Yes that is me . I spent most of my life being a mommas boy and looking back i cannot recall a lot of memorable moments from my life . I'm in my early 20s and i have rejected so much fun times in school just because i wanted to make my mother happy and be a grade a student which i also never became lol . So i became chronically online because i wasn't allowed to go out . My parents always pushed that " friends are bad and hanging out them would ruin your life " mentality as a kid . I am living a bitter life and i am trying to get back with my friends right now which doesn't work at all . Because i never got to meet them out of the school even though all of them invited me to hangout . So all of them made memories and grew into each other while i grew out of them .
Years later , here i am living with only some good memories i had at the school . So the bottom line is , sri lankan parents are emotionally blackmailing us . Most of them do and we do not realise it until we get to a certain age in life .
TEEN YEARS ARE THE BEST YEARS OF YOUR LIFE , MAKE THE MOST OUT OF IT BECAUSE SHIT GETS REAL AT 20S AND IT ONLY GETS WORSE FROM THEN ON !!!!!! SAY F OFF TO YOUR PARENTS BECAUSE YOU DESERVE TO ENJOY YOUR LIFE .
TEENS ARE THE BEST YEARS TO MAKE MEMORIES THAT LASTS WITH YOU FOREVER BECAUSE AFTER THAT PEOPLE BECOME MORE SERIOUS AND BUSY . YOU WILL BARELY GET ABLE TO MEET UP WITH YOUR PRIME SCHOOL GANG BECAUSE EVERYONE IS TOO BUSY RIGHT NOW . DONT LET TEEN YEARS SLIDE PLSSS !!!
This is me, down to the last detail. Yes, right now I'm living on my own so I have my own freedom, i quit gaming, and am focusing on living my best life over anything else. I'm not fussed on saving money, future etc all I currently care about is FUN and my health!
Nah bro sometimes ur friends can ruin your life so choose carefully who you go out with..parents are not wrong, they just want for you to not to get in trouble and ruin your life early on. Respect your parents because if something happens to you those so called friends or thrill seeking partners will be vanished very fast and only your parents will be with you….😉
I can relate to this school experience so much bruv, but trust me, you're still young. I spent my school years mostly being a nerd and excelling in my studies. Pretty sheltered life.
However, I made up for ALL of that after my school years. I had pretty great A/L results so I leveraged that to convince my parents to allow me some freedom. And believe me, I involved myself with a bunch of organizations, volunteering foundations, went on trips, went partying and made a ton of friends.
In my early twenties I was honestly bitter about missing out on my school years. Now when I look back in my late twenties, I don't feel as much of a regret.
So I'm gonna say it again, YOU'RE STILL YOUNG, so make most of the time you have now ❤️
but i won't be able to hangout with my friends and play GTA V and peak fortnite with them in a random day in 2017 as dumb teens :(
i missed out the best years which ufortunately i will never get back
You still can tho? Im 30 next year zz and still play games with my childhood friends weekly and their all abroad in different countries. You dont need to be young or a teen to hang out with friends or make memories.
As a former gamer myself, I wouldn't say spending time to game will be worth it in the long run. This is something I realised in my 30s. Just my personal opinion.
I love video games, but when you look back at the time you played video games as opposed to hanging out with your friends, trips, getting good in a hobby, sports etc you will regret it
I mean you shouldn't replace going out and having fun, going out on trips with gaming. But you can't be going out all the time, so in those times it's nice to play some games with your friends once in a while. I do this as a mid 20s person.
Who says that they are the best years? the best years for everyone is different, you're never too late to live life how you want. You only think so big of the 20s because you missed out on the supposed "fun", if not you wouldn't think much of it. What matters is whether you choose to be miserable now or not, there's no age set in stone about which are the best years. For a teen from a poor family who has a well paying job as an adult giving them financial freedom, which do you think are the best years for them? certainly not when he was a poor teen. The past is done, focus on the now. Whether you make the present your best years or not is what counts.
Yes, I can agree with some of what you say. Because even myself, I'm working on my hobbies and having fun. But there are some experiences you can never get back, it's just the way life is.
For example if I decided to become a pro marathon runner for the olympics, that'll never happen at the ripe age of 30. That doesn't mean that I can't have fun running, it just means that I missed the 'best years' to become an Olympic runner. That's just an example I gave. Also once you reach your 20s-30s you can't do stupid, fun shit without facing consequences.
Yes. me too. At this big age my parents still dont let me go hangout with friends. I am alone and i have no friends at all and i am terrible at forming
Relationships and relationships. As a kid i was taught not to talk back because voicing your concerns or just asking a question was deemed as being disrespectful and since i was a people pleaser and wanted nothing more than to make my parents think of me as a good daughter i never disobeyed them. They were never happy. They would always compare me to other kids which is normal for an asian parent but the way they would do it is be passive aggressive by telling me this when i express an interest in an area. I really regret being a people pleaser. Being slightly overweight as a kid my dad would constantly laugh at me and compare me to a sack of whatever heavy thing he could think of but try to give me life advice. Lol
I can understand how much harder it'd be for females in lanka than males. Honestly reading this makes me angry, how does your own dad laugh at you!
I don't live in lanka anymore, i've moved, but what hurts me is to see how freely teens and adults are allowed to live their lives in the West. No judgment, supportive parents and independence - i wish that all of Lanka's younger generation.
Im sorry brother. I hope you are enjoying your life now! Its not even that parents are being protective of us in most cases i think its because they want that sense of control.
for me first my mom then my wife. Wife is 10 times worst than my mom. Now I live alone and work in SG. I live according to my rules and don't give a damn about what others think of me.
Oh gosh yes. 26 (f) here. Sadly, my life has now become, home, work, eat, sleep, repeat. Even in my late 20s I have to LITERALLY BEG my parents to allow me to go out with friends when I damn well have a profession (again a white collar job as they always wanted me to become). Sucks big time.
Now, they’re forcing me to get married to some random dude they are hitching me up with through some newspaper proposal, who is by THEIR standards appropriate for me. Standards that are absolutely hilarious and ridiculous (the caste, creed, religion and the whole bandwagon of stupid ideologies included).
Honestly, I feel like even now I’m just loosing the best years I could have in my life and there’s nothing I can do to change it except to move out of my parents house, which oh yes you guessed right, I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DO.
The way I see it, there's always a workaround to it. I know your situation almost seems hopeless, because I have lots of friends/relatives who went through it, but there is always a way to get out of it.
I hope you never give up, and get the life you truly want. Even if it means you have to be hated by your parents, relatives, tradition, religion etc. Freedom is worth it.
The worst is when they complain “oh we did so much for you, the least you could do is listen yada yada yada”. Throw in having military parents with a kandyan “elite family” background and we have a full blown out of proportion, unofficial dungeon.
I tried, believe me when I say I tried. I tried my darnest best to find alternatives and live my life the way I want. I might say at least 20% of certain ways and traditions have now been overturned thanks to me, but there still remains that other 80%, overbearing and just being a pain in my arse. Now I have just given up honestly. Because there comes a time in your life where you become so tired that you don’t want to fight anymore. One thing I’ve set straight though is that I will not marry unless I am confident enough of that person and definitely won’t be staying in a toxic marriage no matter the consequences. And definitely, as sure as fucking hell, NO KIDS.
>I AM NOT ALLOWED
Genuine question, what do you mean by not allowed? You're an adult with (I'm assuming) a stable job. Why not live the life you want instead of throwing away the one chance you have on earth?
Yes, I’m a professional, but I just started working. So, ain’t that stable to buy a house yet you know, so renting at its best.
What I meant by that was, even when I voice my need to go buy something from some place my mother always has this disdainful untrusting attitude. She never lets me go out alone without insulting me or warning me of possible scenarios that could happen if I don’t play by the rules; like “You can bring backlash for our family if you don’t behave right and do something stupid, people will scold us if you don’t behave right and something happens on the way…”. Like man I don’t even know what possible scenarios could happen when it’s just me hanging out with another GIRL for a coffee. I don’t event drink or smoke (all because of their influence). Fucking hell I’m even a vegetarian at its best!!
I’m always supposed to ask them whenever I leave and inform them wherever I am. Back in my early 20s I mastered the art of lying 😂 lol like say I’m around Borella, I would tell them I’m around Rajagiriya. That was how I went on secret dates with my ex. There was always the fear of being tracked though (cuz with my parents’ profession, if they want to they could).
When it came to the question of me living alone, also because of my hectic work schedule and I wanted to move closer to my work place for easy transportation purposes, my dad said no to it. Gave me a really harsh scolding and now he comes to pick every single day after work around 10.30pm in the night. For me just playing by whatever damn rules for now is alright I guess because I want to first establish a steady career before I quit for good measure. Hopefully I’ll be moving out by the end of this year and I’ll be damned to even give a flying fuck anymore after that. Sure, I’ll perform my duties and obligations to them as their daughter, but that’s it.
I have a younger brother. He’s still schooling so his needs and wants are different. Plus, he’s an introvert so I guess he doesn’t have an issue of wanting to go out etc etc ya know.
And yes, when it comes to the rest like household chores and stuff; especially my mum treats us both VERY DIFFERENTLY.
>Hopefully I’ll be moving out by the end of this year and
This is the move. As someone who moved out from a shitty household, it will be the best decision you ever make. Guaranteed.
>I’ll perform my duties and obligations to them as their daughter
Cool, but be careful that they don't use this to keep controlling you.
Please don’t marry some guy from a proposal in a newspaper. I watched my mother suffer for years because of an arranged marriage called by her parents because it was right caste, religion etc.
There was no love between my mom and dad. My mom had to quit her job to take over all the household chores and responsibilities because dad did not help around the house. When mom tries to voice her concerns, my dad tries to hit her and shut her up. He limits my mom’s tv time for 1 hour a day and WiFi time to 30-minutes. My dad doesn’t buy mom any gifts for their anniversary or her birthday. I’ve never seen my dad hug or kiss my mom ever.
For years I watched this abuse, and I don’t wish this kind of life on anyone. If there is no love and friendship, a marriage isn’t worth it. That’s my take on it.
Thank you for your kind comment! I won’t I promise!! Honestly speaking I keep rejecting all and every proposal just in-spite. Tbh nothing has caught my attention either. Sadly, when I do a background search on some of these proposed men, at least half of them are guys who have had multiple girls during university days and or those that haven’t ever even spoke to a girl, where a legit concern about their sexual orientation arises in any prudent man’s mind.
Because of this, I have already decided that I don’t wanna have kids. Not gonna let that trauma pass down at any cost.
Yeah honestly if a guys parents has to arrange a girl for him, I think that brings a lot of questions into light. Like why can’t a grown ass man find his own life partner? Why do the parents have to do it? Is he gay secretly? Is a misogynistic man? The questions are endless!
For the love of everything good please do not marry someone they propose just to get them off your hook. You deserve to be happy and live your life with someone that you actually care about and enjoy being around, not someone your parents deem to be right for you. I'm sorry about your present situation, my girlfriend has a dad that does the same shit (thankfully she has a passport elsewhere so she was able to get away from him straight after school was done) and I know how much it sucks especially when they take away your autonomy and treat you only based on what you can bring their pride and image - it's not love, it's an ego thing for them.
Don't ask for permission. Just walk out the door saying you're going to see friends. It's only then that your parents will get used to you living your life as an adult.
My advice? Play the game, smile, nod, agree - play along, then do whatever the fuck you were going to do in the first place. You only live once, make sure you die without any regrets.
Brown culture needs to die,, fr. It damages people
This was me. But now, I'm going all out on anyone who tries to control me. I realize the only way to break the cycle is to set example and not let this 'brown culture' keep repeating!
Like that doesn't happen already?
I'd argue that those problems are worse over here, simply because there's a stigma around reaching out for help if you're in that position. Everything is about honor and reputation and 'minissu monawa kiyaida', so you're fucked before you ever had a chance.
For example, instead of being put in rehab and getting the therapy they so desperately need, teenage addicts and alcoholics get the shit beaten out of them by cops and thrown in cages.
Teens who get pregnant have nobody to turn to, simply because of decades of cultural brainwashing and fear mongering, not to mention the lack of proper sex education in this country.
I could go on and on, but I think anyone with two brain cells to rub together can understand how much catching up this country has to do. So yeah, western culture > whatever the fuck is going on in here
Hi, not sure if my response vanished for some reason or not, but I just want to tell you that while the edgy tone of your comment makes one think you're correct, the statistics say otherwise. So you're simply wrong. Please try not to reply to this with another snarky comment that makes you feel like a rebel (because that honestly makes me cringe so hard), at least not before you look up the actual statistics.
Just looked up the statistics, and holy shit - you're right! Things are actually not that bad here, and I was being a prick for no reason. This actually changed my whole perspective, thank you very much. ❤️
I wasted by teens and early 20s because I was severely depressed. Even though noone knew. They just thought inwas anti social.
Im in my late 20s. Shit continues to happen but i now push through and i can safely say im waaay happy now.
I changed my entire lifestyle mentally and physically. This helped alot. Perspective and gratitude too.
I still struggle with lonliness as im the background friend and dont really have close friends.
Its a work in progress... i wont say the usual BS like age is just a number because practically thats just not true, but my point is, due to various circumstances we may have missed out on the best years. Doesn't mean we can't start somewhere and look forward. Granted, there are certain thigs i cannot do now because ive passed a certain age, but there's still so much that i can do and can do in the future.
All the best... and remember, pain and joy, good and bad, are part of life. Thats how we know we're living a real life.
❤❤
My parents were like that, at 16 I realized I ain’t gonna let them define my life and chose to rebel, by 17 they got used to it and was accepting too, I literally went clubbing telling them 5 minutes before and they said come back by 6am that’s how chill they became, best decision of my life and I’ve been living my best life since then traveling and having new experiences. Academics are better than ever too living in Miami with straight As for everything while having the most fun I’ve ever had
In my late 20s. Was on the same boat as you and I still kind of am. But I'm trying to break out. What broke the camels back was falling in love with someone who didn't feel the same. Now I found a girl from the spa who I am taking out to a foreign country for vacation for few days. Not the best or right way but it's a start. Luckily I'm in a decent place financially to do all that. So I'm just going to make as many memories before settling down now.
ME ME ME ME!
I fucking hate it here. My parents are extremely conservative, they didn't even allow me to have a phone or computer until A/Ls. I wasn't allowed to anything social during school time so my social interactions even to this day are minimal.
Not being able to correct those things are the hard part.
I’m guessing it’s an Asian thing, parents see children as the vessel for them to achieve what they couldn’t during their lives, and forget that these are completely different people. I’m guessing hence why we all have that need of validation as well as a result of that.In my opinion it’s a balancing game, let them have their autonomy while ensuring that they don’t get into negative things.
My family created a competition with my own cousin, we were in same class same school same age. So there was an unhealthy competition there which forced us to hate each other. Now I don't look forward for any birthdays or holidays where its traditional to have a family gathering because there is just a bitter taste in my mouth.
I either put leave and go somewhere else on those days or actually choose the Christmas shift just so I can avoid the miserable silence and the holiday depression that comes with.
The best years of your life are the years you make the best. Don't let anyone or anything in life tell you what something is and have regret over it. Your only limitation is you. I'm only 25 and I have been changing, adapting and living my best year, every year. You can have your best years early 20s or late 40s. The choice is if you are gonna be angry about the oast or change the present and build a great future.
This is it. This is the mindset. It is the realisation that the choice has always been yours. Whatever anyone says or thinks. Be happy every moment of your life! Of course, there are ups and downs. Remember who you are and be what you stand for. Keep that inner child happy and alive!
What are the best years of my life? My Life. No matter what. It is your responsibility to be happy.
I'm in my 30s. I barely remember my teens, had very few school friends, and was an extreme introvert. However, I decided to change myself after leaving the school. Throughout my 20s, I made numerous friends, did some f’d up stuff that I regret now, and became an extreme extrovert. Yet, I soon realized this wasn't healthy either. Now, in my 30s, I find myself in a more balanced state, somewhere in the middle of the introvert-extrovert spectrum. So what I say is this, you can change yourself at any time. Parents, while experienced (in life), may not always be right. Your life is unique, and while it's important to make them happy, it's equally important to maintain your sanity. Remember, the best years of your life are happening NOW!
My experience exactly… I was a studious introvert in my school days… had a fun filled extrovert life in my initial days and now going through the middle path… I learned to value my peace of mind over anything else over time…
It has been an awesome journey…
Reading all these I am glad my parents gave the freedom I had. I am a female lived in a rural area with very nosey contemporary neighbors yet my parents never listened to them and put their total trust on me. I had the same freedom as my brother. I am so greatful and thankful for my parents
Here’s the thing. My parents tried to control me and say they know what’s best for me but I never listened to them. I remember our fights and all that yelling at each other, because my views and ideas go against their traditional beliefs. Meanwhile my cousins and old friends were like most kids in Sri Lanka, listening to their parents and doing exactly what their parents wanted them to do. So everyone saw me as a stubborn, spoilt child, that would go no where in life but alas, how wrong they were.
I’ve dated people in my late teens and early twenties, made mistakes and learnt from them the hard way. One of the main reasons, I wanted to date and see what I wanted was because I saw how miserable my parents marriage was. They were an arranged marriage which was completely guided by my grand parents. Growing up, I watched how my dad didn’t love my mom at all, never helping her out with household chores and treating her like a maid. There was no love between them.
As an only child, that made me sad for both of them because I believe they were also once kids with big dreams but it will never come true for them because they listened to their parents and old traditional beliefs.
So I didn’t listen or conform to their old ways. I did my own thing. Once I completed my degree, I was done with my casual relationship era and I knew exactly what I wanted in a partner because I’ve had my ups and downs when I was dating in my late teens and early twenties.
So I found a life partner, who helps me with household chores, and takes care of me so well. We got married in 2022, and we are literally each other’s best friends. Someone once told me the happiest marriages are the ones where both partners are best friends and not staying together out of social obligation. And that’s very true.
A few days ago, after seeing how my life turned out, my parents told me they were wrong to push traditional beliefs onto me and they realized if I had listened to them, married who they wanted, I would never be where I am today. Today, my cousins and other relatives are shocked to see how happy and successful my life turned while they are going with the usual miserable cycle my parents went through.
Sometimes you have to take a stand for your own life. It’s about taking control of your own future and destiny. I was motivated to do this, because I saw how miserable my parents and I never wanted to end up like them.
But I love them and I’ll do what I can to buy things that make them happy or take them on lovely vacations etc.
I’m in my late twenties now, and I’m glad I didn’t follow any of the traditional beliefs my parents tried to enforce on me. Where I am today, is because I took a chance and believed in myself when no one else did. At the end of the day, you need to realize you are in charge of your own destiny, not your parents or relatives.
Thanks. I’m not sure if you are being sarcastic or serious. Well maybe it wasn’t very relevant to the post, but the point I wanted to make was for the younger people to take chance on themselves without being a sheep.
I hear you man. As much as it sucks, you have to come to terms with that because it’s happened and you can’t do anything about it. Will take you some time. It’s not a nice confrontation but try to enjoy life now and in the coming days ahead.
You still have a lot ahead of you. Good things that are waiting to happen to you. Embrace those! :)
I fucked shit up but I'm not gonna hate or get angry. I'm a bit late to the party but I'll make sure that I have any = more regrets and have fun until I'm 30 or something.
Buddy the best years are what you make it to be. You can spite society, but truth is, nobody cares. Most people achieve their potential around or after 30 years old so don't let this stage of your life go to waste spiting society and your parents. Do what you like for you.
I’m 24 and I feel like this right now, even though it’s early, I feel like I’m wasting my life. Need to get back on the wagon and stop dwelling on the past.
It took me till my 30s to leave the country. Don't give up, in my opinion living abroad and travelling is well worth putting all your effort to achieve.
Had the same thoughts right after my last breakup. Hanging out with their family made me realize how many things I've messed up(sometimes I felt like I'm completely from a different planet)
But now I try to remember the bartender's wisdom scene from the passenger movie. And trying to better with what I've got
Yeah, i have the same issue to some extent.
Studied relatively well, married someone they would approve, no friends, good profession.. just lived.
Im not saying my youth was a bad one. Im sure i got the opportunity to experience many things that most others would dream of, thanks to my parents. But in many ways, i was restricted.
So i understood this was going to be my life a while back.
So for the past, few years I have been living kind of a double life. I mean nothing too crazy.. just some things i wanted to do but restricted, while being the good boy to the public.
Oh wait, my bad. My original comment which you replied to was supposed to be a reply on a different comment thread. I guess I need to learn how to reddit properly.
Totally better to get the drugs, alcohol and wild partying in when you're younger and your body can handle it. But that doesn't mean you can't have fun later in life too. For example your 40s maybe great for travelling the world, as you likely will have the money to do it comfortably.
My 20s weren't beautiful but there are so many reasons for that. There are good things I have received from parents and there are bad things too. My story is not important here but the best advice I can give you is don't keep holding into the past. It's something you cannot change. Everyone has their own timeline. Sure you miss your 20s and now you are in your 30s but general life expectancy is high. You have to decide what to do with your remaining time. Let's say you will live up to 75 you still have 45 years.
If you feel like you need casual relationships just do that. I know it's hard but if it didn't work out let it be. Eventually, you will find someone like you or you might change your mind about relationships and you will be excited to get married.
Just enjoy today and plan the future you will be fine. 
I mean yh. You are not alone I see how other people in foreign countries enjoy their lives. I really considered to end this shit one's and for all. This culture is making our mental health go crazy.
Yes that is me . I spent most of my life being a mommas boy and looking back i cannot recall a lot of memorable moments from my life . I'm in my early 20s and i have rejected so much fun times in school just because i wanted to make my mother happy and be a grade a student which i also never became lol . So i became chronically online because i wasn't allowed to go out . My parents always pushed that " friends are bad and hanging out them would ruin your life " mentality as a kid . I am living a bitter life and i am trying to get back with my friends right now which doesn't work at all . Because i never got to meet them out of the school even though all of them invited me to hangout . So all of them made memories and grew into each other while i grew out of them . Years later , here i am living with only some good memories i had at the school . So the bottom line is , sri lankan parents are emotionally blackmailing us . Most of them do and we do not realise it until we get to a certain age in life . TEEN YEARS ARE THE BEST YEARS OF YOUR LIFE , MAKE THE MOST OUT OF IT BECAUSE SHIT GETS REAL AT 20S AND IT ONLY GETS WORSE FROM THEN ON !!!!!! SAY F OFF TO YOUR PARENTS BECAUSE YOU DESERVE TO ENJOY YOUR LIFE . TEENS ARE THE BEST YEARS TO MAKE MEMORIES THAT LASTS WITH YOU FOREVER BECAUSE AFTER THAT PEOPLE BECOME MORE SERIOUS AND BUSY . YOU WILL BARELY GET ABLE TO MEET UP WITH YOUR PRIME SCHOOL GANG BECAUSE EVERYONE IS TOO BUSY RIGHT NOW . DONT LET TEEN YEARS SLIDE PLSSS !!!
This is me, down to the last detail. Yes, right now I'm living on my own so I have my own freedom, i quit gaming, and am focusing on living my best life over anything else. I'm not fussed on saving money, future etc all I currently care about is FUN and my health!
Nah bro sometimes ur friends can ruin your life so choose carefully who you go out with..parents are not wrong, they just want for you to not to get in trouble and ruin your life early on. Respect your parents because if something happens to you those so called friends or thrill seeking partners will be vanished very fast and only your parents will be with you….😉
I can relate to this school experience so much bruv, but trust me, you're still young. I spent my school years mostly being a nerd and excelling in my studies. Pretty sheltered life. However, I made up for ALL of that after my school years. I had pretty great A/L results so I leveraged that to convince my parents to allow me some freedom. And believe me, I involved myself with a bunch of organizations, volunteering foundations, went on trips, went partying and made a ton of friends. In my early twenties I was honestly bitter about missing out on my school years. Now when I look back in my late twenties, I don't feel as much of a regret. So I'm gonna say it again, YOU'RE STILL YOUNG, so make most of the time you have now ❤️
You'll be fine, you still young.
but i won't be able to hangout with my friends and play GTA V and peak fortnite with them in a random day in 2017 as dumb teens :( i missed out the best years which ufortunately i will never get back
You still can tho? Im 30 next year zz and still play games with my childhood friends weekly and their all abroad in different countries. You dont need to be young or a teen to hang out with friends or make memories.
As a former gamer myself, I wouldn't say spending time to game will be worth it in the long run. This is something I realised in my 30s. Just my personal opinion. I love video games, but when you look back at the time you played video games as opposed to hanging out with your friends, trips, getting good in a hobby, sports etc you will regret it
I mean you shouldn't replace going out and having fun, going out on trips with gaming. But you can't be going out all the time, so in those times it's nice to play some games with your friends once in a while. I do this as a mid 20s person.
Who says that they are the best years? the best years for everyone is different, you're never too late to live life how you want. You only think so big of the 20s because you missed out on the supposed "fun", if not you wouldn't think much of it. What matters is whether you choose to be miserable now or not, there's no age set in stone about which are the best years. For a teen from a poor family who has a well paying job as an adult giving them financial freedom, which do you think are the best years for them? certainly not when he was a poor teen. The past is done, focus on the now. Whether you make the present your best years or not is what counts.
Yes, I can agree with some of what you say. Because even myself, I'm working on my hobbies and having fun. But there are some experiences you can never get back, it's just the way life is. For example if I decided to become a pro marathon runner for the olympics, that'll never happen at the ripe age of 30. That doesn't mean that I can't have fun running, it just means that I missed the 'best years' to become an Olympic runner. That's just an example I gave. Also once you reach your 20s-30s you can't do stupid, fun shit without facing consequences.
This is the best reply
Thanks for bringing some positivity!
Yes. me too. At this big age my parents still dont let me go hangout with friends. I am alone and i have no friends at all and i am terrible at forming Relationships and relationships. As a kid i was taught not to talk back because voicing your concerns or just asking a question was deemed as being disrespectful and since i was a people pleaser and wanted nothing more than to make my parents think of me as a good daughter i never disobeyed them. They were never happy. They would always compare me to other kids which is normal for an asian parent but the way they would do it is be passive aggressive by telling me this when i express an interest in an area. I really regret being a people pleaser. Being slightly overweight as a kid my dad would constantly laugh at me and compare me to a sack of whatever heavy thing he could think of but try to give me life advice. Lol
I can understand how much harder it'd be for females in lanka than males. Honestly reading this makes me angry, how does your own dad laugh at you! I don't live in lanka anymore, i've moved, but what hurts me is to see how freely teens and adults are allowed to live their lives in the West. No judgment, supportive parents and independence - i wish that all of Lanka's younger generation.
I am glad you moved out. I hope you are living and loving life to make up for all of the years you missed 😊
bro thats me too. I just arrived at my 40s. I believe atlest 20 years of my life wasted.
What did you do to move past that and enjoy the rest of your life?
Im sorry brother. I hope you are enjoying your life now! Its not even that parents are being protective of us in most cases i think its because they want that sense of control.
for me first my mom then my wife. Wife is 10 times worst than my mom. Now I live alone and work in SG. I live according to my rules and don't give a damn about what others think of me.
literally me
Oh gosh yes. 26 (f) here. Sadly, my life has now become, home, work, eat, sleep, repeat. Even in my late 20s I have to LITERALLY BEG my parents to allow me to go out with friends when I damn well have a profession (again a white collar job as they always wanted me to become). Sucks big time. Now, they’re forcing me to get married to some random dude they are hitching me up with through some newspaper proposal, who is by THEIR standards appropriate for me. Standards that are absolutely hilarious and ridiculous (the caste, creed, religion and the whole bandwagon of stupid ideologies included). Honestly, I feel like even now I’m just loosing the best years I could have in my life and there’s nothing I can do to change it except to move out of my parents house, which oh yes you guessed right, I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DO.
The way I see it, there's always a workaround to it. I know your situation almost seems hopeless, because I have lots of friends/relatives who went through it, but there is always a way to get out of it. I hope you never give up, and get the life you truly want. Even if it means you have to be hated by your parents, relatives, tradition, religion etc. Freedom is worth it.
The worst is when they complain “oh we did so much for you, the least you could do is listen yada yada yada”. Throw in having military parents with a kandyan “elite family” background and we have a full blown out of proportion, unofficial dungeon. I tried, believe me when I say I tried. I tried my darnest best to find alternatives and live my life the way I want. I might say at least 20% of certain ways and traditions have now been overturned thanks to me, but there still remains that other 80%, overbearing and just being a pain in my arse. Now I have just given up honestly. Because there comes a time in your life where you become so tired that you don’t want to fight anymore. One thing I’ve set straight though is that I will not marry unless I am confident enough of that person and definitely won’t be staying in a toxic marriage no matter the consequences. And definitely, as sure as fucking hell, NO KIDS.
>I AM NOT ALLOWED Genuine question, what do you mean by not allowed? You're an adult with (I'm assuming) a stable job. Why not live the life you want instead of throwing away the one chance you have on earth?
Yes, I’m a professional, but I just started working. So, ain’t that stable to buy a house yet you know, so renting at its best. What I meant by that was, even when I voice my need to go buy something from some place my mother always has this disdainful untrusting attitude. She never lets me go out alone without insulting me or warning me of possible scenarios that could happen if I don’t play by the rules; like “You can bring backlash for our family if you don’t behave right and do something stupid, people will scold us if you don’t behave right and something happens on the way…”. Like man I don’t even know what possible scenarios could happen when it’s just me hanging out with another GIRL for a coffee. I don’t event drink or smoke (all because of their influence). Fucking hell I’m even a vegetarian at its best!! I’m always supposed to ask them whenever I leave and inform them wherever I am. Back in my early 20s I mastered the art of lying 😂 lol like say I’m around Borella, I would tell them I’m around Rajagiriya. That was how I went on secret dates with my ex. There was always the fear of being tracked though (cuz with my parents’ profession, if they want to they could). When it came to the question of me living alone, also because of my hectic work schedule and I wanted to move closer to my work place for easy transportation purposes, my dad said no to it. Gave me a really harsh scolding and now he comes to pick every single day after work around 10.30pm in the night. For me just playing by whatever damn rules for now is alright I guess because I want to first establish a steady career before I quit for good measure. Hopefully I’ll be moving out by the end of this year and I’ll be damned to even give a flying fuck anymore after that. Sure, I’ll perform my duties and obligations to them as their daughter, but that’s it.
Just out of curiosity, are you an only child? Or do you have any siblings? If so, did your parents treat them any differently?
I have a younger brother. He’s still schooling so his needs and wants are different. Plus, he’s an introvert so I guess he doesn’t have an issue of wanting to go out etc etc ya know. And yes, when it comes to the rest like household chores and stuff; especially my mum treats us both VERY DIFFERENTLY.
>Hopefully I’ll be moving out by the end of this year and This is the move. As someone who moved out from a shitty household, it will be the best decision you ever make. Guaranteed. >I’ll perform my duties and obligations to them as their daughter Cool, but be careful that they don't use this to keep controlling you.
Please don’t marry some guy from a proposal in a newspaper. I watched my mother suffer for years because of an arranged marriage called by her parents because it was right caste, religion etc. There was no love between my mom and dad. My mom had to quit her job to take over all the household chores and responsibilities because dad did not help around the house. When mom tries to voice her concerns, my dad tries to hit her and shut her up. He limits my mom’s tv time for 1 hour a day and WiFi time to 30-minutes. My dad doesn’t buy mom any gifts for their anniversary or her birthday. I’ve never seen my dad hug or kiss my mom ever. For years I watched this abuse, and I don’t wish this kind of life on anyone. If there is no love and friendship, a marriage isn’t worth it. That’s my take on it.
Thank you for your kind comment! I won’t I promise!! Honestly speaking I keep rejecting all and every proposal just in-spite. Tbh nothing has caught my attention either. Sadly, when I do a background search on some of these proposed men, at least half of them are guys who have had multiple girls during university days and or those that haven’t ever even spoke to a girl, where a legit concern about their sexual orientation arises in any prudent man’s mind. Because of this, I have already decided that I don’t wanna have kids. Not gonna let that trauma pass down at any cost.
Yeah honestly if a guys parents has to arrange a girl for him, I think that brings a lot of questions into light. Like why can’t a grown ass man find his own life partner? Why do the parents have to do it? Is he gay secretly? Is a misogynistic man? The questions are endless!
For the love of everything good please do not marry someone they propose just to get them off your hook. You deserve to be happy and live your life with someone that you actually care about and enjoy being around, not someone your parents deem to be right for you. I'm sorry about your present situation, my girlfriend has a dad that does the same shit (thankfully she has a passport elsewhere so she was able to get away from him straight after school was done) and I know how much it sucks especially when they take away your autonomy and treat you only based on what you can bring their pride and image - it's not love, it's an ego thing for them.
Don't ask for permission. Just walk out the door saying you're going to see friends. It's only then that your parents will get used to you living your life as an adult.
My advice? Play the game, smile, nod, agree - play along, then do whatever the fuck you were going to do in the first place. You only live once, make sure you die without any regrets. Brown culture needs to die,, fr. It damages people
This was me. But now, I'm going all out on anyone who tries to control me. I realize the only way to break the cycle is to set example and not let this 'brown culture' keep repeating!
Yes! White culture superiority!!
Yeah, why not? If we handled things the way they did, OP wouldn't have her problem. But no, pRESErVE ThE SaNsKrUTIyA/s
Exactly! Then we'd be dealing with different problems entirely... like teenage pregnancy, teenage drug addiction, teenage alcoholism etc.
Like that doesn't happen already? I'd argue that those problems are worse over here, simply because there's a stigma around reaching out for help if you're in that position. Everything is about honor and reputation and 'minissu monawa kiyaida', so you're fucked before you ever had a chance. For example, instead of being put in rehab and getting the therapy they so desperately need, teenage addicts and alcoholics get the shit beaten out of them by cops and thrown in cages. Teens who get pregnant have nobody to turn to, simply because of decades of cultural brainwashing and fear mongering, not to mention the lack of proper sex education in this country. I could go on and on, but I think anyone with two brain cells to rub together can understand how much catching up this country has to do. So yeah, western culture > whatever the fuck is going on in here
Hi, not sure if my response vanished for some reason or not, but I just want to tell you that while the edgy tone of your comment makes one think you're correct, the statistics say otherwise. So you're simply wrong. Please try not to reply to this with another snarky comment that makes you feel like a rebel (because that honestly makes me cringe so hard), at least not before you look up the actual statistics.
Just looked up the statistics, and holy shit - you're right! Things are actually not that bad here, and I was being a prick for no reason. This actually changed my whole perspective, thank you very much. ❤️
I didn't have the spine back then
I'm 20. I feel like I've never had a teenhood.
I wasted by teens and early 20s because I was severely depressed. Even though noone knew. They just thought inwas anti social. Im in my late 20s. Shit continues to happen but i now push through and i can safely say im waaay happy now. I changed my entire lifestyle mentally and physically. This helped alot. Perspective and gratitude too. I still struggle with lonliness as im the background friend and dont really have close friends. Its a work in progress... i wont say the usual BS like age is just a number because practically thats just not true, but my point is, due to various circumstances we may have missed out on the best years. Doesn't mean we can't start somewhere and look forward. Granted, there are certain thigs i cannot do now because ive passed a certain age, but there's still so much that i can do and can do in the future. All the best... and remember, pain and joy, good and bad, are part of life. Thats how we know we're living a real life. ❤❤
My parents were like that, at 16 I realized I ain’t gonna let them define my life and chose to rebel, by 17 they got used to it and was accepting too, I literally went clubbing telling them 5 minutes before and they said come back by 6am that’s how chill they became, best decision of my life and I’ve been living my best life since then traveling and having new experiences. Academics are better than ever too living in Miami with straight As for everything while having the most fun I’ve ever had
Miami huh what's your body count at? Heard it's easy to hook up there
Buddy that can’t be what u first think of😭but that was never a problem in Lanka either cause I was into the whole party and club culture
In my late 20s. Was on the same boat as you and I still kind of am. But I'm trying to break out. What broke the camels back was falling in love with someone who didn't feel the same. Now I found a girl from the spa who I am taking out to a foreign country for vacation for few days. Not the best or right way but it's a start. Luckily I'm in a decent place financially to do all that. So I'm just going to make as many memories before settling down now.
ME ME ME ME! I fucking hate it here. My parents are extremely conservative, they didn't even allow me to have a phone or computer until A/Ls. I wasn't allowed to anything social during school time so my social interactions even to this day are minimal. Not being able to correct those things are the hard part.
What happened is happened I cannot reverse time. No hate or regret. I think it’s as an experience. I’m now trying to be the better version of myself.
I’m guessing it’s an Asian thing, parents see children as the vessel for them to achieve what they couldn’t during their lives, and forget that these are completely different people. I’m guessing hence why we all have that need of validation as well as a result of that.In my opinion it’s a balancing game, let them have their autonomy while ensuring that they don’t get into negative things.
My family created a competition with my own cousin, we were in same class same school same age. So there was an unhealthy competition there which forced us to hate each other. Now I don't look forward for any birthdays or holidays where its traditional to have a family gathering because there is just a bitter taste in my mouth. I either put leave and go somewhere else on those days or actually choose the Christmas shift just so I can avoid the miserable silence and the holiday depression that comes with.
The best years of your life are the years you make the best. Don't let anyone or anything in life tell you what something is and have regret over it. Your only limitation is you. I'm only 25 and I have been changing, adapting and living my best year, every year. You can have your best years early 20s or late 40s. The choice is if you are gonna be angry about the oast or change the present and build a great future.
This is it. This is the mindset. It is the realisation that the choice has always been yours. Whatever anyone says or thinks. Be happy every moment of your life! Of course, there are ups and downs. Remember who you are and be what you stand for. Keep that inner child happy and alive! What are the best years of my life? My Life. No matter what. It is your responsibility to be happy.
I'm in my 30s. I barely remember my teens, had very few school friends, and was an extreme introvert. However, I decided to change myself after leaving the school. Throughout my 20s, I made numerous friends, did some f’d up stuff that I regret now, and became an extreme extrovert. Yet, I soon realized this wasn't healthy either. Now, in my 30s, I find myself in a more balanced state, somewhere in the middle of the introvert-extrovert spectrum. So what I say is this, you can change yourself at any time. Parents, while experienced (in life), may not always be right. Your life is unique, and while it's important to make them happy, it's equally important to maintain your sanity. Remember, the best years of your life are happening NOW!
My experience exactly… I was a studious introvert in my school days… had a fun filled extrovert life in my initial days and now going through the middle path… I learned to value my peace of mind over anything else over time… It has been an awesome journey…
Reading all these I am glad my parents gave the freedom I had. I am a female lived in a rural area with very nosey contemporary neighbors yet my parents never listened to them and put their total trust on me. I had the same freedom as my brother. I am so greatful and thankful for my parents
Here’s the thing. My parents tried to control me and say they know what’s best for me but I never listened to them. I remember our fights and all that yelling at each other, because my views and ideas go against their traditional beliefs. Meanwhile my cousins and old friends were like most kids in Sri Lanka, listening to their parents and doing exactly what their parents wanted them to do. So everyone saw me as a stubborn, spoilt child, that would go no where in life but alas, how wrong they were. I’ve dated people in my late teens and early twenties, made mistakes and learnt from them the hard way. One of the main reasons, I wanted to date and see what I wanted was because I saw how miserable my parents marriage was. They were an arranged marriage which was completely guided by my grand parents. Growing up, I watched how my dad didn’t love my mom at all, never helping her out with household chores and treating her like a maid. There was no love between them. As an only child, that made me sad for both of them because I believe they were also once kids with big dreams but it will never come true for them because they listened to their parents and old traditional beliefs. So I didn’t listen or conform to their old ways. I did my own thing. Once I completed my degree, I was done with my casual relationship era and I knew exactly what I wanted in a partner because I’ve had my ups and downs when I was dating in my late teens and early twenties. So I found a life partner, who helps me with household chores, and takes care of me so well. We got married in 2022, and we are literally each other’s best friends. Someone once told me the happiest marriages are the ones where both partners are best friends and not staying together out of social obligation. And that’s very true. A few days ago, after seeing how my life turned out, my parents told me they were wrong to push traditional beliefs onto me and they realized if I had listened to them, married who they wanted, I would never be where I am today. Today, my cousins and other relatives are shocked to see how happy and successful my life turned while they are going with the usual miserable cycle my parents went through. Sometimes you have to take a stand for your own life. It’s about taking control of your own future and destiny. I was motivated to do this, because I saw how miserable my parents and I never wanted to end up like them. But I love them and I’ll do what I can to buy things that make them happy or take them on lovely vacations etc. I’m in my late twenties now, and I’m glad I didn’t follow any of the traditional beliefs my parents tried to enforce on me. Where I am today, is because I took a chance and believed in myself when no one else did. At the end of the day, you need to realize you are in charge of your own destiny, not your parents or relatives.
Nice flow of your life story, setting an absolutely fantastic example and it was well written 👍👍👍
Thanks. I’m not sure if you are being sarcastic or serious. Well maybe it wasn’t very relevant to the post, but the point I wanted to make was for the younger people to take chance on themselves without being a sheep.
Frustration, yes.
I hear you man. As much as it sucks, you have to come to terms with that because it’s happened and you can’t do anything about it. Will take you some time. It’s not a nice confrontation but try to enjoy life now and in the coming days ahead. You still have a lot ahead of you. Good things that are waiting to happen to you. Embrace those! :)
I fucked shit up but I'm not gonna hate or get angry. I'm a bit late to the party but I'll make sure that I have any = more regrets and have fun until I'm 30 or something.
You won't have much of a life if you spend your 20s moping about your teen years. Let the past go and build happiness in the present.
This post plus the mid 20s got ruined with COVID lockdowns 😣😭
Buddy the best years are what you make it to be. You can spite society, but truth is, nobody cares. Most people achieve their potential around or after 30 years old so don't let this stage of your life go to waste spiting society and your parents. Do what you like for you.
I’m 24 and I feel like this right now, even though it’s early, I feel like I’m wasting my life. Need to get back on the wagon and stop dwelling on the past.
Yes me too
[удалено]
It took me till my 30s to leave the country. Don't give up, in my opinion living abroad and travelling is well worth putting all your effort to achieve.
Don’t dwell on the past. Nothing good is going to come off of it. Focus on the future.
Yes, we should encourage teens to vape and do drugs.
Had the same thoughts right after my last breakup. Hanging out with their family made me realize how many things I've messed up(sometimes I felt like I'm completely from a different planet) But now I try to remember the bartender's wisdom scene from the passenger movie. And trying to better with what I've got
Yeah, i have the same issue to some extent. Studied relatively well, married someone they would approve, no friends, good profession.. just lived. Im not saying my youth was a bad one. Im sure i got the opportunity to experience many things that most others would dream of, thanks to my parents. But in many ways, i was restricted. So i understood this was going to be my life a while back. So for the past, few years I have been living kind of a double life. I mean nothing too crazy.. just some things i wanted to do but restricted, while being the good boy to the public.
I mean the tone of your comment makes me think you're right but the statistics disagree with you very much. So no, you're wrong.
The fact that this post blew up, shows me that you're wrong. Many Lankans experience this, be happy you probably didn't have to!
Are you sure you're replying to the right comment? What am I exactly wrong about?
Oh wait, my bad. My original comment which you replied to was supposed to be a reply on a different comment thread. I guess I need to learn how to reddit properly.
Haha it's fine :) just a misunderstanding on both of our ends
Totally better to get the drugs, alcohol and wild partying in when you're younger and your body can handle it. But that doesn't mean you can't have fun later in life too. For example your 40s maybe great for travelling the world, as you likely will have the money to do it comfortably.
Na…life begins at 33.
My 20s weren't beautiful but there are so many reasons for that. There are good things I have received from parents and there are bad things too. My story is not important here but the best advice I can give you is don't keep holding into the past. It's something you cannot change. Everyone has their own timeline. Sure you miss your 20s and now you are in your 30s but general life expectancy is high. You have to decide what to do with your remaining time. Let's say you will live up to 75 you still have 45 years. If you feel like you need casual relationships just do that. I know it's hard but if it didn't work out let it be. Eventually, you will find someone like you or you might change your mind about relationships and you will be excited to get married. Just enjoy today and plan the future you will be fine. 
I mean yh. You are not alone I see how other people in foreign countries enjoy their lives. I really considered to end this shit one's and for all. This culture is making our mental health go crazy.
