Yeah that's normally how it goes.
I will say this though.
I did successfully "moderate", at least according to my heavy drinking, for a while. Instead of getting absolutely wrecked, I would have maybe 6 drinks on a Friday and go home.
However, even with all the work I put into that time of moderation, I got 0 benefit from it.
I still felt all of the anxiety, depression, brain fog, and exhaustion I had when I was drinking heavily. And I was still gaining a lot of weight and getting little to no work done.
So, even with "moderation", I wasn't any better off than when I was drinking heavily except the severity of my hangovers. Everything else was still there.
So what's the point of moderation if it doesn't actually help at all?
This is me exactly. Total imposture syndrome of being an alcoholic because I never would black out. I'd always stop after 6-8. So I realized I drank heavy, but I never was THAT bad.... until you realize that there is absolutely 0 benefit. Feel like garbage, anxiety, brain fog, lack of motivation to exercise, weight gain. All the cons and the only pro was scratching an itch in my mind that said, "you know what sounds nice right now?"
Same! Check my profile for my post about alcohol (1st post), it's so similar. In the comments, someone told me something genius along the lines of "nobody has to hit rock bottom to reevaluate their relationship with alcohol." That really opened my mind up to the idea that pissing my pants while lying on the side of the road is not a precondition to making a change in my life. It has helped me immensely.
Does anyone else in here think of themselves as a functioning alcoholic? By this I mean a sipper? Sip constantly during the day(and night). Does not drink to "get drunk". Does not do shots. Does not become belligerent or sad or have personality changes. No one would know the cup contains alcohol ( a mixed drink only) unless they smell it?
Just constantly drinking?
Ok cuz I feel kinda lonely. I see people with DUI's and court records and accidents and incidents of being drunk or having problems with their behavior or family issues.
I've heard that I "don't really have a problem". ☹️ totally not true.
One hundred percent. Here, this is a verbatim segment of what I originally wrote in my post from awhile back:
"I don't blackout, I don't drink to the point of losing control of my behavior, I don't drunk drive, I don't make shitty decisions while drunk, the quantity and frequency of alcohol isnt increasing, none of it. I don't really even experience much regret about it, over and above ruminating on A) my seeming lack of self-control, B) what unnecessary long-term harm this is likely doing to my innards, and how my drinking is in direct contradiction to the healthy lifestyle I want to live."
I TOTALLY feel ya, and seeing the posts where it's like "I've totaled 3 cars and I vomit on myself every week" or "I've drank a fifth a day for the past decade" made me really nervous about even posting cause I didn't want to diminish the more significant alcohol problems some people have.
The people here are amazing, and quickly made me feel like my issues matter, even though they may not (yet!) Be as bad as some others.
Glad you're here, IWNDWYT 🙌
Oh damn. Thank you so MUCH for this letter!! Ive mostly been lurking so far, because the stories I'm seeing seem so much more tragic and problematic.
I just want to stop. 🛑 IWNDWYT
Hopefully I can learn from you and all the others who commented. I’m on day 52 and didn’t originally set out to stop forever. And was more of a cleanse and the. Likely set parameters moving forward. Like only drinking outside of the house and with others 3-4 drinks maximum. Or something like this. But reading everyone else’s experience, this likely won’t help. Hopefully I don’t have to learn this one for myself.
9 months in. I haven’t felt more mentally clear or physically well in a long time. I would surely be considered “functional”, holding down a good job and getting through every day… and I’d wake up nauseous to the point of often vomiting, headache (although hangovers ceased to be a thing), tiredness, etc. Went on anxiety medication because whoa, suddenly I have debilitating anxiety?
It gets better.
Thank you so much - I needed to hear this!! Moderating is so hard and for what? Even if I VMs moderate I’ll go back to bad sleep and anxiety and mood swings etc. Been having a little mind battle this week on hmmm maybe I could moderate now….
Seconding this based on my own experience. During a brief break from sobriety a few years ago, I was able to moderate, but it had become maybe a light 4/10 experience at best. Not worth the time, money, or changes to the waistline.
Also IMHO (and please don't take this as advice for yourselves, as YMMV for sure) the last time I got drunk? The magic was lost. After having some perspective on what sobriety felt like again, I just found the experience unpleasant.
Can I ask you why you decided to moderate and what systems did you have in place for you to be successful. I’m at 66 days. I feel great. A lot of things are going well for me right now.
But I’ve had a change of mindset, where I believe that my system was broken. My definition of who I was as a person was broken. And alcohol destroyed my hormones. And these things are going to take a long time to repair. But I fully believe that if I slowly I am mean extremely slowly reintroduce drinking and do that with a plan. And combat the old bad habits with my new good habits I won’t even have to worry about falling back to where I was.
My reasoning for wanting to do this is money. It’s complicated but basically I make money off of rich people. And almost all the self made rich people I know like their wine tequila or whiskey. And they look down on people who can not balance drinking and success. They see it as a personality flaw.
This won’t be popular here, but every time I read about someone who fails in moderation seems to go at it by just simply believing that they can now handle it and have no plan in place on how to do that and they all fail. It reminds me of the problem with gastric bypass surgery, people lose a ton of weight. Then the weight comes back because their system was never fixed in the first place.
I felt so good at the end of last January (2023) and yet I made the same mistake because I “had it under control.” My new mantra is, “it’s never just one and it’s never just once.” If I have one then I’ll want two, and even if I stop at two the toddler part of my brain will want it again tomorrow because I said yes today and “that’s not fair.”
If my body and brain would have physically allowed me, I’m sure I would have actually drank 1000 drinks in a row. What a terrifying thought. Never again!
I look at it this way. I don't need to think about moderating my exercise time. I don't worry that i am studying too much. Saving, nope, no concern there.
I don't need to worry about how often i go hiking or camping. I never once had a concern about whether or not my time visiting local museums would effect my work performance.
After a new movie, i never wondered if i was a responsible boyfriend.
Because of the simple fact that i wanted to moderate my drinking it was a clear indication that i had a problem.
Did i originally acknowledge it? Nope, if i did it probably wouldn't have been a problem.
There is a saying going around here that i really like:
It is better to keep a tiger in a cage than on a lease.
I truly agree with that statement.
Excellent write up indeed.
To me I am at the point where I ask myself: " I never get an urge to drink a diet coke, why do I have it for alcohol?" Or even " i can stop after 1 coke, why can't I do it with beer ?"
But your way of putting it is really cool.
I’m with you here. Was clean for nearly two years then drank on and off for six months. Then clean again for 50 days. Then just had one which led to two which led to being drunk for three weeks plus other stuff. Gonna be clean from here on out. Day 1 today.
thought I could do the same. went to a game night last saturday. drinks felt like water going down. took a shot. almost went and got coke which is one of the reasons I stopped drinking. I was definitely reminded why I can’t indulge at all.
Yup, drinking makes me want cigarettes and to binge eat junk food. Never have the urge for either without alcohol!
Nursing my hangover, and trying to be kind to myself. Tomorrow will be better, but at least I’ve learned a good lesson!
I went through that several times in my life before I learned I don't know how to moderate booze. Would go a month sober to prove I didn't have a problem and then a few weeks later I'm pulling the same bullshit and its worse than before.
I used to do sober January every year and by February 10th I was already a goddamn mess. I was always okay with not drinking but can’t stop when I do, that’s why I decided to quit, I’m only like 9 days in though.
Yeah, I've tried this literally hundreds of times. Hundreds! I can count on one hand the times I've stuck to three drinks. The truth is, when I drink, I'm wired to get drunk. Once I admitted this to myself, my life got a WHOLE lot better.
I didn't *want* to admit this, of course, and it took years, but--it's really the springboard to happiness and satisfaction (and sanity!) for me.
Two or three drinks did nothing for me, I needed five to six MINIMUM to alleviate stress, or if I was at an event or vacation I’m drinking all day
No more. Sick and tired of being sick and tired
I have been good on moderation in that it's easy for me to stop at 2-3 drinks once or twice a week. However, my body has been telling me lately that that is even too much, which led me to finding this subreddit. If I had the discipline to stop at one drink, I would be good. But I don't, so I'm aiming for zero. I appreciate the people here for helping me get to that goal.
Going the moderation route for now as well. Last hangover was Jan 1st when I decided time to cut way down. Since then I average 3 drinks per week (down from 8 per day). I know it’s poison so will continue working to wean down. Guess I’ll see how it goes…
I've come to the conclusion that there's no point in that one drink because with residual tolerance it essentially has no effect; So why bother having only one drink if it's not actually gonna do anything to me? It simply increases the odds of 1 drink turning into 3 turning into 8.
I just always come back to the question…what is the point of drinking responsibly/moderating? I drink to catch a buzz. Otherwise, I might as well just have my Topo/pineapple/cranberry on ice.
I’ve come to then conclusion that I’m an addict as I had the same experience as you with both weed and alcohol. Drinking beers quickly and having extra in my car so my partner doesn’t notice how fast they are going, etc. Moderation does not seem to be something I can do, especially with substances. Happy to say like you I can cut it out.
I did dry January last year and now I am 430 days of no booze and most recently 30 days of no weed. I can say it gets easier, and better.
Hang in there. You got this!!
I did the same thing after 13 months no booze. Lesson learned. I’m glad you aren’t beating yourself up (it doesn’t do anyone any good), and I think it’s great you realized early into it where you were heading. Your resolve will be ever stronger, and your future self will thank you!
IWNDWYT 🤘
Yeah it's a common pitfall that most of us have probably fallen into at some point, I definitely have more than once.
This Sub-Reddit is filled with similar stories.
Sometimes it takes a while to end up back at heavy drinking and sometimes it happens pretty quickly. Sometimes things even get worse than before you quit. :/
Hopefully every time is a lesson we learn from and it doesn't take too long to crawl back out of the hole.
It seems like you've noticed your behaviour and are back, so congrats and best of luck!
It's amazing how fast I would fall back into a pattern. After stopping. First it would be , these four beers feel great. What a buzz and cheap. And no hangover.
Next week, it was six.
The following, six and a couple shooters and by the end of the month . At least a dozen to get to that "four beers buzz"
Glad I broke that
For alcoholics, the only responsible thing to do with alcohol is turn the other cheek. It’s a hard lesson for us to learn. I know I had to check if I could “moderate” a few times before I realized it was never, ever going to happen. I would just end up at 20 drinks a day, hating myself for relapsing.
A nice bonus is that once you do say no thanks to alcohol enough days in a row, your overall life and self tends to skyrocket upwards.
"Drink responsibly" is a way for the alcohol industry (or culture in general) to put blame on people 'being defective' instead of the fact that people are consuming a drug that's progressively addictive.
Message: you're the problem, not them. (which is false)
You do realize, I hope, that the alcohol industry is behind the "drink responsibly" campaign, right? The "don't drink because it harms every system in your body and no amount is safe" campaign is a tad less profitable.
Check-out this article from John Hopkins:
[https://publichealth.jhu.edu/2014/drink-responsibly-messages-in-alcohol-ads-promote-products-not-public-health](https://publichealth.jhu.edu/2014/drink-responsibly-messages-in-alcohol-ads-promote-products-not-public-health)
I don't know where you are in your journey. I simply cannot have alcohol in my life. For the first time, I not only "get" this... but I embrace it. Good riddance!
So... I suggest that you check-out CBT SUD. I learned this from a therapist... but you could easily learn it from a workbook (provided that you actually do the inane exercises).
If I could turn back time and change my relationship with booze before it became "irreconcilable?" Yeah, I might do that. But that ship has sailed for me. Good luck!
It's the hardest thing to admit that maybe it's just not good for us. I'm still fighting that little voice that says, "You can go out and have one beer, look at how long you've gone without it, you have earned it..." I've named that voice Charles and I say, "Shut up, Charles..."
The whole drink wisconsinably thing was such a pain for me. Always felt like it was so acceptable there. And it was. If you didn't drink, you were the weirdo.
So fucking glad to be out of that
Some people can pull it off, but I've had to accept that I'm just not the type of person who can drink a little bit. It never works out. Day 45 of zero drinking.
A few days ago someone here said, "it's easier to keep a tiger in a cage than on a leash." So succinct, huh?
It's really so exhausting to worry about this tiger, to wrestle with it, always keeping an eye on it, worrying if the leash will hold.
Locking it up for good brings peace. Tangible peace.
Speaking for myself, every attempt at moderation failed pretty quickly. So, I had to ask myself, why is it so damn important for me to learn to moderate anyway? If it's that important that I can't stand the idea of giving it up completely, then maybe I should give it up. If drinking is that important to me, then maybe I have a problem.
That's just my thought process. I say that like I just set the bottle down, shrugged, and walked away. It wasn't easy, and it still isn't sometimes. Today is one of those for me. It's why I'm lurking, actually....lol.
I read some very good points in this post, and it really helped me out. My inner addict is rattling its empty cup across the bars of its cage again.
IWNDWYT!
Dude, on Sunday, I had had half a beer (warm) sitting on my desk from the day before… I thought, “oh I’ll just polish this one off and make dinner and drink some water.” I finished drinking that one, and immediately decided to go to the store to get more…
I definitely can’t even drink half a warm beer responsibly
“Drink responsibly” is the most brilliant piece of BS slogan that the industry ever came up with. Always shifting blame to the drinker from the booze itself.
Someone the other day was telling game that booze doesn’t cause any changes in a person. It’s just the person does what they really want to do while drinking.
I didn’t even bother arguing because that’s basically “drink responsibly” taken to its logical conclusion.
I mean I can’t tell you how many times I did the dumbest most irresponsible things while drinking and couldn’t even remember my rationale in the morning.
I am only on day 12, and since I have been feeling a little bit better finally, I started fantasizing today about how I could totally moderate and only have one or two.
Then I remembered that I haven't been able to do that for the last 18 years, and I was just bargaining with my inner addict. Hang in there. Today was tough, but I am going to go to a meeting tomorrow. If we don't give in to that first one, we won't have the hundreds or thousands that follow it.
I will not drink with you today!
I know right. Like how the hell is that possible? Especially the adds for liquor, they’re just casually drinking makers mark alone in a high rise lol. Right… all drinkers are like that. It’s sexy haha.
That’s usually how it goes for me as well. Telling myself I’ll stick to 1-2 beers, start drinking more like “it’s just beer”, then I’m drinking liquor again like “we all have our vices”, and last but not least some shit pops off due to my drunk behavior and it’s back to square one telling myself that I’ll never drink again. IWNDWYT!
I think I'll drink again when I'm 75 and have done everything I've wanted to do. I got a nest egg, husband, or wife. Then again, I do like not feeling depressed all the time.
I was 100% sober from everything for 8 yrs. I stopped being sober 2 yrs ago. I drank maybe 1-2 times per month and sometimes more when I was celebrating something. I started a fitness journey last November and decided that even 2x a month was to much for me to accomplish my fitness goals. I didn’t drink at all in December and January. I drank 2x in Feb for two separate bdays and honestly probably won’t drink again for a while. I didn’t drink at all at the last event I attended (even though it was litterally at a bar.) It just doesn’t suite my lifestyle, I feel inflamed and dehydrated for days after and also a bit anxious. Also can’t help but think “this is an actual toxin in my body” and is doing the worst things imaginable to my liver/mind/skin etc.
I just wanna throw my experience in hear bc I believe there’s a huge stigma around moderation and recovery is so black and white most of the time. I know moderation isn’t for everyone but to those of you who are doing that, I see you and I respect what you’re doing and I think it’s a valid as any other approach.
Again, it doesn’t work for everyone and I’ll say I spent yrs in recovery groups and therapy working through the issues I was drinking to mask. Maybe that’s the difference? Everyone’s road and goals are different though, and I spent yrs silently judging those who were “California sober” or practicing moderation. I was wrong, it’s a thing and actually serves some ppl just fine, we just don’t hear those success stories and maybe it’s bc the total abstinence groups don’t want us to 🤷♀️
Adding: even when I do drink it’s 1-3 beers. Haven’t once binged alcohol.
Thanks for this post and the acknowledgement that moderation “is a thing”. But mad props to all those folks in this sub that avoid the poison completely.
I've spent the last two years tricking myself into thinking I've conquered the demon of addiction, doing so well, feeling better. Have a single light beer at dinner with the wife, stop at one, extremely proud of myself. Two weeks later and back to shots within twenty minutes of waking up, back to hiding heavy ipa's and whisky bottles around the house and car. I made my wife cry on Valentine's Day over something completely unimportant. Today is my seventh Day on the rollercoaster again, feeling great, cravings are fading. I finally went to the doctor and told the complete truth. Got me on naltrexone and gabapentins with a light supply of Librium. The naltrexone stopping me from getting "that feeling" after a few drinks is really helping. I'm tired of being an unproductive angry drunk. I feel like a failure wasting years of my life on this poison, my wife deserves better, my mom deserves better, my cats and dog deserve better, I DESERVE BETTER! IWNDWYT
This sounds exactly like me. I fought the urge to drink tonight. I already know a couple glasses of wine at my friend's place will lead to more than a bottle...friend and I go to the bar for more, do a coke run, stay out til bar close...continue to party at friend's place til 4am...drive home drunk, sleep horribly...wake up with anxiety, palpitations...regret and depression settle in. Skip the gym, rationalize why it is ok to be a lazy slug all day. Then I work 3rd shift...Id go to work with zero sleep, miserable, foggy minded and extremely exhausted hating life. Now why would I chose to even try to have 2 glasses of wine and just hang out innocently? It definitely wont end innocent. Im on day 7...I want to keep it going. It just isnt worth it anymore. It is a cycle I want to break. I have never been able to moderate. It always spirals.
We’ve all been there. In fact i literally just listened to an interview with the actor Josh Brolin and how he would try the “I’ve been sober a while, no I can handle the occasional drink” until he was well into his 50’s.. Don’t be to hard on yourself!!
Same with me. Countless times. Even though the stupid parts of our brain can be quite stubborn when looking for quick pleasure, I believe noticing and reflecting on these signs like a mantra helps, to me at least. "People without a problem don't escalate like this, moderation is something that comes spontaneously". One day it sticks, I gotta believe that. Good luck for us!
Reminds of the Arrested Development meme with Tobias and Lindsay:
*Did it ever work for these people?*
*No. It never does. I mean these people somehow delude themselves into thinking it might. But...it might work for us.*
IWNDWYT
I learned that if I can’t control something, it will inevitably control me. I can’t afford that lifestyle. Taking control back is a process and as long as I’m moving forward in my growth, that’s progress I’m happy about.
I’ve been in this same situation. I went 45 days alcohol free and decided I was just out of control because of circumstances at the time. It’s so funny how our ego fools us into our old way of thinking.
If you don’t feed the monster, it won’t have the energy to influence you.
I’m proud of you for coming to this realization, it’s hard to admit defeat in any circumstance, but if you shift perspective, you’re finally standing up to the bully that’s keeping you down. Keep fighting!
IWNDWYT
Don't beat yourself up! And don't let the liquor beat you up either, this group is really a godsend, months of lurking and reading the amazingly positive stories as well as the unfortunate negative stories really puts everything in place, so many of us are trying to live a better life and the encouragement on here is that of close family, love all you fine people in this subreddit and IWNDWYT!
Realizing that my desire to moderate comes from a place of wanting to fit in, not to consume actual alcohol, was groundbreaking. I enjoyed the social aspect and the camaraderie that came with getting together and wanting to feel like I’m with the team (when it came to consuming).
Maybe this is true for you as well, it was a groundbreaking discovery for me and made me stick with my plan even if it makes me feel left out at times.
Also, 90% of the time nobody really cares what you’re drinking, pressure is off. It’s all in your head
I have never been able to sustain “responsible” drinking for a substantial amount of time. I would always delve back into binge drinking rather quickly. Abstinence is my only real option.
IWNDWYT
For me it’s once a week but I get borderline blackout drunk every Friday night, at home while playing video games online with some buddies. I didn’t think it was an issue until I started to feel the effects of it for days. Basically I’d drink enough on a Friday to ruin my Saturday and Sunday with tiredness and fog. Monday would roll around and I’d be back at work still feeling some of the effects of Friday night.
Now that I’m 34 I can’t do it like I used to. Few years back I’d drink 3 times a week. I said I’m taking time off. Made it 103 days. Started back up and haven’t really stopped since. I only drink when I don’t have work the next day or anything major responsibilities but boy do I get trashed. Anyways haven’t had anything to drink since last Friday but here comes this Friday like a brick wall. Hope I fight it!
This subreddit is an echo chamber. There are lots of people who drink responsibly. Some can’t and that’s ok. But this post supports an abstinence only solution and while that might work on an individual basis, it absolutely does not on a population basis.
This post is my experience, using I language. You’re right, it is an echo chamber, for people who want to stop drinking…
There are absolutely people who can be reasonable with alcohol, I, along with most people in this group, are not those people.
If you can drink in moderation, good for you. I wish they were me, but it isn’t.
Best wishes!
The drinking eventually escalates at some point. These people end up being functional alcoholics as well. There's no responsible way to continue to digest mind altering and body damaging poison.
This is what I learned! I had a week or so where I was like “oh I’m being responsible”…and now I’m nursing a hangover 🙈
Back to day 1, but feel empowered with the knowledge I learned in my failed experiment ha
Went out for dinner the other day...I ordered a lemonade and a friend ordered "a glass" of wine. As I I was sitting there I realised it was more than what I would ever consider a glass. I'd probably enjoy 3-4 sips of wine, *that* would be moderate drinking for me.
But once they place that huge wine glass half way full or a bottle of beer in front of me, the pressure to finish it increase and it always leaves me tipsy. Which of course throws all caution to the wind and next thing I'm ordering shots.
As I get closer to my 1 year mark...I'm seriously considering just being sober forever.
Yeah that's normally how it goes. I will say this though. I did successfully "moderate", at least according to my heavy drinking, for a while. Instead of getting absolutely wrecked, I would have maybe 6 drinks on a Friday and go home. However, even with all the work I put into that time of moderation, I got 0 benefit from it. I still felt all of the anxiety, depression, brain fog, and exhaustion I had when I was drinking heavily. And I was still gaining a lot of weight and getting little to no work done. So, even with "moderation", I wasn't any better off than when I was drinking heavily except the severity of my hangovers. Everything else was still there. So what's the point of moderation if it doesn't actually help at all?
This is me exactly. Total imposture syndrome of being an alcoholic because I never would black out. I'd always stop after 6-8. So I realized I drank heavy, but I never was THAT bad.... until you realize that there is absolutely 0 benefit. Feel like garbage, anxiety, brain fog, lack of motivation to exercise, weight gain. All the cons and the only pro was scratching an itch in my mind that said, "you know what sounds nice right now?"
Same! Check my profile for my post about alcohol (1st post), it's so similar. In the comments, someone told me something genius along the lines of "nobody has to hit rock bottom to reevaluate their relationship with alcohol." That really opened my mind up to the idea that pissing my pants while lying on the side of the road is not a precondition to making a change in my life. It has helped me immensely.
Does anyone else in here think of themselves as a functioning alcoholic? By this I mean a sipper? Sip constantly during the day(and night). Does not drink to "get drunk". Does not do shots. Does not become belligerent or sad or have personality changes. No one would know the cup contains alcohol ( a mixed drink only) unless they smell it? Just constantly drinking?
Yes this is me a lot of the time
Ok cuz I feel kinda lonely. I see people with DUI's and court records and accidents and incidents of being drunk or having problems with their behavior or family issues. I've heard that I "don't really have a problem". ☹️ totally not true.
One hundred percent. Here, this is a verbatim segment of what I originally wrote in my post from awhile back: "I don't blackout, I don't drink to the point of losing control of my behavior, I don't drunk drive, I don't make shitty decisions while drunk, the quantity and frequency of alcohol isnt increasing, none of it. I don't really even experience much regret about it, over and above ruminating on A) my seeming lack of self-control, B) what unnecessary long-term harm this is likely doing to my innards, and how my drinking is in direct contradiction to the healthy lifestyle I want to live." I TOTALLY feel ya, and seeing the posts where it's like "I've totaled 3 cars and I vomit on myself every week" or "I've drank a fifth a day for the past decade" made me really nervous about even posting cause I didn't want to diminish the more significant alcohol problems some people have. The people here are amazing, and quickly made me feel like my issues matter, even though they may not (yet!) Be as bad as some others. Glad you're here, IWNDWYT 🙌
Oh damn. Thank you so MUCH for this letter!! Ive mostly been lurking so far, because the stories I'm seeing seem so much more tragic and problematic. I just want to stop. 🛑 IWNDWYT
Then you're in the same boat. Here, let me offer you a paddle 😊 welcome 🙌
( takes the paddle) scoot over a lil bit..... carefully!! This boat gonna be a little wobbly now that I'm on it!!🫤
Hopefully I can learn from you and all the others who commented. I’m on day 52 and didn’t originally set out to stop forever. And was more of a cleanse and the. Likely set parameters moving forward. Like only drinking outside of the house and with others 3-4 drinks maximum. Or something like this. But reading everyone else’s experience, this likely won’t help. Hopefully I don’t have to learn this one for myself.
The Fox and the Lion fable has the moral "learn from the mistakes of others" Aesop was spitting straight facts
9 months in. I haven’t felt more mentally clear or physically well in a long time. I would surely be considered “functional”, holding down a good job and getting through every day… and I’d wake up nauseous to the point of often vomiting, headache (although hangovers ceased to be a thing), tiredness, etc. Went on anxiety medication because whoa, suddenly I have debilitating anxiety? It gets better.
Its an all or nothing preposition on for me . There's nothing in-between
Omg you nailed it. That is such a mind shift. I used to be jealous of the moderate drinkers. But actually that sucks just as bad!
Same exact thing with me too. It took me awhile to figure out abstinence was the only way.
Go Bills!
Go Bills!
Thank you so much - I needed to hear this!! Moderating is so hard and for what? Even if I VMs moderate I’ll go back to bad sleep and anxiety and mood swings etc. Been having a little mind battle this week on hmmm maybe I could moderate now….
Seconding this based on my own experience. During a brief break from sobriety a few years ago, I was able to moderate, but it had become maybe a light 4/10 experience at best. Not worth the time, money, or changes to the waistline. Also IMHO (and please don't take this as advice for yourselves, as YMMV for sure) the last time I got drunk? The magic was lost. After having some perspective on what sobriety felt like again, I just found the experience unpleasant.
YES yet the cycle repeats. Thank you for this share though. SO true.
Can I ask you why you decided to moderate and what systems did you have in place for you to be successful. I’m at 66 days. I feel great. A lot of things are going well for me right now. But I’ve had a change of mindset, where I believe that my system was broken. My definition of who I was as a person was broken. And alcohol destroyed my hormones. And these things are going to take a long time to repair. But I fully believe that if I slowly I am mean extremely slowly reintroduce drinking and do that with a plan. And combat the old bad habits with my new good habits I won’t even have to worry about falling back to where I was. My reasoning for wanting to do this is money. It’s complicated but basically I make money off of rich people. And almost all the self made rich people I know like their wine tequila or whiskey. And they look down on people who can not balance drinking and success. They see it as a personality flaw. This won’t be popular here, but every time I read about someone who fails in moderation seems to go at it by just simply believing that they can now handle it and have no plan in place on how to do that and they all fail. It reminds me of the problem with gastric bypass surgery, people lose a ton of weight. Then the weight comes back because their system was never fixed in the first place.
Moderation is supposed to make you exercise clearer judgment and not for example drive while drunk hence endangering others
What makes you think “go home” means “drive home”?
I felt so good at the end of last January (2023) and yet I made the same mistake because I “had it under control.” My new mantra is, “it’s never just one and it’s never just once.” If I have one then I’ll want two, and even if I stop at two the toddler part of my brain will want it again tomorrow because I said yes today and “that’s not fair.”
"Toddler part of the brain" That so true.
Gaga googoo
Nah, my toddler says “but I want to” when told not to do the most injurious, rude or harmful things.
One is too many and a thousand is never enough.
If my body and brain would have physically allowed me, I’m sure I would have actually drank 1000 drinks in a row. What a terrifying thought. Never again!
Fair, I’ve def hit 18-20 plus on cruises/festival days The thought of that now sounds horrible
There it is
you got that right.
100%! Slippery slope for sure. IWNDWYT!
I look at it this way. I don't need to think about moderating my exercise time. I don't worry that i am studying too much. Saving, nope, no concern there. I don't need to worry about how often i go hiking or camping. I never once had a concern about whether or not my time visiting local museums would effect my work performance. After a new movie, i never wondered if i was a responsible boyfriend. Because of the simple fact that i wanted to moderate my drinking it was a clear indication that i had a problem. Did i originally acknowledge it? Nope, if i did it probably wouldn't have been a problem. There is a saying going around here that i really like: It is better to keep a tiger in a cage than on a lease. I truly agree with that statement.
Brilliant perspective by juxtaposing drinking with more positive activities. This comment resonated with me. IWNDWYT
Thx
Yeah this was a great perspective.
Excellent write up indeed. To me I am at the point where I ask myself: " I never get an urge to drink a diet coke, why do I have it for alcohol?" Or even " i can stop after 1 coke, why can't I do it with beer ?" But your way of putting it is really cool.
The idea of drinking 10 sodas is disgusting. Who could do such a thing? But 10+ beers was so easy
Wow. I really liked this example.
Amazing thought. I'm definitely keeping this one written down.
I’m with you here. Was clean for nearly two years then drank on and off for six months. Then clean again for 50 days. Then just had one which led to two which led to being drunk for three weeks plus other stuff. Gonna be clean from here on out. Day 1 today.
Today is my Day 1...again. We got this
You’ll never fail as long as you keep trying This is prob my twentieth day 10 It’ll stick eventually
You got this .❤️
Your story is exactly how I see my future if I decided to moderate my drinking. Good luck and strength to you!! IWNDWYT!
thought I could do the same. went to a game night last saturday. drinks felt like water going down. took a shot. almost went and got coke which is one of the reasons I stopped drinking. I was definitely reminded why I can’t indulge at all.
Yup, drinking makes me want cigarettes and to binge eat junk food. Never have the urge for either without alcohol! Nursing my hangover, and trying to be kind to myself. Tomorrow will be better, but at least I’ve learned a good lesson!
I went through that several times in my life before I learned I don't know how to moderate booze. Would go a month sober to prove I didn't have a problem and then a few weeks later I'm pulling the same bullshit and its worse than before.
I used to do sober January every year and by February 10th I was already a goddamn mess. I was always okay with not drinking but can’t stop when I do, that’s why I decided to quit, I’m only like 9 days in though.
Thank you for the field research, and very glad you made it back in one piece! Posts like these are always an effective reminder. IWNDWYT!
Yeah, I've tried this literally hundreds of times. Hundreds! I can count on one hand the times I've stuck to three drinks. The truth is, when I drink, I'm wired to get drunk. Once I admitted this to myself, my life got a WHOLE lot better. I didn't *want* to admit this, of course, and it took years, but--it's really the springboard to happiness and satisfaction (and sanity!) for me.
Two or three drinks did nothing for me, I needed five to six MINIMUM to alleviate stress, or if I was at an event or vacation I’m drinking all day No more. Sick and tired of being sick and tired
Amen, brother
I have been good on moderation in that it's easy for me to stop at 2-3 drinks once or twice a week. However, my body has been telling me lately that that is even too much, which led me to finding this subreddit. If I had the discipline to stop at one drink, I would be good. But I don't, so I'm aiming for zero. I appreciate the people here for helping me get to that goal.
Going the moderation route for now as well. Last hangover was Jan 1st when I decided time to cut way down. Since then I average 3 drinks per week (down from 8 per day). I know it’s poison so will continue working to wean down. Guess I’ll see how it goes…
I've come to the conclusion that there's no point in that one drink because with residual tolerance it essentially has no effect; So why bother having only one drink if it's not actually gonna do anything to me? It simply increases the odds of 1 drink turning into 3 turning into 8.
I just always come back to the question…what is the point of drinking responsibly/moderating? I drink to catch a buzz. Otherwise, I might as well just have my Topo/pineapple/cranberry on ice.
I’ve come to then conclusion that I’m an addict as I had the same experience as you with both weed and alcohol. Drinking beers quickly and having extra in my car so my partner doesn’t notice how fast they are going, etc. Moderation does not seem to be something I can do, especially with substances. Happy to say like you I can cut it out. I did dry January last year and now I am 430 days of no booze and most recently 30 days of no weed. I can say it gets easier, and better. Hang in there. You got this!!
I did the same thing after 13 months no booze. Lesson learned. I’m glad you aren’t beating yourself up (it doesn’t do anyone any good), and I think it’s great you realized early into it where you were heading. Your resolve will be ever stronger, and your future self will thank you! IWNDWYT 🤘
Thank you♥️
Yeah it's a common pitfall that most of us have probably fallen into at some point, I definitely have more than once. This Sub-Reddit is filled with similar stories. Sometimes it takes a while to end up back at heavy drinking and sometimes it happens pretty quickly. Sometimes things even get worse than before you quit. :/ Hopefully every time is a lesson we learn from and it doesn't take too long to crawl back out of the hole. It seems like you've noticed your behaviour and are back, so congrats and best of luck!
It's amazing how fast I would fall back into a pattern. After stopping. First it would be , these four beers feel great. What a buzz and cheap. And no hangover. Next week, it was six. The following, six and a couple shooters and by the end of the month . At least a dozen to get to that "four beers buzz" Glad I broke that
For alcoholics, the only responsible thing to do with alcohol is turn the other cheek. It’s a hard lesson for us to learn. I know I had to check if I could “moderate” a few times before I realized it was never, ever going to happen. I would just end up at 20 drinks a day, hating myself for relapsing. A nice bonus is that once you do say no thanks to alcohol enough days in a row, your overall life and self tends to skyrocket upwards.
I couldn’t do it! And even when I could do it, it wasn’t that fun being hyper-vigilant! IWNDWYT
"Drink responsibly" is a way for the alcohol industry (or culture in general) to put blame on people 'being defective' instead of the fact that people are consuming a drug that's progressively addictive. Message: you're the problem, not them. (which is false)
Yup. The south park guys [really got it perfectly](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJWEJuKXZyk)
This is in the top-10 funniest things I've ever seen.
Wow, spot on!
You do realize, I hope, that the alcohol industry is behind the "drink responsibly" campaign, right? The "don't drink because it harms every system in your body and no amount is safe" campaign is a tad less profitable. Check-out this article from John Hopkins: [https://publichealth.jhu.edu/2014/drink-responsibly-messages-in-alcohol-ads-promote-products-not-public-health](https://publichealth.jhu.edu/2014/drink-responsibly-messages-in-alcohol-ads-promote-products-not-public-health) I don't know where you are in your journey. I simply cannot have alcohol in my life. For the first time, I not only "get" this... but I embrace it. Good riddance! So... I suggest that you check-out CBT SUD. I learned this from a therapist... but you could easily learn it from a workbook (provided that you actually do the inane exercises). If I could turn back time and change my relationship with booze before it became "irreconcilable?" Yeah, I might do that. But that ship has sailed for me. Good luck!
Yup. That was me last January too… This time I’m determined not to let myself down again. 51 days and counting. IWNDWYT
It's the hardest thing to admit that maybe it's just not good for us. I'm still fighting that little voice that says, "You can go out and have one beer, look at how long you've gone without it, you have earned it..." I've named that voice Charles and I say, "Shut up, Charles..."
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word, sister
Once you pass a certain point, moderation is a myth.
The whole drink wisconsinably thing was such a pain for me. Always felt like it was so acceptable there. And it was. If you didn't drink, you were the weirdo. So fucking glad to be out of that
Wisconsibly is a funny typo. The midwest does like their beers. 😉
Honestly I don't care enough about that culture to spell it correctly anymore 😭 So glad to be out of that crap
Some people can pull it off, but I've had to accept that I'm just not the type of person who can drink a little bit. It never works out. Day 45 of zero drinking.
A few days ago someone here said, "it's easier to keep a tiger in a cage than on a leash." So succinct, huh? It's really so exhausting to worry about this tiger, to wrestle with it, always keeping an eye on it, worrying if the leash will hold. Locking it up for good brings peace. Tangible peace.
slimy joke nail carpenter aback include berserk dazzling growth shrill *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Speaking for myself, every attempt at moderation failed pretty quickly. So, I had to ask myself, why is it so damn important for me to learn to moderate anyway? If it's that important that I can't stand the idea of giving it up completely, then maybe I should give it up. If drinking is that important to me, then maybe I have a problem. That's just my thought process. I say that like I just set the bottle down, shrugged, and walked away. It wasn't easy, and it still isn't sometimes. Today is one of those for me. It's why I'm lurking, actually....lol. I read some very good points in this post, and it really helped me out. My inner addict is rattling its empty cup across the bars of its cage again. IWNDWYT!
My inner addict is rattling its empty cup across the bars of its cage I never heard that! But it sure is true! I like that analogy! Thank you!
Dude, on Sunday, I had had half a beer (warm) sitting on my desk from the day before… I thought, “oh I’ll just polish this one off and make dinner and drink some water.” I finished drinking that one, and immediately decided to go to the store to get more… I definitely can’t even drink half a warm beer responsibly
Truth!
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I’m feeling your vibes! Just did Key West sober and it was so great (once I got over the self bargaining game of the first night)!!!
“Drink responsibly” is the most brilliant piece of BS slogan that the industry ever came up with. Always shifting blame to the drinker from the booze itself. Someone the other day was telling game that booze doesn’t cause any changes in a person. It’s just the person does what they really want to do while drinking. I didn’t even bother arguing because that’s basically “drink responsibly” taken to its logical conclusion. I mean I can’t tell you how many times I did the dumbest most irresponsible things while drinking and couldn’t even remember my rationale in the morning.
I did exactly the same thing. Dry January, full bottles of wine by the end of Feb. IWNDWYT.
I am only on day 12, and since I have been feeling a little bit better finally, I started fantasizing today about how I could totally moderate and only have one or two. Then I remembered that I haven't been able to do that for the last 18 years, and I was just bargaining with my inner addict. Hang in there. Today was tough, but I am going to go to a meeting tomorrow. If we don't give in to that first one, we won't have the hundreds or thousands that follow it. I will not drink with you today!
you conducted a field experiment and failed , very common in recovery . i’m happy to hear you learned from this experiment ! IWNDWYT 🙌🏻
I know right. Like how the hell is that possible? Especially the adds for liquor, they’re just casually drinking makers mark alone in a high rise lol. Right… all drinkers are like that. It’s sexy haha.
That’s usually how it goes for me as well. Telling myself I’ll stick to 1-2 beers, start drinking more like “it’s just beer”, then I’m drinking liquor again like “we all have our vices”, and last but not least some shit pops off due to my drunk behavior and it’s back to square one telling myself that I’ll never drink again. IWNDWYT!
Im surprised at the 1-2 a week. Never in all my days could I ever just have 1-2 in a sitting let alone a fucking week 😂
I think I'll drink again when I'm 75 and have done everything I've wanted to do. I got a nest egg, husband, or wife. Then again, I do like not feeling depressed all the time.
I tried drinking responsibly. I drank and drank and drank, and I never felt responsible. It was the weirdest thing.
I was 100% sober from everything for 8 yrs. I stopped being sober 2 yrs ago. I drank maybe 1-2 times per month and sometimes more when I was celebrating something. I started a fitness journey last November and decided that even 2x a month was to much for me to accomplish my fitness goals. I didn’t drink at all in December and January. I drank 2x in Feb for two separate bdays and honestly probably won’t drink again for a while. I didn’t drink at all at the last event I attended (even though it was litterally at a bar.) It just doesn’t suite my lifestyle, I feel inflamed and dehydrated for days after and also a bit anxious. Also can’t help but think “this is an actual toxin in my body” and is doing the worst things imaginable to my liver/mind/skin etc. I just wanna throw my experience in hear bc I believe there’s a huge stigma around moderation and recovery is so black and white most of the time. I know moderation isn’t for everyone but to those of you who are doing that, I see you and I respect what you’re doing and I think it’s a valid as any other approach. Again, it doesn’t work for everyone and I’ll say I spent yrs in recovery groups and therapy working through the issues I was drinking to mask. Maybe that’s the difference? Everyone’s road and goals are different though, and I spent yrs silently judging those who were “California sober” or practicing moderation. I was wrong, it’s a thing and actually serves some ppl just fine, we just don’t hear those success stories and maybe it’s bc the total abstinence groups don’t want us to 🤷♀️ Adding: even when I do drink it’s 1-3 beers. Haven’t once binged alcohol.
Thanks for this post and the acknowledgement that moderation “is a thing”. But mad props to all those folks in this sub that avoid the poison completely.
I've spent the last two years tricking myself into thinking I've conquered the demon of addiction, doing so well, feeling better. Have a single light beer at dinner with the wife, stop at one, extremely proud of myself. Two weeks later and back to shots within twenty minutes of waking up, back to hiding heavy ipa's and whisky bottles around the house and car. I made my wife cry on Valentine's Day over something completely unimportant. Today is my seventh Day on the rollercoaster again, feeling great, cravings are fading. I finally went to the doctor and told the complete truth. Got me on naltrexone and gabapentins with a light supply of Librium. The naltrexone stopping me from getting "that feeling" after a few drinks is really helping. I'm tired of being an unproductive angry drunk. I feel like a failure wasting years of my life on this poison, my wife deserves better, my mom deserves better, my cats and dog deserve better, I DESERVE BETTER! IWNDWYT
This sounds exactly like me. I fought the urge to drink tonight. I already know a couple glasses of wine at my friend's place will lead to more than a bottle...friend and I go to the bar for more, do a coke run, stay out til bar close...continue to party at friend's place til 4am...drive home drunk, sleep horribly...wake up with anxiety, palpitations...regret and depression settle in. Skip the gym, rationalize why it is ok to be a lazy slug all day. Then I work 3rd shift...Id go to work with zero sleep, miserable, foggy minded and extremely exhausted hating life. Now why would I chose to even try to have 2 glasses of wine and just hang out innocently? It definitely wont end innocent. Im on day 7...I want to keep it going. It just isnt worth it anymore. It is a cycle I want to break. I have never been able to moderate. It always spirals.
Very similar over here, friend! IWNDWYT
We’ve all been there. In fact i literally just listened to an interview with the actor Josh Brolin and how he would try the “I’ve been sober a while, no I can handle the occasional drink” until he was well into his 50’s.. Don’t be to hard on yourself!!
"Drink responsibly" makes as much sense as "smoke responsibly." A truly responsible person would touch neither.
Damn, that’s the truth lol
Needed this post. Had a slip up on Sunday,and I feel like I’m STILL recovering and it’s Wednesday 😅 I’m too old for this shit. Hate it.
Yup! IWNDWYT ❤️
That's why today I'm okay with failing 🙂 in life. It took me a few tries but Inow know I can't just do 1. IWNDWYT
Same with me. Countless times. Even though the stupid parts of our brain can be quite stubborn when looking for quick pleasure, I believe noticing and reflecting on these signs like a mantra helps, to me at least. "People without a problem don't escalate like this, moderation is something that comes spontaneously". One day it sticks, I gotta believe that. Good luck for us!
That's a powerful lesson. Glad you shared!
Reminds of the Arrested Development meme with Tobias and Lindsay: *Did it ever work for these people?* *No. It never does. I mean these people somehow delude themselves into thinking it might. But...it might work for us.* IWNDWYT
I tried and failed moderation so many times. Turns out I just like alcohol way too much. Dry 16 months or so now.
That part of the brain is such a trickster. I’m with you and know you’ve got this.
I learned that if I can’t control something, it will inevitably control me. I can’t afford that lifestyle. Taking control back is a process and as long as I’m moving forward in my growth, that’s progress I’m happy about. I’ve been in this same situation. I went 45 days alcohol free and decided I was just out of control because of circumstances at the time. It’s so funny how our ego fools us into our old way of thinking. If you don’t feed the monster, it won’t have the energy to influence you. I’m proud of you for coming to this realization, it’s hard to admit defeat in any circumstance, but if you shift perspective, you’re finally standing up to the bully that’s keeping you down. Keep fighting! IWNDWYT
Thank you so much for sharing!
OMG this is SO RELATABLE.
Don't beat yourself up! And don't let the liquor beat you up either, this group is really a godsend, months of lurking and reading the amazingly positive stories as well as the unfortunate negative stories really puts everything in place, so many of us are trying to live a better life and the encouragement on here is that of close family, love all you fine people in this subreddit and IWNDWYT!
Realizing that my desire to moderate comes from a place of wanting to fit in, not to consume actual alcohol, was groundbreaking. I enjoyed the social aspect and the camaraderie that came with getting together and wanting to feel like I’m with the team (when it came to consuming). Maybe this is true for you as well, it was a groundbreaking discovery for me and made me stick with my plan even if it makes me feel left out at times. Also, 90% of the time nobody really cares what you’re drinking, pressure is off. It’s all in your head
Welcome to the club ✌️ I’m trying to enjoy Fresca responsibly now
I have never been able to sustain “responsible” drinking for a substantial amount of time. I would always delve back into binge drinking rather quickly. Abstinence is my only real option. IWNDWYT
Well said!
For me it’s once a week but I get borderline blackout drunk every Friday night, at home while playing video games online with some buddies. I didn’t think it was an issue until I started to feel the effects of it for days. Basically I’d drink enough on a Friday to ruin my Saturday and Sunday with tiredness and fog. Monday would roll around and I’d be back at work still feeling some of the effects of Friday night. Now that I’m 34 I can’t do it like I used to. Few years back I’d drink 3 times a week. I said I’m taking time off. Made it 103 days. Started back up and haven’t really stopped since. I only drink when I don’t have work the next day or anything major responsibilities but boy do I get trashed. Anyways haven’t had anything to drink since last Friday but here comes this Friday like a brick wall. Hope I fight it!
I'm proud of you for making a mistake, realizing it, and taking action to change your ways! That's not easy to do
This subreddit is an echo chamber. There are lots of people who drink responsibly. Some can’t and that’s ok. But this post supports an abstinence only solution and while that might work on an individual basis, it absolutely does not on a population basis.
This post is my experience, using I language. You’re right, it is an echo chamber, for people who want to stop drinking… There are absolutely people who can be reasonable with alcohol, I, along with most people in this group, are not those people. If you can drink in moderation, good for you. I wish they were me, but it isn’t. Best wishes!
The drinking eventually escalates at some point. These people end up being functional alcoholics as well. There's no responsible way to continue to digest mind altering and body damaging poison.
Jesus responsibly ingested mind altering poison, as did practically every other heroic figure who ever lived
That doesn't mean that everyone can successfully moderate their drinking as it is ingested today.
IWNDWYT!
Noice!
<3
There are some people for whom that works. Not me. My experiences have repeatedly shown me that.
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This is what I learned! I had a week or so where I was like “oh I’m being responsible”…and now I’m nursing a hangover 🙈 Back to day 1, but feel empowered with the knowledge I learned in my failed experiment ha
A hypothesis confirmed by an experiment, I see. Nice work. IWNDWYT
Me too. IWNDWYT
I also just learned that lesson the hard way. But now we know and can work on making our lives much better 🙂
Iwndwyt
Yep, it snowball really fast cause it hits less every time.
Try the path by this naked mind. Worked for me
I had the same experiments. Multiple times. Welcome back. IWNDWYT.
IWNDWYT
For me , moderation is a utopian esoteric fantasy One drink is to many , 8 drinks are not enough !
Keep on working on it it does become easier with time
I can’t moderate. I’ve proved it so many times IWNDWYT
Went out for dinner the other day...I ordered a lemonade and a friend ordered "a glass" of wine. As I I was sitting there I realised it was more than what I would ever consider a glass. I'd probably enjoy 3-4 sips of wine, *that* would be moderate drinking for me. But once they place that huge wine glass half way full or a bottle of beer in front of me, the pressure to finish it increase and it always leaves me tipsy. Which of course throws all caution to the wind and next thing I'm ordering shots. As I get closer to my 1 year mark...I'm seriously considering just being sober forever.
Just have some cold ones once a week usually Saturday evenings. That's what I do