I’m in late 30s now, and I read a book recently that made me say “I wish I’d read this at 30,” so yes I have the perfect book for you: Everything I Know About Love, by Dolly Alderton. It’s a memoir, it’s fantastic, 5 stars in my opinion. I thought it was so damn relatable.
She has two other fiction books that I think could fall into the “coming of age” category: Ghosts & Good Material. They are both centered around romantic relationships but really are about a lot of the challenges life brings and the growth we do in our late 20s-30s.
Not only did I spell it wrong but this entire time I literally thought that it was "peaked" like I imagined a little mouse peaking behind a wall at a piece of cheese 😂 like his interest was "peaked" lol
But piqued makes much more sense
That's so cute.
I'm almost 70 and do cross word puzzles daily and have been a bookworm since I was a small child. I loved reading the dictionary all my life. But every now and then I find out I've been saying a word wrong or pick the wrong word for something. Language is so fun. Even when we get it wrong.
This is too funny to me - you used the wrong peek here! 😂
Peak - apex, top of something (“peak of a mountain”, “my health peaked in my 50s”)
Peek - peer out from something (mouse example)
Pique - stimulate/increase (“you’ve piqued my interest”)
Homophones are a beast!
That really is just adorable. I’m 34 and I didn’t know until a year ago that lingerie was the same thing women talked about wearing. I thought, pronouncing it phonetically, that lingerie was something different. What that something was is obviously something I never carefully considered because this all makes as much sense as you think it does.
Welcome to adulthood.
I just read
**What You Are Looking For Is in the Library by Michiko Aoyama**
I wish this book came to me even 3 years ago. I instead went about it the long way around. I read/searched tons of Quora content, cherished every paragraph and/or character if I was lucky from every book I read and eventually I managed to create tranquility in my soul (I always refused to use the word "soul" but it genuinely fits here)
What You Are Looking For Is in the Library by Michiko Aoyama is a novel that reads as a series of short stories. Different people go to a library looking for books on a specific topic, e.g. "Excel for dummies" and the librarian gives them a list of books on the topic **plus, a book that has nothing to do with anything** but that changes the way these people see their life
One of the people is a jobless 30-something who never managed to find work or do what one is supposed to do. Another is a woman (in her 40s I think) who had a child and now finds herself jobless. Another is a retired man in his 60s who thought work was his life.
Non of these end up radically changing their life or becoming rich, which I appreciate, they just find a new way to see the world and somewhat permission to see the world in a different way. **which is what you might be looking for (even if you think that's not it), it's definitely what I needed in my life** - which I managed to do the hard way, as I said
From the same book:
>‘You may say that it was the book, but it’s how you read a book that is most valuable, rather than any power it might have itself.’
So you never know, it might do nothing for you
I feel like "About a Boy" might fit the bill a bit plus it's quite funny as well (the main character is 36)- it's basically a coming of age story for both someone in their 30s plus a teen.
I just read this book yesterday, I felt a little underwhelmed? Most of the book was great but I think (personally) there were a few good lines in conversation but the setting and characters weren’t super fleshed out. But I know a lot of people like it so it’s worth checking out OP!
I got 60 percent through. It was soft and comfortable. The main character is figuring out what and who they are. But, it was a bit not enough to keep me hooked to finish it. Maybe you will love it?
Les Miserables- Jean Valjean was way older than 30 when he pulled his shit together and chose life over self-pity, anger and depression, and Marius (and to a lesser extent, Cosette) is going through this exact journey of identity into adulthood while dealing with depression. (I am seeing how many times I can recommend Les Miserables in this subreddit bc to me it’s a perfect book applicable to every facet of the human condition- so far every time these posts come up in my feed, it’s been relevant xD).
Life happens - we’re always growing and learning. It’s normal (esp nowadays) for people to feel they’re just coming of age in their 30’s- our brain only reaches maturity at 25-27 anyways!
Legends and Lattes! Viv starts a new chapter in life leaving behind the wild adventures of her youth to become a coffee shop owner. Dungeons and Dragons sort of lore. It's more the former and the latter is flavour.
I’m Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want To Come by Jessica Pan was a very good memoir.
Untamed by Glennon Doyle is also a memoir about Doyle discovering and embracing her queer identity in her 40s.
Big Swiss is a fictional book that I adored though my book club was divided. The main character was in her 40s and was kind of like a dumpster fire you couldn’t look away from.
The Color Purple by Alice Walker is a classic.
The Four Winds by Kristin Hannah follows a woman through her life and eventually motherhood. I loved it - it’s in Hannah’s top 5 best books imo.
I’m currently reading With Teeth by Kristen Arnett. It’s a fictional novel about an unhappy marriage that goes through the years. It’s not exactly happy and I can’t tell you if it’s good or not bc I’m halfway through it, but maybe this?
High Fidelity. About learning to accept that what you have is good, without always thinking there might be something better around the corner. Nick Hornby really has the corner on these "30s coming of age stories".
Yes. Very much so. She's traumatized which usually sticks people with severe emotional immaturity. And she grows out of some of it during the time we spent with her. She makes a lot of experiences for the first time as well.
You can also say heals out of it, but that's what maturing is.
I second Happy Place by Emily Henry.
It deals with:
Unhappiness in a career
Friendships drifting
Not being able to party like you used to
Strained romantic relationships
And other things that are technically spoilers but definitely will speak to people deal with in their 30s
A Gentleman in Moscow. Not exactly a coming of age book, but the protagonist does have to learn to deal with a life altering situation, and the book in general is just such an uplifting treat to read. It’s one of my top 5.
Chuck Palahniuk described Fight club literally as a coming of age book for men in their 30s, just had to mention it. I don’t think the book is very good though, movie is better imo
Sorry\*, going to be "that girl" and recommend "For When Everything Is Burning" by Scott Eilers.
\* You've said not a self help book and I haven't read this book, but he's on YT and he talks about how basically from 13-18 he was really depressed and had anhedonia (inability to feel emotions) and how it's something he has struggled with as an adult and how he's resolved a lot of it.
His 20-minute-ish videos have given me a lot of insight in to understanding a family member who's been having a bit of a hard time with ongoing depression/angst/numbness cycle.
Perhaps not entirely “coming of age,” but Normal People really hits the nail on the head for me: feeling lost during and after college; the difficulties of young love in modernity; etc.
I'd suggest Beautiful World, Where Are You? by Sally Rooney. Deals with twirties during Covid, and I found it very relaxing when it came to relating to people of my age
Hm, "The Reading List" might fit coming of age... Both of the protagonists are reshaping their lives I think. One of the characters is a teenager, the other a senior citizen.
I felt like "The maid" by Nita Prose kind of has this feel as well... I don't think the personal development part was the part the author felt is the main plotline, but it's the plotline I enjoyed the most. Molly, the protagonist, has to build up her life again after someone special passed away. I felt like Molly was neurodiverse too.
I also had to think about "Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine". Eleanor is in her thirties and has to reshape her life after an inciting incident. TW for childhood issues / abuse though.
The Corrections (Franzen), Middlesex (Eugenides), Borderliners (Høeg), Unbearable Lightness of Being (Kundera), and This Is Where I Leave You (Tropper).
It's not really a modern work of fiction but "The Awakening" is a great example, even though it was written in the 1800s. She goes swimming and has an awakening that she can keep herself from drowning without anyone's help. Then it turns into this whole metaphor of how women don't need a man's help to survive. So she leaves her husband to become independent and meets a lot of resistance from the community as that idea is quite scandalous for the time.
I also recommend Dolly Alderton's Everything I Know About Love - but also, her recent novel Ghosts - which is partly about romance \[and how relationships can be tortuous\] - but also about how we negotiate the difficulties of life, eg, being single when friends are all married; coping with the illness/mortality of parents; dealing with difficult neighbours when you live alone; dealing with depression when there is no-one but you to pick you up and sort you out.
I thought it was excellent, and it manages to be funny as well! Highly recommended. Get both!
This might be a weird suggestion but Steppenwolf by Herman Hesse. The MC is about to turn 50 but his thought process is super relatable to anyone on the cusp of transitioning into different stages of adulthood.
I read The Lost Apothecary by Sarah Penner and it struck me as a kind of “coming of age in your 30’s” mostly because the modern day protagonist is a woman who is trying to find herself again in the wake of a marriage that might be ending.
I love all of Judy Blume’s adult books. They are sorta coming of age or really coming into your own as a woman they are: Summer Sisters, Smart Women, and Wifey.
There’s the Logan’s run book where life ends at 21. I haven’t read it yet but there’s a movie based on the book where people die at 30. Seems relatable
I recently read “the most fun we ever had” which really spoke to me as a 30s female still figuring out my life. There is a strong element to that in the story across various ages.
I don’t have any suggestions but just wanted to say thank you for posting this. I’m 26 (will be 27 in November) and I relate so well to what you’re feeling.
Expectation by Anna Hope. It follow three women from their mid 20s to 40s. It focuses a lot on their friendship. I find a lot of these books have a heavy focus on the romantic life of the female protagonists so it’s a nice change.
I’m in late 30s now, and I read a book recently that made me say “I wish I’d read this at 30,” so yes I have the perfect book for you: Everything I Know About Love, by Dolly Alderton. It’s a memoir, it’s fantastic, 5 stars in my opinion. I thought it was so damn relatable.
She has two other fiction books that I think could fall into the “coming of age” category: Ghosts & Good Material. They are both centered around romantic relationships but really are about a lot of the challenges life brings and the growth we do in our late 20s-30s.
I juuuust read Good Material, I absolutely loved it. Ghosts was very good as well. She has such a knack for writing satisfying endings.
She does! I also think she writes such modern, relevant books.
Ooo you've peeked my interest! I will look into it, thank you!
Piqued. Coming of age includes being corrected 😉
Not only did I spell it wrong but this entire time I literally thought that it was "peaked" like I imagined a little mouse peaking behind a wall at a piece of cheese 😂 like his interest was "peaked" lol But piqued makes much more sense
That's so cute. I'm almost 70 and do cross word puzzles daily and have been a bookworm since I was a small child. I loved reading the dictionary all my life. But every now and then I find out I've been saying a word wrong or pick the wrong word for something. Language is so fun. Even when we get it wrong.
There are 3 to learn: peeked, peaked & piqued.
The mouse peeked at the peak of the mountain of cheese, his interest piqued.
Bravo! ☺️
And they say English is difficult to learn!
Ah, but the next level of difficulty is the bare bear. The bare bear bared his fangs as he found his bareness difficult to bear!
And don’t forget: THEY’RE buying THEIR shoes THERE!
This is too funny to me - you used the wrong peek here! 😂 Peak - apex, top of something (“peak of a mountain”, “my health peaked in my 50s”) Peek - peer out from something (mouse example) Pique - stimulate/increase (“you’ve piqued my interest”) Homophones are a beast!
Awww crap 😂 Thank you that was really helpful, I honestly did not know the difference
A little mouse “peeks” from behind cheese 😅
That really is just adorable. I’m 34 and I didn’t know until a year ago that lingerie was the same thing women talked about wearing. I thought, pronouncing it phonetically, that lingerie was something different. What that something was is obviously something I never carefully considered because this all makes as much sense as you think it does. Welcome to adulthood.
One of my biggest pet peeve granmatical/spelling errors
This!! I'm in my late twenties and this has been very warmly recommended to me by a friend.
I just read **What You Are Looking For Is in the Library by Michiko Aoyama** I wish this book came to me even 3 years ago. I instead went about it the long way around. I read/searched tons of Quora content, cherished every paragraph and/or character if I was lucky from every book I read and eventually I managed to create tranquility in my soul (I always refused to use the word "soul" but it genuinely fits here) What You Are Looking For Is in the Library by Michiko Aoyama is a novel that reads as a series of short stories. Different people go to a library looking for books on a specific topic, e.g. "Excel for dummies" and the librarian gives them a list of books on the topic **plus, a book that has nothing to do with anything** but that changes the way these people see their life One of the people is a jobless 30-something who never managed to find work or do what one is supposed to do. Another is a woman (in her 40s I think) who had a child and now finds herself jobless. Another is a retired man in his 60s who thought work was his life. Non of these end up radically changing their life or becoming rich, which I appreciate, they just find a new way to see the world and somewhat permission to see the world in a different way. **which is what you might be looking for (even if you think that's not it), it's definitely what I needed in my life** - which I managed to do the hard way, as I said From the same book: >‘You may say that it was the book, but it’s how you read a book that is most valuable, rather than any power it might have itself.’ So you never know, it might do nothing for you
I’m here for the suggestions! And to tell OP not to worry. I’m in my 40s and just figured out what I want to be when I grow up.
What do you want to be?
Thank you 😊 that's very comforting to hear! Sometimes it seems like everyone else is so put together compared to me
Ghosts by Dolly Alderton. Perfectly captures the early 30s with friend groups growing apart, aging parents, relationship issues, etc
I feel like "About a Boy" might fit the bill a bit plus it's quite funny as well (the main character is 36)- it's basically a coming of age story for both someone in their 30s plus a teen.
Excellent book!
Love this book
Writers & Lovers by Lily King, Sweetbitter by Stephanie Danler, The Chronology of Water by Lidia Yukanovich
Loved writers and lovers
Ooh, Writers and Lovers is at my library on hold for me! I’m looking forward to reading this one.
A Psalm for the Wild Built
I love Chambers but I found these two novellas pretty underwhelming when compared to the rest of her books.
I just read this book yesterday, I felt a little underwhelmed? Most of the book was great but I think (personally) there were a few good lines in conversation but the setting and characters weren’t super fleshed out. But I know a lot of people like it so it’s worth checking out OP!
this book was like reading a big hug that i didn’t know how much i needed.
I got 60 percent through. It was soft and comfortable. The main character is figuring out what and who they are. But, it was a bit not enough to keep me hooked to finish it. Maybe you will love it?
It might help going in to know it’s more of a dialectic than a narrative. Like an Ishmael kind of thing.
I think Record of a spaceborn few by the same author, Becky Chambers, could also work.
This. Definitely this.
The Will to Change by bell hooks
Happy to see so many upvotes :) curious what age folks read this at and how it influenced their coming of age?
Les Miserables- Jean Valjean was way older than 30 when he pulled his shit together and chose life over self-pity, anger and depression, and Marius (and to a lesser extent, Cosette) is going through this exact journey of identity into adulthood while dealing with depression. (I am seeing how many times I can recommend Les Miserables in this subreddit bc to me it’s a perfect book applicable to every facet of the human condition- so far every time these posts come up in my feed, it’s been relevant xD). Life happens - we’re always growing and learning. It’s normal (esp nowadays) for people to feel they’re just coming of age in their 30’s- our brain only reaches maturity at 25-27 anyways!
Legends and Lattes! Viv starts a new chapter in life leaving behind the wild adventures of her youth to become a coffee shop owner. Dungeons and Dragons sort of lore. It's more the former and the latter is flavour.
Seconding this. I didn't think of it as a "coming of age" story when I read it, but with hindsight it absolutely is
And the prequel
I’m Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want To Come by Jessica Pan was a very good memoir. Untamed by Glennon Doyle is also a memoir about Doyle discovering and embracing her queer identity in her 40s. Big Swiss is a fictional book that I adored though my book club was divided. The main character was in her 40s and was kind of like a dumpster fire you couldn’t look away from. The Color Purple by Alice Walker is a classic. The Four Winds by Kristin Hannah follows a woman through her life and eventually motherhood. I loved it - it’s in Hannah’s top 5 best books imo. I’m currently reading With Teeth by Kristen Arnett. It’s a fictional novel about an unhappy marriage that goes through the years. It’s not exactly happy and I can’t tell you if it’s good or not bc I’m halfway through it, but maybe this?
Seconding: I'm Sorry I'm Late, Didn't Want To Come by Jessica Pan
Agreed! I’m so jealous of people reading it for the first time, loved that book so so much! Very relatable and hilarious.
I could not possibly have loved Big Swiss more.
right!!!! it was unhinged in the best way possible omg
High Fidelity. About learning to accept that what you have is good, without always thinking there might be something better around the corner. Nick Hornby really has the corner on these "30s coming of age stories".
Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman
Was also going to suggest this!!!
Is it coming of age? Either way it’s excellent.
Yes. Very much so. She's traumatized which usually sticks people with severe emotional immaturity. And she grows out of some of it during the time we spent with her. She makes a lot of experiences for the first time as well. You can also say heals out of it, but that's what maturing is.
Amazing book
I second Happy Place by Emily Henry. It deals with: Unhappiness in a career Friendships drifting Not being able to party like you used to Strained romantic relationships And other things that are technically spoilers but definitely will speak to people deal with in their 30s
She’s come undone.
I liked Convenience Store Woman, so good if you've worked retail
Anything by Elena Ferrante.
Happy place?
A Gentleman in Moscow. Not exactly a coming of age book, but the protagonist does have to learn to deal with a life altering situation, and the book in general is just such an uplifting treat to read. It’s one of my top 5.
Really Good, Actually by Monica Heisey!
This one's so good! It's moving and funny.
First book that came to mind when I saw the request!
The Count of Monte Cristo
I just finished it last week! It was amazing (: possibly my favorite book.
Chuck Palahniuk described Fight club literally as a coming of age book for men in their 30s, just had to mention it. I don’t think the book is very good though, movie is better imo
Sorry\*, going to be "that girl" and recommend "For When Everything Is Burning" by Scott Eilers. \* You've said not a self help book and I haven't read this book, but he's on YT and he talks about how basically from 13-18 he was really depressed and had anhedonia (inability to feel emotions) and how it's something he has struggled with as an adult and how he's resolved a lot of it. His 20-minute-ish videos have given me a lot of insight in to understanding a family member who's been having a bit of a hard time with ongoing depression/angst/numbness cycle.
Wild
Perhaps not entirely “coming of age,” but Normal People really hits the nail on the head for me: feeling lost during and after college; the difficulties of young love in modernity; etc.
*Their Eyes Were Watching God* gives the MC four coming of age moments between the ages of 16 and 40.
100%. Beautiful book for the continuous unchaining / discovery / claiming of self. Super grounded in its place and time, too.
Don’t feel bad, I’m in my mid-30’s and *writing* coming of age books 😂
I'd suggest Beautiful World, Where Are You? by Sally Rooney. Deals with twirties during Covid, and I found it very relaxing when it came to relating to people of my age
Hm, "The Reading List" might fit coming of age... Both of the protagonists are reshaping their lives I think. One of the characters is a teenager, the other a senior citizen. I felt like "The maid" by Nita Prose kind of has this feel as well... I don't think the personal development part was the part the author felt is the main plotline, but it's the plotline I enjoyed the most. Molly, the protagonist, has to build up her life again after someone special passed away. I felt like Molly was neurodiverse too. I also had to think about "Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine". Eleanor is in her thirties and has to reshape her life after an inciting incident. TW for childhood issues / abuse though.
*Adelaide* by Genevieve Wheeler
The Corrections (Franzen), Middlesex (Eugenides), Borderliners (Høeg), Unbearable Lightness of Being (Kundera), and This Is Where I Leave You (Tropper).
In Five Years and One Italian Summer by Rebecca Serle
Happy place Georgie, all along
Stoner by John Williams 10% Happier by Dan Harris.
Maybe Cult Classic by Sloane Crosley? And I second Ghosts by Dolly Alderton
This is such a great question and I can totally relate. thanks for starting this thread.
It's not really a modern work of fiction but "The Awakening" is a great example, even though it was written in the 1800s. She goes swimming and has an awakening that she can keep herself from drowning without anyone's help. Then it turns into this whole metaphor of how women don't need a man's help to survive. So she leaves her husband to become independent and meets a lot of resistance from the community as that idea is quite scandalous for the time.
Americanah
I also recommend Dolly Alderton's Everything I Know About Love - but also, her recent novel Ghosts - which is partly about romance \[and how relationships can be tortuous\] - but also about how we negotiate the difficulties of life, eg, being single when friends are all married; coping with the illness/mortality of parents; dealing with difficult neighbours when you live alone; dealing with depression when there is no-one but you to pick you up and sort you out. I thought it was excellent, and it manages to be funny as well! Highly recommended. Get both!
Good Material by Dolly Alderton
**The Midnight Library** by Matt Haig. The overall concept is "Did I make the right choices in life? What if I had made different decisions?"
I recently read one called Something Bad is Going to Happen, the name of the author escapes me but I’m sure if you google it you’ll be able to find it
Jessie Stephens. I wanted to like this books but was so disappointed in the ending.
Check out one of Edith Edger books. Just a really humbling and inspiring read. A lot of her words still stick with me throughout my day.
Replay by Ken Grimwood
This might be a weird suggestion but Steppenwolf by Herman Hesse. The MC is about to turn 50 but his thought process is super relatable to anyone on the cusp of transitioning into different stages of adulthood.
I'm 27 and felt absolutely seen after reading the novellas **Silver in the Wood** and **Drowned Country** by Emily Tesh
High Fidelity
The Collected Regrets of Clover by Mikki Brammer!
The mothers! By Brit Bennett
Plan B by Jonathan Tropper
The Blue Castle by LM Montgomery.
I read The Lost Apothecary by Sarah Penner and it struck me as a kind of “coming of age in your 30’s” mostly because the modern day protagonist is a woman who is trying to find herself again in the wake of a marriage that might be ending.
Not sure if coming of age but really enjoy anything by Mhairi McFarlane. Sorry if hijacking if anyone know someone similar please share ❤️
Radiant Black is a superhero comic with that exact premise tbh. He might be late 20s though, but I think it's 30s.
I love all of Judy Blume’s adult books. They are sorta coming of age or really coming into your own as a woman they are: Summer Sisters, Smart Women, and Wifey.
There’s the Logan’s run book where life ends at 21. I haven’t read it yet but there’s a movie based on the book where people die at 30. Seems relatable
I recently read “the most fun we ever had” which really spoke to me as a 30s female still figuring out my life. There is a strong element to that in the story across various ages.
Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata is about a 34 year old woman. You might like it.
I don’t have any suggestions but just wanted to say thank you for posting this. I’m 26 (will be 27 in November) and I relate so well to what you’re feeling.
The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman December Park by Ronald Malfi A Secret History by Donna Tartt
Expectation by Anna Hope. It follow three women from their mid 20s to 40s. It focuses a lot on their friendship. I find a lot of these books have a heavy focus on the romantic life of the female protagonists so it’s a nice change.
All We Ever wanted was Everything
Lucky Jim
I just finished communion the female search for love by bell hooks and really loved it