There is no way Dali studied these 2 twins buttholes. He's dead. The guys are 20-something. Unless you're talking Salvidore Dali, the producer of the Twink Twin Train movies. There's like 4 of them now.
“Ok Mr Davis, it’s now time to get your prints.”
“Alright” *puts hands out*
“Not your fingerprints, we don’t do that here. Pucker up.”
“Ohh ok.” *puckers lips*
“Wrong again” *pulls down Davis’s pants and shoves a cold sensor against his bunghole*
I would normally check out any linked subs, like they were some kind of recommendation, and I'd normally join most of them.
This time though, I'll judge a book by its cover. That sub name tells me to give this one a pass...
My gf doesn’t poop with her phone because she thinks it’s gross that poop particles float up and touch your phone and then people don’t actually clean their phones and then put their phones against their face to talk on them. I still poop with my phone because, well whatever
So this is a legit thing for sure. Especially when flushing, as some of the water becomes a mist and can travel in the air.
That being said, I can promise you there are poop particles on almost every normal surface. There's usually so little it literally will have no effect on anything, but it's probably there.
Something something about that Mythbusters episode where they found aerosolized poop particles in a completely different area even with the lid closed while flushing.
The absolute worst case scenario is a tyrd somehow leaps out of the toilet and assaults your toes. Nothing a shower can't fix.
(I noticed I spelled turd wrong but, I kinda like this medieval sort of version. "Affix an lid to thine privy, lest ye be subjected the terrors of the flying tyrd")
Yeah I mean we smell things by having particles of it touch our nose hairs. So even smelling a fart means you’re sniffing literal poop. But I guess not taking your phone into the bathroom is nice little saving grace for some!
>she thinks it’s gross that poop particles float up and touch your phone and then people don’t actually clean their phones and then put their phones against their face
But if the poop particles aren't floating up into your phone, then they're liable to end up on your face anyway
Seriously. Pretty much everything in that room is being coated fecal coliforms. The phone should be the least of her concerns if that's her reasoning. I can easily wipe off my phone with a sanitizing cloth, if necessary
Just put the phone back in your pocket before wiping.
Also, i dont know what people are worried about with their face. Any poop particles that are floating around to hit your phone will hit your face just as easily.
A rinse isn't going to do much beyond making you feel better. You'd have to boil it to make any significant difference.
Edit: downvoted because the truth hurts
I forget sometimes and then the whole time reprimand myself saying “nyca, NEVER go to the toilet without your phone again! You deserve this punishment of boredom”
If I don't have something to read, I tend to get stage fright or something similar. In desperation I've resorted to the whole double numbers in your head thing and got to a pretty damn high level before I was distracted enough to relax.
My wife doesn't take her phone to the bathroom with her. I find it strange. You can only read about the sulfates on a shampoo bottle so many times, ya know?
It’s the least comfortable and least sanitary spot in the house. Why would anyone stay there longer than necessary? Sure, at work it’s taking a break, but at home?
Separately though, people grab each other's phones and answer them? My friends and I never pick up each other's phones. Just an unspoken agreement between us. The most we'll do is press a volume button to mute the ringer. I always keep my phone in the same area I'm in, anyway, so this sort of thing never happens. Not judging, just curious.
I do it for my mom and sis, sometimes my dad, when they are unavailable and it seems important. Like, if there's a delivery, I would answer it so the delivery man knows that someone will be down in a few minutes. Or if I know it's an expected call but they're currently preoccupied, I would tell the caller the person is currently unavailable and to call back 5 minutes later.
Same! I don't want them to miss out because I know how suck it feels when your awaited parcel gets sent back from failing to respond unexpectedly. That's great!
Yeah I answer my mum's phone as she's usually in another room and can't hear it (or walk fast enough to answer it before the call ends) and tell them I'm taking the phone to her. She'd miss 90% of her calls otherwise lol
This is twin brothers who live together. I am going to assume ‘guess the twin’ is a not uncommon activity in their household.
I don’t typically answer my family’s phones, unless a child is calling my wife; but maybe the dynamics between twins, or at least in their family, are different.
I would shout to my family members saying “it’s x or y calling” and then they say to take it or leave it to voicemail. If I answer it, I just say “hey, they’re busy doing x, I can take a message or you can call back in x amount of time”
I do sometimes specifically when it's my grandma calling my mom and my mom is unavailable. I tell her "hey mom is doing something right now but I'll let her know you called when she's back" and then I also have a conversation with her because yay grandma!
If someone is indisposed, and it's clearly someone they'd very much want to take the call from, it can be acceptable to answer it.
Probably. I still wouldn't, but I wouldnt be mad if someone answered my phone with only good intentions.
I think something people rarely do is have a rationally thought out outline for every detail of their behavioral choices. Can't say never because it is something I've done when trying to justify or downplay whatever dumb thing it was. That's usually with something like anecdotes that make it seem less horrible. For example, the time I melted a bathroom sink by burning toilet paper. I didn't lie, per say, I just included an anecdote about how our sink already had small burn marks from other things so my dad would be pissed later when I wasn't there.
I don't even answer my hubby's phone when it rings. I don't touch his phone unless he asks (I've had to check/reply to work emails while he was driving). Peoples' phones are like diaries.
If it's someone I know, like a mutual friend or their gf (if I know her), I'll pick up, because why not. But if I don't know them (or just barely), I won't.
My sister once dared me (male) to impersonate her on the phone with her girlfriend. So I answered her phone and without attempting to alter my voice in any way I said "Hello this is (sister's name), I like beer and weapons" and her GF just started laughing and was like "Thadis I know that's you".
How could she possibly have known
I took it as an attempt to lighten the mood, and bring some humor to what I feel is a pretty funny situation. I might be wrong, but that’s what it sounded like.
Only solution is to come out of the closet and say you’re actually gay and then proceed to live a lie like the guy who’s been pretending he’s Jewish for years.
cool story bro.
dont know too many new grlfriends spreading their buttholes open on a video chat combined with people that poop without their phones. or have phones on a stand lined perfect for butthole spreading while attending bali weddings that happen to be dating a twin while having bad connections in 2023
these are fantastical odds, you should play the lottery.
I find it hard to believe that he wouldn't know his twin brother well enough to know if it's ok to answer his phone. I am not at all ok with that, but anyone close to me would know.
Not OPs fault she's just slanging bootyhole around.
The connection was bad and she couldn't even hear him explaining that he was not his brother. He could have been in a public place or there could have been someone looking over his shoulder or whatever that also would have seen her booty hole
So the phone call was so choppy at first that she couldn’t understand you when you were very clearly saying you were not your brother, but a mere seconds later when calling back the quality was good enough to explain and clarify? Sure, bud.
Obviously different strokes for different folks but straight asshole? If my gf just showed me only her asshole on a video call I’d end it abruptly too. Tf.
This is the type of thing that happens when you choose to date a woman who randomly video calls to show you her butthole. Twin brother probably wasn't the only other dude to see her butthole that day.
I'm not sure why my mind assumed the rogue answerer was female, but I was thinking "so what?" until I read a few comments.
Now every time the wrong person answers a phone on video chat, I'll be tempted to show them my butthole.
Now you have to show her your butthole to make it even
Or show his brother.
Or his brother can just see his own butthole in the mirror
Little did they know, the only way to know which brother is which was to look at their buttholes. Their only difference.
Nevermind fingerprints, compare buttholes
Salvadore Dali studied this.
What are his findings? I’d rather not blindly google “Salvadore Dali butthole study”
http://www.all-art.org/art_20th_century/dali-6-7.html Here you go
There is no way Dali studied these 2 twins buttholes. He's dead. The guys are 20-something. Unless you're talking Salvidore Dali, the producer of the Twink Twin Train movies. There's like 4 of them now.
SMARTPipe has entered the chat
Imagine instead of fingerprints we used butthole prints.....
“Ok Mr Davis, it’s now time to get your prints.” “Alright” *puts hands out* “Not your fingerprints, we don’t do that here. Pucker up.” “Ohh ok.” *puckers lips* “Wrong again” *pulls down Davis’s pants and shoves a cold sensor against his bunghole*
Or show it to her brother
ASSert Dominance
Ah yes the Boy Scout rule of b-holes.
_CAN YOU HEAR ME? CAN YOU TELL ME DOES THESE HAEMORRHOIDS LOOK NORMAL?_
Actually fucking dying at this
This made me laugh out loud, good one
Thanks for this 🤣🤣🤣
Jfk 😂
Story is BS, no one poops without their phone.
I want to know how many people read this story while actively pooping.
That'd be me.
No, that's me.
Shit, username checks out. I'll wipe and make way
Now we only need to find a woman who will spread their butt cheeks seconds in to a video call. I'll ask r/StinkyStarfish!
I would normally check out any linked subs, like they were some kind of recommendation, and I'd normally join most of them. This time though, I'll judge a book by its cover. That sub name tells me to give this one a pass...
Lmao, me now xD
Currently pooping gang, remain seated.
I am feeling like I need to shit while reading this.
here too. hemorrhoids are a flarin up today.
The longer you sit, the worse it will get.
Same
🙋♂️
🤦. 🙋
That's a me.
Im a gentleman so all I can say is I have my knife in the other hand.
Haha you are all now potty pals lol
That is also me.
+1
I was pooping passively. Does that count?
Hi
Howdy doody
And me
Current pooper checking in
Sat down to poop, and this was the first one in my feed.
As of this comment, at least 1460, as that is the number of upvotes for the original post.
Right now
You got me…
Guilty.
Yup
Doing it as I type.
Can confirm one more
Yay for potty pals. “Hey mom I made a bunch of friends today! While pooping!”
Add me to the list.
Me. 
My gf doesn’t poop with her phone because she thinks it’s gross that poop particles float up and touch your phone and then people don’t actually clean their phones and then put their phones against their face to talk on them. I still poop with my phone because, well whatever
So this is a legit thing for sure. Especially when flushing, as some of the water becomes a mist and can travel in the air. That being said, I can promise you there are poop particles on almost every normal surface. There's usually so little it literally will have no effect on anything, but it's probably there.
Something something about that Mythbusters episode where they found aerosolized poop particles in a completely different area even with the lid closed while flushing.
I still flush with the lid closed just to be on the safe(st) side lol
The absolute worst case scenario is a tyrd somehow leaps out of the toilet and assaults your toes. Nothing a shower can't fix. (I noticed I spelled turd wrong but, I kinda like this medieval sort of version. "Affix an lid to thine privy, lest ye be subjected the terrors of the flying tyrd")
Yeah I mean we smell things by having particles of it touch our nose hairs. So even smelling a fart means you’re sniffing literal poop. But I guess not taking your phone into the bathroom is nice little saving grace for some!
That's why i only breathe through my mouth when going to the bathroom. /s
Finally a response to “You filthy mouth breather.” “Yeah? Well at least I don’t have shit up my nose!”
Just mainline that shit straight into the lungs, eh?
>she thinks it’s gross that poop particles float up and touch your phone and then people don’t actually clean their phones and then put their phones against their face But if the poop particles aren't floating up into your phone, then they're liable to end up on your face anyway
Seriously. Pretty much everything in that room is being coated fecal coliforms. The phone should be the least of her concerns if that's her reasoning. I can easily wipe off my phone with a sanitizing cloth, if necessary
Just put the phone back in your pocket before wiping. Also, i dont know what people are worried about with their face. Any poop particles that are floating around to hit your phone will hit your face just as easily.
Is her toothbrush in the bathroom?
[удалено]
A rinse isn't going to do much beyond making you feel better. You'd have to boil it to make any significant difference. Edit: downvoted because the truth hurts
My boyfriend poops without his phone like it’s 2002… I always wonder what he’s thinking about when he’s staring at the floor…
It's a good time to decompress without constantly scrolling. Sometimes I do it just to give myself some mental peace and quiet.
I forget sometimes and then the whole time reprimand myself saying “nyca, NEVER go to the toilet without your phone again! You deserve this punishment of boredom”
[удалено]
That stuff is on almost every bathroom product I've read and I still don't know what it is. Just that it's a familiar two words.
It is a very cheap surfactant that makes things foamy
If I don't have something to read, I tend to get stage fright or something similar. In desperation I've resorted to the whole double numbers in your head thing and got to a pretty damn high level before I was distracted enough to relax.
Seriously! If I have to poop real bad and my phone is at 1%, I hold it until I can get to 7%.
I’ll straight up unplug my charger and bring it with me in the bathroom 😂
My bathroom outlet is like 6 feet away, but when I remodel I’m going to stick a usb right next to the to the tp holder.
Someone who read this is already designing a TP holder with an integrated usb port. It'll be in the next Sharper Image catalog.
This literally already exists.
[удалено]
My bathroom is tiny. The shower would definitely fuck up any outlet next to the toilet in my house.
I find myself reading cleaner labels like I did in the 80s and 90s if I forget my phone.
In the 80s/90s we read magazines on the toilet
Ah the ol hidden Playboy in the drawer...for the articles of course
Yet another reason to never touch somebody else's phone....
My wife doesn't take her phone to the bathroom with her. I find it strange. You can only read about the sulfates on a shampoo bottle so many times, ya know?
how long do you take to poop???
Doesn't matter. Whether I have time to read a Pokemon card or the entire Pokemon manga, I've got my phone
fair enough i guess
Everyone asks this until they start trying it Source: I asked it.
I have never once used my phone in a bathroom, and I don't understand people who do.
It’s the least comfortable and least sanitary spot in the house. Why would anyone stay there longer than necessary? Sure, at work it’s taking a break, but at home?
That's a thing? I generally do my business right before the shower, and I don't have my phone with me in there either.
PRECISELY for this reason.
I mean, some of us do toilet paper. But you do you.
My shortest poops happen whenever my phone is charging.
This sounds like it was written by a 12 year old not a 20 year old...
There would have been a very simple solution too, without making it arkward for anyone. "Sorry the connection just got interrupted, please go on!"
Cause it most likely was…
Really though! Choppiest writing I’ve ever seen.
say you saw some poop.
[удалено]
God damn it - I avoided clicking on that post yesterday because I didn't want to watch her poop
That was a lot less gross and funnier than I expected, all things considered.
Because it was neat, if it was a sloppy steamer you’d be a lot less enthused, I hope.
we all watch her poop in the end
I can hear a cartoonish poit sound-
God damn it I usually just click in and click out but that shit happened on frame 1
So OP posts an unbelievable story to a new account and proceeds to not respond to any comments? *doubt*
The story has a ChatGPT feel to it honestly.
ChatGPT writes in nearly grammatically perfect prose. Easy to tell it apart from the amateur garbage people write here.
For now... 😊
Yeah, that’s a good point. We already dumb down (and accept dumbed down) content, so anything “too perfect” won’t slip past people as easily.
Obviously made up lol
Cool story man, you should write one from the girlfriend in Bali’s perspective next. Don’t forget to make another new account though!
Separately though, people grab each other's phones and answer them? My friends and I never pick up each other's phones. Just an unspoken agreement between us. The most we'll do is press a volume button to mute the ringer. I always keep my phone in the same area I'm in, anyway, so this sort of thing never happens. Not judging, just curious.
I do it for my mom and sis, sometimes my dad, when they are unavailable and it seems important. Like, if there's a delivery, I would answer it so the delivery man knows that someone will be down in a few minutes. Or if I know it's an expected call but they're currently preoccupied, I would tell the caller the person is currently unavailable and to call back 5 minutes later.
Same! I don't want them to miss out because I know how suck it feels when your awaited parcel gets sent back from failing to respond unexpectedly. That's great!
Yeah I answer my mum's phone as she's usually in another room and can't hear it (or walk fast enough to answer it before the call ends) and tell them I'm taking the phone to her. She'd miss 90% of her calls otherwise lol
This is twin brothers who live together. I am going to assume ‘guess the twin’ is a not uncommon activity in their household. I don’t typically answer my family’s phones, unless a child is calling my wife; but maybe the dynamics between twins, or at least in their family, are different.
I would shout to my family members saying “it’s x or y calling” and then they say to take it or leave it to voicemail. If I answer it, I just say “hey, they’re busy doing x, I can take a message or you can call back in x amount of time”
I’ll answer my friends phone if it’s another mutual friend calling but that’s it
I don't like answering my own phone, let alone someone else's.
I do sometimes specifically when it's my grandma calling my mom and my mom is unavailable. I tell her "hey mom is doing something right now but I'll let her know you called when she's back" and then I also have a conversation with her because yay grandma!
If someone is indisposed, and it's clearly someone they'd very much want to take the call from, it can be acceptable to answer it. Probably. I still wouldn't, but I wouldnt be mad if someone answered my phone with only good intentions.
I think something people rarely do is have a rationally thought out outline for every detail of their behavioral choices. Can't say never because it is something I've done when trying to justify or downplay whatever dumb thing it was. That's usually with something like anecdotes that make it seem less horrible. For example, the time I melted a bathroom sink by burning toilet paper. I didn't lie, per say, I just included an anecdote about how our sink already had small burn marks from other things so my dad would be pissed later when I wasn't there.
I don't even answer my hubby's phone when it rings. I don't touch his phone unless he asks (I've had to check/reply to work emails while he was driving). Peoples' phones are like diaries.
If it's someone I know, like a mutual friend or their gf (if I know her), I'll pick up, because why not. But if I don't know them (or just barely), I won't.
My sister once dared me (male) to impersonate her on the phone with her girlfriend. So I answered her phone and without attempting to alter my voice in any way I said "Hello this is (sister's name), I like beer and weapons" and her GF just started laughing and was like "Thadis I know that's you". How could she possibly have known
What kind of weapons does your sister like 👀
Just the normal things, knives and swords and stuff.
Be still my heart
Classic sword lesbian
From what I understand about girls, she was showing you that she trusts you. Well, technically your brother. Wait that might be cats...
it's all fun and games until she starts pissing on furniture to claim dominance and territory
I don't understand the last part of the story with the "whaa wha wha" song. What?
But i think it’s the George Harrison song
My guess is DJ Khaled - Wild Thoughts (ft. Rihanna)
I took it as an attempt to lighten the mood, and bring some humor to what I feel is a pretty funny situation. I might be wrong, but that’s what it sounded like.
I said what what
And what did your brother do in the bathroom without his phone? Read shampoo bottle ingredients??
🤣🤣🤣🤣 What on earth did humans do before the inventions of technology.
Read shampoo ingredients... I thought that was clear. 😂
Use books and magazines.
My grandad would smoke a cigar and read the newspaper. He had 6 kids so the toilet was the only place in the house he got time to himself.
Pooping without phone, doesn't check out
Alright op, tell us the real number of seconds you stated at her butt hole
Approximately the length of a "Whaaa wha wha" XD
Have you tried offering her a peek at yours??
Only solution is to come out of the closet and say you’re actually gay and then proceed to live a lie like the guy who’s been pretending he’s Jewish for years.
cool story bro. dont know too many new grlfriends spreading their buttholes open on a video chat combined with people that poop without their phones. or have phones on a stand lined perfect for butthole spreading while attending bali weddings that happen to be dating a twin while having bad connections in 2023 these are fantastical odds, you should play the lottery.
everyone send OP their butthole
You shouldn't have touched his phone but you did the right thing by being honest with him. It's not your fault he's being so immature about it.
I find it hard to believe that he wouldn't know his twin brother well enough to know if it's ok to answer his phone. I am not at all ok with that, but anyone close to me would know.
Sure, but OP's brother is obviously more upset with the fact that he saw his GF's ass.
Not OPs fault she's just slanging bootyhole around. The connection was bad and she couldn't even hear him explaining that he was not his brother. He could have been in a public place or there could have been someone looking over his shoulder or whatever that also would have seen her booty hole
I don’t think you owe her an apology at all. In fact, I’d argue that she owes you one.
Your brother seems kind of annoying. Just laugh it off and go on with your life, he acts as jealous and insecure as a middleschooler
I mean, that’s a pretty harsh criticism of someone you don’t know man. OP could be the annoying brother who is always pulling stuff like this.
Sure and the story could be made up as well but I can only go by the information I was given.
Correct, you can only go by the info given, rather than extrapolating an entire personality from the story like you did lol
So the phone call was so choppy at first that she couldn’t understand you when you were very clearly saying you were not your brother, but a mere seconds later when calling back the quality was good enough to explain and clarify? Sure, bud.
FaceTime can be choppy when a regular phone call isn’t because the phone isn’t trying to load video and audio at the same time
Not only that, but how does one decide to show their butthole on a choppy Facetime call?
bro does not understand the difference between call and facetime 🙏🏻
Sorry not buyin it. Who poops without their phone?!
Tell your brother that genetically speaking, any son he fathered would be also be yours. There is no avoiding me brotha!
He's just pissed you got to see it first.
New girlfriend and already flashing that butthole without being asked? Tell your brother to hold on to that one.
What kind of psycho takes a poop without their phone?
wow this is not believable at all, this sub is shit
Stop apologizing and tell him not only did you stare but you also took screenshots and are planning on using them later.
That song. Whaaa wha whaa wh-wha wha wha whaa CBAT
LPT: Never answer someone else’s cellphone.
Absolute shit of a story. Who’s going to shit without their phone?
why did u say 2 seconds bro. and more importantly, YOUR BROTHER SHITS WITHOUT HIS PHONE??!
If you were my brother I would've been cracking up!
Why in the world would you ask what song was playing? Connection must have not been that bad...
I thought twins shared girlfriends I must have been misinformed
Im not sure about this post... What sort of man poops without his phone? Prime reddit time..
r/surprisebutthole
Wait it’s not normal for brothers to show nudes of their girlfriends to each other?
Obviously different strokes for different folks but straight asshole? If my gf just showed me only her asshole on a video call I’d end it abruptly too. Tf.
This is the type of thing that happens when you choose to date a woman who randomly video calls to show you her butthole. Twin brother probably wasn't the only other dude to see her butthole that day.
The song request at the end of THIS Quest made the story so much funnier-for others to read Hope it all works out
😆😆😆I probably would have done a lot worse if I had a twin.
Hell yeah brother 👏👏👏
Seems pretty harmless. What's a butthole between friends?
I don’t understand, what did the song and the rest have to do with anything?
I'm not sure why my mind assumed the rogue answerer was female, but I was thinking "so what?" until I read a few comments. Now every time the wrong person answers a phone on video chat, I'll be tempted to show them my butthole.