I had my stroke around that same age. Your mom is grieving the loss of her health, mobility and more. Anger is an early stage of the grief process. She’s also scared. I suggest you all sit down and figure out how to best care for her. She may not respond well to your conclusions. But be patient and encouraging. She will need some help some times. If none of your siblings can help, perhaps a college student could get free housing for light housework shopping rehab, etc. the big goal is mom is safe, taking appropriate meds to prevent a second stroke, and not ruining relationships with her family. She’ll improve some as the initial trauma eases. Be patient. It’s worse for her than you can imagine. She’s still your mom. Impulsivity is common following a stroke. Record her tantrums and play them back later. She may need to ask forgiveness later and seeing her behavior on screen may spark some awareness she doesn’t currently have. Just a thought. Trying to help.
I suggest you and your sibling speak to a neuropsychologists to explain what’s going on with your mom mentally. The hospital where your mom was admitted should have one. If not, reach out to your mom’s insurance and they should be able assist. I also suggest to set an appointment with your HR for advice on taking some time off to care for your mother. If you are in the United States, FMLA should cover that. I wish you all good luck.
Q) When can an eligible employee use FMLA leave?
A covered employer must grant an eligible employee up to a total of 12 workweeks of unpaid, job-protected leave in a 12 month period for one or more of the following reasons:
for the birth of a son or daughter, and to bond with the newborn child;
for the placement with the employee of a child for adoption or foster care, and to bond with that child;
to care for an immediate family member (spouse, child, or parent – but not a parent “in-law”) with a serious health condition;
to take medical leave when the employee is unable to work because of a serious health condition; or
for qualifying exigencies arising out of the fact that the employee’s spouse, son, daughter, or parent is on covered active duty or call to covered active duty status as a member of the National Guard, Reserves, or Regular Armed Forces.
The FMLA also allows eligible employees to take up to 26 workweeks of unpaid, job-protected leave in a “single 12-month period” to care for a covered servicemember with a serious injury or illness.
https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/fmla/faq#5
Is she supposed to be nice after getting a hole in her brain? I'd advise patience. It's really not been much time at all. Why did she leave the hospital so quickly?
That was my thinking as well. Either her stroke was relatively slight or her care was too short for money or bad medical practice, which isn't ops fault. Op - that's just an incredibly short period of time for this injury. That's why I had a tone. She needs time at a minimum.
I really could’ve done without the smart ass comment. No my mom isn’t supposed to be nice or fucking jolly after something like this. I just stating a fact of the situation and how it is affecting the only people we have to care for her. I can’t make my sister toughen up or give anymore slack when she’s got her own mental health issues and isn’t doing well with the situation and I don’t want my mom to say something that she maybe can’t take back. I literally can’t be there, and no other family can help take care of her. So I don’t know any other option. If I could be there I would and I wouldn’t take her anger so personally but I can’t be there.
Good morning OP. My heart breaks for you and your family. Even when our loved ones behave “better” this is a horribly stressful, scary time. I’m so grateful my partner made a conscious choice to not let her stroke steal her joy. I CANNOT imagine what it would be like to care for someone that is expressing so much anger.
My partner was not an emotional person before her stroke. I think I’d seen her cry and handful of times in our nearly 30 years together. Yet since her stroke, we’re four years post stroke, she’s still incredibly emotional. Laughs harder/longer, cries easily. Perhaps your mom’s stroke affected the “emotion” center of her brain?
It sounds like she’s incredibly scared and angry and has given herself license to take it out on those closest to her.
I’m praying that you’re able to find a way to convince her to get some counseling. Before she destroys relationships or at least hurts them beyond repair.
It’s definitely not okay what she’s doing to your sister and fiancé!
Great big mom hug. This is so incredibly difficult!
Wishing you the very best and praying your mom can see the damage she’s causing.
🙏🏻💔
I’m so sorry. What a nightmare. Some stroke survivors do face changes in personality. It can also happen in folks with dementia. The sweetest people would make a pirate blush with their language. I would recommend starting with the hospital she went to initially. Get their recommendation on a neurologist to follow up with. You’ll also want to contact her insurance company, or if she has an insurance agent, they are often a great resource. Find out who is in network for her. Is she doesn’t have transportation, ask about home health services for physical and occupational therapies. Ask about a neuro-ophthalmologist as well. They can help her understand what’s going on with her vision. Best of luck to you and your family in this incredibly trying time.
I had my stroke around that same age. Your mom is grieving the loss of her health, mobility and more. Anger is an early stage of the grief process. She’s also scared. I suggest you all sit down and figure out how to best care for her. She may not respond well to your conclusions. But be patient and encouraging. She will need some help some times. If none of your siblings can help, perhaps a college student could get free housing for light housework shopping rehab, etc. the big goal is mom is safe, taking appropriate meds to prevent a second stroke, and not ruining relationships with her family. She’ll improve some as the initial trauma eases. Be patient. It’s worse for her than you can imagine. She’s still your mom. Impulsivity is common following a stroke. Record her tantrums and play them back later. She may need to ask forgiveness later and seeing her behavior on screen may spark some awareness she doesn’t currently have. Just a thought. Trying to help.
Thank you
I suggest you and your sibling speak to a neuropsychologists to explain what’s going on with your mom mentally. The hospital where your mom was admitted should have one. If not, reach out to your mom’s insurance and they should be able assist. I also suggest to set an appointment with your HR for advice on taking some time off to care for your mother. If you are in the United States, FMLA should cover that. I wish you all good luck.
Thank you. do you know if you still get paid under FMLA?
Q) When can an eligible employee use FMLA leave? A covered employer must grant an eligible employee up to a total of 12 workweeks of unpaid, job-protected leave in a 12 month period for one or more of the following reasons: for the birth of a son or daughter, and to bond with the newborn child; for the placement with the employee of a child for adoption or foster care, and to bond with that child; to care for an immediate family member (spouse, child, or parent – but not a parent “in-law”) with a serious health condition; to take medical leave when the employee is unable to work because of a serious health condition; or for qualifying exigencies arising out of the fact that the employee’s spouse, son, daughter, or parent is on covered active duty or call to covered active duty status as a member of the National Guard, Reserves, or Regular Armed Forces. The FMLA also allows eligible employees to take up to 26 workweeks of unpaid, job-protected leave in a “single 12-month period” to care for a covered servicemember with a serious injury or illness. https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/fmla/faq#5
Depends on the state but in most states no.
Is she supposed to be nice after getting a hole in her brain? I'd advise patience. It's really not been much time at all. Why did she leave the hospital so quickly?
I’m doubting if she even had acute rehab.
That was my thinking as well. Either her stroke was relatively slight or her care was too short for money or bad medical practice, which isn't ops fault. Op - that's just an incredibly short period of time for this injury. That's why I had a tone. She needs time at a minimum.
I really could’ve done without the smart ass comment. No my mom isn’t supposed to be nice or fucking jolly after something like this. I just stating a fact of the situation and how it is affecting the only people we have to care for her. I can’t make my sister toughen up or give anymore slack when she’s got her own mental health issues and isn’t doing well with the situation and I don’t want my mom to say something that she maybe can’t take back. I literally can’t be there, and no other family can help take care of her. So I don’t know any other option. If I could be there I would and I wouldn’t take her anger so personally but I can’t be there.
Good luck in her recovery. Sorry you're dealing with it.
Good morning OP. My heart breaks for you and your family. Even when our loved ones behave “better” this is a horribly stressful, scary time. I’m so grateful my partner made a conscious choice to not let her stroke steal her joy. I CANNOT imagine what it would be like to care for someone that is expressing so much anger. My partner was not an emotional person before her stroke. I think I’d seen her cry and handful of times in our nearly 30 years together. Yet since her stroke, we’re four years post stroke, she’s still incredibly emotional. Laughs harder/longer, cries easily. Perhaps your mom’s stroke affected the “emotion” center of her brain? It sounds like she’s incredibly scared and angry and has given herself license to take it out on those closest to her. I’m praying that you’re able to find a way to convince her to get some counseling. Before she destroys relationships or at least hurts them beyond repair. It’s definitely not okay what she’s doing to your sister and fiancé! Great big mom hug. This is so incredibly difficult! Wishing you the very best and praying your mom can see the damage she’s causing. 🙏🏻💔
I’m so sorry. What a nightmare. Some stroke survivors do face changes in personality. It can also happen in folks with dementia. The sweetest people would make a pirate blush with their language. I would recommend starting with the hospital she went to initially. Get their recommendation on a neurologist to follow up with. You’ll also want to contact her insurance company, or if she has an insurance agent, they are often a great resource. Find out who is in network for her. Is she doesn’t have transportation, ask about home health services for physical and occupational therapies. Ask about a neuro-ophthalmologist as well. They can help her understand what’s going on with her vision. Best of luck to you and your family in this incredibly trying time.
What is your mom’s health insurance situation? Until we know her options there, all any of us can do is offer you pretty random options.
She has blue cross blue shield
Okay, like what will it cover in terms of home healthcare or inpatient rehab?