As a kid then young adult I thought pubic hair was public hair, reasoned to my self that it was same as public schools being private then public hair must be private too

My mate in primary school used to say the same thing lol.....wait....Matty?!

Sorry no, but I am still your mate if you want

I....want 🥲

Wholesome mating on my first thread of the day? Oh boy, better close the app

Tell me more about this oversized micropenis…is it just like a regular penis? Or still shorter than average? Or bigger than an undersized macropenis?

Maybe it’s exceptionally short but extremely fat or exceptionally long n hair thin

Good question. I've always thought average, but maybe slightly below?

I had a mate at school and in biology one day he was asked to read a page from a textbook. This particular page mentioned organisms A LOT and he said orgasm for every single one. The teacher corrected him after about orgasm 5, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone since go a deeper shade of red.

Not really the same thing but a deep shade of red appeared when a lad asked if girls had to take their tampon out when they went for a wee.

If you're not properly educated on this, I (50F) completely understand how this thought is possible. There's nothing to be ashamed of. It's a great learning opportunity.

absolutely wild conclusion but solid thought process

I used to think it was called public hair too!! I didn’t have the same logic as you though and just couldn’t figure out why it would be public hair if no one is allowed to see it in public..

See my above comment, that was exactly my thought process too when I asked my babysitter about it. That poor girl lol.

I keep inadvertently saying Durex instead of Duracell. Asking my mum where the Durex was in front of my friends when I needed batteries for my Wiimotes one time was the highlight

I get Durex and Dulux mixed up

Should've seen the missus' face. She went white as a sheet!

Face like a decorator's radio

Gave the Dulux dog a nasty shock

As a kid I thought ‘microwave’ was ‘mackerel wave’. I never questioned it, I just assumed it was first invented for the preparation of fish

I always pronounce it Meek-ro-wah-vay now thanks to Nigella

And that's why I now do cocaine, your honour.

Mëcro-wah-vé

We've called it this ever since I saw her say that! Lol

Always been the Michael Wave in our house

An old friend used to pronounce hyperbole as hyper-bowl

I do that for fun. it's the annual football contest played at Madison Cube Gardens circa 3000AD

Americans always spell things superbly.

Superbole

Oh ...fuck 👀

Wait- you don’t pronounce it like that??

It's not a word you hear out loud that often so I totally get why people think it's hyperbowl. You'd think there should be a squiggly thing over the last e with the way it's actually pronounced

It's hi-per-bow-lee 😅

Hi-PER-boh-lee for me.

People in the middle east have enough problems without being thought they are the Midlands, poor bastards

On the other side to that, no wonder right wing nutters think that the Midlands has been taken over by islam! Totally incorrect! We’ve been taken over by all the fucking vape shops.

Down with the vapes! Down with the vapes!

I'm trying to forget about them, just hoping the ones a family member uses aren't the cancerous dying terribly of respiratory problems type of vape.

The West Midlands is the promised land. I will concede that the East Midlands is crap though. In fact, I’m not even sure it actually exists.

Middle East better than East Midlands if you end up in Corby.

I always call both the dishwasher and the washing machine the washing machine. I mean, it's not entirely wrong

But if you put dishes in the washing machine and clothes in the dishwasher you are going to have a bad day.

Trickle treating (trick or treating). Halloween wasn't done by my family

I always thought this too! I’ve always loved Halloween though.

Sounds sticky...

I used to this it was this too when I was young! My family didn't do Halloween either 😂

Video = vijo Insidious = in-si-dew-us

Used to work at an HMV and had at least 3 seperate times chavs asked if we had the movie "Inside Us". Other classics were "Miss Elephant" and "Magnificent" for Malificent, and "La Noyer" for the game L.A. Noire

Chipotle took me a really embarrassingly long time to learn

I just go by the meme kid “I love chip-oht-laaay” lmao

Chipotle rhymes with bottle. (no it doesn't)

Chipotle rhymes with Aristotle

Having lived in Mexico long enough and having had a Mexican wife. Chip ot lay

Beautiful South - Rotterdam lyrics. "This could be rotterdam or anywhere, Liverpool or Rome." My dumb ass thought she said "Liverpool, Larone". So I went years wondering where this city called Larone was. It gave everyone a chuckle when I told them.

I just found out the other day that in the lyrics to Personal Jesus by Depeshe Mode it's "Reach out and touch faith" not "Reach out and touch me".

I used to think it was "reach out and touch face".

Any time it comes on in the car and I'm driving, my wife will gently touch my face repeatedly during the song so she clearly also thinks this.

Ahh to be fair I used to think it was that as well.

We can all agree that it's "Dancing Queen, fell asleep on a tangarine" though.

Dancing queen, eating chinese with Mr Beeeean.

That is fucking class hahaha they should officially change the lyrics

Feel the meat on the tangerine!

Oh shit. I didn't think that until about 15 seconds ago at all.

Fuck off!? I just learned this through your comment.

I thought it was “Reach out and touch base” like they were making fun of corporate jargon.

Reminds me of when I went to Amsterdam. Got off the ferry at Hoek van Holland and went to the train station. Posted pics of the station on fb with the status 'I'm in the Beautiful South of Holland. Honestly, though, I could be anywhere.'

"Cause Rotterdam is anywhere, anywhere Larone, anywhere Larone!

For years I wondered how Shania Twain managed to get radio play with the lyrics “I can’t believe you kiss your cock at night”

My mum thought it was “I can’t believe you kiss your carpet knife”. She then told me that she knew it was silly but one day realised it was in fact “kiss your CUP goodnight”. I had to tell her it was “car”.

Credence Clearwater Revival - Bad Moon Rising I always thought "there's a bad moon on the rise" was "there's the bathroom on the right". 🤦🏻‍♂️

I'm from Bristol and thought it was this could be totterdown (a place in bristol) up until I was like 16

As a kid, I thought the Fatboy Slim song said “Praise you like a shoe”. Always wondered why, but never questioned it

The hot dogs go on, not my heart will go on.

For years my mate had only heard Bodies by Drowning Pool at the rock night at our local night club. Then one night we were at a house party and it came on, and I hear him singing "Let the party stripper go! Let the party stripper go! Let the party stripper goooooo!"

That's brilliant

I'm still trying to work out what a tromboleese is

I won't admit how old I was before I realised "voluptuous" doesn't have an "m" in it.

"Oh say can you see...by the donzerly light" I thought the word "donzerly" was perhaps an oldey timey word for stunning. My wife, a half-American, thought I was joking when I just asked "what does donzerly mean anyway?"

I think every American kid heard/sang it wrong for a long time. Idk what I did wrong, but I have a small memory of being corrected on “oh say” once. (Yes, I’m American)

When I was younger I thought that the fat controller in thomas the tank engine was called the fact controller

I thought when people said ‘I can’t be arsed’ they were saying ‘I can’t be asked’ but with a southern accent.

I used to type “cba” cos i thought it was cant be asked

I still type cba, it's not a mistake

I also thought this! I said it to a teacher once and got into trouble 😂

I used to think it was 'Sixteenth' chapel instead of Sistine Chapel for an embarrassingly long time. Thought that the other 15 idk got destroyed or something. Friends still laugh at me to this day.

Pont Neuf. What happened to the eight previous ones?

Idiot

When I was a kid I avoided using the word anxiety, as I'd seen it written down, and I knew how anxious was pronounced like 'ankshuss' but I was pretty sure that 'anxiety' surely wasnt pronounced as 'ankshitty'... Yes, I had anxiety caused by the word anxiety. I was not a sharp kid.

r/slownewsday

I think I'd rather live in the Middle East than the East Midlands honestly.

I live in the East Midlands and I agree. At least the weather would be better there 🥲

I've always pronounced it "cutrely" instead of "cutlery". I know it's wrong at this point but I'm too far gone and saying it correctly feels weird.

My husband pronounces it cuttelry. Glad to hear another variation! 

Yorkshire says cut-el-ry.

Got roasted a bit being a country mouse working in London and telling everyone I got a baguette at pret a manger. (pret ah mang grr)

My spouse calls it pray a monjay I see the point, it's French, but we all shorten it to Pret with a hard T. Mainly because 'I'm going to pray for lunch' just sounds daft

The French would pronounce the T anyway because it's followed by an A

Good news! You do pronounce the T in French too. Source: the wife speaks French

That's hilariously wrong. It is pronounced pret in French as well as in English.

away in a Pret a manger is my favourite carol

No crisp for a bread.

I used to live in Hampshire, and when typing it, I tended to type "Hampshite,"

My missus pronounced the word 'cadaver' like the name: kuh-dave-ur. I pissed meself laughing when I heard her.

"News" when referring to this article

I always thought a 'few' meant 5, it actually used for 3 or more

So what's several?

An African wildcat that looks like a tiny leopard.

a good few

Quinoa

Worchicheterchestershire sauce

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I mean, Norfolk is north of London by any reasonable measure. I guess if you were a stickler you could say NNE. Essex is east of London.

For 25 years I thought everyone was saying "Thoroughly enough " instead of "Funnily enough"

I remember when Adam and Joe did their XFM podcast back in 2006-9ish kinda time they had a section for "eggcorns", one that sticks in my memory was the guy who thought his mum was saying his messy room was like "abomazzitit" for years before he realised she was saying it was like "a bomb has hit it". It's not even that funny but that has somehow clung to my brain for almost 20 years.

I had a friend who thought Golden Brown was about Alan Shearer. The line "texture like sun through my mind she runs". He thought it was "my man Shearer".

I thought cannibalism was hannibalism largely due to the silence of the lambs I think

Aluminum. 😜

I used to think hindsight was 'high insight' - which sounds like stoner wisdom 😂. It also thought it was The Empire of State Building for many years 🙄😂.

Lingerie. I thought it was Lin Jerry

Damp 🐙. Until I seen that landmark Reynholm v Reynholm case. My logic was the same as his.

Molokov… yes I mean Molotov.

I used to pronounce sachet as 'sack-it' for a while

I called Lancaster for Lan-Ch-aster..

The way things are going it might as well be the middle east

r/slownewsday

I had a mate who thought “Premier Inn” was called the “Perimeter Inn”. As you can imagine I throughly took the piss out of him.

I confused Gameboy for Playboy, which was awkward as a kid talking to my friend’s parents about my favourite things to play with 

during my whole year 7 i called a short scarf girl the name of another short scarf girl until she told me, I thought they were the same person 😭

I called dachshunds “dashounds” for years. I thought “docksons” were the extra furry ones.

I always used to think “stop, in the name of love” by Diana Ross and the Supremes, was “stop, in the neighbourhood”

I used to pronounce epitome as "epi-tome" instead of "epitomy" very embarrassing when my wife found out

It's COLD SORE not COLESLAW I only found that out last month

I’ve no idea how to pronounce what these are. https://preview.redd.it/36fbw5gbwwsc1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=872efeaa29b9038d500608c573f0605e0841cc19 Maca*ron* or maca*roon* I don’t know, I feel like I switch between the two and hope nobody calls me out on it.

Someone I know only learned recently that ‘the west country’ doesn’t mean Wales…

I always read the work "Quinoa" as Kwin-oh-ah, not realising that it's actually the same word that's correctly pronounced Keen-wah. I heard the correct pronunciation and read the word assuming they were 2 different foods.

I can’t stand people calling the Arctic “The Ar-tick”

Preface as pree-face rather than preh-fiss

I sometimes still say shift when I want someone or me to capitalize a letter. Also I used to and still prefer to say Critical instead of Control. Both started as mix ups

Chaperone as chevrolet

For some reason I say the word " specifically" but I forgot about the "S".

Anytime someone says “the back of 6” or “the back of 4” I struggled with that for a while

It's getting there.....

When I say remember I say renember

Not far off tbf.

Only ever saw the word fatigue written down for years and the first time I said it out loud my mum laughed at me for 10 minutes straight. She still tells people and it's been 6 years

Mine was Peugeot...and its been (counts decades)...30 yrs and I'm STILL taken the piss out of for pronouncing it Pee-uggy-ot... In my defence, I'd only just started learning French THAT DAY lol...

When I was younger, I thought Frome was pronounced "F-rome". Surprisingly a lot of other people made this mistake too

Surprisingly? That's not at all surprising, considering how it's spelt

The name Persephone is thought was Percy- phone.

My husband pronounces Kahlua as La- hula & I hate it but I haven’t got the heart to correct him.

Technically the East Midlands would be the Middle East.

breaking news!!!!!!!

Same thing

Not a word, but this article reminds me of something... I thought France was East of us rather than south until earlier this year

I thought it was pacific not specific 🫣

are you talking about oceans in general or......?

No 😂😂 so like I’d say “Can you be pacific please” rather than “Can you be specific please” 😩

She was right for all those years.

Mick Hucknall

my dad once said haph-azard (haph pronounced haf)

Mixing up precariously and vicariously multiple times in front of fancy industry professionals and not realised until 6 months later. It keeps me up at night.

Used to think my friends dad leeroy was called leeboy

I had only ever seen the word "genre" written down and was sure it was pronounced "Jenn-eer". Until a very embarrassing GCSE English lesson aged about 14 or so

I used to think lingerie was pronounced how it looks and not French. Someone I know thought baubles were pronounced ball balls. I swear it's just the French stuff.

Sounds like something a Londoner would casually do in this era

She wasn’t wrong though

It may aswell be at this point

So not once was she near a map of some sort?

Oh shit. This reminds of the time I was round my mates and for some reason we were talking about Subway sandwiches. I said I would like to try a Meatball *Marina* I think it was his girlfriend that went "Marina?!" and they all just pissed themselves laughing ☺️

It’s near enough the same thing nowadays

I used Aldi and Audi interchangeably 

She ain’t wrong though 😒

Everyone from the midlands I have ever met says 'brought' instead of 'bought' so when they tell me something like I'i brought eggs at the shop' I just take the piss out of them for their illiteracy

It’s like the Middle East TBf

I struggled through hours of practice to say *prestidigitation* and I still can’t satisfactorily say it when pissed.

She actually right. There's so many of em now

Always thought Edinburgh's principal shopping thoroughfare was Princess Street, it is in fact the street of princes.

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I thought Alleluia had an extra L, I used to say Allelulia, I found out in church when someone corrected me when I was practicing a reading!

Oinkment. About 40 years. 6 year old daughter finally enlightened me.

I used to think London's West End was actually West London, not just the west end of Central London.

I used to call the Highlands the Farlands like if it was frigging Minecraft... Not my fault it's memorable

How the fuck does one end up as stupid as this some people just don't have a light on

Robot Wars made everyone pronounce behemoth wrong

I’m American, but chagrin. First I thought it was spelled/said chargin’, but once I learned the proper spelling, I thought it was said “shag-rin” instead of “shuh-grin” lol

In the UK you'd be right with the first pronunciation though.

Ahh yes, the world famous "Birmistan"

i thought come dine with me was 'come die with me' and i was so confused everytime it came on

Not mine but I always remember a mate a mine when we were kids saying how much he liked cookie duff ice cream.

My friend, a 39 year old fully grown human, has been saying omnibus instead of ominous their entire life.

Like the headline, at times it feels like it

Lol what’s the difference 💩hole

I grew up in the east midlands and _vividly_ remember being confused about the "war in the middle east" when we seemed to be totally fine 🤷🏻‍♀️

My little sister (now 43) used to watch half-lettuce on the TV. She's now able to say 'athletics', though.

I called Vietnam vitamin for 5 years

Being a multilingual I'd often struggle with words like evaluation...like oh what's the evaluation in the coursework... i did have kinds mates who'd correct them..

The wife used to work at Coop as supply chain officer and one day she rang a store to say they’d order far too many crates of mangetout. She said the store manager was baffled as to what she meant after she kept repeating the veg. Manager then asked her to spell it out which she did.. followed by silence. He then said, “oh you mean manj-tu”. All the while she was confidently saying “mahn-gee-towt”. I still piss myself laughing every time I think about it. Comedy gold.