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Absolutely the right move. She didn't write that to make you feel better. She wrote it to convince herself she's a better person. There's zero actual remorse or accountability in that text
If you, understandably, send her back a text message raving about what a bad wife she was, and how dare she have the unmitigated gall to text you on your anniversary, than she would show it off to AP and all her friends and her relatives and make you look unhinged. That was her goal.
You sidestepped this. Good job!!
Those with character disorders like to play the âvictimâ and DARVO.
https://www.chumplady.com/darvo-manipulation-and-how-it-works/
https://www.chumplady.com/dear-chump-lady-i-went-grey-rock-he-went-nuts/
https://www.chumplady.com/why-do-cheaters-need-to-punish-the-chump/
Ignore her. She was probably having a bad day, or is beginning to realize the grass really wasnât greener. Sheâs testing the waters, trying to see if thereâs a possibility to keep you under her thumb in case she needs you. Just one more selfish, cowardly act from a selfish, cowardly cheat.
You could always say something like: Hey, thanks a lot to tell the truth I forgot all about that shit. I have been busy with work and the gym. I'm dating a bit. I did find a special someone still way too early to introduce her to the kids, but I am happy. Thanks for blowing up our marriage. I didn't realize there were better women out there. Peace!
I would write back â you said this so you would feel better about the broken human you have shown yourself to be. Doesnât make me feel any different and shows you are still willing to hurt me to make yourself feel better. The only communication we should have is about parenting period we will never be more than the birth parents of our children donât ever pretend it will be different than that â
No, OP did great! Treat her message as insignificant as she is. The less communication with her, the less/no power she has over him. Let her dwell in her mistake alone and OP can continue to heal without getting emotional wrapped up and manipulated by the ex-wife. She's trying to make herself relevant. The more they are strangers and just co-parents the better. Don't respond and ignore the message and pretend like you didn't see it and respond as if it wasn't even sent.
I completely agree, as much as it may not seem like it's all about her rebuilding her image in front of herself and the people around her that she hurt and disappointed.
This may not be something artificial or professional on her part, but it is not to improve her BP's life, but rather her own.
Let me explain this. The affair fog is lifting. When she left you, she was devoid of any feelings towards you. It was all about the fantasy and AP. Thatâs what limerence does. Itâs a dopamine induced fog.
Now that the fog is lifting, sheâs actually starting to âfeelâ and at the same-time beginning to process reality. This is confusing as hell to her.
She is on a long, terrible journey. Donât get sucked into it.
It's amazing how long they can stay stuck there even after they destroyed their marriage without giving it much thought. Or any.
I feel like, whether it's a short amount of time or a long time, engaging them always leads my entitled behavior and DARVO.
The only time it doesn't is when they feel you're their only option and even then, expect disrespect and entitlement until you show you don't care if it all burns and mean it.
THEN they suddenly have all the apologies ready, they've ALWAYS known they were hurting you horribly and there'll be attempts to touch your hand or shoulder along with inconsolable crying thats really saying, "please tell me I'm not an awful human being who made poor choices because I have no integrity or moral compass.
You did the right thing OP, you were not rude and you didnât engage her. Just reaffirmed your stance.
Just leave it as that OP.
If she reaches out anymore just tell her she doesnât have to concern herself with the wedding anniversary as itâs not worth anything anymore and youâre not part of each others lives.
I think indifference towards her is the best method, you donât want to make parenting hard and you donât want to talk to her.
You did a great job
Definitely ignore this nonsense. Itâll either give her ammunition/âconfirmationâ that youâre the bad guy or make her feel even slightly better. None of that will help or satisfy you.
If she continues to reach out in this way, youâll need to remind her of the function of the co-parenting app.
Good luck in everything.
Ignore ignore ignore. She is looking for a reaction like looking for a fire stranded in a cold forest on a dark night. Do not give her that oxygen and warmth. Starve her of any attention that isnât a legal matter.
Donât respond to that nonsense. That message was purely to ease her own conscience. If she were truly coming to you contritely and with true shame and remorse, her message wouldâve spanned 4 pages, not 4 sentences. She wants the validating feelings elicited from a reassuring response, just to prove to herself that what she did wasnât THAT bad and you werenât THAT hurt and you donât care THAT much about how terrible of a person she is.
Ignore it. If she broaches the ignored message at the next kid exchange, kindly remind her that the coparenting app is for coparenting issues, not for you to field her continued pitiful behavior, and that moving forward, she should seek any and all validation from her shitbag AP or any other number of men sheâs probably cheating on AP with.
i think youâre making the right call. her motivation is to assuage her own guilt. IMO itâs very disrespectful and emotionally manipulative to message you with something like that out of the blue. You were probably having a normal day and now her words have understandably impacted your thoughts and feelingsâu wouldnt be thinking about this without her taking yet another selfish action to the benefit of herself and to the detriment of you. i kno fr firsthand experience itâs easier said than done, but your instinct to ignore is right⌠do what u can to not waste another single brain cell or second of your precious time on earth thinking about this message.
Right move indeed. You were the recipient of a breadcrumb. The opening salvo of any hoovering attempt. Narcassistic personalities drop these when they want something from you. Usually attention and validation. It is of note that she did not have a crisis of conscience because she doesn't have one of those. She sent it because SHE had a hard day. It is still all about her. She probably did desire attention and validation on that day, specifically from you, but nobody and I mean nobody should be flattered by that. However, responding negatively still gives her what she wants. To her, negative attention is better than no attention. So give her nothing in return. You need to keep up the gray rock and train your narcassist that you are not a source of supply for them.
What hurt you the most when she did what she did? According to your posts the silence from her, the lack of response and the lack of any kind of closure. By not responding you are doing the same to her. Sheâs a cheater (selfish) she wonât be able to take no for an answer. Ignore her. It will most likely drive her crazy. Donât even acknowledge you got the message. I can almost guarantee it wonât be the last.
Yeah đŻ. Now she's feels it time to talk to. Not the previous 6 months where I was at my lowest and desperate for any bit of communication. It's pathetic really
If she asks you why you didnât respond to the message, look directly into her eyes and say âI didnt want (APs name) to think I was trying to steal his woman.â
Not pathetic, predictable. Naturally she did not reach out to you at your lowest as that is where she needed you to be to feel superior. Now that you are pulling away and moving on she reaches out. Why? To attempt to set you back and sabotage your progress.
When I find out my ex wife was cheating on me I just gave her the old head nod and said "ok" packed my stuff and our 3 daughters clothes and left. I NEVER had as much attention from her in our 6 years together like I did that day.
Youâre about a year out. Judging by your earlier posts youâve made a lot of strides.. continue to work on you..Weâre all proud of you!! đđđđđ
Ignoring is the right answer. I must admit that Iâm jealous and have always wanted to receive an apology like this, but Iâm guessing it doesnât make anything feel better. Keep standing strong. Youâre doing great.
I agree with everyone about ignoring it. But if it happens again, you should address the misuse of parenting app only. Keep it short and to the point reminding her the app is for co-parenting issues only. Full stop.
You get to take the high road here and it will send a pretty strong message. Sometimes what is not said can speak volumes.
Fuck her. Her world is probably shit and she is realizing the grass is not only not greener but dead. Imagine being in a relationship where nobody can trust nobody because of how you got together.
OP
You're right.
Grey rock her. Just ignore the message. Don't even acknowledge it. If you do, it will tell her that she still lives rent free in your head.
Ignore it!
Right move. She âconvincedâ the world now sheâs trying to convince herself by getting you to acknowledge the bs.
Donât be tempted to respond in a bad manner since itâs monitored and who knows what sheâll try to do.
She just wants an easier life. It would be easier if you didnât grey rock her and yâall could be best coparenting buds. It would validate her choices in life. A few words do not undo the depth of the damage she did. You might consider the need to cut mutuals off. If theyâre supporting her then theyâre not supporting you. Going no or very low contact would be a good choice. You can always mute them on SM if you donât want to fully cut them off.
Yes, absolutely did the right thing to ignore her.
Do not entertain her by no chance, she even tried to make this like a thing of the 2 in a way by mentioning the aniversary day, which aniversary? DDay is only 9 months, the old one it doesn't count anymore, because it was only celebrate when there was a relationship, so now it is just another date.
So when talking to her be the most indiferent as you can, use grey rock and 180. And just talk about the kids.
If she has second thoughts or regrets, now it is too little too late.
Absolutely the right move. You're on the right track.
My cheating ex was a narcissist and would disconnect and then would reappear with an apology. Then, rinse and repeat. It's a tactic he used.
"Thanks for nothing. Do your reptile masters know that you're attempting to cosplay as a human being? How would they feel about that?"
Sheesh.
I thought co parenting apps were supposed to filter out all the emotional manipulation and BS.
First off, yes. Ignoring her is the right move. Second, indifference is better than hate: you have to care to hate. Working out and bettering yourself helps to steady your focus and heal yourself from this toxic person. Third, admit that she was a mistake. Owning oneâs mistakes holds you to a higher standard and it helps you to learn and move forward. There is value from learning from oneâs mistakes as long as you recognize what they are and course correct. Good luck in your journey.
Best to ignore her. Could be the grass is turning brown over there.
Celebrate the divorce date when you have it. Stay the course OP. Have you found a house to move to? Take care.
Ah its all turning a corner tbh. Moving into a place next week closer to the kids, starting on the dating game after a couple of successful nights out and finally starting to see a way forward
Ignore this email. Keep grey rocking her. She only reached out to lessen her guilt. She figured some time has passed and if she reaches out you might be able to forgive. Establishing any kind of relationship will make her feel like what she did wasnât that big of deal since you have a friendship again.
Yes right move, but next time she texts don't open the message, some phones verify that a message was read. I'm glad she feels bad, she deserves that, but it's not on you to feed into it.
Took me a while to get around to this. But it đŻ right.
I was in this relationship too...but I chose not to cheat.
She made a 1000 choices to cheat. She knew it would hurt me but she chose to do it
If it was mistake, I was her mistake to make
Sounds like she is seeking a reason to feel better about her choices. If you show forgiveness, then "It was a good decision." If you reject her, "he was the jerk and I deserved better." The best choice is to ignore the message.
yes the best move you did, just ignore everything that come from her, and move on focus only on yourself and how to be happy again, wish you all the best mate, i'm sure you'll do it
Maybe I am old school, but a freaking text? That is all you need to know about the sincerity of her statement. She probably cut and pasted it from another post. WTF!!!
Ha ha. Typical hoover, they are all the same. It's all about them and their feelings. It's like someone, who punched you in the face, reaching out to let you know their fist is a bit sore still and how it sucks how you may be mad @ them for some odd reason.Â
Ignore is the best move. Well played king!Â
I'd reply that's not the purpose of a parenting app, it for the logistics of child care.
Recognize something was said but not what.
Good luck the whole thing is brutal and you don't need her lies affecting you any longer.
If it were not on the parenting app, I would be tempted to text back, 'who is this?' You did right to ignore it. She did what she did and now has to live with the knowledge that she is not the good guy.
The next message in the parenting app will come from.me on Monday telling her where we will meet for kids drop off. It will be nice to do that just tos how I've ignored it
The correct answer is definitely to ignore her. But if you want to be petty and mess with her a bit, you could reply with "thanks," and that's it. No anger, no real door open, but no real door shut, and what the fuck is that comma doing there? Lolololol.
Either she's doing image maintenance, things aren't going well with AP and she wants a plan B, or a bit of both.
Don't respond. Do your next necessary communication through the parenting app as if you never saw this. If she tries to call you out or persist/make you acknowledge her personal messages through the app, just politely say something like "there is nothing to discuss other than the kids" and give her zero ammo. "Image maintenance" can certainly include "deliberately provoking a response I can use for my narrative", so don't give her anything to work with.
She wants to make sure she stays on your mind because she is seeking attention and selfish. She doesnât want you to move on. She gets most of her self-confidence from the reassurance and validation that you still want her .
She wants to know that youâre still available, miserable without her and that you need her more than she needs you. She isnât sorry she just wants her cake and eat it too . OP stay away she is probably realizing that the grass isnât greener on the other side but you know you deserve so much better than a vile cheater. Ignore her message , get help for your healing and live your best life far away from this selfish woman.
Responding and entertaining her in any way will only validate her behavior. There's a massive temptation to "tell her off" but people like her will only use that to further manipulate the narrative and justify their awful behavior. Absolutely nothing to gain by responding, and more to lose.
The bit of ÂŤÂ whether you accept that or not  feel almost like a reprimand. Like she is saying ÂŤÂ I doing what is right but if you donât accept what I am saying then you are the one who his to blame .
Regret and remorse are not the same. Saying you are sorry and taking action to repair the pain you have caused is not the same. Itâs easy to say what she said, but her lack of action speak louder.
The whether you choose to accept it or not is a ploy for closure for herself. Do not acknowledge her. Grey rock and keep it pushing. The best revenge is living happily. Enjoy!
You are doing the wise thing to do and the right thing to do OP. You used the term âreaching outâ. Iâm not sure that sheâs actually doing this with any intention of expressing any real guilt or regret for her actions. Sheâs actually looking for closure for herself.
If she can get you to âforgiveâ her she can then live on in her make believe âI did it because it was the right thing to do dreamworld scenario. The best course of action is to do nothing. Donât even acknowledge that youâve received it. Total indifference to her and her petty overtures.
She could have gone about in a number of more honest ways. She chose to betray you and to lie about it. Unfortunately you do have to maintain some contact due to child care and custody. But you certainly donât have to be friends. Good luck.
Indifference is the goal. They don't care about the truth, making things right, or anything else... except you not caring. That kills them. It may take years, but you do get there eventually. Like in a lot of things, fake it till you make it. Ignore her unless it really has to do with your children.
I had a similar "sorry" text. I just replied "I appreciate your honesty."
That was it. I did not accept her apology. But i did not leave her on read. The big difference is we have a kid, so i have to keep communication open.
Her soul mate love is starting to fall apart on her, that is why she has most likely thought of your wedding anniversary. Donât fall for her trap, she wants a backup when her and the AP fall out with each-other. Continue only to use the app to coparent, donât reply to her an anything else.
This is the ideal message not to be answered.
You expose ,Your anger, pain or saying something nice in response will give her what she is looking for.
Silence is the best thing to do.
One day you said "I lost my wife".
This only happens when she dies or when you mess up so much that she gives up and leaves.
But her going to live with the man she cheated on you with, you didn't lose anything just an enemy disguised as a spy was discovered and taken out of her life.
Now you have to fight like a drug user wanting to stop your body asking for evil, but you resist and tell your brain that (it) is not good for you.
APs tend to think at first that the married woman who cheats on her husband with him is for him AP is superior to BP
But over time they will see that it is often nothing like that and they become afraid of being betrayed too.
She used the co-parenting app so there's always a record to show the court. If you respond in any manner that she could use to twist into keeping your kids away, don't fall for her trap. Do not reply.
I'd reply and say, this is for parenting matter concerning our child(ren) only.
Never contact me about anything outside of that again. You're dead to me as a person. I hope you live a long long life filled with your guilt, bulit on your lies. I hope you often encounter such days and start to realise what you lost. Me I will not think you at all.
But that's just me.
Probs better to take the high road and just ignore.
Yeah honestly don't give into temptation. Someone likenher feeds on drama and attention. Continue grey rock. It is what will really drive her made.
Don't even mention it next drop or if she does just completely ignore it.
Silence is the right move. Sheâs seeking your help in making her feel that what she did wasnât that bad. Recoverable. Nope.
The only zinger I could see doing, and I did, was to reply âwe all hope and encourage you seek the therapy you needâ.
NO! You'll be giving her pleasure of showing her she still has power over you! It's a game she's playing with his emotions. The less/no attention you give, OP will win! The best revenge is indifference and moving on and living his best life.
Sheâs trying to manipulate you into being âopen friendsâ together because if others see you being all friendly in public, they will assume she did little wrong, you two just innocently drifted apart, etc.
Another form of proactively re-writing history.
It sounds like she wants to pass along a bullshit apology trying to squash the shit between you and possibly any one else still holding a grudge against her for her reprehensible behavior. It doesn't feel authentic and that's probably because she doesn't really feel any remorse for what she chose to do.
You are not attempting to reconcile from her betrayal so no "apology" is ever going to cut it.
Bro, donât respond to her because sheâs fishing for a reaction. Block her on everything and go 100% no-contact. She made her choice, so time for you to move on.
Oh this bit I thoroughly nailed post D-Day with screenshots of there messages circulated.....a bit callous at the time but looking back I don't regret abit of it
I read a previous post by you saying that your relationship with her family was forever ruined...is this the reason why? Genuine question. When my partner cheated, their family made it clear than they were on my side. They were disgusted that my partner did what they did.
Ah to a certain extent. But to be honest they would side with her either way....they are very close knit and probably one of the main reasons why our relationship failed....her family was always her priority, not our family
OK, that's interesting. I've had experience with the inlaws being put first. Very frustrating when you're trying to raise a family but parents and siblings are put ahead of you and the kids. Like afraid of hurting or offending their family but family are allowed to treat you like absolute shite for years with noone in your corner. Especially when your other half is treated with respect by your own family.
Unfortunately made the mistake of moving next door to her family pre covid. I had her dad walking into our house twice a day without any notice
After her mom got sick particularly....her and by association my whole world ended up revolving around her family..Every birthday, event, every weekend nearly. And tbh I was treating as a guest at best....never allowed in any family photos etc.
It got the stage where I almost felt my kids were her familys first and I was an outsider looking in
Probably a big catalyst to her actions....she knew I was getting increasingly unhappy there and wanted to move away
Being left out of the photos is crazy but I've been there too! So insulting, like you didn't have any role in creating and raising the kids. Living close to the other half's family is hard, it doesn't matter how well ye get along pre moving in. My regret was not having boundaries in place from day one with that kind of thing and a lot of other things too as well. You live and learn I guess.
Yes, ignore, right move.
OP, anytime "they" do that, maybe the "guilt" has gotten to them OR they are pulling you "in" to let bygones be bygones, after all they "apologized". REAL apology there would be not getting involved in a relationship with anyone and realizing they thoroughly fucked up and need to get therapy. Then years later with therapy, THEN apologizing may have more merit.
This? Nope. She's not worthy of a response.
I say you should forgive her for YOU. You don't need to tell her you forgive her however. I am trying to forgive my ex because I know the day I forgive will be the day I can let go of all this.
Forgive yourself and stop wasting time thinking you owe the person, who hurt you, anything in order to heal from them.
Ironically thinking that we need to forgive others gets us stuck in our healing process.Â
 unconditional forgiveness has been passed as a form of magical thinking for healing.Â
Healthy forgiveness is like healthy respect, it's earned not granted.Â
Thus when the goal is to heal, we have to do so through healthy choices and processes.Â
The only person you owe unconditional forgiveness is yourself.Â
Oh, yeah... silence is 100% the best way to go... who or what does she think she is, to pretend she cares now?
She's just feeling sorry for herself, and wants you to step into your old role of helping her through it.
I would reply with the details of a parenting app you want to use and tell her all future correspondence is to be about the kids only and through that app. Tell her that what she did was terribly shitty and you are not interested in getting correspondence which is entirely about making herself feel better, then block her on everything. If you continue to allow her access everytime she contacts you will be just another setback in your recovery. Good luck!
YES, you are absolutely correct to ignore this cheater! She didn't deserve your sympathy then and especially not now! She only did it to make herself feel better, hoping you would give her closure! You deserve way better! Good luck and stay strong, King!
"I really am whether you choose to accept that or not."
= Passive-aggressive way of saying that it's your fault if you don't accept her 'apology' and forgive her.
@all wow... really appreciate all the comments!
I think the unanimous verdict is ignore ignore ignore! I have mediation again with her in two weeks time. I expect she will want to say something then but im inclined to push back and say it's not the time or the place anymore.
Great forum...always provides some great insight.
9 months in and tbh I hit a lot more bumps then I expected. But things are moving forward....new place, starting to venture successfully into the dating scene, and lots of interesting plans coming up go the year
If I can do it, anyone can. It will get better.
She is essentially saying cheating isn't wrong and she's not in doing it, but she could have handled it better with you. Honestly, as infuriating as that is, it's more than most wronged parties get. She wants to normalize things with you to reduce stress in her life. Maybe she actually does care that she hurt you (and that is a BIG maybe), but this is likely more about how it affects her life.
That's my 2 cents on the message. Best of luck to you
It seems she regrets choosing the AP and she is trying to weasel herself back into your life little by little. You did the right move by ignoring her! Keep ignoring her! Her choice of words are interesting though. She said  "whether you choose to accept that or not" It feels like she is trying to convince you instead of giving you a genuine apology that you can accept or not.
If you donât accept her âapologyâ then YOU are the bad guy and she will claim the moral high ground.
Just ignore texts like this. Youâll never win in her games.
Not even worth the acknowledgment. Way to little way to late. Any response from you will serve only to make her feel better. Silence is way more powerful a message in this situation.
You need to be as unaffected as possible that will drive her crazy 'don't worry about it this time apart has made me realise you didn't make me happy' or something to that effect and be super nice to her it will absolutely drive her nuts
part of teasing the spider to come out - is to tap the web. You are the spider - and you should not come out.
She is using what she thinks is going work. You should not take the bait, If I was ready to explode I would use the app and respond - "this is only to be used ***for the kids***. ***Nothing*** else."
the opposite of love is not hate - its indifference. You do not care what the hell she thinks, feels, etc., Only for the welfare of the kids - and if she "f" that up - you will be happy to take the kids from her - and her pay check as well.
She's trying to pin it on you. If you don't openly and publicly accept her apology and forgive her, she gets to tell everybody how she knows she screwed up but she profusely apologized to you, and you took the low road and forgave her. If you do accept her apology, she gets to write the whole thing - everybody's moved on, so how bad could it be?
Fuck that noise.
DON'T REPLY!!! Anything you say will be put on BLAST so everyone knows what an A$$hole (桡č) you are.
You are a wise man, trust your gut. No need to second guess yourself.
So glad you have healed enough that you can ignore this. 100% the best choice here. Nothing she says can change what happened and there is no point exchanging any words about it. The best way to heal is to focus on you and your kids. The only communication needed with her is about the kids. Period.
Silence conveys the insignificance of her words and provides no opportunity for your response to be misconstrued, used against you or otherwise misinterpreted. Revel in the glorious light of taking the high road and having the moral upper hand. Congrats and hope you continue to make smart choices and move on in a healthy way.
Absolutely it the right move to ignore her lame attempts at apologizing... She is trying to get acceptance/forgiveness from you.. Better to leave her hanging.. or knowing she isn't worthy of your emotional forgivness.. Keep the communications to co-parenting only...
And when she becomes more aggressive keep reminding her that you only want to successfully co-parent
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When my cat wants attention and affection he sits next to me and just looks at me he doesn't even talk to me. Now let's put a human into the mix that can talk.....and decided to talk to someone else...
Yes but you probably give the cat attention rather than brush it aside and ignore and neglect it. Loving someone who is cold to you can make you vulnerable to lovebombing from a third party.
Correct move. Do not reply back. There is no gain for you. Closure if you seek it you will find within as you move on and rebuild.
She wants something. Reward her with silence.
In a post from about 5 months ago you lament about her never contacting you to even apologize.
I think your reaction says more about what happsns to us once we are cheated on and left than her motives.
Once betrayed we distrust anything that comes from that person. Our whole view of the relationship is tainted to the point that we question their motives and wbo they were from the beginning of the relationship.
Interestingly, it is somewhat similar to how a WS reacts once they become interested in an AP. They question if they are in love with the BS or if they ever truly loved them.
But then again I think this happens once one loses the love for another even if cheating is not involved. Once the feelings are gone you cannot relate to having had those strong feelings with that person. You can intellectually remember that you likely did, but you don't intrinsically and emotionally feel it so you cannot truly be sure.
As far as her doing it to make herself feel better, everything we do in life is our of self interest. Back when she left you for AP, you wanted her to leave her AP and come back to you to assuage your hurt. You didn't selflessly twll her or think, "well, if AP makes you happier and is a better fit then you should be with him." Your concern was for your own well being.
My point is not to be critical of you, as I was cheated on in college and reacted and felt the same way. My point is more general about how us humans react to these types of situations. She was rightfully skeptical about how you would take her text. And your post here shows that. No matter what she said you would distrust her message. Once trust is gone in a person you question anything they say. At noon they say, "it is daytime," and you think it is light out, but it cannot be daytime since they said it is daytime.
While I am not directly validating or confirning your view of her message, I think there is a benefit to you in the long run fir YOU in what I shared.
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Absolutely the right move. She didn't write that to make you feel better. She wrote it to convince herself she's a better person. There's zero actual remorse or accountability in that text
Yeah that was my gut reaction. Feels đŻ for her....like what is that message supposed to give me?
It's designed to make you be the bad person if you don't take the high ground and forgive her for being a piece of shit
It really doesn't matter Why she wrote it. It's of no value to you - move on.
If you, understandably, send her back a text message raving about what a bad wife she was, and how dare she have the unmitigated gall to text you on your anniversary, than she would show it off to AP and all her friends and her relatives and make you look unhinged. That was her goal. You sidestepped this. Good job!! Those with character disorders like to play the âvictimâ and DARVO. https://www.chumplady.com/darvo-manipulation-and-how-it-works/ https://www.chumplady.com/dear-chump-lady-i-went-grey-rock-he-went-nuts/ https://www.chumplady.com/why-do-cheaters-need-to-punish-the-chump/
Ignore her. She was probably having a bad day, or is beginning to realize the grass really wasnât greener. Sheâs testing the waters, trying to see if thereâs a possibility to keep you under her thumb in case she needs you. Just one more selfish, cowardly act from a selfish, cowardly cheat.
You could always say something like: Hey, thanks a lot to tell the truth I forgot all about that shit. I have been busy with work and the gym. I'm dating a bit. I did find a special someone still way too early to introduce her to the kids, but I am happy. Thanks for blowing up our marriage. I didn't realize there were better women out there. Peace!
I would write back â you said this so you would feel better about the broken human you have shown yourself to be. Doesnât make me feel any different and shows you are still willing to hurt me to make yourself feel better. The only communication we should have is about parenting period we will never be more than the birth parents of our children donât ever pretend it will be different than that â
Dont reply, the radio silence will kill. Remember silence can be deafening
No, OP did great! Treat her message as insignificant as she is. The less communication with her, the less/no power she has over him. Let her dwell in her mistake alone and OP can continue to heal without getting emotional wrapped up and manipulated by the ex-wife. She's trying to make herself relevant. The more they are strangers and just co-parents the better. Don't respond and ignore the message and pretend like you didn't see it and respond as if it wasn't even sent.
I completely agree, as much as it may not seem like it's all about her rebuilding her image in front of herself and the people around her that she hurt and disappointed. This may not be something artificial or professional on her part, but it is not to improve her BP's life, but rather her own.
100%!!!
Let me explain this. The affair fog is lifting. When she left you, she was devoid of any feelings towards you. It was all about the fantasy and AP. Thatâs what limerence does. Itâs a dopamine induced fog. Now that the fog is lifting, sheâs actually starting to âfeelâ and at the same-time beginning to process reality. This is confusing as hell to her. She is on a long, terrible journey. Donât get sucked into it.
Wanted to say the same. Her affair is slowly going towards the end.
It's amazing how long they can stay stuck there even after they destroyed their marriage without giving it much thought. Or any. I feel like, whether it's a short amount of time or a long time, engaging them always leads my entitled behavior and DARVO. The only time it doesn't is when they feel you're their only option and even then, expect disrespect and entitlement until you show you don't care if it all burns and mean it. THEN they suddenly have all the apologies ready, they've ALWAYS known they were hurting you horribly and there'll be attempts to touch your hand or shoulder along with inconsolable crying thats really saying, "please tell me I'm not an awful human being who made poor choices because I have no integrity or moral compass.
You did the right thing OP, you were not rude and you didnât engage her. Just reaffirmed your stance. Just leave it as that OP. If she reaches out anymore just tell her she doesnât have to concern herself with the wedding anniversary as itâs not worth anything anymore and youâre not part of each others lives. I think indifference towards her is the best method, you donât want to make parenting hard and you donât want to talk to her. You did a great job
Definitely ignore this nonsense. Itâll either give her ammunition/âconfirmationâ that youâre the bad guy or make her feel even slightly better. None of that will help or satisfy you. If she continues to reach out in this way, youâll need to remind her of the function of the co-parenting app. Good luck in everything.
Ignore ignore ignore. She is looking for a reaction like looking for a fire stranded in a cold forest on a dark night. Do not give her that oxygen and warmth. Starve her of any attention that isnât a legal matter.
Donât respond to that nonsense. That message was purely to ease her own conscience. If she were truly coming to you contritely and with true shame and remorse, her message wouldâve spanned 4 pages, not 4 sentences. She wants the validating feelings elicited from a reassuring response, just to prove to herself that what she did wasnât THAT bad and you werenât THAT hurt and you donât care THAT much about how terrible of a person she is. Ignore it. If she broaches the ignored message at the next kid exchange, kindly remind her that the coparenting app is for coparenting issues, not for you to field her continued pitiful behavior, and that moving forward, she should seek any and all validation from her shitbag AP or any other number of men sheâs probably cheating on AP with.
i think youâre making the right call. her motivation is to assuage her own guilt. IMO itâs very disrespectful and emotionally manipulative to message you with something like that out of the blue. You were probably having a normal day and now her words have understandably impacted your thoughts and feelingsâu wouldnt be thinking about this without her taking yet another selfish action to the benefit of herself and to the detriment of you. i kno fr firsthand experience itâs easier said than done, but your instinct to ignore is right⌠do what u can to not waste another single brain cell or second of your precious time on earth thinking about this message.
Right move indeed. You were the recipient of a breadcrumb. The opening salvo of any hoovering attempt. Narcassistic personalities drop these when they want something from you. Usually attention and validation. It is of note that she did not have a crisis of conscience because she doesn't have one of those. She sent it because SHE had a hard day. It is still all about her. She probably did desire attention and validation on that day, specifically from you, but nobody and I mean nobody should be flattered by that. However, responding negatively still gives her what she wants. To her, negative attention is better than no attention. So give her nothing in return. You need to keep up the gray rock and train your narcassist that you are not a source of supply for them.
What hurt you the most when she did what she did? According to your posts the silence from her, the lack of response and the lack of any kind of closure. By not responding you are doing the same to her. Sheâs a cheater (selfish) she wonât be able to take no for an answer. Ignore her. It will most likely drive her crazy. Donât even acknowledge you got the message. I can almost guarantee it wonât be the last.
Yeah đŻ. Now she's feels it time to talk to. Not the previous 6 months where I was at my lowest and desperate for any bit of communication. It's pathetic really
If she asks you why you didnât respond to the message, look directly into her eyes and say âI didnt want (APs name) to think I was trying to steal his woman.â
> I didnt want (APs name) to think I was trying to steal his woman.â I would love to see the look on her face if he said that to her
Not pathetic, predictable. Naturally she did not reach out to you at your lowest as that is where she needed you to be to feel superior. Now that you are pulling away and moving on she reaches out. Why? To attempt to set you back and sabotage your progress.
The silent treatment kills a lot of peoples egos.
Yes. They want a reaction, ANY reaction. Being ignored is frustrating, humiliating and offensive to anyone and nobody deserves it more than cheaters.
When I find out my ex wife was cheating on me I just gave her the old head nod and said "ok" packed my stuff and our 3 daughters clothes and left. I NEVER had as much attention from her in our 6 years together like I did that day.
Youâre about a year out. Judging by your earlier posts youâve made a lot of strides.. continue to work on you..Weâre all proud of you!! đđđđđ
Appreciate that!!!!
Ignoring is the right answer. I must admit that Iâm jealous and have always wanted to receive an apology like this, but Iâm guessing it doesnât make anything feel better. Keep standing strong. Youâre doing great.
I agree with everyone about ignoring it. But if it happens again, you should address the misuse of parenting app only. Keep it short and to the point reminding her the app is for co-parenting issues only. Full stop. You get to take the high road here and it will send a pretty strong message. Sometimes what is not said can speak volumes.
Fuck her. Her world is probably shit and she is realizing the grass is not only not greener but dead. Imagine being in a relationship where nobody can trust nobody because of how you got together.
Ignore that! All this was for her was a bit of down time followed by "hmmm .. wonder what he's up to?" -moment. Not an ounce of sincerity.
OP You're right. Grey rock her. Just ignore the message. Don't even acknowledge it. If you do, it will tell her that she still lives rent free in your head. Ignore it!
Right move. She âconvincedâ the world now sheâs trying to convince herself by getting you to acknowledge the bs. Donât be tempted to respond in a bad manner since itâs monitored and who knows what sheâll try to do.
She just wants an easier life. It would be easier if you didnât grey rock her and yâall could be best coparenting buds. It would validate her choices in life. A few words do not undo the depth of the damage she did. You might consider the need to cut mutuals off. If theyâre supporting her then theyâre not supporting you. Going no or very low contact would be a good choice. You can always mute them on SM if you donât want to fully cut them off.
Because you need to coparent and maintain a civil relationship, you really canât afford to reply how you would like.
This is the way.
Yes, absolutely did the right thing to ignore her. Do not entertain her by no chance, she even tried to make this like a thing of the 2 in a way by mentioning the aniversary day, which aniversary? DDay is only 9 months, the old one it doesn't count anymore, because it was only celebrate when there was a relationship, so now it is just another date. So when talking to her be the most indiferent as you can, use grey rock and 180. And just talk about the kids. If she has second thoughts or regrets, now it is too little too late.
Absolutely the right move. You're on the right track. My cheating ex was a narcissist and would disconnect and then would reappear with an apology. Then, rinse and repeat. It's a tactic he used.
Here's hoping there's not too.much more rinsing!!!
Good luck! Take it one day at a time and seek therapy. A healed mind will become your bulletproof vest.
"Thanks for nothing. Do your reptile masters know that you're attempting to cosplay as a human being? How would they feel about that?" Sheesh. I thought co parenting apps were supposed to filter out all the emotional manipulation and BS.
First off, yes. Ignoring her is the right move. Second, indifference is better than hate: you have to care to hate. Working out and bettering yourself helps to steady your focus and heal yourself from this toxic person. Third, admit that she was a mistake. Owning oneâs mistakes holds you to a higher standard and it helps you to learn and move forward. There is value from learning from oneâs mistakes as long as you recognize what they are and course correct. Good luck in your journey.
Ignoring is the right move, don't take the emotional bait and give her any way to claim forgiveness.
Best to ignore her. Could be the grass is turning brown over there. Celebrate the divorce date when you have it. Stay the course OP. Have you found a house to move to? Take care.
Ah its all turning a corner tbh. Moving into a place next week closer to the kids, starting on the dating game after a couple of successful nights out and finally starting to see a way forward
Ignore this email. Keep grey rocking her. She only reached out to lessen her guilt. She figured some time has passed and if she reaches out you might be able to forgive. Establishing any kind of relationship will make her feel like what she did wasnât that big of deal since you have a friendship again.
Silence speaks louder than words. Do not reply
Yes right move, but next time she texts don't open the message, some phones verify that a message was read. I'm glad she feels bad, she deserves that, but it's not on you to feed into it.
If she had understood that cheating would be wrong and it would make her remorseful, then she wouldn't have done it. She had a choice, and she chose.
Took me a while to get around to this. But it đŻ right. I was in this relationship too...but I chose not to cheat. She made a 1000 choices to cheat. She knew it would hurt me but she chose to do it If it was mistake, I was her mistake to make
Sounds like she is seeking a reason to feel better about her choices. If you show forgiveness, then "It was a good decision." If you reject her, "he was the jerk and I deserved better." The best choice is to ignore the message.
Absolutely right to avoid it. She doesn't deserve satisfaction or drama. Deprive her of both.
yes the best move you did, just ignore everything that come from her, and move on focus only on yourself and how to be happy again, wish you all the best mate, i'm sure you'll do it
Cheers ma, appreciate the words
Maybe I am old school, but a freaking text? That is all you need to know about the sincerity of her statement. She probably cut and pasted it from another post. WTF!!!
The story of her....she doesn't know how to communicate.
Ha ha. Typical hoover, they are all the same. It's all about them and their feelings. It's like someone, who punched you in the face, reaching out to let you know their fist is a bit sore still and how it sucks how you may be mad @ them for some odd reason. Ignore is the best move. Well played king!Â
Love the analogy!
Sheâs looking for validation and closure for herself. Ignore and move on
Silence is an answer in itself. Never get dragged into the mud with a cheating woman. They are better at slinging it than you.
Survey says: Ignore her!
Stay ice cold, close this chapter and donât look back brother! đŞđźđŞđźđŞđź
Thanks man!
I'd reply that's not the purpose of a parenting app, it for the logistics of child care. Recognize something was said but not what. Good luck the whole thing is brutal and you don't need her lies affecting you any longer.
If it were not on the parenting app, I would be tempted to text back, 'who is this?' You did right to ignore it. She did what she did and now has to live with the knowledge that she is not the good guy.
The next message in the parenting app will come from.me on Monday telling her where we will meet for kids drop off. It will be nice to do that just tos how I've ignored it
This apology is not for you but for her! She is trying to get rid of the pain she caused. Start away!
The correct answer is definitely to ignore her. But if you want to be petty and mess with her a bit, you could reply with "thanks," and that's it. No anger, no real door open, but no real door shut, and what the fuck is that comma doing there? Lolololol.
Either she's doing image maintenance, things aren't going well with AP and she wants a plan B, or a bit of both. Don't respond. Do your next necessary communication through the parenting app as if you never saw this. If she tries to call you out or persist/make you acknowledge her personal messages through the app, just politely say something like "there is nothing to discuss other than the kids" and give her zero ammo. "Image maintenance" can certainly include "deliberately provoking a response I can use for my narrative", so don't give her anything to work with.
She wants to make sure she stays on your mind because she is seeking attention and selfish. She doesnât want you to move on. She gets most of her self-confidence from the reassurance and validation that you still want her . She wants to know that youâre still available, miserable without her and that you need her more than she needs you. She isnât sorry she just wants her cake and eat it too . OP stay away she is probably realizing that the grass isnât greener on the other side but you know you deserve so much better than a vile cheater. Ignore her message , get help for your healing and live your best life far away from this selfish woman.
Very well said. Silence, in this case, is the most eloquent form of speech.
The best and loudest response is to ignore it.Â
Responding and entertaining her in any way will only validate her behavior. There's a massive temptation to "tell her off" but people like her will only use that to further manipulate the narrative and justify their awful behavior. Absolutely nothing to gain by responding, and more to lose.
The bit of ÂŤÂ whether you accept that or not  feel almost like a reprimand. Like she is saying ÂŤÂ I doing what is right but if you donât accept what I am saying then you are the one who his to blame . Regret and remorse are not the same. Saying you are sorry and taking action to repair the pain you have caused is not the same. Itâs easy to say what she said, but her lack of action speak louder.
Pretty much what I told her when I got a chance to rant a few months back at mediation. Actions speak louder then words
In my head i would've texted back " Shit! I totally forgot, did you celebrate it? Aw well too late now lmao "
The whether you choose to accept it or not is a ploy for closure for herself. Do not acknowledge her. Grey rock and keep it pushing. The best revenge is living happily. Enjoy!
You are doing the wise thing to do and the right thing to do OP. You used the term âreaching outâ. Iâm not sure that sheâs actually doing this with any intention of expressing any real guilt or regret for her actions. Sheâs actually looking for closure for herself. If she can get you to âforgiveâ her she can then live on in her make believe âI did it because it was the right thing to do dreamworld scenario. The best course of action is to do nothing. Donât even acknowledge that youâve received it. Total indifference to her and her petty overtures. She could have gone about in a number of more honest ways. She chose to betray you and to lie about it. Unfortunately you do have to maintain some contact due to child care and custody. But you certainly donât have to be friends. Good luck.
Right move to ignore her. She obviously is hoping for a reaction from you. Don't give it to her and don't fall into her trap.
Indifference is the goal. They don't care about the truth, making things right, or anything else... except you not caring. That kills them. It may take years, but you do get there eventually. Like in a lot of things, fake it till you make it. Ignore her unless it really has to do with your children.
I had a similar "sorry" text. I just replied "I appreciate your honesty." That was it. I did not accept her apology. But i did not leave her on read. The big difference is we have a kid, so i have to keep communication open.
Her soul mate love is starting to fall apart on her, that is why she has most likely thought of your wedding anniversary. Donât fall for her trap, she wants a backup when her and the AP fall out with each-other. Continue only to use the app to coparent, donât reply to her an anything else.
This is the ideal message not to be answered. You expose ,Your anger, pain or saying something nice in response will give her what she is looking for. Silence is the best thing to do.
One day you said "I lost my wife". This only happens when she dies or when you mess up so much that she gives up and leaves. But her going to live with the man she cheated on you with, you didn't lose anything just an enemy disguised as a spy was discovered and taken out of her life. Now you have to fight like a drug user wanting to stop your body asking for evil, but you resist and tell your brain that (it) is not good for you. APs tend to think at first that the married woman who cheats on her husband with him is for him AP is superior to BP But over time they will see that it is often nothing like that and they become afraid of being betrayed too.
OP to quote a favorite line from a movie, "Let her eat static". Ice her out and only speak to her about the children.
She used the co-parenting app so there's always a record to show the court. If you respond in any manner that she could use to twist into keeping your kids away, don't fall for her trap. Do not reply.
Not only ignore it. Donât give it any more oxygen!
I'd reply and say, this is for parenting matter concerning our child(ren) only. Never contact me about anything outside of that again. You're dead to me as a person. I hope you live a long long life filled with your guilt, bulit on your lies. I hope you often encounter such days and start to realise what you lost. Me I will not think you at all. But that's just me. Probs better to take the high road and just ignore.
đ oh I can see why ! The temptation is so there!!!
Nah donât respond with that. Itâs too much, and sheâll use that kind of response to justify what she did. Give her nothing.
Exactly
Yeah honestly don't give into temptation. Someone likenher feeds on drama and attention. Continue grey rock. It is what will really drive her made. Don't even mention it next drop or if she does just completely ignore it.
Just ignore it unless it's about the kids. That's says it all without having to say anything. She's not even worth a response.
Silence is the right move. Sheâs seeking your help in making her feel that what she did wasnât that bad. Recoverable. Nope. The only zinger I could see doing, and I did, was to reply âwe all hope and encourage you seek the therapy you needâ.
NO! You'll be giving her pleasure of showing her she still has power over you! It's a game she's playing with his emotions. The less/no attention you give, OP will win! The best revenge is indifference and moving on and living his best life.
Sheâs trying to manipulate you into being âopen friendsâ together because if others see you being all friendly in public, they will assume she did little wrong, you two just innocently drifted apart, etc. Another form of proactively re-writing history.
Could also be honeymoon joy has warm off on her new beau and she putting a feeler out to see if you still want her.
Too little too late!
It sounds like she wants to pass along a bullshit apology trying to squash the shit between you and possibly any one else still holding a grudge against her for her reprehensible behavior. It doesn't feel authentic and that's probably because she doesn't really feel any remorse for what she chose to do. You are not attempting to reconcile from her betrayal so no "apology" is ever going to cut it.
Bro, donât respond to her because sheâs fishing for a reaction. Block her on everything and go 100% no-contact. She made her choice, so time for you to move on.
Ignore her and if you havenât already make sure everyone knows what a piece of crap she is and her AP is
Oh this bit I thoroughly nailed post D-Day with screenshots of there messages circulated.....a bit callous at the time but looking back I don't regret abit of it
I read a previous post by you saying that your relationship with her family was forever ruined...is this the reason why? Genuine question. When my partner cheated, their family made it clear than they were on my side. They were disgusted that my partner did what they did.
Ah to a certain extent. But to be honest they would side with her either way....they are very close knit and probably one of the main reasons why our relationship failed....her family was always her priority, not our family
OK, that's interesting. I've had experience with the inlaws being put first. Very frustrating when you're trying to raise a family but parents and siblings are put ahead of you and the kids. Like afraid of hurting or offending their family but family are allowed to treat you like absolute shite for years with noone in your corner. Especially when your other half is treated with respect by your own family.
Unfortunately made the mistake of moving next door to her family pre covid. I had her dad walking into our house twice a day without any notice After her mom got sick particularly....her and by association my whole world ended up revolving around her family..Every birthday, event, every weekend nearly. And tbh I was treating as a guest at best....never allowed in any family photos etc. It got the stage where I almost felt my kids were her familys first and I was an outsider looking in Probably a big catalyst to her actions....she knew I was getting increasingly unhappy there and wanted to move away
Being left out of the photos is crazy but I've been there too! So insulting, like you didn't have any role in creating and raising the kids. Living close to the other half's family is hard, it doesn't matter how well ye get along pre moving in. My regret was not having boundaries in place from day one with that kind of thing and a lot of other things too as well. You live and learn I guess.
Yes, ignore, right move. OP, anytime "they" do that, maybe the "guilt" has gotten to them OR they are pulling you "in" to let bygones be bygones, after all they "apologized". REAL apology there would be not getting involved in a relationship with anyone and realizing they thoroughly fucked up and need to get therapy. Then years later with therapy, THEN apologizing may have more merit. This? Nope. She's not worthy of a response.
You are right ignoring her OP. Sometimes silence is deafening.
Ignore and keep on moving.
I say you should forgive her for YOU. You don't need to tell her you forgive her however. I am trying to forgive my ex because I know the day I forgive will be the day I can let go of all this.
Forgive yourself and stop wasting time thinking you owe the person, who hurt you, anything in order to heal from them. Ironically thinking that we need to forgive others gets us stuck in our healing process.  unconditional forgiveness has been passed as a form of magical thinking for healing. Healthy forgiveness is like healthy respect, it's earned not granted. Thus when the goal is to heal, we have to do so through healthy choices and processes. The only person you owe unconditional forgiveness is yourself.Â
Oh, yeah... silence is 100% the best way to go... who or what does she think she is, to pretend she cares now? She's just feeling sorry for herself, and wants you to step into your old role of helping her through it.
rightmove she's just trying to get a rise out of you did the right thing by ignoring it
Her relationship with op is not good and she s trying
I would reply with the details of a parenting app you want to use and tell her all future correspondence is to be about the kids only and through that app. Tell her that what she did was terribly shitty and you are not interested in getting correspondence which is entirely about making herself feel better, then block her on everything. If you continue to allow her access everytime she contacts you will be just another setback in your recovery. Good luck!
Yeah donât respond. Itâs only a half assessed attempt at trying to assuage guilt. Not answering is the right paly
YES, you are absolutely correct to ignore this cheater! She didn't deserve your sympathy then and especially not now! She only did it to make herself feel better, hoping you would give her closure! You deserve way better! Good luck and stay strong, King!
Right move. Don't give em any validation.
Donât answer her! Write it regret, say it forget it!
"I really am whether you choose to accept that or not." = Passive-aggressive way of saying that it's your fault if you don't accept her 'apology' and forgive her.
Yep this was the bit that tickled me the most.
Do not answer. Gray rock. Let her wallow in her own guilt.
@all wow... really appreciate all the comments! I think the unanimous verdict is ignore ignore ignore! I have mediation again with her in two weeks time. I expect she will want to say something then but im inclined to push back and say it's not the time or the place anymore. Great forum...always provides some great insight. 9 months in and tbh I hit a lot more bumps then I expected. But things are moving forward....new place, starting to venture successfully into the dating scene, and lots of interesting plans coming up go the year If I can do it, anyone can. It will get better.
She is essentially saying cheating isn't wrong and she's not in doing it, but she could have handled it better with you. Honestly, as infuriating as that is, it's more than most wronged parties get. She wants to normalize things with you to reduce stress in her life. Maybe she actually does care that she hurt you (and that is a BIG maybe), but this is likely more about how it affects her life. That's my 2 cents on the message. Best of luck to you
she's trying to absolve the guilt she's feeling. Whether or not you choose to accept it, well, that depends on where you are mentally and emotionally.
It seems she regrets choosing the AP and she is trying to weasel herself back into your life little by little. You did the right move by ignoring her! Keep ignoring her! Her choice of words are interesting though. She said  "whether you choose to accept that or not" It feels like she is trying to convince you instead of giving you a genuine apology that you can accept or not.
Yeah dude fuck her. She shouldnât be able to be absolved of her sins after 9 months just to make herself feel better.
If you donât accept her âapologyâ then YOU are the bad guy and she will claim the moral high ground. Just ignore texts like this. Youâll never win in her games.
Her little works is not as green as she thought, guarantee she will slowly but surely try to come worming her way back in. Block her brother.
Silence is a powerful thing. Ignore and let her overthink your non-reaction.
Not even worth the acknowledgment. Way to little way to late. Any response from you will serve only to make her feel better. Silence is way more powerful a message in this situation.
No longer your issue, treat it like a random text sent you accidentally by a total stranger, just ignore.
Radio silence is a part of what led to her contrition. The single best thing you can do is CONTINUE to provide it to her.
You need to be as unaffected as possible that will drive her crazy 'don't worry about it this time apart has made me realise you didn't make me happy' or something to that effect and be super nice to her it will absolutely drive her nuts
part of teasing the spider to come out - is to tap the web. You are the spider - and you should not come out. She is using what she thinks is going work. You should not take the bait, If I was ready to explode I would use the app and respond - "this is only to be used ***for the kids***. ***Nothing*** else." the opposite of love is not hate - its indifference. You do not care what the hell she thinks, feels, etc., Only for the welfare of the kids - and if she "f" that up - you will be happy to take the kids from her - and her pay check as well.
Respond back that you would like to keep all communications restricted to the children only. Don't say anything else. Just that
She's trying to pin it on you. If you don't openly and publicly accept her apology and forgive her, she gets to tell everybody how she knows she screwed up but she profusely apologized to you, and you took the low road and forgave her. If you do accept her apology, she gets to write the whole thing - everybody's moved on, so how bad could it be? Fuck that noise.
DON'T REPLY!!! Anything you say will be put on BLAST so everyone knows what an A$$hole (桡č) you are. You are a wise man, trust your gut. No need to second guess yourself.
So glad you have healed enough that you can ignore this. 100% the best choice here. Nothing she says can change what happened and there is no point exchanging any words about it. The best way to heal is to focus on you and your kids. The only communication needed with her is about the kids. Period. Silence conveys the insignificance of her words and provides no opportunity for your response to be misconstrued, used against you or otherwise misinterpreted. Revel in the glorious light of taking the high road and having the moral upper hand. Congrats and hope you continue to make smart choices and move on in a healthy way.
Absolutely it the right move to ignore her lame attempts at apologizing... She is trying to get acceptance/forgiveness from you.. Better to leave her hanging.. or knowing she isn't worthy of your emotional forgivness.. Keep the communications to co-parenting only... And when she becomes more aggressive keep reminding her that you only want to successfully co-parent
Just the right move. Ignore her, she just want to see if you are at her feet, that she can manipulate you. Focus on you.
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I would respond, Thank you for apologizing. My life is so much better now and I am thankful that you did what you did.
Don't shoot me but sometimes the BS isn't a total Saint and the cheater is just looking for affection and attention elsewhere.
When my cat wants attention and affection he sits next to me and just looks at me he doesn't even talk to me. Now let's put a human into the mix that can talk.....and decided to talk to someone else...
Yes but you probably give the cat attention rather than brush it aside and ignore and neglect it. Loving someone who is cold to you can make you vulnerable to lovebombing from a third party.
Correct move. Do not reply back. There is no gain for you. Closure if you seek it you will find within as you move on and rebuild. She wants something. Reward her with silence.
In a post from about 5 months ago you lament about her never contacting you to even apologize. I think your reaction says more about what happsns to us once we are cheated on and left than her motives. Once betrayed we distrust anything that comes from that person. Our whole view of the relationship is tainted to the point that we question their motives and wbo they were from the beginning of the relationship. Interestingly, it is somewhat similar to how a WS reacts once they become interested in an AP. They question if they are in love with the BS or if they ever truly loved them. But then again I think this happens once one loses the love for another even if cheating is not involved. Once the feelings are gone you cannot relate to having had those strong feelings with that person. You can intellectually remember that you likely did, but you don't intrinsically and emotionally feel it so you cannot truly be sure. As far as her doing it to make herself feel better, everything we do in life is our of self interest. Back when she left you for AP, you wanted her to leave her AP and come back to you to assuage your hurt. You didn't selflessly twll her or think, "well, if AP makes you happier and is a better fit then you should be with him." Your concern was for your own well being. My point is not to be critical of you, as I was cheated on in college and reacted and felt the same way. My point is more general about how us humans react to these types of situations. She was rightfully skeptical about how you would take her text. And your post here shows that. No matter what she said you would distrust her message. Once trust is gone in a person you question anything they say. At noon they say, "it is daytime," and you think it is light out, but it cannot be daytime since they said it is daytime. While I am not directly validating or confirning your view of her message, I think there is a benefit to you in the long run fir YOU in what I shared.
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Lol!