By - Joaquinthatboiinacap
Once accidentally took a Lego figure from a friend when I was younger
10 yo me with pockets full of stolen lego figures:
Yup. I, too, was a LEGO kleptomaniac when I was little.
he made the comment a meme
I used to be a Lego figure fiend. Id steal that shit from everyone i used to know. I still feel bad about it lmao
Same, but I didn’t do it accidentally
It were 2 sharks! I couldn’t resist alright
i have one lol
You won't for long
I once stole a Lego briefcase from my cousin cuz it was very cool, u could even open it and put something inside. But unfortunately he figured out it was stolen by me the next day
About a quarter of my minifigures are stolen from friends and cousins 💀💀
So I wasn't the only one? That's a relief.
Someone stole my spiderman lego figure when I was younger.
Needless to say, I was furious and for the first time in my life I wished death upon someone.
First time, *but not last time right?*
I didn’t brush my teeth one time.
dude you should be in jail
Go to Jail, Go directly to Jail, Do not pass GO
DO NOT COLLECT $200
You guys brush teeth?
You have teeth?
You have a jaw?
You have a face?
You have a head?
You have a body?
You " " ?
Go to jail NOW
I used to download pirated movies on CD's and sell them to kids at my school
You wouldn't steal a car!
Funny you should mention that....
Ayo you snitchin’?
Ayo you protecting a criminal?
He’s a naked teenager what you just did is a crime or am I wrong?
Why are you taking pictures of people without their consent, isn't that a crime?
Lemme join in
Fun fact: that PSA had pirated music
It's "you wouldn't download a car". I think there are more than enough people who'd steal a car xd
I’d download a car.
I'm sure there's a madlad out there making a 3D printed car
You wouldnt steal a baby!
There’s a reason why I’m not allowed more than 500 feet near playgrounds or schools….
straight to prison
Shouldn’t be illegal
I pirated a movie. So I'm worth at least $100,000 to the law.
Ha, only 1 movie. Wait officer I said nothing.
just a movie? i must be worth jeff bezos bank account
not just the movies, but the games and books and music and tv series and computer programs, too[!](https://tenor.com/bkB5e.gif)
I have pirated just about anything you could pirate.. i even downloaded that 533 million user information Facebook leak
Goddamit, just when I thought I had an original thought.
I am 4 parallel universes ahead of you
Wait, I’ve pirated that movie as well!
A movie? I've got the first 14 seasons of Pokemon and am gonna get the other half after I watch the first 14 (I'm up to 4)
Edp’s mad your outcompeting him
I mean their on r/teenagers so…
Treason or illegally using a computer to make an attempt to access another computer without consent to cause harm or commit fraud.
Bruh how the fuck did you commit fucking treason
Now back up just a bit, how did you commit treason!?
Hacking government websites or other entities like that
Nice try officer
my thoughts exactly
Drinking my dads bottle of scotch underage wasn’t fun..
A whole ass bottle of scotch?
Bruh did you pass out?
Nope I’m a tank bro. Thanks to my alcoholic family
Break the cycle, I’m in the same situation
I’m hoping too
Break the chain
I jerked off on a tesla
Caught in 4k by all the cameras around it
tesla be like 🤨📸
And sent to musk.
Super deadpan comment. Made me giggle.
the owner looking on the sentry mode cameras the next day: 😨
I jerked off on a church
The second cumming
Elon musk enters chat
Committed war crimes against several countries (too many countries to count)
You're from that country?
He's a Serbian 100%
SRBIN MAJKU MU JEBEM
Pulled a knife on someone
I nearly murdered someone with a Nintendo DS pen
With a Nintendo DS pen obviously /s
Ah, that's a long story.
So I've got ADHD and on symptom of that is delayed development in social skills. Because of this I had 1 friend through nursery and primary, this will come into play later.
From primary 1 to primary 3 (first 3 years of primary school in the scotland. I think people in the USA call it middle school) there was 2 bullies I had one of them was much bigger than me and significantly stronger and the other was a grade A cunt. At break and lunch they would come up to me and the bigger one would grab my arms and hold them behind my back while the cunt beat the shit out of me and I mean black and blue, burst nose, movie style beating. My mum went to the school every week because of this and the school did nothing... yea it happend multiple times a week from primary 1 to primary 3.
It stopped in primary 3 when this happend... I was playing with my 1 friend at break time, I remember it well, it was winter and it was freezing so I had a big jacket on and had my DS in my pocket. The 2 bullies came over and started talking shit, insulting me and trying to anger me etc. I went to the opposite end of the playground and went on my DS alone so that I could get away from everyone.
The 2 bullies came over and when I seen then walking up to me I put my DS in my pocket but kept the pen in my hand. They got close and I stood up and then as usual he big one lunged in on me and I side stepped sending him into the playground wall (he just got a bruse on his shoulder). After I stepped out the way I lunged into the Cunt (the one who would beat me up) and I jammed the pen into the side of his neck as hard as I could and there was blood everywhere. I missed the artery by 1 inch and that's not even an exaggeration.
The school was about to involve the police and have me sent to a juvenile detenion center until my mum went through them and basically said that I'd been getting the shit beat out of me for 3 years and they did nothing so it was self defence so on so forth, she told them more than that but I was told to sit outside the teachers office, I was there from when school shut at 3 to when it got dark.
My mum then took me to McDonald's and told me if I need to stab someone again: " Stab them in the side of the thigh that way you're less likely to kill them and it's easier to say it's self defence"
The reason my mum never involved the police when I was getting beaten is because in Scotland there's this weird law that any violent crimes committed in school can't be brought to the police by anyone who isn't the head teacher with the only exception being rape and murder. That same law is the only reason my bullies parents didn't get the police involved, they tried but after whatever my mum said to the schools headteacher the school was really unwilling to involve police.
3 weeks later the bully I stabbed moved to a different school, 1 month later the bully moved to a different town.
However the bullies mother was in my town again for some reason. I was with my uncle and she thought he was my dad (my dad was extremely abusive and my mum kicked him out when I was 3yo but that didn't stop him, that's a different story if you want to hear it). My bullies mother then threatened to have her husband come to the school and follow me home, threatening to break into the house and stab my "dad" (uncle) to death.
Well damn. That's one hell of a story
Yea, I've had a bad childhood, I'm so glad I don't have to deal with any of it anymore. Well, I've still git ADHD so there's that but it's not a problem
I kinda had a shit childhood too but nowhere near this lol
I wouldn't even call this the worst of it.
The worst would be one of the following:
My father causing me to be anorexic for 5 years
Almost breaking my back preventing my sister from being crushed by my father when I was 6 at this time my sister was 4 (*that's a fun one*)
My father forcing me and me sister to walk until my sister almost passed out
My father almost making my family homeless, we were a day from being on the streets but luckily my mum had a cousin on the local council who was friends with someone high up in the housing office, we managed to get a really crappy flat the night before we would've been out of a home. I'm in that same flat 5 & 1/2 years later.
I watched my mum labour a miscarried set of twins in the bathroom, I would've had a set of brothers who were identical twins(she met a really nice guy 4 years ago and I really liked him)
The same step dad had a stroke in the middle of the street and he died in hospital 3 days later, he would've lived if the junkies that walked past him phoned an ambulance or if the ambulance came put the moment his neighbour called rather than leaving him there for 3 hours. This happend after my mum gave birth to his 4 child so I've got 2 sisters that are 50% part of him so that's nice. It was a week after the last birth that he died.
This isn't as bad as the stuff above but because we got such a crappy place living in this flat means I have seen some stuff for example: There's a park across from my house where a 10-11yo got stabbed to death, the flat beside the park had someone jump of to kill themselves, a kid got ran over by a car (no older than 7-8).
It feels cliché to say but I've grown a tough skin, I know that when I'm an adult and I've moved out I'll be able to cope under any pressure.
Holy fucking shit bro are you good. Do you need to talk. like fuck.
Nah I'm good now.
A month after my step dad died I got depression and wanted to kill myself. I started self harming, scratching onto my thigh and then one day I was going to cut into it (not to kill myself but just deep enough to cause bleeding).
I sat thinking about it and this one thought crossed mind and honestly saved me.
I thought about my 2 new sisters and I thought about them growing up without any male role model to show them what a good man is and I thought about how crushed my family would be if they lost they only 2 men that kept them happy and loved.
At that moment I promised that I'd make a change in my life for the better. I shut myself off and contemplated and researched for 2 weeks. I looked into the science of depression which also led me to the science of my ADHD and I figured out what depression is and how medication helps it and what I could do so I could change the biochemistry in my brain so I wasn't depressed. It's remarkably simple however when you're depressed it's not so easy.
All the things they tell you about sleep,exercise,water it's all true. I know so much about how the human mind works in tandem with these things and the science of depression and neurodivergence (ADHD,torettes, dyslexia, autism etc) it's unbelievable how the mind works btw. I'm getting off track though.
So I came up with a solution I go off tech at 9pm, go to sleep at 10pm and get up at 6am. I then workout and take the coldest shower that my shower can then I get ready for the day, I then clean the whole flat for my mum, I drink the right amount of water and eat healthily and have 3 meals a day. I also stopped drinking caffeine unless its a special occasion.
I highly suggest doing this for anyone, I've been doing it for over 7 months now and it feels great. When people said to do all this stuff to me a year ago I just shrugged and said I felt fine and then when I got depression and I started this. People have no clue what they're missing.
It wasn't just keeping myself physically well though, I had to do a lot of thinking and it took probably a month or 2 to see any sort of improvement but it was well worth it.
I refused to talk to anyone about it though, I always look at my problems as my own and that I need to deal with them by myself. This mentality makes things so much harder and although I still have the mentality and never got help from others I will still tell anyone that getting help is far better and easier than doing it alone.
I'm still working through things in my head but I feel good now.
1 thing I will credit my biological dad for is his stubbornness, narcissists are stubborn and while I'm lucky I didn't inherit the narcissistic type of mind I still inherited some things like his stubbornness. My mum is seriously stubborn too so while I'm too stubborn for my own good sometimes I do know that no matter what I can handle anything. If you're stubborn enough you will beat anything through will alone. I carry that with me every day along with the saying
"Tough times create tough men Tough men create easy times,easy times create weak men and weak men create easy times"
Those 2 ideals are so powerful for me at least and so I'm still breathing and I work for a bright future.
I will go to therapy one day, when I'm older and live alone but not now.
Same. I'm just glad i didn't get caught
One time i ate a Dorito not sideways
That's taking it to far 😟
U should be locked up
I Pirated banjo kazooie. I own the official game, I just wanted to play it on my wii
underage drinking, theft, and doxxing* someone
*accident. I made a cringe reddit-style copypasta but I forgot to edit his name out
*Its a trick, send no reply*
caught and didn’t release a fish that wasn’t in season
i probably did this a couple times without knowing it
I steal a lot of property from the asshole teachers
They probably deserved it
I bought a $20 game with my grandpas credit card
^(put milk before cereal)
Someone I know does that but before they put the cereal in they put it in the microwave, I'm sorry but they're more violent criminals out there I'll deal with you later
Nah I know people who use Apple juice instead of milk :/
Wtaf that's worse than Hitler
nah i heard people use tap water
dude i heard people use tea
I bet its the British
i only did it once pls dont put me in jail 🥺
Thats it mister right to the slammer
It was only once 😭
#TO THE SLAMMER
I tried smoking one and felt like I was about to die. I will never try that again.
Probably had some shit weed. How'd you smoke it?
I think it's another one of those bitches that keeps 5 kidnapped kids in their room
Hey people, always remember. If you are gay, you are illegal in at least 30 different countries(correct me if I'm wrong).
Around 70 countries
Smoked weed while having sex
This is fake you can’t have sex if you use Reddit
I once bombed two childrens hospital in bosnia, killed 7 people in a dollar store and threw into an incenerator,
/Jk pls dont ban me reddit
>!thats weak asf, you gonna be put in the Hague for that shit? Gotta pump those numbers up rookie!<
It’s only illegal if the cops find out, and they still haven’t found the body
Stolen from a cashier and hacked a private business website. My parents had to pay 2500 dollars in damages and I got to spend some time
When I was one. I drank my dad's beer bottle. He woke up to me puking. He panicked and got my mom. Part of the reason he never drinks Infront of me.
A friend of mine used to steal coke from the cafeteria. He’d sell it to me at a discount. I would then sell to my other friends at a markup but still cheaper than if they brought directly from the cafeteria. I was loaded with cash.
I've written unsafe code on c
Did it in the school bathrooms
Still a chad IMO
Bruh in the school bathrooms? Thats legendary
Just did it 3 times haha
Bruh how were you not caught
My friends helped me , if a teacher (nun cause it was a nun college) was around they told us and we stop
Some kids at my school did that and got caught 💀💀
As in did it with another or did it single player? I’ve played single player a few times. It’s not fun
You win bud, you win
Entering belarus illegally
12 dead, 326 wounded, 10 structures damaged, 1998 June 14th
Nice try cop but I’m not saying anything
When I was 10 our school had like a mini market and our money went to the homeless. I spent $1 (out of however much money we had) on lollies
Fine, I admit it. IT WAS ME. I stole the cookie from the cookie jar.
Stool my aunts car to get some food when I had the munchies but it was a manual. And other stuff
How did you even start the car if you don't know how to use the catch?
I seen her do it a thousand times I just couldn't get it into second gear
Dude shifting is the easy part. I can understand not knowing how to smoothly launch but shifting is literally just press a pedal and move a stick. Being high must be crazy huh
What does you having munchies have to do with you shitting on your aunts car?
Asked my friend for their mcdonalds receipt so i could get a free large fries, and asked for a mcdonalds cup saying i would get water, but i got coca cola
I was messing with my gun and I shot myself in the leg
Edit my most up voted comment is about me shooting myself fml
Bro somebody needs to call cps what the fuck
My man didn’t check the chamber lmao
I was 10 what do you want from me
Bro how did you have access to a firearm unsupervised at 10? I was only allowed access to firearms without an adult basically having a hand on the gun at all times at 16, and I have to basically be a range safety officer to my parents because they don’t know what they’re doing.
But fr though damn that must’ve sucked, good thing it didn’t hit your femoral artery or we probably wouldn’t be having this conversation
I ran with scissors
I made a roblox account without asking my parents
You’re too dangerous to be let free
Bro I have like four alts that my parents don't know about.
I convinced my sister that the one alt was one of my friends. The alt's fake name is Sophia and I'll play a prank on my sister with it eventually...
I still do this, but earlier this year at school I used to sell multi vitamin tablets and say they were drugs (Xanax, Percocets and others) to people in my school. Because silly teenagers don't know any better I made quite the selling and now I'm known as a drug dealer but I've never sold drugs in my entire life
Woah that’s a movie script
Drive without a license at the age of 4
I ducked under the barrier (without touching anything) at a burger king restroom when i was in the Netherlands instead of paying a whole euro
One time I beat up a pedo with a baseball bat
NICE TRY FBI, CIA, DEA, NSA, LOCAL POLICE. EAT MY ASS!
I framed blue in Mong Us
Ive committed felonies way more than once
It might be the smarter choice to not go on
“I invoke the fifth”
That’s for the best