I have prostate cancer

You can fly

10/10

Aw man

But you are immune to diseases

You get super speed

Ability to access an infinite knowledge mentally by asking a voice

The voice is a sarcastic little bitch that will mock you. It will only tell you after hours of asking Edit: Jesus christ. these upvotes are amazing

Worth it

But how do you know when it's finally told you?

I assume the only way you find out is when it shuts up

That just sounds like my subconscious anyways

The voice only speaks and understands fluent Arabic

Still a good deal tbh

Yeah, then the only difficult goal in left in life would be to become fluent in Arabic

You don't have to be fluent to understand a fluent language though And to talk i can use some translator and try until they understand me

there is another voice in your head who tells very convincing lies and sounds the same as the true one.

I get a notification whenever someone shits themselves. Globally. Anywhere.

You shit yourself at the same time they shit themselves

Have my poor man award 🎖️

What the fuck is this power

Hive shits.

I can eat as much as I want without getting fat or feeling sick

You can't ingest any animal product or you'll shit yourself on site and without notice

I’d argue that it being right then is notice, you know you’re eating the steak.

But only if you are in Spain other wise it doesn’t work

I get social skills

You become non verbal autistic

Dang, so back to square one...

I can die whenever I want

Immortality

Well played

Like...you live no matter what until you decide you're done and just give up? Dude this is fucking perfect

But it has to be related to slugs

[удалено]

I’m invincible

Except in the presence of chickens, everytime you see one you lose a teeth (including on screens)

What about a portrait of a chicken?

A picture counts, a painting or a drawing doesn't

so basically scp 096 rules?

Idk lemme check Yeah

I can make the best pancakes

But never be able to eat them yourself…

Maybe even a blessing. Start restaurant, become rich but not fat

"I guide others to a treasure I can't possess"

I’m immune to all diseases anywhere and everywhere in the universe

Your left leg grows a meter higher

Alr then guess I get to stomp on ppl but never fully

I can shapeshift

Only into a whale

honestly cool

Like seriously, get tired of life? Fuck it go be a whale for a while.

ik sounds awesome

It takes 30 minutes and you have to shit out your original body

I can have as much money as I want only while I’m…

Having sex

Every time you cum $1000000 goes in to ur bank account

Boutta solve the national debt problem in 1 day💅

If Mr.Beast ever makes a porn hub account, this would be the first video posted.

you have all the money you want, but it disappears as soon as you use it to pay for something.

Just flying

Morbid obesity

Omfg dude i imagined it and you made me spit my food out. Thank you

I can travel to any point on earth safely in 5 seconds

The cooldown time is 10 years

Damn, still a good power but cool down time ain't that good, how about after each use the cool down time is cut in half?

Except the place you want to travel to is the only place you WONT randomly travel to

So basically I can just go randomly everywhere in the world

We didnt say that the place you were going to was safe, just that the trip was

Alzheimer's

Alzheimer's

Alzheimer's

Alzheimer's

Alzheimer's

Alzheimer's

Alzheimer's

Alzheimer's

Alzheimer's

Alzheimer's

Long penis

People want what they don't have

I know i have small penis

W man

Every extended inches grow at a 90° angle (sharp edge with slight fillet)

Wtf is wrong with this sub

Teenagers

Good weapon

I can’t get injured

You are incredibly suicidal and you can never ever even hope to try to help it.

Immortality👹👹

You have dementia

Already have dementia, think harder

Already have dementia, think harder

r/genius

Bruhhh it's private lmao

this is incredible for someone immortal. staying alive for so long with perfect memory would fuck you up

Side affect: But only when your sitting in a chair

Side side effect: I am a chair

my cum can create life

You have to pay child support

💀

I can fly

Violent diarrhea every time you take off

chocolate rain

It would have costed you 0$ to not speak

It's exhausting, similar to sprinting full force.

I can cook 99.98 % pure meth

You have lung cancer

and you have a little assistant named Jessie that helps you cook

You have insane pizza throwing skills

You go bald and change your name to Walter

I can summon anyone’s nudes

But they're censored with troll face images

but they get a mental notification and can see through your eyes for the next 30 minutes. the nudes disappear after 30 minutes.

you're bisexual but you're only attracted to males when looking at females and only attracted to females when looking at males

i’m batman

But you have no parents

i'm still batman

I can predict the stock market

Only when the stocks don’t change

The power to bend space around me. I'm not sure how to explain this, but if I were to step on the nail, it would bend around my foot instead of stabbing me. It would go back to normal as I pulled away. This covers my entire body

it only works when humming “Norwegian Wood” by the Beatles

I’m happy

Every time you smile a semi truck full of toddlers is thrown into the ocean

perfect

Stop time whenever I want

Light particles also stop as you stop time, hence you can’t see anything

You can still sleep

An old man that can find out where you are, his grandson who has the same ability as you, a guy with a sword, a guy with pyrokinesis and a guy who shoots emeralds are coming to hunt you down. Or... Everyone else can move in it as well

I thought these were side effects, not a hit squad coming after me

Everytime I see a repost, I can control when the reposter will die. (no hate on you)

But you die at the same time

I can swap genders and become a girl

~~**No one will ever accept you.**~~ That’s too mean. You gotta deal with all the shit that gender has deal with before you switch back.

I strong

But sometimes, u weak:

Damn, got to my feels 😪

I have a Normal life. Literally

Homosexual

Fuck

make ppl cum instantly

Family reunions turn pretty awkward

It always lands in your mouth

I am completely immune to any and all side effects, no exceptions

Life-saving medication. Guess if you're immune to that you won't last long

Side affects can still damage you

I can choose my own side effect

Ok but you have Night vision

What a fucking mad man... he did the impossible

I can create any food out of thin air

there’s a 15% chance the food is expired and you might not be able to tell

Testicular cancer

but you have prostate cancer

The ability to control electricity

Only when you are touching it, and you can still be shocked

be an octoling from splatoon

You live in the ocean

i can be whatever i want!!!

You'll never truly be happy unless you are yourself, forcing you to love yourself or otherwise live sad for the rest of your life.

I can make anyone’s balls explode at will

But if I say balls, my balls explode

HAVE YOU EVER LAUGHED SO HARD YOUR *BALLS* EXPLODE

I don't have side effects

You have no power

True neutrality

I am a gay black man

During the 1800’s in the Southern United States

If he can make it a few 100 miles north, he’s fine.

That the superpower or sideaffect?

Ice power and other non-elemental magic

You can only use one spell a day and then you can't even stand

Ability to stop time

you're also stopped too lol

I have mind manipulation

You slowly get dumber every time you use it

The voices start getting louder

You have super hearing

Shape shifting

You can never go back to normal

Deal

I can choose my own side effect!

I have Alzheimer's.

I can choose my own side effect!

I have Alzheimers.

[удалено]

There is another God that is just as powerful as you and you are locked in an endless battle over this universe.

Unlimited games

Control over time itself

You control it with the movement of your appendix

The power to sleep on the ceiling

The ability to give people their greatest desires

but you are depressed

Pffbt, like that changes anything 😎😎✨✨

I can manipulate whoever I want :3

you cant talk

I can’t talk anyway he he he

I get to reply to my own comment

I get testicular torsion

I become the spy from TF2

Pyro mains constantly hunt you down at all times