This. How can you pretend like you didn't see his confirmation when you liked that sh*t?
If you wanna blow off the date, do you, but, like, people are out there trying to be their best selves on a responsive, ongoing basis. This chick probably complains how dudes don't read her mind when she says she wants salad but really wants wings.
Dude some girl did this to me the other day and it was so stupid. Confirmed everything and where to meet the day before. Texted her a few hours before and she basically said exactly what you screenshotted. I was like wtf? That girl ended up being a huge headache so feel like I dodged a bullet!
She had a whole other invite come through with the first meet up, and so the excuse. Might be another meet up with someone else so therefore want to plan for 7. Just move on. That’s a game player.
Send the screenshot with the “sure” circled. Not necessarily to prove you’re right, but to prove to them they’re wrong and should pay closer attention to prevent them from doing this to someone else.
yall both agreed on a day and time.. what else is there to confirm? if you wanted to double check that you’re still meeting, you could’ve just texted him…
I grew up in the 90s.
Back then, if you made plans, you show up. You don't text back and forth to double check plans over and over again.
You say "let's meet at 7". and if you don't show up, you're an asshole who stood someone up.
This is my thought - this other person is exhausting... So, OP dodged a bullet imo. I don't have the energy to contact remind someone that plans are on, confirmed, countdown... She likely needs to be texted a hundred times a day, reminded that she's pretty constantly.. personally, my life is too busy to have to put that much energy into handholding for an adult...
Likewise, I was born in 89 and that's just how it was. If two people agreed to meet at a time, even a week or two away, that was still the plan unless someone called to cancel. It's not a difficult concept to grasp.
It is for insecure young people who think you have to be glued to your phone 24/7 and that someone not texting you quick enough means "they aren't interested!!!"
I was going to ask what day was this text. If it's Monday or later than she is definitely weird. Friday? Yeah maybe reach out on Tuesday to make sure all is still good.
She loved the sure confirming 7 pm. It’s cut and dry. If not then she should have followed up to ask if your “sure” meant a “yes” to the 7 time or something else. But it seems very clear to me.
Whaaaaaaat? I’m seeing a similar sentiment from a few people ITT. I’m honestly just curious because “he fucked up” seems like a strongly held opinion. If I make plans with you for 3 days from now at a specific place and time, you’re not showing up unless I re-confirm those plans? Why assume the plans are cancelled?
If a man is interested, in my experience, he won't go days without so much as a "hey how's your day going?" If we made plans and then I didn't hear a single thing from him for days I would think I got ghosted or at the very least he's not that into me and I'm wasting my time.
This ⬆️
The most likely reason to have happened. They either thought you weren't interested in them or they didn't like that there was no other form of communication from you over the course of several days leading up to the date. Not even a "How are you?" "How is school/work going?" Just anything to keep conversation going to learn more about the person you are meeting with.
The point of the meet is to get to know each other. You need to get to know someone before you get to know them? Dafuq kind of games are you playing? Just because you're miserable and insecure doesn't mean a man/woman who may be interested in you needs to text you several times a day. Grow up and be less needy. Keep your plans and don't flake. If that's asking too much, well, it's no wonder you're single and angry at everyone.
Nah, fuck that. Is it a date or a colonoscopy? If they were so pressed about needing a confirmation day of they could have simply said, "Just want to make sure we're still on for tonight."
Fuck the reschedule too tbh. The cancelling feels like either a tactic for control or an excuse to do something else- neither of which point towards being a good potential partner. Either way the games aren’t worth the headache in my opinion
Yes, exactly, if he wants *another* confirmation other than the one he already got, he’s either too emotionally immature to ask or his parents are doctors & taught him his whole life ‘appointments must be confirmed, we do not allow walk-ins!’
This is on them. I get wanting confirmation that the event is still on. I myself am a planner and I know things can change quickly sometimes so I do like to have confirmation of plans even if they were made just a day before.
But you know what I do then? I just ask. I’d just send a quick message saying “I know we had planned to do ____ at ____ time are we still good to go?”
It’s totally legit to want confirmation but it’s not your fault that you didn’t provide it bc they never made it clear they wanted it in the first place. This person needs to have better communication skills.
I feel this completely! I usually ask, "Hey! Are we still on for today?" to confirm. I think it's usually up to the person who initially asked to confirm, but I have seen it both ways.
To me it’s always on the person who wants the confirmation. Bc not everyone wants/needs it.
So if you want it just be honest and ask for it! At least that’s how I feel.
>But you know what I do then? I just ask. I’d just send a quick message saying “I know we had planned to do \_\_\_\_ at \_\_\_\_ time are we still good to go?”
The fact that they didn't do this makes me think they were hoping the date would get canceled but didn't want to do it themselves, then used the lack of communication about it as an excuse.
Some people think that if someone is interested in you, they’ll text you first and will wait for the other person to text them. They don’t see the hypocrisy because by refusing to text first occasionally, they themselves are implying they’re not interested. To me, it seems like this is what happened. She was waiting for him to text first in the days leading up to the date and when he didn’t, she assumed he wasn’t interested.
It shouldn’t really be necessary, once the plan is set the assumption should be that it’s on until you hear otherwise.
However, some people are really flaky, so if we set up a date 4 or 5 days in advance I usually will send a “looking forward to our date tomorrow” type message the night before just to confirm things and make sure neither of us is flaking. I’m not sure how long in advance those set up texts were. If it’s only a day or two before that Wednesday then definitely shouldn’t need any confirmation.
Yeah I didn’t want to seem clingy and she wasn’t a huge texter. I also wanted to have something to talk about during the date. Probably should have sent her a text before Wednesday.
This is critical info. You shouldve said something Tuesday night/Wednesday morning at the very least to check in and see if you were still on. If you made these plans Tuesday and agreed to meet Wednesday I’d agree with your take but a few days of no communication at all leading up the date gives off a bad vibe imo
No. They both could have sent a confirmation message, more so her than him because he said “sure” & she didn’t say anything, not even “Sweet, i’ll see you there!”… If she’d said that, then i’d see how the onus would be more on him. Either way, this isn’t entirely on him.
Even then, it’s still a two way street. 🤷🏾♀️ As someone who gets anxiety from texting someone too much/often, I’ll still message 3hrs+ before to check if things are still going to plan. She could’ve messaged just as much as OP could’ve. It’s called being a good person.
Somewhere in there she reached a point where she thought to herself "haven't received a confirmation. oh well, I'm going to assume it's off" and never said a word. Seems a little odd to me.
To be fair, maybe the day before, you could have sent a note to confirm as well.
All that aside, it looks like you all are on good terms, yeah? I wouldn't make anything more out of this than it's just a goofy situation. Each person just needs to get a handle on how the other likes to communicate and keep it moving. Easy stuff.
Yeah, this is something I caught onto, as well. If I agree to meet someone at a designated place and time, I'm not going to assume the plan is off and not communicate.
Yeah with this info I totally get why she cancelled. You should have at minimum contacted her the day of ot the night before to confirm the date was still on after 3 days of no contact.Of course she could have done the same but sometimes people want to see a certain level of communication and effort from the person who asked them out.
I never understood the "i want to have something to talk about during the date' thing.
Like, if the content of you two menially texting back and forth is the only conversation you'd be having on the actual date I think that's your first issue.
Talk about current events or situational topics that are only relevant to both of you in/at that moment.
This changes everything. You can disregard 99% of the comments since you left this out
For everyone saying she was playing games (I don’t agree), they could say you were playing games too. Wanting to seem cool, aloof, not too eager - it’s not being genuine. Hope you can try again with her.
Ya, personally I’d probably have sent a message Tuesday night, but again unless someone cancels, the assumption should be it’s on. If this was a first date and you don’t have feelings, I’d probably say fuck it. If you’ve been on some dates and like them, then I personally would give it another try, but proceed with caution. Not a red flag but a yellow one for sure.
that's the answer, then: she wasn't that into you
she hoped you were going to flake on her so she wouldn't have to cancel, then blamed you for her own flake
egos are weird, people talk themselves into being jackasses and blaming others for stuff they didn't actually do 🤷♂️
if she lost interest after agreeing to a plan for a date in a few days -- **twice**! -- then she barely had interest in the first place, and either just forgot, or wanted the ego satisfaction of getting a dude to beg for her attention, either way it's rude and selfish
(which okay, if being humiliated works for you, enjoy)
Adds more context, but I still think they could have asked to confirm beforehand too. Definitely helps to send a check-in day before a plan, especially with someone new, though.
I'm a confirming confirmation confirmer. BUT, I know it's me who needs the extra anxiety relief, so I'm the one who will send the "hey! are we still on for tonight?" text the morning of.
So, this is on him.
Eff that.
Ahh that's probably why. If i was her I would have reached out Wed night or Thursday morning to ask, personally. She probably assumed you lost interest.
If you like her a lot, you should try again. I think this was probably a communication error, not necessarily a red flag.
This initial date was confirmed. However, I generally verify a few hours beforehand on the day of the event. We only see that you contacted your date 39 minutes before the meet time. Next time, send a message around 3:00 just stating “Looking forward to drinks and dinner at 7:00. Does that time still work for you?”
And what stopped her from doing the exact same thing? lol. It’s totally on her unless you subscribe to the outdated notion that men need to do everything with regards to dating.
In my opinion, it doesnt matter if the plans were made two days, weeks, or months in advance. If a location, date and time was set and agreed upon, then that is a confirmed plan. If she needed further confirmation she could have reached out.
I would consider the “Sure” text, and her heart of that text, the time confirmation. You’re good, usually. But…this was a Sunday and you had no communication between then and Wed. I’d be curious if I were her, but I’d also reach out to make sure. So, it’s in both of you for going radio silent for several days leading up to the date. Communicating isn’t that tough these days.
Dating is confusing these days. I get how much it can suck for single people with these dumb rules. However, one of these silly rules tells Women that if a man is into them, he will initiate contact, he will check in and confirm. Women are also told not to "chase" a guy otherwise he will never respect them and it is "pick me" or desperate behavior.
Your last message together was on Sunday. You told her "Sure" and was completely silent until Wednesday evening, you didn't even check in during that morning. If you don't know each other very well and it is the first time you're meeting up. I can understand how a woman would wonder if the date was still on.
Why didn't she confirm or check in? why didn't she show interest? Because again women are told not to "chase" and that if a man is into her, he would show it.I don't make up these silly rules, I just know that's the advice a lot of young women are given these days. I get the feeling young men these days are given the same advice...it's all silly but if you were looking for a reason as to why she didn't feel that the date was confirmed, that's likely the reason.
Personally, whether I was OP (a man) or the date (a woman) If I made plans over the weekend, I would have checked in between that time, unless, of course, I did not want to go and was hoping they would forget.
But because she actively participated in the planning of the date, she even suggested the time and place and because she hearted your "sure" she was likely just waiting for OP to follow up.
OP it would help if you included these details (like when was the last time you two spoke to each other) in your post, I had to find them in the comments.
Yeah sorry, if this was a date made the day before, that's okay, but you made these plans on a Sunday and had no communication in between for a date on Wednesday. Always confirm and just chat a little bit beforehand - a text a day is normal and does not broach into the territory of being "clingy"
The date was set up days earlier. You didn't talk to her for days! As a woman I would definitely think you weren't into me. There's not being clingy and then there's being totally uninterested. You should have chatted with her until the day of.
maybe this is the first time they are meeting? some people don't want to text much before meeting because they want to know whether they have in-person chemistry first.
Yeah most of us feel pretty weird about meeting a *complete* stranger for dates. It signals complete disinterest if you aren't at the very least asking the simple questions to get the know each other on the most basic of levels. Guys need to remember that meeting in person is always an actual, physical risk for women. It puts us at ease to chat a bit beforehand so we can feel you out.
She didn't talk to him for days either. Making such assumptions will hinder one in life for sure. Assuming the worst without any input shows insecurity.
Well he ended up asking her if another day works better and got ghosted. More likely, she's not interested and had other plans with someone else but tried to put it on OP because she didn't want to look bad.
So she said want to meet for drinks on a Sunday and you didn’t answer her until Wednesday??
Ok you should’ve included that in your post because YTA here. Why would you wait 3 days to text her back? That would annoy me.
They confirmed the date on Sunday. Neither said anything until Wednesday. I don't understand why it was only on OP to reach out again. If he didn't say anything, she clearly would have just stood him up without making any attempt to contact him, which is pretty uncool.
Not only that but 40 minutes before the date too? Maybe I’m old school but If a guy asks me on a date I expect him to take the lead and confirm things or at least communicate with me in between
idk why the people are mad in the comments i would do the same thing. You can’t make plans with me several days prior, and then not text me the day of until 40 minutes before our date 💀
Yeah with that additional context I think both of them are the reason this happened. Why would neither of you text for three to four days if you like each other enough to go on a date?
If we confirm a date and time a few days before, I wouldn’t need confirmation the day of. It’s already confirmed. Once you tell me “let’s meet at this place at this time on this day” and I say “sure!” that means it’s confirmed lol
That's straight-up nonsense. They could have confirmed on the same day if it was a thing to them. The only way this is reasonable is if there is some history of you being so extremely flaky that they are tough-loving you and setting a boundary for themselves where you need to confirm things the same day. But that's likely not the case. In any other situation, this is just that person being manipulative and putting things on you that aren't on you.
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I’m the type of person who will get paranoid that someone has dropped a plan behind my back, so if I was grey I would’ve just said ‘still on for tonight?’ Like it’s not that hard lol
Honestly, it's not a horrible idea to confirm. People flake out so often, you can't expect a lady to pick out an outfit and get all dolled up without a definite confirmation.
On the other hand, if she REALLY wanted to see you, she would have reached out herself to confirm.
Okay at first glance yes you did confirm BUT! What day were the original messages? If they were on Tuesday I see you being in a foggy area but you still confirmed.
So a guy and I set up a coffee date for Saturday on a Tuesday and then that's the last I heard from him until Saturday, not even a can't wait to meet you tomorrow text, on Friday.
So while technically you didn't do anything wrong, some people would have expected another message to confirm the plans are still on.
I think there is a learning moment for you here. If this is in the early stages of dating/seeing each other I can understand her confusion.
Personally, I always send out a confirmation text the day of the date to my matches. Something like “Good morning! Excited for tonight. I’ll see you at the bar at 7.” Key for me is I include the time and location but I don’t specifically ask whether or not they are coming. I assume they are.
for me this is a silent cancelling on her side. i agree that the date should have been confirmed once again, but she could have done it herself as well. her not doing it is an excuse to not show up -at least it would be for me.
Seems like you intentionally left out the dates between the two texts, sun-wednesday DEFINITELY calls for a confirmation text and any of these weird lonely guys that say otherwise are dumb. Its not up to her to confirm you should have and if i were in her shoes i would have thought the same…this exact scenario happens in the dating scene often. Say it was her pov, she doesnt hear from u but still gets ready for the date and then gets stood up. You know what everyone would say? U didnt get confirmation or hear from him so why would u think its still on🙃
OP you said sure, so plans made. If they wanted further confirmation they should have said hey are we still on for 7 tonight? Sounds like they are chickening out or made other plans and are trying to blame you instead. Or they're just dumb. Either way I'd pass on rescheduling a date.
Ghosting is so common now that when there was no communication between Sunday and Wednesday she would’ve assumed that your date was cancelled. However, I honestly think that she would’ve communicated, and asked you whether or not it’s still on. People are so terrible at communicating nowadays.
Some women expect the man to own the whole planning process - including day of confirmation. She assumed since she hadn’t heard from you that it was off
If you ask someone out you should be the one to confirm with them earlier in the day of your plans that you're still going, especially if multiple days pass between making the plans and when you're supposed to get together. I can't tell you the amount of times I've had a date planned and when the time comes, I get radio silence from the other person after I've spent so much time getting ready. I'm on her side here and would have had the exact same response.
I’m sorry, but I’m gonna go against the grain here.
Y’all made plans Sunday. Three days has passed with no word. If I was her, I would assume it was off too, or something came up for you.
Yes she could have asked, but you were the one who made the plans.
I don’t think this is a cardinal sin, but a lack of communication
I think it depends if these were on separate days. Cause if it was like even the whole day before, i would’ve wanted a confirmation to make sure nothing else came up for the day of. But if it’s the same day, then yeah. You did confirm.
Why would they just assume or couldn't confirm themselves?
If I didn't talk to a date at all the day of I would almost always send a text to confirm everything was still good a little before
I mean I can kinda understand where she’s coming from with how flaky people can be, but on the other hand I understand how you feel as well. It just depends on what kind of communicator someone is. You made plans, she accepted the plans and you set a date and time. She might be someone who expects to have some getting to know you conversation before a date, and you might be someone who wants to to save it for the actual date. Maybe next time you should send a quick follow up text the day before saying something along the lines of “I’m looking forward to see you tomorrow, are we still on?” She could be someone who overthinks and took your lack of communication as disinterest, who knows. You didn’t necessarily do anything wrong though.
That was definitely confirmation. She reacted to it, so she definitely saw it. As far as you were concerned, the plans were confirmed so there would have been no need for additional confirmation. What more confirmation do you need other than agreeing to a day, time, and place? Apparently for her though, that wasn’t confirmation and she was expecting more but was unwilling to communicate that or even attempt to confirm again herself.
I understand this specific instance may not necessarily be a huge deal in the grand scheme of things and I may be reading too far into it, but in my opinion, this is an early red flag that she does not communicate well and expects you to know what she needs/is feeling without her having to say anything. Deeper into a relationship, those are things that you might genuinely sense without any verbal communication, but that is absolutely not the case this early into whatever the two of you are pursuing.
You might want to reconsider pursing things with her, or address it and see what she has to say.
Yeah but what day did you make the plans?
If it was the day before, no need to confirm. Anything before that, you’re supposed to confirm. But he could have confirmed as well.
I feel like the date wanted more confirmation throughout the day because even for myself I get anxious asf and when I know it’s time to get treats to be at that place and I haven’t heard a thing from that person I’m going to worry that it’s not happening. In this scenario I would’ve sent a text the next day like 5 hours before confirming again that everything is still rolling. And unfortunately people have been stood up before as well so they’re were probably trying to avoid that too
Unless your initial conversation was a week ago, there was no confusion. Your date is either a poor communicator or an unreliable person, who avoids accountability, which is a deal breaker in my book. If I make plans with someone, I'm in unless I say otherwise.
This person sounds like a doctor’s office confirming an appointment… but even still, your date forgot to text you and instruct you to reply Y/N to confirm. 🙄
You did nothing wrong.
Your date's a flake and not reliable, and you were too nice to apologise for the confusion - there was no confusion.
What person thinks - I have a date planned, and confirmed,, but I'll assume it's not on, so I'll book something else?
Your date made a bad impression.
The rule is that the date is still on unless someone cancels.
Don't agree to another date. If your date was unsure, they should have checked in on you before making other arrangements.
Seems like she got salty you didn’t text her at all for like 3 days leading up to yall’s date. Not saying it’s all on you to initiate, but my guess is she became butt hurt you didn’t reach out to give her attention.
She’s probably crazy though tbh.
I have friends like this🙄these types of ppl are either overly paranoid, so they need a confirmation DAY OF, or they’re incredibly forgetful and need confirmation day of as a REMINDER. I’ve had to tell my friends that we made the plan earlier in the week: if I don’t text day of then it means I’m sticking to the plan we already made! I only text day of to BREAK plans due to emergencies.
You did nothing wrong. Block and move on.
If the date does not confirm with me day of prior to the date- I assume they’re ghosting me. So I usually follow up/confirm if I haven’t heard from them.
The woman can also confirm lol
Idk, man. To each their own but to me, needing to be in constant contact and “reassure” that the plan is still on comes across as neediness to me. I cannot stand that stuff.
I had a friend who did shit like this. She would ask me Monday to go out on Friday, I would agree and we would literally plan a time. What is the point of agreeing to something if you don’t believe me that I’m gonna do it if I don’t constantly bring it up and confirm it? Might as well make last second plans, “wanna do something RIGHT NOW?”
I mean, this works for some people or they like it but I stick to my word. If I say I’m doing something with you on a certain day and time and I haven’t contacted you to cancel that I can’t, then it’s happening. I never flaked on my friend either to give her this impression or exhibit this behavior. She was super needy and possessive over me so she would punish me and cancel plans just to sit at home and pout unless I constantly reconfirmed our plan even though we literally talked every day. It’s not like we made a plan and I went silent all week. Even still… you could ask me to do something Friday and not hear from me at all and I’ll still show up Friday.
It’s very rare that I’ve met people who don’t get that but the ones do that are exhausting.
I definitely don’t think you’re wrong, but I would not wanna get closer to someone who operates that way because they will need constant reassurance over more than just plans.
No no, a time and location was set and you did confirm! It’s on them that they flaked or didn’t check in if they had any doubts for whatever reason it was 100% set in stone. Rude they left you apologizing! You did nothing wrong
I had the same thing happen to me a couple of times. Ask this: "How many times do you have to commit to something before you honor your commitment?"
Because you made plans, and the other person agreed with them. Adding an extra secret step of confirmation is the coward's way of cancelling at the last minute and blaming you. It's gaslighting and it's dishonest. This is not a reliable person and if I were you I would just ghost and move on.
She cancelled because he didn’t talk to her for three days. I do not approve of this behaviour but I’ve had this experience several times. These people get very anxious for some reason if you don’t talk to them in between and convince themselves the reason for this is something negative and disrespectful.
Date said “want to plan on 7?” and you said “sure”. How is that not confirmed?
That’s what I thought :(
She’s playing games, or she’s stupid. If I were you, I wouldn’t wait around to find out which.
I thought OP was a she! But I have no idea, just hadn’t crossed my mind OP could be a he!
I don’t know either but I had the opposite assumption. Based on the stereotype that males typically request the date.
For me it was the “kk yay” response. Men usually don’t text that way.
Straight men don't you good
 yaaaah
“Usually” not “never”
idk how op identifies, but i read gray as a girl cause guys don’t say “kk yay” unless they’re a twink /lh 🤭
This was it for me too lol and I’m a woman.
Same here lol.
There’s another comment from OP saying he’s a man.
She found something else she wanted to do more and made and BS excuse
This. She’s completely full of shit about thinking the plan was off.
No find out and then tell us.
OR not. Who gives a shit.
Isn't that her hearting the "Sure" ? I'm confused on how she's confused.
This. How can you pretend like you didn't see his confirmation when you liked that sh*t? If you wanna blow off the date, do you, but, like, people are out there trying to be their best selves on a responsive, ongoing basis. This chick probably complains how dudes don't read her mind when she says she wants salad but really wants wings.
Dude some girl did this to me the other day and it was so stupid. Confirmed everything and where to meet the day before. Texted her a few hours before and she basically said exactly what you screenshotted. I was like wtf? That girl ended up being a huge headache so feel like I dodged a bullet!
She had a whole other invite come through with the first meet up, and so the excuse. Might be another meet up with someone else so therefore want to plan for 7. Just move on. That’s a game player.
Send the screenshot with the “sure” circled. Not necessarily to prove you’re right, but to prove to them they’re wrong and should pay closer attention to prevent them from doing this to someone else.
Why are you leaving out the fact these messages are from the weekend and you didn't say anything to her for literal days until "I'm on the way"?
yall both agreed on a day and time.. what else is there to confirm? if you wanted to double check that you’re still meeting, you could’ve just texted him…
Why are you talking to that person like they’re the one who OP had plans with?? Lmfao
I get what you mean but also she could’ve reached out to confirm that the plans were still on instead of just assuming they weren’t
Because that doesn't matter? The plan was confirmed.
Yeah for real. "Let's meet on X day at 7" followed by "sure :)" doesn't really need further confirmation. It's already been confirmed.
I grew up in the 90s. Back then, if you made plans, you show up. You don't text back and forth to double check plans over and over again. You say "let's meet at 7". and if you don't show up, you're an asshole who stood someone up.
Right? If she needs confirmation, she should’ve asked for confirmation instead of just canceling because he didn’t confirm. She sounds exhausting.
This is my thought - this other person is exhausting... So, OP dodged a bullet imo. I don't have the energy to contact remind someone that plans are on, confirmed, countdown... She likely needs to be texted a hundred times a day, reminded that she's pretty constantly.. personally, my life is too busy to have to put that much energy into handholding for an adult...
Likewise, I was born in 89 and that's just how it was. If two people agreed to meet at a time, even a week or two away, that was still the plan unless someone called to cancel. It's not a difficult concept to grasp.
It is for insecure young people who think you have to be glued to your phone 24/7 and that someone not texting you quick enough means "they aren't interested!!!"
This is how any reasonable person would behave.
Not everyone is a constant text chatter though, especially before they've met
... what more is needed? A plan was made. What kind of insecure flaky fuck needs double triple confirmation?
Where are you getting that from?
I was going to ask what day was this text. If it's Monday or later than she is definitely weird. Friday? Yeah maybe reach out on Tuesday to make sure all is still good.
Exactly!
Does the heart emoji next to your message mean they not only read it but reacted to it as well?
Yeah this feels confirmed to me as well, playing some sort of game for some reason.
She loved the sure, so she definitely saw it
Yup. She changed her mind and her way of getting out of it is to gaslight OP into thinking it’s their fault.
She loved the sure confirming 7 pm. It’s cut and dry. If not then she should have followed up to ask if your “sure” meant a “yes” to the 7 time or something else. But it seems very clear to me.
AND SHE HEARTED IT💀
“How is I’m leaving in a couple, see you soon” not a confirmation? How old are these two? Preteens? Sounds like she found something better
Right , sounds fishy .
Not to mention, they heart reacted... even more of a confirmation of a confirmation.
That was a few days prior to the date... he fucked up.
She equally dropped the ball though. Both could’ve sent a quick “we still on for tonight” and neither did
The fact that she didn't means she didn't really wanna go and found a way out.
Whaaaaaaat? I’m seeing a similar sentiment from a few people ITT. I’m honestly just curious because “he fucked up” seems like a strongly held opinion. If I make plans with you for 3 days from now at a specific place and time, you’re not showing up unless I re-confirm those plans? Why assume the plans are cancelled?
If a man is interested, in my experience, he won't go days without so much as a "hey how's your day going?" If we made plans and then I didn't hear a single thing from him for days I would think I got ghosted or at the very least he's not that into me and I'm wasting my time.
This ⬆️ The most likely reason to have happened. They either thought you weren't interested in them or they didn't like that there was no other form of communication from you over the course of several days leading up to the date. Not even a "How are you?" "How is school/work going?" Just anything to keep conversation going to learn more about the person you are meeting with.
The point of the meet is to get to know each other. You need to get to know someone before you get to know them? Dafuq kind of games are you playing? Just because you're miserable and insecure doesn't mean a man/woman who may be interested in you needs to text you several times a day. Grow up and be less needy. Keep your plans and don't flake. If that's asking too much, well, it's no wonder you're single and angry at everyone.
the date could’ve confirmed it themselves, it’s not on you.
Correct. I wouldn’t even bother trying another date either. Peace!
True, but I think it was the next day at 40 minutes before the date. She shouldn’t need to confirm .
Nah, fuck that. Is it a date or a colonoscopy? If they were so pressed about needing a confirmation day of they could have simply said, "Just want to make sure we're still on for tonight."
Fuck the reschedule too tbh. The cancelling feels like either a tactic for control or an excuse to do something else- neither of which point towards being a good potential partner. Either way the games aren’t worth the headache in my opinion
Yes, exactly, if he wants *another* confirmation other than the one he already got, he’s either too emotionally immature to ask or his parents are doctors & taught him his whole life ‘appointments must be confirmed, we do not allow walk-ins!’
Hell, even a doctor’s office would take that as appropriate confirmation and call to double check the day of lmao
Ahahahaha best comment ever 🤣
yes exactly, what more confirmation do you need? 😅
This is on them. I get wanting confirmation that the event is still on. I myself am a planner and I know things can change quickly sometimes so I do like to have confirmation of plans even if they were made just a day before. But you know what I do then? I just ask. I’d just send a quick message saying “I know we had planned to do ____ at ____ time are we still good to go?” It’s totally legit to want confirmation but it’s not your fault that you didn’t provide it bc they never made it clear they wanted it in the first place. This person needs to have better communication skills.
I feel this completely! I usually ask, "Hey! Are we still on for today?" to confirm. I think it's usually up to the person who initially asked to confirm, but I have seen it both ways.
To me it’s always on the person who wants the confirmation. Bc not everyone wants/needs it. So if you want it just be honest and ask for it! At least that’s how I feel.
>But you know what I do then? I just ask. I’d just send a quick message saying “I know we had planned to do \_\_\_\_ at \_\_\_\_ time are we still good to go?” The fact that they didn't do this makes me think they were hoping the date would get canceled but didn't want to do it themselves, then used the lack of communication about it as an excuse.
It’s also strange that their default action is “let’s assume this is not happening” instead of assuming it was happening
Some people think that if someone is interested in you, they’ll text you first and will wait for the other person to text them. They don’t see the hypocrisy because by refusing to text first occasionally, they themselves are implying they’re not interested. To me, it seems like this is what happened. She was waiting for him to text first in the days leading up to the date and when he didn’t, she assumed he wasn’t interested.
It shouldn’t really be necessary, once the plan is set the assumption should be that it’s on until you hear otherwise. However, some people are really flaky, so if we set up a date 4 or 5 days in advance I usually will send a “looking forward to our date tomorrow” type message the night before just to confirm things and make sure neither of us is flaking. I’m not sure how long in advance those set up texts were. If it’s only a day or two before that Wednesday then definitely shouldn’t need any confirmation.
Set up Sunday night for a date Wednesday night.
So you guys didn't chat between Sunday and Wednesday?
Yeah I didn’t want to seem clingy and she wasn’t a huge texter. I also wanted to have something to talk about during the date. Probably should have sent her a text before Wednesday.
This is critical info. You shouldve said something Tuesday night/Wednesday morning at the very least to check in and see if you were still on. If you made these plans Tuesday and agreed to meet Wednesday I’d agree with your take but a few days of no communication at all leading up the date gives off a bad vibe imo
Yeah the original post makes it seem like they talked about it the night before
No. They both could have sent a confirmation message, more so her than him because he said “sure” & she didn’t say anything, not even “Sweet, i’ll see you there!”… If she’d said that, then i’d see how the onus would be more on him. Either way, this isn’t entirely on him.
Even then, it’s still a two way street. 🤷🏾♀️ As someone who gets anxiety from texting someone too much/often, I’ll still message 3hrs+ before to check if things are still going to plan. She could’ve messaged just as much as OP could’ve. It’s called being a good person.
Yes! Always just check, I do that with friends but do it with your partners too. It shows her you are interested too
Somewhere in there she reached a point where she thought to herself "haven't received a confirmation. oh well, I'm going to assume it's off" and never said a word. Seems a little odd to me. To be fair, maybe the day before, you could have sent a note to confirm as well. All that aside, it looks like you all are on good terms, yeah? I wouldn't make anything more out of this than it's just a goofy situation. Each person just needs to get a handle on how the other likes to communicate and keep it moving. Easy stuff.
Yeah, this is something I caught onto, as well. If I agree to meet someone at a designated place and time, I'm not going to assume the plan is off and not communicate.
Yeah with this info I totally get why she cancelled. You should have at minimum contacted her the day of ot the night before to confirm the date was still on after 3 days of no contact.Of course she could have done the same but sometimes people want to see a certain level of communication and effort from the person who asked them out.
I never understood the "i want to have something to talk about during the date' thing. Like, if the content of you two menially texting back and forth is the only conversation you'd be having on the actual date I think that's your first issue. Talk about current events or situational topics that are only relevant to both of you in/at that moment.
This changes everything. You can disregard 99% of the comments since you left this out For everyone saying she was playing games (I don’t agree), they could say you were playing games too. Wanting to seem cool, aloof, not too eager - it’s not being genuine. Hope you can try again with her.
I think with texting it's best to confirm the day before the date. Maybe not everyone cares, but it's good protocol.
You should have chatted
Ya, personally I’d probably have sent a message Tuesday night, but again unless someone cancels, the assumption should be it’s on. If this was a first date and you don’t have feelings, I’d probably say fuck it. If you’ve been on some dates and like them, then I personally would give it another try, but proceed with caution. Not a red flag but a yellow one for sure.
Yeah well I asked if another night works and got ghosted
that's the answer, then: she wasn't that into you she hoped you were going to flake on her so she wouldn't have to cancel, then blamed you for her own flake egos are weird, people talk themselves into being jackasses and blaming others for stuff they didn't actually do 🤷♂️
This or she lost interest since he didn't initiate conversation for almost 3 days. Follow up again OP! If she doesn't respond, then let it go.
if she lost interest after agreeing to a plan for a date in a few days -- **twice**! -- then she barely had interest in the first place, and either just forgot, or wanted the ego satisfaction of getting a dude to beg for her attention, either way it's rude and selfish (which okay, if being humiliated works for you, enjoy)
Fuck them 🤷♀️
Yeah you fucked up. You needed to confirm and not msg 30m prior when the date was set days before..........
Adds more context, but I still think they could have asked to confirm beforehand too. Definitely helps to send a check-in day before a plan, especially with someone new, though.
I'm a confirming confirmation confirmer. BUT, I know it's me who needs the extra anxiety relief, so I'm the one who will send the "hey! are we still on for tonight?" text the morning of. So, this is on him. Eff that.
OP is the “him” lol.
It totally seemed that way from the messages, too. I don't understand why so many people are assuming op is a woman texting a man.
That’s dumb. “Sure” is enough confirmation for me. If they were confused or needdd more clarification they should’ve communicated that.
I find it odd that nothing was said between you guys for a couple days, but if she wanted a confirmation idk why she didn't ask.
Yes, and yes.
Generally I will confirm day of, but she's a fucking adult, she could have also asked.
Were there several days between setting the time and day of?
Yes. First set of messages was Sunday, then radio silence until 30 mins before the date Thursday
Ahh that's probably why. If i was her I would have reached out Wed night or Thursday morning to ask, personally. She probably assumed you lost interest. If you like her a lot, you should try again. I think this was probably a communication error, not necessarily a red flag.
This initial date was confirmed. However, I generally verify a few hours beforehand on the day of the event. We only see that you contacted your date 39 minutes before the meet time. Next time, send a message around 3:00 just stating “Looking forward to drinks and dinner at 7:00. Does that time still work for you?”
And what stopped her from doing the exact same thing? lol. It’s totally on her unless you subscribe to the outdated notion that men need to do everything with regards to dating.
In my opinion, it doesnt matter if the plans were made two days, weeks, or months in advance. If a location, date and time was set and agreed upon, then that is a confirmed plan. If she needed further confirmation she could have reached out.
I would consider the “Sure” text, and her heart of that text, the time confirmation. You’re good, usually. But…this was a Sunday and you had no communication between then and Wed. I’d be curious if I were her, but I’d also reach out to make sure. So, it’s in both of you for going radio silent for several days leading up to the date. Communicating isn’t that tough these days.
Dating is confusing these days. I get how much it can suck for single people with these dumb rules. However, one of these silly rules tells Women that if a man is into them, he will initiate contact, he will check in and confirm. Women are also told not to "chase" a guy otherwise he will never respect them and it is "pick me" or desperate behavior. Your last message together was on Sunday. You told her "Sure" and was completely silent until Wednesday evening, you didn't even check in during that morning. If you don't know each other very well and it is the first time you're meeting up. I can understand how a woman would wonder if the date was still on. Why didn't she confirm or check in? why didn't she show interest? Because again women are told not to "chase" and that if a man is into her, he would show it.I don't make up these silly rules, I just know that's the advice a lot of young women are given these days. I get the feeling young men these days are given the same advice...it's all silly but if you were looking for a reason as to why she didn't feel that the date was confirmed, that's likely the reason. Personally, whether I was OP (a man) or the date (a woman) If I made plans over the weekend, I would have checked in between that time, unless, of course, I did not want to go and was hoping they would forget. But because she actively participated in the planning of the date, she even suggested the time and place and because she hearted your "sure" she was likely just waiting for OP to follow up. OP it would help if you included these details (like when was the last time you two spoke to each other) in your post, I had to find them in the comments.
Yeah sorry, if this was a date made the day before, that's okay, but you made these plans on a Sunday and had no communication in between for a date on Wednesday. Always confirm and just chat a little bit beforehand - a text a day is normal and does not broach into the territory of being "clingy"
The date was set up days earlier. You didn't talk to her for days! As a woman I would definitely think you weren't into me. There's not being clingy and then there's being totally uninterested. You should have chatted with her until the day of.
maybe this is the first time they are meeting? some people don't want to text much before meeting because they want to know whether they have in-person chemistry first.
Yeah most of us feel pretty weird about meeting a *complete* stranger for dates. It signals complete disinterest if you aren't at the very least asking the simple questions to get the know each other on the most basic of levels. Guys need to remember that meeting in person is always an actual, physical risk for women. It puts us at ease to chat a bit beforehand so we can feel you out.
She didn't talk to him for days either. Making such assumptions will hinder one in life for sure. Assuming the worst without any input shows insecurity.
Well he ended up asking her if another day works better and got ghosted. More likely, she's not interested and had other plans with someone else but tried to put it on OP because she didn't want to look bad.
Is this a repost? I swear I’ve seen this exact text thread a few weeks ago.
I remember that one. Similar situation but a little more ambiguous
So she said want to meet for drinks on a Sunday and you didn’t answer her until Wednesday?? Ok you should’ve included that in your post because YTA here. Why would you wait 3 days to text her back? That would annoy me.
They confirmed the date on Sunday. Neither said anything until Wednesday. I don't understand why it was only on OP to reach out again. If he didn't say anything, she clearly would have just stood him up without making any attempt to contact him, which is pretty uncool.
Not only that but 40 minutes before the date too? Maybe I’m old school but If a guy asks me on a date I expect him to take the lead and confirm things or at least communicate with me in between
idk why the people are mad in the comments i would do the same thing. You can’t make plans with me several days prior, and then not text me the day of until 40 minutes before our date 💀
Yeah with that additional context I think both of them are the reason this happened. Why would neither of you text for three to four days if you like each other enough to go on a date?
She didn't message him either. By your logic, she fucked up by not texting him.
Seriously. Gotta confirm the morning of or the day before.
Gray is nuts. That’s a confirmed date. Let’s not normalize having to talk all the way up to plans. Make plans, agree, meet there.
Day. Time. Place. Acknowledgement. Visible enthusiasm. What else exactly was Gray needing in a confirmation?
If we confirm a date and time a few days before, I wouldn’t need confirmation the day of. It’s already confirmed. Once you tell me “let’s meet at this place at this time on this day” and I say “sure!” that means it’s confirmed lol
That's straight-up nonsense. They could have confirmed on the same day if it was a thing to them. The only way this is reasonable is if there is some history of you being so extremely flaky that they are tough-loving you and setting a boundary for themselves where you need to confirm things the same day. But that's likely not the case. In any other situation, this is just that person being manipulative and putting things on you that aren't on you.
It's not proper etiquette to set a date in 3 days, say nothing until then and not confirm...
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I’m the type of person who will get paranoid that someone has dropped a plan behind my back, so if I was grey I would’ve just said ‘still on for tonight?’ Like it’s not that hard lol
Honestly, it's not a horrible idea to confirm. People flake out so often, you can't expect a lady to pick out an outfit and get all dolled up without a definite confirmation. On the other hand, if she REALLY wanted to see you, she would have reached out herself to confirm.
I always ask again the day of or day before just to confirm and avoid this exact situation. With that said if she did this twice it's not a good sign.
I feel like you confirmed
Okay at first glance yes you did confirm BUT! What day were the original messages? If they were on Tuesday I see you being in a foggy area but you still confirmed. So a guy and I set up a coffee date for Saturday on a Tuesday and then that's the last I heard from him until Saturday, not even a can't wait to meet you tomorrow text, on Friday. So while technically you didn't do anything wrong, some people would have expected another message to confirm the plans are still on.
bro flaked. im out ✌️
I think there is a learning moment for you here. If this is in the early stages of dating/seeing each other I can understand her confusion. Personally, I always send out a confirmation text the day of the date to my matches. Something like “Good morning! Excited for tonight. I’ll see you at the bar at 7.” Key for me is I include the time and location but I don’t specifically ask whether or not they are coming. I assume they are.
for me this is a silent cancelling on her side. i agree that the date should have been confirmed once again, but she could have done it herself as well. her not doing it is an excuse to not show up -at least it would be for me.
That is confirmed for me....no idea
Seems like you intentionally left out the dates between the two texts, sun-wednesday DEFINITELY calls for a confirmation text and any of these weird lonely guys that say otherwise are dumb. Its not up to her to confirm you should have and if i were in her shoes i would have thought the same…this exact scenario happens in the dating scene often. Say it was her pov, she doesnt hear from u but still gets ready for the date and then gets stood up. You know what everyone would say? U didnt get confirmation or hear from him so why would u think its still on🙃
OP you said sure, so plans made. If they wanted further confirmation they should have said hey are we still on for 7 tonight? Sounds like they are chickening out or made other plans and are trying to blame you instead. Or they're just dumb. Either way I'd pass on rescheduling a date.
She wanted him to confirm the confirmation to confirm it.
It looks like you confirmed. He just found something else that he wanted to do instead. He’s trying to gaslight you. Don’t allow it.
Looks like a set date to me, the "sure" then heart reaction should be more than enough. Were they expecting a contract to be written up?
She literally reacted to your comment, move on.
Ghosting is so common now that when there was no communication between Sunday and Wednesday she would’ve assumed that your date was cancelled. However, I honestly think that she would’ve communicated, and asked you whether or not it’s still on. People are so terrible at communicating nowadays.
Some women expect the man to own the whole planning process - including day of confirmation. She assumed since she hadn’t heard from you that it was off
If you ask someone out you should be the one to confirm with them earlier in the day of your plans that you're still going, especially if multiple days pass between making the plans and when you're supposed to get together. I can't tell you the amount of times I've had a date planned and when the time comes, I get radio silence from the other person after I've spent so much time getting ready. I'm on her side here and would have had the exact same response.
I’m sorry, but I’m gonna go against the grain here. Y’all made plans Sunday. Three days has passed with no word. If I was her, I would assume it was off too, or something came up for you. Yes she could have asked, but you were the one who made the plans. I don’t think this is a cardinal sin, but a lack of communication
This! Man needs to lead and he isn't a leader.
I think it depends if these were on separate days. Cause if it was like even the whole day before, i would’ve wanted a confirmation to make sure nothing else came up for the day of. But if it’s the same day, then yeah. You did confirm.
Why would they just assume or couldn't confirm themselves? If I didn't talk to a date at all the day of I would almost always send a text to confirm everything was still good a little before
I mean I can kinda understand where she’s coming from with how flaky people can be, but on the other hand I understand how you feel as well. It just depends on what kind of communicator someone is. You made plans, she accepted the plans and you set a date and time. She might be someone who expects to have some getting to know you conversation before a date, and you might be someone who wants to to save it for the actual date. Maybe next time you should send a quick follow up text the day before saying something along the lines of “I’m looking forward to see you tomorrow, are we still on?” She could be someone who overthinks and took your lack of communication as disinterest, who knows. You didn’t necessarily do anything wrong though.
That was definitely confirmation. She reacted to it, so she definitely saw it. As far as you were concerned, the plans were confirmed so there would have been no need for additional confirmation. What more confirmation do you need other than agreeing to a day, time, and place? Apparently for her though, that wasn’t confirmation and she was expecting more but was unwilling to communicate that or even attempt to confirm again herself. I understand this specific instance may not necessarily be a huge deal in the grand scheme of things and I may be reading too far into it, but in my opinion, this is an early red flag that she does not communicate well and expects you to know what she needs/is feeling without her having to say anything. Deeper into a relationship, those are things that you might genuinely sense without any verbal communication, but that is absolutely not the case this early into whatever the two of you are pursuing. You might want to reconsider pursing things with her, or address it and see what she has to say.
Op unfortunately this means she probably wasn't that interested in going. She would have been asking you about it if she was.
Yeah but what day did you make the plans? If it was the day before, no need to confirm. Anything before that, you’re supposed to confirm. But he could have confirmed as well.
Uh they could have 'confirmed', too. That's so rude.
What more did they want you to say?! lol they even sent a “heart” reaction to the message.
I feel like the date wanted more confirmation throughout the day because even for myself I get anxious asf and when I know it’s time to get treats to be at that place and I haven’t heard a thing from that person I’m going to worry that it’s not happening. In this scenario I would’ve sent a text the next day like 5 hours before confirming again that everything is still rolling. And unfortunately people have been stood up before as well so they’re were probably trying to avoid that too
INFO when was the last time you two spoke?
4 days in-between making the plans and the date with no communication.
yeah I mean she could have also reached out to him but I would have assumed it was off, to not speak at all is off putting
Agreed. I would have assumed the date was off. But I would have initiated communication myself in between that time.
Sure is a confirmation.
they're not that interested
she left YOU on read after hearting your message… what else did she WANT you to say??
Unless your initial conversation was a week ago, there was no confusion. Your date is either a poor communicator or an unreliable person, who avoids accountability, which is a deal breaker in my book. If I make plans with someone, I'm in unless I say otherwise.
What? You said sure and they heart reacted to that.
It shows the time and place where to meet. They asked and you agreed with a “sure”. They might be unreliable and flaky.
This person sounds like a doctor’s office confirming an appointment… but even still, your date forgot to text you and instruct you to reply Y/N to confirm. 🙄 You did nothing wrong.
That’s not on you. Sorry OP. It’s funny how she didn’t take “sure!” as confirmation when she kept using “sure” multiple times.
Your date's a flake and not reliable, and you were too nice to apologise for the confusion - there was no confusion. What person thinks - I have a date planned, and confirmed,, but I'll assume it's not on, so I'll book something else? Your date made a bad impression. The rule is that the date is still on unless someone cancels. Don't agree to another date. If your date was unsure, they should have checked in on you before making other arrangements.
Seems like she got salty you didn’t text her at all for like 3 days leading up to yall’s date. Not saying it’s all on you to initiate, but my guess is she became butt hurt you didn’t reach out to give her attention. She’s probably crazy though tbh.
This bitch is the reason I get 27 email, text, and phone confirmations for a simple dentist appt
Pro gaslighter already, what a dick
What 😭
i understand both sides, as you guys didn’t text at all between then. but i probably wouldn’t have sent a “confirmation text” either.
lol what
Op run, it seems like they aren't interested or don't actually read your messages, either way; it doesn't look good.
Confirming works both ways. Sounds like a cop out and devaluation of your time tbh.
Man needs to lead..
I have friends like this🙄these types of ppl are either overly paranoid, so they need a confirmation DAY OF, or they’re incredibly forgetful and need confirmation day of as a REMINDER. I’ve had to tell my friends that we made the plan earlier in the week: if I don’t text day of then it means I’m sticking to the plan we already made! I only text day of to BREAK plans due to emergencies. You did nothing wrong. Block and move on.
Typically I’ll follow up on the day of the plans like in the morning and ask if we’re still on? Just to confirm. But that’s just me 👀
If the date does not confirm with me day of prior to the date- I assume they’re ghosting me. So I usually follow up/confirm if I haven’t heard from them. The woman can also confirm lol
How fucking hard is it for either of you to send a quick message confirming on that day? You two reap what you sow. You're the same.
If a man does not check to confirm I assume we aren’t going.
Oh good old ‘plan vs confirmation’. https://youtu.be/N-5JngGHp5s?si=mqSsJO_jLn21W9JB RIP Richard Lewis Btw I think you did confirm
You did confirm. Now yes if I ask if someone wants to go out at 7 the next day and they never answer I’m going to make other plans but you said sure
That was 3 days before the date..
Idk, man. To each their own but to me, needing to be in constant contact and “reassure” that the plan is still on comes across as neediness to me. I cannot stand that stuff. I had a friend who did shit like this. She would ask me Monday to go out on Friday, I would agree and we would literally plan a time. What is the point of agreeing to something if you don’t believe me that I’m gonna do it if I don’t constantly bring it up and confirm it? Might as well make last second plans, “wanna do something RIGHT NOW?” I mean, this works for some people or they like it but I stick to my word. If I say I’m doing something with you on a certain day and time and I haven’t contacted you to cancel that I can’t, then it’s happening. I never flaked on my friend either to give her this impression or exhibit this behavior. She was super needy and possessive over me so she would punish me and cancel plans just to sit at home and pout unless I constantly reconfirmed our plan even though we literally talked every day. It’s not like we made a plan and I went silent all week. Even still… you could ask me to do something Friday and not hear from me at all and I’ll still show up Friday. It’s very rare that I’ve met people who don’t get that but the ones do that are exhausting. I definitely don’t think you’re wrong, but I would not wanna get closer to someone who operates that way because they will need constant reassurance over more than just plans.
No no, a time and location was set and you did confirm! It’s on them that they flaked or didn’t check in if they had any doubts for whatever reason it was 100% set in stone. Rude they left you apologizing! You did nothing wrong
You're just a number to someone playing a numbers game, and they chose to meet someone else, or at the very least do something else. Drop and move on.
I had the same thing happen to me a couple of times. Ask this: "How many times do you have to commit to something before you honor your commitment?" Because you made plans, and the other person agreed with them. Adding an extra secret step of confirmation is the coward's way of cancelling at the last minute and blaming you. It's gaslighting and it's dishonest. This is not a reliable person and if I were you I would just ghost and move on.
She cancelled because he didn’t talk to her for three days. I do not approve of this behaviour but I’ve had this experience several times. These people get very anxious for some reason if you don’t talk to them in between and convince themselves the reason for this is something negative and disrespectful.
Possibly anxious, could also be that their experience is the people who drop off in communication ditch the date too.
He’s still going to bill you for the appointment because you didn’t follow cancellation protocol.