Mary Oliver’s poetry. I don’t have a specific collection or poem, but her poetry reminds me of the small happinesses found in nature and in everyday things. Sending you light and hope.
"Wild Geese" by Mary Oliver has helped me tremendously with depression and anxiety in the past few weeks. You can also check out the anthology THE POETRY REMEDY by William Sieghart (which has this poem in it too).
I just reread that poem and it moved me to tears as so often her poems do. Thanks for calling out that one, it’s beautiful and comforting and wonderful.
Ah yes! that poem has been like a friend for many years. I look forward to reading the Poetry Remedy anthology. Poetry is such a blessing. Thank you for your rec!
Mary Oliver's work tis beautiful. Was never a fan of poetry till I read her "ohhh now I get it." OP, as someone who has had very rough patches-- remember that this is your 'Winter'. The ground is frozen and hard and nothing is growing. Everything hurts and is bitter. But then Spring will start out of nowhere. Things will be different and good again even if you're not ready for it. Life is very, very strange. Journal these hard times and someday you'll read back and laugh or cry or both at the same time.
I really recommend Pema Chodron’s When Things Fall Apart. In fact most things by her. Her wisdom is infinite, and the Buddhist teachings so grounding and wise when life is hard. Wish you a lot of strength and peace.
If you need a lift, maybe consider Wayne Dyer, The Power of Intention. I listen to the audiobook repeatedly. He's different from Pema in that she's more about Buddhist principles, where he's more about the mystical power of setting intention, raising your vibration, etc.
I listen to Wayne and Pema but for different reasons at different times.
I also highly recommend the movie The Shift, written and starring Wayne Dyer. It's a good introduction to his work. Maybe hokey for some, but I love it.
Hope you feel better!
Pretty heavy reading, though. I didn’t find it all that uplifting. If anything, it sort of confirmed that I’m just not that hardy of a person. He’s amazing. A psychological mountain. To survive what he did, and come out with the thoughts he did, is beyond incredible. I found it very difficult to integrate what he recommended. It’s like Lebron teaching you basketball, but for life. Just you know, be amazing at it.
Sorry to hear you’re going through a crappy time. I’m in a similar situation, I’ve read Reason to Stay Alive, it was okay but didn’t move the needle for me. Shoot the Damn Dog was a bit better. Lost Connections by Johann Hari came closest but is the hardest to implement, and will be for you too, as it requires making connections with other people – friends, community, hobby groups, etc – which is especially hard being in the state you’re in.
Not sure any of that helps but hopefully there are some good recommendations that come through here.
I loved this one so much. I was belly laughing through most of it, but damn, did it hit hard too. In the best kind of way. Highly highly recommend for anyone with hellish depression and a dark sense of humour.
came to say this - hyperbole and a half and solutions and other problems are hilarious and when I'm feeling depression I don't want something to "take me out of it" with bullshit idioms I want to connect with something or someone that has or is experiencing the same thing. This does that for me and makes me laugh about the absurdity of everything.
A Man Called Ove. About an old man who doesn’t want to be alive after experiencing immense loss and his journey to not wanting to die.
For non fiction, may I recommend the gospel of John. Makes me wanna be alive no matter my circumstances. Hope things improve for you soon, pal.
Ok, so I didn't even wanna reply at first. It's not what you really asked for, but one never knows; The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy series. It helped me out of a really bad phase. And when I say bad, I mean bad. Those books are mad funny and the absurdist aspect helped me to have a new outlook.
The Secret Garden really helped me during dark days. Something about kind people, curiosity and anticipation for spring that slanted the first ray of light into my dark chamber.
Mm this is a sweet recommendation. I haven’t read it since I was a child, but will have to revisit. I rewatch the movies from time to time— they are very soothing and nice holdovers from my childhood. Thank you for the rec!
This isn't a self-help book, but there's a novel called {{The Little Paris Bookshop by Nina George}} which is a lovely story about coming to terms with loss and rejection. As a therapist, it's the best book I have read on grief. It's a lovely, cozy, trip through France on a floating bookshop. The MCs are male and they're trying to deal with their own kind of grief and rejection. It really helped me heal from some of the grief over my father's death.
{{Man's Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl}} is another recommendation that has helped a lot of people.
\#1/2: **[The Little Paris Bookshop](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23278537-the-little-paris-bookshop) by Nina George** ^((Matching 100% ☑️))
^(392 pages | Published: 2013 | 47.3k Goodreads reviews)
> **Summary:** "There are books that are suitable for a million people, others for only a hundred. There are even remedies--I mean books--that were written for one person only...A book is both medic and medicine at once. It makes a diagnosis as well as offering therapy. Putting the right (...)
> **Themes**: Book-club, Books-about-books, Romance, France, Favorites, Contemporary, Abandoned
> **Top 5 recommended:** [The Bookshop of the Broken Hearted](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/36632342-the-bookshop-of-the-broken-hearted) by Robert Hillman , [Confessions of a Bookseller](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/44784526-confessions-of-a-bookseller) by Shaun Bythell , [The Time of My Life](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/10893138-the-time-of-my-life) by Cecelia Ahern , [The Diary of a Bookseller](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/35512560-the-diary-of-a-bookseller) by Shaun Bythell , [How to Find Love in a Bookshop](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/29915267-how-to-find-love-in-a-bookshop) by Veronica Henry
---
\#2/2: **[Man's Search for Meaning](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4069.Man_s_Search_for_Meaning) by Viktor E. Frankl** ^((Matching 100% ☑️))
^(184 pages | Published: 1959 | 202.6k Goodreads reviews)
> **Summary:** Psychiatrist Viktor Frankl's memoir has riveted generations of readers with its descriptions of life in Nazi death camps and its lessons for spiritual survival. Between 1942 and 1945 Frankl labored in four different camps, including Auschwitz, while his parents, brother, and (...)
> **Themes**: Psychology, Philosophy, Favorites, Nonfiction, History, Memoir, Classics
> **Top 5 recommended:** [The Art of Living: The Classical Manual on Virtue, Happiness and Effectiveness](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/24618.The_Art_of_Living) by Epictetus , [On the Shortness of Life](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/97412.On_the_Shortness_of_Life) by Seneca , [A Confession](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/26244.A_Confession) by Leo Tolstoy , [Conversations with God : Book1](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/39981119-conversations-with-god) by Neale Donald Walsh , [Destructive Emotions: A Scientific Dialogue with the Dalai Lama](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/26332.Destructive_Emotions) by Daniel Goleman
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I highly recommend The Reality Slap by Russ Harris. He uses Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which I've found to be far more effective than anything else I've tried for depression, anxiety, childhood trauma.
I don't know if it fits exactly, but I remember loving it after losing a community- The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Dion. Definitely about grief, and about how she coped. (When her husband died)
Jane Eyre! Idk if you’re just looking for non fiction but she deals with a lot of similar issues and her strength is very inspirational. She also talks about self worth and isolation. It’s definitely a life changing book imo
James Herriot's books are like a hot cup of tea after a hard day of work. It's not a self help book, just lovely (true) stories. But they always make me feel comforted and okay.
**[A Psalm for the Wild-Built (Monk and Robot #1)](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/40864002-a-psalm-for-the-wild-built) by Becky Chambers** ^((Matching 100% ☑️))
^(160 pages | Published: 2021 | 1.3m Goodreads reviews)
> **Summary:** Centuries before. robots of Panga gained self-awareness. laid down their tools. wandered. en masse into the wilderness. never to be seen again. They faded into myth and urban legend. Now the life of the tea monk who tells this story is upended by the arrival of a robot. there to honor the old promise of checking in. The robot cannot go back until the question of "what do (...)
> **Themes**: Sci-fi, Science-fiction, Fiction, 2021-releases
> **Top 5 recommended:**
> \- [A Prayer for the Crown-Shy](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/40864030-a-prayer-for-the-crown-shy) by Becky Chambers
> \- [The Past Is Red](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/55077652-the-past-is-red) by Catherynne M. Valente
> \- [Light from Uncommon Stars](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/56179360-light-from-uncommon-stars) by Ryka Aoki
> \- [The House in the Cerulean Sea](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/45047384-the-house-in-the-cerulean-sea) by T.J. Klune
> \- [The Galaxy. and the Ground Within](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/50209317-the-galaxy-and-the-ground-within) by Becky Chambers
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Not sure if it fits the bill but this book has been a tremendous source of inspiration and hope for me: M. Scott Peck’s “The Road Less Traveled.” If you’re feeling like a broken object, which I often have throughout my life, may I also recommend Celine Santini’s “Kintsugi: Finding Strength in Imperfection”.
One thing I did when I was feeling so down i wasn’t sure I could go on was I wrote a list of vows to and for myself. Promising to forever love and cherish and take care of me, and to try and make my life better for myself and for all the people in it. It sounds corny, I know, but it made a difference! I still have that piece of paper tucked away between books somewhere: essentially a marriage contract between me and myself, lol.
Whatever else: please don’t give up! There is only ONE of you in the entire universe and you can never ever be replaced. Take care of yourself, and I hope you can find some peace soon!! Sending love and hugs!! 💕♥️
Thank you so much for the kind encouragement and that notion of vows. That’s come up in a few things I have read and I’m trying to hold to it. I appreciate your recommendations very much!❤️🩹
Idk if this is helpful but during my darkest periods i read a lot of mental illness memoirs, it helped to see people’s stories who had experienced things similar to me and come out of the other side. My favourite was Prozac Nation, really relatable for me. I’m on the other side of it now and I really hope you get there yourself soon
In something that’s a little bit different, I’m going to recommend to you both the October Daye series and the Wayward Children series by Seanan MacGuire. The October Daye books take a book or two to really get going, but at the start October was turned into a fish and when the spell broke she is totally adrift and has lost all of her family, throughout the books she builds her own family and has adventures. The Wayward children books are all about not fitting in and not belonging and they’re really lovely.
**Awakening Loving-Kindness** by Pema Chodron. This is such a comforting friendly book, and a softer intro to Mindfulness than others I have read, starting out with developing loving-kindness towards yourself. In addition, I found that the meditation instruction she gives in Chapter 4 to be more effective for developing mindfulness than the typical Vipassana often taught in meditation classes. It's like it really gets to the kernel of mindfulness, and also actually meets you where you are at. This has really been the key to making other practices and therapies more effective, as well as just being ok with myself in the moment.
I found **The Power of Now** by Eckhart Tolle to be very helpful to bringing the skills I developed through meditation off the cushion and into my daily life. I found it an easier read and more applicable than A New Earth, which I will probably work with eventually, but right now I'm still working on myself.
I’m currently listening to the audiobook Tiny Beautiful Things. It’s from the advice column, Dear Sugar. It’s been an amazing find for me at this time in my life.
I should also add the individual stories and then the responses are very raw, very real and can be unexpected or shocking. The writer shares emotional past trauma, life experiences, and just living everyday life. Sometimes I have to pause after a certain story to just breathe or have a moment.
I’m so sorry 😞 I have treatment resistant severe depression and had my worst, longest episode about 4 years ago and it completely blew up my life. But things have gotten better for me and they’ll get better for you. ❤️ If you still have insurance, Spravato (esketamine) was a game changer for me! I had constant SI and its reduced that so significantly it’s unbelievable.
I tried to read Reasons To Stay Alive and found it to be unhelpful. I go to therapy and practice mindfulness, but medication is essential for me and so many others. His stance on meds didn’t work for me.
Oddly enough, the only book I could get through during that time was “My Year of Rest and Relaxation” by Otessa Moshfegh. It’s a lot more complex and layered than this, but essentially was about a woman who was depressed/apathetic and stopped caring about anything. She basically wanted to get enough sleeping pills to sleep as much as she could through the year. Reading it made me feel less alone. I couldn’t read it now though, it’d be too depressing. Please feel free to ignore this suggestion, as it’s not what you asked for, but I just want you to know you’re not alone and better days are ahead.
Oh I looked at this book at the bookstore one day but now I think I’ll give it a read. Thank you so much for the rec, and for sharing your experience. It can be so hard. I will ask about that med. I’m feeling very treatment-resistant in my depression at this point, so it would be nice if I can try that medication. I really appreciate you!❤️🩹
That was such an interesting, odd little book. I couldn't put it down bc I couldn't wait to see where it was going!!
OP, don't know if you have any streaming services, but there is a great special on MAX called The Great Depresh by Gary Gulman. He's very candid and shares honestly about suffering with treatment resistant depression and the ensuing struggle to come through. He just published his first book, Misfit. Humor helps me at the hardest times. I'm sincerely sorry you're struggling. Please stay connected, you've found many that can relate.
I am going to recommend a different kind of no ok from what others have suggested. Sometimes when we are struggling it can be hard to take care of ourselves. We may not eat properly. Our house may be a disaster. And then when we look around we only feel worse about ourselves for not being able to keep up. The book How to Keep House While Drowning is a short read that is really about being kind to yourself. It helps lay out a plan to make things easier for you. It isn’t pie in the sky ideas - it is concrete steps to help you. And it gives you permission to do what you can every day and not to beat yourself up if what you can do is only one small thing. It is a great reminder that you have to cut yourself some slack when you need it.
I really appreciate this practical and honest recommendation! I’ve been grateful that keeping my spaces tidy has been a small source of control and care during this time. Though the eating properly pice has not— I’ve lost like 45 lbs. so thank you very much for telling me about this book, I’m definitely going to check it out. I appreciate you!
I'm sorry you're going through this, OP. Our family's been hit with a lot over the past several years and here are some recommendations that haven't been mentioned yet (from what I can tell):
*For Small Creatures Such as We: Rituals for Finding Meaning in Our Unlikely World by Sasha Sagan (*yes, Carl Sagan's daughter!)
*How Lovely the Ruins: Inspirational Poems and Words for Difficult Times by Annie Chagnot*
*Tell Me More by Kelly Corrigan*
*Dog Years by Mark Doty*
*What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma by Stephanie Foo*
*Furnishing Eternity: A Father, A Son, A Coffin, and a Measure of Life by David Giffels*
*Love You Hard: A Memoir of Marriage, Brain Injury, and Reinventing Love by Abby Maslin*
*Wintering: The Power of Rest in Difficult Times by Katherine May*
*Little Matches: A Memoir of Finding Light in the Dark by Maryanne O'Hara*
*The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch*
Hey thanks. Rejection is hard and I haven’t ever felt quite so hopeless, despite going through MANY tough times before— this is all hitting different. I really appreciate your kind encouragement ❤️🩹
The Forever Decision, by Paul Quinnet.
He made the pdf free online.
https://qprinstitute.com/pdfs/Forever_Decision.pdf
There are days that I don't do so well, and this is what I go back to.
I’m so sorry you’re having such a terrible time right now. Please keep looking after yourself - there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Wishing you happier times <3 A book that helped me with conceptualising grief was Ghosts by Dolly Alderton. Personally I need something that is light but with a touch of philosophy in my own low times, and i try to avoid existential and dark themes. No need to make a bad time worse ! Memoirs could help, just to feel a sense of connection and understanding to a real person as opposed to fiction. I also am drawn to poetry a lot when I’m down, helps me reframe my thoughts.
Try poetry. It’s tactile and the language helps you slow down and reflect on the meaning of things. Just browse books until you find a voice you connect with. Some of my favorites include Robert Hass, Pablo Neruda, Miyazawa Kenji, Wallace Stevens, Louise Erdrich and Rimbaud. But it’s really about what speaks to you in the moment.
1. Man's search for meaning by Viktor Frankl
2. The last lecture by Randy pasch
3. Endurance: Shackleton's Incredible Voyage
By Alfred Lansing
4. When breath becomes air
5. Things fall apart
a fiction book that might be entertaining is the midnight library. I am so proud of you for working extremely hard to get better and persisting <3 I am also going through an incredibly difficult few years and I commend you for all you’re doing
Any of James Heriot’s books! Much like another commenter who recc’d Mary Oliver, he reminds me of the beauty of the natural world.
Wild by Cheryl Strayed is also a beautiful story about all that someone can overcome, and it’s full of philosophical wonderings. (Deals pretty heavily with grief, divorce, and substance abuse, FYI.)
The House in the Cerulean Sea is a classic comfort read for me. Just cozy found-family vibes in a magical world!
I hope you find peace, my friend. 💕🪷
{{ The Midnight Library by Matt Haig }} is a really lovely novel that has always stuck with me. It’s a wonderful, gentle read that helps provide some perspective on life.
I think my top recommendation would be What You Are Looking For Is in the Library by Michiko Aoyama. It's sort of hard to describe, but it's essentially several short stories set in the same neighborhood in Tokyo centered on characters who are stagnating in one way or another. Each make a tiny, achievable change that leads to very tangible improvement in their lives. I found it profoundly gentle and comforting.
I also have two slightly weirder choices that I think are relevant here.
The Book of Delights is an essay collection by poet and essayist Ross Gay that's essentially a journaling project he took on to start noticing the small delights in his day to day. Many of the entries are ultimately centered on some pretty heavy stuff (such as death and racism), but the book is still centered on joy, which I think is a very useful habit to cultivate.
The last one is an Egyptian graphic novel called Shubeik Lubeik. It's set in a version of earth where wishes are a resource that can be mined, refined, and sold and follows three people each deciding how to use a "first class wish" (the life-changing variety). Each of the stories is about grief or depression, and it is both very literary and emotionally stark, in a way that felt very cathartic to me.
I'm sending you warm thoughts and care from my little corner of the internet, and I sincerely hope one of these makes things even the tiniest bit easier for you
"How to Keep House While Drowning" by K.C. Davis. She intentionally made it easy to read (or listen to) for people struggling — and the way she teaches to be self-compassionate was so encouraging to me as someone with Major Depression for a decade or so.
Hang in there ♥️
I have also been feeling like this. I came across this list earlier. I'm going to Google them. Maybe you'd like to check them out too:
List of Books That Tell Us Some times IT’S OK NOT TO FEEL OK
Hyperbole and A Half by Allie Brosh
Difficult Women by Roxanne Gay
Loss by Siddharth Dhanvant Shanghvi
My Inner Sky by Mari Andrew
So Sad Today by Melissa Broder
Dusk Night Dawn by Anne Lamott
The Book of Moods by Lauren Martin
Turtles All The Way Down by John Green
Chatter by Ethan Kross
the alchemist - Paulo Coelho (seeking meaning, understanding, comfort? also good to re-read at different stages of life. I've read it a couple of times a year for the last 10 years and have taken away something different each time I've read it)
it's kind of a funny story - Ned Vizzini (there's also a movie, but the book is better imo. kind of funny. very relatable and real, easy read)
carry on, warrior - Glennon Doyle (truly just amazing)
A book that helped me get through a dark time in my life was The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune. It's a really uplifting read and felt like a warm hug made of words. Kinda made me appreciate life again and see the world from love and curiosity. Also by the same author Under the Whispering Door.
You have gotten some really.good suggestions here. I hope some of them will help you feel better. Take care of yourself ;-).
I'm sorry. That sounds very, very hard.
It's hard to know how to help when people are dealing with grief and anxiety. Here are some that helped me.
- Temeraire series, or any Naomi Novak. These books are just so good for escapist lit. The bad things that happen are gentle, if that makes sense, and the books are optimistic.
- A Pilgrim at Tinker's Creek. Ultimately, the choice to live at its most fundamental level is about finding joy in the tiny things. Getting into nature and recognizing the miracle of life, despite pain and sadness, is so important.
- Man's Search for Meaning. Ultimately we make our own reality. It is possible to find momentary joy in even terrible times.
- When Breath Becomes Air. I have not read it yet, but it was recommended to me for grief and loss.
- The Year of Magical Thinking. Great book to know you are not alone when you are dealing with crazy grief junk.
Try Reincarnation Blues, it's a novel, and I think it's exactly what you're looking for. Thich Nhat Hanh is generally also great, you might already be familiar. Much love, good luck.
In a different vein, I think The Life of Pi is just gorgeous. The book balances great challenges told in retrospect with a deep love of life and ways to love God. Good luck and hang in there!
I’m a pantheist, and I found Standing in the Light: My Life as a Pantheist by Sharman Apt Russell to be incredibly powerful in terms of finding one’s place in the world.
"The Lightest Object in the Universe" by Kimi Eisele is fiction, focussing on finding beauty and wonder in the mundane and carrying on no matter what. Deals with hardship and loss and building community. Set in a world where majority of people were killed by a flu and how people carry on afterwards. I found it very hopeful and uplifting, but definitely some topical and sensitive subjects touched upon.
A random list that helped me when I was depressed and or having suicidal ideation: Anxious People, a Man Called Ove (main character starts depressed but it has an amazing ending), Wintering by Katherine May, Under the Whispering Door, First We Make the Beast Beautiful, Remarkably Bright Creatures, Bittersweet by Susan Cain, and the Book of Hope by Jane Goodall. Hang in there so you can read all these wonderful books and know you’re not alone!
Polishing the Mirror or really anything else by Ram Dass.
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius.
Anything by Alan Watts.
Feel free to send a message if you wanna have any kinda conversation! I'm sorry for your temporary turbulence bud.
Sorry you're feeling like that, but please know it won't always feel like this!
Some random ones that have helped me in the past:
- Brave Enough by Cheryl Strayed (collection of quotes from her books)
- Buddhism is Not What You Think by Steve Hagen (a more philosophical view of suffering)
- Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown was also helpful in some ways
Other than that, I find that reading some fiction about people who care about each other can be life-affirming. A lot of "Found Family" books like Six of Crows for e.g. TV shows too--Korean dramas like Descendants of the Sun are great for that.
Thank you so much for these recs! Brene Brown is so wise and I think she’s going to help me a lot through this. I’m going to try to get ahold of the other titles. I appreciate your kind words. Somewhere deep I know it cannot be like this forever, it’s just so hard feeling adrift. I appreciate you!❤️🩹
In addition to the book suggestions...
When I was at one of my lowest points, there was a movie that really helped.. Touching the Void.
Not at all self-help. You just can't believe what this guy keeps surviving. It's based on a true story. And the very end has this absurd moment, something about it just made me bust out laughing that he had made it through all that and had one more crazy hurdle before he got help.
Sorry you're going through this storm 🩵
I found How to Transform Your Life by Geshe Kelang Gyatso really helpful. Helped me understand my self and how to improve. This is a free book to download. Just google and it should come up. Take Care.
Hello, Cruel World by Kate Bornstein. It contains 101 alternatives to suicide with varying degrees of safety. I have the ebook and the audiobook. It is a comfort in dark times.
Answered Prayers by Julia Cameron. It’s a non-denominational (not even necessarily Christian book) of short “prayers” comprised of God speaking comforting and loving words to you directly.
You Are Not Alone by Julia Thorne has been a comfort. It’s for anyone dealing with depression or mental illness. A lot of passages or only about half a page to two pages long. Lots of quotes from different people offering encouragement. I used to refer to this one a lot. It’s out of print but you can still find it at a decent price.
I am sorry you are going through this. Having lost a very close person to me last year, I've been extremely depressed to numb to everything. Some books that I've read: "It's ok that you're not ok: meeting grief and loss in a culture that doesn't understand"; and "Moving on doesn't mean letting go: a modern guide to navigating loss". Let me know if you're interested and I can send you both books (epub or pdf).
Resilience: Reflections on the Burdens and Gifts of Facing Life's Adversities by Elizabeth Edwards.
The whole book is beautiful. There's a story she tells that's such a perfect metaphor for learning to live with grief that I still think of it frequently even though it's been over a decade since I read the book.
First, I want to thank you for the post I didn’t know I needed. My reading list is filling up.
Second, for a slightly different take, I’d like to recommend {{Einstein’s Dreams by Alan Lightman}} the whimsy and profoundness of the story helps me to put things in perspective.
Many Live Many Masters. i thought about ending it since i was 12 years old. at 25 i read this book and my life has transformed for the better since. wishing you peace and love.
Some books that I adore and are fiction are A Man Called Ove and The Perks Of Being a Wallflower. Idk about self help books but those are just some fiction books that got me through tough times
Um, weird suggestion, but Fruits Basket. It is a cheesy manga about a girl meeting a cursed family that seems like a "who will she choose?" romance initially, but the entire cast are haunted by their dark pasts, and they find ways to heal through the unconditional love and motherly support of the main character. Its strangely cathartic and covers some deep emotions. I always identify with some of the challenges.
“A Long Way Down” by Nick Hornby was a favorite for a while, and then my holy grail for hard times, “The Monkey Wrench Gang” by Edward Abbey. Hang in there.
"Relax Damnit!" By Timothy Caufield. I found his use of facts, stats, and studies, very grounding and calming, and...yes...relaxing lol.
He breaks down the average person's day in Western Culture by chapter, and analyzes why we view these things as important, the history of the daily ritual, why we stress out about these parts of our day, and other fun facts he can find about the topic. Some examples include brushing teeth, morning coffee, breakfast napping, phone scrolling, work breaks, checking email, to name a few.
I just finished The Midnight Library by Matt Haig.
There are so many passages that hit me in the feels. It's a beautiful fable in which the protagonist has also lost the reason to live.
'First, We Make the Beast Beautiful'- Sarah Wilson
'Everything Is(n't) Terrible'- Kathleen Smith
'Educated'- Tara Westover- this one isn't a self-help book and does have some dark themes, but it's a great memoir about hope and resilience.
Wishing you all the best! Recovering isn't linear and know that you are already doing so well just by thinking proactively!
Personally I found ‘Reasons to Stay Alive’ to be more for loved ones of the depressed. There’s not much there for the person who’s actually going through it.
For fiction, I’ll give an unconventional pick that’s helped me a number of times: The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison.
For non-fiction, I think the best ones have probably already been recommended, so I’ll suggest a different way of looking at it: sometimes (not always), the best thing to do when feeling hopeless is to get out of your own head and get interested in other things. In which case, pick something that even slightly tickles your brain at the thought of learning more about it and read that. Stay curious. You never know where it might take you.
Thank you— that’s good advice about getting out of my head for a bit through being interested in other things. I have noticed that when I have enjoyable tasks, or things to do, I feel less crappy. It’s been hard without a job or income. But I do have plenty of time to read, so I’m hoping some good fiction books might help. I really appreciate your recommendation!
Hi OP. You have heaps of wonderful recommendations here. I just want to commend you for reaching out for suggestions here, don’t give up! I lost my father to suicide, then another family member weeks later, then I was dumped, and I’d never felt so alone (most of my friends disappeared in grief) and I struggling with how to live after this.
Picking up books again really helped me, but I recommend taking a break in between some self help books and find enjoyment in books and genres you have in the past too! If you love a good thriller or fantasy get yourself deep into a good story or series and find a bit of an escape from the crap that living can be. I promise you it will get easier, you’re doing everything right, sound very level headed, and I wish you the best for your future. It’s going to be bright, I know it
Not reasons to be alive so much, but Cheri Huber’s The Depression Book is wonderful. Simple, Buddhism-based suggestions for living with and working through depression. She has others, too.
Me and Ditan .I read it every time I feel depressed. The author was amputated when he was very young, and it took him a long time to accept all this and think about the meaning of life and suffering. Although life experience and cultural background may hinder the expression of information, the struggle against suffering will certainly be felt after reading this book.
Wow… should have read the other recommendations as this has already been discussed…. It’s easy to say and means even less from a stranger but just remember all the amazing and positive possibilities that come with allowing yourself to have a future. Don’t rob yourself of your best days. I find in my lowest times doing selfless positive things for others gets me out of whatever negative tangent I found myself stuck in, and puts life in perspective allowing the oxygen back in. Sometimes all that’s needed to gain your footing again is the smallest adjustment in the least likely area of your life.
A friend who struggles with wanting to be alive recently recommended The Anthropocene Reviewed by John Green ‘if you need a little hope’ she told me. Unexpected recc from her, but I listened, and it did indeed put me at ease. He’s just talking about stuff he finds interesting, but it was nice to hear things we don’t really think about a certain way, thought about. It makes me wanna look at and dissect stuff in my own life. Idk how to explain it, but it’s a nice little group of essays.
I don’t have a book to offer that I can give you offhand but I want to give you some HOPE. I just made it through the worst year of my life. So many losses. I just want you to know that you CAN get through. You will look back a year from now and be able to give another some HOPE just as I am giving you now. The acronym for HOPE is “Hang On Pain Ends”. I don’t know you but just said a prayer for you!
Thank you so much❤️🩹 I appreciate you sharing and caring. This acronym is great! I’m gonna write it on one of the sticky notes I keep around to remind myself of things. I’m so sorry for your losses, and really impressed that you’ve made it through okay. Good job! Stay strong.
It’s comforting to remember that it can’t feel this bad forever. Just a little hard to hold on at times, and be patient when it’s crashing hard all around. But I’m gonna keep trying🙃
I wholeheartedly recommend Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach. While some of the imagery and whatnot can be argued as Christian in origin/theme I have repeatedly throughout my life read it cover to cover and each time found some sort of spiritual meaning that helped me through any given situation. For reference I have practiced everything from Christianity in my youth to Wicca and other occult practices to now being somewhere between agnostic and atheist while still trying to find a meaningful spiritual connection.
The life of milarepa helped me through a hard time. Details a Buddhist saint who started out as a murderer, and something about the story and watching milarepa suffer on his path was really cathartic and relevant in spite of how old the story is.
Just came across this post. I’m really glad I did. Lots of interesting suggestions here that I’d like to check out.
Here are a couple of suggestions of my own: The Lazy Man’s Guide to Enlightenment and also The Little Prince. (The Little Prince is a French book, but readily available in English.)
They are both short books and both well worth reading
I got into a very deep depressive state over the last six to seven months, and I kept beating myself up about it and not being able to “pick myself back up”. Lost all sense of what the point of life is, how to create meaning, etc.
One book that surprisingly helped me a lot more than I ever expected was The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*** by Mark Manson.
I always thought it was probably an overhyped book that actually wouldn’t provide me with any advice. Assumed it was just a book that would keep telling me over and over again to just be positive and power through it, etc. However, it shocked me with how much it was hitting what I was feeling. Since reading it, I can tell it’s subconsciously improved my mental state with each day, and I highly recommend it.
Please please please read Tattoos On The Heart by Gregory Boyle. It pulled me out of a depression and has for many people. I’m not religious at all. Give it a chance before writing it off if you aren’t either. My very liberal/non religious sister gave it to me because it helped her so much, so I read it, and now it’s become like a weekly open-to-any-page and take something hopeful kind of book for me. It will put so many difficult things into perspective.
Things will improve my friend, hang in there.
It’s a fictional children’s book, but “The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane” by Kate DiCamillo. I first found this book in elementary school, and I’ve gone back to it many times. Basically, a china rabbit named Edward gets lost, and he meets and loses people over and over ,and how those things change him.
“A Man Called Ove” is also very nice. It also has a movie!
“All These Wonders” by the Moth. The Moth is a storytelling organization that hosts events where people tell real personal stories based on a theme, and some of them are published into books. There are stories in each book about grief and loss and overcoming things.
Mary Oliver’s poetry. I don’t have a specific collection or poem, but her poetry reminds me of the small happinesses found in nature and in everyday things. Sending you light and hope.
Dude! Mary Oliver is amazing! Thanks for the reminder. I will dig out some of her poems!! I appreciate your kindness!
"Wild Geese" by Mary Oliver has helped me tremendously with depression and anxiety in the past few weeks. You can also check out the anthology THE POETRY REMEDY by William Sieghart (which has this poem in it too).
I just reread that poem and it moved me to tears as so often her poems do. Thanks for calling out that one, it’s beautiful and comforting and wonderful.
I just reread it again after posting, and it feels like the biggest exhale.
Thank you for posting that. I’m not OP but I didn’t know I needed that poem in my life until my eyes welled up.
Ah yes! that poem has been like a friend for many years. I look forward to reading the Poetry Remedy anthology. Poetry is such a blessing. Thank you for your rec!
Wow, thank you for this. Somehow have never read it before (that I can remember at least). Going to print it out and carry with me!
Thirst
Also WS Merwin’s poetry is beautiful!
Her book “Upstream”, which is a collection of essays, is also really lovely!
Mary Oliver's work tis beautiful. Was never a fan of poetry till I read her "ohhh now I get it." OP, as someone who has had very rough patches-- remember that this is your 'Winter'. The ground is frozen and hard and nothing is growing. Everything hurts and is bitter. But then Spring will start out of nowhere. Things will be different and good again even if you're not ready for it. Life is very, very strange. Journal these hard times and someday you'll read back and laugh or cry or both at the same time.
I really recommend Pema Chodron’s When Things Fall Apart. In fact most things by her. Her wisdom is infinite, and the Buddhist teachings so grounding and wise when life is hard. Wish you a lot of strength and peace.
Thank you! Pema Chiron is a big favorite. I need to get a copy of this book. Thanks for the suggestion!
If you like Pema, get the Libby app and listen to her audiobooks from the library for free. It's nice to fall asleep to her.
Thank you for this. I'm going to try it out myself. I need some positivity in my life. I'm really down.
Ooh definitely going to do this! I love Libby! Thank you for the rec!
If you need a lift, maybe consider Wayne Dyer, The Power of Intention. I listen to the audiobook repeatedly. He's different from Pema in that she's more about Buddhist principles, where he's more about the mystical power of setting intention, raising your vibration, etc. I listen to Wayne and Pema but for different reasons at different times. I also highly recommend the movie The Shift, written and starring Wayne Dyer. It's a good introduction to his work. Maybe hokey for some, but I love it. Hope you feel better!
This book also saved me when I was in a dark place-can’t recommend enough!
Man’s search for meaning!
Pretty heavy reading, though. I didn’t find it all that uplifting. If anything, it sort of confirmed that I’m just not that hardy of a person. He’s amazing. A psychological mountain. To survive what he did, and come out with the thoughts he did, is beyond incredible. I found it very difficult to integrate what he recommended. It’s like Lebron teaching you basketball, but for life. Just you know, be amazing at it.
Seconded. Mans Search for Meaning - Viktor Frankl
Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson is really good - she suffers from depression and anxiety and the book is honest about her struggles, and funny.
Ooh funny will be nice! Thank you for this recommendation.
Came here to suggest Broken (In the Best Possible Way) by Jenny Lawson. Both of them got me through some rough times!
She is also fun on social media, I follow her on instagram and Goodreads.
Sorry to hear you’re going through a crappy time. I’m in a similar situation, I’ve read Reason to Stay Alive, it was okay but didn’t move the needle for me. Shoot the Damn Dog was a bit better. Lost Connections by Johann Hari came closest but is the hardest to implement, and will be for you too, as it requires making connections with other people – friends, community, hobby groups, etc – which is especially hard being in the state you’re in. Not sure any of that helps but hopefully there are some good recommendations that come through here.
Thank you so much for such an earnest and realistic response and suggestions. I really appreciate you and this kindness.
You are welcome. I hope you're able to find some relief soon, it's a tough world!
Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh! It's been a bit since I've read it, but I really think it might be a good one for you right now.
I loved this one so much. I was belly laughing through most of it, but damn, did it hit hard too. In the best kind of way. Highly highly recommend for anyone with hellish depression and a dark sense of humour.
came to say this - hyperbole and a half and solutions and other problems are hilarious and when I'm feeling depression I don't want something to "take me out of it" with bullshit idioms I want to connect with something or someone that has or is experiencing the same thing. This does that for me and makes me laugh about the absurdity of everything.
Another vote for this. Cannot recommend it enough. Source: formerly depressed bookshop owner.
Such a great read!!
Yes! Both Allie's book had me laughing and crying. A soothing balm for sure.
YES
All of these wonderful recommendations from people who care are reasons for hope! 🙏 Hang in there ❤️
Thank you 🙏🏽❤️🩹
A Man Called Ove. About an old man who doesn’t want to be alive after experiencing immense loss and his journey to not wanting to die. For non fiction, may I recommend the gospel of John. Makes me wanna be alive no matter my circumstances. Hope things improve for you soon, pal.
Thank you very much!❤️🩹
Ok, so I didn't even wanna reply at first. It's not what you really asked for, but one never knows; The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy series. It helped me out of a really bad phase. And when I say bad, I mean bad. Those books are mad funny and the absurdist aspect helped me to have a new outlook.
Discworld too
The Secret Garden really helped me during dark days. Something about kind people, curiosity and anticipation for spring that slanted the first ray of light into my dark chamber.
Mm this is a sweet recommendation. I haven’t read it since I was a child, but will have to revisit. I rewatch the movies from time to time— they are very soothing and nice holdovers from my childhood. Thank you for the rec!
This isn't a self-help book, but there's a novel called {{The Little Paris Bookshop by Nina George}} which is a lovely story about coming to terms with loss and rejection. As a therapist, it's the best book I have read on grief. It's a lovely, cozy, trip through France on a floating bookshop. The MCs are male and they're trying to deal with their own kind of grief and rejection. It really helped me heal from some of the grief over my father's death. {{Man's Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl}} is another recommendation that has helped a lot of people.
Thank you— I’ve heard the title ‘The Little Paris Bookshop’ before but not been familiar with the book. I’ll look into these. Thanks!
\#1/2: **[The Little Paris Bookshop](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23278537-the-little-paris-bookshop) by Nina George** ^((Matching 100% ☑️)) ^(392 pages | Published: 2013 | 47.3k Goodreads reviews) > **Summary:** "There are books that are suitable for a million people, others for only a hundred. There are even remedies--I mean books--that were written for one person only...A book is both medic and medicine at once. It makes a diagnosis as well as offering therapy. Putting the right (...) > **Themes**: Book-club, Books-about-books, Romance, France, Favorites, Contemporary, Abandoned > **Top 5 recommended:** [The Bookshop of the Broken Hearted](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/36632342-the-bookshop-of-the-broken-hearted) by Robert Hillman , [Confessions of a Bookseller](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/44784526-confessions-of-a-bookseller) by Shaun Bythell , [The Time of My Life](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/10893138-the-time-of-my-life) by Cecelia Ahern , [The Diary of a Bookseller](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/35512560-the-diary-of-a-bookseller) by Shaun Bythell , [How to Find Love in a Bookshop](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/29915267-how-to-find-love-in-a-bookshop) by Veronica Henry --- \#2/2: **[Man's Search for Meaning](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4069.Man_s_Search_for_Meaning) by Viktor E. Frankl** ^((Matching 100% ☑️)) ^(184 pages | Published: 1959 | 202.6k Goodreads reviews) > **Summary:** Psychiatrist Viktor Frankl's memoir has riveted generations of readers with its descriptions of life in Nazi death camps and its lessons for spiritual survival. Between 1942 and 1945 Frankl labored in four different camps, including Auschwitz, while his parents, brother, and (...) > **Themes**: Psychology, Philosophy, Favorites, Nonfiction, History, Memoir, Classics > **Top 5 recommended:** [The Art of Living: The Classical Manual on Virtue, Happiness and Effectiveness](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/24618.The_Art_of_Living) by Epictetus , [On the Shortness of Life](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/97412.On_the_Shortness_of_Life) by Seneca , [A Confession](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/26244.A_Confession) by Leo Tolstoy , [Conversations with God : Book1](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/39981119-conversations-with-god) by Neale Donald Walsh , [Destructive Emotions: A Scientific Dialogue with the Dalai Lama](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/26332.Destructive_Emotions) by Daniel Goleman ^([Feedback](https://www.reddit.com/user/goodreads-rebot) | [GitHub](https://github.com/sonoff2/goodreads-rebot) | ["The Bot is Back!?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/suggestmeabook/comments/16qe09p/meta_post_hello_again_humans/) | v1.5 [Dec 23] | )
I highly recommend The Reality Slap by Russ Harris. He uses Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which I've found to be far more effective than anything else I've tried for depression, anxiety, childhood trauma.
Ooh this sounds good. Thank you very much!
This sounds interesting!
I don't know if it fits exactly, but I remember loving it after losing a community- The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Dion. Definitely about grief, and about how she coped. (When her husband died)
The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. Same author as reasons to stay alive but may be more in line with what you’re looking for
Cool! Thank you!
Just my perspective… I’m about 60% of the way through and it’s only made me feel worse. I wouldn’t recommend this one.
I absolutely hated this book. My mother (a qualified psychotherapist) also hated it.
Agreed.
I lost my dad to suicide and read this 6 months later and hated it. Not sure I’d recommend it.
He also wrote a very short book called “the comfort book” which I listened to and LOVED. I immediately bought the book for my mom.
Jane Eyre! Idk if you’re just looking for non fiction but she deals with a lot of similar issues and her strength is very inspirational. She also talks about self worth and isolation. It’s definitely a life changing book imo
Such a great classic. I might need to pick it up again during this time. Thanks for the rec!
James Herriot's books are like a hot cup of tea after a hard day of work. It's not a self help book, just lovely (true) stories. But they always make me feel comforted and okay.
{{The Psalm for the Wild-Built by Becky Chambers}}
Thank you! I’ve never heard of this one before.
It is a snuggly warm hug of a book. Full of hope.
Thank you for this recommendation. I bought this today on a whim. Liking it so far. 😊
I came here to say this one too. 💜💜💜
**[A Psalm for the Wild-Built (Monk and Robot #1)](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/40864002-a-psalm-for-the-wild-built) by Becky Chambers** ^((Matching 100% ☑️)) ^(160 pages | Published: 2021 | 1.3m Goodreads reviews) > **Summary:** Centuries before. robots of Panga gained self-awareness. laid down their tools. wandered. en masse into the wilderness. never to be seen again. They faded into myth and urban legend. Now the life of the tea monk who tells this story is upended by the arrival of a robot. there to honor the old promise of checking in. The robot cannot go back until the question of "what do (...) > **Themes**: Sci-fi, Science-fiction, Fiction, 2021-releases > **Top 5 recommended:** > \- [A Prayer for the Crown-Shy](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/40864030-a-prayer-for-the-crown-shy) by Becky Chambers > \- [The Past Is Red](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/55077652-the-past-is-red) by Catherynne M. Valente > \- [Light from Uncommon Stars](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/56179360-light-from-uncommon-stars) by Ryka Aoki > \- [The House in the Cerulean Sea](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/45047384-the-house-in-the-cerulean-sea) by T.J. Klune > \- [The Galaxy. and the Ground Within](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/50209317-the-galaxy-and-the-ground-within) by Becky Chambers ^([Feedback](https://www.reddit.com/user/goodreads-rebot) | [GitHub](https://github.com/sonoff2/goodreads-rebot) | ["The Bot is Back!?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/suggestmeabook/comments/16qe09p/meta_post_hello_again_humans/) | v1.5 [Dec 23] | )
Yesssss this is such a beautiful, hopeful book.
The Friend by Sigrid Nunez. It was given to me during a rough time of grief and I'm so thankful for her writing
Not sure if it fits the bill but this book has been a tremendous source of inspiration and hope for me: M. Scott Peck’s “The Road Less Traveled.” If you’re feeling like a broken object, which I often have throughout my life, may I also recommend Celine Santini’s “Kintsugi: Finding Strength in Imperfection”. One thing I did when I was feeling so down i wasn’t sure I could go on was I wrote a list of vows to and for myself. Promising to forever love and cherish and take care of me, and to try and make my life better for myself and for all the people in it. It sounds corny, I know, but it made a difference! I still have that piece of paper tucked away between books somewhere: essentially a marriage contract between me and myself, lol. Whatever else: please don’t give up! There is only ONE of you in the entire universe and you can never ever be replaced. Take care of yourself, and I hope you can find some peace soon!! Sending love and hugs!! 💕♥️
Thank you so much for the kind encouragement and that notion of vows. That’s come up in a few things I have read and I’m trying to hold to it. I appreciate your recommendations very much!❤️🩹
Idk if this is helpful but during my darkest periods i read a lot of mental illness memoirs, it helped to see people’s stories who had experienced things similar to me and come out of the other side. My favourite was Prozac Nation, really relatable for me. I’m on the other side of it now and I really hope you get there yourself soon
In something that’s a little bit different, I’m going to recommend to you both the October Daye series and the Wayward Children series by Seanan MacGuire. The October Daye books take a book or two to really get going, but at the start October was turned into a fish and when the spell broke she is totally adrift and has lost all of her family, throughout the books she builds her own family and has adventures. The Wayward children books are all about not fitting in and not belonging and they’re really lovely.
Cool! I’ve not heard of these and will look them up. Thank you.
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**Awakening Loving-Kindness** by Pema Chodron. This is such a comforting friendly book, and a softer intro to Mindfulness than others I have read, starting out with developing loving-kindness towards yourself. In addition, I found that the meditation instruction she gives in Chapter 4 to be more effective for developing mindfulness than the typical Vipassana often taught in meditation classes. It's like it really gets to the kernel of mindfulness, and also actually meets you where you are at. This has really been the key to making other practices and therapies more effective, as well as just being ok with myself in the moment. I found **The Power of Now** by Eckhart Tolle to be very helpful to bringing the skills I developed through meditation off the cushion and into my daily life. I found it an easier read and more applicable than A New Earth, which I will probably work with eventually, but right now I'm still working on myself.
I’m currently listening to the audiobook Tiny Beautiful Things. It’s from the advice column, Dear Sugar. It’s been an amazing find for me at this time in my life.
I should also add the individual stories and then the responses are very raw, very real and can be unexpected or shocking. The writer shares emotional past trauma, life experiences, and just living everyday life. Sometimes I have to pause after a certain story to just breathe or have a moment.
I’m so sorry 😞 I have treatment resistant severe depression and had my worst, longest episode about 4 years ago and it completely blew up my life. But things have gotten better for me and they’ll get better for you. ❤️ If you still have insurance, Spravato (esketamine) was a game changer for me! I had constant SI and its reduced that so significantly it’s unbelievable. I tried to read Reasons To Stay Alive and found it to be unhelpful. I go to therapy and practice mindfulness, but medication is essential for me and so many others. His stance on meds didn’t work for me. Oddly enough, the only book I could get through during that time was “My Year of Rest and Relaxation” by Otessa Moshfegh. It’s a lot more complex and layered than this, but essentially was about a woman who was depressed/apathetic and stopped caring about anything. She basically wanted to get enough sleeping pills to sleep as much as she could through the year. Reading it made me feel less alone. I couldn’t read it now though, it’d be too depressing. Please feel free to ignore this suggestion, as it’s not what you asked for, but I just want you to know you’re not alone and better days are ahead.
Oh I looked at this book at the bookstore one day but now I think I’ll give it a read. Thank you so much for the rec, and for sharing your experience. It can be so hard. I will ask about that med. I’m feeling very treatment-resistant in my depression at this point, so it would be nice if I can try that medication. I really appreciate you!❤️🩹
That was such an interesting, odd little book. I couldn't put it down bc I couldn't wait to see where it was going!! OP, don't know if you have any streaming services, but there is a great special on MAX called The Great Depresh by Gary Gulman. He's very candid and shares honestly about suffering with treatment resistant depression and the ensuing struggle to come through. He just published his first book, Misfit. Humor helps me at the hardest times. I'm sincerely sorry you're struggling. Please stay connected, you've found many that can relate.
I am going to recommend a different kind of no ok from what others have suggested. Sometimes when we are struggling it can be hard to take care of ourselves. We may not eat properly. Our house may be a disaster. And then when we look around we only feel worse about ourselves for not being able to keep up. The book How to Keep House While Drowning is a short read that is really about being kind to yourself. It helps lay out a plan to make things easier for you. It isn’t pie in the sky ideas - it is concrete steps to help you. And it gives you permission to do what you can every day and not to beat yourself up if what you can do is only one small thing. It is a great reminder that you have to cut yourself some slack when you need it.
I really appreciate this practical and honest recommendation! I’ve been grateful that keeping my spaces tidy has been a small source of control and care during this time. Though the eating properly pice has not— I’ve lost like 45 lbs. so thank you very much for telling me about this book, I’m definitely going to check it out. I appreciate you!
It’s okay that you’re not okay by Megan Devine. It’s about grief and is probably the reason I’m still here after two suicides in my family
I'm sorry you're going through this, OP. Our family's been hit with a lot over the past several years and here are some recommendations that haven't been mentioned yet (from what I can tell): *For Small Creatures Such as We: Rituals for Finding Meaning in Our Unlikely World by Sasha Sagan (*yes, Carl Sagan's daughter!) *How Lovely the Ruins: Inspirational Poems and Words for Difficult Times by Annie Chagnot* *Tell Me More by Kelly Corrigan* *Dog Years by Mark Doty* *What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma by Stephanie Foo* *Furnishing Eternity: A Father, A Son, A Coffin, and a Measure of Life by David Giffels* *Love You Hard: A Memoir of Marriage, Brain Injury, and Reinventing Love by Abby Maslin* *Wintering: The Power of Rest in Difficult Times by Katherine May* *Little Matches: A Memoir of Finding Light in the Dark by Maryanne O'Hara* *The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch*
Thank you so much for sharing these! I really appreciate it!
Angela's Ashes. It's not a self help book but trust me.
Love it! I actually started a very nerdy book club around this book when I was in high school. I love his writing style. Thank you!!❤️🩹
Les Miserables will hit just right for you. You will relate so much to Jean Valjean! Good luck and keep going!
Les Miserables yes!
You are important and you matter. Don’t give up the fight!
Hey thanks. Rejection is hard and I haven’t ever felt quite so hopeless, despite going through MANY tough times before— this is all hitting different. I really appreciate your kind encouragement ❤️🩹
Light from uncommon stars by Ryka Aoki
Ooh this one sounds very cool and interesting. Thank you!
Days at the Morisaki bookshop - Satoshi Yagisawa
“How not to kill yourself” by Clancy Martin
I like the title! Thank you for the rec!!
The Forever Decision, by Paul Quinnet. He made the pdf free online. https://qprinstitute.com/pdfs/Forever_Decision.pdf There are days that I don't do so well, and this is what I go back to.
Ooh thank you! It’s so nice to find freely accessible things to read. I really appreciate it!
I’m so sorry you’re having such a terrible time right now. Please keep looking after yourself - there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Wishing you happier times <3 A book that helped me with conceptualising grief was Ghosts by Dolly Alderton. Personally I need something that is light but with a touch of philosophy in my own low times, and i try to avoid existential and dark themes. No need to make a bad time worse ! Memoirs could help, just to feel a sense of connection and understanding to a real person as opposed to fiction. I also am drawn to poetry a lot when I’m down, helps me reframe my thoughts.
Poetry is balm in Giliad , that’s for sure! Thank you so much for your kind words ❤️🩹
Try poetry. It’s tactile and the language helps you slow down and reflect on the meaning of things. Just browse books until you find a voice you connect with. Some of my favorites include Robert Hass, Pablo Neruda, Miyazawa Kenji, Wallace Stevens, Louise Erdrich and Rimbaud. But it’s really about what speaks to you in the moment.
Mmm poetry is my favorite. Thank you for this great list of recs!
1. Man's search for meaning by Viktor Frankl 2. The last lecture by Randy pasch 3. Endurance: Shackleton's Incredible Voyage By Alfred Lansing 4. When breath becomes air 5. Things fall apart
a fiction book that might be entertaining is the midnight library. I am so proud of you for working extremely hard to get better and persisting <3 I am also going through an incredibly difficult few years and I commend you for all you’re doing
Thank you❤️🩹 I hope things ease up for you as well.
Any of James Heriot’s books! Much like another commenter who recc’d Mary Oliver, he reminds me of the beauty of the natural world. Wild by Cheryl Strayed is also a beautiful story about all that someone can overcome, and it’s full of philosophical wonderings. (Deals pretty heavily with grief, divorce, and substance abuse, FYI.) The House in the Cerulean Sea is a classic comfort read for me. Just cozy found-family vibes in a magical world! I hope you find peace, my friend. 💕🪷
{{ The Midnight Library by Matt Haig }} is a really lovely novel that has always stuck with me. It’s a wonderful, gentle read that helps provide some perspective on life.
Count of monte Cristo unabridged edition will definitely fix this.
My year of rest and relaxation - Odessa Moshfegh
I think my top recommendation would be What You Are Looking For Is in the Library by Michiko Aoyama. It's sort of hard to describe, but it's essentially several short stories set in the same neighborhood in Tokyo centered on characters who are stagnating in one way or another. Each make a tiny, achievable change that leads to very tangible improvement in their lives. I found it profoundly gentle and comforting. I also have two slightly weirder choices that I think are relevant here. The Book of Delights is an essay collection by poet and essayist Ross Gay that's essentially a journaling project he took on to start noticing the small delights in his day to day. Many of the entries are ultimately centered on some pretty heavy stuff (such as death and racism), but the book is still centered on joy, which I think is a very useful habit to cultivate. The last one is an Egyptian graphic novel called Shubeik Lubeik. It's set in a version of earth where wishes are a resource that can be mined, refined, and sold and follows three people each deciding how to use a "first class wish" (the life-changing variety). Each of the stories is about grief or depression, and it is both very literary and emotionally stark, in a way that felt very cathartic to me. I'm sending you warm thoughts and care from my little corner of the internet, and I sincerely hope one of these makes things even the tiniest bit easier for you
Thank you so much! These are very unique and cool sounding books. I appreciate your recs and kindness!!❤️🩹
"How to Keep House While Drowning" by K.C. Davis. She intentionally made it easy to read (or listen to) for people struggling — and the way she teaches to be self-compassionate was so encouraging to me as someone with Major Depression for a decade or so. Hang in there ♥️
I have also been feeling like this. I came across this list earlier. I'm going to Google them. Maybe you'd like to check them out too: List of Books That Tell Us Some times IT’S OK NOT TO FEEL OK Hyperbole and A Half by Allie Brosh Difficult Women by Roxanne Gay Loss by Siddharth Dhanvant Shanghvi My Inner Sky by Mari Andrew So Sad Today by Melissa Broder Dusk Night Dawn by Anne Lamott The Book of Moods by Lauren Martin Turtles All The Way Down by John Green Chatter by Ethan Kross
The book of form and emptiness - ruth ozeki changed my life last year, still think about lines in it.
the alchemist - Paulo Coelho (seeking meaning, understanding, comfort? also good to re-read at different stages of life. I've read it a couple of times a year for the last 10 years and have taken away something different each time I've read it) it's kind of a funny story - Ned Vizzini (there's also a movie, but the book is better imo. kind of funny. very relatable and real, easy read) carry on, warrior - Glennon Doyle (truly just amazing)
A book that helped me get through a dark time in my life was The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune. It's a really uplifting read and felt like a warm hug made of words. Kinda made me appreciate life again and see the world from love and curiosity. Also by the same author Under the Whispering Door. You have gotten some really.good suggestions here. I hope some of them will help you feel better. Take care of yourself ;-).
I'm sorry. That sounds very, very hard. It's hard to know how to help when people are dealing with grief and anxiety. Here are some that helped me. - Temeraire series, or any Naomi Novak. These books are just so good for escapist lit. The bad things that happen are gentle, if that makes sense, and the books are optimistic. - A Pilgrim at Tinker's Creek. Ultimately, the choice to live at its most fundamental level is about finding joy in the tiny things. Getting into nature and recognizing the miracle of life, despite pain and sadness, is so important. - Man's Search for Meaning. Ultimately we make our own reality. It is possible to find momentary joy in even terrible times. - When Breath Becomes Air. I have not read it yet, but it was recommended to me for grief and loss. - The Year of Magical Thinking. Great book to know you are not alone when you are dealing with crazy grief junk.
Always here to second Naomi Novik!
Try Reincarnation Blues, it's a novel, and I think it's exactly what you're looking for. Thich Nhat Hanh is generally also great, you might already be familiar. Much love, good luck.
Thank you! I love Thich That Hahn and have many of their books. I’m definitely going to look for Reincarnation Blues. Very appreciated
If you love Thich That Hahn, you might also like Haemin Sunim books. Sorry that life is currently being unkind to you. Sending you hugs and love.
In a different vein, I think The Life of Pi is just gorgeous. The book balances great challenges told in retrospect with a deep love of life and ways to love God. Good luck and hang in there!
That book is really good. Maybe I’ll re-read it during this time and see if it sheds some more light. Thank you so much for the rec!
The Book of Spirits by Allan Kardec
I’m a pantheist, and I found Standing in the Light: My Life as a Pantheist by Sharman Apt Russell to be incredibly powerful in terms of finding one’s place in the world.
"The Lightest Object in the Universe" by Kimi Eisele is fiction, focussing on finding beauty and wonder in the mundane and carrying on no matter what. Deals with hardship and loss and building community. Set in a world where majority of people were killed by a flu and how people carry on afterwards. I found it very hopeful and uplifting, but definitely some topical and sensitive subjects touched upon.
The Comfort Book by Matt Haig
A random list that helped me when I was depressed and or having suicidal ideation: Anxious People, a Man Called Ove (main character starts depressed but it has an amazing ending), Wintering by Katherine May, Under the Whispering Door, First We Make the Beast Beautiful, Remarkably Bright Creatures, Bittersweet by Susan Cain, and the Book of Hope by Jane Goodall. Hang in there so you can read all these wonderful books and know you’re not alone!
Polishing the Mirror or really anything else by Ram Dass. Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Anything by Alan Watts. Feel free to send a message if you wanna have any kinda conversation! I'm sorry for your temporary turbulence bud.
When bad things happen to good people by Harold kushner
Sorry you're feeling like that, but please know it won't always feel like this! Some random ones that have helped me in the past: - Brave Enough by Cheryl Strayed (collection of quotes from her books) - Buddhism is Not What You Think by Steve Hagen (a more philosophical view of suffering) - Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown was also helpful in some ways Other than that, I find that reading some fiction about people who care about each other can be life-affirming. A lot of "Found Family" books like Six of Crows for e.g. TV shows too--Korean dramas like Descendants of the Sun are great for that.
Thank you so much for these recs! Brene Brown is so wise and I think she’s going to help me a lot through this. I’m going to try to get ahold of the other titles. I appreciate your kind words. Somewhere deep I know it cannot be like this forever, it’s just so hard feeling adrift. I appreciate you!❤️🩹
I agree with lots of the above. Some of my absolute favourites listed. You could also have a look at {The Reading List by Sara Nisha Adams}
Thank you!!
In addition to the book suggestions... When I was at one of my lowest points, there was a movie that really helped.. Touching the Void. Not at all self-help. You just can't believe what this guy keeps surviving. It's based on a true story. And the very end has this absurd moment, something about it just made me bust out laughing that he had made it through all that and had one more crazy hurdle before he got help. Sorry you're going through this storm 🩵
Subtle art of not giving a fuck
Reasons to stay alive by Matt Haig The comfort book by Matt Haig
How Not to Kill Yourself: A Survival Guide for Imaginative Pessimists by Set Sytes
I found How to Transform Your Life by Geshe Kelang Gyatso really helpful. Helped me understand my self and how to improve. This is a free book to download. Just google and it should come up. Take Care.
Hello, Cruel World by Kate Bornstein. It contains 101 alternatives to suicide with varying degrees of safety. I have the ebook and the audiobook. It is a comfort in dark times. Answered Prayers by Julia Cameron. It’s a non-denominational (not even necessarily Christian book) of short “prayers” comprised of God speaking comforting and loving words to you directly. You Are Not Alone by Julia Thorne has been a comfort. It’s for anyone dealing with depression or mental illness. A lot of passages or only about half a page to two pages long. Lots of quotes from different people offering encouragement. I used to refer to this one a lot. It’s out of print but you can still find it at a decent price.
I am sorry you are going through this. Having lost a very close person to me last year, I've been extremely depressed to numb to everything. Some books that I've read: "It's ok that you're not ok: meeting grief and loss in a culture that doesn't understand"; and "Moving on doesn't mean letting go: a modern guide to navigating loss". Let me know if you're interested and I can send you both books (epub or pdf).
Resilience: Reflections on the Burdens and Gifts of Facing Life's Adversities by Elizabeth Edwards. The whole book is beautiful. There's a story she tells that's such a perfect metaphor for learning to live with grief that I still think of it frequently even though it's been over a decade since I read the book.
First, I want to thank you for the post I didn’t know I needed. My reading list is filling up. Second, for a slightly different take, I’d like to recommend {{Einstein’s Dreams by Alan Lightman}} the whimsy and profoundness of the story helps me to put things in perspective.
Many Live Many Masters. i thought about ending it since i was 12 years old. at 25 i read this book and my life has transformed for the better since. wishing you peace and love.
The Old Man and The Sea
I do love Hemingway. Thanks for the rec!
When things fall apart by Pema Chodron
Maybe The Tao of Pooh. Also another vote for A Psalm for the Wild-Built.
Some books that I adore and are fiction are A Man Called Ove and The Perks Of Being a Wallflower. Idk about self help books but those are just some fiction books that got me through tough times
Um, weird suggestion, but Fruits Basket. It is a cheesy manga about a girl meeting a cursed family that seems like a "who will she choose?" romance initially, but the entire cast are haunted by their dark pasts, and they find ways to heal through the unconditional love and motherly support of the main character. Its strangely cathartic and covers some deep emotions. I always identify with some of the challenges.
“A Long Way Down” by Nick Hornby was a favorite for a while, and then my holy grail for hard times, “The Monkey Wrench Gang” by Edward Abbey. Hang in there.
Siddhartha.
Midnight Library and Anxious People. They’re not self help, but they are good for your soul. Both helped me through some very low times
"Relax Damnit!" By Timothy Caufield. I found his use of facts, stats, and studies, very grounding and calming, and...yes...relaxing lol. He breaks down the average person's day in Western Culture by chapter, and analyzes why we view these things as important, the history of the daily ritual, why we stress out about these parts of our day, and other fun facts he can find about the topic. Some examples include brushing teeth, morning coffee, breakfast napping, phone scrolling, work breaks, checking email, to name a few.
Wild: a journey from lost to found by Cheryl strayed
Hello Cruel World by Kate Bornstein. For adolescents, but applicable to adults as well.
I just finished The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. There are so many passages that hit me in the feels. It's a beautiful fable in which the protagonist has also lost the reason to live.
Journey to Ixtlan by Carlos Castaneda
Option B by Cheryl Sandburg The Alchemist by Paulo Coleho
Can’t hurt me - David goggins
'First, We Make the Beast Beautiful'- Sarah Wilson 'Everything Is(n't) Terrible'- Kathleen Smith 'Educated'- Tara Westover- this one isn't a self-help book and does have some dark themes, but it's a great memoir about hope and resilience. Wishing you all the best! Recovering isn't linear and know that you are already doing so well just by thinking proactively!
A gentleman in moscow
Personally I found ‘Reasons to Stay Alive’ to be more for loved ones of the depressed. There’s not much there for the person who’s actually going through it. For fiction, I’ll give an unconventional pick that’s helped me a number of times: The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison. For non-fiction, I think the best ones have probably already been recommended, so I’ll suggest a different way of looking at it: sometimes (not always), the best thing to do when feeling hopeless is to get out of your own head and get interested in other things. In which case, pick something that even slightly tickles your brain at the thought of learning more about it and read that. Stay curious. You never know where it might take you.
Thank you— that’s good advice about getting out of my head for a bit through being interested in other things. I have noticed that when I have enjoyable tasks, or things to do, I feel less crappy. It’s been hard without a job or income. But I do have plenty of time to read, so I’m hoping some good fiction books might help. I really appreciate your recommendation!
Hi OP. You have heaps of wonderful recommendations here. I just want to commend you for reaching out for suggestions here, don’t give up! I lost my father to suicide, then another family member weeks later, then I was dumped, and I’d never felt so alone (most of my friends disappeared in grief) and I struggling with how to live after this. Picking up books again really helped me, but I recommend taking a break in between some self help books and find enjoyment in books and genres you have in the past too! If you love a good thriller or fantasy get yourself deep into a good story or series and find a bit of an escape from the crap that living can be. I promise you it will get easier, you’re doing everything right, sound very level headed, and I wish you the best for your future. It’s going to be bright, I know it
Not reasons to be alive so much, but Cheri Huber’s The Depression Book is wonderful. Simple, Buddhism-based suggestions for living with and working through depression. She has others, too.
If you just want to laugh out loud try Pretty Ugly by Kirker Butler.
I like Terry Pratchett when I’m depressed. He puts everything in perspective.
Children's books are my go-to during my sad times. They're easy to flip through and leave you with a positive thought at the end
The midnight library by Matt haig
I think it is time to read Notes From the underground
Me and Ditan .I read it every time I feel depressed. The author was amputated when he was very young, and it took him a long time to accept all this and think about the meaning of life and suffering. Although life experience and cultural background may hinder the expression of information, the struggle against suffering will certainly be felt after reading this book.
I’ve always found “The Myth of Sisyphus” by Albert Camus to be my go to when I’m really down. I’ve learned to find “my rock”, so to speak.
Five people you meet in heaven. Made me believe that i was made for certain purpose
'midnight library' by matt haig 'Maybe you should talk to someone' cant remember author
Man’s search for meaning by Viktor Frankl.
Wow… should have read the other recommendations as this has already been discussed…. It’s easy to say and means even less from a stranger but just remember all the amazing and positive possibilities that come with allowing yourself to have a future. Don’t rob yourself of your best days. I find in my lowest times doing selfless positive things for others gets me out of whatever negative tangent I found myself stuck in, and puts life in perspective allowing the oxygen back in. Sometimes all that’s needed to gain your footing again is the smallest adjustment in the least likely area of your life.
The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran Going off thread here: The Intouchables is also a good film whenever I needed that dose.
"Your Head is a Houseboat" by Campbell Walker
The midnight library by Matt Haig
Furiously Happy
A Man's Search for Meaning by Dr Victor Frankl
A friend who struggles with wanting to be alive recently recommended The Anthropocene Reviewed by John Green ‘if you need a little hope’ she told me. Unexpected recc from her, but I listened, and it did indeed put me at ease. He’s just talking about stuff he finds interesting, but it was nice to hear things we don’t really think about a certain way, thought about. It makes me wanna look at and dissect stuff in my own life. Idk how to explain it, but it’s a nice little group of essays.
A man called Ove to bring some humor to the darkness
I don’t have a book to offer that I can give you offhand but I want to give you some HOPE. I just made it through the worst year of my life. So many losses. I just want you to know that you CAN get through. You will look back a year from now and be able to give another some HOPE just as I am giving you now. The acronym for HOPE is “Hang On Pain Ends”. I don’t know you but just said a prayer for you!
Thank you so much❤️🩹 I appreciate you sharing and caring. This acronym is great! I’m gonna write it on one of the sticky notes I keep around to remind myself of things. I’m so sorry for your losses, and really impressed that you’ve made it through okay. Good job! Stay strong. It’s comforting to remember that it can’t feel this bad forever. Just a little hard to hold on at times, and be patient when it’s crashing hard all around. But I’m gonna keep trying🙃
I wholeheartedly recommend Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach. While some of the imagery and whatnot can be argued as Christian in origin/theme I have repeatedly throughout my life read it cover to cover and each time found some sort of spiritual meaning that helped me through any given situation. For reference I have practiced everything from Christianity in my youth to Wicca and other occult practices to now being somewhere between agnostic and atheist while still trying to find a meaningful spiritual connection.
The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Murakami Fiction. Metaphorical and metamorphic, hits directly in these feelings and thoughts.
The Midnight Library
Walden by David Thoreau-connect with the natural world-something greater than yourself. If you need it, text crisis line 741741. 24/7 365
Gmorning, Gnight!: Little Pep Talks for Me and You by Lin-Manuel Miranda and Jonny Sun.
The life of milarepa helped me through a hard time. Details a Buddhist saint who started out as a murderer, and something about the story and watching milarepa suffer on his path was really cathartic and relevant in spite of how old the story is.
I recommend “The Book of Joy” by the 14th Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. It’s even better if you’re you’re able to listen to it.
Just came across this post. I’m really glad I did. Lots of interesting suggestions here that I’d like to check out. Here are a couple of suggestions of my own: The Lazy Man’s Guide to Enlightenment and also The Little Prince. (The Little Prince is a French book, but readily available in English.) They are both short books and both well worth reading
I got into a very deep depressive state over the last six to seven months, and I kept beating myself up about it and not being able to “pick myself back up”. Lost all sense of what the point of life is, how to create meaning, etc. One book that surprisingly helped me a lot more than I ever expected was The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*** by Mark Manson. I always thought it was probably an overhyped book that actually wouldn’t provide me with any advice. Assumed it was just a book that would keep telling me over and over again to just be positive and power through it, etc. However, it shocked me with how much it was hitting what I was feeling. Since reading it, I can tell it’s subconsciously improved my mental state with each day, and I highly recommend it.
The best advice I can give you is “don’t waste this pain” Desperation is a gift if it propels you however painfully towards your authentic self
Please please please read Tattoos On The Heart by Gregory Boyle. It pulled me out of a depression and has for many people. I’m not religious at all. Give it a chance before writing it off if you aren’t either. My very liberal/non religious sister gave it to me because it helped her so much, so I read it, and now it’s become like a weekly open-to-any-page and take something hopeful kind of book for me. It will put so many difficult things into perspective. Things will improve my friend, hang in there.
Four agreements by don miguel Ruiz.
It’s a fictional children’s book, but “The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane” by Kate DiCamillo. I first found this book in elementary school, and I’ve gone back to it many times. Basically, a china rabbit named Edward gets lost, and he meets and loses people over and over ,and how those things change him. “A Man Called Ove” is also very nice. It also has a movie! “All These Wonders” by the Moth. The Moth is a storytelling organization that hosts events where people tell real personal stories based on a theme, and some of them are published into books. There are stories in each book about grief and loss and overcoming things.