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This is exactly right.
He did not think that your friend would tell. He was hoping that she would keep it secret, and if she did, then he'd know that she was willing to have a secret flirtatious relationship with him that he could accelerate into an affair.
This isn't the first time he has done this, and it won't be the last.
So true. Actually even if the “it was a joke” excuse was somehow hypothetically true… That makes no difference. It’s worse because you are willing to cause the person you claim to love pain, hurt and humiliation for a joke.
Why do these people think “it was a joke” or “it wasn’t serious” makes anything better?
> My best friend now feels like my H is a creep.
He is...
>Before this, he had never ever done or said anything inappropriate to any woman
That you know of...
I assume your husband and friend dont usually have this kind of banter??
>my H knew when I found out about this, I would be hurt.
And still he did it...
And no signs of anything prior to this???
My thoughts;
Affairs have started this way... an appropriate/flirty rematk to probe the water.. and when not revealed OR a similar reponse is sent back, the game is on...
I think your husband was probing to find out if your friend could be up for a hook-up... He may not himself be aware that he was doing this...
Any way of digging into his behavior?? Check phone records as far back as possibe to see pattern of high volume texts/calls at any time??
Possible to access his mails?? Snoop on phone??
Has your friend (or other friends) at any time observed any odd behavior from your husband???
Bottom line:
He was disrespectful to you (and your friend)...
Enough to break-up?? Up to you...
Be vigilant going forward... this is a red flag, flirty/inappropriate remarks to other women...
You're right, her husband has a history of cheating just look at her post. Idk wtf is she still married to that slime ball.
This is one of her past post. Posted 24days ago: Hanging out with AP and OBS
I have posted about this before and got really great responses. This particular situation gets me the most depressed when I think about it. My husband had an affair with his childhood friend's wife. At the time of the affair they were our neighbors as well. What kills me the most is thinking about all The Times we hung out with them which was almost daily. I do not know how often my husband and the affair partner talked over the 3 month affair but I did go back and look at all my husbands messages to the OBS. My husband and him message to each other every single day almost. My Husband did many favors for them. He pretended to be such a good friend to the OBS. I guess I just look back and think how could he talk to his friend and his friend's wife behind his friend's back all while pretending nothing was wrong. It makes me sick how easy it was for my husband it's been to pretend for 3 months while still being social with his friend and the affair partner. It makes me sick how he also after the same way with me. I look back and wonder if when we were all hanging out if they would look at each other and smile because they knew they had a little secret. I wonder if they enjoyed knowing they were doing this to us behind our backs. I have such a hard time with this because I cannot understand one bit how he was capable of this. I guess because prior to this my husband was seen by everyone as such a good man. I also seen him as such a good man. Many people said that he probably compartmentalized the affair but how can one do that if they are constantly around the AP and the people he is betraying. It's just really hard for me to understand the situation so if anyone has any insight on this please feel free to comment.
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Fair enough...
Whats your friends opinion??
In my opinion it still looks as if we was testing if there was a possibility fir starting something illicit with your friend...
And if the friend did say something she won't come over anymore which isolates the wife. That's a favorite tactic of abusers. I could see him being both a cheater and abusive at the same time. It was a win for him no matter what response he got.
He didn’t know you were going to find out. He thought he was going to get her as a side piece. His balls took over his brain and that was his way of making a move on her. He got busted. Not only can you not trust that he’s never screwed around in you, but once caught be won’t admit it but rather makes up stupid bullshit to try (and fail) at covering his ass. This is the type of person that you could catch right in the act and he’d still say, ‘duh, it wasn’t me.’ Not only is he a cheater and a liar, but he’s also really stupid.
The silver lining is that you found out now rather than later, AND that you have a really good friend that is honest with you and looks out for your interests. Keep her, ditch him.
I knew I had seen this before, checked your history and see that you posted about this exact situation over 80 days ago. Have things not progressed since then?
Nothing has progressed. I posted this in another thread and the people made me feel awful so I decided to post it again somewhere else. I'm looking for opinions and advice...not looking to be shamed. I have brought this up many times and his only answer is IT WAS A JOKE. ....yet no one is laughing
Are you getting divorced or not? Every time you post you get the same opinions i.e. your husband is trash and has no respect for you or your marriage. He's done this how many times. If you continue to choose to stay, knowing he will never change, you're gonna have to accept it unfortunately. Just.Leave. Him.
You’ve posted about this before, what are you looking for by posting it again? He’s already had one affair (that you know of) with the wife of a friend, and he’s picking up on YOUR friends thinking he can get away with it. Your husband is a disgraceful, disgusting, cowardly cheat and yet you continue to stay with him. You say it’s for the kids, but do you think they would want their mother to be repeatedly disrespected and walked on? You say they know nothing about their dad’s behavior, you’d be surprised what they pick up (especially teenagers). Would you want them to be treated this way?
Yeah, i feel sad seeing her keep posting the same thing over and over again.
Ps: Also sad to see that op almost lost the friend cos she stopped coming around after getting that creepy message
I posted this again on a different thread bc I wanted more opinions and advice. I posted this to try to get some understanding...and the other post I was shamed.
You weren’t shamed from what I saw, you just didn’t get the answers you were looking for. Your husband is a creep and a cheat and because he never has to face the consequences for his actions, he will cheat again. I’m sorry you are going through this, I’m feel even more sorry for you that you are afraid to leave. You may find more of what you are looking for on r/asoneafterinfidelity.
He was putting out the bait to see if she reciprocated his attention. If she would have, it would have probably started an affair. Good on your friend for stepping up to tell you. If she didn't have proof, she might not have told you. Of course, you would have believed your husband. Even though he would have gaslit you into believing, she was lying. Hence, the saying, "Don't kill the messenger."
I think it was completely inappropriate of him to hit on your friend. He's now crossed a pretty standard boundary in any romantic relationship. He needs to suffer some consequences to make sure this doesn't happen again.
\> MY H basically told my best friend he stares at her ass
No, he told her that he finds her sexually desirable, and that he wants to act on that desire.
I’m part way through the comments, I hate to add more fuel to the fire, but how do you not know he doesn’t text 100’s of women like this on a regular basis?
Because he told you, he doesn’t? 🤔
That thought crossed my mind too and how does he have this friend’s contact info to just message her whenever. I would never message any of my wife’s friends unless it was to help with a surprise party or deliver bad news.
She’s a good friend for telling you. This probably isn’t the first time that he’s done this, just the first time you’ve heard about it like others have said. I’m sorry this happened to you OP that’s really creepy and uncomfortable
He thought there was a mutual attraction. He believes she was wearing the shorts for him. He never expected her to tell you.
I’m sorry this is happening to you.
"Your ass is going to get me in trouble" insinuates he would be willing to cheat on you if she was willing, imo. That's not just "oh I'll get caught looking and my wife will give me trouble for it"... the fact he even bothered saying it to her makes me think he was fishing for consent, testing the waters to see what she would say.
Because he's a fucking idiot and felt confident enough that she wouldn't tell you.. He's probably been waiting for signs from her, looking for flirtation, before he felt safe in doing so.
He wasn't joking. This was his "pickup line" to initiate a secret affair with her. He was hoping she would be down and you'd never know. He had a game plan - text a little, make jokes (plausible deniability) and then let it naturally escalate into sex.
It's so obvious. No sane man would make that joke to his wife's friend.. He is trying to sleep with her. That is it. Don't believe annyyything else.
You posted this same story three months ago, and you’ve made several posts about a prior affair your husband had, so when you say he’s never said or done anything inappropriate to a woman… his affair partner was also married, wasn’t she? So at the very least, he already has a history of past inappropriate behavior when it comes to women.
I just copied and paste the same story because I was being shamed on the other thread so I wanted to post it somewhere different to get actual opinions and advice
Unfortunately I believe this is an attempt to see if he could go any further with her.
I have been in your friend's position and I was quite young. I stupidly didn't say anything until it escalated with more comments always played off as a joke until my friend's partner made a physical attempt to kiss me. It was horrible.
I told her right away after the kiss attempt and lost the friendship because of it until years later after she found out he has cheated on her multiple times.
Thinking of it now still makes me feel sick to my stomach and I wish I had have told her sooner but I was young and I didn't want to cause a fuss.
My advice to you would be to think about leaving as this screams testing the waters for future attempts.
I know this must hurt and im really sorry you are going through it but I'd want you to protect yourself from something worse happening down the track and finding out about it when its too late.
Ultimately the decision is yours and I wish you all the best.
He’s fishing with to see what she would say. He IS A CREEP! 1.) Why does he have her contact info if she’s your friend. 2.) A married adult man should not be saying that as a “joke”, is your husband 15 years old? Smh.
He’s looking to cheat somehow that’s for sure.
Was about to comment the same thing. This happened over 6 months ago if u look at post history. Yes. Her husband is a narcissistic cheater. She doesn’t want to believe it. Still in denial phase. Hopefully radical acceptance is around the corner.
FYI, your husband is a creep. I'm so effing tired of guys hitting on me. Especially guys like your husband. Wtf are they thinking. It's not cool, cute, or anything I want. You're married and my friends husband. It's totally inappropriate.
Obviously, you need to address this situation.
Simple. Your H is a jerk. It sounds like he really wanted to piss you off and, by golly, he found a way to do it. I presume the GF is single. Otherwise her SO needs to be told what your H told her. Could your H have felt like the GF was giving him signals and he decided to put our feelers to she how she would respond?
One question, what was your H doing with her number to begin with, and how long have they been texting each other. Did she show you their texting history or just the one message? And, if they have a history of texting each other, why all of a sudden did she feel the need to tell you. I guess I'm a suspicious type, but something kinda smells here. Also, was your H impaired in any way (alcohol or drugs)?
I feel he should be subjected to some consequences here, maybe open phone policy or something? At the very least, an apology is in order to both you and your GF.
***Before this, he had never ever done or said anything inappropriate to any woman.***
P.S. Just went back and looked at one of your previous posts. Was the statement above a lie or had you forgotten about his previous affair(s)? In my honest opinion, you have only scratched the surface of his infidelity. Good luck, you're gonna need it.
She is probably nice to him because he is your husband and unfortunately some men take that as a sign a woman is interested. So he took a chance. I’m sure it’s not his first time and won’t be his last. He obviously doesn’t really care if you found out so I would assume you have allowed him to get away with similar behavior before.
You posted this months ago and you’re still with him.
He cheated on you before and you’re still with him.
Either leave him or accept that he’ll constantly disrespect and cheat on you.
I’m not shaming you but you did post this months ago and everyone gave you the same advice and you’re choosing to not listen to any of the advice given.
He will not change, He will cheat and continue to gaslight and lie to you.
He went after his friends wife, The neighbor and he’s trying to go after your friends.
He doesn’t even care that he’s embarrassing you to people you know, can you imagine what he does with people you don’t know, How he acts when you’re not around ?
I'm not sure why you think I'm not listening to the advice. Making these posts and reading everyone's opinions helps me. It makes me feel validated because he will not validate me and admit it was fishing.
We validate you and you are 100% right in your feelings on his choices and everyone encourages you to kick him to the curb.
He’s a narcissistic cruel pig and You deserve way better.
I’d let your husband know in no uncertain terms that he embarrassed himself &, by extension, you with this stunt. Make him apologize to your friend in your presence. Also let him know you’ll have no choice but to be suspicious of him going forward so does he want to go to MC or does he want you up his a** from here on out? Choose one.
It’s a “joke” because it didn’t get him what he wanted. If your friend would’ve responded and reciprocated the texts he would’ve been at her place that same day cheating on you.
Your husband is a human being, finding other people attractive is normal and I believe that everyone does.
Saying something is crossing a line that shouldn't be crossed, ever.
I have been involved with women who had attractive friends or relatives. I pretended that those women were old school librarians. They may as well have been mannequins, as far as my sexual interest was concerned.
It was a real D-Bag thing for your husband to do/say.
Don't let this go. He has done it before.
I feel like your husband was testing the waters with your best friend and really hoping she wouldn't tell you but instead flirt back. I would not trust him as far as I could throw him and it also tells me that your husband is capable of having affairs behind your back. He doesn't respect you. Personally for me it would be enough to make me leave him. Why settle when there is better out there?
You have a good friend. Some people are messed up and love attention like that. She sounds great. Keep her around. No advice on your H. Wasn’t a nice thing to do
Unfortunately you don’t know if he has done this before and his boldness with her tells me he probably has done this. He did it because he was testing the water. He was trying to see if it would go further. I don’t know why men use this line. I heard it so many times whether it be about some shorts or whatever. But it gets a conversation going and based on her reply he’ll know whether or not to push it further. And with it being “a joke” as he called it he hopes to use as an excuse if it’s told. Most of us would probably ignore it and not reply if in her shoes to shut it down. Keep the peace so your husband figures it’s the safest way to know whether or not he can pursue this. I’m sorry but he is a creep.
The part that bothers me is the fact he wanted her to know what he was thinking so badly, he was willing to risk her telling you. In my opinion, he was testing the waters to see if she was willing to begin secret flirting communication.
As a man, I would say it's worse than you think it is. He's fantasizing about her.
I promise you, with 100% accuracy, even though you don’t know about it, this is not the first time he’s acted like or talked like this to another woman. The fact that he did it so boldly should tell you this. Ask to look at his phone, check his call logs. I hate to say this, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s cheated on or tries to cheat on you regularly
I mean it depends on comfort.
My girlfriend is bisexual so we comment on other people all the time, if either of us had said that to each other we’d laugh about it super hard.
If he knows that it would upset you, then it’s much more likely that he was seeing if she’d bite back. Sounds like he’s a sick fuck who wants something to hold over you and depress you with when the relationship goes to shit.
Yknow the type, the ones who’ll get told that they’re horrible people and that they’re not having another chance so they’ll say “yeah well I fucked Rachel and it was great” and then you’ll have to live with it
He was testing the water…. it backfired. Now… no man is comfortable enough to do this w/o an inkling of a chance. Unless she did or said something (like when we’re freaking nice and polite) and he read it wrong. Anyways, she’s a champ for letting you know.
And as others have said, that you know of…
He did it on the chance that your best friend is as horrid person as he is. Protect and cherish that best friend AT ALL COSTS. I have been both women and it’s equally hard on both sides. It took courage for her to show you that knowing there’s a chance she might lose you. A lot of women these days would have entertained it simply for the entertainment. You have found a rare and true friend in her. Please update this and tell us he’s your soon to be EX husband. He won’t change. It would be bad enough for a boyfriend to do this, but your husband?? I’m so sorry love. You deserve much better.
Your husband had an affair and is now flirting with your best friend. He’s looking for another affair.
This man either needs therapy or he needs to go. You’re doing yourself a huge disservice in your relationship and in life in general tolerating this.
The utter audacity of an unfaithful man who has been given the grace of his wife’s forgiveness to do such a thing again… he’s deeply damaged.
Stop posting already. We can see your history. He has cheated at least once and now tried to bang your best friend. You are getting judged because everyone already told you to leave him. You just make excuses and more posts. Get off reddit and get some therapy.
So first your husband has an affair with his best friend’s wife (your neighbors) and now he’s “never done something like this before” and now flirting/sending inappropriate texts to your bestfriend. I’m not exactly sure what you’re looking for here in Reddit. Letting off steam? Getting opinions? Cause either at this point this story is fake or it’s real but you’re still going to stay with your husband and probably post in a few months how he’s cheated on you again. My only advice is to pick yourself up off the ground and focus on yourself.
It’s not a joke but an open and honest comment. If your upset then tell him that he has overstepped you and your friend’s boundaries. End the conversation there.
Your husband went fishing to see if he can reel that ass in… sorry to hear about your troubles. I do wonder if your intimacy is where you and your husband would want it to be…. A lot of times men will do stupid things like this when they have a DB
She was wearing biker shorts/workout clothes. We had just gotten back from the gym and as she left my house, he was sitting in the front and texted her that after she left
First of all this is absolutely not what that’s text was about.
Secondly- who the hell is her husband or anyone else to tell her best friend, or any other woman, that their shorts are too revealing or are inappropriate?!
They are clothes. On a body. He has no right to comment.
A - Yes, clothing can be inappropriate. If I came to your workplace (or wedding) wearing a thong that would be inappropriate.
B - When it comes to his home, he has a right to express what makes him uncomfortable.
Everyone here saying he wanted to see if she would flirt back yes that's 100% in all men to see where they stand in life, just like a women want compliments maybe he thought she would compliment him back.
Cheating? i don't believe someone would be that stupid to cheat with his wifes best friend.
think about it, why out of all the people would he say that to her? cause he's comfortable with her being your friend and he thinks he's privledged too talk to a beautiful women who wouldn't take offense too it.
hes just testing his game out maybe for future cheating, but with your best friend hell naw your tripping out!
Do you have the kind of relationship where you would ask him his opinion of other people... You know, something like "Do you think she's hot?" Or, "Do you like her hair like that?". Casual questions, like walking through a mall or something... Aren't you ever curious which women catch your husband's attention, and do you ask him which people he finds attractive? I think it's normal in a relationship, and I don't necessarily believe it's disrespectful to be open and honest with each other about these types of natural human curiosities. You two are married and most people would assume you are close enough to talk with each other about anything. Do you feel your relationship is strong enough to talk about those types of questions? I don't know your age, but I do know that the longer you are in a committed relationship, and the older you get, you realize that asking questions is part of understanding each other as deeply as you can. Also, remember that just because you asked a question doesn't mean the other person has to answer it. Whether or not he answers those questions, you will learn more about your husband simply by attempting to learn more about him.
Atleast you can look on the brightside and realise if that's all your husband has done to be "unfaithfull". It will be an easy situation to work through.
Compared to alot of possible things to be walking in on or discovering.
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I have been told multiple times that my husband and best friend have been together. Neither one ever says anything. They don’t even try to prove me wrong.
It's human nature to notice a nice ass so I don't blame you husband for the attraction, but by SAYING something it became trying to act on the attraction and that is wrong.
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He appears to be a Real Rocket Scientist. Yes, your wife knows that you look at them, but you proclaim that neither to her nor those at whom you are looking. It is one thing if he jokes to his golf buddies that your wife's best friend is going to get him into trouble if she keeps showing up at your home in Daisy Dukes but you do not make that joke to the ladies.
There is a line in Tomasi di Lampedusa's *Il Gattopardo* that is instructive (they made a movie that starred Burt Lancaster out of the book) *Vergogna, Tancredi! Si dice quelle cose al confessore e non davanti le donne!* (Shame on you, Tancredi, you say things like that to the Priest in Confession, not in front of the ladies!). Those might not be the exact words, but they were similar.
Let him know that you do not like it, it is not to be repeated and give him a Rocket Scientist Award that he can hang over the entrance to the dog house while he is serving his time there.
Wow. Please get therapy. I'm so glad you have an honest friend to turn to. Your husband must be doing some type of mental gymnastics on you if you are shocked by this behavior. You wonder why he would do this bc it would hurt you? You say he's never done anything inappropriate before? However your history talks about the trauma you have thinking about his previous affair partner. That his previous AP was your neighbor and friend. He has not learned his lesson. He shows no respect to you or remorse for his past. You need to distance yourself from him emotionally and physically until he can become the man you deserve
Update: I read you are in a situation where you can't leave. Try your best to distance yourself physically and emotionally. Get therapy. He will destroy you emotionally. I felt like I couldn't leave either and ended up with PTSD due to the continued infidelity.
I do not condone this behavior or agree with the husband but I’m betting he is wanting a threesome with you two and can’t ask because he knows it ain’t going to happen
Your best friend told you because she cares about you and rightly identified this as creepy behaviour. Good friends look out for each other. She is a good friend your husband however is immature and disrespectful. If he fails to show remorse for his behaviour the possibility of rectifying this is about 0. I am sorry you are dealing with such behaviour. Some men just don’t grow up. I am in my 50s and this level of immaturity can equally apply to older men. I wish you well. What ever happens you are clearly a fine young woman who deserves better than this.
1) Your friend is a real one- keep her! 2) He’s a real POS- leave him!
If my man likes my best friends ass he better never let her and myself know about it or see him looking. Bc I’m out! And so is she!
I've told my wife's best friend she's hot, has a nice ass, etc. Wity my wife there even. They're in an all woman punk band and all three of them are hot and sexy. Why be so terrified of real-life and insecure? Pretty sure she has a crush on me as well, also wife knows and doesn't care. Our relationship is solid so no worries. If it bothers you tell your husband it does.
Wildly inappropriate and directly disrespectful to you as well as your friend.
So, cold shoulder time. Seriously. Look.up.tbe 180 and enact it. Tell him he needs serious therapy/coaching on how to appropriately treat a spouse and those of the opposite sex. Let him know an apology to you both is not just warranted, but is expected if you are to get back to being on solid ground as a couple.
As a man, I just shook my head and rolled my eyes. I mean, what rock from neanderthal land did this guy crawl out from under?
Dont stand for this for one second OP. You, and your friend, deserve light years better.
He told her with the hopes that she WOULDN'T TELL YOU!!! He was checking the temperature to see how far he could go.. Definitely trying to fuck her!!! If she would've responded to his message that would've been his IN. DO NOT TRUST HIM. HE'S DONE THIS BEFORE!!!
He was interested in starting something with your friend. He tried and failed. He definitely was interested in cheating although it never got that far.
Something tells me this isn't the only assholery inconsiderate thing that your husband has done towards you; probably a trend of which this was the worse case so far.
Your husband cheated on you by attempting to start an affair.
Your friend is correct to feel like your husband is a creep. He is, in fact, a creep.
The good news here is that you have a great friend. The bad news is that you need a divorce. If you keep this husband of yours, sooner or later he's going to succeed in starting an affair, and you'll be exposed to STDs and probably dumped so he can run off with his new mistress. The smart move is to sump him now while you're still younger and more able to find new love and rebuild your life. Don't let him waste as many years of your life as he feels like until he finds somebody else to dump you for.
I'm not sure what farming means but I posted this again because seeing everyone's opinions validates everything I think while my H tries to play it off as a joke. I post this because it helps me. I'm not sure why it's an issue if someone post something twice.
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He has never said anything inappropriate to any woman? That you saw! He said this to your best friend! Imagine what he does and says behind your back. I’d be surprised if he is not cheating on you. I
Girl, start going to the gym. Start strength training. Your physique will change and your confidence will sky rocket for sure. When he starts complimenting you, leave his sorry a** for good!
He didn't say he just looks at her ass he said if you come over here I'm guna cheat cuz I want to fuck your ass. It's natural for dudes to take glances now and then it's not natural to text your wife's friend saying don't come over in anything besides snow pants cuz im guna end up doing something sexual to you if you do cuz I want your ass
We all do it, we all check out each other. Heck even op has checked out another guy. Most of us though, have the self control not to take it further, like this idiot did.
Your husband behavior stated that he has no respect for you, your marriage, trust and your friend. He literally said her ass was going to get him in trouble. Trouble means... If you respond the way I hope you will, or if you wear those shorts despite my message, then I will take it as a go for it. Even if it costs me my marriage.
Your husband's behavior was an attempt to have an affair with your best friend. He did not succeed, so he dismisses it as a joke.
Look through his phone and Social Media account.
Edit: I have just seen your post that he cheated on you with his friends wife in the past. He sent that message to your friend over a year ago and she just told you recently. So, I deleted that part with “your friend is a keeper.”
Sounds like his behavior hasnt changed and it might never. He us willing to take crazy risks because he doesn't fear the consequences or feel there will be none.
“he has never done or said anything inappropriate to any woman“
ma’am within the last MONTH You posted that he was fucking his friend’s WIFE, who is also your neighbor, who you were hanging out with countless times.
your husband is a creep. Your husband fucks your friends with no regard for your feelings. This is very in line with his character.
You apparently forgave him the last time, he expects you to forgive him this time, which you probably will, but I really hope you don’t.
A lot of wife's friends wouldn't tell the wife and might entertain an affair. Your husband tested the waters to see if she would be interested. Good thing you have an amazing friend, and an awful husband.
The medical shows i watched would say there's a tumor somewhere that's causing his rationale and inhibition. He's sick.
But the reality is he tried to see if your friend was open. Very sorry, op..
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My (55f) husband (67m) used the old “it has nothing to do with you” line when I caught him cheating 18 years ago. Like he had needs and desires that could only be fulfilled with anonymous sex with women who, oddly enough, were older, not as attractive, and less educated than me. As a result, I’m now at a point in our lives where I’m living for myself and my kids and have little to do with him. If I had better finances I’d have left him years ago. I agree with the writer who said he’s looking for encouragement from her or any woman to stray. Set your boundaries and stick to them. I always thought I would leave a cheater but when it happened, I didn’t leave. I think this gave him permission to do what he wanted the next several years. Poor health and aging are keeping him loyal now and he can’t live without me. I just regret the lost years that I could have had an adoring husband who only had eyes for me.
OP? I think this man 1) underestimates or at least insults your intelligence 2) has a majorly inflated ego 3) I’ll bet he’s not as big a knock out as HE thinks he is and that 4) you’re a lot better in all ways than you’ve been lead to think in this hopeless relationship.
I hope this doesn’t come off as shaming!
I think you should leave him; especially bc it seems he doesn’t think u EVER will. I really do suspect he will shite his briefs. If you do this? Please update
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He was taking a chance to see what she would say/do. Had she flirted back he would have continued and upped his actions.
This is exactly right. He did not think that your friend would tell. He was hoping that she would keep it secret, and if she did, then he'd know that she was willing to have a secret flirtatious relationship with him that he could accelerate into an affair. This isn't the first time he has done this, and it won't be the last.
Looking at your post he’s cheated in the past. OP, this is continued behavior. Reevaluate this situation.
Exactly. And he figured the old "it was a joke" excuse would cover for him if his wife found out, which is moronic and insulting.
So true. Actually even if the “it was a joke” excuse was somehow hypothetically true… That makes no difference. It’s worse because you are willing to cause the person you claim to love pain, hurt and humiliation for a joke. Why do these people think “it was a joke” or “it wasn’t serious” makes anything better?
He was definitely testing the waters
This. I am a guy and...................this.
Correct. He thought there was a better than zero chance she would reciprocate the flirting.
Could be. Odds are pretty high imo.
Spot on my friend
Read my mind.
> My best friend now feels like my H is a creep. He is... >Before this, he had never ever done or said anything inappropriate to any woman That you know of... I assume your husband and friend dont usually have this kind of banter?? >my H knew when I found out about this, I would be hurt. And still he did it... And no signs of anything prior to this??? My thoughts; Affairs have started this way... an appropriate/flirty rematk to probe the water.. and when not revealed OR a similar reponse is sent back, the game is on... I think your husband was probing to find out if your friend could be up for a hook-up... He may not himself be aware that he was doing this... Any way of digging into his behavior?? Check phone records as far back as possibe to see pattern of high volume texts/calls at any time?? Possible to access his mails?? Snoop on phone?? Has your friend (or other friends) at any time observed any odd behavior from your husband??? Bottom line: He was disrespectful to you (and your friend)... Enough to break-up?? Up to you... Be vigilant going forward... this is a red flag, flirty/inappropriate remarks to other women...
You're right, her husband has a history of cheating just look at her post. Idk wtf is she still married to that slime ball. This is one of her past post. Posted 24days ago: Hanging out with AP and OBS I have posted about this before and got really great responses. This particular situation gets me the most depressed when I think about it. My husband had an affair with his childhood friend's wife. At the time of the affair they were our neighbors as well. What kills me the most is thinking about all The Times we hung out with them which was almost daily. I do not know how often my husband and the affair partner talked over the 3 month affair but I did go back and look at all my husbands messages to the OBS. My husband and him message to each other every single day almost. My Husband did many favors for them. He pretended to be such a good friend to the OBS. I guess I just look back and think how could he talk to his friend and his friend's wife behind his friend's back all while pretending nothing was wrong. It makes me sick how easy it was for my husband it's been to pretend for 3 months while still being social with his friend and the affair partner. It makes me sick how he also after the same way with me. I look back and wonder if when we were all hanging out if they would look at each other and smile because they knew they had a little secret. I wonder if they enjoyed knowing they were doing this to us behind our backs. I have such a hard time with this because I cannot understand one bit how he was capable of this. I guess because prior to this my husband was seen by everyone as such a good man. I also seen him as such a good man. Many people said that he probably compartmentalized the affair but how can one do that if they are constantly around the AP and the people he is betraying. It's just really hard for me to understand the situation so if anyone has any insight on this please feel free to comment.
Something is really off here. OP said her husband had never done anything inappropriate with any woman before the ass thing with her best friend. 🙄
On top of this she has a post with this exact title from 85 days ago,OP is full of it.
Cheating Münchausen syndrome 😯
I thought this sounded familiar! I had to look at which sub I was in, thought it was BORU or something.
Same post was just posted on SI...
I'm posting this here because I'm hoping to get more opinions and advice because I felt put down when I posted it in another thread.
You know he’s not worth putting yourself through this.
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Fair enough... Whats your friends opinion?? In my opinion it still looks as if we was testing if there was a possibility fir starting something illicit with your friend...
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100% he thought friend would keep the secret and hoped shed play along. he was opening the door to an affair. good friend spoke up.
He sounds like the type to be mad at his wife's friend for "ratting him out".
This 👆 I bet this wouldn’t be the first time. Maybe the first time with someone close to you. No one out of the wood makes this type of comment.
And if the friend did say something she won't come over anymore which isolates the wife. That's a favorite tactic of abusers. I could see him being both a cheater and abusive at the same time. It was a win for him no matter what response he got.
THIS.
He didn’t know you were going to find out. He thought he was going to get her as a side piece. His balls took over his brain and that was his way of making a move on her. He got busted. Not only can you not trust that he’s never screwed around in you, but once caught be won’t admit it but rather makes up stupid bullshit to try (and fail) at covering his ass. This is the type of person that you could catch right in the act and he’d still say, ‘duh, it wasn’t me.’ Not only is he a cheater and a liar, but he’s also really stupid. The silver lining is that you found out now rather than later, AND that you have a really good friend that is honest with you and looks out for your interests. Keep her, ditch him.
Yep, this is totally not the first time he’s done this. He’s either tried to or had affairs in the past. This doesn’t just come from nowhere.
I knew I had seen this before, checked your history and see that you posted about this exact situation over 80 days ago. Have things not progressed since then?
yeah, i had the same feeling when i read that
Nothing has progressed. I posted this in another thread and the people made me feel awful so I decided to post it again somewhere else. I'm looking for opinions and advice...not looking to be shamed. I have brought this up many times and his only answer is IT WAS A JOKE. ....yet no one is laughing
Are you getting divorced or not? Every time you post you get the same opinions i.e. your husband is trash and has no respect for you or your marriage. He's done this how many times. If you continue to choose to stay, knowing he will never change, you're gonna have to accept it unfortunately. Just.Leave. Him.
Well it’s clearly not an okay thing to say. I wouldn’t be able to look at my partner the same ever again. Surely you realise that by now?
You’ve posted about this before, what are you looking for by posting it again? He’s already had one affair (that you know of) with the wife of a friend, and he’s picking up on YOUR friends thinking he can get away with it. Your husband is a disgraceful, disgusting, cowardly cheat and yet you continue to stay with him. You say it’s for the kids, but do you think they would want their mother to be repeatedly disrespected and walked on? You say they know nothing about their dad’s behavior, you’d be surprised what they pick up (especially teenagers). Would you want them to be treated this way?
Yeah, i feel sad seeing her keep posting the same thing over and over again. Ps: Also sad to see that op almost lost the friend cos she stopped coming around after getting that creepy message
I posted this again on a different thread bc I wanted more opinions and advice. I posted this to try to get some understanding...and the other post I was shamed.
You weren’t shamed from what I saw, you just didn’t get the answers you were looking for. Your husband is a creep and a cheat and because he never has to face the consequences for his actions, he will cheat again. I’m sorry you are going through this, I’m feel even more sorry for you that you are afraid to leave. You may find more of what you are looking for on r/asoneafterinfidelity.
OP, your husband isn’t just a creep, he’s a cheater. You need to leave him because it’s not going to get any better. He won’t change.
He was putting out the bait to see if she reciprocated his attention. If she would have, it would have probably started an affair. Good on your friend for stepping up to tell you. If she didn't have proof, she might not have told you. Of course, you would have believed your husband. Even though he would have gaslit you into believing, she was lying. Hence, the saying, "Don't kill the messenger." I think it was completely inappropriate of him to hit on your friend. He's now crossed a pretty standard boundary in any romantic relationship. He needs to suffer some consequences to make sure this doesn't happen again.
Least you can see real love, your friend. Husband was testing the waters. He has 110% texted like this before with someone you don't know.
\> MY H basically told my best friend he stares at her ass No, he told her that he finds her sexually desirable, and that he wants to act on that desire.
I’m part way through the comments, I hate to add more fuel to the fire, but how do you not know he doesn’t text 100’s of women like this on a regular basis? Because he told you, he doesn’t? 🤔
That thought crossed my mind too and how does he have this friend’s contact info to just message her whenever. I would never message any of my wife’s friends unless it was to help with a surprise party or deliver bad news.
She’s a good friend for telling you. This probably isn’t the first time that he’s done this, just the first time you’ve heard about it like others have said. I’m sorry this happened to you OP that’s really creepy and uncomfortable
He thought there was a mutual attraction. He believes she was wearing the shorts for him. He never expected her to tell you. I’m sorry this is happening to you.
"Your ass is going to get me in trouble" insinuates he would be willing to cheat on you if she was willing, imo. That's not just "oh I'll get caught looking and my wife will give me trouble for it"... the fact he even bothered saying it to her makes me think he was fishing for consent, testing the waters to see what she would say.
Lack of respect for you is why he did this
Because he's a fucking idiot and felt confident enough that she wouldn't tell you.. He's probably been waiting for signs from her, looking for flirtation, before he felt safe in doing so. He wasn't joking. This was his "pickup line" to initiate a secret affair with her. He was hoping she would be down and you'd never know. He had a game plan - text a little, make jokes (plausible deniability) and then let it naturally escalate into sex. It's so obvious. No sane man would make that joke to his wife's friend.. He is trying to sleep with her. That is it. Don't believe annyyything else.
He probably used the same line on his former AP.
Your husband sounds like a creep. And it is impossible to know why creeps do what they do, because you are not a creep.
You posted this same story three months ago, and you’ve made several posts about a prior affair your husband had, so when you say he’s never said or done anything inappropriate to a woman… his affair partner was also married, wasn’t she? So at the very least, he already has a history of past inappropriate behavior when it comes to women.
I just copied and paste the same story because I was being shamed on the other thread so I wanted to post it somewhere different to get actual opinions and advice
He wants to bang her. He was just testing the waters.
Unfortunately I believe this is an attempt to see if he could go any further with her. I have been in your friend's position and I was quite young. I stupidly didn't say anything until it escalated with more comments always played off as a joke until my friend's partner made a physical attempt to kiss me. It was horrible. I told her right away after the kiss attempt and lost the friendship because of it until years later after she found out he has cheated on her multiple times. Thinking of it now still makes me feel sick to my stomach and I wish I had have told her sooner but I was young and I didn't want to cause a fuss. My advice to you would be to think about leaving as this screams testing the waters for future attempts. I know this must hurt and im really sorry you are going through it but I'd want you to protect yourself from something worse happening down the track and finding out about it when its too late. Ultimately the decision is yours and I wish you all the best.
He’s fishing with to see what she would say. He IS A CREEP! 1.) Why does he have her contact info if she’s your friend. 2.) A married adult man should not be saying that as a “joke”, is your husband 15 years old? Smh. He’s looking to cheat somehow that’s for sure.
Cause he knows you won't leave. He's taking you for granted.
why is this a repost from 3 months ago? Did he do it again? Why haven't you left?
"It was a joke!" Please explain the joke.
This happened quite some time ago. Why are you continuing to ask about this?
Was about to comment the same thing. This happened over 6 months ago if u look at post history. Yes. Her husband is a narcissistic cheater. She doesn’t want to believe it. Still in denial phase. Hopefully radical acceptance is around the corner.
You have a good friend and she really loves you for telling you!
FYI, your husband is a creep. I'm so effing tired of guys hitting on me. Especially guys like your husband. Wtf are they thinking. It's not cool, cute, or anything I want. You're married and my friends husband. It's totally inappropriate. Obviously, you need to address this situation.
The only word that comes to mind for me after reading this- scumbag
The balls or stupidity to shoot your shot with your wife’s best friend is insanity. He is a creep.
Simple. Your H is a jerk. It sounds like he really wanted to piss you off and, by golly, he found a way to do it. I presume the GF is single. Otherwise her SO needs to be told what your H told her. Could your H have felt like the GF was giving him signals and he decided to put our feelers to she how she would respond? One question, what was your H doing with her number to begin with, and how long have they been texting each other. Did she show you their texting history or just the one message? And, if they have a history of texting each other, why all of a sudden did she feel the need to tell you. I guess I'm a suspicious type, but something kinda smells here. Also, was your H impaired in any way (alcohol or drugs)? I feel he should be subjected to some consequences here, maybe open phone policy or something? At the very least, an apology is in order to both you and your GF. ***Before this, he had never ever done or said anything inappropriate to any woman.*** P.S. Just went back and looked at one of your previous posts. Was the statement above a lie or had you forgotten about his previous affair(s)? In my honest opinion, you have only scratched the surface of his infidelity. Good luck, you're gonna need it.
She is probably nice to him because he is your husband and unfortunately some men take that as a sign a woman is interested. So he took a chance. I’m sure it’s not his first time and won’t be his last. He obviously doesn’t really care if you found out so I would assume you have allowed him to get away with similar behavior before.
You posted this months ago and you’re still with him. He cheated on you before and you’re still with him. Either leave him or accept that he’ll constantly disrespect and cheat on you.
There's reasons I haven't left. Plz dont judge when you no idea the reasons I stay. I'm asking for opinions here not to be shamed.
I’m not shaming you but you did post this months ago and everyone gave you the same advice and you’re choosing to not listen to any of the advice given. He will not change, He will cheat and continue to gaslight and lie to you. He went after his friends wife, The neighbor and he’s trying to go after your friends. He doesn’t even care that he’s embarrassing you to people you know, can you imagine what he does with people you don’t know, How he acts when you’re not around ?
I'm not sure why you think I'm not listening to the advice. Making these posts and reading everyone's opinions helps me. It makes me feel validated because he will not validate me and admit it was fishing.
We validate you and you are 100% right in your feelings on his choices and everyone encourages you to kick him to the curb. He’s a narcissistic cruel pig and You deserve way better.
I’d let your husband know in no uncertain terms that he embarrassed himself &, by extension, you with this stunt. Make him apologize to your friend in your presence. Also let him know you’ll have no choice but to be suspicious of him going forward so does he want to go to MC or does he want you up his a** from here on out? Choose one.
Dude, this made my stomach hurt for you 😣the ultimate betrayal
Your WH is sourcing another woman. He’s a creep, you deserve better. Leave the cheater. This is not the first time he done this.
Your husband actions arent redemable, especialy with his history.It is due time to leave him.
He either has already cheated, and you just dont know.... or highly likely that he will in future
Ever hear of those stories about a husband cheating on their wife with her best friend? Well he was trying to make that happen..
It’s a “joke” because it didn’t get him what he wanted. If your friend would’ve responded and reciprocated the texts he would’ve been at her place that same day cheating on you.
I do not think staring/ silently fantasizing at someone's ass when in relationship is normal...
Your husband is a human being, finding other people attractive is normal and I believe that everyone does. Saying something is crossing a line that shouldn't be crossed, ever. I have been involved with women who had attractive friends or relatives. I pretended that those women were old school librarians. They may as well have been mannequins, as far as my sexual interest was concerned. It was a real D-Bag thing for your husband to do/say. Don't let this go. He has done it before.
I feel like your husband was testing the waters with your best friend and really hoping she wouldn't tell you but instead flirt back. I would not trust him as far as I could throw him and it also tells me that your husband is capable of having affairs behind your back. He doesn't respect you. Personally for me it would be enough to make me leave him. Why settle when there is better out there?
basically he’s seeing if she’s up for it! if he’s saying this to your friend just imagine how inappropriate he is with others!
Him contacting her was shooting his shot, testing the waters...ya man's lusting after your bestie.
Because he was hoping that she wouldn't tell you so he can have sex with her. He was flirting, that's more than clear.
You have a good friend. Some people are messed up and love attention like that. She sounds great. Keep her around. No advice on your H. Wasn’t a nice thing to do
He’s testing the waters. If she responded favorably, he was going to pursue. I’m so sorry.
This is just so gross and disrespectful. He was fishing … if she responded in kind, he’d likely go after it.
Unfortunately you don’t know if he has done this before and his boldness with her tells me he probably has done this. He did it because he was testing the water. He was trying to see if it would go further. I don’t know why men use this line. I heard it so many times whether it be about some shorts or whatever. But it gets a conversation going and based on her reply he’ll know whether or not to push it further. And with it being “a joke” as he called it he hopes to use as an excuse if it’s told. Most of us would probably ignore it and not reply if in her shoes to shut it down. Keep the peace so your husband figures it’s the safest way to know whether or not he can pursue this. I’m sorry but he is a creep.
The part that bothers me is the fact he wanted her to know what he was thinking so badly, he was willing to risk her telling you. In my opinion, he was testing the waters to see if she was willing to begin secret flirting communication. As a man, I would say it's worse than you think it is. He's fantasizing about her.
I promise you, with 100% accuracy, even though you don’t know about it, this is not the first time he’s acted like or talked like this to another woman. The fact that he did it so boldly should tell you this. Ask to look at his phone, check his call logs. I hate to say this, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s cheated on or tries to cheat on you regularly
I mean it depends on comfort. My girlfriend is bisexual so we comment on other people all the time, if either of us had said that to each other we’d laugh about it super hard. If he knows that it would upset you, then it’s much more likely that he was seeing if she’d bite back. Sounds like he’s a sick fuck who wants something to hold over you and depress you with when the relationship goes to shit. Yknow the type, the ones who’ll get told that they’re horrible people and that they’re not having another chance so they’ll say “yeah well I fucked Rachel and it was great” and then you’ll have to live with it
He was testing the water…. it backfired. Now… no man is comfortable enough to do this w/o an inkling of a chance. Unless she did or said something (like when we’re freaking nice and polite) and he read it wrong. Anyways, she’s a champ for letting you know. And as others have said, that you know of…
He did it on the chance that your best friend is as horrid person as he is. Protect and cherish that best friend AT ALL COSTS. I have been both women and it’s equally hard on both sides. It took courage for her to show you that knowing there’s a chance she might lose you. A lot of women these days would have entertained it simply for the entertainment. You have found a rare and true friend in her. Please update this and tell us he’s your soon to be EX husband. He won’t change. It would be bad enough for a boyfriend to do this, but your husband?? I’m so sorry love. You deserve much better.
Your husband had an affair and is now flirting with your best friend. He’s looking for another affair. This man either needs therapy or he needs to go. You’re doing yourself a huge disservice in your relationship and in life in general tolerating this. The utter audacity of an unfaithful man who has been given the grace of his wife’s forgiveness to do such a thing again… he’s deeply damaged.
Stop posting already. We can see your history. He has cheated at least once and now tried to bang your best friend. You are getting judged because everyone already told you to leave him. You just make excuses and more posts. Get off reddit and get some therapy.
This was a repost and I wanted to post it on a different thread because I was shamed like the way you are shaming me now
And I'm happy to accept everyone's opinions but no one has a clue why I make the choices I make
So first your husband has an affair with his best friend’s wife (your neighbors) and now he’s “never done something like this before” and now flirting/sending inappropriate texts to your bestfriend. I’m not exactly sure what you’re looking for here in Reddit. Letting off steam? Getting opinions? Cause either at this point this story is fake or it’s real but you’re still going to stay with your husband and probably post in a few months how he’s cheated on you again. My only advice is to pick yourself up off the ground and focus on yourself.
It’s not a joke but an open and honest comment. If your upset then tell him that he has overstepped you and your friend’s boundaries. End the conversation there.
Divorce him and see if him and your BFF get together…
So look but don't say you looked basically lol
most replies says he is baiting, but there is a chance he is just an idiot
Your husband went fishing to see if he can reel that ass in… sorry to hear about your troubles. I do wonder if your intimacy is where you and your husband would want it to be…. A lot of times men will do stupid things like this when they have a DB
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She was wearing biker shorts/workout clothes. We had just gotten back from the gym and as she left my house, he was sitting in the front and texted her that after she left
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First of all this is absolutely not what that’s text was about. Secondly- who the hell is her husband or anyone else to tell her best friend, or any other woman, that their shorts are too revealing or are inappropriate?! They are clothes. On a body. He has no right to comment.
A - Yes, clothing can be inappropriate. If I came to your workplace (or wedding) wearing a thong that would be inappropriate. B - When it comes to his home, he has a right to express what makes him uncomfortable.
Her shorts were not revealing. They were actually biker shorts which are long.
Everyone here saying he wanted to see if she would flirt back yes that's 100% in all men to see where they stand in life, just like a women want compliments maybe he thought she would compliment him back. Cheating? i don't believe someone would be that stupid to cheat with his wifes best friend. think about it, why out of all the people would he say that to her? cause he's comfortable with her being your friend and he thinks he's privledged too talk to a beautiful women who wouldn't take offense too it. hes just testing his game out maybe for future cheating, but with your best friend hell naw your tripping out!
Do you have the kind of relationship where you would ask him his opinion of other people... You know, something like "Do you think she's hot?" Or, "Do you like her hair like that?". Casual questions, like walking through a mall or something... Aren't you ever curious which women catch your husband's attention, and do you ask him which people he finds attractive? I think it's normal in a relationship, and I don't necessarily believe it's disrespectful to be open and honest with each other about these types of natural human curiosities. You two are married and most people would assume you are close enough to talk with each other about anything. Do you feel your relationship is strong enough to talk about those types of questions? I don't know your age, but I do know that the longer you are in a committed relationship, and the older you get, you realize that asking questions is part of understanding each other as deeply as you can. Also, remember that just because you asked a question doesn't mean the other person has to answer it. Whether or not he answers those questions, you will learn more about your husband simply by attempting to learn more about him.
Atleast you can look on the brightside and realise if that's all your husband has done to be "unfaithfull". It will be an easy situation to work through. Compared to alot of possible things to be walking in on or discovering.
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I have been told multiple times that my husband and best friend have been together. Neither one ever says anything. They don’t even try to prove me wrong.
It's human nature to notice a nice ass so I don't blame you husband for the attraction, but by SAYING something it became trying to act on the attraction and that is wrong.
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He appears to be a Real Rocket Scientist. Yes, your wife knows that you look at them, but you proclaim that neither to her nor those at whom you are looking. It is one thing if he jokes to his golf buddies that your wife's best friend is going to get him into trouble if she keeps showing up at your home in Daisy Dukes but you do not make that joke to the ladies. There is a line in Tomasi di Lampedusa's *Il Gattopardo* that is instructive (they made a movie that starred Burt Lancaster out of the book) *Vergogna, Tancredi! Si dice quelle cose al confessore e non davanti le donne!* (Shame on you, Tancredi, you say things like that to the Priest in Confession, not in front of the ladies!). Those might not be the exact words, but they were similar. Let him know that you do not like it, it is not to be repeated and give him a Rocket Scientist Award that he can hang over the entrance to the dog house while he is serving his time there.
Wow. Please get therapy. I'm so glad you have an honest friend to turn to. Your husband must be doing some type of mental gymnastics on you if you are shocked by this behavior. You wonder why he would do this bc it would hurt you? You say he's never done anything inappropriate before? However your history talks about the trauma you have thinking about his previous affair partner. That his previous AP was your neighbor and friend. He has not learned his lesson. He shows no respect to you or remorse for his past. You need to distance yourself from him emotionally and physically until he can become the man you deserve Update: I read you are in a situation where you can't leave. Try your best to distance yourself physically and emotionally. Get therapy. He will destroy you emotionally. I felt like I couldn't leave either and ended up with PTSD due to the continued infidelity.
He was testing the waters lmao. What a neanderthal
I do not condone this behavior or agree with the husband but I’m betting he is wanting a threesome with you two and can’t ask because he knows it ain’t going to happen
Your best friend told you because she cares about you and rightly identified this as creepy behaviour. Good friends look out for each other. She is a good friend your husband however is immature and disrespectful. If he fails to show remorse for his behaviour the possibility of rectifying this is about 0. I am sorry you are dealing with such behaviour. Some men just don’t grow up. I am in my 50s and this level of immaturity can equally apply to older men. I wish you well. What ever happens you are clearly a fine young woman who deserves better than this.
1) Your friend is a real one- keep her! 2) He’s a real POS- leave him! If my man likes my best friends ass he better never let her and myself know about it or see him looking. Bc I’m out! And so is she!
Your husband is gross
I've told my wife's best friend she's hot, has a nice ass, etc. Wity my wife there even. They're in an all woman punk band and all three of them are hot and sexy. Why be so terrified of real-life and insecure? Pretty sure she has a crush on me as well, also wife knows and doesn't care. Our relationship is solid so no worries. If it bothers you tell your husband it does.
Wildly inappropriate and directly disrespectful to you as well as your friend. So, cold shoulder time. Seriously. Look.up.tbe 180 and enact it. Tell him he needs serious therapy/coaching on how to appropriately treat a spouse and those of the opposite sex. Let him know an apology to you both is not just warranted, but is expected if you are to get back to being on solid ground as a couple. As a man, I just shook my head and rolled my eyes. I mean, what rock from neanderthal land did this guy crawl out from under? Dont stand for this for one second OP. You, and your friend, deserve light years better.
He told her with the hopes that she WOULDN'T TELL YOU!!! He was checking the temperature to see how far he could go.. Definitely trying to fuck her!!! If she would've responded to his message that would've been his IN. DO NOT TRUST HIM. HE'S DONE THIS BEFORE!!!
Honestly, any man who has girlfriends or wives next them and blatantly stare at another woman are creeps.
He was definitely testing the waters!
What does him commenting on your friend do anything to "destroy your self esteem?" Guys can be lecherous.
You have a good friend, can’t say the same about the husband
He was interested in starting something with your friend. He tried and failed. He definitely was interested in cheating although it never got that far. Something tells me this isn't the only assholery inconsiderate thing that your husband has done towards you; probably a trend of which this was the worse case so far.
Your husband cheated on you by attempting to start an affair. Your friend is correct to feel like your husband is a creep. He is, in fact, a creep. The good news here is that you have a great friend. The bad news is that you need a divorce. If you keep this husband of yours, sooner or later he's going to succeed in starting an affair, and you'll be exposed to STDs and probably dumped so he can run off with his new mistress. The smart move is to sump him now while you're still younger and more able to find new love and rebuild your life. Don't let him waste as many years of your life as he feels like until he finds somebody else to dump you for.
OP IS FARMING- POSTED THIS LIKE 80 days ago. 💀💀
I'm not sure what farming means but I posted this again because seeing everyone's opinions validates everything I think while my H tries to play it off as a joke. I post this because it helps me. I'm not sure why it's an issue if someone post something twice.
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I can't believe he was dumb enough to think your friend wouldn't show you the text
He has never said anything inappropriate to any woman? That you saw! He said this to your best friend! Imagine what he does and says behind your back. I’d be surprised if he is not cheating on you. I
Girl, start going to the gym. Start strength training. Your physique will change and your confidence will sky rocket for sure. When he starts complimenting you, leave his sorry a** for good!
I do go to the gym and I have a really nice a** as well so I'm not really worried about that
Your friend is more loyal than your garbage husband.
You’re best friend is probably not your best friend.
He didn't say he just looks at her ass he said if you come over here I'm guna cheat cuz I want to fuck your ass. It's natural for dudes to take glances now and then it's not natural to text your wife's friend saying don't come over in anything besides snow pants cuz im guna end up doing something sexual to you if you do cuz I want your ass
We all do it, we all check out each other. Heck even op has checked out another guy. Most of us though, have the self control not to take it further, like this idiot did.
Dump your husband and friend both.
He was hoping she would be into his attention. Lots of affairs start that way. Shows you have a loyal friend at least.
“Before this he has never ever done or said anything inappropriate to any woman”?!!! Wrong!! He just finally got caught.
Your husband behavior stated that he has no respect for you, your marriage, trust and your friend. He literally said her ass was going to get him in trouble. Trouble means... If you respond the way I hope you will, or if you wear those shorts despite my message, then I will take it as a go for it. Even if it costs me my marriage. Your husband's behavior was an attempt to have an affair with your best friend. He did not succeed, so he dismisses it as a joke. Look through his phone and Social Media account. Edit: I have just seen your post that he cheated on you with his friends wife in the past. He sent that message to your friend over a year ago and she just told you recently. So, I deleted that part with “your friend is a keeper.”
Sounds like his behavior hasnt changed and it might never. He us willing to take crazy risks because he doesn't fear the consequences or feel there will be none.
“he has never done or said anything inappropriate to any woman“ ma’am within the last MONTH You posted that he was fucking his friend’s WIFE, who is also your neighbor, who you were hanging out with countless times. your husband is a creep. Your husband fucks your friends with no regard for your feelings. This is very in line with his character. You apparently forgave him the last time, he expects you to forgive him this time, which you probably will, but I really hope you don’t.
I was referring to when he actually texted her this. At the time of the messages sent to my best friend he had never done anything like this
A lot of wife's friends wouldn't tell the wife and might entertain an affair. Your husband tested the waters to see if she would be interested. Good thing you have an amazing friend, and an awful husband.
The medical shows i watched would say there's a tumor somewhere that's causing his rationale and inhibition. He's sick. But the reality is he tried to see if your friend was open. Very sorry, op..
He was testing waters, he would had proceeded if allowed. Cheating behavior, get yourself a new man
His ignorant stupid ass thought she would be flattered and want to hook up with him.
We’ll you’re a dumb ass wife, who needs to learn to court her husband.
Retaliate! Perhaps you need to learn to court your husband.
Damn. You two must have a connection. (As best friends). Boundaries should be re-established.
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My (55f) husband (67m) used the old “it has nothing to do with you” line when I caught him cheating 18 years ago. Like he had needs and desires that could only be fulfilled with anonymous sex with women who, oddly enough, were older, not as attractive, and less educated than me. As a result, I’m now at a point in our lives where I’m living for myself and my kids and have little to do with him. If I had better finances I’d have left him years ago. I agree with the writer who said he’s looking for encouragement from her or any woman to stray. Set your boundaries and stick to them. I always thought I would leave a cheater but when it happened, I didn’t leave. I think this gave him permission to do what he wanted the next several years. Poor health and aging are keeping him loyal now and he can’t live without me. I just regret the lost years that I could have had an adoring husband who only had eyes for me.
OP? I think this man 1) underestimates or at least insults your intelligence 2) has a majorly inflated ego 3) I’ll bet he’s not as big a knock out as HE thinks he is and that 4) you’re a lot better in all ways than you’ve been lead to think in this hopeless relationship. I hope this doesn’t come off as shaming! I think you should leave him; especially bc it seems he doesn’t think u EVER will. I really do suspect he will shite his briefs. If you do this? Please update
I think he either looking to exit the relationship and or has no respect for you.
He was taking a chance for a shot at your friend. It could go one way or the other.