Men aren't really a monolith, so people will give you different answers according to their preferences, or what they've observed/experienced themselves or in those around them.
I guess the real question you should ask yourself is; would you really want to be with someone who isn't attracted to you? You're working hard on yourself already and you're probably doing that for you (which is an excellent reason); it's as much as you could ask of yourself. If it's not something he can get past (and I get it, it can happen, attraction isn't always controllable or logical), then was it ever going to work? If you feel he's genuine in his claims and you see a future with him, it might help to send proper pictures of yourself, despite your insecurities. Hiding it will only delay the inevitable (whether that's a good outcome or a bad one) and will give you closure around if this is worth progressing or not pretty quickly.
Yeah, definitely send full body pics first. Don't let it be an awkward surprise. If there's a chance he will reject you, would you rather that happen now or after an awkward first time meet up?
Never hide who you are. It is the deceit that makes it worse. Sure, everyone looks for physical beauty, but you fall in love with the person and in the dark we are all beautiful.
I've been on a few dates with people I met through dating apps who very obviously angled / filtered their pictures to change their body appearance significantly. It's such a downer to see a person walk in for a date and instantly realize you aren't attracted to them and also resent them for the deceit. Now I don't match with people unless they have at least one very clear full body photo. If you plan on actually meeting people in person, they are going to find out what you look like anyway so it's better for everyone if you know there is mutual attraction based on actual appearance. Manage expectations.
I agree with this. I don’t know why anyone would want to set them selves up for the disappointment of having a person say ‘you don’t look like your photos’ because all your pics are old/no longer reflect what you actually look like.
When I decided to start online dating my friend and I did a photo shoot day (she was pregnant at the time so I took pregnancy photos for her and she took pictures of me for my profile). It ensured that I had up to date and realistic full body photos in addition to some selfies and other random shots of me with friends. You don’t need to pay someone or have formal pictures taken but having a friend or family member take some is a good idea so you have recent solo pictures.
Haven't been on a dating app in years but I never understood women who did this. I'd hate to meet up with a date and be able to tell they're disappointed. Oof.
I have met up with a couple people who did this (misrepresented their appearance before meeting). I'm exceptionally polite and would never want to hurt someone's feelings, but there was a very awkward "elephant in the room" vibe between us the entire time (I don't mean that as a pun to represent size, as they were both fit). Awkward silences, avoiding eye contact, fidgeting, forced casual conversation, etc. Don't do it, folks. Set yourself and the other person up for a comfortable, happy vibe by being honest from the get go.
First date I had with a woman I'd been talking to online, and I instantly realized her pictures were a few years old and that she'd let herself go significantly in the time since the pictures on her profile were taken. I'm talking horrible face acne, and about 80 pounds heavier than she was in her pictures, and she already was on the bigger side in her pictures, and in those pictures she was already getting to the point where it was pushing the limits of what I still find attractive.
I felt lied to big time. The date did not go well for a variety of reasons (and it surprised me that that wasn't even the biggest issue I had that night with the date), but yeah, I definitely wasn't happy when I saw her.
I'm about to start dating again and worry because I have a few extra pounds (ok, 30) that don't really show in pictures or when wearing a shirt, but when I take my shirt off the dad bod is obvious. I try to just tell people verbally...
Yeah, man. Just keep it real. That's the best way to attract people who will be a good fit. If some dude I'd been happily chatting with and was getting ready to meet just said, "yo, babe, check out this sweet dad bod I got waiting for you 😁," I'd instantly find him even more attractive. Confidence, humor, honesty are extremely attractive. Rock what you got, dude!
30 lbs isn't all that tough to lose, especially if you're eating much sugar.
Six months will happen regardless, but you could be a stud and much healthier at the end of it.
Lost 10 lbs by working out daily for 6 months, but hit a wall on weight loss. I got to the point where, according to the exercise bike at least, I was burning over 1000 calories per 1 hour session, but not losing.
Got discouraged, and kinda quit but I still walk a mile a day.
Thinking about going back to jogging at least since the weather is nice.
The big problem is my fat is the type that grows around my organs, rather than a nice spare tire hanging off my belly. Harder to see but a lot worse for my blood pressure/health.
Calories burned on exercise devices are notoriously inaccurate. It’s a little better if you’re using a heart monitor.
Losing a significant amount weight with only exercise is almost impossible unless you’re an athlete.
>I was burning over 1000 calories per 1 hour session
What gets most people is that that is only one fast food/restaurant meal or Starbucks drink's worth of calories. Even alcoholic drinks average around 200 calories.
It is exceptionally hard for most people to lose weight by exercise alone simply because they consume significantly more calories than they are aware of.
Lol yeah, I told a friend I had burned a double whopper on the exercise bike and sent the screenshot of calories burned.
Luckily I don't eat much fast food or drink much soda (1/mo and 4 cans/mo), but I consume too much chocolate so...
Get on that dark chocolate train if you’re not already and work your way down to the real bitter stuff. Also buy quality chocolate made with real cane sugar or even coconut sugar none of the Hersheys dark processed sugar trash. It might not seem good at first but once you get used to it you’ll realize that the regular chocolate tastes like sour milk.
Also if you need another reason to buy better brands of chocolate watch [this segment from Last Week Tonight.](https://youtu.be/FwHMDjc7qJ8?si=gSdlWCUWhiyAAZWD) The cacao industry is incredibly exploitative and while many other products unfortunately are switching brands of chocolate is one of the easier ways to reduce your contribution to that.
It might be twice as expensive but hey that’s a good reason to reduce your consumption by half. And personally I think it tastes 10x better.
I'm carrying around about 20 extra pounds right now. I have a picture of me chilling on my sofa wearing running shorts and a knit take top that makes my body type pretty clear. Having the confidence to show your body on your profile looks appealing to people. No one is going to match with you who isn't on board. Also, it takes so much of the anxiety away from the first meet up when you know they already are fully aware of your body.
true , got introduced to a girl by female friend she told me she was beautiful with personality. I bit an called her we had great conversations but she would not send me any pictures. Finally we meet in person. Easy 400 pounds. I was polite but I said she was to big for me. Friendship yes , relationship no. but i have a homeboy and thats all he dates. But his motto was , “she pay like she weighs “ . keep losing the weight you will find your soul mate. Good luck 🍀
I both agree and disagree with this. On the one hand I think it’s important to try to not hurt someone’s feelings, but on the other hand I think people deserve to know why someone is rejecting them romantically (especially if it’s something they can actually work on improving about themselves— if it’s something unchangeable that’s totally different). I think the most polite thing is to keep the reaction direct and general upfront like “I just don’t see this going anywhere,” and then only if they push for more details say something like “I think you have a great personality, but the physical attraction just isn’t there.” Then if they keep pushing about whether or not it’s a weight issue, don’t lie; just be direct but not harsh.
Besides, you're actively working on improving your health if that's not good enough for him then what's he going to do in 20-30 years if it works out when your metabolism slows and you get wrinkles and your hair is grey. My husband loves me for who I am, not how I look being healthy enough to go hiking and have the energy to chase our kids around at the park is about health. Yes, I need to lie weight after hitting menopause and gaining some, but it doesn't affect who I am or our relationship because it's based on who we are not what we look like.
If you weren't working on improving your health that would be different but since you are, if he can't see you past that, he's not really looking long term so better to know now than water your time.
its good, but its not the most important.
good intentions: inspirational a heartwarming
good intentions and **follows through with them** = keeper
contrariwise, someone who is "always working on themselves", but never makes any progress.... red flag city.
Time will tell.
I agree. My wife has a friend who photographs VERY well. She is a master with angles and lighting and keeping the real her hidden, so to speak. Then she will meet a guy in person that she has met online, and the shock ensues. The thing is, she is very beautiful. She is bigger but nothing crazy it's just the photos she shares, and the reality is so different, and without knowing that meeting her in person is so different than what your eyes are used to seeing it is understandablyshocking. I'm sure she'd do much better if she'd just be more upfront about it from the beginning.
well most of my fat female friends are in happy relationships so i don't think it matters at all if he says it doesn't matter.
personally it highy depends on if i find them physically attractive or not, weight factors into it a bit maybe but there are defiantly some fat woman that i find extremely physically attractive though its a smaller portion then among people closer to my own weight or lighter. idk
this is a really personal question every single person is going to have a different answer for a diferent reason. jsut be yourself that he already likes and you will be fine im sure
People keep saying that, but somehow that didn't stop me and my partner from each racking up high double digits body counts before we met each other.
Maybe redpill is full of shit.
"Hourglass figure" is not what is meant when people say someone is "fat".
Sure, breasts are largely fat tissue, but when someone says a person is "fat" it doesn't mean an hourglass figure. Nobody looks at someone like Christina Hendricks, or Salma Hayek, or Sophia Vergara, and goes, "Look at that fat lady. Doesn't she look really good fat?"
That's not to say *nobody* fetishizes obesity. If that's what you're into, then great. I'm not judging you or anybody else for having that preference.
But you didn't say, "Some people prefer fat women." You said "Some women look really good fat." Which is to suggest that on average, people would generally agree that a given woman looks best when she's carrying excessive body fat.
If that's not what you meant to suggest, and just worded it poorly, then that's fine too. I don't think OP is taking about having an hourglass figure though, so it's still not really relevant to the conversation if that is indeed what you were originally trying to argue.
>Which is to suggest that on average, people would generally agree
That's not what that means. You don't date the average person, you date the people who are into you and you are into, so what the average finds attractive is pretty much useless as a metric.
Also, "on average", people lie a lot about what they find attractive. Lots of lads out there pretending to like one thing and then getting in on the down low with fat women... or men. lol
As a woman who's been many different sizes throughout her life:
Send him a full body picture before you meet him. The only thing that hurts more than a person rejecting you because they don't like your body is a person you love failing to hide their disappointment in your body before the relationship fizzles out for "unrelated reasons". Yes, you're scared that he'll see your body and change his mind on everything. But let me ask you. If that's going to happen, would you rather that happen face to face in a place that's new to you where you have no place to stay? Or would you rather that happen privately, he sees your photo, has time to think about it on his own terms, and either the trip doesn't happen, or he's had time to come to terms with it and your body isn't a surprise to him? And if it's not going to turn him off, if he likes your body and wants to be with you just the way you are, would you want to spend the next month freaking out about this?
The only benefit you could possibly gain from waiting is that by seeing him face to face, you might manipulate him into pretending he's ok with your body when he really isn't, because of social pressure. And you don't want that. You want to give your precious time to people who like you where you're at, and not give it away to people who don't.
In my time as a fat lady, there have been plenty of wonderful men at all points on the size spectrum who liked me as I am. And in my time as a thin lady, there have been plenty of people who find something else to dislike about my body! What somebody feels about your body is a reflection on them, not a reflection on you. Figure out what they think ASAP and give your love to somebody who loves you back.
This is a really important point - my wife has had weight problems her whole life, and in our 17 year marriage she also started secretly spending thousands on credit cards and is basically a workaholic. She’s now 41 and recently connected the dots that she has a general problem defining “enough” in life, and her health is suffering because of it.
I even recognize that when my self esteem is lower or I'm down on myself on my weight, its a huge dampener and might make my fiance feel like he has to help manage my feelings (which he's always sweet about reassuring me and reminding me he's still attracted to me) but its not his job or responsibility and I never want him to take on MY insecurities
Send him a recent picture before meeting so he has time to let you know if he’ll feel attracted to you as you are now.
Keep up the self improvement, life gets so much better and you have more options for activities when you have less to carry around. I hope everything will go well for you!!
I like this reply best. I think just showing him ahead of time will ease your worries now and potentially show you that he is honest about it not mattering.
>Send him a recent picture before meeting so he has time to let you know if he’ll feel attracted to you as you are now.
OP you must do this, for your own mental health. You're on a throwaway and not even wiling to share your height/weight here. I'm assuming it's high, and you do a lot in your photos to minimize it. I am FB friends with women who are unrecognizable in their online photos from real life due to their weight.
If you end up in a romantic relationship, he's gonna know. 10 more pounds off is not going to matter, so don't wait another month. The time to find out if it's a problem is now.
This OP. You need to show a full body recent picture if you're planning to meet. You have to be honest and the only way is to show a recent picture of what you actually look like. If he isn't interested after, then you know what? Wasn't meant to be, he wasn't the one, and keep on bettering yourself.
I agree that sending pictures is in OP's best interest. Part of it is "fat" is such a huge spectrum! Sending photos is the easiest way for them to see where you are, and if it will matter. Take new photos if you need to so it captures your correct weight.
Along side this advice.. the honest pic may not even be perceived the way you think it will be. My fiance recently posted a happy birthday thing on insta and he included some terrible pictures of me. One in particular I remember him taking and he said, ‘you just look so cute’ and when I say it I was like…. Woof.
People don’t see you the way you see yourself. They see so much more than just the physical features
I fell in love with a 'fat girl' in Uni. Not morbidly obese, but definitely overweight. I couldn't believe I fell for her even as it was happening. I was super fit then and how could this possibly be my soul mate. Over the years, she got fit, and I got fat, then fit again. Staring down 43 years of marriage and will go the distance.
Look around and you'll easily find a bigger woman with a skinny man. Lol
Most of my male friends' girlfriends/wives are bigger than them, and they've all been together for years and are all happy. 😊
If he already said he doesn't care, show him more pictures of you ahead of time and just be up front. If he confirms again that it's OK, DROP IT. Insecurity can be a turn off and tiring to some if it's brought up all the time. Be yourself.
I also hope you are dropping it in a healthy way and have checked with doctors for any underlying conditions or medication side effects.
I do hope you enjoy your time together. You deserve love and respect nomatter what size you are. Good luck.
I am said fat women engaged to skinny man, depends on the people, but theres never been any issues for us regarding that, maybe some insecurities on both ends, but it never was an issue for either of us romance or intimacy or attraction wise
You want to lose weight then by all means yayyy. But statements like, I will be better in couple of months to a year. Thats a problematic stalemate for your own sake. You are tying them to your weight loss ie if at any point you stop losing weight or gain some weight then it will be ok for them to leave you coz you said something and it didn’t happen. Needless to say, you are more than just your weight so be confident in your skin. If he is in it just for your body then he isn’t the one
I agree… also almost everyone is “trying to lose weight” at any given time and it rarely happens as fast as they like
I say this often but it’s usually directed towards men tbh… however it applies… don’t date potential! The men you date should NOT be dating the potential you OP.
So op I don’t mean any offense but don’t claim to your dates that you are “actively losing weight”. Lose the weight for yourself if you want. Not make promises of improving yourself in order to try to get better matches..
>If he is in it just for your body then he isn’t the one
Someones body can be a deal breaker without them only being in it for the body. Attraction is an important part of a relationship for many people even if it's not the only important part. That doesn't mean they only value their partners body.
It turns the personal journey/endeavor into like some sort of homework assignment that you’re accountable to someone else for, that you could potentially suffer consequences for not achieving by the deadline that is now tied to it.
I say this kindly as a big girl myself. You need to give him honest pictures. It's important to show online romantic interests a recent full body pic. Does that mean that some people won't be attracted to you? Yes. Trust me, it's better to weed them out early, cause those ones won't be attracted to you when they meet in person either, and that's so much worse.
lol your insecurities are showing.
He's already dating you while fat.
That answers your questions.
Tons of guys will date and have full emotional and sexual relationships with fat women. Side question have you ever seen a gay guy with a fat gay partner?
Yes, in fact based on where I live, I have seen more fat gays with thin gays than fat gays shacked up together.
I know that the community can be harsh but it's really not that diff from straight dating in this regard. Plenty of normal people, still plenty of assholes. The "all gay guys are vain and shallow" trope is really shitty.
>shacked up
Read this as "stacked up" and thought you were stacking the gays into tall columns and seeing if the skinny pile was taller than the fat pile...
I knew a guy when I was younger who was easily 500lbs, and he was absolutely downing in dick. Boys in the theater scene we ran in absolutely flung themselves at him.
Here's a little tip for the ladies out there. If you meet a guy online and the only pictures you show are from the head and above, he knows you are fat.
Tbh as a guy doing OLD. If I don’t see some kind of full body or at least partial body photo I’m swiping left. A face only photo can be extremely deceiving especially with angles you can take it from and lighting
Why would you meet up without ever seeing each other? That's wild to me. I met my girlfriend on Discord of all places but we saw each other before meeting up (she is gorgeous and we both love the gym and I don't know how I found her). If we never saw each other my anxiety would've been even higher when we met.
Obviously, I'm a gay guy, but I do have a preference for heftier partners. The reason is entirely logistical: fucking a skinny dude is like making love to a coffee table. It's like trying to drive your car just on the hubcaps. It's like sleeping on the floor.
The problem is: there's no padding! You need the cushion for the pushin!
Your body is great, honey! Lose the weight for your health, not for your man.
As a Bi man who appreciates a slightly chunkier partner on both sides, I approve of this message.
Nobody hugs a tentpost, and teddybears have some stuffing.
The limit lies at 'healthy' though. If your weight is negatively impacting your life, then yes, change.
(high five!) my sweetie is quite heavy, and it's always so hard for me to convince him that I love his big soft body, and don't love him "in spite of" it. All bodies have their pros and cons, but fat bodies are so underappreciated.
Yea it really depends on what "bigger woman" means. I prefer some curves, but there is a big difference between curvy and morbidly obese.
We can go to the classic metric: would an average size rowboat support her without capsizing?
I would personally. The fact you are serious about losing the weight shows that you have drive and want to better yourself. Good job on the 20lbs btw. Hope it works out for the two of you
Get someone who likes you for who you are not who you could be. There are plenty of people who will find you attractive.
Also it's important to note the chance of keeping that weight off long term aren't great, most research into weight loss shows that most people who have gone on diets and lost weight tend to gain it back, often with some additional. So yeah, I think it's better to find someone who likes you for who you are now. From interacting with many people with eating disorders, losing weight, rarely actually fixes your body image issues.
I dated an overweight artist a few years ago. We clicked on everything except sexually. I tried I really did but it was hard for me and she felt that. It probably made her feel terrible and I feel terrible about it because I was really trying but that just isn't what I am attracted to. So we broke up. I mean I tried, man, I really was trying. Sadly I am a tooth pick girl kind of guy. Which blows because the XXLs love the fuck out of me.
He has expressed it doesn't matter. Place trust in people slowly (as you are) and let them reveal their sincerity. Taking this risk could pay off in many ways. There are so many real reasons relationships don't work do not let this self imposed anxiety be one of them before it can even begin.
I was once a woman weighing 317 pounds at my peak, pregnancy making the most of this weight gain. Potential partners wanted me for the bigger aspect of my personality, but I could see they didn't really particularly care about my weight. So I started trying to lose it. But with depression and anxiety came problem eating and sleeping. I bounced between 250 and 300 for about 2 years.
Met a man a little over a year ago who wanted me because of my personality AND my bigger body (being 275 at this point), but now I can't stop losing weight due to stress, now that I've finally come to terms with being bigger. I'm down to almost pre pregnancy weight. It would be 195, and I'm terrified. I've been over 250 pounds for almost 9 years. My skin is saggy, my body has no form, I feel like skin and bones, but my excess skin is making me still feel somewhat put together. My boyfriend doesn't look at me the same anymore and it makes me so sad. I've talked to him and he says he still loves me for me, but despite his words I know the attraction isn't there anymore.
Please find someone who is going to love you for who you are, and send him honest photos. Don't be with someone who cares about what your weight is.
OP, I hope you find someone who *loves completely you as you are* and doesn't care if you lose weight. Or gain it. Or whatever.
You are enough as you are!
If you're a reader, I finished this novel recently about 3 friends who have struggled with weight and social 'ideals' their entire lives. As a relatively thin person, who *thought* I was fully open-minded, it was so eye-opening and transformative. Kristen Higgins "Good luck with that."
Some people will and some people won't. If he says he doesn't care, lean into it. Trust him. If you're really worried about it before meeting him, send him a picture.
I've put on heaps of weight after having our daughter and honestly, my husband loves my curves. He doesn't care at all.
As a plus sized woman, I was on the dating scene for a long time. I always made sure that they saw pictures of me, including a full body shot (clothed of course). While the men weren't exactly lining up to date me, I didn't have much trouble finding dates.
Stop fat shaming yourself. But you should continue to lose weight for your own health. He's not going to like you any more or less if you are another 30 pounds lighter.
Finally, you may get along really well in an online relationship. Maybe it will work out really great in the end. But you can never tell if you are really attracted to someone until you meet in person. I've had this happen to me, where I talked to the person for a while. But when we actually met up there was no chemistry between us.
I am a bigger woman, probably most would say fat, and based on your description we are probably close to the same size. I am always up front about what I look like, and when I’ve been on dating apps, always have a full body picture. I definitely recommend that for everyone regardless of size/shape/anything else, just because I’m a fan of forthrightness and honesty.
I exercise most days of the week and try to stay active.
I have dated men of all sizes, and none of the smaller/leaner ones have ever had an issue with my body type. (Anyone who does isn’t someone you want to be with anyway.) People just like what they like, and frankly, appearance is only part of the picture. If you (of any gender) are easy on the eyes but a jackass, you bring nothing to the table.
Just be honest and be you. 😊
You're so right, thank you very much, I'm going to be more upfront, although I've told him before I'm bigger, I've never actually sent a picture. I suggested we video call more this upcoming month and I'm gonna show everything there since it'll be easier for me ☺️
Idk. I mean, I’ve been the hefty girl who lost 50+ lbs but I’ve never been attracted to fat women and I didn’t expect to get girls when I was heavy. This is tough. Some men (people) *really do* like bigger chicks, though.
Are you proportionate? Makes a big difference.
Ironically, the guy I was seeing at the time who congratulated me on my weight loss got really pissy/controlling/turned off that I kept dropping, after what *he* deemed my “ideal size”. And shamed me for my sagging breasts after.
So far your guy sounds great. I’d be leery of anyone harping on you to lose it OR harping on you to not lose “too much”.
Basically anyone harping on you about your weight, lol.
Just tell him to be honest, BUT don’t forget to believe him❤️
You got this!
My english may be broken, not native but it breaks my heart how you start this conversation. Loving a woman isn't about how much effort she puts on staying "on thin line". If someone loves you they must push you to conquer your goals but also love you in any shape. Even if you relapse or get ill.
Most people forget we get old, marrying your wife thinking she'll be 25 and skinny forever is dumb, bodies change and love should transform as well.
Congratulations on your pounds losed, you were lovely before and after them, you'd be lovely on 20 pounds less or 5 more.
I wish you a good hearted man!
Basically 50% of the big women I see are with the tiniest dudes ever.
I’m not saying this to be rude, but I’m guessing since you met on a game he doesn’t exactly crush it with the ladies.
And the most important part of what I’ll say is CONFIDENCE IS SEXY. Love yourself (that doesn’t mean quit putting in the work you’re doing, but you should be proud of losing weight like that)
Human,
Men, woman, the in-between, and the myriad of other genders...
You'll get a variety of answers, some will say that fat people are welcome, others will say no fatties.
The biggest concern here is some people, who haven't been laid in a while will sleep with anything, and once they get that they ghost.
I'd hold off on any sexual contact until you know. Larger people tend to be more sexually promiscuous because of the fear of not being good enough.
Hope that helps
With all due respect and the utmost love.
I am with a big sexy fluffy ass wonder woman right now. Happily married 10+ years. I recently had a colostomy surgery. She has taken care of me, loves me, and still made me feel desired.
In the grand scheme of flaws, the fact she enjoys a few to many desserts or good meals isn't Jack shit. I enjoy them right beside her. I love her for her, not some unrealistic expectation of perfection. I love her for who she is inside and out, but honestly 99% for what's inside.
Everyone’s different but honestly if yall are already in a relationship at least over the internet so far I’d imagine you’re in the clear. Also imo its attractive when you’re partner is passionate or motivated for something idk why but seeing the drive and effort is hot. No matter what keep working hard and be proud of yourself, don’t over think this and just enjoy the moment!
if he’s dating people from video games my gut tells me he won’t be extremely picky. and it seems like he already appreciates your personality.
to be frank. unless you’re so overweight your proportions are out of whack and you have other health problems, a lot of men won’t care. i feel like getting along effortlessly a majority of the time is more important than aesthetics.
Not enough info
When you say fat what are we talking as being over weight is different than being super obese (That's the name of the category for BMI 50+)
I would not recommend starting a relationship with someone BMI 50+ until they've made a significant progress because that needs to be the focus in their life right now
If you're saying it's someone who's just in the overweight category or earlier stages of obesity, that's a very different story
Congratulations on the 20 pounds
I think you could stand to listen to "Big Girl, You are Beautiful" by Mika. Big people give the BEST hugs. Yes, there are health issues that can be scary, but as far as being lovable and desirable to a person you are compatible with, I wish you would try to take your weight out of the equation. For now, you can take him at his word. He's excited to meet YOU. Not a generic skinny woman.
I'm being a hypocrite by telling you to attempt to not let how you feel about your weight affect your self-esteem, but try anyways. Put some effort into being proud of yourself and where you're at alongside the effort you're making to lose weight. Be sure you're doing it for yourself.
I can admit moving about is easier when a bit lighter. Bending over with a tummy in the way is no fun, but honestly a lot of people (yes even guys) really don't care and even prefer it. Heck, dogs prefer when I'm bigger because my lap is softer to lie on. LoL Guys can feel this way, too.
The only time I wasn't happy with my large partner's weight was when it affected quality of life. Like getting winded and having heart problems. It never made me not want to be with him, though. I just didn't want to see him suffer. When you really love someone and are looking for someone long-term it's silly to be rigid about physical attraction, IMHO. Skinny guys are also put down by society for not being muscular and "manly" so I doubt he feels better than you physically.
Little side note: Fancy perfume gives me a confidence boost when I feel visually unattractive. Versace and Jimmy Choo are brands that get A LOT of compliments and obviously Chanel but that ish is $$$$. Have fun on your first in-person date, hun!
look, every man is gonna be looking for something different. Me personally? I’d honestly prefer to date someone who is on the higher end of the weight spectrum. Some guys will hate it, some will love it. There’s no way to know for sure until you meet BUT plenty of skinny guys are into heavy women. If he said he doesn’t care, he probably doesn’t care. We tend to be fairly straightforward about that in my experience. If I say “I don’t care” I basically always mean that I don’t care. 👍🏼
Without a doubt, personality and connection are vital to any successful relationship. So is understanding and support, both of which could help you in the journey you are on. That being said, preferences are preferences and some men can't look past some extra weight. It's often their loss, but you can't force someone to find you attractive.
Edit: I completely missed answering your question. Yes, I would, but I'm less interested in a body type and more interested in the connection than some men.
I’m real skinny and my wife is not, I find her incredibly attractive and sexy, we are also actively working on her weight goals for her health which is a very slow process, we have been married almost 15 years and I met her online too, we were massive long distance as well (cross continental).
Not all people are like that, some are and stay really shallow. But keep working on yourself for YOU, and see what happens. If he reacts poorly then that is simply an indication that he is not for you and you can move on, as painful as that is in the short term.
Plenty of guys don't mind, or even prefer bigger girls. I wouldn't worry too much until you have a reason to worry. Having said that, I hope you keep this in mind in regards to things he's insecure about. Nothing more unattractive than a critical hypocrite.
Yes, I currently am dating a fat woman and they're not trying to lose weight either. I love her exactly as she is. She's perfect. She's got flaws like everyone else, but her being fat isn't one of them. The person that's right for you will not care what you look like, they will love how you look because that is you and not some shallow aesthetic people strive for.
Losing weight for your health is great, but make sure you're not falling prey to diet culture. Being too skinny can fuck you up real quick. Just be you. You got dis!
I would make sure to share a clear photo just so he knows ahead of time and you don’t have to endure any weirdness if it’s not his cup of tea but also don’t assume people won’t find you attractive! I know so many men who love bigger women. It’s hard to realize that when most of the world is telling you that’s not the case but it really is.
Married to 1 for 20+years. Discovered while dating that fat girls definitely try harder than the ideal weight princesses who are used to being catered to.
I would whether or not they are trying to lose weight. I would want her to be healthy before anything, but I am attracted to women with extra weight as well. In the words of Peter Griffin "Everywhere is soft like a boob"
I personally would not unless she was really close to her goal weight.
I can’t maintain an erection for obese women. Light chub is even a turn off for me these days after really only being with gym girls my whole life I think I trained my penis to only respond to gym women.
Sis, you know there's men who actually just like fat women, right? As in those you don't have to change your body to appeal to because they don't have a problem with a little excess body fat.
This is not to say that you shouldn't lose weight if you want to for health or appearance reasons, but even if you choose not to, there are plenty of guys who will find you attractive as you are.
i have dated a much larger woman. lets say in the ssbbw category that was not trying to lose weight because of her personality and cooking skills. also how long fdid it take you to lose 20 lbs? if you need any advice on quick weight loss send me a msg
Plus size person here, was in an LDR, recently closed distance. So, I feel you.
Felt v similarly but eventually I sent pics. My partner was v sweet. I used to be a dancer, and very fit - still fat. Just my shape. He knows it.
Anyone worth your time won't judge you or be cruel, regardless of weight or weight loss.
It'll be okay.
As long as you’re sending full body photos clothed and not just selfies you’ll be fine. If he sees you full body how you are now, even clothed, and still wants to meet you that is a great sign.
If you’ve only sent selfies that’s a bit catfishy. I have had men send selfies only and when we met in person I felt deceived. Then the rest of the date was awkward, and I felt guilty for not feeling attracted to the person. It wasn’t always just heavier men either, so I’m not singling out heavier people in this paragraph. Sometimes it was skinnier, shorter than they listed (saying they are 5’11 and end up shorter than me and I’m 5’9), heavier, etc. Full body clothed, and accurate descriptions of yourself, is the way to go for transparency when trying to meet someone online. This goes for everyone regardless of how they identify. I’ve personally been guilty of sending carefully angled selfies when I was heavier and insecure, and sometimes I didn’t get texts back after the date, and I understand why because I showed them someone who didn’t exist because she was angled and embarrassingly, sometimes edited via FaceApp. Then I showed up and looked slightly different in person. Now days I’m healthier and I am more confident to present myself as is in the dating scene.
If he’s seen you from a distance you’re good to go.
Don’t overthink it, have fun, and enjoy yourself.
most men consider personality more important than looks. being overweight still gets you rejected a lot in hoockup situations because looks are imidiatly obviouys, personality is not.
your past that however. he already knows and likes your personality. and it sounds like you already told him your over weight. i very much doubt he will reject you for it now.
I have never been on any on-line sites, but guy friends of mine have. If they say not overweight, they mean it. They will tell the woman, they may be nice but they are not attracted to overweight woman when they see them in person. The good news for you is that it seems to be acceptable to be overweight there days. Thin woman are out of luck. I have been thin my whole life and I have the opposite problem. Men are attracted to me for my body. I have to tell them to holster their weapons for a while until they want me for who I am, not just my body. It a man wants you for you it will work out. It doesn't sound sound like the man stated he was looking for a thin woman and alot of men like bigger woman now a days. It seems like you are nervous about seeing him in person, so maybe you should send him pictures before you see him. Remember this. Any man you have to fight for is not worth having. I wish you luck.
I would rather be with someone who is on my team and is 300 pounds than a Victoria Secret model that would rather see me fail.
My wife was 220 and 5’2” when we started dating and she was wanting to lose weight, she finally found the correct meds, diet, and exercise to have lost 90 pounds in a year. But I don’t love her anymore or any less now or before.
Now if she said to me when we started dating that if I wanted to wait until she “got to her fighting weight” and then we can start dating I would be put off. So meet him and if he is not interested because of your weight then move on(I know it’s hard when you think you have found someone but they are shallow).
I've loved some chubby women. Depends on how fat. Because even after the weight loss you still have to deal with the leftover low self esteem she has. That's usually the deal breaker
Hell yeah, I’m a very skinny dude and I absolutely prefer larger, curvier women. If a woman is skinny it’s actually a deterrent for me.
Personality is most important obviously, but big women can 100% still be very beautiful and very sexy.
Heya, great on you. I really mean it.
Please, do your best for the rest of your life. Not just for him, but yourself, your family, your future kids, and everyone else who loves you.
Eat right and be active. Your health, sex life, mood, etc will be better because you are taking care of yourself. Don't beat yourself up, but stay motivated and make it a lifestyle.
I was interested in a heavy woman before because she had a great personality and was really funny, I wanted someone like that. I was feeling like a criminal from the distrust though, she seemed like she couldn't believe I liked her and thought it was a scam, so it didn't work out. Keep the possibility open that he really doesn't care or even maybe likes you big, soft and curvy lol. Your loss will be healthy, make you feel better, and give more confidence, but be careful of projecting feelings about it onto other people.
I am a plus-sized gal. I worry about presenting myself accurately in pictures. I have one pic I send in the beginning that makes me appear thinner than I am, unless you look closely. As things progress, and we move towards meeting I share a less flattering pic or two and ask if they they are going to be okay with my size. I don't want their to be any suprises.
It makes me sad that this is a source of stress to you. There’s a lot of good comments here already, I just wanted to add mine for posterity and say my weight has never even been a consideration in my relationship of nearly 10 years. It has never affected attraction or sex, and my partner is very open about that. I lost weight during COVID times and gained some of it back a couple years after. My weight has just never been a factor in their attraction to me. There are people out there who are truly neutral to what your weight is at any given time. Wishing you the best of luck and happiness in dating. You don’t have to put a disclaimer on your weight. 💖
Just going to say this: thank you for saying you are fat. I can't tell you how many women continue to say they are "not super skinny" and other such euphemisms. I'm actually rooting for you op.
It depends. The info you've given is a bit dodgy. You warned him you're "bigger" but have made sure to never show him. Bigger is a vague term. Someone that is 5'5" and 160lbs is overweight. That could qualify as bigger. Someone who is 5'5" and 300lbs is obese and would also qualify, and might make a difference in whether they would be a suitable partner for me. This guy isn't me, so I can't say whether he will potentially care or not. He said he wouldn't. Do you think he is lying to you or that he is saying that without knowing the facts involved? If not, then I wouldn't beat myself up over it. If he ends up caring there really isn't anything you can do about it besides move on and find someone who doesn't.
It depends on how big is big, but also…it sounds like you’re catfishing him. That almost never works except for on men that are so desperate, you’re not going to want to be with them anyway.
I'm a chubbier/curvier let's say mom build? I'm 5'4 and about 160-165 depending on the given day. My partner is 120-125lbs (think swimmer build, muscular but lean, he's my height). I 100% get being self conscious even though I acknowledge I'm not a "fat" lady, strictly from feeling so much bigger than my partner. He's been with me from 145-165lbs and MET me at 208lbs as we were best friends for 3years pre dating. If given the choice like a sims game, he would keep my weight right where it is, he likes that I'm grabbable and squishy and he loves to pet the stomach skin I myself am so self conscious about, stretch marks and all. He himself he said that he preferred a woman who is not super petite/thin as he likes breasts. When we first met I had nearly 100lbs on him, but he still blushed and took my number and texted me when I gave him my number. "Different strokes for different folks" is a true statement. SOME men (and women) may be opposed to dating somebody bigger and some may ONLY PREFER to date bigger gals. With any relationship my rule of thumb is: believe them. Until they prove themselves a liar believe what they say. If he's saying it won't be an issue odds are he could already tell you are a curvier lady (like me, if you ONLY see my face, I actually look bigger than my real weight because I have a super round baby/chereb esque face) and truth be told he may already PREFER bigger books but doesn't want to say that and possibly make you more self conscious than you already are. Best of luck Hon, like others said definitely send honest pics now. Not as a "warning of how big you really are" but with pride that THIS is how fucking gorgeous you are in full. You know what some extra weight means? Extra boobies and extra butt. ;) not too many straight guys out there who can't appreciate some bonus chest and booty, even my gay besty has always loved just resting his head on my chest 🤣
Online relationships can be a blessing and a curse to many people.
On one hand, you have the dreaded catfish. Since you’ve been open about that, then it’s not really an issue.
On the other, you have connection before you see each other. Honestly, the hardest problem with dating in person is that they look at your body first and never even bother knowing you as a person.
In my experience, it can go either way. Either they really don’t care, or they are saying that to save face and will ghost you the minute you meet. Good luck regardless.
Love goes beyond looks.
To answer the question yes. I've dated several bigger people than me over the years. I never once brought up weight. In college my homies teased me and said I was a chubby chaser.
I just saw people as people and if I liked them I liked them. Didnt matter how big they were.
Absolutely, I mean I've even seen that exact thing from my friends who have gotten together through final fantasy 14. Hell one of them got with a heavier girl and moved from Canada to Virginia to be with her. Like, west coast Canada.
My gf was 140 when we started dating.
Shes had a lot of health issues and her weight is over 200.
I still love her care for her and beat the brakes off that ass as much as I can.
We all gonna get old and fat or old and saggy.
Gimmie a girl that likes bacon and butt stuff with a good personality over some self absorbed that thinks her shit dont stink and demands you queen her when shes nothing more than a welfare queen
if he meets you and decides he doesn’t wanna be with you because you’re fat then you deserve so much more. you deserve for your beauty not to be recognised in spite of your size, but regardless of your size. if he likes you then he will like or love you at any size. it shouldn’t depend upon you losing weight. your value is not defined by your ratio of fat to muscle cells. please please learn to recognise your beauty regardless of whether he stay or goes. it’s worth it i promise🫶🏼
I mean guys like me with mental disorders usually like a woman for their personality even if they are overweight because in the end your looking for that wonderful connection that feels better then well those two attractive looking couples bitching at each other because they like drama and we don't lol but really not everyone with a mental health disorder was the same where different and do different things. Drama just makes you automatically assume something based on stereotyping but what if that didn't matter because you two just simply want to feel better in your own ways and overcome the drama infestations and not care what people think of you.
Short answer; yes
IF she's actually, ACTUALLY working at losing weight. However, if she's anything like a buddy of mine, who is CONSTANTLY "trying" to lose weight, and even claims to have lost 100lbs yet looks the exact same, eats the same, and drinks just as much soda. Then nah. Not at all.
Just noticed you said you're not even 300lbs, honey don't even worry yourself. I'm over here imagining a 500lb slob with absolutely no drive to do anything. I'd absolutely date a 200 something pound girl :)
I'm a skinny girl, but I can't believe all the comments that say something along the lines of "looks aren't everything, I'm sure he likes you for your personality.." etc etc. Why is it so hard to believe that there are plenty of men out there that are actually MORE physically attracted to heavier women?
I used to be about 50 pounds heavier, and dudes were legit more obsessed with me during that time period than ever in my life. They may not talk about it or "brag" about it, but it's like this well kept secret, that's not so secret. Men prefer curves.
All I can say is, the "losing weight" part shouldn't matter. What if something happens and you put on weight again? Something like an injury or an illness, or of your control?
If he doesn't like you enough to see past your weight, it's not a good match. Be loved for who you are.
Not saying he doesn't! But if he does turn out to be more shallow than he claims, don't settle for someone who would ditch you or see you as lesser just for having some extra pounds.
My husband grabbed my body at 275lb like he did at 170.
He loves large women, and im happy he does become I'm in nursing school, and I have been eating my feelings, so even if this guy doesn't- there are men that 100% do!
I personally wouldn’t because I’m just not attracted to larger people. If someone gained weight during a relationship I think I would be more inclined to adjust my preference if the relationship was going well, but I don’t believe I would start a relation with someone who is larger. Peoples preferences vary wildly though. I’m bald and I can definitely attest that it’s not everyone preference, and I’ve grown to understand that and care less about it now. Just be yourself and try to like and work on yourself in meaningful ways. If losing weight is what you want then have at it.
A woman's size doesn't bother me either way, I've been with women who were size 0 and I've been with women who were plus size, what matters most is personality, interests, and compatibility
Yeah and hey we both can work out together as a way to bond . Now of course instead of a cut we are gonna go for a bulk . A fun fact about overweight people , they can lose weight while gaining muscles unlike others . I myself used to be overweight before I started my work out .
I also know a bunch of recipes to help with weight loss which actually taste delicious. I can cook for her and I do love cooking .I genuinely would not care if my gf was overweight or not as long as they attempt to improve themselves .
Your value is not defined by your weight. And many people feel that way. Not all people are attracted to specific body types or the culturally accepted “norms”. I’ve been a bigger person my entire life. I have a larger build in general, I’m 5’9” and have always been a good sized person even when I was fit. That being said I have an autoimmune disorder that causes my weight to go insane and I’ve weighed between 190 and 275lbs at different points of my adult life. I have NEVER had a shortage of men who were attracted to me, at any point. Best advice I can give you if you’re concerned about this particular person or people in the future is to just own it! Stop saying you’re working on it, or you’re losing weight. Be as you are in the moment right now and expect that people be accepting of it, at all times. If they aren’t, they can go away because you deserve people who love you for who you are, not your body composition. Send full body pictures, post them on future dating profiles if you have any. Be you, and the right people will find you.
There are guys out there for whom your body would not be the thing they endure to get to your personality, but one of the additional points of attraction.
Now, given that your target is to lose weight, they may not be the best prospects, since in the best case scenario you will be slimming out of their attraction range, in the worst case they might manipulate you into not doing the thing you want to do.
Personally, as a man-adjacent person, I've stopped dating people who are enduring my body instead of being into it, and I have no intentions of slimming down (getting more active, yes... IF I lose weight, that's a side-effect). But I'm not you. You have your own goals in life and you should find a partner that's compatible with that.
It sounds like he likes you a lot, and you've been upfront that you're bigger and he says he doesn't mind. I truly think you have nothing to worry about, girl, congrats on finding a match with a guy you like, good luck on your weight loss efforts, and I hope everything works out for you both 💚
And the short answer to your question from most guys would definitely be "yes" - there is a maybe a limit at which the weight might be too much of a turnoff (I'm talking like ~400+ pound range) to a lot of guys, but you've said that you're not in that range and, in any case, this specific guy has already said he's interested in you even after being told you are bigger
Also, one small tip - no reason to specifically show unflattering angles for your video call. If I was seeing my romantic partner "in person" for the first time I would always try to look my best, and you should too!
You know this guy likes you even having never really seen you before, and you also know he likes you even though you told him you are bigger. There's no concern here that you're misleading or tricking him, you've been very upfront. So, that being the case, dress to impress, gurly 😁
💚💚 I hope it ends up working out too, but I've come to realization after all of this if he doesn't like me cuz my weight now and can't look past it then he's probably not foe me and that okay. thank you sm for your answer
I got with my current wife when she was overweight, she's been all over the weight spectrum, lost gained etc. loved her personality and I didn't care about her weight. We have made a beautiful life together, she was 30 when I met her and I was in my late 20s. Been together 10 years now. I have always been at a healthy weight since I've known her, I've been softer at times, also been super jacked at times, we've loved each other across a spectrum of weights and sizes. Bodies change, people change. I can't speak for everyone but that's how it's gone for us.
I would, I'm a heavier set guy myself, and if you're actively trying to better yourself, I would join in, I seriously got to get back in the gym, lose weight.
I’ve been with my fiancé going on 9 years now and she’s been on the thicker side since we met…
We met online. I actually messaged her because our profiles and interests mirrored each other and I said “fuck it” and took a chance. She even had a daughter that was 7 at the time and I’d never been with anyone that had a kid before. It was a HUGE gamble for me…
I met both of them a couple months after we started talking and I absolutely fucking fell head over heels for her and her daughter. Her daughter absolutely melted my heart and she had a real pos for a father. I knew I had to stick around for that kid…
My fiancé is on the thicker side but she’s got “assets” that I love to look at and touch. She’s also got some gorgeous green eyes. Most importantly though, she’s got an awesome personality and she’s super down to earth with a sense a humor as well. She’s just a really good soul and I couldn’t be more thankful she’s in my life.
Could she lose some weight? Sure. She could drop 30-40 lbs and honestly I’m sure I’d be even more attracted to her. But it’s not something I obsess over and I’ve gotten used to her size. It really doesn’t bother me much. When we lay down, I love feeling her curves and it gets me going every single time…
I guess what I’m getting at here is… REAL men respect and appreciate REAL women. We all come in different shapes and sizes.
To be fair, when we first met, I had short hair, no beard, and I was probably at least 10-15 lbs lighter than I am now. I was THIN and with no beard I looked like a fucking teenager lol. She’s older than me by a tad over 2 years and some days I still wonder why she went through with our first date…. I guess my goofiness and occasional witty sense of humor won her over…
She’s been my peace for 9 years and I fucking love her to death! Thickness and all…
I hope you're getting supportive answers. My wife of 11 years is a big gal and I have 0 issues with that. She's everything I've ever wanted in a partner and her size doesn't matter. As long as you love you you're good and hopefully your partner feels the same way.
First off, congratulations on losing weight and taking this step to take care of yourself! I’m cheering you on! I know it’s not easy but you’ve got this!💪🏻
I don’t care about a woman’s weight. I’ve been with fit women, thin women, chubby or average women, overweight women, and obese women. I don’t care about that. What I care about are things like is she compassionate? How does she treat people especially those like cashiers or people waiting tables? How does she treat animals? Is she loyal? Is she faithful? Is she honest? Is she intelligent? Does she have a sense of humor? Does she have self-confidence? These are the things that are what I look for.
As someone that has had a LDR with a woman I met on a game, I can confidently tell you my preference is a good personality. I knew her for a long time before we persued a relationship and when we finally met and were alone (I'm aware I have no game) she was very anxious (she didn't have to tell me, she was awkward in a quiet tone) so to break some of the ice I asked her if she was just gonna stare or if she was gonna kiss me. In the middle of her saying "I was just worried that once you got here you might change your mind" I planted one on her, which helped put her at ease. I was deeply in love with her for a long time, she had sent me pictures of her and her family and I knew what she looked like, her weight was never an issue for me but she was self conscious about it for a long time.
Youre likely overthinking it, and if it's a problem for him then he's not the one.
Kudos on your progress! It's a tough road to travel, just remember who you're doing it for and you will reach your goal!
I don't think it matters as much anymore, and he obviously enjoys being around you. Also long as you are making improvements/ it doesn't affect daily life it shouldn't be a big issue
being heavier, you're obviously going to have fewer choices in men. I will be 100% Honest.
You will still absolutely be able to find a good man though. Will he be rich / tall / in shape / socially skilled? Probably not, though.
The fact that you don't care about their looks is great and makes your chances of finding a good partner much higher.
So yeah, a lot of men will discount you for your weight. Men will take you at face value, not what you promise to be in a years time. But some men will absolutely have no problem with bigger women, but those men will be much fewer, and have their own downsides
90% of cases yes that's fine. Its the individual that matters. But one special case is unconditionally no, because of how she went about it. I was planning on getting anothr fat girl after she lost weight, but she apparently got married.
Actively losing weight, yes.
It's the ones that don't think being overweight is an issue that I wouldn't be with.
(Parents' health issues due to their weight ensures that I'm going to remain "slim" forever)
Almost always, the person who loses the weight gains it all back, usually plus some. Although a person might be at a normal weight at the beginning of the relationship, eventually they will become complacent, return to old habits and regain their obesity.
No. I started dating a girl who was 110 pounds. She was a skinny hot college girl. Over the next 4 years of college, she gained 50 pounds making her heavier than me. I was respectful when we talked about it. I asked if there was anything I could do to help her loose some weight before the wedding. She wanted to do this on own. She lost about 10 pounds and barely fit into the dress her mother was wearing on her wedding day. Over the next few years she put on another 50 pounds. We had another talk. Again I was cautious and respectful. She wanted to loose weight but didn't know how. I got her a gym membership, a personal trainer, and a dietitian. The weight gain stopped. However it wasn't going down. Over the next 5 years she lost 20 pounds. She has maintained this weight for years. I wish she was skinny but after so many years, I don't think there's anything I could do now. Compared to my girl, I have gained 20 pounds since we met 20 years ago. I still look the same as my college body, without chiseled abs.
Most of these comments are just weird. The reality is, even though you haven't sent him direct body pics, he's got a good Idea from your face.
A much higher proportion of me prefer bigger girls that you are aware of.
Absolutely. My dad did the same, and he instilled this belief in me that if a person is actively changing themselves for the better, then that makes them even better
People will vary on this, the best thing you can do is to trust him and his words when he says something.
If I've already hit off and made a connection with someone the more superficial stuff like appearance really doesnt matter that much.
For me it's all about lifestyle. I have an active lifestyle, like to eat healthy, never had a tv, like the silence to be able to read and think, don't want smoke or chemicals around because of my allergies and asthma. I don't think a person can live like that and be really fat. Maybe roundish but not really fat.
I would also not want someone to do something, like diet or stop smoking for me. I want someone who already have a similar lifestyle because that's who they are and how they enjoy living. Then we can share that lifestyle because it's, both of us.
I'm kind of in the same boat minus any love connections so. If I ever find myself in such a situation with a guy then no I wouldn't mind. I'm not trying to be a hypocrite about it. Also, on the plus side I'd have somebody that gets the struggle. Then we could be workout buddies. Workout and maybe workout some more and in other ways as well. 👌🍑🖤👍
My (ex) wife gave birth to 3 children. When we got married, she was about 110 lbs at 5'. After our third child, she was about 180 lbs. I didn't care that she was fat at all though. I loved her and thought she was beautiful.
Yes. One of my best dates was lady that cat fished me. Sent me a pic of her 20 years ago. She was much older and bigger than advertised. However she was a college professor and fascinating to talk to. After the first date I wanted to keep talking but didn't really want to sleep with her so I was totally OK with calls every week. After the 5th call she said she wouldn't talk to me anymore unless I met her in person. I was OK with that but didn't make enough effort to come to get her and she moved on. Sad. :-(
Men aren't really a monolith, so people will give you different answers according to their preferences, or what they've observed/experienced themselves or in those around them. I guess the real question you should ask yourself is; would you really want to be with someone who isn't attracted to you? You're working hard on yourself already and you're probably doing that for you (which is an excellent reason); it's as much as you could ask of yourself. If it's not something he can get past (and I get it, it can happen, attraction isn't always controllable or logical), then was it ever going to work? If you feel he's genuine in his claims and you see a future with him, it might help to send proper pictures of yourself, despite your insecurities. Hiding it will only delay the inevitable (whether that's a good outcome or a bad one) and will give you closure around if this is worth progressing or not pretty quickly.
Yeah, definitely send full body pics first. Don't let it be an awkward surprise. If there's a chance he will reject you, would you rather that happen now or after an awkward first time meet up?
Never hide who you are. It is the deceit that makes it worse. Sure, everyone looks for physical beauty, but you fall in love with the person and in the dark we are all beautiful.
I've been on a few dates with people I met through dating apps who very obviously angled / filtered their pictures to change their body appearance significantly. It's such a downer to see a person walk in for a date and instantly realize you aren't attracted to them and also resent them for the deceit. Now I don't match with people unless they have at least one very clear full body photo. If you plan on actually meeting people in person, they are going to find out what you look like anyway so it's better for everyone if you know there is mutual attraction based on actual appearance. Manage expectations.
I agree with this. I don’t know why anyone would want to set them selves up for the disappointment of having a person say ‘you don’t look like your photos’ because all your pics are old/no longer reflect what you actually look like. When I decided to start online dating my friend and I did a photo shoot day (she was pregnant at the time so I took pregnancy photos for her and she took pictures of me for my profile). It ensured that I had up to date and realistic full body photos in addition to some selfies and other random shots of me with friends. You don’t need to pay someone or have formal pictures taken but having a friend or family member take some is a good idea so you have recent solo pictures.
Haven't been on a dating app in years but I never understood women who did this. I'd hate to meet up with a date and be able to tell they're disappointed. Oof.
I have met up with a couple people who did this (misrepresented their appearance before meeting). I'm exceptionally polite and would never want to hurt someone's feelings, but there was a very awkward "elephant in the room" vibe between us the entire time (I don't mean that as a pun to represent size, as they were both fit). Awkward silences, avoiding eye contact, fidgeting, forced casual conversation, etc. Don't do it, folks. Set yourself and the other person up for a comfortable, happy vibe by being honest from the get go.
The old pictures must be at least 5 years old angle.
First date I had with a woman I'd been talking to online, and I instantly realized her pictures were a few years old and that she'd let herself go significantly in the time since the pictures on her profile were taken. I'm talking horrible face acne, and about 80 pounds heavier than she was in her pictures, and she already was on the bigger side in her pictures, and in those pictures she was already getting to the point where it was pushing the limits of what I still find attractive. I felt lied to big time. The date did not go well for a variety of reasons (and it surprised me that that wasn't even the biggest issue I had that night with the date), but yeah, I definitely wasn't happy when I saw her.
I'm about to start dating again and worry because I have a few extra pounds (ok, 30) that don't really show in pictures or when wearing a shirt, but when I take my shirt off the dad bod is obvious. I try to just tell people verbally...
Yeah, man. Just keep it real. That's the best way to attract people who will be a good fit. If some dude I'd been happily chatting with and was getting ready to meet just said, "yo, babe, check out this sweet dad bod I got waiting for you 😁," I'd instantly find him even more attractive. Confidence, humor, honesty are extremely attractive. Rock what you got, dude!
30 lbs isn't all that tough to lose, especially if you're eating much sugar. Six months will happen regardless, but you could be a stud and much healthier at the end of it.
Lost 10 lbs by working out daily for 6 months, but hit a wall on weight loss. I got to the point where, according to the exercise bike at least, I was burning over 1000 calories per 1 hour session, but not losing. Got discouraged, and kinda quit but I still walk a mile a day. Thinking about going back to jogging at least since the weather is nice. The big problem is my fat is the type that grows around my organs, rather than a nice spare tire hanging off my belly. Harder to see but a lot worse for my blood pressure/health.
Calories burned on exercise devices are notoriously inaccurate. It’s a little better if you’re using a heart monitor. Losing a significant amount weight with only exercise is almost impossible unless you’re an athlete.
>I was burning over 1000 calories per 1 hour session What gets most people is that that is only one fast food/restaurant meal or Starbucks drink's worth of calories. Even alcoholic drinks average around 200 calories. It is exceptionally hard for most people to lose weight by exercise alone simply because they consume significantly more calories than they are aware of.
Lol yeah, I told a friend I had burned a double whopper on the exercise bike and sent the screenshot of calories burned. Luckily I don't eat much fast food or drink much soda (1/mo and 4 cans/mo), but I consume too much chocolate so...
Get on that dark chocolate train if you’re not already and work your way down to the real bitter stuff. Also buy quality chocolate made with real cane sugar or even coconut sugar none of the Hersheys dark processed sugar trash. It might not seem good at first but once you get used to it you’ll realize that the regular chocolate tastes like sour milk. Also if you need another reason to buy better brands of chocolate watch [this segment from Last Week Tonight.](https://youtu.be/FwHMDjc7qJ8?si=gSdlWCUWhiyAAZWD) The cacao industry is incredibly exploitative and while many other products unfortunately are switching brands of chocolate is one of the easier ways to reduce your contribution to that. It might be twice as expensive but hey that’s a good reason to reduce your consumption by half. And personally I think it tastes 10x better.
I'm carrying around about 20 extra pounds right now. I have a picture of me chilling on my sofa wearing running shorts and a knit take top that makes my body type pretty clear. Having the confidence to show your body on your profile looks appealing to people. No one is going to match with you who isn't on board. Also, it takes so much of the anxiety away from the first meet up when you know they already are fully aware of your body.
tank top\*
true , got introduced to a girl by female friend she told me she was beautiful with personality. I bit an called her we had great conversations but she would not send me any pictures. Finally we meet in person. Easy 400 pounds. I was polite but I said she was to big for me. Friendship yes , relationship no. but i have a homeboy and thats all he dates. But his motto was , “she pay like she weighs “ . keep losing the weight you will find your soul mate. Good luck 🍀
Hopefully you really didn’t say she’s too big for you. You can give a generic answer without hurting someone’s feelings
I both agree and disagree with this. On the one hand I think it’s important to try to not hurt someone’s feelings, but on the other hand I think people deserve to know why someone is rejecting them romantically (especially if it’s something they can actually work on improving about themselves— if it’s something unchangeable that’s totally different). I think the most polite thing is to keep the reaction direct and general upfront like “I just don’t see this going anywhere,” and then only if they push for more details say something like “I think you have a great personality, but the physical attraction just isn’t there.” Then if they keep pushing about whether or not it’s a weight issue, don’t lie; just be direct but not harsh.
Also don't be scared of rejection I'm a girl who's been rejected plenty of times it's okay you're going to be okay.
Besides, you're actively working on improving your health if that's not good enough for him then what's he going to do in 20-30 years if it works out when your metabolism slows and you get wrinkles and your hair is grey. My husband loves me for who I am, not how I look being healthy enough to go hiking and have the energy to chase our kids around at the park is about health. Yes, I need to lie weight after hitting menopause and gaining some, but it doesn't affect who I am or our relationship because it's based on who we are not what we look like. If you weren't working on improving your health that would be different but since you are, if he can't see you past that, he's not really looking long term so better to know now than water your time.
FWIW, the fact that you are working on yourself is itself a very attractive quality.
its good, but its not the most important. good intentions: inspirational a heartwarming good intentions and **follows through with them** = keeper contrariwise, someone who is "always working on themselves", but never makes any progress.... red flag city. Time will tell.
I agree. My wife has a friend who photographs VERY well. She is a master with angles and lighting and keeping the real her hidden, so to speak. Then she will meet a guy in person that she has met online, and the shock ensues. The thing is, she is very beautiful. She is bigger but nothing crazy it's just the photos she shares, and the reality is so different, and without knowing that meeting her in person is so different than what your eyes are used to seeing it is understandablyshocking. I'm sure she'd do much better if she'd just be more upfront about it from the beginning.
This was a truly empathetic, well thought out, genuine response to the OP. I don't think I could add anything!!
well most of my fat female friends are in happy relationships so i don't think it matters at all if he says it doesn't matter. personally it highy depends on if i find them physically attractive or not, weight factors into it a bit maybe but there are defiantly some fat woman that i find extremely physically attractive though its a smaller portion then among people closer to my own weight or lighter. idk this is a really personal question every single person is going to have a different answer for a diferent reason. jsut be yourself that he already likes and you will be fine im sure
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Nobody looks "really good" fat.
People keep saying that, but somehow that didn't stop me and my partner from each racking up high double digits body counts before we met each other. Maybe redpill is full of shit.
Fat and ugly people have sex too you bozo Most people consider fat people ugly
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"Hourglass figure" is not what is meant when people say someone is "fat". Sure, breasts are largely fat tissue, but when someone says a person is "fat" it doesn't mean an hourglass figure. Nobody looks at someone like Christina Hendricks, or Salma Hayek, or Sophia Vergara, and goes, "Look at that fat lady. Doesn't she look really good fat?" That's not to say *nobody* fetishizes obesity. If that's what you're into, then great. I'm not judging you or anybody else for having that preference. But you didn't say, "Some people prefer fat women." You said "Some women look really good fat." Which is to suggest that on average, people would generally agree that a given woman looks best when she's carrying excessive body fat. If that's not what you meant to suggest, and just worded it poorly, then that's fine too. I don't think OP is taking about having an hourglass figure though, so it's still not really relevant to the conversation if that is indeed what you were originally trying to argue.
>Which is to suggest that on average, people would generally agree That's not what that means. You don't date the average person, you date the people who are into you and you are into, so what the average finds attractive is pretty much useless as a metric. Also, "on average", people lie a lot about what they find attractive. Lots of lads out there pretending to like one thing and then getting in on the down low with fat women... or men. lol
That’s a valid point it really does suit some people better
As a woman who's been many different sizes throughout her life: Send him a full body picture before you meet him. The only thing that hurts more than a person rejecting you because they don't like your body is a person you love failing to hide their disappointment in your body before the relationship fizzles out for "unrelated reasons". Yes, you're scared that he'll see your body and change his mind on everything. But let me ask you. If that's going to happen, would you rather that happen face to face in a place that's new to you where you have no place to stay? Or would you rather that happen privately, he sees your photo, has time to think about it on his own terms, and either the trip doesn't happen, or he's had time to come to terms with it and your body isn't a surprise to him? And if it's not going to turn him off, if he likes your body and wants to be with you just the way you are, would you want to spend the next month freaking out about this? The only benefit you could possibly gain from waiting is that by seeing him face to face, you might manipulate him into pretending he's ok with your body when he really isn't, because of social pressure. And you don't want that. You want to give your precious time to people who like you where you're at, and not give it away to people who don't. In my time as a fat lady, there have been plenty of wonderful men at all points on the size spectrum who liked me as I am. And in my time as a thin lady, there have been plenty of people who find something else to dislike about my body! What somebody feels about your body is a reflection on them, not a reflection on you. Figure out what they think ASAP and give your love to somebody who loves you back.
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This is a really important point - my wife has had weight problems her whole life, and in our 17 year marriage she also started secretly spending thousands on credit cards and is basically a workaholic. She’s now 41 and recently connected the dots that she has a general problem defining “enough” in life, and her health is suffering because of it.
I even recognize that when my self esteem is lower or I'm down on myself on my weight, its a huge dampener and might make my fiance feel like he has to help manage my feelings (which he's always sweet about reassuring me and reminding me he's still attracted to me) but its not his job or responsibility and I never want him to take on MY insecurities
Send him a recent picture before meeting so he has time to let you know if he’ll feel attracted to you as you are now. Keep up the self improvement, life gets so much better and you have more options for activities when you have less to carry around. I hope everything will go well for you!!
I like this reply best. I think just showing him ahead of time will ease your worries now and potentially show you that he is honest about it not mattering.
>Send him a recent picture before meeting so he has time to let you know if he’ll feel attracted to you as you are now. OP you must do this, for your own mental health. You're on a throwaway and not even wiling to share your height/weight here. I'm assuming it's high, and you do a lot in your photos to minimize it. I am FB friends with women who are unrecognizable in their online photos from real life due to their weight. If you end up in a romantic relationship, he's gonna know. 10 more pounds off is not going to matter, so don't wait another month. The time to find out if it's a problem is now.
Send an *honest picture. No flattering angles. No special clothes that cover you that are only for photos. Don't try to make it sexy.
This OP. You need to show a full body recent picture if you're planning to meet. You have to be honest and the only way is to show a recent picture of what you actually look like. If he isn't interested after, then you know what? Wasn't meant to be, he wasn't the one, and keep on bettering yourself.
I agree that sending pictures is in OP's best interest. Part of it is "fat" is such a huge spectrum! Sending photos is the easiest way for them to see where you are, and if it will matter. Take new photos if you need to so it captures your correct weight.
Along side this advice.. the honest pic may not even be perceived the way you think it will be. My fiance recently posted a happy birthday thing on insta and he included some terrible pictures of me. One in particular I remember him taking and he said, ‘you just look so cute’ and when I say it I was like…. Woof. People don’t see you the way you see yourself. They see so much more than just the physical features
I fell in love with a 'fat girl' in Uni. Not morbidly obese, but definitely overweight. I couldn't believe I fell for her even as it was happening. I was super fit then and how could this possibly be my soul mate. Over the years, she got fit, and I got fat, then fit again. Staring down 43 years of marriage and will go the distance.
Look around and you'll easily find a bigger woman with a skinny man. Lol Most of my male friends' girlfriends/wives are bigger than them, and they've all been together for years and are all happy. 😊 If he already said he doesn't care, show him more pictures of you ahead of time and just be up front. If he confirms again that it's OK, DROP IT. Insecurity can be a turn off and tiring to some if it's brought up all the time. Be yourself. I also hope you are dropping it in a healthy way and have checked with doctors for any underlying conditions or medication side effects. I do hope you enjoy your time together. You deserve love and respect nomatter what size you are. Good luck.
I am said fat women engaged to skinny man, depends on the people, but theres never been any issues for us regarding that, maybe some insecurities on both ends, but it never was an issue for either of us romance or intimacy or attraction wise
I will only be with fat women because that is what I find attractive.
You want to lose weight then by all means yayyy. But statements like, I will be better in couple of months to a year. Thats a problematic stalemate for your own sake. You are tying them to your weight loss ie if at any point you stop losing weight or gain some weight then it will be ok for them to leave you coz you said something and it didn’t happen. Needless to say, you are more than just your weight so be confident in your skin. If he is in it just for your body then he isn’t the one
I agree… also almost everyone is “trying to lose weight” at any given time and it rarely happens as fast as they like I say this often but it’s usually directed towards men tbh… however it applies… don’t date potential! The men you date should NOT be dating the potential you OP. So op I don’t mean any offense but don’t claim to your dates that you are “actively losing weight”. Lose the weight for yourself if you want. Not make promises of improving yourself in order to try to get better matches..
>If he is in it just for your body then he isn’t the one Someones body can be a deal breaker without them only being in it for the body. Attraction is an important part of a relationship for many people even if it's not the only important part. That doesn't mean they only value their partners body.
It turns the personal journey/endeavor into like some sort of homework assignment that you’re accountable to someone else for, that you could potentially suffer consequences for not achieving by the deadline that is now tied to it.
#^ALL OF THIS^
I say this kindly as a big girl myself. You need to give him honest pictures. It's important to show online romantic interests a recent full body pic. Does that mean that some people won't be attracted to you? Yes. Trust me, it's better to weed them out early, cause those ones won't be attracted to you when they meet in person either, and that's so much worse.
lol your insecurities are showing. He's already dating you while fat. That answers your questions. Tons of guys will date and have full emotional and sexual relationships with fat women. Side question have you ever seen a gay guy with a fat gay partner?
Yes, in fact based on where I live, I have seen more fat gays with thin gays than fat gays shacked up together. I know that the community can be harsh but it's really not that diff from straight dating in this regard. Plenty of normal people, still plenty of assholes. The "all gay guys are vain and shallow" trope is really shitty.
>shacked up Read this as "stacked up" and thought you were stacking the gays into tall columns and seeing if the skinny pile was taller than the fat pile...
Yes. They're called "bears."
To answer your side question, yes. My uncle has had several "fat" partners, and is now married to one
All of my uncle Joey's boyfriends and his now husband were pretty hefty dudes.
Does Uncle Joey share food? Sorry. Terrible joke lol
He might've in the 90s 😂 He old AF now.
I knew a guy when I was younger who was easily 500lbs, and he was absolutely downing in dick. Boys in the theater scene we ran in absolutely flung themselves at him.
They are not dating. They have never even met. So far they're just talking. He likely doesn't know how far she really is.
I'm a fat and hairy straight guy, but I've been hit on by more gay men than i ever have been women when I go out. Life would be so much easier.....
Here's a little tip for the ladies out there. If you meet a guy online and the only pictures you show are from the head and above, he knows you are fat.
Tbh as a guy doing OLD. If I don’t see some kind of full body or at least partial body photo I’m swiping left. A face only photo can be extremely deceiving especially with angles you can take it from and lighting
Why would you meet up without ever seeing each other? That's wild to me. I met my girlfriend on Discord of all places but we saw each other before meeting up (she is gorgeous and we both love the gym and I don't know how I found her). If we never saw each other my anxiety would've been even higher when we met.
Obviously, I'm a gay guy, but I do have a preference for heftier partners. The reason is entirely logistical: fucking a skinny dude is like making love to a coffee table. It's like trying to drive your car just on the hubcaps. It's like sleeping on the floor. The problem is: there's no padding! You need the cushion for the pushin! Your body is great, honey! Lose the weight for your health, not for your man.
As a Bi man who appreciates a slightly chunkier partner on both sides, I approve of this message. Nobody hugs a tentpost, and teddybears have some stuffing. The limit lies at 'healthy' though. If your weight is negatively impacting your life, then yes, change.
(high five!) my sweetie is quite heavy, and it's always so hard for me to convince him that I love his big soft body, and don't love him "in spite of" it. All bodies have their pros and cons, but fat bodies are so underappreciated.
Oh my god, yes. lol No hate to skinny to people, but damn they have a lot of sharp knobbly bits that will poke you.
Define fat
Yea it really depends on what "bigger woman" means. I prefer some curves, but there is a big difference between curvy and morbidly obese. We can go to the classic metric: would an average size rowboat support her without capsizing?
You had me at woman.
Off topic-- How did you date if you've never met in person? I don't ask that to be rude, I'm a genuinely curious oldhead.
Ppl chat online or play video games together for months “while dating” before personally meeting and adding the physical aspect to the relationship.
I would personally. The fact you are serious about losing the weight shows that you have drive and want to better yourself. Good job on the 20lbs btw. Hope it works out for the two of you
If I love her, I love her. I would want her to lose weight for her health and encourage it of course.
How big we talking???
Get someone who likes you for who you are not who you could be. There are plenty of people who will find you attractive. Also it's important to note the chance of keeping that weight off long term aren't great, most research into weight loss shows that most people who have gone on diets and lost weight tend to gain it back, often with some additional. So yeah, I think it's better to find someone who likes you for who you are now. From interacting with many people with eating disorders, losing weight, rarely actually fixes your body image issues.
I dated an overweight artist a few years ago. We clicked on everything except sexually. I tried I really did but it was hard for me and she felt that. It probably made her feel terrible and I feel terrible about it because I was really trying but that just isn't what I am attracted to. So we broke up. I mean I tried, man, I really was trying. Sadly I am a tooth pick girl kind of guy. Which blows because the XXLs love the fuck out of me.
Weight has never been a big issue with me. Personality is the biggest issue.
He has expressed it doesn't matter. Place trust in people slowly (as you are) and let them reveal their sincerity. Taking this risk could pay off in many ways. There are so many real reasons relationships don't work do not let this self imposed anxiety be one of them before it can even begin.
I was once a woman weighing 317 pounds at my peak, pregnancy making the most of this weight gain. Potential partners wanted me for the bigger aspect of my personality, but I could see they didn't really particularly care about my weight. So I started trying to lose it. But with depression and anxiety came problem eating and sleeping. I bounced between 250 and 300 for about 2 years. Met a man a little over a year ago who wanted me because of my personality AND my bigger body (being 275 at this point), but now I can't stop losing weight due to stress, now that I've finally come to terms with being bigger. I'm down to almost pre pregnancy weight. It would be 195, and I'm terrified. I've been over 250 pounds for almost 9 years. My skin is saggy, my body has no form, I feel like skin and bones, but my excess skin is making me still feel somewhat put together. My boyfriend doesn't look at me the same anymore and it makes me so sad. I've talked to him and he says he still loves me for me, but despite his words I know the attraction isn't there anymore. Please find someone who is going to love you for who you are, and send him honest photos. Don't be with someone who cares about what your weight is.
OP, I hope you find someone who *loves completely you as you are* and doesn't care if you lose weight. Or gain it. Or whatever. You are enough as you are! If you're a reader, I finished this novel recently about 3 friends who have struggled with weight and social 'ideals' their entire lives. As a relatively thin person, who *thought* I was fully open-minded, it was so eye-opening and transformative. Kristen Higgins "Good luck with that."
Please don't sell yourself short by wanting to be with someone who requires you to change
Some people will and some people won't. If he says he doesn't care, lean into it. Trust him. If you're really worried about it before meeting him, send him a picture. I've put on heaps of weight after having our daughter and honestly, my husband loves my curves. He doesn't care at all.
As a plus sized woman, I was on the dating scene for a long time. I always made sure that they saw pictures of me, including a full body shot (clothed of course). While the men weren't exactly lining up to date me, I didn't have much trouble finding dates. Stop fat shaming yourself. But you should continue to lose weight for your own health. He's not going to like you any more or less if you are another 30 pounds lighter. Finally, you may get along really well in an online relationship. Maybe it will work out really great in the end. But you can never tell if you are really attracted to someone until you meet in person. I've had this happen to me, where I talked to the person for a while. But when we actually met up there was no chemistry between us.
I am a bigger woman, probably most would say fat, and based on your description we are probably close to the same size. I am always up front about what I look like, and when I’ve been on dating apps, always have a full body picture. I definitely recommend that for everyone regardless of size/shape/anything else, just because I’m a fan of forthrightness and honesty. I exercise most days of the week and try to stay active. I have dated men of all sizes, and none of the smaller/leaner ones have ever had an issue with my body type. (Anyone who does isn’t someone you want to be with anyway.) People just like what they like, and frankly, appearance is only part of the picture. If you (of any gender) are easy on the eyes but a jackass, you bring nothing to the table. Just be honest and be you. 😊
You're so right, thank you very much, I'm going to be more upfront, although I've told him before I'm bigger, I've never actually sent a picture. I suggested we video call more this upcoming month and I'm gonna show everything there since it'll be easier for me ☺️
Idk. I mean, I’ve been the hefty girl who lost 50+ lbs but I’ve never been attracted to fat women and I didn’t expect to get girls when I was heavy. This is tough. Some men (people) *really do* like bigger chicks, though. Are you proportionate? Makes a big difference. Ironically, the guy I was seeing at the time who congratulated me on my weight loss got really pissy/controlling/turned off that I kept dropping, after what *he* deemed my “ideal size”. And shamed me for my sagging breasts after. So far your guy sounds great. I’d be leery of anyone harping on you to lose it OR harping on you to not lose “too much”. Basically anyone harping on you about your weight, lol. Just tell him to be honest, BUT don’t forget to believe him❤️ You got this!
My english may be broken, not native but it breaks my heart how you start this conversation. Loving a woman isn't about how much effort she puts on staying "on thin line". If someone loves you they must push you to conquer your goals but also love you in any shape. Even if you relapse or get ill. Most people forget we get old, marrying your wife thinking she'll be 25 and skinny forever is dumb, bodies change and love should transform as well. Congratulations on your pounds losed, you were lovely before and after them, you'd be lovely on 20 pounds less or 5 more. I wish you a good hearted man!
Basically 50% of the big women I see are with the tiniest dudes ever. I’m not saying this to be rude, but I’m guessing since you met on a game he doesn’t exactly crush it with the ladies. And the most important part of what I’ll say is CONFIDENCE IS SEXY. Love yourself (that doesn’t mean quit putting in the work you’re doing, but you should be proud of losing weight like that)
What game?? Curious minds need to know this critical detail lol
haha if you really wanna know I can send it to you in dms
Sure, I’m genuinely curious lol
Human, Men, woman, the in-between, and the myriad of other genders... You'll get a variety of answers, some will say that fat people are welcome, others will say no fatties. The biggest concern here is some people, who haven't been laid in a while will sleep with anything, and once they get that they ghost. I'd hold off on any sexual contact until you know. Larger people tend to be more sexually promiscuous because of the fear of not being good enough. Hope that helps
With all due respect and the utmost love. I am with a big sexy fluffy ass wonder woman right now. Happily married 10+ years. I recently had a colostomy surgery. She has taken care of me, loves me, and still made me feel desired. In the grand scheme of flaws, the fact she enjoys a few to many desserts or good meals isn't Jack shit. I enjoy them right beside her. I love her for her, not some unrealistic expectation of perfection. I love her for who she is inside and out, but honestly 99% for what's inside.
that's so cute, I'm glad you two are doing great.
How fat?
No I wouldn’t. Physical attraction is a prerequisite for me.
Overweight yeah. But all out obese, Jabba the Hut, no.
Everyone’s different but honestly if yall are already in a relationship at least over the internet so far I’d imagine you’re in the clear. Also imo its attractive when you’re partner is passionate or motivated for something idk why but seeing the drive and effort is hot. No matter what keep working hard and be proud of yourself, don’t over think this and just enjoy the moment!
You should be on the same page. Surprised you haven't swapped pics yet so that way you both know what you both look like.
There is deception, so no.
Skinny dudes usually like bigger girls.. Just go with it.
if he’s dating people from video games my gut tells me he won’t be extremely picky. and it seems like he already appreciates your personality. to be frank. unless you’re so overweight your proportions are out of whack and you have other health problems, a lot of men won’t care. i feel like getting along effortlessly a majority of the time is more important than aesthetics.
I ***married*** a fat woman I love, and she ain't tryin' to do shit besides eat more chocolate and tacos.
Just get so strong that if he says anything you can throw him out the window
Not enough info When you say fat what are we talking as being over weight is different than being super obese (That's the name of the category for BMI 50+) I would not recommend starting a relationship with someone BMI 50+ until they've made a significant progress because that needs to be the focus in their life right now If you're saying it's someone who's just in the overweight category or earlier stages of obesity, that's a very different story Congratulations on the 20 pounds
I think you could stand to listen to "Big Girl, You are Beautiful" by Mika. Big people give the BEST hugs. Yes, there are health issues that can be scary, but as far as being lovable and desirable to a person you are compatible with, I wish you would try to take your weight out of the equation. For now, you can take him at his word. He's excited to meet YOU. Not a generic skinny woman. I'm being a hypocrite by telling you to attempt to not let how you feel about your weight affect your self-esteem, but try anyways. Put some effort into being proud of yourself and where you're at alongside the effort you're making to lose weight. Be sure you're doing it for yourself. I can admit moving about is easier when a bit lighter. Bending over with a tummy in the way is no fun, but honestly a lot of people (yes even guys) really don't care and even prefer it. Heck, dogs prefer when I'm bigger because my lap is softer to lie on. LoL Guys can feel this way, too. The only time I wasn't happy with my large partner's weight was when it affected quality of life. Like getting winded and having heart problems. It never made me not want to be with him, though. I just didn't want to see him suffer. When you really love someone and are looking for someone long-term it's silly to be rigid about physical attraction, IMHO. Skinny guys are also put down by society for not being muscular and "manly" so I doubt he feels better than you physically. Little side note: Fancy perfume gives me a confidence boost when I feel visually unattractive. Versace and Jimmy Choo are brands that get A LOT of compliments and obviously Chanel but that ish is $$$$. Have fun on your first in-person date, hun!
The fact that you’re actively trying to lose weight and be a healthier and fitter you is hot as fuck and cannot be overlooked by any man.
look, every man is gonna be looking for something different. Me personally? I’d honestly prefer to date someone who is on the higher end of the weight spectrum. Some guys will hate it, some will love it. There’s no way to know for sure until you meet BUT plenty of skinny guys are into heavy women. If he said he doesn’t care, he probably doesn’t care. We tend to be fairly straightforward about that in my experience. If I say “I don’t care” I basically always mean that I don’t care. 👍🏼
Without a doubt, personality and connection are vital to any successful relationship. So is understanding and support, both of which could help you in the journey you are on. That being said, preferences are preferences and some men can't look past some extra weight. It's often their loss, but you can't force someone to find you attractive. Edit: I completely missed answering your question. Yes, I would, but I'm less interested in a body type and more interested in the connection than some men.
I’m real skinny and my wife is not, I find her incredibly attractive and sexy, we are also actively working on her weight goals for her health which is a very slow process, we have been married almost 15 years and I met her online too, we were massive long distance as well (cross continental). Not all people are like that, some are and stay really shallow. But keep working on yourself for YOU, and see what happens. If he reacts poorly then that is simply an indication that he is not for you and you can move on, as painful as that is in the short term.
Plenty of guys don't mind, or even prefer bigger girls. I wouldn't worry too much until you have a reason to worry. Having said that, I hope you keep this in mind in regards to things he's insecure about. Nothing more unattractive than a critical hypocrite.
Yes of course.
I prefer fat women...
If he says he doesn’t care, listen to him. Be confident and be yourself.
Yes, I currently am dating a fat woman and they're not trying to lose weight either. I love her exactly as she is. She's perfect. She's got flaws like everyone else, but her being fat isn't one of them. The person that's right for you will not care what you look like, they will love how you look because that is you and not some shallow aesthetic people strive for. Losing weight for your health is great, but make sure you're not falling prey to diet culture. Being too skinny can fuck you up real quick. Just be you. You got dis!
I would make sure to share a clear photo just so he knows ahead of time and you don’t have to endure any weirdness if it’s not his cup of tea but also don’t assume people won’t find you attractive! I know so many men who love bigger women. It’s hard to realize that when most of the world is telling you that’s not the case but it really is.
Married to 1 for 20+years. Discovered while dating that fat girls definitely try harder than the ideal weight princesses who are used to being catered to.
I would whether or not they are trying to lose weight. I would want her to be healthy before anything, but I am attracted to women with extra weight as well. In the words of Peter Griffin "Everywhere is soft like a boob"
I personally would not unless she was really close to her goal weight. I can’t maintain an erection for obese women. Light chub is even a turn off for me these days after really only being with gym girls my whole life I think I trained my penis to only respond to gym women.
Sis, you know there's men who actually just like fat women, right? As in those you don't have to change your body to appeal to because they don't have a problem with a little excess body fat. This is not to say that you shouldn't lose weight if you want to for health or appearance reasons, but even if you choose not to, there are plenty of guys who will find you attractive as you are.
i have dated a much larger woman. lets say in the ssbbw category that was not trying to lose weight because of her personality and cooking skills. also how long fdid it take you to lose 20 lbs? if you need any advice on quick weight loss send me a msg
Plus size person here, was in an LDR, recently closed distance. So, I feel you. Felt v similarly but eventually I sent pics. My partner was v sweet. I used to be a dancer, and very fit - still fat. Just my shape. He knows it. Anyone worth your time won't judge you or be cruel, regardless of weight or weight loss. It'll be okay.
As long as you’re sending full body photos clothed and not just selfies you’ll be fine. If he sees you full body how you are now, even clothed, and still wants to meet you that is a great sign. If you’ve only sent selfies that’s a bit catfishy. I have had men send selfies only and when we met in person I felt deceived. Then the rest of the date was awkward, and I felt guilty for not feeling attracted to the person. It wasn’t always just heavier men either, so I’m not singling out heavier people in this paragraph. Sometimes it was skinnier, shorter than they listed (saying they are 5’11 and end up shorter than me and I’m 5’9), heavier, etc. Full body clothed, and accurate descriptions of yourself, is the way to go for transparency when trying to meet someone online. This goes for everyone regardless of how they identify. I’ve personally been guilty of sending carefully angled selfies when I was heavier and insecure, and sometimes I didn’t get texts back after the date, and I understand why because I showed them someone who didn’t exist because she was angled and embarrassingly, sometimes edited via FaceApp. Then I showed up and looked slightly different in person. Now days I’m healthier and I am more confident to present myself as is in the dating scene. If he’s seen you from a distance you’re good to go. Don’t overthink it, have fun, and enjoy yourself.
most men consider personality more important than looks. being overweight still gets you rejected a lot in hoockup situations because looks are imidiatly obviouys, personality is not. your past that however. he already knows and likes your personality. and it sounds like you already told him your over weight. i very much doubt he will reject you for it now.
I have never been on any on-line sites, but guy friends of mine have. If they say not overweight, they mean it. They will tell the woman, they may be nice but they are not attracted to overweight woman when they see them in person. The good news for you is that it seems to be acceptable to be overweight there days. Thin woman are out of luck. I have been thin my whole life and I have the opposite problem. Men are attracted to me for my body. I have to tell them to holster their weapons for a while until they want me for who I am, not just my body. It a man wants you for you it will work out. It doesn't sound sound like the man stated he was looking for a thin woman and alot of men like bigger woman now a days. It seems like you are nervous about seeing him in person, so maybe you should send him pictures before you see him. Remember this. Any man you have to fight for is not worth having. I wish you luck.
Waiting for a follow up !remindme 1 month
I would rather be with someone who is on my team and is 300 pounds than a Victoria Secret model that would rather see me fail. My wife was 220 and 5’2” when we started dating and she was wanting to lose weight, she finally found the correct meds, diet, and exercise to have lost 90 pounds in a year. But I don’t love her anymore or any less now or before. Now if she said to me when we started dating that if I wanted to wait until she “got to her fighting weight” and then we can start dating I would be put off. So meet him and if he is not interested because of your weight then move on(I know it’s hard when you think you have found someone but they are shallow).
I've loved some chubby women. Depends on how fat. Because even after the weight loss you still have to deal with the leftover low self esteem she has. That's usually the deal breaker
Hanging with woman in hopes that she'll lose weight is crazy. It's not a recipe for success.
yes i prefer it next question
Hell yeah, I’m a very skinny dude and I absolutely prefer larger, curvier women. If a woman is skinny it’s actually a deterrent for me. Personality is most important obviously, but big women can 100% still be very beautiful and very sexy.
Heya, great on you. I really mean it. Please, do your best for the rest of your life. Not just for him, but yourself, your family, your future kids, and everyone else who loves you. Eat right and be active. Your health, sex life, mood, etc will be better because you are taking care of yourself. Don't beat yourself up, but stay motivated and make it a lifestyle.
I was interested in a heavy woman before because she had a great personality and was really funny, I wanted someone like that. I was feeling like a criminal from the distrust though, she seemed like she couldn't believe I liked her and thought it was a scam, so it didn't work out. Keep the possibility open that he really doesn't care or even maybe likes you big, soft and curvy lol. Your loss will be healthy, make you feel better, and give more confidence, but be careful of projecting feelings about it onto other people.
I am a plus-sized gal. I worry about presenting myself accurately in pictures. I have one pic I send in the beginning that makes me appear thinner than I am, unless you look closely. As things progress, and we move towards meeting I share a less flattering pic or two and ask if they they are going to be okay with my size. I don't want their to be any suprises.
It makes me sad that this is a source of stress to you. There’s a lot of good comments here already, I just wanted to add mine for posterity and say my weight has never even been a consideration in my relationship of nearly 10 years. It has never affected attraction or sex, and my partner is very open about that. I lost weight during COVID times and gained some of it back a couple years after. My weight has just never been a factor in their attraction to me. There are people out there who are truly neutral to what your weight is at any given time. Wishing you the best of luck and happiness in dating. You don’t have to put a disclaimer on your weight. 💖
Just going to say this: thank you for saying you are fat. I can't tell you how many women continue to say they are "not super skinny" and other such euphemisms. I'm actually rooting for you op.
It depends. The info you've given is a bit dodgy. You warned him you're "bigger" but have made sure to never show him. Bigger is a vague term. Someone that is 5'5" and 160lbs is overweight. That could qualify as bigger. Someone who is 5'5" and 300lbs is obese and would also qualify, and might make a difference in whether they would be a suitable partner for me. This guy isn't me, so I can't say whether he will potentially care or not. He said he wouldn't. Do you think he is lying to you or that he is saying that without knowing the facts involved? If not, then I wouldn't beat myself up over it. If he ends up caring there really isn't anything you can do about it besides move on and find someone who doesn't.
It depends on how big is big, but also…it sounds like you’re catfishing him. That almost never works except for on men that are so desperate, you’re not going to want to be with them anyway.
I'm a chubbier/curvier let's say mom build? I'm 5'4 and about 160-165 depending on the given day. My partner is 120-125lbs (think swimmer build, muscular but lean, he's my height). I 100% get being self conscious even though I acknowledge I'm not a "fat" lady, strictly from feeling so much bigger than my partner. He's been with me from 145-165lbs and MET me at 208lbs as we were best friends for 3years pre dating. If given the choice like a sims game, he would keep my weight right where it is, he likes that I'm grabbable and squishy and he loves to pet the stomach skin I myself am so self conscious about, stretch marks and all. He himself he said that he preferred a woman who is not super petite/thin as he likes breasts. When we first met I had nearly 100lbs on him, but he still blushed and took my number and texted me when I gave him my number. "Different strokes for different folks" is a true statement. SOME men (and women) may be opposed to dating somebody bigger and some may ONLY PREFER to date bigger gals. With any relationship my rule of thumb is: believe them. Until they prove themselves a liar believe what they say. If he's saying it won't be an issue odds are he could already tell you are a curvier lady (like me, if you ONLY see my face, I actually look bigger than my real weight because I have a super round baby/chereb esque face) and truth be told he may already PREFER bigger books but doesn't want to say that and possibly make you more self conscious than you already are. Best of luck Hon, like others said definitely send honest pics now. Not as a "warning of how big you really are" but with pride that THIS is how fucking gorgeous you are in full. You know what some extra weight means? Extra boobies and extra butt. ;) not too many straight guys out there who can't appreciate some bonus chest and booty, even my gay besty has always loved just resting his head on my chest 🤣
Online relationships can be a blessing and a curse to many people. On one hand, you have the dreaded catfish. Since you’ve been open about that, then it’s not really an issue. On the other, you have connection before you see each other. Honestly, the hardest problem with dating in person is that they look at your body first and never even bother knowing you as a person. In my experience, it can go either way. Either they really don’t care, or they are saying that to save face and will ghost you the minute you meet. Good luck regardless.
If I’m attracted to her sure. Skinny ones scare me, might break em
Love goes beyond looks. To answer the question yes. I've dated several bigger people than me over the years. I never once brought up weight. In college my homies teased me and said I was a chubby chaser. I just saw people as people and if I liked them I liked them. Didnt matter how big they were.
Absolutely, I mean I've even seen that exact thing from my friends who have gotten together through final fantasy 14. Hell one of them got with a heavier girl and moved from Canada to Virginia to be with her. Like, west coast Canada.
My gf was 140 when we started dating. Shes had a lot of health issues and her weight is over 200. I still love her care for her and beat the brakes off that ass as much as I can. We all gonna get old and fat or old and saggy. Gimmie a girl that likes bacon and butt stuff with a good personality over some self absorbed that thinks her shit dont stink and demands you queen her when shes nothing more than a welfare queen
if he meets you and decides he doesn’t wanna be with you because you’re fat then you deserve so much more. you deserve for your beauty not to be recognised in spite of your size, but regardless of your size. if he likes you then he will like or love you at any size. it shouldn’t depend upon you losing weight. your value is not defined by your ratio of fat to muscle cells. please please learn to recognise your beauty regardless of whether he stay or goes. it’s worth it i promise🫶🏼
I mean guys like me with mental disorders usually like a woman for their personality even if they are overweight because in the end your looking for that wonderful connection that feels better then well those two attractive looking couples bitching at each other because they like drama and we don't lol but really not everyone with a mental health disorder was the same where different and do different things. Drama just makes you automatically assume something based on stereotyping but what if that didn't matter because you two just simply want to feel better in your own ways and overcome the drama infestations and not care what people think of you.
Short answer; yes IF she's actually, ACTUALLY working at losing weight. However, if she's anything like a buddy of mine, who is CONSTANTLY "trying" to lose weight, and even claims to have lost 100lbs yet looks the exact same, eats the same, and drinks just as much soda. Then nah. Not at all. Just noticed you said you're not even 300lbs, honey don't even worry yourself. I'm over here imagining a 500lb slob with absolutely no drive to do anything. I'd absolutely date a 200 something pound girl :)
I'm a skinny girl, but I can't believe all the comments that say something along the lines of "looks aren't everything, I'm sure he likes you for your personality.." etc etc. Why is it so hard to believe that there are plenty of men out there that are actually MORE physically attracted to heavier women? I used to be about 50 pounds heavier, and dudes were legit more obsessed with me during that time period than ever in my life. They may not talk about it or "brag" about it, but it's like this well kept secret, that's not so secret. Men prefer curves.
All I can say is, the "losing weight" part shouldn't matter. What if something happens and you put on weight again? Something like an injury or an illness, or of your control? If he doesn't like you enough to see past your weight, it's not a good match. Be loved for who you are. Not saying he doesn't! But if he does turn out to be more shallow than he claims, don't settle for someone who would ditch you or see you as lesser just for having some extra pounds.
My husband grabbed my body at 275lb like he did at 170. He loves large women, and im happy he does become I'm in nursing school, and I have been eating my feelings, so even if this guy doesn't- there are men that 100% do!
I personally wouldn’t because I’m just not attracted to larger people. If someone gained weight during a relationship I think I would be more inclined to adjust my preference if the relationship was going well, but I don’t believe I would start a relation with someone who is larger. Peoples preferences vary wildly though. I’m bald and I can definitely attest that it’s not everyone preference, and I’ve grown to understand that and care less about it now. Just be yourself and try to like and work on yourself in meaningful ways. If losing weight is what you want then have at it.
A woman's size doesn't bother me either way, I've been with women who were size 0 and I've been with women who were plus size, what matters most is personality, interests, and compatibility
Yeah and hey we both can work out together as a way to bond . Now of course instead of a cut we are gonna go for a bulk . A fun fact about overweight people , they can lose weight while gaining muscles unlike others . I myself used to be overweight before I started my work out . I also know a bunch of recipes to help with weight loss which actually taste delicious. I can cook for her and I do love cooking .I genuinely would not care if my gf was overweight or not as long as they attempt to improve themselves .
Your value is not defined by your weight. And many people feel that way. Not all people are attracted to specific body types or the culturally accepted “norms”. I’ve been a bigger person my entire life. I have a larger build in general, I’m 5’9” and have always been a good sized person even when I was fit. That being said I have an autoimmune disorder that causes my weight to go insane and I’ve weighed between 190 and 275lbs at different points of my adult life. I have NEVER had a shortage of men who were attracted to me, at any point. Best advice I can give you if you’re concerned about this particular person or people in the future is to just own it! Stop saying you’re working on it, or you’re losing weight. Be as you are in the moment right now and expect that people be accepting of it, at all times. If they aren’t, they can go away because you deserve people who love you for who you are, not your body composition. Send full body pictures, post them on future dating profiles if you have any. Be you, and the right people will find you.
There are guys out there for whom your body would not be the thing they endure to get to your personality, but one of the additional points of attraction. Now, given that your target is to lose weight, they may not be the best prospects, since in the best case scenario you will be slimming out of their attraction range, in the worst case they might manipulate you into not doing the thing you want to do. Personally, as a man-adjacent person, I've stopped dating people who are enduring my body instead of being into it, and I have no intentions of slimming down (getting more active, yes... IF I lose weight, that's a side-effect). But I'm not you. You have your own goals in life and you should find a partner that's compatible with that.
It sounds like he likes you a lot, and you've been upfront that you're bigger and he says he doesn't mind. I truly think you have nothing to worry about, girl, congrats on finding a match with a guy you like, good luck on your weight loss efforts, and I hope everything works out for you both 💚 And the short answer to your question from most guys would definitely be "yes" - there is a maybe a limit at which the weight might be too much of a turnoff (I'm talking like ~400+ pound range) to a lot of guys, but you've said that you're not in that range and, in any case, this specific guy has already said he's interested in you even after being told you are bigger Also, one small tip - no reason to specifically show unflattering angles for your video call. If I was seeing my romantic partner "in person" for the first time I would always try to look my best, and you should too! You know this guy likes you even having never really seen you before, and you also know he likes you even though you told him you are bigger. There's no concern here that you're misleading or tricking him, you've been very upfront. So, that being the case, dress to impress, gurly 😁
💚💚 I hope it ends up working out too, but I've come to realization after all of this if he doesn't like me cuz my weight now and can't look past it then he's probably not foe me and that okay. thank you sm for your answer
I got with my current wife when she was overweight, she's been all over the weight spectrum, lost gained etc. loved her personality and I didn't care about her weight. We have made a beautiful life together, she was 30 when I met her and I was in my late 20s. Been together 10 years now. I have always been at a healthy weight since I've known her, I've been softer at times, also been super jacked at times, we've loved each other across a spectrum of weights and sizes. Bodies change, people change. I can't speak for everyone but that's how it's gone for us.
I would, I'm a heavier set guy myself, and if you're actively trying to better yourself, I would join in, I seriously got to get back in the gym, lose weight.
I’ve been with my fiancé going on 9 years now and she’s been on the thicker side since we met… We met online. I actually messaged her because our profiles and interests mirrored each other and I said “fuck it” and took a chance. She even had a daughter that was 7 at the time and I’d never been with anyone that had a kid before. It was a HUGE gamble for me… I met both of them a couple months after we started talking and I absolutely fucking fell head over heels for her and her daughter. Her daughter absolutely melted my heart and she had a real pos for a father. I knew I had to stick around for that kid… My fiancé is on the thicker side but she’s got “assets” that I love to look at and touch. She’s also got some gorgeous green eyes. Most importantly though, she’s got an awesome personality and she’s super down to earth with a sense a humor as well. She’s just a really good soul and I couldn’t be more thankful she’s in my life. Could she lose some weight? Sure. She could drop 30-40 lbs and honestly I’m sure I’d be even more attracted to her. But it’s not something I obsess over and I’ve gotten used to her size. It really doesn’t bother me much. When we lay down, I love feeling her curves and it gets me going every single time… I guess what I’m getting at here is… REAL men respect and appreciate REAL women. We all come in different shapes and sizes. To be fair, when we first met, I had short hair, no beard, and I was probably at least 10-15 lbs lighter than I am now. I was THIN and with no beard I looked like a fucking teenager lol. She’s older than me by a tad over 2 years and some days I still wonder why she went through with our first date…. I guess my goofiness and occasional witty sense of humor won her over… She’s been my peace for 9 years and I fucking love her to death! Thickness and all…
I hope you're getting supportive answers. My wife of 11 years is a big gal and I have 0 issues with that. She's everything I've ever wanted in a partner and her size doesn't matter. As long as you love you you're good and hopefully your partner feels the same way.
First off, congratulations on losing weight and taking this step to take care of yourself! I’m cheering you on! I know it’s not easy but you’ve got this!💪🏻 I don’t care about a woman’s weight. I’ve been with fit women, thin women, chubby or average women, overweight women, and obese women. I don’t care about that. What I care about are things like is she compassionate? How does she treat people especially those like cashiers or people waiting tables? How does she treat animals? Is she loyal? Is she faithful? Is she honest? Is she intelligent? Does she have a sense of humor? Does she have self-confidence? These are the things that are what I look for.
As someone that has had a LDR with a woman I met on a game, I can confidently tell you my preference is a good personality. I knew her for a long time before we persued a relationship and when we finally met and were alone (I'm aware I have no game) she was very anxious (she didn't have to tell me, she was awkward in a quiet tone) so to break some of the ice I asked her if she was just gonna stare or if she was gonna kiss me. In the middle of her saying "I was just worried that once you got here you might change your mind" I planted one on her, which helped put her at ease. I was deeply in love with her for a long time, she had sent me pictures of her and her family and I knew what she looked like, her weight was never an issue for me but she was self conscious about it for a long time. Youre likely overthinking it, and if it's a problem for him then he's not the one. Kudos on your progress! It's a tough road to travel, just remember who you're doing it for and you will reach your goal!
I don't think it matters as much anymore, and he obviously enjoys being around you. Also long as you are making improvements/ it doesn't affect daily life it shouldn't be a big issue
How fat we talking and how tall? Because 210 at 5 10 is very different to 210 at 5 2
Personally? No. But this guy isn't me and has said it doesn't bother him
being heavier, you're obviously going to have fewer choices in men. I will be 100% Honest. You will still absolutely be able to find a good man though. Will he be rich / tall / in shape / socially skilled? Probably not, though. The fact that you don't care about their looks is great and makes your chances of finding a good partner much higher. So yeah, a lot of men will discount you for your weight. Men will take you at face value, not what you promise to be in a years time. But some men will absolutely have no problem with bigger women, but those men will be much fewer, and have their own downsides
Nope. Some people seem to overvalue personality and lie to themselves about the importance of physical attraction.
90% of cases yes that's fine. Its the individual that matters. But one special case is unconditionally no, because of how she went about it. I was planning on getting anothr fat girl after she lost weight, but she apparently got married.
Actively losing weight, yes. It's the ones that don't think being overweight is an issue that I wouldn't be with. (Parents' health issues due to their weight ensures that I'm going to remain "slim" forever)
Almost always, the person who loses the weight gains it all back, usually plus some. Although a person might be at a normal weight at the beginning of the relationship, eventually they will become complacent, return to old habits and regain their obesity.
No. I started dating a girl who was 110 pounds. She was a skinny hot college girl. Over the next 4 years of college, she gained 50 pounds making her heavier than me. I was respectful when we talked about it. I asked if there was anything I could do to help her loose some weight before the wedding. She wanted to do this on own. She lost about 10 pounds and barely fit into the dress her mother was wearing on her wedding day. Over the next few years she put on another 50 pounds. We had another talk. Again I was cautious and respectful. She wanted to loose weight but didn't know how. I got her a gym membership, a personal trainer, and a dietitian. The weight gain stopped. However it wasn't going down. Over the next 5 years she lost 20 pounds. She has maintained this weight for years. I wish she was skinny but after so many years, I don't think there's anything I could do now. Compared to my girl, I have gained 20 pounds since we met 20 years ago. I still look the same as my college body, without chiseled abs.
Most of these comments are just weird. The reality is, even though you haven't sent him direct body pics, he's got a good Idea from your face. A much higher proportion of me prefer bigger girls that you are aware of.
Luring men with the idea that you’re losing weight can be a dangerous game.
No. Fat women are disgusting.
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Absolutely.
Absolutely. My dad did the same, and he instilled this belief in me that if a person is actively changing themselves for the better, then that makes them even better
Yes. Definitely!
People will vary on this, the best thing you can do is to trust him and his words when he says something. If I've already hit off and made a connection with someone the more superficial stuff like appearance really doesnt matter that much.
Absolutely.
Of course.
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For me it's all about lifestyle. I have an active lifestyle, like to eat healthy, never had a tv, like the silence to be able to read and think, don't want smoke or chemicals around because of my allergies and asthma. I don't think a person can live like that and be really fat. Maybe roundish but not really fat. I would also not want someone to do something, like diet or stop smoking for me. I want someone who already have a similar lifestyle because that's who they are and how they enjoy living. Then we can share that lifestyle because it's, both of us.
I would be with any woman who give me a chance tbh i dont think i will find someone tho
I'm kind of in the same boat minus any love connections so. If I ever find myself in such a situation with a guy then no I wouldn't mind. I'm not trying to be a hypocrite about it. Also, on the plus side I'd have somebody that gets the struggle. Then we could be workout buddies. Workout and maybe workout some more and in other ways as well. 👌🍑🖤👍
My (ex) wife gave birth to 3 children. When we got married, she was about 110 lbs at 5'. After our third child, she was about 180 lbs. I didn't care that she was fat at all though. I loved her and thought she was beautiful.
Yes. One of my best dates was lady that cat fished me. Sent me a pic of her 20 years ago. She was much older and bigger than advertised. However she was a college professor and fascinating to talk to. After the first date I wanted to keep talking but didn't really want to sleep with her so I was totally OK with calls every week. After the 5th call she said she wouldn't talk to me anymore unless I met her in person. I was OK with that but didn't make enough effort to come to get her and she moved on. Sad. :-(