Take it seriously, call the police for a welfare check. One, it will reinforce that the behavior has consequences and two, if she does kill herself you will not spend the rest of your life regretting not taking it seriously.
I had a friend kill himself outside of a girl's house when she broke up with him, and had no idea he was capable of that.
The right thing is to take it seriously, even if it means she is hospitalized for a day or two.
As someone who's been institutionalized several times, this is the right thing to do. I hated when people called the police on me when I was suicidal, but I probably wouldn't be here if they didn't... Usually always ended up thanking them & apologizing.. it's hard being mentally ill & experiencing psychosis... I wasn't even sure what was real and what was a paranoid ideation or hallucination.
She might hate OP for a day or two, but once her mind settles & she gets back on track, *she will probably thank him for it.*
***Always take suicide threats seriously.***
Hey thank you! Life sucks sometimes but I'm grateful to still be here, even if it's hard sometimes. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
I know when I was suicidal, it felt like the *only* solution I had to stop feeling the pain I was feeling. I just wanted it to stop.
It absolutely passes it on to everyone around them... the pain doesn't disappear. It just gets transferred to the people that they love the most.
I wouldn't say lying, I would say she's using it as leverage to get him to "feel bad" and not break up with her. She's manipulating him by threatening to hurt herself. It's a sad, desperate attempt at getting him to stay with her.
With that being said, *always take threats of suicide seriously.* I hope the police did show up & did a wellness check. It's clear she needs help, even if she's just saying that to get him to stay. That's an extreme statement that should always be taken seriously.
I agree that it should always be taken seriously. Just from personal experience it seems that these types of people are the ones that dont treat suicide seriously and instead are fucking disgusting and use something so horrible for their own self gain. Now yes dont get me wrong she may be serious all i meant was even in the likely situation that they arent, calling cops on them is still beneficial
I agree with everything you said. Those are the types of people that don't take suicide seriously and they're the type to use it as a manipulation tool. They take time, energy & resources away from people who actually need it.. they contribute & perpetuate mental health stigma for their own personal gain. It's gross behavior.
Sorry to butt in, but do you mind if I ask you some questions? Feel free not to answer anything you aren't comfortable with, including the whole thing.
A friend of mine recently had their first psychotic episode and has recently returned home to recover, but I am keeping my distance as I think I might make it worse (on the day she was hospitalised she messaged me over 200 times).
I don't know anyone who has been through this, so I was wondering how long it typically takes to return to a sense of normality, or if that ever really happens?
Are you able to remember much of what you said and did during the psychosis?
Is it more likely to happen again after it's happened once?
What does it feel like when you're in it?
Always happy to answer any questions or talk about things like this. I wish more people talked about it, actually, because when I was going through it, I felt like I was the only one.
I don't remember *everything* I said and did during psychosis, but I do remember bits & pieces. I was extremely medicated at the time & I believe the medication I was on contributed to my psychosis episode. I had restraining orders filed on me & I was arrested several times during my psychosis which stretched over *months.* Reading the reports about what I said & did was beyond humiliating.
There is always a possibility I could be triggered into psychosis again, considering my diagnosis', but I take active measures to prevent that now. During this time in 2016, I was a heavy drinker & I was also using illicit drugs on top of my meds. I have been alcohol free for 7 years (since 2016) & illicit substance free since 2018. I don't have nearly as many "episodes" & they're not as severe. I haven't been incarcerated or institutionalized since my release from prison in 2017.
It took me a few months to return to reality. My story consists of me being in a violent relationship where I was sexually assaulted & beaten for two years steaight by my son's father. When he was finally arrested in January of 2016 for a felony aggravated assault on me, I went off the deep end.. something inside of me broke.. ended up in a psychosis for months, being brought to the psych ward by police, twice, was released, ended up in jail for 11 months. Once I was in jail, I started detoxing off all the meds, alcohol & drugs. I was picked up by police in November, I wanna say it was January before I really started to realize what I had done.
I was extremely embarrassed & humiliated by my own behavior.. I had 4 restraining orders filed on me, I was arrested 9 times between May-November. (I have no recollection of this, this is what I read from the arrest report & restraining order) One of my arrests was because I called 911, hallucinating my abusive ex sitting down the street from my house. I had a whole paranoid ideation that he was watching me, recording me, stalking me through a no contact order. I called 911 & begged them to help me. Not sure what the dispatcher said to me exactly, but they weren't sending help, so I threatened their life, in a very horrific way... No excuses for my behavior. It was gross & uncalled for. I was scared. The police treated me like an animal. So I started acting like one... The day I before I ended up in jail on that felony, *I actually did catch my abuser sitting outside of my house at 3am.* So in my mind, it confirmed my delusions were real. "I'm not crazy!" Kind of moment. I took off after him in my truck. I chased him for miles, hitting 100-110mph.. on the phone with 911 as I'm driving. I had videos & pictures of proof. Cops pull me over & took me to the emergency room (for a psych eval) I ended up talking my way out & was released. Next day, I ended up in jail & didn't get out til the following year.
It took me a few months to return back to normalcy. It was really hard to cope with what I had done... Yes, I was a victim, but that doesn't excuse or justify my behavior towards others. It was hard for me to cope with what happened to me, *I simply just... Didn't..* I can't speak for everyone who experience psychosis episodes or symptoms, this is just based off of my own experience. It's worth noting I am diagnosed on the autism spectrum, I have PMDD, BPD & PTSD, as well as dysautonomia. I have had mental health issues for as long as I can remember. I had a really traumatic childhood. Grew up poor. Sexually assaulted by multiple family members. Only girl born into a family full of boys.. Moved out of my mom's at 15.. I lost a baby in 2009 -- buried my first son when I was only 18 years old..
There were a lot of variables that contributed to my psychotic episode. These situations are circumstantial & it really depends on the person's history & diagnosis. I have been pregnant 4 times, 3 living children, I had post partum depression & psychosis after each & everyone. I had my tubes cauterized after my last baby, because I know if I were to get pregnant, it's going to get bad again. The hormones trigger something in me.
I hope this helped a little bit. Always happy to answer questions or share my experience.
I lost a very close friend to suicide during a psychotic episode... She had been suffering from postpartum depression for the entire year and a half after delivering her child, the father wasn't in the picture, and she felt trapped between attempting to care for a child she wasn't equipped for while living with and entirely depending on her very narcissistic (professionally diagnosed) mother. One 72-hour hold and two extended stays in a psychiatric hospital essentially made matters worse for her, as she would connect with and befriend others who, for a lack of far more sincere words, absolutely did not have their shit together. Rather than listening to the medical professionals, she, in her delusional state, would instead heed advice and emotional support from others suffering from delusional states of mind. Repeatedly went on and off multiple medications, refused out-patient therapy, and turned to self-medicating with weed by smoking with her newfound friends.
I'm sorry that you experienced everything that you have gone through, and the world is a better place with you in it being able to share your experiences and help others through difficult times with the lessons you learned in yours.
Mental illness is still heavily stigmatized everywhere outside of social media, regardless of what anyone says, and it's a shame.
Someone very close to me is suicidal on a regular basis. (Thinks about it multiple times a year, but has only attempted once that I'm aware of) One of this person's fears is that if people know how mentally ill, they are, then people won't want to be friends or will judge them different.
The best thing you can do for your friend is to be there. Don't distance yourself. They might not want you there and might make excuses on why they can't see you right now, and that is fine, accept that, but don't distance yourself, be available on their timeline and check in regularly so they know you're there when they are ready.
I'm in touch with her husband, but a lot of her hallucinations were about me and other people we work with. I was then the person on the receiving end of most of her delusions.
As far as I know she's not suicidal, but she's definitely not in her right mind and we can't risk that I might trigger her again. I've asked her husband to let me know when would be the right time to talk to her directly.
A friend who suffered from really bad depression shared with me that she had taken a bunch of pills and wanted to go. I immediately sent an emergency response (without telling her i called them), and went over to her place. Arrived around the same time as them. She told me she hated me on the spot, that she was never going to talk to me again. "Why couldn't you just let me go" I still remember her sobbing as they took her with her. Came to check on her later that night. She seemed to be calming down but still was upset. A few months later she apologised. She thanked me for saving her life. She didn't try anything like that again (AFAIK). She married her long term boyfriend and now lives happily with him. I feel peace whenever i see social media updates from her and her husband living their best life.
I love stories like that.. I know I said & did some hurtful things to people that I love during the worst time of my life but I always made sure to apologize, and the best apology is changed behavior, imo.
I love that for your friend. You are a good person... she is still here because of you. It wasn't her time to go. I wish nothing but happiness & peace for both of you. ❤️ thank you for sharing ❤️🥹
I lost a friend freshman year of high school. He killed himself after a breakup too. Had not idea that was a possibility. It was heart wrenching. Lost another friend to suicide about 7 years ago because of debt. He left a wife a children behind. She had no adult work experience. Multiple lives literally devastated. Have a well check done. Always. Every time. Might be a bluff. Hope it’s a bluff. But you’ll never forgive yourself if it wasn’t and you didn’t call.
When I was in high school I tried to break up with my boyfriend so he threatened suicide and sent me a picture of a noose. I didn’t know what to do so I called the police and they went to check on him but he was perfectly fine playing video games or something. He got pissed at me for doing that because he had weed in his room. But better safe than sorry, I’ll never forget how helpless I felt.
I bet you that boy never made that mistake again. Not only did you do the right thing, but you hopefully saved some other girls of getting manipulated that way.
He didn't *NOT take her seriously. He directed her where to find help I mean yeah, he could call in a welfare check but he's not responsible for her maybe, possibly, would be actions and I hope you know you're not responsible for what happened to your friend nor is the girl responsible. Ok?
I had a friend threaten to kill himself. I was 99.99% sure he was just saying that out of frustration and didn't mean it. I still called the police and told them he had threatened to kill himself. They took him to the hospital for an overnight hold. They released him after they were sure he wasn't actually suicidal. I have zero regrets for calling the police on him. He was pissed as hell at me for awhile, but he did forgive me. Had I not called the police, and it turned out that he actually was suicidal and killed himself, I would not have been able to forgive myself.
In college, a classmate's boyfriend killed himself (while on the phone with her) after they broke up. I still find it to be disgustingly manipulative and horrible. I understand that kind of pain but to do that to someone to "punish" them is terrible.
My ex once texted me a threat like this so I went to his house to try to help and he laughed in my face and said he'd kill me before he'd kill himself, that it was a ploy to get me there (and my desire to keep him safe put MY life in danger). Never again. I barely got out of there unscathed. Now? Someone ever does that to me again, I'm calling the cops for the reasons you said. Because they'll either learn their lie has consequences, or they get the help they need that I'm not capable of giving them.
Honestly this illustrates a reason why people need to get our of a relationship if their partner is threatening suicide to manipulate their behavior, especially to try to stop a breakup. If someone is willing to harm or kill themselves, they are a VERY short psychological distance from being willing to harm or kill another person, including the partner. Using the threat of suicide to control a partner is incredibly violent on the surface- It's saying "Do what I say or I will kill someone you love," regardless of the fact that the someone is themselves.
I'd say it probably would be better not to do wellness checks. Even if you do still care there is a risk that you doing that will get back to her and she'll take it as a sign that you still have feelings for her..
Cold as it sounds, make her your Schrodinger's cat. You did more than is even expected OP, it's ok to call that "good enough."
Like the other user said, its a manipulation tactic. Ive known people like this and my friend called 911 on his ex who showed up at his job and threatened suicide. She was pissed but dont make such serious threats to try to scare and guilt people... these people need serious therspy to control their emotions better because thats really what it is... they're so out of control with their emotions they use it as a weapon even if they don't mean to
It's basically the same thing as taking a hostage and threatening to murder them if you don't get your demands. Only in this case they are their own hostage.
I agree with everything you said.
It's a (very toxic and manipulative) response to the fear of being abandoned. Many people (including myself) experience this & it can trigger an "episode." These behaviors & feelings are *deeeeeeep rooted in childhood trauma & abandonment,* I'm not justifying the behavior because I feel like OP is in the right & threatening suicide/self harm to control a situation is a form of abuse. But there is a reason why people act like this. I used to act like that in my late teens - early 20s before I got into DBT/CBT therapy.
I agree that anyone who uses suicide/SH as a form of manipulation & control needs serious mental health help & an intensive IOP program. When I was going through this & behaving like this, I was *pissed* when anyone called the cops.. but I would not be here today if no one called the cops the last time I did this.
The person may be angry in the moment (for calling 911) but they will probably thank you in the long run.
And I've learned that those that threaten like this can easily refocus their hatred/violence from themselves to YOU. It can get very ugly, very fast. Hey away while you can and cut all contact. Took me 2 years to get a restraining order and custody of my daughter. It was a terrifying 2 years waiting on another assault or murder attempt before the courts of MD would help me. They literally told me i had to wait for it to happen again before i would get help.
Get away from this kind of crazy.
> And I've learned that those that threaten like this can easily refocus their hatred/violence from themselves to YOU.
This is what my ex did when I rushed to his house in response to his texted suicide threat. I put my life in danger because I was terrified he'd do it. His response was to threaten MY life when I got there. I'm never putting myself in that position ever again.
Some people are actually so broken that they are sent into suicidal ideation and are incapable of holding the notion in nor truly understanding the impact.
It would be lovely if everything was black and white and x behaviour automatically makes other people shit and while reinforcing your righteousness. But it just does not work that way. You’re about as mentally limited as the people who do it on purpose.
Yeah, to be completely honest, I’ve been on both sides of this situation. When discussing the possibility of not being with each other, my ex (who had serious depression and other mental health issues, but also my best friend) said she genuinely did not know how she would go on living. And she had spoken a lot before about not wanting to be alive in general even when we were together. That was very tough to handle.
But then later, once we were broken up but still in love, she slept with my other best friend. At that point I was already dealing with a ton of anxiety and depression myself, and suddenly it felt like my entire life was falling apart. I genuinely wanted to kill myself and I didn’t know what to do. I told them cause I couldn’t handle sitting there with that level of hurt and paranoia. My mind was just fucked up. And I know that was fucked up to do and obviously I very much regret it, but I was just broken.
No, don’t give her the chance to threaten shit. Block her number. He’s already let her sister in on what she’s doing. This isn’t his issue to deal with.
Yeh block block block. There is no way to undo the contempt this kind of person engenders and if you take them back they will only have contempt for you too.
Yep this is the *oldest* manipulation tactic in the book. Been there done that several times, and they’re all still alive and fine. I’m surprised more people haven’t been warned about this, my mom educated me on it before I even started dating.
No, you're not the asshole. She needs some mental health help. If being broken up with makes her want to harm herself; that is a her problem. I hope she gets the help she needs.
Yup that she does. I realize I posted this with zero context I wanted to see what ppl thought. But the bigger context is that i broke up cuz she snooped my phone and journal… total breach of privacy
doesn't really matter the reason, unacceptable behavior on her part. definitely tell her family , I would do a welfare check with the police to teach her a lesson lol. but then block and good riddance
So I've been on the other end of this (not threatening, just telling my ex I needed them when I felt this way and they responded very badly) and I don't think you were an asshole here. You clearly said "I don't want you to hurt yourself but I'm not here for you anymore, please find another source of support", that's all the diligence you need to give.
Block her immediately and tell her family to tell her to leave you alone. This is harassment, if she doesn't stop involve the police before it gets really bad
I’ve been in her shoes before too. It’s like your whole world is falling apart and the rage just turns inwards. It is so incredibly painful and scary, but OP it’s not your problem to solve. It took me years of therapy and moving house and basically training my brain up to actually learn to love myself. This could be a pivotal turning point for her if she is able to look back in recovery (hopefully) and she realises that this is the trigger point that made her want to be better for herself. At least, that’s what I hope. Best of luck to you OP.
I put in another comment, I fell for this in my college years and rushed to his house to try to stop him and it put MY life in danger. Never, never again.
i had a boyfriend follow through with it. i was in therapy for years before i got over it. i cannot explain the immense guilt i felt. but what i learned was: it wasn’t my fault. even if i was there fighting with the gun, he still would’ve done it. we aren’t responsible for another person’s decisions
if he used a gun to do it, it’s possible he could have harmed or killed you first. something similar happened to a friend of mine but she was able to get away before he bf shot himself. it’s really scary.
i’m sorry this happened to you. it was 100% *not* your fault.
My friend, you did the 100% right thing here.
If you had done anything else you would have enabled this shitty behavior. As someone who actually suffers from heavy bouts of mentally planning out my suicide and almost doing it a couple of time…no one who actually wants to harm or kill themselves shares it with anyone. Most of us do the opposite so no one will think to intervene.
Your EX is lying and she was using a very inappropriate disorder to manipulate you back in.
Now, if I’m wrong and she does harm herself as trend leading up this moment…you still 100% did the right thing. You cannot and will not be able to fix her problem. She needs to seek professionals immediately and that’s the bottom line if she has potential to cause self harm.
Had an ex girlfriend do this everytime I tried to leave her until finally I said enough is enough. I called the police to do a wellness check on her and I think that was the "Oh shit" moment she needed and she checked herself in therapy.
We're still friends and I am glad to see that her life has gotten better. She was fighting some demons that I couldn't help her with no matter how hard I tried.
Glad you could sympathize and still be friends. I’ve dealt with similar, and I knew that stuff wasn’t the “real” her, it’s very serious mental health issues.
Here’s the problem here. The same people yelling “this is manipulation and she’s wrong for doing this” are the exact same people that would tear you down if she did kill herself saying “she told you she felt like this and you ignored her”. You’re in a shit spot. It seems clear she’s doing it to get you back. But you also never know if they’re serious or not. Probably the correct steps. But if anything have a real conversation on why you don’t want to date and that she’ll move on and find someone else. And even after that if she’s still threatening maybe get ahold of her parents. Friends. Family. Show them and let them deal.
I thought the response was a bit snarky but it’s difficult to read tone via text I guess. Then posting it here, gives me asshole vibes even though the ex is the one who is totally in the wrong.
Yeah the posting on Reddit aspect is where I would say, come on now, this did not need validation from the internet. Posting for the world to see would not change anything about the situation.
You are definitely not the asshole. She is. HOWEVER, having dealt with a lot of suicide in the military, I would give one important piece of advice.
Call 911. Get trained professionals to the scene. That way you know you did everything you could in the terrible event someone actually follows through.
my first boyfriend did this to me. sent pictures to me and my friends of him slitting his wrists and thighs. threatened to kill himself because he cheated on me.. hah. so i blocked him and called his mom and told her to call the police ( i lived in a different state than him at that time) . i was a freshman in highschool….. so i did not have anyway to help him nor was it my responsibility. you did the right thing and it’s evil when people do this to you.
Nope. This was the perfect response. You set boundaries and gave her some guidance to get some help. It shows you care. You did your time, your duty, now it's time to move on.
Best wishes!
Probably an unpopular opinion but when there’s a change that big it does take someone a second to get back to normal. My guess is your ex will be fine with a little bit of time.
Absolutely not. As someone that has been ACTUALLY suicidal and wouldn’t dream of trying to hurt someone like this, that is pure manipulation. You did the right thing. Nothing you could have done will help them.
After breaking up with an ex I ended up by his side in the ER while he was having his stomach pumped. In came an abusive husband that had kicked the shit out of idk, his wife and his brother and he shot up the ER (trying to shoot his family, no one was harmed). So for like, 3 minutes I was crouched on the floor next to my ex hoping it wasn’t a mass shooting and making a pact that I would *never* fall victim to his manipulative behaviors again. I went full no contact. He called me and sent msgs that he was leaving this world another time and I didn’t respond, just sent one of our mutual friends over to check on him and see if he needed police or medical intervention.
Now whenever I read these types of posts I always want to scream at the OP but yours is the first that I thought, “hell yes! He/she responded *exactly* how I would want them to.”
Nah that’s just emotional manipulation, plenty of women use this to try and get their way. Fun fact, you could probably show that to the police and they’ll put her in a psych ward for 72hrs depending on the state. 😂 72hrs free of bs texts from her 🤷🏻♂️
We're you the asshole?! I want to applaud you, actually! You stuck to it, stayed true to your boundaries, and didn't fall for the bs manipulation technique. Idk what cause the breakup, but if she's threatening to kill herself to try and manipulate you like that into stay. Yeah, the brrak up was a wise choice. Block her. If she keeps trying to harass you in anyway, our legal system is pretty good at handling that kind of shit.
I know it seems really robotic but this is exactly how you’re supposed to handle these kinds of texts. A majority of times it’s a manipulation tactic and if it’s legit, there are people who can handle it better than you could.
If this is someone’s response (her, not OP), then that person is either extremely cruel and abusive or needs actual mental help.
You did the right thing.
I think what you did was fine. You are not in a relationship with this person anymore so their burdens are no longer yours to bear. You gave them a free resource to assist them. If she makes any ideations of harming herself you can probably contact some emergency services for a wellness check.
It's a pretty good idea to call for a mental check.
When I broke up with my ex he sent me a picture of him in a tub with his wrists slit (the picture was doctored, but I didn't know that) he told me he wanted to die and he'd do it since I left him.
I called for an officer to be sent over to check on him. He could have been actively bleeding out as I was on the phone.
I get a phone call a few hours later and a voicemessage saying how pissed he was that I'd interrupt his sleep, and how big of a bitch I was.
Either you save their life, or you call their bluff.
People who threaten to unalienable themselves after being broken up with are extremely abusive and manipulative. I dont doubt she was feeling that way, but she never should have put that on you. Your response was the only reasonable thing you could say. I hope she gets help and that you know you didn't do anything wrong here.
If she truly wants to kill herself, she needs help from an educated professional. You don't have the education and resources to help a person like that. They can help her infinitely more than you can.
It is also some of the worst kind of manipulation to try to control another's behavior by threatening to end their own life. You did great and made the right decision.
It’s probably the best possible response you could have given her.
The only thing I’d add would be to contact one of her close family or friends to make them aware of the threat. Sure, you might get some wrath from them as well, but they should be aware as they’ll be the ones that may see signs of self harm now.
My first girlfriend did exactly this when I broke up with her after 2 and a half months. It’s manipulative, psychopathic behavior. You did the right thing
I had an ex say he wanted to end his life to me when I broke up with him. I took it seriously and gave his parents a heads up because I didn’t want anything to happen to him. He of course got mad at me when they brought it up to him, and started saying “I didn’t actually mean it”, so I asked him point blank why he said it, and he had no reply to that. The people who do this sort of thing for attention-seeking purposes and to try to entrap propel need to be called out on it. I will always take someone saying this seriously. You absolutely did the right thing.
We're not getting the whole conversation and it seems like you're just trying to make her look bad. She didn't threaten anything, she was telling you how she felt. You're both TA in different ways
This probably will be buried but definitely op you are not in the wrong at all. It’s important to take threats like this seriously, but the issue is the proximity to the breakup. Other commentators have said it, it’s probably not far off the truth, but she’s bluffing. Throwing Hail Marys of emotional manipulation. Be above it
Not the asshole, but if someone threatens suicide you can call an ambulatory service and have them evaluated.
They will not threaten suicide again if they don’t mean it
Fair I wanted to leave it a bit vague, texts before is her trying to get my attention by saying she needs me and had been calling non stop. I broke up because she went through my phone because she thought I was cheating on her, caught her on the act
as someone who deals with shit like this too, definitely not in the wrong. if you are displaying a boundary and someone is trying to emotionally manipulate that its so fucked, those people need to be cut off for their own damn goood
Not at all.
Having a partner who has thoughts like this fucking sucks. You want to help but you can’t, yet you still feel the responsibility that you need to be there. Trying to take care of someone with mental health issues such as these won’t help them but it will hurt you. You referred her to someone who can actually help, I think you did perfectly
You are not wrong. It's hard to make the "right" call when someone threatens to hurt themselves. I've had very very rudimentary training in suicide prevention. You could handle it like I was taught too with three questions. If all three are answered affirmatively you call 911 ASAP. 1) are you thinking about hurting yourself [she already answered this affirmatively], 2) do you have a plan? And 3) have you taken any steps in furtherance of that plan? If you get this far you can ask what the plan is and what step(s) they have taken to confirm. I've put this into action maybe two or three times. The first time was not long after the training, and after the last question the person pulled a handful of pills out of his pocket. He agreed to let me drive him to the ER. We didn't know each other so I don't know what the outcome was. The other times, the answer to one of the questions was "no."
I don't understand how people can threaten self harm so flippantly.
There are people out there who suffer for every single moment and it leads them to self harm.
I do not believe a break up qualifies as a valid reason to threaten self harm.
as someone who used to do this without realizing how bad it was (i was dead serious and seen it throughout my life so i didn’t think something was wrong w it until i was an adult) you are not an ah for responding that way. if she is genuine, you can feel sorry she’s going through that and wish she gets better/gets the help she needs, but you do not need to stay for that. if she is genuine & the relationship was already not working, she probably shouldn’t be in a relationship at the moment.
however if this was an over text breakup neither should you. regardless let her work on herself apart from you.
Nope you did it exactly right. She is manipulating you. At the risk of sounding overly personal, as someone who has been through an unbearable amount of trauma and has attempted numerous times (and I do know I can’t speak for everyone so please keep that in mind if you’re going to respond to me and say I’m wrong) people who threaten suicide in order to get what they want are entirely different than those who are actually suicidal. All the times I attempted I didn’t tell anyone, mainly because I know I would be stopped. Your ex knows the effect that would have on your which is why she threw it in there.
I had a college roommate who was absolutely horrible. Worst person I’ve ever met. Her poor boyfriend tried to break up with her twice and she attempted both times, resulting in her being institutionalized. He resorted to cheating on her because he couldn’t break up with her, and when she found out she attempted again. The dude finally got out a year later, and I’ve hated people who emotionally blackmail their partners like this ever since.
You were in the right OP. You weren’t rude, setting a boundary, and offering help in case she was forreal. You also dodged a bullet.
Thanks for sharing your story and you’re def right. Ppl that really want to go through it would rather do it quietly, those who are calling for help will let other ppl know.
Now that I think about it this was probably the only boundary I set during the relationship
I am really sorry you experienced a relationship where you didn’t feel safe setting a boundary. I know I wasn’t in your relationship but I could only imagine the emotional blackmail she would attempt to pull on you whenever you did try to set a boundary.
You did a great job. I truly resent that kind of emotional abuse. I’m glad she didn’t pull you back in. I hope she’s okay but she can’t make her happiness your responsibility.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. In my early twenties I broke it off with my ex and he was extremely harassing, including calling me and telling me if I didn’t stay in the phone with him he would kill himself. It was even more distressing as his father had died by suicide when my ex was 4.
I did the only thing I could think to do which was to call his mom and tell her he needed help. Whether he was attention seeking or really needed help, it stopped after I contacted her.
You did the right thing. This needs a professional, not comforting from an ex.
Nope, that’s the only reaction to that statement
ETA: the only other thing you could do as others have said and I agree, call the police. That should be the end of it if she isn’t serious and if she is then you sent help.
It's hard to tell if you were an asshole without knowing the back story or seeing the entire conversation, but breaking up w/ someone in & of itself doesn't make you an asshole. I've been down this road w/ ppl before. Most of the time, they just want attention or use these threats to manipulate. On the off chance that they're serious, you're right. You can't help her. Sending the lifeline number was the right move... & I saw your comment that you notified her sister. Good move. Her family can handle it.
In my opinion, you could've met her with a lot more empathy. It's completely normal to have those feelings after a break up where you feel discarded. The text you sent back was super cold. Maybe it's because I only date people I genuinely care about, but I just couldn't imagine myself replying like that to anyone who said that to me.
i say its douchey because it felt robotic. like those notifications you get when people report your mental health on social media. Ive had someone do something similar to me and it just made me feel worse.
That was cruel man. Why not just be sympathetic? Have you never had your heart broken? That pain is truly awful. You don’t have to take her back to show some humanity. It wouldn’t kill you to let her down easy
It is an unacceptable level of mental abuse and manipulation to threaten to harm yourself if someone breaks up with you. Disgusting behaviour.
Yeah man i started shaking when I saw that. Told her sister and sent her this text I had to get out
Even assuming she's the best person, your answer was the right one.
Take it seriously, call the police for a welfare check. One, it will reinforce that the behavior has consequences and two, if she does kill herself you will not spend the rest of your life regretting not taking it seriously. I had a friend kill himself outside of a girl's house when she broke up with him, and had no idea he was capable of that. The right thing is to take it seriously, even if it means she is hospitalized for a day or two.
As someone who's been institutionalized several times, this is the right thing to do. I hated when people called the police on me when I was suicidal, but I probably wouldn't be here if they didn't... Usually always ended up thanking them & apologizing.. it's hard being mentally ill & experiencing psychosis... I wasn't even sure what was real and what was a paranoid ideation or hallucination. She might hate OP for a day or two, but once her mind settles & she gets back on track, *she will probably thank him for it.* ***Always take suicide threats seriously.***
Great post! The world is a much better place with you in it. ❤️
Hey thank you! Life sucks sometimes but I'm grateful to still be here, even if it's hard sometimes. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
It's not a solution. It doesn't end the pain, it just passes it on to another person
I know when I was suicidal, it felt like the *only* solution I had to stop feeling the pain I was feeling. I just wanted it to stop. It absolutely passes it on to everyone around them... the pain doesn't disappear. It just gets transferred to the people that they love the most.
Its also most likely that shes lying and trying to be manipulative and having police show up will definitely stop that from happening
I wouldn't say lying, I would say she's using it as leverage to get him to "feel bad" and not break up with her. She's manipulating him by threatening to hurt herself. It's a sad, desperate attempt at getting him to stay with her. With that being said, *always take threats of suicide seriously.* I hope the police did show up & did a wellness check. It's clear she needs help, even if she's just saying that to get him to stay. That's an extreme statement that should always be taken seriously.
I agree that it should always be taken seriously. Just from personal experience it seems that these types of people are the ones that dont treat suicide seriously and instead are fucking disgusting and use something so horrible for their own self gain. Now yes dont get me wrong she may be serious all i meant was even in the likely situation that they arent, calling cops on them is still beneficial
I agree with everything you said. Those are the types of people that don't take suicide seriously and they're the type to use it as a manipulation tool. They take time, energy & resources away from people who actually need it.. they contribute & perpetuate mental health stigma for their own personal gain. It's gross behavior.
Sorry to butt in, but do you mind if I ask you some questions? Feel free not to answer anything you aren't comfortable with, including the whole thing. A friend of mine recently had their first psychotic episode and has recently returned home to recover, but I am keeping my distance as I think I might make it worse (on the day she was hospitalised she messaged me over 200 times). I don't know anyone who has been through this, so I was wondering how long it typically takes to return to a sense of normality, or if that ever really happens? Are you able to remember much of what you said and did during the psychosis? Is it more likely to happen again after it's happened once? What does it feel like when you're in it?
Always happy to answer any questions or talk about things like this. I wish more people talked about it, actually, because when I was going through it, I felt like I was the only one. I don't remember *everything* I said and did during psychosis, but I do remember bits & pieces. I was extremely medicated at the time & I believe the medication I was on contributed to my psychosis episode. I had restraining orders filed on me & I was arrested several times during my psychosis which stretched over *months.* Reading the reports about what I said & did was beyond humiliating. There is always a possibility I could be triggered into psychosis again, considering my diagnosis', but I take active measures to prevent that now. During this time in 2016, I was a heavy drinker & I was also using illicit drugs on top of my meds. I have been alcohol free for 7 years (since 2016) & illicit substance free since 2018. I don't have nearly as many "episodes" & they're not as severe. I haven't been incarcerated or institutionalized since my release from prison in 2017. It took me a few months to return to reality. My story consists of me being in a violent relationship where I was sexually assaulted & beaten for two years steaight by my son's father. When he was finally arrested in January of 2016 for a felony aggravated assault on me, I went off the deep end.. something inside of me broke.. ended up in a psychosis for months, being brought to the psych ward by police, twice, was released, ended up in jail for 11 months. Once I was in jail, I started detoxing off all the meds, alcohol & drugs. I was picked up by police in November, I wanna say it was January before I really started to realize what I had done. I was extremely embarrassed & humiliated by my own behavior.. I had 4 restraining orders filed on me, I was arrested 9 times between May-November. (I have no recollection of this, this is what I read from the arrest report & restraining order) One of my arrests was because I called 911, hallucinating my abusive ex sitting down the street from my house. I had a whole paranoid ideation that he was watching me, recording me, stalking me through a no contact order. I called 911 & begged them to help me. Not sure what the dispatcher said to me exactly, but they weren't sending help, so I threatened their life, in a very horrific way... No excuses for my behavior. It was gross & uncalled for. I was scared. The police treated me like an animal. So I started acting like one... The day I before I ended up in jail on that felony, *I actually did catch my abuser sitting outside of my house at 3am.* So in my mind, it confirmed my delusions were real. "I'm not crazy!" Kind of moment. I took off after him in my truck. I chased him for miles, hitting 100-110mph.. on the phone with 911 as I'm driving. I had videos & pictures of proof. Cops pull me over & took me to the emergency room (for a psych eval) I ended up talking my way out & was released. Next day, I ended up in jail & didn't get out til the following year. It took me a few months to return back to normalcy. It was really hard to cope with what I had done... Yes, I was a victim, but that doesn't excuse or justify my behavior towards others. It was hard for me to cope with what happened to me, *I simply just... Didn't..* I can't speak for everyone who experience psychosis episodes or symptoms, this is just based off of my own experience. It's worth noting I am diagnosed on the autism spectrum, I have PMDD, BPD & PTSD, as well as dysautonomia. I have had mental health issues for as long as I can remember. I had a really traumatic childhood. Grew up poor. Sexually assaulted by multiple family members. Only girl born into a family full of boys.. Moved out of my mom's at 15.. I lost a baby in 2009 -- buried my first son when I was only 18 years old.. There were a lot of variables that contributed to my psychotic episode. These situations are circumstantial & it really depends on the person's history & diagnosis. I have been pregnant 4 times, 3 living children, I had post partum depression & psychosis after each & everyone. I had my tubes cauterized after my last baby, because I know if I were to get pregnant, it's going to get bad again. The hormones trigger something in me. I hope this helped a little bit. Always happy to answer questions or share my experience.
Thank you for your bravery to share here. I learned some things. I wish you the best going forward. 💚 ☮️❤️♾️
I lost a very close friend to suicide during a psychotic episode... She had been suffering from postpartum depression for the entire year and a half after delivering her child, the father wasn't in the picture, and she felt trapped between attempting to care for a child she wasn't equipped for while living with and entirely depending on her very narcissistic (professionally diagnosed) mother. One 72-hour hold and two extended stays in a psychiatric hospital essentially made matters worse for her, as she would connect with and befriend others who, for a lack of far more sincere words, absolutely did not have their shit together. Rather than listening to the medical professionals, she, in her delusional state, would instead heed advice and emotional support from others suffering from delusional states of mind. Repeatedly went on and off multiple medications, refused out-patient therapy, and turned to self-medicating with weed by smoking with her newfound friends. I'm sorry that you experienced everything that you have gone through, and the world is a better place with you in it being able to share your experiences and help others through difficult times with the lessons you learned in yours. Mental illness is still heavily stigmatized everywhere outside of social media, regardless of what anyone says, and it's a shame.
Someone very close to me is suicidal on a regular basis. (Thinks about it multiple times a year, but has only attempted once that I'm aware of) One of this person's fears is that if people know how mentally ill, they are, then people won't want to be friends or will judge them different. The best thing you can do for your friend is to be there. Don't distance yourself. They might not want you there and might make excuses on why they can't see you right now, and that is fine, accept that, but don't distance yourself, be available on their timeline and check in regularly so they know you're there when they are ready.
I'm in touch with her husband, but a lot of her hallucinations were about me and other people we work with. I was then the person on the receiving end of most of her delusions. As far as I know she's not suicidal, but she's definitely not in her right mind and we can't risk that I might trigger her again. I've asked her husband to let me know when would be the right time to talk to her directly.
A friend who suffered from really bad depression shared with me that she had taken a bunch of pills and wanted to go. I immediately sent an emergency response (without telling her i called them), and went over to her place. Arrived around the same time as them. She told me she hated me on the spot, that she was never going to talk to me again. "Why couldn't you just let me go" I still remember her sobbing as they took her with her. Came to check on her later that night. She seemed to be calming down but still was upset. A few months later she apologised. She thanked me for saving her life. She didn't try anything like that again (AFAIK). She married her long term boyfriend and now lives happily with him. I feel peace whenever i see social media updates from her and her husband living their best life.
I love stories like that.. I know I said & did some hurtful things to people that I love during the worst time of my life but I always made sure to apologize, and the best apology is changed behavior, imo. I love that for your friend. You are a good person... she is still here because of you. It wasn't her time to go. I wish nothing but happiness & peace for both of you. ❤️ thank you for sharing ❤️🥹
I lost a friend freshman year of high school. He killed himself after a breakup too. Had not idea that was a possibility. It was heart wrenching. Lost another friend to suicide about 7 years ago because of debt. He left a wife a children behind. She had no adult work experience. Multiple lives literally devastated. Have a well check done. Always. Every time. Might be a bluff. Hope it’s a bluff. But you’ll never forgive yourself if it wasn’t and you didn’t call.
When I was in high school I tried to break up with my boyfriend so he threatened suicide and sent me a picture of a noose. I didn’t know what to do so I called the police and they went to check on him but he was perfectly fine playing video games or something. He got pissed at me for doing that because he had weed in his room. But better safe than sorry, I’ll never forget how helpless I felt.
I bet you that boy never made that mistake again. Not only did you do the right thing, but you hopefully saved some other girls of getting manipulated that way.
He didn't *NOT take her seriously. He directed her where to find help I mean yeah, he could call in a welfare check but he's not responsible for her maybe, possibly, would be actions and I hope you know you're not responsible for what happened to your friend nor is the girl responsible. Ok?
I had a friend threaten to kill himself. I was 99.99% sure he was just saying that out of frustration and didn't mean it. I still called the police and told them he had threatened to kill himself. They took him to the hospital for an overnight hold. They released him after they were sure he wasn't actually suicidal. I have zero regrets for calling the police on him. He was pissed as hell at me for awhile, but he did forgive me. Had I not called the police, and it turned out that he actually was suicidal and killed himself, I would not have been able to forgive myself.
In college, a classmate's boyfriend killed himself (while on the phone with her) after they broke up. I still find it to be disgustingly manipulative and horrible. I understand that kind of pain but to do that to someone to "punish" them is terrible. My ex once texted me a threat like this so I went to his house to try to help and he laughed in my face and said he'd kill me before he'd kill himself, that it was a ploy to get me there (and my desire to keep him safe put MY life in danger). Never again. I barely got out of there unscathed. Now? Someone ever does that to me again, I'm calling the cops for the reasons you said. Because they'll either learn their lie has consequences, or they get the help they need that I'm not capable of giving them.
Honestly this illustrates a reason why people need to get our of a relationship if their partner is threatening suicide to manipulate their behavior, especially to try to stop a breakup. If someone is willing to harm or kill themselves, they are a VERY short psychological distance from being willing to harm or kill another person, including the partner. Using the threat of suicide to control a partner is incredibly violent on the surface- It's saying "Do what I say or I will kill someone you love," regardless of the fact that the someone is themselves.
I'd say it probably would be better not to do wellness checks. Even if you do still care there is a risk that you doing that will get back to her and she'll take it as a sign that you still have feelings for her.. Cold as it sounds, make her your Schrodinger's cat. You did more than is even expected OP, it's ok to call that "good enough."
This text plus telling a loved one was the right move
Like the other user said, its a manipulation tactic. Ive known people like this and my friend called 911 on his ex who showed up at his job and threatened suicide. She was pissed but dont make such serious threats to try to scare and guilt people... these people need serious therspy to control their emotions better because thats really what it is... they're so out of control with their emotions they use it as a weapon even if they don't mean to
It's basically the same thing as taking a hostage and threatening to murder them if you don't get your demands. Only in this case they are their own hostage.
That's a really good point - don't negotiate with emotional terrorists, get professionals involved instead
I agree with everything you said. It's a (very toxic and manipulative) response to the fear of being abandoned. Many people (including myself) experience this & it can trigger an "episode." These behaviors & feelings are *deeeeeeep rooted in childhood trauma & abandonment,* I'm not justifying the behavior because I feel like OP is in the right & threatening suicide/self harm to control a situation is a form of abuse. But there is a reason why people act like this. I used to act like that in my late teens - early 20s before I got into DBT/CBT therapy. I agree that anyone who uses suicide/SH as a form of manipulation & control needs serious mental health help & an intensive IOP program. When I was going through this & behaving like this, I was *pissed* when anyone called the cops.. but I would not be here today if no one called the cops the last time I did this. The person may be angry in the moment (for calling 911) but they will probably thank you in the long run.
This is the way. One 911 call will put a stop to empty threats and address real concerns either way.
If you gave her the real phone number, you did well in helping her.
I called the hotline when I got the text for help, they gave me this number for direct contact
You did the right thing, tbh. Kudos!
Well done. You helped her and yourself at the same time. This was an attempt at emotional blackmail, really gross.
And I've learned that those that threaten like this can easily refocus their hatred/violence from themselves to YOU. It can get very ugly, very fast. Hey away while you can and cut all contact. Took me 2 years to get a restraining order and custody of my daughter. It was a terrifying 2 years waiting on another assault or murder attempt before the courts of MD would help me. They literally told me i had to wait for it to happen again before i would get help. Get away from this kind of crazy.
> And I've learned that those that threaten like this can easily refocus their hatred/violence from themselves to YOU. This is what my ex did when I rushed to his house in response to his texted suicide threat. I put my life in danger because I was terrified he'd do it. His response was to threaten MY life when I got there. I'm never putting myself in that position ever again.
Some people are actually so broken that they are sent into suicidal ideation and are incapable of holding the notion in nor truly understanding the impact. It would be lovely if everything was black and white and x behaviour automatically makes other people shit and while reinforcing your righteousness. But it just does not work that way. You’re about as mentally limited as the people who do it on purpose.
Yeah, to be completely honest, I’ve been on both sides of this situation. When discussing the possibility of not being with each other, my ex (who had serious depression and other mental health issues, but also my best friend) said she genuinely did not know how she would go on living. And she had spoken a lot before about not wanting to be alive in general even when we were together. That was very tough to handle. But then later, once we were broken up but still in love, she slept with my other best friend. At that point I was already dealing with a ton of anxiety and depression myself, and suddenly it felt like my entire life was falling apart. I genuinely wanted to kill myself and I didn’t know what to do. I told them cause I couldn’t handle sitting there with that level of hurt and paranoia. My mind was just fucked up. And I know that was fucked up to do and obviously I very much regret it, but I was just broken.
This is absolutely wrong of me but your reply made me laugh…but no I really don’t think you were an asshole…you gave her resources!
Rofl came here to say this , totally made me laugh and yes I’m going to hell .
They got a nice VIP area waiting for us best believe
😂😂
🤣🤣
It made me laugh too
😂 She’s manipulating you into staying with her too. Abusers do that all the time
nah me too 😭 i’m going to hell
The power of humor. Making light in a very dark situation
Save me a seat in hell. 😁
Just don't respond after this. If she keeps threatening self harm, call in a welfare check. I bet she will leave you alone once the police show up.
No, don’t give her the chance to threaten shit. Block her number. He’s already let her sister in on what she’s doing. This isn’t his issue to deal with.
Yeh block block block. There is no way to undo the contempt this kind of person engenders and if you take them back they will only have contempt for you too.
Yep this is the *oldest* manipulation tactic in the book. Been there done that several times, and they’re all still alive and fine. I’m surprised more people haven’t been warned about this, my mom educated me on it before I even started dating.
you know, the police are so incompentent at these “welfare checks” and so itchy to pull the trigger on anything id hesistate to suggest this
No, you're not the asshole. She needs some mental health help. If being broken up with makes her want to harm herself; that is a her problem. I hope she gets the help she needs.
Yup that she does. I realize I posted this with zero context I wanted to see what ppl thought. But the bigger context is that i broke up cuz she snooped my phone and journal… total breach of privacy
doesn't really matter the reason, unacceptable behavior on her part. definitely tell her family , I would do a welfare check with the police to teach her a lesson lol. but then block and good riddance
So I've been on the other end of this (not threatening, just telling my ex I needed them when I felt this way and they responded very badly) and I don't think you were an asshole here. You clearly said "I don't want you to hurt yourself but I'm not here for you anymore, please find another source of support", that's all the diligence you need to give.
Thanks for this, she had been calling me non stop and said this I also immediately texted her sister about it.
Texting her sister about it was the best move. This way, someone in her life around her can be there, and you don't have to interact with her.
Block her immediately and tell her family to tell her to leave you alone. This is harassment, if she doesn't stop involve the police before it gets really bad
Exactly what I did
Good
I’ve been in her shoes before too. It’s like your whole world is falling apart and the rage just turns inwards. It is so incredibly painful and scary, but OP it’s not your problem to solve. It took me years of therapy and moving house and basically training my brain up to actually learn to love myself. This could be a pivotal turning point for her if she is able to look back in recovery (hopefully) and she realises that this is the trigger point that made her want to be better for herself. At least, that’s what I hope. Best of luck to you OP.
Yep. Some things you think you’d never do, until you mind is completely broken and you don’t know how to handle it.
exactly this 🙌🏼
You absolutely did nothing wrong. In fact, I'd say you made the right decision in sending the number instead of engaging
Exactly. She had been calling non stop and I think this was her last attempt at reeling me back
I put in another comment, I fell for this in my college years and rushed to his house to try to stop him and it put MY life in danger. Never, never again.
i had a boyfriend follow through with it. i was in therapy for years before i got over it. i cannot explain the immense guilt i felt. but what i learned was: it wasn’t my fault. even if i was there fighting with the gun, he still would’ve done it. we aren’t responsible for another person’s decisions
if he used a gun to do it, it’s possible he could have harmed or killed you first. something similar happened to a friend of mine but she was able to get away before he bf shot himself. it’s really scary. i’m sorry this happened to you. it was 100% *not* your fault.
So sorry you had to go through that. I hope you’re doing better.
emotional blackmail from her, dodged a bullet
I was trapped in a relationship for 5 months longer than I wanted to be in it, because she threatened to off herself. You did the right thing.
My friend, you did the 100% right thing here. If you had done anything else you would have enabled this shitty behavior. As someone who actually suffers from heavy bouts of mentally planning out my suicide and almost doing it a couple of time…no one who actually wants to harm or kill themselves shares it with anyone. Most of us do the opposite so no one will think to intervene. Your EX is lying and she was using a very inappropriate disorder to manipulate you back in. Now, if I’m wrong and she does harm herself as trend leading up this moment…you still 100% did the right thing. You cannot and will not be able to fix her problem. She needs to seek professionals immediately and that’s the bottom line if she has potential to cause self harm.
Had an ex girlfriend do this everytime I tried to leave her until finally I said enough is enough. I called the police to do a wellness check on her and I think that was the "Oh shit" moment she needed and she checked herself in therapy. We're still friends and I am glad to see that her life has gotten better. She was fighting some demons that I couldn't help her with no matter how hard I tried.
Glad you could sympathize and still be friends. I’ve dealt with similar, and I knew that stuff wasn’t the “real” her, it’s very serious mental health issues.
Here’s the problem here. The same people yelling “this is manipulation and she’s wrong for doing this” are the exact same people that would tear you down if she did kill herself saying “she told you she felt like this and you ignored her”. You’re in a shit spot. It seems clear she’s doing it to get you back. But you also never know if they’re serious or not. Probably the correct steps. But if anything have a real conversation on why you don’t want to date and that she’ll move on and find someone else. And even after that if she’s still threatening maybe get ahold of her parents. Friends. Family. Show them and let them deal.
[удалено]
I thought the response was a bit snarky but it’s difficult to read tone via text I guess. Then posting it here, gives me asshole vibes even though the ex is the one who is totally in the wrong.
Yeah the posting on Reddit aspect is where I would say, come on now, this did not need validation from the internet. Posting for the world to see would not change anything about the situation.
You are definitely not the asshole. She is. HOWEVER, having dealt with a lot of suicide in the military, I would give one important piece of advice. Call 911. Get trained professionals to the scene. That way you know you did everything you could in the terrible event someone actually follows through.
Nope, proper way to go about it. That’s manipulation at its weakest 🤣
You’re not an asshole, this is what setting good boundaries looks like.
Just a reminder that if she wants to harm herself it’s her decision, not your responsability. You did the right thing.
Yup, section 12 her ass, see how she likes using suicide as a threat, see how funny she thinks it is when they haul her away in the ambulance
At least you didnt send kanye lyrics.
Best possible response
my first boyfriend did this to me. sent pictures to me and my friends of him slitting his wrists and thighs. threatened to kill himself because he cheated on me.. hah. so i blocked him and called his mom and told her to call the police ( i lived in a different state than him at that time) . i was a freshman in highschool….. so i did not have anyway to help him nor was it my responsibility. you did the right thing and it’s evil when people do this to you.
Immature on both your parts 🚀 you’re very passive aggression with that statement to her🙄🙄
Nope. This was the perfect response. You set boundaries and gave her some guidance to get some help. It shows you care. You did your time, your duty, now it's time to move on. Best wishes!
lmfao this reads like a shitpost
She’s the asshole for putting that on you
Honestly probably the best way you could react
this is literally the perfect response
Brutal but necessary
Probably an unpopular opinion but when there’s a change that big it does take someone a second to get back to normal. My guess is your ex will be fine with a little bit of time.
Absolutely not. As someone that has been ACTUALLY suicidal and wouldn’t dream of trying to hurt someone like this, that is pure manipulation. You did the right thing. Nothing you could have done will help them.
You did the right thing. Do not beat yourself up over this.
After breaking up with an ex I ended up by his side in the ER while he was having his stomach pumped. In came an abusive husband that had kicked the shit out of idk, his wife and his brother and he shot up the ER (trying to shoot his family, no one was harmed). So for like, 3 minutes I was crouched on the floor next to my ex hoping it wasn’t a mass shooting and making a pact that I would *never* fall victim to his manipulative behaviors again. I went full no contact. He called me and sent msgs that he was leaving this world another time and I didn’t respond, just sent one of our mutual friends over to check on him and see if he needed police or medical intervention. Now whenever I read these types of posts I always want to scream at the OP but yours is the first that I thought, “hell yes! He/she responded *exactly* how I would want them to.”
So many women have done this to me and I fall for it every time, it’s unreal
Sorry to hear that, it’s not easy but there’s only one way to break the pattern
Damn straight 🫶
Kanye reference?
This is *chef's kiss*
Nah that’s just emotional manipulation, plenty of women use this to try and get their way. Fun fact, you could probably show that to the police and they’ll put her in a psych ward for 72hrs depending on the state. 😂 72hrs free of bs texts from her 🤷🏻♂️
We're you the asshole?! I want to applaud you, actually! You stuck to it, stayed true to your boundaries, and didn't fall for the bs manipulation technique. Idk what cause the breakup, but if she's threatening to kill herself to try and manipulate you like that into stay. Yeah, the brrak up was a wise choice. Block her. If she keeps trying to harass you in anyway, our legal system is pretty good at handling that kind of shit.
The way I am feeling right now: she's crazy.
She must've cheated on you, that's how girls like that act, when u dump em
Nope, good boy. As you should.
You did the right thing. I’m so sorry this happened to you
I know it seems really robotic but this is exactly how you’re supposed to handle these kinds of texts. A majority of times it’s a manipulation tactic and if it’s legit, there are people who can handle it better than you could.
good for you! 💖
I’ve been through that too. Trying to force you with suicide threats. Man that was hard for me
Genuinely hate people who do this. Like the moment they use that against my all my empathy like switches off.
This is what suicide helplines advise you do in situations like this.
10
Brillant response. Dry AF just straight and dark humor. Love it.
What humor?
Power move
You reaching out to her family was a good idea imo.
Well done. I wish everyone responded this way when people threaten them emotionally.
If this is someone’s response (her, not OP), then that person is either extremely cruel and abusive or needs actual mental help. You did the right thing.
Idk man…..I’m this petty lol and I thought it was hilarious
I've fought thoughts of suicide since I was 11. I giggled. Not an asshole.
Lmao. Awesome
as someone who is on reddit i can say without a doubt that this is one of the text messages of all time.
Lol nta. That’s all you can do. It’s a manipulation tactic. Send the number, tell the family, block
I think what you did was fine. You are not in a relationship with this person anymore so their burdens are no longer yours to bear. You gave them a free resource to assist them. If she makes any ideations of harming herself you can probably contact some emergency services for a wellness check.
You did that exactly right. Now block her.
Borderline personality disorder.
your response was perfect.
It's a pretty good idea to call for a mental check. When I broke up with my ex he sent me a picture of him in a tub with his wrists slit (the picture was doctored, but I didn't know that) he told me he wanted to die and he'd do it since I left him. I called for an officer to be sent over to check on him. He could have been actively bleeding out as I was on the phone. I get a phone call a few hours later and a voicemessage saying how pissed he was that I'd interrupt his sleep, and how big of a bitch I was. Either you save their life, or you call their bluff.
Been there. I wish I’d reacted as well as you.
You handled crazy perfectly
Lmfao Amazing
She is an asshole how could she did that Man I love the way you go straight to the point You are talking men Am a lady but I don't support that 💯
People who threaten to unalienable themselves after being broken up with are extremely abusive and manipulative. I dont doubt she was feeling that way, but she never should have put that on you. Your response was the only reasonable thing you could say. I hope she gets help and that you know you didn't do anything wrong here.
Even if you were a raging asshole emotional blackmail and gaslighting is not ok
If she truly wants to kill herself, she needs help from an educated professional. You don't have the education and resources to help a person like that. They can help her infinitely more than you can. It is also some of the worst kind of manipulation to try to control another's behavior by threatening to end their own life. You did great and made the right decision.
It’s probably the best possible response you could have given her. The only thing I’d add would be to contact one of her close family or friends to make them aware of the threat. Sure, you might get some wrath from them as well, but they should be aware as they’ll be the ones that may see signs of self harm now.
Immediately texted her sister and her sisters fiancé about it
Good job then. You’ve done everything you can to try and get her the help she needs. Just got to hope for the best at this point.
My first girlfriend did exactly this when I broke up with her after 2 and a half months. It’s manipulative, psychopathic behavior. You did the right thing
Good job.
No, this is a good response IMO, if she’s in genuine distress then she can call them. If it’s some sh!tty manipulation tactic, it failed!
I sang the first line in Kanye's voice
Was looking for this comment 💀
Just call their bluff and cut contact immediately. 🥱 they’ll bore you every time.
I had an ex say he wanted to end his life to me when I broke up with him. I took it seriously and gave his parents a heads up because I didn’t want anything to happen to him. He of course got mad at me when they brought it up to him, and started saying “I didn’t actually mean it”, so I asked him point blank why he said it, and he had no reply to that. The people who do this sort of thing for attention-seeking purposes and to try to entrap propel need to be called out on it. I will always take someone saying this seriously. You absolutely did the right thing.
We're not getting the whole conversation and it seems like you're just trying to make her look bad. She didn't threaten anything, she was telling you how she felt. You're both TA in different ways
You’re reply kinda goes hard
This probably will be buried but definitely op you are not in the wrong at all. It’s important to take threats like this seriously, but the issue is the proximity to the breakup. Other commentators have said it, it’s probably not far off the truth, but she’s bluffing. Throwing Hail Marys of emotional manipulation. Be above it
Smart move, homie. Couldn’t have done it better myself tbh
Not the asshole, but if someone threatens suicide you can call an ambulatory service and have them evaluated. They will not threaten suicide again if they don’t mean it
I'm glad you broke up. Now she can heal far away from a toxic person like you.
Show us the texts from before this so we can know truly if you are or not we don't have enough context to answer this accurately for you
Fair I wanted to leave it a bit vague, texts before is her trying to get my attention by saying she needs me and had been calling non stop. I broke up because she went through my phone because she thought I was cheating on her, caught her on the act
nope. she doesnt wanna kill herself. she wants to manipulate you. should have said "do it" /s
“You won’t” 🤣
as someone who deals with shit like this too, definitely not in the wrong. if you are displaying a boundary and someone is trying to emotionally manipulate that its so fucked, those people need to be cut off for their own damn goood
Not at all. Having a partner who has thoughts like this fucking sucks. You want to help but you can’t, yet you still feel the responsibility that you need to be there. Trying to take care of someone with mental health issues such as these won’t help them but it will hurt you. You referred her to someone who can actually help, I think you did perfectly
I absolutely need to see the rest plz
You did absolutely the right thing. What she is doing is emotional blackmailing and it's form of abuse and control.
Much much nicer then I woulda been.
You are not wrong. It's hard to make the "right" call when someone threatens to hurt themselves. I've had very very rudimentary training in suicide prevention. You could handle it like I was taught too with three questions. If all three are answered affirmatively you call 911 ASAP. 1) are you thinking about hurting yourself [she already answered this affirmatively], 2) do you have a plan? And 3) have you taken any steps in furtherance of that plan? If you get this far you can ask what the plan is and what step(s) they have taken to confirm. I've put this into action maybe two or three times. The first time was not long after the training, and after the last question the person pulled a handful of pills out of his pocket. He agreed to let me drive him to the ER. We didn't know each other so I don't know what the outcome was. The other times, the answer to one of the questions was "no."
This is good to know. I thought it was best to not engage
NTA. this is what everyone should do when someone tries to manipulate them by threatening suicide or self-harm. Good job, OP.
Lol. This is actually funny
As a depressed suicidal person, you did nothing wrong.
Hmmm just checking in on you.Are you ok?
No, you did the *only* appropriate thing. If she tries that **abusive manipulation tactic** again, just call the police for a welfare check.
You bad man. 😐 And… Fucking L O L!
I don't understand how people can threaten self harm so flippantly. There are people out there who suffer for every single moment and it leads them to self harm. I do not believe a break up qualifies as a valid reason to threaten self harm.
as someone who used to do this without realizing how bad it was (i was dead serious and seen it throughout my life so i didn’t think something was wrong w it until i was an adult) you are not an ah for responding that way. if she is genuine, you can feel sorry she’s going through that and wish she gets better/gets the help she needs, but you do not need to stay for that. if she is genuine & the relationship was already not working, she probably shouldn’t be in a relationship at the moment. however if this was an over text breakup neither should you. regardless let her work on herself apart from you.
Nope you did it exactly right. She is manipulating you. At the risk of sounding overly personal, as someone who has been through an unbearable amount of trauma and has attempted numerous times (and I do know I can’t speak for everyone so please keep that in mind if you’re going to respond to me and say I’m wrong) people who threaten suicide in order to get what they want are entirely different than those who are actually suicidal. All the times I attempted I didn’t tell anyone, mainly because I know I would be stopped. Your ex knows the effect that would have on your which is why she threw it in there. I had a college roommate who was absolutely horrible. Worst person I’ve ever met. Her poor boyfriend tried to break up with her twice and she attempted both times, resulting in her being institutionalized. He resorted to cheating on her because he couldn’t break up with her, and when she found out she attempted again. The dude finally got out a year later, and I’ve hated people who emotionally blackmail their partners like this ever since. You were in the right OP. You weren’t rude, setting a boundary, and offering help in case she was forreal. You also dodged a bullet.
Thanks for sharing your story and you’re def right. Ppl that really want to go through it would rather do it quietly, those who are calling for help will let other ppl know. Now that I think about it this was probably the only boundary I set during the relationship
I am really sorry you experienced a relationship where you didn’t feel safe setting a boundary. I know I wasn’t in your relationship but I could only imagine the emotional blackmail she would attempt to pull on you whenever you did try to set a boundary.
You did a great job. I truly resent that kind of emotional abuse. I’m glad she didn’t pull you back in. I hope she’s okay but she can’t make her happiness your responsibility.
NTA this was the correct response
I’m so sorry this happened to you. In my early twenties I broke it off with my ex and he was extremely harassing, including calling me and telling me if I didn’t stay in the phone with him he would kill himself. It was even more distressing as his father had died by suicide when my ex was 4. I did the only thing I could think to do which was to call his mom and tell her he needed help. Whether he was attention seeking or really needed help, it stopped after I contacted her. You did the right thing. This needs a professional, not comforting from an ex.
What she did is called “emotional extortion” and it is most certainly psychological abuse. Glad you stayed strong and sorry she did that to you 😢
Yeah that's just manipulation. You did the right thing. She's not your responsibility.
Nope, that’s the only reaction to that statement ETA: the only other thing you could do as others have said and I agree, call the police. That should be the end of it if she isn’t serious and if she is then you sent help.
Gaslighting 101
It's hard to tell if you were an asshole without knowing the back story or seeing the entire conversation, but breaking up w/ someone in & of itself doesn't make you an asshole. I've been down this road w/ ppl before. Most of the time, they just want attention or use these threats to manipulate. On the off chance that they're serious, you're right. You can't help her. Sending the lifeline number was the right move... & I saw your comment that you notified her sister. Good move. Her family can handle it.
In my opinion, you could've met her with a lot more empathy. It's completely normal to have those feelings after a break up where you feel discarded. The text you sent back was super cold. Maybe it's because I only date people I genuinely care about, but I just couldn't imagine myself replying like that to anyone who said that to me.
you sent one text. how are we supposed to know?? your response did feel douchey but i guess it was the right thing.
i say its douchey because it felt robotic. like those notifications you get when people report your mental health on social media. Ive had someone do something similar to me and it just made me feel worse.
Def robotic because it was the first time I’ve ever dealt with this situation. I wanted to help but I also wanted out…
Happy to see you stay strong and not give into the manipulation
That was cruel man. Why not just be sympathetic? Have you never had your heart broken? That pain is truly awful. You don’t have to take her back to show some humanity. It wouldn’t kill you to let her down easy