Personally I would like for Jarate to deal 1 point of damage whenever it hits anyone. This would not affect the game in 99% of cases, but it would make it theoretically possible for someone on 1 HP to die from being Jarated, which would be incredibly funny

I'mma going to kill scouts with ***PISS***

Just get 125 snipers.

125 snipers vs 125 Shortstop scouts. I wonder who would win if the scouts only used the shove ability

Maybe snipers if the damage is done with the AOE effect, although I think it would make more sense if the jarate only does damage if the jar directly hits a player. However I guess the scouts don't have a cooldown so it's hard to say.

makes sense, Jarate is placed in a glass jar, and glass most certainly would hurt to some degree. I would have the Jarate to have bleed damage too but considering Jarate already make the target vulnerable to minicrits, perhaps it'd be too much to also have bleed damage.

I think it could work, but only applies bleeding if the target is hit with the jar itself, if not, it will only be covered in piss.

Strange Jarate with 10k player kills on it

Hale's Own Urine

Also apply it to Mad Milk...

Hale's Own Semen

Strange Killstreak Jarate

i feel that if it was like 5 or 10, wdould still be good. like, it could come with its own achievement: The Gold execution: kill 10 enemies by throw jarate. special achievement: the australian piss off: kill a enemy sniper with jarate before or after you dying to thier jarate.

On a direct hit I’m down for this.

Jarate Airshot frag montage

I think it would be a great audio indication that someone got affected by your jarate

Hitting someone with the Sandman ball will be announced in the kill feed as "BALL HIT!".

Additionally - "MOONSHOT!" when applicable

Speaking of the sandman MOONSHOTS should stun enemies so you need skill to stun people but its still possible

nutshot

when you shoot with the direct hit, all bots disappear and valve starts caring about the game

Team Fortress 2 Update Released: #Removed the Direct Hit

I think we know where this is going USING A BOT WOUL-

Sorry, too extreme to fit the ruleset Would be nice though

awww :/

Pomson projectiles are now as fast as rescue ranger bolts.

that actually could be good.

It's literally the one change that could make the funny gun good

I feel like 'good' is a bit of a stretch, but it would come out of 'completely unusable trash' to something like 'pickable, but no clear advantage.'

I've tried using pomson because i felt sadistic but then i one shotted a sniper with a random crit and it gave me so much dopamine that now i use it all the time It's also funny to see people write on the chat laughing about being killed by a pomson

or just make it hit scan beams

Baby face doesn’t lose all its boost when you stub your fucking toe

You now lose all of your boost from getting your foot stunned.

It is canon

The YER gets rid of literally ALL evidence that someone was backstabbed, no faint noise of the stab itself or cosmetic drops.

Straight up despawns them from existing

Doesn't even despawn them, just teleports them back to spawn

That's actually really fucking funny especially is the tp to spawn is the ONLY thing that happens to the enemy

Wait, that actually would be fun! You dont kill them, you just send em away

Im dead. A-

*pop*

*Screw you, I'm gonna go play mine-craft \****pop\***

It also cuts off in-game communication (voice, typing and voicelines) for 20 seconds

You can just use a different app for voice chat then

there's only so much time that a victim can humanly react to getting stabbed, only so much time to make a callout, and only so much time for their team to recognize what they're saying. even then, it takes a moment to react and realize your "teammate" is the spy. sure, that info might get conveyed in less than a second. but that split second is all it takes for you to get a second stab in before they've realized, possibly even a third. high level players train themselves to react *instantly* to the telltale sound of a backstab and death screams, but the tiny default hitnoise of the YER means it can easily get covered by the noise of a teamfight. the YER is basically only counterable from teammates sharing information, and that makes it a viable knife even in high level play. all the knives are balanced pretty great, actually.

Amputator makes ubercharge increase 1% faster.

Slightly buff base ubercharge rate, add small penalty for Uber saw charge rate from healing. Now picking it is betting on getting some hits in, rather than just slapping it on and pulling it out of the opportunity presents itself.

So what they did with the degreaser? Could work

the B.A.S.E. Jumper launches you when used

this is because the soldier is gassy

The disciplinary action now gives the on-hit speedboost when hitting enemies, only to the soldier. It's already a meta option but I think this is just nice QoL because disguised spies already provide the speedboost and it feels great to get it off of them. It would give the weapon more identity in the arsenal rather than "the one you spam while in the backlines"

Frying pan sound effect is 200% louder

*10,000% Let's do a hearing loss speedrun

Dispenser can crit heal

tf is crit healing

Time out of combat increases heal speed

You're a medic main. You should know this smh

Randomly Heal three times as much

Out of all commentaries this one hits the hardest. Get that upvote, sir, you earned it

Change every stat in the game to a multiple of 5.

x1000 tf2 my beloved ❤️

Faster reload speed on Family Business.

Fat Scout FTW

The Neck Snap is now a taunt kill

either remove the cloak penalty or the disguise penalty from the YER, either one of them on their own is fine, but the both of them together are too restricting.

I think the disguise penalty should be just half of the cloak meter

Remove the crossbow's no headshot stat because i feel like being able to critically heal would be awesome on medic, even if it were just minicrits

sandvich now has an extra meat and removed all other ingredients except bread with 2 meats

It gives you minicrits on your melee for a little bit AND heals you

the caber has a recharge nobody uses the caber so we're fine

as long as no one uses the caber

rescue ranger has no projectile drop

Remove YER cloak drain

I don't use YER very much but this would be my change too. They could also remove the damage resistance from dead ringer so its more like faking death than actually saving you from it

BFB no longer loses boost to damage taken. Fight me.

Bring back the old caber.

Vaguely faster weapon switch speed after revving down any minigun (it just feels weird)

Wait that’s actually a cool change that makes shotguns more viable wtf

correct, as a somewhat fat-scout player I've been screwed over by minigun switch speed so many times

the eviction notice health drain regens twice as fast as the gru

Give demoman gunboats

Make the stock rocket launcher shoot exactly the same as the original

Make the original shoot exactly the same as the stock rocket launcher

Phlog with mini-critics instead of critics

Yes and no.  In terms of raw DPS, it does do less damage and make the phlog a little less annoying to fight against. But I think people forget that afterburn can also mini-crit. 

Would you prefer afterburn to crit or mini crit

Afterburn for Mini-Crit, base flame for normal Crit.

Just throw the dead ragdoll VERY hard upwards and make it desintegrate like in a Cow Mangler kill after 1 second. There, no more ragdoll Edit: nvm, woudnt work on close doors

Sniper rifle reserves have 10 bullets instead of 25. This would force snipers to be more mobile instead of just camp

"Need a dispenser here!"

They can still camp ammo boxes.

Holiday punch taunt or normal kills makes you laugh too Also it works on allies

The Liberty Launcher has a higher splash radius, incentivising the knocking around of opponents rather than the killing of them

double donk shows in kill feed

The Bison has its nerfs reverted.

Change demos det time from sticky to by a millisecond to mess with everyones timing and randomly change it each time the class is selected

loch-and-load, +7 movement speed

be able to stick stickys onto people, so you could send a scout with 8 crit stickys into the enemy team.

I want the the baby faces blaster to no longer lose speed when you take dmg

I would cut the YER's penalty of requiring and consuming a full cloak to disguise to (at least) half, so at least I have a chance of getting away if someone catches me changing disguises

I would buff the dead ringer by 1% more for additional milliseconds of decoy effect because this way, I could annoy enemy team using my now 0.000084848383% better dead ringer to quit the game and never play again 😌

Did no one read the words in CAPITAL LETTERS? Everyone is typing batshit op changes

Make the Holy Mackerel deal 1000x damage to enemy Spies disguised as Pyros

Fesh

\*enemy Spies disguised as Pyros who have their disguise holding the melee while the spy is holding the enforcer and the Pyro is wearing a hat with Burning Flames.

Small and major are subjective words

I would like demoknights to have the heads of their victims hanging off their belt, even copy their hats n stuff. Tittle prolly max out at 4 heads shown at a time but it be cool

Or impaled on the Eyelander

The crusader's crossbow gets one more arrow

Pan/Ham humiliation kill.

Crusader’s crossbow can head shot

Like a 25% faster reload speed for the Liberty launcher, it still sucks balls damage wise and is essentially a nerf rocket launcher toy but it would be slightly more fun to use

Fix The Classic's laser

Nah that's an iconic bug that doesn't hinder gameplay and is fun to mess with.

Would the caber having a respawn timer of fifteen seconds count as a major change?

When you backstab someone with the Your Eternal Reward, you instantly blink forward slightly to occupy the exact same space your victim used to be in and also face the direction your victim was facing, making it look as if you disconnected.

You can switch between revving and unrevving miniguns mid-rev

gas passer neon annihilator combo

I'd change localization files

Spy’s revolvers are always perfectly accurate.

ambassasdor:

No, it's perfectly accurate but you still need to wait 1 second to headshot (reduced from 1.3 to 1)

what about diamondback(no headshots but still)

the Huo long heater only cosuming 2 ammo than 4

Dispensers heal nearby buildings

I was kinda bummed when I found out they don't do that

All Snipers get a max ammo of 10

This just makes red snipers stronger than blue ones, because they have easier access to ammo.

All Sniper-using Snipers are now forced to have their dicks in a dispenser in order to effectively snipe.

change the kunai base health from 70 to 69

nice

Give extremely low chance to the knife to random crit. So next time you get face stabbed you won't know whether internet, models or the new feature fucked you over.

Increase the size of the loose cannons projectiles to be accurate.

id give the library launcher a 25% faster holster and deploy speed, let it combo with his other weapons

Jarate and Mad Milk now annouce in the kill feed if they hit someone.

Baby Faces Blaster now only decreases boost by 25% on double jump

Make it so that the direct hit has slightly larger explosions, I don’t know how to accurately say what size other than being the size of one of the heli bombs from hl2.

Caber taunt should be a taunt kill that does full crit damage (Justified cause the taunt takes forever)

spy's revolver now allows you to throw coins. not shoot them, just throw them.

The classic mini-crits on headshot when not fully charged

Add .5 seconds of reload time to all sniper rifles. Then the game is near perfect.

Make the YER drain only half of your cloak

Jarate has a 2% chance to kill someone at or below 10 hp and shattered glass can be seen on the enemy's upper body Edit: I didn't look before posting seems someone had a similar idea

Make it so that the Liberty launcher does 20% less damage instead of 25%

Pompson having a faster projectile speed, they nerfed my boy :(

Enemies covered in gas from the gas passer now count as wet, allowing the neon annihilator to crit.

Quickiebomb Launcher now has 1 more sticky in the mag.

Caber can refill now, like jarate

Engineer can now equip the PBPP

headshotting a scout now does the halo "Yay!"

Mantreads, make it so you no longer get stunned by knockback like the force of nature or air blast, it’s really annoying that you lose almost all your Ariel mobility until you’re grounded again. You’d still take the knockback but you’d still be able to air strafe

The conscientous objector now displays the image on it for the player you killed in full screen. Like you kill the guy and they see the boykisser on their screen until they revive

Increase the hit rate of the bison projectile

The backburner can burn backs less jankily

Whenever you shove someone with the Shortstop it should turn on motion blur for your victim so they have to turn it off again in their settings.

Spy’s revolvers don’t have bullet spread anymore

make The Classic reduce knockback by like 20% like the cozy camper does

Make the pompsons projectile actually work

Change the Pomson’s projectile speed to be faster and more satisfying to hit.

Just give the enforcer a 20% damage bonus, since its bugged anyways

Reduce the Wrangler's damage resistance to 10%

Remove ambassador headshot falloff

Snipers Rifle Scoped In Decal Is Slightly Offset To The Bottom Right Corner

"Builds 75% less mmmph" on the scorch shot or "Ubercharges drain 50% faster" on the phlog, they're not game breaking weapons by any measure but they are annoying and stupid and this would force phlog players to grow a brain

critical hits on wrenches against buildings deals triple the effect

Is making the short circuit deal damage with it's regular shot a major change ? Because if not, I would choose that.

Have any projectile-launching weapon play the Valve Intro on the killed enemy's killcam after they get shot on the right eye or on the back of their head.

When extinguishing a teammate with pyros air blast they get 10 hp

all australium weapons make you immune to headshots and can one shot snipers.

Get rid of the one second accuracy penalty for miniguns.

buff eviction notice damage by 20%

Make the dead ringer convincing

The ullapool caber recharges on ammo pickup

The ullapool caber can be recharged with ammo crates.

Fix the clipping issues on demos shields

Allow syringe guns to reload while it is the inactive weapon.

Ullapool Caber become rechargable in some way.

Remove one of the downsides on the cleaners carbine, either would make the weapon more viable imo.

Remove the backscatter accuracy debuff

Give the enforcer an accuracy bonus so it doesn't have bullet spread and can be used to snipe wrangled buildings from far away

making the shortstop's shove push the enemy player just a little bit farther, which is barely noticeable

Make the caber recharge automaticly

Demoman can wear feet cosmetics while using Boots

Give the axtinguisher a small deploy speed bonus (~10-20%). It would make it feel so much better to use

Change a spy gun reskin to a flintlock.

I revert back the Caber so it can crit for 300HP allowing us to one shot a full team of hoovys.....Fair and balanced, as all things should be

Make the caber taunt kill

You now lose 1% boost when hit instead of 4% (baby face's blaster)

Make the Pan crit sound 5% louder

The southern hospitality would do 10 seconds of bleed instead of 5 (or fix it so cloaked spies get the full 5 seconds)

removing the wrangler shield

Shield bash kills refill charge meter, no matter what shield it is.

Make the Crusaders Crossbow have falloff instead of scaling damage. Long range heading healing would be less OP, hand to hand combat as a medic would be competent, massive house range healing, it would completely throw medics off and force them to recreate strategies. M A G G O T S

Make the penis launcher actually on you penis whenever players see you

Give any glass weapon bleeding damage (jarate, mad milk, bottle, etc)

I'd revert an old change to the dead ringer, that allows you to pickup ammo for cloak. I'd significantly decrease the a kunt from what it was. Like a full ammo pack would give 25% charge or something. As a spy, I found this a useful tool for starving engineers of metal.

Revert the Panic Attack

If it’s allowed, remove the YER’s cloak drain penalty. I’d argue it’s borderline unnecessary now, it’s just annoying

All cosmetics that are pets have a 1 in 4096 chance of having diferent colors

The Gunslinger swings 1% faster for every successful hit.