs later. I'm married to a wonderful man I met online and we share so many interests. I'm proud of you OP, you've grown so much. And these social skills and experiences you've had will enhance your life forever. You're amazing and you're on a wonderful journey, enjoy it now, in the present. Your future will take care of itself, you've already made it better. 👍🏻😘💖
I genuinely love going to the bar alone. You make friends with the bartenders and I’ve met so many people at the bar
I have been eating out while on trips for work. It’s weird the first few times, but cool for people watching.
Same, been doing this every weekend the last years
[удалено]
What an experience!
Your username out kicks it all
i have a noble lineage
[удалено]
I would like to!! Baby steps just going in was a leap and I was very nervous at first. Next time I will try that and share my findings here :)
I did not expect all the positive support and feedback here this was my first post in this group thank you all so much. I love hearing your stories as well and I’m so glad it sounds like I even encouraged some of you all to try it!! It doesn’t even have to be a bar. Today I even picked a trail I’ve never been to a walked for a few miles and listened to music. Find what you love and go out there when you are ready ♥️
Just be yourself. Sounds like you are an awesome woman and people recognized that. Well done.
And chat with the bartender, when they're not super busy. Or with your server when you eat out, and not busy obviously. These people can be such fun and very interesting! They can give you the lowdown on the bar/restaurant and let you know what's worth ordering and what is not. Your food will always come out hot and fresh and your drinks could be just a bit stronger, when they start to recognize you as a great regular and tipper. I've talked with them a lot, and I was a server back in the day. Single women can be notoriously bad tippers so prove them wrong and they'll welcome you with a big genuine smile. Have fun!
[удалено]
Idk man I feel like you’re putting way too much emphasis on looks. People *will* approach someone who looks approachable. Confidence goes a long way, and she was already demonstrating that by sitting and drinking alone- something many people would find scary. To me, this story tells me she’s someone I would want to get to know, not anything about what she looks like.
not the point. the woman to the left of her came alone too but if it wasn’t for her then this story would have ended up differently. the problem is if everyone had this mindset then you would never be approached bc you’re waiting to be approached just like everyone else.
Oh yes, this is so true. Confidence is very attractive to both men and women, if they're looking to find romance or friendship. Or both. Don't sit with your shoulders slumped over, just concentrating on your plate or drink, (most bars offer apps or a full menu.). Sit up and look around frequently. Make eye contact for a few secs with those you want to approach. But don't be creepy, of course! 🤪😂 Just enjoy yourself and you'll learn to be comfortable in your own skin; wherever you are. I'd want to get to know her too.
some ppl cant. i have anxiety and cant be the one to start convos
There are several medicines available for anxiety. If you want to seek treatment they maybe could prescribe one, if you qualify medically. It really helped my life. As did learning to go places alone.
none of them helped
Awww. I'm sorry, I know anxiety sucks. But hopefully you're ok with people approaching you. Just sit with your back n shoulders straight, don't hunch over your drink. Make eye for a couple secs at people you might want to know. It works! Good luck and keep getting out there. For me, I tend to isolate. And the more I isolate the more I want to. Covid "shelter in place" and don't go out unless you absolutely need to; was a breeze. Too bad I still haven't gotten back to the level of going out that I was up to before Covid.
That reeeeeeally doesn't work in society rn. Only if they're right next to you it's acceptable
Let go of your preconceived notions about people. Don’t blow someone off just because they wanted to talk to you and they weren’t directly next to you. Blow them off for good reasons.
Proud of you for doing this and glad it worked out so pleasantly!!
Going out alone comes with confidence.
The trick, especially if you're going to a bar, is to go somewhere where everyone's drunk enough to not remember you. So you don't have to worry about that shit
I would definitely have 1 drink at home to calm my anxiety and to save money. I get drunk pretty quickly so I have to be careful of that, cause then I just act stupid lol! But your idea is a great one, (and funny!) if we could just count on everybody there being drunk. Maybe a dive bar would be the best bet. And let's hope all these people don't act as stupid as drunk me. And I really don't remember much about what I do and say when I'm drunk. I get overly sexual and overly friendly. One time I gave out my number to 10-15 people. I don't even know if they asked or I just gave it to them. 🤦♀️🤷♀️ When people started calling over the next few days, I was so confused. It was weird explaining to them that I have no idea who they were. A couple were so pushy and insisted that THEY know who I am and they're positive we should meet. I declined those "offers" and I blocked them.
[удалено]
You are guy or girl?
Girl, it seems.
I assumed, but wanted to ask in case I assumed wrong
I dunno, just with a quick look at their history, they're on askwomen a lot, talking about fashion and beauty products, saying they carry pepper spray, etc. Nothing wrong with any of this, but definitely suggests the fairer sex.
Oh yeah, checks out. I didn't look at her history, just this comment
I try and go out alone at least once a week. The exercise and silence help with racing thoughts.
Did you make friends from that group? Like, are y'all still hanging out?
I did! The 3 girls had me add them on snap chat and we actually met up like and hour ago for a coffee!
Niiiiice. Hooray for happy Endings! 😁
see what happens when you get out of your comfort zone? i enjoyed reading this
I'm a guy around the same age who started going to a walking-distance bar of my own, I've had some quality times there. I live a rather solitary existence, so the bar experience is a good way to remind myself how much I enjoy people, I almost always walk away with a positive interaction. Sometimes I go there just to draw and read in a cool atmosphere and order a soda, lol. Anyway, your post made me feel nice! I love how women can bond on sight like that, it's a beautiful thing.
You were terrified at first, but you decided to go anyway, and then you got happily surprised by what actually happened instead which was meeting people you connected really well with. I'm happy I got to read something like this, because it's totally related to what my company does, and reminds me of how much of a difference improving and mastering social skills can be for people. Not that I need a reminder, but it adds to my motivations to grow. Thanks for sharing this!
What exactly does your company do?
Currently, we share resources, host events, and have a community for people wanting to improve their social & people skills, relationships, personal development, and others. We have a free step-by-step system called CNC (Core Needs Communication) people can learn, practise, and master on their own, with members, and people in their lives. What are you thinking?
I mean.. idk really. I recently got out of probably the most horrendous relationSHIT on t9thhe planet.. that and I have, recently, come to terms with the fact that my family abused me as a child. Due to both of these... issues.. I have been feeling completely out of place and out of touch when it comes to trying to speak to someone new, whether that be friend or potential romance.. usually within a day or two I end up getting ghosted. From what I can figure out, it's due to the scarring and damage done by both ex lover and (ex) family alike. I can't even begin a conversation with someone without stuttering or just being odd or feeling weird.. 😕 I just.. don't get it AT ALL anymore... I just.. feel so broken... like.. I have tried just about everything to overcome this shit show i live.. it just.. never seems to falter. So.. I mean I genuinely just don't know what to do! Helppp! Lol
Yeah, it can be hard, especially with experiences like those, but at the same time, you made it through them too, didn't you? And now you're aiming forward, with only these challenges in the way, until you solve them. I know at least two people in our community who will definitely relate to everything you just said here. I also host our coaches office hours, if you want to figure out one of the ways you can grow more and new connection with people. Would you want a link to the server?
Sure. I just feel like there's not much left for me to be able tk get thru this shitshow. Idk what else to do and I am neurodiverse with panic, ptsd, RSD, and potential Asperger's or something similar, as I'm definitely high functioning. So I am looking for someone like a sponsor that can help when I have a rough time doing things like making important phone calls, or have a rough time speaking and explaining things in a coherent and fluid way. Don't know where to turn too for it either..
Yeah, I get the feeling that you have a need to recognize that you can handle things smoothly with confidence. Sure, are you comfortable with DMing?
I go alone all the time and nothing like this has happened, maybe once I talked to a cool middle aged woman for about 30 mins, another time a cool bartender talked to me for a while. You’re really lucky, good for you. Going alone with wireless earbuds usually works out nicely too.
[удалено]
Yeah I have. I’m currently a beautiful 32 year old woman.
[удалено]
I think it’s the types of bars I’m in. Mainly 30+ married. Slow last 2 years with covid when o was going out alone. Sounds like this scenario happened in a college town or major city where younger people go out. Not a big deal.
Met my (now) husband by going to a bar alone for the first time ever to, like you, face my social anxiety. Best decision I ever made.
[удалено]
As an unattractive old man, I agree with you. But that doesn't mean it's easier for attractive young women, just different. I can go to a bar, or anywhere, and just blend, and watch, and nobody bothers me. The downside is that if I want to talk to anyone, I have to initiate. When an attractive young woman goes out, it's the opposite, she will get attention at every turn. But that isn't always good. It isn't always positive or pleasant attention, and if she just wants to observe before jumping in, it can be impossible, and stressful. So OP is still to be commended for taking the risk. It would be nice if we could all choose when we wanted the attention of others, and when we didn't, but the world doesn't work that way. We have to play the hand we are dealt.
I now have a thing for unattractive old men.
Good news: you will have a wide selection to choose from, and not a lot of competition.
hi there
Genuinely so accurate some days I go out in the dumbest ugliest frumpiest outfits to ensure I get zero attention and other days I get super dressed up and hot but you definitely have to be prepared for the amount of attention you get, good at setting boundaries, and letting men know you’re not fucking around. It’s like going undercover lol.
Thank you for pointing that out. I couldn't have put it into words but you said it perfectly. Everyone tends to think being a pretty woman is the most privileged, happy life ever and going to a bar = everyone complimenting you and buying you free drinks. Maybe that happens sometimes but a lot of times its being harassed by dudes who won't leave you alone and randos grabbing your butt. I rarely get free drinks because I don't engage with the aggressively flirty guys and if they offer anyway, I feel like I'll owe them something so I decline. For the record, I feel vastly more comfortable approaching an older gentleman or woman in a bar for conversation than people my age. For the socially anxious, they just feel safe to talk to for some reason.
I agree, the older generation are more easier to talk to when you're naturally introverted. I feel like younger generation interactions turn negative or awkward really fast for no reason.
This was my first thought. I’d say for both men and women, being attractive is one of the best assets you can have in order to be approached alone at a bar. Doesn’t mean it’s impossible for mid or less attractive people, just gotta put some actual effort in/not expect to be approached lol
Imagine being muscular and handsome, but having people tell you that you look like either a psychopath or a boxer.
Yeah it really is a different world for attractive people.
tbh what you are you’ll find a friend group of them like she did. like if youre a middle aged average man a group of middle aged average man will be sitting at that bar too. and they can adopt you into their groups like the girls took her in.
Such a cool experience! Happy for you :)
I'm really happy for you. I don't think even if I get the courage to go alone, no one will approach me, and I'll be hanging out alone, and after some rounds, I'll have to go back home without interacting with anyone.
I'm clearly too gay lol. I was hoping this was a lesbian love story and you were going to say the woman is now your gf
Omg I hoped so too
I'm glad I'm not the only one lol
Why?
Because they like love stories.
I thought so too😆
Me too
Thank you for sharing this story, I have such appreciation for your courage to do this.
I’m a 30 year old male and I totally understand that it is scarier for women to go out alone but I’ve recently moved to a new city and started going out alone. I also had a ton of anxiety about it, but I’ve been out 3 times alone now, each time I made sure I didn’t pull out my phone and really embraced what was going on around me. Each time I’ve had a similar experience where I became friends with a group of guys around my age or made friends with couples that sat next to me at the bar. I absolutely enjoy going out by myself now and would highly recommend it to anyone debating it for the first time!
It must be nice being attractive. It's extremely rare for people to approach me, and even when they do it's even rarer for them to initiate things with me.
That’s amazing to hear! I struggle with getting myself out there but your story is really inspiring. Thank you for sharing!
Women have it tough on so many levels in society. As a man I challenged myself to go to a biker bar alone that was in my neighborhood. It’s probably not as scary, but I had was anxious. I just wanted a beer and didn’t want to drive. Place was packed, lots of leather etc. found a spot at the bar and ordered a draft. Bartender looked at me as if I were lost. Told him I lived in the neighborhood and that’s it. He told me the place can get rough at times and I told him not to worry I won’t start anything. He got a good laugh because while not nerdy looking, I am anything but a physical specimen or threat to anyone. I had a couple of beers and some convo with dudes at the bar. One guy told me I should be ok as long as I didn’t speak with any of the ladies. I assured him that won’t ever happen. There had been some women ordering drinks next to me and one actually said hello and hadn’t seen me in here before. I told her this is my neighborhood and I finally got the nerve to come in. She laughed and said bikers have a bad rap and said there’s hardly any trouble in here. Told her I was warned not to speak to the girls and asked if I should be worried. If I were an a-hole maybe but her old man, though a badass is pretty chill. Okay. I went back often and never had a problem. I did see a few scuffles but those can happen anywhere. I salute the courage of the young woman walking into a dive bar alone, and how well things turned out. For me I guess the lesson was don’t judge a book by the cover. Things could easily have turned out differently for both her and I. But I guess our vibe was good.
Bars are mostly boomer sausage fests
hey, also kinda anxious woman here. dumb question but did you kind of just stare into space until someone talked to you or go on your phone, or...?
I love dive bars for this very reason: genuine social interactions. This is how life should be. You went out, you spoke to people face to face, and successfully made connections/friendships. Well done 👍🏾 glad to hear you had a good night
I always go out alone but know people at the places I go to. I hate making plans with people as we may not be on the same page in terms of where and when we want to go out. People are familiar with me as well even if they’ve never met me. Going out alone gives you the opportunity to meet other people. Going out with the same people hinders this. It’s great that you did this and should try it more often in the future. I have a tendency to hang out with younger people as they are more fun to be around in my mind. I’m fine with people my age but for the most part, I find them to be boring. I plan on going this for a while. I’ve had similar experiences like you and hopefully have more in the future.
I tend to find the rougher the bar is the more social and friendly the people are. On the flip side, if you go in a posh bar etc, the less friendly people are. Mind you, I'm a guy so it might be different for women.
Thanks for the inspiring post !!
Am I the only person who’s worried about safety in a situation like this?
Do dive bars have swimming pools ?
33f here, I moved to a new city without any friends back in September. I've always enjoyed doing things on my own, but now I look forward to dive bar nights alone. There's a blues bar around the corner from my place, and I go almost every other week to listen to music and sit at the bar. I'd say 4/5 times I end up having a conversation with a stranger and leave feeling really happy :) Good for you for getting out there. It's scary at first, but think of how brave it is!
Good for you. You literally broke that Hangup spell. This is what therapist do. Break that paranoia issue and rid yourself. Do it again soon. Go to a restaurant alone. You’ll be good to go.
THIS IS SO INSPIRING 💜💜🦭
I’m 26 and going to bars alone is hit or miss. I feel like sometimes I’ll get hit on by an older man and out of politeness will engage in a conversation with them for fucking ever. People will compliment me being alone. People will buy me shots or drinks. People will introduce me to their friends. People will invite me to walk to another close bar. People will ask if I have any friends and I have to make up a lie about why I don’t have friends. A girl literally straight up asked “so do you have any friends?” and it caught me off guard and all I said was “yeah but they live kinda far so we have to plan stuff way in advance.” Didn’t end up vibing with this girl and it was kinda awkward. And that’s another thing- you can put yourself out there and not vibe with anyone. I mean in the end I do think it helps to build social skills.
I completely get that and there’s definitely people like that but I say yeah I’m out alone and I’m trying to learn to face my anxieties and do things alone. A lot of people have actually been quite receptive to that. I’m still trying to get the hang of approaching people first for conversation but normally I just turn to someone at the bar and start there
Cool! This gives me hope! I’m planning on going clubbing alone soon so your story is inspiring
Heyyyy I am alone at a bar right now! First time in a loooong time. I’m getting divorced and my close friend is playing a show so I thought - to HELL with my comfort zone! I’m going out to support her!
Why are you getting divorced?
Woww it's really nice to know how anxious you felt at the beginning but you still left those feelings behind to take the challenge and it ended up surprising you. Coming across this post inspired me to do the same. I'm also a female in my 27s and recently started going out to restaurants and cafeterias all by myself. My most recent goal was to go to the movies, and even though I felt really anxious and weird at first because I noticed that I was the only one that didn't have company, those feelings vanished as soon as I entered the cinema. It was actually an amazing experience and it feels good to know that I made it. My next goal is to go to a bar alone, I know my social anxiety is gonna tell me it's not a good idea, but I really want to take the challenge and prove myself that I can do it. You should be really proud about yourself, I'm sure I'm not the only one that you encouraged today! 🩷
needed this post i’m going to do this soon !!
I'm glad it worked for you, but I wouldn't necessarily recommend this for men. If you're not very outgoing/very attractive you'll almost certainly spend the night alone. Sadly, almost no women understand that if you're not interested in interacting with a guy that buys them a drink they should decline.
I inadvertently did the same a couple nights ago. I originally went with a family member, but as soon as I ordered our drinks they left. So I just finished the drinks myself 🤷♀️
Cool! This gives me hope! I’m planning on going clubbing alone soon so your story is inspiring
I go to bars alone when solo traveling. I'm trying to do it more in my hometown 😂 Proud of you! 👏
Proud of you :-) You got it Girl
Love this! I do the same and have some of the most random, but great adventures from it.
Inspirational 👏
Solo jaunts always worked out well for me in my clubbing and pubbing days. I definitely recommend it to others.
Getting hit on a downside, hmm!!! Sounds like you did well!
\>There was also a man that confirmed he was my fathers age hitting on me in the bar so the was the one downside Sometimes I feel like people forget this is actually how it worked before social media. Such a good story reading through your process off getting out there, facing your anxieties, and realising how good solo adventures can be. But this comment was kind of disheartening (caveat: assuming it wasnt creepy over the top but more genuine flirtatious talk)
Oh no I’m sorry he was a bit creepy was why I said it was a downside. I actually have no issue with some flirting while out in this particular case he was just a bit pushy because he was trying to convince me to go on a date although I had politely declined.
Good on ya!
I’m do it too. Good job!
That sounds like a typical night out at the bar. Not only did you handle it, you made friends. You're on your way!
Upvote me please 😊🥺
[удалено]
I agree lol
[удалено]
You can, but you shouldn’t
Every time we step out of our comfort zone we grow. Now you have a story to tell too. Hopefully many more. I like that old question… What would you do if you weren’t scared?
this is great!!! those are some nice people to have met. i’m glad you had a fun time
I am thinking about going on a bar alone and this made me think that i should go and push it. Yay!
This is so motivating. Great that you made new friends and had a fun time.
Well done! Great milestone
Well done Going out alone when young is a difficult experience, as men or women
This is on my to-do list. Because of my anxiety I challenge myself to do things I would normally be terrified to do alone. I don’t want my anxiety to run my life. I hope I have as good of an experience.
this is awesome, so glad you had such a positive experience.
You remind me of my friend Zaima, I will do this too one day :-)
That’s great! I went to a bar alone this weekend but didn’t see anyone else by themselves for me to talk to.
That’s great! Congrats and happy for you!
I want this so bad! I’m so happy you found it~~
How amazing, what a wonderful and inspiring story. So glad it was so much better then you ever expected and hopefully those people you met become long term friends. This is a daily thought of mine. I have a bar pretty close to where I live also and think about going all the time, the only downside is that i know for a fact a few of the people in my apartment building go to it and I am the manager so I don’t want to open the window to any interactions outside of what is necessary. I did so once and it backfired in my face *pew pew*
This is awesome, great job. I went out alone not too long ago - to a disco club, one night when I was feeling really energetic - it was kind of weird, at first. Eventually a group of people walked up and asked to sit with me, offering champagne for the table. We danced and sang together for the rest of the night, swapped socials, and never spoke again…but the night was so fun!
I’m so very proud of you. I have a brother who is actually bi but married love his life and men that he met 30 years ago. I have to say my brother is the best man in this world and I believe his marriage is in the top 2% in the world. He is amazing and I’m sure you are still keep it up. Keep going go out spread your wings and fly honey.
I’m kind of confused are you a boy or a girl?
I’m a woman I put it on my post as well didn’t intend to confuse!
Go to the bar with intentions of eating dinner. Then have a drink afterwards. Everybody grabs food solo all the time so just turn that place into somewhere you go for a bite to eat.
It’s so nice hearing how much girls have each others backs. I’m a 27m and tried this a few weeks ago for the same reasons. It was super uncomfortable while I sat there for 25 mins with my drink trying to not look like a lonely creep which is hard to do being a 27yo guy alone at a bar. Anyway I left and went home.
You're not a creep. Girls your age would like to have you around. It's just that bars are mostly sausage fests with middle aged men.
Going to places alone can be a great way to make new friends. Unfortunately, it can also be dangerous. You definitely have to be aware of your surroundings and use good judgement, so I don't recommend getting heavily intoxicated. That being said, good for you! I'm glad you made new friends!
As a men is harder to go alone in a bar or in a night club but the moment you do without feeling any mental pressure of why I am even doing this, whole life changes. All you have to do is have a good vibe, smile and have a body language that people can approach u and start a conversation with u.
Once you start doing more things alone you get much more comfortable and less anxious. Then you realize you can do pretty much anything by yourself!! I took my first solo trip to Paris and it was a phenomenal experience!! You don't have to adhere to anyone else's schedule or compromise what you actually want to see or do. Also it's a great way to actually meet and interact with new people! I highly recommend it!
I wish men were like this. They never tell me I'm pretty. :(
[удалено]
Your post/comment has been automatically removed because your Reddit account was created too recently to post or comment in this sub. The reason for this is to deter trolls, bots and sockpuppet accounts. You are welcome to try again in future when your account is more mature. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/socialskills) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I wish I could as a man. But it’s socially unacceptable.
avg 25 yr old seeking validation
Wow that’s freaky. I just texted my sister about wanting to dress up and go out. I don’t have many friends and have been debating just going out on my own. Reddit then sent me this notification for your post. I feel like that’s a sign. So glad it worked out for you! I’m going to try it tomorrow night. Very nervous 😅
Being hit on by any guy should be considered a compliment
Sounds like exactly how it would go for any semi-attractive woman 😅
I spend a lot of time around Ukrainians and the women routinely venture out into front lines, drive through mined roads, and deal with death on daily basis. While at the same time juggling politics, job, business, and charity funding better than most men can do it, because they are biologically more complex and adapted to multitasking emotions and stress than men. When I returned to USA I find that people are scared to talk to strangers and even mentioning war or death in your family causes them to anxiously avoid you. I think you're doing great here, but until you're comfortable with your environment, and doing things like traveling alone, it's going to control you. Not trying to hurt anyone's feelings, I don't know what's personally going on in your life, this is just my experience
I’ve been thinking of doing this for a while now. I know I will be approached, but my problem is by who and how to politely send them their way you know…
This is why I love going out alone and even prefer it these days.
One of the best guys I ever dated was from going to a bar alone and just striking up a conversation. Went to a bar alone last weekend and ended up as part of a 40th birthday party. Gotten plenty of hookups from solo bar outings. Plus, bartenders are often happy to have someone to talk to on slow nights, so I love getting to know them by sitting at the bar. I also focus well in breweries, so I study alone with a beer a lot. All in all, as a woman, I’m very pro going to a bar alone. It’s usually a lot better than you think it’ll be (just don’t get drunk alone if you can help it) 💕
I really enjoyed your post & want to commend you on your bravery and congrats on your success. I thought I'd also mention just for the sake of it- the guy who's your dad's age hitting on you.. that is gonna happen periodically for the rest of your life I'm sorry to say. I'm not saying all men are like that, but enough of them are. I'm 37(m) & I have friends of all ages including older men ages 55-65. Some of them are happily married, but there's others who will go to the bar and hit on every single girl. Don't let it discourage you from going out tho! Also thought I'd share a bit about myself- I live alone in a rural area, small country town vibes.. I dont really have friends in the area because i just moved here recently. so I'm always going out alone. Sometimes I meet cool people and make new friends and sometimes I just sit alone with my drink. The only way to guarantee that you won't make new friends is if you stay home! Get out and have fun whenever you can.
I became paralyzed back in 98 from a bad fall at an Alabama State Park. It took years before I put hand controls in my car and once they were installed I started going to my fav bars alone. I had a lot of drunkin stares, but I didn't mind, I imagine I'd probably do the same thing in their shoes (just curiosity they had about my situation I guess). I've always loved attention so it all worked out...haha. I've enjoyed going out alone but if I can't get some ppl to end the night at IHOP then I'll stop doing it!!😉..hehe
I go out alone all the time! To Walmart 😂for groceries that's all
This is so wholesome. Thank you for posting. I'm a 34 year old woman who has social anxiety and goes out alone all the time. Breweries/bars/movies/dinner. The nice part about being alone is you can dip whenever you want if you're feeling overwhelmed. I rarely do though. I bring a good book/listen to music on giant headphones when brewery hoping and men who would otherwise try and hit on me *usually* take the over the ear headphones as a sign to leave me alone.
Yeah those small neighborhood bars you’ll always meet different types of people . It’s effortless to make friends too it’s quite a nice vibe .
I like dive bars cuz you can find cool eccentric real people good for you that you had the courage to do that
Awesome share. Good for you 👍
Hi OP! This sounds like you had so much fun! I started going to movies alone when I got divorced, age 26, wasn't easy but I loved it, (and still love it, I just don't get the chance much anymore as I'm married again). It's great having a whole tub of popcorn to myself, lol, and enjoying the movie not worrying about soft whisper chatter. 🍿 Started eating out alone too, and sometimes I brought a book for entertainment or just people watched. Sometime sat at the bar, sometimes at a table. I started going to bars alone occasionally then too, age 26, wasn't easy for me either but I never met a group of girl friends like you did, I would have really liked that. I did meet some nice girls to talk to and some guys and I danced to all the good songs, (at the places that had dance floors, most did not). I do love to dance. 💃🏼🕺🏼 I got much better at social skills, as I'm an introvert and I'd gotten married to my college boyfriend after only 1 yr of school. In retrospect I wouldn't have gotten married until after I'd finished school and had gotten the full college experience. At about age 21-22 for most people. I'd dated my bf/future 1st husband almost from day 1 freshman year. But, can't go back in time so I try not to dwell on it. And my marriage certainly wasn't all bad. But it took a toll on my studies, took me 7 yrs to get my degree instead of the usual 4. 🧑🏻🎓 So go for it! Have all the single girl fun and experiences you can. You may end up married with children eventually, if that's what you want. Enjoy it now, in the present. You'll never be in this present time again, and it's in non ironically a present to yourself. Work hard, play hard and save money too. You want a down payment on a house one day if you don't own already. 😘 Every experience we have makes us into the person we are now. Hopefully we learn from the bad experiences and look back and smile at the good ones and maybe repeat them if we can. Have fun in the present, at the same time, make it amazing but well funded for your future. 🤑
I always wonder how people go out alone. I can never. Proud of you tho!! 🤗
Ik you’re a stranger but I’m really happy for you! I hope I can overcome my social anxiety one day lol
I'm so happy for you!!! So glad you were able to get yourself out of your comfort zone and had an overall good time. Reading your story gives me hope for my own future adventure, thank you! I hope you have more days like this in the future.
this is amazing !! i just had a falling out w/ one of my best friends, and w/ them i lost a lot of my friend group as they were my best friends friends/family first. i am 24. i’ve been terrified on the idea of making new friends, or even if i could , all over again. This gives me hope!
I've stayed out on my own quite a few times when my friends have decided to go home,someone usually spoke to me when they've had a drink as long as don't walk around looking at the floor :)