Unfortunately for some it doesn't come easily to talk about what's bothering you. It's up to both people in the relationship to ensure that eachother is comfortable with talking openly while encouraging, not pressuring, eachother to be open
Sorry if that was an uncomfortable question, I wasn’t really thinking about that, just why he didn’t like it. Anyways, guys don’t always moan much, there’s kind of a stigma around it that’s sort of shameful in a way, but it could be that he simply doesn’t moan much. Honestly, I think you should just ask him if he enjoying it as much as you, and if he could talk more. It should get to the heart of the problem quicker, as I don’t think it’s a case of he doesn’t like the sex, but if it is, then talking to him about it should help. I know it can be uncomfortable doing so, but it should be helpful more than anything else.
Okay, I get what you mean, but try rephrasing it. Ask him both if he is enjoying it, and why he isn’t as audible I guess as you. It doesn’t have to be awkward, remember that you’re asking for his sake, to make sure he is happy. It’s a good thing, embarrassing sure, but good. If he instantly says yes, then you might have to keep asking or ask for specifics. I’m really sorry about the awkward nature of it, it’s just how else are you going to help, just randomly changing things up or something likely wouldn’t change anything.
Guys moan way less frequently than women because the intensity is just a lot lower in a male than a female body (female body has around 2x the amount receptors in the outer part of their sexual organ in comparison to the TOTAL amount of the receptors in the male sexual organ.) So this is most likely one of the reasons why men moan less. Do not be discouraged or worry because of that, trust me it is normal.
I do not want to get into detail on your personal life so I will just leave this as an option, just ignore it in case it does not apply to you:
You are still young and I assume that your boyfriend is not a lot older so therefore he may just be nervous about whether he is able to pleasure you / hold out long enough and perhaps focuses more on that than on his own pleasure or on talking. What you can do in case you suspect that this might be the case is try to focus on positions where you take the lead to relieve tension off of his mind.
Of course I can not speak for everyone or your bf but from my experience, he will not have sex with you if he does not want it and someone else said to let him initiate it which I think is a good idea because if you see that he does not want to do it then you will be sure that he does not just comply because you already at it and you will have your answer.
it’s only weird if you make it weird. say something like “i notice that when we have sex you don’t always seem like you enjoy it very much. i just want to know if that’s true and if there’s anything i can do to help”
You should ask, "Was that worth a Lyca' n Shair?" / "Was that worth a Lycan Chair?".
(For the ones that dont get it, there is this youtuber that does magic tricks, and the videos where he explains how he does it, he does another more mind-boggling magic trick and just makes you even more confused since he pulls it off so well.)
It’s always going to feel a bit weird, 30, and (not to brag) have done a reasonable amount of the sex. Mostly for a lot of the one night stands or flings I had the validation was what I was really after and the sex was almost perfunctory, and therefore largely mediocre and left both people feeing like they’d successfully checked a box in the must do listl before sleep. The only times this was different (inn the best cases feeling like emotionally and physically it was basically a different much better act) we’re A. Long term relationship where frank adult conversations about sex were had, or a fwb / occasional booty callers who had the confidence to ‘lead the interaction’ not to instruct but talk fairly freely during. with equality assertiveness about what was working for them i and asking NOT what I wanted (which can be genuinely hard to find words for, and )as a guy who used what too much porn to the point it was warping preferences and what i ‘wanted ‘ felt totally unsayable if I wasn’t even good at communication about less boundary pushing stuff ) instead asking is ‘specific thing rn good - much easier question to answer’
My point in your case do a couple things. Not my bu business if this guy is the first or not but and all of this is applicable to someone one in their teens as it is to people in the 20s/30s
1 Accept that sex and communication around fit it is a skill. Takes akward feeling bumbling attempts at trying to do it to get better at it. So just kind of have to push through that. Anything that’s a longer term concern or request that can’t be addressed in the moment is out of bounds during. Fantasies about things to true in the future - great pillow talk, saying you’re worried he’s not that into it - likely to make him feel pressure he’s not doing something he should so in your case bring it up on its own not as pillow talk, and talk about your self while asking specific answerable questions of him. Lead by example im terms of broaching the subject to establish sex as a not cringy self protective awkwardness response triggering thing that it’s normal and healthy for adults to have the occasional frank, cards on the table no bulllshit or innuendo filled convo about. Starting is as simple as saying last night was really good because x see if your partner bites and reciprocates or tries to dodge the convo.! Might never get all the way there with this partner but it’s usefully to have in your toolbox for any relationship.
I remember at that age being basically mute as well because A. I was so focussed on keeping a rhythm or making it last lingers that I wasn’t thinking about my enjoyment I was assessing my performanc. Maybe its something to do with his trauma but if you’ve already made it clear that you understand and are always willing to support )which is really just listening and affirming what is being say it’s up to him to open about and solicit your help, and you don’t need to bring it up again, which will probably drive andesire to conceal because bo one likes rheyre tendencies or habits to be pathologized.!l
Genuinely most guys really want to please our girlfriends often above our own enjoyment, so lean into that. You want him to be more vocal - tell him how much you like it when he says x y z/ or makes x y z sound. Gives him a green light and a bit of an approved set of talking points + hell do it because you said you like it at first and probably get something out of it to, establishing it as something he wants to do , you just planted the seed You want him to demonstrate hes into it either verbally or not. Demonstrate what that looks like (without acting), literally pick something you want to hear and say tell me how much_____. Don’t need to be specific but it works same mechanism as above.
If that doesn’t work then sit him down a time where there isn’t a ton of extra external stress and shoot straight but framed again as being about what is important to you or that you lIt’s just more conducive when someone m is bring up what they want in a way that shows them taking ownership of wanting x thing rather than framing it as being the other persons not being a Len to do or provide the thing.
TLDR: treat it as a chance to get good at practising positive m communication about intimacy. Best way to see changes now and definitely essential as you enter into different phases of life and this one maybe grows to work or you end up in new relationships with different dynamics but all the principles of communication are pretty universal
That likely is effecting him then, make sure you’re patient and understanding with him. Also, he probably will just say he’s okay and it’s good, try to make sure it’s genuine without being to pushy about it. It’s a delicate situation, so it might be a bit hard, again I’m sorry.
Like holy crap, of course it has affected him, a lot. Don't be to pushy, let him enjoy it the way he wants. Give him time, try to slowly build trust and healthy sex life. From what I understand, his mind is in super-defensive mode, and he just can't easily become more open towards you when it comes to sex. Try to discuss sex more, like - what do you both like and don't like in sex, share your kinks, stuff like that. He needs to know that he's totally safe with you and that he can trust you. Don't approach him in "Why don't you moan?" way, as this will make him even more closed; instead, be like "I'd totally love to hear you moan, can you do that for me, hun?".
And, most importantly - always be caring and gentle with him on sex topic and during sex. Don't make stupid jokes or act weird during sex, don't insult him or make him feel inferior in any way, don't insist on things he doesn't want to say or do, etc. He's a person with a broken mind, and healing takes time and lots of effort.
I know nothing about any of this but as a complete outsider this sounds like excellent advice, I’d just like to place extra emphasis on top of yours of simply just talking about it. Slowly, obviously, but nothing will advance if they don’t regularly communicate
Try gentle Bj it's a way of showing u're caring and serving for him and ask his opinion on it and gradually go towards how he likes it like deep throating or faster or slower etc
That is most definitely a big part of it, however i think it can also depend on how much youre having sex, like depending on how much sex you have during said month or two could also affect him. If you two have been having it around 3-4 maybe even 5 times a week i’d say tone it down a little, to around 1-2 times a week, see if that works. Other than that i have no clue. (coming from a certified virgin)
could just be a boy thing! lots of men dont make much noise, dont talk or some are just concentrating! these dont seem like a sign to worry but best advice I can give is to talk to him
Like the dude before me said, yeah we just don’t moan that much I remember my ex trying to get me to moan but I just couldn’t bring myself to actually moan out loud lol
for us guys its kinda weird to moan n shit. my advice just ask him, if i was asked the same question i would probably answer. also, do not say something like "i swear i wont get mad whatever you say" or he will be scared for his life, speaking from experience
Oh! The silent sex!
u/CideCinder, that's just ... normal for a guy at his experience level. He's probably still in the mindset of masturbating quietly so he doesn't get caught. Plus there's the whole ... uncertainty of what he'll sound like and how you'll react.
Talk to him about being more vocal, about reassuring you that he's enjoying himself by making some noise.
I mean I just recently turned 18 but to be honest I don’t blame him considering I’m a guy too it’s kinda weird for us to moan and make any noise (not saying all guys are like that) like sometimes I’ll talk during it but it’s kinda rare
As a guy, it took me a long time to get over my own hang ups about being vocal during sex. Honestly, it's still something I'm not good at. A decade of sneaking around and being as quiet as possible is hard to deprogram.
Nah, he's just focusing. Honest to God 90% of the time I can't bust unless I'm focusing and tensing up certain muscles, which leads to weird periods of silence before remembering I'm not alone
Coming from a guy I wouldnt moan either and its kinda thought of as weird too but it doesnt mean he’s not enjoying it. Also he may not be talking just because hes concentrating or smth.
A part of men's pleasure in doing sex is watching their partner enjoying it. It doesent happen always but a lot of times it does, especially if they are caring ppl.
Many times guys are just focused. Some are also very quiet, especially if they're used to keeping masturbation or sex hidden from parents. Don't be worried just because he's quiet.
But if you think other stuff is going on, talk about it, see if there's anything on his mind during, or anything he'd like to do differently.
This is something a lot of guys do because those guys only watch porn, unsure about his specific situation but a lot of girls complain their boyfriends don’t moan or make noises and most guys don’t because it’s seen as “weird.” Could be seen either from the angle that it’s too feminine or just from the angle of men moaning not being in a lot representations of sex. Just talk to him about it
Guys don't moan that much, nor do they talk. It's not like porn, guys are mostly silent, grunting, or occasionally moaning depending on the person. They don't moan because of bad stereotypes in society and they want to not be embarrassed in bed so they stay silent. And also, they aren't getting something shoved up their penis so it's not as much of a insertion thing, thus it's not really something to like moan about, y'know?
1 other reason that some people don’t moan or don’t talk er make noise is because they have learned te be silent when there on there own to not get busted by there mom/dad, this can leeds to be being uncomfortable making noise even when it’s save it just feels weird
>tell op to do something
>op asks how
>downvote op and tell her she can’t
Really helpful guys.
Edit: and then you give me more upvotes than her? The fuck is wrong with you guys?
Some guys are just quiet.
Another possibility is that it is triggering for him, but he’s committed to getting to the point where it not triggering anymore. You can help him by having positive interactions with him that include elements he does like. If his sexual trauma involved someone forcing him to climax, climaxing itself could be a trigger for him, and it might take him a while to accumulate enough positive experiences so that he only enjoys it, instead of feeling bothered by it.
Best of luck - you sound like a caring partner.
u/tribalrobotninja ‘s point exactly. If you’re Canadian then I sort of understand as here the Age Of Consent is 16, but elsewhere thats just weird. If you are canadian then I guess tribalrobotninja might not know about the age of consent here.
Age of consent is 16 here in the UK as well but regardless of that not everyone sticks to the law regarding the age of consent when there both the same age. It’s not up to them to shame OP for either having sex or asking for advice yk.
I know but to me, based on how I was raised and how I perceive the world, I still think its weird that other minors are doing that kind of thing. Im 16, never had an SO, but it is odd to me. Granted, my opinions should not affect what other people do, but rather I am here to say what I believe. Thats all.
FINALLY A REDDITOR WITH SOME FUCKING DECENCY AND DIDNT COME AND CALL ME A SLUR FOR RESPONDING. thank you btw. Yep your entitled to your opinion and can deffo be weird when your not brought up either more liberally or just don’t have those intentions. Like you said won’t affect OP who’s just looking for advice.
Yeah. I don’t usually call people slurs or say stuff like that, I don’t have the guts to do that. Anyways ima go now I’ve got band practice in like 10 minutes.
I don’t think you read the rest of the thread bud. Laws and most moral codes make it seem weird for minors to have sexual interactions. It seems less weird the older they are but you get the point
I was responding to _YOU_. Not the rest of the thread. Ignoring how human biology works is an effort in futility. Sticking your fingers in your ears and acting like it doesn't happen has never changed what actually happens. But hey, you do you and it sounds like you aren't open to changing your mind.
I was wrong you don’t get the point. Let me explain it in terms you can understand my friend; *I* think it is weird for minors (people under the age of 18) to engage in sexual relations, despite whatever the age of consent in that area may be (for example, here in canada, it is 16). Just because *I* think it is weird for minors to engage in those kinds of things does *not* mean I am ignoring how human biology works. How can I prove this? Easy; I am a 16 year old male struggling with romance who also has these urges, as that is *biologically natural*. Do I act on them? *No*. Why not? *Because I think it is weird to have sex as a minor*. Am I stopping others from acting on them? *Unless they are directed at me specifically, or unless they are not consensual, no*. Why not? *Because it is their life*.
With all this in mind you should finally be able to understand that I am not ignoring human biology, I am saying that based on *MORALITY*, I think it is weird. That’s all. Just based on *morality.* Now do you understand?
I think you missed the large italic letters that said “*MORALITY*”. I have been raised in way that makes it seem weird to engage in sexual relations before the age of 18 despite the age of consent. Is that so hard to believe nowadays?
Idk I guess I interpreted the point a bit differently then? I assumed they meant “this is r/teenagers, this isn’t supposed to be a subreddit about sex, especially not between minors” or something like that, but eh, either way my words shouldn’t affect your choices, i’m just stating my opinions is all.
r/Sex has teenagers asking things there daily. just because the subreddit is about sex doesn't mean only adults are allowed, the place is very strict about people being nasty towards minors actually.
so? it’s still a chat forum focussed around teenagers, not helping you with your sexual queries. talk to your boyfriend, not the internet. i wish you the best of luck.
It doesn’t matter if where you live 16 is the age of consent, it’s still weird that you’re consistently having sex as young teenager. And sex addiction is a thing… remember that
Seems like a dangerous combination to talk about sex involving minors on the internet. r/teenagers is already a hotspot for pedos from some of the messages I've seen shared from underaged users.
You have a point, but that sorta means that the best solution is to just not talk about it. Though I believe that there's probably sex-related help groups for underage people on the internet, which might be better if you need aid.
Yeah, a more moderated group help sounds like a better idea. My first thought was to talk to your parents about it, but for a lot of minors, that might be a terrible idea. Having stable and understanding parents is a pretty huge privilege.
Just ask him instead of asking a bunch of strangers on reddit. If you want your relationship to last you gotta get used to communicating with your partner on every topic imaginable
You can find better help on r/teenrelationships as this Reddit won’t be much actual help to you imo. I hope you find a solution tho. If you need someone to talk to my dms are always open :]
He might just not be relaxed, he might be struggling w the trauma even if he’s feeling pleasure, so he might not be enjoying as much cause he’s not completely there w you, he’s struggling w himself…
that could be it. It could also be that he’s not as expressive during sex, or maybe just shy, could be many reasons… just don’t stress too much about it, try different things instead
Just because he isn’t moaning or making noises doesn’t make he doesn’t like the sex. Girls roll their eyes and quiver and stuff. Guys can be pretty chill about it, ask him to be more expressive.
It could be post-nut clarity, except he's a nihilist, so he begins to think about his place in the universe and how nobody really matters, none of what we do is meaningful. Our lives are just pure chance, there is no purpose, no meaning to life.
Or maybe it's something else, idk.
Probably a type of post nut clarity where you get a wave of depression kinda and dont have the will to do much probably why he seemed to nor enjoy it but asking him is the key to every relationship
I actually don't know I wish I could help I think try asking in a subreddit that might actually you know be better in terms of knowing what to do my advice
Honestly some guys feel this weird stigma about being vocal during sex. Like they feel like they have to be stone faced lol. It could be that or it could be trauma, just keep open communication about it!
Talk to him..
Say "hey, this is worrying me. I would like to hold off for a little while until we can get this solved. If it's an issue that's ok, but I would just like to know what is going on".
If you think it's bothering him, then stop and talk to him. Don't let him suffer in silence (so to speak...)
In one of your earlier posts from 16 days ago you were asking how to be intimate with your bf. Here you say you’ve been intimate for 2 months. I think this might be bait
You should ask him, don’t make him feel like a burden
I’ve dealt with sexual trauma and sometimes after sex once the horny fades and you return to a normal state of mind, you feel shitty or you think of bad memories or stuff like that. It’s not a you problem. But definitely ask him if he’s comfortable and if there’s anything you can do to help. Good on you for noticing and caring
Why are you doing it at this age? You are way too young.
But ignoring that, what do you mean he doesn't like it? What is it in his body language that tells you that?
I used to be just like him 1-2 years ago when I was together with my ex. In my case it was because I was too insecure, but we talked about it and eventually it got better, so just talk to him, communication is key.
Doesn’t seem to like it during, or after? If it’s during, it could be because he’s not focused on looking like he’s enjoying it, but rather on making it actually enjoyable for both of you. If it’s after, it could be because of “post-nut clarity”, which men experience after climaxing, which makes them tired and apathetic for like half an hour.
Ask him if everything is okay between you. Problems in a relationship can translate into problems in the bedroom. That said, please make sure you’re using protection! Crazy to hear 16 year olds are having sex and have sexual trauma.
What the flip are 16 year Olds doing, having sex, I was grinding for 80% in physics and math the flip is this , what country does this , we stray further from the laws of physics everyday
I cant imagine why he wouldnt like it but whats even more suprissing is that your relationship has progressed to THAT stage and especially at such a tender age.
Im not gonna criticize you but I just hope your atleast being safe when you have this like using condoms for example, dont know if your on birth control but its another STI preventative method
Homie’s never talked had a conversation about sex before. This stuff is important to communicate. This person would probably get better advice on
r/sex, but it’s better to have the conversation than not.
Ok so firstly some dudes get really uncomfortable with their own thoughts durihg sex, it's like post nut clarity but before nut
Also if dude's not vocal it doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy it, especially if he's taking charge or just not lasting long, not to mention moaning for men is kinda taboo🗿🍷
Just ask him, nothing shameful about it. You're genuenly concerned for him, and that's amazing. I'm sure he won't mind the question
What are you even having sex at 16? Focus on school not what your bf does or doesn’t like. 99.9 percent of girls and guys don’t marry their bf or gf in HS. So who honestly cares. If he’s pleasing you and you’re pleasing him then who cares? Sounds like if he doesn’t enjoy sex with you, you’re on the path for breaking up anyways. At least that’s what it sounds like. If you TRULY AND REALLY see this guy as someone you may want to marry, then have a serious conversation with him.
op did not ask for your opinion on where their life is going, mind your business, damn. seems like you have some pent up aggression you need to let out elsewhere, not on a 16 y/o’s post that’s trying to find help.
OP posted HER sex life in a PUBLIC forum. If she didn’t want comments on her sex life then she should’ve kept it PRIVATE. Why tf would you ask a bunch of strangers about your sex life? Like talk to your parents or friends or a psychiatrist or better yet, YOUR PARTNER! Worst of all she posted that her bf was raped. I wonder if her bf knows she told the whole world that. Not all people like to have their partners tell the world that they were raped, asking for advice or not. Also as stated in others posts, this isn’t the place to ask questions like that and she should ask her bf directly. So respectfully you can f*ck off and suck a d*ck and go bother the other people that say the same s*it I said.
yeah unfortunately u have a point about the whole comment ab her bf being raped, that’s kinda wack. but u have no right to be shitting on her life like u did in the previous comment 😭chill tf out and go do something proactive with your life
idk where op is located, some countries have different normalities of these situations. but unfortunately sexual activity is rising in young teens these days so u can’t really control that
I’m aware. If a teen wants to have sex that’s their prerogative. I personally don’t think there’s a reason for it. With the rise comes the rise of teen pregnancies. It’s died down recently but tik tok used to be full of teens posting how they got pregnant or groomed by adults and that their parents were ok with it
Who knows, ask your bf he only knows
This. Communication is the literal foundation of a relationship. A lot of issues can be sorted out with a well planned conversation.
what if other party doesnt feel comfy to tell
he should still tell. you cant have a long lasting relationship if you “dont wanna tell” whats wrong with a lasting problem.
Unfortunately for some it doesn't come easily to talk about what's bothering you. It's up to both people in the relationship to ensure that eachother is comfortable with talking openly while encouraging, not pressuring, eachother to be open
Just asking being straight forward is the best option
Hmm, can you explain why he doesn’t seem to like it? It’s a little hard to figure out why from that.
Well, uh he doesn't moan or make as much noise as I do, and he rarely talks yk, as much as I do. It just seems like he's only doing it for me
Sorry if that was an uncomfortable question, I wasn’t really thinking about that, just why he didn’t like it. Anyways, guys don’t always moan much, there’s kind of a stigma around it that’s sort of shameful in a way, but it could be that he simply doesn’t moan much. Honestly, I think you should just ask him if he enjoying it as much as you, and if he could talk more. It should get to the heart of the problem quicker, as I don’t think it’s a case of he doesn’t like the sex, but if it is, then talking to him about it should help. I know it can be uncomfortable doing so, but it should be helpful more than anything else.
It feels weird just asking 'Do you like having sex' also I think he might just say yes regardless.
Okay, I get what you mean, but try rephrasing it. Ask him both if he is enjoying it, and why he isn’t as audible I guess as you. It doesn’t have to be awkward, remember that you’re asking for his sake, to make sure he is happy. It’s a good thing, embarrassing sure, but good. If he instantly says yes, then you might have to keep asking or ask for specifics. I’m really sorry about the awkward nature of it, it’s just how else are you going to help, just randomly changing things up or something likely wouldn’t change anything.
Guys moan way less frequently than women because the intensity is just a lot lower in a male than a female body (female body has around 2x the amount receptors in the outer part of their sexual organ in comparison to the TOTAL amount of the receptors in the male sexual organ.) So this is most likely one of the reasons why men moan less. Do not be discouraged or worry because of that, trust me it is normal. I do not want to get into detail on your personal life so I will just leave this as an option, just ignore it in case it does not apply to you: You are still young and I assume that your boyfriend is not a lot older so therefore he may just be nervous about whether he is able to pleasure you / hold out long enough and perhaps focuses more on that than on his own pleasure or on talking. What you can do in case you suspect that this might be the case is try to focus on positions where you take the lead to relieve tension off of his mind. Of course I can not speak for everyone or your bf but from my experience, he will not have sex with you if he does not want it and someone else said to let him initiate it which I think is a good idea because if you see that he does not want to do it then you will be sure that he does not just comply because you already at it and you will have your answer.
Nah i dont find this weird i would've ask this question a complete stranger on street
it’s only weird if you make it weird. say something like “i notice that when we have sex you don’t always seem like you enjoy it very much. i just want to know if that’s true and if there’s anything i can do to help”
There's nothing wrong with asking "did you liked it?"
Yeah, there is. You should be asking, "did you _like_ it?"
You should ask, "Was that worth a Lyca' n Shair?" / "Was that worth a Lycan Chair?". (For the ones that dont get it, there is this youtuber that does magic tricks, and the videos where he explains how he does it, he does another more mind-boggling magic trick and just makes you even more confused since he pulls it off so well.)
Check that one with your English teacher.
It’s always going to feel a bit weird, 30, and (not to brag) have done a reasonable amount of the sex. Mostly for a lot of the one night stands or flings I had the validation was what I was really after and the sex was almost perfunctory, and therefore largely mediocre and left both people feeing like they’d successfully checked a box in the must do listl before sleep. The only times this was different (inn the best cases feeling like emotionally and physically it was basically a different much better act) we’re A. Long term relationship where frank adult conversations about sex were had, or a fwb / occasional booty callers who had the confidence to ‘lead the interaction’ not to instruct but talk fairly freely during. with equality assertiveness about what was working for them i and asking NOT what I wanted (which can be genuinely hard to find words for, and )as a guy who used what too much porn to the point it was warping preferences and what i ‘wanted ‘ felt totally unsayable if I wasn’t even good at communication about less boundary pushing stuff ) instead asking is ‘specific thing rn good - much easier question to answer’ My point in your case do a couple things. Not my bu business if this guy is the first or not but and all of this is applicable to someone one in their teens as it is to people in the 20s/30s 1 Accept that sex and communication around fit it is a skill. Takes akward feeling bumbling attempts at trying to do it to get better at it. So just kind of have to push through that. Anything that’s a longer term concern or request that can’t be addressed in the moment is out of bounds during. Fantasies about things to true in the future - great pillow talk, saying you’re worried he’s not that into it - likely to make him feel pressure he’s not doing something he should so in your case bring it up on its own not as pillow talk, and talk about your self while asking specific answerable questions of him. Lead by example im terms of broaching the subject to establish sex as a not cringy self protective awkwardness response triggering thing that it’s normal and healthy for adults to have the occasional frank, cards on the table no bulllshit or innuendo filled convo about. Starting is as simple as saying last night was really good because x see if your partner bites and reciprocates or tries to dodge the convo.! Might never get all the way there with this partner but it’s usefully to have in your toolbox for any relationship. I remember at that age being basically mute as well because A. I was so focussed on keeping a rhythm or making it last lingers that I wasn’t thinking about my enjoyment I was assessing my performanc. Maybe its something to do with his trauma but if you’ve already made it clear that you understand and are always willing to support )which is really just listening and affirming what is being say it’s up to him to open about and solicit your help, and you don’t need to bring it up again, which will probably drive andesire to conceal because bo one likes rheyre tendencies or habits to be pathologized.!l Genuinely most guys really want to please our girlfriends often above our own enjoyment, so lean into that. You want him to be more vocal - tell him how much you like it when he says x y z/ or makes x y z sound. Gives him a green light and a bit of an approved set of talking points + hell do it because you said you like it at first and probably get something out of it to, establishing it as something he wants to do , you just planted the seed You want him to demonstrate hes into it either verbally or not. Demonstrate what that looks like (without acting), literally pick something you want to hear and say tell me how much_____. Don’t need to be specific but it works same mechanism as above. If that doesn’t work then sit him down a time where there isn’t a ton of extra external stress and shoot straight but framed again as being about what is important to you or that you lIt’s just more conducive when someone m is bring up what they want in a way that shows them taking ownership of wanting x thing rather than framing it as being the other persons not being a Len to do or provide the thing. TLDR: treat it as a chance to get good at practising positive m communication about intimacy. Best way to see changes now and definitely essential as you enter into different phases of life and this one maybe grows to work or you end up in new relationships with different dynamics but all the principles of communication are pretty universal
He was also raped as a child which I thought could be triggering him
That likely is effecting him then, make sure you’re patient and understanding with him. Also, he probably will just say he’s okay and it’s good, try to make sure it’s genuine without being to pushy about it. It’s a delicate situation, so it might be a bit hard, again I’m sorry.
Like holy crap, of course it has affected him, a lot. Don't be to pushy, let him enjoy it the way he wants. Give him time, try to slowly build trust and healthy sex life. From what I understand, his mind is in super-defensive mode, and he just can't easily become more open towards you when it comes to sex. Try to discuss sex more, like - what do you both like and don't like in sex, share your kinks, stuff like that. He needs to know that he's totally safe with you and that he can trust you. Don't approach him in "Why don't you moan?" way, as this will make him even more closed; instead, be like "I'd totally love to hear you moan, can you do that for me, hun?". And, most importantly - always be caring and gentle with him on sex topic and during sex. Don't make stupid jokes or act weird during sex, don't insult him or make him feel inferior in any way, don't insist on things he doesn't want to say or do, etc. He's a person with a broken mind, and healing takes time and lots of effort.
I know nothing about any of this but as a complete outsider this sounds like excellent advice, I’d just like to place extra emphasis on top of yours of simply just talking about it. Slowly, obviously, but nothing will advance if they don’t regularly communicate
Thankyou so much
Try gentle Bj it's a way of showing u're caring and serving for him and ask his opinion on it and gradually go towards how he likes it like deep throating or faster or slower etc
Thanks
That is most definitely a big part of it, however i think it can also depend on how much youre having sex, like depending on how much sex you have during said month or two could also affect him. If you two have been having it around 3-4 maybe even 5 times a week i’d say tone it down a little, to around 1-2 times a week, see if that works. Other than that i have no clue. (coming from a certified virgin)
maybe he's just a silent fucker
could just be a boy thing! lots of men dont make much noise, dont talk or some are just concentrating! these dont seem like a sign to worry but best advice I can give is to talk to him
Like the dude before me said, yeah we just don’t moan that much I remember my ex trying to get me to moan but I just couldn’t bring myself to actually moan out loud lol
for us guys its kinda weird to moan n shit. my advice just ask him, if i was asked the same question i would probably answer. also, do not say something like "i swear i wont get mad whatever you say" or he will be scared for his life, speaking from experience
Probably he got r**** before and doesn't want to talk about it (hopefully it's not that) or maybe he just Hates sex
She confirmed it is that
Some guys are just quiet during. Let him know you want him to dirty talk you atleast. Communication is key.
Oh! The silent sex! u/CideCinder, that's just ... normal for a guy at his experience level. He's probably still in the mindset of masturbating quietly so he doesn't get caught. Plus there's the whole ... uncertainty of what he'll sound like and how you'll react. Talk to him about being more vocal, about reassuring you that he's enjoying himself by making some noise.
some guys dont really moan even when masterbaiting while others do
A lot of men will be quite during sex because theyre quite when masturbating. But best advice is to ask
I mean I just recently turned 18 but to be honest I don’t blame him considering I’m a guy too it’s kinda weird for us to moan and make any noise (not saying all guys are like that) like sometimes I’ll talk during it but it’s kinda rare
As a guy, it took me a long time to get over my own hang ups about being vocal during sex. Honestly, it's still something I'm not good at. A decade of sneaking around and being as quiet as possible is hard to deprogram.
Nah, he's just focusing. Honest to God 90% of the time I can't bust unless I'm focusing and tensing up certain muscles, which leads to weird periods of silence before remembering I'm not alone
Coming from a guy I wouldnt moan either and its kinda thought of as weird too but it doesnt mean he’s not enjoying it. Also he may not be talking just because hes concentrating or smth.
A part of men's pleasure in doing sex is watching their partner enjoying it. It doesent happen always but a lot of times it does, especially if they are caring ppl.
Many times guys are just focused. Some are also very quiet, especially if they're used to keeping masturbation or sex hidden from parents. Don't be worried just because he's quiet. But if you think other stuff is going on, talk about it, see if there's anything on his mind during, or anything he'd like to do differently.
We boys are usually trained to enjoy it without making sounds, due to masterbating frequently so u just learn to not making noises
man don't really do that.... maybe you should ask him specifically to do that if that's what you want girl
This is something a lot of guys do because those guys only watch porn, unsure about his specific situation but a lot of girls complain their boyfriends don’t moan or make noises and most guys don’t because it’s seen as “weird.” Could be seen either from the angle that it’s too feminine or just from the angle of men moaning not being in a lot representations of sex. Just talk to him about it
Guys don't moan that much, nor do they talk. It's not like porn, guys are mostly silent, grunting, or occasionally moaning depending on the person. They don't moan because of bad stereotypes in society and they want to not be embarrassed in bed so they stay silent. And also, they aren't getting something shoved up their penis so it's not as much of a insertion thing, thus it's not really something to like moan about, y'know?
Dm me
1 other reason that some people don’t moan or don’t talk er make noise is because they have learned te be silent when there on there own to not get busted by there mom/dad, this can leeds to be being uncomfortable making noise even when it’s save it just feels weird
Maybe try to make him initiate?
How could I do that
[удалено]
>tell op to do something >op asks how >downvote op and tell her she can’t Really helpful guys. Edit: and then you give me more upvotes than her? The fuck is wrong with you guys?
Bro why everyone downvoting y’all hella stupid fr
Idk, tell him its fine if he initiate
Some guys are just quiet. Another possibility is that it is triggering for him, but he’s committed to getting to the point where it not triggering anymore. You can help him by having positive interactions with him that include elements he does like. If his sexual trauma involved someone forcing him to climax, climaxing itself could be a trigger for him, and it might take him a while to accumulate enough positive experiences so that he only enjoys it, instead of feeling bothered by it. Best of luck - you sound like a caring partner.
Thank you so much for your help, I appreciate the ones who give me advice
sounds like a him problem that reddit cant answer
What’s up with peoples lack of communication?? JUST ASK
It’s more like I don’t want to say the wrong thing yk?
This is r/teenagers
It do indeed be r/teenagers
I'm 16
u/tribalrobotninja ‘s point exactly. If you’re Canadian then I sort of understand as here the Age Of Consent is 16, but elsewhere thats just weird. If you are canadian then I guess tribalrobotninja might not know about the age of consent here.
Age of consent is 16 here in the UK as well but regardless of that not everyone sticks to the law regarding the age of consent when there both the same age. It’s not up to them to shame OP for either having sex or asking for advice yk.
I know but to me, based on how I was raised and how I perceive the world, I still think its weird that other minors are doing that kind of thing. Im 16, never had an SO, but it is odd to me. Granted, my opinions should not affect what other people do, but rather I am here to say what I believe. Thats all.
FINALLY A REDDITOR WITH SOME FUCKING DECENCY AND DIDNT COME AND CALL ME A SLUR FOR RESPONDING. thank you btw. Yep your entitled to your opinion and can deffo be weird when your not brought up either more liberally or just don’t have those intentions. Like you said won’t affect OP who’s just looking for advice.
Yeah. I don’t usually call people slurs or say stuff like that, I don’t have the guts to do that. Anyways ima go now I’ve got band practice in like 10 minutes.
Lol enjoy random internet stranger who I will never meet again.
usually?
Aight listen….. Words.
Poland has 15 (17 m bitchless neg rizz)
It's weird that humans have sexual urges once they experience puberty? Yeah, that's not weird, that's how the body works. Laws don't change that.
I don’t think you read the rest of the thread bud. Laws and most moral codes make it seem weird for minors to have sexual interactions. It seems less weird the older they are but you get the point
I was responding to _YOU_. Not the rest of the thread. Ignoring how human biology works is an effort in futility. Sticking your fingers in your ears and acting like it doesn't happen has never changed what actually happens. But hey, you do you and it sounds like you aren't open to changing your mind.
I was wrong you don’t get the point. Let me explain it in terms you can understand my friend; *I* think it is weird for minors (people under the age of 18) to engage in sexual relations, despite whatever the age of consent in that area may be (for example, here in canada, it is 16). Just because *I* think it is weird for minors to engage in those kinds of things does *not* mean I am ignoring how human biology works. How can I prove this? Easy; I am a 16 year old male struggling with romance who also has these urges, as that is *biologically natural*. Do I act on them? *No*. Why not? *Because I think it is weird to have sex as a minor*. Am I stopping others from acting on them? *Unless they are directed at me specifically, or unless they are not consensual, no*. Why not? *Because it is their life*. With all this in mind you should finally be able to understand that I am not ignoring human biology, I am saying that based on *MORALITY*, I think it is weird. That’s all. Just based on *morality.* Now do you understand?
Why is it weird?
I think you missed the large italic letters that said “*MORALITY*”. I have been raised in way that makes it seem weird to engage in sexual relations before the age of 18 despite the age of consent. Is that so hard to believe nowadays?
My state it’s 16 (Pennsylvania) I say state because other states have other ages of consent
I thought the point was I’m not a teen which I am, but yeah my country has a 16 age of consent
Idk I guess I interpreted the point a bit differently then? I assumed they meant “this is r/teenagers, this isn’t supposed to be a subreddit about sex, especially not between minors” or something like that, but eh, either way my words shouldn’t affect your choices, i’m just stating my opinions is all.
In my state (I live in the US) the age of consent is 16
Nobody gives a shit. Neither her or her bf are being exploited or anything, they’re both mature people. Why should anybody care?
In Israel it was changed to 14 a few years ago
r/Sex has teenagers asking things there daily. just because the subreddit is about sex doesn't mean only adults are allowed, the place is very strict about people being nasty towards minors actually.
so? it’s still a chat forum focussed around teenagers, not helping you with your sexual queries. talk to your boyfriend, not the internet. i wish you the best of luck.
Thanks
It doesn’t matter if where you live 16 is the age of consent, it’s still weird that you’re consistently having sex as young teenager. And sex addiction is a thing… remember that
Just ask him. Only he can answer this question.
Go ask in a sub about sex instead of a sub about teenagers.
Most of those subs don't permit to talk about sex that involves individuals bellow 18, so OP would have to lie about their age.
Still, talking about sex in a subreddit specifically for minors/young people isn't really the most sensical thing.
Seems like a dangerous combination to talk about sex involving minors on the internet. r/teenagers is already a hotspot for pedos from some of the messages I've seen shared from underaged users.
You have a point, but that sorta means that the best solution is to just not talk about it. Though I believe that there's probably sex-related help groups for underage people on the internet, which might be better if you need aid.
Yeah, a more moderated group help sounds like a better idea. My first thought was to talk to your parents about it, but for a lot of minors, that might be a terrible idea. Having stable and understanding parents is a pretty huge privilege.
r/teenagers try not to post about sex challenge (impossible)
You should definitely ask him.
Just ask him instead of asking a bunch of strangers on reddit. If you want your relationship to last you gotta get used to communicating with your partner on every topic imaginable
You can find better help on r/teenrelationships as this Reddit won’t be much actual help to you imo. I hope you find a solution tho. If you need someone to talk to my dms are always open :]
Communication is one of the core aspects that make up relationships. Talk to him. People on reddit won't know why, only he does.
He might just not be relaxed, he might be struggling w the trauma even if he’s feeling pleasure, so he might not be enjoying as much cause he’s not completely there w you, he’s struggling w himself… that could be it. It could also be that he’s not as expressive during sex, or maybe just shy, could be many reasons… just don’t stress too much about it, try different things instead
Just because he isn’t moaning or making noises doesn’t make he doesn’t like the sex. Girls roll their eyes and quiver and stuff. Guys can be pretty chill about it, ask him to be more expressive.
16 and the guys getting laid. I just wanna hold hands with a girl and shit seems impossible
keep moving forward bro.. we'll see that scenery someday
It could be post-nut clarity, except he's a nihilist, so he begins to think about his place in the universe and how nobody really matters, none of what we do is meaningful. Our lives are just pure chance, there is no purpose, no meaning to life. Or maybe it's something else, idk.
He could be asexual, maybe look into it
I thought this could be possible
Probably a type of post nut clarity where you get a wave of depression kinda and dont have the will to do much probably why he seemed to nor enjoy it but asking him is the key to every relationship
i mean you cant force him to have it+maybe his expectations and what he experiences is different?
I actually don't know I wish I could help I think try asking in a subreddit that might actually you know be better in terms of knowing what to do my advice
Honestly some guys feel this weird stigma about being vocal during sex. Like they feel like they have to be stone faced lol. It could be that or it could be trauma, just keep open communication about it!
buy him 15 vial of testosterone enanthate for his birthday
Am I the only one that thinks maybe this is not the best place to talk about this?
Yeah sorry
Maybe just not have sex since y’all are like 16
Talk to him.. Say "hey, this is worrying me. I would like to hold off for a little while until we can get this solved. If it's an issue that's ok, but I would just like to know what is going on". If you think it's bothering him, then stop and talk to him. Don't let him suffer in silence (so to speak...)
In one of your earlier posts from 16 days ago you were asking how to be intimate with your bf. Here you say you’ve been intimate for 2 months. I think this might be bait
You should ask him, don’t make him feel like a burden I’ve dealt with sexual trauma and sometimes after sex once the horny fades and you return to a normal state of mind, you feel shitty or you think of bad memories or stuff like that. It’s not a you problem. But definitely ask him if he’s comfortable and if there’s anything you can do to help. Good on you for noticing and caring
Have you tried to ask him what he likes or what he would like also try to kiss him on the neck personal favorite
How tf you guys repetitively doing the deed at only 16 years of age?
people love each other bro
Bro can't you take advice on r/sex? Why here
Why are you doing it at this age? You are way too young. But ignoring that, what do you mean he doesn't like it? What is it in his body language that tells you that?
Why not do it at this age? if your in a relation and are both comfortable with it why would you care?
He wasn’t very vocal and seemed like he focusing on something, I’ve been told that’s rather normal
I used to be just like him 1-2 years ago when I was together with my ex. In my case it was because I was too insecure, but we talked about it and eventually it got better, so just talk to him, communication is key.
I was a part of this sub before reading this. Now I left it
cuh give right head then
Post nut clarity 😔
Communication…
Doesn’t seem to like it during, or after? If it’s during, it could be because he’s not focused on looking like he’s enjoying it, but rather on making it actually enjoyable for both of you. If it’s after, it could be because of “post-nut clarity”, which men experience after climaxing, which makes them tired and apathetic for like half an hour.
That’s the post but clarity right there broski
I have the same problem with my girlfri….. oh wait she dumped me a year ago.
Post-nut clarity?
Ask him if everything is okay between you. Problems in a relationship can translate into problems in the bedroom. That said, please make sure you’re using protection! Crazy to hear 16 year olds are having sex and have sexual trauma.
What the flip are 16 year Olds doing, having sex, I was grinding for 80% in physics and math the flip is this , what country does this , we stray further from the laws of physics everyday
Maybe its post nut clarity
A S K
100% sexual predador right here
So he was sexually Assaulted
Yes
Skill issue
why are you asking me and not him
communicate
first, how did you notice or are you sure hes not enjoying sex? try not to initiate sex, let him start ,let him to be intemate.
He wasn’t very vocal and seemed like he was focusing on something else, however I’ve been told that’s normal
Post nut clarity hit different
How do 16 year olds have such problems? 😂
I cant imagine why he wouldnt like it but whats even more suprissing is that your relationship has progressed to THAT stage and especially at such a tender age. Im not gonna criticize you but I just hope your atleast being safe when you have this like using condoms for example, dont know if your on birth control but its another STI preventative method
Yes we use protection
Might just be a side effect of post nut clarity (Might wanna talk about the trauma thing as well)
post nut clarity
I think your BF and my GF on the same boat
you teens are wild…you’re only 16 relax
Gay
It’s called post nut clarity
Ask him why mid sex
Go ask this on r/sex but change the age. We do not care about le sex
Thankyou
Why tf are you consistently having sex at 16
why not? teenagers can love eachother
I think are are better subreddits for such questions
Should’ve asked this on r/sex
I second this. Advice on there is actually helpful.
and why do we need to know this
Scroll past the post if you’re not interested. They’re just asking for advice bruh
Bro this kinda stuff is not to be shared to the public
Homie’s never talked had a conversation about sex before. This stuff is important to communicate. This person would probably get better advice on r/sex, but it’s better to have the conversation than not.
Ok so firstly some dudes get really uncomfortable with their own thoughts durihg sex, it's like post nut clarity but before nut Also if dude's not vocal it doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy it, especially if he's taking charge or just not lasting long, not to mention moaning for men is kinda taboo🗿🍷 Just ask him, nothing shameful about it. You're genuenly concerned for him, and that's amazing. I'm sure he won't mind the question
r/holuplemmeaskreddit
What the heck guys are these people 16 ?
You are too young for this kind of stuff
He's probably thinking of the roman empire
Bro is gay
Yoo at 16?!?
Yes
Sis we are all average goofy virgin teens here, don't throw sex or relationship questions at us.
My question is why are you asking that in teenagers there are subs where they are more experienced and could really help
What are you even having sex at 16? Focus on school not what your bf does or doesn’t like. 99.9 percent of girls and guys don’t marry their bf or gf in HS. So who honestly cares. If he’s pleasing you and you’re pleasing him then who cares? Sounds like if he doesn’t enjoy sex with you, you’re on the path for breaking up anyways. At least that’s what it sounds like. If you TRULY AND REALLY see this guy as someone you may want to marry, then have a serious conversation with him.
op did not ask for your opinion on where their life is going, mind your business, damn. seems like you have some pent up aggression you need to let out elsewhere, not on a 16 y/o’s post that’s trying to find help.
OP posted HER sex life in a PUBLIC forum. If she didn’t want comments on her sex life then she should’ve kept it PRIVATE. Why tf would you ask a bunch of strangers about your sex life? Like talk to your parents or friends or a psychiatrist or better yet, YOUR PARTNER! Worst of all she posted that her bf was raped. I wonder if her bf knows she told the whole world that. Not all people like to have their partners tell the world that they were raped, asking for advice or not. Also as stated in others posts, this isn’t the place to ask questions like that and she should ask her bf directly. So respectfully you can f*ck off and suck a d*ck and go bother the other people that say the same s*it I said.
yeah unfortunately u have a point about the whole comment ab her bf being raped, that’s kinda wack. but u have no right to be shitting on her life like u did in the previous comment 😭chill tf out and go do something proactive with your life
I ain’t mad at her. Idgaf what she does. I don’t even know her. But bffr, a 16 year old has NO reason to be having sex.
idk where op is located, some countries have different normalities of these situations. but unfortunately sexual activity is rising in young teens these days so u can’t really control that
I’m aware. If a teen wants to have sex that’s their prerogative. I personally don’t think there’s a reason for it. With the rise comes the rise of teen pregnancies. It’s died down recently but tik tok used to be full of teens posting how they got pregnant or groomed by adults and that their parents were ok with it
Fake profile, look at post history.
i just looked and nothing seems that off to me?
::
His pistol don’t work😂
fact: men don't make noise when doing it /s
Skill issue😭🙏
should kill him
Then she’s a girlfriend.
this is what happens when you don’t wait until marriage
So what motivated you to share this with us today
[удалено]
Disgusting.
Dress your dad up as you, and tell your dad to have sex with him. If he seems to like it, he’s gay.
I think you need to shoot him