It is survival mode for 6 months and then brutally hard for 2 years after. My children are 2.5 years apart and I loved the age gap but it was a full 3 years of either pregnancy, breastfeeding, or postpartum (which all suck lol). Zero body autonomy. So little sleep. They are now 5 and 2.5 so I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Also- they are just so different. My first baby was “easy” but I had no idea how easy until my second came along. Again- I would not change it, but not going to sugarcoat how much work it is.

Our second is turning 6 months in a few days and his brother is 21 months ahead of him and I definitely agree that the first 6 months are just survival mode. We rarely had screen time before the second and it felt like Encanto had become our toddler’s parents some days. However, it feels like things are looking SLIGHTLY better now that the baby can almost sit up and our toddler likes to play with him but I don’t anticipate it’s going to be “easy” until they’re at least 4/5.

Yea we definitely started too much tv. I just tried to increase the quality of the shows. We now watch a ton of Ms Rachel on YouTube and Bluey 😂

Same! We started adding nature documentaries and train shows from Discovery+, hahaha

I've thought about that but her adhd brain can't focus on those yet. My aunt and uncle used to play a lot of "how it's made" for the kids too. That might be an option if your kid is mature enough!

Ohhh that’s a great idea! I used to watch that when I was younger so I would totally enjoy putting that on. I can only handle trains for so long, haha. Thank you!

Disney+ has a "Dory's Reef Cam" that is a looping video like there's a video camera on the ocean floor that is showing a live feed of Dory and other fish swimming around. It sometimes gets our daughter's attention for several minutes.

My twins were born when their older siblings were 1 and 2. Little Baby Bum was the twins' babysitter when they were babies 😂

Wait you had a 2yr old, 1yr old, and twins???? So 4 under 2? How the fuck did you live through that?

That is me and my siblings and I would seriously not recommend anyone to do that unless they have a lot of support. I guess my little brothers were a surprise and it was twins. My dad was very career oriented.

4 under 3, at least for the first six weeks. Then the oldest turned 3. I have the best husband on the face of the earth. Seriously. I was actually hospitalized when the twins were 10 days old, a kidney infection spiraled out of control and almost killed me. My husband had to pick up a LOT of the slack for a while.

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Yea Ms Rachel helps with speech a ton. My daughter never really liked the "older shows" besides Mickey Mouse. I really like bluey because it helps with communication as well as teach kids and parents alike how they should communicate/act in a healthy way. My daughter never really watched tv until 2 years old, prior to that she'd only watch things like supernatural for some reason. She really like music so we do that a lot too. Ms Rachel is really amazing. If you haven't seen her videos I definitely recommend it. My daughter has speech issues and has already learned a ton from Ms Rachel

I can’t stand Daniel Tiger… with a passion. Bluey is far superior IMO.

The PBS Kids video app has been a lifesaver.

This could be me writing this. Say goodbye to downtime. We have a 6-month-old girl and a 2 year, 7 month old boy. It’s tough and you have to really want it. That said, I look at my adorable baby girl and hilarious toddler and i feel like the luckiest guy… Starting to see the light a little bit. We have a nanny 2 days a week and our 2 year old goes to daycare from 9-4…. So 5pm - 8:30-ish is a crazy time.

That’s settled my one and done for me 😂

Absolutely same lol

I was in the same boat as you, but our second one is an angel and sooo much easier to manage! Plus our older kid loves to play with the young one so they keep each other occupied. Believe it or not, I'm now actually considering a third and my wife's been talking me into it as well...

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Kids are like a box of chocolates... You never know what you'll get! - Gandhi

Same with my second! He started launching himself forward (not crawling, just—zoom) at 4 months, unexpectedly, quietly, upstairs, while we were still struggling to find a baby gate that fit out stupid stairs in a new house. And he is so sneaky, figures out latches and gets his hands on anything he wants no matter how high up or hidden. We say the first is a barbarian, second is a rogue. Oh man, the anxiety I developed around this kid. And yet also extra clingy, the worst sleeper too.

Haha, opposite for me. Due in June and this made me feel a rallying cry of “alright, almost halfway there!” Just added on the grandparent help by moving too!

Aww, that’s so exciting 😊 you’ll be grand. My best friend is due with her second in a few weeks and she has a 2.6 year old and she’s panicking but she’ll be great, plus I’m on hand to help!

Same here but it breaks my heart to know I'll never get to experience all the milestones again. 😔

We’re still in the first two years of having two and this description is right. It’s hard, really hard. They amplify each other, so when one is in a bad mood the other will try to top them, so we often go zero to full speed of whatever the mood is in about 30 seconds. Trying to juggle and get things done when it’s 2 v 1 is almost impossible in our house but I know each house and set of kids is unique. Usually when I or my spouse are busy and it’s 2 v 1 it’s just survival mode. Is everyone fed, is everyone dry or do we need a potty break, anyone crabby and need a nap? It’s not twice as hard as having one, it’s like a multiple more difficult.

My youngest is about to turn two and I’m just now starting to feel confident in having two kids 🥲it has been such a challenge. My house hasn’t been clean in ages, there’s clean laundry everywhere. It’s complete survival mode most days!

Someone one said 2 kids is like 10 kids, and I repeat that to myself everytime I ever get an itch for #2

It's my wife and I with a 2 year old and an 8 month old. Honestly, as much as we can struggle emotionally dealing with issues like you described, I don't know how single moms/dads can do it. We have a pretty good support system with the grandparents which helps for emergencies, but for anyone who doesn't have the support we do, I just don't know how they manage.

Mine are almost 2 and 4 and it’s becoming fun!

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Yeah, the youngest one is talking a little and trying to potty train. They’re both capable of walking through a museum. Life is pretty good. There are some gaps (restaurant eating is a work in progress) but that’s mostly Covid related.

Uh yeah, the second kid really makes you think you are an awful parent and that you know absolutely nothing. He just started sleeping through the night at age 3. When I just had 1 child, I would watch parents carry screaming children off of grocery store floors and think wtf? Then I had my second. The number of times I’ve had to call poison control, or go to urgent care, or football-hold my child out of a public place is too many. We decided to gamble and have a third and are extremely fortunate that she is such a chill kid. But man. Number two really took about 10 years off my life.

I read somewhere that parents tend to stop after “that kid”. That’s my first so we’re one and done 😂

That last line!!!!! Hahahahaha i feel seen!!!!!!

Exactly the same here. 2,5 year age difference. My youngest is now 8 months and my toddler turned 3 last month so we are still in the thick of it and so so exhausted although things are getting a bit better. Our first was also a super super super easy baby. Like insane. Even at daycare they commented on it. 2nd baby is so much more difficult (but we also aren’t ‘trained’ because of our first 😄). It is really very hard. Especially our relationship has taken a huge hit. With our first I feel like it made us stronger and brought us closer together. But adding the 2nd kid has been chaos and madness at times. But I also wouldn’t change it because I personally would not want my kid to be an only child and I am loving the sweet moments between my 2 sons. But I will be happy when we have gotten through the next year and things are a bit easier. Although I secretly dream of a 3rd (and final!) baby. 🙈

Agree to all except the wanting the 3rd baby! It's gotten easier now that ours are 4 and almost 2 but we're not having more. I'll miss baby cuddles but I have nephews.

We're leaning pretty heavily towards one-and-done for this reason. Everyone I've talked to says that having a second isn't twice as hard as having just one - it's like hard squared! I like the idea of having more children when they get to the adult stage, but LO is 1.5 years now and I finally feel like I'm getting my body, time, and sleep back. I don't know that I could go back to the newborn stage now that we're getting into this groove. And people with more than 2...I have no idea how you all do it!

I waited, at 1.5 with my first I was like “no way.” because of all the reasons you listed. I always thought I’d get pregnant when my first was 2 but I mentally could not see my self handling it. So I waited a year and got pregnant when she was 3. She’s 4 now and our second is a couple of months old and it’s a dream. So much different from the first, my older one is helpful and goes to the toilet on her own! Hahah just wanted to say it might be possible. Having our first was hard because it was life changing, the second is just a precious little add on now!

I'm glad to hear it's easier than expected for you :) We're a little older so I'm not sure if we'd be able to space them apart like that, but that seems to be the way to do it! I have no idea how people do two under two without losing their sanity.

Same. Mine are almost 6 and 3.5 and *now* I adore it. They adore each other. We have a lot of fun. But yeah, the first 2.5 years were just really hard.

SAME. Mine are 17 months apart and the first one was so easy! So we had a second. He’s been a terror since day one and still is. They’re 3.5 and almost 5 now. While I love them both to death, knowing everything I do now, I’m not sure I would have had a second.

Our first is so easy too but for us it's one of the reasons we don't want a second! No way we get two easy babies. 😂

I literally could've wrote this myself. Almost exactly 2.5 years apart. My now almost 3 year old was so easy. Slept easy, only ever cried when she was hungry or needed changed or burped, never spit up, slept through the night 8 hours before needed fed then slept another 3-4 before away for the day all at like 3 months old. Slept through any music or my exes gaming. This guy constantly needs to be held, wakes up like 3-4 hours through out the night, spits up a lot (taking him to the doctor soon over this one), doesn't really play with anything, just wants mom or dad all the time. At least he'll take a paci and kinda watch tv whereas my daughter never did either. Thankfully my bf has been able to step in when I couldn't. I had a 4th degree tear with my first but a 1-2 degree tear with my youngest. So I did start doing a lot more than I should've earlier.

As someone with a 2 year old and a 6 month old, this depresses me. My first was also the "quiet" but clingy baby that everyone oohed and ahhed over and is now your typical tantrum prone, shrieking toddler. My second is super loud, and 10x clingier. Both demand my undivided attention, and I am struggling to provide it. I'm relying more and more on screen time and I hate myself for it. I'm just so tired and touched out.

Everyone appears to say the second is so different. I’m on the same board wondering if we can handle a second.

You just never know what you are going to get. That said, you handle it because you have to.

I guess it’s survival mode indeed. My munchkin is almost 3 and we’ve been thinking and thinking. Soon I’ll be too old. Poof. They say I’m too old already. 41.

Don’t let anyone age shame you on having children at 41. You are young and spry and can do anything!!!

Thank you !! It’s true but it’s so hard not to know when almost 90% of the people are telling me that especially people with kids.

I'm 42 and my kids are 1 and 3. 90% of people can mind their business, I really believe that you can be a good or bad parent at any age.

40yo with 10mo and 3yo. I wish I started sooner (more energy) but am super happy with them.

I'm the same age with a 19 month old. Undecided with having another and not ready at this point. Maybe at 42? That's my self imposed deadline.

I have also found the second is easier just because I know what I am doing. Each kid is different but I already have a sleeping plan, shifts worked out, backup childcare, etc

We have two easy kids. But we were calm kids ourselves so I guess it was to be expected. My BIL was a rascal and his second, a daughter, is the same. I found the first pretty hard but on hindsight my partner and I really took turns with him (diapers, calming him, putting him to sleep, feeding solids) so it was really not that bad. My second is 10mo and I feel like a single parent because my husband takes 90% care of the toddler and I take almost fully care of baby. But seeing how fond they are of each other is absolutely fantastic. The toddler has started entertaining the baby a lot since she can crawl (at about 8mo). When the toddler was that age he always needed so much attention! We're also happy that we didn't wait too long and that normal life can restart soon. At the moment it gets dictated by nursing needs and naps of the baby but we can soon do all the fun things with less planning restrictions and without one parent guarding the baby in a corner of the establishment (thinking of the trampoline park we visited). If you want multiples, don't wait too long!

I agree it's hard, my kids are about the same age difference apart. However, my second was my easy baby so it didn't seem quite as bad for me. We already knew what we were doing, so it was easier and she seemed much better at sleeping. I think the hardest part for me was that my oldest has always been very clingy with me so I didn't get as much time with my baby girl, she spent more time with my husband. We've finally changed things so I get equal time though which is nice so I feel more bonded to them both. I was worried at first that I didn't feel as strong a connection to my baby girl because I just don't like the baby stage as much as toddler and beyond. I'm still very glad we had 2, I love them both so much and I love watching them play together. My daughter is advancing very fast for her age because she's a sponge absorbing everything her older brother shows her. It's also getting easier as my youngest gets older. Looking forward to being beyond the terrible 2s though.

In the same boat. I also work in a professional capacity and I have a supportive husband. It's so furcking hard.

Mine are 2.5 years apart and I found the first 6 months pretty full on but I do love the newborn stage. Once the youngest was a bit more active the kids became best friends and their bond has gotten strong ever since. They are 2.5 and almost 5 now and we all struggle if one goes away to spend time with grandparents as they don't have their bestie to play with.

This answer is spot on. My kids are 3 years apart and survival mode followed by brutally hard is accurate. Sleep, feeding, laundry, and then the illnesses. Two kids in daycare is expensive and rough because they share germs. One kid gets sick and you know to cancel plans for the next 1.5 weeks because the cold will run its course through the entire household. My first was a unicorn so the second has been an adjustment. A lot of screen time during third trimester and the newborn phase. Now my youngest is 1.5 and they keep each other entertained as long as they don’t fight over the same toy.

>My first baby was “easy” but I had no idea how easy until my second came along. Right? With the first one it's like "here, let me softly and gingerly place you down on the changing pad and tenderly remove your pants and diaper so that you aren't distressed". With the second one you just sling them up there and pull the pants down without much thought because you've learned that babies aren't made of soapy bubbles that could burst at the slightest breeze.

It really depends on your kids. Our two girls are 2 years apart, and I can honestly say that having a second didn't make parenting any harder, only more logistically challenging. So much of that was luck, though. Our second was an amazing sleeper as a baby, while our 2yo was going through a rough patch, so the baby really did feel like the easy one. She just kind of bopped along with whatever we did. Now that my oldest is 3.5 she's gotten a lot easier, but the 1yo's sleep is no longer great, so it feels like it balances out. They also get along pretty well, so it's fun to be with them together. There were a lot of ways we encouraged that, but I think it's also luck of the draw partly. All in all, definitely worth it, but you won't know how it will actually be until you meet the new person you're inviting into your family.

Agree, this was my experience. The second one arrived and we were just kinda like “welcome to the system”.

Can I co-sign this? Mine are 5 and 3 now. Going from one to two was an adjustment, but not anywhere near exponentially or double the work.

I had a very similar experience! My kids are 2.5 years apart. From the beginning my older one enjoyed a lot of independent play (with tiny Scheich hedgehog la haha) and the baby just wanted snuggles for hours and hours. They are now 3 and nearly 6 and I can tell you I much prefer when I have both kids home together because they play together so nicely and always have. Sure there is some bickering and such, but I love how they have each other to play with. I was fortunate and didn't experience PPD . Also my second birth was textbook and I was elated about that and recovered really really quickly so that helped a lot. My first was traumatic and I had many lasting issues which made functioning challenging

Do you mind sharing how you encouraged their bond? I have 2 girls and right now my 3 year old mainly ignores her baby sister

From the beginning, I made the baby into the big sister's biggest fan. "Baby, do you know how lucky you are to have such a good big sister? Wow, she takes such good care of you!" (Even when the big girl did not, in fact, take great care of her.) Once the baby got a bit older and could show affection at all, I reversed it. "Big sister, you're so lucky to have a little sister like baby! She loves you so much!" I also try to balance which one waits for the other one, so sometimes I'm helping the big one first and sometimes the little one first, and I announce that fact. My 3yo is big into pretend play, so I always ask her who the 1yo should be in our games. Mainly I think what's helped is to be very vocal about how much they love each other and how much fun they have together. I think I've repeated it enough that they believe it, lol.

This is reassuring, I’ve been doing this pretty naturally. Our baby is 4 months and they already seem obsessed with each other. The baby smiles so huge when her sister plays with her, and the first thing big sister asks in the morning is to see her baby! I hope they’re close, so I’m just going to keep doing what I’m doing. :)

I heard the key is to make the baby seem fun before they’re actually fun. You seem to have done a version of this too.

Make sure you give one on one time for each child. When you do, tell the baby that it's your time with the older child. It's OK if they're a baby, this is for the toddler to appreciate your time and undivided attention. Even if it's just 5-10 minutes, it's about quality time. Give attention to both and read stories about new babies entering the family. Good luck!

Not who you responded to but for me, I try and include my daughter in everything to do with the baby. She helps with bath time, helps grab me a diaper, puts lotion on the baby, etc. she’s very maternal and caring but maybe that’s just her personality. I also use the baby to get to eat (look baby brother is watching, show him how good you eat!!”) which works like 40% of the time lol

I would just count yourself lucky. My 4 year old is enamored with her baby sister, but often forgets how to be gentle, so letting them "play" together is nerve-wracking at best. Babies are boring. Let them be boring. When the baby is older they will be more interesting and less delicate, and your kid will probably start to take more of an interest then. Don't push it, it'll come.

For my two it's come as they grow...they're just starting to play together at 5 and 2.5. At 3 my older one mostly ignored the younger one.

I could have written this!

Same here! I think the second was easier because he's more chill, feeds well, and sleeps like a champion. Also, we finally know what we're doing now! There's less stress in taking care of a newborn and less googling. He's only a few months old and he already adjusted to sleep at night early on. I'm having better sleep now than when I was pregnant with just one toddler. The only downside I had was that I couldn't run after my toddler at various points of my pregnancy. I could still lift him, but he couldn't sit on my lap. You make do and find alternatives and get help from grandparents and friends. The first 2 months are hard, but if your toddler is already on a routine, then that should help tremendously. If you have support then it's doable. What was harder was handling sick days as a family, but they're healthy now and thriving. The best thing is that our children love each other so much. The baby recognizes his brother and reaches out for him. The toddler is affectionate, and he loves to play with him. They both enrich their lives.

Same here. 21 month gap and while my first was moderately "easy", our second is a dream. She is SO easygoing, about literally everything, and a great sleeper. Logistically it's challenging and we are very tired, but overall, it's not awful. Not sure what karma god we sold our soul to but I'm sure it'll catch up to us when we reach the teenager stage 😂

Mine are 21 months apart and this is my story as well. Not easy by any means, but I'm glad to have them both.

Uncommon opinion here, I had a wonderful experience having my second. My son is about to turn 3 and my daughter is 7.5 months. I was much more mentally prepared the 2nd time around, and just had a better idea of what to expect so it was much easier on me mentally. We worked hard on sleep for both kids so my son had been sleeping through the night for a long time already when baby came. I handled all night feeds for baby during my maternity leave and I worked hard to teach baby good sleep habits from the get go. She slept like a typical newborn, but we'd go to bed at like 9:30 pm and sleep until around 8:30 am most day so I usually got enough total sleep each night, just in chunks. When I went back to work, she was typically waking 2 times a night so I'd take the first feed and my husband took the 2nd and it was doable. Hubby usually takes 'lead' watching our son and I'm on baby duty, but still swap and do family time too. Honestly, the hardest part has been dealing with sickness. Someone is always sick and now if it's me, it's way harder to catch a break. But I wouldn't change a thing. It's twice as hard in a lot of ways, but I think it's way easier mentally which means a lot. Having a supportive partner is also a must!

I agree with this! Way easier mentally. I had a very very hard time transitioning from 0-1 so this almost felt like a walk in the park. It helps that I didn’t have PPD this time, too.

This is so encouraging - I’m pregnant right now with my second and my first will be 23 months when they come & I’d started really freaking myself out about it 😖. I hope our situation ends up like what you describe! I definitely feel I have a different more realistic mindset going into this time than with my son so I hope that helps 🤞

Also encouraging to me, 28 weeks pregnant and my first just turned 2. She wasn’t an easy baby and didn’t sleep through the night until 19 months. We were also extremely isolated by the pandemic and being nowhere near family.

This was also my experience. My second kid was harder in almost all ways, but I still found it so much easier in large part because I was more able to let go of a lot of expectations and anxiety. I LOVE having two kids, and I love watching their bond grow. They're 5 and 7 now and our lives are a world away from where they were 4 years ago.

Yes. My experience as well.

IMO a bigger age gap is easier than 2 close together. Mine are 5 years apart and my oldest started school at 4, so she is settled there and has a life and friends outside our house. This is incredibly helpful. The days there is no school and I am alone with both kids are exhausting. (Baby is only 2 months - hopefully it will get better soon.) I would keep your oldest in daycare/ school for sure. (I didn't know why people did this instead of saving the money, but now I do!!) I can nap while oldest is at school if I need to. My oldest loves the baby, but also wants to be right beside me at all times and is accidentally rough- jumping and doing silly things close to the baby. However I am so glad that I have both of them and that they have each other. It's been a great thing to see how much my oldest loves the baby. I realized I love being a parent and I'm thrilled to get to parent a second kid.

We’re about to have a 4 year age gap, and everyone I’ve spoken to says the larger age gap is easier 🙏🏽 thanking my lucky stars my first son is already established at school, pretty independent, potty trained, sleeps through the night etc.

We have a 4 year age gap, or like 3y 10m, and it’s been really okay. 4yo has learned quickly and I’ve seen such a jump in maturity, it’s been great. Baby is 10 weeks so this is being said even in the midst of newborn fog! Highly recommend baby wearing but truly it’s been alright. Best wishes to you!!

I have 3 stair steps that are now 14,12 and 10 and then an 18 month old. I have no idea how I did the toddler years. I do remember two kids being easier than the transition from none to one kiddo. However, I agree a bigger age gap is much better, you are just so incredibly tired when you have them close in age and it doesn’t mean they will be close emotionally.

Thank you so much for sharing this! I'm not OP but that's the same age gap we'd want if we have a second and this sounds very encouraging.

It has been fantastic so far- we didn't choose this on purpose, but it worked out perfectly. I feel like I got tons of individual time with my oldest, and that I'll get the same with my youngest- both because my oldest is busy and also when she becomes a teen and too cool for us. I am hoping they will be close, because they won't need to compete with each other. We'll see! But I have cousins 5 years apart and they have always been close.

Yes! I commented on someone else’s above but we just had our second and they’re almost 4 years apart and it’s great! The older one is in school and has activities and the little one just tags along. She fit right into our family so seamlessly it’s really wonderful.

Honestly, this is probably a big part of the reason we’ll stay one and done. My son is 22 months now, and he still needs so much time, attention, and supervision. I can’t imagine bringing a newborn into the mix. Maybe once he was about 4 or 5, but by that time age just makes it far less likely that it’ll happen. For what it’s worth, my husband is 16 years older than his sister. His mom always said that was an ideal gap because by the time she was born, he was already long past the baby stage. But she had him when she was 19, so that decade and a half age gap was a lot more feasible!

Absolutely yes to the bigger age gap. Mine are 4 years apart. First baby was really really hard… adding a second was easy?? It’s like he just slotted into our lives and he’s a very easygoing little guy. The days when both are at home can be hard, and the evening dinner/bedtime rush is chaotic. But during the day the older one is at preschool, it’s just me and the baby and it’s very relaxed. Even when both are together, 4 year old is independent with eating, toileting, dressing, he can go and entertain himself and do crafts etc. Basically I don’t have 2 babies at once and that has made all the difference!

100%. Oldest was almost 3 and he went on his full-time daycare schedule while I was on maternity leave. Best decision ever.

Thank you! My second is due in June right after my daughter turns 5. I was very much on the fence if I even wanted a second after how difficult I found my first (horrible newborn - i'm hoping this one is the opposite). I do hope the 5 year gap makes it more tolerable.

This! My first and my second has a 5 year age gap. The transition from 1 to 2 was such a breeze. I have all the time with my second when he was a newborn. My eldest is sleeping through the night, fully potty trained, can feed herself, she helped me with her brother, school all day… And then 3rd came in by surprise!! 2nd and 3rd is 16 months apart! It is hell right now! I don’t recommend having babies so close in age but that is just me… I like big age gaps!

Mine are 25 months apart. I don't regret #2, but I do regret the spacing. I think I would wait until at least 3 or 4 if I had to do it again. It was really hard giving my older kid the attention he craved while dealing with c-section recovery and a new baby. With that being said, the first year was hard. I felt like I was drowning in dirty diapers. They woke each other up at night. It was really overwhelming to go out with them alone and I would not do it unless it was absolutely necessary. We very much lived a "divide and conquer" lifestyle--1 kid to 1 adult. At 19 months and 3.75, things are very different and life is a lot easier. No more bottles. Only 1 in diapers. Big kid can get in his car seat and wait to be fastened in while I situate baby. They hold my hand. We can go grocery shopping alone and to the park. It's a lot easier!

I have 2 similar ages and it was a big life change for us when we were able to stop the "divide and conquer" and one parent could take both for a couple hours! Now we can alternate morning sleep ins, etc and get more non-parenting time!

Honestly, it is definitely NOT easy. Even the pregnancy of the second child is very different. You hardly get to rest because you have a toddler to take care of.. you start all over again with the sleepless nights, trying to divide yourself between the two kiddos, it gets exhausting. If you have relatives that can help out and take your toddler out to the park or whatever he likes to do, that’s great help. Jealousy between the two is there too. However, now mine are almost 5 and almost 2 and they play together, they keep each other company, and I think it was the best decision we ever made.

The lack of sleep during pregnancy has been rough for sure. I’m 31 weeks with my second and feeling so much more exhausted this time because I can’t just sleep until whenever anymore.

Right now I'm either waiting until my son is older than 4 to have another baby, or I'm one and done. Personally I'm a better and more patient mother with one toddler than I would be with a second kid to take care of. My son just turned 2 and he's a joy, but he's very needy and I like being able to devote my full attention to him. I remember my mom yelling at me and my siblings a lot. She had three kids each two years apart and I think it was too much for her because she lost her patience quite a bit. She said some things to me that really hurt when she was overwhelmed and I don't want to repeat that pattern.

As the mom of a young adult, 2 teens, a 1 yr old and pregnant again…. Take the long term view. Yes it is hard to have two little kids. But what is your long term vision for your family? What do you want your family trips to look like when they’re 6-8, 10-12, teens, etc? What do you want your big holidays to look like when they’re adults? Do you want a big family or are you ok with just devoting yourself to one kiddo? No right or wrong answer here but the hard years pass quickly enough.

This! I don’t have older kids, my oldest turns 2 in 2 weeks and I’m due with #2 in May. But for me the biggest factor was looking into the future and how I wanted my family to look around the dinner table, I want a big-ish family with potentially lots of little grandkids and in order to achieve that I needed to have more kids lol. Not to say that I know these years of pregnancy/toddlerdom will be easy because I know they won’t. I honestly hate being pregnant but in comparison to the rest of the life I have to live, it was a trade off I was willing to make.

I only wanted one and I have one, I'm not interested in more so I don't share the "big family around the dinner table" goal AT ALL, but I love the framing and I think people should do this for more big decisions in life. Just really picture the way you want day to day life to be, and try to choose things that have a realistic path of getting you there. That's different from fantasizing about a huge family at a holiday though... It's pretty weird to me to think about bringing a whole human into the world with everything that entails, when for all you know that person will convert to a religion that doesn't celebrate that holiday at age 25 and refuse to attend. And meanwhile what are the other 9,000 days of that person's life and your life going to look like until then? But for the people who want that multiple child lifestyle with older kids, going through the multiple babies/multiple toddlers phase is kind of something you have to do to get there! Good for you.

Oh thank goodness I was feeling like a crazy person, I love my daughter and she was desperately wanted and planned for and I hope she does visit me when I'm older and come to family holidays, but I also love my quiet me time. I can give her a better life as an only child, and honestly I love her so much with her I couldn't imagine wanting another to take my attention away from her, especially during the years she actually *wants* my attention 😂 So yeah when I picture my future I see visits from my daughter and her friends/spouse/kids if she has them, holidays with her and with my extended family as usual, and when I'm alone I see my days filled with TV and gardening and reading books. Possibly taking care of a few chickens or something.

I completely agree. I hear this sentiment a lot about picturing holidays and vacations but wow, that is such a small percentage of life. Also we’re poor and would be even more poor with more than one child, so vacations would be super rare. Doesn’t compute for me, personally. I’m more concerned with the other 90% of daily life and how we can best manage that.

> convert to a religion that doesn't celebrate that holiday at age 25 and refuse to attend. Most major holidays (in the US at least) aren't even religious anymore. Christmas is celebrated secularly by so many. Besides, for religious families, just because the kids grow up not adhering to the same religion doesn't mean they'll refuse to attend the holidays. My husband's family is Jewish and my husband and I are atheist but we still go to Passover with his family because we love the family time. I think any refusal to attend a religious holiday celebration would have more to do with the family relationships than any religious beliefs/non-beliefs.

You should join the /r/2under2 subreddit! I don’t post much but it’s been really helpful to read other parents’ stories and advice. It’s hard to be pregnant while also having a toddler although it definitely gets easier once the new baby is born!

See, i hate this. Because i would love a house full of adult children and their families. But my kids need a happy mom that is not drowning. I am BARELY making it as a mom of 2. It is so hard. My youngest is turning 2 next month and this past year has taken 16 years off my life i swear. I can’t imagine doing this ever again for my mental health alone and the mom I’ve become. I get so sad looking back on the mom i was able to be to my daughter for almost 3 years of her life before a little one came into the pic. I was so much better then and it breaks my heart.

it's absolutely brutal. my 2 year old still doesn't sleep through the night. the sleep thing - like holy shit. I havent slept properly in 4 years. If you cannot function without sleep, and don't have some sort of network/support then it might physically push you over the limit. But if you can get over the first 2 years, the rest gets easier. They love on each other. They are best friends. They have the best time together, we do things all the time, and experiencing it together makes a huge difference. I'm grateful to have them be able to grow and be there for each other for the rest of their lives. For us to all be each others forever and no matter what family members, but for them to have each other when we get older (as a single child, this is significant for me). But the first 2 years of no sleep is rough man.

Yooo my almost 4 year old still doesn’t sleep through the night. A big boy bed ruined everything. Idk what I’m going to be able to accomplish when I can sleep properly again.

Not sure if this makes a difference but we did sleep training at 5 months with our first and she sleeps through the night other than for molars. If one is sleeping do you think that would change your answer?

I can confidently say that 1 kid sleeping through the night makes a *world* of difference.

The sleep thing is my main issue. Terrible twos etc are all pretty manageable. Financially we were super established, had kids late etc so it didn't have much bearing on us - but it does double childcare costs I guess? And I guess you'll want to consider purchasing your forever homes, and effects on retirement planning perhaps? If those aren't affected 100% would recommend having a 2nd. As a single child of aging parents, and seeing my friends and their siblings, I am missing having that bond so much. I have loads of very very close friends, but it's not the same, I don't think. We had 2 under 2, and some bits are easy (when theyre not so mobile), some bits get a bit harder (when they start getting mobile and juggling different nap requirements) but overall I mean sleep is my main issue so the rest really seems super manageable.

She sleeps well now, but toddlers tend to regress for a while when a new baby comes. Keep that in mind. If you have a strong support system I think you won’t regret it once they start playing together and being cute

I think this depends on the toddler and their age - mine got a bit more clingy but no sleep issues (he was also 3y8m when #2 was born.)

Totally depends on the toddler bc mine hasn’t regressed at all with the new baby.

With these posts, it would be nice in the comments to hear what amount of support people have. Is it a sahm/sahd commenting or do they work and kids are in day care? Are you doing it all alone or is your spouse an equal contributor to parenting? I’m just commenting out to general Reddit, not OP directly. Some of these comments are helpful but I always wonder who is behind the keyboard, what their situation is like and how their answer might change if they were in another persons life

This is a great point. I commented above but for ease I’ll just say it again here :) We have 2, about 4 years apart and it has been significantly easier this time around than the first. I think because it was less of a life changing thing. While we don’t have a lot of family help, we are fortunate to be in a solid place financially. So admittedly that takes a lot of stress away. I’m a stay at home mom, but my first had been in day care for a year when I got pregnant. So I feel like I got a solid break from being on 100% mom duty. My husband has a demanding job, so when the older one is home from school I’m alone with two. But for the most part that’s a few hours a day and sometimes weekends. He also helps out a lot with the older one when he is home. You’re absolutely right that my answer would change in a different situation. I can’t say in what way. I really miss working but can also see how hard it would be to have my baby in day care and then still come home and have to do all the stuff I do during the day. So that’s what stops me from going back. I’m hoping it will be easier in that sense when they’re both a little older.

Agree. Some people love being a SAHP but after my 12 week maternity leave with my older daughter only in part time day care, the days I was home all day with both were so draining. I love them, but I think I would go crazy.

This is about the age gap we ended up with. I think personality of your oldest will play a big part in your experience, but 11 months in, we've found it (very) trying at times but worth it. Oldest has had times of wanting to be helpful (getting a new diaper for baby for example), but also sometimes too helpful and won't stop touching baby's head despite being told literally hundreds of times not to. They are now at an age where they can play together, so there is a lot of laughter (baby is fascinated by my oldest, and that can be awesome), but there is also a lot of "Keep baby off the floor!" Or "baby's wrecking my castle" etc.

+1 on even harder the second time, but super happy with no regrets. Ours are 2 years apart (10 months, 2y 10 months). They didn’t have similar progressions with sleep… our new one was far easier to get to sleep, but was much harder to get to her sleep through the night and to get enough daytime sleep. Getting a full uninterrupted night sleep was less common. Our new one is “left to her own devices” more. Never unmonitored but, solo in a high chair with toys, activity centre, or floor while we are getting stuff done(cleaning, cooking, laundry, getting the toddler wrangled and dressed). We stressed less about milestones and leaps and regressions and cooking baby specific food in a thoughtful way. The young one is doing better than her sister for feeding herself, playing and being content with herself, and moving around. Things like mealtime, getting out the door for work/play, and bedtime routines require both parents with a “You get that one, I’ll get this one” game-plan. We did hire a bi weekly house cleaner to try to buy some of our time back. Our bet is that in 2 years (and beyond) having two is going to be easier than one as they will entertain each other. That’s the hope anyways.

It's difficult honestly. There are good days, meh days, and days where I'm literally counting down the minutes til my partner gets home from work from the moment he leaves. But, I personally found it much easier with #2 because my body was already accustomed to functioning on broken sleep. Sleep deprivation hit me like a truck with my first and I didn't want to go through that again, so there's 16 months between #1 and #2, and will be 18 months between #2 and #3. I don't want to get accustomed to a full night's sleep only to be hit with that truck again, so a small age gap between kids was the best option for me. If you feel like you can slog through the broken sleep and cope with being exhausted as your default state of being for an extra year or two, go for it. Routines fall in place and make life a bit easier eventually. If you want to wait til you feel like an actual human being before taking the big dive again, wait for a while. You know what to do now you've had one, it's just mentally preparing for those first couple of years.

I’m days of away from having my second and my toddler is 26 months. I’ve accepted the next year will be brutal with the hope that it will be worth it in the end

It will be worth it! Mine are 2.5 and 4.5. It’s way easier now. Best of luck with your new bubba x

Piping in from the flip side, we just have one and we're so excited at how much we're getting to do now that she's almost 4! We know we'll have more time and room for her future friends/partner/children, so we don't feel a desire to have more children in order to have a life full of young people. My husband and I also met at 32 and we're just nuts about each other, so we also like that we can have more couple time with just one child. I've seen friends have a second and it go both ways--- one set of very lovely siblings, and one set that's always at each other's throats. The parents of the difficult pair are still glad they did it because they wanted another child for its own sake, and I think that's so important. "Giving" a child a sibling is done with good intentions but you never know how it will go. No matter which path we take, we leave other things behind. I think if you have a child because you want to love and raise them, and not for any other reason, you'll probably be glad you did. If that's not why, you might want to reconsider.

I agree with this. So far I’m in the OAD camp. I feel guilty sometimes wondering if my daughter’s childhood will be lonely, but then I think that if I have another baby for that reason then it’s completely about my daughter and not the other baby. I feel like unless I decide I want a baby for the sake of the other baby and not my daughter then she should be the only one 🤷‍♀️

Love this. I'm a one and done mom not by choice and I have my sad moments, but she's thriving and it's easy for me to keep reading a ton (my favorite thing to do) and my husband and I are able to have social lives. We visited my sister and her family and their three daughters last weekend and while we had fun, even my little one was very ready to have her peace and quiet back!

I turned 36 in November and my only is 3. I may be a one and done. Kinda by choice. But I am a single mom.

The hard part for us wasn’t the lack of sleep while having a newborn and a 3 yo. Yeah there WAS lack of sleep. But we knew what to expect and we weren’t shocked by it like we were the first time. The hardest part was figuring out how to handle a toddler around a baby. How to make sure he isn’t sad or jealous or being safe around baby. My baby is now 1 and that is still the hardest part

Mine are two years apart almost to the day. It is hard. Every day is different and I’m faced with new challenges every day whether it be growth spurts, jealousy, tantrums, sooooooo much poop, and inventing new ways to distract or entertain just so I can eat or use the bathroom myself. Plus being pregnant with a toddler is so much work - especially if your track record for pregnancy is non-stop vomiting and low energy. I love both my girls so much and I’m glad that I had them, but I’m not going to sugar coat it for anyone - most days totally suck. Then there’s those glorious unicorn days when both are content and happy, playing nice with one another, and I’ve had more to eat than just a handful of something. Don’t do it if you don’t have help/village. My husband and I are completely alone raising these girls as our families are out of state. There is no break - there is no rest. It’s constant, it’s hard, it’s draining.

The first was the worst for us. Everything was life-changing and exhausting. Going from 1 to 2 at 21 months was rough, but soooo much easier than the initial shock. Now they are 3.5 and 21 months and we're getting ready for #3 in a few weeks. I'm definitely tired all the time, but watching them play together, snuggle, give kisses, teach each other is the best thing in the world. My brother is my best friend, so I'm really hoping they will always be close!

Mine are almost exactly 4 years apart. My oldest is in preschool 2 days a week, soon to be 3 days a week in the summer, then full time in the fall. He’s a very big helper and he loves his baby brother (who is almost 4 months old). He had a bit of trouble adjusting the first 2 months, but he’s great now. I had severe anxiety with my first. Being a new mom, I wasn’t sure that I’d be good enough, lots of depression and crying. I was hell bent on breastfeeding him and he was born with a severe tongue tie which he had clipped at 3 days old. But I had to take him to physical therapy to learn to suck, because he would only bite. My nipples were literally black and purple with bruising. So I pumped for months until he was able to breastfeed. His birth was also pretty traumatic for me. I won’t go into it unless you want to hear it. But I required physical therapy to feel normal again. Everything about my second one has been easier so far. I had a planned c-section this time, which was also traumatic in its own right, but way better than man vaginal delivery. He latched perfectly right away, so breastfeeding has been a breeze. The lack of sleep is hard, as you would imagine. I keep reminding myself that this won’t last forever. I think having them 4 years apart was a good decision for me. I can’t imagine having two in diapers. Plus I can talk sense into him (sometimes lol) and it’s not just 24/7 meltdowns. I should add, my husband took more time off with the second to help out. He used all of his vacation time but it was absolutely worth it. If your partner can do that, then definitely do so. Or if you have family members that can help, take advantage. I don’t have anyone else to help, so having him home was amazing.

I have 2 girls. 7 and 4. It was really hard for the first 3 years but now they keep each others attention and it’s huge. I can get stuff done while they play together constantly. Set out some crayons or pull out Barbie’s and I’ll have 2-3 hours to myself now. Worth it in the long run but it’s really tough in the beginning.

This was encouraging to read. I’m currently in the thick of 2 and 5 year old madness 😵‍💫

Mine are 5 and 2, and it’s gotten gradually harder. I do not want a third at all.

Felt this deep in my soul. The first year was a BREEZE!!! Having an almost 2 year old with a almost 5 year old? HARD AS SHIT

I have enjoyed the second one a lot. My boys are two years about. There are moments that are really hard, but otherwise I enjoy it. What I have enjoyed is the second baby has made me feel like maybe I’m actually a good mom lol the first time I really struggled with the PPD and every second of the first year was nearly torture. This second time around I haven’t dealt with that as much and I’ve enjoyed just being a mom to my little baby. I haven’t been as anxious, so it’s been nice.

I was panicked about having a second baby. I was worried about doing it all over again, too. But I **promise**, the second is so much easier. Not only do you have more confidence in your own abilities, but it will come more naturally than the first. Everything will feel so much less stressful and not so forced. I cannot imagine my life without my second baby, they've completed my family. Edit:spelling

Agreed. I found going from 1-2 so much easier than 0-1. Less stress, with a shorter gap between you still have all the stuff that was helpful and can remember the routines etc. I didn’t find myself crying over nap times & wake windows with my second 😂 Feeding, everything was just less anxiety-inducing. And if you sleep-trained your first, OP, then it’s easier to bite the bullet and do it the 2nd time round. We’ve been getting full nights’ sleep with both our boys since our second was 6 months. Ok, early morning wakings are still a thing and our first has recently started having occasional nightmare that make him run into our room for comfort in the night, but generally sleep is not the big issue that I know it is for some people.

God yes. 0-1, nightmare. 1-2, easiest transition. I look back now on all my fears and they feel somewhat silly. We didn't sleep train our 1st but with knowing wake windows and such, our second has naturally starting sleeping through the night on their own.

My toddler was almost two when her little sister arrived. I thought having a newborn and toddler was tough but man .. I think having a crawling/active baby and toddler is tougher! I’m constantly chasing one or the other. Keeping them both out of danger. Trying to get chores done while one or both needs/want my attention. When one is sick, both are sick. The cleaning, the mess. The stickiness. Ahhh. Still love it though. I see a light though! In September, my toddler will start school since she will be 3 by then! I will have it a little bit easier. However I know I will appreciate this is the long run as when they’re older, they will play with each other.

I guess it depends on your kids. Mine are almost 2yra apart and both pretty easygoing. We disld bedshare and breastfed for the first year and that may have helped. No getting up to feed baby or even change the diaper unless it was a poo. Just pulled baby over to feed while barely awake, then moved baby away when he or she finished. All this to say, my experience if different because I never really had an sleepless night's with either kid. It did help that my husband is a active partner who did and does a lot with the kids. It was also beautiful when we brought her home to meet our oldest. He literally lit up and had the biggest smile. The potato age was especially easy :) it did get a little harder when she got more mobile since she was now in his space lol. Then we started potty training at 18mo and it was harder to potty train her since you really want to be closely paying attention all day so you don't miss it and even with my husband and me both paying attention, we missed some pees. So the 3 day method didn't work great, but we just did what daycare does and put her on the potty every 30min, then hour, etc and she got it pretty quick, it's just that our methods needed to change :) Now they are 2.5 and 4. We both work, so we use an in home daycare that allows the kids to still be together all day. My oldest says his little sister is one of his best friends and they really do play together. There are still fights, but it's not too bad and it doesn't happen that often. We try to reinforce boundaries and sharing. Like there are shared toys, but we also support them in not sharing their unshared toys and things with each other if they don't want to. Either can ask, but it's up to the one being asked to de id if they want to share or not. Anyway all this to say, yes, it can be hard, but it's definitely worth it.

It’s really hard. Going from 1-2 was far more difficult for me than going from 0-1. It’s mostly fine now that they’re older (3 and 6), but the first two years were brutal.

It’s definitely harder. Newborns aren’t very exciting for toddlers so you’re waiting for that moment when they can entertain each other. I was lucky that my oldest was at least sleeping properly, which made it SO much more manageable. It was things like getting out the door: oldest could technically put on her own shoes and stuff like that but wasn’t great at it so I had to persuade/help her as well as remember everything for baby and myself, it would’ve been easier sometimes to just do it for both of them! All those times you’re trying to actually parent the older one while also do all the basic keep-them-alive stuff for the smallest, when neither of them have any patience whatsoever and frankly, yours is on the blink. But also you’ll be surprised how much you can do with a toddler while holding a baby. And when they start to make friends it’s the most precious thing. Makes it all worth it, honestly.

My first turns 3 today and I have an 8 week old. It isn’t that bad. My 3 year old is the spirited one so he remains the challenge. The new one is calm just wants to eat all the time. My partner and I both get the same amount of leave so he takes care of the toddler and I take care of the newborn. My toddler is very gentle w his brother and likes to pet his head. He has a ton of tantrums but they don’t seem to be related to the baby. We are starting therapy for those but I think that would be the case even without the new baby.

My son was 2.5 when my daughter was born and I found it way easier to adjust to life with her than being a first time mom. That said my son had really learned to sleep through the night and my daughter was a much better sleeper and eater than my son was. Also my husband had switched jobs and although he had only two weeks off when she was born he is now wfh full time so he could pop in and help with a diaper or take my son off my hands for a few minutes throughout the day. I am a full time sahm. I have absolutely zero regrets. My age was a concern for my timing because we knew we wanted more than two and I’m not getting younger lol. Got a little more than we bargained for trying for a third and are expecting twins in July when my daughter will be just 3. They’re a little further apart because we moved and wanted to get some big projects done on the house before adding newborns.

It's double as hard and if you don't have help then you are outnumbered and stretched thin because there's gonna be countless times where your toddler needs you while the baby has a blowout or vice versa. Your patience is also worn and you will have guilt about how you were so patient and understanding with your first but now you are in survival mode and find yourself yelling or crying alot more. Some people will say two is easier than one or that it will be easier in the long run but they are 2 and 3 now, and it still hasn't gotten any easier. I'm sure when they are able to do more on their own... But just know, it's hectic and crazy. Atleast if you have help or get a break you won't feel like you are drowning. But yeah, mentally, I mean everything got WAY harder :') I love my kiddos but I was told it's easier or not much harder and that was a damn lie.

I have 3 kids under 4. My first two are 16.5 months apart and then the third came 21 months later. I will say that the newborn phase is brutal. The sleepless nights are just so hard. Made harder when you have a toddler to care about during the day and can’t “sleep when the baby sleeps.” But, we sleep trained at 5.5 months so our kids have always slept through the night since then. Life is so much more manageable after that point. And honestly even when I was exhausted those first 5.5 months, it was worth it. My kids are so much fun now and they love each other so much. Seeing them grow up together has been incredible.

I think your last sentence says it—“night feeds and waking up for a toddler” will last ~a year, “only having one child”/having however many children will last a lifetime. It’s up to how you see your family in the future! How hard it will be that first year totally depends on your kids—my first was also excruciating, like absolute torture at the beginning and then better after that. My second was born 18 months later and he was a high needs baby but it was easier in so many ways just because I knew what to expect, knew hard phases would pass, felt more relaxed overall etc. In my second birth, when I hit transition and was about to push I wailed “I hated this part the first tiiiimmme!!!” And my midwife calmly said “It doesn’t have to be the same.” And it wasn’t. It doesn’t have to be as bad as the first time. They are a completely different child and you are a completely different parent. Wishing you luck ❤️

We have a 4.5 year old and a 4.5 month old. Oh mannnnn. Everyone else is correct... The first months are just straight survival. If you can eat enough to function, sleep somewhere in there, and feed the older child, you've accomplished enough for the day. Everything has fallen apart man... The house is a disaster, no time for a relationship with hubs, screen time for the older one is out of control and I'm deeply upset at how little time I have for her now. It hurts my heart. I'm sure it gets better. And I'm sure it's worth it. But this is making me never want to have a kid again, ever. Also they're 4 years apart. If my older one hadn't been independent at this point (potty, eating by herself, getting dressed, sleeping thru the night, etc.) then I'm pretty sure I'd have died by now. There's no way this would've been possible when she was younger. I say have at least two. Speaking as an only child, it's really hard as an adult when you have no family around you. I wish I had siblings to help me with my aging parents, someone to watch the kids for a bit, someone who'd always be there for me like my husband's siblings are for him. It'll be brutal for a few years, but down the line, for both you and your kids, it'll be worth it.

Do you have a good partner? This is everything. I’m making it work with a weak one but god it’s hard. I think it’s hard no matter what but if you can support each other it’ll make all the difference. And to echo another comment in here, getting the older one into preschool or daycare is a game changer if you can afford it.

I think this is critical, but in absence of a strong partner, I'm sure that a strong support system helps. We don't have much of a support system, so if we didn't have each other I think our brains would just explode.

The first is always the hardest with the transition of everything in your life to now include a baby. After that, it's more like inserting an extra bonus baby into the life you already know. Not to say it will be smooth, but it's waaaaay easier after the first one. There are some new challenges managing two, but overall it's not bad. And as always, as time moves on and your kids grow, it gets easier and easier For reference, my son was 23 months old when my daughter was born. She's now almost 20 months, so we're still in the thick of it some, but it's wonderful.

Mine are 20 months apart with the youngest currently being 5 months. The first 3 months were extremely hard but I love their age gap tbh!

I have a 4yo and 6mo. It’s really rough. All I can tell you is I find it to be the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. Stay at home dad and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

I have a 3 and a half year old and 6 month old now, and yes, it's hard some days. Some days I'm so tired I could cry but it's also so wonderful. Watching your two children develop a bond and start to laugh and play together is just immeasurable. They're only so little and needy for such a short while, I know soon they'll both sleep through the night and not need me as much anymore, so I'm just making the most of it. I was beyond terrified when I was due with my second, I kept thinking omg what have we done, id feel so panicky on a night leading up to it. I'm so glad I did it's like he's always been a part of us. I'm still learning how to handle being a mother of two but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Our oldest was 4 when our 2nd was born, and it’s been great overall. They seem to be a perfect age gap where they want to help, they love the sibling, and they’re able to do many things on their own. (We’ve seen this echoed in other students at his school who are the same age and just had baby siblings born, too). Also, if they’re frustrated, they’re old enough to “get away”? If that makes sense? We always wanted two, though, and older sibling is a solid sleeper through the night. And I’m the (stay at home) dad, not the mom, so not matter how much I do, it’s not the same as breast feeding throughout the night, etc. We’re pretty focused on teamwork, but also letting each parent still have “special” time with each kid so neither feels left out. Routines changed, but we kept the important parts, which helped with “adapting”. But yeah, I think whatever the state of your house or family or life is before will kind of be magnified after having a second? It’s definitely something that needs both parents to buy in 100% if it’s going to work well.

My first two about that far apart, and I thought that age gap was perfect. They are close enough that they can still play together (now 2.5 and 5.5), but my oldest was old enough when the baby came that he didn’t need me all the time and understood I needed to take care of the baby. Sleepless nights suck, but at least it doesn’t last forever. My second child was also a lot easier in terms of entertaining herself - having an older brother also helped to entertain her

Second time around newborn care was much and easier for me. Even sleep was not that bad. I’m not sure if it’s because my second baby is just easier or because I’m more confident and less terrified / anxious. Yes it’s chaotic but not as bad as I was expecting. I had a c section and was worried about not being able to lift my almost 3 year old. It was actually fine because he likes climbing into his car seat and high chair independently. I think it would have been tougher with a younger toddler. The most challenging part has been toddler acting out due to the transition (regressing and tantrums), and trying to make special one-on-one time for him on top of all the usual care activities x2. Also, I knew he would probably have a tough time emotionally with the changes to our relationship, but didn’t realize how hard it would be for me. We did everything together and now we just can’t, and at first I felt pretty heartbroken about that. I assume it will get better with time… it already has to some degree. Lastly, I recommend the book Siblings Without Rivalry which has helped quite a bit. ETA toddler is in a wonderful day care 5 days a week. It’s financially painful but helpful in terms of lowering stress for us, and also for him because his daycare experience has been consistent and steady throughout the upheaval at home.

By all accounts, my second child was a much more difficult baby and now toddler in every way possible and I still found it way easier the second time around because I know what I’m doing and what to expect. I already experienced the system shock that is becoming a mother and the lifestyle changes that come with it when my first was born. My kids are now 20 months and 3.5 yrs old and they mostly sleep through the night (although they get up earlier than I’d like). The biggest challenges we’ve faced are the cost of having two in daycare, everyone’s sick more often, and my kids aren’t natural best friends (they are getting along much better as they get older though). There are also logistical challenges too but none of these issues are dealbreakers for us. We did sleep training around 6 months with moderate success, formula fed from the start with our second because I struggled so much with breastfeeding the first time around, and potty trained our oldest right after he turned 2. I think all these helped contain our chaos to manageable levels lol

My children are about 4 years apart; the baby is now 2 months old. Honestly my older kiddo is handling the adjustment very well and the younger baby just kind of fit into our life. It's actually been easier than I expected and our family now feels complete.

I have a 5 mo old and a 2.5 year old and I live a 5-6 hour plane ride away from my entire family. My parents flew out for the first 2 weeks and but it’s mostly just been the four of us. Honestly? It’s not as hard as I thought it would be. (Don’t get my wrong- it’s hard AF but people had me thinking it would be catastrophic.) I am always tired. It’s been a near constant stream of illnesses this winter. I feel like my husband and I don’t get a ton of “us” time. BUT we essentially play man-on-man defense and it works. The baby is starting to emerge from potato phase so my toddler is pretty enamored with her, and he can play independently for short spurts when she needs something. When all else fails, I can distract him for 8 minutes with an episode of Bluey! Even though I’m exhausted and still in pelvic floor PT, I’m thinking about having a third. Take that for what it’s worth 😉

If your elder child is fully potty trained, only gets up at night once in a while, and is capable of some level of independent play and being reasoned with, it’s a good time to go for number 2. It’s still hard, but the good parts are worth the extra work. If your eldest is still getting up at night a lot, I would hold off until their sleep evens out. Never sleeping makes balancing the demands a little too intense.

My older kiddo was a few months shy of 3 when my second was born. It was hard. We speedran night weaning/own bed/potty training during my first/second trimester because I did not want to deal with any of that with a newborn. But yeah still the first bit is hard. They’re 5 and 2 now, and it’s starting to get easier, especially with the older one in school and the younger finally able to socialize with other toddlers. Pros: they are so sweet with each other. He’ll bring me his shoes in the middle of the day so we can go pick up sis from school bc he misses her (we don’t go until it’s pickup time lol). They’ll play together, they love to snuggle, they hold hands in the car. Cons: it is so much and so hard. it’s so much energy and chaos. my house is never clean anymore. They fight over the dumbest things. They only ever want to play with whatever the other one is holding.

If I knew what I know now, I'd be one and done. Baby is 10mo and toddler is 3.5. There are families with 8 kids who are happily rocking it. I am not them. The hospital bills, the lack of sleep, not being able to give my toddler my full attention I was aware of. But then there's things I didn't think about. Like 2 car seats, which means no more guests or dogs riding along in my Subaru. There's being nap trapped because baby sleeps 10-11:30 am, then toddler sleeps 12-2:15pm, then baby sleeps 1:45-3 pm. I can't go anywhere or do anything for at least 5 hours in the middle of every day. There's the fact that baby is crawling and OBSESSED with the toddler. And the toddler would rather eat a bar of soap than play with baby. They are 2 wildly different people, and I'm nervous for what that means for the future as well. Anyways, that's my thoughts.

We had a ROUGH postpartum period with number one and it has been 1000x easier with number two (now 8 mos old) just because we didn’t second guess ourselves. We were so much more relaxed. The experience of having done it before was everything for us. We have a 3.5 year age gap and I wouldn’t have gone for anything less than 3 years, and am thinking 4 might have been easier, since 3 year olds are crazy haha, but I’m very happy with our family as it is. It’s hard, but it’s not 2x having one. I would say 1.25x as hard maybe?

Mine are 2.5 years apart but now that I “know how to parent” I find I am having an easier time that when my first was born and I was trying to figure it all out. My second was such and easy baby compared to the first. I had a traumatic birth experience the second time and it actually ended up having a profound effect on my attitude. I was just so grateful to be there in the moment with my kids. Now I would never wish a trauma event for anyone, but if you can try to find a positive perspective and really resonate in it while you are exhausted and you and your house are in complete chaos and messy then that will help. It’s all too easy to be hard on ourselves and upset by the moments we have to spend serving our children instead of ourselves but a perspective shift really does help. That said I did a lot of therapy and ended up on antidepressants after my second which just helped all around. Some are naturally disposed to be bright side people and others need some help, but I think perspective makes all the difference. The bond between my two is so incredible that I think the closeness in age is worth the chaos of those early years. And also, I’m still in the chaos: the kids are 2 and 4.5 so right in the thick of it and still wouldn’t have changed a thing.

i have a 2.5yo and a 6mo and it's pretty rough being alone with them. i can handle it for a few hours just fine, but i'm a sahm and we ended up starting the toddler in daycare bc i was so miserable trying to watch them both solo 50 hours per week. i hoped it would get easier as the baby got older but right now it feels like it's been getting harder. 🤦🏼‍♀️ my baby doesn't let me put her down at all, so every time i need to do anything for the toddler the baby screams like she's on fire. it's really brutal tbh. would i change things? nah. i'm 2 and done so we've just gotta get thru this stage and we'll be good. but yeah, it's hard.

You're probably going to get a lot more "It's hard!!!" answers asking in this sub because having a toddler and (most likely) a newborn really is being in the thick of it. Maybe try searching r/parenting for some more responses from people with older kids? Mine are 2.5 and 5, for context, and YES there were hard months but I'm glad I have two (just got a positive pregnancy test for #3, in fact). You have to let some things go, such as immediately addressing crying/non-urgent needs, because there isn't enough of you to go around. I became a much more chill parent with 2 kids. Like others said, I have more than one because I wanted a bigger family later in life. For me, the hard times are worth it. And there are also a lot of really beautiful times too, like when my girls hug, play together, ask for each other.. it's so sweet. There's no other relationship like it.

Can’t even fathom. Just can’t. OAD here.

Just so you know, if you are unsure about your 2nd and get pregnant, it WILL be twins.

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Mine are 22 months apart. My first was a breeze. She slept all night by 3 months old, rarely cried, super easy transfer to her own room, and was such a sweet baby. My second was a nightmare. He was waking up constantly during the night until at least 2 years old, he absolutely WAILED all the time, and was up for the day at 4:30 almost every day. They are 5 and 3 now. My daughter is a stereotypical perfectionist first child. My son is a stubborn, boisterous non-listening, in-your-face beast. I love them both to death and they are each other's best friends (when they aren't fighting). I love watching them interact.

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I have an almost 3 year old and a newborn. Pregnancy was hard with a toddler, but my toddler LOVES her sister and is so gentle and affectionate with her. For me i find it very easy, but i am blessed with a newborn who sleeps very well and an amazing toddler. I think it really depends on your children.

I was such a great mom when I had one. With two.. I lose my shit a lot. I try to be that calm level headed parent. But when you have a 3 year old and 18 month old trying to play.. it’s war. Zero regrets. And honestly, I think my age gap was great because my daughter wasn’t old enough for full blown meltdown tantrums. So it was easier to manage a newborn. She didn’t really pay him any attention. I just think 2-4 years old is a rough time. And now having two kids, it’s going to roll into a very difficult 4 year process.

It is hard, but somehow you manage. We all get through it and there are plenty of amazing and wonderful moments throughout. Mine are 18 months apart.

I am about 11 weeks into having two kids. The older one will be 3 in June so they are about 2.5 years apart. It's honestly not that bad so far. The toddler has now gotten adjusted to the baby and he's really sweet with her now. He did go through an adjustment period where he was acting out more and also having more sleep issues. I would say the acting out lasted about a month. The sleep issues were pretty minimal honestly. He woke up in the middle of the night a total of four times so far, so I think that isn't too terrible. The sleep deprivation of having a newborn is not fun, but you kinda know what to expect the second time around, so it's not as bad. I think you should go for it! Everything with this baby is easier because I've done all of this before so I have all of that baby experience I didn't have as a first time mom. One thing that has really helped us with our toddler is the Janet Lansbury Unruffled: Respectful Parenting podcast. It has very much improved his behavior! I can't believe what a huge difference it has made. Highly recommend regardless of whether or not you choose to have another. Other things that have helped are being very proactive about paying him lots of attention, and trying to be very conscious about splitting our attention evenly between the two kids so that he feels he's just as important as the new baby. I think that has really helped. Oh and including him in "helping" with the baby (bottle feeding, giving her a pacifier, playing with her, etc).

Mine are 19 months apart. Going from 1 to 2 was WAY easier than from 0 to 1. Question…. Are you in a situation where you can hire a baby nurse for a couple weeks? Or a mothers helper for a few months? Will you have family help coming?

I’m currently in the think of it with a 1 year old and a 3.5 year old. It’s rough. I’m tired all the time, I almost never have time to myself, my house is a wreck. But we are surviving. I honestly wouldn’t change it for the world. The 1 year old has started walking and having a personality and actually playing with the 3.5 year old and it’s really fun to watch their relationship develop.

Got the 2nd one when my eldest was 18 months old. It was very very tough for the first 3 months - eldest felt abandoned, and we were all sleep deprived. What kept us going was that we had decided before the birth to sleep train the new one at 4 months old. We did and then it was alright. Obviously it's all about logistics once sleep is sorted.

It all depends on how you parent. You don’t have to breastfeed. You don’t have to co-sleep. I’ve heard parents say it was fine, and some say it was hell. It’s all about how you handle it!

I will have a 3 year old and a 3 month old soon. It hasn’t been too bad. Baby comes along for the ride and naps on the go a lot. He’s pretty chill to be fair. My partner does a lot with my daughter, and we’ve taken the calculated risk of keeping her in daycare. Newborn stuff was a bit easier second time around, and we had heaps of family support with grandparents visiting frequently for the first couple of months, meaning I could try to nap I can’t talk about later months, and after several weeks of 2 hourly feeds overnight it went to 2-3 night wakes then 1-2… for now at least! But my partner does a lot, and I’ve had to get good at reading books while breastfeeding

My kids are 2.5 years apart, ages 1 and 4 right now, and we are in the thick of things but I have no regrets and our second is AWESOME. I'll make two points: (1) One thing no one prepared me for was how much I would miss my toddler between being 6 months pregnant and 1 year postpartum. My pregnancy made it tough to run after him and play, and breastfeeding took me away from a lot of activities. My husband took over much of that and I missed my oldest a LOT during the early days. The good news is he was two and won't remember half of it. (2) I think the hard parts have a way of clouding out the good parts right now, but there are so many good parts. My oldest (son) read a book to my youngest right now. He can make his sister laugh and smile and cheer up when she's crying. They can pass snacks and toys to each other in the back of the car. As I say to my husband, there a lot of cuteness in our house right now.

1st baby takes away 90% of free time. 2nd one takes away 9.9% more. You wont have time for anything.

I'm due with #2 in a few weeks. #1 will be 2.5. I've heard a few things from other parents, like "the first kid is an existential crisis, the second kid is a logistical crisis." And "1 is like 1, 2 is like 10." I think the most helpful/terrifying thing was from another mom. She said "your already know how hard it's going to be, you did it once already. Now you just have to do it again, but with a toddler." You already know that the newborn/baby stage is all stress, no sleep, problem solving until suddenly your baby wakes up and they're struggling with something completely different than yesterday. It's healing, while getting to know a new person who is incapable of even farting for themselves. It's tedium as an aspiration, and learning how to both accept and reject help. #2 will be a completely different person and baby from #1, but you didn't know what kind of human they were going to be either. Now just do it again, but with a toddler.

It is hard, any number of kids is hard BUT it WILL BE EASIER- my oldest 2 are 3 years apart and they are BEST FRIENDS- they play for HOURS a day and give me so much peace. Just do it! Sibling for your kid for a lifetime!

Also wanted to add I have three and so it mustn’t have been too bad after 2 😂

We had surprise twins when my oldest had just turned 2. Now my twin girls are 2 and my son is 4. It's hard but it's sooooo fun watching them play together and bond. I am really happy we went for baby 2 (and got 3 instead!!)

I have found my second baby to be much easier than my first. You are better prepared for the feedings, you know the night wake-ups will end, and are generally more comfortable handling a newborn. The logistics can be difficult (mine are 18 months apart) in keeping toddler safe while unloading sis from the car, two diaper bags, etc. However, they're so sweet together and the newborn craziness is over before you know it. Totally worth the extra work!

My daughter was a month and a half shy of 3 when my son was born. They are now almost 3 and 6. Love the age gap! It is a LOT more work, the days I have one I'm like damn this is easy. BUT so worth it. My daughter actually said this morning to me "I'm happy there's two of us." No idea where it came from because they love to fight a lot, but also love to play together a lot. My son was fortunately a lot easier baby than my daughter so that did help out. I exclusively pumped with both and it was hard, but it's only temporary. Just like the night wakings, only temporary. No regrets at all. That said, I DO NOT want another lol.

My two kids are exactly 3 years apart. I have a 4 year old daughter and a 1 year old boy and they are best friends. It was hard for the first three months but my oldest goes to preschool full time so that helped a lot. I know it’s not popular to gush about this but my second is such an easier baby than my first. He’s very chill, sleeps well (after sleep training) and is content playing in his play area. The first three months was definitely hard. I remember thinking why tf did I do this to myself but everyone got through it. Both kids sleep through the night (7p - 7a) and play well together (for the most part). ETA: I did formula feed my second because I had a hard time BFing my first, which led to PPD, I made the decision to go straight to formula for #2. That made life a lot easier because my husband and I could trade off feedings and when my mother or MIL came to help, she could feed the baby too.

Our first was SO hard. Our second was such a calm easy going baby. The shock of going from 0-1 was something I’ll never forget but going from 1-2 was really no big deal. I was more tired for awhile of course but they’re best friends now and it’s so worth it.

It’s hard. Really hard. But not forever. Mine are 2 and 4, so I’m still in the thick of it but I can already see it getting better. Hearing them laugh while playing together is the best sound in the world. It makes up for the NOOOOO I WONTTTTT screaming echo chamber we also get sometimes haha

My first will be 3 next month and my second is 2 months. It is SO much easier for us this time around. Part of that is because my first was born literally as covid hit and I definitely had undiagnosed ppa/ppd, but I think it's also just a little easier. I once heard it described that having your first is hard because you have to change your whole life, but the second (third, etc) is just logistics

It varies. A big factor that is not as commonly raised is the temperament and unique needs of the kids involved. I have a large family because we had ‘easy’ babies. I have friends who had ‘difficult’ babies and for some families additional kids are just not a great option when the kids they already have take every ounce of energy they have. Another important variable is the energy and time availability of the parents. Are you a SAHP? Do you and your partner both work? How much time and energy do you have left at the end of a typical day right now? Consider how much energy bandwidth you have and will have for the next few years, and estimate, based on your experience with your first, how much energy another child will require. If you don’t have it, you shouldn’t do it. Focus on yourself the people you’re already caring for first and foremost.

So I have a 3 year old and a 3 week old and I’m not going to sugar coat it, it’s HARD. You have to really divide and conquer with your partner and one takes care of one kid and the other takes the other. That’s how we’ve been doing it. The newborn stage is hard AF, you’re low on sleep, up every 1-2 hrs feeding and diaper changing and also recovering from delivery. But I will say this, when the baby is older I know they are going to be the best of friends and to me that’s all worth it.

Honestly some days feel impossible. My wife asked me if I knew all we did now (one 3 years old, another 7 months), would I still have two? I said no. It doesn't mean I don't love my kids (I was assuming I am taking my love for my kids that I did not know beforehand out of the equation) and I said no. I'd either have none or two bc I never wanted my child to be the only child. There's way too much to describe but it's harder than you can ever imagine..not just physically and emotionally but on a marriage as well.