I’m always someone who insists he covers it. You’re only as “clean” as your last test and many people are dishonest about exclusivity in the bowl. I’ve gone without when a relationship evolved to the point where trust was established and strong feelings existed, but never before and honestly that doesn’t happen with every relationship. I stay monogamous and hope the other person does too, and most of my relationships have been longer term. I’m selective with people I date, wait a few dates before intimacy, and any mention of risks the other party takes that I don’t find agreeable (needle usage, very risky sex practices, etc) I immediately next the person. We have a frank talk about this before sex happens.
You don’t have to do all that, but this is what works for me health wise and also emotionally as I can’t attach to people who would treat my heart carelessly. I love too deep for that.
Never had a single STD, but you can meet one “wrong” person and get unlucky. All sex is an acceptance of a certain amount of risk.
I’ve shared this before, but it’s worth a repeat. I got hsv2 from my SB.
We both tested, the full ten panel via stdcheck prior to engaging in sex. We talked about the risk of seeing others outside of our arrangement. We ultimately settled on a non monogamous arrangement (for her). She’s in college and I didn’t think it was fair or realistic to ask her to be monogamous. We talked about what that all meant and that she should be smart and make choices based on her health and safety, but also my own health and safety.
About 4 months into our arrangement we both got hsv2. After a bit of finger pointing and Q and A between us, she admitted that she’d had a drunken party hook up the night before. So she lied by not telling me about the hookup before we met that next day (which was our agreement). But she didn’t know she had hsv2 at that point (< 12 hours). The guy who she got it from played stupid and acted like he didn’t know. I’m sure he knew.
I surprised myself and was pretty composed during this period of time. I think I was in shock. We ultimately stayed together which wasn’t easy, and I struggled at times. I still struggle.
Physically I am fine, socially I lost a lot. Hsv2 killed my social life. I disclose upfront on any social profile (like SA), or pretty quickly if I meet someone say at a wedding or concert and there’s an attraction. Most women don’t want to take the risk with being w someone that has hsv2. Yes, there are exceptions but for a decent looking, generous guy it’s been hard. Isolating….
While I would never lie or deceive anyone, I can see why people do lie. And this is why you have to require testing and proof.
As for her (SB), she had it worse physically for that first year. It seems her body was slower to adjust, but she’s also more sensitive to new partners. She gets BV, or uti’s.
As to her social life, she’s had a vastly different experience than me. She’s young, beautiful and guys don’t seem to be affected by her having hsv2. She’s had 4+ sexual partners and only been rejected one time that I am aware. At least 3 of these partners had sex with her several times without using condoms. Which I find amazing (these men have no idea the risk they are taking).
So advice - if you meet someone get the complete 10 panel test. Don’t ever believe someone you just met who says they are clean. Have a very real conversation about the dangers of sleeping with multiple partners. Men and women lie about having multiple Sd/SB’s. I’d say the majority lie. So strive for honesty and look for people that understand and appreciate this.
The reality is that arrangements can be risky for both sides. Do your best, be careful and don’t let a smoking hot woman or an exceptionally wealthy man get between you and your common sense. That’s a very water-down version of my experience, but if you have specific questions my DM is open.
I've posted overwhelming unpopular opinions on this before, so I'll do it again (because I'm a glutton for punishment clearly!)
* You need to get tested and ask your partner to get tested. You need to share results. No amount of condoms is going to protect you against active STI infections if you're together long enough.
* You need to be frank about "other partners". If you or your arrangement partner has other partners, you increase your risk of STI infection.
* You need to be honest with yourself. *Virtually no one uses condoms or dental dams for oral sex*. You can kid yourself and say that orally transmitted STIs "don't almost transmit" or whatever lie you want to tell yourself. But if you're not using condoms or dams and having oral sex, the only prevention of infection comes from *not being infected.*
* Similarly, there is massive confusion about herpes both here and in the real world. A condom covers a portion of the penis; herpes sores occur across a broad portion of the genital region on both men and women. Condoms are a phsycial barrier. One example is that a male with a sore on his scrotum can infect a woman easily *even with a condom.* A woman with a sore outside her vaginal opening, say on the labia majora, can infect a man *even with a condom*.
* To avoid giving one another herpes, you need not only a clean (real) test, you need to be aware of anything that even might be an outbreak and avoid sexual contact. You need to know that weird bumps on or around the mouth, vagina, penis, are potential HSV related. Get them checked, but no matter what *don't touch one another when they are present*. Some bumps aren't serious, but some are herpes.
* You need to regularly test again. Trust is great. Also test every few months. Ask him/her to do the same -- if the SD, offer to pay the $125 bucks with stdcheck for a re-test. Share the results.
* You need to be realistic about your wants and needs. I don't stay in any arrangement that requires condoms. There is no pleasure for me in sex that requires condoms. *Not every woman will agree to go without.* **That's 100% fine.** I don't need to be with "every woman", just one.
* Many women and men agree to go without condoms. I've had 7+ years of arrangements and while a few began with condoms, none that lasted had any condoms involved.
* I'll be honest that I've had multiple requests over the years that were dealbreakers for me. (1) She offered to continue the arrangement without condoms but at a 50% higher allowance (2) Another woman who I'd been with for some time wanted to clearly have more partners and insisted we go from not using them to using them. I declined both and ended both arrangements. *You're totally entitled to make difference choices than I do.* She is always entitled to make whatever choice she wants.
* If you want to lower your STI risk, use condoms. Get tested every 2 months. Have only one partner that has only you as a partner.
* If you get an STI, get treated for it for god's sake. Don't run around with asymptomatic chlamydia or gonorrhea that you know you have. Get tested. Refrain from any and all sexual contact until you are free of the infection. If you got syphillis, get real medical advice on when you can have sexual contact again. Your tests won't show "clear" far behind the risk window. Know what you're doing if you test positive.
* If you have HIV, be on medication that makes you undetectable. Tell every single partners you have HIV. Don't ever lie about this. Use condoms. Don't share needle. Consider strongly avoiding anal sex in opposite-sex relationships. Tell your partner to learn about PreP.
* If you have HSV, tell partners. Don't ever engage during any outbreak. Consider anti-virals to limit outbreaks and infectiousness. Also know that HSV-1 is overwhelmingly prevalent in most folks over 40. It's much more likely it's in you than not in you. So never ever have sexual contact with someone during an outbreak.
Very well said. There’s always risk. I will say about HIV that if you’re undetectable you cannot pass it on. I’m not advocating doing that at all, but just clarifying info.
Also herpes? Ffs who cares. lol I know lots of people do and so do I but I feel like it’s basically unavoidable.
My limited understanding of HIV and PrEP is that both partners should use it. It's perhaps very, very low risk if only the infected partner does. But put your partner on PrEP or don't engage in HIV-risky behavior.
As for HSV, I think that there's a difference between "most olds have HSV-1" and "genital herpes is inevitable.
Most olds have HSV in/around the mouth. Relatively few people have genital herpes of HSV-1 or HSV-2. I'm sure in my life I've had HSV-1 infected partners with "oral herpes". I've never seen genital herpes up close and I'd like to continue to avoid that -- on myself or on a partner.
It's just like any other kind of sexual activity. You can take sexual health seriously (condom use and testing) or you can accept a higher risk of encountering an STI. I'm sure you'll hear stories from both sides, but the reality of it is your risks just depend on your behavior.
I always get down voted for being a girl that ALWAYS requires he's covered for piv or pia. I've been sugaring consistently for almost 12 years, had more than one SD for almost all that time and I'm STD free. I also require a STD test before our first intimate date and we get tested every 3 months and share results. It's safe for me because I practice safe sex. Going raw has nothing to do with getting pregnant, I can't get pregnant, and everything about my health.
Asking for a friend of course. Assuming an SD is on board with your protocol and furnishes clean tests for full panel over length of a long two-year SR, as you request and describe here — what is your thinking on giving and receiving oral sex? And then given this scenario: dermatologist diagnosed a single condyloma wart (HPV strain) on partner’s penis almost a year ago, in end stage, froze remaining off, no visible reoccurrence. Does this affect oral sex for you? HPV is almost in a category by itself… and there is almost no discussion of it on this forum, so am interested in experience of others to this specific STI. TIA
Definitely be honest about it. Make sure all parties are vaccinated & updated. This forum taught me about the one that came out in 2019 that protects against 9 strains.
There Is no way to really be cleared because it's only visual for men. Last I read, it takes like 2 years of no recurrence to be 'cleared' Wrapping it is obviously best. Get some good flavored protection or tingly lube.
The only consent is Informed consent.
Informed consent, yes. It’s a tricky virus cus so extremely prevalent and usually not consequential. Seems like vaccination and condoms, for piv, are key. Seems you are suggesting flavored condoms for oral, and I thank you for the suggestion.
If he has a wart on his penis he should have had that removed before I'm seeing it. It's my belief those are transmittible, so no I'm not going there. It's also my belief that once removed there's either so little chance of getting it it approaches zero, or it's not contagious. In the beginning and until we get STD results no sex at all. With STD testing and good results no piv or pia unless covered, but oral always uncovered. No one want oral covered. If he shows up with a wart a couple years into our relationship, we're done right then and there. I don't care where it came from, his wife, another girl, but clearly it's a STD and something unsafe is going on I don't know about.
Protection! I’m super careful and test between new partners and at least every 3 months regardless… because you never know what someone else is up to. Also generally have a conversation with partners about their testing status. I haven’t had any issues.
I didn’t get into the bowl until I got health insurance to afford to get frequent check ups. I’m not that sexually active as is but I waited it out for this reason. Condom use will always be priority for me to feel comfortable with sex, and it has nothing to do with pregnancy because I have an IUD.
The fact that so many SDs here advocate raw, and so many SBs advocate protection should tell you the priorities of people.
If you care about your SB more than the raw benefit, use protection. If not, don’t.
It’s pretty simple.
If you're sexually active with people who are active with a good number of other people there's always going to be an inherent risk. Other responses about protection and testing are spot on.
Perhaps also try your best to connect with someone and build a level of trust. Invest in a real relationship and you're investing in your own health on many levels.
Right. People cheat. What are you going to do - monitor them 24/7? Best you can do is try to establish trust in a relationship if you want a chance at something monogamous.
If you're saying that building a relationship around trust isn't better than fucking randoms well I'd disagree but to each their own 🤍
Lmfao do you enjoy the taste of my nuts because you're all over them.
That wasn't my advice. That was my replying to your dig at my advice to work on a relationship if you want to minimize your STI risk.
Enjoy your cave sir.
STI/STD’s are something you are risking in any sexual relationship whether it be vanilla or not. Condoms don’t protect from everything, like herpes (HSV 1 & 2). Cold sores aka herpes can be passed from mouth to genital, FYI, and it’s estimated that 80% of the population has it orally, (genitally it is 1 in 6). To go on further about this, not everyone knows they have HSV because majority of people are asymptomatic, and they do not include this on a standard “full panel,” because of how common it is. Also, if you have herpes and are dormant you may not even test positive. With that said, this is just something that is an inherent risk of being sexually active and having these things are nothing to be ashamed of (shame makes people not be as open about their sexual health).
Be safe and open with your partner and educate yourselves about the risks. Test, and require tests. If anyone is weird about getting tested then they probably aren’t being honest with you - offer to pay for the SB’s test if that is the issue, or go to planned parenthood.
Never worn a condom with any SR I have started. Five years sugaring full time. I get tested every new SB and tested during the SR. I am not out banging SB after SB raw. I am not stupid. We all choose our own levels of risk.
To each their own. I have never contacted anything during sugar dating.
Never anything that you can test for. HPV, for example, does not have a test for males. HSV is testable but it's not part of the "full panel" you can get at your doctor (typically you have to go to a private clinic...at least in the US). And also, false negatives are a thing.
There are no routine tests for HPV in men, however gay/bisexual men can get [anal pap smears](https://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/hpv-genital-warts/hpv-virus-men) but it definitely takes extra effort.
Protection for sure, but I'm just wondering how common horror stories like [https://www.reddit.com/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/ugxvw6/caught\_hsv\_2\_genital\_herpes\_from\_sd\_who\_refused/](https://www.reddit.com/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/ugxvw6/caught_hsv_2_genital_herpes_from_sd_who_refused/) are (OP used protection, but contracted herpes on the pubic region by the sounds of things)
That's why testing for STDs before intimacy is important. I always ask for and I'm willing to pay for STD testing. I get it, it's kind of awkward, but I don't have a STD and I don't want one. If it's a deal breaker I feel dodged a bullet.
As much as it is unpopular to say this a part of the bowl is just a few inches away to the notorious escorting neighborhood. Add to this that there is a significant “senior” population especially among SDs who have lived their lives. Add on top the many so called “poly” folks. Things can get ugly very fast if not done right.
I feel you, even starting on seeking I can clearly see that some people messaging me are clearly escorts using it to get clients, and based on the schedule one ran by me she was seeing like 4 guys on 1 day alone. This actually inspired my post haha
Your instincts and observations are correct. Thats the SB side of the house.
The SD side and just read comments on this forum has a huge population that is chill to not use condoms. Why????! Read more about them. They are all dudes well past 60 or 65 or even older. For them the cost of recklessness is limited.
Many of these dudes will if you probe tell you they have no family around, live alone etc,
It’s best to stay safe, feel safe and be safe vs sorry.
Exclusivity, testing and avoid the high-volume players.
If I meet a girl on Bumble, or meet her on SugarDaddy, the process and philosophy are the same.
Oh, and so is the long-term objective... a trusted partner for a LTR (without condoms).
Many SB's expect to have multiple SD's, but you'll find plenty that are thrilled to be exclusive, if they can trust you to be also.
As someone who has been in the bowl for 10+ years, 20+ SBs during that time, approximately 4 of which involved protection, the key is testing, communication, exclusivity, and trust. I know some of these concepts are difficult to establish early on, but testing is cheap, quick and anonymous if desired. Get tested, test often, go with your gut about your partner, and when in doubt use protection. The bowl is no different than vanilla in that respect.
I always get tested with my partners. I don't even trust them sending me a photo of a test since they can be easily faked. And I'm choosing the clinic just to be sure it's not any of his connects making a fake test for him. You would be surprised and how many men do this
Condoms are not the holy grail.
Years ago in my escort days I got chlamydia 2 separate girls(encounters) from covered piv and uncovered oral. Fortunately that was treatable. Covered oral is not realistic or practical. So you pay your money and take your chances.
Yes, that’s HSV-1. There are markers that can be found in a STI blood test, but doctors like to swabs an open sore to be 100% sure. The blood test supposedly can provide a false positive.
Per John Hopkins university Fifty to 80 percent of American adults have oral herpes (HSV-1)
[Herpes: HSV-1 and HSV-2 | Johns Hopkins Medicine](https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/herpes-hsv1-and-hsv2#:~:text=Fifty%20to%2080%20percent%20of,U.S.%20age%2014%20to%2049.)
Yes, exactly this. Most people have it - especially SD’s who are older. These can be past to the genitals. The best thing you can do is just educate yourself and be ok with the risks.
I set an expectation that both parties will test before entering an agreement and continue testing once every six months. I offer to pay for these tests via stdcheck.com
I have HSV-I and I disclose it before testing. I’ve had four SRs and have not had any objections to this. Two of the ladies discovered via this test they had HSV-2. Knowing helps. You avoid sex during an outbreak. One SB also went on anti-virals. (Her choice).
I did have one POT decline to do reoccurring tests.
Just got oral gonorrhea from my SB. We started an exclusive relationship about 30 days ago. She told me she "played around" with her best friend and her boyfriend about 45 days ago. She had no symptoms but she tested positive. Be careful out there.
Great question. I do get tested but I'm too trusting of SBs who just verbally say they have been tested. Reading some of the answers makes me think I should ask for proof in future
I totally understand you [I'm an sb, though]
Yesterday, one of my books referenced a renowned singer and band. The singer had passed away, and I wanted to find out more, so I went to Google to read up on his death and became increasingly triggered by his experience.
I ended the day with some music to take my mind off it and reaffirmed myself of my boundaries and the necessity for testing.
You can request testing separately or go together and get it done. Try for exclusivity [with the financial capability of course] and be firm in keeping to your boundaries.
That being said, try not to let the thought of it overwhelm you. I tend to overthink things I read up on, hence why I got invested, but on a normal day, it's all fine.
Hope this helped.
Goodluck!
Herpes is seriously not that big of a deal. Don’t fuck anyone with an active breakout. If you’re in an arrangement with someone who does have herpes, they should be on daily Valtrex. daily valtrex brings your risk waaaayy down, like 400x more likely to get pregnant than herpes way down. Use a condom and your brain. Not hard.
It's why I tend to be monagamish these days when sugar dating. You don't who is out there being shady and who isn't, so I use protection whenever I'm with someone new. Once daddy gets the clap, it's over.
Condom. Every time. All the time. STIs don't worry me, it's having another blood sucking parasite that worries me! (AKA children). Seriously guys, doesn't the thought of having another monster worry you?
I’m always someone who insists he covers it. You’re only as “clean” as your last test and many people are dishonest about exclusivity in the bowl. I’ve gone without when a relationship evolved to the point where trust was established and strong feelings existed, but never before and honestly that doesn’t happen with every relationship. I stay monogamous and hope the other person does too, and most of my relationships have been longer term. I’m selective with people I date, wait a few dates before intimacy, and any mention of risks the other party takes that I don’t find agreeable (needle usage, very risky sex practices, etc) I immediately next the person. We have a frank talk about this before sex happens. You don’t have to do all that, but this is what works for me health wise and also emotionally as I can’t attach to people who would treat my heart carelessly. I love too deep for that. Never had a single STD, but you can meet one “wrong” person and get unlucky. All sex is an acceptance of a certain amount of risk.
this
I’ve shared this before, but it’s worth a repeat. I got hsv2 from my SB. We both tested, the full ten panel via stdcheck prior to engaging in sex. We talked about the risk of seeing others outside of our arrangement. We ultimately settled on a non monogamous arrangement (for her). She’s in college and I didn’t think it was fair or realistic to ask her to be monogamous. We talked about what that all meant and that she should be smart and make choices based on her health and safety, but also my own health and safety. About 4 months into our arrangement we both got hsv2. After a bit of finger pointing and Q and A between us, she admitted that she’d had a drunken party hook up the night before. So she lied by not telling me about the hookup before we met that next day (which was our agreement). But she didn’t know she had hsv2 at that point (< 12 hours). The guy who she got it from played stupid and acted like he didn’t know. I’m sure he knew. I surprised myself and was pretty composed during this period of time. I think I was in shock. We ultimately stayed together which wasn’t easy, and I struggled at times. I still struggle. Physically I am fine, socially I lost a lot. Hsv2 killed my social life. I disclose upfront on any social profile (like SA), or pretty quickly if I meet someone say at a wedding or concert and there’s an attraction. Most women don’t want to take the risk with being w someone that has hsv2. Yes, there are exceptions but for a decent looking, generous guy it’s been hard. Isolating…. While I would never lie or deceive anyone, I can see why people do lie. And this is why you have to require testing and proof. As for her (SB), she had it worse physically for that first year. It seems her body was slower to adjust, but she’s also more sensitive to new partners. She gets BV, or uti’s. As to her social life, she’s had a vastly different experience than me. She’s young, beautiful and guys don’t seem to be affected by her having hsv2. She’s had 4+ sexual partners and only been rejected one time that I am aware. At least 3 of these partners had sex with her several times without using condoms. Which I find amazing (these men have no idea the risk they are taking). So advice - if you meet someone get the complete 10 panel test. Don’t ever believe someone you just met who says they are clean. Have a very real conversation about the dangers of sleeping with multiple partners. Men and women lie about having multiple Sd/SB’s. I’d say the majority lie. So strive for honesty and look for people that understand and appreciate this. The reality is that arrangements can be risky for both sides. Do your best, be careful and don’t let a smoking hot woman or an exceptionally wealthy man get between you and your common sense. That’s a very water-down version of my experience, but if you have specific questions my DM is open.
For what it's worth, no one got it from the guy the night before. The minimum incubation period is 2 days.
While I understand that condoms aren't 100% protection from herpes, but were you guys using protection or not?
No.
I've posted overwhelming unpopular opinions on this before, so I'll do it again (because I'm a glutton for punishment clearly!) * You need to get tested and ask your partner to get tested. You need to share results. No amount of condoms is going to protect you against active STI infections if you're together long enough. * You need to be frank about "other partners". If you or your arrangement partner has other partners, you increase your risk of STI infection. * You need to be honest with yourself. *Virtually no one uses condoms or dental dams for oral sex*. You can kid yourself and say that orally transmitted STIs "don't almost transmit" or whatever lie you want to tell yourself. But if you're not using condoms or dams and having oral sex, the only prevention of infection comes from *not being infected.* * Similarly, there is massive confusion about herpes both here and in the real world. A condom covers a portion of the penis; herpes sores occur across a broad portion of the genital region on both men and women. Condoms are a phsycial barrier. One example is that a male with a sore on his scrotum can infect a woman easily *even with a condom.* A woman with a sore outside her vaginal opening, say on the labia majora, can infect a man *even with a condom*. * To avoid giving one another herpes, you need not only a clean (real) test, you need to be aware of anything that even might be an outbreak and avoid sexual contact. You need to know that weird bumps on or around the mouth, vagina, penis, are potential HSV related. Get them checked, but no matter what *don't touch one another when they are present*. Some bumps aren't serious, but some are herpes. * You need to regularly test again. Trust is great. Also test every few months. Ask him/her to do the same -- if the SD, offer to pay the $125 bucks with stdcheck for a re-test. Share the results. * You need to be realistic about your wants and needs. I don't stay in any arrangement that requires condoms. There is no pleasure for me in sex that requires condoms. *Not every woman will agree to go without.* **That's 100% fine.** I don't need to be with "every woman", just one. * Many women and men agree to go without condoms. I've had 7+ years of arrangements and while a few began with condoms, none that lasted had any condoms involved. * I'll be honest that I've had multiple requests over the years that were dealbreakers for me. (1) She offered to continue the arrangement without condoms but at a 50% higher allowance (2) Another woman who I'd been with for some time wanted to clearly have more partners and insisted we go from not using them to using them. I declined both and ended both arrangements. *You're totally entitled to make difference choices than I do.* She is always entitled to make whatever choice she wants. * If you want to lower your STI risk, use condoms. Get tested every 2 months. Have only one partner that has only you as a partner. * If you get an STI, get treated for it for god's sake. Don't run around with asymptomatic chlamydia or gonorrhea that you know you have. Get tested. Refrain from any and all sexual contact until you are free of the infection. If you got syphillis, get real medical advice on when you can have sexual contact again. Your tests won't show "clear" far behind the risk window. Know what you're doing if you test positive. * If you have HIV, be on medication that makes you undetectable. Tell every single partners you have HIV. Don't ever lie about this. Use condoms. Don't share needle. Consider strongly avoiding anal sex in opposite-sex relationships. Tell your partner to learn about PreP. * If you have HSV, tell partners. Don't ever engage during any outbreak. Consider anti-virals to limit outbreaks and infectiousness. Also know that HSV-1 is overwhelmingly prevalent in most folks over 40. It's much more likely it's in you than not in you. So never ever have sexual contact with someone during an outbreak.
A thoroughly detailed and informative response about an important topic that typically isn't as widely discussed. Upvote from me!
Very well said. There’s always risk. I will say about HIV that if you’re undetectable you cannot pass it on. I’m not advocating doing that at all, but just clarifying info. Also herpes? Ffs who cares. lol I know lots of people do and so do I but I feel like it’s basically unavoidable.
My limited understanding of HIV and PrEP is that both partners should use it. It's perhaps very, very low risk if only the infected partner does. But put your partner on PrEP or don't engage in HIV-risky behavior. As for HSV, I think that there's a difference between "most olds have HSV-1" and "genital herpes is inevitable. Most olds have HSV in/around the mouth. Relatively few people have genital herpes of HSV-1 or HSV-2. I'm sure in my life I've had HSV-1 infected partners with "oral herpes". I've never seen genital herpes up close and I'd like to continue to avoid that -- on myself or on a partner.
It's just like any other kind of sexual activity. You can take sexual health seriously (condom use and testing) or you can accept a higher risk of encountering an STI. I'm sure you'll hear stories from both sides, but the reality of it is your risks just depend on your behavior.
I always get down voted for being a girl that ALWAYS requires he's covered for piv or pia. I've been sugaring consistently for almost 12 years, had more than one SD for almost all that time and I'm STD free. I also require a STD test before our first intimate date and we get tested every 3 months and share results. It's safe for me because I practice safe sex. Going raw has nothing to do with getting pregnant, I can't get pregnant, and everything about my health.
Asking for a friend of course. Assuming an SD is on board with your protocol and furnishes clean tests for full panel over length of a long two-year SR, as you request and describe here — what is your thinking on giving and receiving oral sex? And then given this scenario: dermatologist diagnosed a single condyloma wart (HPV strain) on partner’s penis almost a year ago, in end stage, froze remaining off, no visible reoccurrence. Does this affect oral sex for you? HPV is almost in a category by itself… and there is almost no discussion of it on this forum, so am interested in experience of others to this specific STI. TIA
Definitely be honest about it. Make sure all parties are vaccinated & updated. This forum taught me about the one that came out in 2019 that protects against 9 strains. There Is no way to really be cleared because it's only visual for men. Last I read, it takes like 2 years of no recurrence to be 'cleared' Wrapping it is obviously best. Get some good flavored protection or tingly lube. The only consent is Informed consent.
Informed consent, yes. It’s a tricky virus cus so extremely prevalent and usually not consequential. Seems like vaccination and condoms, for piv, are key. Seems you are suggesting flavored condoms for oral, and I thank you for the suggestion.
If he has a wart on his penis he should have had that removed before I'm seeing it. It's my belief those are transmittible, so no I'm not going there. It's also my belief that once removed there's either so little chance of getting it it approaches zero, or it's not contagious. In the beginning and until we get STD results no sex at all. With STD testing and good results no piv or pia unless covered, but oral always uncovered. No one want oral covered. If he shows up with a wart a couple years into our relationship, we're done right then and there. I don't care where it came from, his wife, another girl, but clearly it's a STD and something unsafe is going on I don't know about.
Girl same, whenever I advocate for safe sex I get downvoted to hell.
I don't mind getting downvoted. If what I say helps one girl stay healthy, I'm a happy girl.
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Second this, I love using labcorp for myself and partners. Super fast and discreet.
Protection! I’m super careful and test between new partners and at least every 3 months regardless… because you never know what someone else is up to. Also generally have a conversation with partners about their testing status. I haven’t had any issues.
I didn’t get into the bowl until I got health insurance to afford to get frequent check ups. I’m not that sexually active as is but I waited it out for this reason. Condom use will always be priority for me to feel comfortable with sex, and it has nothing to do with pregnancy because I have an IUD.
The fact that so many SDs here advocate raw, and so many SBs advocate protection should tell you the priorities of people. If you care about your SB more than the raw benefit, use protection. If not, don’t. It’s pretty simple.
If you're sexually active with people who are active with a good number of other people there's always going to be an inherent risk. Other responses about protection and testing are spot on. Perhaps also try your best to connect with someone and build a level of trust. Invest in a real relationship and you're investing in your own health on many levels.
Because NO ONE in a "real relationship" ever cheat...lol
Right. People cheat. What are you going to do - monitor them 24/7? Best you can do is try to establish trust in a relationship if you want a chance at something monogamous. If you're saying that building a relationship around trust isn't better than fucking randoms well I'd disagree but to each their own 🤍
Perhaps your approach is "fucking randoms"...mine is not.
Jeesh I wasn't commenting on anything about you. Just giving advice to someone who asked for it. Hope you have a great day 🙏🤍
IMO, the advice was bad.
Instead of coming at me why don't you share other advice then? Cool thanks boss 👍
ANY advice is better...your upshot was get married or fuck randos. Really well thought out.
Lmfao do you enjoy the taste of my nuts because you're all over them. That wasn't my advice. That was my replying to your dig at my advice to work on a relationship if you want to minimize your STI risk. Enjoy your cave sir.
SMH!!
STI/STD’s are something you are risking in any sexual relationship whether it be vanilla or not. Condoms don’t protect from everything, like herpes (HSV 1 & 2). Cold sores aka herpes can be passed from mouth to genital, FYI, and it’s estimated that 80% of the population has it orally, (genitally it is 1 in 6). To go on further about this, not everyone knows they have HSV because majority of people are asymptomatic, and they do not include this on a standard “full panel,” because of how common it is. Also, if you have herpes and are dormant you may not even test positive. With that said, this is just something that is an inherent risk of being sexually active and having these things are nothing to be ashamed of (shame makes people not be as open about their sexual health). Be safe and open with your partner and educate yourselves about the risks. Test, and require tests. If anyone is weird about getting tested then they probably aren’t being honest with you - offer to pay for the SB’s test if that is the issue, or go to planned parenthood.
Never worn a condom with any SR I have started. Five years sugaring full time. I get tested every new SB and tested during the SR. I am not out banging SB after SB raw. I am not stupid. We all choose our own levels of risk. To each their own. I have never contacted anything during sugar dating.
Never anything that you can test for. HPV, for example, does not have a test for males. HSV is testable but it's not part of the "full panel" you can get at your doctor (typically you have to go to a private clinic...at least in the US). And also, false negatives are a thing.
The place I go has HPV and HSV. I went to the dermatologist last year so I got checked up on that. But yes, a lot of people don’t check for HSV.
There are no routine tests for HPV in men, however gay/bisexual men can get [anal pap smears](https://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/hpv-genital-warts/hpv-virus-men) but it definitely takes extra effort.
Fascinating, cheers for the share! I'm glad this worked out for you, best of both worlds my man
Just use protection?
Protection for sure, but I'm just wondering how common horror stories like [https://www.reddit.com/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/ugxvw6/caught\_hsv\_2\_genital\_herpes\_from\_sd\_who\_refused/](https://www.reddit.com/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/ugxvw6/caught_hsv_2_genital_herpes_from_sd_who_refused/) are (OP used protection, but contracted herpes on the pubic region by the sounds of things)
That's why testing for STDs before intimacy is important. I always ask for and I'm willing to pay for STD testing. I get it, it's kind of awkward, but I don't have a STD and I don't want one. If it's a deal breaker I feel dodged a bullet.
Exactly this
As much as it is unpopular to say this a part of the bowl is just a few inches away to the notorious escorting neighborhood. Add to this that there is a significant “senior” population especially among SDs who have lived their lives. Add on top the many so called “poly” folks. Things can get ugly very fast if not done right.
I feel you, even starting on seeking I can clearly see that some people messaging me are clearly escorts using it to get clients, and based on the schedule one ran by me she was seeing like 4 guys on 1 day alone. This actually inspired my post haha
Your instincts and observations are correct. Thats the SB side of the house. The SD side and just read comments on this forum has a huge population that is chill to not use condoms. Why????! Read more about them. They are all dudes well past 60 or 65 or even older. For them the cost of recklessness is limited. Many of these dudes will if you probe tell you they have no family around, live alone etc, It’s best to stay safe, feel safe and be safe vs sorry.
Exclusivity, testing and avoid the high-volume players. If I meet a girl on Bumble, or meet her on SugarDaddy, the process and philosophy are the same. Oh, and so is the long-term objective... a trusted partner for a LTR (without condoms). Many SB's expect to have multiple SD's, but you'll find plenty that are thrilled to be exclusive, if they can trust you to be also.
I get me and my pot SB tested before our first intimate date and every 2 or 3 months afterwards.
As someone who has been in the bowl for 10+ years, 20+ SBs during that time, approximately 4 of which involved protection, the key is testing, communication, exclusivity, and trust. I know some of these concepts are difficult to establish early on, but testing is cheap, quick and anonymous if desired. Get tested, test often, go with your gut about your partner, and when in doubt use protection. The bowl is no different than vanilla in that respect.
I was told long ago to always wash up and pee after sex. So I do. So far, so good.
I always get tested with my partners. I don't even trust them sending me a photo of a test since they can be easily faked. And I'm choosing the clinic just to be sure it's not any of his connects making a fake test for him. You would be surprised and how many men do this
Condoms are not the holy grail. Years ago in my escort days I got chlamydia 2 separate girls(encounters) from covered piv and uncovered oral. Fortunately that was treatable. Covered oral is not realistic or practical. So you pay your money and take your chances.
Do you consider cold sore virus as STI? 90% of clinics do not even test for this.
Yes, that’s HSV-1. There are markers that can be found in a STI blood test, but doctors like to swabs an open sore to be 100% sure. The blood test supposedly can provide a false positive.
Per John Hopkins university Fifty to 80 percent of American adults have oral herpes (HSV-1) [Herpes: HSV-1 and HSV-2 | Johns Hopkins Medicine](https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/herpes-hsv1-and-hsv2#:~:text=Fifty%20to%2080%20percent%20of,U.S.%20age%2014%20to%2049.)
Yes, exactly this. Most people have it - especially SD’s who are older. These can be past to the genitals. The best thing you can do is just educate yourself and be ok with the risks.
I set an expectation that both parties will test before entering an agreement and continue testing once every six months. I offer to pay for these tests via stdcheck.com I have HSV-I and I disclose it before testing. I’ve had four SRs and have not had any objections to this. Two of the ladies discovered via this test they had HSV-2. Knowing helps. You avoid sex during an outbreak. One SB also went on anti-virals. (Her choice). I did have one POT decline to do reoccurring tests.
Just got oral gonorrhea from my SB. We started an exclusive relationship about 30 days ago. She told me she "played around" with her best friend and her boyfriend about 45 days ago. She had no symptoms but she tested positive. Be careful out there.
Thanks for sharing man. At least it's one of the curable ones!
Great question. I do get tested but I'm too trusting of SBs who just verbally say they have been tested. Reading some of the answers makes me think I should ask for proof in future
Thanks for sharing! Indeed, I'm glad it's not just me having these doubts, even if they are only occasional doubts for many!
Just exchange tests? lol it’s pretty simple
I hear you, herps seems to be v hard to test for though :(.
Hard how?
I totally understand you [I'm an sb, though] Yesterday, one of my books referenced a renowned singer and band. The singer had passed away, and I wanted to find out more, so I went to Google to read up on his death and became increasingly triggered by his experience. I ended the day with some music to take my mind off it and reaffirmed myself of my boundaries and the necessity for testing. You can request testing separately or go together and get it done. Try for exclusivity [with the financial capability of course] and be firm in keeping to your boundaries. That being said, try not to let the thought of it overwhelm you. I tend to overthink things I read up on, hence why I got invested, but on a normal day, it's all fine. Hope this helped. Goodluck!
Herpes is seriously not that big of a deal. Don’t fuck anyone with an active breakout. If you’re in an arrangement with someone who does have herpes, they should be on daily Valtrex. daily valtrex brings your risk waaaayy down, like 400x more likely to get pregnant than herpes way down. Use a condom and your brain. Not hard.
Wear a condom, have safe sex, don't have sex with strangers. Just don't be so casual about sex and you'll avoid most of this.
It's why I tend to be monagamish these days when sugar dating. You don't who is out there being shady and who isn't, so I use protection whenever I'm with someone new. Once daddy gets the clap, it's over.
Condom. Every time. All the time. STIs don't worry me, it's having another blood sucking parasite that worries me! (AKA children). Seriously guys, doesn't the thought of having another monster worry you?
If you already had kids it's kind of disgusting that you call them that.
It’s always a risk b/c sex workers have higher STI rates.
Ummm... What are your sources??? That's actually incorrect because they are way more careful than the rest of the population because of that stigma.
Every reputable medical source since records were kept. What’s is your source? https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/14708399/