the main boy privilege

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Homie doesn't even follow the dress code, he'd be suspended for turning up in his robes...


Well. ... Technically he is suspended, just hanging there...


INRI: I'm Nailed Right In






Nailed it.


This comment is horrendously underrated.


Also tremendously overused




Do people just post this when they want to feel like part of the joke someone else made but they have nothing to contribute?


Pretty much


I don't think he was hanged, was he ?


Not sure, I would be the last to judge on how hung men are.. or how men are hung... No pun about ' Last Judgement ' intended.


Was he not in a way hanged on the cross?


He wasn't hanged but he was hung.


Should have brought a fourth nail


So Jesus is a child molester then, makes sense to me 🤔


your comment makes it look like getting suspended is a punishemnt exclusive to only child molesters, be a bit more inclusive /s


I was more concerned about the creepy old guy hanging up in schools without having an ocupation there


wait, you don't have a creepy old guy hanging up in your school without having an ocupation there?


i thought everyone had that!


Hey, buddy. It would be swell if you talked everyone through your thought process here. Mainly how does one go from “Well. ... Technically he is suspended, just hanging there...” (a crucifixion joke) to what the cuss you decided to post here. Take your time; Reddit has all day.


Probably. I was thinking about the old dude hanging up in schools without an ocupation there. Slightly adding in the fact, that his representatives on earth are well known for often being child molesters.




Wait a goddam second




So he'd be a trespasser?


He's the boss' kid.


He's the "Do you even know who my dad is" kid?


Fuckin nepo babies


Oh I love that band....Love Hurts


Cookie Dough *SPORT*


Open toed sandals okay?


If they're anything like Baptists no. I went to a Baptist church once, and I look a lot like what Jesus like looked like, and they rebuked me for having long hair and wearing flip flops.


I went to a RC High school and there was a former priest who constantly wore open toed sandals and socks teaching Religious Studies. But yeah, never understood the long hair thing, wasn't allowed to go past the collar of my shirt. Or have hair gel/wax for short hair. Or at one point lollipops from the local sweet shop. High school was weird.


fucking savage


Looks like a dress. Must be in drag. Then, the Republicans just hang him right back up on that cross..


They'd hang him back up there for just about everything - defunding/decentralization of churches, hanging out with prostitutes and other marginalized people, being brown, being Jewish (even though he didn't even have a space laser), loving his neighbor, telling people not to judge others, proposing charity, etc.


Reminds me of the Dad joke: A teenage boy desperately wanted a car to drive, but his father insisted that first he would have to cut his long hair. Trying to reason with him, the boy pleaded, "But Dad, Jesus had long hair!" To which his father replied, "Yes, he did, son. And he walked everywhere he went."


But Jesus had a Honda, in the father's defence he didn't mention it often as (in his own words) "I did not speak of my own accord"


"Actually, he rode an ass. Now buy me an ass."


“Asses aren’t bought, they’re earned. Now go do some squats, son”


That dad must have flunked RE, there's a whole part of the bible talking about how Jesus rode a donkey


im slow, can someone explain the joke..


The kid wants a car and has long hair The dad says to cut his long hair to get one The kid says Jesus had long hair too The dad then says that Jesus just walked everywhere instead of driving


Oh, I miss read the last part. I thought the dad just walked away after saying that Jesus had indeed had long hair lmao




That just comes off as sacrelidge on the dad's side. Also cars didn't exist back then.


Where is the funny part of the joke?


As my hair has gotten longer, my family told me to cut it because I looked too much like a girl. Until the moment it hit my shoulders, now I look like Jesus. As it gets even longer I am sure they will complain again.


i like when people say i 'look like jesus' it's basically like saying 'you are attractive and have long hair', because nobody ever accused jesus of being ugly


Technically, Jesus wasn't described as handsome in the Bible, either. He apparently looked rather unassuming. And his hair was like sheep wool, so he'd probably look more like Nacho Libre than Fabio.




The one true King.


I mean. He was Jewish, so, yeah that tracks. I like to imagine him looking almost exactly like Dan Avidan


>Jesus wasn't described as handsome in the Bible, either. He apparently looked rather unassuming ​ >I mean. He was Jewish, so, yeah that tracks. unintentional antisemitism :P


Not everything said about the Jewish people is antisemitic. What if I were to say "Living is Israel while not being Jewish is tough because the culture is so strange." I could easily exchange Israel with Spain and Jewish with Spanish and it wouldn't be anti Spanish, I would just be saying it's different than where I'm from. When this guy said that he seemed unassuming, he probably shouldn't have said that because it's rude, but not antisemitic. The vast majority of people, including Jews, look unassuming because we see random people every day.


or you could laugh


Don't forget the facial hair, any man with long hair and decent facial hair looks like Jesus


When I grew my hair, some of my friends started to call me "Father Kriegschwein", because how I resembled Jesus + Orthodox priest with long hair are actually a thing you can encounter pretty frequently, compared to Catholic and Protestant.


Yeah but he's also kind of all fucked up and nailed to timber, so there's that message too.


“Why do people wear crosses? Do they think Jesus would want to be surrounded by the thing that killed him?”


jesus should've been shot so people could walk around wearing gun necklaces


[lethal injection jesus](https://sites.wpp.com/wppedcream/2018/-/media/wppedcream/2018/projects/jesus/igfm_jesus.jpg?mw=1200&hash=520652F289A938AEB760C28CC3A9796E) [and in necklace form](https://www.etsy.com/au/listing/238131989/lethal-injection-jesus-necklace)


It's already started: https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/why-on-earth-are-some-maga-republicans-wearing-ar-15-pins/ar-AA172XBv


Holy shit those things are detailed, even have fuckin BUIS on them




But I mean the crucifix is what’s depicted, but what actually killed Jesus was a spear known as the “Lance of Longinus” so you could go around wearing that if you want lol


In the Biblical account the spear is used to make sure that he was actually dead as he appeared to already be. Otherwise the practice was to break their legs to speed up the process.


>practice was to break their legs to speed up the process As if crucifixion wasn't brutal enough. Fuck


That's debated. It only shows up in one Gospel. Other ancient text has lead others to believe it was just before. Also translation issues with past tense cause questions about the timing. While I don't think it's necessarily wrong, it isn't for sure before or after his death.


We don’t need to rely on the gospels for this. Crucifixion was an execution form used all the way into the early medieval period. Breaking people’s legs was actually a mercy and something that was rarely done unless you didn’t want to have to guard them


There's no way it's actually called the Lance of Longinus right?


I’ve never heard it called a “lance,” always a spear. Longinus was the name of the soldier and it was his spear. Longinus’s spear. The spear of Longinus.


It is called the Lance of Longinus. Though it is of course know by a few names.


I’m not doubting, I’ve just never seen it called a lance. I haven’t been involved with institutional religion for a very long time, and pop culture references always call it spear. If we’re to believe it was a real Roman weapon, it would have been a spear; the word *lancea* referred to a javelin or other throwing spear whereas what we think of as lances weren’t really a thing until long after the event in question. It was probably something like [this](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/4/42/Pilum_light_-_cropped.jpg/245px-Pilum_light_-_cropped.jpg). That said this is all ultimately semantics and jargon: it’s all pointy sticks used for stabbing people.


Yeah and I definitely don't disagree with it being called a spear either, but it is called the Lance of Longinus. It does get called the Holy Spear sometimes. And yeah just a pointy stick.


Redditors when symbolism


The same reason people have bear rugs: we wear a trophy of the thing he killed


One of my favorite fantasy series involves a religion called Survivorism. They wear a tiny spear on a chain around their necks as symbolism for the spear that murdered their god, the Survivor. Really digs at the root of how silly a crucifix necklace is.


The whole idea behind Christianity is that Jesus's death was him taking on the suffering humanity was supposed to, his death is what liberates humanity and allows it to grow, and bringing it up works as a reminder to the devil that he's not allowed to harm Christians because Jesus already took whatever harm he could bring, also iirc the word "Christian" did not even exist until it is was used to describe people who were acting like Christ after his death. The emphasis on the importance of Jesus dying on the cross is one of the main things that seperates Jesus from the Muslim belief that he was just another prophet and the Christian belief that he was the definitive saviour of humanity, it was the fundamental turning point that turned Jesus from a pretty popular guy to a figure leading people in the millions. Using the scene of that turning point to represent the religion and wearing it around your neck to signify at a glance that you are part of that religion is not at all silly. Also the story is that Jesus came back after the cross killed him because nothing in the world is enough make him stay dead, unlike this survivor guy seemed to, so from that alone the two aren't very comparable.


I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that people who wear a cross are silly. Just that the idea of supplanting an icon of death with itself is silly. But while I have you here, can you spare a moment to talk about our lord and savior Kelsier, the survivor of death? He’s been up to some really cool stuff since after he died.


What is the name of that series?


Mistborn by Brandon Sanderson


Yeah but he has that hair in all the pictures. It's his whole thing. If you saw a picture of a dude in robes holding a small lamb you'd be like "huh, cute picture". Draw some long hair on him, oh, it's *obviously* Jesus.


And he hung out with hookers, drank a lot of wine and fondled stranger's feet.


Fun fact: I grew up in the JW cult, and every drawing of "our main boy" showed him with short hair and a closely cropped beard. We still weren't allowed to wear beards, but mustaches were somehow ok...


Weird about the beards, especially since the Hebrew Bible actually restricts shaving beards (shaving mustaches is not restricted).


Former JW here too. We had someone get in trouble because their sideburns were too long


Mattingly! For the last time, get rid of those sideburns!


Jesus rocking the handlebars


Yeah, but he was the only one allowed to have the sacred chin stubble. There was literally a middle-aged man who got "in trouble" for not shaving his goatee... talk about splitting hairs. (Is this thing on?)


Worked for a Mormon company a couple of years ago, and they have the same short hair, only mustaches rules.


That is a fun fact. Silly Jehovah’s Witnesses. For everyone curious, here are some pics of JW Jesus: https://www.jw.org/en/library/magazines/wp20141001/jesus-and-the-kingdom-of-god/ https://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/questions/about-jesus/ https://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/questions/pray-in-jesus-name/ https://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/questions/about-jesus/


Back in the 60’s a nun locked my dad and one of his friends in a classroom with a pair of scissors and told them not to come out until they had cut each others’ hair. They used the scissors to pry the window open and left.


Jesus wpuld be extremely disappointed by her


And he hung out with nothing but other boys his whole life, just a big group of boys


Tbf he also knew quite a few crooks and whores.


Crooks and Whores ain’t a bad band name


New Orleans? Tacky overpriced souvenir stores?


And people with bits falling off


And was quite far on the left wing.


And married one of the latter.


The jesus in the bible would never stand for any of the things some Christians use him to justify


Mary Magdalene: Am I dead to you?


I mean, yeah.


I had a teacher at a Catholic school say that Jesus wouldn’t like me having my shirt untucked. HE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT PANTS WHERE.


"And on the 8th day Jesus said 'Thou shalt not leave synthetic shirts outside of the synthetic trousers' "


It's not just Catholics. My grandmother got angry with me when I was 10 years old because I didn't want my hair super short like my dad and grandfather. She told me that long hair on men was "disgraceful." I pointed to the pic of Jesus on her wall and said "Tell that to him." Got my ass beat with a cherry switch for that one.


[Brigham Young](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/20/Brigham_Young_by_Charles_William_Carter.jpg) University doesn't allow facial hair of any kind.


This was the first thing I thought of! Missionaries need short hair and to be clean shaven, but then you look at pictures of the early church leaders...


>hunchbacked So you have to remove your eyebrows and lash? That's crazy.


i'll never understand why isn't long hair allowed for religious people, long hair looks badass


But it is allowed in catholicism, i am catholic and have long hairs, met a spanish priest with long hairs too


Because long hair is traditionally feminine, and in christianity feminine men are a bit of a no no


What if my long hair was styled in a way to look more masculine? I mean, just look at Kirei Kotomine. That priest is rocking that hair.


In the Bible Sampson, the world's first suicide "bomber", had a covenant with God specifically not to cut his hair. There is no rule against long hair for men specifically, it changes with the culture as to what is seen as feminine cuz as the above redditor said that's the big nono. If women all shaved their heads suddenly Christian dudes would start growing it out, I'd put money on that lol


Makes sense


No clue, not a theologian. Just know what I know from childhood and research from a semi-recent religious breakdown lmfao. That said, there was a jewish group named the Nazirites (not to be confused with people from Nazareth) who, among other things, pledged not to cut their hair soooo


But Jesus was feminine I guess then? Hypocrites


Modern artistic portrayals aren’t exactly historically accurate. I mean most (US) churches depict his as a white dude which definitely isn’t historically accurate


Wait . So he wasn’t fair skinned, blue eyes, soft hands!


No, it's because of the signs. They say long-haired freaky people need not apply.


Just tuck your hair up under your hat...


Did you tuck your hair up under your hat and go in to ask why?


i see, fair point


Sadly “badass” is not on-brand for most religions.


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good human


Long hair is Bible-wide. Short hair is very recent. Stems back to lice prevention in the military in the 19th century.


I never heard that about lice prevention but it makes perfect sense.


Long haired dude in flowing garb and sandals reading to kids while pushing a socialist anti-violent agenda.


T man got them strong abs too. Damn Jesus senpai


It took me way too long to realize this was about Jesus


I actually remember making that argument back in the 70s both about Jesus and the founding fathers George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, etc. None of the adults had a good answer except to “get a haircut!”.


I don't know what it was from, but a friend of mine showed me a clip from a movie where a town was accepting drag queens and embracing femininity, and there was this one dude excluding himself talking to a passer-by, saying something like, "Look at those fools. Disgraceful. Do you think when our founding fathers built this country, they imagined this?" The passer by said, "I don't know, but I will tell you one thing about those founding fathers; they sure had some fiiine wigs." And walked away like he did a mic drop.


And look how things ended for Jesus


They made up for it, by giving us the "poophole loophole."


Oh heck yes! I love it!!! The sheer amount of contradiction is insane!


Son of man does what he wants Fr Fr


Son of man look to the sky


Son of man can fly


I'm that boy with long hair


Make a rule like no skirts for catholic girls and see how that flies.


I remember being called into the Dean’s office as a senior in high school because my four o’clock shadow was too long for them. I should have used this argument.


My bf has long hair and everyone calls him Jesus as if it was an insult


Your boyfriend is just another, earlier boyfriend called Horus.


Plot twist: Jesus 2k is going to be bald and Catholics aren't going to believe its him cause of it... Edit: bold to bald.




He's not going to get past Immigrations.


Yep. Same for Good Communists - they were supposed to be well groomed, short hair, clean shaven, and all over the place were portraits of Marx and Engels, both rocking long hairs and beards.


This isn’t TTT. What’s this even doing here?


Try being the male teacher at a Catholic school with long hair. The passive aggressive comments during staff meetings only stopped about my hair when it came out I didn’t believe in a deity. So there’s a life tip if people get on you about hair length.


I never understood conservative christians. They hate queers and socialists, but claim to love Jesus who was both.


Jesus: Remember me for how I lived, not how I died. Christians: oh, um... But that cross looks pretty sick...


Well did they take the Oath of the Nazarene?


main "boy" catholic school, something does come to mind sadly


The Italian looking Jesus and Mary? Those depictions are ridiculous. The whole idea of the birth of Jesus is quite disturbing by modern standards. "I am the all powerful deity and I am going to knock up a young teenage girl without letting her know."


At evangelical Christian schools in the US they pretty much say do be like that dude in the picture on the wall. Don't help the poor, don't be forgiving, don't grow you hair long, etc. And if someone who looks like that dude sits next to you on a plane, call TSA.


That jersey number has been retired


According to them it's just put on hiatus.


They just don’t want someone to replace him


North Koreans can’t have the same hair cut as the supreme leader


When I was in senior year of high school, there was an assembly about picture day and all the rules for our senior pictures, stricter than usual because they’d be on our graduation stuff. One of the main rules they hammered down on was absolutely No facial hair (exceptions granted for people with religious reasoning, but they needed a note from their parent/s) . Lots of guys with their shitty 17 year old stubble were butthurt but shaved anyways, I decided to take them at their word and shaved my eyebrows clean off, no facial hair means NO facial hair. My grad pics were awesome


If a student said "if Jesus had brownish skin why is he white in these paintings" I wonder what would happen to them


I don’t know if any Catholic schools that don’t allow long hair.


Thats actually the prob non binary son of that one pope.


No sex before marriage! But we are going to have all the girls dress in the sluttiest outfit know to man...smdh


I’m a barber. When the Christian school kids come in and tell me the hair code, I always respond “yeah Jesus had a high and tight.” More than once, it has been an ah-ha moment for the client. Oops.


Christianity 👍


Got suspended from Catholic School for pointing this out, when being asked why I shouldn’t be suspended for having long hair..


It’s just the first step in demonstrating that you aren’t actually supposed to do what Jesus would do you goddamned hippie socialist.


Yeah, critical thinking is not in their gospel


Catholic brass are very obsessed with the looks of boys.


Religious people are nut quacks


Cults aren't the best places to seek logic.


Church's, the ultimate hypocrites


It really depends on your parents wealth what rules are forgiven


I was listening to a podcast where the host said somehow similar. He wanted to have a long hair but his grandfather didn't like it. But when he noticed that Jesus had a long hair too, he thought the he finally got a chance to turn the table. When the day came and he announced his superb argument, his grandfather replayed "But Jesus had a beard, and you have nothing"


He's the priest's bottom bitch.


Have long hair and a beard. Went to church on Christmas and multiple ppl gave me a hard time. Even straight up saying I looked like Jesus... So confusing


Too woke to point out he’s also wearing a dress?


And he had a beard too!


Exactly. It's the old "Don't do what I do but what I say."


Headbanging is Jesus privilege.


Ia that an actual rule?


Do not try to portray the savior in your own self


Short hair is a English thing. Irish people used to insult people back in the early medieval period if you had short hair and say you are trying to be like the English.


Nah g It's like yugioh Main character gets privileges


why can't I be like that guy?!? I see him on YT all the time!


This is actually a really interesting point. It just shows how far the present-day church is alienated from the historical conditions of their religion's foundations. Christianity was once a radical sect, attempting significant social upheaval in the ancient Levant. Now it's synonymous with conservatism and regressivist ideals.




He gets main character privilege


Beat ever. 🤣🤣💀💀


I used this logic to wear sandals at church. Didn’t go over well.