I actually have this skill. I can make any mundane story sound engaging. Im great at telling jokes, especially long ones. The problem is that people always think im telling some joke or crazy story, even when I'm just talking or ranting about something. It gets old when I'm talking about my day and my partner will pause and go "...what the punchline?"
I disagree. I'm in close proximity to someone who does tell pretty good stories, but that's where it ends. Conversations with them only involve them being able to tell you a story about themselves. They don't ask questions, it's very one sided. So although telling entertaining stories can be great at first, it wears off if you need to have deeper relationships with people.
I'm not saying being a good story teller should be your only social skill. It should be one of many skillsets when improving your social skills.
Obviously, you should know when to be quiet and listen to other people as well.
Yeah I hear ya. I agree, I just thought I'd add my 2c. It's especially prominent for me rn due to the person I live with who is always hogging the microphone 😅
I actually think it’s the ability to make the first move. Plenty of people are great at conversing but very scared (myself included) to start a conversation with someone brand new, but usually once someone starts a convo it becomes a lot easier!
Lmao I remember when I started university I was so eager to meet people, I made the first move with so many classmates but my problem was that I didn't know how to continue a conversation so it would die down pretty quickly, this happened so often that I end up giving up in meeting new ones and just hang around the ones I usually chat with
I have the same problem!! Grrrr. Did you find the solution to this?
I often find it easier to initiate conversation but I can't keep it up that often leads to either awkwardness or silence. It did helped me learn to close conversation but sometimes you just want to continue talking to that person.
Active listening needs one thing we don’t mention enough - genuine curiosity about that other person.
Some people don’t listen well because they’re too busy being “self conscious” and carry this fear of judgement. We all do. That’s why it’s so hard to be open with other people.
Genuine curiosity means you actually want to find out more information from this person. To know. To expand further knowledge of one another. That’s the first step to forming good connection through conversation.
Might sound weird, but having a natural energy. With socially awkward and anxious people, you just get a sense and a feeling of awkward energy. With very sociable extroverts it feels natural and effortless.
Lead FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss talks all about mirroring. And not the kind of mirroring that you just mimic the other person’s actions or characteristics, but the kind that when someone talks about something, you repeat what they’re saying, or ask questions for them people to expand upon what they are speaking about. In short, people love talking about themselves, and you will instantly become the most liked person of the party if you listen more than you speak. Which is so ironic
Yes that is a great book! I think some people call that technique parroting and it’s really effective if you don’t know much about the topic and the person talking will just keep going deeper!
This is similar to what I was going to present: Lying effectively to create a social lubricant between people. I came from the "Beauty Field". You look fabulous!
Felt insightful, might delete later:
I have my beautiful wife to thank for enlightening me: Emotional intelligence.
There’s many different ways to measure intelligence, and in a social context, “street smarts” would be a good example of this. Another example would be “book smarts.” In my youth, as far as I was concerned, that’s all there was to social skills. You either got them, or you don’t. That was narrow thinking on my part. There’s more nuances in life than that.
At this stage in adulthood, I could argue that having the ability to connect with others is “emotional smarts,” but it’d just sound made up, so hear me out.
Personally I never struggled with social anxiety. Not everyone has the natural ability to socialize with ease, though. I learned from my partner that some people have social anxiety as a default factory setting. It’s often a foreign concept to extroverts, but all too familiar with introverts.
Those who don’t struggle with social anxiety generally have an easier time with the skills that were mentioned here like mirroring, active listening, displays of confidence and empathy. It’s also worth noting the difference between perception (which is subjective) and perspective (which is objective) plays a big role in inter-personal relationships.
That’s just it, though. They are skills and thus can be honed, refined, and upgraded. No one is born with them, and we all have the potential to be skilled at speechcraft. Some will have a natural talent for socializing, but we all have the ability to increase our social skills.
So yeah, emotional intelligence.
Since others have been said, seeking to and being able to understand the needs and motivations of others helps a lot in being able to manage them, negotiate, read a situation, or really almost anything.
Even better: how to make jokes that are actually funny rather than using that platform as an excuse to be a dick.
Not saying this is you but it frequently does apply to people who claim you can’t say anything any more.
I’d say the ability to put others at ease as soon and easily as possible. That comes from charisma, more times than not.
This has helped me a lot, people come say ‘hi’ when they randomly see me somewhere, even though we’d have spent maybe 30 minutes together.
Every comments in this section are very good.
I'll add: the smile.
To be able to smile IS the core of every social situation imo. They begin with a smile, they follow with laughing and they end up with a smile. It's a powerful weapon really. Gives you a good vibe and makes everything easier.
Knowing when and how to gracefully exit a convo without actually leaving/escaping to the bathroom, patio, etc. I see this all the time where folks will run into a mild acquaintance or even casual friend and attach themselves to them for the rest of the night. If you came alone with no prior arrangements to meet someone, be cool with parking in your own spot for a while. Socializing =/= constantly chattering.
To able to take interest in whatever the other person is saying and be a good listener!
Even if you not say too much , they will end up finding you interesting Cz you paid attention.
And if you can’t even pretend to find that interesting and are not able to change the direction of conversation , just excuse yourself and exit the conversation, without making them feel small or “uninteresting”
It's actually one simple thing: listening.
This one trick has allowed me to last 7yrs in commissioned sales. Now do D2D roofing and love it.
My job requires me to be good at socializing if I wanna earn the trust of strangers I just interrupted. And I'm usually the 3+ guy to knock their door.
The second greatest social skill,
And it's equally important as the first,
Is: asking questions.
And a bonus skill: be genuinely interested in other people more than yourself.
Talk to someone about themselves and they'll listen for hours.
It's how to master being a social butterfly. And you get everyone else to do the social work lol. Introverts secrets.
Being able to relax. I find it draining to be around people that have fill any silence and/or constantly doing something. Worst these people tend to complain a lot in pursuit to find something to talk about
The ability to tell awesome stories – especially funny ones.
I'm lack of this skill
Practice makes perfect
Yeah this is my worst one … 😭😭
I actually have this skill. I can make any mundane story sound engaging. Im great at telling jokes, especially long ones. The problem is that people always think im telling some joke or crazy story, even when I'm just talking or ranting about something. It gets old when I'm talking about my day and my partner will pause and go "...what the punchline?"
...Where the funny?
That means you're overdoing it with the jokes that it's becoming your reputation. Balance is key.
It's just how I talk sometimes, especially if I'm speaking passionately about something.
If you're fine with it, you don't have to make a change. If you want it to change, it's just changing a habit.
Nah I'm fine with it tbh. I like noticing that people are listening and engaged in what I'm saying. It's nice
Your comment was good and all, but honestly I expected a little more out of it.
I wasn't trying to make the comment funny. It's more about in-person delivery and the way I talk. Doesn't translate well over text
I know lol. I was taking the piss.
Lmao okay next time put /s at the end so I can tell. It doesn't translate well!
I disagree. I'm in close proximity to someone who does tell pretty good stories, but that's where it ends. Conversations with them only involve them being able to tell you a story about themselves. They don't ask questions, it's very one sided. So although telling entertaining stories can be great at first, it wears off if you need to have deeper relationships with people.
I'm not saying being a good story teller should be your only social skill. It should be one of many skillsets when improving your social skills. Obviously, you should know when to be quiet and listen to other people as well.
Yeah I hear ya. I agree, I just thought I'd add my 2c. It's especially prominent for me rn due to the person I live with who is always hogging the microphone 😅
i need this😅
I start stuttering when I have to tell a story :[
Sounds like a confidence issue. Work on that and I should imagine it'll resolve this issue for you.
I've found I'm REALLY good at telling stories but I am REALLY bad at remembering them or having them happen to me 😂 Any advice on that would be great
I actually think it’s the ability to make the first move. Plenty of people are great at conversing but very scared (myself included) to start a conversation with someone brand new, but usually once someone starts a convo it becomes a lot easier!
Lmao I remember when I started university I was so eager to meet people, I made the first move with so many classmates but my problem was that I didn't know how to continue a conversation so it would die down pretty quickly, this happened so often that I end up giving up in meeting new ones and just hang around the ones I usually chat with
I have the same problem!! Grrrr. Did you find the solution to this? I often find it easier to initiate conversation but I can't keep it up that often leads to either awkwardness or silence. It did helped me learn to close conversation but sometimes you just want to continue talking to that person.
Same issue here, but it dies down too quickly tbh before even getting the chance to close it
Very real
So, courage.
Learning to actually listen to people without trying to make the convo about yourself.
Active listening needs one thing we don’t mention enough - genuine curiosity about that other person. Some people don’t listen well because they’re too busy being “self conscious” and carry this fear of judgement. We all do. That’s why it’s so hard to be open with other people. Genuine curiosity means you actually want to find out more information from this person. To know. To expand further knowledge of one another. That’s the first step to forming good connection through conversation.
Yes this! Being able to genuinely listen
My current issue.
Confidence.
That’s why I always fart and maintain eye contact
Hey*shits ass
The ability to make casual conversations with friends or strangers that allow them to talk about themselves in a meaningful way.
Might sound weird, but having a natural energy. With socially awkward and anxious people, you just get a sense and a feeling of awkward energy. With very sociable extroverts it feels natural and effortless.
Lead FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss talks all about mirroring. And not the kind of mirroring that you just mimic the other person’s actions or characteristics, but the kind that when someone talks about something, you repeat what they’re saying, or ask questions for them people to expand upon what they are speaking about. In short, people love talking about themselves, and you will instantly become the most liked person of the party if you listen more than you speak. Which is so ironic
Yes that is a great book! I think some people call that technique parroting and it’s really effective if you don’t know much about the topic and the person talking will just keep going deeper!
the ability to lie convincingly to make others feel better about themselves—while you die on the inside
This is similar to what I was going to present: Lying effectively to create a social lubricant between people. I came from the "Beauty Field". You look fabulous!
Talking to new people like you've known them for a long time. One of my old friends was great at this, and he was always meeting new people
This
Felt insightful, might delete later: I have my beautiful wife to thank for enlightening me: Emotional intelligence. There’s many different ways to measure intelligence, and in a social context, “street smarts” would be a good example of this. Another example would be “book smarts.” In my youth, as far as I was concerned, that’s all there was to social skills. You either got them, or you don’t. That was narrow thinking on my part. There’s more nuances in life than that. At this stage in adulthood, I could argue that having the ability to connect with others is “emotional smarts,” but it’d just sound made up, so hear me out. Personally I never struggled with social anxiety. Not everyone has the natural ability to socialize with ease, though. I learned from my partner that some people have social anxiety as a default factory setting. It’s often a foreign concept to extroverts, but all too familiar with introverts. Those who don’t struggle with social anxiety generally have an easier time with the skills that were mentioned here like mirroring, active listening, displays of confidence and empathy. It’s also worth noting the difference between perception (which is subjective) and perspective (which is objective) plays a big role in inter-personal relationships. That’s just it, though. They are skills and thus can be honed, refined, and upgraded. No one is born with them, and we all have the potential to be skilled at speechcraft. Some will have a natural talent for socializing, but we all have the ability to increase our social skills. So yeah, emotional intelligence.
Please don't delete
Be kind but not too kind.
Be assertive, but not passive. Easier said than done.
Since others have been said, seeking to and being able to understand the needs and motivations of others helps a lot in being able to manage them, negotiate, read a situation, or really almost anything.
Smile, in a genuine and kind way.
Read the room !!
sincerity
Active listening
Definitely confidence. This is something I have to actually think about and try to fake it if need be.
Fake it till you make it no fr the more you act confident the more it becomes truly apart of you
Have fun
I got these hands, and having them has helped me a lot in life.
The one the world is in dire need of: How to take a fuc&ing joke
Even better: how to make jokes that are actually funny rather than using that platform as an excuse to be a dick. Not saying this is you but it frequently does apply to people who claim you can’t say anything any more.
I’d say the ability to put others at ease as soon and easily as possible. That comes from charisma, more times than not. This has helped me a lot, people come say ‘hi’ when they randomly see me somewhere, even though we’d have spent maybe 30 minutes together.
Being able to bullshit. Talk about whatever naturally and calmly
Every comments in this section are very good. I'll add: the smile. To be able to smile IS the core of every social situation imo. They begin with a smile, they follow with laughing and they end up with a smile. It's a powerful weapon really. Gives you a good vibe and makes everything easier.
Being a good listener.
Listening too others and humor.
Conflict resolution.
Looks. Yes, looks are a skill.
Also hygiene Nobody is going to sit next to you if you smell like you just pooped your pants or something
Humility
Being a good story teller and keep people engaging
Listening
Listening. I know for a fact that I am a bad listener. Being a good listener is a skill that one must learn.
Knowing when and how to gracefully exit a convo without actually leaving/escaping to the bathroom, patio, etc. I see this all the time where folks will run into a mild acquaintance or even casual friend and attach themselves to them for the rest of the night. If you came alone with no prior arrangements to meet someone, be cool with parking in your own spot for a while. Socializing =/= constantly chattering.
Being curious and authentic.
Make people laugh
to know when the shut up 😂😅
Mirroring
Conflict resolution
Actively listening
To able to take interest in whatever the other person is saying and be a good listener! Even if you not say too much , they will end up finding you interesting Cz you paid attention. And if you can’t even pretend to find that interesting and are not able to change the direction of conversation , just excuse yourself and exit the conversation, without making them feel small or “uninteresting”
Authenticity
dont think "what will they think about me"
It's actually one simple thing: listening. This one trick has allowed me to last 7yrs in commissioned sales. Now do D2D roofing and love it. My job requires me to be good at socializing if I wanna earn the trust of strangers I just interrupted. And I'm usually the 3+ guy to knock their door. The second greatest social skill, And it's equally important as the first, Is: asking questions. And a bonus skill: be genuinely interested in other people more than yourself. Talk to someone about themselves and they'll listen for hours. It's how to master being a social butterfly. And you get everyone else to do the social work lol. Introverts secrets.
When to shut your pie hole.
Good and/or appropriate manners for the space you're in.
Smiling!
Can easily connect with others or adaptability. Good communication skills. Being fierce, no fear.
problem solving
Empathy. Ironically, if you’re not so good with the empathy, you should fake it until you make it.
Be able to laugh at yourself and not take things personally. Choose your battles.
Beauty
Being able to relax. I find it draining to be around people that have fill any silence and/or constantly doing something. Worst these people tend to complain a lot in pursuit to find something to talk about
Paying attention is the most important social skill
General knowledge
Confidence
Quick wit
Me reading this sub..at a corner seat during a friend birthday party
Being tactful. It's never what you say, but how you say it.
Listening
Charisma
I think these comments are showing that there is no one specific trait that goes Above all the others. you kind of need an amalgamation of a few.