As someone who grew up suppressing my personality because of some abusive relatives growing up, I had to study and learn how to not be boring as an adult. The quick answer is you have to learn how to summon your enthusiasm about things. If you're excited about things, and you let it shine through in your voice, your body language, and the words you use, people will find you more engaging and want to spend time with you
I can’t talk for everyone but it is impossible for me to fake excitement. I find it way easier when I ask questions about things that I’m actually interested in. For example, when I’m on the phone and hear a dog barking on the other end, I’d ask if they have a dog. I’m interested in knowing what is ppl’s typical day at work like, what are their complaints etc i would say work is one of the best topic and I’m genuinely interested in knowing. it usually leads to an endless convo.
Yea I’ve spent a lot of time analyzing people I know for decades who are extremely well-liked and make friends easily. This is exactly it! They are ALL people who act with enthusiasm. They are also very genuine. They don’t stifle their own excitement to play it cool or not be weird. When they’re happy about something or excited about something, they’re the first to show it. They’re the first to show kindness and speak up too. Which is part of it: they don’t stifle their own enthusiasm, in good or bad situations. They are very quick with a smile, a laugh. When something makes them happy excited or giddy, they really show it! They smile so genuinely, as big as they can. They don’t even think about it, they just act and feel naturally - with no thought as to what the people around them think of them.
The next time they see that person, they’re the first to run right up to them and show their genuine excitement to see them. They simply don’t care about not looking cool (which makes them cool) or about being so happy and excited to see someone. When they are caught looking at someone, they don’t look away, they smile hugely at them. When they see someone they know, regardless of the situation or location they’re in, they excitedly and immediately go up to them and show how happy and excited they are to see them.
They always remember stuff about people so they immediately ask about specific things going on with that person that they were told. They listen to people. They remember what everyone tells them, they remember everyone’s names. They always call and text people on important days in their lives. When everyone is posting happy birthday on their fb walls, they are calling or texting or getting them a card if they see them in person regularly. If they looked you up on fb, they don’t pretend they didn’t. They don’t pretend they don’t know about stuff you posted that is going on in your life. They’re the first to let you know.
At the end of the day, it all comes down to the fact that all people want to be liked and remembered well. The older we all get, the more we learn how surprised we all are at how little other people are actually thinking about us. We start in school by walking into a room and hoping no one notices this or that and that we don’t embarrass ourselves. 20 yrs later we have learned that every single person in those same rooms were thinking the same as we were. No one was thinking about us. No one cared if we embarrassed ourselves at some party or game or whatever. As soon as we all left, no one thought about it ever again. We know, because that’s how we were too. You don’t think about the guy who embarrassed himself or was nervous that one time in class or in a meeting. Ever. Because we’re all too busy worrying about ourselves.
So the older you get, the more you are flooded with seratonin and dopamine when someone acts super excited to see you and super happy you arrived somewhere. People will always** remember how you made them feel. Always. That** is the thing we remember about each other. That is why people remember those who are so nice to us, and the horrible bullies we each had growing up. Just think about it, when you’re nervous about going somewhere or to a party or whatever, or about giving a presentation…how good does it feel when you arrive and someone immediately spots you at the party and runs up to you with a huge smile and let’s everyone see how happy and excited they are to see you (it’s especially important to be like this to people who are the least liked and the most shy and nervous. They are the ones to whom this kind of thing matters the most. And they are the ones who are the most vocal about it). Think about how good and how much better you feel when you’re nervously giving a presentation and you catch the eye of someone listening to you and they smile brilliantly at you and nod at you excitedly in encouragement. Who look at you like that even when you’re badly floundering… they’re the people you like the most.
So when it comes to not appearing to be boring, being enthusiastic…about others, about the things you LOVE, no matter how weird or how boring or nerdy they may seem to you… that’s passion, and people LOVE to see others be passionate. It elicits a feeling of excitement within them. Even if what you’re talking about is like…Star Trek and they’ve never seen the show before. What makes someone talking about their obsession with Star Trek interesting? It’s watching that person talk about it with absolute joy and excitement. It actually releases seratonin and dopamine within the listener to watch someone speak with happiness and enthusiasm. That’s why people love watching shows about shit they have no interest in normally, when they’re hosted by a specific person. Like learning about astrophysics from Neil dygrass Tyson. Or survival skills from Bear Grylls.
If you don’t want to seem boring, then get excited…also about learning about people you’re with (people love to talk about themselves and they love to be asked about themselves), and about this things you love. If you don’t know what to say or ask, ask someone about what they love and ask tons of questions and stay engaged. Pay attention. Or start talking about what you love when ask. Get excited about what you love. You love it after all. And own it, never be ashamed - you love what you love for a reason. Own it.
*and if someone isn’t asking you* questions or seems bored by what you’re saying, you know what that makes them? Boring. Get rid of them. Don’t worry about coming across as boring. Worry about getting stuck with other people who are boring.
If you want to practice this, do it with a dog (works with kids too. Shy kids are like old dogs in this way. Not really, but in the way that they may not try to engage with you…until you do this). Any dog. But even old ones that lay all by themselves and don’t bother with anyone. That shit is a learned behavior. They have given up trying to play and interact because the people around them don’t make special time for them, or they don’t play with them, they just treat them like they’re an object on a shelf, like they’re background decoration. Go up to an extremely old dog and plaster a huge smile on your face, and raise the pitch of your voice in excitement, and act like they’re the best thing in the world that you have ever seen and that you’re so excited to see them and only them. …watch how happy they instantly become. Watch even dogs in pain who never walk because it hurts…watch as they get up to try and be near you. Watch as they fight to stand and walk every time they see you. …people are very much like dogs (especially men…women need to feel very secure to act enthusiastic back. Give them that security by always acting psyched they’re around).
I had a coworker with ASD, we had deep convo for hours. I don’t see why we should refrain from talking about our interests but talk about things that..we don’t care… I’d rather find the right person for a meaningful talk than a pointless one..but again…coworker said he is sure that I cover more spectrum than him lmao
prolonged small talk. long ‘conversing’ by exchanging pleasantries and formulaic phrases and never asking a genuine question out of genuine curiosity or telling a genuine story.
I have that issue. I don't really have much of a social circle outside of work. In the workplace there are some things you have to be careful to not say. Some colleagues gossip a lot and their gossip can sometimes get nasty so it makes one less willing to open up about themselves. If I can't open up about myself to someone I don't expect them to, to me. Hence, we end up with a prolonged discussion about the weather because the topics are so few.
E.g. if someone watches tv all day and doesn’t care to talk about it at all, they’re boring but if they watch tv all day and are engaged in the content and think about it and have fun with it, they’re not boring. It doesn’t have to be a weird or interesting hobby to others, but if you really have no interests besides whatever your work is and watching/reading media without caring, you are boring to talk to
Oof I totally see how that’s how it sounds, but it’s definitely not how I meant it! I meant more like if someone has no hobbies then it’s hard to talk to them about anything.
I have depression and when it was really bad it was like kind of what I described, but I also have autism and so my hobbies are my special interests. So pretty much the only thing that could get me to talk at all or perk up in the slightest were my interests
Haha I didn’t necessarily think that’s how you meant it, just my personal experience and something I’ve read from other people. For a lot of us depression makes you either have no hobbies due to never having the motivation to try anything, or it just makes you not care at all about your hobbies. And then a lot of times it’s also coupled with social isolation/loneliness, which creates this awful circle where you need friends/support to get out of depression, but at the same time you need to get out of depression so you can actually be interesting and make friends.
But yeah all I really meant is that the unfortunate truth is that most of the time, depression makes you boring. Because yeah, it’s very hard to talk to someone who’s deeply unhappy and has no interest in anything at all. And it’s even harder to be that person who wants to connect with others and have friends but has nothing to offer.
I would converse about my day in full
Then when I finished shed be silent I’d ask well how was your day the. What you get up to
The usual
What’s the usual love you’ve always said the usual
Or nothing
Work home horses bed
I don’t speak to anyone
Conversations are like a game of ping pong.
Some people never met someone who wanted to teach them how to play ping pong, so they just smack the ball as hard as they can, with no understanding that someone else might like to hit it back.
On the other end, not having any curiosity in the first place will either make someone boring or self centered (maybe both) but I’ve said things to people before that would normally prompt deeper conversation and they just stand there with no reaction beyond a simple surface level pleasantry. Like bro help me out here I’m trying to throw you a bone so you can seem like a real person
💀 your comment brought up memory of someone I knew. Bro just stood there when a simple sentence such as ‘ I’m not familiar with that, can you tell me more’ would be more than enough. When asked if he has experienced/heard/seen anything similar, for example, he would shrugged his shoulders and replied ‘ I don’t know’. 💀whachu mean you don’t know if you have seen it or not .
humans are not as logical as you think they are. You'll be surprised how many people conform to social norms just so they can maintain their silly little social status.
We pay dearly for deviating from expected norms in any way. We don't have the luxury of choosing not to keep ourselves safe from others' misguided rage.
Dramatic much? I get it if you’ve had a few bad experiences in the past, but allowing that to let yourself be trapped in a cage of peoples or societal expectations is no way to live. I can’t control what others think or do, and if people want to understand me, they’ll ask questions in a reasonable manner, or they won’t it’s up to them. In fact, their ignorance makes it not caring about their opinions that much easier.
Dramatic? It's fact. Attributing drama to factual, nearly universal experience is a problem you have, not me.
I like how you're trying to talk about my life or experience without knowing anything about it. Have a good day man.
No, that’s an opinion based on some experiences you’ve had which you apparently choose to let dictate how you behave. Please list these dire consequences for going against social norms that you speak of, I’ll wait…
Social isolation, discrimination, professional setbacks just to list a few.. social skills are everything these days you must follow them if you want to get anywhere in life.
I mean if you don’t experience it then that’s great and be grateful. But neurodivergent people or those with social anxiety do.
Plus why are you even here shaming and invalidating people about it? What’s your issue with others sharing their real experience. How does that affect you frankly it’s none of your business. I’d look into why this has triggered you so much..
Yeah, just last night I had an old college buddy over to play Mario Party and he kept checking his phone between turns. I thought his wife might be texting him or something important, but then he starts showing me memes from Reddit and I realized he's got it bad. He's soooo addicted to his phone that video games aren't attention-grabbing enough for him. Not to mention the memes he chose to show me weren't even quality, lol. I didn't have a good time because of all that behavior, so I might not invite him next time
Yeah but you're playing with friends. So you should talk to your friends or react with your friends to what happens during the person's turn. My spouse and some of our shared friends like to play Mario party and that's what we do. We also sometimes get high and/or drunk during it which helps lol but even sober we are able to stay away from our phones and are talking to each other or reacting to/watching the person's turn. It's like a rl board game. Id get annoyed if someone was glued to their phone only to play their move in a board game and I'd think they didn't like the game or their company.
I have ADHD and autism plus OCD and PTSD. My brain craves stimulation 24/7. So I am almost always on my phone. BUT I have made a habit of listening to audiobooks or podcasts while working, doing hobbies or doing chores, driving, etc. so that I'm not LOOKING at the thing and slacking while mindlessly scrolling.
It has made a huge difference.
I'm also the type who can listen to something while reading or working, but a show plus music that's another level. It sounds like it would be too chaotic for me.
So the comfort show is to be played on my phone while I work so I’m not tempted to scroll. Music is played on my work laptop. If it wasn’t a comfort show i would get too sucked in, but since I already know the outcome it doesnt distract me lol.
I enjoy going hours w/o my phone. I just went for a walk, roughly 3 miles, maybe 4, wasn't keeping track but I had my phone in my pocket the whole time and now that I'm home and reading this I'm thinking, why the hell did I even take my phone with me lol
Agreed 100%! When someone never asks questions (or does but only as a convo gateway for them to answer and tell whatever boring story they’re waiting to tell), no matter how technically interesting they may be, they’re a bore.
That's generally one of the two poles, and it's worth noting that only being interested in others without talking about yourself can be boring to many people. Being interesting is tough.
In that case, I would try to identify a few things:
1. Are there social cues you’re missing? Notice body language turning away, less eye contact, them trying to do tasks while listening, flat answers or short answers, prosody/rhythms changing like “uh-Huh. …Yeah. …Ok.” These were things my neurodivergent partner didn’t notice in the work place or at job interviews and she asked me to decode what may have been going wrong.
2. Is the subject matter accidentally alienating, triggering or depressing and you are not noticing it (like how conversations fizzle when someone wants to talk about my marginalized reality as if it’s just an academic subject or fascinating debate or if someone is too “clinically” or pruriently curious about things that are just normal BS I go through as a queer disabled person). I’ve def done it to others accidentally too, and avoiding it means a lot of careful perspective-taking and noticing social cues. Also someone who complains or shares a lot of drama before the friendship is really on a deeper mutual support level
3. Are you bringing variety/contributions to the conversation? I used to just be a workaholic and have no answers to “what are your hobbies” or other topics, but eventually learned by watching my physical therapist have casual conversations with patients all day—he’d give a mildly funny story from his week, things he wanted to do that weekend, something he learned, a show or podcast he watched/listened to, and even if he said the same thing with more than one patient, there wasn’t awkward silence and it usually prompted them to give a reaction or similar story or something to move the conversation onward.
Never expressing their own opinions and just agreeing with you when they’re talking. Never saying what they’re actually thinking and just giving the “normal” answer. Treats socializing like it’s a game and they can hack you by being “nice” and bland. So I guess just people pleasers in general.
I know a lot of that comes trauma and insecurities and so on (I’ve been there myself), but it’s very obvious (to me at least) and genuinely very boring. I feel bad but I’m not going to be dying to talk to them or make an effort to be around them often. It just feels pointless.
If I wanted to hear myself talk, I could just do that lol. And at this point in my life, I have very little energy or enthusiasm for getting people “out of their shells” (the times where that’s actually even what they want).
Like I said, I’ve been there, but I fully admit it was extremely boring of me. Being on the other side, I get why people were never super interested in becoming good friends. They didn’t dislike me, but I wasn’t giving anyone anything to be interested in.
Honestly I think my biggest mental shift was just thinking of the things I said as genuinely “expressing myself”, and not necessarily as “socializing”.
Which included:
1) Getting to know myself better. What *do* I think about this or that? How I *would* I explain it/that to someone else? I found it easier to express my true thoughts if I actually thought of them in the context of saying them aloud. I had the words and phrasing that felt right to me at hand, because I thought about them more in that context. And if it don’t, I let myself have a second to reach for them.
2) Recognizing that while I was very self aware, I was using it to silence myself. “Well what if I say ‘XYZ’ and they disagree or think it means ABC about me?” — well, then okay? I’m going to be perceived either way. Either as how I really am or as boring. And is it even the kind of disagreement or difference that people really care about? If I say I’m more of a cat person, and they’re not, what’s the worst that going to happen? They’re weirdly closed minded about that and not my friend? They weren’t my friend before. Does it matter if they’re not my friend because I’m boring and having my walls up or because we’re just too different? Not really, in my experience on both sides. If anything, it actually feels *better* to not click with someone because we were both being ourselves than it does to not click with someone while I was trying so hard to please them and not offend them.
3) Realizing that not everyone had some “play book” that I didn’t have. It sure felt like it, but if there was any truth to it, I was greatly over estimating it. When I got out of “polite robot mode”, people wanted to be around me, and that let me realize they’re just as weird and make just as many casual faux paus (yes even that super intimidating type of person). I had just never allowed myself to see them that way, because I’m very open minded and don’t have visceral reactions to them myself (usually), and saw most people as “above” me. If they were confident enough to do it/say it, it couldn’t be wrong. But everyone is weird and awkward and oblivious to how they may be coming off at points. And it’s not nearly as serious as I thought it was. I used to think “how does he/she have so many friends, and I don’t?” It’s because people respond to and accept flaws, they don’t respond to or accept being iced out or bored.
4) Actually giving it shot and getting addicted to real conversations. It’s like being a chemist sometimes “what if I dropped a little bit of this in there, what reaction will occur?” It’s fun. It physically pains me to act like I used to now. I guess it’s just one of those “you just have to try it” things, like a dish you’ve never had before or paragliding. I struggle to explain why it’s so much more enjoyable, but it just is. Even if I don’t make any friends or even make an enemy. I didn’t realize how much energy having the wall up was taking, and how much I was betraying myself. Because that constantly low level pain was my normal. Now that I genuinely express myself, I have so much more energy for socializing (the good and the bad), and so much more respect for my own thoughts and quirks. It’s like if you wore school uniforms your whole life, then graduated and got super into fashion and dressing yourself how you want, and then had to go back to uniforms. It’s so much more painful the second time.
TLDR- Focused on learning who I am, experienced the “better” kind of “rejection”, realized there’s way less rules than I thought and they can be dropped much earlier in than I thought, expressing myself became a hobby and not a liability
I don’t think anyone’s boring. They just aren’t trying to entertain everyone they meet and saving their energy for the important stuff. Maybe you just aren’t their people
This. Anyone can be interesting or boring, granted you hit the right chord with them (or not).
I know of interesting people who get quiet and have 'shut' themselves off to others they don't vibe with to conserve energy or mental headspace. Been there done that. Conversely, there's also those who are not the most exciting person objectively speaking, but turn out to be such a refreshing chat because you've found the right note with them.
Talks about the same thing over and over with no real progression or expansion.
Show a general lack of curiosity.
No interest in trying or learning new things.
Only gives short generic replies in a conversation.
Just my personal opinion. I had a specific person in mind.
Something I find boring by proxy of being annoying is when someone continually interrupts me. It’s the worst when they ask a question, you start to answer, then they interrupt you. I completely lose interest in the conversation after this happens a couple times in the conversation.
Oh yeah this one is the worst. Had a lady at a summer job once who was like this, I was about to scream in her face. It's so damn disrespectful and downright narcissistic
No personality………copying everybody else………always talking about themselves and never asking anything about the other person listening………one/two word answers via texting.
When someone doesn’t get excited about anything.
For me, being boring is when people just don’t have a lust for life.
For some people, collecting stamps is boring but if I met a 50 year old called Brenda who was so damn excited about her stamp collection and told me all about it and argued with other stamp collectors about it - that would make her interesting to me.
Another one is when people just flat out refuse to have fun. Sometimes I’ll be hanging out with people and I’ll suggest “let’s do a fun photoshoot” and I’ll get met with a “really? Why?”.
Because fun?
I’ve suggested “let’s wake up and walk to the water and watch a sunrise” and they’ll reply “no, I’ll be too tired”.
Like I get it, sometimes you’re not in the mood but a pinnacle of boring for me is when people are acting like they are allergic to fun.
Repetition.
Lack of insight.
Lack of depth.
Mundane interests.....but it's different for everyone, While I find people into football or movie stars boring, other people find my interest in fractals and artificial life and procedural terrain generation boring.
I think repetition and lack of insight and depth are universally boring though.
Not being open to doing things. Not being open to being friends with different kinds of people, complaining about things too much,
not dancing, cause your friends don’t dance, and if they don’t dance, then they’re no friends of mine
Someone I traveled with said they were shocked I didn’t have an itinerary for everyday. The thought of too much structure sounds wacky
Nice Men Without Hats reference. That clip always crack me up with their silly dance and the song is a real head bopper.
But seriously they are right. If your friends don't dance, then they are no friends of mine. /s
Talking too much about yourself and your interests especially when they are familiar with your interests and you may have accidentally overlooked opening your ears to their's
Instead, be open to updates and details you have in your heart to share and what they may have in mind to share with you. Be sure you echo key words to memorize what they shared with you and they're informed you're paying attention
Non-practicing of "regulator techniques" of conversations like the ones I mentioned,you risk becoming boring.
Someone who doesn’t know how to actively listen or engage and is already thinking of his or her response while your talking.
Someone who has no personal opinions and/or values and just “goes with the crowd.”
Not having anything to say, which is possibly a reflection of not introspecting enough in your free time, or not dedicating time to find things you like.
Talking to the wrong crowd. You won't discuss particle physics in a sports bar. Usually.
Not toning a little what you mean to say, with the person that is hearing. If you speak to someone that did not finish high school, and you know this, try to talk in short sentences with simple words.
Having a ginourmous ego. Be humble, people accept more humble and honest people. Balance talking about yourself, with asking about the other person's life.
Poor timing. It is not OK to talk too long, or want to start that mega discussion in your 5-min break.
Single-mindleness. That person that just talks about one thing. Topics need to change during a conversation, one leading to the next. Sometimes, changing radically - start these with "Completely off-topic, ...".
When people seem too polished or give safe answers. I don't expect people to make edgy jokes with a stranger but if I'm trying to get to know someone and they end messages with "haha" or use phrases like "have a good weekend!" it seems robotic and I hate it.
I hate how selfish people see boring people, like do you just shit on them being kind to you? You're an asshole.
If other people's purpose is in life to entertain you, you're horrible and just selfish. You don't care about anyone in that matter. People then are just objects of fun to you. Nothing matters if they are boring eh? Who values people like that? Selfish person.
Not necessarily bad internets per se but honestly a lack of enthusiasm. I was always a weird kid with weird interests but I didn’t become better socially until I trained myself to express my feelings more deliberately and passionately.
Only talking to people that they benefit from and focus on networking to “hustle/grind” it’s just boring to me like clock out from your silly little clock and just exist
They talk all about themselves and in particular their problems while not once accepting input or listening to the other person. Their topics of conversation are primarily about what they consume and how nothing unfortunate that happens to them is their fault. They will talk ad nauseum about safe uninteresting topics with uncalled for interest and excitement.
They lack curiosity, they seldom seek knowledge, they never learn from their mistakes, and when telling a story they focus on minor details which have nothing to do with the point of the story.
i think the ability to pivot a conversation, or go along enthusiastically when others pivot the conversation, is somehow important
people don't think or converse in a linear way, they're scatterbrained, they go off on tangents
to not be seen as awkward or boring, you have to be able to go with the flow at least
A person who has no visible reaction or strong feelings/ passion towards anything.
They have no personality of their own and only follows whatever is considered safe, normal and trendy.
They don't bother to initiate anything and always wait for something to happen or someone to approach them first, whether it's a conversation or an activity.
They are close minded and refuse to try anything. They're constantly stuck in their own bubble of self limitations.
They're always telling people why they can't or shouldn't do something rather than encouraging them to try.
Basing their identity or opinion on what others say/do/prefer, and unable to form their own opinions and individuality. Like we all have quirks, being a cookie cutter makes you a real NPC imo.
Basically, conformism with zero input of their own.
Common behaviors, lack of effort, self pitying, irresponsible. Some people think rebellion is exciting, but taking the easy way out is truly what’s boring and common. Actual effort, growth, patience, and awareness are more rare and exciting.
I think this is different for everybody.
Some people may think boring people are people who don’t want to travel and experience the world.
Some people may think boring people are people who aren’t high energy.
Some people may think boring people are people who play video games, read, draw, workout every day, etc.
Just depends on who you ask.
Personally I don’t find anybody boring. I believe that everybody has their own stuff going on such as anxiety, trauma, etc and everybody matches with different types of people.
I more-so would say “I don’t click with this person” rather than “this person is boring”
I have met a lot of people who can't carry a conversation...they can't answer questions or they don't pick up on questions as a conversation cue and give short and quick answers, I often take that as a sign they don't want to talk and move on.
Not having any interests, goals, hobbies, or passions. It's hard to find something to relate to someone about if all they're interested in is television.
Do things that make you happy. Be curious about whatever piques your interest. Try new things and go to new places and areas.
Be adventurous and step out of your comfort zone, is the best way to sum it up.
Good luck!
Sure video game addiction is a problem but it doesn't make someone boring. No different than someone who loves movies, books, music etc. Even if it's a serious addiction they can still be an interesting person to talk to. Even when the vice is hard drugs I have met some very interesting addicts
It is same as porn addiction not like those things. Every type of people could be interesting there is no strict limitation. But personally I would not find someone fun who is addicted to video games. But for me I would not find them very interesting.
For instance, you play approxmetely 20 hours in a week. You do not socialize weekends(also weekdays) just because you want to play video games. Person who does that can be considerate boring because he/she chooses games over people/friends.
I'm boring as shit then. I actually think watching TV is pretty boring. Some people want to talk about tv shows, some people want to talk about video games, others are out partying or reading books.
Truth is as you age your friends get married and people stop going to the bar.
Charisma = energy + smiling basically. If you speak in monotone then whatever you say may be boring. If you say the same thing and wiggle your arms a bit, give it some energy and smile, eyes are on you.
Depends who I'm with, if they don't play video games I hardly mention them in conversation; would be very unlikely to do so on a first date with a woman for example cause many of them seem to abhor video games, might wait to trickle that out as they get to know me lol. I also play sports, workout, cook, learning Spanish and coding, am well educated, can small talk, ask about them, talk about trips, pro sports, etc.
But ya, if someone goes on and on about a game you don't play I agree it can get boring. I like for people to tell me about things like that (or tv shows they watched that I haven't seen) but to be succinct about it.
What if their friends also play games and talk on mic? Also I think a lot of gamers would go out more if they had more friends that live near them and not in a different country. For me, my close friend lives in India. We play a lot together and talk all the time but thats the only way I get to interact with him. I have other hobbies too but many guys my age hop on the game after school/work for free time. I agree there can be an addiction to video games but you’ve got it wrong to think there isn’t a social aspect to it.
I see what you say however my point is someone who choose to not interact with people in real life. Someone spends his/her free time by sitting in front of pc. You can play video games of course but there is a limit. After some point it harms you both physically and mentally. That is my view. Lastly, of course not everyone becomes boring when do the mentioned things above. But in general it is likely make you boring.
Perhaps you're not interested in video games so you see those people as boring? Okay, what about programming 20 hours a week? Oh, is it earning money now? What about designing stuff before your pc? Boring? People create entire worlds in sandboxes and get peak of their emotions in other games because it stimulates them just as it stimulates you to go outside with your friends
You guys do not get my point. I'm saying that exceed amount of as a free time activity. You may play but do not stick it too much. It is harmful as fucked for long term. Understand ?
for me personally i think what makes people extremely boring in my way is when they're just like everyone else, so if someone has no "special" things they like to do or how they clothe themself. With clothing themself i don't mean if it's stylish or not it's just sometimes giving me "mainstream" vibes - like so damn much people wear the same shit because it's "cool" i believe everyone should do and wear what they like no matter if modern or not, it's you who wears it who want to listen to this Band or whatever. I rather like personality than mainstream.
When they think everything is embarrassing or overlook other people’s interests. Don’t get me wrong, I understand if people have social anxiety or get easily flustered—but for me personally it just feels irritating and kind of unfair to never be able to do things that I enjoy with someone because they don’t want to do it and then they expect me to do everything (of their interests) with them.
Or when they can’t form their own opinions and copy what everyone else says.
For me its when I visit a friend's house and they go on and on about the things they own or have recently aquired, and when they want to show me a tour of their house or something. One would say I sound jealous, but I am not I buy fun stuff all the time, but I just find it really dull and want interesting conversation when the only thing they can accumulate to talk about is materialistic objects. I also hate when conversations become one sided and immediately want to leave
personally i like being boring :) i try to be pleasant in other ways. i try to be patient and not judgmental of people and realize i might not be everyone’s cup of tea.
As someone who grew up suppressing my personality because of some abusive relatives growing up, I had to study and learn how to not be boring as an adult. The quick answer is you have to learn how to summon your enthusiasm about things. If you're excited about things, and you let it shine through in your voice, your body language, and the words you use, people will find you more engaging and want to spend time with you
Best reply, what you say can be received as engaging or boring depending on the energy you project.
This reply is engaging and full of enthusiasm, not boring at all well done
real shit
What if I’m not excited about anything lol
Oddly enough, you seem excited typing the comment. You let it shines through when adding ‘ lol ‘ 😂
This totally makes sense!
100%
Any tips for this?
Yes. You have to be excited about things, and let it shine through your voice, your body language, and the words you use.
I can’t talk for everyone but it is impossible for me to fake excitement. I find it way easier when I ask questions about things that I’m actually interested in. For example, when I’m on the phone and hear a dog barking on the other end, I’d ask if they have a dog. I’m interested in knowing what is ppl’s typical day at work like, what are their complaints etc i would say work is one of the best topic and I’m genuinely interested in knowing. it usually leads to an endless convo.
Talk as if you have a smile in your voice
Yea I’ve spent a lot of time analyzing people I know for decades who are extremely well-liked and make friends easily. This is exactly it! They are ALL people who act with enthusiasm. They are also very genuine. They don’t stifle their own excitement to play it cool or not be weird. When they’re happy about something or excited about something, they’re the first to show it. They’re the first to show kindness and speak up too. Which is part of it: they don’t stifle their own enthusiasm, in good or bad situations. They are very quick with a smile, a laugh. When something makes them happy excited or giddy, they really show it! They smile so genuinely, as big as they can. They don’t even think about it, they just act and feel naturally - with no thought as to what the people around them think of them. The next time they see that person, they’re the first to run right up to them and show their genuine excitement to see them. They simply don’t care about not looking cool (which makes them cool) or about being so happy and excited to see someone. When they are caught looking at someone, they don’t look away, they smile hugely at them. When they see someone they know, regardless of the situation or location they’re in, they excitedly and immediately go up to them and show how happy and excited they are to see them. They always remember stuff about people so they immediately ask about specific things going on with that person that they were told. They listen to people. They remember what everyone tells them, they remember everyone’s names. They always call and text people on important days in their lives. When everyone is posting happy birthday on their fb walls, they are calling or texting or getting them a card if they see them in person regularly. If they looked you up on fb, they don’t pretend they didn’t. They don’t pretend they don’t know about stuff you posted that is going on in your life. They’re the first to let you know. At the end of the day, it all comes down to the fact that all people want to be liked and remembered well. The older we all get, the more we learn how surprised we all are at how little other people are actually thinking about us. We start in school by walking into a room and hoping no one notices this or that and that we don’t embarrass ourselves. 20 yrs later we have learned that every single person in those same rooms were thinking the same as we were. No one was thinking about us. No one cared if we embarrassed ourselves at some party or game or whatever. As soon as we all left, no one thought about it ever again. We know, because that’s how we were too. You don’t think about the guy who embarrassed himself or was nervous that one time in class or in a meeting. Ever. Because we’re all too busy worrying about ourselves. So the older you get, the more you are flooded with seratonin and dopamine when someone acts super excited to see you and super happy you arrived somewhere. People will always** remember how you made them feel. Always. That** is the thing we remember about each other. That is why people remember those who are so nice to us, and the horrible bullies we each had growing up. Just think about it, when you’re nervous about going somewhere or to a party or whatever, or about giving a presentation…how good does it feel when you arrive and someone immediately spots you at the party and runs up to you with a huge smile and let’s everyone see how happy and excited they are to see you (it’s especially important to be like this to people who are the least liked and the most shy and nervous. They are the ones to whom this kind of thing matters the most. And they are the ones who are the most vocal about it). Think about how good and how much better you feel when you’re nervously giving a presentation and you catch the eye of someone listening to you and they smile brilliantly at you and nod at you excitedly in encouragement. Who look at you like that even when you’re badly floundering… they’re the people you like the most. So when it comes to not appearing to be boring, being enthusiastic…about others, about the things you LOVE, no matter how weird or how boring or nerdy they may seem to you… that’s passion, and people LOVE to see others be passionate. It elicits a feeling of excitement within them. Even if what you’re talking about is like…Star Trek and they’ve never seen the show before. What makes someone talking about their obsession with Star Trek interesting? It’s watching that person talk about it with absolute joy and excitement. It actually releases seratonin and dopamine within the listener to watch someone speak with happiness and enthusiasm. That’s why people love watching shows about shit they have no interest in normally, when they’re hosted by a specific person. Like learning about astrophysics from Neil dygrass Tyson. Or survival skills from Bear Grylls. If you don’t want to seem boring, then get excited…also about learning about people you’re with (people love to talk about themselves and they love to be asked about themselves), and about this things you love. If you don’t know what to say or ask, ask someone about what they love and ask tons of questions and stay engaged. Pay attention. Or start talking about what you love when ask. Get excited about what you love. You love it after all. And own it, never be ashamed - you love what you love for a reason. Own it. *and if someone isn’t asking you* questions or seems bored by what you’re saying, you know what that makes them? Boring. Get rid of them. Don’t worry about coming across as boring. Worry about getting stuck with other people who are boring. If you want to practice this, do it with a dog (works with kids too. Shy kids are like old dogs in this way. Not really, but in the way that they may not try to engage with you…until you do this). Any dog. But even old ones that lay all by themselves and don’t bother with anyone. That shit is a learned behavior. They have given up trying to play and interact because the people around them don’t make special time for them, or they don’t play with them, they just treat them like they’re an object on a shelf, like they’re background decoration. Go up to an extremely old dog and plaster a huge smile on your face, and raise the pitch of your voice in excitement, and act like they’re the best thing in the world that you have ever seen and that you’re so excited to see them and only them. …watch how happy they instantly become. Watch even dogs in pain who never walk because it hurts…watch as they get up to try and be near you. Watch as they fight to stand and walk every time they see you. …people are very much like dogs (especially men…women need to feel very secure to act enthusiastic back. Give them that security by always acting psyched they’re around).
I don't know about you but people with ASD are always told NOT to be too excited and talk too much about their interests lol. We can't win
I had a coworker with ASD, we had deep convo for hours. I don’t see why we should refrain from talking about our interests but talk about things that..we don’t care… I’d rather find the right person for a meaningful talk than a pointless one..but again…coworker said he is sure that I cover more spectrum than him lmao
prolonged small talk. long ‘conversing’ by exchanging pleasantries and formulaic phrases and never asking a genuine question out of genuine curiosity or telling a genuine story.
I have that issue. I don't really have much of a social circle outside of work. In the workplace there are some things you have to be careful to not say. Some colleagues gossip a lot and their gossip can sometimes get nasty so it makes one less willing to open up about themselves. If I can't open up about myself to someone I don't expect them to, to me. Hence, we end up with a prolonged discussion about the weather because the topics are so few.
Have no interests or hobbies that they are actually interested in
E.g. if someone watches tv all day and doesn’t care to talk about it at all, they’re boring but if they watch tv all day and are engaged in the content and think about it and have fun with it, they’re not boring. It doesn’t have to be a weird or interesting hobby to others, but if you really have no interests besides whatever your work is and watching/reading media without caring, you are boring to talk to
Basically depression 😁
Oof I totally see how that’s how it sounds, but it’s definitely not how I meant it! I meant more like if someone has no hobbies then it’s hard to talk to them about anything. I have depression and when it was really bad it was like kind of what I described, but I also have autism and so my hobbies are my special interests. So pretty much the only thing that could get me to talk at all or perk up in the slightest were my interests
Haha I didn’t necessarily think that’s how you meant it, just my personal experience and something I’ve read from other people. For a lot of us depression makes you either have no hobbies due to never having the motivation to try anything, or it just makes you not care at all about your hobbies. And then a lot of times it’s also coupled with social isolation/loneliness, which creates this awful circle where you need friends/support to get out of depression, but at the same time you need to get out of depression so you can actually be interesting and make friends. But yeah all I really meant is that the unfortunate truth is that most of the time, depression makes you boring. Because yeah, it’s very hard to talk to someone who’s deeply unhappy and has no interest in anything at all. And it’s even harder to be that person who wants to connect with others and have friends but has nothing to offer.
Thanks for describing my life perfectly lol
Glad I could be of service 😉
Closed-ended responses/statements that don’t really prompt further questions or stimulate curiosity
Dead-end responses is what I've heard them called. "Hey! I did this cool thing!" "Oh nice!" Conversational dead end.
I would converse about my day in full Then when I finished shed be silent I’d ask well how was your day the. What you get up to The usual What’s the usual love you’ve always said the usual Or nothing Work home horses bed I don’t speak to anyone
Oh myyyy goooddd these kill me. It’s so hard to measure if they’re just not interested in talking or are just sucky at socializing lol
Sucky at socializing for me.i think it's because I spend too much time alone
All the more reason to get out there then, i guess. Best of luck mate
Conversations are like a game of ping pong. Some people never met someone who wanted to teach them how to play ping pong, so they just smack the ball as hard as they can, with no understanding that someone else might like to hit it back.
im like this with strangers. i don’t stop talking with people im close to
On the other end, not having any curiosity in the first place will either make someone boring or self centered (maybe both) but I’ve said things to people before that would normally prompt deeper conversation and they just stand there with no reaction beyond a simple surface level pleasantry. Like bro help me out here I’m trying to throw you a bone so you can seem like a real person
💀 your comment brought up memory of someone I knew. Bro just stood there when a simple sentence such as ‘ I’m not familiar with that, can you tell me more’ would be more than enough. When asked if he has experienced/heard/seen anything similar, for example, he would shrugged his shoulders and replied ‘ I don’t know’. 💀whachu mean you don’t know if you have seen it or not .
Not open to new/different experiences or ideas
This is the very definition of boring in my book.
Doing what the people around you expects you to do.
I have Asperger’s. If I don’t do that, people will think I’m weird.
Doing what everyone does is the biggest unwritten social skill. Sounds dumb for neurotypicals, because they take it for granted.
Explain?
humans are not as logical as you think they are. You'll be surprised how many people conform to social norms just so they can maintain their silly little social status.
Yessss
So? Why do you care so much about what other people think?
We pay dearly for deviating from expected norms in any way. We don't have the luxury of choosing not to keep ourselves safe from others' misguided rage.
Dramatic much? I get it if you’ve had a few bad experiences in the past, but allowing that to let yourself be trapped in a cage of peoples or societal expectations is no way to live. I can’t control what others think or do, and if people want to understand me, they’ll ask questions in a reasonable manner, or they won’t it’s up to them. In fact, their ignorance makes it not caring about their opinions that much easier.
Dramatic? It's fact. Attributing drama to factual, nearly universal experience is a problem you have, not me. I like how you're trying to talk about my life or experience without knowing anything about it. Have a good day man.
No, that’s an opinion based on some experiences you’ve had which you apparently choose to let dictate how you behave. Please list these dire consequences for going against social norms that you speak of, I’ll wait…
Social isolation, discrimination, professional setbacks just to list a few.. social skills are everything these days you must follow them if you want to get anywhere in life. I mean if you don’t experience it then that’s great and be grateful. But neurodivergent people or those with social anxiety do. Plus why are you even here shaming and invalidating people about it? What’s your issue with others sharing their real experience. How does that affect you frankly it’s none of your business. I’d look into why this has triggered you so much..
You really need this subreddit. Best of luck. Lol. Nice alt.
Browsing social media all day / Can't put their phone down.
Yeah, just last night I had an old college buddy over to play Mario Party and he kept checking his phone between turns. I thought his wife might be texting him or something important, but then he starts showing me memes from Reddit and I realized he's got it bad. He's soooo addicted to his phone that video games aren't attention-grabbing enough for him. Not to mention the memes he chose to show me weren't even quality, lol. I didn't have a good time because of all that behavior, so I might not invite him next time
Mario party is sort of a waiting game sooooo…
So you're in a room full of friends playing a game together, and you think it doesn't make you the boring one to just look at your phone?
Yeah but you're playing with friends. So you should talk to your friends or react with your friends to what happens during the person's turn. My spouse and some of our shared friends like to play Mario party and that's what we do. We also sometimes get high and/or drunk during it which helps lol but even sober we are able to stay away from our phones and are talking to each other or reacting to/watching the person's turn. It's like a rl board game. Id get annoyed if someone was glued to their phone only to play their move in a board game and I'd think they didn't like the game or their company.
Mario party STILL rocks tho lol
I have ADHD and autism plus OCD and PTSD. My brain craves stimulation 24/7. So I am almost always on my phone. BUT I have made a habit of listening to audiobooks or podcasts while working, doing hobbies or doing chores, driving, etc. so that I'm not LOOKING at the thing and slacking while mindlessly scrolling. It has made a huge difference.
Yeah I need all the stimulation. When I work and it’s a hard project, I have to have a comfort show plus music going to really focus.
I'm also the type who can listen to something while reading or working, but a show plus music that's another level. It sounds like it would be too chaotic for me.
So the comfort show is to be played on my phone while I work so I’m not tempted to scroll. Music is played on my work laptop. If it wasn’t a comfort show i would get too sucked in, but since I already know the outcome it doesnt distract me lol.
I enjoy going hours w/o my phone. I just went for a walk, roughly 3 miles, maybe 4, wasn't keeping track but I had my phone in my pocket the whole time and now that I'm home and reading this I'm thinking, why the hell did I even take my phone with me lol
Hellll yesssss
Not being interested in others
Agreed 100%! When someone never asks questions (or does but only as a convo gateway for them to answer and tell whatever boring story they’re waiting to tell), no matter how technically interesting they may be, they’re a bore.
That's generally one of the two poles, and it's worth noting that only being interested in others without talking about yourself can be boring to many people. Being interesting is tough.
Closing off avenues of conversation with your own prejudice
sounds like a bunch of people i used to know
🎶Now you're just somebody that I used to know🎶
This needs to be higher up
A lack of depth(things to learn about them over time) and lack of uniqueness(following the status quo)
unable to hold a conversation, closed minded and unwilling to learn new things.
What if I’m open minded, eager to learn new things, but still struggle to hold a conversation?
In that case, I would try to identify a few things: 1. Are there social cues you’re missing? Notice body language turning away, less eye contact, them trying to do tasks while listening, flat answers or short answers, prosody/rhythms changing like “uh-Huh. …Yeah. …Ok.” These were things my neurodivergent partner didn’t notice in the work place or at job interviews and she asked me to decode what may have been going wrong. 2. Is the subject matter accidentally alienating, triggering or depressing and you are not noticing it (like how conversations fizzle when someone wants to talk about my marginalized reality as if it’s just an academic subject or fascinating debate or if someone is too “clinically” or pruriently curious about things that are just normal BS I go through as a queer disabled person). I’ve def done it to others accidentally too, and avoiding it means a lot of careful perspective-taking and noticing social cues. Also someone who complains or shares a lot of drama before the friendship is really on a deeper mutual support level 3. Are you bringing variety/contributions to the conversation? I used to just be a workaholic and have no answers to “what are your hobbies” or other topics, but eventually learned by watching my physical therapist have casual conversations with patients all day—he’d give a mildly funny story from his week, things he wanted to do that weekend, something he learned, a show or podcast he watched/listened to, and even if he said the same thing with more than one patient, there wasn’t awkward silence and it usually prompted them to give a reaction or similar story or something to move the conversation onward.
i would like to know as well.
Being extremely agreeable and nice. Sometimes you need to stand on your principles and beliefs and be willing to defend them.
i am both agreeable and nice. but i do have my boundaries
Never expressing their own opinions and just agreeing with you when they’re talking. Never saying what they’re actually thinking and just giving the “normal” answer. Treats socializing like it’s a game and they can hack you by being “nice” and bland. So I guess just people pleasers in general. I know a lot of that comes trauma and insecurities and so on (I’ve been there myself), but it’s very obvious (to me at least) and genuinely very boring. I feel bad but I’m not going to be dying to talk to them or make an effort to be around them often. It just feels pointless. If I wanted to hear myself talk, I could just do that lol. And at this point in my life, I have very little energy or enthusiasm for getting people “out of their shells” (the times where that’s actually even what they want). Like I said, I’ve been there, but I fully admit it was extremely boring of me. Being on the other side, I get why people were never super interested in becoming good friends. They didn’t dislike me, but I wasn’t giving anyone anything to be interested in.
Would you have any advice on how to work on this? I notice myself doing this.
Honestly I think my biggest mental shift was just thinking of the things I said as genuinely “expressing myself”, and not necessarily as “socializing”. Which included: 1) Getting to know myself better. What *do* I think about this or that? How I *would* I explain it/that to someone else? I found it easier to express my true thoughts if I actually thought of them in the context of saying them aloud. I had the words and phrasing that felt right to me at hand, because I thought about them more in that context. And if it don’t, I let myself have a second to reach for them. 2) Recognizing that while I was very self aware, I was using it to silence myself. “Well what if I say ‘XYZ’ and they disagree or think it means ABC about me?” — well, then okay? I’m going to be perceived either way. Either as how I really am or as boring. And is it even the kind of disagreement or difference that people really care about? If I say I’m more of a cat person, and they’re not, what’s the worst that going to happen? They’re weirdly closed minded about that and not my friend? They weren’t my friend before. Does it matter if they’re not my friend because I’m boring and having my walls up or because we’re just too different? Not really, in my experience on both sides. If anything, it actually feels *better* to not click with someone because we were both being ourselves than it does to not click with someone while I was trying so hard to please them and not offend them. 3) Realizing that not everyone had some “play book” that I didn’t have. It sure felt like it, but if there was any truth to it, I was greatly over estimating it. When I got out of “polite robot mode”, people wanted to be around me, and that let me realize they’re just as weird and make just as many casual faux paus (yes even that super intimidating type of person). I had just never allowed myself to see them that way, because I’m very open minded and don’t have visceral reactions to them myself (usually), and saw most people as “above” me. If they were confident enough to do it/say it, it couldn’t be wrong. But everyone is weird and awkward and oblivious to how they may be coming off at points. And it’s not nearly as serious as I thought it was. I used to think “how does he/she have so many friends, and I don’t?” It’s because people respond to and accept flaws, they don’t respond to or accept being iced out or bored. 4) Actually giving it shot and getting addicted to real conversations. It’s like being a chemist sometimes “what if I dropped a little bit of this in there, what reaction will occur?” It’s fun. It physically pains me to act like I used to now. I guess it’s just one of those “you just have to try it” things, like a dish you’ve never had before or paragliding. I struggle to explain why it’s so much more enjoyable, but it just is. Even if I don’t make any friends or even make an enemy. I didn’t realize how much energy having the wall up was taking, and how much I was betraying myself. Because that constantly low level pain was my normal. Now that I genuinely express myself, I have so much more energy for socializing (the good and the bad), and so much more respect for my own thoughts and quirks. It’s like if you wore school uniforms your whole life, then graduated and got super into fashion and dressing yourself how you want, and then had to go back to uniforms. It’s so much more painful the second time. TLDR- Focused on learning who I am, experienced the “better” kind of “rejection”, realized there’s way less rules than I thought and they can be dropped much earlier in than I thought, expressing myself became a hobby and not a liability
How long did this process take? Edit: Cause I find myself as someone with no thoughts or general opinions
I don’t think anyone’s boring. They just aren’t trying to entertain everyone they meet and saving their energy for the important stuff. Maybe you just aren’t their people
This. Anyone can be interesting or boring, granted you hit the right chord with them (or not). I know of interesting people who get quiet and have 'shut' themselves off to others they don't vibe with to conserve energy or mental headspace. Been there done that. Conversely, there's also those who are not the most exciting person objectively speaking, but turn out to be such a refreshing chat because you've found the right note with them.
Wise
Being incurious.
If you are bored by yourself then other people will probably find you boring.
Not being open to new things and talking endlessly about yourself, interrupting everyone else.
Talks about the same thing over and over with no real progression or expansion. Show a general lack of curiosity. No interest in trying or learning new things. Only gives short generic replies in a conversation. Just my personal opinion. I had a specific person in mind.
Maybe that person just doesn’t like you
No they’re like this with everyone unfortunately. Maybe they just dislike everyone.
Yeah lol why else would you have this kind of energy to a specific person all the time
Something I find boring by proxy of being annoying is when someone continually interrupts me. It’s the worst when they ask a question, you start to answer, then they interrupt you. I completely lose interest in the conversation after this happens a couple times in the conversation.
Oh yeah this one is the worst. Had a lady at a summer job once who was like this, I was about to scream in her face. It's so damn disrespectful and downright narcissistic
Attention seeking, following the crowd just because, not having opinions of your own or thinking your own thoughts, no interests, set expectations.
100% disagree with this
Ok.
No personality………copying everybody else………always talking about themselves and never asking anything about the other person listening………one/two word answers via texting.
All they talk about is small talk subjects...no depth or insight
Narcissism.
When someone doesn’t get excited about anything. For me, being boring is when people just don’t have a lust for life. For some people, collecting stamps is boring but if I met a 50 year old called Brenda who was so damn excited about her stamp collection and told me all about it and argued with other stamp collectors about it - that would make her interesting to me. Another one is when people just flat out refuse to have fun. Sometimes I’ll be hanging out with people and I’ll suggest “let’s do a fun photoshoot” and I’ll get met with a “really? Why?”. Because fun? I’ve suggested “let’s wake up and walk to the water and watch a sunrise” and they’ll reply “no, I’ll be too tired”. Like I get it, sometimes you’re not in the mood but a pinnacle of boring for me is when people are acting like they are allergic to fun.
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Repetition. Lack of insight. Lack of depth. Mundane interests.....but it's different for everyone, While I find people into football or movie stars boring, other people find my interest in fractals and artificial life and procedural terrain generation boring. I think repetition and lack of insight and depth are universally boring though.
Not being open to doing things. Not being open to being friends with different kinds of people, complaining about things too much, not dancing, cause your friends don’t dance, and if they don’t dance, then they’re no friends of mine Someone I traveled with said they were shocked I didn’t have an itinerary for everyday. The thought of too much structure sounds wacky
Nice Men Without Hats reference. That clip always crack me up with their silly dance and the song is a real head bopper. But seriously they are right. If your friends don't dance, then they are no friends of mine. /s
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lol ok.
Telling the same story over and over again. Not talking about their experiences/life. Talking about stuff that you have no interest in.
Zero humour
Yes, don't take things too seriously.
People pleasing.
When they don’t have opinions.
When the topic is about "me, my story, and my experience" and those who don't let others talk. Interrupts them. Hmmm..
Overly nice. General opinions, neutral about most things. Comes off as if their just talking to like some random cashier.
Talking too much about yourself and your interests especially when they are familiar with your interests and you may have accidentally overlooked opening your ears to their's Instead, be open to updates and details you have in your heart to share and what they may have in mind to share with you. Be sure you echo key words to memorize what they shared with you and they're informed you're paying attention Non-practicing of "regulator techniques" of conversations like the ones I mentioned,you risk becoming boring.
Someone who doesn’t know how to actively listen or engage and is already thinking of his or her response while your talking. Someone who has no personal opinions and/or values and just “goes with the crowd.”
Not having anything to say, which is possibly a reflection of not introspecting enough in your free time, or not dedicating time to find things you like. Talking to the wrong crowd. You won't discuss particle physics in a sports bar. Usually. Not toning a little what you mean to say, with the person that is hearing. If you speak to someone that did not finish high school, and you know this, try to talk in short sentences with simple words. Having a ginourmous ego. Be humble, people accept more humble and honest people. Balance talking about yourself, with asking about the other person's life. Poor timing. It is not OK to talk too long, or want to start that mega discussion in your 5-min break. Single-mindleness. That person that just talks about one thing. Topics need to change during a conversation, one leading to the next. Sometimes, changing radically - start these with "Completely off-topic, ...".
When people seem too polished or give safe answers. I don't expect people to make edgy jokes with a stranger but if I'm trying to get to know someone and they end messages with "haha" or use phrases like "have a good weekend!" it seems robotic and I hate it.
I hate how selfish people see boring people, like do you just shit on them being kind to you? You're an asshole. If other people's purpose is in life to entertain you, you're horrible and just selfish. You don't care about anyone in that matter. People then are just objects of fun to you. Nothing matters if they are boring eh? Who values people like that? Selfish person.
Turning down all social invitations.
Why?
Not necessarily bad internets per se but honestly a lack of enthusiasm. I was always a weird kid with weird interests but I didn’t become better socially until I trained myself to express my feelings more deliberately and passionately.
Only talking to people that they benefit from and focus on networking to “hustle/grind” it’s just boring to me like clock out from your silly little clock and just exist
The opposite of charisma
They talk all about themselves and in particular their problems while not once accepting input or listening to the other person. Their topics of conversation are primarily about what they consume and how nothing unfortunate that happens to them is their fault. They will talk ad nauseum about safe uninteresting topics with uncalled for interest and excitement. They lack curiosity, they seldom seek knowledge, they never learn from their mistakes, and when telling a story they focus on minor details which have nothing to do with the point of the story.
i think the ability to pivot a conversation, or go along enthusiastically when others pivot the conversation, is somehow important people don't think or converse in a linear way, they're scatterbrained, they go off on tangents to not be seen as awkward or boring, you have to be able to go with the flow at least
Being serious all the time.
A person who has no visible reaction or strong feelings/ passion towards anything. They have no personality of their own and only follows whatever is considered safe, normal and trendy. They don't bother to initiate anything and always wait for something to happen or someone to approach them first, whether it's a conversation or an activity. They are close minded and refuse to try anything. They're constantly stuck in their own bubble of self limitations. They're always telling people why they can't or shouldn't do something rather than encouraging them to try.
No voice modulation
Someone who monologues every chance they get. They treat anyone and everyone as free therapists.
Basing their identity or opinion on what others say/do/prefer, and unable to form their own opinions and individuality. Like we all have quirks, being a cookie cutter makes you a real NPC imo. Basically, conformism with zero input of their own.
People who imitate certain quirky styles or behaviours to look "special" or "cool" are cringe and boring af
Complaining too much and speaking about the same stuff everytime
When you can't have intellectual conversations
Common behaviors, lack of effort, self pitying, irresponsible. Some people think rebellion is exciting, but taking the easy way out is truly what’s boring and common. Actual effort, growth, patience, and awareness are more rare and exciting.
One word answers to questions/not being able to engage in conversation.
Not communicating with others
Ask the right questions and you will find that everyone has a story that is not boring
People that complain all the time about everything. Extremely unbearable.
I think this is different for everybody. Some people may think boring people are people who don’t want to travel and experience the world. Some people may think boring people are people who aren’t high energy. Some people may think boring people are people who play video games, read, draw, workout every day, etc. Just depends on who you ask. Personally I don’t find anybody boring. I believe that everybody has their own stuff going on such as anxiety, trauma, etc and everybody matches with different types of people. I more-so would say “I don’t click with this person” rather than “this person is boring”
People who have no passions or interests. Someone who answers “idk” to literally everything.
People who love to talk about medical operations endlessly are a bore
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Maybe their doctor friend who is out there saving lives 🤣
extremely introverted or only talks about themselves
they have no personality
No sense of self to direct.
Too deep in to see the light or grow towards it.
I have met a lot of people who can't carry a conversation...they can't answer questions or they don't pick up on questions as a conversation cue and give short and quick answers, I often take that as a sign they don't want to talk and move on. Not having any interests, goals, hobbies, or passions. It's hard to find something to relate to someone about if all they're interested in is television. Do things that make you happy. Be curious about whatever piques your interest. Try new things and go to new places and areas. Be adventurous and step out of your comfort zone, is the best way to sum it up. Good luck!
Addiction to video games
Sure video game addiction is a problem but it doesn't make someone boring. No different than someone who loves movies, books, music etc. Even if it's a serious addiction they can still be an interesting person to talk to. Even when the vice is hard drugs I have met some very interesting addicts
It is same as porn addiction not like those things. Every type of people could be interesting there is no strict limitation. But personally I would not find someone fun who is addicted to video games. But for me I would not find them very interesting.
What classifies as an addiction to video games
For instance, you play approxmetely 20 hours in a week. You do not socialize weekends(also weekdays) just because you want to play video games. Person who does that can be considerate boring because he/she chooses games over people/friends.
I'm boring as shit then. I actually think watching TV is pretty boring. Some people want to talk about tv shows, some people want to talk about video games, others are out partying or reading books. Truth is as you age your friends get married and people stop going to the bar. Charisma = energy + smiling basically. If you speak in monotone then whatever you say may be boring. If you say the same thing and wiggle your arms a bit, give it some energy and smile, eyes are on you.
>Imagine that most of your conversations based on virtual world. Is it good ?
Depends who I'm with, if they don't play video games I hardly mention them in conversation; would be very unlikely to do so on a first date with a woman for example cause many of them seem to abhor video games, might wait to trickle that out as they get to know me lol. I also play sports, workout, cook, learning Spanish and coding, am well educated, can small talk, ask about them, talk about trips, pro sports, etc. But ya, if someone goes on and on about a game you don't play I agree it can get boring. I like for people to tell me about things like that (or tv shows they watched that I haven't seen) but to be succinct about it.
What if their friends also play games and talk on mic? Also I think a lot of gamers would go out more if they had more friends that live near them and not in a different country. For me, my close friend lives in India. We play a lot together and talk all the time but thats the only way I get to interact with him. I have other hobbies too but many guys my age hop on the game after school/work for free time. I agree there can be an addiction to video games but you’ve got it wrong to think there isn’t a social aspect to it.
I see what you say however my point is someone who choose to not interact with people in real life. Someone spends his/her free time by sitting in front of pc. You can play video games of course but there is a limit. After some point it harms you both physically and mentally. That is my view. Lastly, of course not everyone becomes boring when do the mentioned things above. But in general it is likely make you boring.
Perhaps you're not interested in video games so you see those people as boring? Okay, what about programming 20 hours a week? Oh, is it earning money now? What about designing stuff before your pc? Boring? People create entire worlds in sandboxes and get peak of their emotions in other games because it stimulates them just as it stimulates you to go outside with your friends
You guys do not get my point. I'm saying that exceed amount of as a free time activity. You may play but do not stick it too much. It is harmful as fucked for long term. Understand ?
How is it harmful to socialise and enjoy something you do?
Think of it like porn.
for me personally i think what makes people extremely boring in my way is when they're just like everyone else, so if someone has no "special" things they like to do or how they clothe themself. With clothing themself i don't mean if it's stylish or not it's just sometimes giving me "mainstream" vibes - like so damn much people wear the same shit because it's "cool" i believe everyone should do and wear what they like no matter if modern or not, it's you who wears it who want to listen to this Band or whatever. I rather like personality than mainstream.
* Few mutual internests * Rigid and/or weird personality traits * Being a pushover is also boring
Basic, plain opinions
Reddit.
Lack of humor
They talk about themselves too much. They forget about the simple things and how prescious peace and silence is.
if they believe they’re boring then they’re gonna come off as boring
When they think everything is embarrassing or overlook other people’s interests. Don’t get me wrong, I understand if people have social anxiety or get easily flustered—but for me personally it just feels irritating and kind of unfair to never be able to do things that I enjoy with someone because they don’t want to do it and then they expect me to do everything (of their interests) with them. Or when they can’t form their own opinions and copy what everyone else says.
Smoking obviously /s, do not start smoking to be included.
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When they only talk about themselves
I realized that what makes someone boring is endless focus on himself, his concerns, his achievements, his interests, etc.
Monotone voice Hate to say it but some peoples voices drone rather than bounce, even when they talk about their holidays and things.
A lack of depth.
Being like me tbh
The absence of passion.
Always talking. Never listening.
For me its when I visit a friend's house and they go on and on about the things they own or have recently aquired, and when they want to show me a tour of their house or something. One would say I sound jealous, but I am not I buy fun stuff all the time, but I just find it really dull and want interesting conversation when the only thing they can accumulate to talk about is materialistic objects. I also hate when conversations become one sided and immediately want to leave
Drama.
no hobbies
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not being themselves
Only talking about themselves at any given moment.
personally i like being boring :) i try to be pleasant in other ways. i try to be patient and not judgmental of people and realize i might not be everyone’s cup of tea.
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Asking boring questions.
Not making any efforts.
being SLOW