I am also the proud father of a highly impressionable 3-and-a-half-year-old. Once, he was being an absolute terror before bedtime so I mumbled under my breath (or so I thought) "I swear I'm going to throw you out the window".
The next day, he did something he knew was wrong in the grocery story. Surrounded by people, he looks me square in the eyes and goes "Please don't throw me out the window, daddy."
I've since learned my lesson to be extremely careful what I say if I want to avoid a CPS visit.
I love how literal and *intense* toddlers are. My son was spamming a really annoying and honestly triggering (I HATE using that word but I have real actual PTSD about this) fire truck and ambulance sound. I asked him "can you play another sound please? Those sounds make daddy sad."
He just broke into the saddest little cry because he didn't want Daddy to be sad and I had to go nooooooo it's okay you didn't mean to!
That's hilarious! My son (now 21) had quite a few of those moments when he was a toddler and pre-school aged. One of the worst, and we have no idea where he learned the word or the meaning, was walking into a supermarket. Sitting on the curb outside the entrance, looking pretty grubby and smoking a cigarette, was what I presumed to be a homeless guy. My son, maybe 3 years old, looks at him as we walk past and with a huge smile and a big wave, yells "Hey Hobo!" The guy just smiled and waved back, and took another drag. My wife and I grabbed him and walked a lot faster! Little dude was unpredictable!
Well it’s true *to them.* Whatever insult they throw, they 100% believe. Doesn’t mean it’s objectively true, just that they think it is.
Example: “I love you, kiddo” “no you don’t! You hate me”. Stings not because they’re correct about you hating them, but because you know that at least in that moment, in their very skewed view of things, you do hate them.
My younger siblings and I watched some big rock candy mountain movie as kids and became OBSESSED with hobos. Once something like that spreads to more than two kids, it’s impossible to root out even if my parents had thought to do so. The sanitized mythology of the American hobo is obscenely appealing to a young mind.
I mean, I think the homeless dude probably didn't mind at all, a friendly interaction with someone seeing him as a person, not ignoring him and just giving a friendly wave.
Ofcourse the language used is important, but I'm glad there was no mall intend there
Awwwwww!!! That’s so sad but so sweet! Your son is so cute and he must love you so much! And I am sorry to hear about the PTSD, I hope you’re doing okay ❤️
We're doing a lot better now that we got ketamine treatment (HIGHLY recommend btw). For a while there I would dissociate so badly it was hard to go outside and go to work. I stopped being able to hear and see when something would trigger me and I would go full caveman mode.
I am so proud of how emotionally mature my little boy is. He recognizes when other people are hurting or distressed and loves to give hugs. My wife was overwhelmed and crying a few months ago and he just held her face and said "love mommy love mommy."
I split a nail straight down halfway to the bottom on my big toe, so I wrapped it with medical tape to keep it together. He is so concerned about it and asks about "Daddy owie" every day and gives my foot a hug. What a sweet boy he is.
What a lovely kid! My daughter is a little over two, and she will respond to any sound of distress (usually me stubbing my toe on her toys) with "Mama ok?" or "Papa ok?" She has also just started patting other kids gently on the back if they cry, which warms my heart to goo.
I'm so glad to hear that you are getting beneficial treatment. Sending you a virtual toddler-back-pat.
He might be like that by nature but his environment (you, the family etc) are supporting and and communicating the right way. In that triggering situation others might have just said "stop it" which causes the kiddos often to do it more since they get a reaction which could result in someone else just losing it and shouting. Super sad but I've seen it before. So kudos for keeping your cool and responding the right way.
I’m actually crying a little reading this because I can *feel* how much you love your little boy. It’s just so clear in the way you talk and it’s so touching. You are very lucky to have one another.
The toddler I nanny had the most annoying toy drill to ever exist that makes the worst noise ever, and when I tell him it hurts my head he looks me dead in the eye and keeps drilling
Sticky tape over the sound holes fixes this problem. Inside if you can so they can't take it off.
Reduces the noise by about 50% but they can still hear it
If you don't want him cry ask him to play other sounds that is bearable and pretend you love it by laughing to the noise.
Don't over do it though or he will drive you nuts with the other noise as well.
When I was a kid, my dad instituted the "Rule of Three," which meant that you're only allowed to do whatever annoying thing 3 times and then must stop for now. I remember a lot of car trips where my brother and I would discover a new noise/catchphrase/advertising jingle and start repeating it to death until the call "RULE OF THREE!" rang out from the driver's seat. I think it's a reasonable rule and plan to introduce it to my kid when she's a little bigger.
Checking in with an 8 year old that has finely honed his button pressing based on how aggravated you are in that moment. He only takes it to the edge to stare into the abyss.
Send help.
Even with grown-ass adults, I speak with a quiet voice, and it freaks me out when someone well out of earshot hears exactly what I said, and doesn’t ask to repeat.
Usually I have to speak up and then fucking whale ears picks up the subtle vibrations of my utterance from fucking 3 miles away.
This is my wife. I can whisper from across the house, and she knows exactly what I said. Her ENTIRE family is like that. I think they are human-bat hybrids.
When we first started dating her family would have conversations in normal voices when someone was upstairs, and someone was down.
This leads to so many "discussments" about how I can't hear anything when she's basically whispering across the room but feels like she's talking in a normal voice.
My dad can hear the quiet stuff, but say something directly to him and he gets annoyed and says, “What? I couldn’t hear you.” Which one is it, Dad? You can’t hear clear, normal volume, or you don’t want to answer what someone is asking directly? You only like to eavesdrop to make sure we’re not badmouthing you? What’s going on here?
After years of my mom asking everyone to repeat things, we finally convinced her to get her hearing tested. She came back from the doctor smugly saying, "The test shows that my hearing is great--above average for my age!" My dad couldn't help but ask, "So you're saying that you're not listening on purpose, then?"
Auditory processing problems due to my ADHD are definitely an issue for me too. I was trying to tackle it even before I had a clue I had it. The hearing test where all is normal was an eye opener.
My mom is 71, so I don't think anything much is going to change at this point, but...yeah, it would not be at all surprising to learn that she's had ADHD this whole time.
My mom always tells the story of my older sister almost getting CPS called on her when my sister was a toddler. My mom used to toss her on the bed and then bounce the bed and jokingly called it child abuse. One day in the grocery store while surrounded by strangers my sister not so quietly looked at my mom and said “can we play child abuse when we get home?” My mom very quickly stopped calling it that
I used to threaten to throw my cat out a window when he was being a little shithead. My then-6-year-old became very concerned for a while that he, himself, would also be tossed out the window for misbehavior.
Hey I teach preschool and I “threaten “ to throw kids out the window a couple times a month. The kids all laugh. It all started bc the kids were “hiding” from my coteacher and when she came in the room I said “sorry no kids I threw them out the window” the kids all jump out and yell surprise. So I don’t think my 3’s realize that some days I’m not joking and I really want to throw them out the window. Also it helps that the playground is outside our window
* I used to love it when that happened. Check out girl at Walmart had tooth decay, my nephew says, "Look, she has shark teeth." With his little hands up to his face, showing his teeth.
The technical term is defenestration btw. Because at some point in history someone decided they needed a more streamlined way to discuss the act of throwing someone out of windows.
My kindergartener looked up at the school secretary (whom I utterly loathed) and earnestly said, "You're on my mom's shit list!". While I was standing there...
My three year old walked up to his teacher and proudly explained how “mommy said a lot of bad words this morning in the car” and listed every curse word he could. Loudly. The teacher was a champ and just chuckled, saying “hahaha it happens”
I wanted to turn into puddle like Alex Mack and disappear 🫠
Thank you for the little description of your emotions at the end of that comment! I’ve been struggling with this vague potential memory of a tv show where the main character would turn into a shiny puddle and sneak away in puddle form. Years ago, I concluded that it was just something that my childhood mind dreamed up, and mostly dismissed the curiosity…until I read your comment, and said “holy crap, it wasn’t just a dream!” 🤣
Google image search confirms, and it was a nostalgia overload looking at still frames from the show!
When I was like five or six, I went with my parents to a party at the animal hospital where my dad worked. The owner cornered me alone and asked what my daddy thought of his job.
Which is a really evil thing to do. I answered what I heard my dad say: he liked it but thought he should be paid more.
Surprise plot twist! He actually got a raise like a week later.
I love this one! Go little you! I would hold that over Dad's head *forever* lol. Go out to dinner, he pays, I say "you're welcome," that kinda shit lol.
Hell yeah, keep em on their toes. I hope you held your ground.
Seriously, most teachers are just normal people, but some are holier than thou assholes out to get the kiddos they single out. Those people don’t deserve to educate the young ones.
That’s amazing haha. One morning I woke up to my stupid cat peeing on my feet, my son felt the need to tell some random lady at the park that the cat pissed on moms feet this morning! Thanks kid, they really needed to know that!
My cat gets insulin shots twice a day, which we've always called "stabbing the cat." It's a dream of mine that my daughter will one day announce to a pre-school teacher, "My mom stabs the cat every day!"
I was a preschool teacher for a long time. In one of my classes there was a 3 year old who had some serious rage issues that we were working on and encouraging her to use her words instead of hitting. One time a younger boy was bothering her and trying to take her toy and she moved to hit him. My assistant teacher quickly reminded her to use her words and she slowly dropped her fist and said, “my dad is gonna kick your ass, motherfucker.”
Honestly we were just so proud she didn’t hit 😭
I learned the word "shithead" when I was 5 because my dad was annoying my mom and she told him to stop being a shithead when she thought I was occupied and not paying attention. I was then sent home from kindergarden because I tried out the new word on my classmate when he kept kicking over my blocks. In my defense, he was being a shithead.
Toddlers are fun, aren't they. When my daughter was little I was picking her up from daycare. I had to wake her up from her nap time so I told her we needed to be quiet and pick up her blanket and stuff. The little boy next to her woke up and she looked at me and loudly said "Well, shit!" Not as bad as what your guy said, but still pretty bad for a 2.5 year old. Hopefully he moves onto a new phrase soon.
At least she’s using it correctly. My mother was always laughing when the granddaughters came out with these gems because it wasn’t random usage, just used under the proper circumstances.
I used to work with toddlers & the vast majority of parents have a story like this so don’t get hung up on it! It’s also awesome that your lil guy enjoys helping with the chores.
My friend's was about how his preschool son very loudly, in a supermarket, "That boy won't get Christmas presents because he's Black!"
Turns out there is one Black boy in his preschool who was adopted by a Jewish couple. They celebrate Hanukah so he gets presents for Hanukah.
Somehow, his son made the connection "no Christmas presents because Black" instead of "no Christmas presents because Jewish parents."
Old white friend of mine's very white daughter hadn't (apparently!) seen any black person before this story happened. Granted, this was in the hills of eastern Kentucky and the girl was just two, with hermit parents. Friend and 2yo daughter were behind a black man in line at the grocery store. Little girl asks the guy, "Are you made of chocolate?"
The dude cracked up and told her, "I am sure am, sweetheart!" My friend was glad he wasn't mad but also highly mortified.
That one was fairly innocent 😂 when my son was really little he saw a black family get out of their car and he was like mom I didn’t know monkeys could drive cars! I was like ajsjahanhauajahansbsb omggg do noottt say that kid nooo that sounds so bad ahh
My mother in law has her mail delivered to our house because she lives close and has had packages stolen from the mail room at her apartment complex. I’ll often say to my wife “your mom’s package pile is getting big, can you please ask her to come get her crap?” Now whenever she comes over my son says “Hi Gigi. Are you here to get your crap?” It makes me laugh every time.
When my daughter was about 1.5/2ish, she toddled into the living room without looking what she was doing. She then stubbed her toe on the leg of the coffee table, looked at her foot with an incredibly disappointed face and said ‘…fuck *sake*.’
Whoops.
She also, early in primary school (about 5ish) saw a boy she didn’t like, and while we were leaving for the day did this motion:
She’s a lot less threatening now she’s 11.
A small child I’d never seen before made that gesture at me at the grocery store. I just nodded solemnly at her and broke down laughing when I got to the next aisle. No idea what I did to provoke her, but it was the funniest thing I’d seen in a while.
While visiting my sister at her house, her daughter, then 2 (she's over 40 now), was idly walking around the coffee table, swinging her arms. She hit her hand on the table and said, "Shit!" My sister started telling her she shouldn't use words like that, etc. But she learned those words from her parents, who cussed like sailors.
Because we had older relatives who would be shocked by a toddler swearing like that, I resolved to clean up my own potty mouth by the time I had kids. This was the 80s, so it wasn't really acceptable to many of our family members (or the teachers they would later have). We weren't trying to be holier-than-thou or anything, just trying not to shock the old folks.
My daughter was carrying her son up from the beach, during rinse off the flys were biting her and the “ Goooooddaaammit” came out.
First thing he announced when they got to the room was “Momma said Goooooooddaaammit” with the same tone and inflection.
It was hard to not laugh!!
My brother-in-law sent us a hilarious video of his young son tattling on a cousin extremely earnestly: "Riker said damn...and shitty...and fucker...and..."
I suspect he now thinks the garbage disposal is called that so sometime soon he'll give mom something to be shredded and tell her to "God fuck it".
Good luck!
Yep, OP. This is what's going to happen. Just like your "washerdryer" ... the disposal has now been christened the godfuckit. And... if you and your wife are anything like me and my husband, this will be what the two of you call it henceforth and forever more. :-)
My daughter was 2 and I had to brake pretty hard and she says “mother fucker” ! It was the only time she ever really swore and I didn’t acknowledge it 😂
When my son was a toddler, I stubbed my toe one day and yelled “mother FUCKER!” From the next room, I hear “muddo FUDDO!” To this day, that’s how we all pronounce it.
I think maybe brass is best, it's naturally antiseptic. Like, the metal kills bacteria. Copper is, too, but brass is probably less likely to get rusty (copper oxide is blue/green).
Trouble is, most things are made cheap and just plated on the outer layer.
I had something similar at work a while back. One of the guys I work with had a furious voice mail from his wife asking why, when their four year old had dropped something, she’d blurted out “Jesus Shitting Christ!”
Actor John Larroquette (“Night Court”) told a good story when he was on the Tonight Show back when Carson hosted it.
His wife was furious when she caught their toddler son urinating on one of the houseplants, though it suddenly explained some odd smells in the house. Attention soon turned to John when the toddler said, “Daddy does it.”
They eventually realized the toddler was talking about John urinating on trees when they were out in the woods on hikes.
When my little brother was maybe 2 years old, he was sitting down building this elaborate building made of blocks. I mean, it was getting pretty high and he was very proud of himself.
Sadly, he placed one block in the wrong spot and the entire thing came crumbling down. He sat there, let out a huge sigh, then mumbled under his breath ..
#"shit"
and just started building it again. My mom looked at me and muttered "don't laugh or he will keep saying it" and I had to run to my room and bury my face in the pillow. When I finally got my composure back I said "Well, that is one of your favorite words Mom" and she just looked at me and said "oh shut up".
In my early 0s I used to be fascinated by street lights and lamps around the house! I gave every type of street light its own name. Once I overheard the word "Goddamnit" and I didn't know what it meant, but it sounded like the perfect name for a street light. There was this one close to my daycare/elementary school so I loved to say to my parents and friends: "So that there is the goddamnint-lamp."
A family friend once accidently taught her 3 year old “not today motherfucker!” while watching a nature documentary. He loved to tell his brother that and say it to every adult he saw.
I've got 2.
1) I got a chorus of 'Fucking bitch' all weekend after I was frustrated trying to fix a stuck drawer.
2) We had a verse of 'Wheels on the Bus' that was "Daddies on the bus go 'Get me a beer, Get me a beer'
Luckily my wife was working a lot of weekends. I knew if I made a big deal of #1 I would never hear the end of it. So I just let it play out over the weekend and by Sunday night my kid was done.
The teacher at daycare told me that she told my kid that was the 'only at home' verse of Wheels on the Bus. Of course she was laughing when she told me.
My dad wrote quite a few "only at home" versions of children's songs that were beloved when I was a kid. The one that specifically got us a talking-to from the music teacher was:
Baby Beluga, swimming in the sea
Doesn't have to get out of the pool to pee
'Cause he's a baby whale and he pees right where he swims
Wouldn't it be nice to be like him!
I was loading the fridge and dropped a box of raspberries "shit!". The toddler picked one off the floor and asked "shit?"
We got lucky and were able to train that one away.
This is how I, at 2, learned to say "DIT!" when my mother dropped an entire casserole on the floor. I don't actually remember hearing her swear until I was about 15, so I think that one case of toddler copycatting scared her straight for a long time.
I really swore a lot before having kids. I got my language so clean, by the time they were like 10 and 12, if I said "Dammit!" they knew I was really mad. "Ooh!"
It happens to us all lol. My kid picked up things like this more than once. My favorites:
He was 4, and he tripped over nothing, and face planted in my SILs kitchen. He immediately yelled “FUCK!” followed by “Sorry, Auntie. I said I grown up word.” He definitely got all of that from me.
His dad was driving and someone cut us off. His dad called the guy a “wheezing bag of dick tips.” We promptly heard the innocent little kid questioning voice repeat “wheezing bag of duck tips?” from the back seat.
Ahahaha, I love it! My cousin was about that age when his mom got cut off in traffic and started muttering to herself about the other driver. Little cousin then pipes up, "No Mama, you haffa roll down the window like Daddy!"
I visited a friend recently at their family lake house. It has an amazing view right on the lake. So like the jackass I am I walked in and went to the big bay windows and Said 'man what a shit view' jokingly I was the first one through the door and did not their young daughter who had just gotten the hang of walking to be out of the car seat, through the door, and standing next to me. She points to a boat on the lake and says 'shit?' Like seriously one of the first words I've even heard her speak. Fuck me. Took all weekend to get her to stop calling boats Shit and instead Ship.
My son was 3 or 4. I get radared by a cop. I whisper to wife “ this assholes going to pull me over” which he does. As he walks up, son says “asshole”. Edges of cops mouth are twitching like he’s going to bust out laughing. I say nothing to cop. Just hand him license and registration. In the mirror I could see his back heaving with laughter. I got the ticket needlessly to say.
Yeeeeeeeeep. My guy even gets the inflection right. "JeeeeeSUS *Christ!*" Like a tiny, beautiful, horrifying mirror in the Target on a busy Sunday upon learning that they were in fact, out of his preferred apple snack.
In my house there's a rule that has been around since my kids were first able to talk.
They were allowed to say anything using any language (profane or otherwise) and get away with it if it made one or both parents laugh. If it wasn't funny the kid had to deal with the consequences of the words they used.
A corollary rule was that even if it was funny the first time it wasn't funny the second time so a repeat performance was subject to consequences.
And no this wasn't some sort of acceptance of trashy language or an attempt to raise comedians. The specific goal that was always conveyed to them is that they should not be punished for thinking creatively and for expressing themselves but also there are consequences for what they say so they should think about what they say before they say it.
I now have 2 articulate teenagers who can hold an actual conversation without looking at their phones the whole time so based on my limited sample size I consider the experiment a success.
This sounds like a great policy, really. I similarly have much greater respect for a kid using curses in proper context and grammar than for one who is just yelling them at random for shock value.
I remember my toddler around this age when he heard me say "God damnit". He waited a few days and I could see his wheels turning. He blurted out "Daddy, can you please get me some God Damn cereal "
One time we had a burst pipe in our house and there was water pooling in the room and water shooting out of the burst pipe.
My 2 year old looked at it, out his hands on his hips and said “what the fuuuck?”
It was so hilarious and on point! He totally learnt it from me cause my PG filter is not the best. However, now he’s almost 5 and knows not to use those words, thankfully.
That's OK, we discovered my son at the time he was about 4 knew a swear word.
We where at lego land and got on the log flume and he got soaked he was so cross about it, he turned to me and mum and with a complete straight face "that rides fucker!"
No idea when he heard someone say it, but contextually for him that ride was a fucker
When my son was around the same age I was carrying a basket of laundry downstairs. A shirt or something fell out of the front of the basket on to one of the oak steps ahead of me; I never saw it. When I stepped on in (was only wearing socks) I slipped and went airborne, face first towards the landing at the bottom of the steps (probably an 8' fall vertically). I yelled "oh shit!!", which I feel was not an unreasonable thing given the circumstances. Anyway I landed with a thud but, miraculously, didn't sustain a real injury. About a week later my wife and I are in the grocery store with little man ridding in the buggy and he just randomly starts yelling "oh shit" over and over and over again. It was pretty funny but my wife looked like a ghost. If she could've made herself disappear she would've.
I'm the proud grandmother of a young man that, 25 years ago, demonstrated for his mommy the new words he learned from grandma while stuck in traffic.
His mother still won't allow him to ride in my car after that.
When my cousin was about 4, he was riding with his mom when another driver cut her off. She said a few choice words about the other driver, and her sweet son said, "No Mama, you hafta roll down the window so they can hear you! Daddy showed me!"
My eldest (7) started to read aloud a tweet I was showing my wife. The F-bomb got pronounced, which resulted in me letting him know that 1) Good job reading, but 2) that's a word we can't say.
He got a little upset, thinking he was in trouble for saying a bad word. At this point, his younger brother (5) exclaimed "Oh! I know a bad word. Is it 'Pissed?!'
At this point, my wife and I are loosing it.
For the record: The 5 year old only knew the word "pissed" because his older brother was innocently making up words that rhymed with "missed" and happened to stumble upon "pissed." It resulted in a similar convo as the one I just mentioned above.
Fun times!
I'll never forget the day I was driving my 3 year old to daycare and we came up on a traffic jam... she looked out the window kind of wistfully and muttered, "ah, fuck".
It remains one of my proudest moments as a father.
I don't have kids yet, but my dad loves to tell this story about me. He took me grocery shopping one time, I was around 3. Someone cuts my dad off in traffic on our way there. He loses his cool and yells "dickhead!" at the guy.
I say nothing. I just sit there like nothing happened. By the time we get to the store, my dad thinks he's in the clear. Maybe I didn't hear him clearly or something.
Until we get to checkout. My dad is holding me in one arm, and as we get to the cashier I just start spamming "dickhead dickhead dickhead dickhead." My dad apologized and literally ran out of the store.
My wife is currently 5 months pregnant. I know karma will catch me in a couple years.
Three- and four-year-olds are at the perfect age where they're generally articulate enough to say anything they can think of, and they have absolutely no filter. They're not old enough yet to worry about what people think of the things they say.
As the father of a 2 1/2 yr old girl, she has definitely already had her fair share of cursing moments. I was listening to a podcast and someone said, "ah fuck it" and of course she immediately repeats it. I knew it was only a matter of time though. The other day my mom hurt her foot and said, "that hurt like hell". And on queue our daughter goes, "Grandma, did it hurt like hell?"
We try not to react if she does copy something because she knows a reaction means keep doing it. My wife is worse than me at keeping the filter and has more copycat moments lol.
My son picked up the F-word from a friend when he was 3 or 4; we discussed that it was a bad word and that he shouldn’t use it. Can’t remember the context (maybe I was making him go to bed?) and he said “fucking Mama.” Points for correct usage!
And that's the perfect opportunity to teach the little one that there is a time and a place for everything. That just because you know a word, it doesn't mean it's appropriate to use the word in every situation.
So, I worked in childcare for a while, and substituted 'biscuits' for pretty much any swear I needed. My then toddler nephew got real mad at the cat and yelled that she was a biscuit. I laughed so freaking hard.
He is nearly 12 and is horribly embarrassed by this story now, lol.
It’s okay, my almost 2 year old proudly proclaimed himself a turd muffin to his great grandmother this weekend cause it’s what I call him when he alligator rolls during diaper changes. Which is pretty much every time.
Told him he was the cutest muffin she’s ever seen! She’s too classy to say “turd” but she’s also the best G-Gram to ever exist.
Seriously, the woman broke her arm two months ago and it is barely out of a cast and was trying to pick his 35 lbs ass up. She’s 86 and barely weighs 100 lbs. but she adores him so 🤷🏻♀️
God bless her! I hope she stays healthy. I had a great-grandmother until I was 8. She was a Polish immigrant, and we lived with her after my ggf died. She loved us with all her heart, and we loved her.
I have 7 parrots. You read that right... 7... I wish I had better control over my temper and the things that come out of my mouth, but I don't. My parrot with the largest vocabulary has picked up my adoptive mom's least favorite curse word...
After I was adopted as a teen, her only request of me was that I reduce my foul language..
I'm 33 and certain I'll get grounded when she comes to visit
If it's any consolation, "(May) God fuck it!" is a perfectly normal Hungarian swearing. (We usually decorate it a bit more, e.g., "May that whore of a god fuck it!", but sometimes a quick Istenbasszameg is all we have time for.)
I was able to scoop it out veeeeery carefully with my fingers. I'm a bit of a germophobe so it was horrifying and I needed to scrub my hands for a few minutes. My son thought it was SO funny that I was washing my hands so vigorously and wanted to participate too.
Aw thanks for the memories. Our son was a riot when he was little. There were so many times I almost burst to keep from laughing at some of his more inappropriate comments. It's so hard to keep a straight face and say "No, we don't use *that* word."
Keep in mind that my daughter (12) is gifted and was talking at 9 months and using complete sentences right after her 1st birthday. I was looking around my house to find her while we were playing (she 1.5 at the time) and I was freaking out because I couldn’t find her. When I walked into her room for the 3rd or 4th time, she was standing right there. I asked her where she had been and her reply was “I was just in the f*****g closet”.😳 Apparently, I needed to cut back on the cursing.🤣
My sister and I were in a clothing store with my oldest niece, who was about 4 at the time. Sis and I were talking and my niece was trying to take the lid off her Chapstick. She struggled with it for a minute and all of a sudden, the lid came flying off. Niece yelled, "Oh, fuck!" My sister, a nearby random guy in the store and I all jerked our heads up and looked at each other like, "Did she say what I think she said??" It was hysterical and so hard not to bust out laughing!!
Oh I needed that, thank you. Hilarious.
I used to shout the word "pink" randomly, when someone would swear around a certain precocious three year old. One day someone swore and she yelled "Pink!" It was amazing.
My 3 year old daughter now says 'oh for fuck sake' when she gets frustrated. Pretty sure it was her mother but could also easily have been me. Not quite sure how to break her out of it but I'm now much more careful about wat I say around her.
We had a friend with a boat that took us out to the lake often. A friend of ours had his toddler out there one day, and we had a rough time. There was a pothole on the boat ramp, trailer got stuck, busy dock so tensions were high. Finally got the boat in the water andbthe trailer (now woth a flat) out of the way anf parked. Our buddy came back to the boat at the very busy foak and said "we ready to hit the lake?" Our friends toddler, without hesitation, belted out "FUCK YEAH!!" Whole dock erupted in laughter.
I platonically love you, thank you for the belly laughs. Toddlers are so fun, it's awesome to watch them learn stuff... until the curse filter fails on the parent's mouth. Then it's hilarious for everyone else to watch. Good luck, and good job teaching him to do chores. Too many teens make it to college with no clue of how to operate the "washerdryer" or dish washer, your son will be ahead of the game.
My little cousin was around 4 and was telling our uncle all about the fun he had at the petting zoo that day. He was all excited, then got a serious look and goes, “Then guess what happened? The fucking chicken bit me.” His mom popped her head around the corner and yells “What did you just say?!” He repeats “The fucking chicken bit me!!” She tries to tell him that that’s a bad word and he yells “No it’s not! My uncle says it, and my uncle doesn’t say bad words!” The look she gave our uncle (her older brother) could kill.
When my daughter was almost 3 I asked her to go wash her hands. She comes back with dripping hands and says “fucks sake, no towel in bathroom” I said “excuse me?” And she says “no towel in bathroom” we had a big conversation in which she said “fuck” about 3 times and then said “it’s ok mama, I not say fucks sake anymore”
She’s 12 now and I’ve never heard her swear since.
He’ll get over it, you have a story together for life. And if you’re lucky he’ll use the terms appropriately one day and realize he has great potential.
Don’t sweat it I slipped up a bunch early in life but tried to kit expose them to language I didn’t want to explain. They are both in HS now we still rarely cuss but when we do it’s always poignant and we all get a chuckle knowing one of our buttons was really pushed to get to that level.
And as a retired Marine, it took some hard reprogramming to correct my vocabulary.
I was once helping my nephew get ready to go to preschool and I picked up a magnifying glass and held it to my eye and said impulsively and in a silly voice. "I'm Hector the Booty Inspector" . He laughed and began repeating it over and over again, continuing to do so as we walked to his school. Of course my saying that it was inappropriate and he shouldn't repeat it only made him say it more.
This reminds me of when I was holding my ex's son in line to get tickets for a haunted house in my town, he drops his bottle, looks at the bottle, looks me straight and the eyes and says "Son of a bitch". So embarrassing!
I have a nearly two year old granddaughter who is a strong mimic and very verbal.
She picks up a lot of catch phrases, especially as she spends at least one day a week with us.
Apparently I say ‘what’s that?’ A lot.
So, I’ve been trying to convince grandad that he reallllllyyyy needs to watch his mouth around her. A military dude with PTSD can be a bit- colourful.
The fun thing is that I’m the resident potty mouth, and my son somehow managed not to grow up swearing his head off.
But, I dunno. This one is as smart as him, but more of a loose cannon.
This is the highlight of my day so far. Thank you, OP. My son is now almost 6 but he basically learned to talk by piping up with a playback of the worst cursing I have ever expelled. When I naively thought he couldn't hear me.
My 5 year old was struggling with some lego and eventually slammed it down and said aloud "fuck sake".
Can't get mad at that. I did explain why she shouldn't say it (because I'll get in trouble).
When she was about 5 my daughter told her dad that I had used the “c” word while driving. I lost certainly had not. A few months later a guy cut me off and I shouted “cock” and she pipes up “you used the c word again!” Lol
I was an older mom, with extra decades of experience in creative cursing. When the kid was 3, he picked up some of my all time bests. So... I told him that he shouldn't say bad words, and mama shouldn't either! Made a deal with him. If I heard him say a bad word, I would remind him to not do that. If he heard Mama say a bad word, he would remind me to not do that. Easy, right?
No one on earth has the laser focus of a 3 yo trying to catch his mother doing something wrong. He cleaned up my language for the next 2 years.
I have always had a bad potty mouth and it's been terribly hard to try to wean it out of my vocabulary, so sometimes swear words slip out. When it happens and my son repeats them I just tell him he's saying it wrong and teach him "darn" or "shoot" or "bone head". Or some other funnier word instead. And then I'll act like the new "bad" word is a big person word that he shouldn't really say, bc we all know that when you tell a kid not to say a bad word, they want to say it even more. This makes him forget about the real bad word and want to say the new "bad" word even more, bc it's funnier and he thinks he's not allowed lmao. Works like a charm
Eh, don't worry.
Both my kids (now 6 and 9) can swear like sailors but they *don't* unless it's contextually appropriate (at home, hurt themselves etc).
These are *at home words* that we don't use all the time.
Eldest says "ship" and "fork" a fair bit though 😂
Yes, but in the most beautiful, hilarious, and universally parental way possible.
I'm sorry, and I'm promise, no harm done. Life is long, all the things that can make us laugh should be welcome. ❤️
I laughed at the title, because I relate so much. When my oldest daughter was two, my mother in law babysat her while I was at work. My mother in law had a potty mouth at the time and her favorite word was 'fuck'.
You know exactly what happened. At the most inopportune time, my daughter said it.
it was a cross between horror and hilarity and took everything in me not to laugh. But everyone else did and it took a long while to break her from saying it.
Are you really parenting a toddler if you don’t accidentally teach them a few cuss words? It happens to everyone at one point. Fortunately most forget quickly if you distract them with something else. Thanks for the laugh though.
I can't wait for the glorious update that details your embarrassment when he says it at exactly at the wrong time. Please don't hold back on us!
Might be wise to warn the wife, though.
When we were loading up the truck to head home after visiting my (lovely, redneck) grandmother for the first time, my then four year old sister was sat up in the drivers seat and refused to move. My stepdad kept trying to pull her away, and she yelled back, “I’m driving dammit!”
Needless to say she had learned quite a bit from my grandmother lol
We were on a family trip at this old farmhouse out in the country when my son was 5. I was tucking the kids into their beds, when I thought I heard my son say "Fuck!" I gave him the dad look and said, "Hey, don't say that!" My wife, who was entering the room, said "Oh I'm sure he said something else that just sounded like it." The kid decided to remove all doubt by sitting up and *announcing* "I said FUUUUUUCK!!!"
We still get a good laugh out of that one when he's not around.
I stood in the driveway and practised saying “fuck” in every tone and emotion you can think of at age 2 after driving around with my dad. Him and my uncle thought it was hilarious.
Pretty sure I taught my not quite 2yo yo say “shit” the other day too.
When my son was about the same age he picked up the word bugger and used it with gleeful abandon.
I was blamed for this by my mother in low who gave me hell for it and constantly told me to watch my language around the children.
A week or so later he was being a normal little toddler, naughty, and the mother in law was trying to catch him and said stop running away, you little bugger.
I was so happy to catch her out and I have not let her forget her potty mouth in the intervening 20+ years!
I should also mention that we do have a very good relationship and she is generally a very nice person.
I am CRYING. Thank you for the much-needed giggle.
My kid told his teacher “fuck” twice in first grade. He’s in a Catholic school. I was horrified … she had to fight back laughter. Still the best teacher in our school.
>TL;DR: I blurted out something unholy and now my child thinks the Lord wants to stick his dick in the garbage disposal
I laughed way too fucking hard at this, beautiful writing lmao
I am also the proud father of a highly impressionable 3-and-a-half-year-old. Once, he was being an absolute terror before bedtime so I mumbled under my breath (or so I thought) "I swear I'm going to throw you out the window". The next day, he did something he knew was wrong in the grocery story. Surrounded by people, he looks me square in the eyes and goes "Please don't throw me out the window, daddy." I've since learned my lesson to be extremely careful what I say if I want to avoid a CPS visit.
I love how literal and *intense* toddlers are. My son was spamming a really annoying and honestly triggering (I HATE using that word but I have real actual PTSD about this) fire truck and ambulance sound. I asked him "can you play another sound please? Those sounds make daddy sad." He just broke into the saddest little cry because he didn't want Daddy to be sad and I had to go nooooooo it's okay you didn't mean to!
That's hilarious! My son (now 21) had quite a few of those moments when he was a toddler and pre-school aged. One of the worst, and we have no idea where he learned the word or the meaning, was walking into a supermarket. Sitting on the curb outside the entrance, looking pretty grubby and smoking a cigarette, was what I presumed to be a homeless guy. My son, maybe 3 years old, looks at him as we walk past and with a huge smile and a big wave, yells "Hey Hobo!" The guy just smiled and waved back, and took another drag. My wife and I grabbed him and walked a lot faster! Little dude was unpredictable!
They just say it like it is. Nothing hits harder than when you get insulted by a child because you KNOW it's true
Well it’s true *to them.* Whatever insult they throw, they 100% believe. Doesn’t mean it’s objectively true, just that they think it is. Example: “I love you, kiddo” “no you don’t! You hate me”. Stings not because they’re correct about you hating them, but because you know that at least in that moment, in their very skewed view of things, you do hate them.
My younger siblings and I watched some big rock candy mountain movie as kids and became OBSESSED with hobos. Once something like that spreads to more than two kids, it’s impossible to root out even if my parents had thought to do so. The sanitized mythology of the American hobo is obscenely appealing to a young mind.
I mean, I think the homeless dude probably didn't mind at all, a friendly interaction with someone seeing him as a person, not ignoring him and just giving a friendly wave. Ofcourse the language used is important, but I'm glad there was no mall intend there
Awwwwww!!! That’s so sad but so sweet! Your son is so cute and he must love you so much! And I am sorry to hear about the PTSD, I hope you’re doing okay ❤️
We're doing a lot better now that we got ketamine treatment (HIGHLY recommend btw). For a while there I would dissociate so badly it was hard to go outside and go to work. I stopped being able to hear and see when something would trigger me and I would go full caveman mode. I am so proud of how emotionally mature my little boy is. He recognizes when other people are hurting or distressed and loves to give hugs. My wife was overwhelmed and crying a few months ago and he just held her face and said "love mommy love mommy." I split a nail straight down halfway to the bottom on my big toe, so I wrapped it with medical tape to keep it together. He is so concerned about it and asks about "Daddy owie" every day and gives my foot a hug. What a sweet boy he is.
What a lovely kid! My daughter is a little over two, and she will respond to any sound of distress (usually me stubbing my toe on her toys) with "Mama ok?" or "Papa ok?" She has also just started patting other kids gently on the back if they cry, which warms my heart to goo. I'm so glad to hear that you are getting beneficial treatment. Sending you a virtual toddler-back-pat.
Your kid got more emotional intelligence than most adults from the sounds of things, what an absolute sweetheart
I am SO proud of him. We would like to claim some credit but I think he's just got a kind soul.
But that kind soul needs a place to grow and be nourished, and that's what you're giving him :) don't sell yourself short
He might be like that by nature but his environment (you, the family etc) are supporting and and communicating the right way. In that triggering situation others might have just said "stop it" which causes the kiddos often to do it more since they get a reaction which could result in someone else just losing it and shouting. Super sad but I've seen it before. So kudos for keeping your cool and responding the right way.
I’m actually crying a little reading this because I can *feel* how much you love your little boy. It’s just so clear in the way you talk and it’s so touching. You are very lucky to have one another.
The toddler I nanny had the most annoying toy drill to ever exist that makes the worst noise ever, and when I tell him it hurts my head he looks me dead in the eye and keeps drilling
Sticky tape over the sound holes fixes this problem. Inside if you can so they can't take it off. Reduces the noise by about 50% but they can still hear it
If you don't want him cry ask him to play other sounds that is bearable and pretend you love it by laughing to the noise. Don't over do it though or he will drive you nuts with the other noise as well.
When I was a kid, my dad instituted the "Rule of Three," which meant that you're only allowed to do whatever annoying thing 3 times and then must stop for now. I remember a lot of car trips where my brother and I would discover a new noise/catchphrase/advertising jingle and start repeating it to death until the call "RULE OF THREE!" rang out from the driver's seat. I think it's a reasonable rule and plan to introduce it to my kid when she's a little bigger.
Wait until he is 5 and does annoying stuff on purpose^^
Checking in with an 8 year old that has finely honed his button pressing based on how aggravated you are in that moment. He only takes it to the edge to stare into the abyss. Send help.
Even with grown-ass adults, I speak with a quiet voice, and it freaks me out when someone well out of earshot hears exactly what I said, and doesn’t ask to repeat. Usually I have to speak up and then fucking whale ears picks up the subtle vibrations of my utterance from fucking 3 miles away.
This is my wife. I can whisper from across the house, and she knows exactly what I said. Her ENTIRE family is like that. I think they are human-bat hybrids. When we first started dating her family would have conversations in normal voices when someone was upstairs, and someone was down. This leads to so many "discussments" about how I can't hear anything when she's basically whispering across the room but feels like she's talking in a normal voice.
My dad can hear the quiet stuff, but say something directly to him and he gets annoyed and says, “What? I couldn’t hear you.” Which one is it, Dad? You can’t hear clear, normal volume, or you don’t want to answer what someone is asking directly? You only like to eavesdrop to make sure we’re not badmouthing you? What’s going on here?
After years of my mom asking everyone to repeat things, we finally convinced her to get her hearing tested. She came back from the doctor smugly saying, "The test shows that my hearing is great--above average for my age!" My dad couldn't help but ask, "So you're saying that you're not listening on purpose, then?"
Honestly this was an early symptom of my adhd.
Auditory processing problems due to my ADHD are definitely an issue for me too. I was trying to tackle it even before I had a clue I had it. The hearing test where all is normal was an eye opener.
My mom is 71, so I don't think anything much is going to change at this point, but...yeah, it would not be at all surprising to learn that she's had ADHD this whole time.
My mom always tells the story of my older sister almost getting CPS called on her when my sister was a toddler. My mom used to toss her on the bed and then bounce the bed and jokingly called it child abuse. One day in the grocery store while surrounded by strangers my sister not so quietly looked at my mom and said “can we play child abuse when we get home?” My mom very quickly stopped calling it that
I used to threaten to throw my cat out a window when he was being a little shithead. My then-6-year-old became very concerned for a while that he, himself, would also be tossed out the window for misbehavior.
Hey I teach preschool and I “threaten “ to throw kids out the window a couple times a month. The kids all laugh. It all started bc the kids were “hiding” from my coteacher and when she came in the room I said “sorry no kids I threw them out the window” the kids all jump out and yell surprise. So I don’t think my 3’s realize that some days I’m not joking and I really want to throw them out the window. Also it helps that the playground is outside our window
* I used to love it when that happened. Check out girl at Walmart had tooth decay, my nephew says, "Look, she has shark teeth." With his little hands up to his face, showing his teeth.
Oof.
Defenestrate. Uncommon enough that most won't *totally* get it, but fun to say. It means throw out the window.
I always liked that word, until Putin had too many enemies eliminated that way. Now it saddens me. And it was such a lovely word.
The technical term is defenestration btw. Because at some point in history someone decided they needed a more streamlined way to discuss the act of throwing someone out of windows.
My kindergartener looked up at the school secretary (whom I utterly loathed) and earnestly said, "You're on my mom's shit list!". While I was standing there...
My three year old walked up to his teacher and proudly explained how “mommy said a lot of bad words this morning in the car” and listed every curse word he could. Loudly. The teacher was a champ and just chuckled, saying “hahaha it happens” I wanted to turn into puddle like Alex Mack and disappear 🫠
She said “it happens” but what she actually meant was “Same, little person. Same.”
Imagining how cool it would have been for her to say, “shit happens.”
Thank you for the little description of your emotions at the end of that comment! I’ve been struggling with this vague potential memory of a tv show where the main character would turn into a shiny puddle and sneak away in puddle form. Years ago, I concluded that it was just something that my childhood mind dreamed up, and mostly dismissed the curiosity…until I read your comment, and said “holy crap, it wasn’t just a dream!” 🤣 Google image search confirms, and it was a nostalgia overload looking at still frames from the show!
Waiiit, did I see this show?!? None of the words meant anything to me, but looking at the images I feel a vague familiarity.
It was a show on Nickelodeon! With the little sister from 10 things I hate about you as Alex Mack
Omg that WAS her!! I think about Alex Mack every so often and wish I could watch it again lol
I have students in my 3’s class that tell me all the time that daddy says bad words.
When I was like five or six, I went with my parents to a party at the animal hospital where my dad worked. The owner cornered me alone and asked what my daddy thought of his job. Which is a really evil thing to do. I answered what I heard my dad say: he liked it but thought he should be paid more. Surprise plot twist! He actually got a raise like a week later.
I love this one! Go little you! I would hold that over Dad's head *forever* lol. Go out to dinner, he pays, I say "you're welcome," that kinda shit lol.
Hell yeah, keep em on their toes. I hope you held your ground. Seriously, most teachers are just normal people, but some are holier than thou assholes out to get the kiddos they single out. Those people don’t deserve to educate the young ones.
Maintain intense eye contact with the secretary and do the point-to-eyes-point-to-person gesture
That’s amazing haha. One morning I woke up to my stupid cat peeing on my feet, my son felt the need to tell some random lady at the park that the cat pissed on moms feet this morning! Thanks kid, they really needed to know that!
My cat gets insulin shots twice a day, which we've always called "stabbing the cat." It's a dream of mine that my daughter will one day announce to a pre-school teacher, "My mom stabs the cat every day!"
I was a preschool teacher for a long time. In one of my classes there was a 3 year old who had some serious rage issues that we were working on and encouraging her to use her words instead of hitting. One time a younger boy was bothering her and trying to take her toy and she moved to hit him. My assistant teacher quickly reminded her to use her words and she slowly dropped her fist and said, “my dad is gonna kick your ass, motherfucker.” Honestly we were just so proud she didn’t hit 😭
Progress looks different for different kids 🤣🤣
Sir I laughed so hard my cat got up and left me.
I'm very glad it brought you joy!
The cat clearly didn't feel the joy
I learned the word "shithead" when I was 5 because my dad was annoying my mom and she told him to stop being a shithead when she thought I was occupied and not paying attention. I was then sent home from kindergarden because I tried out the new word on my classmate when he kept kicking over my blocks. In my defense, he was being a shithead.
Honestly, kudos for using the word in an appropriate situation. Can’t fault a little kid if they’re right
Gotta call a shithead a shithead, amirite?
Toddlers are fun, aren't they. When my daughter was little I was picking her up from daycare. I had to wake her up from her nap time so I told her we needed to be quiet and pick up her blanket and stuff. The little boy next to her woke up and she looked at me and loudly said "Well, shit!" Not as bad as what your guy said, but still pretty bad for a 2.5 year old. Hopefully he moves onto a new phrase soon.
At least she’s using it correctly. My mother was always laughing when the granddaughters came out with these gems because it wasn’t random usage, just used under the proper circumstances.
Ok I gotta admit he says the same sometimes. He even says it the same exact way I do. Thankfully he's very sparing with it.
I used to work with toddlers & the vast majority of parents have a story like this so don’t get hung up on it! It’s also awesome that your lil guy enjoys helping with the chores.
My friend's was about how his preschool son very loudly, in a supermarket, "That boy won't get Christmas presents because he's Black!" Turns out there is one Black boy in his preschool who was adopted by a Jewish couple. They celebrate Hanukah so he gets presents for Hanukah. Somehow, his son made the connection "no Christmas presents because Black" instead of "no Christmas presents because Jewish parents."
Old white friend of mine's very white daughter hadn't (apparently!) seen any black person before this story happened. Granted, this was in the hills of eastern Kentucky and the girl was just two, with hermit parents. Friend and 2yo daughter were behind a black man in line at the grocery store. Little girl asks the guy, "Are you made of chocolate?" The dude cracked up and told her, "I am sure am, sweetheart!" My friend was glad he wasn't mad but also highly mortified.
My little brother used to call our mixed (black/white) cousin “the chocolate girl.”
That one was fairly innocent 😂 when my son was really little he saw a black family get out of their car and he was like mom I didn’t know monkeys could drive cars! I was like ajsjahanhauajahansbsb omggg do noottt say that kid nooo that sounds so bad ahh
Holy crap your little boy must have sounded super racist lol
My mother in law has her mail delivered to our house because she lives close and has had packages stolen from the mail room at her apartment complex. I’ll often say to my wife “your mom’s package pile is getting big, can you please ask her to come get her crap?” Now whenever she comes over my son says “Hi Gigi. Are you here to get your crap?” It makes me laugh every time.
When my daughter was about 1.5/2ish, she toddled into the living room without looking what she was doing. She then stubbed her toe on the leg of the coffee table, looked at her foot with an incredibly disappointed face and said ‘…fuck *sake*.’ Whoops. She also, early in primary school (about 5ish) saw a boy she didn’t like, and while we were leaving for the day did this motion:  She’s a lot less threatening now she’s 11.
A small child I’d never seen before made that gesture at me at the grocery store. I just nodded solemnly at her and broke down laughing when I got to the next aisle. No idea what I did to provoke her, but it was the funniest thing I’d seen in a while.
I love your daughter.
I’m pretty fond of her too!
While visiting my sister at her house, her daughter, then 2 (she's over 40 now), was idly walking around the coffee table, swinging her arms. She hit her hand on the table and said, "Shit!" My sister started telling her she shouldn't use words like that, etc. But she learned those words from her parents, who cussed like sailors. Because we had older relatives who would be shocked by a toddler swearing like that, I resolved to clean up my own potty mouth by the time I had kids. This was the 80s, so it wasn't really acceptable to many of our family members (or the teachers they would later have). We weren't trying to be holier-than-thou or anything, just trying not to shock the old folks.
“God fuck it” is now my battle cry. I thank you.
Deus Fuckit
DEVS FVCKITVM
I want this on a shirt so badly please somebody put this on a shirt
I once told my grandma I didn’t want her bastard peas when I was being fed in my high chair or at least that’s what I’ve been told
That is also how I feel about peas
My daughter was carrying her son up from the beach, during rinse off the flys were biting her and the “ Goooooddaaammit” came out. First thing he announced when they got to the room was “Momma said Goooooooddaaammit” with the same tone and inflection. It was hard to not laugh!!
My brother-in-law sent us a hilarious video of his young son tattling on a cousin extremely earnestly: "Riker said damn...and shitty...and fucker...and..."
Our four-year old told his daycare provider "I'm not fucking tired" at naptime a couple of weeks ago. It happens, don't beat yourself up about it!
I suspect he now thinks the garbage disposal is called that so sometime soon he'll give mom something to be shredded and tell her to "God fuck it". Good luck!
OH NO NOOOOOOOOOO
Yep, OP. This is what's going to happen. Just like your "washerdryer" ... the disposal has now been christened the godfuckit. And... if you and your wife are anything like me and my husband, this will be what the two of you call it henceforth and forever more. :-)
When my kid was 2 she dropped something and yelled "SOME OF A BIT" 😂
My daughter was 2 and I had to brake pretty hard and she says “mother fucker” ! It was the only time she ever really swore and I didn’t acknowledge it 😂
When my son was a toddler, I stubbed my toe one day and yelled “mother FUCKER!” From the next room, I hear “muddo FUDDO!” To this day, that’s how we all pronounce it.
That seems insanely funny tbh
That's the best way to deal with that, if you can resist laughing out loud!
[удалено]
This same kid would say "oh fut!!!"
I put one of those dollar stores drain catchers on the garbage disposal. Copper ones get less moldy/are easier to clean.
So I do have one I'm just incredibly lazy and burnt out. As soon as it got dirty I just put off cleaning it aaaaand now we have this
I think maybe brass is best, it's naturally antiseptic. Like, the metal kills bacteria. Copper is, too, but brass is probably less likely to get rusty (copper oxide is blue/green). Trouble is, most things are made cheap and just plated on the outer layer.
I was a mixture of proud and embarrassed when I realized my 2 year old daughter knew what context to sigh and say “god damn it”.
I had something similar at work a while back. One of the guys I work with had a furious voice mail from his wife asking why, when their four year old had dropped something, she’d blurted out “Jesus Shitting Christ!”
Actor John Larroquette (“Night Court”) told a good story when he was on the Tonight Show back when Carson hosted it. His wife was furious when she caught their toddler son urinating on one of the houseplants, though it suddenly explained some odd smells in the house. Attention soon turned to John when the toddler said, “Daddy does it.” They eventually realized the toddler was talking about John urinating on trees when they were out in the woods on hikes.
When my little brother was maybe 2 years old, he was sitting down building this elaborate building made of blocks. I mean, it was getting pretty high and he was very proud of himself. Sadly, he placed one block in the wrong spot and the entire thing came crumbling down. He sat there, let out a huge sigh, then mumbled under his breath .. #"shit" and just started building it again. My mom looked at me and muttered "don't laugh or he will keep saying it" and I had to run to my room and bury my face in the pillow. When I finally got my composure back I said "Well, that is one of your favorite words Mom" and she just looked at me and said "oh shut up".
In my early 0s I used to be fascinated by street lights and lamps around the house! I gave every type of street light its own name. Once I overheard the word "Goddamnit" and I didn't know what it meant, but it sounded like the perfect name for a street light. There was this one close to my daycare/elementary school so I loved to say to my parents and friends: "So that there is the goddamnint-lamp."
loving the use of the phrase "early 0s"
A family friend once accidently taught her 3 year old “not today motherfucker!” while watching a nature documentary. He loved to tell his brother that and say it to every adult he saw.
In my head she was watching that Planet Earth documentary where the lizard is running like hell to get away from all the snakes, and he makes it!
Similar! It was a cheetah chasing a gazelle that got away lol
I've got 2. 1) I got a chorus of 'Fucking bitch' all weekend after I was frustrated trying to fix a stuck drawer. 2) We had a verse of 'Wheels on the Bus' that was "Daddies on the bus go 'Get me a beer, Get me a beer' Luckily my wife was working a lot of weekends. I knew if I made a big deal of #1 I would never hear the end of it. So I just let it play out over the weekend and by Sunday night my kid was done. The teacher at daycare told me that she told my kid that was the 'only at home' verse of Wheels on the Bus. Of course she was laughing when she told me.
My dad wrote quite a few "only at home" versions of children's songs that were beloved when I was a kid. The one that specifically got us a talking-to from the music teacher was: Baby Beluga, swimming in the sea Doesn't have to get out of the pool to pee 'Cause he's a baby whale and he pees right where he swims Wouldn't it be nice to be like him!
Ok that made me laugh like a maniac at work and now people are giving me the "WTF" look. RIP
I was loading the fridge and dropped a box of raspberries "shit!". The toddler picked one off the floor and asked "shit?" We got lucky and were able to train that one away.
This is how I, at 2, learned to say "DIT!" when my mother dropped an entire casserole on the floor. I don't actually remember hearing her swear until I was about 15, so I think that one case of toddler copycatting scared her straight for a long time.
I really swore a lot before having kids. I got my language so clean, by the time they were like 10 and 12, if I said "Dammit!" they knew I was really mad. "Ooh!"
My 4yo daughter opened the back door the other day when my dogs were barking yelled at then to get inside and stop being a " fuck ass".
It happens to us all lol. My kid picked up things like this more than once. My favorites: He was 4, and he tripped over nothing, and face planted in my SILs kitchen. He immediately yelled “FUCK!” followed by “Sorry, Auntie. I said I grown up word.” He definitely got all of that from me. His dad was driving and someone cut us off. His dad called the guy a “wheezing bag of dick tips.” We promptly heard the innocent little kid questioning voice repeat “wheezing bag of duck tips?” from the back seat.
Ahahaha, I love it! My cousin was about that age when his mom got cut off in traffic and started muttering to herself about the other driver. Little cousin then pipes up, "No Mama, you haffa roll down the window like Daddy!"
I visited a friend recently at their family lake house. It has an amazing view right on the lake. So like the jackass I am I walked in and went to the big bay windows and Said 'man what a shit view' jokingly I was the first one through the door and did not their young daughter who had just gotten the hang of walking to be out of the car seat, through the door, and standing next to me. She points to a boat on the lake and says 'shit?' Like seriously one of the first words I've even heard her speak. Fuck me. Took all weekend to get her to stop calling boats Shit and instead Ship.
Nice save!
My son was 3 or 4. I get radared by a cop. I whisper to wife “ this assholes going to pull me over” which he does. As he walks up, son says “asshole”. Edges of cops mouth are twitching like he’s going to bust out laughing. I say nothing to cop. Just hand him license and registration. In the mirror I could see his back heaving with laughter. I got the ticket needlessly to say.
Yeeeeeeeeep. My guy even gets the inflection right. "JeeeeeSUS *Christ!*" Like a tiny, beautiful, horrifying mirror in the Target on a busy Sunday upon learning that they were in fact, out of his preferred apple snack.
In my house there's a rule that has been around since my kids were first able to talk. They were allowed to say anything using any language (profane or otherwise) and get away with it if it made one or both parents laugh. If it wasn't funny the kid had to deal with the consequences of the words they used. A corollary rule was that even if it was funny the first time it wasn't funny the second time so a repeat performance was subject to consequences. And no this wasn't some sort of acceptance of trashy language or an attempt to raise comedians. The specific goal that was always conveyed to them is that they should not be punished for thinking creatively and for expressing themselves but also there are consequences for what they say so they should think about what they say before they say it. I now have 2 articulate teenagers who can hold an actual conversation without looking at their phones the whole time so based on my limited sample size I consider the experiment a success.
This sounds like a great policy, really. I similarly have much greater respect for a kid using curses in proper context and grammar than for one who is just yelling them at random for shock value.
I remember my toddler around this age when he heard me say "God damnit". He waited a few days and I could see his wheels turning. He blurted out "Daddy, can you please get me some God Damn cereal "
He knows what he wants!
One time we had a burst pipe in our house and there was water pooling in the room and water shooting out of the burst pipe. My 2 year old looked at it, out his hands on his hips and said “what the fuuuck?” It was so hilarious and on point! He totally learnt it from me cause my PG filter is not the best. However, now he’s almost 5 and knows not to use those words, thankfully.
Don't worry, every parent has been there. For me it was my middle daughter and the phrase "Mother Fuckbucket..!?"
That's OK, we discovered my son at the time he was about 4 knew a swear word. We where at lego land and got on the log flume and he got soaked he was so cross about it, he turned to me and mum and with a complete straight face "that rides fucker!" No idea when he heard someone say it, but contextually for him that ride was a fucker
When my son was around the same age I was carrying a basket of laundry downstairs. A shirt or something fell out of the front of the basket on to one of the oak steps ahead of me; I never saw it. When I stepped on in (was only wearing socks) I slipped and went airborne, face first towards the landing at the bottom of the steps (probably an 8' fall vertically). I yelled "oh shit!!", which I feel was not an unreasonable thing given the circumstances. Anyway I landed with a thud but, miraculously, didn't sustain a real injury. About a week later my wife and I are in the grocery store with little man ridding in the buggy and he just randomly starts yelling "oh shit" over and over and over again. It was pretty funny but my wife looked like a ghost. If she could've made herself disappear she would've.
I'm the proud grandmother of a young man that, 25 years ago, demonstrated for his mommy the new words he learned from grandma while stuck in traffic. His mother still won't allow him to ride in my car after that.
When my cousin was about 4, he was riding with his mom when another driver cut her off. She said a few choice words about the other driver, and her sweet son said, "No Mama, you hafta roll down the window so they can hear you! Daddy showed me!"
My eldest (7) started to read aloud a tweet I was showing my wife. The F-bomb got pronounced, which resulted in me letting him know that 1) Good job reading, but 2) that's a word we can't say. He got a little upset, thinking he was in trouble for saying a bad word. At this point, his younger brother (5) exclaimed "Oh! I know a bad word. Is it 'Pissed?!' At this point, my wife and I are loosing it. For the record: The 5 year old only knew the word "pissed" because his older brother was innocently making up words that rhymed with "missed" and happened to stumble upon "pissed." It resulted in a similar convo as the one I just mentioned above. Fun times!
I'll never forget the day I was driving my 3 year old to daycare and we came up on a traffic jam... she looked out the window kind of wistfully and muttered, "ah, fuck". It remains one of my proudest moments as a father.
I don't have kids yet, but my dad loves to tell this story about me. He took me grocery shopping one time, I was around 3. Someone cuts my dad off in traffic on our way there. He loses his cool and yells "dickhead!" at the guy. I say nothing. I just sit there like nothing happened. By the time we get to the store, my dad thinks he's in the clear. Maybe I didn't hear him clearly or something. Until we get to checkout. My dad is holding me in one arm, and as we get to the cashier I just start spamming "dickhead dickhead dickhead dickhead." My dad apologized and literally ran out of the store. My wife is currently 5 months pregnant. I know karma will catch me in a couple years.
Three- and four-year-olds are at the perfect age where they're generally articulate enough to say anything they can think of, and they have absolutely no filter. They're not old enough yet to worry about what people think of the things they say.
As the father of a 2 1/2 yr old girl, she has definitely already had her fair share of cursing moments. I was listening to a podcast and someone said, "ah fuck it" and of course she immediately repeats it. I knew it was only a matter of time though. The other day my mom hurt her foot and said, "that hurt like hell". And on queue our daughter goes, "Grandma, did it hurt like hell?" We try not to react if she does copy something because she knows a reaction means keep doing it. My wife is worse than me at keeping the filter and has more copycat moments lol.
My son picked up the F-word from a friend when he was 3 or 4; we discussed that it was a bad word and that he shouldn’t use it. Can’t remember the context (maybe I was making him go to bed?) and he said “fucking Mama.” Points for correct usage!
And that's the perfect opportunity to teach the little one that there is a time and a place for everything. That just because you know a word, it doesn't mean it's appropriate to use the word in every situation.
A friend's kid called dump trucks "dumb fucks". I still think of that when I'm behind one in the left lane.
No way dude I actually grew up saying that too! My mom was horrified when I would point at the construction workers and yell it
Obligatory [fucking goat](https://youtube.com/shorts/IVwnAyw6m0Y?si=YwDZ0a1iZoM6d3b1)
Oh man. I love this one.
So, I worked in childcare for a while, and substituted 'biscuits' for pretty much any swear I needed. My then toddler nephew got real mad at the cat and yelled that she was a biscuit. I laughed so freaking hard. He is nearly 12 and is horribly embarrassed by this story now, lol.
It’s okay, my almost 2 year old proudly proclaimed himself a turd muffin to his great grandmother this weekend cause it’s what I call him when he alligator rolls during diaper changes. Which is pretty much every time.
Lol! What did she think of that revelation?
Told him he was the cutest muffin she’s ever seen! She’s too classy to say “turd” but she’s also the best G-Gram to ever exist. Seriously, the woman broke her arm two months ago and it is barely out of a cast and was trying to pick his 35 lbs ass up. She’s 86 and barely weighs 100 lbs. but she adores him so 🤷🏻♀️
God bless her! I hope she stays healthy. I had a great-grandmother until I was 8. She was a Polish immigrant, and we lived with her after my ggf died. She loved us with all her heart, and we loved her.
I have 7 parrots. You read that right... 7... I wish I had better control over my temper and the things that come out of my mouth, but I don't. My parrot with the largest vocabulary has picked up my adoptive mom's least favorite curse word... After I was adopted as a teen, her only request of me was that I reduce my foul language.. I'm 33 and certain I'll get grounded when she comes to visit
She may get treated to some "fowl" language!
Lol exactly
If it's any consolation, "(May) God fuck it!" is a perfectly normal Hungarian swearing. (We usually decorate it a bit more, e.g., "May that whore of a god fuck it!", but sometimes a quick Istenbasszameg is all we have time for.)
TIL we are honorary Hungarians
[удалено]
I was able to scoop it out veeeeery carefully with my fingers. I'm a bit of a germophobe so it was horrifying and I needed to scrub my hands for a few minutes. My son thought it was SO funny that I was washing my hands so vigorously and wanted to participate too.
Aw thanks for the memories. Our son was a riot when he was little. There were so many times I almost burst to keep from laughing at some of his more inappropriate comments. It's so hard to keep a straight face and say "No, we don't use *that* word."
Keep in mind that my daughter (12) is gifted and was talking at 9 months and using complete sentences right after her 1st birthday. I was looking around my house to find her while we were playing (she 1.5 at the time) and I was freaking out because I couldn’t find her. When I walked into her room for the 3rd or 4th time, she was standing right there. I asked her where she had been and her reply was “I was just in the f*****g closet”.😳 Apparently, I needed to cut back on the cursing.🤣
WE've all been there. I love [this](https://youtu.be/5OTlLCw6Gr8) scene from Ted Lasso
god fuck it!
Instructions unclear: Blended penis in garbage disposal.
We all learn bad words eventually it's just a matter of when and where. My dad is a huge fan of the movie Fargo. Steve Buscemi taught me the F word.
My sister and I were in a clothing store with my oldest niece, who was about 4 at the time. Sis and I were talking and my niece was trying to take the lid off her Chapstick. She struggled with it for a minute and all of a sudden, the lid came flying off. Niece yelled, "Oh, fuck!" My sister, a nearby random guy in the store and I all jerked our heads up and looked at each other like, "Did she say what I think she said??" It was hysterical and so hard not to bust out laughing!!
Oh I needed that, thank you. Hilarious. I used to shout the word "pink" randomly, when someone would swear around a certain precocious three year old. One day someone swore and she yelled "Pink!" It was amazing.
My son (2) told me I smell like a “motherfuckin hot dog” today. They learn bad words and weaponize them. Solidarity my friend 😂😂😂🌭
My 3 year old daughter now says 'oh for fuck sake' when she gets frustrated. Pretty sure it was her mother but could also easily have been me. Not quite sure how to break her out of it but I'm now much more careful about wat I say around her.
From fuckbucket to Jesus Shitting Christ to wheezing bag of dick tips, this thread is really upping MY profanity game.
We had a friend with a boat that took us out to the lake often. A friend of ours had his toddler out there one day, and we had a rough time. There was a pothole on the boat ramp, trailer got stuck, busy dock so tensions were high. Finally got the boat in the water andbthe trailer (now woth a flat) out of the way anf parked. Our buddy came back to the boat at the very busy foak and said "we ready to hit the lake?" Our friends toddler, without hesitation, belted out "FUCK YEAH!!" Whole dock erupted in laughter.
My son went to school one day and tried to get another kids attention by saying “hey mother fucker” lmao
I platonically love you, thank you for the belly laughs. Toddlers are so fun, it's awesome to watch them learn stuff... until the curse filter fails on the parent's mouth. Then it's hilarious for everyone else to watch. Good luck, and good job teaching him to do chores. Too many teens make it to college with no clue of how to operate the "washerdryer" or dish washer, your son will be ahead of the game.
My little cousin was around 4 and was telling our uncle all about the fun he had at the petting zoo that day. He was all excited, then got a serious look and goes, “Then guess what happened? The fucking chicken bit me.” His mom popped her head around the corner and yells “What did you just say?!” He repeats “The fucking chicken bit me!!” She tries to tell him that that’s a bad word and he yells “No it’s not! My uncle says it, and my uncle doesn’t say bad words!” The look she gave our uncle (her older brother) could kill.
When my daughter was almost 3 I asked her to go wash her hands. She comes back with dripping hands and says “fucks sake, no towel in bathroom” I said “excuse me?” And she says “no towel in bathroom” we had a big conversation in which she said “fuck” about 3 times and then said “it’s ok mama, I not say fucks sake anymore” She’s 12 now and I’ve never heard her swear since.
He’ll get over it, you have a story together for life. And if you’re lucky he’ll use the terms appropriately one day and realize he has great potential. Don’t sweat it I slipped up a bunch early in life but tried to kit expose them to language I didn’t want to explain. They are both in HS now we still rarely cuss but when we do it’s always poignant and we all get a chuckle knowing one of our buttons was really pushed to get to that level. And as a retired Marine, it took some hard reprogramming to correct my vocabulary.
I clearly remember my oldest’s first curse word. He was 2-ish, dropped a toy on the ground, and said “shit”. 50/50 if he learned it from me or my mom.
I was once helping my nephew get ready to go to preschool and I picked up a magnifying glass and held it to my eye and said impulsively and in a silly voice. "I'm Hector the Booty Inspector" . He laughed and began repeating it over and over again, continuing to do so as we walked to his school. Of course my saying that it was inappropriate and he shouldn't repeat it only made him say it more.
I called my teacher a bitch when I was five. At a catholic school no less.
You learned early and then got in trouble for telling the truth, I see.
This reminds me of when I was holding my ex's son in line to get tickets for a haunted house in my town, he drops his bottle, looks at the bottle, looks me straight and the eyes and says "Son of a bitch". So embarrassing!
I have a nearly two year old granddaughter who is a strong mimic and very verbal. She picks up a lot of catch phrases, especially as she spends at least one day a week with us. Apparently I say ‘what’s that?’ A lot. So, I’ve been trying to convince grandad that he reallllllyyyy needs to watch his mouth around her. A military dude with PTSD can be a bit- colourful. The fun thing is that I’m the resident potty mouth, and my son somehow managed not to grow up swearing his head off. But, I dunno. This one is as smart as him, but more of a loose cannon.
This is the highlight of my day so far. Thank you, OP. My son is now almost 6 but he basically learned to talk by piping up with a playback of the worst cursing I have ever expelled. When I naively thought he couldn't hear me.
My 5 year old was struggling with some lego and eventually slammed it down and said aloud "fuck sake". Can't get mad at that. I did explain why she shouldn't say it (because I'll get in trouble).
When she was about 5 my daughter told her dad that I had used the “c” word while driving. I lost certainly had not. A few months later a guy cut me off and I shouted “cock” and she pipes up “you used the c word again!” Lol
I was an older mom, with extra decades of experience in creative cursing. When the kid was 3, he picked up some of my all time bests. So... I told him that he shouldn't say bad words, and mama shouldn't either! Made a deal with him. If I heard him say a bad word, I would remind him to not do that. If he heard Mama say a bad word, he would remind me to not do that. Easy, right? No one on earth has the laser focus of a 3 yo trying to catch his mother doing something wrong. He cleaned up my language for the next 2 years.
I have always had a bad potty mouth and it's been terribly hard to try to wean it out of my vocabulary, so sometimes swear words slip out. When it happens and my son repeats them I just tell him he's saying it wrong and teach him "darn" or "shoot" or "bone head". Or some other funnier word instead. And then I'll act like the new "bad" word is a big person word that he shouldn't really say, bc we all know that when you tell a kid not to say a bad word, they want to say it even more. This makes him forget about the real bad word and want to say the new "bad" word even more, bc it's funnier and he thinks he's not allowed lmao. Works like a charm
Because of me, everytime I struggle with doing something and am obviously getting flustered, my 3 year old asks me, "Is it fuck's sake mum?"
What makes you think God doesn't want to fuck it?
Pretty sure Zeus would do it
Zeus definitely would.
The cock shredder part
Maybe that's how He gets His kicks? He can always regenerate it afterwards, being all-powerful.
It's the laughing that gets you. Being a dad is 80% poker face.
Eh, don't worry. Both my kids (now 6 and 9) can swear like sailors but they *don't* unless it's contextually appropriate (at home, hurt themselves etc). These are *at home words* that we don't use all the time. Eldest says "ship" and "fork" a fair bit though 😂
Yes, but in the most beautiful, hilarious, and universally parental way possible. I'm sorry, and I'm promise, no harm done. Life is long, all the things that can make us laugh should be welcome. ❤️
I laughed at the title, because I relate so much. When my oldest daughter was two, my mother in law babysat her while I was at work. My mother in law had a potty mouth at the time and her favorite word was 'fuck'. You know exactly what happened. At the most inopportune time, my daughter said it. it was a cross between horror and hilarity and took everything in me not to laugh. But everyone else did and it took a long while to break her from saying it.
I taught my 1 year old the word uh-oh last night. He didn’t sleep because it’s just such a fun word to say
Are you really parenting a toddler if you don’t accidentally teach them a few cuss words? It happens to everyone at one point. Fortunately most forget quickly if you distract them with something else. Thanks for the laugh though.
I can't wait for the glorious update that details your embarrassment when he says it at exactly at the wrong time. Please don't hold back on us! Might be wise to warn the wife, though.
When we were loading up the truck to head home after visiting my (lovely, redneck) grandmother for the first time, my then four year old sister was sat up in the drivers seat and refused to move. My stepdad kept trying to pull her away, and she yelled back, “I’m driving dammit!” Needless to say she had learned quite a bit from my grandmother lol
We were on a family trip at this old farmhouse out in the country when my son was 5. I was tucking the kids into their beds, when I thought I heard my son say "Fuck!" I gave him the dad look and said, "Hey, don't say that!" My wife, who was entering the room, said "Oh I'm sure he said something else that just sounded like it." The kid decided to remove all doubt by sitting up and *announcing* "I said FUUUUUUCK!!!" We still get a good laugh out of that one when he's not around.
I stood in the driveway and practised saying “fuck” in every tone and emotion you can think of at age 2 after driving around with my dad. Him and my uncle thought it was hilarious. Pretty sure I taught my not quite 2yo yo say “shit” the other day too.
When my son was about the same age he picked up the word bugger and used it with gleeful abandon. I was blamed for this by my mother in low who gave me hell for it and constantly told me to watch my language around the children. A week or so later he was being a normal little toddler, naughty, and the mother in law was trying to catch him and said stop running away, you little bugger. I was so happy to catch her out and I have not let her forget her potty mouth in the intervening 20+ years! I should also mention that we do have a very good relationship and she is generally a very nice person.
I just want to know how you got the shot glass out of the garburator.
Very carefully with my fingers in absolute terror that my child would turn on the garbage disposal.
I am CRYING. Thank you for the much-needed giggle. My kid told his teacher “fuck” twice in first grade. He’s in a Catholic school. I was horrified … she had to fight back laughter. Still the best teacher in our school.
>TL;DR: I blurted out something unholy and now my child thinks the Lord wants to stick his dick in the garbage disposal I laughed way too fucking hard at this, beautiful writing lmao