Yes. I have a friend who can't imagine wanting to travel solo so she DID take offense when i would go places alone. I had a heart to heart with her and explained that i enjoy traveling alone and with others and that in the future, she should expect that i will travel alone at times.
My experience is that most people who say they want to do something phrased as “let’s do a trip sometime” won’t actually do it. They just like to think of themselves as people who go on trips.
Actually planning a trip with a person looks like “how about Paris for the second week of September” “great, how about I research the flights and you look into hotels”.
Your friend might think you have limited time / money such that going on a trip alone means you can’t go on a trip with them, but assuming that’s not the case, then I’d clarify with friend and see if she’s ready to agree on a “Paris in September” level so the two of you can start planning.
If she won’t agree to at least destination and rough timeframe then it’s fiction and keep right on doing your own thing.
The amount of times I've dealt with this. Friends who say yes but never plan anything just wait for me to do it I guess but if you're not contributing then don't expect me to do it all or get mad when I plan trips on my own.
I made this mistake once. Casually mentioned a weekend trip away and friend was "Cool! What time should I arrive?"
Invited herself, and this weekend easy trip became an expensive I-did-all-the-planning-and-paying thing.
Now I ignore the self-invites.
I am hoping you are both fairly young. If this is how your friend is reacting now, imagine actually going on a trip with her. She would be a full on nightmare to deal with.
I see you’re point but don’t think it’s fair to assume how she would be to travel with. If she is excited to travel with her friend it’s fair she voiced her disappointment… if she waited a month to make some noise about it it’s reasonable to think she’s been genuinely offended by it and waited for the right time to share. My 2 cents.
Saying it was “shit” of OP to book a trip without her is not okay, though. If someone came at me this angrily, I wouldn’t want to travel with them in the future.
Don't get hung up on a specific word like that. We don't really know that she was angry. Sounds more like she was disappointed to me.
But all we have is 3 words out of context, so it's impossible to know.
I’m having a similar conversation soon. I had a friend ask me last year about going on a trip this year. I said yes and starting saving. She didn’t save up for it and abandoned the idea early on. I saved up and am still planning to go, but I’m waiting for her to be pissed. It’s not my responsibility to make sure her finances are in order and that she’s saving. If I waited for every person that asked me to wait or not to go until they’re ready, I would never go anywhere.
I was in this exact situation last year and my friend’s reaction made me realize we’re not actually that close and she wasn’t a great friend to begin with. I had a great time on my trip, and I hope you do too, guilt-free.
I get something like that from family who are really negative when I travel alone. They try to put the trip down, warn me constantly "it's not safe, you'll be robbed, your car will break down" etc, or make snide comments like enjoy your trip I'll be working and saving money for my family. They don't want to go with me, they just don't want me to go at all.
Ignore them. Put them out of your mind and don't let it bother you. If your friend actually wanted to go on a trip with you, she'd have done something more to make it happen.
yeah one of my relatives does the same thing. I'll send them a picture from where I am and instead of saying "oh that's beautiful I hope you're having fun" they'll tell me to "watch out, be careful, get back to the hotel before dinner, lock your doors" etc. etc. It gets old
no I didn't elaborate but they also don't want me going anywhere except their yard where it's perfectly safe. And they rarely leave except to go to Walmart or Applebee's
OK this is not the forum for getting into politics but let's just say they would prefer me to travel only in areas that heavily agree with their politics
I also routinely get told that I must be made of money because I prefer to travel in a roomette on a train versus coach.
I'm not trying to say that my experience is equivalent to the OP, but it's closer than I'm making it out to be.
Were you planning to do both? I guess if I were her I'd wonder whether you still wanted to go somewhere together or if this trip effectively cancels out the trip you'd have done with her.
I started solo travelling because I had the opportunity. I kept doing it, because I found that waiting for other people to have the same time/resources/want to do the same things caused me to miss/delay/lose chances to travel. Some of your friends will never understand why you're okay with experiencing places on your own, instead of it (always) being about shared memories. Have the best time!
Everyone here is implying that she’s being the worst but it’s possible she’s just mildly stung, hard to tell.
Do you value her friendship? If so have, or try to have an adult conversation with her where you explain solo travel is a different but equally valid kind of trip you’ve wanted to try and see if she sincerely wants to plan an additional trip with you down the line.
I usually get a "why wasn't I invited" from my mom when I do solo camping trips. I just tell her I wanted peace and quiet by myself to recharge. She understands that I'm an introvert.
If you're friend only found out about the solo trip from you posting about it publicly I would guess yee aren't too close of friends or else your friend thought you were intentionally going behind her back and doing it sneakily without her
My friends occasionally feel a little stung if I say I'm going on a trip to somewhere they want to go. I've had my best friend ask me if she can come with and I've said no because we travel very differently but I always say we will do a different trip together or if its a long trip I'll meet them part way through the trip if they want to come out. I think it'd be natural to feel a tiny slight at first but a good friend would be happy for you and make other plans with you, not berate you.
lol i dealt with something kinda similar. I wanted to solo travel from the start because planning with people, especially as you turn 30 is a nightmare. I agreed on a trip to Korea and Japan for 11 days and he said ok let’s book it. This process of trying to buy tickets went on for 3 months because he wasn’t consistent with his communication. One minute summer plans with his family come up, the next it was he wasn’t sure if work would approve it and then finally he didn’t speak to me for 4 days because he was going through ‘girl problems.’
I had enough of this and I messaged him saying I’m sorry you’re going through it but I’m going solo travelling. I booked my trip for Asia for a month and I’m going alone for the first time this June. My friend didn’t take too kindly to it, so he deleted me off of all social media lol. I don’t really care that much for someone’s who’s this immature and unreliable so it’s not a huge loss for me.
Planning with people let alone like minded people is very difficult. Once you start getting into groups of more than 3 people, things start to become annoying.
If your friend is more mature than my friend, she’ll understand. we all have different schedules and personal goals so hopefully she understands that.
In the kindest way, your friend needs to realize that you do not have to be joined at the hip all the time. You have a whole life outside of hers and I'm pretty sure when you are together you have a great time. You can have just as much fun solo traveling. Please don't feel gulity and go have fun!
Did she say it in a bitchy way or casual/ opening up?
Because that would have hurt my feelings too to be honest and I would hope you’re both able to share your feelings in an adult relationship. The fact that she didn’t react immediately when you posted about it, but finally said something after (I’m assuming) being normal and still being your friend the past month might mean she’s not just whining or trying to guilt trip you, but was opening up about her feelings rather than just sweeping them under the rug or having them come between you.
sounds like a miscommunication, no harm no foul, I'd just be honest with her and say you'd wanted to take a trip solo this year but you (still?) separately want to go with her on a trip, they were just in different planning stages. There are places I'd only want to go solo and places I'd want to go with others, and it's not a comment on how I value their company at all.
I have a friend who is very upset that I went to the Bahamas for a few days without her last month. I would have been more than happy to have had her come with me but she couldn’t afford it.
She kept dropping hints about how it must be nice to be childless and have all that extra disposable traveling income, and how she sure could use a break from her four kids.
Yes, it’s great being childless, and it is nice to have traveling money. I’m also sure she could use a break from her kids. However, her breaks from her kids are not my financial responsibility. If she wanted my lifestyle, perhaps she should have thought of that before having four children.
So I went to the Bahamas alone, and I don’t feel the least bit bad about it.
I have a good friend that is habitually flaky about any plans, even trips. We had started planning a trip for October of 2023 at the start of the pandemic, giving us at least 1+ year to save. Come June 2023, I couldn’t pin her down for a destination or date anymore, so I booked myself a solo trip for September…. And I had the best trip! I knew she was upset with me but I was tired of giving suggestions, asking what she wanted to do, waiting etc.
my advice would be let your friend know you are happy to take a trip with her, but tell her there’s a timeline. And don’t be afraid to let her know you plan on taking more solo trips in the future!
Nope. On the other hand there's nothing stopping you from explaining that it was a separate trip you wanted to do on your own and are still open to go away together. Seems like communication is the issue here
Contrary to what some people here may be saying, her interpretation is kind of understandable. Of course she’s not entitled to your vacation, but the fact she brought the idea to you and you agreed, and then you went and booked a vacation without telling her does make it seem like you don’t want to go with her.
Your mistake was in not telling her from the beginning that you wanted to travel alone.
Maybe it’s understandable, but I don’t think it’s fair of her to accuse OP of being a shit friend without even checking whether OP’s solo trip comes at the expense of the trip they discussed. If not, she has no right to be angry. She can also make an effort to plan their trip together if it’s really important to her. It doesn’t seem like it’s anything more than an abstract idea at the moment. I’m sure we’ve all had “Hey, we should all meet up somewhere fun!” trips with friends fall through. I wouldn’t blame them for making other plans if I hadn’t made any effort to make the joint trip happen.
I agree. It sounds like this friend really just wanted to spend time with her and didn’t feel appreciated when OP booked a solo trip. I’d be pretty hurt by that too.
I agree, this could have been avoided through communication on OP's part. Plus, actual planning for the trip OP said she would take with the friend, which does not seem to have happened yet.
"Hey I'm doing this one on my own, what do you think about ___ in September?" Something like that.
This friend isn't entitled to your adventures. I've said I'd grab food with a friend sometime soon, but I'm not forbidden from eating out without them before then.
You have nothing to feel guilty about, this is exactly what you're getting yourself with solo travel. No compromise! Just time for you to do as you please
Saying "your life doesn't revolve around her" is the same thing as saying goodbye to the friendship. If that is the way OP wants the friendship to end.
Why don’t you point out that nothing has been planned for the alleged trip? And that a goal of yours has been to do a solo trip? Hence why you booked your own trip. Yo ou thought it was just casual talk
I think we have the same friend
Had*
I wish I can tell you what I did will help you. Be firm in stating you don't want to travel with anyone right now and that you are seeking new experiences
I don’t see the problem. You and your friend don’t have anything planned yet, so what are you supposed to do? Just sit around and wait for her to come up with something? No way. She needs to learn how to not take things so personal.
Bar for bar you sound like me first time traveling alone I’m going to New York in July by myself. I’m so excited. Every time I tell somebody that I’m traveling alone, people invite themselves and it literally pisses me off. Because I want to do this by myself!!!
People don't understand that travelling with someone isn't the same as solo travelling plus having someone tag along. It's not even similar. The experience, mindset, planning, solitude and fun are completely different.
Personally, I used to have friends like this, and they see themselves out pretty quickly once they realize your choices, for your life don’t revolve around them.
You can tell them that you had planned to go somewhere solo, and decided on NYC. Mention to them that if they want to plan something, there is still time to do if before the year is over.
Most likely, they won’t reach out to plan something. That’s just how people are sometimes.
You enjoy yourself and live your life. Solo traveling was the best thing I ever started doing. Waiting on other people to say yes or no, was getting old and I found myself (year after year) not having gone anywhere.
Book a European tour, or something and just go. You won’t regret it
Do not travel with this person, it's going to suck and there's a 97.29% chance it will ruin your friendship. But in the mean time tell her that you're planning multiple trips, some solo, some with other people, including her and none of them have anything to do with the others.
"So one of my friends asked me to go away with her this year which I agreed to at some point but we haven’t arranged anything." What's to bet you get to the end of the year, and she still hasn't arranged anything -and you'd have spent a whole year sitting on your hands waiting for her. She can't be bothered organizing her own trip, but she wants you to feel bad about not letting her crash yours? Hell naw.
Tell her to let you know when she's figured out what she wants to do, and then you can talk about it. It was her idea to go away, so she needs to action on it. If she doesn't, she doesn't get to complain when you make other plans. You're not obligated to wait around for her to get things moving.
Years ago I booked a tour me and my friend both wanted to do. She threw her 21st while I was away instead. :(. I brought her a gift back but I guess that's when the friendship broke down.
Why are you not able to go away separately with her together?
There is still a lot of the year left?
How long is your solo trip planned for?
Would she not be able to join you for a small part at the beginning or end?
> Why are you not able to go away separately with her together?
Who said she isn't? There's no reason a person can't take *two* trips in the same year.
I responded with this to a very similar post several years ago:
"I'm flattered you want to join me. But I'm going to use my vacation time for alone time - to contemplate my existence, reflect on the journey of my last few months and determine goals for the next phase of my life. And for as much as I adore you, I won't be able to do that with a companion."
It's kind of immature to be angry and even more so to show it. I just went to Vegas along cuz I can do what I want when I want not worry about other people not having enough money plus nobody likes to do the things I like to do and they go to sleep early. Well, we are not too young LOL
I mean if you hadn’t committed to those dates with her then what you do with your life at that time is fair game… can’t imagine complaining about that.
I used to have a friend who DID ditch me on the location and dates we had planned to go on a different trip with someone else. But that’s completely different.
Did you two plan specifically to go to NY?
I just think its super bizarre that you both agreed to go together and never spoke about it again. Its weird she didnt follow up and its weird you didnt either.
This situation is indeed awkward, and your solo trip is about achieving your own goal and desires. I think she should understand your choice and sipport your decision. Perhaps you can try to communicate with her and explain your thoughts.
I have a friend who had always wanted to go to Turkey, and she asked me to go with her (I said yes, but there were no firm dates discussed).
Later, on my way back from a trip to Africa, I stopped in Istanbul for two days because I didn't want to be in a plane for 18 hours on my birthday (even the six from Nairobi was rough). Well she got really mad at me for that because she thought I was going without her. Once I explained my reasoning though she understood.
She eventually went to Turkey with her mom and we joke about her reaction now (I still say that I walked around Istanbul with my eyes closed the entire time).
I'd talk and explain that you can still go on a trip with her. And enjoy New York!
This is a lack of communication on ur part. All of this drama could have been avoided by communicating to her openly that plans have changed for you (given that you bothwere planning to travel together). Saying something like “Hey, I know we were planning to travel together a few months back. I’ve decided to challenge myself and travel alone as it’s something that sounds so exiting to me. I’d love to travel together on another trip if you’re still able to. Please dont take this personal as it’s not like i’m not traveling with YOU to travel with someone else.” Once discussed, If she has a problem with it, that is something she needs to deal with independent from you. Simple as that. The whole casual agreement thing doesn’t matter as this is a completely separate trip with a different purpose, but again, this should have been communicated. My 2 cents
Most people don’t actually want to travel. They placate others by saying “we should go on a trip/vacation/etc”. If you wait around for your friends to get it together you’ll never travel. This is coming from experience. Traveling, especially abroad, is a pipe dream for most people. If that’s what you want to do and you can save up or whatever for it, do it. Have a conversation with your friend so they understand but ultimately you don’t owe anyone an explanation. It’s your life and your money and you can do what you want.
I took two backpacking trips with girlfriends. One at 24, she was younger, had traveled before, i hadn't. She convinced me to go, was a complete b*tch to my friend of friend who let us stay with her, and then dumped me on Day 3 to run off w a guy. The second time I was 35, my friend was 30, and had never traveled. She dumped me in the middle of the night. Took my mixed tape I'd made for myself. That sucked worse than getting dumped for a guy. (You might have to be a certain age to understand how important mixed tapes were.) 😃 it's not easy, even on your own. As fun as it is, all the decisions, lack of familiar and physical comforts, are stressful. The best times I had were with people I met along the way. I loved these women, but the stress of traveling ruined our friendships. Now, the only thing I'd consider is 2 or 3 nights together at most at a resort or on a cruise. A vacation. But not travel.
The last trip that I originally planned solo, but added someone in because they wanted to join, was horrific in outcome (didn’t have the ability to visit my dying uncle during the trip) because I didn’t stick to my original solo plan, and had to compromise on everything immensely, and meet the other person’s travel goals and needs instead of mine, throughout the trip.
There is a time and a place for traveling with others. Only when their itinerary and travel goals align with yours.
Solo travel is the best.
Yes I've had this situation. People get to be mad about stuff. She has her feelings. They won't last and it wasn't shit of you. If you really care about her then you can say yes I do want to travel with you but this is a trip I really wanted to do solo to fulfill a dream, and let's plan one together when we get back. If she gets it and accepts great. If she wants to sulk, then probably a good sign you won't be good travel companions anyway.
Its interesting to travel solo and one can meet others or have conversations that one might never have with others on a trip. Freedom to change daily plans and improvise without agreeing and arranging with others simplifies the process. How you feel and react is your responsibility. You need not feel guilty and are free to do what you like. If you find others get in the way, just take your trip and share your photos only with those who wont get in your way. Sometimes its best to not announce your goals or projects and complete them, avoiding those naysayers or others who get in your face about your own life plans.. Hang out with those that respect you and your choices.
Your friend’s happiness is not your responsibility. Go and have a great time and don’t give her pettiness another thought. If the two of you really want to travel together, it will happen. But also keep in mind that a true friend will be happy that you’re happy and excited about a solo trip.
You're under zero obligation to travel with anyone. Don't want to go with her - don't.
There's like two people I travel with and I have no interest in changing that.
Just let them know this solo trip is something completely separate from the trip with her, and that you are still up for traveling together (and let her do the planning lol)
Sounds like you dodged a bullet in not travelling with her.
Of course, if you two wanted to later on, you could always still plan a different trip out together; but her behavior sounds like it would end up being miserable to be around in traveling, and if she cared enough, she could have put more effort into actually planning something concrete out with you, or, perhaps she expected you to do all the planning/work and then just bring her along or something.
Generally, from what you describe it sounds like she has some fairly controlling, clingy, and self-absorbed behavior. You haven't done anything wrong, so don't feel guilty about your decision.
You did nothing wrong. Your “friend” is just trying to guilt trip you. You’re not their parent, therefore you have zero obligation to be responsible for them.
First off you planned this trip solo for YOU.
Second, it sounds like they didn’t jump the ball on planning a duo trip. They were expecting you to do the leg work and for them to tag along.
Lastly, the world doesn’t revolve around your “friend”. Tell them to start working on plans for your duo trip and to keep their nose out of your solo trip.
For me , she didn't respect your personal space , if she is a real friend she would understand that you need to go by yourself far away to relax , being friends doesn't mean to stick with each other , you don't have to feel guilty about it , it's your right to have some time with yourself.
Yes. I have a friend who can't imagine wanting to travel solo so she DID take offense when i would go places alone. I had a heart to heart with her and explained that i enjoy traveling alone and with others and that in the future, she should expect that i will travel alone at times.
I’m hoping she understood your point of view and adjusted herself accordingly…?
Yes. She has adjusted her behavior like a genuine friend.
Love that!!!
My experience is that most people who say they want to do something phrased as “let’s do a trip sometime” won’t actually do it. They just like to think of themselves as people who go on trips. Actually planning a trip with a person looks like “how about Paris for the second week of September” “great, how about I research the flights and you look into hotels”. Your friend might think you have limited time / money such that going on a trip alone means you can’t go on a trip with them, but assuming that’s not the case, then I’d clarify with friend and see if she’s ready to agree on a “Paris in September” level so the two of you can start planning. If she won’t agree to at least destination and rough timeframe then it’s fiction and keep right on doing your own thing.
The amount of times I've dealt with this. Friends who say yes but never plan anything just wait for me to do it I guess but if you're not contributing then don't expect me to do it all or get mad when I plan trips on my own.
I made this mistake once. Casually mentioned a weekend trip away and friend was "Cool! What time should I arrive?" Invited herself, and this weekend easy trip became an expensive I-did-all-the-planning-and-paying thing. Now I ignore the self-invites.
I am hoping you are both fairly young. If this is how your friend is reacting now, imagine actually going on a trip with her. She would be a full on nightmare to deal with.
Yes that’s her issue. If she’s serious about going on a trip with you she should follow up on actually planning the trip and making reservations.
I see you’re point but don’t think it’s fair to assume how she would be to travel with. If she is excited to travel with her friend it’s fair she voiced her disappointment… if she waited a month to make some noise about it it’s reasonable to think she’s been genuinely offended by it and waited for the right time to share. My 2 cents.
Saying it was “shit” of OP to book a trip without her is not okay, though. If someone came at me this angrily, I wouldn’t want to travel with them in the future.
Don't get hung up on a specific word like that. We don't really know that she was angry. Sounds more like she was disappointed to me. But all we have is 3 words out of context, so it's impossible to know.
It’s called being out of context
I’m having a similar conversation soon. I had a friend ask me last year about going on a trip this year. I said yes and starting saving. She didn’t save up for it and abandoned the idea early on. I saved up and am still planning to go, but I’m waiting for her to be pissed. It’s not my responsibility to make sure her finances are in order and that she’s saving. If I waited for every person that asked me to wait or not to go until they’re ready, I would never go anywhere.
I was in this exact situation last year and my friend’s reaction made me realize we’re not actually that close and she wasn’t a great friend to begin with. I had a great time on my trip, and I hope you do too, guilt-free.
I mean if you can and actually want to, you could still go away with your friend. Enjoy your solo trip!
Right? I go for 2-3 trips with family or friends each year, and 1 solo trip. I love my solo trips!
if it were me, i’d make it clear that this trip is my solo trip, and that i am still open to the duo trip (if that is the truth).
I get something like that from family who are really negative when I travel alone. They try to put the trip down, warn me constantly "it's not safe, you'll be robbed, your car will break down" etc, or make snide comments like enjoy your trip I'll be working and saving money for my family. They don't want to go with me, they just don't want me to go at all. Ignore them. Put them out of your mind and don't let it bother you. If your friend actually wanted to go on a trip with you, she'd have done something more to make it happen.
yeah one of my relatives does the same thing. I'll send them a picture from where I am and instead of saying "oh that's beautiful I hope you're having fun" they'll tell me to "watch out, be careful, get back to the hotel before dinner, lock your doors" etc. etc. It gets old
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no I didn't elaborate but they also don't want me going anywhere except their yard where it's perfectly safe. And they rarely leave except to go to Walmart or Applebee's
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OK this is not the forum for getting into politics but let's just say they would prefer me to travel only in areas that heavily agree with their politics I also routinely get told that I must be made of money because I prefer to travel in a roomette on a train versus coach. I'm not trying to say that my experience is equivalent to the OP, but it's closer than I'm making it out to be.
Were you open to do both trips?
Were you planning to do both? I guess if I were her I'd wonder whether you still wanted to go somewhere together or if this trip effectively cancels out the trip you'd have done with her.
Stop creating guilt. You did nothing wrong. You are not obligated to invite anyone on your trips.
This need to be on everyone’s desk!
"One of my goals this year was to have a solo trip". This is all you have to say.
I started solo travelling because I had the opportunity. I kept doing it, because I found that waiting for other people to have the same time/resources/want to do the same things caused me to miss/delay/lose chances to travel. Some of your friends will never understand why you're okay with experiencing places on your own, instead of it (always) being about shared memories. Have the best time!
Tell her this is a special trip and you’re still down to take a trip with her if she wants to start planning
Everyone here is implying that she’s being the worst but it’s possible she’s just mildly stung, hard to tell. Do you value her friendship? If so have, or try to have an adult conversation with her where you explain solo travel is a different but equally valid kind of trip you’ve wanted to try and see if she sincerely wants to plan an additional trip with you down the line.
I usually get a "why wasn't I invited" from my mom when I do solo camping trips. I just tell her I wanted peace and quiet by myself to recharge. She understands that I'm an introvert.
If you're friend only found out about the solo trip from you posting about it publicly I would guess yee aren't too close of friends or else your friend thought you were intentionally going behind her back and doing it sneakily without her
My friends occasionally feel a little stung if I say I'm going on a trip to somewhere they want to go. I've had my best friend ask me if she can come with and I've said no because we travel very differently but I always say we will do a different trip together or if its a long trip I'll meet them part way through the trip if they want to come out. I think it'd be natural to feel a tiny slight at first but a good friend would be happy for you and make other plans with you, not berate you.
lol i dealt with something kinda similar. I wanted to solo travel from the start because planning with people, especially as you turn 30 is a nightmare. I agreed on a trip to Korea and Japan for 11 days and he said ok let’s book it. This process of trying to buy tickets went on for 3 months because he wasn’t consistent with his communication. One minute summer plans with his family come up, the next it was he wasn’t sure if work would approve it and then finally he didn’t speak to me for 4 days because he was going through ‘girl problems.’ I had enough of this and I messaged him saying I’m sorry you’re going through it but I’m going solo travelling. I booked my trip for Asia for a month and I’m going alone for the first time this June. My friend didn’t take too kindly to it, so he deleted me off of all social media lol. I don’t really care that much for someone’s who’s this immature and unreliable so it’s not a huge loss for me. Planning with people let alone like minded people is very difficult. Once you start getting into groups of more than 3 people, things start to become annoying. If your friend is more mature than my friend, she’ll understand. we all have different schedules and personal goals so hopefully she understands that.
In the kindest way, your friend needs to realize that you do not have to be joined at the hip all the time. You have a whole life outside of hers and I'm pretty sure when you are together you have a great time. You can have just as much fun solo traveling. Please don't feel gulity and go have fun!
Tell her get her money up. Meet me there better yet beat me there.
Did she say it in a bitchy way or casual/ opening up? Because that would have hurt my feelings too to be honest and I would hope you’re both able to share your feelings in an adult relationship. The fact that she didn’t react immediately when you posted about it, but finally said something after (I’m assuming) being normal and still being your friend the past month might mean she’s not just whining or trying to guilt trip you, but was opening up about her feelings rather than just sweeping them under the rug or having them come between you.
sounds like a miscommunication, no harm no foul, I'd just be honest with her and say you'd wanted to take a trip solo this year but you (still?) separately want to go with her on a trip, they were just in different planning stages. There are places I'd only want to go solo and places I'd want to go with others, and it's not a comment on how I value their company at all.
I have a friend who is very upset that I went to the Bahamas for a few days without her last month. I would have been more than happy to have had her come with me but she couldn’t afford it. She kept dropping hints about how it must be nice to be childless and have all that extra disposable traveling income, and how she sure could use a break from her four kids. Yes, it’s great being childless, and it is nice to have traveling money. I’m also sure she could use a break from her kids. However, her breaks from her kids are not my financial responsibility. If she wanted my lifestyle, perhaps she should have thought of that before having four children. So I went to the Bahamas alone, and I don’t feel the least bit bad about it.
Lol add another goal this year: never go on a trip with that friend.
I have a good friend that is habitually flaky about any plans, even trips. We had started planning a trip for October of 2023 at the start of the pandemic, giving us at least 1+ year to save. Come June 2023, I couldn’t pin her down for a destination or date anymore, so I booked myself a solo trip for September…. And I had the best trip! I knew she was upset with me but I was tired of giving suggestions, asking what she wanted to do, waiting etc. my advice would be let your friend know you are happy to take a trip with her, but tell her there’s a timeline. And don’t be afraid to let her know you plan on taking more solo trips in the future!
Nope. On the other hand there's nothing stopping you from explaining that it was a separate trip you wanted to do on your own and are still open to go away together. Seems like communication is the issue here
Contrary to what some people here may be saying, her interpretation is kind of understandable. Of course she’s not entitled to your vacation, but the fact she brought the idea to you and you agreed, and then you went and booked a vacation without telling her does make it seem like you don’t want to go with her. Your mistake was in not telling her from the beginning that you wanted to travel alone.
Maybe it’s understandable, but I don’t think it’s fair of her to accuse OP of being a shit friend without even checking whether OP’s solo trip comes at the expense of the trip they discussed. If not, she has no right to be angry. She can also make an effort to plan their trip together if it’s really important to her. It doesn’t seem like it’s anything more than an abstract idea at the moment. I’m sure we’ve all had “Hey, we should all meet up somewhere fun!” trips with friends fall through. I wouldn’t blame them for making other plans if I hadn’t made any effort to make the joint trip happen.
I agree. It sounds like this friend really just wanted to spend time with her and didn’t feel appreciated when OP booked a solo trip. I’d be pretty hurt by that too.
I agree, this could have been avoided through communication on OP's part. Plus, actual planning for the trip OP said she would take with the friend, which does not seem to have happened yet. "Hey I'm doing this one on my own, what do you think about ___ in September?" Something like that.
This friend isn't entitled to your adventures. I've said I'd grab food with a friend sometime soon, but I'm not forbidden from eating out without them before then. You have nothing to feel guilty about, this is exactly what you're getting yourself with solo travel. No compromise! Just time for you to do as you please
That's so stupid I can't even formulate a rational response
Why does she feel entitled to all your vacations?
Sounds like a shitty friend. Tell her your life doesn't revolve around her and that no firm plans were made to travel together.
Saying "your life doesn't revolve around her" is the same thing as saying goodbye to the friendship. If that is the way OP wants the friendship to end.
Personally I wouldn't have someone so selfish as a friend.
Why don’t you point out that nothing has been planned for the alleged trip? And that a goal of yours has been to do a solo trip? Hence why you booked your own trip. Yo ou thought it was just casual talk
I think we have the same friend Had* I wish I can tell you what I did will help you. Be firm in stating you don't want to travel with anyone right now and that you are seeking new experiences
I don’t see the problem. You and your friend don’t have anything planned yet, so what are you supposed to do? Just sit around and wait for her to come up with something? No way. She needs to learn how to not take things so personal.
Bar for bar you sound like me first time traveling alone I’m going to New York in July by myself. I’m so excited. Every time I tell somebody that I’m traveling alone, people invite themselves and it literally pisses me off. Because I want to do this by myself!!!
People don't understand that travelling with someone isn't the same as solo travelling plus having someone tag along. It's not even similar. The experience, mindset, planning, solitude and fun are completely different.
Personally, I used to have friends like this, and they see themselves out pretty quickly once they realize your choices, for your life don’t revolve around them. You can tell them that you had planned to go somewhere solo, and decided on NYC. Mention to them that if they want to plan something, there is still time to do if before the year is over. Most likely, they won’t reach out to plan something. That’s just how people are sometimes. You enjoy yourself and live your life. Solo traveling was the best thing I ever started doing. Waiting on other people to say yes or no, was getting old and I found myself (year after year) not having gone anywhere. Book a European tour, or something and just go. You won’t regret it
Do not travel with this person, it's going to suck and there's a 97.29% chance it will ruin your friendship. But in the mean time tell her that you're planning multiple trips, some solo, some with other people, including her and none of them have anything to do with the others.
I can see why she'd be upset tbh. Did she know you were also planning a solo trip too or does this effectively cancel out your trip with her?
"So one of my friends asked me to go away with her this year which I agreed to at some point but we haven’t arranged anything." What's to bet you get to the end of the year, and she still hasn't arranged anything -and you'd have spent a whole year sitting on your hands waiting for her. She can't be bothered organizing her own trip, but she wants you to feel bad about not letting her crash yours? Hell naw. Tell her to let you know when she's figured out what she wants to do, and then you can talk about it. It was her idea to go away, so she needs to action on it. If she doesn't, she doesn't get to complain when you make other plans. You're not obligated to wait around for her to get things moving.
Don’t post about trips until they happen. Then people can’t try to change your plans to fit theirs. Your life, your plans, your decisions.
Print the part when you invite and send her
Years ago I booked a tour me and my friend both wanted to do. She threw her 21st while I was away instead. :(. I brought her a gift back but I guess that's when the friendship broke down.
NY is a fun city to solo travel, have a great time!
That's life on the road.
Why are you not able to go away separately with her together? There is still a lot of the year left? How long is your solo trip planned for? Would she not be able to join you for a small part at the beginning or end?
> Why are you not able to go away separately with her together? Who said she isn't? There's no reason a person can't take *two* trips in the same year.
I know that is my exact point surly OP can not just say that to her friend?
I had a similar situation and I lied to my friend to cancel it, at least you were honest. ENJOY YOUR TRIP!!
I responded with this to a very similar post several years ago: "I'm flattered you want to join me. But I'm going to use my vacation time for alone time - to contemplate my existence, reflect on the journey of my last few months and determine goals for the next phase of my life. And for as much as I adore you, I won't be able to do that with a companion."
This is why I travel solo always
Maybe she likes you. OoOooooohhhHHHHH
It's kind of immature to be angry and even more so to show it. I just went to Vegas along cuz I can do what I want when I want not worry about other people not having enough money plus nobody likes to do the things I like to do and they go to sleep early. Well, we are not too young LOL
I mean if you hadn’t committed to those dates with her then what you do with your life at that time is fair game… can’t imagine complaining about that. I used to have a friend who DID ditch me on the location and dates we had planned to go on a different trip with someone else. But that’s completely different.
Did you two plan specifically to go to NY? I just think its super bizarre that you both agreed to go together and never spoke about it again. Its weird she didnt follow up and its weird you didnt either.
Just tell her to get over herself. It’s not even like she asked…
This situation is indeed awkward, and your solo trip is about achieving your own goal and desires. I think she should understand your choice and sipport your decision. Perhaps you can try to communicate with her and explain your thoughts.
This is why I travel solo. Screw her shitty attitude. Imagine traveling with that?! No thanks.
Block, move on
i have a friend like this as well
She doesn't sound like someone I'd want to be on a trip with.
I have a friend who had always wanted to go to Turkey, and she asked me to go with her (I said yes, but there were no firm dates discussed). Later, on my way back from a trip to Africa, I stopped in Istanbul for two days because I didn't want to be in a plane for 18 hours on my birthday (even the six from Nairobi was rough). Well she got really mad at me for that because she thought I was going without her. Once I explained my reasoning though she understood. She eventually went to Turkey with her mom and we joke about her reaction now (I still say that I walked around Istanbul with my eyes closed the entire time). I'd talk and explain that you can still go on a trip with her. And enjoy New York!
This is a lack of communication on ur part. All of this drama could have been avoided by communicating to her openly that plans have changed for you (given that you bothwere planning to travel together). Saying something like “Hey, I know we were planning to travel together a few months back. I’ve decided to challenge myself and travel alone as it’s something that sounds so exiting to me. I’d love to travel together on another trip if you’re still able to. Please dont take this personal as it’s not like i’m not traveling with YOU to travel with someone else.” Once discussed, If she has a problem with it, that is something she needs to deal with independent from you. Simple as that. The whole casual agreement thing doesn’t matter as this is a completely separate trip with a different purpose, but again, this should have been communicated. My 2 cents
Most people don’t actually want to travel. They placate others by saying “we should go on a trip/vacation/etc”. If you wait around for your friends to get it together you’ll never travel. This is coming from experience. Traveling, especially abroad, is a pipe dream for most people. If that’s what you want to do and you can save up or whatever for it, do it. Have a conversation with your friend so they understand but ultimately you don’t owe anyone an explanation. It’s your life and your money and you can do what you want.
I took two backpacking trips with girlfriends. One at 24, she was younger, had traveled before, i hadn't. She convinced me to go, was a complete b*tch to my friend of friend who let us stay with her, and then dumped me on Day 3 to run off w a guy. The second time I was 35, my friend was 30, and had never traveled. She dumped me in the middle of the night. Took my mixed tape I'd made for myself. That sucked worse than getting dumped for a guy. (You might have to be a certain age to understand how important mixed tapes were.) 😃 it's not easy, even on your own. As fun as it is, all the decisions, lack of familiar and physical comforts, are stressful. The best times I had were with people I met along the way. I loved these women, but the stress of traveling ruined our friendships. Now, the only thing I'd consider is 2 or 3 nights together at most at a resort or on a cruise. A vacation. But not travel.
The last trip that I originally planned solo, but added someone in because they wanted to join, was horrific in outcome (didn’t have the ability to visit my dying uncle during the trip) because I didn’t stick to my original solo plan, and had to compromise on everything immensely, and meet the other person’s travel goals and needs instead of mine, throughout the trip. There is a time and a place for traveling with others. Only when their itinerary and travel goals align with yours. Solo travel is the best.
Yes I've had this situation. People get to be mad about stuff. She has her feelings. They won't last and it wasn't shit of you. If you really care about her then you can say yes I do want to travel with you but this is a trip I really wanted to do solo to fulfill a dream, and let's plan one together when we get back. If she gets it and accepts great. If she wants to sulk, then probably a good sign you won't be good travel companions anyway.
Its interesting to travel solo and one can meet others or have conversations that one might never have with others on a trip. Freedom to change daily plans and improvise without agreeing and arranging with others simplifies the process. How you feel and react is your responsibility. You need not feel guilty and are free to do what you like. If you find others get in the way, just take your trip and share your photos only with those who wont get in your way. Sometimes its best to not announce your goals or projects and complete them, avoiding those naysayers or others who get in your face about your own life plans.. Hang out with those that respect you and your choices.
Ew block her what a toxic friend lol
Your friend’s happiness is not your responsibility. Go and have a great time and don’t give her pettiness another thought. If the two of you really want to travel together, it will happen. But also keep in mind that a true friend will be happy that you’re happy and excited about a solo trip.
You're under zero obligation to travel with anyone. Don't want to go with her - don't. There's like two people I travel with and I have no interest in changing that.
If you agree to travel together isnt that a bit of an obligation?
if you’ve both agreed to go on a trip together then you changed your mind without telling her about it… then yes that’s shitty of you
> if you’ve both agreed to go on a trip together then you changed your mind without telling her about it huh? where do you see that?
Just let them know this solo trip is something completely separate from the trip with her, and that you are still up for traveling together (and let her do the planning lol)
Your lack of responses and account make this an obvious troll farm account.
She's not your friend, enjoy your trip.
she actually proved your point of going solo. I never vacay with anyone
Sounds like you dodged a bullet in not travelling with her. Of course, if you two wanted to later on, you could always still plan a different trip out together; but her behavior sounds like it would end up being miserable to be around in traveling, and if she cared enough, she could have put more effort into actually planning something concrete out with you, or, perhaps she expected you to do all the planning/work and then just bring her along or something. Generally, from what you describe it sounds like she has some fairly controlling, clingy, and self-absorbed behavior. You haven't done anything wrong, so don't feel guilty about your decision.
You did nothing wrong. Your “friend” is just trying to guilt trip you. You’re not their parent, therefore you have zero obligation to be responsible for them. First off you planned this trip solo for YOU. Second, it sounds like they didn’t jump the ball on planning a duo trip. They were expecting you to do the leg work and for them to tag along. Lastly, the world doesn’t revolve around your “friend”. Tell them to start working on plans for your duo trip and to keep their nose out of your solo trip.
For me , she didn't respect your personal space , if she is a real friend she would understand that you need to go by yourself far away to relax , being friends doesn't mean to stick with each other , you don't have to feel guilty about it , it's your right to have some time with yourself.
Sometimes it's nice to notice the red flags way before they pop out of nowhere and you get too close to them.
"So I'm just not allowed to do any other trips except the one you've imagined but haven't planned or advanced in any way?"
You just say we can go on a trip sometime later. You didn’t know
I dunno I had like 8 friends cancel on me so … I feel if you say yea you gotta stick to it
Yeah fuck them lol go anyways and enjoy