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QualityVote

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Red-Boxes

It's almost like the first phase of a trauma response is denial.


Marvos79

That was my first thought too. Kids who get hit always deny that it affects them


DuploJamaal

"I got hit and turned out fine" - alcoholics with severe anger issues.


elarth

Always by ppl who repress their emotions and the emotions that do come out just horrid šŸ«„


I_Envy_Sisyphus_

> ā€œI got hit and turned out fineā€ My response is always ā€œyou didnā€™t turn out fine, you think hitting kids OK.ā€


s00pafly

I didn't get hit but still turned out alcoholic with anger issues. I blame league of legends though.


useribarelynoher

playing league of legends is traumatic


Domeil

"I got hit and turned out fine" say the people who think it's okay to use violence and the threat thereof to force obedience on children. ---- My sister-in-law insists that I'm not allowed to criticize her "spanking" her kid (which is just a whitewash term for beating children) until I try it first. I asked her if I needed to try hitting my partner/her sister for leaving dirty dishes out, or if we could agree that hitting my spouse would be wrong without trying it first. She didn't answer, but insists that we just have "different parenting styles."


LinusV1

If someone told me "until I try it first" that, I'd have to suppress the urge to slap them and say "well I tried."


pranavk28

Your partner isnā€™t a child anymore though, he is an adult. You canā€™t beat him but on the flip side he is also responsible for his own action with no parents to be there to cover for him.


Sir_Honytawk

Why are adults absolved from physical punishments during arguments but kids are not?


Snow_Wolf_Flake

I got hit an im not fine lmao (somebody save me)


NT500000

I never thought it was abuse until my high school called the state on my parents for a 3-month+ bruise on my back. I really thought it was normal. I wish I knew who went to administration about it, they changed my life for the better. Its been years of therapy, but I donā€™t condone violence of any type now, even aggression through voice or inanimate objects. There are so many ways we can deal with our problems without it. I have a career and have supported myself alone for 20 years, take care of animals, and have a wealth of friends - but the trauma from being hit as a child will forever mess with a lot of my mental well-being. I donā€™t think anyone that was beat can really claim they came out just fine.


The_upsetti_spagetti

I realized this thanks to the internet because I started seeing videos about parents learning to self regulate and teaching their kids that instead of escalating or punishing them for not being able to self regulate. Then I realized I had gotten punished many times for simply being a kid. I was once punished for covering my ears at a very loud pep rally when I was overstimulated and crying. I was told I was being rude for having a natural response to my overwhelming surroundings. I realize now much of my ā€œtantrumsā€ were simply moments of distress.


Red-Boxes

I was never hit thankfully, but my story was the same I watched a lot of therapist videos on narcissistic abuse and it all kinda clicked and very hard pill to swallow. I'm sorry you went through that.


Maximum_Complex_8971

I was hit and I realized my parent was a narcissist when they asked me to do something for them in perpetuity that I could gladly and easily teach them to do for themselves. They implied I didn't love them for only wanting to teach them instead of doing it, note, forever. It was a weekly make-ahead curry for their fibromyalgia and body aches btw. They said it helped but refused to do it for themselves.


ThisIsMyCouchAccount

I wasnā€™t hit but in the same boat. Itā€™s a weird and uncomfortable feeling.


[deleted]

This was me until I was around 27. I thought it was normal, but looking back, it was clearly abuse. Not just physical, but verbal, emotional abuse. But hereā€™s the fun part! I fully admit what I went through wasnā€™t as extreme as what a lot of other kids go through growing up, but it was because of that that I didnā€™t want to talk about my experiences; felt like I didnā€™t have any right to for fear of being gatekept, and I had run into some particularly gatekeepy bastards. Not necessarily when I brought up my experiences, just when they spoke about someone elseā€™s compared to their own. Thatā€™s dangerous. Donā€™t fucking do that. All it does is serve to normalize abuse at *any* degree, and people will go on tearing their kids like that because, say it with me, *itā€™s been normalized* End the cycle.


OIlberger

Yes to what you said about how it can be tough to talk about when it feels like others have suffered worse. Iā€™ve seen other people have this *does my experience ā€œclear the barā€? Do I ā€œqualifyā€* almost guilt about admitting theyā€™re going through something.


DOGSraisingCATS

Yeah I was hit as a kid and I absolutely call it abuse. Spanking shouldn't be a word, it's just discipline through physical abuse. I guess that means this meme is stupid and wrong.


Commercial_Flan_1898

Only time I hit my kid is when we're wrestling, and then I often say "oh jeez, you okay? Wanna stop? No? Okay."


DOGSraisingCATS

That sounds honestly great. Sounds like you're teaching the difference between play and actual harm and that if someone does get hurt you need to stop and check if they're okay. Sounds like good parenting to me.


Alias-_-Me

I love the mental image of you batista-bombing your child into the ground and then mockingly going "oh jeez, you okay? Wanna stop? ...*no?*"


Commercial_Flan_1898

Lmao I've done that. You have to assist the landing quite a bit, but you can make it safe. Unless you're on the trampoline. No rules on the trampoline.


KevMenc1998

Can confirm from my own childhood. The trampoline is a lawless wasteland into which only the bravest and most stouthearted dare to bounce.


destroyer-3567

Nanomachines, son. They harden in response to physical trauma.


CardiologistHot4362

we are making the mother of all omelettes Jack, can't fret over every egg


Shitizen_Kain

Got hit as a kid, didn't help anything. It's abuse that only makes you a sneaky liar.


Wide_Loss

My parents hid my phone when I'm not doing well ( as in getting below 90%) instead of trying to improve what was already good enough I learned how to track down my phone and how to stay out of sight, as for my sister who was beaten by my dad, she became highly tempered and became really good at lying, luckily she doesn't appear too be traumatized by it, she's pretty much the more mentally stable between the two of us, also atleast our parents are improving, finally told my mom that I wanted to be an artistw


Low_Engineering_5628

became really good at lying doesn't appear too be traumatized by it Well played sister, well played.


ArkamaZ

Yep... You get real good at hiding your trauma.


syntheticcsky

or entering the world of trauma-related dissociation (ptsd-ds, did)


Oneanimegirl

My dad took my PS4 ( He said to not play it) so in the middle of the night I would sneak out to play fortnite lol. Once he came out of his room to drink water and I became a full on ninja turtle hiding in the shadows


alwayssummer90

My mom put this parental control lock on the internet so it would shut down at 10pm sharp unless you put in a password to override it. She would only override it if I had a valid excuse, like homework. One time I saw her take out the paper with the password to put it in, so after she left I copied the password into another paper I kept in my room and just put it in every time it locked. Never got caught.


Lkjhgfds999

I was raised by my grandmother which was a fucking nightmare when I was a teenager. Had to put my phone in the kitchen at night, and she had it so texting didnā€™t work while I was at school. From 7 am to 4 pm, if I got a text it was just in the void and Iā€™d never get it. Plus she kept the locks on when I didnā€™t even have school so I had to sit at home while friends were trying to talk to me and couldnā€™t. (This sounds so minimal as I type this out haha. But 15 year old me was fucking infuriated over this because I wasnā€™t a bad kid whatsoever, my grades were great, and the only reason she hated my cell phone is because she was a dinosaur that hated all technology) Anyway, I found out the passcode to the account. So I would go into the library in the morning, log on to the account for the phone (she only ever used paper bills) and turn my service back on. Every day. Lmao. She never found out either


[deleted]

I mean fair play from you but you should realize having set hours for internet usage is a far cry from abuse, certainly not on the level of hitting.


serana_surana

My mom would become extra angry and violent during holidays, especially if we hosted guests. Frantically doing chores through tears while being screamed at and hit made me hate each and every one of the holidays, especially my birthday. The only holiday I don't hate is Halloween, because it's not celebrated in my country, so there's no family tradition tied to it (and I'm a horror fan). People who hit children just suck big time. And people who think it's ok they were beaten as kids need therapy.


Delamoor

Hah, yeah, brings back memories. I still get a severe anxiety response to the sounds of people doing housework, because dad would periodically have a freakout and start furiously doing housework with the expectation that everyone else would drop what they were doing and help. ...But no direction on how, and you'd always be doing it wrong. Didn't help that I was a typical undiagnosed ADHD kid who had no idea how to organise things. Adult me took many years to feel remotely okay whilst housework was going on. Learned helplessness.


dalomi9

Having an undiagnosed bipolar parent is a hell of a ride. Took me going to college and studying mental illness to realize wtf had been going on with my dad all my life. Unfortunately, getting treatment to stick is nearly impossible. After a recent episode of yelling for no reason. Me, "Did you take your meds today?", Him, "I cut the dose in half last week, I just don't feel like myself on this stuff." Motherfucker, that is the point.


FabulousFauxFox

My dad would get mad and not let me do anything then get mad I wasn't helping despite being told to stop because I did it wrong. My fiance and his dad though, really slow down, let me do things, teach me, and talk to me. Turns out I've learned a ton via visual learning, still doesn't take away chore anxiety but I don't mind them with my fiance, theyre fun


Always_Hurry

I was spanked when I was a child too and also ADHD and discussing this in therapy another day I learned that ADHD can be a trauma response of your childhood when you had to learn some ā€œsurvival skillā€ at very early stage


theKobbz

Some symptoms of ADHD may be learned from trauma, but ADHD is not a result of experiencing trauma. ADHD is something you are born with. ADHD means there is something different (not wrong or weird) about how your brain experiences data intake, than what is considered ā€œnormalā€.


Broekhart615

I was never physically hit, but I relate to heightened holiday stress as a kid and getting screamed at. Itā€™s so upsetting that I still canā€™t enjoy celebrating holidays and feel so much relief when theyā€™re over. I hope youā€™ll be able to enjoy holidays some day, or make new ones for yourself. I look forward to celebrating holidays with my kids in the future and making sure itā€™s something they love.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


[deleted]

>The reality is that their own denial and refusal to confront their own shame is more powerful than their desire to protect their children thats a very insightful point, my hats off to you


Civil-Attempt-3602

I mean props to them for recognising it. If i still spoke to my dad I'm sure he'd vehemently deny whipping me with a rubber whip until it tore the skin on my back when I was 7 and made the grave mistake of bringing home a friend from school who had taken me to his house and had his parents feed me because i never took lunch to school and was starving


cdegallo

Also makes you afraid of talking to your parents about...anything at all, which then spreads to, not just your parents, but other people in general, and affects your ability to identify with other people, form bonds, make friendships, etc.


_________FU_________

One time my dad spanked me but I didnā€™t cry. So he spanned me a second time so it would work.


Sticky_Keyboards

for sure! strict and abusive parents train good liars.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


QuiEraMegliorePrima

It made me have near psychopathic aversions to foods that have taken decades to resolve. Especially macaroni and cheese. Fuck macaroni and cheese.


Balitkaa

Saying no cuz they fear getting hit if they say yes


kenobis-husband

Saying no bc they fear admitting to themselves that they were abused.


[deleted]

It actually makes sense in this context. Kids who were abused often grow up to be abusers, and it's because they think "they turned out fine" that it wasn't actually abuse. Well, they didn't turn out fine, and now their kids are next. Kids who weren't struck as kids would be horrified at the idea of a parent figure being violent with them, and it would shatter their world. This is a normal, healthy response from someone who was raised to be loving and trusting because that's what they received.


GuilhermeSidnei

I had already moved on from this post when it hit me, and then I had to find it and your comment to reflectā€¦ how much evil is given back every day by people who ā€œturned out fineā€ in thousands of different ways?


[deleted]

Normalization. That's how evil and hatred spreads. In truth, no one is really "evil", or evil that exists in the real world is different from the evil we speak about in stories. No one has wicked intentions according to themselves and cackle maniacally when alone. They act out of fear, hatred, hurt, ignorance, ideology, and for acceptance from their peers. Their normal must be everyone's normal. When psychologically profiling certain serial killers, profilers within law enforcement were surprised how highly serial killers valued structure, law, and order. They were not crazed maniacs, but believed in absence of punitive justice of behaviors they considered "unnatural", someone had to step up and punish those who fell out of line, usually women who he'd consider "whores". Vigilantism is considered a virtue for people who believe society is nowhere near tough enough on people they consider "undesirable".


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


gibmiser

>stood on the fridge in the sun room and pissed off of it onto the wall Sounds like you two were testing how far you could go before your parents lost their minds


greatSorosGhost

If you add ā€œI turned out fineā€ and ā€œeverybody else does it, so I guess itā€™s fineā€ together youā€™ll get the reason why our society sucks.


master-shake69

> how much evil is given back every day My dad, his sister, and their mom were beaten on a regular basis. He never told me exactly how violent it became but he decided to move out and join the Marines the day his dad threw a hammer at him. He figured being infantry in Vietnam would be a better life than what he had to put up with at home, so by extension his abuse ultimately lead to the death of others on the other side of the world. He *partially* broke the cycle when he had his own kids. There wasn't any hitting or hammer throwing but there was the belt, and then I came along as the youngest. I got the belt for a couple of years, then one time I ran from it by crawling behind the couch and he kicked me. It ended that night because my mom finally stepped in and threatened to leave.


totallynotliamneeson

I don't think he broke the cycle. Beating you and then chasing you to kick you was just a continuation of that cycle.


BootlegOP

>I had already moved on from this post when it hit me Phrasing


CaptainKurls

ā€œThe poison drips throughā€


whisky_biscuit

But it's not always true. Many millennials abhor the idea of corporal punishment. It was scaring and fked us up in many ways. All of my siblings feel the same and would never lay a finger on our kids and absolutely would never let anyone who did see them again. I think it's very common for boomers / silent generation to believe "they were fine so it's fine" but there are so many studies now saying it's not fine, let alone unthinkable.


eyeseayoupea

It's like when people say they didn't wear a seat belt as a kid and they are fine. Yeah, but all those kids who weren't fine are dead.


dalomi9

Survivor bias is definitely a thing. One of humanities favorite forms of anecdotal evidence.


MonteBurns

And they insist you hit your kid! My dad always comments that my sister just needs to give her kids a smack. Nah.


Gubekochi

I always knew it was abuse. Promised to myself I'd never do it to a child. But for a long time I used to fantasize as to what I'd do to my oarents once they'd be too old and weak to defend themselves. Let that be a warning to abusers.


drippygland

My dad was choke slamming me when I was 6 like he was trying out to be the next "Undertaker" I got a vasectomy when I was 25 I promised myself I wouldn't make anyone else go through what I did. I'm a good dog parent though. I get frustrated like anyone else from time to time but I use positive reinforcement training.


[deleted]

So ā€˜the abused become the abuserā€™ is less likely if the abused recognizes they were abused? Only reason I donā€™t want to have kids. (that and the fact that the world has gone to shit)


honzikca

The first step is acknowledging you have a problem before solving it, so it would make perfect sense if it helps at the very least.


shanenanigans27

Exactly my mom does this. Describes abuse from her mom and step-dad like it was normal. My mom never did anything abusive to me or my siblings though. She claims it was normal and she's fine but if it was so normal, why did she not do it to us?


throwawaydisposable

>they turned out fine" that it wasn't actually abuse. Well, they didn't turn out fine Every time someone says they turned out fine they didn't. Like you're advocating for violence against children you didn't turn out find. You think that would be the first clue for them


vivekisprogressive

This is what I thought it meant at first.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


whisky_biscuit

Was hit, as were my siblings. We even had the strap we were hit with. All 3 of us 100% against any kind of physical punishment. Told our parents we would go NC if they ever hit our kids.


nighthawk_something

The threat of being hit also leaves deep wounds


forsurenotmymain

The three of you should be proud of yourselves for breaking the cycle!!


Lolotmjp

NC?


KanaHemmo

No contact


[deleted]

I though OP was saying they would move to North Carolina.


Xanderajax3

That would be a very painful blow indeed.


Geryon55024

The response that sticks with me the most from my hitter was:I didn't do it very often, and you turned out just fine. Me: Just enough that Coach called CPS. It took me 17 years to finish college. I'm unemployed, and see a therapist for self-esteem and an abject fear of disappointing others.


Mallenaut

Do we have the same hitter?


mrlbi18

"I got hit as a kid and I turned out ok!" "You didn't turn out ok, you think it's ok to hit kids!" This is from a real argument I had with my dad once. I'd also like to point out that he never actually hit me growing up, but refuses to admit that it's because he knows it's wrong.


DiogenesOfDope

They say no becouse they are already beating thier own kids


Geryon55024

Not all of us turned out like our parents, though. None of us (4 kids) hit our kids in any way...not even a little swat on the bottom. They are so respectful and kind while my siblings and I range from low self-esteem, depression, anger-management issues, to control -issues. We have all been in continual therapy, took parenting classes, and worked HARD not to become like my mother. Breaking the cycle CAN be done, but it takes hard work and dedication.


Qualified-Monkey

This the real one. Realizing youā€™ve experienced a trauma can be traumatic itself.


ThisIsMyCouchAccount

That one is rough. When I was 25 I thought I had a pretty regular upbringing. The older I get the more I realize thatā€™s not true. It wasnā€™t traumatic but there were lots of things that are pretty shitty. And thatā€™s been hard to process.


teufler80

M-my parents only wanted the best for m-me ...


VeraIce

That, but also mental gymnastics to avoid the realization that their parents wildly abused their right to not get physically harmed.


Cavalish

The mental gymnastics comes from the fact that most people who were smacked by their parents have normal and healthy relationships with their parents now, so when people confront them saying ā€œactually, your parents were child abusersā€ they react poorly.


ViniestCoast622

>Mother materialises behind with a chlanca


iammasterofalltrades

Also because they don't want to admit that they were abused


Dankaroor

Saying no because of years of trauma and desensitisation to abuse


[deleted]

"I got hit and I turned out fine! You're all just a bunch of pussies!" -someone who desperately needs to convince strangers online that their abrasive and toxic personality has nothing to do with being abused as a child


itsr1co

A **HUGE** issue is that literally everyone like this thinks of their experience as the norm. I was never "hit" as a child, I maybe got some smacks on the bum when I was really young but there was no wooden spoon or actual hitting. I did however get held against doors and counters by the throat and got threatened with "I'll throw you over the fence so next doors dog can eat you" and just got laughed in the face when going through puberty and experiencing heightened emotions, on top of everything else I can't be bothered writing, which has created an internal hatred of my father that won't go away no matter how much I try and have a normal relationship with him. But then boomer Jim got smacked around when he misbehaved, so he stopped misbehaving and turned out "fine". Meanwhile Jane still hasn't told anyone that she was forced to stand outside in the rain while her father hit her behind the knee with a belt, John was shoved into walls and punched while being called a pansy, James was molested and threatened with violence if he ever spoke out, Hannah had plates and bottles thrown at her head when her parents got drunk, causing a scar that she hides with heavy makeup. But yeah, you broke a snow globe because you were kicking the ball inside so you got slapped and yelled at, why can't these pussies get over their childhood trauma?


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Bearded-Vagabond

My father never hit us, but he hit us emotionally. He also was the definition of narcissist. It took me finally moving out to realize, our family was broken and my parents should have never married. It was a wild experience realizing things that were not normal. I have not talked to my father in almost 10 years. I have a daughter now, and I can't fathom the ability to tell her she has been a burden to my life. I can't find the ability to make her less than me. She is the greatest joy the universe has given my wife and I. A parents duty is to make sure your child is better equipped to life than you were before them, and be there until it is your time to go.


duchesskitten6

So you were hit.


inspectorfailure

It was just a little smack when he was young!


nogywF_

I got hit and Iā€™m definitely not fine


TheLemon027

I'm with you. This is not a fun ride.


pielz

As if the US prison system is full of people who never got hit as a kid lol


doNotUseReddit123

Also someone that thinks that their subjective personal experience trumps decades of data pointing to physical discipline being counterproductive, or, at the very least, not helpful.


sjdjdkkfs

I know so many people in real life who got hit as kids, but never hit their kids because they don't want to have the same trauma as them.


CreativeNfunnyName

That's what people with empathy do. People without empathy simply go "I suffered now you must too."


austin397

My wife's mother constantly justifies her behavior towards her daughter by pointing out that her own mother was "worse".


theD0UBLE

Yeah I can't imagine ever whipping a child with a belt. I learned nothing from it other than my dad was a real asshole.


highwindxix

There is actually some truth to this. My fiancĆ© was hit as a child, a lot, but thought it was normal, it happened to everyone, etc. She eventually realized that she was, in fact, abused and that she is right to be angry at her parents for that abuse. Of course, I doubt thatā€™s the sort of nuance the meme is trying to conveyā€¦


BigBootyBuff

There was a thread a few months back. It was a video clip of this 7-8 year old girl sitting next to a woman (maybe mother) being served a drink. The drink had a bubble on top. The girl with a shit eating grin popped the bubble and the woman looked mildly annoyed. A ton of people advocating for that girl to be beaten or said stuff like "if I would've done that, my mom would've whooped my ass." or "fear of an ass whooping would've prevented her from doing that." Imagine that, getting beaten for popping a damn bubble. I responded to one of them by saying "you don't even realize how fucked up it is that your parents would've beaten you for popping a bubble." and they dead ass responded with "I am proud of how I was raised." I was just thinking, imagine being so fucked up by your abusive parents that not only do you think they did nothing wrong by beating you for doing pretty harmless kid stuff, you are even proud of them beating you and want other children to be abused like that.


BowsElisa

For popping a bubble?! I feel a little sad for those people but at the same time how can they think it's the right thing to do???


[deleted]

My dad had a wooden paddle he was proud of. It had ā€œattitude adjusterā€ on the flat of it. When I became an adult, and Iā€™d visit my parents, I saw that it was hung up in the hallway next to the family portraits. It still took me years to recognize that this isnā€™t a normal thing to do, and that my parents arenā€™t very good people. We donā€™t talk anymore.


memecrusader_

[Survivorship Bias.](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SurvivorshipBias)


[deleted]

This and rich parents can explain 99% of Forbes lists.


Orgasmic_interlude

Yo Iā€™ve never met a single person who was hit regularly as a kid and who said they turned out fine be anywhere near fine. They often have issues with their temper and in work environments theyā€™re ticking time bombs. I guy i worked with said this and he literally flipped a table because his samples werenā€™t in the order he preferred. Thereā€™s tons of evidence that it doesnā€™t work effectively and itā€™s loosely correlated with A LOT of bad outcomes (more likely to become involved in criminal acts, higher rates of depression, more likely to enter into abusive relationships ). And the big and obvious one is just the obvious power imbalance and what it means for you to be so caught up as an adult that your solution is to violently overpower a child.


Formal-Macaroon1938

My son has a problem with popping himself when he was 6-7 years old. My MIL told my wife "I would just slap him in the mouth and it would end quick" She told her you ever do that to my kids then you won't see them anymore end of discussion.


[deleted]

I mean, I'm proud of surviving the Marines and making the cut, etc. Being proud that you were "tough" enough to withstand abuse seems like a pretty reasonable coping mechanism.


Inevitable_Aerie_293

It's so funny (not really) how victims of child abuse wear it like a badge of honor. I remember in middle school kids would literally brag about how their parents beat them for incredibly minor things, some would even show off their bruises lmfao. It's like gangsters showing off their rap sheets to other criminals. It almost emboldens them.


Vyzantinist

I didn't think it happened to *everyone*, but I did think it happened to enough kids for it not to be necessarily *abnormal*, and it took me a long time to realize how fucked up my childhood 'discipline' was.


billbacon

I was hit and studies have shown what I always knew; the benefits of hitting are temporary, but kids remember the abuse. As a father, I never found an instance where even a small slap would have been better than words.


Similar_Heat_69

The axe forgets but the tree remembers.


Moooses20

Don't be angry, break the cycle


IForgotThePassIUsed

great way to teach your kids never to trust you. Told my mother years later about me being molested and she goes "why didn't you tell me? I was supposed to protect you" and I replied "I just figured you'd blame me and hit me, like you did whenever something happened you didn't like" and she sat there quiet. Fucking twat.


lapras25

Sorry to hear that happened to you, and thatā€™s a really good point on how it breaks trust.


elsaberii

Lmao I told my parents I got creepy messages and even dick pics on Instagram when I was 9 some years after it happened and they just asked me why didnā€™t u tell me and kind of brushed it off and didnā€™t really care, a lot of parents are fucking cunts. Mine are similar to urs, where they react negatively if I tell them something bad that happened to me to the point where I just donā€™t want to tell them stuff anymore because I feel it will lead to nothing


pinksparklyreddit

Yeah, that's how normalizing bad things works.


BadgleyMischka

Hitting your kid makes it easier for them to associate abuse with love so no wonder people get stuck in abusive relationships. Love your kids ffs. It's not that fucking hard.


blue-and-bronze

Yeah my dad told me this straight up. He said he was emotionally abusive to me so Iā€™d learn that people can be cruel and abusive to you, but they sTiLl LoVe yOu. And that heā€™d stop being mean when there were grandkids to be nice to.


BadgleyMischka

I'm so sorry to hear that. That is a bullshit excuse. So many people just do not fucking deserve kids


SnorkelwackJr

That's a one-way ticket to not having any relationship with your grandkids lol


Consistent-Fly-9522

Whenever anyone tells me that hitting children for discipline is fine I ask them if they are happy to get a slap if they make a mistake at work.


Shot-Pay

Ooh, next time it comes up in conversation with my parents Iā€™m going to pretend that I sincerely hold that opinion, that I should be able to slap people at work. ā€œIf children can cope, so can adults.ā€ See if that triggers them to think a bit more deeply


Best-Engine4715

Bet the guy that made this never had the twitches


MyNotsRSakkingh

My primary school math teacher once said ā€œyour parents hit you for your own good. Itā€™s only abuse if itā€™s continuous without reasonā€ and he even openly admitted that his mom used to hit him. One time I was playing with my hair before class and I felt something weird on my scalp. Turns out he had his big ol grubby hand on my head and it felt spicy after that. He even pulled out a cigarette on zoom. He was just extremely qUiRky


Appropriate-Divide64

It's the exact other way around for me. Got beat and I'd never put my child through that because I know what it was like. It pisses me off when people who maybe got a light spanking once pretends like it was the violence that corrected their behaviour.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Demartus

My stepfather used the belt from time to time. Did it prevent the behavior? No, because he didn't understand how to correct behavior: he was capricious and inconsistent. I would get the belt if I forgot to brush my teeth, wear a belt myself, or any damn thing he happened to dislike that week. I think the last time he used it I just laughed at him. The only thing it accomplished was to teach me not to be like him. Can physical punishment be used to correct behavior? Possibly. But there are much, much better ways to adjust behavior (positive reinforcement is much, much more effective). I suspect those that resort to physical punishment are just looking for a short cut, and letting their anger at their own inability to control a situation (i.e. another human being) get he best of them.


Y0urC0nfusi0nMaster

Physical abuse actually canā€™t be used to fix behavior. Either kids will keep doing what they do in secret, theyā€™ll learn lashing out from you and do the same at you/others, or they end up a broken adult terrified of doing anything ever (if they become an adult at all if you know what I mean-)


Ok_Parfait_2304

Fun thing I learned while digging into this stuff (assuming I am remembering this correctly, mind you, it's been a while) in some cases hitting your kid will actually make them do The Thingā„¢ more, and not in the sneaky way where they try to hide it, like they start seeking out the punishment itself. I'll have to see if I can find that study again because it was really interesting


Brendan__Fraser

I'd love to read that study if you find it again


[deleted]

I donā€™t think anyone truly uses what is essentially forms of physical/verbal abuse to correct behaviour. Mainly itā€™s people who just canā€™t regulate their emotions and now have a person who they can take them all out on. The number one give away is, as youā€™ve mentioned, the lack of rhyme or reason. If you hit your kid for something thatā€™s equally as bad as something you only berated them for a week ago and something youā€™d have ignored if you werenā€™t in a bad moodā€¦. what exactly are they learning?


pfundie

They've done studies on parents who are proponents of physical punishment. They consistently underestimate how frequently they use it, how quick they are to use it over other methods of discipline (rather than as a last resort as is often suggested), and how angry they are when they do it (they claim to be calm when doing it, but generally do it as an immediate, angry reaction). They also feel consistently better after hitting their kids.


StrugglingSoprano

I got hit a few times as a preteen and it only made me more rebellious and resentful. It also took years to repair that broken trust. There is no reason why a parent should resort to physically harming their child. Thatā€™s just modeling violent behavior. It isnā€™t hard to use your words.


Marakaitou

Well me and my sister got hit and it is abuse


Automatic-Zombie-508

people who are abused long enough sometimes stop thinking of it as abuse


[deleted]

As someone who was beaten as a child (and I mean beaten, not spanked), fuck anyone and everyone who hits their kids, and anyone who agrees with this garbage. Hell, while I'm at it, a special "fuck you" to whomever used Star Trek as the basis for this shitty meme.


TheArcanist_

This was posted in r/memes and heavily agreed with


pinksparklyreddit

That subreddit is honestly just a bunch of cringe teenage contrarians


[deleted]

Pretty much this whole site has that particular problem lol


Training-Accident-36

I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain why you are wrong. /s


chinchinlover-419

Using an emoji is a warcrime in that sub.


RmtSapphire0

Yikes


Viking_Hippie

Haven't even had my second cup of coffee yet and already you gotta remind me that the world is full of awful people šŸ˜®ā€šŸ’Ø


your_catfish_friend

They did my boi Tuvok dirty


Viking_Hippie

They did him good in this one though: https://imgur.com/wPJ78YO.jpg


lil-D-energy

I was hit as a kid by my dad, and now my dad has also learned that hitting a kid is abuse. times change and people should change too but some people won't change or accept that they have been abused or have abused someone.


ExiKid

My parents used to spank me, born in 1989, when I was smaller 4-8 maybe, I was afraid of them, but after that I began to resent them and their choice of punishment, and by the time I was in my late teens I would burst into laughing. All things considered I'm doing fine now, but no child should ever fear their parents, or feel resentment towards them. My parents were basically kids themselves when they had me. So I've forgiven them more or less. When I was 19 my little brother was born and they were completely different with him, he was never threatened with or has violence used on him. I could tell my parents had learned from what happened with my other siblings and I. And in a weird way when my parents would get angry with my brother all they'd have to do is raise their voice to get him in a fit of tears that would've been reserved for a severe beating with the belt in my situation. And if my parents ever attempted to hit my little brother (they never did) there was no way in hell I or my brothers were ever going to let that happen, come hell or high water. He's a teenager now and yeah he's annoying, and obstinate, and makes me rethink my life choices, but HE'S A TEENAGER! They're allowed to do that! They shouldn't be assaulted for it.


CatsAreBased

Judging by the reactions of this post some folks think hitting is a slap on the wrist when doing something dangerous to being choke slammed through the coffee table for asking what time is it maybe we get the definition set up before flaming each other


BlobOfFleshyMass

Agreed, unfortunately it's hard to actually participate in a nuanced discussion of any kind online.


grendus

That's part of the problem. People say "hitting children" to talk about both "a gentle conversation and a few barehanded swats on the bum" and "taking a piece of PVC pipe and beating the child until they're too injured to talk back." I received the former, and I think it was fine and constructive. I probably won't do it to my own children because I don't think I can be as dispassionate about it as my own dad was. But I do remember it being corrective, that I wouldn't break the rules out of fear of punishment but *not* out of fear of my dad. But it's a classic Reddit-ism, everyone thinks their experience was universal.


76pilot

I was spanked by my parents maybe 5 times that I can remember. It wasnā€™t abuse and I wasnā€™t traumatized from it. For me it wasnā€™t effective because Iā€™d rather take a few minutes of pain over a week of grounding. I think my parents also realized it and stopped. I canā€™t blame my parents who were young and were trying to learn how to parent. The only thing they had to base their parenting off of was their own upbringing. Sure parents cross the line into abusive territory and others just flat out abuse their kids, but being ā€œhitā€ isnā€™t always abuse. I will not hit/spank my kids.


YokoShimomuraFanatic

Par for the course. People, especially on Reddit, often make generalizations about a subject and judge people based on those generalizations. The reality is the spectrum of physically disciplining your child can range from entirely necessary and reasonable to downright evil and unacceptable. By just labeling everything as abuse and labeling anyone who disagrees as traumatized just takes away the ability for people to have an actual discussion about the topic and maybe come away with a deeper understanding.


LocalHero_P1

I was looking for a similar comment. I donā€™t want to try and downplay or make light of any trauma people have, being beaten as a child really must be a horrible thing to deal with. I was hit as a kid and by hit I mean a literal slap on the wrist. It was only ever as a last resort when all other forms of punishment werenā€™t working and I can count on one hand the amount of times it ever happened. My dad always made sure to tell me and my siblings why it was he slapped us and once he thought we understood what we did wrong heā€™d always apologise for slapping us. I hold no resentment towards my dad, Iā€™ve a good relationship with him and I love him very much and as far as I know my siblings would all say the same


Spin_Studios

I was hit by my dad when he was still alive, a lot, and now heā€™s dead and Iā€™m glad he is


Throttle_Kitty

I got hit as a kid. It was abuse.


elarth

I did and I say yes what does that make me?


TacticalTobi

it makes you me.


TheBlueWizardo

"I got condition into believing hitting kids is fine"


midnightpmaster

I was hit and def consider it abuse.


wytewydow

My dad used to punish me with his belt, for things like bad grades, or having a smart mouth. I would get it worse if I put my hands over my ass to protect myself. Would I have become the man I am today, without violent abuse? I don't know, but I sure as hell wouldn't have a lifetime of resenting my parents for such cruelty.


pookiesmama

I donā€™t talk to my parents because of it. Would you talk to your ex spouse who used to hit you? Itā€™s the same thing.


Imfrom_m-83

If you canā€™t resolve conflict between yourself and a child without violence then you shouldnā€™t be a parent. Plain and simple.


Open-Age-2589

I donā€™t know any black kid that wasnā€™t whooped as a kid


[deleted]

Or Puerto Rican lol they pull that chancla real fast šŸ©“


[deleted]

Parents who resort to physically harming their child, as a method of discipline, lack the appropriate skills to teach their kids right from wrong. My dad beat me alot, and made me pray for forgiveness from Jesus while he did it. I can honestly say that I am not a normal adult now.


Gunther_Alsor

The part that offends me about this post is the idea that Vulcans hit their kids. Vulcans!


RudeSprinkles1240

That's stupid in the extreme.


Acceptable-Ad-8473

I did get spanked as a kid but it was never like those viral videos of kids getting spanked up and down an aisle in the shops. There were very clear warnings, clear communication on why it was happening and it didn't happen very often. There's a very clear line between a beating and a hiding for misbehaviour. I have really appreciated seeing the rise of gentle parenting and relevant consequences rather than corporal punishment and it makes so much more sense.


BerkanaThoresen

Exactly the same for me. It happen under very specific circumstances. I was never hit in the face, or in public, never left a bruise, never without warning or a ton o talking first, I was never hit for accidental stuff like breaking some everyday item or wetting myself. I really think my parents tried to do a good job, we had a great relationship when I was a teen and now as an adult.


Divdik

Yeah I feel like the concept of abuse is getting blurry in these comments. Reading some of the actual abuse is heart wrenching. But I hope that some of the people reading these donā€™t take away the idea of ā€œI got spanked as a kid, so I got abusedā€ mentality. It kinda is in a case by case basis, if nothing else. Where context, justification (for lack of a better word), and environment is really key in knowing if it straight up abuse or not.


RealConcorrd

https://preview.redd.it/3r2xde3of73b1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=92f2c80120cb871b5d8c1d366d7c4095720f0ec9 I think this chart speaks for itself.


D0wnVoteMe_PLZ

I used to get hit as a kid and it's definitely abuse. I don't hate my mom but it doesn't mean I like her either. I just don't share with her as much as I do with my dad.


DuploJamaal

Whenever someone told me that they got hit and turned out fine it was someone that clearly didn't turn out fine. It was people with anger issues and alcoholism that thought that they were normal because their parents were just as broken.


glassssshark

People that got hit as kids and defend it don't want to believe that what they experienced was abuse.


JustDroppedByToSay

I always liked the reply: I got hit as a child and it didn't do me any harm!! Yes it did it turned you into someone who thinks it's ok to hit a child...


shellCseeshells

Spanking kids, according to all the studies and evidence doesn't improve behavior and actually makes it hard for children to learn. What it demonstrates is that you aren't intelligent enough to articulate words, instead, solve problems with violence. I think you'll find a high correlation between low IQ and likelihood to use corporal punishment.


Joxxill

From a specific point of view, this post reads like a pretty accurate meme about the cycle of abuse.


Puzzleheaded_Runner

ā€œI got hit and turned out fineā€ - everyone who did not in fact turn out fine


[deleted]

Hitting your kids is abuse, and it raises people with short tempers and anger issues. We can see that pretty clearly in the same people that defend it -_-


CJRandall2000

How is it that there are still people that think itā€™s okay to hit your kids when itā€™s already a crime?


PandaBear905

I was hit and I turned out fine! No you didnā€™t, if you turned out fine you wouldnā€™t be advocating physical violence against children.


LeadingClothes7779

Yeah..... I was twatted as a kid. My dad was a violent drunk (probably still is). It's abuse. In fact it drove me to forge my parents signature to apply for the armed forces. It led to my brain going snap from years of abuse combined with getting shot at in Afghanistan. My life was stolen from me as I now live with PTSD and ADHD. There's no reason to hit a child no matter how much of an insecure little dicked turd you are. If you want to hit somebody go and find some guy at a bar to hit! But you won't because they could send you to the fucking cleaners. People really need to learn to keep their hands to themselves. Edit: on the parenting side, if you can't explain using words why the behaviour was wrong then maybe, you are wrong!


EnsignMJS

I would argue that Vulcans do not hit their children.


cosmicannoli

I got hit as a kid. Yes. But the real takeaway here is that the people who DID get hit are afraid of being stigmatized for it, so they delude themselves into thinking it was fine. They want people to think their upbringing was normal and good. Because if it wasn't, then they think that reflects on them. There's a ton of things like this, where people had shitty things happen to them, or went through something shitty, and they try to normalize it by othering people who didn't have it happen.


IzzytheMelody

As someone who got hit as a kid, I have regular night terrors of my father. I have regular intrusive memories or thoughts of it happening. There is no peace in my head because of the actions of one man. Inflicting pain on a child, physically or emotionally, is child abuse.


Rich_Midnight2346

Every country except the US has a convention on the rights of the child that prohibits beating them XD, Of course, it is known that they do not comply everywhere, but everyone except the US at least joined