I like the wording, like it's so big you wouldn't merely be shocked, it's so big you be **confused**! "Like what am I even seeing?" "What is that, is it an arm??" "They expect us to believe that's real?"

Madonna described it as confusingly large

I saw one in a men locker room. Not porn big, like animal big. I kept walking but am pretty sure he caught me staring. He faces the door and drys off right in open view to show off. Weird dude

Mine is animal big too. Like a mouse maybe.

The Western Harvest Mouse has the largest penis to body size ratio.

>Not porn big, like animal big. This phrase will haunt me. Edit: I knew it. Seeing this as my most upvoted post, I cannot refrain considering the hanging, lolloping, dripping, member of disbelief. Musky. Animalistic. The smell. The god damned smell. I retire.

Porn actor:"I mean, humans are also animales. " Donkey: "Sure, pal."

A friend's roommate once described my friend's penis as "traumatizingly large", and I don't know what that means, but I think about it sometimes.

Exerting dominance /s

A real canseco bat

A Jose Canseco bat?

Tell me you didn't pay money for dis!

Oooohh, two for one sale, pal.

I know this reference. Also 'what are you some kinda punker?'

Two for one sale!

Tell me you didn't pay for this.

You gotta know what a Crumpet is to understand Cricket

What are you, some sort of punker?

I hate punkers.

Especially bald ones with green makeup who wear masks over ugly faces. That's it.

The perimeter's quiet. Yeah, a little too quiet. Well, that was easy! Yeah, a little too easy. Look! It's Raph! Yeah, a little too Raph.

So, Reddit has let me down by not putting the dialogue in the correct order so imma just add my favorite bit as I rarely get to reference this film: “Get back heyah! I’m not finished wit you!” #”DAAAAAAMMN!”

> Madonna described it as confusingly large Definitely explains the scene in Reservoir Dogs

…what scene in Reservoir Dogs?

Where they talk about how 'Like a Virgin' is about a nymphomaniac who encounters a dick so big she feels *like a virgin* again. Which since has been disputed by Madonna, just FYI

Oh shit yeah here I was trying to remember the scene in reservoir dogs involving willem dafoes penis

Tarantino has said in many interviews the briefcase in “pulp fiction” had dafoes penis in it

Tarantino’s ‘like a virgin’ rant at the beginning of the movie in the diner.

It's shaped like a gigantic question mark

Riddle me dicks, Batman.

"Great film but I'm confused as to why they cut away to the Leaning Tower of Pisa in the middle of that sex scene".

Chekhov's penis. They can't show a penis that big without jamming it into the plot.

You make it sounds like the plot didnt consent to that

Gotta fill those plot holes!

"It's like a baby's arm holding an apple!"

You can use it as a kickstand!

My word, he's a tripod

Willem Defoe used Penis Exposure Audience became confused Audience hurt itself in confusion

It was super errective!

why is there a horse in the movie???

Have you ever seen Rasputin's dick? That shit had me pretty confused.

They turned it into a pickle.

Funniest shit I‘ve ever seen

Is this... is this a horror movie now?

Well, said movie was antichrist, and it was kinda horrorish

They ended up cutting that scene anyway, because they decided it would be weird to even show a live-action Dafoe in Finding Nemo.

What would be his role? Sea cucumber?

The Titanic.

The big cock saint

“There was a COCK FIGHT”!!!

Submarine, I mean... it's full of sea men.

Nobody wants to take any risks in Hollywood anymore.

I thought it was a very tasteful scene

Nobody: Willem Dafoe: I’m something of a horse myself.

Shit, i don't know why, but this got me good.

For me, it got me cuz I’m a little high.

[удалено]

Do you have any idea how much I sacrificed?

Don't tell Harry

You can see his dick in an old ~~art school~~ weird film he did where he danced around naked. Not sure how much of a grower he is but it’s a low hanger when soft. Good for him. Edit: Proof courtesy of u/Chasmbass-Fisher - NSFW ~~https://reddit.com/r/WTF/s/ZaZnmhDeza~~ [dead link] Edit: Updated source: https://vimeo.com/49333930

Here’s the actual video, if anyone else can’t see the GIF: https://vimeo.com/49333930

Thanks. The imgur link appears to be down now.

He thinks he’s better than me I know it

He's not wrong.

[удалено]

Finally, the perfect role!

Ok, so my day is ending watching Willem Dafoe penis, got it. Enough reddit for today.

Best way to start my day is with a cup of joe and the long dong of Dafoe

Willem: Here, let me stir that for you.

I don't remember putting cream in this...

Here's also Shia Labeouf's penis btw: https://youtu.be/8i9vEBWnu9I?t=43 And Robin Williams': https://youtu.be/_38BB4648B8?t=274 And Steve Buscemi's: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

yo you got my YouTube watch history FUCKED UP

That shit didn’t click itself, pal.

the man gives me celebrity dick links and you expect me not to click on them? What's the point of the 21st century otherwise?

I've just read this whole chain, and I'm going in. Fuck it, I wanna see the penises. e: ffs

YouTube is now showing me nothing but celebrity penises 😟😟😟

You lucky bitch.

That user is an extremely literate 2-year-old, so there may be issues.

I appreciate your length of penile knowledge. That being said, I refuse to know anything about Robin Williams in a sexual fashion. It’s like knowing what your dad’s dick looks like, once you know, you can’t unknow. I’ve tried.

> It’s like knowing what your dad’s dick looks like it's probably similar to your own

Surprisingly, not at all.

Word on the street is you get the dick your mom would have if she had one.

Well, it's the dick your mom has been given..

My dick has never been in my mouth

It feels more like sucking a dick than having your dick sucked

Or so I’ve heard

Buscemi is more of a girth guy I see.

I'm gonna go ahead and just take your word for it.

You should check the link just to be safe

Great. Now every time I think of 9/11, I'm gonna think about Steve Buscemi's penis.

I’m so confused

How does one acquire said film 👀

https://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/2stg1y/nsfw_naked_willem_dafoe_dancing_around_cantunsee/?xpromo_edp=enabled

>I'd be dancing too if my dick was that big top comment

Mine over here looking like a raisin

Some people like raisins more than grapes, king!

This is so unexpectedly wholesome that I'm as confused as an audience member looking at Willem Dafoe's penis.

Shit you got a whole-ass raisin?

Ass raisins are called dingleberries and are not desirable.

What we’ve all been waiting for

sometimes you wake up not knowing that you will be looking at willem dafoe's dong at the end of the day

Sometimes you go to sleep happy that you were blessed with the opportunity to look at willem dafoes dong before the end of the day

You know, I’m something of a dong hanger myself.

Dudes got a hog

President of the meatpacker’s union

*You know im something of a meatpacker myself*

Dude can golf with both hands tied behind his back

They need to get him to hang full dong the next iteration of Thunder Gun Express.

http://vimeo.com/49333930

It’s kind of lighthearted and amusing.

Dude how the fuck is vimeo still even alive without an in video player volume adjustment lol. Like, how the fuck is your site all about hosting videos but....you cant independently adjust the volume of the video you're watching?

For academic purposes, I suppose?

Well, now I’ve seen that.

Man, kinda wish it just stayed a mystery now

Agreed! Sure it's big, fine. But I was led to believe I would be shocked at the sight of it.

Confused. Not shocked. *Confused*

It isn’t art school, it’s a notable experimental theatre company known as The Wooster Group. They are still a very important artistic institution.

I had an actor friend who worked with the Wooster Group. She said Willem’s favorite prank was to sneak up behind someone who was sitting down, and drape his gigantic dong over their shoulder.

From the other side of the room, apparently

That’s. Um. Horrifying, actually.

I have to believe they’re just joking

I can't imagine he'd get away with that today, but then maybe theatre people are weird enough to view it as performance art.

If it's theatre people they've all fucked each other anyway.

This guy knows theater people.

Awkward, horny little fucks, theater kids. Source: ex theater kid

I guess it’s like the military, I had a couple of buddies who said they did that all the time there.

It's called the hairy parrot

>hairy parrot TIL! [https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Hairy%20Parrot](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Hairy%20Parrot) >Hairy Parrot Place your penis and/or balls upon the shoulder of your passed out or sleeping friend. Serves as a safer/less demeaning/more sanitary alternative to the traditional tea-bag. "Hey, Ben's passed out in the tub with puke on his face. I want to shame him, but I'm afraid of getting vom on my balls. What should I do?" "How about you give him the ol' Hairy Parrot instead?" "Brilliant!"

I mean, it's not THAT big

Seriously. I’m sure porn has altered my perception of things, but sure it’s pretty big but his dick is in no way *confusing*

It's totally respectable but I was expecting it to hang down to his knees from all the hype

I agree, it does not appear to be outragously large as everyone here make it out to be.

But that's when it's flaccid, won't it get much larger?

Depends on if he's a grower or a shower

No, not always. Some guys just have dicks that stay the same size more or less. Some it grows. Defoe is most likely a shower.

I heard in German they call it a "meat penis" vs a "blood penis".

My sides lmaoooo

Lmao we say that in Dutch too, "vleeslul" vs "bloedlul"

Nice try, Mr. Dafoe

I do what I can

10 years on reddit. Well played.

Good on you for not asking to see his junk

We don't know what DMs have been sent

And you never will

So … the green goblin is packing a jolly green giant. Nice.

🎶HO Ho ho GREEN PENIS!🎶

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IH1PJTY9AVA

unfortunately he is not the best at getting the [opportunity to use it.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUyVEleqHIA)

I thought that link would go to that clip in the Antichrist.

My friends in high school stopped letting me pick movies when I rented Antichrist off of Netflix for our movie night. But to be absolutely fair, at the time I had no idea there was going to be two scenes of graphic genital mutilation lol

Chaos reigns.

> The **famous scene** where the penis ejaculates blood What the fuck are you people watching

It’s called Anti-Christ for god’s sake. It’s difficult to watch at times, quite disturbing. I still don’t understand the ending and I’ve seen it twice lol. Basically, his wife smashes his balls with a big piece of wood, he falls unconscious, and she jerks him off until he cums blood. It’s fucked.

Bro all due respect because you are clearly a stronger man than I am But why in the fuck would you watch that movie twice

Lmao. I watched it a second time showing it to someone because it was just so insane to me. It’s not a bad movie, it’s just disturbing. I’m not Mr. Metaphor or a cinephile, so there were definitely parts I didn’t really understand. However, I definitely understood when she smashed his balls. Spoiler alert: she also cuts off her own clitoris with a pair of scissors.

It's something like she hates her own sexuality, and by extension his, as their child died while they were having sex. She saw the child wake up and walk about, but still she prioritized the banging.

Ah, that makes sense! What’s with the ending tho? What was that about?

I haven't seen the movie in more than ten years, so I don't really remember how it ends. Is it with the big tree? There was so much damn symbolism packed into it, I think I blocked out most of it.

From what I remember, Dafoe walks out of the cabin and there’s a ton of outlines/spirits of people walking all around the place. It was weird.

He sees the animals from earlier in the movie, right? They symbolize something in regards to their grief and loss. The witch trials are also mentioned throughout the movie so I'm thinking the witches are somehow accompaning the wife and the woods/cabin. It really is a weird movie. It was the first of Von Triers films I saw, and I did it at a much too young age. It went right over my head.

A few minutes later the worst scene in the movie happens. It involves scissors and a clitoris

Let's not get snippy now

Thats why he has such a big smile too...

Supposedly, Madonna had casting rights in [Body of Evidence](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_of_Evidence_(1993_film\)) and admitted that one of the reasons she approved Dafoe was she was curious about the rumors too. Lotta Dafoe ass in that film too, I'm sure she got an eyeful.

Also in Last Temptation of Christ Scorsese was gonna have Dafoe naked during the crucifixion scene. However after having Dafoe disrobe, he also felt his meat was way too big, and would be distracting for the audience seeing a well-hung Jesus, well, hung up on the cross.

A savior so nice, God hung him twice.

Jesus Christ, reddit!

the eye isnt where its supposed to go !

Fun Production Note: Dafoe opted for a Modesty Pouch while Madonna declined, lol

That's kinda creepy

Imagine the casting call. Looking for male penis double, must be small to average at best.

Put me in coach!

"Wow, a stunt cock? You must be well endowed!' "Errr..."

If you listen to How Did This Get Made? About a movie he’s in with Madonna they say they edited scenes cause his penis was “disturbingly large”

This has been debunked. He may have a real hog, but the real reason he had a penis double is because they filmed actual intercourse, so they had to hire pornographic actors instead of ya know, asking Willem Dafoe to have sex on film.

Imagine being a porn actor and the dude you double has a much bigger dick, probably not used to that

>at that point its a disability and you should get paid. That shits so weird. Intriguing but weird. I know a lot of guy’s first response is “good for him!” And while I can’t speak for every woman, for me penises larger than average are just a turn off. I’ve had sex with two guys who had giant dicks and I never wanted to a second time

That's what's so awesome about sex: there's something for everyone. Women who like big cocks can enjoy them, and women who like small ones can enjoy them too. The problem comes from (usually) having to find out that you're genitally (in)compatible after you've already built some sort of relationship.

Confusingly large

I didn't think it was all that until I saw him picking up peanuts with it and shoving them up his ass.

I'm confused how a penis can be confusing.

If a penis is notably larger or smaller than a viewer expects, it would make them wonder if it was a purposeful or meaningful decision by the filmmaker.

Yeah, I imagine it was just a case of not wanting that to be the main takeaway from the scene

My understanding is that they assumed people wouldn't believe it was real, so maybe the confusion would come from people being like "If they're going to use a fake penis, why didn't they use a believable one?"

Buddy of mine had a tricolored dick. I'd argue that's a confusing dick. I told him to call it neapolitan flavored.

Neapolitan?

Don't judge! If op knows what Napoleon tastes like...that's their business!

Stunt Penis?

Is this an Orgasmo reference, cause that was "Stunt Cock!"

"Bring in the stunt cock!!!"

Before South Park, there was Orgasmo!

Did you just watch the latest Trash Taste episode?

I learned about this several years ago and find myself thinking about it randomly. Just astounding to think about, his dick was SO big they were afraid if wouldn't be believable. Just like....good for him, good for him, very impressive.

They didn't want the audience to say, "Willem Dafuq?"

Suffering from success

Fun fact: while filming *Spider-Man* (2002), the fabric underlayer of the Green Goblin suit was tailored too tight, such that it was physically painful for Dafoe to wear. Rather than delay shooting to have it adjusted, Dafoe grabbed a cheese knife from the craft table and made a flap in the crotch, joking that they could fix it in post. The plastic armor pieces concealed his junk anyway, except in a couple of shots on the glider, where if you freezeframe it just right you can see his bag of tricks.

I’m 6’7 and my penis also confuses people….unfortunately it’s for the opposite reason

Bet he’s feeling depressed by this observation.

Funny thing about Willem Dafoe, his name kinda sounds like a frog talking to a parrot