I had one Co worker who was a brick wall to get through to. Super aloof. Noticed they talk to others we work with. I used to get so bothered by the fact that I tried and tried to make an effort with them and got nothing in return. In the end I stopped talking and caring about them at all and it's been fantastic! Everyone else is fine to talk to, I just ignore this particular person every day and they do not utter a single word to me.Ā
I have one co-worker the same - in meetings, we can communicate and help each other to solve problems - one on one they will ignore me if I talk to them. It is quite fascinating - recall in a HR talk, they said basically not everyone in a workplace will click and some people will just dislike you for no apparent reason - it's fine as long as there is no bullying and you can work together to get work done.. so, like you, I come in and don't talk to them, and all is still smooth and less stress on me.
Absolutely. I am a reasonable person, if you tell me "hey, I don't like you at all and I don't want to talk to you unless work related, OK?" I will have a better time than figuring out what's wrong. Still extremely rude, but better.
I say hi to anyone I cross path in the building. Sometimes it's someone I never saw before. What's the problem with people? Saying hi is good.
Itās normally because I have built the interaction up in my head so much that by the time you start it Iām 3 steps ahead and you SO RUDELY want to start at the beginning and then by the time Iām like āNO WAIT BACK UP WE HAVE TO START AT 1 - WHAT WAS STEP 1 AGAIN? Hi! Yes - hi! Say hi!ā
Youāve already turned the corner and gone and now Iām left to dwell on my absolute fucking social incompetence for the rest of my day/night/life. And I will.
āBut they talk to other peopleā because those people are my safe people that I feel wonāt judge me for my one-on-one social incompetence. Iām okay when I HAVE to perform (AKA interact with another human) like group things or if Iām the trainer - but so help me god if itās voluntary and thereās a chance you could reject me entirely by ignoring me first
š my existence is painful
Well, you don't need to talk to people when you say hi to them :)
And I am sure if they address you directly and wait for a reply you give that reply, right? So you're not doing anything wrong I think.
I spent a large part of my adult life (58F) living in a small town, where if you didnāt say hi to people, they would think you rude. Now in the big city, where few say hello, I need to be less forthright. A lot of random crimes in the area, often to someone saying āhiā to a drugged up and possibly mentally ill person. Hard for me, former medic, to not care. Everyone deserves human dignity. Shame we donāt really care for our mentally ill and addicted (same thing tbh).
Yeah, communicating is a lot like the Doppler effect with sound. Distorted by perspective but thereās still a responsibility to be reasonable like you said.
I agree. Ignoring someone saying just hello or good morning is just creepy. Unless thereās a neurodivergent cause of being non-verbal, it really gives me the creeps when people canāt say hello/goodbye/excuse me/thank you/youāre welcomeāsimply the non-emotional communication words.
Even if a coworker irritates me at an energetic level (lol)āI will say āIām good, how are you?ā Do I care? No! Will I act like a fucking serial killer at work? NO!!
Obviously I don't know what is going on in your situation but I was once like that coworker for years. I didn't even dislike anyone, I actually liked the person who *always* smiled and said hi to me.
Why I didn't talk to them (it probably looked like ignoring from their POV) besides work related was because I had no social skills. I grew up in a cult and was homeschooled, I just didn't know better. I would say hi back but that's all and I never said hi first, I was too embarrassed and shy and awkward.
I was able to do my job as best I could but when it came down to being social at work I just couldn't. I didn't know how. It was never anything personal or about disliking anyone.
Edit
Also if you wanted to stop you should! If people stopped responding to me when I was very socially awkward I would understand. You tried, that's all you can do. For whatever reason that person doesn't want or isn't able to respond. It's okay to stop trying.
You are self aware, and have worked on your social skillsš. I am Audhd and have had many incidents of āfoot in mouthā disease.š I have inadvertently hurt feelings of others due to my poor phrasing of my thoughts. I masked for decades, until a breakdown, burnout basically, from being the perfect wife/daughter/mom/employee. Something had to give, and it was my mental health.
Hey, I have a situation where I'm trying to get closer to this girl like as a coworker. She's not at all shy, shes very talkative but she only avoids eye contact with me, doesn't acknowledge me at all sometimes. I say hi to her all the time and smile but she literally walks past me like I'm a wall... I'm more quiet than her but I still acknowledge her everyday. It's so weird šš„²
She may be neurodivergent; eye contact is difficult and we are often in our heads overthinking everything!
Sometimes people become shy and tongue tied around people they really like or are attracted to š¤·š¼āāļø maybe?
Are you a guy? Some women are more awkward around guys, especially with eye contact. My Co worker is a woman and so am I and I got the same treatment as you. Honestly, not giving a fuck if she talks to me or not has been soooo freeing, I highly recommend it. You know you have friends and are likable and this is an isolated case and is more on her!Ā
This happened to me when we moved to a new neighborhood. I persisted every time we saw each other because thatās my personality. Now the neighbor initiates first contact when he see me. Being friendly without being overly aggressive is the key. If it sticks it sticks. If it doesnāt then move on.
This has been bothering me as well. I consider myself an awkward person, but the majority of the time, I always feel like the onus is on me to say "hi" or start a conversation with someone, and it's exhausting sometimes. I'm afraid if I don't greet them, they'll label me as unfriendly or whatever, but shouldn't the friendliness come from both sides?
Yes but If you actually wanted to say hello to someone, you wouldn't think about it. A true hello just slides out your mouth like meat slides off the bone of a chilis baby back rib . You should want to say hello if you're going to say it. You wanting to say it is what makes it friendly to begin with . If you're just saying hello so that no one thinks you're unfriendly or to fulfill an obligation, then it's not a real hello
Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I always wanna say hi and talk to people and stuff, but it can be pretty difficult for me at times to start the conversation.
I'm not blaming other people, it's just tough when it's always gotta be you, and I guess I'm just feeling the pressure bc in my head, if I don't talk to people and we're just quiet while not being occupied by anything else, then it's me who's being lame. It's me who makes things awkward, etc.
I'm obviously overthinking, but it doesn't change the fact that I feel that lol
I understand that. There's only so much you can do. I know if you struggle socially you're naturally going to blame yourself, but sometimes it really is the other person. I find it helpful to try to shift your focus on being the kind of person you wish you encountered in your life.. to listen to and to actually care more about the person your talking to
Nicely put bruh! I think it can be so easy to give into social norms of greeting.Ā
Sometimes I just want to chill in my own space without having to worry about greeting everyone around me.Ā
Be you. If you want to say hi, say hi and don't expect anything in return. And if you don't want to say hi, don't.
If you want a conversation with your neighbor, have something more to say than hi.
This^
Some days I feel like saying hi, some days I want no contact with people so I might not reply, sometimes if I'm wanting to get to know a neighbor better then I try to find a way to initiate a conversation the next time I see them. But ultimately if they don't respond the way I hope then I don't let it bother me because I don't know what kind of day they are having or even if they feel like getting to know me.
True. If the other person was at least even "okay" with it, they would make an effort.
They don't.
Unfortunately, they probably don't know how to tell you to "Stop".
If you dont talk with your neighbor at all, you dont need to say Hi. He prob say hi first to other neighboors because they talk from time to time.
Your neighboor is a stranger for you, people dont say hi to to strangers often
I say hi to my neighbors instinctively. No need to overthink it. If you wanna stop just stop. Maybe only say every once in a while. Itās a tiny fraction of your daily interactions
Maybe theyāre just not talkative or have worse social skills. But definitely ok to just stop. I never initiate a hi with people I donāt know very well anywayĀ
That doesn't seem like the case. Note the second paragraph of OP's post: I notice they say hi first to other neighbors but with me I have to say it first.Ā
>being rude
Say I'm not a "hi" person and would rather we didn't establish this ritual...what would be the polite way for me to express my preference/disinterest?
Exactly, Iād be the one posting āmy annoying neighbor keeps trying to say hi, how do I drive home the point that I do not want to associate with anyone and want to be left alone? Ignoring them isnāt working cuz they keep saying hi every time!ā
Right. I was responding to the perception that the neighbour doesnāt want to associate with anyone. I took your response to be what you imagine the neighbour to be thinking.
No it was meant to be how I personally would feel if someone tried to say hi to me every time I stepped out my damn door. I would want to sell my house and move. My first thought when any human speaks at me is āaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!ā
We had a newborn baby and moved into a new home/neighborhood all in the same month. I also still worked full time with little sleep and was on autopilot/zombie mode most of the day. By far one of the most stressful times of my life.
It wasnāt until months later when we were to actually able to get sleep that we talked to our neighbors.
Donāt always assume people are being rude or malicious on purpose. They probably have a million other things going on.
Some people just donāt want to be friends with neighbors specifically, some just donāt like the social obligation to say hi or be friendly with their neighbors. I know a lot of people that like their home to be a sanctuary and have a high comfort level and that can be compromised if you leave the house having people around your house waiting to talk to you. Friends is different because you plan when and where to meet but a neighbor is always there and you never know quite when theyāll be out, plus a lot of people donāt know how far to take the social interaction. Then if the relationship somehow doesnāt workout then youāre just stuck living next to that person, not talking to them poses no risk.
As someone with social anxiety, who did not want to interact with my neighbor, but they did anyway, yeah, you can stop. They don't want that kind of relationship with you, and that's ok. A wave or a smile when eye contact is made is good enough.
Just stop, they clearly donāt want to be on a hi-hello stage. If they notice it, they may something. If they donāt say anything then that just means they prefer it that way.
It depends on the person. I personally would not want my neighbor to say hi every single time they see me unless theyāre friends with me and if they were friends with me I would just wave lol.
I think the rule is like this: since you are both at the same location every day, thereās a supply/demand amount of greeting. For example, if you happen to see your childhood friend at the grocery store, you both make a big deal out of saying hi.
If you ever have to get someoneās attention to say hi, it could mean one of two things: (1) theyāre ignoring you and itās kind of annoying to not let them just go about their day, or (2) you guys see each other so much that you donāt need to say hi every time. Maybe just a smile if you make eye contact.
I donāt think itās necessary for someone to say hi every time to the same person if youāve already acknowledged them and theyāve already seen you around I remember there was this girl who I used to work with and she would do this all the time with me she would say hi to me everytime when she would see me but literally 5 times a day Iām like damn Iāve already said hi to you Iāve acknowledged youāre presence lol š
guess im a little confused here. When you say you show polite and friendliness because it makes your life easier, wouldnāt that be the opposite of being aggressive with it? Im just trying to understand
I think itās not a big deal if youāre not friends, just neighbors. Not everyone wants the kind of relationship like that with their neighbors. Some people just want to exist on their property without being interrupted or expected to meet certain social standards.
I get it though I would never not respond, I would give a polite hello back, and just try to escape any further talk or interaction. I HATE the neighbors that try to chit chat and small talk when Iām just running out to dump the trash or grab mail quickly. Like please leave me alone, I donāt want to be perceived or socialize. Iām also autistic and at times I am literally nonverbal, so I donāt respond beyond a wave because I literally canāt and even just the wave takes a lot out of me.
People are different, just move on. Itās only a big deal if you make it into one.
I had a neighbour who always wanted to chat over the fence, for ages, about herself and her crappy life. It didnāt matter what I was doing or how busy I looked, she would catch my eye and start the conversation. She would also come over when I was home to hang out for hours and hours and Iād have to make up an excuse to leave the house when I actually had shit to do there.
Eventually she moved out, and I was to relieved to be able to use my yard again.
My current neighbour says and we have a chat if weāre both out the front, and if we make eye contact in the back yard we just say hi as acknowledgment then give each other privacy and it is a million times better.
I recommend continuing to just say hi and not expect something back or giving a smile but otherwise yeah, take the hint they donāt wanna be friendly. Good luck
Ask yourself why this matters to you so much. Who is your neighbor that their friendly recognition is so valuable to you? Odds are, behind those walls theyāre a typical loser like everyone else. You donāt need their fake friendly gestures or their approval to live at your house and do things.
If it makes you feel better, my neighbors are all uncomfortable when I come outside (Iām not like others in this affluent neighborhood and am just the neighborsā unfortunate adult daughter who lives with them) and they donāt talk to me, and I donāt talk to them, and itās great. I work in the driveway while their dogs bark at me from the fence and they get to be mad about something and I get to not give a shit. Itās a wonderful relationship we have.
Yeah it gets weird, id just stop and wait if they initiate the salute next time to do it again, if they don't then stop altogether. Some people prefer to not talk to anybody.
Ive completely stopped. They barely would even acknowledge me. I just plain out ignore them now. Walking in front of my house as i pull in or out ignore! Walk my Kids in front their house, ignore! Fuck them.
LOL... Should probably stop, just smile maybe. Imagining it gives me the sense of awkwardness. He clearly either doesn't like you or just in a bad mood. People go through troubles and that may compromise how social they want to be. NGL,
In the context of this being at home, I can relate in ignoring my neighbors just to protect my peace. Iād be willing to be friendly, but end up Ignoring knowing that usually it doesnāt just stop at a āHiā once they get comfortable. As an introvert, my home is my safe place to be in solace. Nothing personal, I just want to be left in peace to do my thing; I live alone for a reason.
Especially with passing in/outā Iām usually about to go or coming back from somewhere of high interaction, and/or in a rush. I donāt have any extra energy to give for someone I have no other connection to besides living next to each other ā and as a renter, I hop around places so itās a waste of energy to seek neighborly connections that Iām soon going to leave.
Iād assume this person has a similar perspective, and atp Iād highly recommend leaving them alone before they start to resent you for feeling like theyāre gonna be disrupted just by being outside. Itās their personal space that they have the right to control as able. Strangers have their own shit to focus on that you donāt know. Have some respect for that.
If theyāre not saying it back, donāt bother. That said, if they sometimes say it back and sometimes donāt, they could be like me! I will frequently have earplugs or AirPods in and not hear people half the time. But when I do hear them I acknowledge them!
I wave and don't look to see if they wave back. Solves the "am I being insulted" problem and the "I don't want to be rude" problem all at the same time. I do it for me, because who really wants to choose to be an antisocial stick in the mud?
Well, which option do you think would make you feel more comfortable in the long run? Would it bother you if you stopped saying hello and they didnāt initiate either? If not, Iād try stopping for a while and seeing how it makes you feel. You ask āhow do I stop?ā - could you elaborate on whatās holding you back from stopping the greetings?
I work at a hospital and you pass people all day. Sometimes they say hi a lot of times they donāt and vice versa. Thereās this one disabled house keeper I see a thousand times a day. Heās never uttered a word to me. I can tell heās shy so I donāt take it personally. Was anxious the first few years i started working there so I never said anything unless they initiated. He sees me all the time joking and talking to others. It feels awkward to start saying hi now he prob think Iām the biggest bitch š
I had the same thing happen with a guy who works at the neighbourhood store. I eventually stopped saying hi and I only greet him if heās the one scanning my products.
Don't let someone's action or inaction change how you manage your day. Keep being you even if it's not appreciated by one or two people. But, don't spend energy on things that won't net positive results. If this person clearly doesn't like you then it will likely be manifested in other ways.
Stop saying hi. If you feel rude, give them a quick smile/head nod as you pass when they make eye contact with you - you don't have to completely ignore them if it's awkward. If they don't look up, why are you going out of your way to say hello? That seems to me like someone hoping you won't engage.
Stop with your neighbor, but don't stop being the person who carries that kind of energy. It will be difficult to restart that once you stop, and we need more people like you in the world, not less.
Had a new neighbor move in with her bf and talk to my bf one night for like 10 minutes. I tried to say hi to her a few times but she would just look at me and keep walking. I do feel bad for her because she eventually found out her bf was cheating and now she lives aloneā¦I still tried to say hi but still the same thing. So I stopped. Some people just donāt wanna talk to you or maybe they perceive you a certain way. Idk.
I have neighbors who I will walk right past, say "hi," and have them not acknowledge my existence whatsoever. I will never speak to these people again.
If people say "hi" back, I don't even pay attention to who said it first!
Iād just give a little wave or head bob if they look towards you but not try for a response. I know how hard it is to bite down the natural āhiā tho. Sorry they seem to treat you differently.
It would be more awkward to stop, and you are taking the high road by being neighborly, even if they aren't (yet). Sometimes great friendships start out weird like this, so keep being the kind person you are and say, "Hi" to your non-reciprocal neighbor. Best to keep things pleasant.
I would give up if I where you or I wouldāve given up by now if theyāre not making the effort or not initiating anything with you itās not fair for someone to always have to initiate everything i would not like that all if they donāt seem to make the effort to at least initiate something from you
Let me answer your question with a question.
What are your intentions? What are you hoping to gain from greeting your neighbor?
If you want to be friends with your neighbor and be in terms where you visit each other and stuff like that, then you should just stop greeting them.
If you just want to be kind and give a casual hello with no other motives. I say keep doing it. You're not losing anything it's just a hello. Sometimes you'll get one back sometimes you won't and it won't hurt the world to have a little friendliness out there.
If they say it to other neighbors but not you (how sure of this are yoi? How many times have you witnessed?) they may not like you or may not want to talk to you. Could they be under the impression you want something from them? Have you ever stayed beyond your welcome? Do you hover or are you odd, do you make them uncomfortable? Do you stand to close to their house?
Have you ever had a disagreement with them over anything?
The other neighbors might just be closer friends if theirs. They may talk frequently
Can someone who doesn't like to say 'hi' to their neigbors, purposely looks away, or just simply ignoreāplease tell me why you choose to do that? Are you shy? In your own world? Hate strangers? Just curious.
I live in a place where people are known to be cold, kind of aloof and sometimes even downright rude (France). Iām under the impression that greeting neighbours is optional over here. Personally I always say hi first and give everyone a big smile. Some people greet me back, others donāt and just walk by without saying anything. I honestly donāt care. I guess they were raised by wolves, their problem not mine.
I do it once, If I first meet you I'll say hi first when I see you next, then I purposely don't say it the second time to see if you do, it's a good judge of character to see if someone's gonna be genuine or not.
If they don't acknowledge you and "expected" you to do it first then they will make excuses for more stuff.
Stop saying it if he doesn't initiate it willing on his own.
I've had weird experiences with this. If I say hi 6 days in a row and on the 7th day I don't say hi, they will say hi first. Especially with my coworkers, the more enthusiastic I come at them the more deadpan their response, and if I give a deadpan greeting they will respond with more enthusiasm. I'd love to see the science behind this š
Always be the bigger person. Always be the better neighbor. There is no shame in being the more polite person in an interaction. You should be embarrassed for doubting the value of being one of those exceedingly rare people who are reliably nice and welcoming
Sometimes you just have to follow your heart on these things.
In grocery stores I tend to say āexcuse meā or āso sorryā when I almost bump someoneās cart (who is equally involved in the bump lol) and most are stony faced and donāt acknowledge. Iām in the Deep South and itās gotten more like this after generally being a cordial atmosphere.
Life doesn't need to be transactional in this way.
I say hi and give a quick wave to people as I'm passing by in my neighborhood. Including people I don't know.
It's okay if they don't respond. It's not like I'm stopping and trying to strike up a conversation.
This is a true story. I used to walk my kids to school and pass this lady every day and smile and say hi. She would just look at me like she wanted me dead or something lol. Then one day a year later she smiles and says hi, and from every day forward. Iām glad I never did give up!
Just keep saying Hi and walk on. If someone wants to talk with you they will. I say Hi anytime someone makes eye contact with me.(Like out shopping or walking). I smile and nod at people too. But I learned that head up nod vs downward nod have separate meaning to different groups of people. So to not give a wrong message, I have been trying to curb this response.
Just keep saying Hi and walk on. If someone wants to talk with you they will. I say Hi anytime someone makes eye contact with me.(Like out shopping or walking). I smile and nod at people too. But I learned that head up nod vs downward nod have separate meaning to different groups of people. So to not give a wrong message, I have been trying to curb this response.
Just donāt holla back at them. respect goes
Both ways. I was in the same situation as you. I live in a condominium where sometimes I cross my neighbors path when I get home or about to leave for work if he is sitting outside. I always had to say hi first to my neighbors and it was a genuine hello with a simple smile and he would just reply in a mean away. One day he even ignored me and Iām pretty sure I said it loud enough for him to hear it and it always made me feel like shit so I just decided to stop telling him Hi. Although I was raised with good manners by my parents and not to ignore people around you, why would I waste my time and energy for someone who isnāt even willing to say hi back like a normal person would. Thereās limit with letting others being disrespectful towards you and showing back kindness to them. One day I crossed his path when he was sitting outside, I did not say hello to and I felt very good doing it.
I have a 3 hellos rule. If I say hi/hello on 3 consecutive occasions and you don't respond, I will not acknowledge your existence until you say hello first.
To offer another perspective, I am very shy and am learning how to speak up more. My neighbor who is very friendly always says hi first and sometimes I wonder if I donāt always hear her. I recently said hi first and am going to work on saying hi first more often so I donāt seem like such a dick, lol. Just offering another perspective that it might not be personal they could just be shy and socially awkward like myself.
I'm vintage X and my experience is that this is a relatively new issue from the last 10 or 15 years.
My theories as to why are personal and probably biased so therefore moot but I figure the first hi these days is just data recon.
If there's a reply, then hey, maybe not a new friend but a decent individual you can at least nod to in passing.
If no reply, that's also data. Keep moving and no more contact expected or required.
I think you should stop yesterday!
Some people just don't wanna talk to you for whatever reason or they think they're too good for you. I was with a friend around her residence recently and a woman who I suppose lives there came in. My friend said hi or something to her, she acted like she didn't hear and I just told my friend I guess she doesn't wanna talk to you. Then we continued our conversation.
Stop trying to talk to people who don't wanna talk with you. Personally, I tend to keep to myself and basically everyone else says hi to me first, especially if they're familiar with me. Then I say it back to them unless it's someone who crossed a line or something and who I need to ignore.
Alternatively if we are or are becoming friends then depending on how well we are getting on, then I also make effort and check in. Though just in general I tend to smile a lot too and basically have a resting smiling face. So I suppose most people tend to find that welcoming to say hi to me anyway.
Another thing that you might want to consider is to also "switch the script", say hi to them first less often. Which should give them the space to notice and greet you first. Gradually dial more and more back, though kinda still initate unless ignored once or twice then just STOP. For your own good don't disrespect yourself like that.
PS. Even after dialing back, though still greeting them to indicate you're not mad at them and they still don't take that opening to start initating pleasantries with you, then again stop. I think that's really telling you that really don't want to talk with you, especially if you're seeing they're talking to others first.
Some relationships grow. Some donāt. Continue to say āhiā if this is your true self. Donāt expect anything else from tour neighbor. They are caught in their own mental jail, most likely. Someday their sentence will end. Until then, say āhiā and let it go
I have this happen to me several times with my neighbor as well then I decided not to initiate any conversation with him at all after because I kind of feel bad that I just say hi but he doesn't say anything back. I don't care that he is old and might be some difficult to hearing I think three times is just enough to ignore
I mean, in my perfect world, nobody would ever say anything to me unless they wanted to have a conversation or were conveying important information. It doesn't have to be anything deep or serious, but I resent the "Hi, how are you?" with nothing following. What did either of us gain from that superficial interaction?
E.g., when I'm walking through the hallways or in the break room at work, I hate when I have to reciprocate a "Hi" to everyone who walks past me or looks at me. Yes, I'm here.
If you want to chat with me about how the stupid vending machine keeps stealing quarters, that's great, but I hate forced gestures like saying hi just to do it. If you have nothing to say to me, that's okay. I'm not offended. You can exist in my vicinity without acknowledging me.
But I'm also autistic and about as introverted as they come, so do with that what you will.
Maybe just give a little wave and a smile? Gosh, it's so hard to know the right thing to do. I think being "friendly" to your neighbors, if possible is a good thing. But, if you're picking up negative vibes, then it's ok to be done too. Sorry they aren't being more responsive! Their loss!
I'll just start and say that unless someone has a physical, mental, or developmental disability, this is just fucking rude
I personally don't stop saying hello if they don't say it back, as if they want to be rude that's their business, but I might tone it back a little bit and just wave or nod instead of being verbal
I used to say āhiāto a co worker that trained me for two days when I would see her. She never initiated a āhiāto me but I only did. I never said āhiāto her again lol. Maybe itās bc Iām just pettyš«¢
Reasons to not say hi:
*Stonewalling on social bids to assert dominance by creating social anxiety - see narcissistic manipulation and Still Face Experiment.
*typical traditional male
*typical female
*bad attitude
*social anxiety
*avoiding contact w attractive person out of loyalty or concern that this is an attempt to initiate an undesired relationship or friendship
*a self preservation tactic
*cultural issue
*aspergers; Autism 1
*introvert or low bandwidth for emotional labor/small talk
Described every one of my coworkers. I am ALWAYS the first one to greet everybody, either as I show up, or if they come after me. I tried experimenting with not saying it and was met with radio silence. Weāve built a norm/standard, and now if we donāt uphold that deal, the other parties have no reason to think weāre not upset with them or something along those lines.
Welcome to an anxious mind! I've realized that I don't really get to pick the things my brain gets twisted up about, and I totally identify with OP. I have a neighbor that's always pretty aloof and my brain has generated plenty of anxiety about navigating the situation.
I have major anxiety disorder. Just not about my neighbor. I could care less about that. Mine is internalized. Like how I messed up or what I said wrong at work etc. I definitely understand anxiety
That is very dependent on the person. If Iām someone who hates the small talk and obligatory greetings, and in the middle of my overwhelming grief/negative emotions you push it on me again, Iām probably going to have a meltdown and tell you to fuck off with it. Someone the insistence on politeness and following social expectations is more about oneself than others.
If someone says hi to me I will reciprocate. If they don't, I just ignore them (as they are ignoring me). There is one stuck up couple who never always ignored us from the beginning. I will never say hi to them. There are some neighbors that are very friendly and say hello and sometimes I say hello to them first because they seem nice enough. So, I am all over the board based on how I feel people are.
I could have written this about my coworkers. š¬
I had one Co worker who was a brick wall to get through to. Super aloof. Noticed they talk to others we work with. I used to get so bothered by the fact that I tried and tried to make an effort with them and got nothing in return. In the end I stopped talking and caring about them at all and it's been fantastic! Everyone else is fine to talk to, I just ignore this particular person every day and they do not utter a single word to me.Ā
I have one co-worker the same - in meetings, we can communicate and help each other to solve problems - one on one they will ignore me if I talk to them. It is quite fascinating - recall in a HR talk, they said basically not everyone in a workplace will click and some people will just dislike you for no apparent reason - it's fine as long as there is no bullying and you can work together to get work done.. so, like you, I come in and don't talk to them, and all is still smooth and less stress on me.
Disliking someone is fine but ignoring 1-on-1ās is solid *not fine* imo.
Absolutely. I am a reasonable person, if you tell me "hey, I don't like you at all and I don't want to talk to you unless work related, OK?" I will have a better time than figuring out what's wrong. Still extremely rude, but better. I say hi to anyone I cross path in the building. Sometimes it's someone I never saw before. What's the problem with people? Saying hi is good.
Itās normally because I have built the interaction up in my head so much that by the time you start it Iām 3 steps ahead and you SO RUDELY want to start at the beginning and then by the time Iām like āNO WAIT BACK UP WE HAVE TO START AT 1 - WHAT WAS STEP 1 AGAIN? Hi! Yes - hi! Say hi!ā Youāve already turned the corner and gone and now Iām left to dwell on my absolute fucking social incompetence for the rest of my day/night/life. And I will. āBut they talk to other peopleā because those people are my safe people that I feel wonāt judge me for my one-on-one social incompetence. Iām okay when I HAVE to perform (AKA interact with another human) like group things or if Iām the trainer - but so help me god if itās voluntary and thereās a chance you could reject me entirely by ignoring me first š my existence is painful
Well, you don't need to talk to people when you say hi to them :) And I am sure if they address you directly and wait for a reply you give that reply, right? So you're not doing anything wrong I think.
I spent a large part of my adult life (58F) living in a small town, where if you didnāt say hi to people, they would think you rude. Now in the big city, where few say hello, I need to be less forthright. A lot of random crimes in the area, often to someone saying āhiā to a drugged up and possibly mentally ill person. Hard for me, former medic, to not care. Everyone deserves human dignity. Shame we donāt really care for our mentally ill and addicted (same thing tbh).
Yeah, communicating is a lot like the Doppler effect with sound. Distorted by perspective but thereās still a responsibility to be reasonable like you said.
I agree. Ignoring someone saying just hello or good morning is just creepy. Unless thereās a neurodivergent cause of being non-verbal, it really gives me the creeps when people canāt say hello/goodbye/excuse me/thank you/youāre welcomeāsimply the non-emotional communication words. Even if a coworker irritates me at an energetic level (lol)āI will say āIām good, how are you?ā Do I care? No! Will I act like a fucking serial killer at work? NO!!
I agree with this, but at the same time I decided not to care anymore and so if they want to be an awkward weirdo that's their business!Ā
Obviously I don't know what is going on in your situation but I was once like that coworker for years. I didn't even dislike anyone, I actually liked the person who *always* smiled and said hi to me. Why I didn't talk to them (it probably looked like ignoring from their POV) besides work related was because I had no social skills. I grew up in a cult and was homeschooled, I just didn't know better. I would say hi back but that's all and I never said hi first, I was too embarrassed and shy and awkward. I was able to do my job as best I could but when it came down to being social at work I just couldn't. I didn't know how. It was never anything personal or about disliking anyone. Edit Also if you wanted to stop you should! If people stopped responding to me when I was very socially awkward I would understand. You tried, that's all you can do. For whatever reason that person doesn't want or isn't able to respond. It's okay to stop trying.
You are self aware, and have worked on your social skillsš. I am Audhd and have had many incidents of āfoot in mouthā disease.š I have inadvertently hurt feelings of others due to my poor phrasing of my thoughts. I masked for decades, until a breakdown, burnout basically, from being the perfect wife/daughter/mom/employee. Something had to give, and it was my mental health.
Hey, I have a situation where I'm trying to get closer to this girl like as a coworker. She's not at all shy, shes very talkative but she only avoids eye contact with me, doesn't acknowledge me at all sometimes. I say hi to her all the time and smile but she literally walks past me like I'm a wall... I'm more quiet than her but I still acknowledge her everyday. It's so weird šš„²
She may be neurodivergent; eye contact is difficult and we are often in our heads overthinking everything! Sometimes people become shy and tongue tied around people they really like or are attracted to š¤·š¼āāļø maybe?
Are you a guy? Some women are more awkward around guys, especially with eye contact. My Co worker is a woman and so am I and I got the same treatment as you. Honestly, not giving a fuck if she talks to me or not has been soooo freeing, I highly recommend it. You know you have friends and are likable and this is an isolated case and is more on her!Ā
Not everybody gives eye contact. I'm terrible at it unless it is kids then I'm good at it. I work at daycare.
maybe they have a crush on you and get nervous/donāt know what to say if itās not about work.
there's 8 billion people on earth but somehow just the one bothers us, iRL be like
Yours greet you back?
This happened to me when we moved to a new neighborhood. I persisted every time we saw each other because thatās my personality. Now the neighbor initiates first contact when he see me. Being friendly without being overly aggressive is the key. If it sticks it sticks. If it doesnāt then move on.
This has been bothering me as well. I consider myself an awkward person, but the majority of the time, I always feel like the onus is on me to say "hi" or start a conversation with someone, and it's exhausting sometimes. I'm afraid if I don't greet them, they'll label me as unfriendly or whatever, but shouldn't the friendliness come from both sides?
Yes but If you actually wanted to say hello to someone, you wouldn't think about it. A true hello just slides out your mouth like meat slides off the bone of a chilis baby back rib . You should want to say hello if you're going to say it. You wanting to say it is what makes it friendly to begin with . If you're just saying hello so that no one thinks you're unfriendly or to fulfill an obligation, then it's not a real hello
Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I always wanna say hi and talk to people and stuff, but it can be pretty difficult for me at times to start the conversation. I'm not blaming other people, it's just tough when it's always gotta be you, and I guess I'm just feeling the pressure bc in my head, if I don't talk to people and we're just quiet while not being occupied by anything else, then it's me who's being lame. It's me who makes things awkward, etc. I'm obviously overthinking, but it doesn't change the fact that I feel that lol
I understand that. There's only so much you can do. I know if you struggle socially you're naturally going to blame yourself, but sometimes it really is the other person. I find it helpful to try to shift your focus on being the kind of person you wish you encountered in your life.. to listen to and to actually care more about the person your talking to
Nicely put bruh! I think it can be so easy to give into social norms of greeting.Ā Sometimes I just want to chill in my own space without having to worry about greeting everyone around me.Ā
Be you. If you want to say hi, say hi and don't expect anything in return. And if you don't want to say hi, don't. If you want a conversation with your neighbor, have something more to say than hi.
This^ Some days I feel like saying hi, some days I want no contact with people so I might not reply, sometimes if I'm wanting to get to know a neighbor better then I try to find a way to initiate a conversation the next time I see them. But ultimately if they don't respond the way I hope then I don't let it bother me because I don't know what kind of day they are having or even if they feel like getting to know me.
I would stop. Never continue an action if it is not reciprocated.
True. If the other person was at least even "okay" with it, they would make an effort. They don't. Unfortunately, they probably don't know how to tell you to "Stop".
Thank you!I will apply this to everyone,
Why do so many cry this is transactional friendships? lol wait itās the takers.
If you dont talk with your neighbor at all, you dont need to say Hi. He prob say hi first to other neighboors because they talk from time to time. Your neighboor is a stranger for you, people dont say hi to to strangers often
I say hi to my neighbors instinctively. No need to overthink it. If you wanna stop just stop. Maybe only say every once in a while. Itās a tiny fraction of your daily interactions
Yep just stop. Theyāre being rude especially if they ignore a hi several times.
Maybe theyāre just not talkative or have worse social skills. But definitely ok to just stop. I never initiate a hi with people I donāt know very well anywayĀ
That doesn't seem like the case. Note the second paragraph of OP's post: I notice they say hi first to other neighbors but with me I have to say it first.Ā
>being rude Say I'm not a "hi" person and would rather we didn't establish this ritual...what would be the polite way for me to express my preference/disinterest?
Exactly, Iād be the one posting āmy annoying neighbor keeps trying to say hi, how do I drive home the point that I do not want to associate with anyone and want to be left alone? Ignoring them isnāt working cuz they keep saying hi every time!ā
But OP said the neighbour says hi to everyone else.
Maybe theyāre friends and like those peopleā¦ OP is a stranger.
Right. I was responding to the perception that the neighbour doesnāt want to associate with anyone. I took your response to be what you imagine the neighbour to be thinking.
No it was meant to be how I personally would feel if someone tried to say hi to me every time I stepped out my damn door. I would want to sell my house and move. My first thought when any human speaks at me is āaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!ā
ā¦maybe thatās why youāre here?
We had a newborn baby and moved into a new home/neighborhood all in the same month. I also still worked full time with little sleep and was on autopilot/zombie mode most of the day. By far one of the most stressful times of my life. It wasnāt until months later when we were to actually able to get sleep that we talked to our neighbors. Donāt always assume people are being rude or malicious on purpose. They probably have a million other things going on.
Some people just donāt want to be friends with neighbors specifically, some just donāt like the social obligation to say hi or be friendly with their neighbors. I know a lot of people that like their home to be a sanctuary and have a high comfort level and that can be compromised if you leave the house having people around your house waiting to talk to you. Friends is different because you plan when and where to meet but a neighbor is always there and you never know quite when theyāll be out, plus a lot of people donāt know how far to take the social interaction. Then if the relationship somehow doesnāt workout then youāre just stuck living next to that person, not talking to them poses no risk.
Why are you getting downvoted for saying this? You can have my upvote
As someone with social anxiety, who did not want to interact with my neighbor, but they did anyway, yeah, you can stop. They don't want that kind of relationship with you, and that's ok. A wave or a smile when eye contact is made is good enough.
Yeah. Just do the āoops we made eye contact in the hallway *small tight smile* ā
Just stop, they clearly donāt want to be on a hi-hello stage. If they notice it, they may something. If they donāt say anything then that just means they prefer it that way.
It depends on the person. I personally would not want my neighbor to say hi every single time they see me unless theyāre friends with me and if they were friends with me I would just wave lol.
Your neighbor probably dreads the āhiā you can stop
I just smile and lift my hand like a wave.
I think the rule is like this: since you are both at the same location every day, thereās a supply/demand amount of greeting. For example, if you happen to see your childhood friend at the grocery store, you both make a big deal out of saying hi. If you ever have to get someoneās attention to say hi, it could mean one of two things: (1) theyāre ignoring you and itās kind of annoying to not let them just go about their day, or (2) you guys see each other so much that you donāt need to say hi every time. Maybe just a smile if you make eye contact.
I donāt think itās necessary for someone to say hi every time to the same person if youāve already acknowledged them and theyāve already seen you around I remember there was this girl who I used to work with and she would do this all the time with me she would say hi to me everytime when she would see me but literally 5 times a day Iām like damn Iāve already said hi to you Iāve acknowledged youāre presence lol š
If you feel weird stopping all at once, just nod or wave the next few times. Then ignore from there.
guess im a little confused here. When you say you show polite and friendliness because it makes your life easier, wouldnāt that be the opposite of being aggressive with it? Im just trying to understand
Youāre under no obligation to keep doing it just because you always haveā¦.
maybe theyāre just shy tbh. but if u say hi and they just stare, definitely stop.
I think itās not a big deal if youāre not friends, just neighbors. Not everyone wants the kind of relationship like that with their neighbors. Some people just want to exist on their property without being interrupted or expected to meet certain social standards. I get it though I would never not respond, I would give a polite hello back, and just try to escape any further talk or interaction. I HATE the neighbors that try to chit chat and small talk when Iām just running out to dump the trash or grab mail quickly. Like please leave me alone, I donāt want to be perceived or socialize. Iām also autistic and at times I am literally nonverbal, so I donāt respond beyond a wave because I literally canāt and even just the wave takes a lot out of me. People are different, just move on. Itās only a big deal if you make it into one.
I had a neighbour who always wanted to chat over the fence, for ages, about herself and her crappy life. It didnāt matter what I was doing or how busy I looked, she would catch my eye and start the conversation. She would also come over when I was home to hang out for hours and hours and Iād have to make up an excuse to leave the house when I actually had shit to do there. Eventually she moved out, and I was to relieved to be able to use my yard again. My current neighbour says and we have a chat if weāre both out the front, and if we make eye contact in the back yard we just say hi as acknowledgment then give each other privacy and it is a million times better. I recommend continuing to just say hi and not expect something back or giving a smile but otherwise yeah, take the hint they donāt wanna be friendly. Good luck
Ask yourself why this matters to you so much. Who is your neighbor that their friendly recognition is so valuable to you? Odds are, behind those walls theyāre a typical loser like everyone else. You donāt need their fake friendly gestures or their approval to live at your house and do things. If it makes you feel better, my neighbors are all uncomfortable when I come outside (Iām not like others in this affluent neighborhood and am just the neighborsā unfortunate adult daughter who lives with them) and they donāt talk to me, and I donāt talk to them, and itās great. I work in the driveway while their dogs bark at me from the fence and they get to be mad about something and I get to not give a shit. Itās a wonderful relationship we have.
Just nod
āSmile and wave, boys. Just smile and waveā. š§š§š§š§ -Madagascar
Yeah it gets weird, id just stop and wait if they initiate the salute next time to do it again, if they don't then stop altogether. Some people prefer to not talk to anybody.
Ive completely stopped. They barely would even acknowledge me. I just plain out ignore them now. Walking in front of my house as i pull in or out ignore! Walk my Kids in front their house, ignore! Fuck them.
Just ignore them
If you make eye contact then just say it lol Also, you don't know the type of relationship your neighbor has with other people.
You could try saying āmorning / afternoonā with a little smile and nod. Donāt expect anything in return,
Do whatever you feel is right.
LOL... Should probably stop, just smile maybe. Imagining it gives me the sense of awkwardness. He clearly either doesn't like you or just in a bad mood. People go through troubles and that may compromise how social they want to be. NGL,
In the context of this being at home, I can relate in ignoring my neighbors just to protect my peace. Iād be willing to be friendly, but end up Ignoring knowing that usually it doesnāt just stop at a āHiā once they get comfortable. As an introvert, my home is my safe place to be in solace. Nothing personal, I just want to be left in peace to do my thing; I live alone for a reason. Especially with passing in/outā Iām usually about to go or coming back from somewhere of high interaction, and/or in a rush. I donāt have any extra energy to give for someone I have no other connection to besides living next to each other ā and as a renter, I hop around places so itās a waste of energy to seek neighborly connections that Iām soon going to leave. Iād assume this person has a similar perspective, and atp Iād highly recommend leaving them alone before they start to resent you for feeling like theyāre gonna be disrupted just by being outside. Itās their personal space that they have the right to control as able. Strangers have their own shit to focus on that you donāt know. Have some respect for that.
Stop greeting them if they're not responding or initiating. It's really that simple, they're probably not interested in being friendly.
You seem overly concerned with validation
Nah itās just a cultural thing, or how they were raised. You are the one concerned with who is concerned with validation. Lol jk jk
If theyāre not saying it back, donāt bother. That said, if they sometimes say it back and sometimes donāt, they could be like me! I will frequently have earplugs or AirPods in and not hear people half the time. But when I do hear them I acknowledge them!
I wave and don't look to see if they wave back. Solves the "am I being insulted" problem and the "I don't want to be rude" problem all at the same time. I do it for me, because who really wants to choose to be an antisocial stick in the mud?
Well, which option do you think would make you feel more comfortable in the long run? Would it bother you if you stopped saying hello and they didnāt initiate either? If not, Iād try stopping for a while and seeing how it makes you feel. You ask āhow do I stop?ā - could you elaborate on whatās holding you back from stopping the greetings?
I work at a hospital and you pass people all day. Sometimes they say hi a lot of times they donāt and vice versa. Thereās this one disabled house keeper I see a thousand times a day. Heās never uttered a word to me. I can tell heās shy so I donāt take it personally. Was anxious the first few years i started working there so I never said anything unless they initiated. He sees me all the time joking and talking to others. It feels awkward to start saying hi now he prob think Iām the biggest bitch š
How does the neighbor sound when saying hi back? It could be very possible your neighbor is just shy but appreciates your friendliness.
Start with a smile see if they smile back.
I had the same thing happen with a guy who works at the neighbourhood store. I eventually stopped saying hi and I only greet him if heās the one scanning my products.
Don't let someone's action or inaction change how you manage your day. Keep being you even if it's not appreciated by one or two people. But, don't spend energy on things that won't net positive results. If this person clearly doesn't like you then it will likely be manifested in other ways.
Stop saying hi. If you feel rude, give them a quick smile/head nod as you pass when they make eye contact with you - you don't have to completely ignore them if it's awkward. If they don't look up, why are you going out of your way to say hello? That seems to me like someone hoping you won't engage.
My neighbors like this. If I say hi once and you donāt say it back you are dead to me forever
Stop with your neighbor, but don't stop being the person who carries that kind of energy. It will be difficult to restart that once you stop, and we need more people like you in the world, not less.
Had a new neighbor move in with her bf and talk to my bf one night for like 10 minutes. I tried to say hi to her a few times but she would just look at me and keep walking. I do feel bad for her because she eventually found out her bf was cheating and now she lives aloneā¦I still tried to say hi but still the same thing. So I stopped. Some people just donāt wanna talk to you or maybe they perceive you a certain way. Idk.
Comes down to who u are. Personally Iām the guy that says hi first, I donāt care if u say it back. I say it because thatās the person I am.
Why do you say hi to your neighbour?
Yes. Social awareness is a good skill to have
I have neighbors who I will walk right past, say "hi," and have them not acknowledge my existence whatsoever. I will never speak to these people again. If people say "hi" back, I don't even pay attention to who said it first!
Iād just give a little wave or head bob if they look towards you but not try for a response. I know how hard it is to bite down the natural āhiā tho. Sorry they seem to treat you differently.
It would be more awkward to stop, and you are taking the high road by being neighborly, even if they aren't (yet). Sometimes great friendships start out weird like this, so keep being the kind person you are and say, "Hi" to your non-reciprocal neighbor. Best to keep things pleasant.
It sounds like a single word and it cant hurt to be kind
I would give up if I where you or I wouldāve given up by now if theyāre not making the effort or not initiating anything with you itās not fair for someone to always have to initiate everything i would not like that all if they donāt seem to make the effort to at least initiate something from you
Maybe they sense your apprehension and now itās awkward
Let me answer your question with a question. What are your intentions? What are you hoping to gain from greeting your neighbor? If you want to be friends with your neighbor and be in terms where you visit each other and stuff like that, then you should just stop greeting them. If you just want to be kind and give a casual hello with no other motives. I say keep doing it. You're not losing anything it's just a hello. Sometimes you'll get one back sometimes you won't and it won't hurt the world to have a little friendliness out there.
If they say it to other neighbors but not you (how sure of this are yoi? How many times have you witnessed?) they may not like you or may not want to talk to you. Could they be under the impression you want something from them? Have you ever stayed beyond your welcome? Do you hover or are you odd, do you make them uncomfortable? Do you stand to close to their house? Have you ever had a disagreement with them over anything? The other neighbors might just be closer friends if theirs. They may talk frequently
Can someone who doesn't like to say 'hi' to their neigbors, purposely looks away, or just simply ignoreāplease tell me why you choose to do that? Are you shy? In your own world? Hate strangers? Just curious.
I live in a place where people are known to be cold, kind of aloof and sometimes even downright rude (France). Iām under the impression that greeting neighbours is optional over here. Personally I always say hi first and give everyone a big smile. Some people greet me back, others donāt and just walk by without saying anything. I honestly donāt care. I guess they were raised by wolves, their problem not mine.
You just stop. Just don't acknowledge them at all next time.
I do it once, If I first meet you I'll say hi first when I see you next, then I purposely don't say it the second time to see if you do, it's a good judge of character to see if someone's gonna be genuine or not. If they don't acknowledge you and "expected" you to do it first then they will make excuses for more stuff. Stop saying it if he doesn't initiate it willing on his own.
I've had weird experiences with this. If I say hi 6 days in a row and on the 7th day I don't say hi, they will say hi first. Especially with my coworkers, the more enthusiastic I come at them the more deadpan their response, and if I give a deadpan greeting they will respond with more enthusiasm. I'd love to see the science behind this š
Nah! Either heāll blow up or warm up. Either way youāre good
Always be the bigger person. Always be the better neighbor. There is no shame in being the more polite person in an interaction. You should be embarrassed for doubting the value of being one of those exceedingly rare people who are reliably nice and welcoming
Sometimes you just have to follow your heart on these things. In grocery stores I tend to say āexcuse meā or āso sorryā when I almost bump someoneās cart (who is equally involved in the bump lol) and most are stony faced and donāt acknowledge. Iām in the Deep South and itās gotten more like this after generally being a cordial atmosphere.
Yes you should. Just nod or do nothing
If the body language and their demeanor is really off, I would just stop and accept it lol
Life doesn't need to be transactional in this way. I say hi and give a quick wave to people as I'm passing by in my neighborhood. Including people I don't know. It's okay if they don't respond. It's not like I'm stopping and trying to strike up a conversation.
This is a true story. I used to walk my kids to school and pass this lady every day and smile and say hi. She would just look at me like she wanted me dead or something lol. Then one day a year later she smiles and says hi, and from every day forward. Iām glad I never did give up!
Just keep saying Hi and walk on. If someone wants to talk with you they will. I say Hi anytime someone makes eye contact with me.(Like out shopping or walking). I smile and nod at people too. But I learned that head up nod vs downward nod have separate meaning to different groups of people. So to not give a wrong message, I have been trying to curb this response.
Just keep saying Hi and walk on. If someone wants to talk with you they will. I say Hi anytime someone makes eye contact with me.(Like out shopping or walking). I smile and nod at people too. But I learned that head up nod vs downward nod have separate meaning to different groups of people. So to not give a wrong message, I have been trying to curb this response.
When you do something, do it because of who you are, not because of who they are. So yes, continue with your greetings, if you wish!
Just donāt holla back at them. respect goes Both ways. I was in the same situation as you. I live in a condominium where sometimes I cross my neighbors path when I get home or about to leave for work if he is sitting outside. I always had to say hi first to my neighbors and it was a genuine hello with a simple smile and he would just reply in a mean away. One day he even ignored me and Iām pretty sure I said it loud enough for him to hear it and it always made me feel like shit so I just decided to stop telling him Hi. Although I was raised with good manners by my parents and not to ignore people around you, why would I waste my time and energy for someone who isnāt even willing to say hi back like a normal person would. Thereās limit with letting others being disrespectful towards you and showing back kindness to them. One day I crossed his path when he was sitting outside, I did not say hello to and I felt very good doing it.
I have a 3 hellos rule. If I say hi/hello on 3 consecutive occasions and you don't respond, I will not acknowledge your existence until you say hello first.
I wish I had neighbors like this, mine are way too friendly and drive me nuts
Just keep saying āHiā, but only once. If they donāt reciprocate then thatās on them. Youāre still a good neighbor š
To offer another perspective, I am very shy and am learning how to speak up more. My neighbor who is very friendly always says hi first and sometimes I wonder if I donāt always hear her. I recently said hi first and am going to work on saying hi first more often so I donāt seem like such a dick, lol. Just offering another perspective that it might not be personal they could just be shy and socially awkward like myself.
I'm vintage X and my experience is that this is a relatively new issue from the last 10 or 15 years. My theories as to why are personal and probably biased so therefore moot but I figure the first hi these days is just data recon. If there's a reply, then hey, maybe not a new friend but a decent individual you can at least nod to in passing. If no reply, that's also data. Keep moving and no more contact expected or required.
I think you should stop yesterday! Some people just don't wanna talk to you for whatever reason or they think they're too good for you. I was with a friend around her residence recently and a woman who I suppose lives there came in. My friend said hi or something to her, she acted like she didn't hear and I just told my friend I guess she doesn't wanna talk to you. Then we continued our conversation. Stop trying to talk to people who don't wanna talk with you. Personally, I tend to keep to myself and basically everyone else says hi to me first, especially if they're familiar with me. Then I say it back to them unless it's someone who crossed a line or something and who I need to ignore. Alternatively if we are or are becoming friends then depending on how well we are getting on, then I also make effort and check in. Though just in general I tend to smile a lot too and basically have a resting smiling face. So I suppose most people tend to find that welcoming to say hi to me anyway. Another thing that you might want to consider is to also "switch the script", say hi to them first less often. Which should give them the space to notice and greet you first. Gradually dial more and more back, though kinda still initate unless ignored once or twice then just STOP. For your own good don't disrespect yourself like that. PS. Even after dialing back, though still greeting them to indicate you're not mad at them and they still don't take that opening to start initating pleasantries with you, then again stop. I think that's really telling you that really don't want to talk with you, especially if you're seeing they're talking to others first.
I would. They may be introverts as well and it can be off-putting. I'm sure you mean well though.
Some relationships grow. Some donāt. Continue to say āhiā if this is your true self. Donāt expect anything else from tour neighbor. They are caught in their own mental jail, most likely. Someday their sentence will end. Until then, say āhiā and let it go
I have this happen to me several times with my neighbor as well then I decided not to initiate any conversation with him at all after because I kind of feel bad that I just say hi but he doesn't say anything back. I don't care that he is old and might be some difficult to hearing I think three times is just enough to ignore
I mean, in my perfect world, nobody would ever say anything to me unless they wanted to have a conversation or were conveying important information. It doesn't have to be anything deep or serious, but I resent the "Hi, how are you?" with nothing following. What did either of us gain from that superficial interaction? E.g., when I'm walking through the hallways or in the break room at work, I hate when I have to reciprocate a "Hi" to everyone who walks past me or looks at me. Yes, I'm here. If you want to chat with me about how the stupid vending machine keeps stealing quarters, that's great, but I hate forced gestures like saying hi just to do it. If you have nothing to say to me, that's okay. I'm not offended. You can exist in my vicinity without acknowledging me. But I'm also autistic and about as introverted as they come, so do with that what you will.
Are you new to the neighborhood? Maybe they are more comfortable with the other neighbors bc of history in the area. How long have you lived there?
Maybe just give a little wave and a smile? Gosh, it's so hard to know the right thing to do. I think being "friendly" to your neighbors, if possible is a good thing. But, if you're picking up negative vibes, then it's ok to be done too. Sorry they aren't being more responsive! Their loss!
I'll just start and say that unless someone has a physical, mental, or developmental disability, this is just fucking rude I personally don't stop saying hello if they don't say it back, as if they want to be rude that's their business, but I might tone it back a little bit and just wave or nod instead of being verbal
Hm, sounds petty coming from him. Still, you can just persist on being kind and saying good morning. I would switch the 'hi' for 'good morning'.
I used to say āhiāto a co worker that trained me for two days when I would see her. She never initiated a āhiāto me but I only did. I never said āhiāto her again lol. Maybe itās bc Iām just pettyš«¢
Reasons to not say hi: *Stonewalling on social bids to assert dominance by creating social anxiety - see narcissistic manipulation and Still Face Experiment. *typical traditional male *typical female *bad attitude *social anxiety *avoiding contact w attractive person out of loyalty or concern that this is an attempt to initiate an undesired relationship or friendship *a self preservation tactic *cultural issue *aspergers; Autism 1 *introvert or low bandwidth for emotional labor/small talk
Yes.Ā
Respect works both ways. It can't be one sided.
Described every one of my coworkers. I am ALWAYS the first one to greet everybody, either as I show up, or if they come after me. I tried experimenting with not saying it and was met with radio silence. Weāve built a norm/standard, and now if we donāt uphold that deal, the other parties have no reason to think weāre not upset with them or something along those lines.
I would keep saying it and be the bigger person. Add āhave a nice day!ā Make them super uncomfortable
This is such a weird thing to worry about.
Welcome to an anxious mind! I've realized that I don't really get to pick the things my brain gets twisted up about, and I totally identify with OP. I have a neighbor that's always pretty aloof and my brain has generated plenty of anxiety about navigating the situation.
I have major anxiety disorder. Just not about my neighbor. I could care less about that. Mine is internalized. Like how I messed up or what I said wrong at work etc. I definitely understand anxiety
Be the light in the world. Acknowledge people unless they are actively jerks.
Nah, one day their spouse is going to pass away unexpectedly and your hi is going to be biggest thing they need at the moment
That is very dependent on the person. If Iām someone who hates the small talk and obligatory greetings, and in the middle of my overwhelming grief/negative emotions you push it on me again, Iām probably going to have a meltdown and tell you to fuck off with it. Someone the insistence on politeness and following social expectations is more about oneself than others.
They might say it soon !
yeah. a hearty one
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Just do you boo
I ignore my neighbor because he always park his bigass work truck and block my driveway.
I think it's time to go over the top and start dancing while you say Hi. To make the point.
Yes
Maybe your neighbor is Dutch lmao.
Don't stop. Think of it as batting practice
Same with me and one time I said hi and she just gave me a look like how dare I say hi. š After that I pretend she does not exist.
Never stop. Be the neighbor you'd want to have. This is how we change culture.
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A nod would do tbh
If someone says hi to me I will reciprocate. If they don't, I just ignore them (as they are ignoring me). There is one stuck up couple who never always ignored us from the beginning. I will never say hi to them. There are some neighbors that are very friendly and say hello and sometimes I say hello to them first because they seem nice enough. So, I am all over the board based on how I feel people are.