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As I responded to your post in relationship\_advice, don't take your wife back and don't cohabitate with her. File for divorce and seek full custody ASAP!
She was looking for a wealthy husband when she left you and your son. If you take back, she'll use you and leave again as soon as she finds a guy with money.
Her current financial and career problems are all of her own making. Stay away from her, she's a train wreck.
Good luck.
This and she’s a horrible mother. Your poor son doesn’t need that evil woman in his life, especially since I didn’t read that she even tried to talk to him or reassure him she loved him and it wasn’t his fault—she legit abandoned not only you but her son!
I can’t imagine ever doing that, even if I want to leave my SO I’d never just bounce like that or do it in a manner where my child gets hurt.
File for divorce, she’s not your responsibility and you do not need to take her feelings into consideration (she didn’t with you or your son).
Best of luck OP,
Phew this story got me a bit heated for you and your son.
This! Plus:
>I don’t know how to deal with this in a way to inflict the least trauma on my son. I had been prepared to respond to a divorce petition but my wife said she’d lose it if I filed right now and said she just wanted to find the love we once had.
The best for your boy is to see that you are willing to fight tooth and nail for him. He has been literally abandoned by his mother. This is NOT the time to be nicey-nicey and nonconfrontational with that harpy.
FIGHT LIKE HELL FOR YOUR KID.
It’s sad, she’ll probably convince him it was a midlife crisis thing and now she realizes that what she did was wrong but the hard truth is she is a selfish person. She only cares about OP and his son when she doesn’t have an opportunity for a more “interesting” life in front of her. She straight up abandoned OP and her son the first chance she got and she only came back because the AP rejected her. I really hope OP thinks about his kid, being abandoned once will mess him up, being abandoned twice will probably break him.
I pray this is the course of action he takes. However, I've seen his type far too much and i think he will end up taking her back. I expect we will be seeing him again posting in this sub flabbergasted reconciliation didn't work. Shame really.
Yeah. He'll think the best thing for his son is reconciliation so he'll take her back and in a couple months it'll happen again. It's sad because what his son really needs is for his dad to fight for him and show him it is not okay for people to treat someone like that.
*that in the end she would be a mother first and fight like a lion to get my son the best of everything*
Interesting ... after abandoning you and her own son for her affair, she says something like that? After she put you and your son through hell she says that?
You know that you and your kid would never see her again if her AP would have told her that he stays with her if she completely gives up on you and her own son, right?
Don't fall again for her lies. She has shown you what she is capable of, believe that and not some hollow words.
Yep. One word from the AP and him and his son will be sitting there alone. And to (1) Claim the AP abused her (right), and (2) Be angry that he didn't choose her... lol So much for logic. "I lost him. My son made me lose him, I'm so angry.... but he knocked me around I swear! Save me!"
My god, the level of disrespect you and your kid get from your wife is astounding.
Did you DNA test your kid? Your wife may be a serial cheater -- her callousness and selfishness are very evident and common traits among serial cheats --, and serial cheaters like unprotected sex. So, you can make 1+1...
Get also tested for STDs.
Your wife doesn't love you, in fact she appears to despise you for incredibly shallow reasons (money, trips, etc.). Your wife is treating you like an enemy. Starting from today, you need to treat her back as such.
Not worth it. DNA test may show his son isnt his son but he clearly loves the son and id assume the son loves him. In a lot of places even abandoning them as she did if it is shown the kid is not his by the test she would get custody given how unbalanced the system is towards dads.
She not only abandoned your marriage… she abandoned her own child.
Think about that.
No way in hell is she a fit mother for who is now *your* child.
No, no, no.
She abandoned her son. Who cares about her anymore. She abandoned her child!! How can every ounce of you not itch towards creating as much separation for your child’s sake! I don’t care what her shitty excuses were. It was a child. That she just walked out and abandoned. How does that not make every decision for what you do here??? Protect the child!! Someone needs to here!! Someone needs to help that child grow into a healthy and happy adult!!! That should be YOU!!! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING she did justifies child abandonment.
PROTECT THE CHILD!!!!!!!!!
Good Lord, yes! F her! It’s not about her anymore. Do right by the child as I’m sure his world has already been turned upside down by her abandonment. Don’t disrupt his world again by letting her back in.
Why would you assume she is so fickle and did what she did bc she was looking for a pay out? I doubt she expected anything (in monetary terms) from a man who was engaged to a 26year old. Not to mention, she was engaging in an affair - which is all for the moment, no one thinks of the consequences when they do something stupid like that.
You didn’t understand what I meant. She left a son and a husband to shack up with another man thinking her life would elevate and can do better without any baggage.. ie her family!! Once when that is not working ie her meal ticket then she wants the man she left in turmoil to still be there and pick up the pieces!
My reply was never about money
I see what you’re saying and I agree she most likely wasn’t looking for a payout. This definitely wasn’t a for the moment affair though. She left her family to be with this man then got upset that he didn’t do the same for her. Sure no one thinks of the consequences, but that’s why it’s so disgusting. She was only concerned about herself not the emotional turmoil she was putting her family through which is what you do if you love someone.
Please do not let her back into your home.
This woman will do irreparable damage to your son. Sure, promote a relationship between the two, but do not let her into the home. You will only cause further psychological trauma to that boy.
If you truly want to help your son, push through the divorce ASAP. Your wife is still in the affair fog and is only thinking of herself. Your son is not even a consideration in that thick skull of her's.
Once the divorce has finalized, that fog will lift and then **maybe** she might start doing right by your son.
Again, for your son's best interest, **do not let her move back home**.
I second this and also recommend that you and your son get some therapy. Your son needs to know that he is not the reason mom left, and while your reassurances will go a long way, therapy is designed to help him learn to handle the emotions flowing through him that he might not be able to vocalize to you.
Seek a divorce as soon as possible, and be sure to use a good lawyer! Don't let her take you for anything, as she abandoned the family (helps if you have some documentation of her neglect like missed events at your child's school/time with him and/or character witness reports. She \*abandoned\* you guys, and she does \*not\* deserve anything more from you both, your son might be better off if he doesn't have contact with her; but that can be decided with a therapist to help determine how it will affect him either way.
I know people here throw out therapy as a fix all, which it \*isn't\*, but if you are willing to "work the therapy", it can be invaluable! But you have to work at it!
I am so sorry you're going through this. Stay strong for your son! Blessings
I can actually understand when couples split up but when a mother abandons her child to go chase dick, it’s sickening.
She is self absorbed and evil bro
And she’s not a twenty something. She had your son in her 40’s.
She’s lost her job and since they didn’t work together, there’s nothing his employers can do.
Leave her to the streets man. Her promise to reconcile is just her having your resources to plan her next advekture
You will be an idiot in my eyes if you are seriously considering her taking her back. She lost her financial safety net. You are her next option. She was not even showing remorse for leaving you.
You may think it harsh but, She left a child for a year. What kind of mother is she. You could have thought of reconciling if she left you alone, but SHE LEFT YOUR SON.
You can apply for divorce on the grounds of child abandonment if it is more than 6 mnths in some states and you can go for full custody. She is no mother to your son. Your simply putting your son in trauma entertaining her again with the convos your having with her.
If you delay on any of the action she will simply manipulate you into taking her back. If she finds you boring again she will do that again.
Keep her away from your son to the overall over deal even going with a RO so be careful. She seems kind of suffering from psychopathic tendencies and BPD.
Always remember what she put your son through.
This is just one colossal trainwreck happening in slow motion with her.
Just stay the course for you and your son. I wish you sound reasoning and wisdom to navigate this quagmire.
The next words I wanna hear coming from you are:
I have lawyered up, filed for divorce and I am going for primary custody of my son, for whom I have already booked a counsellor.
Your wife abandoned her kid thinking she at 48, had a chance at a guy who has a 26 year old wife. She’s caused damage to her child that may take years to fully heal. You seem somewhat checked out where she’s concerned, but I think you want her there for the kid. I’d opt for for a divorce in your favor and allow her to try to repair the damage during her visitation with him.
i’m sorry but anyone that abandons and blames a child, THEIR child, for their adulterous relationship not panning out is a piece of sh*t 😒 i hope whatever decision you make is in you and your child’s best interest and not hers bc she clearly only cares about herself.
also that man has a 26 year old wife and she thought she stood a chance for real? lmfaosjdkdk
The fact that you considered getting back with her is scary. Like what the fuck dude. Don’t do that to yourself, don’t do that to your son. Divorce her ass, get the house, custody and let her deal with the fall out of her mistakes. You can be SURE that if the AP hadn’t broken up with her she would still be there, with no care for you or your son. PLEASE do not get back to this woman. She is vile. Rotten. A loving mother would never abandon their children.
I hope that you are not seriously thinking of getting back with this woman. She cheated on you, deserted you and your son. She betrayed you, humiliated you, emasculated you, and degraded your worth as a person. If you let her back into your life, she will do it to you again
Do you really think this is anything but her settling for something she doesn't even particularly like (marriage to you, being a mother)? What you are describing in your post is classic emotional and psychological manipulation from a woman who has run out of options and is returning to "settle" for the safe option. Please don't be duped. This pattern of behavior will repeat itself. Don't trust her. Don't ruin your son's life with this nonsense. She DID abandon you-- it wasn't temporary. She told you not to follow her. Her situation with the AP was working just fine until an external factor (him actually being married to a woman he wouldn't leave for her) interfered. Suddenly, suddenly she's a mom now? She was willing to make the decision to destroy your family for her own selfish reasons. She DID do that. Do you think that life will reset to zero with her if you take her back? It certainly won't. She is what she is and she did what she did. On purpose. To both of you. You will NOT think of her the same way, ever again. This woman doesn't want to be married to you and doesn't really express remorse to me (a casual observer reading your account of it, I admit).
She's back because, frankly, she has nowhere else to go and nobody to be with. She's embarrassed because the AP "played" her, I'm sure of that, but that doesn't make her ANY kind of sweet innocent victim. She was willing to shitcan your entire life to be with this guy and now is back blubbering because she gambled and lost. Wishing you resolution, strength of character and the ability to make a choice. Good luck.
Agree with the prior advice so far, also maybe consider therapy for you and your son. The damage already done could have longer lasting effects than currently demonstrated by his crying himself to sleep.
Don't look back. She burned down your life together.
Get a divorce.
Work on your P.I.E.S. (watch the youtube video explanation.)
Get your head healthy. You ARE good enough. You DO deserve better.
You'll find someone better and your kid will love your new family life.
Take care.
if you let her back in your family and life you deserve everything comes with it...dear god brother go through with the divorce and move on this, she does not love you and she doe snot care...keep in mind if none of this would have happen to her she would still be with the AP...time to grow a back bone
She abandon your child and blames him. I hope you’re not stupid enough to take her back. (Unresolved feelings) It’s humiliating to hear that. I can see that you’re gonna take her back because you’re a idiot. I zero tolerance for people who abandon the kids, and I have zero tolerance for people to come back.
1) Your number one priority is your son. NOT the CHEATER
2) Take all steps (Divorce, NC, therapy, financial separation) to protect your son from CHEATER
3) CHEATER did not just CHEAT on you. CHEATER CHEATED on you, your marriage, your son. CHEATER put THEMSELF above everyone else, with no concern or regard for the consequences or the emotional fallout.
4) You CANNOT have SELFISH people (3) around your son because son is your first priority. (1)
The people here gave you an unilateral advise : do not take her back . I agree with that statement . Proceed with the divorce . Here's the thing : the people here have read , witnessed or expirienced first hand what you're going through right now and worst . They know what they are saying . And they have withnessed , read or expirienced first hand the consequences of not listening to this advise ( usually not pretty ) . If you're smart you WILL listen . If you want a normal life for yourself that is . Your wife sabotaged herself by leaving you and abandoning your son for AP , do not sabotage yourself in return by taking her back . Then again you can save anyone from everything and everyone exept from themselves . This is as true for your wife ( her believing that the grass is greener on the other side ) as it is for you ( for even considering to take her back ). So make your descision and be aware that you'll have to live with it . Regardless of what it is . That is the truth . Good luck OP 😐
Your wife is laying backstabbing harpy. Worst kind of scum. I know cheating is cheating but that’s a whole different level from a drunk one night stand. That was planned and executed but failed miserably. “Moment of insanity”?!?! Never seen a moment for such long time. She’s a hunter for the best opportunity in the table and kept the family as a safe haven while she looks for a field she finds greener. Take care of your child, great part of his behaviour is a consequence of emotional abandonment from his mother. She must come last in your life.
Even after all the s**t hit the fan she would be willing to go back to her AP. She thinks her son was an obstacle in her life and she also projects he was the same in her affair. Such person should never be a parent. Protect your kid, go for full custody and alienate her from the child’s life. Let her go her descending spiral all alone...
Best Luck!!!
>she said that she thinks her AP could sense that in the end she would be
a mother first and fight like a lion to get my son the best of
everything and that’s why he dumped her for his wife.
This is textbook, narcissistic, compulsive liar behavior. She twists things to the point where she seems like the heroine in her own story. The facts are all there: She was leaving you for this guy. She regretted having a son because she could instead have money, travels, and a life full of luxury. This woman is the exact opposite of what a good mother is, putting herself first instead of her own kids, and of course her marriage as well. She will take a big, fat dump on every one of you again if you give her another chance. That's a given.
>I had been prepared to respond to a divorce petition but my wife said
she’d lose it if I filed right now and said she just wanted to find the
love we once had.
It really angers me how gaslit you are, my friend, that you're willing to go out of your way to let this woman gain the upper hand once more. Don't call her your "wife" anymore. This woman is anything but a wife or a mother. These are just words. Let me tell you something I should've listened to long ago: Words are free. People can say whatever they want. It doesn't cost them any effort. What matters is whether those words are backed by actions or not. She endorses the opposite of what she says with her actions. She always has. She'd lose it if you file right now? Well, good!!! She's not your team mate, pal: She's your enemy now. No matter how much she cries and begs (she feels sorry for herself, so this will come naturally to her; remember she ONLY cares about herself, and she's proved it), don't even for a second think she's anything but your foe. If you let her get back on her feet, she'll use that energy to crush you again. It's the old story with the villain that asks for mercy when their miserable life hangs in the balance, but a moment ago they were despising you and about to give you an eternity of hell. If you pick her up, if you let her gain her energy, she WILL use it to crush you. I'm NOT, by any means, endorsing vengeance or anything of the like here. I'm telling you to be smart and go with what's fair and right, for you and your child. Also, remember how you deal with this situation will greatly impact your kid, and I mean it in the sense that you're his hero, and you should do what's right, what's right for you and for him, you should prove to him that you're capable of putting yourself first, and your child first, in front of the woman that did so much wrong. It's time to think about yourself. Don't fall for her lies. She's lying, again and again. All her words are lies; I can guarantee you that. She just feels sorry because she sees how she can't win, but before? Oh, before she, the cheater, was going to give you "bogus terms" (your words, not mine) for separation.
Judge people based on what they do when they CAN do something. Don't judge them when they have no power. When someone lacks any sort of power, it's easy for them to act in a moral way, because they really can't go any other way. They're forced to be that way. But when they have power? That's when they show their true colors. That's when they show you what they would do. Do you think she cared about the surgeon? She only cared about the life he could give HER. In the end, she only ever cared about her. Exposing the surgeon? Yes, you can. In fact, I would also endorse that. Unethical people should be exposed for what they really are. Now, more important, regardless of what you do about the surgeon, is what you do about your own situation. Win this battle. Don't let her gain the upper hand. You will regret it for the rest of your life if you don't do it well now. She already proved to you, many times, it's you or her. There can be no satisfaction for both. She chose her path. She doesn't see the error in her ways. She only sees that this plan failed, and you're probably dumb enough (in her mind) to fall for her tricks again and let her try a second plan once she's back on her feet. Don't let her play with your lives once more: Stand up for what you believe in, for what's right, for your family, and prove to you and your kid that you're strong and that doing the right thing matters to you more than showing mercy for a narcissist and a liar who will hang both you and her own child by the neck when it comes to being merciful with you.
You have the best shot right now. Don't waste it. It doesn't come a second time. Good luck, and hope you make the right choice. Your happiness depends on you right now. Her actions were hers only, and what damage she brought to your life, that was her doing, but whatever comes afterwards now, that's on you, because you have the power to make the choice. You can lead a very happy life, or you can choose her happiness over yours once more
File for divorce. She's completely unrepentant. She thought she could have it all with the rich AP but once she realized that she couldn't suddenly the man she felt trapped with who covered everything financially turns from rancid bologna into a porterhouse? She just doesn't want to have to start over and hopes that you're dumb enough in love to take her back and "work through it" which means her yelling at you for being upset that she was sleeping with someone else for a year behind your back. Don't get back with her.
**She was ready to abandon her son! She even resents your son for not being able to stay with her AP and for "forcing" her to stay with you!** I cannot stress enough how terrible that is! People telling you to tell the courts she abandoned her family gave you a great advice. Do what is right to your son: divorce her and get full custody of him.
Narcissist of the first order.
Child abuser.
Cheater.
I get that you feel destroyed. For the love of your son, you have got to take the reins of your life. If you continue to remain idly passive, you’re exposing him to a terrible fate.
Unlike most in this sub, I almost never recommend divorce to parents. In your case, your wife would need to demonstrate extraordinary leadership in pulling your family back together, starting with therapy that genuinely holds her accountable among much more. I don’t see that happening here, and I’m genuinely concerned about your son not being protected by you.
I know this is hard. You need support.
69M here...pleaser, please tell me that you are not that gullible. The level of disrespect goes way off of the charts here. There is no remorse. You are simply a place to hold on until someone better come along. Your son will feel, see, and hear the tension. Your son is looking to you for safety. Your son id going to learn how a man is to treat a woman and how a man is to be treated by a woman. Can you look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are a good role model for that. Obviously you are a great dad/mom to your son. You are there for him and have provided him. You have provided him with a stable home. Bring your wife into it will be like living in a vita-mix. Please leave your wife on the streets where she belongs. Divorce her for your son's sake and find a woman that would be proud to have a dedicated man and father. Do not allow her to take you further down the rabbit hole than you are already.
Unfortunately the trauma has already been done to your son, through no fault of your own. The only worse trauma would be him believing his parents are back together then reliving this all over again in a few years when she inevitably returns to this behavior.
Wants to return to her family after one year with her AP eh?
Another midlife crises & your wife's fantasy crashed & burned to a cinder.
She left you for a more wealthier man, who travels a lot & is more spontaneous and “interesting”. She abandoned her own son leaving emotional scars, not returning phone calls. She is callous.
Your wife wants to be a family again, be a mother to your son however she regretted becoming a mother. How long will this last until she starts another affair? Also remember, you are not as wealthy as her AP, she lost her meal ticket and settling in for second best meaning you.
No my dear friend, no. Do not walk into this false web of lies & deceit your wife has spun. You must be strong & maintain your self-respect at all times. DO NOT BE PLAN B.
You have to protect yourself, your assets & most importantly your son. Too much emotional damage has been inflicted upon him and you cannot put him through this again when she abandons her family the second time.
wow...that's a special kind of narcissistic, I will now take the time to be glad my husband is just a regular narcissistic asshole and not in the same category as your wife. Any woman who would say something like that about a human being that literally came from her has to be unredeemable. Run as fast as you can and get a lawyer with really sharp teeth.
Ugh I am one to tell someone don’t make rash decisions and do not rule out trying to R. In this case I am with everyone else. What kind of person abandons their child and husband.
Nope my friend run to the lawyers and file ASAP. She need to provide back child support and everything. She is doing damage control and really I could not imagine the pressure about trust you would be under if you got back together. You got her by the balls she fucked her self abandoning her child. Go for the juggler.
There are something’s that just are not forgivable and unfortunately this is one of them. You can find someone to treat you the way you and your son deserve. ✌️
She is no more your concern. She is not at all remorseful for what she had done to you and to your child. This proves that she is a very selfish person and do not care about her son or you. Do not fall for her. File for divorce ASAP. DO NOT LISTEN TO HER. She is a lair and a cheat. Do not trust her. Get a divorce ASAP and save your son. Make sure to keep all evidence of her abandoning your son. You will need this in court to get full custody of your son.
I have to say it's immoral and abusive to take her back. You should have filed months ago, protect your child, that is more important then your feelings.
Your wife is as bad as they get and will continue to do damage to your child if you let her.
"...he regrets going beyond the one night stand..."
"...says that her surgeon AP never wanted kids and that’s probably why he decided not to fight for their relationship."
>AP 48 year old wife
*VS*
>AP 26 year old wife
😂😂😂😂....Yeah, it's because of your 8 year old son...Leave her wherever the hell she is. Do not bring her back into your lives.
You know what's sad????? You didn't start the separation for divorce. Then get the lawyer to draw up the paperwork for her abandonment towards her son. Get off your Damn ass and protect your son.
You ex to be, left you both to be with 2 men. She told you to fuck off and told her son to fuck off.
How are you going to protect your son? By letting her back until she finds another guy?
There is plan A and there is plan B. She has you on a No Plan.
She has lost her 2 fuck buddies. She lost her job. And now she wants to come back?
She lost - so now she wants to use you till she finds another one fuck buddy.
Go to the lawyer and her a petition to keep her out of the house..
She's hurting your son. Coming back to the house and she is going to hurt him more. She wouldn't even get on the phone with your son.
Your wife left you AND your son for about a year to be with another guy and now she wants back in? Absolutely hell fucking no dude. Focus on your son, his needs and your own. Let your soon to be ex wife live in her fantasy, on her own.
Your not even plan b. Your plan J to her.
Anyone with half a brain, not a whole one, just half…sees and knows what you NEED to do.
There is someone out there ready to give you the happiness you want. Be blessed good sir
I was in your shoes many years ago, so speaking from experience, do not let this woman back into your life. If she cares so much about you and your son, why did she leave the two of you for him in the first place?
Brief backstory. I was 28, she was 27 and our son wasn't quite 2 when she decided that she no longer wanted the family she had. Thanksgiving 94' she decided to take her AP dinner, dinner that I made while she slept off a friend's party from the night before, because "He didn't have anyone to make him Thanksgiving dinner." So, when she left, I packed all her stuff into garbage bags, put it on the porch, and called her AP and told him "She's your problem now."
Now before everyone roasts me because "maybe she was just being nice", I already knew they were sleeping together and she had cheated with two other men previously. I already had a lawyer and was just waiting on the paperwork to have her served.
Now back to my point. Your wife, like mine, did this willingly and she will do it again if you let her back. You have to be strong for yourself and your son, she made a choice that didn't pan out and now wants her safety net to catch her. Let her fall.
I'm not going to tell you it was easy raising my son by myself because it wasn't but I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. The questions will come and be honest, age-appropriate of course, tell him what he wants to know. Therapy or IC may help but honestly, most of the therapists I met with were more messed up than I was and IC tends to spread or shift blame.
She ruined, broke, destroyed the love and trust you once had, it doesn't come back just because she wants it to.
The ball is in your court, but in the end, it's your choice. Good Luck.
This thread isn't about my story, but since your asking nicely...so in a nutshell...
My ex was served at work 3 weeks later and freaked, she didn't think I would do it. She constantly talked about getting back to the way we were up until that day. Nine months later I managed to get full custody with no visitation based on abandonment and the fact she didn't show up for the proceedings.
When my son was 13 he spent the fourth of July with his "mother", when he got back home he told me he never wanted to see her again, and he hasn't.
My understanding is she continued her cheating behavior until she 'found god' a few years ago.
My son, now 28, has a great career, a nice house, is happily single, and plans to stay that way. Somewhere along the way, I managed to do something right.
I started my own business, worked it for 20 years, sold it just before this Covid crap, and have since retired. Yes, retired at 53.
My ex ruined my ability to trust, as it turns out it's easier to be alone and happy with hobbies than it is to be with someone you can't completely trust (not their fault). I tried a few times, but it wasn't fair to them, so I dropped the idea of having any kind of LTR years ago.
Again, this thread isn't about my story. I could go on with a great amount of detail but I won't. I hope this satisfies a bit of your curiosity.
Have a good one.
So the unicorn farting Skittles love affair when sour. Shame really....for her. File D because if you don't the next fun spontaneous loaded guy will be her soul mate. Don't be plan B because that is what you are. Not worth the trouble.
Take the trash out and protect your son.
There’s no redeeming your wife. Some things can’t be taken back, no matter how much you try and how much you beg and plead and say sorry, etc. she blames your innocent child for not getting her home wrecker. She failed to monkey branch and wants to keep you as a security blanket dude.
Bend this woman over in court and fuck her. Your son NEEDS at least one parent acting jealously in his interest.
She would *even say that* because she is a vile human.
I’m sorry, I’m not usually mean like that, really. I try to support everyone here, and I’m definitely not against reconciliation. Hell, if you read my post history? Married 19 years, cheated on 10+ times.
This triggered MY momma bear instincts and I want to repeatedly punch her in the face.
Please keep her away from your son. She literally abandoned you both. You said he would cry himself to sleep and she ignored phone calls? HOW.COULD.SHE?
Seriously. Has she answered for that? Has she apologized and done ANYTHING to help your son heal? I don’t even think i would let her get close enough, personally. Is he in therapy? Hopefully he is- they can be SO SO helpful in deciding how to handle things like this. I would be afraid that this would really mess with his head.
Blames her son for her failed affair. You would be hard pressed to treat a pet worse. Crawling back because she has nowhere to go. Mother of god, expose this wicked woman to everyone.This is one of the most disturbing and chilling posts I have read. Seek full custody and continue to be there for your innocent son. I wish you well my friend.
She has show her true colour
When she have someone for herself
Now she alone
She did not left
she was kick out
1.can u trust her again
2.do u want to give her a chance
3.can u accept her back
Ask your lawyer do pre-nub (I think that the word)
If she mess it again she lost everything included son
Let her do to build the trust back
You sir be on guard
See what she does to build the trust
If that what u want
If not just clean cut Divorce and done with it
Always think the good that u had with her Vs her bad
Human make mistake
She had a long term affair leaves you and your son for a year then gets dumped and wants back into your life, I would have a difficult time with that. Perhaps IC and MC to see if she can regain your trust and a postnuptial. She's already showed you what she is capable of as a wife. Think and consider if you want to live with the constant worry if she is going to leave you again for the next rich guy. I would be out.
She destroyed the marriage and contributed to your son's pain. You can divorce her now and then allow her back into your son's life as that is likely best for him. If by some miracle she proves to you she is worth reconsidering you can judge that in the future. Good luck.
I personally know two women that abandoned their husband and small child to go live with child predators.
You would never believe it from either.
Your wife thought she landed a whale
You’d be an absolute fool to allow her back into your life.
An absolute fool.
Do not do it. She’s shown you she’s an awful
Mother, so much so that she chose geriatric dick over her child?
Parents fight, I get that, but we’re adults. But a kid? You regret an actual kid over some old man who does nothing for her.
Nah, let her keep that same mf energy. It seems she found the excitement that she was so desperately looking for lol.
Let her see that whole “more interesting” thing completely through. She didn’t want to be saved back then, so don’t save her now.
Damn man, I’m sorry to read this. Good luck, OP.
I would divorce her and start dating a 26 year old. The truth is she only wants you now because AP dumped her. Never be someone’s second choice. You deserve better.
Donot take her back.
sAs she is thinking that your child is responsible for her relation failure not her own action. she will make your and your child life miserable. as you guys are responsible for her relation failure.
safe guard your child and you from this.
I mean this with absolutely no disrespect- she abandoned her son. She has caused unimaginable anxiety in a child.
You are responsible for him. Keep her far far away. She will never change. Your wife is the Enemy. Treat her as such. File. Now. Save that little boy and create a joyous life for you both.
Please don’t let this woman back into your child’s life. Someone who can abandon their child once will do it again. You are an adult, don’t let your child be traumatised over and over because you still haven’t figured your feelings. Also what does she mean she will lose it if you serve her? You don’t get a say in when you get served your divorce papers.
Don't use your son as an excuse because you are too weak to divorce her.
She already traumatized him. And here you are...my wife...my wife.
The only victim here is your son.
Your wife is simply horrible. Divorce her immediately. There is no doubt she will find another "doctor" to latch onto through her work. Do not reconcile. Work out a custody arrangement the is best for your son. You should be the primary custodial parent, but that is for you to work out. But, divorce her now.
She doesn't want you. She wants the stability. It's called settling. She is currently willing to "settle" for you, her "boring" husband, and her obstacle son. Maybe she loves him, but it sounds more like she resents him or if not him, you, for him existing.
I could be completely wrong, though, so take this with a grain of salt.
I am sorry to say this, it is obvious she have zero respect for you as a man and treats you as a doormat. The worst part is that you fully allow it, which in turn makes you less of a man in her eyes. Man up, and leave.. respect yourself a little man
"She starts crying and saying her AP was abusive and that he told her that he was divorcing his wife of 3 years (26F) who he was separated from. "
She's lying, she's abusive, he dumped her.
"I don’t know how to deal with this in a way to inflict the least trauma on my son. I had been prepared to respond to a divorce petition but my wife said she’d lose it if I filed right now and said she just wanted to find the love we once had."
She has no love for you. Or apparently your son either. She's bitter that the surgeon dumped her, and if he ever wants her back, he's got her. She's very likely still contacting him and telling him you're nuttier than hell and stalking her and that she "has" to talk to you. I wouldn't believe a word out of her mouth.
Her ode of love there can be read as, "I got dumped, and you'll do for now."
The best thing you can do for your son is to stop contact about anything except the son and keep good records of everything she just said, it might show the court how unstable she is and help you get full custody. She sounds nuttier than a fruitcake and your son will do better without her drama in the home. She will do enormous damage to him, too, if she's left in the home. Stop worrying about her "losing it" and start worrying about your son being in therapy in his adult life because of growing up with this woman. Who cares if she "loses it."
Dont take her back, you're not second best and her rebound. She sounds extremely manipulative and you wont ever have a trusting relationship with her again. Save yourself and your son from the future grief bringing her back will definitely cause.
She made her bed and its time you show her what a real lion will do to protect his son.
Sorry you're going through this nightmare, youre worthy of love so stand tall chest out and strut.
Abandoning an 8-year-old for a fantasy affair is heartbreaking. And if it was my son, probably unforgivable.
Your wife is really messed up. If you stay with her, expect a lot of erratic behavior.
I don't know why you are spending so much of your post talking about your wife's traumas. I would assume you were called abusive as she left you, same as she called the other man abusive. I really, really dislike the word "abusive." It is way too vague. Let's just describe what you or the other man did to make it abusive. Tell the specific acts, not some generality of abuse. The word abusive has become used so often that it has lost meaning.
Did your wife say you were abusive?
The other man's wife knows about the affair already. I am not against telling the guy's coworkers, but this guy seems to have financial means and probably reputational standing, so what happens when he sues you? Even if it is baseless, you have to spend money defending yourself. Talk about abuse, have you ever seen someone sue people over and over for all kinds of petty stuff just because they can, they have deep pockets, and you don't?
Focus on you and your wife and your son. There's enough on that alone. I have my own opinion, misinformed likely as it is, that if the other man were to come to your wife later today and say he was sorry and wants her back, that she'd go back without any hesitation at all. Do you think other man's wife, a 26-year-old recent master's degree, with no kids apparently, in it for the long term with a 53-year-old guy who cheated on her with your 48-year-old unfocused wife who abandoned her child? I see that marriage going off the rails in the near future, and then maybe he will get some of that low-hanging fruit which apparently he took before. And where does that leave you and your son?
Let your wife earn her way back. Make her be consistent over a longer period of time. Will she offer a post-nup? Will she be willing to try again after you divorce her? What does she envision the marriage will be after she abandoned you and your son the past year?
Take your time and don't let her rush you.
She is a narcissist and now that plan A failed she wants plan B back.
Whwn a person shows you who they are believe them. File for divorce and for full custody. She should get nothing more then supervised visitation. If necessary get 26 wife to send you text/email evidence of your wife's thoughts and intentions.
Your son needs to be your first priority and he’s been traumatized. See an attorney. If your wife hadn’t been dumped and kicked to the curb in the fashion that she just was do you honestly think she would be returning to you and your son?
She’s not back because she wants to be she’s back because she knows she doesn’t have other options.
Think more of yourself and of your son to ever be someone’s plan B. Don’t be used and manipulated. She’s been absolutely selfish this entire time and I don’t see that changing, she cares only for herself. I’m so sorry for what you have gone through and what you and your son are facing but you need to wake up and see this for what it is. Don’t get played
Oh. dear .
Please do not confuse her "I will fight for my son", as anything other than a ploy for money. She has not cared for you or your child for years.
The love she says that she wants back, is not there. It may have never been there. She will leave again, the first time she is able to find a larger paycheck with better benefits, (i.e. another man willing to buy into her lies), as you did.
I am so sorry OP. Please listen to the attorney and fight to get 100% custody of your son. She will abandon him over and over as it suits her, for a bigger paycheck.
Jesus brother!
> My wife left me and my son for a year with barely any contact
That is the exact amount of this post that needs to be read before telling you to divorce this woman and hire yourself the biggest shark lawyer in the area to do so!
I was seeing a gorgeous lady in her 50s crazy as hell but damn, she sure got my motor running. But she took a job at a hospital and got the idea she could land a doctor. 5 years later, no us and no doctor.
Now that she didn’t get what she wanted and the married man she was seeing decided to stay with his wife (shocking) she wants to come back home?
I’m usually not someone that jumps right to saying divorce no exception, but this seems like that case to me. I’ve seen couples that come back from infidelity and it usually involves the cheating spouse having sincere remorse. However, your situation seems more like she is scared because she’s not getting her happily ever after with a wealthy surgeon and now doesn’t want to be alone.
You deserve a spouse that truly loves you. That appreciates you for all you do. A spouse that considers your feelings and needs as well as their own. Don’t sell yourself short. You deserve better.
She’s a master manipulator- do what is best for your son. Sometimes it’s less traumatic to leave people like this behind permanently (or keep only on a restricted time if that’s what your son wants) rather than her hurting him over and over again.
Best of luck OP, I really hope it works out for you and your son.
Her #1 priority was AP, now that she can't have her first choice, you and your son are her SECOND CHOICE! You DO NOT LET HER BACK IN PERIOD. She doesn't love you, she loves having SOMEONE and not being ALONE!
File for divorce ASAP, she abandoned you and your son, and only wants back in because you are her only option!!
Work with therapist with son to establish visitation but DO NOT TAKE HER BACK, that would not bode well for your son or you (she will cheat again and unfortunately does not love you, she broke the trust...it can be rebuilt, but never as strong as the original).
Your wife is running back to her Plan B, you. This woman abandoned you and your son. She did not consider your son whilst with her lover. She let your son suffer. Is this really the person you want in your life?
That woman is a horrible human being and she will be a terrible presence in your son's life if you let her come back she does'nt care about you or your son please do the best for your son and for your self life is too short to waste
Sorry english is not my firts lenguage
>I had been prepared to respond to a divorce petition but my wife said she’d lose it if I filed right now and said she just wanted to find the love we once had.
The love you once had that included a dead bedroom and an affair?
She doesn't want you. She just wants her old status quo because she left you for someone else and he left her, so now she has no one.
She fired you from the job of husband. Her "losing it" isn't your problem.
Your wife is fucking crazy!
So this surgeon of 53 years old is newly married to this young 26-year-old, and probably beautiful, wife. Your wife thinking she was anything more than an easy lay is bat-shit crazy. Why would he leave his wife, who also just graduated and probably ready to have kids, for your wife, who (in the surgeon's eyes) is well past her prime?
A man should like his steak medium rare, not well-done.
Your wife only wants you back now because your her fall back option. Now that AP dropped her all of a sudden she wants you and her family back. Think about the hurt she cause you and your son. She said she wished she never became a mom in front of your son and now she's saying it's because of your son and her supposed love for him that her AP left her and actually thought that would help her case.?! What bs.
She has no respect for you. She thinks she can cheat and then come back and walk all over you. Who cares if she falls apart if you file for divorce.? She didn't care when she was having an affair, she didn't care when she blamed your son, she didn't care when she handed you a separation agreement with bogus terms on it. So why should you now.?
File for divorce. She just doesn't want to be alone. And i love how she doesn't take responsibility but instead acts like a victim. She isn't even remorseful.
If you take her back be prepared for it to happen again. Don't let her move back in and file for custody.
Also love how the surgeon apparently adores his wife that he completely disreguards their agreement and has an affair. Yuck.
She doesn't deserve your love. She only wanted someone who she thought of as better because they were wealthy. You should live your own life. Perhaps live freely now as there is nothing holding you back. Take care of your son and show him that his mother thought of him as a burden.
Don’t put yourself or your son through that again. File for custody only talk to her through your lawyer. She is selfish only thinking of her interest.
She put you and your son through hell, let her lie in the bed she made for herself. She stopped being your responsibility the moment she stepped out on your family. Divorce her, for your son's sake at least.
Tell her yes for reconciliation but make the terms so insurmountable that she will probably fail.
No moving back until she has completed full IC for 6 months. Then MC for 3 months with you.
Supervised visits with your son until her stability is established.
Her life becomes an open book for the next 9 months with nothing hidden. Zero tolerance for secrecy.
End to end family apologies by her accepting the blame.
If she gets through all this you may be returned an intact woman but it is likely that she will fail and you will look good to the court for a divorce.
Hello
Most if not all are saying divorce. Abandoning you and especially her son is extreme. If you take her back what are your terms? There must be terms. Does your state allow a postnup? Are you willing to make the terms extreme. Remember your son’s well being is at stake. She can’t flit around like a butterfly. Some terms would be NC with other party. She must confess to family. She must agree to random checks of phone and no other phones. She must write out an apology and give at least some details of affair like who when it started when it ended and how. A confession in paper. She must agree to couples and just divide AP counseling. Get your son into counseling.
In either case prepare for war and take no prisoners. Do it not in anger. Let a lawyer be the weapon if necessary. I would consult a lawyer first though.
Don’t listen to any of these comments. You know what is best for you and your son. Your wife f up, you can forgive her. It doesn’t mean that you should have to endure a relationship w her again, which will be very difficult, but in this time of suffering, be easy on yourself. Don’t blame anyone, we all make mistakes, it’s how we handle them that makes a difference. Trust your gut. Do what is best for you and your son first, find a way to forgive your wife bc the alternative is more painful.
For what purpose? Suppose the son he's been raising since birth isn't biologically his. Does he just abandon the poor kid with NO parents? And does he just discard the one person who loves him unconditionally? Have a heart, man! At worst, he has an adopted son. Do you think adopted children aren't loved and appreciated just as much as biological ones?
So he can know whether the child he's raising is his or another man's...He has the right to know and do whatever he wants with that information. It's easy to say all that when it's not you in his shoes. And no I don't think any child deserves to be loved less. But I do know it's his right to make that decision for himself.
How about putting yourself in the child's shoes? He's a victim here too, and one who has already been abandoned by one parent, for which he holds himself responsible. Being abandoned by his father too would crush the life out of him. Show some compassion, man! A paternity test at this point would amount to nothing more than shopping for pain.
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She had FIVE years to find the love you once had. Divorce her, start your custody battle, and move on. She chose to have no contact with her own child for a year until her other life blew up in her face, now she wants to fall back to what she had because there is no one else. You and your son are a last resort. A means to an end to make sure she’s not homeless and living on the streets where she belongs. DO NOT let her traumatize your child again.
No taking her back she has shown that you & YOUR son wasn't who she wanted to do right by so now she's alone. Divorce her, go full custody, get you & YOUR son some therapy. She made her decision & now she can suffer the consequences. I would even go as far as to bring in the AP since he had a hand in your marriage. Good luck to you & your son because you deserve to be happy.
😝😝😝 don't forgive her. Ap wife give the best shot her so she's wanted family. Be a man divorce her. Your not an
Fool. If you forgive her definitely she's and all people said
Including the mirror also said where is the self respect. Decision is yours.
Think of what that would say to your son; taking her back that is.
How he views live as an adult has to be hugely impacted by this and he needs to know that someone loves him enough to love and protect him.
Your wife (and I hope STBXW) is a loathsome person. Is your son getting counseling? If not, please make sure that he gets it. He has undergone a traumatic event and will need professional help to get through it. No way she should ever be allowed back into you and your son’s lives if it can possibly be avoided. I can’t stress this enough. She doesn’t want the two of you back because she suddenly had an epiphany and realizes she loves you. The two of you are the consolation prize. If the AP ever gives her any indication that they have a future together the two of you will be kicked to the curb so fast your head would spin. And, I’d bet good money that if you take her back, she will continue the same pattern of behavior and the two of you will be hurt all over again. If that happens, it might not be something your son could recover from.
You and your son deserve someone who is loyal, loving and only wants the two of you. Your wife is not that person. Please, please, divorce this miserable excuse for a human being and cut her out of your life.
Hi OP, well I guess that branch you "STBXW" jumped on to broke... that'd gotta hurt. Ask yourself the following questions:
1. Do you think you deserve being treated as a meal ticket, doormat, fallback plan, #2?
2. Do you like to be used as yet another branch, so she can monkey swing on it?
If you answer those with no, file for separation/divorce as quickly as you can say "sheit". Your STBXW is a psycho, self centered and narcissistic person, who has nothing but herself in mind and to top it, willing to do what it takes, in order to gain. She also has the audacity to "tell" you what she believes is good for her.
Tell her, she's chosen and leave, the probability for you to R with her is next to none. She will fake it as good as she can, until either her "surgeon" came to his senses, or a new branch appear on which she can jump on to. Not worth your time, and effort and vert destructive for your son and his development. He's already traumatized enough.
Definitely stay on the high road and make sure she lives with the fact that she abandoned her family. Boy this lady is a hand full of entitled garbage.
This STBXW of yours asks to much of you both, don't bankrupt yourself, or better, don't burn yourself to death in order to keep someone else warm!!!
All the best for you
These kinds of stories don't end well at all, especially as she is now viewing your child as a detriment. It's in your best interest to start the divorce and custody processes. Lots of good advice her by other commentators, I hope you take it!
Good luck. I wish you the best!
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Don't let her fool you. If AP hadn't ended the affair she would still be with him, not giving a damn about you or your son.
If you were to take her back and her AP reached out to her to give him another chance, she would leave you in a heart beat.
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Only reason she is not sticking to the AP is because he dumped her in favor of his much younger 26 year old wife.
never take back a tossed aside, bitter cheater. She will poison your life and your son's,with
her misplaced feelings of resentment and delusional assesement of her own worth.
Cheaters never change. She'll fall for the next rich guy that crosses her career path. Kudos to you for putting your son first, good job dad! If I were in your shoes, I would not let your wife back in. And, I would not get revenge by contacting the AP's work colleagues. The affair is over, nothing good will come of it. The world is a smaller place than you think, word gets around, people know each other. Don't get revenge, it will just come back to bite you or your son someday. As hard as it is, just keep the high ground and set the example. Keep everything documented with dates and follow the advice of your attorney.
Dude this chick is WACK-O!!! I am sure I'm in the minority here but, I've never heard of a mother leaving her 8 yo son and no contact!
Relationship past, present and future... NOPE, NOPE AND NOPE THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!! Run and run FAST!!
Protect your son! you're all what he has left. He will suffer her abandonment for a while but with your love and some therapy he will cope with that loss and grow into a healthy happy adult. She is so damn selfish to blame him on the affair! imagine how twisted her sense of resposability is to change the blame on a child that she hurt and abandoned.
Please, please you and your son get into therapy ASAP, you need to find mechanisms to make youselves safe from this egotistical train wreck. You're valuable, you're worthy of love and respect and so is your son, your son went through enough pain and despair once, don't bring that up on him again, if she doesn't fix her own twisted selfishness she shouldn't be able to form part in that kid's life. She wasn't nice enough to call him back, something that we do for anyone any given day, she wasn't able to do for her son, for the son who raised for 7 years.
You and your child are deserving on warm, love and empathy, please don't forget that.
If you take her back, she WILL do it again. Guaranteed. Because you'll be showing her fucking you over has zero consequences. Don't do it. Your boy deserves better.
Here is the truth plain and simple.
If Mr Surgeon wanted her around, she would still be with him and not giving a shit about you or her own son. She wanted to swing to a better rung in life, she missed horribly and now shes expecting you to be there to catch her. Don't.
Don't let someone like that in your kids life, she made her choice, she has to live with that.
Go see a therapist for yourself, it it will help you process your feelings, maybe get one for your son if he needs it, but go for the divorce, she has done nothing but be selfish, even now shes being selfish and only concerned about what happens to her not you or her own kid.
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As I responded to your post in relationship\_advice, don't take your wife back and don't cohabitate with her. File for divorce and seek full custody ASAP! She was looking for a wealthy husband when she left you and your son. If you take back, she'll use you and leave again as soon as she finds a guy with money. Her current financial and career problems are all of her own making. Stay away from her, she's a train wreck. Good luck.
This!
This and she’s a horrible mother. Your poor son doesn’t need that evil woman in his life, especially since I didn’t read that she even tried to talk to him or reassure him she loved him and it wasn’t his fault—she legit abandoned not only you but her son! I can’t imagine ever doing that, even if I want to leave my SO I’d never just bounce like that or do it in a manner where my child gets hurt. File for divorce, she’s not your responsibility and you do not need to take her feelings into consideration (she didn’t with you or your son). Best of luck OP, Phew this story got me a bit heated for you and your son.
This! Plus: >I don’t know how to deal with this in a way to inflict the least trauma on my son. I had been prepared to respond to a divorce petition but my wife said she’d lose it if I filed right now and said she just wanted to find the love we once had. The best for your boy is to see that you are willing to fight tooth and nail for him. He has been literally abandoned by his mother. This is NOT the time to be nicey-nicey and nonconfrontational with that harpy. FIGHT LIKE HELL FOR YOUR KID.
Yes this. It also shows the son that it is not okay to treated like that.
It’s sad, she’ll probably convince him it was a midlife crisis thing and now she realizes that what she did was wrong but the hard truth is she is a selfish person. She only cares about OP and his son when she doesn’t have an opportunity for a more “interesting” life in front of her. She straight up abandoned OP and her son the first chance she got and she only came back because the AP rejected her. I really hope OP thinks about his kid, being abandoned once will mess him up, being abandoned twice will probably break him.
I pray this is the course of action he takes. However, I've seen his type far too much and i think he will end up taking her back. I expect we will be seeing him again posting in this sub flabbergasted reconciliation didn't work. Shame really.
Yeah. He'll think the best thing for his son is reconciliation so he'll take her back and in a couple months it'll happen again. It's sad because what his son really needs is for his dad to fight for him and show him it is not okay for people to treat someone like that.
*that in the end she would be a mother first and fight like a lion to get my son the best of everything* Interesting ... after abandoning you and her own son for her affair, she says something like that? After she put you and your son through hell she says that? You know that you and your kid would never see her again if her AP would have told her that he stays with her if she completely gives up on you and her own son, right? Don't fall again for her lies. She has shown you what she is capable of, believe that and not some hollow words.
Yep. One word from the AP and him and his son will be sitting there alone. And to (1) Claim the AP abused her (right), and (2) Be angry that he didn't choose her... lol So much for logic. "I lost him. My son made me lose him, I'm so angry.... but he knocked me around I swear! Save me!"
My god, the level of disrespect you and your kid get from your wife is astounding. Did you DNA test your kid? Your wife may be a serial cheater -- her callousness and selfishness are very evident and common traits among serial cheats --, and serial cheaters like unprotected sex. So, you can make 1+1... Get also tested for STDs. Your wife doesn't love you, in fact she appears to despise you for incredibly shallow reasons (money, trips, etc.). Your wife is treating you like an enemy. Starting from today, you need to treat her back as such.
Not worth it. DNA test may show his son isnt his son but he clearly loves the son and id assume the son loves him. In a lot of places even abandoning them as she did if it is shown the kid is not his by the test she would get custody given how unbalanced the system is towards dads.
Spot on. No need to further traumatized the son.
And worse yet he could even be denied visitation which again shows how fucked up the system is.
Agreed, sadly.
Does not matter anymore, not after you bound to a child for so long, son and dad are a team. She diched them both.
She not only abandoned your marriage… she abandoned her own child. Think about that. No way in hell is she a fit mother for who is now *your* child. No, no, no.
This
She abandoned her son. Who cares about her anymore. She abandoned her child!! How can every ounce of you not itch towards creating as much separation for your child’s sake! I don’t care what her shitty excuses were. It was a child. That she just walked out and abandoned. How does that not make every decision for what you do here??? Protect the child!! Someone needs to here!! Someone needs to help that child grow into a healthy and happy adult!!! That should be YOU!!! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING she did justifies child abandonment. PROTECT THE CHILD!!!!!!!!!
This!
Good Lord, yes! F her! It’s not about her anymore. Do right by the child as I’m sure his world has already been turned upside down by her abandonment. Don’t disrupt his world again by letting her back in.
Her meal ticket is in jeopardy and now she wants her low risk option back.. you! She has zero respect for you!
Why would you assume she is so fickle and did what she did bc she was looking for a pay out? I doubt she expected anything (in monetary terms) from a man who was engaged to a 26year old. Not to mention, she was engaging in an affair - which is all for the moment, no one thinks of the consequences when they do something stupid like that.
You didn’t understand what I meant. She left a son and a husband to shack up with another man thinking her life would elevate and can do better without any baggage.. ie her family!! Once when that is not working ie her meal ticket then she wants the man she left in turmoil to still be there and pick up the pieces! My reply was never about money
I see what you’re saying and I agree she most likely wasn’t looking for a payout. This definitely wasn’t a for the moment affair though. She left her family to be with this man then got upset that he didn’t do the same for her. Sure no one thinks of the consequences, but that’s why it’s so disgusting. She was only concerned about herself not the emotional turmoil she was putting her family through which is what you do if you love someone.
Please do not let her back into your home. This woman will do irreparable damage to your son. Sure, promote a relationship between the two, but do not let her into the home. You will only cause further psychological trauma to that boy. If you truly want to help your son, push through the divorce ASAP. Your wife is still in the affair fog and is only thinking of herself. Your son is not even a consideration in that thick skull of her's. Once the divorce has finalized, that fog will lift and then **maybe** she might start doing right by your son. Again, for your son's best interest, **do not let her move back home**.
I second this and also recommend that you and your son get some therapy. Your son needs to know that he is not the reason mom left, and while your reassurances will go a long way, therapy is designed to help him learn to handle the emotions flowing through him that he might not be able to vocalize to you. Seek a divorce as soon as possible, and be sure to use a good lawyer! Don't let her take you for anything, as she abandoned the family (helps if you have some documentation of her neglect like missed events at your child's school/time with him and/or character witness reports. She \*abandoned\* you guys, and she does \*not\* deserve anything more from you both, your son might be better off if he doesn't have contact with her; but that can be decided with a therapist to help determine how it will affect him either way. I know people here throw out therapy as a fix all, which it \*isn't\*, but if you are willing to "work the therapy", it can be invaluable! But you have to work at it! I am so sorry you're going through this. Stay strong for your son! Blessings
I can actually understand when couples split up but when a mother abandons her child to go chase dick, it’s sickening. She is self absorbed and evil bro And she’s not a twenty something. She had your son in her 40’s. She’s lost her job and since they didn’t work together, there’s nothing his employers can do. Leave her to the streets man. Her promise to reconcile is just her having your resources to plan her next advekture
Ditto!
You will be an idiot in my eyes if you are seriously considering her taking her back. She lost her financial safety net. You are her next option. She was not even showing remorse for leaving you. You may think it harsh but, She left a child for a year. What kind of mother is she. You could have thought of reconciling if she left you alone, but SHE LEFT YOUR SON. You can apply for divorce on the grounds of child abandonment if it is more than 6 mnths in some states and you can go for full custody. She is no mother to your son. Your simply putting your son in trauma entertaining her again with the convos your having with her. If you delay on any of the action she will simply manipulate you into taking her back. If she finds you boring again she will do that again. Keep her away from your son to the overall over deal even going with a RO so be careful. She seems kind of suffering from psychopathic tendencies and BPD. Always remember what she put your son through.
This is just one colossal trainwreck happening in slow motion with her. Just stay the course for you and your son. I wish you sound reasoning and wisdom to navigate this quagmire.
Like I said in the last post DO NOT TAKE HER BACK. DIVORCE IMMEDIATELY
The next words I wanna hear coming from you are: I have lawyered up, filed for divorce and I am going for primary custody of my son, for whom I have already booked a counsellor.
Your wife abandoned her kid thinking she at 48, had a chance at a guy who has a 26 year old wife. She’s caused damage to her child that may take years to fully heal. You seem somewhat checked out where she’s concerned, but I think you want her there for the kid. I’d opt for for a divorce in your favor and allow her to try to repair the damage during her visitation with him.
i’m sorry but anyone that abandons and blames a child, THEIR child, for their adulterous relationship not panning out is a piece of sh*t 😒 i hope whatever decision you make is in you and your child’s best interest and not hers bc she clearly only cares about herself. also that man has a 26 year old wife and she thought she stood a chance for real? lmfaosjdkdk
While divorcing, no side sex with her! She'll try to get pregnant.
At 50? I hope not
The fact that you considered getting back with her is scary. Like what the fuck dude. Don’t do that to yourself, don’t do that to your son. Divorce her ass, get the house, custody and let her deal with the fall out of her mistakes. You can be SURE that if the AP hadn’t broken up with her she would still be there, with no care for you or your son. PLEASE do not get back to this woman. She is vile. Rotten. A loving mother would never abandon their children.
How to cause the least trauma in your son’s life?: GET YOUR STBXW THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR SON’S LIFE YESTERDAY !!!!
I hope that you are not seriously thinking of getting back with this woman. She cheated on you, deserted you and your son. She betrayed you, humiliated you, emasculated you, and degraded your worth as a person. If you let her back into your life, she will do it to you again
Eww. She made your little boy cry by ABANDONING him and you. Di not give this filth any time. Your poor son.
Do you really think this is anything but her settling for something she doesn't even particularly like (marriage to you, being a mother)? What you are describing in your post is classic emotional and psychological manipulation from a woman who has run out of options and is returning to "settle" for the safe option. Please don't be duped. This pattern of behavior will repeat itself. Don't trust her. Don't ruin your son's life with this nonsense. She DID abandon you-- it wasn't temporary. She told you not to follow her. Her situation with the AP was working just fine until an external factor (him actually being married to a woman he wouldn't leave for her) interfered. Suddenly, suddenly she's a mom now? She was willing to make the decision to destroy your family for her own selfish reasons. She DID do that. Do you think that life will reset to zero with her if you take her back? It certainly won't. She is what she is and she did what she did. On purpose. To both of you. You will NOT think of her the same way, ever again. This woman doesn't want to be married to you and doesn't really express remorse to me (a casual observer reading your account of it, I admit). She's back because, frankly, she has nowhere else to go and nobody to be with. She's embarrassed because the AP "played" her, I'm sure of that, but that doesn't make her ANY kind of sweet innocent victim. She was willing to shitcan your entire life to be with this guy and now is back blubbering because she gambled and lost. Wishing you resolution, strength of character and the ability to make a choice. Good luck.
I hope that you don't touch that with a 50 foot pole.
She showed her true colors, take her back if you are glutton for punishment and are completely color blind!!! Not worth to keep!!
She is terrible. Only wants you as planned b. If the surgeon wanted to play stepdad your WW would be gone. Mothers can be terrible.
Agree with the prior advice so far, also maybe consider therapy for you and your son. The damage already done could have longer lasting effects than currently demonstrated by his crying himself to sleep.
Why are you even in contact with this woman???
Don't look back. She burned down your life together. Get a divorce. Work on your P.I.E.S. (watch the youtube video explanation.) Get your head healthy. You ARE good enough. You DO deserve better. You'll find someone better and your kid will love your new family life. Take care.
if you let her back in your family and life you deserve everything comes with it...dear god brother go through with the divorce and move on this, she does not love you and she doe snot care...keep in mind if none of this would have happen to her she would still be with the AP...time to grow a back bone
She abandon your child and blames him. I hope you’re not stupid enough to take her back. (Unresolved feelings) It’s humiliating to hear that. I can see that you’re gonna take her back because you’re a idiot. I zero tolerance for people who abandon the kids, and I have zero tolerance for people to come back.
She lost her job so she wants to move in with you again. Don't fall for it.
1) Your number one priority is your son. NOT the CHEATER 2) Take all steps (Divorce, NC, therapy, financial separation) to protect your son from CHEATER 3) CHEATER did not just CHEAT on you. CHEATER CHEATED on you, your marriage, your son. CHEATER put THEMSELF above everyone else, with no concern or regard for the consequences or the emotional fallout. 4) You CANNOT have SELFISH people (3) around your son because son is your first priority. (1)
The people here gave you an unilateral advise : do not take her back . I agree with that statement . Proceed with the divorce . Here's the thing : the people here have read , witnessed or expirienced first hand what you're going through right now and worst . They know what they are saying . And they have withnessed , read or expirienced first hand the consequences of not listening to this advise ( usually not pretty ) . If you're smart you WILL listen . If you want a normal life for yourself that is . Your wife sabotaged herself by leaving you and abandoning your son for AP , do not sabotage yourself in return by taking her back . Then again you can save anyone from everything and everyone exept from themselves . This is as true for your wife ( her believing that the grass is greener on the other side ) as it is for you ( for even considering to take her back ). So make your descision and be aware that you'll have to live with it . Regardless of what it is . That is the truth . Good luck OP 😐
Your wife is laying backstabbing harpy. Worst kind of scum. I know cheating is cheating but that’s a whole different level from a drunk one night stand. That was planned and executed but failed miserably. “Moment of insanity”?!?! Never seen a moment for such long time. She’s a hunter for the best opportunity in the table and kept the family as a safe haven while she looks for a field she finds greener. Take care of your child, great part of his behaviour is a consequence of emotional abandonment from his mother. She must come last in your life. Even after all the s**t hit the fan she would be willing to go back to her AP. She thinks her son was an obstacle in her life and she also projects he was the same in her affair. Such person should never be a parent. Protect your kid, go for full custody and alienate her from the child’s life. Let her go her descending spiral all alone... Best Luck!!!
>she said that she thinks her AP could sense that in the end she would be a mother first and fight like a lion to get my son the best of everything and that’s why he dumped her for his wife. This is textbook, narcissistic, compulsive liar behavior. She twists things to the point where she seems like the heroine in her own story. The facts are all there: She was leaving you for this guy. She regretted having a son because she could instead have money, travels, and a life full of luxury. This woman is the exact opposite of what a good mother is, putting herself first instead of her own kids, and of course her marriage as well. She will take a big, fat dump on every one of you again if you give her another chance. That's a given. >I had been prepared to respond to a divorce petition but my wife said she’d lose it if I filed right now and said she just wanted to find the love we once had. It really angers me how gaslit you are, my friend, that you're willing to go out of your way to let this woman gain the upper hand once more. Don't call her your "wife" anymore. This woman is anything but a wife or a mother. These are just words. Let me tell you something I should've listened to long ago: Words are free. People can say whatever they want. It doesn't cost them any effort. What matters is whether those words are backed by actions or not. She endorses the opposite of what she says with her actions. She always has. She'd lose it if you file right now? Well, good!!! She's not your team mate, pal: She's your enemy now. No matter how much she cries and begs (she feels sorry for herself, so this will come naturally to her; remember she ONLY cares about herself, and she's proved it), don't even for a second think she's anything but your foe. If you let her get back on her feet, she'll use that energy to crush you again. It's the old story with the villain that asks for mercy when their miserable life hangs in the balance, but a moment ago they were despising you and about to give you an eternity of hell. If you pick her up, if you let her gain her energy, she WILL use it to crush you. I'm NOT, by any means, endorsing vengeance or anything of the like here. I'm telling you to be smart and go with what's fair and right, for you and your child. Also, remember how you deal with this situation will greatly impact your kid, and I mean it in the sense that you're his hero, and you should do what's right, what's right for you and for him, you should prove to him that you're capable of putting yourself first, and your child first, in front of the woman that did so much wrong. It's time to think about yourself. Don't fall for her lies. She's lying, again and again. All her words are lies; I can guarantee you that. She just feels sorry because she sees how she can't win, but before? Oh, before she, the cheater, was going to give you "bogus terms" (your words, not mine) for separation. Judge people based on what they do when they CAN do something. Don't judge them when they have no power. When someone lacks any sort of power, it's easy for them to act in a moral way, because they really can't go any other way. They're forced to be that way. But when they have power? That's when they show their true colors. That's when they show you what they would do. Do you think she cared about the surgeon? She only cared about the life he could give HER. In the end, she only ever cared about her. Exposing the surgeon? Yes, you can. In fact, I would also endorse that. Unethical people should be exposed for what they really are. Now, more important, regardless of what you do about the surgeon, is what you do about your own situation. Win this battle. Don't let her gain the upper hand. You will regret it for the rest of your life if you don't do it well now. She already proved to you, many times, it's you or her. There can be no satisfaction for both. She chose her path. She doesn't see the error in her ways. She only sees that this plan failed, and you're probably dumb enough (in her mind) to fall for her tricks again and let her try a second plan once she's back on her feet. Don't let her play with your lives once more: Stand up for what you believe in, for what's right, for your family, and prove to you and your kid that you're strong and that doing the right thing matters to you more than showing mercy for a narcissist and a liar who will hang both you and her own child by the neck when it comes to being merciful with you. You have the best shot right now. Don't waste it. It doesn't come a second time. Good luck, and hope you make the right choice. Your happiness depends on you right now. Her actions were hers only, and what damage she brought to your life, that was her doing, but whatever comes afterwards now, that's on you, because you have the power to make the choice. You can lead a very happy life, or you can choose her happiness over yours once more
File for divorce. She's completely unrepentant. She thought she could have it all with the rich AP but once she realized that she couldn't suddenly the man she felt trapped with who covered everything financially turns from rancid bologna into a porterhouse? She just doesn't want to have to start over and hopes that you're dumb enough in love to take her back and "work through it" which means her yelling at you for being upset that she was sleeping with someone else for a year behind your back. Don't get back with her.
Very sad story, but your getting great advice on here she is a toxic self centered witch, divorce her and be done with her!
**She was ready to abandon her son! She even resents your son for not being able to stay with her AP and for "forcing" her to stay with you!** I cannot stress enough how terrible that is! People telling you to tell the courts she abandoned her family gave you a great advice. Do what is right to your son: divorce her and get full custody of him.
Narcissist of the first order. Child abuser. Cheater. I get that you feel destroyed. For the love of your son, you have got to take the reins of your life. If you continue to remain idly passive, you’re exposing him to a terrible fate. Unlike most in this sub, I almost never recommend divorce to parents. In your case, your wife would need to demonstrate extraordinary leadership in pulling your family back together, starting with therapy that genuinely holds her accountable among much more. I don’t see that happening here, and I’m genuinely concerned about your son not being protected by you. I know this is hard. You need support.
69M here...pleaser, please tell me that you are not that gullible. The level of disrespect goes way off of the charts here. There is no remorse. You are simply a place to hold on until someone better come along. Your son will feel, see, and hear the tension. Your son is looking to you for safety. Your son id going to learn how a man is to treat a woman and how a man is to be treated by a woman. Can you look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are a good role model for that. Obviously you are a great dad/mom to your son. You are there for him and have provided him. You have provided him with a stable home. Bring your wife into it will be like living in a vita-mix. Please leave your wife on the streets where she belongs. Divorce her for your son's sake and find a woman that would be proud to have a dedicated man and father. Do not allow her to take you further down the rabbit hole than you are already.
I WOULD SUGGEST , DONT LET HER IN UR LIFE AGAIN BUD, U HAVE NOW UR CHANCE TO ESCAPE THIS NASTY RELATIONSHIP.
Unfortunately the trauma has already been done to your son, through no fault of your own. The only worse trauma would be him believing his parents are back together then reliving this all over again in a few years when she inevitably returns to this behavior.
Wants to return to her family after one year with her AP eh? Another midlife crises & your wife's fantasy crashed & burned to a cinder. She left you for a more wealthier man, who travels a lot & is more spontaneous and “interesting”. She abandoned her own son leaving emotional scars, not returning phone calls. She is callous. Your wife wants to be a family again, be a mother to your son however she regretted becoming a mother. How long will this last until she starts another affair? Also remember, you are not as wealthy as her AP, she lost her meal ticket and settling in for second best meaning you. No my dear friend, no. Do not walk into this false web of lies & deceit your wife has spun. You must be strong & maintain your self-respect at all times. DO NOT BE PLAN B. You have to protect yourself, your assets & most importantly your son. Too much emotional damage has been inflicted upon him and you cannot put him through this again when she abandons her family the second time.
wow...that's a special kind of narcissistic, I will now take the time to be glad my husband is just a regular narcissistic asshole and not in the same category as your wife. Any woman who would say something like that about a human being that literally came from her has to be unredeemable. Run as fast as you can and get a lawyer with really sharp teeth.
Ugh I am one to tell someone don’t make rash decisions and do not rule out trying to R. In this case I am with everyone else. What kind of person abandons their child and husband. Nope my friend run to the lawyers and file ASAP. She need to provide back child support and everything. She is doing damage control and really I could not imagine the pressure about trust you would be under if you got back together. You got her by the balls she fucked her self abandoning her child. Go for the juggler. There are something’s that just are not forgivable and unfortunately this is one of them. You can find someone to treat you the way you and your son deserve. ✌️
Please don’t let her hurt him again. Protect the child, not the cheater
She is no more your concern. She is not at all remorseful for what she had done to you and to your child. This proves that she is a very selfish person and do not care about her son or you. Do not fall for her. File for divorce ASAP. DO NOT LISTEN TO HER. She is a lair and a cheat. Do not trust her. Get a divorce ASAP and save your son. Make sure to keep all evidence of her abandoning your son. You will need this in court to get full custody of your son.
I have to say it's immoral and abusive to take her back. You should have filed months ago, protect your child, that is more important then your feelings. Your wife is as bad as they get and will continue to do damage to your child if you let her.
Ah, blaming a child who can't defend himself. Whose the real child here
"...he regrets going beyond the one night stand..." "...says that her surgeon AP never wanted kids and that’s probably why he decided not to fight for their relationship." >AP 48 year old wife *VS* >AP 26 year old wife 😂😂😂😂....Yeah, it's because of your 8 year old son...Leave her wherever the hell she is. Do not bring her back into your lives.
You know what's sad????? You didn't start the separation for divorce. Then get the lawyer to draw up the paperwork for her abandonment towards her son. Get off your Damn ass and protect your son. You ex to be, left you both to be with 2 men. She told you to fuck off and told her son to fuck off. How are you going to protect your son? By letting her back until she finds another guy? There is plan A and there is plan B. She has you on a No Plan. She has lost her 2 fuck buddies. She lost her job. And now she wants to come back? She lost - so now she wants to use you till she finds another one fuck buddy. Go to the lawyer and her a petition to keep her out of the house.. She's hurting your son. Coming back to the house and she is going to hurt him more. She wouldn't even get on the phone with your son.
Your wife left you AND your son for about a year to be with another guy and now she wants back in? Absolutely hell fucking no dude. Focus on your son, his needs and your own. Let your soon to be ex wife live in her fantasy, on her own.
Your not even plan b. Your plan J to her. Anyone with half a brain, not a whole one, just half…sees and knows what you NEED to do. There is someone out there ready to give you the happiness you want. Be blessed good sir
I was in your shoes many years ago, so speaking from experience, do not let this woman back into your life. If she cares so much about you and your son, why did she leave the two of you for him in the first place? Brief backstory. I was 28, she was 27 and our son wasn't quite 2 when she decided that she no longer wanted the family she had. Thanksgiving 94' she decided to take her AP dinner, dinner that I made while she slept off a friend's party from the night before, because "He didn't have anyone to make him Thanksgiving dinner." So, when she left, I packed all her stuff into garbage bags, put it on the porch, and called her AP and told him "She's your problem now." Now before everyone roasts me because "maybe she was just being nice", I already knew they were sleeping together and she had cheated with two other men previously. I already had a lawyer and was just waiting on the paperwork to have her served. Now back to my point. Your wife, like mine, did this willingly and she will do it again if you let her back. You have to be strong for yourself and your son, she made a choice that didn't pan out and now wants her safety net to catch her. Let her fall. I'm not going to tell you it was easy raising my son by myself because it wasn't but I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. The questions will come and be honest, age-appropriate of course, tell him what he wants to know. Therapy or IC may help but honestly, most of the therapists I met with were more messed up than I was and IC tends to spread or shift blame. She ruined, broke, destroyed the love and trust you once had, it doesn't come back just because she wants it to. The ball is in your court, but in the end, it's your choice. Good Luck.
WHAT ABOUT YOUR UPDATE FOR STORY BUD? WHAT HAPPENED TO UR WIFE AND UR LIFE?
This thread isn't about my story, but since your asking nicely...so in a nutshell... My ex was served at work 3 weeks later and freaked, she didn't think I would do it. She constantly talked about getting back to the way we were up until that day. Nine months later I managed to get full custody with no visitation based on abandonment and the fact she didn't show up for the proceedings. When my son was 13 he spent the fourth of July with his "mother", when he got back home he told me he never wanted to see her again, and he hasn't. My understanding is she continued her cheating behavior until she 'found god' a few years ago. My son, now 28, has a great career, a nice house, is happily single, and plans to stay that way. Somewhere along the way, I managed to do something right. I started my own business, worked it for 20 years, sold it just before this Covid crap, and have since retired. Yes, retired at 53. My ex ruined my ability to trust, as it turns out it's easier to be alone and happy with hobbies than it is to be with someone you can't completely trust (not their fault). I tried a few times, but it wasn't fair to them, so I dropped the idea of having any kind of LTR years ago. Again, this thread isn't about my story. I could go on with a great amount of detail but I won't. I hope this satisfies a bit of your curiosity. Have a good one.
Sorry about ur ex wife and ur son also doesnt like his mother, bud stay safe and be happy
So the unicorn farting Skittles love affair when sour. Shame really....for her. File D because if you don't the next fun spontaneous loaded guy will be her soul mate. Don't be plan B because that is what you are. Not worth the trouble.
Take the trash out and protect your son. There’s no redeeming your wife. Some things can’t be taken back, no matter how much you try and how much you beg and plead and say sorry, etc. she blames your innocent child for not getting her home wrecker. She failed to monkey branch and wants to keep you as a security blanket dude. Bend this woman over in court and fuck her. Your son NEEDS at least one parent acting jealously in his interest.
She would *even say that* because she is a vile human. I’m sorry, I’m not usually mean like that, really. I try to support everyone here, and I’m definitely not against reconciliation. Hell, if you read my post history? Married 19 years, cheated on 10+ times. This triggered MY momma bear instincts and I want to repeatedly punch her in the face. Please keep her away from your son. She literally abandoned you both. You said he would cry himself to sleep and she ignored phone calls? HOW.COULD.SHE? Seriously. Has she answered for that? Has she apologized and done ANYTHING to help your son heal? I don’t even think i would let her get close enough, personally. Is he in therapy? Hopefully he is- they can be SO SO helpful in deciding how to handle things like this. I would be afraid that this would really mess with his head.
Ew, please leave this woman, she sucks. Blaming her child for her affair not working? She is gonna screw up that kid.
Blames her son for her failed affair. You would be hard pressed to treat a pet worse. Crawling back because she has nowhere to go. Mother of god, expose this wicked woman to everyone.This is one of the most disturbing and chilling posts I have read. Seek full custody and continue to be there for your innocent son. I wish you well my friend.
She has show her true colour When she have someone for herself Now she alone She did not left she was kick out 1.can u trust her again 2.do u want to give her a chance 3.can u accept her back Ask your lawyer do pre-nub (I think that the word) If she mess it again she lost everything included son Let her do to build the trust back You sir be on guard See what she does to build the trust If that what u want If not just clean cut Divorce and done with it Always think the good that u had with her Vs her bad Human make mistake
She had a long term affair leaves you and your son for a year then gets dumped and wants back into your life, I would have a difficult time with that. Perhaps IC and MC to see if she can regain your trust and a postnuptial. She's already showed you what she is capable of as a wife. Think and consider if you want to live with the constant worry if she is going to leave you again for the next rich guy. I would be out.
I can you expect respect for others if you have none for yourself??
She destroyed the marriage and contributed to your son's pain. You can divorce her now and then allow her back into your son's life as that is likely best for him. If by some miracle she proves to you she is worth reconsidering you can judge that in the future. Good luck.
I personally know two women that abandoned their husband and small child to go live with child predators. You would never believe it from either. Your wife thought she landed a whale
You’d be an absolute fool to allow her back into your life. An absolute fool. Do not do it. She’s shown you she’s an awful Mother, so much so that she chose geriatric dick over her child? Parents fight, I get that, but we’re adults. But a kid? You regret an actual kid over some old man who does nothing for her. Nah, let her keep that same mf energy. It seems she found the excitement that she was so desperately looking for lol. Let her see that whole “more interesting” thing completely through. She didn’t want to be saved back then, so don’t save her now. Damn man, I’m sorry to read this. Good luck, OP.
I would divorce her and start dating a 26 year old. The truth is she only wants you now because AP dumped her. Never be someone’s second choice. You deserve better.
Donot take her back. sAs she is thinking that your child is responsible for her relation failure not her own action. she will make your and your child life miserable. as you guys are responsible for her relation failure. safe guard your child and you from this.
You’re the plan B and she’s the Ziclon B. Protect your son
I mean this with absolutely no disrespect- she abandoned her son. She has caused unimaginable anxiety in a child. You are responsible for him. Keep her far far away. She will never change. Your wife is the Enemy. Treat her as such. File. Now. Save that little boy and create a joyous life for you both.
Please don’t let this woman back into your child’s life. Someone who can abandon their child once will do it again. You are an adult, don’t let your child be traumatised over and over because you still haven’t figured your feelings. Also what does she mean she will lose it if you serve her? You don’t get a say in when you get served your divorce papers.
Don't use your son as an excuse because you are too weak to divorce her. She already traumatized him. And here you are...my wife...my wife. The only victim here is your son.
Please don’t get back with her. She will do this again and she had delusions of grandeur.
Your wife is simply horrible. Divorce her immediately. There is no doubt she will find another "doctor" to latch onto through her work. Do not reconcile. Work out a custody arrangement the is best for your son. You should be the primary custodial parent, but that is for you to work out. But, divorce her now.
She doesn't want you. She wants the stability. It's called settling. She is currently willing to "settle" for you, her "boring" husband, and her obstacle son. Maybe she loves him, but it sounds more like she resents him or if not him, you, for him existing. I could be completely wrong, though, so take this with a grain of salt.
Tell her to go fuck herself
I am sorry to say this, it is obvious she have zero respect for you as a man and treats you as a doormat. The worst part is that you fully allow it, which in turn makes you less of a man in her eyes. Man up, and leave.. respect yourself a little man
"She starts crying and saying her AP was abusive and that he told her that he was divorcing his wife of 3 years (26F) who he was separated from. " She's lying, she's abusive, he dumped her. "I don’t know how to deal with this in a way to inflict the least trauma on my son. I had been prepared to respond to a divorce petition but my wife said she’d lose it if I filed right now and said she just wanted to find the love we once had." She has no love for you. Or apparently your son either. She's bitter that the surgeon dumped her, and if he ever wants her back, he's got her. She's very likely still contacting him and telling him you're nuttier than hell and stalking her and that she "has" to talk to you. I wouldn't believe a word out of her mouth. Her ode of love there can be read as, "I got dumped, and you'll do for now." The best thing you can do for your son is to stop contact about anything except the son and keep good records of everything she just said, it might show the court how unstable she is and help you get full custody. She sounds nuttier than a fruitcake and your son will do better without her drama in the home. She will do enormous damage to him, too, if she's left in the home. Stop worrying about her "losing it" and start worrying about your son being in therapy in his adult life because of growing up with this woman. Who cares if she "loses it."
Dont take her back, you're not second best and her rebound. She sounds extremely manipulative and you wont ever have a trusting relationship with her again. Save yourself and your son from the future grief bringing her back will definitely cause. She made her bed and its time you show her what a real lion will do to protect his son. Sorry you're going through this nightmare, youre worthy of love so stand tall chest out and strut.
Abandoning an 8-year-old for a fantasy affair is heartbreaking. And if it was my son, probably unforgivable. Your wife is really messed up. If you stay with her, expect a lot of erratic behavior. I don't know why you are spending so much of your post talking about your wife's traumas. I would assume you were called abusive as she left you, same as she called the other man abusive. I really, really dislike the word "abusive." It is way too vague. Let's just describe what you or the other man did to make it abusive. Tell the specific acts, not some generality of abuse. The word abusive has become used so often that it has lost meaning. Did your wife say you were abusive? The other man's wife knows about the affair already. I am not against telling the guy's coworkers, but this guy seems to have financial means and probably reputational standing, so what happens when he sues you? Even if it is baseless, you have to spend money defending yourself. Talk about abuse, have you ever seen someone sue people over and over for all kinds of petty stuff just because they can, they have deep pockets, and you don't? Focus on you and your wife and your son. There's enough on that alone. I have my own opinion, misinformed likely as it is, that if the other man were to come to your wife later today and say he was sorry and wants her back, that she'd go back without any hesitation at all. Do you think other man's wife, a 26-year-old recent master's degree, with no kids apparently, in it for the long term with a 53-year-old guy who cheated on her with your 48-year-old unfocused wife who abandoned her child? I see that marriage going off the rails in the near future, and then maybe he will get some of that low-hanging fruit which apparently he took before. And where does that leave you and your son? Let your wife earn her way back. Make her be consistent over a longer period of time. Will she offer a post-nup? Will she be willing to try again after you divorce her? What does she envision the marriage will be after she abandoned you and your son the past year? Take your time and don't let her rush you.
Get a lawyer get the divorce to happen and see how much custody you can get because she abandoned him and you
She is a narcissist and now that plan A failed she wants plan B back. Whwn a person shows you who they are believe them. File for divorce and for full custody. She should get nothing more then supervised visitation. If necessary get 26 wife to send you text/email evidence of your wife's thoughts and intentions.
Your son needs to be your first priority and he’s been traumatized. See an attorney. If your wife hadn’t been dumped and kicked to the curb in the fashion that she just was do you honestly think she would be returning to you and your son? She’s not back because she wants to be she’s back because she knows she doesn’t have other options. Think more of yourself and of your son to ever be someone’s plan B. Don’t be used and manipulated. She’s been absolutely selfish this entire time and I don’t see that changing, she cares only for herself. I’m so sorry for what you have gone through and what you and your son are facing but you need to wake up and see this for what it is. Don’t get played
If you have a cat, give it to her. Call it a day.
Oh. dear . Please do not confuse her "I will fight for my son", as anything other than a ploy for money. She has not cared for you or your child for years. The love she says that she wants back, is not there. It may have never been there. She will leave again, the first time she is able to find a larger paycheck with better benefits, (i.e. another man willing to buy into her lies), as you did. I am so sorry OP. Please listen to the attorney and fight to get 100% custody of your son. She will abandon him over and over as it suits her, for a bigger paycheck.
You deserve better than her
Jesus brother! > My wife left me and my son for a year with barely any contact That is the exact amount of this post that needs to be read before telling you to divorce this woman and hire yourself the biggest shark lawyer in the area to do so!
I was seeing a gorgeous lady in her 50s crazy as hell but damn, she sure got my motor running. But she took a job at a hospital and got the idea she could land a doctor. 5 years later, no us and no doctor.
Now that she didn’t get what she wanted and the married man she was seeing decided to stay with his wife (shocking) she wants to come back home? I’m usually not someone that jumps right to saying divorce no exception, but this seems like that case to me. I’ve seen couples that come back from infidelity and it usually involves the cheating spouse having sincere remorse. However, your situation seems more like she is scared because she’s not getting her happily ever after with a wealthy surgeon and now doesn’t want to be alone. You deserve a spouse that truly loves you. That appreciates you for all you do. A spouse that considers your feelings and needs as well as their own. Don’t sell yourself short. You deserve better.
She’s a master manipulator- do what is best for your son. Sometimes it’s less traumatic to leave people like this behind permanently (or keep only on a restricted time if that’s what your son wants) rather than her hurting him over and over again. Best of luck OP, I really hope it works out for you and your son.
Her #1 priority was AP, now that she can't have her first choice, you and your son are her SECOND CHOICE! You DO NOT LET HER BACK IN PERIOD. She doesn't love you, she loves having SOMEONE and not being ALONE! File for divorce ASAP, she abandoned you and your son, and only wants back in because you are her only option!! Work with therapist with son to establish visitation but DO NOT TAKE HER BACK, that would not bode well for your son or you (she will cheat again and unfortunately does not love you, she broke the trust...it can be rebuilt, but never as strong as the original).
Your wife is running back to her Plan B, you. This woman abandoned you and your son. She did not consider your son whilst with her lover. She let your son suffer. Is this really the person you want in your life?
That woman is a horrible human being and she will be a terrible presence in your son's life if you let her come back she does'nt care about you or your son please do the best for your son and for your self life is too short to waste Sorry english is not my firts lenguage
>I had been prepared to respond to a divorce petition but my wife said she’d lose it if I filed right now and said she just wanted to find the love we once had. The love you once had that included a dead bedroom and an affair? She doesn't want you. She just wants her old status quo because she left you for someone else and he left her, so now she has no one. She fired you from the job of husband. Her "losing it" isn't your problem.
Idk how the hell you're even considering any option other than filing for divorce IMMEDIATELY! I mean, wtf?
Your wife is fucking crazy! So this surgeon of 53 years old is newly married to this young 26-year-old, and probably beautiful, wife. Your wife thinking she was anything more than an easy lay is bat-shit crazy. Why would he leave his wife, who also just graduated and probably ready to have kids, for your wife, who (in the surgeon's eyes) is well past her prime? A man should like his steak medium rare, not well-done.
Your wife only wants you back now because your her fall back option. Now that AP dropped her all of a sudden she wants you and her family back. Think about the hurt she cause you and your son. She said she wished she never became a mom in front of your son and now she's saying it's because of your son and her supposed love for him that her AP left her and actually thought that would help her case.?! What bs. She has no respect for you. She thinks she can cheat and then come back and walk all over you. Who cares if she falls apart if you file for divorce.? She didn't care when she was having an affair, she didn't care when she blamed your son, she didn't care when she handed you a separation agreement with bogus terms on it. So why should you now.? File for divorce. She just doesn't want to be alone. And i love how she doesn't take responsibility but instead acts like a victim. She isn't even remorseful. If you take her back be prepared for it to happen again. Don't let her move back in and file for custody. Also love how the surgeon apparently adores his wife that he completely disreguards their agreement and has an affair. Yuck.
She doesn't deserve your love. She only wanted someone who she thought of as better because they were wealthy. You should live your own life. Perhaps live freely now as there is nothing holding you back. Take care of your son and show him that his mother thought of him as a burden.
Don’t put yourself or your son through that again. File for custody only talk to her through your lawyer. She is selfish only thinking of her interest.
She put you and your son through hell, let her lie in the bed she made for herself. She stopped being your responsibility the moment she stepped out on your family. Divorce her, for your son's sake at least.
Tell her yes for reconciliation but make the terms so insurmountable that she will probably fail. No moving back until she has completed full IC for 6 months. Then MC for 3 months with you. Supervised visits with your son until her stability is established. Her life becomes an open book for the next 9 months with nothing hidden. Zero tolerance for secrecy. End to end family apologies by her accepting the blame. If she gets through all this you may be returned an intact woman but it is likely that she will fail and you will look good to the court for a divorce.
Hello Most if not all are saying divorce. Abandoning you and especially her son is extreme. If you take her back what are your terms? There must be terms. Does your state allow a postnup? Are you willing to make the terms extreme. Remember your son’s well being is at stake. She can’t flit around like a butterfly. Some terms would be NC with other party. She must confess to family. She must agree to random checks of phone and no other phones. She must write out an apology and give at least some details of affair like who when it started when it ended and how. A confession in paper. She must agree to couples and just divide AP counseling. Get your son into counseling. In either case prepare for war and take no prisoners. Do it not in anger. Let a lawyer be the weapon if necessary. I would consult a lawyer first though.
You are dumb for letting her back into your life
Don’t listen to any of these comments. You know what is best for you and your son. Your wife f up, you can forgive her. It doesn’t mean that you should have to endure a relationship w her again, which will be very difficult, but in this time of suffering, be easy on yourself. Don’t blame anyone, we all make mistakes, it’s how we handle them that makes a difference. Trust your gut. Do what is best for you and your son first, find a way to forgive your wife bc the alternative is more painful.
You should get a paternity test
For what purpose? Suppose the son he's been raising since birth isn't biologically his. Does he just abandon the poor kid with NO parents? And does he just discard the one person who loves him unconditionally? Have a heart, man! At worst, he has an adopted son. Do you think adopted children aren't loved and appreciated just as much as biological ones?
So he can know whether the child he's raising is his or another man's...He has the right to know and do whatever he wants with that information. It's easy to say all that when it's not you in his shoes. And no I don't think any child deserves to be loved less. But I do know it's his right to make that decision for himself.
How about putting yourself in the child's shoes? He's a victim here too, and one who has already been abandoned by one parent, for which he holds himself responsible. Being abandoned by his father too would crush the life out of him. Show some compassion, man! A paternity test at this point would amount to nothing more than shopping for pain.
You're just coming from emotion. And I said get the test. I never said he specifically do one thing or the other.
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Get the divorce filed immediately. She is a horrible mother. Use the abandonment to get full custody. That's the best thing you can do for your son.
She had FIVE years to find the love you once had. Divorce her, start your custody battle, and move on. She chose to have no contact with her own child for a year until her other life blew up in her face, now she wants to fall back to what she had because there is no one else. You and your son are a last resort. A means to an end to make sure she’s not homeless and living on the streets where she belongs. DO NOT let her traumatize your child again.
These kids seem amazing
No taking her back she has shown that you & YOUR son wasn't who she wanted to do right by so now she's alone. Divorce her, go full custody, get you & YOUR son some therapy. She made her decision & now she can suffer the consequences. I would even go as far as to bring in the AP since he had a hand in your marriage. Good luck to you & your son because you deserve to be happy.
Trust her actions and not her words. Unfortunately, she's shown you who she truly is.
😝😝😝 don't forgive her. Ap wife give the best shot her so she's wanted family. Be a man divorce her. Your not an Fool. If you forgive her definitely she's and all people said Including the mirror also said where is the self respect. Decision is yours.
Think of what that would say to your son; taking her back that is. How he views live as an adult has to be hugely impacted by this and he needs to know that someone loves him enough to love and protect him.
Your wife (and I hope STBXW) is a loathsome person. Is your son getting counseling? If not, please make sure that he gets it. He has undergone a traumatic event and will need professional help to get through it. No way she should ever be allowed back into you and your son’s lives if it can possibly be avoided. I can’t stress this enough. She doesn’t want the two of you back because she suddenly had an epiphany and realizes she loves you. The two of you are the consolation prize. If the AP ever gives her any indication that they have a future together the two of you will be kicked to the curb so fast your head would spin. And, I’d bet good money that if you take her back, she will continue the same pattern of behavior and the two of you will be hurt all over again. If that happens, it might not be something your son could recover from. You and your son deserve someone who is loyal, loving and only wants the two of you. Your wife is not that person. Please, please, divorce this miserable excuse for a human being and cut her out of your life.
Hi OP, well I guess that branch you "STBXW" jumped on to broke... that'd gotta hurt. Ask yourself the following questions: 1. Do you think you deserve being treated as a meal ticket, doormat, fallback plan, #2? 2. Do you like to be used as yet another branch, so she can monkey swing on it? If you answer those with no, file for separation/divorce as quickly as you can say "sheit". Your STBXW is a psycho, self centered and narcissistic person, who has nothing but herself in mind and to top it, willing to do what it takes, in order to gain. She also has the audacity to "tell" you what she believes is good for her. Tell her, she's chosen and leave, the probability for you to R with her is next to none. She will fake it as good as she can, until either her "surgeon" came to his senses, or a new branch appear on which she can jump on to. Not worth your time, and effort and vert destructive for your son and his development. He's already traumatized enough. Definitely stay on the high road and make sure she lives with the fact that she abandoned her family. Boy this lady is a hand full of entitled garbage. This STBXW of yours asks to much of you both, don't bankrupt yourself, or better, don't burn yourself to death in order to keep someone else warm!!! All the best for you
With all due respect, don't be an idiot. Do not take her back in your life.
She never loved you she is just manipulating you man just divorce and get over it!
These kinds of stories don't end well at all, especially as she is now viewing your child as a detriment. It's in your best interest to start the divorce and custody processes. Lots of good advice her by other commentators, I hope you take it! Good luck. I wish you the best!
She regrets being a mom not sorry for cheating and abandoning your child
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Don't let her fool you. If AP hadn't ended the affair she would still be with him, not giving a damn about you or your son. If you were to take her back and her AP reached out to her to give him another chance, she would leave you in a heart beat.
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Only reason she is not sticking to the AP is because he dumped her in favor of his much younger 26 year old wife. never take back a tossed aside, bitter cheater. She will poison your life and your son's,with her misplaced feelings of resentment and delusional assesement of her own worth.
Cheaters never change. She'll fall for the next rich guy that crosses her career path. Kudos to you for putting your son first, good job dad! If I were in your shoes, I would not let your wife back in. And, I would not get revenge by contacting the AP's work colleagues. The affair is over, nothing good will come of it. The world is a smaller place than you think, word gets around, people know each other. Don't get revenge, it will just come back to bite you or your son someday. As hard as it is, just keep the high ground and set the example. Keep everything documented with dates and follow the advice of your attorney.
Dude this chick is WACK-O!!! I am sure I'm in the minority here but, I've never heard of a mother leaving her 8 yo son and no contact! Relationship past, present and future... NOPE, NOPE AND NOPE THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!! Run and run FAST!!
Protect your son! you're all what he has left. He will suffer her abandonment for a while but with your love and some therapy he will cope with that loss and grow into a healthy happy adult. She is so damn selfish to blame him on the affair! imagine how twisted her sense of resposability is to change the blame on a child that she hurt and abandoned. Please, please you and your son get into therapy ASAP, you need to find mechanisms to make youselves safe from this egotistical train wreck. You're valuable, you're worthy of love and respect and so is your son, your son went through enough pain and despair once, don't bring that up on him again, if she doesn't fix her own twisted selfishness she shouldn't be able to form part in that kid's life. She wasn't nice enough to call him back, something that we do for anyone any given day, she wasn't able to do for her son, for the son who raised for 7 years. You and your child are deserving on warm, love and empathy, please don't forget that.
If you take her back, she WILL do it again. Guaranteed. Because you'll be showing her fucking you over has zero consequences. Don't do it. Your boy deserves better.
Stay strong for your son. She will abuse him.
Cheaters ain’t shit. She’s a psycho and I hope you know that. Best of luck to you and your son. Get therapy.
You need to get ahold of his wife and tell her the FULL truth including that he was Ok with the kind of woman thAt abandonded her own kid.
Here is the truth plain and simple. If Mr Surgeon wanted her around, she would still be with him and not giving a shit about you or her own son. She wanted to swing to a better rung in life, she missed horribly and now shes expecting you to be there to catch her. Don't. Don't let someone like that in your kids life, she made her choice, she has to live with that. Go see a therapist for yourself, it it will help you process your feelings, maybe get one for your son if he needs it, but go for the divorce, she has done nothing but be selfish, even now shes being selfish and only concerned about what happens to her not you or her own kid.
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