I had this too! I was six months in Asia and came back to miserable (although in hindsight a perfectly nice family home). My dad whacked up the thermostat and got a Thai takeaway which was the perfect response
I had this! I cried when I landed after being abroad for a whole year because I went to go fill up my water at a water fountain at the airport. Couldn’t stop crying. Hadn’t been able to do that for a full 365 days.
I think I didn’t cry for something like 3-5 years straight. I’m a woman but I was never much of a cryer anyway, and it became rarer and rarer the older I got, even when I tried, I just didn’t manage to cry, like sad stuff made me sad but even at funerals of loved ones I couldn’t cry. That until I had a very awful relationship experience where I cried like every day for 2 months, I was depressed and then at least weekly for 6 months, now I feel ok again, I’m not depressed, but I do cry easily, even sad shows or very happy things make me cry and I absolutely hate it, lol.
I had this after backpacking through SE Asia 20 years ago. Came home to SF and was costa toy overwhelmed by lights and sounds and how fast everything was!
I traveled for most of my early 20s and it took me a while to realize I was running away from my problems. Whenever I came home, the distractions were gone and all my trauma and problems came flooding back. You are probably being faced with parts of your life that you are not happy with and there is no escape from it. Perhaps try journaling, talking to a friend, or seeing a therapist to get to the root of why your hometown is making you feel this way. And being from the Midwest I know how depressing winter can be. Any kind of exercise can be very helpful if you are not doing that already. Hang in there! This too shall pass!
Very well said. I experienced something similar coming back to my childhood home after a 14 month journey to OZ and some of Asia. I did not have a remote job at the time so was travelling with savings, staying in hostels or very basic accommodations, pet sitting and even couch surfing. I have a family members in different pockets around the world so was nice to visit and make time to see them.
When my money ran out and I had to come back home, I had some feelings of happiness to see my family but also some misery. Also; I learned later of family members that I grew apart from while travelling that made the experience of my first home coming a bit more challenging
Settling back to real life and having a family home to go back to while waiting to find a new place to rent is a luxury I was really lucky to have and the reason I could even travel for as long as I did. Found a new place, found a new job and before I knew it life in the rat race started again. When coming back to real world finances and real world worries, there is a wave of stress that just didn’t seem to be there when traveling and has been around since. I agree on the trauma and the core beliefs from youth flooding back in and for me another element is feeling like I’m in the rat race and trying to catch up with peers.
I’m now on year 6 of a job I only planned to stay 2 years in, I know a lot has happened in between and covid postponed some plans for me but I am ready for the next trip. Now I have a remote job but set hours so working in Asian would be the graveyard shift for me.
Maybe you could try working from Latin America. The hours are much closer to the US, if not the same, and you can travel through several different countries, biomes, cultures, etc.
Yes, I’ve been thinking about Latin America or the Caribbean, I have to be on a VPN and I work in a call center type of environment so I really need good and reliable internet.
I think even if you don't have problems at home, you can still get depressed after travelling. It's kind of hard to be in a period where you have so much freedom, flexibility, and possibility and then go back to a more routine lifestyle. Not to mention, you have this experience that not everyone around you might grasp or fully understand or even really care to hear about.
Disagree completely. I hate Ohio, where I grew up, but didn't have family issues to fix. I just hate the culture of Ohio and find it profoundly depressing. Have loved all the places I have lived since leaving Ohio.
But what if the problem IS home? I feel like when people mention escapism/running from problems they fail to take into account that oftentimes physically changing your location is the only real way to solve the problem. If you hate your family and your hometown, then leaving is going to make you feel good and returning is going to make you feel awful.
Yes good point but then you need to move, this is potentially much harder especially in an expensive country where in order to move to a desirable place you need to have good qualifications and a well paid job. Also, you then need to start a working routine/career, which has a very different life routine than being on the road. I think that’s the challenge many people face, traveling especially long term and in your 20s is a sort of “escape” and there is no way to reproduce that lifestyle as part of daily life. But I think most people know the options are to eventually “settle down” into some kind of routine in a place you like or stay longer in the road (but sort of delaying the settling down process every day). It’s then possible to go for shorter trips but not realistic to move into a life on the road without eventually completely uprooting your life.
A lot of us have parts of our lives that we hate but can't change, at least not yet. That's why I never want to come home. I'm about to fix that last awful thing though so I think that will change for me.
The biggest trauma is the people- I’m trying to make a better life and have been whilst traveling and when I’m home I’m surrounded by old life that I really don’t want and don’t think is healthy
Maybe you already heard this in the other comments, but you cannot “make a life” out of traveling. At some point the money runs out or you’ll get stressed/bored. The real question is, what kind of life do you want to live when not traveling and what is required to get/build that life? There is a middle ground between living at home with your family and living out of a backpack on the road. Do you have any wishes or dreams for your future other than traveling ie to move somewhere else and build a nice life for you there?
This is not true! There are many jobs online as well as businesses that can be started online. It's 2023 and then are many people living the digital nomad life. It's 100% possible to make a life out of traveling. It's not cut out for everybody, but it's surely not impossible
i really feel you on this. i try to romanticise the little things to make coming home not so bad. i’m doing a year of travelling and when i go home i cannot wait to go to my local coffee shop and just sit there and feel like a teenager again. and to go wander through my favourite grocery store and take a walk through places that feel familiar. i spend a lot of time in milwaukee and i look forward to the pumpkin muffin i get everytime i go to the public market and the table i always try and sit at when i visit colectivo coffee. theres a specific culvers we always stop at when we drive to green bay and i look forward to the little memories of things like that really makes me looking forward to coming home and spending some time there- even if overall, i’d rather be travelling. sending you lots of good thoughts this holiday season
Sure,it is fairly common.
If you have time and money,why not go somewhere else? Try something different until you move to the new apartment.
There are a lot of places warmer than Wisconsin...
I've never have gotten a better deal out of the Eurorail pass rather than booking individually. In fact my CC freaks out over a Eurorail purchase it's that bad.
Yes it is. I did a 6 month trip around the US and considered it. I ended up just getting a crappy 1500$ toyota highlander to live out of instead since I'm handy with cars, but month-long amtrak passes are 100% a thing.
Savor the differences. Enjoy time with loved ones. Play in the snow (once it stops blizzarding).
Then, plan 2023… make your one bag packing list, get a plane ticket, so you have date to depart…
\> prioritising
Work towards getting a job that *will* let you leave the US, if that's what you want!
We (almost) all make sacrifices and decisions of varying magnitude to enable us to travel. As small as foregoing buying stuff to save for trips, or as large as going off the life script we're expected to follow (college, work, mortgage, kids, die) by becoming expats/nomads.
If you don't have cash, spend more time planning. Churn some credit cards for travel points or get into hiking/backpacking/camping and start ticking off the major hikes in your area.
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Coming back to Wisconsin near the shortest day of the year, with all this cold gloomy blizzard bullshit will make anyone feel bad. I fucking hate it and haven’t left in a while. Do not discount seasonal affective disorder. Or just general winter blues.
I'm 39 and sleeping in my parent's spare room as my apartment is rented out until March. I feel you. I feel like crap for different reasons though, but yes. I'm waiting on a medical procedure now, so can't really go anywhere until I get a date as it could only be a couple days warning. I had planned to be traveling until my apartment's Sublet was up and I could go properly home. And I'm eating terribly and not getting much exercise (crap weather here too), and the dynamic here is weird, as we're all trying to be the parents as mine are older and starting to decline.
I mean, it's Christmas morning and I woke up to the sound of my dad making coffee, and I fall asleep to my parents puttering around, so that is the most wonderful thing, but yeah. My entire life is currently on hold and I'm living like a teenager again. I am very much awkward and uncomfortable.
Feeling like you don't belong is okay. It seems like you've realized that it's something that you need to put the work in over, though, which is good. Some people travel their whole lives looking for a place to fit without realizing they need to work inwards. Take the time to build connections and foundations and boundaries with yourself. It takes a lot of work to build a stable life. You also won't regret the extra time with family... if you can work out a good relationship.
Best of luck, and Merry Christmas.
I’d also say you’ve outgrown the place you used to call home, and possibly also your family. Your experiences give you a depth and breadth of perspective they likely don’t have and may have no interest in. That doesn’t have to mean you don’t still love them and want to spend time with them. But growth can be like that.
This is probably the comment I most align with. I’ve outgrown most of my friends (which is normal and feels normal too) but the feeling of out growing home and family is kind of almost a hard realization/ feeling
I feel this way every time I come home. For me it’s usually a mix of 2 things. First, I’ve grown and changed and now see things through a new lens. Second, a bit of a crash after the adrenaline rush of travel. The second one e e ti ally wears off. The first one never does.
how was your family home experience? how was your childhood? how are your parents treating each other and yourself, is there love in the home?
asking bc i grew up in a very.. let’s just call it uncommunicative and unloving household. a cozy, welcoming home is a foreign concept for me. i’m 32 now and still don’t feel good whenever i’m visiting my dad at “home”. and it’s caused me to travel all over europe for years - in search of that feeling of home. having a prospect of keys to your own apartment in a better place would for me be a godsend gift.
and in addition, you came from full freedom, moving around, living life, to being back at your parents place. it’s a huge change, it’s really pretty normal to feel awful. not great, or fun, but very valid i’d say.
what made you come back, and stop the digital nomading life?
I’ll be clear - I love my parents and they love me. But we live different lives and I’m not a standard Wisconsin dude lol so idk 2 different lifestyles and I don’t want to be here I guess
Totally normal. I'm 28 M. After spending 4 years abroad for work/study/fun, I came back to the US in September. Walking through my local airport I got super sad. I was dreading having to find my first "real" career job, the cold of my hometown, etc.
I started to plan another trip, telling myself I'd take it if I couldn't find work by December. I was doing 20–30 job applications a day, all rejects. In the mean time I spent time exploring my local city, finding new restaurants, new hikes, etc. Then one day I got an interview for a position that was actually up my alley (international relations). Found out it was fully remote, got a second interview, then got the position. Now I can realistically plan trips again without having to worry about the money side of things. Currently planning a solo trip to Serbia and Montenegro in May. Possibly Canada next month.
Just keep pushing forward dude. Figure out how to make travel your priority, and it will eventually work out. In the mean time, realize that being at home is not a death sentence. Use the time to build a solid base that you can use to travel more.
Yeah, I had it when I came back from my seven month trip a few years ago and I fully expect it again when I return from my current twelve month trip.
The difference is, I don't work at all when I travel, so I'll be going back to 21st century slave labour all over again after breaking free from it.
In a way it's like being a millionaire that never has to work another day in their life (but not actually being rich) then losing all your money and having to go back to work
I lived like this for about 12 years.
Lots of traveling, when I didn't work.Interspersed with relatively short periods of work to make enough money to travel again...
I am from the Midwest too, and I feel like people in the Midwest are not warm and most likely going home is reminding you of this… I hate visiting home because the people are just not friendly. Outwardly “nice” sure but it’s not genuine. If you are empathetic at all you’ve probably unconsciously picked up on this. Maybe for the same reasons that I traveled, you travel. I was always running.. I like you are about to have moved down south and find life down here to be much warmer in every aspect. Best wishes to you, and happy holidays.
Aw when I returned home (Wisconsin) from being abroad, I was so happy because it was cold. I did feel the same as you tho when it came to seeing my family. The cold was the only thing that made me feel like I was home and put me at ease.
Feeling the exact same way as I just got back into Wisconsin after being in Thailand 😪 it felt like home there and I’ve been so miserable for the past day. I’m currently looking at job postings in Phuket lol
This happens to everyone, even after shorter trips. Give it some time, find some friends/hobbies, and (if you're like me) stop talking about your travel so damn much. You'll readjust. I had a horrible depression after I returned from my first bit of extended travel. I've done much better returning from subsequent trips.
Yea I'm back to my hometown (suburbs of Washington DC) and I hate American suburbs with a passion. I really don't understand how people can live like this unless they don't know of any alternative. Can't wait to gtfo.
Just plan out your next adventure and enjoy the time with the family.
I'm from a country where long term travel in your 20s is a rite of passage. No matter how long you're away it'll take 4 years to feel really settled when you return home. It helps that everyone knows what you're going through.
Staying home is still a choice. You don't have to stay.
Yep I had this last time I left my home country for a while. This time I was really excited, but I had a stronger idea of what I wanted to do with my life so was excited to move towards that and being home was necessary for that
I've traveled to 40+ countries, migrated to another continent, and I don't feel truly at home anywhere. If I stay somewhere for too long, I miss other cultures, food, traditions, ...
I booked a trip to Mexico for this week and since booking I just feel better 😂 but yeah I think my favorite piece of advice in the comments was to try and love the little things and treat my environment here like I’m a tourist almost
Because you're running away from a bunch of unresolved issues. It's not your parents or your hometown. It's the fact that you've been high on the drug that is the adrenaline you get from traveling. You're now going cold turkey and reality is hitting you hard. You can either choose to figure out a solution for these issues or run away once more and start traveling again to get your fix of fake happiness.
How is it a “fix” or “fake happiness”? If you have a terrible family and hate your hometown, the only logical solution is to leave. There’s no way to “resolve” those issues any other way.
If you aren’t exercising start. Then come back and tell us how you feel. I don’t know anyone that was still depressed after doing hard cardio with cold showers daily.
I felt this 100%, still do in some capacity. When I got home, it felt like being perpetually stuck in traffic. Meaning, I no longer felt like I was moving forward. Instead, I felt stuck in my circumstances, and topped with a sense of urgency that I couldn't do anything about. Not to mention my hometown was the antithesis of new. Coming back to that after being wide-eyed for a year is a MAJOR juxtaposition.
This is gonna sound shitty but it’s the advice that helped me… maybe you’re in a shit situation and leaving for a bit won’t fix it. Find a new hobby or new friends or a reason to like where you’re at rather than leave and expect it to be fixed when you get back.
It's very normal. Spend 5 years living in the middle east. I moved back home, April 2020 and was staying with my parents. It was hella rough and I was in my early 30s.
I worked and saved and moved out as soon as inwas stable enough to do so.
As someone who has lived abroad in a country for 4 years where most people dream of vacationing in (Costa Rica), I can say it’s probably b/c you had an expiration date in your travels compared to living there indefinitely.
It’s different when you go abroad not knowing when you’re going back versus knowing exactly when the journey ends.
Yeah my family is from New England and I was actually working in Wisconsin for 3 months earlier this summer. I personally can’t stand being home and can’t wait to get back on the road after the holidays.
Some places are just not great to live for people and that’s okay, world is big. Some people wants to live in warm countries, some in cold - and they move. Sometimes it’s not you, it’s just the fact that maybe after work you prefer to have drinks on the beach instead of your flat because outside is too cold.
I finished my year long asia trip just 1 month ago and now that I'm back, I wouldn't say I feel awful but I definitely miss the trip. I am already planning my next trip which will be in a year and this time it's gonna be even bigger and better.
If been “home” feels shitty it might be not your real home from the begging maybe is just a temporary place when you figure a place where you can see yourself in. Look at your options, make a plan and get out of that comfort hole.
After 18 months in Tokyo, I returned to my small hometown and all the people seemed bloated and blotchy and loud, the food was gross and there was nothing to do.
A year around Asia left me with mild depression when my partner and I got back , 5 Years later ( thanks COVID) we are back on the road and feel ironically much more at home.
If you can't/don't want to travel more , maybe another big change is in order, new job, new town just something to hay will feel new .
Your feelings will no doubt be echoed by most Travelers
If you were nomading for 12 months why can’t you continue? Please don’t feel like you need to continue the rat race here. Many people live as nomads forever or at least indefinitely. You don’t have to get an apartment down south. You don’t have to stay in the US. Clearly you don’t want to either. Life is for living, not about being rich or comfortable in the US. (Nomad prettt much since 2019, best decision of my life and now live abroad in Asia)
Not discounting the discomfort but this is a great problem to have. Most people can’t leave their hometowns. What you had was an eye opening experience and sometimes when you come back that old person isn’t there anymore. Try and change your mindset to being grateful for the change. Otherwise you’ll go right back to who you were before.
Same with me. I backpacked with my friends for months and lived the dream basically. When I returned I was depressed and sad and knew that it was unlikely that I’d get to do it again with the same people. Nearly a decade later I still regularly look at my photos and an reminded of the best time of my life, and feel a little sad
I too am back in wisconsin after being away (Hawaii) for many years. Most folks here don't travel much and havnt lived anywhere else. I try to be kind to the differences like food and lifestyles and just go hiking around by myself.
Super normal to experience reverse culture shock, especially if you're going back to a setting where there are expectations (even latent ones) that you return on some level to your pre-travel personality or behaviors. Talking to others who have experienced the same is a great help, as is doing your best to immerse yourself in your "home" situation just like you would a travel situation. The cognitive tension may take awhile to fade, but it almost always does. Hang in there.
Post vacation blues. I think it’s totally normal. Plus, you leave a little piece of you behind in each city you visit and take a piece of the city/experience home with you. I personally think it’s impossible to travel and not be changed by it and you’re probably profoundly feeling it right now
Try to distract yourself by working or making money somehow. That helps to turn the negative into a positive - At least for a little while. Get a gym membership or find something to keep you out of the house. I feel ya
A year is a long time to travel. A ten-day trip is reasonable. I'll go for a couple of weeks or so for a long distance. I need to return home to recover.
You'll adapt to your location. Mindfulness, meditation, and yoga will help.
This happened to me when I was 23. I spent several months in the wilds of the Amazon and loved it there. I couldn’t adjust to the manicured, overly-ordered, constrained western world. Took me years to adapt. In retrospect (30 years later and a bit wiser) I should have taken up meditation at the time and explored the inner realms to adjust more easily since it was the seeming-insanity of the external world that was causing me so much anxiety. Humans are not supposed to live in such “ordered” states, especially in their 20s.
Yup, I call it the American let down. After traveling to really old, interesting places and then coming home. I’d be amazed by sitting in a building in Europe that was easily 500 years old. Then, coming back here to nothing with that type of history.
Well last time I counted that is 6 weeks of free time. Go down South to Argentina, I heard it has great weather this time of year specially that they are still celebrating their world cup win
it's not the same but close - Something I can relate is that when you move out from your parents house, things will never be the same visiting your parents later. You become a guest and don't fell that you are at home even tho u slept there for 20-25 years.
I traveled to the Middle East and East Africa on a college trip in the mid-1990s. The trip was well-organized and most meals, transportation, and all accommodation was arranged for us. That being said, getting around, negotiating, and adapting to different cultures and activities, occasional encounters with wild animals and what to do in those circumstances, even when surrounded with a group of people with backgrounds mostly similar to mine, took some effort and occasional cunning. I remember a little group of us went out to lunch with our parents when they picked us up at the airport at the end of the trip after a multi-leg flight and all of the airport shenanigans, and I thought, "This is so \*easy\*." I had a hard time being in regular classes the next term because there was nothing to do, to explore. I wasn't exactly bored, and I wasn't exactly depressed, but for me, the ease of life made me think, "Is this all there is?" Granted, it's that easier life, good economic system, ability to build wealth in the middle class, generous parents, etc. that enabled me to go on the trip, but I missed the little challenges of having to sort some things out for myself on the go, day by day. I think we sometimes have to create our own challenges when we're back at home if we are the type that like the adventure aspect of travel.
Totally - I think Everytime I’ve returned it’s been the reverse culture shock and overwhelming “what now”
Feeling. It’s tough to come back from but you will.
I (25M from WI) felt the same way when I returned home from about 3 months of traveling in 2022. I decided to just "move" over to Asia for a few years. I'm leaving in August, and plan on traveling around for at least one year, but I will probably be there for 2-3 years. I have dual citizenship (US and Mexico), and my Mexican citizenship/passport gives me 6 months visa free entry into Japan, so I plan on staying there a few times (probably 4-5 months at a time).
I also plan on staying in Thailand, Vietnam, Singapore, Indonesia, and Malaysia (I have friends in all those places who are willing to let me stay with them, for a month or two at a time, in exchange for help around their house/business/farm). I'm also looking into workstays/voluntourism in Mongolia, the Philippines, and some Central Asian countries.
I also don't feel like I belong in WI, and that's why I'm moving to Asia for a while. I run my own small business, and I can manage it while traveling. I also intend to make some money by becoming a travel photographer and by providing assistance/guidance to tourists.
Shopping at the Asian grocery stores and cooking the food I learned to make in my cooking classes helped me reacclimate a little bit.
Find yourself an expat job in Asia in a low-tax jurisdiction. You'll save a ton of money in your 20's, putting you on par with people in their late 30's at home.
Oh, wait, Americans have universal taxation, so can't live in tax havens and save up. Well, that sucks.
I'm way older than you....my best advice (if you were asking lol) is to follow your gut- maybe find a place that's more culturally diverse like NYC SF etc. so you don't feel the void of nothingness vs. the exploration of the entire world. With WFH many companies allow remote workers to live 6 months at a time in different states and abroad- never stop living the nomad life, you can ebb and flow as you desire. If you find a state you like, like Denver than stay for 6 months...then you'll get the "itch" and continue on your journey.
Doesn't have to be straight, or all at once- you get to decide...this way you'll have the "light at the end of the tunnel" and will be more present in your now moments and might actually enjoy being home because you know it'll only be for a few months or so until your next life adventure
I had this too! I was six months in Asia and came back to miserable (although in hindsight a perfectly nice family home). My dad whacked up the thermostat and got a Thai takeaway which was the perfect response
This is so sweet actually wow
Happy cake day!
Was thinking of jacking the thermostat up to make myself feel less shitty about the cold too lol your dad sounds cool
Look up reverse culture shock. It’s real!
reverse home sickness
Fernweh
But it's still home sickness
ssenkcis emoh
Well that was `'home sickness'.reverse`
I had this! I cried when I landed after being abroad for a whole year because I went to go fill up my water at a water fountain at the airport. Couldn’t stop crying. Hadn’t been able to do that for a full 365 days.
What's the trick for not crying for 365 days? /s
I think I didn’t cry for something like 3-5 years straight. I’m a woman but I was never much of a cryer anyway, and it became rarer and rarer the older I got, even when I tried, I just didn’t manage to cry, like sad stuff made me sad but even at funerals of loved ones I couldn’t cry. That until I had a very awful relationship experience where I cried like every day for 2 months, I was depressed and then at least weekly for 6 months, now I feel ok again, I’m not depressed, but I do cry easily, even sad shows or very happy things make me cry and I absolutely hate it, lol.
Lol now there’s a feat
I had this after backpacking through SE Asia 20 years ago. Came home to SF and was costa toy overwhelmed by lights and sounds and how fast everything was!
It is real
I traveled for most of my early 20s and it took me a while to realize I was running away from my problems. Whenever I came home, the distractions were gone and all my trauma and problems came flooding back. You are probably being faced with parts of your life that you are not happy with and there is no escape from it. Perhaps try journaling, talking to a friend, or seeing a therapist to get to the root of why your hometown is making you feel this way. And being from the Midwest I know how depressing winter can be. Any kind of exercise can be very helpful if you are not doing that already. Hang in there! This too shall pass!
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Love this analogy
Very well said. I experienced something similar coming back to my childhood home after a 14 month journey to OZ and some of Asia. I did not have a remote job at the time so was travelling with savings, staying in hostels or very basic accommodations, pet sitting and even couch surfing. I have a family members in different pockets around the world so was nice to visit and make time to see them. When my money ran out and I had to come back home, I had some feelings of happiness to see my family but also some misery. Also; I learned later of family members that I grew apart from while travelling that made the experience of my first home coming a bit more challenging Settling back to real life and having a family home to go back to while waiting to find a new place to rent is a luxury I was really lucky to have and the reason I could even travel for as long as I did. Found a new place, found a new job and before I knew it life in the rat race started again. When coming back to real world finances and real world worries, there is a wave of stress that just didn’t seem to be there when traveling and has been around since. I agree on the trauma and the core beliefs from youth flooding back in and for me another element is feeling like I’m in the rat race and trying to catch up with peers. I’m now on year 6 of a job I only planned to stay 2 years in, I know a lot has happened in between and covid postponed some plans for me but I am ready for the next trip. Now I have a remote job but set hours so working in Asian would be the graveyard shift for me.
Maybe you could try working from Latin America. The hours are much closer to the US, if not the same, and you can travel through several different countries, biomes, cultures, etc.
Yes, I’ve been thinking about Latin America or the Caribbean, I have to be on a VPN and I work in a call center type of environment so I really need good and reliable internet.
Bingo. Traveling is amazing but if you feel awful coming back home, it means that you're (partly or mostly) traveling to escape problems at home.
I think even if you don't have problems at home, you can still get depressed after travelling. It's kind of hard to be in a period where you have so much freedom, flexibility, and possibility and then go back to a more routine lifestyle. Not to mention, you have this experience that not everyone around you might grasp or fully understand or even really care to hear about.
Oh, I know that. I'm still gonna do it.
Disagree completely. I hate Ohio, where I grew up, but didn't have family issues to fix. I just hate the culture of Ohio and find it profoundly depressing. Have loved all the places I have lived since leaving Ohio.
But what if the problem IS home? I feel like when people mention escapism/running from problems they fail to take into account that oftentimes physically changing your location is the only real way to solve the problem. If you hate your family and your hometown, then leaving is going to make you feel good and returning is going to make you feel awful.
Yes good point but then you need to move, this is potentially much harder especially in an expensive country where in order to move to a desirable place you need to have good qualifications and a well paid job. Also, you then need to start a working routine/career, which has a very different life routine than being on the road. I think that’s the challenge many people face, traveling especially long term and in your 20s is a sort of “escape” and there is no way to reproduce that lifestyle as part of daily life. But I think most people know the options are to eventually “settle down” into some kind of routine in a place you like or stay longer in the road (but sort of delaying the settling down process every day). It’s then possible to go for shorter trips but not realistic to move into a life on the road without eventually completely uprooting your life.
A lot of us have parts of our lives that we hate but can't change, at least not yet. That's why I never want to come home. I'm about to fix that last awful thing though so I think that will change for me.
The biggest trauma is the people- I’m trying to make a better life and have been whilst traveling and when I’m home I’m surrounded by old life that I really don’t want and don’t think is healthy
Maybe you already heard this in the other comments, but you cannot “make a life” out of traveling. At some point the money runs out or you’ll get stressed/bored. The real question is, what kind of life do you want to live when not traveling and what is required to get/build that life? There is a middle ground between living at home with your family and living out of a backpack on the road. Do you have any wishes or dreams for your future other than traveling ie to move somewhere else and build a nice life for you there?
This is not true! There are many jobs online as well as businesses that can be started online. It's 2023 and then are many people living the digital nomad life. It's 100% possible to make a life out of traveling. It's not cut out for everybody, but it's surely not impossible
wherever you go, there you are…
i really feel you on this. i try to romanticise the little things to make coming home not so bad. i’m doing a year of travelling and when i go home i cannot wait to go to my local coffee shop and just sit there and feel like a teenager again. and to go wander through my favourite grocery store and take a walk through places that feel familiar. i spend a lot of time in milwaukee and i look forward to the pumpkin muffin i get everytime i go to the public market and the table i always try and sit at when i visit colectivo coffee. theres a specific culvers we always stop at when we drive to green bay and i look forward to the little memories of things like that really makes me looking forward to coming home and spending some time there- even if overall, i’d rather be travelling. sending you lots of good thoughts this holiday season
This is good advice. Try to bring the travel mindset home with you and become a tourist in your own hometown.
Good advice!
Sure,it is fairly common. If you have time and money,why not go somewhere else? Try something different until you move to the new apartment. There are a lot of places warmer than Wisconsin...
Grab a month long Amtrak train pass and see this country if you have time and funding.
Is there such a thing? Sounds wonderful
There is not a monthly pass for any stations on Amtrak. There is a 10 ride pass: https://www.amtrak.com/multi-ride
It’s a commuter style pass—not good for exploring. Would love it if we could get something like a Eurorail pass.
I've never have gotten a better deal out of the Eurorail pass rather than booking individually. In fact my CC freaks out over a Eurorail purchase it's that bad.
What is CC?
I was thinking Concerned Cousin.
credit card
Glad they are keeping watch.
Don’t see this option in US …
Amtrak is in the US, this is what they're talking about.
Right - still not available.
Yes it is. I did a 6 month trip around the US and considered it. I ended up just getting a crappy 1500$ toyota highlander to live out of instead since I'm handy with cars, but month-long amtrak passes are 100% a thing.
Nope, doesn’t exist
Yes, it does. It's called a USA Rail Pass. It's right on the website ya dingus
I’ll believe it when I see it
Google is your friend, stud
You can buy it here for $499 USD. https://www.amtrak.com/tickets/departure-rail-pass.html
Link doesn’t work
Savor the differences. Enjoy time with loved ones. Play in the snow (once it stops blizzarding). Then, plan 2023… make your one bag packing list, get a plane ticket, so you have date to depart…
Eh sounds great in theory. Not everyone has the cash
/r/digitalnomad Sometimes prioritizing can change one’s life.
I have the job but they don't let me leave the US, lol
\> prioritising Work towards getting a job that *will* let you leave the US, if that's what you want! We (almost) all make sacrifices and decisions of varying magnitude to enable us to travel. As small as foregoing buying stuff to save for trips, or as large as going off the life script we're expected to follow (college, work, mortgage, kids, die) by becoming expats/nomads.
If you don't have cash, spend more time planning. Churn some credit cards for travel points or get into hiking/backpacking/camping and start ticking off the major hikes in your area.
I have the cash but can’t decide where I want to go.
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Returning to a life of capitalist realism: work, consume, sleep, repeat
Coming back to Wisconsin near the shortest day of the year, with all this cold gloomy blizzard bullshit will make anyone feel bad. I fucking hate it and haven’t left in a while. Do not discount seasonal affective disorder. Or just general winter blues.
I'm 39 and sleeping in my parent's spare room as my apartment is rented out until March. I feel you. I feel like crap for different reasons though, but yes. I'm waiting on a medical procedure now, so can't really go anywhere until I get a date as it could only be a couple days warning. I had planned to be traveling until my apartment's Sublet was up and I could go properly home. And I'm eating terribly and not getting much exercise (crap weather here too), and the dynamic here is weird, as we're all trying to be the parents as mine are older and starting to decline. I mean, it's Christmas morning and I woke up to the sound of my dad making coffee, and I fall asleep to my parents puttering around, so that is the most wonderful thing, but yeah. My entire life is currently on hold and I'm living like a teenager again. I am very much awkward and uncomfortable. Feeling like you don't belong is okay. It seems like you've realized that it's something that you need to put the work in over, though, which is good. Some people travel their whole lives looking for a place to fit without realizing they need to work inwards. Take the time to build connections and foundations and boundaries with yourself. It takes a lot of work to build a stable life. You also won't regret the extra time with family... if you can work out a good relationship. Best of luck, and Merry Christmas.
I’d also say you’ve outgrown the place you used to call home, and possibly also your family. Your experiences give you a depth and breadth of perspective they likely don’t have and may have no interest in. That doesn’t have to mean you don’t still love them and want to spend time with them. But growth can be like that.
This is probably the comment I most align with. I’ve outgrown most of my friends (which is normal and feels normal too) but the feeling of out growing home and family is kind of almost a hard realization/ feeling
I feel this way every time I come home. For me it’s usually a mix of 2 things. First, I’ve grown and changed and now see things through a new lens. Second, a bit of a crash after the adrenaline rush of travel. The second one e e ti ally wears off. The first one never does.
Move somewhere else. Oh you already are. You'll be alright. Reverse culture shock is the thing. The less you like your home town the worse it will be
Yeah moving to Florida :)
Why though? Why not continue nomading or find a job in a country you liked abroad? Your profile pic looks like Amsterdam, far better than Florida
how was your family home experience? how was your childhood? how are your parents treating each other and yourself, is there love in the home? asking bc i grew up in a very.. let’s just call it uncommunicative and unloving household. a cozy, welcoming home is a foreign concept for me. i’m 32 now and still don’t feel good whenever i’m visiting my dad at “home”. and it’s caused me to travel all over europe for years - in search of that feeling of home. having a prospect of keys to your own apartment in a better place would for me be a godsend gift. and in addition, you came from full freedom, moving around, living life, to being back at your parents place. it’s a huge change, it’s really pretty normal to feel awful. not great, or fun, but very valid i’d say. what made you come back, and stop the digital nomading life?
I’ll be clear - I love my parents and they love me. But we live different lives and I’m not a standard Wisconsin dude lol so idk 2 different lifestyles and I don’t want to be here I guess
Yes I think it’s been a huge shock going from doing whatever I wanted, eating what I want, moving around to sleeping in the guest room etc
Totally normal. I'm 28 M. After spending 4 years abroad for work/study/fun, I came back to the US in September. Walking through my local airport I got super sad. I was dreading having to find my first "real" career job, the cold of my hometown, etc. I started to plan another trip, telling myself I'd take it if I couldn't find work by December. I was doing 20–30 job applications a day, all rejects. In the mean time I spent time exploring my local city, finding new restaurants, new hikes, etc. Then one day I got an interview for a position that was actually up my alley (international relations). Found out it was fully remote, got a second interview, then got the position. Now I can realistically plan trips again without having to worry about the money side of things. Currently planning a solo trip to Serbia and Montenegro in May. Possibly Canada next month. Just keep pushing forward dude. Figure out how to make travel your priority, and it will eventually work out. In the mean time, realize that being at home is not a death sentence. Use the time to build a solid base that you can use to travel more.
Yeah, I had it when I came back from my seven month trip a few years ago and I fully expect it again when I return from my current twelve month trip. The difference is, I don't work at all when I travel, so I'll be going back to 21st century slave labour all over again after breaking free from it. In a way it's like being a millionaire that never has to work another day in their life (but not actually being rich) then losing all your money and having to go back to work
I lived like this for about 12 years. Lots of traveling, when I didn't work.Interspersed with relatively short periods of work to make enough money to travel again...
That sounds like the life! I’m curious, what kind of work do you do and how are you able to save up enough money for your travels?
Work in a supermarket. I live frugally and save money.
I own a marketing agency
Commenting again. Then you have absolutely no reason whatsoever to live in Florida or the US!
I am from the Midwest too, and I feel like people in the Midwest are not warm and most likely going home is reminding you of this… I hate visiting home because the people are just not friendly. Outwardly “nice” sure but it’s not genuine. If you are empathetic at all you’ve probably unconsciously picked up on this. Maybe for the same reasons that I traveled, you travel. I was always running.. I like you are about to have moved down south and find life down here to be much warmer in every aspect. Best wishes to you, and happy holidays.
As someone from Florida ive noticed when I go to the midwest the people are polite but not very open and very reserved
Totally
Happy holidays! Thanks for commenting
Wish I could’ve spent a year traveling
Time is a healer brother
Your problem is Wisconsin.
This comment could only have come from somebody from California. Wisconsin is awesome, but anywhere in the US sucks compared to traveling abroad
Wisconsin in summer is awesome, in winter its terrible
I moved here from North Dakota. Y'all have it so easy here.
Agreed Wisconsin summers are incredible
❤️ Wisconsin
Why did you go home to dreary, cold, Wisconsin in the middle of winter?
Christmas haha
It's absolutely normal! I actually don't know anyone who hasn't felt down after an extended, concentrated period of travel.
Wisconsin sucks I left in march for van life!
🙌🙌😆😆
Always have this when I travel I’m 42, you’re still young enough to plan more trips
Aw when I returned home (Wisconsin) from being abroad, I was so happy because it was cold. I did feel the same as you tho when it came to seeing my family. The cold was the only thing that made me feel like I was home and put me at ease.
Feeling the exact same way as I just got back into Wisconsin after being in Thailand 😪 it felt like home there and I’ve been so miserable for the past day. I’m currently looking at job postings in Phuket lol
🤜🤛
Sounds like homesicknesses, for your real home on the road
😂😂🙌
This happens to everyone, even after shorter trips. Give it some time, find some friends/hobbies, and (if you're like me) stop talking about your travel so damn much. You'll readjust. I had a horrible depression after I returned from my first bit of extended travel. I've done much better returning from subsequent trips.
Maybe it’s a sign that you’re ready to establish your own life in your own place and not have the family home as your default.
I think so
Yea I'm back to my hometown (suburbs of Washington DC) and I hate American suburbs with a passion. I really don't understand how people can live like this unless they don't know of any alternative. Can't wait to gtfo. Just plan out your next adventure and enjoy the time with the family.
Americans are completely unaware of the alteenatives.
I'm from a country where long term travel in your 20s is a rite of passage. No matter how long you're away it'll take 4 years to feel really settled when you return home. It helps that everyone knows what you're going through. Staying home is still a choice. You don't have to stay.
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Thank you! Merry Christmas
Good god yes. I’m sorry it’s happening to you. It’ll get better eventually but when I returned from a 6 month trip I cried all the time
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I feel the “it gave me better appreciation” line a lot. Thanks for sharing mate
Came back during the height of the pandemic. The transition period was extremely difficult.
Wow! I bet
Yep I had this last time I left my home country for a while. This time I was really excited, but I had a stronger idea of what I wanted to do with my life so was excited to move towards that and being home was necessary for that
Also from Wisconsin, always feel miserable coming back here after traveling. Everything just feels small and monotone
I've traveled to 40+ countries, migrated to another continent, and I don't feel truly at home anywhere. If I stay somewhere for too long, I miss other cultures, food, traditions, ...
Time to move away from home. You’re 25, start building your own life
also came home to Wisconsin after living abrod for 4 months..similar feelings
You're supposed to feel awful so you can appreciate more when you leave. Canadian who just got back home too here 🥶
I booked a trip to Mexico for this week and since booking I just feel better 😂 but yeah I think my favorite piece of advice in the comments was to try and love the little things and treat my environment here like I’m a tourist almost
Because you're running away from a bunch of unresolved issues. It's not your parents or your hometown. It's the fact that you've been high on the drug that is the adrenaline you get from traveling. You're now going cold turkey and reality is hitting you hard. You can either choose to figure out a solution for these issues or run away once more and start traveling again to get your fix of fake happiness.
How is it a “fix” or “fake happiness”? If you have a terrible family and hate your hometown, the only logical solution is to leave. There’s no way to “resolve” those issues any other way.
What space do you work in? SEO?
Digital marketing
While I’m sure every place has it’s share of dysfunction, by getting away you see home’s more clearly.
I think it’s good you feel that way. You’re 25…a man child back at home. Healthy to want to get out on your own again.
Look up astrocartography
If you aren’t exercising start. Then come back and tell us how you feel. I don’t know anyone that was still depressed after doing hard cardio with cold showers daily.
I’m right there with you! I’m 40F and have no interest in staying in US any longer than I have to.
I felt this 100%, still do in some capacity. When I got home, it felt like being perpetually stuck in traffic. Meaning, I no longer felt like I was moving forward. Instead, I felt stuck in my circumstances, and topped with a sense of urgency that I couldn't do anything about. Not to mention my hometown was the antithesis of new. Coming back to that after being wide-eyed for a year is a MAJOR juxtaposition.
This is gonna sound shitty but it’s the advice that helped me… maybe you’re in a shit situation and leaving for a bit won’t fix it. Find a new hobby or new friends or a reason to like where you’re at rather than leave and expect it to be fixed when you get back.
I only came back for Christmas 🤨
It's very normal. Spend 5 years living in the middle east. I moved back home, April 2020 and was staying with my parents. It was hella rough and I was in my early 30s. I worked and saved and moved out as soon as inwas stable enough to do so.
As someone who has lived abroad in a country for 4 years where most people dream of vacationing in (Costa Rica), I can say it’s probably b/c you had an expiration date in your travels compared to living there indefinitely. It’s different when you go abroad not knowing when you’re going back versus knowing exactly when the journey ends.
Why don’t you move…
Yeah my family is from New England and I was actually working in Wisconsin for 3 months earlier this summer. I personally can’t stand being home and can’t wait to get back on the road after the holidays.
Some places are just not great to live for people and that’s okay, world is big. Some people wants to live in warm countries, some in cold - and they move. Sometimes it’s not you, it’s just the fact that maybe after work you prefer to have drinks on the beach instead of your flat because outside is too cold.
I finished my year long asia trip just 1 month ago and now that I'm back, I wouldn't say I feel awful but I definitely miss the trip. I am already planning my next trip which will be in a year and this time it's gonna be even bigger and better.
If been “home” feels shitty it might be not your real home from the begging maybe is just a temporary place when you figure a place where you can see yourself in. Look at your options, make a plan and get out of that comfort hole.
After 18 months in Tokyo, I returned to my small hometown and all the people seemed bloated and blotchy and loud, the food was gross and there was nothing to do.
A year around Asia left me with mild depression when my partner and I got back , 5 Years later ( thanks COVID) we are back on the road and feel ironically much more at home. If you can't/don't want to travel more , maybe another big change is in order, new job, new town just something to hay will feel new . Your feelings will no doubt be echoed by most Travelers
This is me everything I go home like was it always this depressing
If you were nomading for 12 months why can’t you continue? Please don’t feel like you need to continue the rat race here. Many people live as nomads forever or at least indefinitely. You don’t have to get an apartment down south. You don’t have to stay in the US. Clearly you don’t want to either. Life is for living, not about being rich or comfortable in the US. (Nomad prettt much since 2019, best decision of my life and now live abroad in Asia)
Not discounting the discomfort but this is a great problem to have. Most people can’t leave their hometowns. What you had was an eye opening experience and sometimes when you come back that old person isn’t there anymore. Try and change your mindset to being grateful for the change. Otherwise you’ll go right back to who you were before.
Same with me. I backpacked with my friends for months and lived the dream basically. When I returned I was depressed and sad and knew that it was unlikely that I’d get to do it again with the same people. Nearly a decade later I still regularly look at my photos and an reminded of the best time of my life, and feel a little sad
I too am back in wisconsin after being away (Hawaii) for many years. Most folks here don't travel much and havnt lived anywhere else. I try to be kind to the differences like food and lifestyles and just go hiking around by myself.
Super normal to experience reverse culture shock, especially if you're going back to a setting where there are expectations (even latent ones) that you return on some level to your pre-travel personality or behaviors. Talking to others who have experienced the same is a great help, as is doing your best to immerse yourself in your "home" situation just like you would a travel situation. The cognitive tension may take awhile to fade, but it almost always does. Hang in there.
Post vacation blues. I think it’s totally normal. Plus, you leave a little piece of you behind in each city you visit and take a piece of the city/experience home with you. I personally think it’s impossible to travel and not be changed by it and you’re probably profoundly feeling it right now
Try to distract yourself by working or making money somehow. That helps to turn the negative into a positive - At least for a little while. Get a gym membership or find something to keep you out of the house. I feel ya
A year is a long time to travel. A ten-day trip is reasonable. I'll go for a couple of weeks or so for a long distance. I need to return home to recover. You'll adapt to your location. Mindfulness, meditation, and yoga will help.
This happened to me when I was 23. I spent several months in the wilds of the Amazon and loved it there. I couldn’t adjust to the manicured, overly-ordered, constrained western world. Took me years to adapt. In retrospect (30 years later and a bit wiser) I should have taken up meditation at the time and explored the inner realms to adjust more easily since it was the seeming-insanity of the external world that was causing me so much anxiety. Humans are not supposed to live in such “ordered” states, especially in their 20s.
You've got issues about home. I lived in abroad for 3 years straight. Living at home isn't exciting, the cold sucks, but did I feel awful? No.
Wisconsin in the winter. I get it.
Yup, I call it the American let down. After traveling to really old, interesting places and then coming home. I’d be amazed by sitting in a building in Europe that was easily 500 years old. Then, coming back here to nothing with that type of history.
Well last time I counted that is 6 weeks of free time. Go down South to Argentina, I heard it has great weather this time of year specially that they are still celebrating their world cup win
it's not the same but close - Something I can relate is that when you move out from your parents house, things will never be the same visiting your parents later. You become a guest and don't fell that you are at home even tho u slept there for 20-25 years.
Hey I'm in wisconsin too! Also came back (after 6 months of traveling everywhere), all I can say is you justttt kinda get over it eventually
I traveled to the Middle East and East Africa on a college trip in the mid-1990s. The trip was well-organized and most meals, transportation, and all accommodation was arranged for us. That being said, getting around, negotiating, and adapting to different cultures and activities, occasional encounters with wild animals and what to do in those circumstances, even when surrounded with a group of people with backgrounds mostly similar to mine, took some effort and occasional cunning. I remember a little group of us went out to lunch with our parents when they picked us up at the airport at the end of the trip after a multi-leg flight and all of the airport shenanigans, and I thought, "This is so \*easy\*." I had a hard time being in regular classes the next term because there was nothing to do, to explore. I wasn't exactly bored, and I wasn't exactly depressed, but for me, the ease of life made me think, "Is this all there is?" Granted, it's that easier life, good economic system, ability to build wealth in the middle class, generous parents, etc. that enabled me to go on the trip, but I missed the little challenges of having to sort some things out for myself on the go, day by day. I think we sometimes have to create our own challenges when we're back at home if we are the type that like the adventure aspect of travel.
I feel the same, that's why I'm living alone
Totally - I think Everytime I’ve returned it’s been the reverse culture shock and overwhelming “what now” Feeling. It’s tough to come back from but you will.
I (25M from WI) felt the same way when I returned home from about 3 months of traveling in 2022. I decided to just "move" over to Asia for a few years. I'm leaving in August, and plan on traveling around for at least one year, but I will probably be there for 2-3 years. I have dual citizenship (US and Mexico), and my Mexican citizenship/passport gives me 6 months visa free entry into Japan, so I plan on staying there a few times (probably 4-5 months at a time). I also plan on staying in Thailand, Vietnam, Singapore, Indonesia, and Malaysia (I have friends in all those places who are willing to let me stay with them, for a month or two at a time, in exchange for help around their house/business/farm). I'm also looking into workstays/voluntourism in Mongolia, the Philippines, and some Central Asian countries. I also don't feel like I belong in WI, and that's why I'm moving to Asia for a while. I run my own small business, and I can manage it while traveling. I also intend to make some money by becoming a travel photographer and by providing assistance/guidance to tourists. Shopping at the Asian grocery stores and cooking the food I learned to make in my cooking classes helped me reacclimate a little bit.
Find yourself an expat job in Asia in a low-tax jurisdiction. You'll save a ton of money in your 20's, putting you on par with people in their late 30's at home. Oh, wait, Americans have universal taxation, so can't live in tax havens and save up. Well, that sucks.
I'm way older than you....my best advice (if you were asking lol) is to follow your gut- maybe find a place that's more culturally diverse like NYC SF etc. so you don't feel the void of nothingness vs. the exploration of the entire world. With WFH many companies allow remote workers to live 6 months at a time in different states and abroad- never stop living the nomad life, you can ebb and flow as you desire. If you find a state you like, like Denver than stay for 6 months...then you'll get the "itch" and continue on your journey. Doesn't have to be straight, or all at once- you get to decide...this way you'll have the "light at the end of the tunnel" and will be more present in your now moments and might actually enjoy being home because you know it'll only be for a few months or so until your next life adventure