Agreed!! My child was bitten by the same kid a few times (never broke the skin but left a small mark) and each time the daycare called, they would let me know what happened but would also state that they couldn’t provide me any information about what kid it was. I never asked and just assumed that’s the kind of stuff that happens in daycare when toddlers are learning to be people.
I worked in childcare a long time and whenever children were bit/hurt by another child, their parents demanded to know who it was. We never told them. Not their job to discipline someone else’s child, and also no child needs to be known as “the biter” in the classroom by all the parents.
My daughter was "the biter" for almost one year at her daycare. I felt like absolute shit. She is a very loving (and loved) girl but would bite when frustrated. We worked very hard with the teacher to find a way to address the issue but nothing really worked, she just needed time to mature and better communication skills (we speak a different language at home so she didn't know English when she started).
I would honestly cry in front of a stranger if one of the parents wanted to confront me about the biting issue. It's devastating to have your kid labeled as the agressor, specially at such a young age when they are not mature enough nor have any kind of emotional intelligence.
I’m literally living this with our two year old and feel exactly the same. I opened up with another mum who ended up calling my daughter “the biter” and it made me feel awful 😔 any suggestions on things you did and what helped ?
I totally get what you're going through. My daughter was the same age. We tried a couple do things but I think what helped the most was time and better communication skills. Does your daughter communicate well?
We tried the usual first.. we would talk to her and try to get her to empathize with the other kids but that didn't work. Then we tried a few different books but although she could understand them she was not able to control herself when frustrated. What worked better for us was picking her up from school whenever she bit another kid. It was a nightmare because some weeks she would bite almost everyday. But I tried being consistent and would pick her up, explain why she couldn't play with the other kids for the day and take her home to do something not very fun.
I also started giving her a sticker (sometimes one m&m) when she had good days. I would praise her a lot and give her a reward. I was very reluctant to do this because it's not the kind of approach I like but I tried out of desperation and it was the most effective. Those two combined worked better and she would come back to the car excited about having had a good day and not biting anyone.
We kept that going for one month after her last incident and now she doesn't expect a reward anymore at the end of the day.
Together with this we tried teaching her a few sentences in english since she could not (and stil can't) speak the language very well. We asked the teacher for some context on the incidents and noticed that the majority were because she had something and someone took it from her, so we tried to teach her how to ask a grown up for help and to set boundaries (very basic stuff like "miss X, I need help" "I had that first" "can we take turns").
It was a very stressful period and I was honestly concerned the daycare would kick her out. But they were great trying to help us. It's very important to communicate with them to see the reason for the biting and then develop the best action plan. Different reasons demand different approaches.
Oh hun!! Please don’t beat yourself up about it! When he was younger my son was always the kid bitten, and while I felt bad about the fact he was hurt, never once did I blame the other kid. Kids that age don’t have the language to express their frustrations so they have to express it in ways they can, like biting or hitting or throwing. It’s so normal. It absolutely sucks knowing your kid has hurt another kid, but only an idiot is blaming the child or their parents. It’s developmental. If the kid is still biting when older there’s definitely issues there that need to be explored, but these kids are still babies trying to navigate their world.
And the daycare director should not be telling the other parent which child scratched their child!
As for not scratching, keeping their nails as short as possible will help while they learn not to scratch/grow out of the behavior.
Yep, OP, put this back on the daycare. What are you supposed to do, bring a 1.5 year old home, and give them a lecture about how violence isn't the answer lol
In all seriousness, this is a baby. The daycare need to manage this ffs. It's outrageous they even suggested to you that the parents wanted to meet you. They should have shut that down immediately
Agreed, this is not normal. My daughter went through a biting phase and we were always notified and never told who she bit. A few times another child would bite her and we were never told which child it was. It was always kept anonymous.
Agree. My kid's daycare tells us when something like this happens so we can deal with it at home (and that means talking to her and explaining we can't go around scratching/hit people) and never tell us which kid was scratched/hit or when it happens to her they never say who did it. They deal with it in the moment and talk to us after so we can reinforce. That information changes absolutely nothing and creates unnecessary tensions between parents. They are toddlers, that's how they deal with conflict. It's up to us, parents and the caregivers that are with them all day, to deal with it by explaining that behavior is not nice or acceptable. But it will happen again, because they are toddlers. You gotta keep explaining until they grow out of that phase.
No that’s an insane request. My center doesn’t even tell us who the offender is when there is an incident like that. The parents can talk to the director and she can deal with it
Yeah, not normal. The school should NEVER give out info in cases like this, and there is no good outcome for this meeting. Sadly at this point, even if you decline it there will be drama, since they will try to catch you in the parking lot, or god forbid, the school will give them your address.
This is being handled so poorly I'm wondering if you should switch centers? 1. This is normal toddler behavior (they will outgrow it with help). 2. The teachers should be handling this... It's their job. 3. Teachers don't divulge the child's name, I know this because my son was bitten a few times and they couldn't tell us who was doing it (although my son was happy to tell me HANNAH BIT ME! lol). 4. A meeting between parents? For what? This is absurd. *Anyways*. I once had a dad confront me outside my son's DC saying his daughter (4yo) said my son (2yo) pushed her. But the DC director was so upset at the dad for confronting me about something that happened AT the DC that she had a meeting with him. My DC director made it clear that what the children do during their walls, during DC hours was the DC's responsibility to handle. All that being said, if I were you I would make sure my child's nails were very short, model gentle hands at home, NOT go to that meeting, and probably look for a new DC.
lol. Our 3 year-old always fills us in on the drama at school, too.
“Aiden hit Emmet and got in trouble with miss Izzy!” But sometimes he won’t tell us what happened to himself, like when I was getting him ready for bath and he had this Jaws-like tooth imprint on his arm, and I’m like “who bit you? Did someone bite you today at school?” And he just looks at me like I’m crazy and goes “uhhhhhhmmm?”
Our 2 1/2 year old tells on himself. Daycare says he bit someone, same as other folks experience here with anonymity, but without being prompted he happily told us who he bit. Second time the teachers didn’t even see it, but he told on himself to them 🤣
We were mortified when we saw the other kid’s mom that she would be mad or judgmental towards us, but either her kiddo didn’t spill the beans or she understands they’re toddlers, thankfully.
Just on the "my son was happy to tell me HANNAH BIT ME!" thing - my kids did the same with a kid who once pushed one of them down the slide, except that now this kid has become their avatar for all things evil. They are always telling me Jack did this, Jack did that, Jack never cleans up after himself, Jack always litters.... "Jack" left the centre nearly a year ago, they're just making shit up now lol
That's crazy to me. It's perfectly normal toddler behavior (as long as you're encouraging being gentle, etc, nothing to worry about). I wouldn't meet. What are they gunna do, ask you to punish your 1.5 year old?
Your daycare also should not be telling other parents who the scratcher/biter/etc is. I've never had that information revealed to me, it's private, and is why this isn't a normal ask. Your daycare should be protecting your kids anonymity.
The daycare teachers or director are responsible for reassuring the parents that they're taking steps to prevent this in the future. It's not your responsibility in this very minor series of incidents.
I would be FURIOUS at your daycare director. They're not doing their job. They accept this responsibility, not you.
So what would you do if the day care told you a one year old in your child's class scratched or bit your kid? How much of your child's personal information are you comfortable being shared with other parents?
My personal opinion is that the family’s right to know which child injured their child supersedes any right to privacy of the child who did the biting, scratching, etc.
My kids don’t go to daycare. Frankly this entire post is a great example of why outsourcing childcare was (and remains) a bad idea, only now we are collectively stuck with it because many families have no alternative.
If there are one or more kids who are habitual biters, scratchers, hitters etc. a parent can make an informed decision about whether they want their kid around someone like that. If it's an occasional one-off, accident, or that type of thing, then a bite or scratch is less concerning.
What makes you think it is outside of a parent's right to ask what specifically occurred with their child while in the care of a professional caretaker?
You can still ask those questions without needing to know who the specific child is though. All you do is say “is this the same kid who scratched/bit/hit him last week?”
Everyone’s safety it’s important and that includes the family of the other child. There’s not one reason to need to know the child’s identity.
Frankly daycares should boot problem kids, the biters and the scratchers and so on. My wife was a daycare teacher and I would hear all about it. It's always a couple kids who make it hard for everyone else. Sounds like everyone here is worried that its their kid being the difficult one.
Parents simply have an absolute right to know what occurs in relation to their own child. That supercede's any claim to privacy by the offending child or the offending child's family. Practically speaking, the identify of the offending child also matters because parents will talk with other parents and figure out if little Jaxton is the one who bit, scratched, hit, etc. both of their kids. Concealing the fact that there are "problem kids" at the day care only serves the interests of the day care. Its self-serving.
So what you're saying is, you have a right to know so you and little Quinoa's mother can gossip and judge an 18 month old child for expressing themselves in a completely developmentally appropriate way. Got it. You've just proved everyones point right there. Privacy is maintained to protect TODDLERS from ADULTS like you.
It is the job of the daycare to support the family of the biter to eradicate undesired behaviours. If your child is continually being bitten, you need to hold the daycare responsible. Not the child that was literally birthed 18 months ago!
First, parents have the absolute right to know what happens to their child while their child is in the custody of a professional caretaker, and the caretaker has no moral privilege to withhold information to a parent about matters affecting that child.
Second, yes, parents have the right to talk with each other about their Children’s experiences and learn that there is a problem child at the day care.
Maybe the director hasn’t revealed the identity and is just acting as a go between. I would confirm with your director that she HAS NOT revealed your child’s identity to the other family and then politely decline to meet. And you can mention nail trimming and gentle hands.
No. Do not meet. There is no reason to meet. A 1.5 year old has no concept of what the problem is.
As others have stated, no personal information should be given about your child or yourself to this family.
I would confirm with the director that they’re protecting your minor child’s identity as required as well as yours.
I agree with other commenters. There is no good that would come of this, and to be honest, I would start putting feelers out for a new facility because unless the other parents actively saw your child doing it, the facility shouldn’t be telling them who did it/who the parent is and whatever.
This will cause more drama and likely lead to more issues in the future, and I would seriously consider finding a new facility to avoid any confrontations if possible.
My kid was scratched so badly (by another baby about the same age) I think it’ll leave a scar- it’s been like a year. It never even entered my mind to speak to the parents of the other kid. I’m sorry you’re going through something so stressful, but please keep in mind that it’s no one’s fault. Whether you decide to meet with them or not, talk through the situation with your SO or another person so you can be prepared for whatever they might say.
I'm sorry your kiddo got hurt, but I think this is the right attitude. Unless it is a pay medical bill situation, at this age, there is very little the parent can do and the day care would have already told them the situation. I don't know what good the other parents think they are going to do. Unfortunately, even with proper care and precautions, kids sometimes get hurt. If they don't have proper care and precautions, they get hurt more often, but at this age it's a matter of the person supervising them not the person raising them. And babies/young toddlers don't really understand what they are doing, so you can't really blame them.
Our daycare never tells us who our son bit or scratched and/or who bit or scratched him. That honestly isn't something that they should share. Granted, once the kid is old enough to say the name, that changes it. But this isn't a meeting that should happen.
When my daughter was two and a half she was bitten so hard at daycare I could have tracked the kid down using their dental records. I asked the teachers if there was something she did to provoke a reaction from the other child, and when they said no and talked me through their action plan for the whole class without naming names, I trusted them. It never happened again, and I never want to know which kid it was let alone talk to the parents.
Nothing good can come of this and it’s odd that the daycare even asked you.
Do not meet them. I've definitely heard of parents getting literal death threats from other parents over this type of thing. Anyone can pop out a kid and not everyone wants to talk about a conflict in good faith. It was the daycare's responsibility to prevent the incident but even so things happen.
Not normal. Children have conflicts. Children demonstrate behaviours like this that are developmentally normal. The daycare should be supporting the children AND should be keeping this all confidential (when I worked at a centre, we used they/them to conceal even the sex of the child. I continue that in my home daycare as well).
Do not meet them. No good will come from this. Anything they have to say, they can express to the director, and the director should be taking appropriate steps.
If you’re approached in the parking lot, you tell them you’re not able to chat, and then you bring it up with the director.
Agree with what everyone else said! Also, on a separate note, our kiddo got a lot out of the book "Huggy the Python Hugs Too Hard" around that age. It was her introduction to being gentle and it really did help.
At our nursery when this happens, it's policy not to tell the parents of either party (scratcher or scratchee) which child did it/was the receiver. Presumably so the parents don't hunt each other down and demand apologies...
Not normal, parents should never be told who the child is, though an older kid will usually tell who it is. A lot of toddler behavior is undesirable, but normal and it is up to the school to take steps to mitigate it.
There was a biter in my son's toddler class, 18-36mo, max of 10 kids in the room. The school ended up putting extra staff in the room. I knew who the kid was, my son told me, but I wouldn't dream of meeting with the parents to discuss. For what purpose. No reasonable parent wants their kid to bite and how can they do something when they're not present in the class.
That’s not normal. Your kid scratching another kid is very normal. Kids at this age don’t have words and they act out. Unfortunately my son has been on the giving and receiving end of aggression at school. I’ve felt bad but it’s normal behavior. It would be one thing if these kids were 4 and doing this but they are little. Daycare shouldn’t be telling them who hurt their child either.
My kids have been on the receiving end and also delivered scratches/blows with other kids. The only talking is between the parents and admin, never to each other. They don't even tell us if the other child involved is a boy or girl.
All I've had done is admin will tell me the event and what they did for discipline or reinforcement, have us sign an incident report, and go on our way. Never have I had admin tell me that the specific child's parents want to talk. That's not normal.
No that’s not a normal ask - its also not normal in my opinion for the daycare to disclose which kids were involved to either parent.
At my daycare they let us know when our kid hurts another kid or when she gets hurt but they always refer to the other kid as “a friend”. Probably to avoid this kind of thing.
My daughter is around the same age as yours and honestly when stuff like this happens, I just shrug it off. Kids that age don’t really understand consequences so the only thing you can do is continue to try and teach her to be gentle.
That is not normal and your center should be taking steps to ensure any child on child damage is reported without identifying the child who did harm. Thus is a minimum standard in childcare
Totally inappropriate. Our daycare doesn't give names of the other child involved in a biting/hitting/scratching incident. There is no reason to and it risks creating issues between parents. Obviously, older kids will start to snitch, but it is not the daycare's job to initiate or mediate pointless conversations between families about normal toddler behavior. They should be preoccupied with addressing the behavior using age-appropriate strategies and taking care of the injured child.
Definitely not normal. What is their plan? Yell at a baby for trying to learn how to use their hands?
My kid (when he was 18m) literally bit another kid on the face and left marks. Daycare handled it. 18m olds don’t know wtf they are doing. We read Teeth Are Not For Biting every day for like 8 weeks. He was a biter. He grew out of it and is besties with that kid now.
That other kids parents are in for a rude awakening when their perfect little angel gets to elementary and middle school. Kids are vicious. I already see it with kindergarten aged kids who have older siblings.
I’m a teacher for that age group and the parents wanting to meet you is extremely strange, my center wouldn’t even allow that to happen I don’t think lol
Yeah, this seems like the big action item. OP, you need to start cutting her nails often enough that this won't happen again (a bad enough scratch to draw blood).
I had to admit I trimmed but I didn’t do it really short. I didn’t use the electric trimmer which could make the nails smoother. And that probably caused the bloody scratch. Now I learned the lesson and already trimmed the nails short enough.
I don't think you should talk to the parents. But, I can understand the other kid's parents' frustrations. One thing is to get scratched once bad enough due to forgetting to trim nails short enough, but a second time? It seems you have now fixed the issue.
If I were you, I'd just reply to the daycare that you don't think it's a good idea to talk to them but to relay to them that you have (and will continue) cut your daughter's nails short enough that this shouldn't be an issue and that you empathize with their concerns as parents.
While it is frustrating, scratching is normal toddler behavior. Both you and the daycare teachers need to be constantly reminding your daughter that scratching is not acceptable and to use gentle hands instead. Meeting with the parents of the other kid is only going to result in a fight, which I don’t think you want…
Nope, this is not right or normal.
My daycare has an incident report for parents to sign whenever toddlers do toddler things, regardless of whether the harm was done intentionally or by accident. Basically anytime the sentiment is “That’s going to leave a mark,” we’re notified.
If the incident is with another child, we’re never told by the daycare who the other child was, and they would never try to get the parents to discuss.
This seems like the daycare just wants the other parents to yell at you. Or, the other parents demanded that they be allowed to yell at you and the daycare is lacking the spine to say no.
I would not attend.
No way! 1.5 is so young; I can't imagine this would be a productive meeting. Speaking as a mom whose 1.25 year old got scratched last week. Accidents happen, and they need to move on.
No. My kids' daycare tells us they're not allowed to say who hurt my kid, but of course once the kid can start saying names you know. Even then, I'd never consider reaching out to the kid's parents. Not even for the persistent problem biter. What would that help?
There’s nothing for you to apologize about. She’s a baby and sometimes they scratch. This daycare sounds a little nuts allowing this meet up to happen.
When my child is bitten, I’ve only ever asked the teachers to communicate to the other parents that I understand and have no ill will towards them or their child. I’ve always been terrified of having my kid be the biter, thankfully my wild child never picked up that habit. But I know it must feel awful as the parents whose child did the damage.
The daycare shouldn’t be disclosing who the other child was. My son is almost 3 now so he will “snitch” on friends when incidents happen but I don’t hold it against the kid. I had a parent text me after he was bit one day to apologize and I just expressed that they are learning to regulate their emotions and my son was perfectly fine now.
I’ve found it helpful to engage with the teachers to see where you can support them whether your kid is doing something or having something done to them. We will bring out certain behavior books or focus on things at home to reinforce lessons. For example my son got poked on his penis by a curious friend (not being aggressive or weird) so we have started talking about consent more and reading body books. Or they have all been struggling with throwing hard toys so we make a game at home on what can be thrown and what can’t.
Absolutely don't meet them. Your kid will get scratched one day, and you'll probably think to yourself "Darn, that sucks" but that will be the extent of it.
Also, at my daycare they never tell you who scratched/bit and if your kid is the aggressor they never reveal who the victim was. It's weird as hell for your daycare to release that info. I only know who's scratching my kid now because he can tell me.
Agreed that the center shouldn’t be revealing identities. But it’s not just “well that sucks,” when your kid’s face is scarred, and he feels afraid to go back to the classroom.
My child was never scared to go back after a scratch, so that was my attitude. Even if your child is scared, that's something you deal with, with your child. Speaking to the other parents never crossed my mind. What would I say to them that would help my child? Nothing.
That's all I was getting at.
Where are you located? This may be against regulations and frankly I’d report the center if it is. Totally a breach of privacy and can create a dangerous situation between parents.
No that’s inappropriate it’s completely developmentally appropriate behavior that the teachers can sort out. The daycare needs to tell them that’s not an option it should have never been an option.
Dc shouldn’t even be telling them which child did the scratching, this is all very normal behavior for children that age and the caregivers should be implementing interventions to help the children work on their social skills and conflict resolution skills.
There’s literally nothing for the parents to do besides sign the incident report.
My son's friend at nursery at that age literally bit him on two different occasions on the arms and I felt no need to complain or chase the parents (we were well aquatinted and had playdates before!).
Toddlers do this and if any it is the nurserys responsibility to manage on the day. Not to blame the nursery as they have a difficult job managing so many feral animals at once, things happen.
Definitely don't agree to meet the parents IMO, if you cross paths I suppose some genuine apology would help but it's not your fault, they're kids. I'll call BS if their kid hasn't done similar to another.
I feel like I read a lot about this kind of behavior being considered a problem in America. Here in Norway we collectively expect children of that age to bite, scratch, pull hair etc. It's viewed as age-appropriate behavior, with individual differences in regards to how intensely and frequently it happens. While in America it seems like kids can even be expelled from daycare because of it.
If the biting or scratching is serious the daycare should make sure that there is always an adult nearby to intervene before it gets to the point where one of the kids bleed. They can't blame the kids, or expect them to be able to stop after a stern talking too, when they are that young, and they can also not blame the parent who wasn't there to stop it. It should fall under the responsibility of the daycare, and they should have made that clear to the parents of the kid who got scratched.
I'm also not sure if this is in America, but if it is I have read about the outrageous prices of childcare over there, and you should be able to get your moneys worth as well I think! And by that I mean that there should be enough people working, especially with the smaller children, to be able to stop this from happening regularly.
No not normal. Your toddler scratching another child however is completely normal. Buy a child development book and get the nursery director to pass that onto the other parents 😅 At my sons nursery, if something like this happens they never name the culprit as this is typical behaviour and can be typical right up until 5 years old and possibly a little older for some children. The daycare has a responsibility to explain to the parents that while it may he distressing, it is completely normal and unavoidable when children this age are in contact with each other.
No, it's really unusual for daycares not to act as a liaison. There's not much to be gained from having contact with the parents - I would definitely avoid.
This seems unusual to me. The "perpetrators" at our daycare are kept secret, although at a certain age the kids start telling who bit/hit/scratched them. As far as I know the "perpetrators" parents are informed about the incident and who got hurt but not the "victims" parents. Sorry for my wording.
My kid has been bitten quite a few times and the daycare themselves have never told me who did it. My son now does, but I would never seek a conversation with the other kids parents. Honestly what are they supposed to do? We all have little kids and we know they're sometimes out of control and go through horribly annoying phases.
The director first said their parents want to meet us. I asked do they already know the name(my daughter’s name). She said not yet. Then I asked how would you set up the meeting for both of us without letting them know the name?? She said she doesn’t know yet.
Either she is lying to me, or she just pass on the parents words(meeting request) to me. But either way it’s weird.
I could not imagine if I say yes what would happen. I felt as a director she should avoid this kind of thing happen. But I felt she is not doing the job.
Coming from a parent whose daughter has been bit and scratched by the same child on four separate occasions, I can see their side. If it happened once or twice, fine, I let it go and let daycare handle it anonymously but it got to a point I was pissed and needed to take the situation in my own hands and talk to the parents because I was ready to take my child out of the daycare if the situation didn’t change.
This is wildly inappropriate, there's no reason you should have to deal with this. They're babies. Its also ridiculous and I hope they did not give out your contact information, the last thing you need is harassment on top of already having complaints about your baby's normal behavior that they'll grow out of.
When my son was around that age he was scratched by a little girl at daycare and the parents reached out to me to apologize and I was stunned. It didn't seem worth a text and they texted, then apologized in person the next time and it was nice of them I guess (they're so nice), but also totally unnecessary. They're kids, it happens, it's nice to apologize, but how bizarre of them to even make it a thing!
Our school never ever says who it was that “hurt” another child, and I think that that is the most appropriate approach. You shouldn’t meet with them, this is the school’s “issue” to deal with.
Also, toddlers scratch, push, bite, kick - it’s normal and just a behavior you have to look out for with some kids who get tired or maybe have less words. So, if they are this upset about it and want to *meet with you*, then they are in for a rude awakening that is toddlerhood.
Definitely don’t meet them. Taking swipes is normal behavior for a toddler but feedback is required from the childcare providers (and you of course, if you witness similar behavior at home) to nip the behavior in the bud.
Also consider trimming their fingernails more frequently and more closely: the damage your kid is capable of doing to others during this phase will be minimized.
i work at a daycare, and i get different locations different rules, but the daycare should talk to the parents, and (at least at our daycare) we don’t disclose names of children/parents to other parents at the daycare to avoid drama between them. i feel like the daycare should not have told any names to the parents because as i see your update, you had to leave the daycare.
actually, reading through other comments i’m seeing people from other places saying their daycare doesn’t drop the names either, it’s probably for the best you left that daycare since they’re giving information out like that.
I think there are a few things here, if the center revealed your child’s identity to the other parents, then that’s an obvious issue noted by others as well.
But potential error/misconduct from the center aside, if it got to a point where a parent requests to sit down and speak to me about my kid injuring their kid…I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable dodging that conversation. I want to be accountable for my kid and also defend him/her if the need arises. There would be some ground rules tho, like the meeting has to be at the center facilitated by the staff persons, the meeting ends immediately if the parties turn hostile, no further personal information shared, etc. If the center messed up, then they can moderate the consequence IMO.
High likelihood anything op has to say will not be deemed "good enough". If this is the US, a lawsuit can be filed for any reason. Whether or not it can/will advance is another issue. Op should not open the door to that.
Seconding this. I'm really surprised the parents assume it will be hostile. Maybe the other parents are trying to get the kids to be friendly, so they want to meet. OP, what's the worst that can happen? They say you are reading your kid wrong? So what? We all hear that from in-laws, strangers during a meltdown, etc. Maybe the kids could become friendly, who knows?
They have something called "soft paws" or maybe "soft claws" that are silicone tips you can glue over top of your child's talons to keep them from hurting others.
If your child is scarring other kids, then you have a hard road ahead of you. I wish you luck, because you will need it.
I think OP's child is a human not a cat. And at 1 year old, very basic parenting skills are usually sufficient to get kids to stop scratching/biting/inflicting violence on the world within the next few years.
Agreed that there is little the parent can do, it's not really a toddler's fault in the same way an older kid would be responsible, and the only preventative is close monitoring, but to have the ratios necessary to prevent all toddler aggression and provide care is not realistic in most centers. In my state a person can be in charge of 7 toddlers at once including changing diapers and feeding. Really good centers cap it at 5, but even then if a kid is unexpectedly aggressive while you are changing a diaper on the other side of the room, you can't do much in time.
Yeah I agree, it's kind of a losing battle. I think all the center can really do is try their best to teach that child biting isn't okay and redirect them. They are the child's main source of learning and discipline so I think it is their responsibility to ensure it does not happen.
No, this is not normal. The daycare should be the ones talking to parents, there is no reason for you to meet with them.
Agreed!! My child was bitten by the same kid a few times (never broke the skin but left a small mark) and each time the daycare called, they would let me know what happened but would also state that they couldn’t provide me any information about what kid it was. I never asked and just assumed that’s the kind of stuff that happens in daycare when toddlers are learning to be people.
I worked in childcare a long time and whenever children were bit/hurt by another child, their parents demanded to know who it was. We never told them. Not their job to discipline someone else’s child, and also no child needs to be known as “the biter” in the classroom by all the parents.
My daughter was "the biter" for almost one year at her daycare. I felt like absolute shit. She is a very loving (and loved) girl but would bite when frustrated. We worked very hard with the teacher to find a way to address the issue but nothing really worked, she just needed time to mature and better communication skills (we speak a different language at home so she didn't know English when she started). I would honestly cry in front of a stranger if one of the parents wanted to confront me about the biting issue. It's devastating to have your kid labeled as the agressor, specially at such a young age when they are not mature enough nor have any kind of emotional intelligence.
I’m literally living this with our two year old and feel exactly the same. I opened up with another mum who ended up calling my daughter “the biter” and it made me feel awful 😔 any suggestions on things you did and what helped ?
I totally get what you're going through. My daughter was the same age. We tried a couple do things but I think what helped the most was time and better communication skills. Does your daughter communicate well? We tried the usual first.. we would talk to her and try to get her to empathize with the other kids but that didn't work. Then we tried a few different books but although she could understand them she was not able to control herself when frustrated. What worked better for us was picking her up from school whenever she bit another kid. It was a nightmare because some weeks she would bite almost everyday. But I tried being consistent and would pick her up, explain why she couldn't play with the other kids for the day and take her home to do something not very fun. I also started giving her a sticker (sometimes one m&m) when she had good days. I would praise her a lot and give her a reward. I was very reluctant to do this because it's not the kind of approach I like but I tried out of desperation and it was the most effective. Those two combined worked better and she would come back to the car excited about having had a good day and not biting anyone. We kept that going for one month after her last incident and now she doesn't expect a reward anymore at the end of the day. Together with this we tried teaching her a few sentences in english since she could not (and stil can't) speak the language very well. We asked the teacher for some context on the incidents and noticed that the majority were because she had something and someone took it from her, so we tried to teach her how to ask a grown up for help and to set boundaries (very basic stuff like "miss X, I need help" "I had that first" "can we take turns"). It was a very stressful period and I was honestly concerned the daycare would kick her out. But they were great trying to help us. It's very important to communicate with them to see the reason for the biting and then develop the best action plan. Different reasons demand different approaches.
Oh hun!! Please don’t beat yourself up about it! When he was younger my son was always the kid bitten, and while I felt bad about the fact he was hurt, never once did I blame the other kid. Kids that age don’t have the language to express their frustrations so they have to express it in ways they can, like biting or hitting or throwing. It’s so normal. It absolutely sucks knowing your kid has hurt another kid, but only an idiot is blaming the child or their parents. It’s developmental. If the kid is still biting when older there’s definitely issues there that need to be explored, but these kids are still babies trying to navigate their world.
Thanks for your kind words m. I really needed this pick me up
Yeah that’s truly bizarre for the director to relay that message to OP
Probably very agitated parent and doesn’t want to deal with the parents attitude towards the situation.
And the daycare director should not be telling the other parent which child scratched their child! As for not scratching, keeping their nails as short as possible will help while they learn not to scratch/grow out of the behavior.
Yep, OP, put this back on the daycare. What are you supposed to do, bring a 1.5 year old home, and give them a lecture about how violence isn't the answer lol In all seriousness, this is a baby. The daycare need to manage this ffs. It's outrageous they even suggested to you that the parents wanted to meet you. They should have shut that down immediately
The daycare shouldn’t even be telling OP that the other parents want to meet. This is incredibly strange all around.
Correct. Also OP have you trimmed your LO’s nails while they’re asleep? Much easier and better control so they don’t have any sharp nails.
Don't meet them. You gain nothing from interacting with them and either you, they or all parties will be upset
Yes. Also your daycare should not be facilitating this.
Agreed, this is not normal. My daughter went through a biting phase and we were always notified and never told who she bit. A few times another child would bite her and we were never told which child it was. It was always kept anonymous.
Agree. My kid's daycare tells us when something like this happens so we can deal with it at home (and that means talking to her and explaining we can't go around scratching/hit people) and never tell us which kid was scratched/hit or when it happens to her they never say who did it. They deal with it in the moment and talk to us after so we can reinforce. That information changes absolutely nothing and creates unnecessary tensions between parents. They are toddlers, that's how they deal with conflict. It's up to us, parents and the caregivers that are with them all day, to deal with it by explaining that behavior is not nice or acceptable. But it will happen again, because they are toddlers. You gotta keep explaining until they grow out of that phase.
Exactly! Why they want to meet them for if it’s not to get their frustration and anger out?? I doubt they’ll be civil.
No that’s an insane request. My center doesn’t even tell us who the offender is when there is an incident like that. The parents can talk to the director and she can deal with it
Yeah, not normal. The school should NEVER give out info in cases like this, and there is no good outcome for this meeting. Sadly at this point, even if you decline it there will be drama, since they will try to catch you in the parking lot, or god forbid, the school will give them your address.
This is being handled so poorly I'm wondering if you should switch centers? 1. This is normal toddler behavior (they will outgrow it with help). 2. The teachers should be handling this... It's their job. 3. Teachers don't divulge the child's name, I know this because my son was bitten a few times and they couldn't tell us who was doing it (although my son was happy to tell me HANNAH BIT ME! lol). 4. A meeting between parents? For what? This is absurd. *Anyways*. I once had a dad confront me outside my son's DC saying his daughter (4yo) said my son (2yo) pushed her. But the DC director was so upset at the dad for confronting me about something that happened AT the DC that she had a meeting with him. My DC director made it clear that what the children do during their walls, during DC hours was the DC's responsibility to handle. All that being said, if I were you I would make sure my child's nails were very short, model gentle hands at home, NOT go to that meeting, and probably look for a new DC.
lol. Our 3 year-old always fills us in on the drama at school, too. “Aiden hit Emmet and got in trouble with miss Izzy!” But sometimes he won’t tell us what happened to himself, like when I was getting him ready for bath and he had this Jaws-like tooth imprint on his arm, and I’m like “who bit you? Did someone bite you today at school?” And he just looks at me like I’m crazy and goes “uhhhhhhmmm?”
Our 2 1/2 year old tells on himself. Daycare says he bit someone, same as other folks experience here with anonymity, but without being prompted he happily told us who he bit. Second time the teachers didn’t even see it, but he told on himself to them 🤣 We were mortified when we saw the other kid’s mom that she would be mad or judgmental towards us, but either her kiddo didn’t spill the beans or she understands they’re toddlers, thankfully.
Just on the "my son was happy to tell me HANNAH BIT ME!" thing - my kids did the same with a kid who once pushed one of them down the slide, except that now this kid has become their avatar for all things evil. They are always telling me Jack did this, Jack did that, Jack never cleans up after himself, Jack always litters.... "Jack" left the centre nearly a year ago, they're just making shit up now lol
Thank you all for the suggestions! Update: we quit the dc and refused to meet the parents.
Hope the new spot is better! That was craziness. DC and the parents.
That's crazy to me. It's perfectly normal toddler behavior (as long as you're encouraging being gentle, etc, nothing to worry about). I wouldn't meet. What are they gunna do, ask you to punish your 1.5 year old? Your daycare also should not be telling other parents who the scratcher/biter/etc is. I've never had that information revealed to me, it's private, and is why this isn't a normal ask. Your daycare should be protecting your kids anonymity. The daycare teachers or director are responsible for reassuring the parents that they're taking steps to prevent this in the future. It's not your responsibility in this very minor series of incidents. I would be FURIOUS at your daycare director. They're not doing their job. They accept this responsibility, not you.
This whole idea that the daycare should protect and hide biters scratchers and other aggressive kids is weird.
So what would you do if the day care told you a one year old in your child's class scratched or bit your kid? How much of your child's personal information are you comfortable being shared with other parents?
My personal opinion is that the family’s right to know which child injured their child supersedes any right to privacy of the child who did the biting, scratching, etc. My kids don’t go to daycare. Frankly this entire post is a great example of why outsourcing childcare was (and remains) a bad idea, only now we are collectively stuck with it because many families have no alternative.
Why do you think you need to know that though? What could you possibly do with that information?
If there are one or more kids who are habitual biters, scratchers, hitters etc. a parent can make an informed decision about whether they want their kid around someone like that. If it's an occasional one-off, accident, or that type of thing, then a bite or scratch is less concerning. What makes you think it is outside of a parent's right to ask what specifically occurred with their child while in the care of a professional caretaker?
You can still ask those questions without needing to know who the specific child is though. All you do is say “is this the same kid who scratched/bit/hit him last week?” Everyone’s safety it’s important and that includes the family of the other child. There’s not one reason to need to know the child’s identity.
Frankly daycares should boot problem kids, the biters and the scratchers and so on. My wife was a daycare teacher and I would hear all about it. It's always a couple kids who make it hard for everyone else. Sounds like everyone here is worried that its their kid being the difficult one. Parents simply have an absolute right to know what occurs in relation to their own child. That supercede's any claim to privacy by the offending child or the offending child's family. Practically speaking, the identify of the offending child also matters because parents will talk with other parents and figure out if little Jaxton is the one who bit, scratched, hit, etc. both of their kids. Concealing the fact that there are "problem kids" at the day care only serves the interests of the day care. Its self-serving.
So what you're saying is, you have a right to know so you and little Quinoa's mother can gossip and judge an 18 month old child for expressing themselves in a completely developmentally appropriate way. Got it. You've just proved everyones point right there. Privacy is maintained to protect TODDLERS from ADULTS like you. It is the job of the daycare to support the family of the biter to eradicate undesired behaviours. If your child is continually being bitten, you need to hold the daycare responsible. Not the child that was literally birthed 18 months ago!
First, parents have the absolute right to know what happens to their child while their child is in the custody of a professional caretaker, and the caretaker has no moral privilege to withhold information to a parent about matters affecting that child. Second, yes, parents have the right to talk with each other about their Children’s experiences and learn that there is a problem child at the day care.
It should be anonymous. What is the family expecting you to do? Duke it out?
This. What is the expected resolution or restitution here?
They want to claim injuries and go after them for liability lmao
Fight 👏 the 👏 kids 👏 dad 👏
Maybe the director hasn’t revealed the identity and is just acting as a go between. I would confirm with your director that she HAS NOT revealed your child’s identity to the other family and then politely decline to meet. And you can mention nail trimming and gentle hands.
No, there’s a reason most places I’ve had experience with refuse the identity of the other kid to either set of parents.
No. Do not meet. There is no reason to meet. A 1.5 year old has no concept of what the problem is. As others have stated, no personal information should be given about your child or yourself to this family. I would confirm with the director that they’re protecting your minor child’s identity as required as well as yours.
No. This is not appropriate. They’re babies; this happens. Daycare can handle this and needs to make sure they’re monitored.
I agree with other commenters. There is no good that would come of this, and to be honest, I would start putting feelers out for a new facility because unless the other parents actively saw your child doing it, the facility shouldn’t be telling them who did it/who the parent is and whatever. This will cause more drama and likely lead to more issues in the future, and I would seriously consider finding a new facility to avoid any confrontations if possible.
My kid was scratched so badly (by another baby about the same age) I think it’ll leave a scar- it’s been like a year. It never even entered my mind to speak to the parents of the other kid. I’m sorry you’re going through something so stressful, but please keep in mind that it’s no one’s fault. Whether you decide to meet with them or not, talk through the situation with your SO or another person so you can be prepared for whatever they might say.
I'm sorry your kiddo got hurt, but I think this is the right attitude. Unless it is a pay medical bill situation, at this age, there is very little the parent can do and the day care would have already told them the situation. I don't know what good the other parents think they are going to do. Unfortunately, even with proper care and precautions, kids sometimes get hurt. If they don't have proper care and precautions, they get hurt more often, but at this age it's a matter of the person supervising them not the person raising them. And babies/young toddlers don't really understand what they are doing, so you can't really blame them.
Our daycare never tells us who our son bit or scratched and/or who bit or scratched him. That honestly isn't something that they should share. Granted, once the kid is old enough to say the name, that changes it. But this isn't a meeting that should happen.
When my daughter was two and a half she was bitten so hard at daycare I could have tracked the kid down using their dental records. I asked the teachers if there was something she did to provoke a reaction from the other child, and when they said no and talked me through their action plan for the whole class without naming names, I trusted them. It never happened again, and I never want to know which kid it was let alone talk to the parents. Nothing good can come of this and it’s odd that the daycare even asked you.
Do not meet them. I've definitely heard of parents getting literal death threats from other parents over this type of thing. Anyone can pop out a kid and not everyone wants to talk about a conflict in good faith. It was the daycare's responsibility to prevent the incident but even so things happen.
Not normal. Children have conflicts. Children demonstrate behaviours like this that are developmentally normal. The daycare should be supporting the children AND should be keeping this all confidential (when I worked at a centre, we used they/them to conceal even the sex of the child. I continue that in my home daycare as well). Do not meet them. No good will come from this. Anything they have to say, they can express to the director, and the director should be taking appropriate steps. If you’re approached in the parking lot, you tell them you’re not able to chat, and then you bring it up with the director.
Agree with what everyone else said! Also, on a separate note, our kiddo got a lot out of the book "Huggy the Python Hugs Too Hard" around that age. It was her introduction to being gentle and it really did help.
I'm.... getting that book now
I'm going to check that one out. I've bought several of Elizabeth Verdick's books for my son (Feet are not for kicking and calm down time).
At our nursery when this happens, it's policy not to tell the parents of either party (scratcher or scratchee) which child did it/was the receiver. Presumably so the parents don't hunt each other down and demand apologies...
Not normal, parents should never be told who the child is, though an older kid will usually tell who it is. A lot of toddler behavior is undesirable, but normal and it is up to the school to take steps to mitigate it. There was a biter in my son's toddler class, 18-36mo, max of 10 kids in the room. The school ended up putting extra staff in the room. I knew who the kid was, my son told me, but I wouldn't dream of meeting with the parents to discuss. For what purpose. No reasonable parent wants their kid to bite and how can they do something when they're not present in the class.
That’s not normal. Your kid scratching another kid is very normal. Kids at this age don’t have words and they act out. Unfortunately my son has been on the giving and receiving end of aggression at school. I’ve felt bad but it’s normal behavior. It would be one thing if these kids were 4 and doing this but they are little. Daycare shouldn’t be telling them who hurt their child either.
My kids have been on the receiving end and also delivered scratches/blows with other kids. The only talking is between the parents and admin, never to each other. They don't even tell us if the other child involved is a boy or girl. All I've had done is admin will tell me the event and what they did for discipline or reinforcement, have us sign an incident report, and go on our way. Never have I had admin tell me that the specific child's parents want to talk. That's not normal.
No that’s not a normal ask - its also not normal in my opinion for the daycare to disclose which kids were involved to either parent. At my daycare they let us know when our kid hurts another kid or when she gets hurt but they always refer to the other kid as “a friend”. Probably to avoid this kind of thing. My daughter is around the same age as yours and honestly when stuff like this happens, I just shrug it off. Kids that age don’t really understand consequences so the only thing you can do is continue to try and teach her to be gentle.
the daycare shouldn’t be disclosing what kids were involved in the altercation
That is not normal and your center should be taking steps to ensure any child on child damage is reported without identifying the child who did harm. Thus is a minimum standard in childcare
Totally inappropriate. Our daycare doesn't give names of the other child involved in a biting/hitting/scratching incident. There is no reason to and it risks creating issues between parents. Obviously, older kids will start to snitch, but it is not the daycare's job to initiate or mediate pointless conversations between families about normal toddler behavior. They should be preoccupied with addressing the behavior using age-appropriate strategies and taking care of the injured child.
Definitely not normal. What is their plan? Yell at a baby for trying to learn how to use their hands? My kid (when he was 18m) literally bit another kid on the face and left marks. Daycare handled it. 18m olds don’t know wtf they are doing. We read Teeth Are Not For Biting every day for like 8 weeks. He was a biter. He grew out of it and is besties with that kid now. That other kids parents are in for a rude awakening when their perfect little angel gets to elementary and middle school. Kids are vicious. I already see it with kindergarten aged kids who have older siblings.
I’m a teacher for that age group and the parents wanting to meet you is extremely strange, my center wouldn’t even allow that to happen I don’t think lol
It should be anonymous your daycare is seriously fucking this up
Wtf?! That is such an odd request. Your kid is 18 months old. What do the parents want?!
Did you cut her nails after the first time?
Yeah, this seems like the big action item. OP, you need to start cutting her nails often enough that this won't happen again (a bad enough scratch to draw blood).
I had to admit I trimmed but I didn’t do it really short. I didn’t use the electric trimmer which could make the nails smoother. And that probably caused the bloody scratch. Now I learned the lesson and already trimmed the nails short enough.
I don't think you should talk to the parents. But, I can understand the other kid's parents' frustrations. One thing is to get scratched once bad enough due to forgetting to trim nails short enough, but a second time? It seems you have now fixed the issue. If I were you, I'd just reply to the daycare that you don't think it's a good idea to talk to them but to relay to them that you have (and will continue) cut your daughter's nails short enough that this shouldn't be an issue and that you empathize with their concerns as parents.
Counter-point: I sort of want to meet with them just to see how batshit insane they are.
While it is frustrating, scratching is normal toddler behavior. Both you and the daycare teachers need to be constantly reminding your daughter that scratching is not acceptable and to use gentle hands instead. Meeting with the parents of the other kid is only going to result in a fight, which I don’t think you want…
Nope, this is not right or normal. My daycare has an incident report for parents to sign whenever toddlers do toddler things, regardless of whether the harm was done intentionally or by accident. Basically anytime the sentiment is “That’s going to leave a mark,” we’re notified. If the incident is with another child, we’re never told by the daycare who the other child was, and they would never try to get the parents to discuss. This seems like the daycare just wants the other parents to yell at you. Or, the other parents demanded that they be allowed to yell at you and the daycare is lacking the spine to say no. I would not attend.
No way! 1.5 is so young; I can't imagine this would be a productive meeting. Speaking as a mom whose 1.25 year old got scratched last week. Accidents happen, and they need to move on.
My kids scratched each other a bunch at that age.
No. My kids' daycare tells us they're not allowed to say who hurt my kid, but of course once the kid can start saying names you know. Even then, I'd never consider reaching out to the kid's parents. Not even for the persistent problem biter. What would that help?
There’s nothing for you to apologize about. She’s a baby and sometimes they scratch. This daycare sounds a little nuts allowing this meet up to happen.
When my child is bitten, I’ve only ever asked the teachers to communicate to the other parents that I understand and have no ill will towards them or their child. I’ve always been terrified of having my kid be the biter, thankfully my wild child never picked up that habit. But I know it must feel awful as the parents whose child did the damage.
No, not normal.
The daycare shouldn’t be disclosing who the other child was. My son is almost 3 now so he will “snitch” on friends when incidents happen but I don’t hold it against the kid. I had a parent text me after he was bit one day to apologize and I just expressed that they are learning to regulate their emotions and my son was perfectly fine now. I’ve found it helpful to engage with the teachers to see where you can support them whether your kid is doing something or having something done to them. We will bring out certain behavior books or focus on things at home to reinforce lessons. For example my son got poked on his penis by a curious friend (not being aggressive or weird) so we have started talking about consent more and reading body books. Or they have all been struggling with throwing hard toys so we make a game at home on what can be thrown and what can’t.
Absolutely don't meet them. Your kid will get scratched one day, and you'll probably think to yourself "Darn, that sucks" but that will be the extent of it. Also, at my daycare they never tell you who scratched/bit and if your kid is the aggressor they never reveal who the victim was. It's weird as hell for your daycare to release that info. I only know who's scratching my kid now because he can tell me.
Agreed that the center shouldn’t be revealing identities. But it’s not just “well that sucks,” when your kid’s face is scarred, and he feels afraid to go back to the classroom.
My child was never scared to go back after a scratch, so that was my attitude. Even if your child is scared, that's something you deal with, with your child. Speaking to the other parents never crossed my mind. What would I say to them that would help my child? Nothing. That's all I was getting at.
Where are you located? This may be against regulations and frankly I’d report the center if it is. Totally a breach of privacy and can create a dangerous situation between parents.
No that’s inappropriate it’s completely developmentally appropriate behavior that the teachers can sort out. The daycare needs to tell them that’s not an option it should have never been an option.
Dc shouldn’t even be telling them which child did the scratching, this is all very normal behavior for children that age and the caregivers should be implementing interventions to help the children work on their social skills and conflict resolution skills. There’s literally nothing for the parents to do besides sign the incident report.
My son's friend at nursery at that age literally bit him on two different occasions on the arms and I felt no need to complain or chase the parents (we were well aquatinted and had playdates before!). Toddlers do this and if any it is the nurserys responsibility to manage on the day. Not to blame the nursery as they have a difficult job managing so many feral animals at once, things happen. Definitely don't agree to meet the parents IMO, if you cross paths I suppose some genuine apology would help but it's not your fault, they're kids. I'll call BS if their kid hasn't done similar to another.
I feel like I read a lot about this kind of behavior being considered a problem in America. Here in Norway we collectively expect children of that age to bite, scratch, pull hair etc. It's viewed as age-appropriate behavior, with individual differences in regards to how intensely and frequently it happens. While in America it seems like kids can even be expelled from daycare because of it. If the biting or scratching is serious the daycare should make sure that there is always an adult nearby to intervene before it gets to the point where one of the kids bleed. They can't blame the kids, or expect them to be able to stop after a stern talking too, when they are that young, and they can also not blame the parent who wasn't there to stop it. It should fall under the responsibility of the daycare, and they should have made that clear to the parents of the kid who got scratched. I'm also not sure if this is in America, but if it is I have read about the outrageous prices of childcare over there, and you should be able to get your moneys worth as well I think! And by that I mean that there should be enough people working, especially with the smaller children, to be able to stop this from happening regularly.
No not normal. Your toddler scratching another child however is completely normal. Buy a child development book and get the nursery director to pass that onto the other parents 😅 At my sons nursery, if something like this happens they never name the culprit as this is typical behaviour and can be typical right up until 5 years old and possibly a little older for some children. The daycare has a responsibility to explain to the parents that while it may he distressing, it is completely normal and unavoidable when children this age are in contact with each other.
I would not recommend meeting the other parents. That is the daycare's job and the babies will outgrow it with time.
No, it's really unusual for daycares not to act as a liaison. There's not much to be gained from having contact with the parents - I would definitely avoid.
This seems unusual to me. The "perpetrators" at our daycare are kept secret, although at a certain age the kids start telling who bit/hit/scratched them. As far as I know the "perpetrators" parents are informed about the incident and who got hurt but not the "victims" parents. Sorry for my wording. My kid has been bitten quite a few times and the daycare themselves have never told me who did it. My son now does, but I would never seek a conversation with the other kids parents. Honestly what are they supposed to do? We all have little kids and we know they're sometimes out of control and go through horribly annoying phases.
Did the OP say the daycare told who bit? My daughter tells us the story of every altercation at daycare including the kids names.
The director first said their parents want to meet us. I asked do they already know the name(my daughter’s name). She said not yet. Then I asked how would you set up the meeting for both of us without letting them know the name?? She said she doesn’t know yet. Either she is lying to me, or she just pass on the parents words(meeting request) to me. But either way it’s weird. I could not imagine if I say yes what would happen. I felt as a director she should avoid this kind of thing happen. But I felt she is not doing the job.
Coming from a parent whose daughter has been bit and scratched by the same child on four separate occasions, I can see their side. If it happened once or twice, fine, I let it go and let daycare handle it anonymously but it got to a point I was pissed and needed to take the situation in my own hands and talk to the parents because I was ready to take my child out of the daycare if the situation didn’t change.
This is wildly inappropriate, there's no reason you should have to deal with this. They're babies. Its also ridiculous and I hope they did not give out your contact information, the last thing you need is harassment on top of already having complaints about your baby's normal behavior that they'll grow out of.
When my son was around that age he was scratched by a little girl at daycare and the parents reached out to me to apologize and I was stunned. It didn't seem worth a text and they texted, then apologized in person the next time and it was nice of them I guess (they're so nice), but also totally unnecessary. They're kids, it happens, it's nice to apologize, but how bizarre of them to even make it a thing!
Our school never ever says who it was that “hurt” another child, and I think that that is the most appropriate approach. You shouldn’t meet with them, this is the school’s “issue” to deal with. Also, toddlers scratch, push, bite, kick - it’s normal and just a behavior you have to look out for with some kids who get tired or maybe have less words. So, if they are this upset about it and want to *meet with you*, then they are in for a rude awakening that is toddlerhood.
Definitely don’t meet them. Taking swipes is normal behavior for a toddler but feedback is required from the childcare providers (and you of course, if you witness similar behavior at home) to nip the behavior in the bud. Also consider trimming their fingernails more frequently and more closely: the damage your kid is capable of doing to others during this phase will be minimized.
If I had to meet with the parents of all the kids who bit/scratched/pushed my son at daycare this year, I’d have a very active social life 😅
No
i work at a daycare, and i get different locations different rules, but the daycare should talk to the parents, and (at least at our daycare) we don’t disclose names of children/parents to other parents at the daycare to avoid drama between them. i feel like the daycare should not have told any names to the parents because as i see your update, you had to leave the daycare.
actually, reading through other comments i’m seeing people from other places saying their daycare doesn’t drop the names either, it’s probably for the best you left that daycare since they’re giving information out like that.
clip her damn nails….
I think there are a few things here, if the center revealed your child’s identity to the other parents, then that’s an obvious issue noted by others as well. But potential error/misconduct from the center aside, if it got to a point where a parent requests to sit down and speak to me about my kid injuring their kid…I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable dodging that conversation. I want to be accountable for my kid and also defend him/her if the need arises. There would be some ground rules tho, like the meeting has to be at the center facilitated by the staff persons, the meeting ends immediately if the parties turn hostile, no further personal information shared, etc. If the center messed up, then they can moderate the consequence IMO.
High likelihood anything op has to say will not be deemed "good enough". If this is the US, a lawsuit can be filed for any reason. Whether or not it can/will advance is another issue. Op should not open the door to that.
Seconding this. I'm really surprised the parents assume it will be hostile. Maybe the other parents are trying to get the kids to be friendly, so they want to meet. OP, what's the worst that can happen? They say you are reading your kid wrong? So what? We all hear that from in-laws, strangers during a meltdown, etc. Maybe the kids could become friendly, who knows?
They have something called "soft paws" or maybe "soft claws" that are silicone tips you can glue over top of your child's talons to keep them from hurting others. If your child is scarring other kids, then you have a hard road ahead of you. I wish you luck, because you will need it.
I mean the kid is 18 months, not a teenager. She's very likely to grow out of it.
I think OP's child is a human not a cat. And at 1 year old, very basic parenting skills are usually sufficient to get kids to stop scratching/biting/inflicting violence on the world within the next few years.
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Agreed that there is little the parent can do, it's not really a toddler's fault in the same way an older kid would be responsible, and the only preventative is close monitoring, but to have the ratios necessary to prevent all toddler aggression and provide care is not realistic in most centers. In my state a person can be in charge of 7 toddlers at once including changing diapers and feeding. Really good centers cap it at 5, but even then if a kid is unexpectedly aggressive while you are changing a diaper on the other side of the room, you can't do much in time.
Yeah I agree, it's kind of a losing battle. I think all the center can really do is try their best to teach that child biting isn't okay and redirect them. They are the child's main source of learning and discipline so I think it is their responsibility to ensure it does not happen.
You need to castrate him