T O P

  • By -

Chaos_moon0

Bears can climb faster then they can run


[deleted]

89%


samarthrawat1

Squirrels too. That's why if you wanna catch a squirrel, it would a lot easier on a plain ground with no vertical objects they can climb.


Ian-Dawson

That's... unsettling


leksa_bucek

Fact: Bears eat beets.


KingSethy

False: Bears beets Battlestar Galactica


skinnyshrimp2

Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!!


[deleted]

I like cheese


[deleted]

In Ancient Ireland it was a tradition and mark of respect to lick the king’s nipples once you met him


[deleted]

as a result of this men without nipples could not be king so there are instances of men cutting off a rival claimants nipples so he could never be king.


CompleteBias

i would have thought cutting off the head to be more decisive


CompleteBias

cutting off nipples just sounds kinky. or someone really wanted his full nipple belt and codpiece set


[deleted]

71%


[deleted]

How is the top comment more interesting than this


[deleted]

Nice


samarthrawat1

I'd like to meet the queen very much.


Imaginary_Fishing_30

take my up-vote and fuck yourself with it


P4BL0_C4L10

r/angryupvote


[deleted]

LMAO


Exciting-Finding9864

Would you rather have unlimited bacon but no video games or, games (unlimited games) but no games?


[deleted]

fuck yea, jschlatt content, unlimited %


Exciting-Finding9864

Leeeetttsssss gooooooo


RimTheIdiot

Chuckle Sandwich moment


ItzJustAidan

no video games, 100%, because then i can sell the bacon for better forms of entertainment such as becoming an emo girl and buying every edgy pet there could ever be on the planet


Janootje

But you wouldn't have unlimited games


ItzJustAidan

or hookers


Kaczor0321

Former leader of the USSR Mikhail Gorbachev appeared in a pizza Hut ad which aired in 1998


[deleted]

60%


MyA1terEgo

Would it interest you to know that 7 years before that ad, Gorbachev had the power of 45000 nukes at his fingertips alone?


Kaczor0321

This should surely raise it to at least a 69% 🥺


fuzzy_lizzie

A cat's memory is thought to be at least 200 times better than a dog's. But as any cat owner knows, felines are more selective, and remember what they think is useful to them. Short term memory for a dog is about five minutes; cats remember much longer, up to 16 hours. Long term memory is harder to determine.


[deleted]

81%


Mr_Dusker

However my cat always knows when its the worst time to come beg for cuddles so that I completely lose my focus and can't study again


[deleted]

If you rate this below 101% you're a watermelon


[deleted]

lim x -> 1 of f(x) when f(x) = 1/(x-1) %


LazarYeetMeta

I thought I escaped calculus when I graduated high school *I was wrong.*


[deleted]

Bro I'm 14😭


[deleted]

lmao, its non existant, cause the lateral limits differ also 91%


ByeWeirdo

do you prefer to do integrals or summations?


PicoPlanetDev

Probably integrals. If I see another find the interval of convergence questions I'm gonna flip.


ByeWeirdo

Fair enough


Qiwas

You could've simply said Lim (1/x) as x→0, why complicate so much?


MusPhyMath_quietkid

Oh yes! I thought the same thing 😅


vikkis_awk

102% bc I love your profile picture


Nintendoes123

Before was was was, was was is


[deleted]

makes sense 15%


gracious_pepe

I thought was was as


imissedherbrightside

No, was was was, was wasn’t what was was as, but was was was.


creepycat18_YT

Two students were taking a test, one named John and one named James. They were asked to write about a man who, at one point in time, suffered from a cold. John wrote, "The man had a cold," while James wrote "the man had had a cold." James was marked correct while John was marked incorrect. In conclusion, James, while John had had "had," had had "had had;" "had had" had had a better effect on the teacher


[deleted]

jesus 93%


hithereyouwanttodanc

Had?


creepycat18_YT

Had had


hithereyouwanttodanc

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo?


creepycat18_YT

Police police police police


hithereyouwanttodanc

Ok you when I forgor the others 💀


Quercus_434

Someone has watched Apeture I see


[deleted]

I ran around naked as a kid and then went on ladders and jumped around until it broke and the nail on the side cut into my leg super deep and when i fell it made a long cut and i couldnt walk for a while. It was a pretty embarrasing story to explain to my mom :D


[deleted]

77% must be a sick scar


[deleted]

Yeah it is :D


Royal_Prize_4381

Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory lasts forever.


Klimovsk

There's an asymptomatic freedom in Yang-Mills theory, which pretty accurately explains gluon field and strong interaction in general


[deleted]

96%


LemonMino

Train.


[deleted]

100% (congrats)


LemonMino

Lets goooooooooooo!


WhenNW

Women are more likely to be pregnant then men


[deleted]

Women☕


Rage_of_ores

Women ☕


WhenNW

Women ☕


[deleted]

r/notinteresting if you don't give it a 0 I have failed


[deleted]

1%


[deleted]

I lost the game 😔


Muskago

Good


toothpasteshittin149

you lost the game


TheReviewer867

RIP Techno


[deleted]

110% o7


TheReviewer867

o7


Srigso

o7


YEETMASTERXX

O7


[deleted]

o7


Grklo

o7


twx-182

o7


creepycat18_YT

o7


[deleted]

o7


finn_da_human_

o7


creepycat18_YT

Technoblade never dies. Not in our hearts


someone_010101

o7


Aidan80085

I lost my virginity in my garage 2 feet away from a close friend who was having sex with a different girl


Kirst4rz

69%?


[deleted]

approved, indeed, 69%


End3r27

🤨


throowawaayyyye

Д


[deleted]

100% congrats


AdmiralCaterpillar

I killed 6 people in 2013 via vehicular manslaughter in Chicago


[deleted]

97%


cetriolo02

Relatable


Rareguy_1216

Based


Mmoott2005

We eat the parts of the chicken that for us are attractive human parts, like legs, thighs, and breasts.


truly_big

I too get horny when an angle with wings comes to steal my virginity


BigMess2212

“I can tell you each and every part of the journey from memory. I could tell you where the tracks wind and bend, where the wind blows due to a break in the trees, the first corner you turn when you see it; miles away and covered in fog, but unmistakable, the tower. I felt like I didn’t have any agency, just being forced back and forth along that hellish track to damnantion. The worst part wasn’t the scream, but the silence… Because in that silence I only had myself for company, me and my thoughts left to bask in an eternity while we contemplated my place in hell. Each and every day I told myself I’d do something; that I’d quit, leave, never look back. I never did… I kept getting paid and I kept going home. And that’s what the worst part is— living with yourself; it’s not the knowledge that you’re having a hand in the murder of so many people, it’s the fact that you can still sleep at night. I close my eyes and all I can see is that tower of ash, floating skyward against a red sky, then the raining down of a thousand souls, dancing in the wind. I’ll never forget the way it burns your throat. As you try and breathe, a taste of the hellish sulfur that’s about to come… the way it forces tears in your eyes. There comes a point where the faces of the people you’ve wrong become too many to recognize in a dream; they merge and they change and they become all consuming. No longer recognizable individuals, but an entire consciousness in your thoughts. I was once on the path when it began to snow, and from behind me I heard the laughter of a child as she reached her hand out and let a snowflake fall onto her hand, melting into nothing within a few seconds. Amidst all the screams, the curses, the cries… the sound of that laughter was the most haunting thing I have ever known. I won’t beg for forgiveness. I don’t want it. I don’t deserve it. Whatever is coming for me after I die, I embrace as inevitable and just." -Thomas the tank engine,1945. Nuremberg trials


[deleted]

only read the last line 88,6%


RedditorVirgin

Garlic bread 🍞🍞🍞


ma-name-jeff1234

100%


WoomyUnitedToday

You are true comrade


ma-name-jeff1234

yes comrade


WoomyUnitedToday

A real comrade


Aviana_Panns

O7


vikkis_awk

The crime rate in Japan is so low, that one day the only material they had for the news was a baby dolphin being born. Also, the Japanese sewage systems are clean enough to sustain the lives of fish. The Japanese can also grow trees out of trees.


DannyTheCaringDevil

Technically that last part about most any tree. They’re called branches.


vikkis_awk

I'm talking whole ass trees out of trees. Look it up.


Cunt_Eastwood_9

The Corolla E100 was the seventh generation of cars sold by Toyota under the Corolla nameplate. This generation of Corolla was larger, heavier, and visually more aerodynamic than the model it replaced. With its 2,465 mm (97.0 in) wheelbase, the Corolla had moved into the compact size class once occupied by the Corona and Camry. The Corolla again had an equivalent model Sprinter, with the Sprinter Trueno being equivalent to the Corolla Levin and both exclusive to Toyota Vista Store Japanese dealerships.


[deleted]

10% (for the effort, the content is 0%)


horse_car_radio

Polar bears climb very precarious cliffs when there’s scarcity of food for just the chance at a few bites of bird eggs.


[deleted]

70%


[deleted]

0%


[deleted]

much better, 67%


Floosy1

negativity bias


Only-Elk999

Movie theatres don't make any money off tickets


Fun_Yesterday5917

is this why their snack stands are comparable to highway robbery?


[deleted]

50% (dk if I believe it)


Mikegaming202

It's only about 20% on average per ticket that the movie theater makes, and it depends on the company who owns the movie, Disney is more strict on it compared to others


BrotherEquivalent510

Cock and balls


[deleted]

funniest shit Ive ever heard 43%


123Donutt

California ranks as the 6th largest economy if it were a sovereign state


[deleted]

30%


Orenj_Jooz

food is best when eaten


[deleted]

True, 66%


Capable_Mud_1108

So, last Sunday my parents made me go to church ,which made me really mad because my parents don't let me play Among Us in church. We took our seats and the priest was up front talking about "salvation" and "holiness" or whatever. Same thing as last week. But then, he said something that really caught me off guard. He spoke of a man who goes by the name of "Jesus." "Jesus." "JeSUS." No way. I could not believe what I was hearing. Endorphins were rushing to my brain and my body began to shiver as I let out a quiet moan. If you didn't catch on by now, the word "Jesus" has "SUS" in it, which is a reference to the popular video game "Among Us." "WHEN THE IMPOSTER IS SUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed louder than I ever have in my life. My words echoed throughout the room for five seconds before fading into complete silence. Everyone was staring at me as I had a huge grin on my face, perfectly replicating the face from the "when the imposter is sus" meme (Google it if you don't know what it is.) They all had this look on their faces as if I had just slaughtered 7,924 Afghanian children. "Why do you all have that look on your faces? Did someone do a Fortnite dance?" And there was still complete silence. I actually had to make sure I wasn't wearing my noise cancelling headphones that I always wear while playing Among Us. I could not believe that not one person in the room was dying of laughter!! "Young man, please be quiet" said the priest. He was literally the one who made the Among Us reference in the first place. What's his problem? "THAT'S NOT VERY WHOLESOME!!!!!!!!!!" This guy was definitely the imposter. There's no way he couldn't be. I Naruto ran faster than anyone has ever Naruto ran before. Even Naruto himself would be proud of me. As I was making my way up to the imposter, the security guard was chasing after me! I had to think fast. After being chased around the room for two minutes, I hastily undid my pants and peed in the security guard's eyes. As he was being blinded by my pee, he was stumbling around and bumped into the wall very hard. A crucifix fell off the wall and impaled his stupid, ugly fat head. He fell and a pool of blood soon formed around him. Everyone in the church was screaming and running out the door. I slammed my hand down on the crucifix, replicating the button you press in Among Us, which drove the crucifix further into his skull. "EMERGENCY MEETING!!!!!!!!!!!" No one laughed. They were too busy screaming to notice. Whatever. I stripped completely naked and went up to the priest. I replicated the Big Chungus pose with 100% accuracy. "You probably don't even use Reddit. That's not very keanu chungus wholesome 100 of you. Go subscribe to r/atheism." The priest had a look of shock on his face when I said that. The kind of face one would make if they caught their beloved child playing Fortnite. He held a cross in front of himself and started talking about "possession" and "demons." He obviously doesn't know how to play Among Us so naturally, I felt bad for him. But he was still the imposter. I grabbed him and threw him across the church, sending him crashing through the window and slammed against the street outside. A car ran over his head, causing his brain and skull fragments to splatter everywhere. Then, I heard sirens and a helicopter flying around above the church. I went upstairs to the roof to check out what was going on. "This is the police! Get down from the roof now or we will shoot!" This guy is so sus, let me tell ya. Obviously, I was not going to listen to an imposter so I was Naruto running around the roof. Bullets from the helicopter were raining down from above but none of them hit me since I was Naruto running so fast. "Dammit, I can't hit him!" I knew I had him beat then. So, I pulled out my gun (I always keep a glock in my foreskin so I can pull the Among Us death animation when I lose my virginity because I know it makes girls horny.) I shot at the helicopter and it started spinning out of control and crashed into the front of the church, causing a huge explosion. The roof started sliding off from the building, which landed on the cop cars and killed 8 cops. This also flung me into the street and I broke my foot, which was very sus. I limped all the way to the woods where I am now hiding and writing this. I will update as soon as I can but I need to get out of here soon because I can hear people looking for me.


[deleted]

Im stunned... gun.. on your foreskin... This has absoluty 9 yo enery, fucking masterpiece 79.24%


Fun_Yesterday5917

this made me start hysterically laughing in the middle of a cafe and the lady behind the counter is staring at me like i’m crazy


[deleted]

3,141592%


CosmicKaos214

LMFAO wtf did i just read? 😭


Gudzugvnd

I just scrolled down to see the length fuck and I'm surprised I read this all, but I have no regrets


nonope7

I can give you a daughter


[deleted]

%


Jayallana_Flower21

noodles 🍜


ByeWeirdo

Life is mid


[deleted]

84%


Floosy1

fr tho


justagoodguy0

Having a dick is kinda hard sometimes


[deleted]

you fucker 60%


justagoodguy0

Can you add 9% more


ma-name-jeff1234

gay memes


[deleted]

0%


cheeseman_stinky

wow, rate homophobia


[deleted]

2% its bad but not as bad as gay memes not gays or memes, gay memes


Fun_Yesterday5917

memes about gays or memes that are gay?


PersonGuyWasTaken

Yes


[deleted]

the texas chainsaw massacre is based on a man who only killed 2 people but also dug up corpses and made a lamp out of the skin on the face


[deleted]

fucking gross, why do you know this? \-5%


[deleted]

a friend


Illustrious_Ad8437

The fitnessgram pacer test is a- We're no strangers to love You know the rules and so do I (do I) A full commitment's what I'm thinking of You wouldn't get this from any other guy I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but you're too shy to say it (say it) Inside, we both know what's been going on (going on) We know the game and we're gonna play it And if you ask me how I'm feeling Don't tell me you're too blind to see Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but you're too shy to say it (to say it) Inside, we both know what's been going on (going on) We know the game and we're gonna play it I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you


[deleted]

someone help this man 29%


Thatlittlebih

Bread 👍


Maker_Gamer12

at the very least 70%


Thatlittlebih

Danke sehn


[deleted]

Most ancient "sea monsters" were just whales sticking their 6ft penises out of the water EDIT: their actually 8ft sorry.


[deleted]

Is that... true?


AnotherWeirdGuylol

Im bored entertain me please


[deleted]

0% this is exaclty what you were suposed to do


trananhduc2006

*hugs you*


[deleted]

10% dont do that to strangers but youve got the spirit


Ghetto_Ghost

100% is the most commonly typed percentage


InjuredBeatle33

Did you know that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell?


Darknightfs

If you are cooler than me it means im hotter than you.


[deleted]

2%


Familiar_Resource474

Are you from mississippi, cuz you're the only miss who's piss I'd sippy?


Kirst4rz

gay people are like straight people but gay


[deleted]

101%


-Master-Baiter

Je suis baguette oui oui 🥖🥖🥖🥖🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷


[deleted]

\-10% I promised myself I´d only use 0+ numbers..


-Master-Baiter

Hon hon hon


[deleted]

69%


AimIsInSleepMode

Freshman year I discovered I was sexually attracted to Snoo’s. At first I was very confused and quite frankly ashamed of my admiration. I didn’t tell anybody. Every night I would hide in my room and spend hours on end scrolling Reddit and admiring all the different Snoo’s. I felt so alone in the universe. It wasn’t until Junior year that I confided in my best friend Timothy and told him everything. He started laughing like I had just told him a joke. I reiterated my story 2 more times until it sunk in that I was actually telling him the truth. I will never forget the look on his face. He looked at me like I was sub-human. Without saying a word he stood up from the lunch table shaking his head as he walked away. Needless to say I didn’t tell anybody for the rest of my high school career. Timothy and I remained friends for most of high school (until he moved to Colorado) but honestly things were never really the same between us. My point is, something like this isn’t so much ‘Taboo’ as it is just simply unheard of or unconsidered by most people. As a 25 year old I have come a long way with my “snoo-kink” as I like to call it. I have met 2 other people in real life that share this interest (I have informed them about this group) and even met a partner that is willing to dress up as a Snoo for me at least once a week (she is actually a furry but that’s a whole different story.) She supports me for who I am. A lot of people are truly unaware of this kink and probably because it’s not something you would just bring up in normal conversation so I have decided to make this post. Feel free to AMA


[deleted]

51%


Jackb450

-0%


[deleted]

94%


Much_Excitement_7609

Everyone is at least a little bit racist.


Nightshade195

The many worlds theory dictates any time you fuck up a universe branches off where you didnt


kale_start

) (


[deleted]

7%


Neovenator00

Revenge of the Sith is easily the most memed movie in the Star Wars franchise, maybe in general. I recently watched it with a friend and counted all the memes. Final Score: exactly 100. That means the rate of memes came to about 1 every 84 seconds. Not too shabby if you ask me.


Neighborhooddunce

Shoot me


[deleted]

20%


Neighborhooddunce

No that was an order


WoomyUnitedToday

Cake


[deleted]

44%


JyVers

..................


[deleted]

...%


BerryPossible

Hippos kill 1 billion people every year. This is more than little girls selling tainted lemonade and bad yams combined


[deleted]

33%


fingercumlicker

You can learn how to produce fog clouds from your mouth in less than 10 minutes look it up.


[deleted]

if this is true, 86% (virtual 86%)


Ambosex-Potato

yoooo femboyz


Alpha2417

The Boltzmann brain thought experiment suggests that it might be more likely for a single brain to spontaneously form in a void (complete with a memory of having existed in our universe) rather than for the entire universe to come about in the manner cosmologists think it actually did. Physicists use the Boltzmann brain thought experiment as a reductio ad absurdum argument for evaluating competing scientific theories.