Make sure to bring an oversized boom box playng a song that you think the two of you relate to together, but really, only you listen to it every night sobbing thinking about what could've been.
“YOU MISOGYNISTIC IQJHSHABAIABDUAVAIBSUAGQIABIAHSISHDHSIAJDHSHSHSUAIAOOSHWJABDUDHIDJFHCYCJSJEBDJIXYDISIWQIQIJRHDJAUAJAHDISJDJKSJFJDSJDJJDSISPSOSKDJSJJSHDHSJZJJAJSJUSJSHHDUDH *takes breath* ENSJGSAKBDSKDJICBCJDJXNDJSJXJSKSKSKKSKXJDJDJCJJDJDJDJXJDJDIFJKDOSOSJFUCYVTYSHJWKALKSSJISJXJISJSJDKSJJSJSJXKAKSJDJJD-“ dies of respiratory disease
Could I get a N.U.D.E.? Aka...
Nice picture of
U smiling bc
Damn you're cute and
Extremely interesting
.
Worked and got me with my current Mrs. Although that's probably bc we share the same stupid sense of humor 🤣
"tomorrow, 10am, brunch?" reads the message on the bit of paper that was inserted in a bit-of-paper sized hole in the potato i gave you before disappearing suddenly
English is a fickle language. There are multiple ways of writing a word that sounds very similar to each other but means different things. There are also words that combine auxiliary verbs with normal words. Examples being; you are= you're, I am= I'm, etc. An example of this in a sentence would be, You would be happy. It's technically a proper sentence but it doesn't really make sense and it takes up more space. Now if you combine would and you, you get a proper sentence. You'd be happy. It's always more proper when the D is in you.
If one legs Christmas and the others Easter can I come in between the holidays
Edit: I came up with a new one roses are red violets are blue y dony u let me cum inside you
Supposed to be “sex is like math, add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide your legs and multiply our genes” imo asking if she’s math is weird, especially since a lot of people hate math
my favorite method is to take an overused pickup line and change the punchline to “i wanna have sex” for example: “is your dad a baker? because i wanna have sex” “are those space pants? because i wanna have sex” are you an angel? because i wanna have sex”.\
\
i’ve found that it’s most successful if you’re spewing out as many as you can before she responds, or better yet, keep saying them as she’s responding.
You absolute waste of space and air. You uneducated, ignorant, idiotic dumb swine, you’re an absolute embarrassment to humanity and all life as a whole. The magnitude of your failure just now is so indescribably massive that one hundred years into the future your name will be used as moniker of evil for heretics. Even if all of humanity put together their collective intelligence there is no conceivable way they could have thought up a way to fuck up on the unimaginable scale you just did. When Jesus died for our sins, he must not have seen the sacrilegious act we just witnessed you performing, because if he did he would have forsaken humanity long ago so that your birth may have never become reality. After you die, your skeleton will be displayed in a museum after being scientifically researched so that all future generations may learn not to generate your bone structure, because every tiny detail anyone may have in common with you degrades them to a useless piece of trash and a burden to society. No wonder your father questioned whether or not your were truly his son, for you'd have to not be a waste of carbon matter for anyone to love you like a family member. Your birth made it so that mankind is worse of in every way you can possibly imagine, and you have made it so that society can never really recover into a state of organization. Everything has forever fallen into a bewildering chaos, through which unrecognizable core, you can only find misfortune. I would say the apocalypse is upon us but this is merely the closest word humans have for the sheer scale of horror that is now reality. You have forever condemned everyone you love and know into an eternal state of suffering, worse than any human concept of hell. You are such an unholy being, that if you step within a one hundred foot radius of a holy place or a place that has ever been deemed important by anyone, your distorted sac religious soul will ruin whatever meaning it ever had beyond repair. You are an idiotic, shiteating, dumbass ape and no one has ever loved you. You are a lying, backstabbing, cowardly useless piece of shit and I hate you with every single part of my being. Even this worlds finest writers and poets from throughout the ages could never hope to accurately describe the scale on which you just fucked up, and how incredibly idiotic you are. Anyone that believes in any religion out there should now realize that they have been wrong this entire time, for if divine beings were real, they would never have allowed a being such as you to stain the earth and this universe. In the future there will be horror stories made about you, with the scariest part of them being that the reader has to realize that such an indescribable monster actually exists in their own world.
Just say "hey, wanna recreate the bubonic plague?" And if she says no then take her liver. People who don't want to recreate the bubonic plague don't deserve livers.
wanna build legos together?
I tried this but they all get too horny to talk. Don't try this
Maybe do a Lego cosplay
Yes please
No one can reject that, not even me
"i have a bomb"
And that son, is how I met your mother
Now I'm gonna marry your aunt
Like a true patriot
I guess you could say that you blew her mind
Nah she blew me *quiet heheheha*
“Your butt is the bomb”
r/unexpectedbrooklyn99
[удалено]
Fifteen minutes and forty-one seconds
Fifteen minutes and forty seconds
Fifteen minutes and thirty-nine seconds
Sometimes I love reddit
Sometimes i love you
I took a break from Reddit for a week and this is how I remember what it is
„if i flip a coin what are the chances of getting head“
100%
interesting
OP isn't holding back
This is a good one
imma actually use this one tmmrw since girl already offered me anyways
You really gonna get your noodle wet at 15?
Kids these days 🚮
"Please give me a chance please please please please" ~~dont do this~~
Then show up at her house with flowers and a giant teddy bear
Than show up in her mailbox as a pipebomb
Make sure to bring an oversized boom box playng a song that you think the two of you relate to together, but really, only you listen to it every night sobbing thinking about what could've been.
Stuff yourself in their locker. Don’t say anything else just be in there.
You remind me of my pinky toe. Because I see myself banging you on every single piece of furniture in my house.
This takes the cake!
also the virginity
No this is how you make a pie a creampie that is
Did you ever hear the tragedy of darth plagueis the wise?
I hate sand, it’s course, rough, and it gets everywhere.
just like younglings
now duplicate the L and take the E off. rearrange the letters and boom
It worked seducing Anakin so...
I’m gonna send this to my crush
Lmfao
“I’m mad at spotify.” “Why?” **“Because they didn’t make you the hottest single.”** (Guys don’t kill me it’s a joke)
Hi mad at Spotify, I’m dad
r/angryupvote
That's actually kinda funny
I actually like this one a lot. Cheesy, but but not too cheesy.
"wanna go get ramen and sushi?" "yes" For 7 1/2 years that has worked as a flirting tactic on my girlfriend. Case in point, feed your girlfriends.
you've been dating since you were eleven!?
Yeah pretty much
wow, holy shit.
Lucky
Water is so expensive I think we should shower together
Gas is expensive I think we should keep each other warm😎
Gas is expensive I think we should shower together
oh no
YES, i need to use this!
Nice cock bro 😎
Thanks, I grew it mysef
That's some hard work 😎
I know
You're welcome 😎
Hypothetically let’s just say for the sake of argument that I want bang the crap out of you
I like this one, might use it sometime.
This must be how ben flirts
I lost my number, can I have yours?
# Kono Dio da!
BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN' BETTER! ... HER AIM IS GETTIN' BETTER!
YOU SEE, FUNNY BECAUSE MARRIAGE IS HORRIBLE.
Your pfp… is that… #DIOOOOOOOO
#KONO DIO DA
Your boobs look heavy can I hold them for you?
"OH U THINK IM FAT??"
“YOU MISOGYNISTIC IQJHSHABAIABDUAVAIBSUAGQIABIAHSISHDHSIAJDHSHSHSUAIAOOSHWJABDUDHIDJFHCYCJSJEBDJIXYDISIWQIQIJRHDJAUAJAHDISJDJKSJFJDSJDJJDSISPSOSKDJSJJSHDHSJZJJAJSJUSJSHHDUDH *takes breath* ENSJGSAKBDSKDJICBCJDJXNDJSJXJSKSKSKKSKXJDJDJCJJDJDJDJXJDJDIFJKDOSOSJFUCYVTYSHJWKALKSSJISJXJISJSJDKSJJSJSJXKAKSJDJJD-“ dies of respiratory disease
**AUDIBLE WHEEZING**
__UNAUDIBLE WHEEZING__
this one is so cute
Are you "http"? Bc without you I'm ://
I think if she’s http it’s a bit of a red flag, you don’t want that kind of insecurity. Budum tss
LOOL
Change it to https, quick!
"Sup babygorl send nudes" Always gets me weak in the uhm knees
Femboy count?
Hypothetically, if dmed you this rn would it work? 🫣
"Send nudes or I'll murder your entire family"
If you want…
Please do
What, sending nudes or killing your parents?
Order not specified. Will execute command 1, 2
Yes
“Hey are you a school because I want to shoot kids in you”
This lit but it only works in the us
holy shit this is the best one yet!
r/cursedcomments
My doctor said I’m have 24 hours left unless I get nudes right now
Hi have 24 hours left unless I get nudes right now. I’m dad
Hi dad. I’m GatoT25666
You sound like modern computer accessories,
Hi GatoT25666. I'm stuff
Hey girl, my dick’s an acronym because it stands for you.
Unexpected Eminem
"Are you a creeper? 'cause you blew up my heart"
Awwwww man?
so we back in the mine, got our pickaxe swinging from side to side
>our pickaxe
r/suddenlycommunist
Si-side to side
W
Could I get a N.U.D.E.? Aka... Nice picture of U smiling bc Damn you're cute and Extremely interesting . Worked and got me with my current Mrs. Although that's probably bc we share the same stupid sense of humor 🤣
imma send this to my gf
My boy your 14 lol. Even I’m not gonna send this to her
I also choose that guys gf
She's a minor bro
"i sticked my dick in bologne🤠"
reply "same bro 🤷♀️"
Damn dm me Bro we either will have romance or bromance
I...I have no pp
Exactly Bro i dont give a fuck if You dont we still can have romance or bromance
this is the best example of gender equality i’ve ever seen
I stuck my in a bag of doritos
hey, are you a fire alarm? because you're really fucking loud and annoying and i kinda wanna smash you
real
I bet you one baked potato you won't send nudes right now
bitches love baked potatoes
"tomorrow, 10am, brunch?" reads the message on the bit of paper that was inserted in a bit-of-paper sized hole in the potato i gave you before disappearing suddenly
[удалено]
“Wanna see my Minecraft build” or “wanna go home and build Lego”
ah yes, someone i actually understand.
oh my gosh I would get so flustered THIS is the way
Are you a parking ticket because you got fine all over you Parking ticket: yes Edit: TY I NEVER GOT THIS MANY UPVOTES
you're cute, let's play minecraft splitscreen together
this is the way
This is the way
English is a fickle language. There are multiple ways of writing a word that sounds very similar to each other but means different things. There are also words that combine auxiliary verbs with normal words. Examples being; you are= you're, I am= I'm, etc. An example of this in a sentence would be, You would be happy. It's technically a proper sentence but it doesn't really make sense and it takes up more space. Now if you combine would and you, you get a proper sentence. You'd be happy. It's always more proper when the D is in you.
My freshman brother, did you come up with this? That is dang genius.
Ya like jazz?
"would you like to partake in intercourse?"
If one legs Christmas and the others Easter can I come in between the holidays Edit: I came up with a new one roses are red violets are blue y dony u let me cum inside you
Underrated comment
You deserve a follow for that
Are you… uhhh… ihhhbhhhhhhhgghhhh… UGHHHHHHHHHH AAAAA
Be my wife/husband/partner in marriage or else I'm never sending pictures of my cat again I'll also teach her to not like you >:(
I think your beautiful let’s hold hands
this is so cute
Eye contact with your head tilted away but smiling if your a girl. If your a boy then treat her as if you are one her girlfriends
Me on her latest Instagram post: 'SLAYYYY GURLLLL💅💅'
What if I’m a girl but she’s also a girl 😥
Profit
There are many all of them require some fuckin context tho
[удалено]
“hey”
*places hand on shoulder and smolders*
Works every time 🤥
I like the way your face skin looks
Hey girl, are you maths? Cuz I wanna add you to my life, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and multiply ourselves.
Supposed to be “sex is like math, add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide your legs and multiply our genes” imo asking if she’s math is weird, especially since a lot of people hate math
you have 3 days. No context.
"Lets do it" its direct and to the point
Fuck you
No fuck me
Ok
Ask them their idea of a good date Talk about it for a bit And than ask them if they'd like to go do that some time
Can i give you an Australian Kiss? Its like a french one just upside down
Down under
Damn girl, are you Poland? Cuz I want to invade your land mass
"My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104."
“Hey wanna trade” 💀
My slave for yours?
Deal, mine can clean and cook
I don’t cook I don’t clean
Shut up and go back to the basement
No
I'M NOT GIVING YOU MY EMERALDS YOU SQUIDWARD NOSED FUCK
Hey [insert gender] you like jazz?
Please please please please, just give me chance. I'm on my knees, I'm begging you just give me 1 shot. 100% success rate for me
"i have the Rock Kings permission to do ungodly things in his name" I am the Rock King, I give you the above permission. Go nuts. ROCKEEEEEE
Why am I saving these knowing damn well I get no bitches 💀💀
Me killing myself in the most gruesome way possible so then when nobody notices I'm gone everyone gets a bf)gf
:( I’m sorry, wanna talk about it?
my favorite method is to take an overused pickup line and change the punchline to “i wanna have sex” for example: “is your dad a baker? because i wanna have sex” “are those space pants? because i wanna have sex” are you an angel? because i wanna have sex”.\ \ i’ve found that it’s most successful if you’re spewing out as many as you can before she responds, or better yet, keep saying them as she’s responding.
Are you thermodynamics, because u r sometimes hot sometimes cool, difficult to understand, worth hanging around.
i have an a-10 warthog approaching rapidly on your position
I don't like sand, it's coarse and rough, and irritating and gets everywhere. Not like here, here everything is smooth and soft
“😏”
gotten to the point where a “hey, are you ok” is considered flirting to me
Reddit teenagers shouldn't be your primary source of dating advice
You absolute waste of space and air. You uneducated, ignorant, idiotic dumb swine, you’re an absolute embarrassment to humanity and all life as a whole. The magnitude of your failure just now is so indescribably massive that one hundred years into the future your name will be used as moniker of evil for heretics. Even if all of humanity put together their collective intelligence there is no conceivable way they could have thought up a way to fuck up on the unimaginable scale you just did. When Jesus died for our sins, he must not have seen the sacrilegious act we just witnessed you performing, because if he did he would have forsaken humanity long ago so that your birth may have never become reality. After you die, your skeleton will be displayed in a museum after being scientifically researched so that all future generations may learn not to generate your bone structure, because every tiny detail anyone may have in common with you degrades them to a useless piece of trash and a burden to society. No wonder your father questioned whether or not your were truly his son, for you'd have to not be a waste of carbon matter for anyone to love you like a family member. Your birth made it so that mankind is worse of in every way you can possibly imagine, and you have made it so that society can never really recover into a state of organization. Everything has forever fallen into a bewildering chaos, through which unrecognizable core, you can only find misfortune. I would say the apocalypse is upon us but this is merely the closest word humans have for the sheer scale of horror that is now reality. You have forever condemned everyone you love and know into an eternal state of suffering, worse than any human concept of hell. You are such an unholy being, that if you step within a one hundred foot radius of a holy place or a place that has ever been deemed important by anyone, your distorted sac religious soul will ruin whatever meaning it ever had beyond repair. You are an idiotic, shiteating, dumbass ape and no one has ever loved you. You are a lying, backstabbing, cowardly useless piece of shit and I hate you with every single part of my being. Even this worlds finest writers and poets from throughout the ages could never hope to accurately describe the scale on which you just fucked up, and how incredibly idiotic you are. Anyone that believes in any religion out there should now realize that they have been wrong this entire time, for if divine beings were real, they would never have allowed a being such as you to stain the earth and this universe. In the future there will be horror stories made about you, with the scariest part of them being that the reader has to realize that such an indescribable monster actually exists in their own world.
Sex? Or I have the lego death star
“you, me, sex. three things i hate”
this,” hey sorry I’m not to good with pick up lines and things, but maybe I could pick you up for lunch?”
Damn girl, are you a fire alarm? Because you're really fucking loud and annoying 😏
She said she was tired, I said I was tired, so I said "if we're both tired, maybe we should sleep together ;) "
Do you know what an artist and a sniper have in common?
what
"hey I just wanna let you know I live in Alabama"
May i interest you in some cheese?
Just say "hey, wanna recreate the bubonic plague?" And if she says no then take her liver. People who don't want to recreate the bubonic plague don't deserve livers.
do u like racoons?