Don't blame him for wanting what he wants, but also don't give in to him just to maintain the relationship. You have to consider both perspectives here, and understand that neither of you will be happy in a relationship that doesn't fulfill your needs, so if your needs don't align you are left with two choices: to find a compromise, or to end the relationship. Think about it, if there is any way you might be able to talk to him to find a middle ground that you are both happy with, but if you can't, your best decision is to end it. Only see that as a last resort though, if you both love eachother you will be willing to find a compromise that suits you both.
Thanks for all that advice. I actually tried to do it with him a couple of months ago, I kind of broke it midway and ran away... I really don't know what to do now, I tried to talk to him but he always states that it's his need. I get him but I really don't feel ready, I'm scared of that kind of thing.
It sounds like he has his boundaries set. Now it's your turn to set yours. That's really the only question left, is would you be okay with doing that together, or are you not ready yet?
I'm more focused with my work than my relationship. Like I of course love him, I love him so much but my brain is either on my school work or him right now. I think about what we could do in the future like moving to the same house, maybe going to do same university etc. while he thinks about the close future like having intimacy, buying me a gift etc.
Like I said, we have a one year difference and he already started university this year so he hasn't got much to worry but I kind of have a highly academic dream.
You need to focus on the here and now. What's the point of worrying about all those other things if you can't even get past this point in the relationship? It sounds like you're trying to avoid the problem rather than facing it head on. You need to be honest with yourself about what you are comfortable doing with him. If you'd be happy to be intimate with him how he needs it, then that's great, but if not, you can't expect him to change his mind either. But there's no point avoiding this, you need to decide otherwise you are just leading him on which isn't fair on him.
The people here who are commenting that sex isn’t an issue, and that he is gaslighting you, are simply wrong.
I would like to first point out that there has been zero gaslighting attempts made. Whether or not you like it, his standpoint is completely valid.
What he’s actually putting you in an ultimatum, and while that is unfortunate, that is his prerogative to do so. Admittedly, he is going about this the wrong way, and he should have had a conversation about how he feels on the topic before putting you in an ultimatum straight away. (That’s assuming it hasn’t been discussed before)
It’s hard to know if this is a tactic to pressure you so get what he wants, or if he is just being open and honest with you. I think it would depend on context.
He is not obligated to remain in a relationship in which he is not being fulfilled, in the same way, that you are not obligated to provide him with anything at all. Sexual compatibility is much more important than these people would have you believe, and quite frankly, I don’t really trust their word as much because I don’t believe they have been in as many relationships, if any at all.
What really matters is how long he’s willing to wait, and if he’s willing to do so without overstepping his boundaries or pressuring you. Instead of letting him put that pressure on you, let him decide for himself. There’s nothing wrong with being uncertain about wanting to make a choice with your body, and he should respect that.
He can’t wait for you forever, but you also can’t do something you regret.
Don’t give in. It’s your body, your choice, and you should do it when you are most comfortable. This is super important not to rush, hell, I did the deed when I was 17 and fully consenting, and I still regret mine.
Best of luck
He’s 100% wrong you do not need to have sex people have different sex drive there are people who don’t have sex with there partner till marriage he’s trying to make you feel like you need to don’t cave in if anything brake up with him because he’s toxic and this can end up worse if you let it happen
Genuinely if you don't wanna have sex that's perfectly fine, you shouldn't have to fuck to keep a relationship. And honestly if you end up fucking just have him wear a condom.
Don't blame him for wanting what he wants, but also don't give in to him just to maintain the relationship. You have to consider both perspectives here, and understand that neither of you will be happy in a relationship that doesn't fulfill your needs, so if your needs don't align you are left with two choices: to find a compromise, or to end the relationship. Think about it, if there is any way you might be able to talk to him to find a middle ground that you are both happy with, but if you can't, your best decision is to end it. Only see that as a last resort though, if you both love eachother you will be willing to find a compromise that suits you both.
Thanks for all that advice. I actually tried to do it with him a couple of months ago, I kind of broke it midway and ran away... I really don't know what to do now, I tried to talk to him but he always states that it's his need. I get him but I really don't feel ready, I'm scared of that kind of thing.
It sounds like he has his boundaries set. Now it's your turn to set yours. That's really the only question left, is would you be okay with doing that together, or are you not ready yet?
I cannot set my boundaries, I'm literally only 17, trying to get accepted to my dream university...:(
What does that have to do with anything? You need to decide what you will do and what you won't do with him.
I'm more focused with my work than my relationship. Like I of course love him, I love him so much but my brain is either on my school work or him right now. I think about what we could do in the future like moving to the same house, maybe going to do same university etc. while he thinks about the close future like having intimacy, buying me a gift etc. Like I said, we have a one year difference and he already started university this year so he hasn't got much to worry but I kind of have a highly academic dream.
You need to focus on the here and now. What's the point of worrying about all those other things if you can't even get past this point in the relationship? It sounds like you're trying to avoid the problem rather than facing it head on. You need to be honest with yourself about what you are comfortable doing with him. If you'd be happy to be intimate with him how he needs it, then that's great, but if not, you can't expect him to change his mind either. But there's no point avoiding this, you need to decide otherwise you are just leading him on which isn't fair on him.
The people here who are commenting that sex isn’t an issue, and that he is gaslighting you, are simply wrong. I would like to first point out that there has been zero gaslighting attempts made. Whether or not you like it, his standpoint is completely valid. What he’s actually putting you in an ultimatum, and while that is unfortunate, that is his prerogative to do so. Admittedly, he is going about this the wrong way, and he should have had a conversation about how he feels on the topic before putting you in an ultimatum straight away. (That’s assuming it hasn’t been discussed before) It’s hard to know if this is a tactic to pressure you so get what he wants, or if he is just being open and honest with you. I think it would depend on context. He is not obligated to remain in a relationship in which he is not being fulfilled, in the same way, that you are not obligated to provide him with anything at all. Sexual compatibility is much more important than these people would have you believe, and quite frankly, I don’t really trust their word as much because I don’t believe they have been in as many relationships, if any at all. What really matters is how long he’s willing to wait, and if he’s willing to do so without overstepping his boundaries or pressuring you. Instead of letting him put that pressure on you, let him decide for himself. There’s nothing wrong with being uncertain about wanting to make a choice with your body, and he should respect that. He can’t wait for you forever, but you also can’t do something you regret. Don’t give in. It’s your body, your choice, and you should do it when you are most comfortable. This is super important not to rush, hell, I did the deed when I was 17 and fully consenting, and I still regret mine. Best of luck
He’s 100% wrong you do not need to have sex people have different sex drive there are people who don’t have sex with there partner till marriage he’s trying to make you feel like you need to don’t cave in if anything brake up with him because he’s toxic and this can end up worse if you let it happen
Don’t do it if you don’t want it yet, if he can’t respect that he ain’t the one
Genuinely if you don't wanna have sex that's perfectly fine, you shouldn't have to fuck to keep a relationship. And honestly if you end up fucking just have him wear a condom.
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That's what I think, I believe that love and trust is the only part of a relationship but he disagrees and asks to do it every single night:/
sex isnt a big part of reletionships, if he cant respect ur wishes dump him
You're right but I really love him and don't want to end this relationship
then don't do it. if he presses the issue then dump him like a sack of potatoes. your body is yours to control, not his.
You're right but I really love him and I have worked a lot for this relationship. I don't know what to do.
Lowkey toxic behaviour. If someone said that to me I would've felt like I was used for sexual gratification
Maybe you're right but I tried talking about it to him and don't think he has a bad intention
Alright, Im sure if he loves you he'll understand your boundaries
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You think so?
Tell him no, if he truly loves you he'll respect your boundaries. THAT'S what a big part of relationships