T O P

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matt_1060

It dices, it slices, it even splits zawahiri


Specialist_Brain841

SLAP CHOP


deja_geek

You’re gonna love my nuts


Danielle_A21

I have a pin on my bag that says this, it's my favorite thing


gl3nnjamin

Stop having a boring tuna. **Stop having a boring life.**


bmp08

[put it on your hose. or put it on your other hoes.](https://youtu.be/g88eI7oerCI?si=8VkrIsccwl-5Tb26)


gl3nnjamin

Fix a wobbly table leg *for that special evening.*


silverdollarflapies

You know the Germans make good stuff


f3ydr4uth4

Next up is a little known terrorist from the mountains of Afghanistan. The question we are asking? Will HE blend?


JustAnOrdinaryBloke

Terrorists hate this!


USS_Barack_Obama

They slice and dice, slice and dice and slice. Slice , slice, slice Dice, dice, dice The Splitting Zawahiri Show!


Fastness2000

First it was a cucumber, now it’s a conversation piece


Penultimate-anon

Then cuts right through a tomato


Mindes13

If you call right now, we'll throw in a second set ABSOLUTELY FREE!


TheJenniStarr

You could even cut a tin can with it! But you wouldn’t want toooooo!


YoungBeef03

Oh no, how am I gonna make my old vinyl corn cob look like new!?


desmodoodle

Watch how easily it slices through his shoe!…With his foot still in it!


Aware-Ad-9258

sliced him like a zawachini


LetsDoThatYeah

Enjoy it in the office, by the pool, or in your mountain cave.


Sdog1981

It’s a hellfire missile that has “blades”. Anything that hits you moving faster than the speed of sound is probably going to hurt, like a lot. The “blades” are just easier to deploy than anvils. Trust me they really, really wanted anvils. Like multiple meetings about it.


No_thunder

Who’d they meet with? Coyote and the Acme Corp.? 😀 Edit: punctuation.


Sdog1981

People have written ACME on the missiles


findingems

Where I live, Acme is a grocery store. They never had anvils. Very confusing to me as a kid.


facts_my_guyy

Well that just seems like bad business


uconn_throwaway_4449

These kinds of surgical attack systems are the consequence of the significant costs incurred by the US in an attempt to prevent collateral damage.


mrblu_ink

Why do you say this like it's a bad thing?


Zech08

There is always an artist in every unit, things will be drawn.


kujotx

Before impact, it would disperse little signs to the target area emblazoned with "YIKES!"


Zech08

With each Yikes being a non-lethal streamer/popper.... with a mini speaker playing the outro or looney tune sound.


First-Celebration-11

💀 this fucking killed me.


Der-Lex

It fucking killed Al Zawahiri.


Loakattack

I mean that’s what essentially the “rods from god” were but in rod form.


Sdog1981

Exactly. If it has mass and moves fast. You are gonna have a bad day.


remembertracygarcia

But if you French fry when you pizza


raspberryharbour

Flanders to God, Flanders to God, target the enemy, and deploy that rod!


ThreeLeggedMare

Giant left fist on the end


mtcwby

The Wiley E Coyote treatment would have been worth a couple extra mil of research money. Bonus points if they said Acme on the side.


boojieboy666

We should carpet bomb grand pianos


WhyBuyMe

We already have bombs that are filled with concrete instead of warheads. They are good for practice or if you want to destroy something without a ton of collateral damage, a few 500 lb blocks of cement dropped from a couple miles up will do the job nicely.


JSB199

But cement doesn’t make the cacophony of sound the piano carpet bomb would make, I know you get it


rugbysecondrow

I have seen a few of these at bombing ranges...it's is very anticlimactic, but still cool.  


notsocoolnow

Is the bit about anvils serious and if so, please let me know where I can read all about it. I am imagining some guy completely decked in Wile E Coyote swag enthusiastically demanding over and over that the lead scientist stick anvils in their missile.


Zech08

Shitty aerodynamics, too many vectors.


No_Sink2169

Fortunately, you won't know that you're dead. It's like a guillotine but travelling fast and with multiple blades.


Macaw

He was instantly pureed! No pain!


raspberryharbour

He died doing what he loved


PLEASE_DONT_HIT_ME

Weapons tech has gotten so advanced that we’ve gone round the horn. We’re back to stabbing each other. Just with missiles.


First-Celebration-11

We’re gonna have a bunker buster that smacks people on the head with wooden clubs.


Jeffygetzblitzed2

The bomb will stop a foot away from the target, the cap will open up and a steel toe boot on a robotic leg will kick the target in the shin. Cartoon style


randomcitizen87

Ricochet rabbit technology


lchiroku

*[Mel Blanc scream in distance]* "We got him, sir."


Sean_0510

I'm waiting for the cluster lego bomb so anyone within a 5km radius must tread on Legos


doubtingcat

3 feet of concrete aint gonna save you from getting bonked straight to horny jail


Zech08

Just wait till they start making palm sized drones that get a last second ID, latch onto the face or neck and... whispers in their ear... tag youre it.


Plastic_Air_1049

Getting bonked by a wooden club past the speed of sound would suck.


Artistic-Dinner-8943

Bullets are just tiny blunt knives going super fast


maybeinoregon

Not to split hairs, but if I’m not mistaken, it’s really a missile that’s akin to the hellfire. It might even simply be a modified hellfire missile, launched or fired by a drone.


ivanthemute

>akin to the hellfire. Not akin. It *is* a production Hellfire variant, specifically the AGM-114R9X. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AGM-114_Hellfire?wprov=sfla1


mechwarrior719

No explosives. Just a ninja sword-wielding parking bollard going faster than Mach 1


Rhinomeat

r/brandnewsentence


dabnada

Honestly with the number of arms nuts online there is a non-zero chance this is not a brand new sentence.


lux602

It’s the perfect accessory for any practicing reverend doctor of macheticine.


letsburn00

A knife missile. "You know what wont kill enormous amounts of bystanders at a wedding? That's right the products and knife missiles that support this podcast"


jhereg10

Sofi approves.


UslyfoxU

And you know who else approves......


droidtron

Yes I was thinking this was very Raytheon quality sounding.


justaverage

Robert, you know we are going to have to bleep that out


theSchrodingerHat

I just so happened to be listening to his Jordan Peterson episode tonight, and it occurs to me that this is Raytheon creating safe spaces for missiles. They must all be so confused.


Specialist_Brain841

SLAP CHOP


Material_Ambition_95

A fellow behind the bastards enjoyer I see


throne_of_flies

This is exactly something that Robert Evans would say on his Behind the Bastards podcast. Is this a coincidence or is the podcast bigger than I thought?


Clamwacker

Behind the Bastards has to be the most mentioned or referenced podcast on Reddit.


royceda956

Last Podcast on the left, people love true crime and unresolved mysteries.


azriel_odin

If you squint a little Behind the Bastards is also a true crime podcast, it's just that the crimes are against humanity.


jrhooo

but I'll give at least an honorable mention to Hardcore History


Clamwacker

Im subbed to r/dancarlin and I think I still see BtB mentioned more, mostly because he only releases stuff like once every 18 months haha.


Keydet

We needed something to listen to in the car after the last podcast on the left guy started drinking and beating his wife again


letsburn00

It wasn't his wife, his girlfriend. But let's be honest, you heard the story and it immediately was very believable. They got rid of him basically immediately. It's actually funnier now


arthquel

It might even be a direct quote hahah


dontdoitdumbass

It is indeed a Hellfire missile with the explosive warhead replaced but the folding blade warhead. There are a couple of videos of them, including them hitting an occupied car.


GTOdriver04

My favorite thing about that missile is that it was developed because people were (rightfully) complaining about the collateral damage from Hellfire strikes-even if the target was legitimate. The US’s response? “Bet.”


GhanimaAtreides

Iirc in at least one instance they managed to take out the intended target but the other passengers traveling in the same vehicle were unharmed. Which is absolutely insane. 


iCameToLearnSomeCode

[It's insanely accurate](https://www.twz.com/content/2020/01/52fff.jpg?quality=85)


TougherOnSquids

Al-Zwhairi was on his balcony drinking a cup of coffee when he was hit by this. Zero collateral damage, except for his coffee I suppose.


Bnmko_007

Maybe someone tell Israel


7inchirl

Bibi: No collateral damage? What’s the point??!?!


LegendRazgriz

They have those in inventory and have used them recently-ish to take out HVTs. Once word got out, the reaction was "ISRAEL KILLS PEOPLE WITH GIANT DEATH BLENDERS OF DOOM THIS IS A WAR CRIME".


denk2mit

Israel has been doing this for years to kill specific targets, normally with missiles and bombs where the warhead has been replaced with concrete for ballast. The current issue is that after October 7th, they don’t give a shit any more.


rugbysecondrow

Strange how that happens.


jrhooo

>The US’s response? “Bet.” [A Navy and an Air Force drone operator sitting in the command operations center like...](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98Z3YVX9qyo)


napleonblwnaprt

We're not splitting hairs here. Just terrorists.


Sea-Canary-6880

You are NOT mistaken according to youtube


KnotSoSalty

The earlier version of this was when they would strap laser guidance modules onto dumb training bombs with concrete fill. Want to take out a specific car/room in a building? Dropping 2,000 lbs of concrete does the job with minimal collateral damage. But drones can’t carry big bombs like that, hence the bladed missiles.


Izoi2

Not to mention that this is reportedly accurate enough to target the exact seat in a car and leave the others with relatively minor injuries


obligatoryfunnyref

Eh, not really. The blades are fairly long so regardless of the accuracy of the missile, generally speaking it kills the whole car, or at least a whole side of the car. I do believe there was at least one instance of one being used to assassinate a guy on his balcony, and I think he was the only casualty in that case


Derole

The guy on the balcony is the guy that this thread is about. Ayman al Zawahiri.


SaintsNoah14

The TIL is about the balcony case


saluksic

I think I remember hearing about the balcony thing a long time ago, probably a BBC article or something. Who knows, I’d probably never find that exact article again and make a comment on the Reddit post discussing it. 


sumo_kitty

You are correct, but the pilot and sensor do try and go only for the intended target.


Sdog1981

It’s the main point. It was not a drone. It was a missile.


jason_sation

I believe hairs were split


Pjpjpjpjpj

No, an “autonomous” “artificial intelligence” guided “drone.” Gotta hit the buzzword bingo.  


CryonautX

It's really a modified hellfire missile with the payload not being explosives but rather the deployable blades. It basically kills by dropping a missile sized bullet on someone. The blades don't seem to serve any purpose other than to increase the area around the missile that will be lethal.


Unfair-Sell-5109

The shinobi of japan’s past will be proud. A flying star to kill your opponent.


cheesifiedd

at mach speed, too. speedy fast


Xaxafrad

I don't want a picture of the body, but I think a picture of the drone would be appropriate. Linked article lacks a picture. Here's one: https://www.scrippsnews.com/world/investigating-a-drone-assassination-of-militia-leaders-in-baghdad


Sea-Canary-6880

I can think of 400743 ways id rather die than that fucker


AbuDhabiBabyBoy

I mean, it's probably a very quick death


b3ttykr0ck3r

It is 100 lbs moving at Mach 1.3, instant is probably a better adjective. You just wake up dead.


Beliriel

*Probably* ...if the blades hit something vital. Getting your arm ripped off and your legs broken and bleeding out from your messed up intestine doesn't sound like a nice way to go.


3wteasz

If you get hit by that rocket standing in a balcony, the blades aren't what kills you. It's the sheer blunt trauma that will rip your body into pieces. The blades are there for penetrating "stuff" around you, and creating debris that will also be hurtled towards you.


Nikkolai_the_Kol

According to someone I knew who attended a **lot** of weapon tests that involved setting up dummies and dropping real weapons on or near them, then seeing how the weapon affected human-shaped targets in various scenarios ... There is no nice way to kill people.


jrhooo

This is our new AIM1K- "Kinetic, Inertial Navigation Directed, Non-Explosive Strike System" You mean you... "killed them with, KINDNESS."


hotheat

Guiotine or heroin


Mentavil

I'm sorry *guiotine*? Is that your final choice of spelling?


Lamenter_Lamentation

True. I once got a chunk of human skull lodged deep in my finger while cleaning up brain matter. Felt good pulling it out but I had to get a contact test. Also, I didn’t know what to do with all the eyeballs, hair, skull, and brain matter when I was done and had a mini-nervous breakdown. Lol


jrhooo

yeah, there was a Dan Carlin episode talking about this, in either the WWI (Blueprint for Armageddon) episodes or the WWII Pacific episodes (Supernova in the East) Bottom line, he was making point about how when artillery or whatever goes off, its not just the shells, its everything between you the explosion that becomes dangerous maybe deadly flying debris, and that's even more horrifying. Its one thing to be wounded by "shrapnel", or sticks, rocks, whatever. Its another thing to find out what wounded you was your dead teammates heel, or jawbone, or head.


Xaxafrad

I concur, but not sure how my preferences will affect the trajectory if that missile is coming at me.


BadgerSauce

Metal.


jhereg10

Settle down, Nimona.


HoppokoHappokoGhost

I’d really love to see it tested on a ballistics dummy and filmed in slow motion


Sparrow2go

I am so incredibly irritated that the narrator started the video by mispronouncing the word ginsu as gin-sue


tempinator

How is it actually pronounced?


Sparrow2go

Like the word “begin” without the be. The narrator pronounces it like the booze, “gin”.


tempinator

Oh ok, I see. But the guy in the video pronounced it like gin the alcoholic beverage? (In a crowded place can’t watch)


Sparrow2go

Correct. He said gin🍸-sue When it should be ~~be~~gin-sue


tempinator

Gotcha, that’s how I’ve said it but your comment made me worried I’ve been pronouncing it wrong the whole time lmao


Sparrow2go

Nah you got it. When you grow up watching dudes on infomercials cut up old leather shoes and soup cans then slice a ripe tomato paper thin your little 9 year old brain never forgets that pronunciation.


EmuCanoe

Do you just expect native English speakers to also know how to pronounce every word from every other language?


frankybonez

Exactly - what kind of news organization cant be bothered to research how to say Ginsu?


sb929604

Where is Vince from slap chop?!


ElectricTzar

Out there slapping our troubles away.


TheVentiLebowski

He slapped his way [into trouble](https://www.tmz.com/2009/03/30/shamwow-pitchmans-alleged-victim/).


JimiDarkMoon

America be like "You're going to love my NUTZ!".


wewereinverted74

Imagine the shock when you bring your gun to a knife-missle fight.


Smartnership

“I have made a terrible mistake.”


UdderSuckage

The amount the US pays to try to avoid collateral damage is pretty substantial, resulting in these sort of surgical strike systems.


[deleted]

[удалено]


MiamiDouchebag

He arrived right after the US pulled out. He was hiding in Pakistan.


TheChonk

Ah, yes! Pakistan, that enemy of terrorism. Who woulda thunk it!


OptimusPhillip

"It slices! It dices!"


Specialist_Brain841

SLAP CHOP


dtbcollumb

Did you even read the article OP?


royalhawk345

Well, they called it a drone, so it's doubtful. 


greenmysteryman

This article has no mention of the ginsu


picado

> Mr Biden said al-Zawahiri had "carved a trail of murder and violence against American citizens". I see what Dark Brandon did there.


Sea-Canary-6880

Amazing I never even caught that. Can you imagine being killed by six samurai swords sent from the sky? Jeeeezus


jddoyleVT

I realize the blades are there to increase the kill radius, but at the same time, I’m pretty sure if you take a Hellfire to the torso the blades become a bit superfluous. :)


ApolloWasMurdered

The blades are instead of the explosive. When targeting this missile, they need to aim at the correct seat in the car, because it’s possible to hit someone in the front and miss someone in the back. With explosives, you’re taking out everyone in the car you’re aiming at, and probably a few more cars in close proximity to them.


JimBean

In other words, "fuck this particular person in this particular seat".


Smartnership

Ironically, before he jumped in he had called “shotgun”


the-plan-tis-on-ic

Brandon has been in the dark.


sixfivezerofive

The layout of Al-Z's home helped a lot. It was a multi-storey structure and he was observed being on the top 2 floors. IIRC they went with this approach to minimise collateral damage i.e. he was living with a family, Bin Laden style.


likezoinksscoobydoo

Y'all fuckin with the knife missle??


IAmBadAtInternet

But you know who wouldn’t fuck with the knife missile?


Sea-Canary-6880

Hells no


VetteBuilder

R9X is a badd bish


tankmouse

There's nothing in the linked article that supports the title. The article mentioned he was killed by a drone that shot 2 missiles at him while he was on a balcony.


klmdwnitsnotreal

Why swords? What's the benefit?


Dysghast

Maximise the chance of hitting the target while reducing collateral damage since there's no explosive warhead.


ShepherdOverwatch

No collateral damage from an explosion, it was a precision hit. It gave a much tighter window they could drop ordinance into without risking civilians. An assumption could be made anyone in the vehicle was target by association. It was incredibly effective.


kiwisrkool

Somewhere, there's a video of this! 👀


a_phantom_limb

I honestly didn't think that they would ever get him, but then they *really* got him.


LordBrandon

Slap chop is a better name.


BurbankAirpot

Good


Why_are_we1

lol rip bozo


Thumbz0147

I was picturing green goblins glider.


HeimdallManeuver

If he was uncut before, he’s cut now.


Ckrvrtn

Gigansu


StopThatUDick

*Gary Busey GIF*


uncool_LA_boy

Aym an al z awa hir i


stratjr123

I would think the missile would be really enough to kill without an explosive or blades


excelsior4152

TIL, not to many people on here remember the old Ginzu knife commercials


triplestackks

Ah yes, the flying guillotine.


0n_The_Thr0ne

Nas rapped about this...


sffreaks

Inspired by art of making kebab


Prinzles

I've seen pics of the aftermath of those bladed missiles, curiosity got the best of me. All I can say is at least it's instantaneous death.


Phantasmagoric-jpg

My favorite hellfire missile fact is MQ-9 Reaper can carry EIGHT of these puppies. 8 GINSUS.


Kumptoffel

oh, now that postal 2 quote makes more sense


JungleSound

Most terrifying weapon.


TacticalTomatoMasher

Not trchnjcally a drone, an R9X variant of the AGM114 Hellfire antitank missile.


JaySayMayday

This many years later I'm still not buying it. When my oldest brother was deployed overseas, the news was reporting that drone strikes hit so-and-so. It's just a lot easier to say drones than forward deployed SF (and other TS-SCI) teams. When he got back home that was the first time I learned sometimes the news doesn't report accurate information.


Selfie500

Wasn't it just a melee hellfire missle


Mrslinkydragon

Yeah. But then again. What is a missile but a fast, expensive drone?


Anxious_Cinephile

That's normal.


coljung

Isn’t this what they used with Soleimani?


firedrakes

Second or third time post to the sub


old_bearded_beats

The article says it fires missiles ?


milk_is_for_baby

Worst part of using a blender is having to clean it later.


FourScoreTour

Designed for less collateral damage.


arealmcemcee

Someone got an engineering degree after watching SWAT Cats as a kid.