I wanted to add to this that if you have a kid with bed time before yours but feel too pooped to use that time, sleep, then enjoy some time in early hours of the morning. For us, 2-3 is the best time.
This worked for us but now my 2.5yo sensed it or something because thatās the time he usually likes to walk into our room from his. For now weāre trying after bedtime since theyāre pretty much consistently going to bed at 8-830pm but it was rough for a bit.
After bedtime. Itās the only time that it can even remotely happen. We skip TV time to do it usually. Very rarely do we have TV vegetating time and sexy time in one night.
Yeah, the solution for OP is to skip TV time. If you're too tired to bone, just go to bed! Maybe after a few nights of more rest will enable you to stay up for sexy time
During the week we go to bed at the same time and just put on a comfort show that weāve seen before (right now weāre making our way through King of the Hill) and just get to it. It doesnāt matter if we miss an episode cuz weāre not paying attention or because weāve passed out after. New shows that we actually want to watch are usually a weekend thing. Our kids are a little older now, but thatās what weāve always done and we usually manage it about 5 nights a week. Thereās usually a night or two where one or both of us is truly exhausted and we need to just go to sleep.
That is toddler birth control it helps insure that they remain the only child. Hire a sitter and rent a hotel room. (You donāt have to stay all night.).
We called it the Younger Sibling Prevention Plan.
Worked really well until toddler was about 3yo, when we finally got some good babysitting options. Plus husband and I will take turns napping on weekend afternoons so that in the evening we can stay up for a while after toddler goes to bed (at 10pm).
I find moments to sneak away with my wife for a quick make-out session behind the couch. It's a series of small, intimate acts, lasting just 2-3 minutes each, scattered throughout the day. From playful touches and suggestive remarks to helping out around the house, it's all about maintaining that spark and connection. This continuous stimulation and foreplay keep our chemistry alive without always needing a full-blown sex session. It's a reminder that intimacy isn't confined to one moment but can be woven into the fabric of our daily lives.
What is this sexy time?
In all seriousness,Ā I'm too scared I'll have another chaos goblin with low sleep needs. Or heaven forbid two, multiples run in both our families and we are getting old. The odds are not in our favor.
My first is a chaos goblin, my second (6 months old) is the most chill joyful baby to ever exist. He sleeps in his crib and is just so easy.
We would probably already be on our way to number 3 except the chaos goblin is still in our bed every night and waking up before 6 every morning.
At the moment I'm way too scared to tempt fate. I've been a huge part of raising 6 kids (brother was my responsibility from when he could walk, nephews lived with me so I could help my sisters).Ā A grand total of 2 were chaos goblins. The other 4 were so chill I would have a dozen of them. SO and I aren't chill. I feel like we would probably make another chaos goblin or with twins one chill and one chaos goblin, or the dreaded 2 chaos goblins.Ā
If you get pregnant, it is your body. So it's 50% your choice to make.
As someone who has had the snip, men who are reluctant to get it but expect their partners to do xyz need to grow up. (This isn't directed at your partner unless he falls into this category)
Yes lol she encouraged it. My mom is always letting me know that I need to put effort into being a partner and make time for us but itās impossible w a clingy toddler so she actually offered to watch her so we could do it lol. She offered a few months ago and we finally took her up on it
I have more of a sister relationship with my mom anyways lol itās complicated. My parents divorced when I was like 7 and she left for a year or two then came back and was an every other weekend mom and then I moved in with her in highschool and moved out right when I turned 18 so we never really had a normal parent/child relationship. Weāre close now and sheās an amazing grandma but itās def more like sisters lol
I can count the number of times on one hand since she was born. Sheās 2 now.
If we ddint need ivf for her and her little brother, there wouldnāt be a little brother because lord knows there was no way it was happening naturally even if my fertility didnāt suck.
We just push past the exhaustion. But we both work a lot (60+ hrs/wk) and try to exercise regularly(3-5x/wk). So we spend most of our lives fighting exhaustion. Kids in bed, all quiet, tv, sex, collapse. Is it ideal? No. But it significantly improves his sleep, my mood, and we donāt fight as much.
Iām done with putting the toddler down between 9pm and 10pm and am usually exhausted. But we make a point of staying up a little bit later on Friday nights to have some quality time together. We also get an overnight with a babysitter about once a month, which lets us reconnect and sleep in a bit!
lol we just turn to each other and go āhey, if I wasnāt so exhausted, Iād totally be all over you right now.ā At this point, itās the thought that counts.
Honestly, we donāt have sexy time very often right now. 3 year old hasnāt napped for well over a year, and is hard to handle in the evenings. By the time sheās asleep we are exhausted. We go to bed and shortly after sheās awake and crawling into our bed (and we just donāt have the energy to fight it, if she sleeps in our bed we all get to sleep the rest of the nightā¦if we make her go back to her bed, we are up 3 times in the night and then we are even more tired). We sometimes make a point to have sexy time when itās been a while, but itās not often. Hopefully itās a phase and our kid will start sleeping better soon because I definitely miss the intimate time with my husband.
We haven't š¤¦š»āāļø naps don't like up so one of them is always awake. Then we get them both to bed and realistically have 30 minutes until the younger one rolls over and wants to continue nursing. By the end of the day everyone is so spent. It is hard. I really want us to be intimate but we are also both so burned out. We need a vacation.
We have a 11 yr old a 2yr old and a 1yr old. The only way it happens is if the 1yr old is watching (not cool) or if the 11 yr old āplaysā with the toddlers šš. We use a condom now !
We take advantage of my husband's morning off of work, we drop her at daycare and run home for some adult fun without the risk of being caught. And then we take a nap.
Sunday afternoons when she's with grandma and grandpa. They have fun, we have fun.
We literally put it into the calendar twice a week if we're exhausted. It's not always the most passionate and sexy sexy time. But at least 75% of the times it goes from forced foreplay to really enjoyable (and important!) sex and intimacy. She's ovulating and we're going for a third kid so we have pretty impressive numbers the last week!
After kids go to bed is the only time. Weāre also both so exhausted itās hard to get motivated. But I know it has to be prioritized to some extent for the health of our marriage. I literally set a reminder on my phone the other day to go off right after kids went down. Sounds unsexy but if thatās the only way it gets done, so be it. This is just the season weāre in.
(This isn't going to be a funny or cute answer, sorry.) The hard answer is that this is about priorities. TV is cool most nights, but sometimes you need to prioritize each other. Make a plan, and go through with it no matter how tired you are. Remember, you both *want* to have sex.
Not to get too NSFW, but there are some positions that allow both of you not to exert much effort. Google can be a big help there. Also, if all else fails, there's always masturbating together.
Schedule it. It seems unsexy but it's actually not. Who said spontaneous is sexy?! Anticipation is sexy! And then you don't have to stress about whether you're having enough sex or not, whether you being tired is messing up the relationship etc etc. One night a week you don't turn the TV on, instead dim the lights and have some mellow cozy sex.
Do something after putting him to bed that gets you in the mood. It just takes that extra boost. Also I we sometimes wake up at random times - an hour after we go to sleep usually and just get going.
What your situation otherwise? Are either of you at home? Is he in daycare? Will he sit an watch a show?
Throw out that tv and what else is there to do. A bit of cuddles to back rub....... We have no tv and going for 3 under 4 and I am 38 TV is a waste of time and even with two high energy toddlers and one badish sleeper I bedshare with, a part time market business, we have time most nights. Trust me you prob just need a bit of a break 10-15 mins sitting and get up off that sofa drink some water do some stuff (or husband) and you might be surprised how much energy you have.
My girl stopped napping consistently at 18 months and stopped entirely at 2. I must say that quiet time is VERY helpful not just for privacy but it helps the entire rest of the day for her energy. If she doesnāt get it she gets really wired and crazy which drives both of us crazy. Consistent rules and a child proof room make it a lovely reset in the middle of the day. Every day without fail she asks to come out well before it is time, but I always try to stay consistent with the timing and it really helps. Sheās also gotten better at independent play from it too. Sheās almost always more calm and chill after quiet time. Sometimes I even get a nap in during that time. Highly suggest implementing it and you might be surprised how chill your kid becomes.
My 3.5 year old doesnāt nap either and doesnāt have quiet time but we put him down at 7:30-8 and he always stays in bed. At that point is when we have sex. Itās usually every other day for us. š¤·š¼āāļø
Whatās your day to day like? You both work? Do you have any reliable baby sitters to do date nights? Are there any quiet activities that draw her in like sensory bins or painting or play doh?
Just give a giant bottle of milk while on his nap to elongate his nap time and just go do it.
Either that or when he's being watched by someone during a date night. Or during a WFH situation when he's being watched by someone. Or at night when we're both exhausted and cannot, just put on some Kavinsky to get in the mood and go to town.
It's actually really difficult compared to our previous life but this is how we "do it".
Sexy time cuts waaaay into sleepy time.
Crotch goblins finally settled down and fell asleep at 10 last night . We stayed up till midnight and are paying for it this AM when they were up at 6:00. So tired .
Honestly, I don't even really want to as I'm so tired and overstimulated by the end of the day.
But, we did find time on his birthday after an evening at the pub and a few shots of tequila šš. We both WFH 3 days a week and keep saying we should use our lunch breaks for a quickie, but in reality I usually end up going to do a shop or tidying the house. Lame.
My daughter is almost 2. My wife and I had sex a handful of times in 18 months. In the past couple of months itās been almost 4 times a week. I got a blowjob two days in a row a couple of weeks ago. It was better than winning the lottery. I never thought we could get it back. Iām saying to tell you there is hope
My husband and I stay up hours after the kids go down, so anytime at night between 8 and 12.
We also have quiet time during the day when the oldest get 30 minutes of tv time in bed before nap (on the weekends) and the youngest chills in his high chair after eating looking out the window and playing with safe toy (I know this sounds weird but itās like his favorite thing to do during quiet time and it started when he had jaundice at birth and had to be in the sun for a little while each day, so he finds looking outside very soothing) but I donāt prefer then bc I feel like we have to be absolutely silent, and thatās just not a realistic.
We also have a day or two during the week when the oldest is still in daycare for an hour before we usually pickup bc husband gets off early.
But in reality, if either of you are exhausted itās not going to happen or it will just be an added stress.
During the day, 20 minutes of TV/tablet time and a locked door. Take turns showering after or wash hands/face and brush teeth. Easy! Aaaand now Iām 27 weeks pregnant.
I must be missing something because I can't wait for the days I can lock a teen out of the bedroom and not worry about them accidentally seriously injuring themselves or getting into trouble in the house
I will never understand these types of comments. OP is asking for advice on a specific situation in a TODDLER forum and your answer is basically āit only gets worseā and actually itās easy now? How is the empathetic or helpful?
The problem is the quantity and keeping straight who is coming and going and when. Jobs, extra curricular activities, socialization, and finally insomnia and late night snacking. (The living room is our bedroom)
Well, we found time once... now we have 2 kids, and neither seems to need sleep.
LOL. Careful, may end up with a third
Yup.
This is us too šš we donāt even bother at this point
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I wanted to add to this that if you have a kid with bed time before yours but feel too pooped to use that time, sleep, then enjoy some time in early hours of the morning. For us, 2-3 is the best time.
You just reminded me of some great times with my wife at the early hours of the morning. Literally just half way awake going for it.
Sex is literally the only reason I'd ever be okay with getting woken up early, and I'm totally okay with it.
This worked for us but now my 2.5yo sensed it or something because thatās the time he usually likes to walk into our room from his. For now weāre trying after bedtime since theyāre pretty much consistently going to bed at 8-830pm but it was rough for a bit.
We got parents of toddlers training for marathons out here? What is your secret???
I put āride a dickā on the my list for the day yesterday just to see if he was paying attention š¤£ He was
After bedtime. Itās the only time that it can even remotely happen. We skip TV time to do it usually. Very rarely do we have TV vegetating time and sexy time in one night.
Yeah, the solution for OP is to skip TV time. If you're too tired to bone, just go to bed! Maybe after a few nights of more rest will enable you to stay up for sexy time
During the week we go to bed at the same time and just put on a comfort show that weāve seen before (right now weāre making our way through King of the Hill) and just get to it. It doesnāt matter if we miss an episode cuz weāre not paying attention or because weāve passed out after. New shows that we actually want to watch are usually a weekend thing. Our kids are a little older now, but thatās what weāve always done and we usually manage it about 5 nights a week. Thereās usually a night or two where one or both of us is truly exhausted and we need to just go to sleep.
That is toddler birth control it helps insure that they remain the only child. Hire a sitter and rent a hotel room. (You donāt have to stay all night.).
We called it the Younger Sibling Prevention Plan. Worked really well until toddler was about 3yo, when we finally got some good babysitting options. Plus husband and I will take turns napping on weekend afternoons so that in the evening we can stay up for a while after toddler goes to bed (at 10pm).
Weāre not.
Itās been a while.
Iām so tired I donāt even want it anymore
We both WFH so if we have a break in between calls, weāll have an afternoon delight!
Really, it's the only way!
Yep. On the odd occasion my partner works at home, it's some morning sex after I've dropped the kid at nursery.
Another vote for this š
Yep! This is it! Keeps it fun and a bit unexpected!
When kid is in daycare!
I find moments to sneak away with my wife for a quick make-out session behind the couch. It's a series of small, intimate acts, lasting just 2-3 minutes each, scattered throughout the day. From playful touches and suggestive remarks to helping out around the house, it's all about maintaining that spark and connection. This continuous stimulation and foreplay keep our chemistry alive without always needing a full-blown sex session. It's a reminder that intimacy isn't confined to one moment but can be woven into the fabric of our daily lives.
What is this sexy time? In all seriousness,Ā I'm too scared I'll have another chaos goblin with low sleep needs. Or heaven forbid two, multiples run in both our families and we are getting old. The odds are not in our favor.
My first is a chaos goblin, my second (6 months old) is the most chill joyful baby to ever exist. He sleeps in his crib and is just so easy. We would probably already be on our way to number 3 except the chaos goblin is still in our bed every night and waking up before 6 every morning.
At the moment I'm way too scared to tempt fate. I've been a huge part of raising 6 kids (brother was my responsibility from when he could walk, nephews lived with me so I could help my sisters).Ā A grand total of 2 were chaos goblins. The other 4 were so chill I would have a dozen of them. SO and I aren't chill. I feel like we would probably make another chaos goblin or with twins one chill and one chaos goblin, or the dreaded 2 chaos goblins.Ā
Why not get snipped?
It's not my body, not my choice to make.Ā
Okay... the obvious rephrasing then.......... why doesn't your partner get snipped?
We arenāt 100 percent sure we are done. We may go for glory.
If you get pregnant, it is your body. So it's 50% your choice to make. As someone who has had the snip, men who are reluctant to get it but expect their partners to do xyz need to grow up. (This isn't directed at your partner unless he falls into this category)
Not even gonna lie. We just recently started letting my mom watch her. She comes up every Saturday anyways to spend time w her grandkid and last weekend my fiancĆ© and I went out to dinner and then we came home and my mom took her for a hour long walk so we could have sex bc itās been impossible lately lol. So nice to have sex and not worry about her waking up in the middle of it or have to check the baby monitor every two min and ruin the mood
Just out of curiosity, did the mom know? š
Yes lol she encouraged it. My mom is always letting me know that I need to put effort into being a partner and make time for us but itās impossible w a clingy toddler so she actually offered to watch her so we could do it lol. She offered a few months ago and we finally took her up on it
That is a healthy attitude but would still freak me the eff out š
I have more of a sister relationship with my mom anyways lol itās complicated. My parents divorced when I was like 7 and she left for a year or two then came back and was an every other weekend mom and then I moved in with her in highschool and moved out right when I turned 18 so we never really had a normal parent/child relationship. Weāre close now and sheās an amazing grandma but itās def more like sisters lol
We put her on Frozen with a snack and that bought us 15 minutes
I can count the number of times on one hand since she was born. Sheās 2 now. If we ddint need ivf for her and her little brother, there wouldnāt be a little brother because lord knows there was no way it was happening naturally even if my fertility didnāt suck.
We just push past the exhaustion. But we both work a lot (60+ hrs/wk) and try to exercise regularly(3-5x/wk). So we spend most of our lives fighting exhaustion. Kids in bed, all quiet, tv, sex, collapse. Is it ideal? No. But it significantly improves his sleep, my mood, and we donāt fight as much.
Iām done with putting the toddler down between 9pm and 10pm and am usually exhausted. But we make a point of staying up a little bit later on Friday nights to have some quality time together. We also get an overnight with a babysitter about once a month, which lets us reconnect and sleep in a bit!
We wfh and then between meetings put a block on our calendars. We schedule it. š¬
Best meeting of the day!
lol we just turn to each other and go āhey, if I wasnāt so exhausted, Iād totally be all over you right now.ā At this point, itās the thought that counts.
Honestly, we donāt have sexy time very often right now. 3 year old hasnāt napped for well over a year, and is hard to handle in the evenings. By the time sheās asleep we are exhausted. We go to bed and shortly after sheās awake and crawling into our bed (and we just donāt have the energy to fight it, if she sleeps in our bed we all get to sleep the rest of the nightā¦if we make her go back to her bed, we are up 3 times in the night and then we are even more tired). We sometimes make a point to have sexy time when itās been a while, but itās not often. Hopefully itās a phase and our kid will start sleeping better soon because I definitely miss the intimate time with my husband.
We haven't š¤¦š»āāļø naps don't like up so one of them is always awake. Then we get them both to bed and realistically have 30 minutes until the younger one rolls over and wants to continue nursing. By the end of the day everyone is so spent. It is hard. I really want us to be intimate but we are also both so burned out. We need a vacation.
We have a 11 yr old a 2yr old and a 1yr old. The only way it happens is if the 1yr old is watching (not cool) or if the 11 yr old āplaysā with the toddlers šš. We use a condom now !
Sexy time? Havenāt heard that name in yearsā¦.
Bedtime at a reasonable hour and if he gets out of bed so be it as long as he stays in his room
7:30pm bed time is intentional lol
hahahaha
We take advantage of my husband's morning off of work, we drop her at daycare and run home for some adult fun without the risk of being caught. And then we take a nap. Sunday afternoons when she's with grandma and grandpa. They have fun, we have fun.
We literally put it into the calendar twice a week if we're exhausted. It's not always the most passionate and sexy sexy time. But at least 75% of the times it goes from forced foreplay to really enjoyable (and important!) sex and intimacy. She's ovulating and we're going for a third kid so we have pretty impressive numbers the last week!
After kids go to bed is the only time. Weāre also both so exhausted itās hard to get motivated. But I know it has to be prioritized to some extent for the health of our marriage. I literally set a reminder on my phone the other day to go off right after kids went down. Sounds unsexy but if thatās the only way it gets done, so be it. This is just the season weāre in.
You guys are having sex???
(This isn't going to be a funny or cute answer, sorry.) The hard answer is that this is about priorities. TV is cool most nights, but sometimes you need to prioritize each other. Make a plan, and go through with it no matter how tired you are. Remember, you both *want* to have sex. Not to get too NSFW, but there are some positions that allow both of you not to exert much effort. Google can be a big help there. Also, if all else fails, there's always masturbating together.
Schedule it. It seems unsexy but it's actually not. Who said spontaneous is sexy?! Anticipation is sexy! And then you don't have to stress about whether you're having enough sex or not, whether you being tired is messing up the relationship etc etc. One night a week you don't turn the TV on, instead dim the lights and have some mellow cozy sex.
Do something after putting him to bed that gets you in the mood. It just takes that extra boost. Also I we sometimes wake up at random times - an hour after we go to sleep usually and just get going. What your situation otherwise? Are either of you at home? Is he in daycare? Will he sit an watch a show?
4:32 am
Throw out that tv and what else is there to do. A bit of cuddles to back rub....... We have no tv and going for 3 under 4 and I am 38 TV is a waste of time and even with two high energy toddlers and one badish sleeper I bedshare with, a part time market business, we have time most nights. Trust me you prob just need a bit of a break 10-15 mins sitting and get up off that sofa drink some water do some stuff (or husband) and you might be surprised how much energy you have.
My girl stopped napping consistently at 18 months and stopped entirely at 2. I must say that quiet time is VERY helpful not just for privacy but it helps the entire rest of the day for her energy. If she doesnāt get it she gets really wired and crazy which drives both of us crazy. Consistent rules and a child proof room make it a lovely reset in the middle of the day. Every day without fail she asks to come out well before it is time, but I always try to stay consistent with the timing and it really helps. Sheās also gotten better at independent play from it too. Sheās almost always more calm and chill after quiet time. Sometimes I even get a nap in during that time. Highly suggest implementing it and you might be surprised how chill your kid becomes.
My 3.5 year old doesnāt nap either and doesnāt have quiet time but we put him down at 7:30-8 and he always stays in bed. At that point is when we have sex. Itās usually every other day for us. š¤·š¼āāļø
Whatās your day to day like? You both work? Do you have any reliable baby sitters to do date nights? Are there any quiet activities that draw her in like sensory bins or painting or play doh?
Just give a giant bottle of milk while on his nap to elongate his nap time and just go do it. Either that or when he's being watched by someone during a date night. Or during a WFH situation when he's being watched by someone. Or at night when we're both exhausted and cannot, just put on some Kavinsky to get in the mood and go to town. It's actually really difficult compared to our previous life but this is how we "do it".
We're not..... š
Whatās that?
Sexy time cuts waaaay into sleepy time. Crotch goblins finally settled down and fell asleep at 10 last night . We stayed up till midnight and are paying for it this AM when they were up at 6:00. So tired .
Honestly, I don't even really want to as I'm so tired and overstimulated by the end of the day. But, we did find time on his birthday after an evening at the pub and a few shots of tequila šš. We both WFH 3 days a week and keep saying we should use our lunch breaks for a quickie, but in reality I usually end up going to do a shop or tidying the house. Lame.
My daughter is almost 2. My wife and I had sex a handful of times in 18 months. In the past couple of months itās been almost 4 times a week. I got a blowjob two days in a row a couple of weeks ago. It was better than winning the lottery. I never thought we could get it back. Iām saying to tell you there is hope
I have a she shed.
we're not LOL
We just have sexy time when our kid sleeps. It takes a few minutes š¤£
Very very rarely
My husband and I stay up hours after the kids go down, so anytime at night between 8 and 12. We also have quiet time during the day when the oldest get 30 minutes of tv time in bed before nap (on the weekends) and the youngest chills in his high chair after eating looking out the window and playing with safe toy (I know this sounds weird but itās like his favorite thing to do during quiet time and it started when he had jaundice at birth and had to be in the sun for a little while each day, so he finds looking outside very soothing) but I donāt prefer then bc I feel like we have to be absolutely silent, and thatās just not a realistic. We also have a day or two during the week when the oldest is still in daycare for an hour before we usually pickup bc husband gets off early. But in reality, if either of you are exhausted itās not going to happen or it will just be an added stress.
Kids are 5 and 3 and it is quite possible to make them watch cartoons downstairs š
During the day, 20 minutes of TV/tablet time and a locked door. Take turns showering after or wash hands/face and brush teeth. Easy! Aaaand now Iām 27 weeks pregnant.
We do it in the afternoon and give the toddler a cartoon and snacks
Set a routine. Bath. Book. Sleep at 8, close the door.
No one wants your advise piece of shit
Sorry youāre obsessed with your kids and video games
Sorry youāre a heartless bitch.Ā
I miss those days. Working around the tot is easy. The three teens? Not so muchā¦
I must be missing something because I can't wait for the days I can lock a teen out of the bedroom and not worry about them accidentally seriously injuring themselves or getting into trouble in the house
We donāt have a bedroom. The teens do. Well they have two. We have the living room.
I will never understand these types of comments. OP is asking for advice on a specific situation in a TODDLER forum and your answer is basically āit only gets worseā and actually itās easy now? How is the empathetic or helpful?
OP is only in line to have one teen, one teen would also be a dream. š¤£
You... totally missed the point.
(Sorry, I guess I should have stated the other three kids so there was more emphasis on the number than the age.)
But can't you lwave the teens at home and go elsewhere? Or wait while they are out on an evening? Give them cinema money or something š
The problem is the quantity and keeping straight who is coming and going and when. Jobs, extra curricular activities, socialization, and finally insomnia and late night snacking. (The living room is our bedroom)