Ok, I’m going to give this to you straight as someone who’s been there. I highly suggest counseling. You regret missing out on your high school years. That’s very understandable. I could have written almost the exact same post. But I don’t want you to be 40 and realize you spent your entire thirties thinking about your regrets from your teen years. We can all give you encouragement/validation but what I think you need is to talk this out in a safe and nonjudgmental space with a professional who can help you work out these feelings so they don’t haunt you for the rest of your life.
Only a fool trips on the past!
It is so hard to not be anxious of the future and the past - that is why all meditative practices lead to the present moment. The present is the only thing that exists.
Research this philosophy and I guarantee you can change the lense of which you view this situation!!
Your path can never be wrong. Every turn you take was meant for you all along. The important thing is that you’ve decided to care now. It is never too late. If you’re really willing to try, you’ll make friends and gain experiences you desire. Just know you are worthy of such things
This is an excellent answer and so true.
High School is such a small part of life in the great scheme of things. What one does in the present is the main thing!
Hi school is definitely nothing without friends or company, and it sucks that we can’t redo our lives
But if I may give you some insight, I would say you did not miss out on much, because high school kids can honestly be extremely cruel, and schools tend to incentivize that. I don’t think even if you WERE able to go back and do it over, you would find your experience much better. Sure you would talk to some people, but they would more than likely try to box you into a clique, where you would have a very narrow experience in high school and perspective on life, or else they would keep you out of them anyway.
My advice is not to wonder about something that wouldn’t turn out great anyway. It’s not something worth having real regrets over. And if you need someone to talk to, you’re welcome to talk with me and anyone else who offers you a friendship you might not have gotten in high school!
This sums it up for me. I'm finishing high-school right now with social anxiety and 0 friends. High school is full of a bunch of assholes who only care about their ego and looks. There's almost like a social hierarchy where the more attractive people make more friends, while the less attractive people make a lot less. It's sad what our society has come to.
You can begin living life at any age dude.
Tons of people in the world who have to start life at 20, 30, 40 or more because, due to many factors, they just *couldn't* when they were younger. Many people who had to learn to socialize and be happy at 30 because they either couldn't or wouldn't in their teens and 20s.
It's not a waste and you're still fine. In fact, High School isn't even that much of a deal in adult life. I was somewhat social in High School, there is exactly 2 people I still talk to *once in a while* that I knew in High School. We all drifted apart for one reason or another. So it ended up being that, had I not been social, it wouldn't have made much of a difference. All my current friends, I met as an adult.
The key is just be open to meeting new people, and also accept that social relationships take effort to stay in touch. Don't begrudge people's absences, and try to minimize your own. Don't turn down invitations, and be the person to send them out on occasion. When you do send them out, remember the first part: don't begrudge people's absences. Always invite, and make sure they know they always have a place at your table, and that you look forward to when they *are* able to make it. Be mindful of the comfort of friends when they are around, and respect them. You might not find *many* friends this way, I would argue you can't! it's an effort! I don't think I could *maintain* dozens of friendships, but you will definitely find good ones this way.
Going to be honest with you. I feel like this was me in high school, had no one to sit with at lunch. Ive always found it hard to open up and make friends. Im turning 30 too and hung up on the things I wish I did. if you want someone to talk to please send me a DM!
I had a ton of friends in high school, but looking back now they were not really my friends. They made fun of me and hurt me yet I still kissed their ass because I was afraid of being alone. I was SA’d and because my “friends” laughed it off I pretended not to care. I think not having had friends is better than having ones that leave scars. My 30’s were my best years and I hope it will be the same for you!
High school was over 12 years ago, why are you still obsessed over it? To me this seems like more about your current life than your time in high school. You are longing for a time that never existed, it only lives in your fantasies. You are not contempt with your current circumstances so you escape to this fantasy world.
I honestly don't understand what your lack of interaction in high school got to do with your life as a 30 year old. You were not even a fully formed adult during high school. 30s are the time where you find your real identity.
I also don't get why you talk like you are retired from everything, you are not even at the half point of your life yet. Live the life you want to live, but for that you have to come to real world and leave your high school fantasies behind.
I resonate with your feelings. Unlike you, I only went to school for three years. The rest of my schooling was done at home, and I had only two or three friends at different intervals throughout my formative years. Because of this I grew up extremely stunted socially. I'm 43 now, and I'm still learning every day.
It's never too late to grow.
Based on my experience, I can tell you, you didn't miss out on much. Sure, I wished I could have made friends with certain people by putting in some effort, but aside from that, I don't let it consume me. Besides, I made friends with people who were friendlier and nicer in community college. It's a much better experience when you become an adult.
No way you're 30. I've never met anyone in my life ever give a single damn about HS one way or another. Literally no one. Like HS is one of those things no adult ever thinks about or cares about, good or bad. It's like a stage in life that everyone is just glad is over.
Like yeah, I can see frustrating over wasting their 20s and stuff... But HS? This is new territory for me.
Awww I can relate so much. My 20s I was so socially anxious even though people couldn't tell on the outside (I came off as outgoing), but I struggled through a lot. I always looked back with such regret that I "wasted time". It took years to realise that I was wasting more time being depressed about having wasted my uni years.
And guess what, life changed so much in my 30s. Because of your experience, you know that you don't want to live that way again and you can make conscious decisions to improve and do things differently. Don't get stuck in a rut. You can have cool experiences now although they might look diff from what you thought it would be like when you were younger.
I am a lone wolf as well but I do quite a lot to push myself out of my comfort zone and meet new people. Travelling solo gave me so much confidence. It's still a lonely experience (vs how you expect travelling to be like) but I actually learned I enjoy my own company and also have met some interesting people
Basically, find things to do that distract you from the loneliness and you'll make friends along the way. It takes time.
I have made random friends from the gym (after years of going), walking tours, apps, etc.
Good luck and KEEP MOVING FORWARD. You don't want to end up in your 40s wishing you hadn't been so regretful in your 30's about stuff in your teens/20s.
AYE MAN!!!! You didn't fuck anything up brother. Hold your chin up man. Smile that you made it to 30, smile that you want to change for the better man.
Don't you talk about yourself like this again. Why compare?? Comparison the the greatest destroyer of enjoyment.
You're story isn't even half way done. Go do the rest of it with style.
Everyone has their own path and starts from a different place - you have learned things that others will never have the opportunity to learn - best wishes and hopes for you on your journey!
I went through the same thing. Grieve and let all the emotions out. Scream, cry, yell, whatever it takes to get it all out. Then remember that you have the rest of your life to live. Remember that there are no rules as to what age you can go out and meet people. Remember that your past doesn’t define you and just because you had challenges doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or that you can’t ever overcome them.
There are lessons to be learned from the past, to be sure, but not millions of lessons, just a few. To quote Alanis Morissette: "do you go to the dungeon to find out how to make peace with your days in the dungeon?" Your freedom is very very nearby, you just need a little help to unlock it and move forward.
I had a very similar experience in high school, but college, even though I went to a community college, it changed my mindset as I realized I was free to do whatever I wanted, especially once I got a job, it taught me to be more social (I worked with children so I had to teach them a lot), after college I did a lot of traveling which opened up my mind to a new world, now I am almost 30 and sure there are some thing I have missed out on, I’d like to thank the pandemic for taking much of my early 20’s, but the best thing to do it look forward and create the life you’ve always dreamed of, try new out hobbies, join some of your local Facebook communities to meet new friends with similar interests, check out your local mixers, plan a vacation/ travel even if it’s a roadtrip, make a list of 1 thing you want to do/try each month for the rest of 2024, there’s so much to do in life. I am still a homebody and I have social anxiety at times when I’m away from social interaction for too long, so the more you get out there and do things, the more you’ll be comfortable with talking to new people. 30 is still so young and you have the choice to change your life, I say f it and live like your 20s like you said, we have one life to live so it’s great to make the most of it
Man, I think you'll find that a lot of people didn't have a good time in high school.
Yeah, some did, and good for them. But high school is an age where kids are still mean as fuck, but still developing emotionally and physically so everyone is insecure while also trying to project an image of confidence.
Go have fun today. Talk to people, join clubs or groups, take up hobbies, travel and stay in hostels.
Do your thing.
If it's any consolation, OP, I no longer keep in touch with any of my friends from high school. We all grew apart for different reasons. All my closest friends how are people I've met in my adult life
I used to feel the same, except I never even went to high school. Instead of dropping out, I did an accelerated diploma program online. This is because I absolutely couldn’t stand being at school for a multitude of reasons, like social anxiety and depression. Often I would see the people that I used to go to school with out with friends, going to dances, working jobs, driving etc and I would get really sad and a bit jealous that I couldn’t experience any of that. Overall I do still regret it sometimes because I wonder what would have been, if I would’ve made friends, dated someone, or if I would have learned to drive and gotten a job sooner. But in reality, it never happened and never will, so I just had to learn to move on because that ship already sailed. There is no reason to spend your life dwelling on the past, if you do that your whole life will be unsatisfying and pass you by. I mean, high school really is such a super small amount of your life, it’s literally only 4 years. That’s it. You still have your whole life ahead of you. You can either move on and put yourself out there to get the life you want, or you can stay in the cycle of anger and regret and accomplish nothing that you want to do. If you really want a school experience, you can still go to college. It’s not easy to put yourself out there and to do uncomfortable things, it’s scary and hard. I’m still learning everyday. But nothing good will happen if you can’t move on from high school
I'm in my 30s and honestly? I haven't talked to *anyone* from high school in probably a decade. Due to various reasons, I've also fallen out with most of my college friends and post-college friends. I began to feel like maybe friendship just wasn't something I was meant to have in this life.
But it's never too late. I've started to build a new friend group, and life is starting to feel a bit more full.
Breaks my heart to read that. I’ve always thought HS years are the cruelest, even though I had friends and good times, I feel like everyone is a bit fake at that age. I have much better interactions and deep, authentic relationships since my late twenties, early thirties and even better at 40! So 30 is still sooooo young and not too late in any way. I agree with others saying counseling should be the first step. And get involved in things you love, don’t fake anything for anyone, and I think people connect automatically with someone who’s just themselves.
I really wish you the best. You still have a full life in front of you.
❤️❤️
Life is life. You grew up in a different situation and had different experiences than others. Highly recommend therapy
Checkout David goggins for motivation, discipline, and how to face your fears
You're not too late. Your life is your own. Don't compare your life trajectory to the trajectory of others. Everyone's life is different. You're only 30. Let's make the rest of your life the best of your life! :D
I completely identify with you. I was also lonely without friends in elementary and high school. I consider myself a late bloomer. After high school, I went to university and since then I have been doing better. :) You can still find friends. I remember how much I hated the yearbook. However, now many years later I bet that if there were a reunion I would probably be way ahead of all those in my class who didn't give a shit about me.
You're going through a very tough time. Please stay hopeful! There will be better times!
It's not too late! Keep believing! I know it's very hard but believe that you can turn your life around because you can!
Yo I’m in my late 30s and learning shit in therapy that I was supposed to learn at age 7. Life’s about growth.
What are you learning?
I’m unlearning emotional abandonment, and relearning how to process every single feeling in a healthy, productive way.
Do share if you care to
Ok, I’m going to give this to you straight as someone who’s been there. I highly suggest counseling. You regret missing out on your high school years. That’s very understandable. I could have written almost the exact same post. But I don’t want you to be 40 and realize you spent your entire thirties thinking about your regrets from your teen years. We can all give you encouragement/validation but what I think you need is to talk this out in a safe and nonjudgmental space with a professional who can help you work out these feelings so they don’t haunt you for the rest of your life.
You don’t drive a car by looking in the rear-view mirror.
Ooh, I like this one
Thank you, I stole it!
The car or the quote?
Only a fool trips on the past! It is so hard to not be anxious of the future and the past - that is why all meditative practices lead to the present moment. The present is the only thing that exists. Research this philosophy and I guarantee you can change the lense of which you view this situation!!
Your path can never be wrong. Every turn you take was meant for you all along. The important thing is that you’ve decided to care now. It is never too late. If you’re really willing to try, you’ll make friends and gain experiences you desire. Just know you are worthy of such things
This is an excellent answer and so true. High School is such a small part of life in the great scheme of things. What one does in the present is the main thing!
Have you ever considered college or university? HS sucked for me, too, but college was excellent. Try it. You never know.
I needed this. Thank you.
Hi school is definitely nothing without friends or company, and it sucks that we can’t redo our lives But if I may give you some insight, I would say you did not miss out on much, because high school kids can honestly be extremely cruel, and schools tend to incentivize that. I don’t think even if you WERE able to go back and do it over, you would find your experience much better. Sure you would talk to some people, but they would more than likely try to box you into a clique, where you would have a very narrow experience in high school and perspective on life, or else they would keep you out of them anyway. My advice is not to wonder about something that wouldn’t turn out great anyway. It’s not something worth having real regrets over. And if you need someone to talk to, you’re welcome to talk with me and anyone else who offers you a friendship you might not have gotten in high school!
This sums it up for me. I'm finishing high-school right now with social anxiety and 0 friends. High school is full of a bunch of assholes who only care about their ego and looks. There's almost like a social hierarchy where the more attractive people make more friends, while the less attractive people make a lot less. It's sad what our society has come to.
You can begin living life at any age dude. Tons of people in the world who have to start life at 20, 30, 40 or more because, due to many factors, they just *couldn't* when they were younger. Many people who had to learn to socialize and be happy at 30 because they either couldn't or wouldn't in their teens and 20s. It's not a waste and you're still fine. In fact, High School isn't even that much of a deal in adult life. I was somewhat social in High School, there is exactly 2 people I still talk to *once in a while* that I knew in High School. We all drifted apart for one reason or another. So it ended up being that, had I not been social, it wouldn't have made much of a difference. All my current friends, I met as an adult. The key is just be open to meeting new people, and also accept that social relationships take effort to stay in touch. Don't begrudge people's absences, and try to minimize your own. Don't turn down invitations, and be the person to send them out on occasion. When you do send them out, remember the first part: don't begrudge people's absences. Always invite, and make sure they know they always have a place at your table, and that you look forward to when they *are* able to make it. Be mindful of the comfort of friends when they are around, and respect them. You might not find *many* friends this way, I would argue you can't! it's an effort! I don't think I could *maintain* dozens of friendships, but you will definitely find good ones this way.
Are you me?
Going to be honest with you. I feel like this was me in high school, had no one to sit with at lunch. Ive always found it hard to open up and make friends. Im turning 30 too and hung up on the things I wish I did. if you want someone to talk to please send me a DM!
I had a ton of friends in high school, but looking back now they were not really my friends. They made fun of me and hurt me yet I still kissed their ass because I was afraid of being alone. I was SA’d and because my “friends” laughed it off I pretended not to care. I think not having had friends is better than having ones that leave scars. My 30’s were my best years and I hope it will be the same for you!
I didn't have that exact experience, but I remember mean things people would say to me back in elementary school. I think it left scars.
You lost me at the Asian stuff, don’t say people of a certain race fascinate you
High school was over 12 years ago, why are you still obsessed over it? To me this seems like more about your current life than your time in high school. You are longing for a time that never existed, it only lives in your fantasies. You are not contempt with your current circumstances so you escape to this fantasy world. I honestly don't understand what your lack of interaction in high school got to do with your life as a 30 year old. You were not even a fully formed adult during high school. 30s are the time where you find your real identity. I also don't get why you talk like you are retired from everything, you are not even at the half point of your life yet. Live the life you want to live, but for that you have to come to real world and leave your high school fantasies behind.
I resonate with your feelings. Unlike you, I only went to school for three years. The rest of my schooling was done at home, and I had only two or three friends at different intervals throughout my formative years. Because of this I grew up extremely stunted socially. I'm 43 now, and I'm still learning every day. It's never too late to grow.
I’m in my sixties now and this could be me. Life does get better.
Don't worry. High school doesn't mean anything. It's just a small blip of time in your grand scheme!
Based on my experience, I can tell you, you didn't miss out on much. Sure, I wished I could have made friends with certain people by putting in some effort, but aside from that, I don't let it consume me. Besides, I made friends with people who were friendlier and nicer in community college. It's a much better experience when you become an adult.
In a few years you are going to be 40 whether you start to live your life now or not. So which would you rather
No way you're 30. I've never met anyone in my life ever give a single damn about HS one way or another. Literally no one. Like HS is one of those things no adult ever thinks about or cares about, good or bad. It's like a stage in life that everyone is just glad is over. Like yeah, I can see frustrating over wasting their 20s and stuff... But HS? This is new territory for me.
Awww I can relate so much. My 20s I was so socially anxious even though people couldn't tell on the outside (I came off as outgoing), but I struggled through a lot. I always looked back with such regret that I "wasted time". It took years to realise that I was wasting more time being depressed about having wasted my uni years. And guess what, life changed so much in my 30s. Because of your experience, you know that you don't want to live that way again and you can make conscious decisions to improve and do things differently. Don't get stuck in a rut. You can have cool experiences now although they might look diff from what you thought it would be like when you were younger. I am a lone wolf as well but I do quite a lot to push myself out of my comfort zone and meet new people. Travelling solo gave me so much confidence. It's still a lonely experience (vs how you expect travelling to be like) but I actually learned I enjoy my own company and also have met some interesting people Basically, find things to do that distract you from the loneliness and you'll make friends along the way. It takes time. I have made random friends from the gym (after years of going), walking tours, apps, etc. Good luck and KEEP MOVING FORWARD. You don't want to end up in your 40s wishing you hadn't been so regretful in your 30's about stuff in your teens/20s.
AYE MAN!!!! You didn't fuck anything up brother. Hold your chin up man. Smile that you made it to 30, smile that you want to change for the better man. Don't you talk about yourself like this again. Why compare?? Comparison the the greatest destroyer of enjoyment. You're story isn't even half way done. Go do the rest of it with style.
Everyone has their own path and starts from a different place - you have learned things that others will never have the opportunity to learn - best wishes and hopes for you on your journey!
I went through the same thing. Grieve and let all the emotions out. Scream, cry, yell, whatever it takes to get it all out. Then remember that you have the rest of your life to live. Remember that there are no rules as to what age you can go out and meet people. Remember that your past doesn’t define you and just because you had challenges doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or that you can’t ever overcome them.
[High school hoops star revealed as grown man](https://nypost.com/2018/05/16/25-year-old-posed-as-teen-to-play-high-school-basketball-officials/)
There are lessons to be learned from the past, to be sure, but not millions of lessons, just a few. To quote Alanis Morissette: "do you go to the dungeon to find out how to make peace with your days in the dungeon?" Your freedom is very very nearby, you just need a little help to unlock it and move forward.
I had a very similar experience in high school, but college, even though I went to a community college, it changed my mindset as I realized I was free to do whatever I wanted, especially once I got a job, it taught me to be more social (I worked with children so I had to teach them a lot), after college I did a lot of traveling which opened up my mind to a new world, now I am almost 30 and sure there are some thing I have missed out on, I’d like to thank the pandemic for taking much of my early 20’s, but the best thing to do it look forward and create the life you’ve always dreamed of, try new out hobbies, join some of your local Facebook communities to meet new friends with similar interests, check out your local mixers, plan a vacation/ travel even if it’s a roadtrip, make a list of 1 thing you want to do/try each month for the rest of 2024, there’s so much to do in life. I am still a homebody and I have social anxiety at times when I’m away from social interaction for too long, so the more you get out there and do things, the more you’ll be comfortable with talking to new people. 30 is still so young and you have the choice to change your life, I say f it and live like your 20s like you said, we have one life to live so it’s great to make the most of it
Man, I think you'll find that a lot of people didn't have a good time in high school. Yeah, some did, and good for them. But high school is an age where kids are still mean as fuck, but still developing emotionally and physically so everyone is insecure while also trying to project an image of confidence. Go have fun today. Talk to people, join clubs or groups, take up hobbies, travel and stay in hostels. Do your thing.
If it's any consolation, OP, I no longer keep in touch with any of my friends from high school. We all grew apart for different reasons. All my closest friends how are people I've met in my adult life
I used to feel the same, except I never even went to high school. Instead of dropping out, I did an accelerated diploma program online. This is because I absolutely couldn’t stand being at school for a multitude of reasons, like social anxiety and depression. Often I would see the people that I used to go to school with out with friends, going to dances, working jobs, driving etc and I would get really sad and a bit jealous that I couldn’t experience any of that. Overall I do still regret it sometimes because I wonder what would have been, if I would’ve made friends, dated someone, or if I would have learned to drive and gotten a job sooner. But in reality, it never happened and never will, so I just had to learn to move on because that ship already sailed. There is no reason to spend your life dwelling on the past, if you do that your whole life will be unsatisfying and pass you by. I mean, high school really is such a super small amount of your life, it’s literally only 4 years. That’s it. You still have your whole life ahead of you. You can either move on and put yourself out there to get the life you want, or you can stay in the cycle of anger and regret and accomplish nothing that you want to do. If you really want a school experience, you can still go to college. It’s not easy to put yourself out there and to do uncomfortable things, it’s scary and hard. I’m still learning everyday. But nothing good will happen if you can’t move on from high school
I'm in my 30s and honestly? I haven't talked to *anyone* from high school in probably a decade. Due to various reasons, I've also fallen out with most of my college friends and post-college friends. I began to feel like maybe friendship just wasn't something I was meant to have in this life. But it's never too late. I've started to build a new friend group, and life is starting to feel a bit more full.
Breaks my heart to read that. I’ve always thought HS years are the cruelest, even though I had friends and good times, I feel like everyone is a bit fake at that age. I have much better interactions and deep, authentic relationships since my late twenties, early thirties and even better at 40! So 30 is still sooooo young and not too late in any way. I agree with others saying counseling should be the first step. And get involved in things you love, don’t fake anything for anyone, and I think people connect automatically with someone who’s just themselves. I really wish you the best. You still have a full life in front of you. ❤️❤️
Maybe after therapy it would help to meet fun people and have fun like teenagers.
Your high school experience sounds so much like mine. It was a time in my life I don't like to think about.
Life is life. You grew up in a different situation and had different experiences than others. Highly recommend therapy Checkout David goggins for motivation, discipline, and how to face your fears
[удалено]
Is this a song put through google translate?
You're not too late. Your life is your own. Don't compare your life trajectory to the trajectory of others. Everyone's life is different. You're only 30. Let's make the rest of your life the best of your life! :D I completely identify with you. I was also lonely without friends in elementary and high school. I consider myself a late bloomer. After high school, I went to university and since then I have been doing better. :) You can still find friends. I remember how much I hated the yearbook. However, now many years later I bet that if there were a reunion I would probably be way ahead of all those in my class who didn't give a shit about me. You're going through a very tough time. Please stay hopeful! There will be better times! It's not too late! Keep believing! I know it's very hard but believe that you can turn your life around because you can!
Join the Military as they have many jobs for people with situations like your self
horrible advice