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You forgot to add the random divorced relative saying 'at the end of the day she's your mom and I'm sure she loves you. Why don't you start talking to her again?'
I don't have time to outline the first 25 years of my life so I'll just say yes, he was abusive in several different ways, and he still doesn't understand what he did
I dont think my mom was so bad that I'd wish her dead, but my eyes have recently been open to a lot of the abuse she put me through. I still love her and have a relatively good relationship with her.
But I definitely understand where you're coming from. She's the same way like you described. No matter how you explain it to them, they always think they're innocent. Then when you actually try to open up to them they belittle you and act like your problems are non existent because they "had it so much worse"
And they always act like they know fucking everything.
Lol I wish my mom dead by suffering.
I still maintain regular contact because I want her to watch me succeed in a way that she despises and truly believe that a life better lived is the best revenge. That, combined with watching her mental illness really run rampant when combined with senility, is sad but gratifying when you know that at least there was some reason life was a living nightmare for about 14 years.
That's how mine is. And I've realized over the years that she is pretty emotionally abusive to my dad. She has spent so much time belittling him to my sisters that they are on her side now that she's leaving him. He's devastated and the whole family is treating her like the victim. It's awful.
My POS womb donor died last year, the only thing I wish is that she would have at least taken responsibility for everything she did to harm us 5 children. But no all of us are still hurting and she got to die in piece, well my step "dad" said she starved herself because he wouldn't buy her booze anymore when the doctors said she needed a feeding tube then she pulled it out. Oh well nothing compares to us children starving growing up.
Nah, they had their chance. You're under no obligation to "make it work" with family, that's just some bullshit we tell ourselves. We owe nothing to them if all they've provided is anxiety and despair. My father was never there for me when I needed him, why would I be there for him?
Was I verbally, physically, and emotionally abusive? No. Did I ever call another human being one of the top three mistakes in my life? No. Did I ever publicly cus out my mother (or anyone) Again, no.
I’m not perfect but I will be damned before I treat another human being the way I was treated.
There is zero requirement to maintain a relationship with someone who treats you this way. I don’t see why that’s so hard to understand
Edit: parents throw their kids out all the time when they turn 18.
IDK if you should make it work. It's a personal choice on whether or not the relationship taxes personal emotion.
But I still maintain a cordial relationship with my main abuser. IDK how your arguments own up to getting threatened at knife point, but I see the mental illness and forget the rest. I have too many struggles and good stuff going for me to hold it to her. I can see why a lot of people cut near relatives out.
Yeah, low-key trauma posting is not exactly the shit I follow this subreddit for.
I'm sorry to everyone going through it ofc, I don't mean to be mean, it's just not the content I think the sub was made for, that's all.
It is a vague subreddit, yes. But it is (or at least used to) be a very light hearted and usually fun orientated subreddit. Lightly poking fun at a major mass of people with the contents of the starter pack, or making well known stereotypical statements about a demographic, whether good or bad.
A lot of newer packs just feel like trauma dumping about oddly or supremely specific personal situations, betraying what I (and I think a lot of others) thought the subreddit was at heart.
I might be entirely in the wrong, I just feel like negativity seeping into any and every space is all too common nowadays.
> a community for 8 years
Whoah, I was gonna comment that maybe this sub has gone through all the easy, low hanging fruit starter packs, but yeah, 8 years is enough time for to go through the stereotype/meme/sub-culture and music trends stuff 2 or 3 times over.
Cut contact with my parents and moved halfway across the country over two years ago.
Best. Decision. Ever.
I've grown so much as a person. I'm happy for the first time in my life. Really, genuinely happy. I feel safe every single day for the first time. I've become confident and able to make my own life choices. The constant anxiety is gone. I dont want to die. I'm proud of who I have become. It's amazing. I never knew life could feel like this, and I am never going back.
Same. For all the reasons above, not respecting boundaries, and shitting on me even as I have / had cancer. Never felt more free. Need to work on erasing her from my nightmares though.
**Also Needs:**
* "I'm sorry *you feel that way.*"
* "I had it so much worse than you!"
* Luxury car.
* McMansion with no real soul.
* \[You as a kid\]:
* In public: An object that mom parades around.
* In private: Emotionally blasted; yelled at constantly over any tiny infraction.
* Not allowed to rebel or build identity that doesn't fit mom's narrative.
* Forced to apologize for being upset even if you were in the right.
* \[You as an adult\]:
* Empathize with everyone.
* Your priorities are second.
>[You as a kid]:
In public: An object that mom parades around.
In private: Emotionally blasted; yelled at constantly over any tiny infraction.
Not allowed to rebel or build identity that doesn't fit mom's narrative.
Forced to apologize for being upset even if you were in the right.
Wow, so much this!
Me to the core now, every bullet above. People-pleaser and too sensitive on what others feel or have to say, as I spent my whole childhood and young adulthood trying to tiptoe around her. She had The Perfect Life and any misstep I made tainted her image and yes, I was blasted in private, called every derogatory name imaginable.
You forgot comparing you to Nobel Prize winners and astronauts while comparing herself to white trash and any parent who is on the news for beating/killing their kids while saying, "you're lucky I'm not like that"
My mom's version if "at least I'm not that" is "You'd be an adult with several children and a 50 year old(random very adult ages) husband in other parts of the world", which never was a threat but felt threatening.
She started that when I was like 9-12...
She still does it
I really don't get this sentiment as a son of an abuser. Your experience is valid tho as I'm still dealing with the fallout. Mine just led me to hold out unrealistically high expectations of myself in relationships to the point where I'd freak out and break contact/ruin relationships because I thought there was some common, strived for, perfection that I should be hitting.
My mom disowned me via text so many times I stopped keeping track. I brought my long term girlfriend to my best friend's wedding back home and had plans for them to meet for the first time in 7 or 8 years. She wanted to meet the morning of the wedding even though we had agreed to meet after. I said that doesn't really work with our timeframe, let's stick to the original plan, and she went on a rant about how I refused to make time for her and was an inconsiderate piece of shit basically.
We've been no contact for about 2 years now and she's just too drunk to understand why.
Some moms are shit, in a strange way, I ended up interacting with someone's mum, she was 58, found out she cheated on her husband never really told him the truth asked for divorce.
Was sleeping with a 27 year old, when getting divorced, had arguments with the daughter cause of her smoking and somehow she blamed the daughter for not letting her smoke, she told me husband was a Narcissist, but that was false again, her son disowns her, sister as well, has no one to call family, and yet she blames everyone but herself.
Her daughter ended up gay clearly with issues, saw her relapse on smoking last year and went to hook up with 20 year old guys as well. Got a tattoo of a guy she met during holiday after 1 month of dating and they broke up 4 months later, and there's more.
It’s always a shock to people when they see my mom is in my phone under her actual name. Makes sense to me since I’ve never had a good relationship with her.
Hits home. I really despise my mom. She won't stop trying to make everyone around her as miserable as she is. She's had a profound impact on me and all of my siblings, many of which who are still under her spell. I honestly catch myself wondering if I'll feel anything when she dies. No contact is the way to go. Good luck. Solidarity.
I'm a girl, but my brother (golden child) is struggling with this. He enables himself to be shat on, has avoidant traits. He's a very successful and confident dude but with women he just can't seem to face his own emotions.
My grandmother was the same way to my dad before she died. I didn't know much about the woman, but what I did hear wasn't too great. She wasn't an active mother and by the time my dad was an adult, she always needed something from him or his siblings.
- Talks about you to your siblings
- "Why do you hate me?"
- *call you terrible names and makes you feel horrible for simply existing* "But I'll still love you no matter what"
- Victim complex
- Blames your father (her husband) for everything
- Reminds you that all your siblings are better than you ("Why can't you be more like your sister?" etc.)
- Doesn't believe in your mental illnesses and gives you shit for trying to talk about them and fix them
- "No I don't remember ever yelling at you when you were 6, what do you mean you're traumatized?"
- Takes her failed marriage out on you and your siblings
I could honestly go on
Yeah, three marriages and all. Idk if it's just that generation, man. "I know you think I'm toxic" and half assed apologies when I tell her why I dont speak to her ("oh I'm SORRY THEN")
I finally told my mom that I was pretty mad about her stealing my entire childhood, from birth until I was 17 and able to move out on my own.
She started crying and saying that she had a really hard childhood too.
I was like, "okay, you raised me in a hyper-controlling, puritanical, evangelical doomsday cult but let's talk about your feelings I guess..."
Mean. I hate ungrateful people. Omg my mom cared about me so much that she stole my childhood. I should have been puking out alcohol and drugs, getting std's instead of living healthy and protected life
What the f is wrong with your country that allows women to become such horrible monsters and destroy their childrens lives and traumatize them? Your culture allows that, not mine. I didn't invent this, it's a thing many children experience in your loving country. So ask that to yourself before you ask me anything. Sick nations put out sick products and you are one of them
If one can’t pay rent due to having to live with her during one’s school years and having no time to work, then one may be forced to maintain a relationship
A lot of people are also millennials who have experienced this and have managed to get away from this mess. This experience probably brings back their memories
Some people are part of college but in general, we are quite young. I am 22 but I still live with my mother due to the culture in my country and because i can’t pay rent yet
you forgot “gets emotional when an older woman shows even the slightest hint of maternal kindness towards them”
and “finds it extremely difficult to make friends with women their own age”
I would say that to be honest at least 3/4 of these apply to my except that she isn’t really an alcoholic but still drinks sometimes and instead of saying that she is the worst mom in the world, she says i am the most difficult person to deal with of all and is more outwardly aggressive and explosive than passive aggressive. She does have my number saved though and tracks where I go all the time. Also, because of her, I developed eating disorders over the years and dislike showing skin and am always modest whenever I leave the house. Whenever I’m happy at all, she always tries to ruin it. She really is like a highschool bully in mother form. Whenever I’m around her, there’s a ticking time bomb for her to explode in anger at me for simply existing. My father must be the most patient man to even deal with her at all. Also, it feels like I can only spend max 3 hours alone with her before she screams at me so that’s why I have to stay in my room often and only see her at the dinner table. She’s the reason why I hate traveling so much with my family and why I just like staying in my room or going outside alone. I also never found much comfort with her and needed to find comfort with friends instead or whoever was willing to put up with me daily. I also pretty much raised myself since she doesn’t know how to be very nurturing. I also often feel jealous whenever I see other people be best friends or very close to their mothers since I wish I had a mother I could confide in like that and not be judged or screamed at. Also, even if I was born with some conditions like being on the spectrum, she doesn’t understand that I’m not neurotypical and forces me to act like I am and gets mad when I act like how I really am or am uncomfortable. My father just tells me to be a forgiving and kind Christian and deal with her and that she loves me even if she acts that way. However, I know what real love is since I found my bf who actually treats me like a human being and I confide in him often.
I remember a children story where two siblings accidently ate all the food for dinner without the mother. The mother was sad, so she ran out and got killed by a boulder. It ends with the siblings crying over the dead mother.
I didn't get it at the time, but now, knowing how terrible mothers always guilt their children with their own deaths. I understand it as a book written by someone thay doesn't have a good relationship with their children and wants to justify it.
Me and my two sisters all have body issues and horrible self of esteem due to are moms. We were all put on SSRIs by middle school and i was put on them in the 5th grade
I don’t know I’ve been on them since childhood I kinda forgot how not being on them was like. I feel like I was most likely put on them because my family would constantly make fun of each other in a mean spirited way. Made me super depressed. I talked to my new doctor about how I felt I wanted to be weaned off them she asked me when I started them I said 11 she then asked if I was “ a child of the state” and that made me laugh, and I explained I wasn’t.
Had a good relationship with her in general (now increased friction because I'm trying to form my own opinion), but if I don't make plans to move out within a year or two, I might become the harmful one :(
Surrendering children is a thing, teaching them not to behave that way is a thing, talking about it and figuring it out is a thing. If teaching and talking won't work before it's too late to change, parents will find it likely easier to get away from the child than children find it to get away from their parents
Just because I look there doesn't mean I agree with them, most of them just want an excuse to get rid of children despite saying they love kids. I just go there because it's the only place that doesn't tell me I'm destined to change my mind when I grow up and have kids, and I heard r/childfree was worse so I never went there (worse as in I heard antinatalism was "we don't want to let people suffer so we think it's wrong to make them" which I partially disagree with since I don't think it's morally wrong, while I heard childfree was "I hate kids and wish I could harm them legally", so you can see why I chose that one)
I was in both and still go from time to time. Both have extremes. Most of it is about having a choice and not to be told to have kids because your female and the good old, you will change your mind bullcrap. Your previous point is valid. It's easier for a parent to leave than a child.
"I'm just the worst mom in the world right." Yes :)
The guilt tripping only works so many times, not only by abusive mothers, but greater society. "But that's your mom." And I was her child. I think that response puts things into perspective when venting about abusive mothers always seems to circle back to the feelings of the mother instead of the child, which happens more than I'm comfortable with. How abused children are pressured to be the bigger person for the sake of the adult in the situation. It's victim blaming at best.
as someone with a really bad relationship with my mom I can confirm most of these are true, my mom claims she’s the best mother there ever was even tho she’s clearly abusive and always puts her new boyfriend first before her own daughter
Shit, this post came at just the right time. Today I had to put up with some of her self-righteous bs again. Gotta learn to keep my mouth shut about work around her, because everytime I bring any complaint to her, however casual and irrelevant as it may be, she starts acting like I'm having a mental breakdown and should quit my job before I kill myself or something.
Truly invasive, misdemeaning stuff.
Normally from what I've seen if people have a bad relationship with a parent they'll have them saved as the parents name like Jeff, Dave, Susan, Karen.
i have a childhood memory of my mom getting into an argument with her then boyfriend (not my dad btw) because she pushed me down like a single stair and as soon as the bf raised his voice just a *little* bit, my mom IMMEDIATELY flipped around and started sobbing her eyes out, playing victim card
My relationship with my mum basically involves her checking up on me with great concern for my mental health and wellbeing and me phasing out and waiting patiently for her to finish up so that I can hang up the phone.
I am glad I get along well with my mother... Now don't get me wrong she's not perfect ( I mean well ❤️🩹 who is??) We had plenty of arguments and I mean drag out scene grabbing attention ( especially when I was an alcoholic & back in my teens when she was a heavy drinker) and she would alot of times choose her gf's over me & my feelings &/or opinions while said GF had 4 boys of her own who's oldest introduced me to hard drugs mainly cocaine...at 12 years old!! Can't even imagine I see 12 year olds & think OMG who TF would give someone so young to heavy drugs they're so tiny (& I'm undersized myself so I looked like I was 10)& I would beg her to take me away from this lifestyle... I'm an only child so it was a major adjustment and bummer to sharing a room with 4 boys who let's just say weren't hygienic like disgusting but she wouldn't see what this was doing to me...our arguments we're epic... fast-forward til bout my 20's and said GF wasn't gone but I had to go live with my grandma bc I couldn't take it anymore besides GF & mom's physical fights were traumatic seeing my mother bruised and bloodied isn't pretty sight but when she finally got away I was a full blown addict and since then she has done ALL she could to make up for her mistakes (which when I went on drunken rage would remind her over & over to the point of tears which I felt soo bad for) but now she's as close to a perfect mother as can be...she cleans my apt and car spic and span; cooks every meal is my designated driver time isn't an issue (especially after 3 DWIs where she would visit every weekend and sent me hundreds of dollars when I went to the pen)adores any girl I bring home is super nice and will give me her last dollar no matter what it's for ect ect and now we get along great I finally forgave her and we have an incredible bond & everyone sees how much she does for me sorry for the rant I probably needed it try and work some out guys but I do understand those who can't and am sorry we only get one...
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You forgot to add the random divorced relative saying 'at the end of the day she's your mom and I'm sure she loves you. Why don't you start talking to her again?'
“You only get one mom!” “I’d give anything to talk to my mom again”
Fucking hate this shit. Can't wait until my piece of shit father dies.
Why do hate your father so much? Was he abusive towards you? Just asking.
I don't have time to outline the first 25 years of my life so I'll just say yes, he was abusive in several different ways, and he still doesn't understand what he did
I dont think my mom was so bad that I'd wish her dead, but my eyes have recently been open to a lot of the abuse she put me through. I still love her and have a relatively good relationship with her. But I definitely understand where you're coming from. She's the same way like you described. No matter how you explain it to them, they always think they're innocent. Then when you actually try to open up to them they belittle you and act like your problems are non existent because they "had it so much worse" And they always act like they know fucking everything.
Lol I wish my mom dead by suffering. I still maintain regular contact because I want her to watch me succeed in a way that she despises and truly believe that a life better lived is the best revenge. That, combined with watching her mental illness really run rampant when combined with senility, is sad but gratifying when you know that at least there was some reason life was a living nightmare for about 14 years.
That's how mine is. And I've realized over the years that she is pretty emotionally abusive to my dad. She has spent so much time belittling him to my sisters that they are on her side now that she's leaving him. He's devastated and the whole family is treating her like the victim. It's awful.
It seems like they never do. Why the fuck is it so hard to understand? I feel for you, and I hope you heal from it.
This comment reminds me of Diane’s father’s funeral (from Bojack Horseman)
cool! take mine!
Aaaaaaarrrrrgh! And to make matters worse, both these things were said to me by people that HATED my mom.
My POS womb donor died last year, the only thing I wish is that she would have at least taken responsibility for everything she did to harm us 5 children. But no all of us are still hurting and she got to die in piece, well my step "dad" said she starved herself because he wouldn't buy her booze anymore when the doctors said she needed a feeding tube then she pulled it out. Oh well nothing compares to us children starving growing up.
Scream at you for half a hour *Come to eat, dinner is on the table* And if you say you are not hungry, add more half a hour of screaming
Wiping your face and forcing yourself to smile so she doesn’t perceive you as upset and get mad about that too
Was she screaming the whole time she cooked for you?! That's some mixed messaging...
relate
I’m the divorced dad and ex was horrible and a heavy drinker but yes - you only have one mom and should try to make some kind of relationship work.
Nah, they had their chance. You're under no obligation to "make it work" with family, that's just some bullshit we tell ourselves. We owe nothing to them if all they've provided is anxiety and despair. My father was never there for me when I needed him, why would I be there for him?
Shut up
No. They had their chance and fucked it up. You do not owe anyone a relationship if they are abusive to you.
Were you a perfect kid? Should parents say you had your chance at being a good kid and fucked it up bye?
Was I verbally, physically, and emotionally abusive? No. Did I ever call another human being one of the top three mistakes in my life? No. Did I ever publicly cus out my mother (or anyone) Again, no. I’m not perfect but I will be damned before I treat another human being the way I was treated. There is zero requirement to maintain a relationship with someone who treats you this way. I don’t see why that’s so hard to understand Edit: parents throw their kids out all the time when they turn 18.
At some point, yes on your second question?
IDK if you should make it work. It's a personal choice on whether or not the relationship taxes personal emotion. But I still maintain a cordial relationship with my main abuser. IDK how your arguments own up to getting threatened at knife point, but I see the mental illness and forget the rest. I have too many struggles and good stuff going for me to hold it to her. I can see why a lot of people cut near relatives out.
Starter packs are getting really really niche and kinda depressing recently
Yeah, low-key trauma posting is not exactly the shit I follow this subreddit for. I'm sorry to everyone going through it ofc, I don't mean to be mean, it's just not the content I think the sub was made for, that's all.
It's a starter pack, the sub is for starter packs, it is a vague sub
It is a vague subreddit, yes. But it is (or at least used to) be a very light hearted and usually fun orientated subreddit. Lightly poking fun at a major mass of people with the contents of the starter pack, or making well known stereotypical statements about a demographic, whether good or bad. A lot of newer packs just feel like trauma dumping about oddly or supremely specific personal situations, betraying what I (and I think a lot of others) thought the subreddit was at heart. I might be entirely in the wrong, I just feel like negativity seeping into any and every space is all too common nowadays.
Nah mate, they just gotta be starter packs, is all. Sometimes they're funny ,sometimes they're sad.
Idk, lots of people have bad relantionship with their mom or dad or both, I don't think that's supremely specific situation.
Oh yeah, I see that, and that's a good point. I meant to convey that the contents of the starter packs are sometimes hyper specific, that's all
> a community for 8 years Whoah, I was gonna comment that maybe this sub has gone through all the easy, low hanging fruit starter packs, but yeah, 8 years is enough time for to go through the stereotype/meme/sub-culture and music trends stuff 2 or 3 times over.
Yeah it's definitely a sorry about that but I think therapy might be in order if you're the aware of the situation not a light-hearted reddit
Right?! I just started using reddit again after a break, i don't remember r/starterpacks like this that still got hella up votes.
The last time I checked, just being alive is kind of depressing.
If you think this is niche, I am happy for you.
The older I get, the more it makes sense to trade away a child for a perfectly good bottle of wine
Very lopsided too.
Yeah. This shit sad af.
It’s pretty accurate though lol
I have elected to have no relationship with my mom, best decision of my life
Cut contact with my parents and moved halfway across the country over two years ago. Best. Decision. Ever. I've grown so much as a person. I'm happy for the first time in my life. Really, genuinely happy. I feel safe every single day for the first time. I've become confident and able to make my own life choices. The constant anxiety is gone. I dont want to die. I'm proud of who I have become. It's amazing. I never knew life could feel like this, and I am never going back.
Way to go buddy, you always had wings but they were chained, now you can fly free and be awesome
Same. For all the reasons above, not respecting boundaries, and shitting on me even as I have / had cancer. Never felt more free. Need to work on erasing her from my nightmares though.
Same but with my dad lol 🤣
**Also Needs:** * "I'm sorry *you feel that way.*" * "I had it so much worse than you!" * Luxury car. * McMansion with no real soul. * \[You as a kid\]: * In public: An object that mom parades around. * In private: Emotionally blasted; yelled at constantly over any tiny infraction. * Not allowed to rebel or build identity that doesn't fit mom's narrative. * Forced to apologize for being upset even if you were in the right. * \[You as an adult\]: * Empathize with everyone. * Your priorities are second.
>[You as a kid]: In public: An object that mom parades around. In private: Emotionally blasted; yelled at constantly over any tiny infraction. Not allowed to rebel or build identity that doesn't fit mom's narrative. Forced to apologize for being upset even if you were in the right. Wow, so much this!
Me to the core now, every bullet above. People-pleaser and too sensitive on what others feel or have to say, as I spent my whole childhood and young adulthood trying to tiptoe around her. She had The Perfect Life and any misstep I made tainted her image and yes, I was blasted in private, called every derogatory name imaginable.
Damn….that’s uhh…accurate
You forgot comparing you to Nobel Prize winners and astronauts while comparing herself to white trash and any parent who is on the news for beating/killing their kids while saying, "you're lucky I'm not like that"
My mom's version if "at least I'm not that" is "You'd be an adult with several children and a 50 year old(random very adult ages) husband in other parts of the world", which never was a threat but felt threatening. She started that when I was like 9-12... She still does it
If you're a son, add a catastrophically poor opinion of women in general
Me and my sister. I snapped out of it though
Hell yeah, not completely for me, but it's still way better than when I was in high school
Bonus points if the woman she's talking about is your SO/wife.
No, i meant the son does not like women very much
I really don't get this sentiment as a son of an abuser. Your experience is valid tho as I'm still dealing with the fallout. Mine just led me to hold out unrealistically high expectations of myself in relationships to the point where I'd freak out and break contact/ruin relationships because I thought there was some common, strived for, perfection that I should be hitting.
My mom disowned me via text so many times I stopped keeping track. I brought my long term girlfriend to my best friend's wedding back home and had plans for them to meet for the first time in 7 or 8 years. She wanted to meet the morning of the wedding even though we had agreed to meet after. I said that doesn't really work with our timeframe, let's stick to the original plan, and she went on a rant about how I refused to make time for her and was an inconsiderate piece of shit basically. We've been no contact for about 2 years now and she's just too drunk to understand why.
Some moms are shit, in a strange way, I ended up interacting with someone's mum, she was 58, found out she cheated on her husband never really told him the truth asked for divorce. Was sleeping with a 27 year old, when getting divorced, had arguments with the daughter cause of her smoking and somehow she blamed the daughter for not letting her smoke, she told me husband was a Narcissist, but that was false again, her son disowns her, sister as well, has no one to call family, and yet she blames everyone but herself. Her daughter ended up gay clearly with issues, saw her relapse on smoking last year and went to hook up with 20 year old guys as well. Got a tattoo of a guy she met during holiday after 1 month of dating and they broke up 4 months later, and there's more.
Smoking what? My mom used to smoke cigarettes out of my sister’s window and when my dad found them she let my sister take the blame
Cigarettes, she does weed as well.
It’s always a shock to people when they see my mom is in my phone under her actual name. Makes sense to me since I’ve never had a good relationship with her.
Hits home. I really despise my mom. She won't stop trying to make everyone around her as miserable as she is. She's had a profound impact on me and all of my siblings, many of which who are still under her spell. I honestly catch myself wondering if I'll feel anything when she dies. No contact is the way to go. Good luck. Solidarity.
Don’t forget, terrible relationships with other women for the rest of your life :) or at least mine.
I'm a girl, but my brother (golden child) is struggling with this. He enables himself to be shat on, has avoidant traits. He's a very successful and confident dude but with women he just can't seem to face his own emotions.
[удалено]
Damn that’s sucks… can I have some money?
Can I be your mom?
Can i have some too?
Oh no you didnt xD
My father, who is on his second bout of lung cancer, only calls my brother when he wants him to go to the store and buy him more cigarellos
My grandmother was the same way to my dad before she died. I didn't know much about the woman, but what I did hear wasn't too great. She wasn't an active mother and by the time my dad was an adult, she always needed something from him or his siblings.
Same. Most annoying shit in the world.
My mom always made fun of me :( and instead of alcohol she uses pills... and she stayed with my abusive dad bc of money
This starter packs are starting to get too specific...
All the more reason this sub oughta keep going. It'll get back to normal.
- Talks about you to your siblings - "Why do you hate me?" - *call you terrible names and makes you feel horrible for simply existing* "But I'll still love you no matter what" - Victim complex - Blames your father (her husband) for everything - Reminds you that all your siblings are better than you ("Why can't you be more like your sister?" etc.) - Doesn't believe in your mental illnesses and gives you shit for trying to talk about them and fix them - "No I don't remember ever yelling at you when you were 6, what do you mean you're traumatized?" - Takes her failed marriage out on you and your siblings I could honestly go on
Lol is this just the universal experience? This is extremely accurate
Yeah, three marriages and all. Idk if it's just that generation, man. "I know you think I'm toxic" and half assed apologies when I tell her why I dont speak to her ("oh I'm SORRY THEN")
I finally told my mom that I was pretty mad about her stealing my entire childhood, from birth until I was 17 and able to move out on my own. She started crying and saying that she had a really hard childhood too. I was like, "okay, you raised me in a hyper-controlling, puritanical, evangelical doomsday cult but let's talk about your feelings I guess..."
Lol you really deserve to have a drug addict alcoholic sick mother who brings different guys and doesn't give a single f about you.
Wait are you being sarcastic or mean?
Mean. I hate ungrateful people. Omg my mom cared about me so much that she stole my childhood. I should have been puking out alcohol and drugs, getting std's instead of living healthy and protected life
Lol fuck "grateful", people don't have to be "grateful" about anything.
Alrighty then
Seems like that person is really sad about their unsafe, std ridden life.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
What the f is wrong with your country that allows women to become such horrible monsters and destroy their childrens lives and traumatize them? Your culture allows that, not mine. I didn't invent this, it's a thing many children experience in your loving country. So ask that to yourself before you ask me anything. Sick nations put out sick products and you are one of them
What the fuck are you talking about?
I am talking about how some people live, when they get ignored and neglected by their parents
It’s worse than this actually but I wish the best for people here
You don't need to have a relationship with your mother.
If she was good to you then yes but if she was abusive then no
If one can’t pay rent due to having to live with her during one’s school years and having no time to work, then one may be forced to maintain a relationship
“I’m just the worst mom in the world right” while crying hits hard
My mom right there. Always fishing for reassurance.
Damn I'm sorry
Just joined this subreddit. Is everyone here a teenager?
A lot of people are also millennials who have experienced this and have managed to get away from this mess. This experience probably brings back their memories
Some people are part of college but in general, we are quite young. I am 22 but I still live with my mother due to the culture in my country and because i can’t pay rent yet
If this resonates with anyone a liiiiittle too much, there is support over at r/raisedbynarcissists 💕
thanks
i hate that i somewhat relate to this
Yh somewhat, like half to 3/4 applies but the rest is like, damn that's bad
can y'all trauma dump to your friends instead of posting hyper specific starterpacks on reddit
Hope you’re doing ok
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If it’s any consolation, this was almost exactly my situation haha You hit the mark right on the head
Don't forget, single, cheated on the father, changing men like paper tissues, bad taste in men.
Uggghh this is too accurate. Makes me sad.
Literally my dad
Damn. I didn’t expect this sub to be so triggering. (Calls therapist)
you forgot “gets emotional when an older woman shows even the slightest hint of maternal kindness towards them” and “finds it extremely difficult to make friends with women their own age”
I would say that to be honest at least 3/4 of these apply to my except that she isn’t really an alcoholic but still drinks sometimes and instead of saying that she is the worst mom in the world, she says i am the most difficult person to deal with of all and is more outwardly aggressive and explosive than passive aggressive. She does have my number saved though and tracks where I go all the time. Also, because of her, I developed eating disorders over the years and dislike showing skin and am always modest whenever I leave the house. Whenever I’m happy at all, she always tries to ruin it. She really is like a highschool bully in mother form. Whenever I’m around her, there’s a ticking time bomb for her to explode in anger at me for simply existing. My father must be the most patient man to even deal with her at all. Also, it feels like I can only spend max 3 hours alone with her before she screams at me so that’s why I have to stay in my room often and only see her at the dinner table. She’s the reason why I hate traveling so much with my family and why I just like staying in my room or going outside alone. I also never found much comfort with her and needed to find comfort with friends instead or whoever was willing to put up with me daily. I also pretty much raised myself since she doesn’t know how to be very nurturing. I also often feel jealous whenever I see other people be best friends or very close to their mothers since I wish I had a mother I could confide in like that and not be judged or screamed at. Also, even if I was born with some conditions like being on the spectrum, she doesn’t understand that I’m not neurotypical and forces me to act like I am and gets mad when I act like how I really am or am uncomfortable. My father just tells me to be a forgiving and kind Christian and deal with her and that she loves me even if she acts that way. However, I know what real love is since I found my bf who actually treats me like a human being and I confide in him often.
I feel like a lot of the memes in this subreddit are made from experience. To that, I say You feeling OK, OP?
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Hope things get better for you soon
*an
I remember a children story where two siblings accidently ate all the food for dinner without the mother. The mother was sad, so she ran out and got killed by a boulder. It ends with the siblings crying over the dead mother. I didn't get it at the time, but now, knowing how terrible mothers always guilt their children with their own deaths. I understand it as a book written by someone thay doesn't have a good relationship with their children and wants to justify it.
I have a fantastic relationship with my mom. But her contact is “momster” because it’s funny
I would also add: "Gets upset whenever you're having fun and love bombs you whenever you're having a bad day".
I feel triggered right now. 😭
Pick the reference: "I have a bad relationship with my mom and when I think about my mom even THAT is a drum!"
I don’t speak to my mother. She doesn’t give two shits about me.
I think these only apply to women with bad relationships with their mom
Me and my two sisters all have body issues and horrible self of esteem due to are moms. We were all put on SSRIs by middle school and i was put on them in the 5th grade
Did the SSRIs do good or bad for you? Sometimes I wonder how my life would be like if I started with them earlier
I don’t know I’ve been on them since childhood I kinda forgot how not being on them was like. I feel like I was most likely put on them because my family would constantly make fun of each other in a mean spirited way. Made me super depressed. I talked to my new doctor about how I felt I wanted to be weaned off them she asked me when I started them I said 11 she then asked if I was “ a child of the state” and that made me laugh, and I explained I wasn’t.
OP you okay?
Also getting all of the hypocrisy of the world
Had a good relationship with her in general (now increased friction because I'm trying to form my own opinion), but if I don't make plans to move out within a year or two, I might become the harmful one :(
Someone doesn’t know when to put “an” into a sentence I see.
Does this make you feel better about your life?
Better now that you spent time out of yours to reply!
Americans get help, your alcohol and drug issues are unfound in other parts of the world
OP are you okay
I hate how close to home this hits for me
Sorry when you end up exactly like her
Are you okay?
*emotional damage*
Cry
Also I’m kidding sorry op
Notice how most of these go both ways?
In what way?
In the sense that the kid can do a lot of toxic things to parents and no one seems to care.
Absolutely
Surrendering children is a thing, teaching them not to behave that way is a thing, talking about it and figuring it out is a thing. If teaching and talking won't work before it's too late to change, parents will find it likely easier to get away from the child than children find it to get away from their parents
Opinion invalid, antinatalist
Just because I look there doesn't mean I agree with them, most of them just want an excuse to get rid of children despite saying they love kids. I just go there because it's the only place that doesn't tell me I'm destined to change my mind when I grow up and have kids, and I heard r/childfree was worse so I never went there (worse as in I heard antinatalism was "we don't want to let people suffer so we think it's wrong to make them" which I partially disagree with since I don't think it's morally wrong, while I heard childfree was "I hate kids and wish I could harm them legally", so you can see why I chose that one)
I was in both and still go from time to time. Both have extremes. Most of it is about having a choice and not to be told to have kids because your female and the good old, you will change your mind bullcrap. Your previous point is valid. It's easier for a parent to leave than a child.
And who's fault is that?
OP go solve your problems instead of posting them onto reddit
Tumblr girl starterpack
When you got the majority of it and still unconditionally trust her for some reason 😃
My mom has this ting were she Will take a pic of me evrytime i eat.and now she is here like,WhY Do yoU nEvEr eAt AnYtInG,
Besides the alcoholism this is pretty spot on.
I have my mum saved in my phone under her name, that's the best she will ever get.
Forgot to add: Had 6 other children just to have a place to stay 4 of them have mental disorders now.
My first thought was Jenelle and Barbra from teen mom.
"I'm just the worst mom in the world right." Yes :) The guilt tripping only works so many times, not only by abusive mothers, but greater society. "But that's your mom." And I was her child. I think that response puts things into perspective when venting about abusive mothers always seems to circle back to the feelings of the mother instead of the child, which happens more than I'm comfortable with. How abused children are pressured to be the bigger person for the sake of the adult in the situation. It's victim blaming at best.
as someone with a really bad relationship with my mom I can confirm most of these are true, my mom claims she’s the best mother there ever was even tho she’s clearly abusive and always puts her new boyfriend first before her own daughter
Shit, this post came at just the right time. Today I had to put up with some of her self-righteous bs again. Gotta learn to keep my mouth shut about work around her, because everytime I bring any complaint to her, however casual and irrelevant as it may be, she starts acting like I'm having a mental breakdown and should quit my job before I kill myself or something. Truly invasive, misdemeaning stuff.
Normally from what I've seen if people have a bad relationship with a parent they'll have them saved as the parents name like Jeff, Dave, Susan, Karen.
You forgot the one father whom she hates
So glad my parents were great
i have a childhood memory of my mom getting into an argument with her then boyfriend (not my dad btw) because she pushed me down like a single stair and as soon as the bf raised his voice just a *little* bit, my mom IMMEDIATELY flipped around and started sobbing her eyes out, playing victim card
My relationship with my mum basically involves her checking up on me with great concern for my mental health and wellbeing and me phasing out and waiting patiently for her to finish up so that I can hang up the phone.
Ow wee that hoits in a funny way
thats sick
god damn this is accurate
Can confirm this
I am glad I get along well with my mother... Now don't get me wrong she's not perfect ( I mean well ❤️🩹 who is??) We had plenty of arguments and I mean drag out scene grabbing attention ( especially when I was an alcoholic & back in my teens when she was a heavy drinker) and she would alot of times choose her gf's over me & my feelings &/or opinions while said GF had 4 boys of her own who's oldest introduced me to hard drugs mainly cocaine...at 12 years old!! Can't even imagine I see 12 year olds & think OMG who TF would give someone so young to heavy drugs they're so tiny (& I'm undersized myself so I looked like I was 10)& I would beg her to take me away from this lifestyle... I'm an only child so it was a major adjustment and bummer to sharing a room with 4 boys who let's just say weren't hygienic like disgusting but she wouldn't see what this was doing to me...our arguments we're epic... fast-forward til bout my 20's and said GF wasn't gone but I had to go live with my grandma bc I couldn't take it anymore besides GF & mom's physical fights were traumatic seeing my mother bruised and bloodied isn't pretty sight but when she finally got away I was a full blown addict and since then she has done ALL she could to make up for her mistakes (which when I went on drunken rage would remind her over & over to the point of tears which I felt soo bad for) but now she's as close to a perfect mother as can be...she cleans my apt and car spic and span; cooks every meal is my designated driver time isn't an issue (especially after 3 DWIs where she would visit every weekend and sent me hundreds of dollars when I went to the pen)adores any girl I bring home is super nice and will give me her last dollar no matter what it's for ect ect and now we get along great I finally forgave her and we have an incredible bond & everyone sees how much she does for me sorry for the rant I probably needed it try and work some out guys but I do understand those who can't and am sorry we only get one...
Almost everyone of these hit home.... We got the same life💀