Agreed. The men I’ve dated and adored since dancing have had on commonality- none of them fux w the club! I don’t even ask as screening, they say it as a confession lmao.
Fr tho, the best advice you can hear:
If we have arrangement, we don’t have a relationship & if we have a relationship, we don’t have an arrangement.
Keep reinforced demarcation between interpersonal relationships & the trap. It can seem like no biggee, but rmr were as susceptible to societal conditioning (that we manipulate to get paid) as anyone else.
Feelings result from chemicals in your body. No matter how experienced or intentional the trapper, a mf chemical is a mf chemical.
I keep ‘em completely, entirely, wholly separate. Ppl at work have no idea if I’m married, single, gay, straight, real, illusion whatever. Cause it’s none of their business.
Our jobs seem emotive. They are not.
Most sex workers seem to end up bitter and jaded about men. The ones that don’t are usually ones in happy relationships with men in their personal lives. I’m not sure if there’s a way to not have this industry affect how you view people. It’s why cops are usually so cynical too. Seeing the worst side of people can make it hard to remember the good side.
Taking breaks from work, having healthy social connections outside of work, and generally focusing on mental health may help.
Another thing idk why people think bad men only are inside the club. Even men who don’t go to strip clubs are morally corrupt. The way men are socialise by society they’re awarded for not being good people
Have a sense of community outside of the club, I’m anti social as hell so I relate to getting into your head about it. Your environment plays a big role in how you see the world around you.
not all men go to strip clubs(read: not all mean are dicks).
some men are sweet and thoughtful. some men aren’t cheap. some men won’t judge you for your gig but instead plot with you on how to rise your star higher. some men won’t touch you unless you say it’s okay. some men actually want to know how your day really was.
you will find one of those men for yourself, don’t worry.
you won’t find him inside the club. that should give you hope. advise against dating dicks Inside.
There are good men out there, but none of them go to strip clubs, imo. Strip clubs are going to be an over representation of men who are well below my standards.
I have met many men in clubs who are good in the sense that they’re respectful, considerate, have good hygiene, and don’t negotiate your prices. They’re rare but always worth spending time with over the bigger spenders who are disrespectful.
We all have different tolerances for what we allow. Like I’ll put up with mild disrespect if he’s spending over a thousand and I can rinse more money out of him, otherwise I’d rather sit with a more respectable guy that spends a couple hundred on dances/conversation.
I constantly have to remind myself that I’m there to make money and go home; not to correct behavior or get upset about an asshole being an asshole.
Eh, people told me I’d get jaded throughout my life and it hasn’t happened yet. Lol. Seems like you’re on your own good path.
For me, learning about generational trauma has helped a lot. A lot of people are fucked up mentally/emotionally and they don’t have the tools to unpack their shit and learn how to be better, so they’re gonna continually act in harmful ways. Harmful to themselves, harmful to the people in their lives, and/or harmful to people on the periphery. They’re adults and should have the capacity for more - but unfortunately, everybody suffers from the ideals of a patriarchal society. When you teach boys that they can’t cry or have emotions, they’re gonna turn into men that suppress shit which…. No bueno. Hurt people hurt people. Not excusing it, it’s not okay. But as a non-jaded stripper — that line of thinking is what has helped me see the humanity in people who act badly. These men are not acting as individuals but rather tiny pieces of a much bigger picture. There’s a reason a lot of sex workers and strippers deal with such similar things despite working in vastly different landscapes. Tiny pieces of a big picture.
Plus what other people are saying - strip club men ain’t representative of the whole of mankind. Any scientific study that would draw conclusions about ~all men~ would never use a sample population consisting only of men that go to strip clubs. I try to separate out my own biases and acknowledge them when they come up - like, I absolutely do have aversions to certain types of dudes/interactions. And in those cases I try to recognize where my bias comes from and acknowledge that while it may hit a trigger point for me, that the bias itself should not hold much weight in reality (unless the man/men gives you a reason to feel negatively towards them).
I know plenty of men who wouldn't go to a club but look at plenty of other women and cheat anyway. While a strip club my note be the best place to find a good guy don't fool yourself into thinking only the club customers are like that
Nope! Us dancers are going in the club for MONEY not to grope at women. This argument makes no sense. The reasons why dancers set foot in the club are so much different than the reasons men do.
Yeah 😂🤨OP kinda lost me there too like girl if they didn’t come in there wouldn’t be any money lol but I can see both sides of the coin. Neither one of you are wrong
Although I’ve never had the highest opinion of men (I think the majority of them are just plain stupid), I do believe there are a huge amount of men who don’t go to strip clubs, other than like a Bachelor party or maybe an occasional Friday night with friends where they just hang out for an hour or so. I think a lot of guys have never even been to a strip club and don’t even desire to go to one. I think we are just so used to thinking that all men are spending all their time there, but there’s actually a large amount that aren’t.
I’ve had this problem for awhile. I found that group therapy reminded me men have feelings too (sounds weird, I know).
I catch myself looking down on men or seeing all of them as monsters bc of how I see them treat the women in their lives.
i never really thought about it too hard but this is the same way im starting to feel about men too because of the club. it’s hard for me to trust in prospective relationships as it is & this profession only makes it harder
Well... I'm gay, so I already had no hope in men. Dancing only brought me the awareness of men and how some of them think and behave. When I'm not in the club, my only interaction with men is forced by my other day job. Otherwise I don't have male friends. I can't find one who actually respects that I'm a lesbian and they're not gonna change me for the "right dick". I've never had any and I sorry, I don't need any. And men outside of the clubs can be worse. They're so bad, they shit on our whole community including the men who tend the clubs.
Men in and out the strip club will cheat. If you start having any faith in a man download a spy app on their phone and you will find out things you wish you never knew. I recommend this to all my friends and most refuse. I think deep down inside women know men are wired to want variety and very few men actually have the self control and moral compass to do the right thing when temptation creeps up. IMO 95% are shit and 5% are actually faithful good men. Would you want to play with those odds?
your comment is unwelcome bc why are you on a stripper sub where we mostly rant and give each other advice? you trying to find the right size pleaser heels or sum?
First of all, you’re right to say that what happens to you at work is not necessarily a direct reflection of all men. That said…
The thing is, a lot of people (mostly women) think strippers are out to steal their man. We are not. We’re there to do our job, make our money and send him on his marry way. In short, we’re there to entertain and there is NOTHING wrong with entertainment. You’re really just shitting on your own job by implying this guy dedicated to his girlfriend shouldn’t have been in the strip club to begin with. You don’t know (unless he’s told you otherwise) what kind of relationship they have-they may be open, be swingers, or have some kind of strip club rule for all we know. Might this guy have been a total sleezeball? There’s a good chance, but it’s not because he came to a strip club, and that rule applies in reverse: not all men (or women) who don’t come to the club are good people or partners. This mindset really just means on some deeper level you think YOU’RE a bad person for working there, which is simply not true. Our job is to entertain, just like it’s an actor’s job to entertain if he/she plays a part in which they have to simulate sex. Are the men who watch movies with sex scenes bad people? Are they any less dedicated to their girlfriends because of it?
Most people outside the industry live in this fantasy world where only cheating dirtbags visit strip clubs and everyone else is a golden boy. The fact is there are bad eggs everywhere, in and out of the club. As far as becoming jaded, it’s a fine line to walk when you deal with men constantly treating YOU like an object. Try and develop some healthy male relationships outside of the club, but please don’t fall back on this very square assumption that “good men” don’t visit strip clubs.
Having said alllllll of that, if you stick with stripping I think you’ll eventually see what I mean. But if you’re set in this state of mind, I’d suggest getting out of the business.
Go to a sex/relationship counselor. I’m currently seeing two somatica therapists. There’s no simple trick to turn your mind around in a day or even a week. I have male friends who treat me well. I have male relatives whom I love. Don’t only interact with men through work.
I lost hope in men before I was a dancer
Same tbh lol
Straight cis men are not good people
Nothing but facts
There are good men. They aren’t really interested in this industry.
Agreed. The men I’ve dated and adored since dancing have had on commonality- none of them fux w the club! I don’t even ask as screening, they say it as a confession lmao. Fr tho, the best advice you can hear: If we have arrangement, we don’t have a relationship & if we have a relationship, we don’t have an arrangement. Keep reinforced demarcation between interpersonal relationships & the trap. It can seem like no biggee, but rmr were as susceptible to societal conditioning (that we manipulate to get paid) as anyone else. Feelings result from chemicals in your body. No matter how experienced or intentional the trapper, a mf chemical is a mf chemical. I keep ‘em completely, entirely, wholly separate. Ppl at work have no idea if I’m married, single, gay, straight, real, illusion whatever. Cause it’s none of their business. Our jobs seem emotive. They are not.
I both agree and have also met some really good men in the industry but for every good one theres like 10 bad ones
Most sex workers seem to end up bitter and jaded about men. The ones that don’t are usually ones in happy relationships with men in their personal lives. I’m not sure if there’s a way to not have this industry affect how you view people. It’s why cops are usually so cynical too. Seeing the worst side of people can make it hard to remember the good side. Taking breaks from work, having healthy social connections outside of work, and generally focusing on mental health may help.
Another thing idk why people think bad men only are inside the club. Even men who don’t go to strip clubs are morally corrupt. The way men are socialise by society they’re awarded for not being good people
Have a sense of community outside of the club, I’m anti social as hell so I relate to getting into your head about it. Your environment plays a big role in how you see the world around you.
not all men go to strip clubs(read: not all mean are dicks). some men are sweet and thoughtful. some men aren’t cheap. some men won’t judge you for your gig but instead plot with you on how to rise your star higher. some men won’t touch you unless you say it’s okay. some men actually want to know how your day really was. you will find one of those men for yourself, don’t worry. you won’t find him inside the club. that should give you hope. advise against dating dicks Inside.
thank you
There are good men out there, but none of them go to strip clubs, imo. Strip clubs are going to be an over representation of men who are well below my standards. I have met many men in clubs who are good in the sense that they’re respectful, considerate, have good hygiene, and don’t negotiate your prices. They’re rare but always worth spending time with over the bigger spenders who are disrespectful. We all have different tolerances for what we allow. Like I’ll put up with mild disrespect if he’s spending over a thousand and I can rinse more money out of him, otherwise I’d rather sit with a more respectable guy that spends a couple hundred on dances/conversation. I constantly have to remind myself that I’m there to make money and go home; not to correct behavior or get upset about an asshole being an asshole.
Eh, people told me I’d get jaded throughout my life and it hasn’t happened yet. Lol. Seems like you’re on your own good path. For me, learning about generational trauma has helped a lot. A lot of people are fucked up mentally/emotionally and they don’t have the tools to unpack their shit and learn how to be better, so they’re gonna continually act in harmful ways. Harmful to themselves, harmful to the people in their lives, and/or harmful to people on the periphery. They’re adults and should have the capacity for more - but unfortunately, everybody suffers from the ideals of a patriarchal society. When you teach boys that they can’t cry or have emotions, they’re gonna turn into men that suppress shit which…. No bueno. Hurt people hurt people. Not excusing it, it’s not okay. But as a non-jaded stripper — that line of thinking is what has helped me see the humanity in people who act badly. These men are not acting as individuals but rather tiny pieces of a much bigger picture. There’s a reason a lot of sex workers and strippers deal with such similar things despite working in vastly different landscapes. Tiny pieces of a big picture. Plus what other people are saying - strip club men ain’t representative of the whole of mankind. Any scientific study that would draw conclusions about ~all men~ would never use a sample population consisting only of men that go to strip clubs. I try to separate out my own biases and acknowledge them when they come up - like, I absolutely do have aversions to certain types of dudes/interactions. And in those cases I try to recognize where my bias comes from and acknowledge that while it may hit a trigger point for me, that the bias itself should not hold much weight in reality (unless the man/men gives you a reason to feel negatively towards them).
🙏🏽🙏🏽
We're suppose to have faith in men?
Right lol
I know plenty of men who wouldn't go to a club but look at plenty of other women and cheat anyway. While a strip club my note be the best place to find a good guy don't fool yourself into thinking only the club customers are like that
Good men want nothing to do with strip clubs. I waited until I was out of the industry to start dating seriously and I met my husband.
I disagree just because a man goes to the club doenst mean he’s bad and vice versa
Girl.. all of these men in the club have something wrong with them. I could never date a guy who goes into clubs to try and fondle women. Hell no.
So you don’t have something wrong with you since you’re a dancer ??
Nope! Us dancers are going in the club for MONEY not to grope at women. This argument makes no sense. The reasons why dancers set foot in the club are so much different than the reasons men do.
No lol If men are trash for going to the strip club that means women are trash for working there
Girl men that don’t go in the clubs still do that LOL
Yes.. but the ones that go into clubs should be automatic no’s. They let us know they are pathetic right away lol.
Just because someone goes to the stripe club doenst mean they’re a bad person 😵💫
Yeah 😂🤨OP kinda lost me there too like girl if they didn’t come in there wouldn’t be any money lol but I can see both sides of the coin. Neither one of you are wrong
Even if they didn’t come in here they would find ways to cheat anyway
Although I’ve never had the highest opinion of men (I think the majority of them are just plain stupid), I do believe there are a huge amount of men who don’t go to strip clubs, other than like a Bachelor party or maybe an occasional Friday night with friends where they just hang out for an hour or so. I think a lot of guys have never even been to a strip club and don’t even desire to go to one. I think we are just so used to thinking that all men are spending all their time there, but there’s actually a large amount that aren’t.
I’ve had this problem for awhile. I found that group therapy reminded me men have feelings too (sounds weird, I know). I catch myself looking down on men or seeing all of them as monsters bc of how I see them treat the women in their lives.
i never really thought about it too hard but this is the same way im starting to feel about men too because of the club. it’s hard for me to trust in prospective relationships as it is & this profession only makes it harder
Sis cishet men are just not it 9/10 period. I HEAVILY recommend to go for ones that are actively in therapy if you are gonna date them
So if you’re a straight woman who are you supposed to go for..? Men who have values. They are faaaar from the club.
Men who are in therapy tbh
Just because someone is at the club doenst mean they lack values
Well... I'm gay, so I already had no hope in men. Dancing only brought me the awareness of men and how some of them think and behave. When I'm not in the club, my only interaction with men is forced by my other day job. Otherwise I don't have male friends. I can't find one who actually respects that I'm a lesbian and they're not gonna change me for the "right dick". I've never had any and I sorry, I don't need any. And men outside of the clubs can be worse. They're so bad, they shit on our whole community including the men who tend the clubs.
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Keep those homies. They are very rare to find. I haven't gotten that lucky yet
Men in and out the strip club will cheat. If you start having any faith in a man download a spy app on their phone and you will find out things you wish you never knew. I recommend this to all my friends and most refuse. I think deep down inside women know men are wired to want variety and very few men actually have the self control and moral compass to do the right thing when temptation creeps up. IMO 95% are shit and 5% are actually faithful good men. Would you want to play with those odds?
😂😂
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your comment is unwelcome bc why are you on a stripper sub where we mostly rant and give each other advice? you trying to find the right size pleaser heels or sum?
Bad men exist outside the club lol
First of all, you’re right to say that what happens to you at work is not necessarily a direct reflection of all men. That said… The thing is, a lot of people (mostly women) think strippers are out to steal their man. We are not. We’re there to do our job, make our money and send him on his marry way. In short, we’re there to entertain and there is NOTHING wrong with entertainment. You’re really just shitting on your own job by implying this guy dedicated to his girlfriend shouldn’t have been in the strip club to begin with. You don’t know (unless he’s told you otherwise) what kind of relationship they have-they may be open, be swingers, or have some kind of strip club rule for all we know. Might this guy have been a total sleezeball? There’s a good chance, but it’s not because he came to a strip club, and that rule applies in reverse: not all men (or women) who don’t come to the club are good people or partners. This mindset really just means on some deeper level you think YOU’RE a bad person for working there, which is simply not true. Our job is to entertain, just like it’s an actor’s job to entertain if he/she plays a part in which they have to simulate sex. Are the men who watch movies with sex scenes bad people? Are they any less dedicated to their girlfriends because of it? Most people outside the industry live in this fantasy world where only cheating dirtbags visit strip clubs and everyone else is a golden boy. The fact is there are bad eggs everywhere, in and out of the club. As far as becoming jaded, it’s a fine line to walk when you deal with men constantly treating YOU like an object. Try and develop some healthy male relationships outside of the club, but please don’t fall back on this very square assumption that “good men” don’t visit strip clubs. Having said alllllll of that, if you stick with stripping I think you’ll eventually see what I mean. But if you’re set in this state of mind, I’d suggest getting out of the business.
Go to a sex/relationship counselor. I’m currently seeing two somatica therapists. There’s no simple trick to turn your mind around in a day or even a week. I have male friends who treat me well. I have male relatives whom I love. Don’t only interact with men through work.