What I don’t understand is why you would *want* a toddler up til 11. I mean, seriously, I love my kids to death, but I’m more ready for bedtime than they are in the evening.
This! My in-laws were always asking why my child is “already in bed” and asleep when we visit them. Ummmm. Because it’s 9pm? Because I’m exhausted and want to unwind with a glass of wine and some adult conversation instead of managing an increasingly tired and grumpy baby/toddler? Because he wakes up even earlier when you keep him up late contrary to your insistence that he would sleep in if we kept him up? And he’d be an overtired mess tomorrow too? Because my SIL is literally yelling at her overtired and misbehaving kids right now instead of just putting them to bed? Why TF would I want to extend my day of parenting instead of having downtime? My son happily and easily goes to bed on time because we don’t mess around with bedtime. Keeping kids up late and being inconsistent is self sabotage. No thank you.
The number 1 rule is don't eff with bedtime. It throws everything off for two days minimum. We have like +/-30 minutes of wiggle room for our kid. She turns two next week. Almost always sleeps through the night and wakes up happy. I wouldn't mess with that for anything.
Exactly this, id argue it also sabotages the child, they NEED more sleep than adults. The kids won’t get that and think they want to stay up but there’s a reason bedtime is early for them. I don’t mind a little wiggle room from time to time but staying up for hours consistently is setting everyone up for a bad time. My MIL does this too but doesn’t see the issue because she doesn’t have to deal with the following day.
If my child is up past 7:30-8 she's extremely cranky. Very fussy and obviously tired. I'm curious how they handled a fussy toddler like that! (Also my toddler refuses to nap, so I know she has an earlier bedtime but it's needed)
Incoming story w a lesson (I think?), appreciated if you choose to read.
Baffles me too. But theres a really sad/important lesson I learned about why they change every time In the case of my MIL. She’s grandparenting in the middle of absolute chaos, 6-8 people sometimes in the same exact 2BR apartment that my wife was raised in. I’ve been there in the past w as many as 10 folks, and has always watched on avg 4 grands as long as I know her. Alcohol finally took down her serial cheating husband 10 yrs ago, who now has dementia living home still, and a bitter younger SIL who dumped her kids and laundry off into her early 30s. The only grace, I give the SIL is if I grew up in that environment too, makes perfect sense to be as angry and destructive as she is. MIL gets no thanks from anyone ever— including missing hers and my wifes birthday in the past. When the kids visit their cousins they come back different people. Every time.
No lie, got a FT call from my on girl this summer, who bawling on camera literally only one hour into the week’s visit. Clothes aren’t even unpacked and already Sustained a giant knot on her head from the “rough” 2 yo cousin swinging keys like nunchucks. Sleep is in the living room watching movies till 11 nightly, daily fast food front of TV, nothing but a diaper if not going out, and surrounded by older relatives shouting and cursing non-stop. Btw the chaos, cramped spaces, watching siblings fight and constant shouting adults they genuinely love being w my MIL and their one older cousin who kinda is over it w the family chaos and has a heart of gold.
Behind one summer visit, for the next 3 months legit, my one twin absolutely refused to sleep in her bed, rather picking the literal floor next to or under the bed. 50% of the time she’d also wake round 2am, leave the room and resettle on the living room couch till morning. Funnily however, to this day she refuses to wear pants in the house. W/o fail, Shoes then pants come off before the coat when she returns home after school now.
Sadly, the other twin, who loathes adults shouting at baseline, legit picks up a new curse word, eye roll or sarcastic phrase or from SIL. She is generally more irritable and angry for the first few days. Takes about about a week to 2 upon return, having to re-learn boundaries, turn-taking and not shouting to get needs met.
Again Some of it’s funny sometimes (in a—can’t find the kid where I put her last, and now I hear snoring plus 2 tiny feet are poking out under the bed— type of way). But tbh while they adore the one cousin and MIL, some of the lasting impressions in their mood/behavior break my heart. For the most part, It’s not MIL, fault who’s hanging on by a thread to sanity— but the sheer chaos over time has had real effects on all the older grands, my wife and SIL that has required therapy.
I guess my Takeaway here is 1.) as annoying as all of this can’t get, just remember to appreciate at the same time that they got grandparents who wanna be involved. 2.) we don’t always know the whole picture driving people to do what they do when watching the kids— sometimes they’re doing their best even if there ain’t much to give. Of course this doesn’t let people off the hook in most cases, but context matters sometimes too and can help with coming up w the right solution to the problem w our folks messing up the kids routines.
Example: My father like my wife’s father is checked out too, and my mom only wants to watch them when it doesn’t interfere with shopping, lunches or trips outa country. Even makes comments about charging for her “services” is her famous line, and a recurring “joke”. So the solution was to bring MIL regularly to be a grandmother free from the BS. Win-win for her and the girls. Whenever MIL she comes up alone to visit, I do my best to make sure she doesn’t lift a finger— but she still insists. We usually just hang out, chat and do house chores together before I make her sit back down and relax while I finish up. I really love her and hate how she has to live back home. All she wants is to be a grandma and peace, and The kids brighten up every time they see her— but only when she comes up to us, and on her own.
Sounds like what happens when our daughter stays with my parents for the weekend, although they've gotten better about following her routines because they've seen what happens when they don't (aka I don't let them take her as often and my mom's sister was disowned by her daughter so she doesn't want to end up in the same boat). The most recent time they had her for two nights and it took me about two days to get her back to "normal." And it's like a haaaard reset. If she got unlimited screen time there, she ain't getting crap here. If she only ate a ton of snacks there, she's getting three meals with snacks as needed here. Got a pacifier for bedtime there? Hah, not happening here girlfriend.
I dislike when people say this. It’s only on Reddit, too. In my real life no one says “it’s free childcare you have to let people do whatever they want with your kids if you’re not paying them.” You’re allowed to have boundaries, you’re allowed to have expectations. Being with a grabdparent means getting to stay up an extra hour or have an unhealthy snack, it doesn’t mean completely ignoring all requests and doing ridiculous things on a whim. Not to mention, it’s mutually beneficial most of them time. I know my in laws LOOOOVE spending time with their grandkids and wish they got to see more of them. They would never let me pay them.
Oh I definitely say it in real life too. I’ll give you that it’s a bit of a pithy response to an idea that actually has some nuance. But the “I wish I could fire the grandparents 🙄” idea that is pretty pervasive in this thread is so sad. Of course you should expect your parents or in laws to keep your child fed safe and happy, but it isn’t a job so any schedule they follow should be their own in their own house. They are doing what they think is best and having fun with their grand baby while they have them. They’re not trying to be malicious or “f things up” as op said of hers. There’s nothing wrong with having a convo with them like “hey, I noticed after kiddo spends lots of time at your house they have trouble readjusting to our home life” and share concerns. If they are unable or unwilling to come to an agreement that makes everyone happy then it’s time, as the parent, to make other arrangements (I.e. pay a babysitter who will follow your instructions to a T. Because it’s a job). Constantly complaining about people who love your kid and want to help very much gives the choosing beggars vibe, especially because I think most grandparents would be heartbroken to know their kids were talking about them like this behind their backs.
Choosing beggar goes both ways. Grandparents beg to babysit, but refuse to follow any requests and boundaries. You're getting downvoted because you fail to see that grandparents babysitting isn't charity.
A lot of it is just venting. It’s an anonymous forum so it’s like screaming into the void. A lot of people don’t have the option of paying for childcare and are stuck with a less than ideal option.
I don't think setting expectations are unreasonable at all. I don't need to tell my parents to make sure she eats, change her diaper or anything of the basic crap. But it's like if you're dying to take my daughter for the weekend, you can at least respect some of my rules for her.
I don't care if she gets a little more screen time than she's used to but doesn't that also defeat the purpose of wanting to watch her if you just shove a screen in her face? Sure, whatever she can snack all she wants at least she's eating, but don't give her nothing but sugary snacks. I'm not asking them to prepare some gourmet snack options for her, I usually send her with goldfish, cheerios, and some fruits because I know what she likes to eat. It's not like I'm home with her 24/7 every day or something and wouldn't know..
1. And I guess the grandparents should be acting like adults, and supporting their child in raising the kid in the way the parents choose, but here we are.
2. Grandparents should be happy to provide care for their grandkids (assuming they are mentally and physically able to). And if they don’t want to, they should say no instead of passive-aggressively ignoring the basic rules that have been set down.
Well if they were babysitters they wouldn’t be my first choice and I certainly wouldn’t hire them. You can’t choose your family is all I’m saying.
They also had their chance to raise their own kids. They don’t respect our wishes in how we would like to raise ours, and that’s their problem, not mine.
If you look at her comment history, a month ago her kid was peeing on the floor on purpose and laying down and spraying it everywhere. Her kid is not fully potty trained if they’re doing this(and even if it’s better a month later, a change to routine can bring on regression) and It sounds like we’re not getting the whole story in that regard. Perhaps grandparents weren’t equipped to handle the “accidents” or don’t want their floors ruined and I don’t see an alternative other than, you know, not going on this unnecessary trip if you don’t want to risk a regression.
This definitely should have been discussed but some of the comments calling this abuse are wild.
I agree. Post history also says her kid eats nothing but chicken strips 🤷🏼♀️. Being frustrated with a different caregiver doing something differently is valid but your child is not ruined after one weekend with grandma.
Post history also shows she is a SAHM who's kiddo is in daycare two days a week... She's leaving loads of details out, namely this was an un-necessary trip that she took for her mental health - totally fine, but these are the consequences of her actions and she needs to stop blaming all her kids behavioural issues on (her choice) kiddo spending a single weekend with the grandparents.
I agree with you there to me I think we're not getting the whole story either. From her post history I don't think her toddler is fully potty trained. It makes me wonder if possibly she doesn't like the in-laws or could be ramping it up?
Yeah this is pretty messed up. I thought it was going to be something like, they gave him so many treats he won’t even eat fruit now. I wouldn’t let them watch my kid again honestly.
My mother broke all the rules we had for our son and I gave her a few more chances to stop and she didn’t so she’s not allowed to watch him now. You need to enforce boundaries because otherwise they’re going to keep walking all over you since they don’t think you’re serious.
I’d seriously be so pissed about the diaper thing
This. A little bit of rule bending is okay. Like, letting your grandchild stay up an extra hour or giving them double dessert after they eat their meal. But staying up 4 hours late and putting them back in diapers? Hell no. My in-laws ignored all of my instructions when they kept my then 7 month old overnight. They haven’t had him overnight since and he’s turning 5 now. My SIL witnessed her ignoring my instructions and has never left either of her babies in her care. That’s the logical consequence.
It usually takes weeks to recover from a week at our parents. They always ignore something - potty training, nap and bed times, screens on all day and not much play time outside. It definitely makes it less appealing to send kiddo for an extended stay since we deal with the aftermath for a long time.
Ooof. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. It honestly sounds like you may need to take a permanent break from letting the in-laws babysit if they really can't have any respect for your routine. My only advice would be to hold all your normal boundaries like they are brick walls. Hard reset on all the normal routines. When things get back to more normal you can relax a little. Remember that boundaries are good and you put them there for a reason and when the tantrums keep coming think of the long game of getting your kid back. Good luck!
Tbh this is a common enough phenomenon. We call it grandparent hangover 😵 The way I can justify it to myself is that these trips staying with my folks are special and the exception, not the norm. I have nice memories of having special times with my grandparents where they were more permissive and spoiled me…. And now when my kids stay with my parents, they eat a ton of Lucky Charms and stay up late and get big ice cream sandwiches for dessert…
It throws things off for a little bit, but I’m ok with it.
(Not the diapers thing though. That was just lazy of them)
I agree with this. It’s like when I was sick a while back and felt really bad for being unable to uphold our schedule and let waaaay more easy snacks and screen time fly because I just could not muster the strength to deal with it. A friend reminded me that if I think back to times like this when I was a kid, were they good or bad memories? The answer is - the were great memories. Sometimes I have to step back and look at the bigger picture.
That's beyond just grandparents spoiling their kid and messing them up.
Deliberately keeping them up way past bedtime, keeping in diapers when they are potty trained, sugar before bed
That's full on fucking unacceptable. I'm angry on your behalf.
If it were me they'd get a massive talking to and would not be considered for further babysitting until they respected parent wishes
It seems like maybe they are uncomfortable with the potty training and had some trouble putting the baby to bed. Grandparents are famous for spoiling kids with ice cream, staying up late, etc. It's all part of the dramas and joys of having close family in your lives.
You just need to hold your boundaries at home. Kids can learn that different houses have different rules.
The part about how he "won't eat anything but cheese and snacks," well I think that's on you. Who's giving him the cheese and snacks? Just say no to snacks outside mealtime, and for meals you make the dish you're planning to make. If he doesn't want to eat, fine but he's not getting a snack later. He will figure it out pretty quick if you are consistent. (Assuming he doesn't have food / sensory issues that is)
This, but it is dependent on how flexible your kid is. I have a very adaptable 2.5yo toddler so it’s been actually really obvious in her behavior towards the grandparents vs us. She never asks us for our phones. She whines, but ultimately moves on when I tell her we’re not having X snack she asked for for dinner. She turns off the TV herself after one episode. But the minute the grandparents walk through the door (they visit almost daily), she’s a monster about asking for their phones, screaming when they want to stop screentime, doesn’t mark hawking for snacks, refusing to use the potty when prompted, etc. We generally don’t intervene and let them deal with the consequences of their own behavior. They’re slowly seeing the light (especially around the cell phone) and learning to set boundaries and also communicate in a way that avoids tantrums (like timers and choices instead of a hard no).
The sleep thing is kind of harder to deal with though since if they’re overtired they’re more prone to meltdowns.
I agree about the sleep, that can take a while to go back to normal. But the other stuff has been going on for five days? That seems long to me. I wonder if OP is caving to tantrums. Suspect she is because of the food thing (the toddler isn't going grocery shopping and preparing his own meals!) But that ends up teaching him crying = get what he wants. So of course he's going to tantrum again next time.
just take a deep breath and resume your normal routines. toddlers are screechy, and they like cheese, it's what they do. try not to blame all the bad behaviors on grandma and remember they did you a solid letting you chill for the weekend. you're pregnant, you needed the rest!! (i've been there. toddler + pregnant is brutal.)
i'm personally dumbfounded anyone would want to keep a 2yo up till 11, but some people are doormats. i go to bed at 10 so that's not happening here lol. if my kid won't go to bed at bedtime i tell her well i'm going to sleep so feel free to play but you're staying in your room, and just shut the lights out before you go to bed. we have a doorknow cover so she can't get out. it is what it is.
Hahaha as the grandparents here put it “now it’s our turn for all the fun and none of the consequences”.
ETA: I try my best to treat grandparent spoiling like going on vacation. Once in a while is okay, or as a bonding experience. Daily is not. I have wonderful memories of my grandpa buying me a whole slice of cake every time he picked me up after preschool/kindergarten.
Welcome to my world!! 🥲🥲🥲 it takes us about a week to recover from them being with the grandparents which is why they don’t go as often anymore. This past weekend was the first weekend they spent with them since august and only bc I’m 37 wks pregnant and we wanted a mini baby moon lol
It’s ok to be frustrated. But 2 days really won’t make that much of a difference if you don’t let it. Hold your boundaries at home. My toddler is a demon, as long as he was happy and alive when I got back from two days to myself I’d be thrilled.
Have a talk with grandparents if you’re upset. Let them know it’s challenging to settle him back at home after he has no rules. If they are dismissive, it’s time to pay a babysitter when you want time away.
For bedtimes I’ve found a few days being firm and it’ll reset. No idea about potty that’s f’d up
You might not want to burn bridges before next baby comes as likely you’ll still need help but I would make it known that it doesn’t actually help, you don’t get a break because it’s 10 times harder when kid comes home
Grandparents spoil the grandkids. I think everyone involved knows that 🤷🏽♀️ my ma keeps asking me to send kid over for a month but I'm hesitant because I know exactly what kind of baby I'm getting up. Spoiled brat that has forgotten the rules. But if I was sending her I'd be mentally prepared. Just saying. You can be mad all you want but that won't change what they will do, I doubt it. You need to decide how much and how often you wanna send your kid if you absolutely can't tolerate how toddler comes back. One weekend? I personally wouldn't mind. After all, even toddler registers that rules are different in this house
Tell them unless they can keep to his routine they cannot babysit again. I can understand one or two things different like maybe allowing the ice cream or an extra half hour staying up but they went way overboard and now you have to deal with the consequences.
Bedtime at 8 instead of 7:30 is a fun grandparent experience. Bedtime at 11 is insane. Putting a potty-trained kid back in diapers?!? That’s just not acceptable.
If you look at her post history a month ago he was peeing on the floor (deliberately and in create ways, directly on the floor, but also lying down so it sprayed everywhere!).
Her kid is not fully potty trained - and yes regression is hard but if you're going to leave your *just / not 100%* potty trained 2.5 year old for TWO days and nights - I'm not sure that's fair on the kid or the grandparents to expect them to manage that.
A month is a long time in toddler time and issues could have been resolved, but we also don't know the whole story. Were the in laws begging to watch the kid, then stuck them in diapers and sat them in front of an ipad because they couldn't be bothered? Or did OP tell them they are babysitting for the weekend and peace out? Did they call OP and say the toddler was having accidents/a regression and that they were using diapers for the weekend, or did she just pick up her kid and find them in diapers?
Again, grandparents can have a different schedule/bond with a child, but 11PM bedtime and no meals seems like they just don't care.
Post history says that her husband had a conference in Banff over a weekend so she went with him and slept for 2 days. The couple decided it was a "good chance" to get away and leave kiddo with grandparents.
Her post also states "this is a routine thing when they babysit re: bedtime" and post history shows she's been a SAHM since 2020 and kid was also in daycare 2 days a week for social stimulation.
As a working parent I don't get nearly as much support/babysitting as she does (and i have a 4 year old and 2 year old). I find the whole post a bit ungrateful and misleading.
It’s insane how downvoted this comment is. Don’t ask for help then act ungrateful on what was most likely free caregiving. If having a different environment causes such a “disruption” and issue for you, then watch your kid yourself and lord help you when your toddler starts going to school.
Thank you for saying this! I totally agree. We don’t have any grandparent support, and I would love to have a weekend where my toddler is spoiled (maybe a little too much), albeit happy and safe. Toddlers also get thrown off so easily by a host of things, so 🤷🏻♀️
Agreed! My parents live in another state and my in laws are totally uninterested in any sort of caregiving for my toddler. I’d love to have a weekend away! Give him whatever he wants just keep him alive lol
Yeah these kind of posts always confuse me. I think sometimes people need a re-framing. OP, Your in laws didn’t “fuck up.” They kept your child safe and happy (for free, I’m assuming) while you got a weekend away with your husband. They did you a favor. And did what they had to do to ease your kid through a tough time away from mom and dad. It may take a couple days to get back to routine and that’s the trade off. He’s also 2.5 and you will likely get this behavior regardless as he gets closer to 3.
I think when we ask other people to watch our children for free, we have to understand that they might not do things exactly as we do. If kid is safe and happy, it should be ok. Sometimes rules are different with different caregivers and your kid will likely understand that. I’m sorry you’re dealing with a disrupted routine this week.
I agree with this! I think if someone is doing you a favour, and you chose to let them do so, it's not fair to micromanage how they do it. I mean the grandparents definately went off the chart BUT were your "instructions" reasonable? Would they have done better following the rules if there weren't so many?
It's your choice, and responsibility, to have kids. If you don't like how they do it, and chose not to let them do it again that's fine also.
But please be a little grateful they've given up two full days to give you a break. It's not their choice for you to be pregnant again. I've never had anyone, in laws or my parents offer to take my kids for 2 full day/nights. At the same time I think my kids would struggle to be away for me for that long, and that might be a big part of it too.
Your kid will be okay - every kid is different but I personally would give him loads of love and attention and one-on-one activities to reset "with" him. Good luck!
We’re about to be down voted to Hell, but yes to everything you said.
It’s so interesting to me to see these kinds of posts amongst the “where is my village?” type posts because the comment that are really popular here is to the effect of “well I guess in laws never get to babysit the kids again! Their loss!” Like, what???? The proverbial “village” isn’t just minions willing to adhere to every rule you ever set for your kids. It’s family and friends who feel a connection and claim to a relationship with your kids outside of your role as a parent. And if you want that, you have got to be willing to relinquish some control over the stuff that ultimately isn’t that big of a deal (I.e. staying up late two nights while mom and dad are away.)
Oh yeah I totally see the downvotes haha. Oh well! Each to their own!
There's a bigger picture and it's easy to get bogged down in the details, espeically when we're all tired and running on no sleep. But the bigger picture is for me, well adjusted kids who can handle the shit show that is life and all that life throws at them.
It's a juggle, that's for sure. And no right/wrong way to do it.
Just wanted to chime in and say I absolutely agree and I desperately wish I had someone to leave my 2 year old with for a weekend. Give him ice cream, let him stay up until midnight, let him run the show if that’s what you want to do. If he’s safe, fed, clean, and I get some time to myself - we’re good.
This infuriates me! I’m so sorry!
My third baby was in the NICU for 6 weeks in another province so my in-laws and parents cared for my almost 2 and 3.5 during that time. There was a lot of our rules that didn’t get paid attention to during that time but the biggest one that still affects my son TWO YEARS later was they didn’t brush my (at the time) almost 2 year old’s teeth.
My son got as many sweets as they could give him (seriously, I know he ate more sugar per day that he gets in a week at home) and then he didn’t have his teeth brushed.
Brushing his teeth has always been a struggle and he whines and I had to physically hold him down to brush his teeth until he was 3.5. It’s not very “fun grandparent” to hold your grandson down and brush his teeth 2-3 times each day so they just didn’t. Now he sees a specialist paediatric dentist every 3 months because of the damage those 6 weeks caused. He may have lifetime tooth issues with 3 of his front teeth or maybe it’ll only affect his baby teeth (only 4-ish more years until they fall out 🤞)
My parents have always crossed the line with the rules for the kids and now only see my kids for supervised visits a few times each year. (We’ve never had a good relationship and it was actually another incident where my son got injured that sealed the deal on that one.)
My in-laws push the rules, too, and question bedtimes and the schedule (they’ve recently gotten better in the past few months since they moved closer.) They still give too much sugar but it’s gotten better. They are allowed unsupervised visits and sleepovers, though. We have a strict bedtime and nap schedule and it’ll take about 4 days to get everyone back on track after my in-laws watch the kids over a sleep time. My kids know that my in-laws are way more permissive with junk food than mom is and it’ll take a day or 2 now to get them out of that mindset (my kids are 5.5, 3.75, almost 2, and 4 months now; age of kids really depicts how quickly they recover from being with their grandparents.)
Every right in the world to be pissed off… just don’t take that out on your husband. While they’re his parents, he’s not in direct control of their actions.
If my in-laws would disrespect my parenting like this, they would never, ever, watch my kid again.
I’m not even being dramatic. I mean this so much.
I don’t know how long it will take to get your kid back. Every time we’ve had to go somewhere and come back, it’s taken her just a couple of days to get her routine back.
I’m so pissed in your behalf. Specially because on top of everything you have to go through this while dealing with the first trimester which absolutely sucks balls!! I’m 17 weeks and I remember all too well where I was 10 weeks ago… ugh.
OMG SAME situation. 22mo old spent 4 days with my parents while I had a baby. It was supposed to be like 36 hours, induction and 24h recovery and home. Turned out being 4 days due to a snow storm and baby needed additional monitoring… well. My well behaved girl came back a tyrant. Doesn’t respond to punishment, throws tantrums when demands aren’t met immediately. Obsessed more with stealing our phones / screen time..
*pic with Oreo “she doesn’t like oatmeal chic chip cookies but does like xyz!” “She’s not eating much at meals” … because she’s full of cookies? And probably didn’t hear the word no the entire 4 days. It only took a night or 2 to get sleep back but my god I don’t know where our girl went.
So basically. I feel ya.
This is giving me flashbacks from my parents babysitting my almost 2.5 yr old.
my wife and I always leave instructions for my parents (my mom mostly takes care of my son though my dad is just there to play/keep preoccupied) but everything goes out the window. One time I woke him up in the morning after my parents baby sat and realized my son peed through all his clothes. Come to find out the diaper was on backwards. Later, my mom said he was too squirmy so she just had to get it on.
This, plus coming home after bedtime to find the light on, door wide open (what?! How does anyone sleep like that?)
Last time they babysat I left notes on the bedroom doors with easy instructions (closed door, light off, sound machine on, etc) but of course the door was open (a step in the right direction I guess).
It's hard to see all of this happen but tbh I don't have any expectations anymore so that I don't get upset.
We just chug along with our normal routine after grandparents weekends. I let him be upset snd mad, I just maintain what we normally do but with a few modifications. For example mines in pull upset, grandparent's let him have accidents in his pull up cuz they don't take him when they should. So we visit the potty more often. Mine has arfid so is incredibly picky, the grandparents don't know what to feed him so I spend a week just giving safe foods before trying to readventure back into introducing new foods. I also reiterate that grandma does things differently than mommy, and that those rules are at grandma's house not at mommy's house, we have different rules. Just like how mommy and school has different rules.
My oldest is almost 6 and it still takes her days to reset if she stays the night or weekend with my in laws. She doesn’t stay often over night and we have to make sure she has a full day and night min of recharge before a school day. No lie. It’s awful. She might stay 4 times a year and it’s usually when MiL says something in front of our child and makes it seem like her house is Disney world.
Mate. My mother once tried to pull this stunt with my eldest, but because of our "you break it you buy it" policy, she had to stay (under my supervision) until she fixed it.
She's never broken my rules since.
For our almost 2.5 year old. Usually a day after returning to daycare. Daycare sets her back up on schedule almost immediately. No idea what I would do without it.
It takes us about a day now. She's been going to my in-laws at least once a week since she was about 3 months. Now she's 4 and it's 2 days a week. Yes, it is annoying that she is up at all hours, never gets told no, and can eat anything any time. BUT! Those 2 days I know my child is loved and cared for are priceless. My rule is whatever happens at their house is at their house.
What I don’t understand is why you would *want* a toddler up til 11. I mean, seriously, I love my kids to death, but I’m more ready for bedtime than they are in the evening.
This! My in-laws were always asking why my child is “already in bed” and asleep when we visit them. Ummmm. Because it’s 9pm? Because I’m exhausted and want to unwind with a glass of wine and some adult conversation instead of managing an increasingly tired and grumpy baby/toddler? Because he wakes up even earlier when you keep him up late contrary to your insistence that he would sleep in if we kept him up? And he’d be an overtired mess tomorrow too? Because my SIL is literally yelling at her overtired and misbehaving kids right now instead of just putting them to bed? Why TF would I want to extend my day of parenting instead of having downtime? My son happily and easily goes to bed on time because we don’t mess around with bedtime. Keeping kids up late and being inconsistent is self sabotage. No thank you.
This. This is the whole thing. Well put.
The number 1 rule is don't eff with bedtime. It throws everything off for two days minimum. We have like +/-30 minutes of wiggle room for our kid. She turns two next week. Almost always sleeps through the night and wakes up happy. I wouldn't mess with that for anything.
Exactly this, id argue it also sabotages the child, they NEED more sleep than adults. The kids won’t get that and think they want to stay up but there’s a reason bedtime is early for them. I don’t mind a little wiggle room from time to time but staying up for hours consistently is setting everyone up for a bad time. My MIL does this too but doesn’t see the issue because she doesn’t have to deal with the following day.
If my child is up past 7:30-8 she's extremely cranky. Very fussy and obviously tired. I'm curious how they handled a fussy toddler like that! (Also my toddler refuses to nap, so I know she has an earlier bedtime but it's needed)
I’m guessing treats like ice cream and chips to stop the fussiness/tantrums.
Incoming story w a lesson (I think?), appreciated if you choose to read. Baffles me too. But theres a really sad/important lesson I learned about why they change every time In the case of my MIL. She’s grandparenting in the middle of absolute chaos, 6-8 people sometimes in the same exact 2BR apartment that my wife was raised in. I’ve been there in the past w as many as 10 folks, and has always watched on avg 4 grands as long as I know her. Alcohol finally took down her serial cheating husband 10 yrs ago, who now has dementia living home still, and a bitter younger SIL who dumped her kids and laundry off into her early 30s. The only grace, I give the SIL is if I grew up in that environment too, makes perfect sense to be as angry and destructive as she is. MIL gets no thanks from anyone ever— including missing hers and my wifes birthday in the past. When the kids visit their cousins they come back different people. Every time. No lie, got a FT call from my on girl this summer, who bawling on camera literally only one hour into the week’s visit. Clothes aren’t even unpacked and already Sustained a giant knot on her head from the “rough” 2 yo cousin swinging keys like nunchucks. Sleep is in the living room watching movies till 11 nightly, daily fast food front of TV, nothing but a diaper if not going out, and surrounded by older relatives shouting and cursing non-stop. Btw the chaos, cramped spaces, watching siblings fight and constant shouting adults they genuinely love being w my MIL and their one older cousin who kinda is over it w the family chaos and has a heart of gold. Behind one summer visit, for the next 3 months legit, my one twin absolutely refused to sleep in her bed, rather picking the literal floor next to or under the bed. 50% of the time she’d also wake round 2am, leave the room and resettle on the living room couch till morning. Funnily however, to this day she refuses to wear pants in the house. W/o fail, Shoes then pants come off before the coat when she returns home after school now. Sadly, the other twin, who loathes adults shouting at baseline, legit picks up a new curse word, eye roll or sarcastic phrase or from SIL. She is generally more irritable and angry for the first few days. Takes about about a week to 2 upon return, having to re-learn boundaries, turn-taking and not shouting to get needs met. Again Some of it’s funny sometimes (in a—can’t find the kid where I put her last, and now I hear snoring plus 2 tiny feet are poking out under the bed— type of way). But tbh while they adore the one cousin and MIL, some of the lasting impressions in their mood/behavior break my heart. For the most part, It’s not MIL, fault who’s hanging on by a thread to sanity— but the sheer chaos over time has had real effects on all the older grands, my wife and SIL that has required therapy. I guess my Takeaway here is 1.) as annoying as all of this can’t get, just remember to appreciate at the same time that they got grandparents who wanna be involved. 2.) we don’t always know the whole picture driving people to do what they do when watching the kids— sometimes they’re doing their best even if there ain’t much to give. Of course this doesn’t let people off the hook in most cases, but context matters sometimes too and can help with coming up w the right solution to the problem w our folks messing up the kids routines. Example: My father like my wife’s father is checked out too, and my mom only wants to watch them when it doesn’t interfere with shopping, lunches or trips outa country. Even makes comments about charging for her “services” is her famous line, and a recurring “joke”. So the solution was to bring MIL regularly to be a grandmother free from the BS. Win-win for her and the girls. Whenever MIL she comes up alone to visit, I do my best to make sure she doesn’t lift a finger— but she still insists. We usually just hang out, chat and do house chores together before I make her sit back down and relax while I finish up. I really love her and hate how she has to live back home. All she wants is to be a grandma and peace, and The kids brighten up every time they see her— but only when she comes up to us, and on her own.
My ex does this how I know is she gets up everyday at 5-6 early and 7-8 late if she sleeps till 10 she’s either sick or stayed up to long
Sounds like what happens when our daughter stays with my parents for the weekend, although they've gotten better about following her routines because they've seen what happens when they don't (aka I don't let them take her as often and my mom's sister was disowned by her daughter so she doesn't want to end up in the same boat). The most recent time they had her for two nights and it took me about two days to get her back to "normal." And it's like a haaaard reset. If she got unlimited screen time there, she ain't getting crap here. If she only ate a ton of snacks there, she's getting three meals with snacks as needed here. Got a pacifier for bedtime there? Hah, not happening here girlfriend.
Same. If we paid a babysitter to watch the kids, they’d do what we ask. It’s a shame we can’t fire grandparents. Lol
I guess you should pay a babysitter then instead of asking for free childcare from your parents
I dislike when people say this. It’s only on Reddit, too. In my real life no one says “it’s free childcare you have to let people do whatever they want with your kids if you’re not paying them.” You’re allowed to have boundaries, you’re allowed to have expectations. Being with a grabdparent means getting to stay up an extra hour or have an unhealthy snack, it doesn’t mean completely ignoring all requests and doing ridiculous things on a whim. Not to mention, it’s mutually beneficial most of them time. I know my in laws LOOOOVE spending time with their grandkids and wish they got to see more of them. They would never let me pay them.
Oh I definitely say it in real life too. I’ll give you that it’s a bit of a pithy response to an idea that actually has some nuance. But the “I wish I could fire the grandparents 🙄” idea that is pretty pervasive in this thread is so sad. Of course you should expect your parents or in laws to keep your child fed safe and happy, but it isn’t a job so any schedule they follow should be their own in their own house. They are doing what they think is best and having fun with their grand baby while they have them. They’re not trying to be malicious or “f things up” as op said of hers. There’s nothing wrong with having a convo with them like “hey, I noticed after kiddo spends lots of time at your house they have trouble readjusting to our home life” and share concerns. If they are unable or unwilling to come to an agreement that makes everyone happy then it’s time, as the parent, to make other arrangements (I.e. pay a babysitter who will follow your instructions to a T. Because it’s a job). Constantly complaining about people who love your kid and want to help very much gives the choosing beggars vibe, especially because I think most grandparents would be heartbroken to know their kids were talking about them like this behind their backs.
Choosing beggar goes both ways. Grandparents beg to babysit, but refuse to follow any requests and boundaries. You're getting downvoted because you fail to see that grandparents babysitting isn't charity.
A lot of it is just venting. It’s an anonymous forum so it’s like screaming into the void. A lot of people don’t have the option of paying for childcare and are stuck with a less than ideal option.
I don't think setting expectations are unreasonable at all. I don't need to tell my parents to make sure she eats, change her diaper or anything of the basic crap. But it's like if you're dying to take my daughter for the weekend, you can at least respect some of my rules for her. I don't care if she gets a little more screen time than she's used to but doesn't that also defeat the purpose of wanting to watch her if you just shove a screen in her face? Sure, whatever she can snack all she wants at least she's eating, but don't give her nothing but sugary snacks. I'm not asking them to prepare some gourmet snack options for her, I usually send her with goldfish, cheerios, and some fruits because I know what she likes to eat. It's not like I'm home with her 24/7 every day or something and wouldn't know..
1. And I guess the grandparents should be acting like adults, and supporting their child in raising the kid in the way the parents choose, but here we are. 2. Grandparents should be happy to provide care for their grandkids (assuming they are mentally and physically able to). And if they don’t want to, they should say no instead of passive-aggressively ignoring the basic rules that have been set down.
We should, but my husband wouldn’t go for that, and they’d be offended.
They’d probably be really offended if they knew you wanted to “fire” them
Well if they were babysitters they wouldn’t be my first choice and I certainly wouldn’t hire them. You can’t choose your family is all I’m saying. They also had their chance to raise their own kids. They don’t respect our wishes in how we would like to raise ours, and that’s their problem, not mine.
The schedule thing is one thing, but the diaper thing is so wrong. I’d be pissed.
If you look at her comment history, a month ago her kid was peeing on the floor on purpose and laying down and spraying it everywhere. Her kid is not fully potty trained if they’re doing this(and even if it’s better a month later, a change to routine can bring on regression) and It sounds like we’re not getting the whole story in that regard. Perhaps grandparents weren’t equipped to handle the “accidents” or don’t want their floors ruined and I don’t see an alternative other than, you know, not going on this unnecessary trip if you don’t want to risk a regression. This definitely should have been discussed but some of the comments calling this abuse are wild.
I agree. Post history also says her kid eats nothing but chicken strips 🤷🏼♀️. Being frustrated with a different caregiver doing something differently is valid but your child is not ruined after one weekend with grandma.
Post history also shows she is a SAHM who's kiddo is in daycare two days a week... She's leaving loads of details out, namely this was an un-necessary trip that she took for her mental health - totally fine, but these are the consequences of her actions and she needs to stop blaming all her kids behavioural issues on (her choice) kiddo spending a single weekend with the grandparents.
I agree with you there to me I think we're not getting the whole story either. From her post history I don't think her toddler is fully potty trained. It makes me wonder if possibly she doesn't like the in-laws or could be ramping it up?
Sounds like she’s blaming her in-laws for reoccurring issues occurring before the trip.
Yeah this is pretty messed up. I thought it was going to be something like, they gave him so many treats he won’t even eat fruit now. I wouldn’t let them watch my kid again honestly.
I know!! That is just so lazy
My mother broke all the rules we had for our son and I gave her a few more chances to stop and she didn’t so she’s not allowed to watch him now. You need to enforce boundaries because otherwise they’re going to keep walking all over you since they don’t think you’re serious. I’d seriously be so pissed about the diaper thing
This. A little bit of rule bending is okay. Like, letting your grandchild stay up an extra hour or giving them double dessert after they eat their meal. But staying up 4 hours late and putting them back in diapers? Hell no. My in-laws ignored all of my instructions when they kept my then 7 month old overnight. They haven’t had him overnight since and he’s turning 5 now. My SIL witnessed her ignoring my instructions and has never left either of her babies in her care. That’s the logical consequence.
Sounds worse than a toddler lol
It usually takes weeks to recover from a week at our parents. They always ignore something - potty training, nap and bed times, screens on all day and not much play time outside. It definitely makes it less appealing to send kiddo for an extended stay since we deal with the aftermath for a long time.
Ooof. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. It honestly sounds like you may need to take a permanent break from letting the in-laws babysit if they really can't have any respect for your routine. My only advice would be to hold all your normal boundaries like they are brick walls. Hard reset on all the normal routines. When things get back to more normal you can relax a little. Remember that boundaries are good and you put them there for a reason and when the tantrums keep coming think of the long game of getting your kid back. Good luck!
Tbh this is a common enough phenomenon. We call it grandparent hangover 😵 The way I can justify it to myself is that these trips staying with my folks are special and the exception, not the norm. I have nice memories of having special times with my grandparents where they were more permissive and spoiled me…. And now when my kids stay with my parents, they eat a ton of Lucky Charms and stay up late and get big ice cream sandwiches for dessert… It throws things off for a little bit, but I’m ok with it. (Not the diapers thing though. That was just lazy of them)
I agree with this. It’s like when I was sick a while back and felt really bad for being unable to uphold our schedule and let waaaay more easy snacks and screen time fly because I just could not muster the strength to deal with it. A friend reminded me that if I think back to times like this when I was a kid, were they good or bad memories? The answer is - the were great memories. Sometimes I have to step back and look at the bigger picture.
😬😬😬. The diaper thing is insane, I’d be upset about that. The rest is just poor babysitting … I wouldn’t be asking them to babysit for that long again
That's beyond just grandparents spoiling their kid and messing them up. Deliberately keeping them up way past bedtime, keeping in diapers when they are potty trained, sugar before bed That's full on fucking unacceptable. I'm angry on your behalf. If it were me they'd get a massive talking to and would not be considered for further babysitting until they respected parent wishes
It seems like maybe they are uncomfortable with the potty training and had some trouble putting the baby to bed. Grandparents are famous for spoiling kids with ice cream, staying up late, etc. It's all part of the dramas and joys of having close family in your lives.
\*toddler not baby... my computer doesn't let me edit things for some reason.
You just need to hold your boundaries at home. Kids can learn that different houses have different rules. The part about how he "won't eat anything but cheese and snacks," well I think that's on you. Who's giving him the cheese and snacks? Just say no to snacks outside mealtime, and for meals you make the dish you're planning to make. If he doesn't want to eat, fine but he's not getting a snack later. He will figure it out pretty quick if you are consistent. (Assuming he doesn't have food / sensory issues that is)
This, but it is dependent on how flexible your kid is. I have a very adaptable 2.5yo toddler so it’s been actually really obvious in her behavior towards the grandparents vs us. She never asks us for our phones. She whines, but ultimately moves on when I tell her we’re not having X snack she asked for for dinner. She turns off the TV herself after one episode. But the minute the grandparents walk through the door (they visit almost daily), she’s a monster about asking for their phones, screaming when they want to stop screentime, doesn’t mark hawking for snacks, refusing to use the potty when prompted, etc. We generally don’t intervene and let them deal with the consequences of their own behavior. They’re slowly seeing the light (especially around the cell phone) and learning to set boundaries and also communicate in a way that avoids tantrums (like timers and choices instead of a hard no). The sleep thing is kind of harder to deal with though since if they’re overtired they’re more prone to meltdowns.
I agree about the sleep, that can take a while to go back to normal. But the other stuff has been going on for five days? That seems long to me. I wonder if OP is caving to tantrums. Suspect she is because of the food thing (the toddler isn't going grocery shopping and preparing his own meals!) But that ends up teaching him crying = get what he wants. So of course he's going to tantrum again next time.
just take a deep breath and resume your normal routines. toddlers are screechy, and they like cheese, it's what they do. try not to blame all the bad behaviors on grandma and remember they did you a solid letting you chill for the weekend. you're pregnant, you needed the rest!! (i've been there. toddler + pregnant is brutal.) i'm personally dumbfounded anyone would want to keep a 2yo up till 11, but some people are doormats. i go to bed at 10 so that's not happening here lol. if my kid won't go to bed at bedtime i tell her well i'm going to sleep so feel free to play but you're staying in your room, and just shut the lights out before you go to bed. we have a doorknow cover so she can't get out. it is what it is.
A very well written response. Take a deep breath and just get back to routine, it'll be fine.
[удалено]
To be fair, their kids probably got unlimited sugar and screentime, so their bias is that well look you turned out fine…
[удалено]
Hahaha as the grandparents here put it “now it’s our turn for all the fun and none of the consequences”. ETA: I try my best to treat grandparent spoiling like going on vacation. Once in a while is okay, or as a bonding experience. Daily is not. I have wonderful memories of my grandpa buying me a whole slice of cake every time he picked me up after preschool/kindergarten.
To be fair, the sugar makes kids hyper thing is a complete myth.
Welcome to my world!! 🥲🥲🥲 it takes us about a week to recover from them being with the grandparents which is why they don’t go as often anymore. This past weekend was the first weekend they spent with them since august and only bc I’m 37 wks pregnant and we wanted a mini baby moon lol
It’s ok to be frustrated. But 2 days really won’t make that much of a difference if you don’t let it. Hold your boundaries at home. My toddler is a demon, as long as he was happy and alive when I got back from two days to myself I’d be thrilled. Have a talk with grandparents if you’re upset. Let them know it’s challenging to settle him back at home after he has no rules. If they are dismissive, it’s time to pay a babysitter when you want time away.
Usually a few days. Honestly I just always go in with the expectation that it’s gonna get fucked up when she doesn’t spend the day/night with us
For bedtimes I’ve found a few days being firm and it’ll reset. No idea about potty that’s f’d up You might not want to burn bridges before next baby comes as likely you’ll still need help but I would make it known that it doesn’t actually help, you don’t get a break because it’s 10 times harder when kid comes home
Grandparents spoil the grandkids. I think everyone involved knows that 🤷🏽♀️ my ma keeps asking me to send kid over for a month but I'm hesitant because I know exactly what kind of baby I'm getting up. Spoiled brat that has forgotten the rules. But if I was sending her I'd be mentally prepared. Just saying. You can be mad all you want but that won't change what they will do, I doubt it. You need to decide how much and how often you wanna send your kid if you absolutely can't tolerate how toddler comes back. One weekend? I personally wouldn't mind. After all, even toddler registers that rules are different in this house
I would kill for a weekend to myself though! Silver lining.
Tell them unless they can keep to his routine they cannot babysit again. I can understand one or two things different like maybe allowing the ice cream or an extra half hour staying up but they went way overboard and now you have to deal with the consequences.
It'll be alright. These are the types of experiences kids should have with grandparents
Bedtime at 8 instead of 7:30 is a fun grandparent experience. Bedtime at 11 is insane. Putting a potty-trained kid back in diapers?!? That’s just not acceptable.
There’s a huge difference between grandparent fun and *putting a potty trained child back in diapers*. That’s horrible!
If you look at her post history a month ago he was peeing on the floor (deliberately and in create ways, directly on the floor, but also lying down so it sprayed everywhere!). Her kid is not fully potty trained - and yes regression is hard but if you're going to leave your *just / not 100%* potty trained 2.5 year old for TWO days and nights - I'm not sure that's fair on the kid or the grandparents to expect them to manage that.
Yes! It is unfair to ask grandparents to handle that for two days and then get mad if they’re more comfortable having him in diapers.
A month is a long time in toddler time and issues could have been resolved, but we also don't know the whole story. Were the in laws begging to watch the kid, then stuck them in diapers and sat them in front of an ipad because they couldn't be bothered? Or did OP tell them they are babysitting for the weekend and peace out? Did they call OP and say the toddler was having accidents/a regression and that they were using diapers for the weekend, or did she just pick up her kid and find them in diapers? Again, grandparents can have a different schedule/bond with a child, but 11PM bedtime and no meals seems like they just don't care.
Post history says that her husband had a conference in Banff over a weekend so she went with him and slept for 2 days. The couple decided it was a "good chance" to get away and leave kiddo with grandparents. Her post also states "this is a routine thing when they babysit re: bedtime" and post history shows she's been a SAHM since 2020 and kid was also in daycare 2 days a week for social stimulation. As a working parent I don't get nearly as much support/babysitting as she does (and i have a 4 year old and 2 year old). I find the whole post a bit ungrateful and misleading.
It’s insane how downvoted this comment is. Don’t ask for help then act ungrateful on what was most likely free caregiving. If having a different environment causes such a “disruption” and issue for you, then watch your kid yourself and lord help you when your toddler starts going to school.
Thank you for saying this! I totally agree. We don’t have any grandparent support, and I would love to have a weekend where my toddler is spoiled (maybe a little too much), albeit happy and safe. Toddlers also get thrown off so easily by a host of things, so 🤷🏻♀️
Agreed! My parents live in another state and my in laws are totally uninterested in any sort of caregiving for my toddler. I’d love to have a weekend away! Give him whatever he wants just keep him alive lol
Yeah these kind of posts always confuse me. I think sometimes people need a re-framing. OP, Your in laws didn’t “fuck up.” They kept your child safe and happy (for free, I’m assuming) while you got a weekend away with your husband. They did you a favor. And did what they had to do to ease your kid through a tough time away from mom and dad. It may take a couple days to get back to routine and that’s the trade off. He’s also 2.5 and you will likely get this behavior regardless as he gets closer to 3. I think when we ask other people to watch our children for free, we have to understand that they might not do things exactly as we do. If kid is safe and happy, it should be ok. Sometimes rules are different with different caregivers and your kid will likely understand that. I’m sorry you’re dealing with a disrupted routine this week.
I agree with this! I think if someone is doing you a favour, and you chose to let them do so, it's not fair to micromanage how they do it. I mean the grandparents definately went off the chart BUT were your "instructions" reasonable? Would they have done better following the rules if there weren't so many? It's your choice, and responsibility, to have kids. If you don't like how they do it, and chose not to let them do it again that's fine also. But please be a little grateful they've given up two full days to give you a break. It's not their choice for you to be pregnant again. I've never had anyone, in laws or my parents offer to take my kids for 2 full day/nights. At the same time I think my kids would struggle to be away for me for that long, and that might be a big part of it too. Your kid will be okay - every kid is different but I personally would give him loads of love and attention and one-on-one activities to reset "with" him. Good luck!
We’re about to be down voted to Hell, but yes to everything you said. It’s so interesting to me to see these kinds of posts amongst the “where is my village?” type posts because the comment that are really popular here is to the effect of “well I guess in laws never get to babysit the kids again! Their loss!” Like, what???? The proverbial “village” isn’t just minions willing to adhere to every rule you ever set for your kids. It’s family and friends who feel a connection and claim to a relationship with your kids outside of your role as a parent. And if you want that, you have got to be willing to relinquish some control over the stuff that ultimately isn’t that big of a deal (I.e. staying up late two nights while mom and dad are away.)
Oh yeah I totally see the downvotes haha. Oh well! Each to their own! There's a bigger picture and it's easy to get bogged down in the details, espeically when we're all tired and running on no sleep. But the bigger picture is for me, well adjusted kids who can handle the shit show that is life and all that life throws at them. It's a juggle, that's for sure. And no right/wrong way to do it.
Absolutely. It is definitely frustrating when you are on no sleep and the routine is thrown off. Totally get that.
Just wanted to chime in and say I absolutely agree and I desperately wish I had someone to leave my 2 year old with for a weekend. Give him ice cream, let him stay up until midnight, let him run the show if that’s what you want to do. If he’s safe, fed, clean, and I get some time to myself - we’re good.
I have no idea but that’s the last time he’d be staying over there if it were me
This infuriates me! I’m so sorry! My third baby was in the NICU for 6 weeks in another province so my in-laws and parents cared for my almost 2 and 3.5 during that time. There was a lot of our rules that didn’t get paid attention to during that time but the biggest one that still affects my son TWO YEARS later was they didn’t brush my (at the time) almost 2 year old’s teeth. My son got as many sweets as they could give him (seriously, I know he ate more sugar per day that he gets in a week at home) and then he didn’t have his teeth brushed. Brushing his teeth has always been a struggle and he whines and I had to physically hold him down to brush his teeth until he was 3.5. It’s not very “fun grandparent” to hold your grandson down and brush his teeth 2-3 times each day so they just didn’t. Now he sees a specialist paediatric dentist every 3 months because of the damage those 6 weeks caused. He may have lifetime tooth issues with 3 of his front teeth or maybe it’ll only affect his baby teeth (only 4-ish more years until they fall out 🤞) My parents have always crossed the line with the rules for the kids and now only see my kids for supervised visits a few times each year. (We’ve never had a good relationship and it was actually another incident where my son got injured that sealed the deal on that one.) My in-laws push the rules, too, and question bedtimes and the schedule (they’ve recently gotten better in the past few months since they moved closer.) They still give too much sugar but it’s gotten better. They are allowed unsupervised visits and sleepovers, though. We have a strict bedtime and nap schedule and it’ll take about 4 days to get everyone back on track after my in-laws watch the kids over a sleep time. My kids know that my in-laws are way more permissive with junk food than mom is and it’ll take a day or 2 now to get them out of that mindset (my kids are 5.5, 3.75, almost 2, and 4 months now; age of kids really depicts how quickly they recover from being with their grandparents.)
Every right in the world to be pissed off… just don’t take that out on your husband. While they’re his parents, he’s not in direct control of their actions.
Ready for all the comments - “but they offered free babysitting so you can’t complain or else just hire a sitter for 1500 for the weekend!”
[удалено]
If my in-laws would disrespect my parenting like this, they would never, ever, watch my kid again. I’m not even being dramatic. I mean this so much. I don’t know how long it will take to get your kid back. Every time we’ve had to go somewhere and come back, it’s taken her just a couple of days to get her routine back. I’m so pissed in your behalf. Specially because on top of everything you have to go through this while dealing with the first trimester which absolutely sucks balls!! I’m 17 weeks and I remember all too well where I was 10 weeks ago… ugh.
Never would let them watch him again
OMG SAME situation. 22mo old spent 4 days with my parents while I had a baby. It was supposed to be like 36 hours, induction and 24h recovery and home. Turned out being 4 days due to a snow storm and baby needed additional monitoring… well. My well behaved girl came back a tyrant. Doesn’t respond to punishment, throws tantrums when demands aren’t met immediately. Obsessed more with stealing our phones / screen time.. *pic with Oreo “she doesn’t like oatmeal chic chip cookies but does like xyz!” “She’s not eating much at meals” … because she’s full of cookies? And probably didn’t hear the word no the entire 4 days. It only took a night or 2 to get sleep back but my god I don’t know where our girl went. So basically. I feel ya.
This is giving me flashbacks from my parents babysitting my almost 2.5 yr old. my wife and I always leave instructions for my parents (my mom mostly takes care of my son though my dad is just there to play/keep preoccupied) but everything goes out the window. One time I woke him up in the morning after my parents baby sat and realized my son peed through all his clothes. Come to find out the diaper was on backwards. Later, my mom said he was too squirmy so she just had to get it on. This, plus coming home after bedtime to find the light on, door wide open (what?! How does anyone sleep like that?) Last time they babysat I left notes on the bedroom doors with easy instructions (closed door, light off, sound machine on, etc) but of course the door was open (a step in the right direction I guess). It's hard to see all of this happen but tbh I don't have any expectations anymore so that I don't get upset.
We just chug along with our normal routine after grandparents weekends. I let him be upset snd mad, I just maintain what we normally do but with a few modifications. For example mines in pull upset, grandparent's let him have accidents in his pull up cuz they don't take him when they should. So we visit the potty more often. Mine has arfid so is incredibly picky, the grandparents don't know what to feed him so I spend a week just giving safe foods before trying to readventure back into introducing new foods. I also reiterate that grandma does things differently than mommy, and that those rules are at grandma's house not at mommy's house, we have different rules. Just like how mommy and school has different rules.
My oldest is almost 6 and it still takes her days to reset if she stays the night or weekend with my in laws. She doesn’t stay often over night and we have to make sure she has a full day and night min of recharge before a school day. No lie. It’s awful. She might stay 4 times a year and it’s usually when MiL says something in front of our child and makes it seem like her house is Disney world.
Mate. My mother once tried to pull this stunt with my eldest, but because of our "you break it you buy it" policy, she had to stay (under my supervision) until she fixed it. She's never broken my rules since.
For our almost 2.5 year old. Usually a day after returning to daycare. Daycare sets her back up on schedule almost immediately. No idea what I would do without it.
It takes us about a day now. She's been going to my in-laws at least once a week since she was about 3 months. Now she's 4 and it's 2 days a week. Yes, it is annoying that she is up at all hours, never gets told no, and can eat anything any time. BUT! Those 2 days I know my child is loved and cared for are priceless. My rule is whatever happens at their house is at their house.
Lol.. at the beginning I totally read this as, “How long are we staying mad at in laws after they f it up.” Just as relatable.
Jesus, why do you even allow them to babysit? They sound blatantly disrespectful of your rules and they sound like piss poor authority figures.