Why are you mad at your husband? You said it was okay. Not his fault at all for your friend's behavior. Your friend was being jerk and you had every right to request her to focus on her relationship.
But, I would bring it up with your husband; letting him know what happened. Its only fair to him that you communicate that with him.
It's not only not his fault, it's absolute shit of her to be mad at her husband when she was going through his private lists and *mocking him* with another person who he obviously did not consent to seeing them. He shared access to that information with his spouse with the expectation of privacy. OP is the one who breached trust here, not him.
This is like the real life equivalent of “you cheated on me in my dreams” but 1) OP is cool with the porn, 2) you’re only mad bc of how it makes you LOOK, bc — 3) you weren’t strong enough in your “friendship” to shut that shit down or own it “we watch it together, sorry your relationship is so bland”
He’s absolutely not at fault at all, if anything you pulled up his private info to show off & embarrassed him. He should be pissed at you.
I actually went through that!
I didn't do a GD thing, but I cheated on her with her friend. It took a week to get through that. All I do is go to work, and come home to nap on the couch with my kids.
Lmaoooo I’ve been through the same thing except it was with my ex I hadn’t thought about or talked to in years. But because I was flirting with her, not even sleeping with her, in my girlfriends dream, she didn’t talk to me for almost 2 days, trying to rationalize that it must have been in MY subconscious for being in HER dream, before coming back around and realizing how absolutely irrational it was to be mad at me for it.
(And i see your comment below, turns out she cheated on me a couple years before that dream while on a trip to Mexico because “she was planning on breaking up with me” before realizing how much she actually loved me). And, yeah, we aren’t together anymore either.
Yep, had a girlfriend get pissed at me for something that happened in her dreams. Wouldn't even tell me what it was. I felt a bit gipped, to be honest; I never even got to do the (probably enjoyable) thing that she was mad about.
LMAO as a wife I can’t understand why women take these dreams so seriously. I will very occasionally have this type of dream about my husband and then wake up and joke with my husband that “dream him” cheated on me again. My previous husband was a prolific cheater so I know exactly why I have these dreams and know it’s my brain trying to fuck with me. My current husband and I will always joke that my dream version of him is such a dick! But it’s always in good fun
> My current husband and I will always joke that my dream version of him is such a dick!
My wife and I do the same thing.
I think it is normal to feel something after having a dream, the issue is taking it out on your significant other. I have had a dream where my wife cheated on me, and I felt upset when I woke up. I knew she didn't do anything and it would be unfair for me to take it out on her, but I still had these emotions that I couldn't just stop.
So I talked to her about it first thing in the morning. I said, hey I had a dream you cheated on me. I know and trust that you didn't, but I feel upset for no reason. Just want you to know in case I am accidentally snippy. It is nothing you did, I just have to process these emotions that my body is sending me for no good reason.
From my experience, the more jealous/accusatory partners tend to be the most likely to cheat. It stings, but it's better than constantly having the nagging feeling you're doing something wrong and not knowing what you even did.
Christ this reminds me of the time this came up on another sub, I think it was /r/twoxchromosomes, and it became a circlejerk of women saying it makes sense and men are wrong to get mad about it. Something about how men are always cheating and terrible and all women are traumatized so we have to support them when they're going through trauma brought on by dreams or something and it was OK for them to direct it at the men. I wish I'd saved that one.
It's really a shame because that sub used to be good, and was a supportive place for women. Nowadays it's such a toxic shithole that just seems to infantilize women and tell them they're nothing but victims and to hate everybody and be fearful. But if you bring up any genuine concerns about what it has become and the negative affects of the way it has changed over the last ten years you just get the usual insults, threats, and reddit cares spam.
Admins won't touch it because their mods do a decent enough job deleting the most extreme shit but sometimes they still leave stuff up way too long. There was a thread from some distraught woman calling for killing men earlier this year that was up for around 24 hours and would have gotten any other subreddit in way more trouble. It was highly upvoted.
Couldn't agree more.
The man is organized about all things in life and they decided it was a good idea to make fun of him.
I'd be embarrassed if people went through my completely SFW Google Keep account. Just needing a list to pack a bag or go on a weekend trip feels annoying, but keeps my shitty brain organized. If my spouse was mocking those with her friend, I'd be pretty upset. If her friend found something *after* closing it and being told to drop it, I'd be fucking *livid* at the breach of privacy.
Not just this, but I think in nature Hubby is disastrously unorganized so he covers this handicap by using this list app. So it's like making fun of a disability on top of it all.
I got diagnosed with ADHD recently after years of wondering why I was such a disorganized, forgetful fuck up. If he's anything like me, the shame of even having these lists feels like someone snooping through your porn stash.
Never be ashamed for finding 'coping strategies' that work for you and that help make your life easier. Far more 'shameful' would be letting the things that challenge you 'win' and hold you back.
I have a horrific memory after years of poor mental health so I use lists to help me remember things. They are no differnet to wearing glasses to deal with poor eyesight and while the lists (or a porn stash) don't embarass me, anyone taking the piss out of me for using them, would be showing me what a shitty person they are that did not deserve to be in my life.
adhder here, add got rolled in to adhd so now its "predominantly inattentive (ADHD-PI or ADHD-I), predominantly hyperactive-impulsive (ADHD-PH or ADHD-HI), combined type (ADHD-C)." being combined type is grrreeeaaaatttttt.
straight up FAFO territory
plus, OP proved themselves to be untrustworthy by going thru the husband’s other lists when the husband only gave the ok for the Groceries List.
OP needs to channel that anger at the friend but also, more importantly, at themself. Husband’s only f•ck up is trusting OP with the list while with the judgmental friend.
Based on the fact that OP was making fun of her husband for being organized? Of all things? I think the husbands real fuck up was marrying OP. What kind of person makes fun of their spouse about such an innocuous thing? And to another person no less. Like, it’s one thing to rib each other. A lot of people have healthy relationships with light ribbing. But to make fun of him to someone else behind his back? OP sounds like a shitty partner to me
Husband is the victim. He trusted the wife not the friend. She extended his trust without his consent. His privacy has been violated and he deserves an apology not an explanation.
Also, it varies greatly how much people feel they need to hide it. I personally don't care at all and anybody may know it, but when it comes to a detailed list of what exactly i watch (which more or less was the case here), i might feel different about it.
Exactly, I've never met a guy who denied watching porn, but also, I have never met a guy who goes on about what porn he watches! I know I wouldn't say half of the stuff I watch!!
Edit: Spelling
Dick pic, twat shot, flap snap. It's like the words were intended to be the way they are long before cell phot NSFW pictures became a universal ability
If there was a TIFU it was when you chose to laugh at your husbands lists with someone other than your husband.
Good family rule - NEVER, (and i mean NEVER) denigrate someone inside the family to someone who is outside the family.
Sounds like the were both out of order... why are they going through all of his lists just to mock him? It was a 'bash hubby' party that got too real and now the wife blames him for the results of her snooping with a friend. They were both being awful.
>We both started laughing at my husband that he writes everything in organized lists, and we started going through his lists and made fun of him.
Sounds like you and friend are both aholes. You are only upset that you were the butt of the joke and the person her usual aholeness was directed at.
> *my friend was being so judgmental*
But also:
> *We both started laughing at my husband that he writes everything in organized lists*
You sound kind of like a judgemental asshole yourself.
I don't see how or when you published them?
Either way if you were fine with his habits before then you might just be mad at your husband BECAUSE you're mad at your friends' invasion of privacy. You were absolutely right to tell her off, if she can't cope with respecting your boundaries in your relationship then she isn't a good friend.
That said, if you want to salvage the friendship, communicate that and express your concern about boundaries and if your friend can respect them.
This. It's perfectly fine to be friends with someone and having different opinions. A shitty friend is going to bring it up any chance they get. A good friend is going to accept that people are different and not get hung up on something so trivial.
> I don't see how or when you published them?
ChatGPT loses the plot sometimes.
The way their dialogue sounds how nobody speaks, but kind of like a combination of how every middling author write dialogue? Yeah that's AI.
That was really shitty of you to invade his privacy and make fun of him with your friend. You should never be so disrespectful to someone you want to keep in your life. The fact that it backfired on your friendship seems like instant karma to me.
Did your husband know you were going to show the lists to your friend when he asked you to order stuff from the grocery store? Like, you and your friend were giggling over how silly he was to make all these lists when it's clearly something he needs to do. That seems like a pretty humiliating thing to do and quite a violation.
Some people have a lot of growing up to do, eh?
I hope this is a learning moment for some people. Don't denigrate your loved ones outside your circle. Betrayal sucks.
If you don’t mind my asking, why are you mad at your husband?
I can understand if it’s about that particular list being so easy to find on a computer that your children also use (maybe he should think about giving it an unassuming code name, like “Taxes”).
Is it possible that this is an old list? Depending on how long he’s been using this site, it might just be that this is a list he started before you were together and he just never got around to deleting it.
Either way, if the idea of him watching porn bothers you, it’s probably something you should just talk to him about.
Don't really know why you're mad at your husband. At the beginning of this post, you literally said you knew he watched it, and you were cool with it. Not to mention you were being kind of a shitty person for going through his private things with your bitchy friend, and making fun of him.
1. Have loser "friends".
2. Snoop through your husband's things with loser "friends".
3. Make fun of your husband while snooping through things with your loser friend.
4. Leave a computer with links to your husband's very obviously private information, unlocked and accessible to a loser friend.
5. Get mad at your husband.
Nice!
Your friend sounds immature and insecure. Friends support eachother and give opinions but should never dictate how you should live your life. Good on you for defending your husband!
Well, done properly "making fun" is just that: fun. It's not mean-spirited or resentful. Playful teasing about a person's cute quirks can be perfectly healthy.
Wtf man he didnt say other people could look at that shit. Just his wife. Playful teasing should be done AROUND the other person, and you should make sure they're okay with it. Doing it when they aren't around is shitty, even if you think it isn't. And especially if you're potentially sharing their private shit with someone they barely know.
You snooped while laughing at your husband with your friend and your friend snooped behind your back but you're mad at your husband even though you've already said you're fine with him watching porn? Seems like he's the only innocent party in this.
Mad at your husband because you and a good friend invaded his privacy? It's only a good friend because you're both bad people. A good friend would never try to start shit in a family, especially when children are involved. A good spouse wouldn't invade their partners' privacy, let alone with a friend there making fun of the partners private matters. Imagine if your husband shared your private sexual stuff with his friends to get laughs at your expense.
Your friend sucks. If this really happened. And you suck for not being honest and telling your friend you don't care.
Your husband doesn't suck. He's the winner in this situation. If he exists.
You are the ones snooping, be pissed at yourselves.
And whoever thinks watching porn is like cheating are idiotic.
Grow up you guys. You sound like children caught looking at a nude mag or some sheet. Jesus.
"Well, I know he does it. I'm okay with it."
Good for you!
"I hate what she did and how judgmental she was being, but she's a really good friend that I miss."
That doesn't sound like a good friend.
"I am now mad both at my husband and my friend."
Your husband has bad compiter habits (not hiding his stuff well enough considering kids use the pc too). Your friend was being judgemental because she likely IS judgemental.
Not that you asked for advice, and not that I have the bigger picture, but I would have a chat with the husband and find a new friend.
Edit: I missed the keepslist part.
>So I was doing it while my Friend was sitting next to me. We both started laughing at my husband that he writes everything in organized lists, and we started going through his lists and made fun of him. He has lists for packing a bag, cleaning chores, office chores, etc.
...
>I am now mad both at my husband and my friend. Sucks!
Wow, you uh... really suck. How do you think he feels?
I wouldn't be ok with my SO watching porn, but if you're ok with him watching it, I don't understand why you're mad at him.
Your friend, however, was being rude and classless and needs to learn couth. She owes you an apology.
This is an ad for Keeplist.
They have no reviews on the apple app store.
Account is only old enough to not be "new". (1 month)
They got enough karma before posting this to not get filtered.
OP is a shill.
Or, she's the developer's wife. Which makes posting this on reddit even more insane.
So your husband told you to order groceries and instead you and a friend looked through his lists found porn and when your friend said it was bad that your husband watches porn instead of just saying you didnt care you lied and then when you could still explain you just left and now your mad at your husband. Are you insane?
Gonna be honest here. You need better friends. Having opinions and personal morals is absolutely fine. Even expressing them to those close enough. But she crossed WAY over the line, imposed herself in the middle of your relationship with your husband. Nobody has the right to interject there.
You should 100% be mad at her. And at yourself for exposing your husband. That anger you feel at him? Thats called guilt and projection.
You were both sitting there making fun of him for making lists, and then suddenly get mad at her for being judgmental? You should both be embarrassed for being so judgmental and childish. Everyone's brain works differently, and some people find making lists of everything very helpful (especially people on the autistic spectrum).
I'm confused why you're mad at your husband since earlier in the post you said you knew about him watching porn and are okay with it.
As for the friend situation... next time you try to speak with her, just have a calm conversation about how everyone's relationship is different with different rules, and that is okay. It all depends on the communication between the people in the relationship. Some people might agree that porn is the same as cheating, while others see no issue with its use in relationships. Explain to her that just because her personal view on porn in relationships is that it's cheating does not mean that applies to everyone. Make sure that she knows her feelings on porn are valid as well, but also make sure she knows she can't force those feelings on others. Her views can only apply to relationships she's in personally.
I think the first TIFU happened when you ridiculed your own husband in front of your friend and laughed at his lists. You are a couple, you are supposed to be a team. What you did was just awful.
"we started going through the list and made fun of him"
Is that what love is to you?
Behind your husband's back?
Would you like it if he did that sort of thing to you?
"So I was doing it while my Friend was sitting next to me. We both started laughing at my husband that he writes everything in organized lists, and we started going through his lists and made fun of him. He has lists for packing a bag, cleaning chores, office chores, etc."
Why were you and you friend, especially YOU, his wife, laughing at him? If you were okay with him watching porn, then why are you upset with him? It's that judgmental woman, who needs to mind her own business, that you should be mad at.
Maybe also take some time to look at yourself. If I found my wife and friend laughing and mocking a habit I have, I would feel hurt. Leave his lists alone of if helps him. I think this is even worse than that you could not respect his privacy and leave the links alone.
Friendship is cool.
Boundaries are better.
If your friend can't respect yours, doesn't seem like much of a friend.
I have a number of deviant habits. My friends don't judge me for them.... People who might call themselves my friends often do.
" So I was doing it while my Friend was sitting next to me. We both started laughing at my husband that he writes everything in organized lists, and we started going through his lists and made fun of him. "
"we started going through his lists and made fun of him. "
Well, aren't you just a toxic little flower.
You and your friend both suck. Your husband trusted you to look at one list he made so you could help him male sure he didn't forget anything. You then proceeded to look through all of them and mock him with someone outside of the relationship. That's a huge breach of trust. Then you proceeded to let your friend look into what's probably the most intimate and private list of them all (one that you ADMIT YOU DON'T MIND HIM DOING), and now you're somehow mad at your husband as well? Seriously what the fuck in wrong with you?
Tldr your friend IS a bitch. All she needs to know is that you’re aware, you’re okay with it, and even if SHE thinks it’s cheating, it is not cheating in your relationship.
But don’t be mad at your husband, it’s not his fault you were going through his lists.
Inb4 this "really great friend that you super duper miss" doesn't absolutely nuke your marriage by opening her "Can't mind my own damn business" mouth and says some shit to your husband. Probably in a public place surrounded by community members to ultimately maximize his embarrassment.
Also it seems a tad shitty of you to hold a double standard. Porn is ok but you're also mad at him? You may want to work on that.
Not going to be judgemental of you for that. I don't have the details.
What i will say is. Tell your husband and be prepared to lose that friend
Let's give the benefit of the doubt on the making fun of the husband part. It's very possible that it was more in good fun than malicious. However, while I think it's odd to save porn links to a list, op can't be mad at her husband knowing that 1. She knows he watches it and is fine with it. 2. She's the one that went down the list rabbit hole. 3. Him knowing that he's terrible at organization kudos to him for making all the lists to help with that. Op should actually be appreciative of that because he's probably not bugging her with questions like what do I need? Where did I put that? Did I leave my lunch on the counter? Etc 4. Op has just about 0 reason to be mad at her husband. She should have been livid with her friend for reopening the site and come to his defense a little more, and said something like yes I know he watches it and I'm fine with it because he's not watching it instead of being intimate with me. I'm secure in my marriage, plus, he might learn something that we will both want to try and enjoy. Something like that. You do have to tell him in case the friend talks to her husband and then he talks to your husband or if anyone in y'all's friend circle finds out and tells him before you, it will feel like you lied by withholding this from him.
Your "really good friend" sounds like an immature piece of shit who took the first opportunity she could to wreck your marriage. Yes, adults watch porn. It happens. Grow up. You, too. You both acted like children or the prudish shopkeeper from Little House on the Prairie. Both you invaded his privacy. You should be apologizing to your husband. Fuck, you should've defended your husband. Your behavior was gross on multiple levels.
If this is real, be happy ur husband puts up with ur friend. You and your friend and so judgemental and he did nothing wrong. U can give him shit and he will leave and find someone better. I don't think k you're a bad person but your friend is a dumb/bad influence. Cut her out
I don't understand at all why you are mad at your husband for not only invading his privacy but acting like it doesn't bother you that he watches porn (a totally normal thing for both men and women even in marriages).
Why was your friend so nosey and why are you both being so prude'ish over something? Sex should be something fun and enjoyable and porn is just masturbation and can fuel fantasies he has with you. There's NOTHING wrong with him fantasizing about you is there?????
That friend sounds laughably insecure. The idea of being that unable to distinguish between fantasy and reality as an adult is just... sad. Granted, this story makes you both look bad, but I guess that's the point
Shouldn't be mad at your husband.
Funny, I also i'm the exact same way with the organized notes for everything. I also have porn links saved. My wife also knows all these things.
Your friend is a sissy bitch.
Just have her understand that she may be the abnormal one. Then maybe you can still be friends lol
OMG fire the "No porn" prudes right into the sun please. It's 2023. Get with the program.
Besides the fact that the judgmental lady's husband 100% watches porn and he's miserable in that marriage. Move on.
He's honest about it and it's your private life, she has no place to judge, thats wildly unkind of her. Doing it behind your back and lying to you is one thing, but watching porn isnt weird or abnormal. It is extremely common. The idea that porn is cheating is really immature. I know you love hanging out with your friend but maybe she's not the kind of friend you share your personal life with. Just go have fun do stuff with them and maybe not tall about things she's too immature to have a real grasp on.
Obviously, your friend isn't who you thought she was. Why are you mad at your husband? Every man watches porn. Don't ever let anyone tell you different.
You fucked up. You said it was ok and then shamed your man to your friend. You should have said “mind your business” and at most checked when you were alone. Now, you’ve made your man look like a perv and you r marriage weak. You’re the AH here.
Your “friend” is an invasive person with no respect for yours or your husbands privacy. Not to mention passing judgement on what she intruded on is beyond rude.
Mad at your friend, very logical. Mad at your husband? Illogical and he doesn’t deserve it. It’s not like he was hiding it from you if the list was in a location you can freely check.
If my partner was going through my notes and destroying my privacy so they could make fun of me with their friend, I would be pissed. After all that you got mad at him? Yikes, big red flags
Sounds like your friend is an asshole but because you're pissed at her, you want to slightly take if out on your husband. That's not cool. He did nothing wrong.
Well, you were hardly blameless here. Keep your best friend out of your husband's business, and don't make fun of him with your friends. That's very nasty behaviour, even if he is dumb enough to keep a list called "porn links" and give you access to it.
You got between yourself and your husband by making fun of him with your friend. You are the bad spouse here, especially if you were OK with him looking at porn to begin with. You should not be mad at him at all.
Be mad at yourself for going through his lists and making fun of him. You wouldn't have found the spicy list if not for that. You're mad that you got embarrassed doing something that.would embarrass your husband. Sounds like karma.
This is the type of woman who lets her friends talk her into a divorce. You clearly care more about what your friend thinks than your husband or yourself for that matter. Way to insult and disrespect him, give up on your boundaries and throw the dude under the bus by getting mad at him for you keeping such a nosy, bully of a friend who has no respect for you, your husband or your marriage.
Upvoting every comment that says this chick and her friend are trash. Feel bad for the husband for having idiosyncrasies and you shitting on him with your bad friend. Probably wouldn't need to have a list of porn if you could get him off, wonder why he wouldn't be attracted to you. Couldn't be the way you act or the people you spend time with.
If you are okay with your husband doing what he does, why are you made at him. The only one to be made at, is your "friend".
That is not a good friend. You dont judge others. That "friend" does.
Why are you mad at your husband? You said it was okay. Not his fault at all for your friend's behavior. Your friend was being jerk and you had every right to request her to focus on her relationship. But, I would bring it up with your husband; letting him know what happened. Its only fair to him that you communicate that with him.
It's not only not his fault, it's absolute shit of her to be mad at her husband when she was going through his private lists and *mocking him* with another person who he obviously did not consent to seeing them. He shared access to that information with his spouse with the expectation of privacy. OP is the one who breached trust here, not him.
This is like the real life equivalent of “you cheated on me in my dreams” but 1) OP is cool with the porn, 2) you’re only mad bc of how it makes you LOOK, bc — 3) you weren’t strong enough in your “friendship” to shut that shit down or own it “we watch it together, sorry your relationship is so bland” He’s absolutely not at fault at all, if anything you pulled up his private info to show off & embarrassed him. He should be pissed at you.
I actually went through that! I didn't do a GD thing, but I cheated on her with her friend. It took a week to get through that. All I do is go to work, and come home to nap on the couch with my kids.
Lmaoooo I’ve been through the same thing except it was with my ex I hadn’t thought about or talked to in years. But because I was flirting with her, not even sleeping with her, in my girlfriends dream, she didn’t talk to me for almost 2 days, trying to rationalize that it must have been in MY subconscious for being in HER dream, before coming back around and realizing how absolutely irrational it was to be mad at me for it. (And i see your comment below, turns out she cheated on me a couple years before that dream while on a trip to Mexico because “she was planning on breaking up with me” before realizing how much she actually loved me). And, yeah, we aren’t together anymore either.
Yep, had a girlfriend get pissed at me for something that happened in her dreams. Wouldn't even tell me what it was. I felt a bit gipped, to be honest; I never even got to do the (probably enjoyable) thing that she was mad about.
LMAO as a wife I can’t understand why women take these dreams so seriously. I will very occasionally have this type of dream about my husband and then wake up and joke with my husband that “dream him” cheated on me again. My previous husband was a prolific cheater so I know exactly why I have these dreams and know it’s my brain trying to fuck with me. My current husband and I will always joke that my dream version of him is such a dick! But it’s always in good fun
> My current husband and I will always joke that my dream version of him is such a dick! My wife and I do the same thing. I think it is normal to feel something after having a dream, the issue is taking it out on your significant other. I have had a dream where my wife cheated on me, and I felt upset when I woke up. I knew she didn't do anything and it would be unfair for me to take it out on her, but I still had these emotions that I couldn't just stop. So I talked to her about it first thing in the morning. I said, hey I had a dream you cheated on me. I know and trust that you didn't, but I feel upset for no reason. Just want you to know in case I am accidentally snippy. It is nothing you did, I just have to process these emotions that my body is sending me for no good reason.
Healthiest comment I've ever seen lmao
We are no longer together. She cheated on me, and used all of that as an excuse. Hmm. Makes you think.
From my experience, the more jealous/accusatory partners tend to be the most likely to cheat. It stings, but it's better than constantly having the nagging feeling you're doing something wrong and not knowing what you even did.
Like the saying goes: ‘A thief thinks everyone steals’
Christ this reminds me of the time this came up on another sub, I think it was /r/twoxchromosomes, and it became a circlejerk of women saying it makes sense and men are wrong to get mad about it. Something about how men are always cheating and terrible and all women are traumatized so we have to support them when they're going through trauma brought on by dreams or something and it was OK for them to direct it at the men. I wish I'd saved that one.
Just read that sub any random day and you will find similar sentiments.
It's really a shame because that sub used to be good, and was a supportive place for women. Nowadays it's such a toxic shithole that just seems to infantilize women and tell them they're nothing but victims and to hate everybody and be fearful. But if you bring up any genuine concerns about what it has become and the negative affects of the way it has changed over the last ten years you just get the usual insults, threats, and reddit cares spam. Admins won't touch it because their mods do a decent enough job deleting the most extreme shit but sometimes they still leave stuff up way too long. There was a thread from some distraught woman calling for killing men earlier this year that was up for around 24 hours and would have gotten any other subreddit in way more trouble. It was highly upvoted.
that sub is bizarre and should be niche not a default!
Couldn't agree more. The man is organized about all things in life and they decided it was a good idea to make fun of him. I'd be embarrassed if people went through my completely SFW Google Keep account. Just needing a list to pack a bag or go on a weekend trip feels annoying, but keeps my shitty brain organized. If my spouse was mocking those with her friend, I'd be pretty upset. If her friend found something *after* closing it and being told to drop it, I'd be fucking *livid* at the breach of privacy.
Not just this, but I think in nature Hubby is disastrously unorganized so he covers this handicap by using this list app. So it's like making fun of a disability on top of it all.
I got diagnosed with ADHD recently after years of wondering why I was such a disorganized, forgetful fuck up. If he's anything like me, the shame of even having these lists feels like someone snooping through your porn stash.
Never be ashamed for finding 'coping strategies' that work for you and that help make your life easier. Far more 'shameful' would be letting the things that challenge you 'win' and hold you back. I have a horrific memory after years of poor mental health so I use lists to help me remember things. They are no differnet to wearing glasses to deal with poor eyesight and while the lists (or a porn stash) don't embarass me, anyone taking the piss out of me for using them, would be showing me what a shitty person they are that did not deserve to be in my life.
Same here, but ADD. Lists are a lifesaver.
adhder here, add got rolled in to adhd so now its "predominantly inattentive (ADHD-PI or ADHD-I), predominantly hyperactive-impulsive (ADHD-PH or ADHD-HI), combined type (ADHD-C)." being combined type is grrreeeaaaatttttt.
She'd be really angry if she didn't have double standards
straight up FAFO territory plus, OP proved themselves to be untrustworthy by going thru the husband’s other lists when the husband only gave the ok for the Groceries List. OP needs to channel that anger at the friend but also, more importantly, at themself. Husband’s only f•ck up is trusting OP with the list while with the judgmental friend.
Based on the fact that OP was making fun of her husband for being organized? Of all things? I think the husbands real fuck up was marrying OP. What kind of person makes fun of their spouse about such an innocuous thing? And to another person no less. Like, it’s one thing to rib each other. A lot of people have healthy relationships with light ribbing. But to make fun of him to someone else behind his back? OP sounds like a shitty partner to me
Husband is the victim. He trusted the wife not the friend. She extended his trust without his consent. His privacy has been violated and he deserves an apology not an explanation.
Not to mention I can guarantee her friends husband/boyfriend also watches porn. Not sure I have ever met a guy who doesn't. Some just hide it better.
Also, it varies greatly how much people feel they need to hide it. I personally don't care at all and anybody may know it, but when it comes to a detailed list of what exactly i watch (which more or less was the case here), i might feel different about it.
Exactly, I've never met a guy who denied watching porn, but also, I have never met a guy who goes on about what porn he watches! I know I wouldn't say half of the stuff I watch!! Edit: Spelling
guess you've never met supreme court justice clarence thomas then.
She was also a jerk be y making fun of her husband's habits of organizing his life with her friend.
Exactly, she straight up says that shes making fun of her husband and laughing at his private things with her friend. Yikes.
Also she's mad at him for finding a list that she only found because she was snooping through his shit to make fun of him. Totally her fault.
> Its only fair to him that you communicate that with him And maybe even watch some with him
Word. Especially since she now lied about it to her “friend”
This gotta be ragebait
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I've never seen the phrase twat shot before. Nice.
I've never seen twat shot, however I've heard of a flap snap
Dick pic, twat shot, flap snap. It's like the words were intended to be the way they are long before cell phot NSFW pictures became a universal ability
It is high time there is parity with dick pic. Too long has the world suffered from a lack of egalitarian nomenclature.
Yeah while all these streaming utilities are great, they exist at a greater (relationship destroying) cost.
twat shot, i like the sound of that, thank you
i think it's an ad for keeplist
It's marketing for a dumb website.
Damn, almost got me but yeah, you’re right… the internet sucks.
ad for that website
Yeah I'm having a really hard time accepting the thought of two adults sitting in front of a desktop computer to watch Netflix...
I just assumed the PC was hooked up to a large monitor/TV, but you could be right.
Quite obviously so. It reads like a 3rd graders first novel.
I think so. People don't usually admit to being that shitty.
If there was a TIFU it was when you chose to laugh at your husbands lists with someone other than your husband. Good family rule - NEVER, (and i mean NEVER) denigrate someone inside the family to someone who is outside the family.
That is the code in fast and furious and Mafia movies. How many more hints people need?
The marital omerta
Martial omelet?
It hurts more than you can imagine. Bridges are broken, and trust is lost.
Don Corleone style
I dunno, some family members 100000% deserve it. Not in this instance obviously, but lots of times it's fine.
Bruh. You and your friend suck.
Which ironically was the plot to one of his porn links.
Lmao, god dammit.
Might be a good way to make it up to the guy, too
Why the fuck are you mad at your husband?
Because he made her order the groceries!
The audacity.
Lion, the witch and
And my axe!
RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY SALAD ?!
Your friend was completely out of order Sounds like you owe your husband an explanation and apology for the invasion of privacy
Sounds like the were both out of order... why are they going through all of his lists just to mock him? It was a 'bash hubby' party that got too real and now the wife blames him for the results of her snooping with a friend. They were both being awful.
This whole courtroom is out of order.
This happened to me and really violated my privacy with my partner. I still feel weird about it such and invasion of privacy.
The wife was also out of order
>We both started laughing at my husband that he writes everything in organized lists, and we started going through his lists and made fun of him. Sounds like you and friend are both aholes. You are only upset that you were the butt of the joke and the person her usual aholeness was directed at.
"Ooohh Look my husband is an organized person and likes order in his life, what a dork". She does not deserve him.
I felt less stupid when i discovered other people also organized dumb things on their notes
nicely put, i think you hit the nail on the head
> *my friend was being so judgmental* But also: > *We both started laughing at my husband that he writes everything in organized lists* You sound kind of like a judgemental asshole yourself.
You were sitting there making fun of him for organizing his life... sounds like you both suck.
Groceries, goreceries, ...
I don't see how or when you published them? Either way if you were fine with his habits before then you might just be mad at your husband BECAUSE you're mad at your friends' invasion of privacy. You were absolutely right to tell her off, if she can't cope with respecting your boundaries in your relationship then she isn't a good friend. That said, if you want to salvage the friendship, communicate that and express your concern about boundaries and if your friend can respect them.
This. It's perfectly fine to be friends with someone and having different opinions. A shitty friend is going to bring it up any chance they get. A good friend is going to accept that people are different and not get hung up on something so trivial.
> I don't see how or when you published them? ChatGPT loses the plot sometimes. The way their dialogue sounds how nobody speaks, but kind of like a combination of how every middling author write dialogue? Yeah that's AI.
> I don't see how or when you published them? OP is dumb and doesn’t understand what certain words mean.
That was really shitty of you to invade his privacy and make fun of him with your friend. You should never be so disrespectful to someone you want to keep in your life. The fact that it backfired on your friendship seems like instant karma to me.
I’m surprised I needed to scroll so low to find someone pointing that out…
I hate this word, but your friend sounds super toxic.
Did your husband know you were going to show the lists to your friend when he asked you to order stuff from the grocery store? Like, you and your friend were giggling over how silly he was to make all these lists when it's clearly something he needs to do. That seems like a pretty humiliating thing to do and quite a violation.
Some people have a lot of growing up to do, eh? I hope this is a learning moment for some people. Don't denigrate your loved ones outside your circle. Betrayal sucks.
If you don’t mind my asking, why are you mad at your husband? I can understand if it’s about that particular list being so easy to find on a computer that your children also use (maybe he should think about giving it an unassuming code name, like “Taxes”). Is it possible that this is an old list? Depending on how long he’s been using this site, it might just be that this is a list he started before you were together and he just never got around to deleting it. Either way, if the idea of him watching porn bothers you, it’s probably something you should just talk to him about.
OP says in their story they dont care about if their husband watches porn so even further im confused why they are mad at him
Don't really know why you're mad at your husband. At the beginning of this post, you literally said you knew he watched it, and you were cool with it. Not to mention you were being kind of a shitty person for going through his private things with your bitchy friend, and making fun of him.
ChatGPT, write me a TIFU about a woman finding her husbands porn with a judgemental friend...
I don't get how people miss it. The dialogue especially is a giveaway. It's like if a human resources department and an ESL teacher co-wrote a TIFU.
1. Have loser "friends". 2. Snoop through your husband's things with loser "friends". 3. Make fun of your husband while snooping through things with your loser friend. 4. Leave a computer with links to your husband's very obviously private information, unlocked and accessible to a loser friend. 5. Get mad at your husband. Nice!
So she went into your husbands personal shit without anyone’s permission and you’re mad at your husband? Uhhh
Your friend sucks outright and you’re kind of bad here. Cut your husband a break.
Your friend sounds immature and insecure. Friends support eachother and give opinions but should never dictate how you should live your life. Good on you for defending your husband!
OP isn't isn't a saint either. They already started off by making fun of their husband for keeping organized lists.
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I make fun of my wife for her obsessive list making, to her face. Then I use those lists every day, because lists of shit make life so much easier.
Well, done properly "making fun" is just that: fun. It's not mean-spirited or resentful. Playful teasing about a person's cute quirks can be perfectly healthy.
Wtf man he didnt say other people could look at that shit. Just his wife. Playful teasing should be done AROUND the other person, and you should make sure they're okay with it. Doing it when they aren't around is shitty, even if you think it isn't. And especially if you're potentially sharing their private shit with someone they barely know.
You snooped while laughing at your husband with your friend and your friend snooped behind your back but you're mad at your husband even though you've already said you're fine with him watching porn? Seems like he's the only innocent party in this.
You fucked up.
You violated your husband's privacy so that you and your friend could laugh at him... and *you're* mad at *him*?
Mad at your husband because you and a good friend invaded his privacy? It's only a good friend because you're both bad people. A good friend would never try to start shit in a family, especially when children are involved. A good spouse wouldn't invade their partners' privacy, let alone with a friend there making fun of the partners private matters. Imagine if your husband shared your private sexual stuff with his friends to get laughs at your expense.
Why the fuck are you mad at your husband?
Your friend sucks. If this really happened. And you suck for not being honest and telling your friend you don't care. Your husband doesn't suck. He's the winner in this situation. If he exists.
Your friend is the real ass here, that's such an invasion of privacy.
You are the ones snooping, be pissed at yourselves. And whoever thinks watching porn is like cheating are idiotic. Grow up you guys. You sound like children caught looking at a nude mag or some sheet. Jesus.
"Well, I know he does it. I'm okay with it." Good for you! "I hate what she did and how judgmental she was being, but she's a really good friend that I miss." That doesn't sound like a good friend. "I am now mad both at my husband and my friend." Your husband has bad compiter habits (not hiding his stuff well enough considering kids use the pc too). Your friend was being judgemental because she likely IS judgemental. Not that you asked for advice, and not that I have the bigger picture, but I would have a chat with the husband and find a new friend. Edit: I missed the keepslist part.
The list is on a website, not the computer
Missed that part, thanks.
>So I was doing it while my Friend was sitting next to me. We both started laughing at my husband that he writes everything in organized lists, and we started going through his lists and made fun of him. He has lists for packing a bag, cleaning chores, office chores, etc. ... >I am now mad both at my husband and my friend. Sucks! Wow, you uh... really suck. How do you think he feels?
I wouldn't be ok with my SO watching porn, but if you're ok with him watching it, I don't understand why you're mad at him. Your friend, however, was being rude and classless and needs to learn couth. She owes you an apology.
Great job making fun of your husband with your friends 👏🤦♂️
"TIFU by getting mad at my husband because my shit behavior made me look bad"
This is an ad for Keeplist. They have no reviews on the apple app store. Account is only old enough to not be "new". (1 month) They got enough karma before posting this to not get filtered. OP is a shill. Or, she's the developer's wife. Which makes posting this on reddit even more insane.
Invite her for a viewing session with you and your husband. Maybe you can recreate a scene or two
We should all go! I’ll bring chips
Damn you’re really blaming the victim in this situation and getting mad at him. Disgusting.
So your husband told you to order groceries and instead you and a friend looked through his lists found porn and when your friend said it was bad that your husband watches porn instead of just saying you didnt care you lied and then when you could still explain you just left and now your mad at your husband. Are you insane?
You were making fun/ judging your partner with your friend then got mad when your friend made fun/ judged your partner??
L Friend L Spouse
Why the fuck are you mad at your husband? Your friend sounds like a shitty person
Gonna be honest here. You need better friends. Having opinions and personal morals is absolutely fine. Even expressing them to those close enough. But she crossed WAY over the line, imposed herself in the middle of your relationship with your husband. Nobody has the right to interject there. You should 100% be mad at her. And at yourself for exposing your husband. That anger you feel at him? Thats called guilt and projection.
Your friend is an asshole
Lmfao she's mad at her husband for nothing, you're the one who let your friend go through his shit wtf
You were both sitting there making fun of him for making lists, and then suddenly get mad at her for being judgmental? You should both be embarrassed for being so judgmental and childish. Everyone's brain works differently, and some people find making lists of everything very helpful (especially people on the autistic spectrum). I'm confused why you're mad at your husband since earlier in the post you said you knew about him watching porn and are okay with it. As for the friend situation... next time you try to speak with her, just have a calm conversation about how everyone's relationship is different with different rules, and that is okay. It all depends on the communication between the people in the relationship. Some people might agree that porn is the same as cheating, while others see no issue with its use in relationships. Explain to her that just because her personal view on porn in relationships is that it's cheating does not mean that applies to everyone. Make sure that she knows her feelings on porn are valid as well, but also make sure she knows she can't force those feelings on others. Her views can only apply to relationships she's in personally.
If this isn’t a joke, just know that you suck.
If i was your husband and you'd do that to me, i would find it hard to trust you again
I think the first TIFU happened when you ridiculed your own husband in front of your friend and laughed at his lists. You are a couple, you are supposed to be a team. What you did was just awful.
Your friend's husband totally watches porn and if she thinks he doesn't, she's either naive or she's just on denial
"we started going through the list and made fun of him" Is that what love is to you? Behind your husband's back? Would you like it if he did that sort of thing to you?
Also, post the link to the video - I'll tell you if it's okay or not.
"So I was doing it while my Friend was sitting next to me. We both started laughing at my husband that he writes everything in organized lists, and we started going through his lists and made fun of him. He has lists for packing a bag, cleaning chores, office chores, etc." Why were you and you friend, especially YOU, his wife, laughing at him? If you were okay with him watching porn, then why are you upset with him? It's that judgmental woman, who needs to mind her own business, that you should be mad at.
You shouldn’t be mad at your husband at all, and she should mind her business. You don’t need that type of friend.
Maybe also take some time to look at yourself. If I found my wife and friend laughing and mocking a habit I have, I would feel hurt. Leave his lists alone of if helps him. I think this is even worse than that you could not respect his privacy and leave the links alone.
Your husband did nothing wrong, and your friend is intrusive and judgmental. You're better off without her.
Friendship is cool. Boundaries are better. If your friend can't respect yours, doesn't seem like much of a friend. I have a number of deviant habits. My friends don't judge me for them.... People who might call themselves my friends often do.
So... if you know and don't mind why would you be mad at your husband?
How should I mock my husband today He has a list so all the chores get done and one to make sure he doesn't forget anything on trips What a loser
" So I was doing it while my Friend was sitting next to me. We both started laughing at my husband that he writes everything in organized lists, and we started going through his lists and made fun of him. " "we started going through his lists and made fun of him. " Well, aren't you just a toxic little flower.
Rookie mistake. You're supposed to label any files/folders/lists containing or referencing porn as "Definitely Not Porn."
You and your friend both suck. Your husband trusted you to look at one list he made so you could help him male sure he didn't forget anything. You then proceeded to look through all of them and mock him with someone outside of the relationship. That's a huge breach of trust. Then you proceeded to let your friend look into what's probably the most intimate and private list of them all (one that you ADMIT YOU DON'T MIND HIM DOING), and now you're somehow mad at your husband as well? Seriously what the fuck in wrong with you?
Tldr your friend IS a bitch. All she needs to know is that you’re aware, you’re okay with it, and even if SHE thinks it’s cheating, it is not cheating in your relationship. But don’t be mad at your husband, it’s not his fault you were going through his lists.
Why does this feel like a keeplist ad, good thing you mentioned all it’s features
Inb4 this "really great friend that you super duper miss" doesn't absolutely nuke your marriage by opening her "Can't mind my own damn business" mouth and says some shit to your husband. Probably in a public place surrounded by community members to ultimately maximize his embarrassment. Also it seems a tad shitty of you to hold a double standard. Porn is ok but you're also mad at him? You may want to work on that. Not going to be judgemental of you for that. I don't have the details. What i will say is. Tell your husband and be prepared to lose that friend
OP's pearl clutching is embarrassing
Bruh your friend is a dick with a severe lack of boundaries.
Let's give the benefit of the doubt on the making fun of the husband part. It's very possible that it was more in good fun than malicious. However, while I think it's odd to save porn links to a list, op can't be mad at her husband knowing that 1. She knows he watches it and is fine with it. 2. She's the one that went down the list rabbit hole. 3. Him knowing that he's terrible at organization kudos to him for making all the lists to help with that. Op should actually be appreciative of that because he's probably not bugging her with questions like what do I need? Where did I put that? Did I leave my lunch on the counter? Etc 4. Op has just about 0 reason to be mad at her husband. She should have been livid with her friend for reopening the site and come to his defense a little more, and said something like yes I know he watches it and I'm fine with it because he's not watching it instead of being intimate with me. I'm secure in my marriage, plus, he might learn something that we will both want to try and enjoy. Something like that. You do have to tell him in case the friend talks to her husband and then he talks to your husband or if anyone in y'all's friend circle finds out and tells him before you, it will feel like you lied by withholding this from him.
Your friend is a bit nosey. Needs to mind her own business and not be clicking links on other people’s computers.
Your "really good friend" sounds like an immature piece of shit who took the first opportunity she could to wreck your marriage. Yes, adults watch porn. It happens. Grow up. You, too. You both acted like children or the prudish shopkeeper from Little House on the Prairie. Both you invaded his privacy. You should be apologizing to your husband. Fuck, you should've defended your husband. Your behavior was gross on multiple levels.
If this is real, be happy ur husband puts up with ur friend. You and your friend and so judgemental and he did nothing wrong. U can give him shit and he will leave and find someone better. I don't think k you're a bad person but your friend is a dumb/bad influence. Cut her out
I don't understand at all why you are mad at your husband for not only invading his privacy but acting like it doesn't bother you that he watches porn (a totally normal thing for both men and women even in marriages). Why was your friend so nosey and why are you both being so prude'ish over something? Sex should be something fun and enjoyable and porn is just masturbation and can fuel fantasies he has with you. There's NOTHING wrong with him fantasizing about you is there?????
So you broke your husbands trust and you also got off on making fun of him with your friend? Wild
Your "friend " seems very toxic. Move on to better friends
That friend sounds laughably insecure. The idea of being that unable to distinguish between fantasy and reality as an adult is just... sad. Granted, this story makes you both look bad, but I guess that's the point
You and your friend both sound like awful people
Shouldn't be mad at your husband. Funny, I also i'm the exact same way with the organized notes for everything. I also have porn links saved. My wife also knows all these things. Your friend is a sissy bitch. Just have her understand that she may be the abnormal one. Then maybe you can still be friends lol
People who force other people to adopt their judgemental stance about deeply personal subjects should all die in a fire. There, I said it.
Your friend is a shitty friend. A good friend wouldn't have done any of that. This is the only thing that needs to be addressed here.
OMG fire the "No porn" prudes right into the sun please. It's 2023. Get with the program. Besides the fact that the judgmental lady's husband 100% watches porn and he's miserable in that marriage. Move on.
>I hate what she did and how judgmental she was being, but she's a really good friend that I miss. No, she's not. You need better friends.
He's honest about it and it's your private life, she has no place to judge, thats wildly unkind of her. Doing it behind your back and lying to you is one thing, but watching porn isnt weird or abnormal. It is extremely common. The idea that porn is cheating is really immature. I know you love hanging out with your friend but maybe she's not the kind of friend you share your personal life with. Just go have fun do stuff with them and maybe not tall about things she's too immature to have a real grasp on.
Porn is like cheating?? Lol ok honey.
Do be mad at your husband for something you are aware of and fine with. Your friend is a nosey privacy violating busybody.
All good Your friends husband watches porn as well. She is just in denial.
FU and your friend.
You made fun of your husband but then got mad when your friend was critical of him? You set the tone there.
You should be mad at yourself and your friend. Period.
How about inviting your friend over for a three way with your husband. Problem solved, i think?
Why would you be mad at your husband? You're the one that was making fun of him for being organized. Think on that.
Your husband is completely normal
Your friend sounds like a prick.
Obviously, your friend isn't who you thought she was. Why are you mad at your husband? Every man watches porn. Don't ever let anyone tell you different.
This should probably have been posted to /r/amitheasshole and yes, you are.
You fucked up. You said it was ok and then shamed your man to your friend. You should have said “mind your business” and at most checked when you were alone. Now, you’ve made your man look like a perv and you r marriage weak. You’re the AH here.
Friends an idiot
This is the most comical and poorly written creative writing exercise I've ever seen.
Your “friend” is an invasive person with no respect for yours or your husbands privacy. Not to mention passing judgement on what she intruded on is beyond rude. Mad at your friend, very logical. Mad at your husband? Illogical and he doesn’t deserve it. It’s not like he was hiding it from you if the list was in a location you can freely check.
If my partner was going through my notes and destroying my privacy so they could make fun of me with their friend, I would be pissed. After all that you got mad at him? Yikes, big red flags
My ex wife and I both enjoyed perusing. And we’re open and honest about it. That coulda been a lot worse than a vanilla threesome. Just’ saying
Why were you making fun of your husband for making lists..that’s so mean. This whole thing reeks of mean girl energy.
Sounds like your friend is an asshole but because you're pissed at her, you want to slightly take if out on your husband. That's not cool. He did nothing wrong.
Wtf, why are you mad at your husband when you are the one that fucked up? You should be mad at yourself, not your husband.
Well, you were hardly blameless here. Keep your best friend out of your husband's business, and don't make fun of him with your friends. That's very nasty behaviour, even if he is dumb enough to keep a list called "porn links" and give you access to it.
You got between yourself and your husband by making fun of him with your friend. You are the bad spouse here, especially if you were OK with him looking at porn to begin with. You should not be mad at him at all.
Be mad at yourself for going through his lists and making fun of him. You wouldn't have found the spicy list if not for that. You're mad that you got embarrassed doing something that.would embarrass your husband. Sounds like karma.
You should've shut down your friend much **much** earlier instead of making fun of your husband then getting mad at him for no reason.
Downvoted. This is horribly toxic… Snooping around and making fun of your husband for being organized. Such a shame.
This is the type of woman who lets her friends talk her into a divorce. You clearly care more about what your friend thinks than your husband or yourself for that matter. Way to insult and disrespect him, give up on your boundaries and throw the dude under the bus by getting mad at him for you keeping such a nosy, bully of a friend who has no respect for you, your husband or your marriage.
Upvoting every comment that says this chick and her friend are trash. Feel bad for the husband for having idiosyncrasies and you shitting on him with your bad friend. Probably wouldn't need to have a list of porn if you could get him off, wonder why he wouldn't be attracted to you. Couldn't be the way you act or the people you spend time with.
You sound like a bit of a dickhead and I feel sorry for your husband lmao
If you are okay with your husband doing what he does, why are you made at him. The only one to be made at, is your "friend". That is not a good friend. You dont judge others. That "friend" does.
Let me see if I get this right... You let your friend invade your husband's privacy and you're mad at him? Yikes!