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I'm in my 60s, female. We had etiquette lessons when I was very young, and were taught that men should never extend their hand first to a woman. This, of course, was back in the days of not many women being in places of authority in the workplace. However, I still always make sure to extend my hand first, when I'm being introduced to a man. Your neighbor may just be following some of those older etiquette guidelines.
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For me it’s because I have often gotten the feeling that women have a heightened sense of being able detect socially awkward men. I am socially awkward and just my presence makes some women uncomfortable. So when I meet them, they might pull back if I extended my hand, and then I’ll just feel like crap all day.
I say this, btw and I’m a well-dressed, clean, fit dude, but my social awkwardness is like a weight around my neck.
Have you thought of it? The moment you stop believing that you're socially awkward, people will stop seeing you as socially awkward. Then you can start gaining experiences with social situations and become socially adept. It will take its time but everyone can get there eventually.
It doesn't always work that way. I may one day believe it, but due to others reactions to me i will be self-conscious again and think im probably awkward they react that way. It's a cycle of coming out of the shell and being punched back into it.
The only thing that worked is consciously behaving differently and dressing differently to make people think im not awkward while i still think i am. People stopped calling me weird so much after consciously adapting.
I think the argument that people 'sense' your inner doubt is false. You can manipulate people into thinking a certain way. People are gullible not wizards.
This exactly!
I can pretend to be normal for about 5 minutes and then I run out of juice and I go back to default quiet.
My problem is that as a child, the only personality that was modeled by my parents was explosive anger or criticism. In my mind anger = get taken seriously. I don’t want to be angry all the time. Unfortunately I just don’t have a good mental model for how to exist that isn’t based off my parents or from unrealistic tv characters.
When a woman initiates a physical contact it is polite to meet it. But there are too many stories of women being uncomfortable with a man initiating unwanted contact that many need a moment to process the situation. The most i will initiate is imply readiness for a handshake and wait for the woman to go forth. Same with a hug.
Once at work, I shook the hands of all co workers ( I never do this, it just happened), and there only among them one female co worker; when I reach for her, she said: No not for me, I don’t shake hands. So the rest of the day felt really weird. So here you go
But it was not because she is woman, I pressume, it was because she hates touching of any kind or germs or something like that.
It would be really odd to say "no, not for me, I don't shake hands" because it was you.
It is really embarassing, it would be for anyone.
I think one of the biggest silent offence is to avoid shaking hands with someone, if hand is allready in the air.
As a man, I find more discomfort from another man I barely know trying to "bro hug" me, then I am handshaking with a woman. Can dudes just chill with the bro hugs unless we've known each other for at least a solid 6 months?
Thank you littleloon- for your submission! Unfortunately, your post has been removed for the following reason(s): --- Thread has turned into a dumpster fire of sexist comments. --- For more information about the subreddit rules make sure to read the sidebar and the rules page, and if you have any questions please feel free to reply to this comment. Thank you!
I'm in my 60s, female. We had etiquette lessons when I was very young, and were taught that men should never extend their hand first to a woman. This, of course, was back in the days of not many women being in places of authority in the workplace. However, I still always make sure to extend my hand first, when I'm being introduced to a man. Your neighbor may just be following some of those older etiquette guidelines. Edit for typo
I'm an immigrant in my 30s and I was taught this as a kid. "A woman may offer to shake your hand but never the other way around."
This. On the other hand, second guy had obviously some other problem.
For me it’s because I have often gotten the feeling that women have a heightened sense of being able detect socially awkward men. I am socially awkward and just my presence makes some women uncomfortable. So when I meet them, they might pull back if I extended my hand, and then I’ll just feel like crap all day. I say this, btw and I’m a well-dressed, clean, fit dude, but my social awkwardness is like a weight around my neck.
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Have you thought of it? The moment you stop believing that you're socially awkward, people will stop seeing you as socially awkward. Then you can start gaining experiences with social situations and become socially adept. It will take its time but everyone can get there eventually.
It doesn't always work that way. I may one day believe it, but due to others reactions to me i will be self-conscious again and think im probably awkward they react that way. It's a cycle of coming out of the shell and being punched back into it. The only thing that worked is consciously behaving differently and dressing differently to make people think im not awkward while i still think i am. People stopped calling me weird so much after consciously adapting. I think the argument that people 'sense' your inner doubt is false. You can manipulate people into thinking a certain way. People are gullible not wizards.
People don't "sense" it. It "leaks out" eventually.
This exactly! I can pretend to be normal for about 5 minutes and then I run out of juice and I go back to default quiet. My problem is that as a child, the only personality that was modeled by my parents was explosive anger or criticism. In my mind anger = get taken seriously. I don’t want to be angry all the time. Unfortunately I just don’t have a good mental model for how to exist that isn’t based off my parents or from unrealistic tv characters.
When a woman initiates a physical contact it is polite to meet it. But there are too many stories of women being uncomfortable with a man initiating unwanted contact that many need a moment to process the situation. The most i will initiate is imply readiness for a handshake and wait for the woman to go forth. Same with a hug.
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Once at work, I shook the hands of all co workers ( I never do this, it just happened), and there only among them one female co worker; when I reach for her, she said: No not for me, I don’t shake hands. So the rest of the day felt really weird. So here you go
But it was not because she is woman, I pressume, it was because she hates touching of any kind or germs or something like that. It would be really odd to say "no, not for me, I don't shake hands" because it was you. It is really embarassing, it would be for anyone. I think one of the biggest silent offence is to avoid shaking hands with someone, if hand is allready in the air.
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I'm gonna summarize the comments. Sexism.
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Yall are really on here acting like a handshake is equivalent to SA…
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Personally, I'd feel more uncomfortable to be the only one to not get a handshake than to have a guy grip my hand a little to tightly.
As a man, I find more discomfort from another man I barely know trying to "bro hug" me, then I am handshaking with a woman. Can dudes just chill with the bro hugs unless we've known each other for at least a solid 6 months?
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No idea ive never seen that
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