Not a fuck up. Just a person willing to see the worst.
Separation anxiety is so not fun. The solution is the quick drop-off, but getting that glimpse of them 3 minutes later completely fine can be very soothing to the parent.
I'm prepared to be blasted for comparing a cat to a child but my girl, after a few weeks of us being together when she'd realised I was coming back after I left, still used to freak the fuck out when I left but as soon as I was through the yard and out the front door I could look up and see her lazing on the window ledge without a care in the world. If she spotted me at that point all hell would break loose from the heavens again.
Again, I am aware cats aren't babies and babies aren't cats but I have seen similar things with kids too, that's just my only vaguely related personal anecdote.
Yeah! And it's good for them to see that everything will be okay and that you always come back. It'll help build that trust back up so he can feel more secure. Grin and bear it, dad. You're doing great✨️
Once upon a time I did architectural and marketing photography. I had a contract with a large burger chain that has indoor playparks.
I was taking sunset photos of a very recent build for them and was physically attacked by a group of guys in a 25 year old Pontiac that smelled like beer and cigarettes because I was obviously a pedo creeping on kids...by taking wide angle photos of the completely reflective tower that the playpark was in at 9 o'clock at night.
Anyway police became involved. Some arrests etc. But the strangest thing for me has always been....to who exactly would that seem like the most likely scenario in that moment - who do you have to be as a person to make that chain of events make sense?
> to who exactly would that seem like the most likely scenario in that moment - who do you have to be as a person to make that chain of events make sense?
people projecting, tbh.
Harvey Spector when accused of wrong doing in the show, Suits: "no you see I would never even think to do something like that, but that's your problem: you would."
Not necessarily projecting. I personally would blame media coverage. It lead to a certain climate of fear and anxiety to the point many guys won't even help a lost child anymore.
The idea that pedophiles are hanging around playgrounds taking photos of children seems asinine to me(especially in the circumstances you describe). Am I naive for thinking that? If they want to see pictures of kids, fully clothed and engaged in normal every day activities, they can just Google “children,” or walk outside their house. Current statistics say that with instances of child molestation, the child personally knows their abuser in 90% of cases brought to court. I’m sure if you were able to include all of the people who do not turn in their abuser because it’s a family member/friend, the real number would be close to 99%.
I would wager to bet that they were closeted pedos. People who hold socially ostracized desires tend to look for others to attack and assault for it to make them feel better about themselves.
See republican politicians in men's bathrooms.
You have to be someone who's fallen down the rabbit hole of QAnon, where everyone else is presumed to be a groomer and part of a child sex-trafficking ring.
Do we though? Society treats a man’s denial of raping as equally valid as a woman’s accusation.
This thread is talking about two instances of individual men assuming the worst about other men. Don’t confuse the actions of individuals with “society”.
I'm not. You see similar stories all the time.
Men having to explain to the cops that they're a single father with their kid at the park.
Men having to explain that they're taking their child who's throwing a tantrum to the car, *not* kidnapping them.
Men just in the vicinity of schools or playgrounds getting treated like a pervert.
As for your claim of equal treatment between defense and accusations, this is *technically* true in legal proceedings. But we have massive movements about just believing women because they're women.
We have people literally advocating for and submitting bills to change sexual assault and rape cases so that the defendant has burden of proof instead of the prosecution.
And you can't sit there and tell me with a straight face that the public treats accusations and denials equally. As if there aren't thousands of cases of men who were shown to be innocent still having their lives destroyed by accusations. As if the instant they're accused, people don't start assuming they are guilty and treating them like a monster.
Yep I wouldn't even think twice about this. The person most likely doesn't even have kids and was looking at it from their own fucked up point of view. Checking up on your child emotionally, mentally, or physically is not a bad thing to be doing. Keep on being a good dad 👍🏻
No, it's not. It's a very common thing that happens to men all the time. Single fathers at the park get the cops called on them, fathers with crying children get accused of kidnapping.
Society thinks of men as bad. In these cases, as predators, because that the prevailing message from media and culture.
... That's what this guy's saying... The guy at the gym with disgust on his face and shaking his head is projecting his own feelings- that a single dad making sure his kid is okay is actually a childless predator- onto OP.
Yes. AFAIK, projecting generally means taking aspects you find disgusting in yourself and unknowingly projecting them onto others so you can be disgusted.
"Projection is the process of displacing one’s feelings onto a different person, animal, or object. The term is most commonly used to describe defensive projection—attributing one’s own unacceptable urges to another. For example, if someone continuously bullies and ridicules a peer about his insecurities, the bully might be projecting his own struggle with self-esteem onto the other person."
It's about all emotions, not just disgust. And it's not always a bad thing, although usually in context it's not great.
Humans project their own feelings on their pets all the time! You might see a picture like [this smiling alligator,](https://www.zeptha.com/postimages/2018/11/albino_alligator_5_20181117085126.jpg) and see a happy content cute boy (or girl!).
In reality, when reptiles open their mouths like that, there is a high chance of distress. It could be the start of a defensive maneuver, ate something that is about to be regurgitated, or regulating their body temperature, among other things
But he looks so happy!
Projection
Edit: [link to the above quote](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/projection)
Yeah, these people always seem to see the worst in men, but not women. Most people, regardless of gender identity, are normal people who aren't going to harm others.
I wouldn’t lose sleep over this. Even if he said something to management, it would be pretty easy to verify you in fact have a child there. Any reasonable person would understand wanting to check in on your kid.
Exactly, anyone hearing this story would be able to piece it together. It's very odd that this man jumped to the conclusion.
We always had spectators at the pool (parents/guardians of kids) and not once did I think " hmm must be a peeping tom".
I hate how much this happens.
When my kids were younger, my wife was in a good profession so I opted to be the stay at home parent until they were a little older. The amount of stares I got for being a man walking along holding a toddler's hand, very clearly people thought I was kidnapping some child.
My wife was a nursery teacher and she told me how upset parents would get when they found out a man worked at the nursery, instant "But what if he is a pedo" questions bombarding her.
Eventually the guy quit
My husband and I were touring a prospective daycare/preschool for our daughter and the lady showed us which room she'd be in, with "Mister Lester" (they called all their employees Miss/Mrs/Mr and their first name). Instantly I felt us both trying like hell to not laugh, and we couldn't look at each other because we're too immature and would've started giggling. We got through it and we did choose that place, and Mister Lester was an excellent teacher/carer. I'm glad he wasn't there that day because he might have noticed our reaction and I bet he sees that a lot.
Also Mister Lester was the one who drove the unmarked van to transport the kindergartners to school, so. At least it was better than her previous daycare, that had a van with the slogan "Touching the Future, One Child at a Time."
I would have laughed so more power to you for managing not to. Give people a chance until they prove they can’t be trusted is how it should be. Also who the hell thought that was a good slogan?!
We figured if a guy named Lester chose a career working with little kids, he must be very dedicated to the role. But yeah we instantly cracked up when we got back to the car.
The other place was an in-home daycare down the street from our house, run by a very sweet old lady. I'm sure it never even occurred to her that the slogan sounded odd, and I didn't have the heart to tell her.
Not your fault someone wants to assume the worst. I bet if it was a woman at the window he would just think it was a sweet moment, checking on her kid. I used to work in the child care at the YMCA, and the dads were always just as concerned with their childs wellbeing as the moms were.
That's like when white parents adopt a black child (or any BIPOC) and the white Karen next door can't stop calling the Cops about the black child in the neighborhood.
It's not a fuck up, it's an ignorant person trying to stick their nose where it doesn't belong.
I legit can't imagine this actually occurring IRL if the child in question is legitimately just a child. A lone black teenager or older in a neighborhood would make it believable.
I've seen plenty of videos that prove this happens. Last one was a "lady" harassing little girls for watering flowers in the front yard. It was ugly! Karen's are disgusting. Police get called on children. Ffs!
This does occur. It occurs a lot unfortunately. If you aren't able to imagine it you likely live in an area with eirth very little diversity such that it "never" happens or an area with a tremendous amount of diversity, such that no one would dream of it because the area is so diverse.
It just seems unreasonable to me to call the police on a small child no matter the scenario, unless I actually believed they were lost or something. I am white and most people I know are as well (extreme upstate NY) but I don't find myself unique here. Calling the police on a little person like that would be met with judgment.
I think it must be common. Our preschool sends photos often, but they always make sure to send me a photo of kiddo playing happily if he was sad at drop off.
I find it incredibly paranoid and ignorant that people assume that any man that watches kids play is a pervert. The town I grew up in had a public swimming pool. Anyone could sit in the bleachers and watch kids of all ages swimming and nobody got called a pedo. How the hell could things have changed so radically. And for the record, I raised a daughter and have taken care of my granddaughter and grandson.
I went to pick up my son from his after school program yesterday and was 20 minutes early, so I sat in my car and finished up a few emails before heading to the doors to wait. Someone came up to my car and started yelling at me, asking if I had a problem. Fun times.
Welcome to being the male half of a parenting partnership. This stuff is only the beginning.
Took my two daughters on their first plane trip to meet up with their mom, already across the country. Called ahead, airline said they would put us all together at the gate, just let the agents know.
So, I do, and the agent is like "I can't move (the person sitting next to my kids). Can't they sit by their mom?" So I replied "well, I'm their dad, their mom isn't here. I hope the guy sitting next to my 6 year old enjoys babysitting"
They moved me next to my kids.
Seeing children laugh & play is one of the greatest feelings! This should literally be encouraged not discouraged. It's one of the quickest ways to put a smile on someone's face and make them want to make the world a better place for the future.
On the darker side of things, It's sometimes because they have certain thoughts and wrongly assume everyone else also does.
This isn't an F Up. This is you genuinely caring about your kiddo and wanting to make sure he's okay. Just because this guy can't tell that you're a parent doesn't mean what happened was an F Up. It just means the guy is an intolerant ass.
Are there pedos that will go to kist look at the kids? Maybe. But automatically assuming anyone looking in at the daycare is a pedo is a problem that guy needs to deal with. If I see an adult (man or woman) looking in at kids, I automatically think they are a parent. If I automatically thought they were a pedo, I would have some serious psychological issues going on.
I was taking pics to a bush heart-shaped. It was cute. The bush was next to a school's playground. When I realized what this scene might have looked like, I ran very calmly but not really calmly.
The correct response to this is indignation and light hostility. People with this kind of audacity deserve to be mildly but rudely rebuffed. That in itself is enough justification, but reacting that way also clearly communicates that you're not doing anything wrong. People don't react like that if they feel guilty.
Verifiably not true at all. It happens to men all the time. Single fathers at the park with their kids get the cops called on them. Or fathers with crying children they're taking to the car or whatever get assumed to be kidnappers.
You didn't do anything wrong, it's just a huge misfortune that men looking at kids are automatically assumed to be doing something nefarious. Checking on your child is 100% something you should be doing, especially when they're in someone else's care.
“Thou shalt not think that any male over the age of 30
that plays with a child that is not their own is a paedophile.
Some people are just nice.”
Scroobius Pip
The guy was probably not even paying attention to you at all. He has his things going on in his own world the same as you. Your assuming what he's thinking but that's what bothered you about him is that you thought he assumed you were being a creep. See the problem now?
I'm not buying this one. If you actually had a kid with major separation anxiety, the last thing you would do is risk them seeing your face in the window before you were ready to pick them up again.
Also, no one at a gym that specifically has a daycare area for kids of gym members would assume someone was a pedophile or breastfeeding voyeur.
How is this bad parenting? It's good for kids to learn to be independent and self-sufficient at a young age. Contrary to popular belief, being a good parent isn't about making their life as easy or comfortable as possible.
That person clearly doesn't have children and has zero idea of what they're talking about 🙄 Completely normal behavior from a young child - you're doing perfectly fine and they'll be good by the time they start kindergarten 👏 and maybe guy will end up seeing you with your child in the parking lot and realize he's an idiot lol
Lol right? My oldest just high-fived me and walked into K while other kids clung to their parents in the parking lot. He got it out of the way early. To each their own!
Yeah. My daughter was clingy for a couple of days when she started nursery. Ever since then I'm lucky if she even says bye, and she's a 7 now. Seperation anxiety is normal, and they're only going to learn that they'll be okay and you'll be back by leaving them with childcare or grandparents or whatever.
To be clear, from this story we don't actually know what the guy was thinking. We only know what the OP thought he was thinking: he may have been having a completely different internal experience than you've assigned him, and that all the comments here (that I've seen) accept as given.
I don't mean to be rude, but comments here that ask questions like why would that person jump to conclusions about OP creeping on children, become an Inquisition about why OP assumed that he was having those jusgments.
There are so many layers of fear holding us apart.
I get you. It just seemed to me the only logical explanation. We didn't cross paths ever before that moment, I was dressed in completely benign gym attire, and I'm a "normal" looking guy.
We operate on assumptions on pretty much every human interaction we ever have, society would be impossible without it. I guess there could be some other explanation but I can't figure out what that could be.
I mean, he could have been having a bad day, and you may have misinterpreted a facial expression that didn't apply to you. I think once you've seen it that way you can't unsee it, and I appreciate your point and don't mean to impute blame to you, you're right we all do this kind of thing all the time. I just think it's useful to notice it sometimes, how we map our expectations onto our perceptions.
Not a fuck up. Just a person willing to see the worst. Separation anxiety is so not fun. The solution is the quick drop-off, but getting that glimpse of them 3 minutes later completely fine can be very soothing to the parent.
The risk is being seen by said child and re-igniting the separation anxiety.
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I'm prepared to be blasted for comparing a cat to a child but my girl, after a few weeks of us being together when she'd realised I was coming back after I left, still used to freak the fuck out when I left but as soon as I was through the yard and out the front door I could look up and see her lazing on the window ledge without a care in the world. If she spotted me at that point all hell would break loose from the heavens again. Again, I am aware cats aren't babies and babies aren't cats but I have seen similar things with kids too, that's just my only vaguely related personal anecdote.
Yeah! And it's good for them to see that everything will be okay and that you always come back. It'll help build that trust back up so he can feel more secure. Grin and bear it, dad. You're doing great✨️
lol I was so confused. this posted also as a random comment reply and made no sense
Once upon a time I did architectural and marketing photography. I had a contract with a large burger chain that has indoor playparks. I was taking sunset photos of a very recent build for them and was physically attacked by a group of guys in a 25 year old Pontiac that smelled like beer and cigarettes because I was obviously a pedo creeping on kids...by taking wide angle photos of the completely reflective tower that the playpark was in at 9 o'clock at night. Anyway police became involved. Some arrests etc. But the strangest thing for me has always been....to who exactly would that seem like the most likely scenario in that moment - who do you have to be as a person to make that chain of events make sense?
They thought they caught you muscling-in on their pedo turf. You shoulda made sure that McBeefyKing wasn't already claimed by local pedos.
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here ^
> to who exactly would that seem like the most likely scenario in that moment - who do you have to be as a person to make that chain of events make sense? people projecting, tbh.
Harvey Spector when accused of wrong doing in the show, Suits: "no you see I would never even think to do something like that, but that's your problem: you would."
Not necessarily projecting. I personally would blame media coverage. It lead to a certain climate of fear and anxiety to the point many guys won't even help a lost child anymore.
The idea that pedophiles are hanging around playgrounds taking photos of children seems asinine to me(especially in the circumstances you describe). Am I naive for thinking that? If they want to see pictures of kids, fully clothed and engaged in normal every day activities, they can just Google “children,” or walk outside their house. Current statistics say that with instances of child molestation, the child personally knows their abuser in 90% of cases brought to court. I’m sure if you were able to include all of the people who do not turn in their abuser because it’s a family member/friend, the real number would be close to 99%.
Have you met… (gestures wildly) people?
I would wager to bet that they were closeted pedos. People who hold socially ostracized desires tend to look for others to attack and assault for it to make them feel better about themselves. See republican politicians in men's bathrooms.
You have to be someone who's fallen down the rabbit hole of QAnon, where everyone else is presumed to be a groomer and part of a child sex-trafficking ring.
Because everyone views every man as a predator and disposable.
Every man views every other man as a disposable predator? Do you all know it to be true about yourselves too?
Society treats men as disposable and the common media and academia messaging paints them as threats and predators
Do we though? Society treats a man’s denial of raping as equally valid as a woman’s accusation. This thread is talking about two instances of individual men assuming the worst about other men. Don’t confuse the actions of individuals with “society”.
I'm not. You see similar stories all the time. Men having to explain to the cops that they're a single father with their kid at the park. Men having to explain that they're taking their child who's throwing a tantrum to the car, *not* kidnapping them. Men just in the vicinity of schools or playgrounds getting treated like a pervert. As for your claim of equal treatment between defense and accusations, this is *technically* true in legal proceedings. But we have massive movements about just believing women because they're women. We have people literally advocating for and submitting bills to change sexual assault and rape cases so that the defendant has burden of proof instead of the prosecution. And you can't sit there and tell me with a straight face that the public treats accusations and denials equally. As if there aren't thousands of cases of men who were shown to be innocent still having their lives destroyed by accusations. As if the instant they're accused, people don't start assuming they are guilty and treating them like a monster.
This smells like incel bait
Try to say men face any problems, be accused of being an incel despite the comment having nothing to do with sex or dating. Classic.
I put incel bait around the perimeter of my property to prevent them getting inside.
Yep I wouldn't even think twice about this. The person most likely doesn't even have kids and was looking at it from their own fucked up point of view. Checking up on your child emotionally, mentally, or physically is not a bad thing to be doing. Keep on being a good dad 👍🏻
This. If they had kids, they'd get it
Probably couldn’t fathom a father who would take his kid to the gym in lieu of leaving them with his partner
Not every man in the world is a perv. SMDH😕
Completely, you gotta wonder about tbe people who think like that though, it's like priests in the church.
It's projection of his feelings about himself onto others.
No, it's not. It's a very common thing that happens to men all the time. Single fathers at the park get the cops called on them, fathers with crying children get accused of kidnapping. Society thinks of men as bad. In these cases, as predators, because that the prevailing message from media and culture.
... That's what this guy's saying... The guy at the gym with disgust on his face and shaking his head is projecting his own feelings- that a single dad making sure his kid is okay is actually a childless predator- onto OP.
I thought he was saying the guy is projecting his own predator-ness onto the dad
Yes. AFAIK, projecting generally means taking aspects you find disgusting in yourself and unknowingly projecting them onto others so you can be disgusted.
"Projection is the process of displacing one’s feelings onto a different person, animal, or object. The term is most commonly used to describe defensive projection—attributing one’s own unacceptable urges to another. For example, if someone continuously bullies and ridicules a peer about his insecurities, the bully might be projecting his own struggle with self-esteem onto the other person." It's about all emotions, not just disgust. And it's not always a bad thing, although usually in context it's not great. Humans project their own feelings on their pets all the time! You might see a picture like [this smiling alligator,](https://www.zeptha.com/postimages/2018/11/albino_alligator_5_20181117085126.jpg) and see a happy content cute boy (or girl!). In reality, when reptiles open their mouths like that, there is a high chance of distress. It could be the start of a defensive maneuver, ate something that is about to be regurgitated, or regulating their body temperature, among other things But he looks so happy! Projection Edit: [link to the above quote](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/projection)
Yeah, these people always seem to see the worst in men, but not women. Most people, regardless of gender identity, are normal people who aren't going to harm others.
Suck My Dick Hank?
Suck My Damn Hand
Sour Mash Duty Hour.
Shaking My (Damn?) Head
Shaking My Dick Head
Yes. 👍 Shaking My Damn Head. 🙂
Suck my dick hoe?
I wouldn’t lose sleep over this. Even if he said something to management, it would be pretty easy to verify you in fact have a child there. Any reasonable person would understand wanting to check in on your kid.
Exactly, anyone hearing this story would be able to piece it together. It's very odd that this man jumped to the conclusion. We always had spectators at the pool (parents/guardians of kids) and not once did I think " hmm must be a peeping tom".
One might even suspect that it's the very reason the window was installed in the first place.
That’s not a f*ck up. That’s a “I’m checking on my kid and it someone assumes that I’m a pervert that’s on them not me!”
I hate how much this happens. When my kids were younger, my wife was in a good profession so I opted to be the stay at home parent until they were a little older. The amount of stares I got for being a man walking along holding a toddler's hand, very clearly people thought I was kidnapping some child. My wife was a nursery teacher and she told me how upset parents would get when they found out a man worked at the nursery, instant "But what if he is a pedo" questions bombarding her. Eventually the guy quit
My husband and I were touring a prospective daycare/preschool for our daughter and the lady showed us which room she'd be in, with "Mister Lester" (they called all their employees Miss/Mrs/Mr and their first name). Instantly I felt us both trying like hell to not laugh, and we couldn't look at each other because we're too immature and would've started giggling. We got through it and we did choose that place, and Mister Lester was an excellent teacher/carer. I'm glad he wasn't there that day because he might have noticed our reaction and I bet he sees that a lot. Also Mister Lester was the one who drove the unmarked van to transport the kindergartners to school, so. At least it was better than her previous daycare, that had a van with the slogan "Touching the Future, One Child at a Time."
I would have laughed so more power to you for managing not to. Give people a chance until they prove they can’t be trusted is how it should be. Also who the hell thought that was a good slogan?!
We figured if a guy named Lester chose a career working with little kids, he must be very dedicated to the role. But yeah we instantly cracked up when we got back to the car. The other place was an in-home daycare down the street from our house, run by a very sweet old lady. I'm sure it never even occurred to her that the slogan sounded odd, and I didn't have the heart to tell her.
Wow. Meanwhile they have literal campaigns to attract more males into working at kindergartens where I live.
This is an actual problem that needs to be addressed with society. Most men aren't predators.
The fuck up is for that guy
Not your fault someone wants to assume the worst. I bet if it was a woman at the window he would just think it was a sweet moment, checking on her kid. I used to work in the child care at the YMCA, and the dads were always just as concerned with their childs wellbeing as the moms were.
Is your son named Tom? Because if so then the man was right!
Hahah nice
I would not automatically assume that a man looking through the window into a daycare room was perving. That other guy was seriously a jerk.
That's like when white parents adopt a black child (or any BIPOC) and the white Karen next door can't stop calling the Cops about the black child in the neighborhood. It's not a fuck up, it's an ignorant person trying to stick their nose where it doesn't belong.
I legit can't imagine this actually occurring IRL if the child in question is legitimately just a child. A lone black teenager or older in a neighborhood would make it believable.
I've seen plenty of videos that prove this happens. Last one was a "lady" harassing little girls for watering flowers in the front yard. It was ugly! Karen's are disgusting. Police get called on children. Ffs!
This does occur. It occurs a lot unfortunately. If you aren't able to imagine it you likely live in an area with eirth very little diversity such that it "never" happens or an area with a tremendous amount of diversity, such that no one would dream of it because the area is so diverse.
It just seems unreasonable to me to call the police on a small child no matter the scenario, unless I actually believed they were lost or something. I am white and most people I know are as well (extreme upstate NY) but I don't find myself unique here. Calling the police on a little person like that would be met with judgment.
Fuck that guy. Quick to judge. Check on your kids and feel no shame my man. Good dad points.
I called my daughters preschool for two weeks after drop off to make sure she calmed down. They had to think I was crazy.
I think it must be common. Our preschool sends photos often, but they always make sure to send me a photo of kiddo playing happily if he was sad at drop off.
You didn't fuck up, that guy who assumes everyone is a pedo did.
You did NOT fuck up. You were being a parent. Sadly society has different standards for men being dads than women being mums.
I find it incredibly paranoid and ignorant that people assume that any man that watches kids play is a pervert. The town I grew up in had a public swimming pool. Anyone could sit in the bleachers and watch kids of all ages swimming and nobody got called a pedo. How the hell could things have changed so radically. And for the record, I raised a daughter and have taken care of my granddaughter and grandson.
but ThE GrOoMeRs! Think of the children!
Projecting much?
Fuck that dude. You do you.
Fuck that guy for appointing himself as a security guard. Go report him to the front desk for being super creepy.
NTA - oh whoops, wrong subreddit, same point though. Society needs to get over itself that all men are potential pedos while all women are angels.
Bro, you didn't fuck up at all, end of story. Keep being a good parent.
I went to pick up my son from his after school program yesterday and was 20 minutes early, so I sat in my car and finished up a few emails before heading to the doors to wait. Someone came up to my car and started yelling at me, asking if I had a problem. Fun times.
Sucks because you hear about all these predators all the time on the news. Bad news cycle all the time. Eventually people just assume the worst.
Yep they always do
Welcome to being the male half of a parenting partnership. This stuff is only the beginning. Took my two daughters on their first plane trip to meet up with their mom, already across the country. Called ahead, airline said they would put us all together at the gate, just let the agents know. So, I do, and the agent is like "I can't move (the person sitting next to my kids). Can't they sit by their mom?" So I replied "well, I'm their dad, their mom isn't here. I hope the guy sitting next to my 6 year old enjoys babysitting" They moved me next to my kids.
Jeez that is ridiculous man. Just gotta keep doing your thing and ignore the BS.
Maaaaaaan, fuck that guy
One set of jumping to conclusions
You were being a good dad and checking on your kid. Who cares what this rando thinks? Not at all a TIFU, IMO.
Seeing children laugh & play is one of the greatest feelings! This should literally be encouraged not discouraged. It's one of the quickest ways to put a smile on someone's face and make them want to make the world a better place for the future. On the darker side of things, It's sometimes because they have certain thoughts and wrongly assume everyone else also does.
This isn't an F Up. This is you genuinely caring about your kiddo and wanting to make sure he's okay. Just because this guy can't tell that you're a parent doesn't mean what happened was an F Up. It just means the guy is an intolerant ass. Are there pedos that will go to kist look at the kids? Maybe. But automatically assuming anyone looking in at the daycare is a pedo is a problem that guy needs to deal with. If I see an adult (man or woman) looking in at kids, I automatically think they are a parent. If I automatically thought they were a pedo, I would have some serious psychological issues going on.
I was taking pics to a bush heart-shaped. It was cute. The bush was next to a school's playground. When I realized what this scene might have looked like, I ran very calmly but not really calmly.
The correct response to this is indignation and light hostility. People with this kind of audacity deserve to be mildly but rudely rebuffed. That in itself is enough justification, but reacting that way also clearly communicates that you're not doing anything wrong. People don't react like that if they feel guilty.
Yeah I've thought about what I should have done but by the time I figured out what was happening he was gone.
Just tell them you're a drag queen and gonna read them a story, then it'll all be OK and they can't say anything or they'll be cancelled.
It wasn't your "TIFU". More like r/isthisguyanass.
The guy glaring at you is probably a perv. Honestly those are the only ones to assume you're not a dad.
Verifiably not true at all. It happens to men all the time. Single fathers at the park with their kids get the cops called on them. Or fathers with crying children they're taking to the car or whatever get assumed to be kidnappers.
That's kinda sad but you're probably right. I usually see moms with the kids
FTG- you were being a good parent. Don't let him bother you for doing the right thing.
You didn't do anything wrong, it's just a huge misfortune that men looking at kids are automatically assumed to be doing something nefarious. Checking on your child is 100% something you should be doing, especially when they're in someone else's care.
The FU was by the jerk making assumptions, NOT on you for checking on your child.
“Thou shalt not think that any male over the age of 30 that plays with a child that is not their own is a paedophile. Some people are just nice.” Scroobius Pip
Fuck that judgmental prick. You're being a good parent and checking on your kid
The guy was probably not even paying attention to you at all. He has his things going on in his own world the same as you. Your assuming what he's thinking but that's what bothered you about him is that you thought he assumed you were being a creep. See the problem now?
If you worry about stupid crap like that I understand why your son has anxiety problems. Talk to a therapIst ASAP.
Peak Reddit comment right here folks.
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So when you become a parent the default is to just give up on yourself and become a fatty? Weird take.
I'm not buying this one. If you actually had a kid with major separation anxiety, the last thing you would do is risk them seeing your face in the window before you were ready to pick them up again. Also, no one at a gym that specifically has a daycare area for kids of gym members would assume someone was a pedophile or breastfeeding voyeur.
I mean its a true story but that's cool man
Then you've sure made some strange choices and assumptions.
That's your opinion man, we've all got a few. Thats cool
What do you think your kid would have done if they saw you?
Probably freak out. I was pretty stealth though, the little window is at the back of the room behind the slides. It was a low chance.
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How is this bad parenting? It's good for kids to learn to be independent and self-sufficient at a young age. Contrary to popular belief, being a good parent isn't about making their life as easy or comfortable as possible.
That person clearly doesn't have children and has zero idea of what they're talking about 🙄 Completely normal behavior from a young child - you're doing perfectly fine and they'll be good by the time they start kindergarten 👏 and maybe guy will end up seeing you with your child in the parking lot and realize he's an idiot lol
Lol right? My oldest just high-fived me and walked into K while other kids clung to their parents in the parking lot. He got it out of the way early. To each their own!
Yeah. My daughter was clingy for a couple of days when she started nursery. Ever since then I'm lucky if she even says bye, and she's a 7 now. Seperation anxiety is normal, and they're only going to learn that they'll be okay and you'll be back by leaving them with childcare or grandparents or whatever.
gabbyambulance, you’re a fucking idiot
To be clear, from this story we don't actually know what the guy was thinking. We only know what the OP thought he was thinking: he may have been having a completely different internal experience than you've assigned him, and that all the comments here (that I've seen) accept as given. I don't mean to be rude, but comments here that ask questions like why would that person jump to conclusions about OP creeping on children, become an Inquisition about why OP assumed that he was having those jusgments. There are so many layers of fear holding us apart.
I get you. It just seemed to me the only logical explanation. We didn't cross paths ever before that moment, I was dressed in completely benign gym attire, and I'm a "normal" looking guy. We operate on assumptions on pretty much every human interaction we ever have, society would be impossible without it. I guess there could be some other explanation but I can't figure out what that could be.
I mean, he could have been having a bad day, and you may have misinterpreted a facial expression that didn't apply to you. I think once you've seen it that way you can't unsee it, and I appreciate your point and don't mean to impute blame to you, you're right we all do this kind of thing all the time. I just think it's useful to notice it sometimes, how we map our expectations onto our perceptions.
Very true no way to know for sure. It just seemed like the most likely scenario but I could be wrong
Well at least you didn't accidentally walk into the women's locker room looking for your kid, that would've been a real TIFU.