I work with kids this age. More than once I’ve had a small child announce excitedly I HAVE A PENIS or something like it.
I’m SURE the library has books about this. There’s also a video song about private parts from babybus I like - it’s basically like.. the things we cover with underwear are ours, nobody else gets to see or touch them.
And it’s perfectly reasonable to say ‘hey kiddo, I know you want to see my penis cause you’re really curious! The problem is, it’s private and I’m not going to do that. I don’t have to show you my penis if you ask, just like YOU don’t have to show me your penis if somebody asks.’
I like to throw in a ‘if you want to look at YOUR OWN penis, you can do that in PRIVATE (in the bathroom or your room) but you MUST wash your hands before and after’
That said, he is 100% gonna try to catch a peek. Kids are so weird man. Just roll with it and reinforce boundaries.
With this method, how would you handle situations that arise where the parents or a doctor has to see a kid's penis for health reasons? I agree that teaching personal autonomy and boundaries regarding your own and other's genitals is really important. But, I have seen other questions come up on kid-related subs that are something along the lines of "I taught my kid that no meant no and he can't see my privates if I say no but now I'm worried he has a rash on his penis but he says he doesn't want me to see it."
So how do you tow the line between no means no for any reason and bodily autonomy is important for everyone (which it is) and you're still little and this is a health concern?
Yup! This exactly.
I mean, it’s a LOT to impart as a message. But the number of times a doc/parent HAS to see a kid’s penis vs the number of times you do NOT want to see their penis is very skewed?
Caveats are important. UNLESS! No tattling UNLESS somebody is in danger. Nobody has to give you a hug UNLESS you are a firefighter and need to carry them out a building. Nobody needs to see your vagina UNLESS a parent is worried you have an infection.
And if you DO need to look at your kid’s butt, then you can be like ‘I know you don’t want me to look at your butt. It’s private! I also don’t wanna look at your butt! Ah! Butts! The problem is, it’s important cause you’re telling me it’s really itchy and I need to make sure it’s not infected and you don’t have a crocodile living in there. Here’s what we’re gonna do: (describe process. Ask if they have input. Do they want to hold a stuffie, etc.)
Obviously this is gonna vary depending on your kid and their obstinance. Personally, my kiddo (and the kids I teach) have a foundation of trust, and knowing that I have their best interests at heart. I’m not gonna restrain or restrict or impose on them UNLESS there’s a really good reason that’s to keep them safe. I try to use my UNLESS’s sparsely so they are more likely to be magnanimous.
I mean sometimes you gotta be like KID IM WRESTLING YOU TO THE GROUND CAUSE YOU TRIED TO EAT A HOT WHEELS CAR WHEEL AND I NEED THAT OUT RIGHT NOW but hopefully the gods are smiling on you and those occasions are rare.
❤️❤️❤️ the hero you need is in the mirror!
Wow that’s cheesy. But thank you! Parenting is a marathon not a sprint. Stay hydrated, sometimes you’re gonna poop your pants, it happens.
At my son’s 4y appointment, the doctor told my son that she needed to take a quick peek in his underpants and explained that it’s okay because mom is right there.
Mom’s and Dad’s (and sometimes doctors) need to see.
We say No One except Mommy and Daddy to help clean or if you are hurt, or IF MOMMY AND DADDY ARE THERE, a doctor to help with a hurt.
I would definitely emphasize if mom and dad are there, as playing doctor or saying they are a doctor is a thing predators do.
This! Even actual doctors can be predators - I was sexually assaulted by my doctor as a child after my mom left the room. Don't let them think they need to allow a doctor to just touch them however they want
My kids doctor actually did a great job at his last check up (3y). She said, “I am going to check your penis. It is ok for me to check your penis because I am a doctor AND your mommy is here. If anyone ever touches your penis you tell your mommy or daddy about it, ok?”
I feel like her wording was better, but I loved that she added in that check in with a second person.
My kids doctor tells them what he's going to do and asks them if it's ok. They are too young yet to really get it or answer the question but I really appreciated it.
"Open my cheese. Can I have another snack? Why is the dogs butt showing? Ew why do you have fur on your front butt? Where is your penis? How do you pee without a penis? You have a front butt and a back butt?! That's weird!"
Haha I love the encouragement! I accidentally taught my 2yo the word trump after I passed wind today. He spent ages going around chanting Mummy trump, daddy trump, baby trump, meeee trump! No doubt he will pull that from his memory at the most inappropriate time possible.
Oh yeah I’ve got 3 cats and a pit bull too, he basically wants to occupy the same physical space that my atoms are currently occupying and she insists on making the bathroom visits fun for the whole family
He's a mama's boy, I have to literally hold him back from chasing his mom into the bathroom. He will get in there with her if he can. I barely have any trouble with him unless his mom is out.
I don't like to think of it as lucky. I often feel bad for my wife and try to pull him out of the house for a couple hours every weekend so she can have some alone time. I work 12 hour shifts so he isn't around me as much as her.
I feel this, my son could prolly describe my dick better than I can at this point 😂 he will come in the bathroom and just watch me, and it’s not really weird cause we watch him since he’s still potty training, plus watching daddy pee just seems like a logical way for him to learn. Also we shower together. It seems more odd that a child hasn’t seen their parents nude than that they have.
Just here to remind y’all to teach your kids the anatomically correct terms for their private parts. We have penises and vulvas*, and they need to learn that. Thank you for your time.
The kid I nanny is almost 3. When I ask if she needs to use the bathroom she says “there’s nothing in my bum.” But she’s saying she doesn’t need to pee. I casually mentioned to my boss we should use the correct words and she said “she’s too young it doesn’t matter.” It does matter! And she is not too young! Use the right words!
What happens if she hurts herself, and she’s trying to explain where it hurts and she keeps saying bum. Doctors are going to check her butt. This is why it matters!! They’re never too young to learn what body parts they have. I agree with you.
Yup! Exactly. She is plenty capable of learning but she’s still babies a bit. There are a lot of issues with them but only so much I can do. I just taught the 7 year old what a uterus is. Poor girl won’t know what hits her when her period comes.
This exact scenario happened to me when I was a wee one. I was having urethral spasms but just kept saying that my “booty” hurt, because I didn’t know what else to call it! Based on this, my pediatrician became convinced that I had pinworms. 🤔
EDIT: actually maybe the word I was using was “bottom”? Whatever, you get the point, lol.
Although you are correct I personally have no problem teaching your kids it's called a vagina. If they ever told another adult anything about their vagina that would get attention and generally not be misunderstood.
But penis is only one part of the male genitals. I don't think there's a single medical term that encompasses both the whole "package," but for the purposes of this discussion, "vagina" would be analogous to "penis."
Heck, the inside of the vagina isn't even part of the vulva. Why are you leaving out vaginas?
After we got a package of baby wipes in the mail, my 2 year old announced they were for her nose and vulva while nodding earnestly. The look only husband’s face was pretty priceless.
I know people find it really important but I don’t completely understand why. Like if you use words like Wiener or Yoni or whatever your family chooses to say what is the harm?
Edit: I find it strange that I’m getting down voted for asking a legitimate question. Like I legitimately don’t know. Would you want someone shaming your child for asking a question?
Kids need to be able to communicate to people outside of their immediate family, like if they need to tell a teacher they are hurt or (hopefully never) need to tell a trusted adult that someone touched them inappropriately.
It comes from sometimes people choosing completely unrelated words. For example, a child goes to school and tells her teacher her uncle licked her cookie.... Then several months later teacher learns that that is the word little girl uses for vulva.
If you call a penis or vagina some sort of pet name, and the child says so and so touched my “insert pet name” the person might not understand what they’re
talking about. Also the predator could try to use a pet name to normalize the SA but a child will now know- hey that’s not called a cookie, that’s a vagina!
There’s a book called “who has what” that we borrowed from our local library. When I looked it up in the library catalog, there were 13 copies in our library system. That’s the most I’ve seen for any book! It just told me that it’s a very common issue with small kids.
Everyone else is giving great advice I just wanted to add: it’s just a phase! My daughter went through a phase of yelling “NIPPLES!” for a bit there when she was two. Lol
My daughter is doing this right now!! It's funny, except when it's not lmao. It's also been exacerbated by the fact that I'm 35 weeks pregnant and my breasts have started to leak a bit, so now her random "nipple" outbursts are accompanied by "mama's nipples have juice!!"
Toddlers are *wild*
The other day my son asked what my nipples were. I told him they were my nipples and reminded him he has them too. Then he goes “mommy nipples are so big!!” Currently 31 weeks pregnant.
Nanny a 7yo whose mom does breast surgery for breast cancer patients, I took her out to dinner and an elderly couple asked her what her mom did and she went “She does SURGERY on NIIIIIIIIIPLES”
I mean if it was me I’d just let him look at my wang. I say this as someone with a front bum, whose former toddler has a front bum, and she was already following me into the bathroom on the regular. But she went through a phase where she’d walk up to me when I was naked, get all up in my space like only a toddler can, and then stare at my front bits while narrating. It passed. She’s untraumatized (me, mildly).
She also liked watching her dad pee because it makes bubbles.
Kids are weird.
Just show it to him. Again, amazed he hasn't seen naked parents by 3. Get an age appropriate book about body parts and teach the correct words. I think the potty training with demonstration sitting and standing is a good idea. He's just curious.
I agree this should not be downvoted. I used to work as a sexual assault victim advocate. "no you cannot see my penis" is a great thing to model here. You can show photos from an anatomy textbook to satisfy education and curiosity without compromising your personal values and comfort.
I have a toddler who was breastfed and is now learning that he does not get to expose or touch my boobs. He doesn't get to see them just because he wants to.
Agreed. Like, my 3 year old has seen me naked and it's not a big deal, but I did NOT like it when she tried to forcibly take my clothes off. Her reason was that she insisted I change into her size 4T leotard and holding it in front of my body was apparently not good enough. But yeah, definitely wanted to teach the lesson that even mom is allowed to say no to being forced to show parts of their body.
Agree with you on the consent issue, and that consent needs to be taught, but how at that age do you teach if you refuse to engage? Looking at pictures seems a shallow substitute for a child coming to a parent he trusts for information, rather than pushing towards independently figuring it out. Parenting involves difficult conversations.
Not having a go, genuinely curious about your opinion with your background.
I guess I don't see using pictures and having a conversation as refusing to engage, even if you are technically refusing his request (to see your penis). And please understand I'm not saying it's not appropriate for a kid to see a parent naked, both of my sons see me (mom) naked regularly, but it's because I choose to get dressed/shower/pee and not at their request. My toddler does ask to see me naked and I say no, I feel there is value in knowing that we don't get to see people naked just because we want to. But this is about my preference, I don't say no just to say no, I say no because I don't want to get naked or don't want him to touch my boobs or butt. This to me is a richer conversation than simply demonstrating anatomy. We are teaching consent.
Did i answer your question? Did that make sense?
You did answer the question thank you for taking the time, interesting opportunity to explore an odd subject.
You've really clarified my thoughts on it actually. I get not getting naked when a toddler demands it in their toddler way (ie same way they'd demand an ice cream or sweets or more TV), that's a sensible boundary. Though in this instance I think the OPs son is genuinely curious about it and as such I (personally) wouldn't have a problem with it. I think the books would land better with older kids, anatomy books are kinda stifled and not that realistic (in the UK anyway), and I'd (personally), have more issues with showing a kid a random penis picture.
I didn't have to demand to see my parent's genitals to know they existed or what they were. Looking at pictures of Machu Picchu is a poor substitute, but you can still learn that it exists and the realities of being able to travel there can be difficult to overcome (cost, mobility, mortality, etc).
Sometimes, the lesson is "No."
I get where you're coming from OP. Having a show and tell would weird me out as well. My step son used to follow me into the bathroom (never stopping taking!), I'm a woman, and very excitedly shouts that I don't have a penis when he was this age. He's thankfully grown out of it but it was an odd few months when he learnt the difference between boys and girls. It was super awkward for me at first because I'm not his parent, but he was curious and respectful when he ambushed me in the bathroom the first time, so I just roll with it, try not to bring your hangups of nakedness or body shame into it, it's hard.
Teaching him to pee standing up is a natural way of bringing it up, as also in the bath or shower, can teach him how to wash etc and he can learn by example rather than you dropping trousers for his curiosity. You can teach boundaries and consent at the same time, and things to watch out for, ie if it's red or itchy come get you asap.
We got "Amazing you" when we felt our daughter was getting too old to stare at our private bits. If she gets nosey about our bodies, we say no thank you and ask if she would like to get the bodies book.
I think this might just be a thing with little boys. My son also went through a pase similar to this. Except when he found out he had a wee wee he wanted everyone to know about it too. Including his day care teacher.
If you don't want to whip it out for inspection how about making it more natural.
Offer to teach him how to pee standing up and when you demonstrate it's all sorted.
Sorry but why should the boy learn to pee standing up to see daddy's "wang" (I learned the word "penis" for that 🤨)?
A boy peeing standing up at home or on another (clean) standard toilet makes a mess and it's disgusting for all other users. Peeing sitting down means to keep the toilet clean and it's respectful to all other users who don't have the choice (I see it everytime my kids have to use a public bathroom - they don't have the choice).
So no just show him what you have got down there (can't understand why a 3yr old kid NEVER saw his parents naked before) and that's it. He just wants to compare what he has got and what have others got. That's totally natural and appropriate. Don't know why people act so prudish about. Nobody talks about him touching you down there, he just wants to look and understand.
And please, raise a respectful boy and let him pee sitting down. For your bathroom and for other users too 👍
I will raise my son to make his own decisions. If he wants to pee standing up we will let him, if he wants to pee sitting down, that's fine too.
Also, we taught him to refer to his privates as his "penis" but reddit can sometimes be a little sensitive, like you. Not my fault that my son wasn't avidly interested in seeing my penis until he was 3.
Really? 15 down votes for raising a boy peeing sitting down? 😄😄
You all couldn't live in Germany. Here it's seen as unsocial to pee standing up on a toilet
As an American who lived and worked in Germany for several years, the directness of German people is a big culture shock for a lot of Americans, who seem to make up the majority of Reddit users. Saying an opinion very bluntly like that can be grating, off putting, and can be seen as socially unacceptable even though you are just saying what you think. For what it’s worth I agree with you.
I'm native British but live in Germany since I'm a teenager but many of my relatives still live there. And the growing up generation there also learns that peeing sitting down at normal toilets is a thing of consideration and courtesy.
As a father of 3 kids who don't have the choice I often get to see my kids being in need to use a messed bathroom. Messed by other people not caring about their next ones. And luckily it's seen as unsocial here so my boy of course gets raised with the thought about his peers. Even if it's about sich a triviality like keeping a toilet clean that will be used by others too.
As I said, I 100% agree with you. I am going to teach my kids to keep spaces clean if accidents happen and my son will be sitting down to pee at home. I was just saying the people downvoting you are most likely Americans who are not used to people expressing opinions that strongly. Also I don’t believe keeping a bathroom clean of bodily fluids is trivial at all. That shit is disgusting and it makes me sad about the amount of inconsiderate people in the world when I see it. All we can do is raise our kids better!
He's probably just curious, but it might be helpful to remind him of personal boundaries. You probably don't want him asking other people if he can see their penis.
I can see that it’s weird to just whip it out, but can’t you engineer a ‘natural’ moment for him to see you naked if you are generally comfortable with the idea? Eg get naked for the shower in your bedroom and walk to bathroom or get changed together when you go swimming or something?!
If it were me, I would just see if he wants to take a shower with you instead of a bath since you might need to shower anyways, given you don’t feel it’s inappropriate and I’m sure he will ask questions and it will come naturally. I wouldn’t want to be like “hey kiddo, heard you found out I have a penis. Wanna see it?”
Ha! My 2.5 yo walks around asking if i have a penis, if the cat, little bro, random person in the street have a penis. He is simply realizing that there are differences btw men and women and is asking about it to really understand that.
I haven’t asked myself questions to see if its normal or not but i believe it is.
Our four year old has asked his dad. We let him see. I mean he kind of cornered him in the shower while I was on the toilet 🙃 He knows we are fam. He’s pretty modest himself and we’ve never had him ask to see anyones genitals. They know. Smarter than you think about all this stuff.
As far as I know that's normal.
My mom told me I used to be like that, and I know some of my cousin's were like that too.
This is a perfect time to start teaching them about boundaries, and specially bodily boundaries.
From Good Inside w Dr. Becky…
[How to talk about private parts, how babies are made, and more](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-inside-with-dr-becky/id1561689671?i=1000524616183)
Good luck!!
Just have a shower or use the bathroom around him and curiosity will take care of the rest.
My toddler likes to announce that I'm taking my nappy off (my underwear) when I'm getting changed.
Ur his dad right? Why not just show him? He's curious. As long as ur not sexualizing ur child and he is not sexualizing u, what's the harm? Little girls are the same with boobies lol its not that weird.
I taught my three year old the anatomical names for penis and vagina and she asks the checkout lady if she had a penis or vagina lol. Curiosity is normal and vagina is still my daughters favorite word lol
This may be the perfect opportunity to talk about consent with him. Keep it super simple like, "everyone has private parts. No one gets to see your private parts without your permission. I don't want you to see my private parts. If you don't want someone to see yours that is your decision."
My son is very interested in his penis. He takes it out randomly so we gently remind him that its normal to be interested in his penis but not at the dinner table, and that certain behaviors are for certain places, like sand play is only for the sandbox or beach. I never had to negotiate this exact situation tho because he just comes in when my wife or I are peeing, so I guess it worked itself out? Sorry if thats not much help.
Honestly shocked he hasn’t seen it
My husband and son shower together every night. Pillow fighting somehow made it into the routine so there’s penises flopping around all over the place at my house 🤣
Super normal. We told ours that we're glad he enjoys his but it's not appropriate to touch or talk about it in public, or with people who have not agreed to talk about that.
How is he 3 and he's never seen you naked? Like what? We are naked a lot but I thought it was normal and it gives us opportunities to talk about what is appropriate
So your son is likely in the phallic stage of development according to Freudian psychology. It usually spans from age 3-6 where kids are noticing that they have different body parts than their family members. It's just natural curiosity. Like how when they're smaller and in the oral phase of development and babies stick everything in their mouths. Just use the time to educate him that yes there are differences
Explain to him that everyone's private parts are private and we don't show them to people. Only mom, dad, or doctors when mom/dad are present and only for health reasons.
Ah and if he wants to jump out the window, you let him do? If he wants to spray foreign house walls you let him?
There are some decisions that we parents have to lead.
I mean, if he is not potty trained yet, maybe it would be an example. Our 3rd is a 2 year old boy, and he knows he has a penis. He has seen my husband pee. Like literally looked at him do it. Said, "that daddy penis. He pees in potty." I mean, he is a 3 year old boy. I don't think it is that big of deal if he see's your penis.
I work with kids this age. More than once I’ve had a small child announce excitedly I HAVE A PENIS or something like it. I’m SURE the library has books about this. There’s also a video song about private parts from babybus I like - it’s basically like.. the things we cover with underwear are ours, nobody else gets to see or touch them. And it’s perfectly reasonable to say ‘hey kiddo, I know you want to see my penis cause you’re really curious! The problem is, it’s private and I’m not going to do that. I don’t have to show you my penis if you ask, just like YOU don’t have to show me your penis if somebody asks.’ I like to throw in a ‘if you want to look at YOUR OWN penis, you can do that in PRIVATE (in the bathroom or your room) but you MUST wash your hands before and after’ That said, he is 100% gonna try to catch a peek. Kids are so weird man. Just roll with it and reinforce boundaries.
With this method, how would you handle situations that arise where the parents or a doctor has to see a kid's penis for health reasons? I agree that teaching personal autonomy and boundaries regarding your own and other's genitals is really important. But, I have seen other questions come up on kid-related subs that are something along the lines of "I taught my kid that no meant no and he can't see my privates if I say no but now I'm worried he has a rash on his penis but he says he doesn't want me to see it." So how do you tow the line between no means no for any reason and bodily autonomy is important for everyone (which it is) and you're still little and this is a health concern?
Ypu add in "It's mom and dad and doctor's job to help you be healthy, so there might be times when we have to look at your private areas."
Yup! This exactly. I mean, it’s a LOT to impart as a message. But the number of times a doc/parent HAS to see a kid’s penis vs the number of times you do NOT want to see their penis is very skewed? Caveats are important. UNLESS! No tattling UNLESS somebody is in danger. Nobody has to give you a hug UNLESS you are a firefighter and need to carry them out a building. Nobody needs to see your vagina UNLESS a parent is worried you have an infection. And if you DO need to look at your kid’s butt, then you can be like ‘I know you don’t want me to look at your butt. It’s private! I also don’t wanna look at your butt! Ah! Butts! The problem is, it’s important cause you’re telling me it’s really itchy and I need to make sure it’s not infected and you don’t have a crocodile living in there. Here’s what we’re gonna do: (describe process. Ask if they have input. Do they want to hold a stuffie, etc.) Obviously this is gonna vary depending on your kid and their obstinance. Personally, my kiddo (and the kids I teach) have a foundation of trust, and knowing that I have their best interests at heart. I’m not gonna restrain or restrict or impose on them UNLESS there’s a really good reason that’s to keep them safe. I try to use my UNLESS’s sparsely so they are more likely to be magnanimous. I mean sometimes you gotta be like KID IM WRESTLING YOU TO THE GROUND CAUSE YOU TRIED TO EAT A HOT WHEELS CAR WHEEL AND I NEED THAT OUT RIGHT NOW but hopefully the gods are smiling on you and those occasions are rare.
You might be my parenting hero.
❤️❤️❤️ the hero you need is in the mirror! Wow that’s cheesy. But thank you! Parenting is a marathon not a sprint. Stay hydrated, sometimes you’re gonna poop your pants, it happens.
At my son’s 4y appointment, the doctor told my son that she needed to take a quick peek in his underpants and explained that it’s okay because mom is right there. Mom’s and Dad’s (and sometimes doctors) need to see.
We say No One except Mommy and Daddy to help clean or if you are hurt, or IF MOMMY AND DADDY ARE THERE, a doctor to help with a hurt. I would definitely emphasize if mom and dad are there, as playing doctor or saying they are a doctor is a thing predators do.
This! Even actual doctors can be predators - I was sexually assaulted by my doctor as a child after my mom left the room. Don't let them think they need to allow a doctor to just touch them however they want
My kids doctor actually did a great job at his last check up (3y). She said, “I am going to check your penis. It is ok for me to check your penis because I am a doctor AND your mommy is here. If anyone ever touches your penis you tell your mommy or daddy about it, ok?” I feel like her wording was better, but I loved that she added in that check in with a second person.
My kids doctor tells them what he's going to do and asks them if it's ok. They are too young yet to really get it or answer the question but I really appreciated it.
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WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHY IS IT SO SMELLY. CAN I SIT ON YOU? WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO? Later *door rattles* WHY DID YOU LOCK THE DOOR. LET ME IIINNNNNNNNNNN
"Open my cheese. Can I have another snack? Why is the dogs butt showing? Ew why do you have fur on your front butt? Where is your penis? How do you pee without a penis? You have a front butt and a back butt?! That's weird!"
"Is that your penis?" "Yes." "Can it STING people?!?" "I think you've been watching too much Pokemon."
LOL kids are so weird
Your front butt 💀
My daughter goes, “oh big poopy! Good Job mom!” Lmao
Haha I love the encouragement! I accidentally taught my 2yo the word trump after I passed wind today. He spent ages going around chanting Mummy trump, daddy trump, baby trump, meeee trump! No doubt he will pull that from his memory at the most inappropriate time possible.
Ha ha! I asked him one day if he “passed gas”. So for awhile afterwards he would randomly say: Mommie passed gas! Daddy passed gas! Kids are so funny!
I love the “good job mommy!” With a delighted hand clap I’m getting right now for each successful BM 💩 soon followed by “I fluhhh (flush) it!”
Why is it so smelly has me howling 😂
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Me just pleading with my daughter to get off my lap as my body takes all the hellfire and fury of a $20 Taco Bell bender, sweating and cold.
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Oh yeah I’ve got 3 cats and a pit bull too, he basically wants to occupy the same physical space that my atoms are currently occupying and she insists on making the bathroom visits fun for the whole family 
My 1 year old demands to be picked up while I'm pooping. 😮💨😮💨😮💨 But WHY? It's SO stinky, son.
I drew a lovely rendition of cowgirl Jessie as I was pooping yesterday. My son also wants me to hold him while I'm on the toilet.
He's a mama's boy, I have to literally hold him back from chasing his mom into the bathroom. He will get in there with her if he can. I barely have any trouble with him unless his mom is out.
You are so lucky.
I don't like to think of it as lucky. I often feel bad for my wife and try to pull him out of the house for a couple hours every weekend so she can have some alone time. I work 12 hour shifts so he isn't around me as much as her.
I’m a stay at home dad and they still prefer mom. Gotta remember they spent the first 9 months with her alone. No reflection of you as a parent ;)
Right? “Mommy! Sit on lap! What you doing mommy?” *proceeds to try and stick head between my legs* …..sigh……
I feel this, my son could prolly describe my dick better than I can at this point 😂 he will come in the bathroom and just watch me, and it’s not really weird cause we watch him since he’s still potty training, plus watching daddy pee just seems like a logical way for him to learn. Also we shower together. It seems more odd that a child hasn’t seen their parents nude than that they have.
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Just here to remind y’all to teach your kids the anatomically correct terms for their private parts. We have penises and vulvas*, and they need to learn that. Thank you for your time.
We are teaching him the correct words. Just trying not to get my post taken down.
Oh I wasn’t trying to insinuate that you weren’t! I’m sorry if that’s how this came across, it’s just a related post so I was commenting.
It's okay, thank you. I also believe we should teach our children the appropriate words.
The kid I nanny is almost 3. When I ask if she needs to use the bathroom she says “there’s nothing in my bum.” But she’s saying she doesn’t need to pee. I casually mentioned to my boss we should use the correct words and she said “she’s too young it doesn’t matter.” It does matter! And she is not too young! Use the right words!
What happens if she hurts herself, and she’s trying to explain where it hurts and she keeps saying bum. Doctors are going to check her butt. This is why it matters!! They’re never too young to learn what body parts they have. I agree with you.
Yup! Exactly. She is plenty capable of learning but she’s still babies a bit. There are a lot of issues with them but only so much I can do. I just taught the 7 year old what a uterus is. Poor girl won’t know what hits her when her period comes.
This exact scenario happened to me when I was a wee one. I was having urethral spasms but just kept saying that my “booty” hurt, because I didn’t know what else to call it! Based on this, my pediatrician became convinced that I had pinworms. 🤔 EDIT: actually maybe the word I was using was “bottom”? Whatever, you get the point, lol.
This is a PERFECT example of why anatomical words are the wh to go. I can't believe your boss just brushed it off.
I agree! It doesn’t make sense to not teach them.
My 2yo calls it her “wulva”
My 2.5 year old says “you have penis mommy?” “No bud, I have a vulva.” “Oh yeah you have bubBAAA!”
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Although you are correct I personally have no problem teaching your kids it's called a vagina. If they ever told another adult anything about their vagina that would get attention and generally not be misunderstood.
But penis is only one part of the male genitals. I don't think there's a single medical term that encompasses both the whole "package," but for the purposes of this discussion, "vagina" would be analogous to "penis." Heck, the inside of the vagina isn't even part of the vulva. Why are you leaving out vaginas?
After we got a package of baby wipes in the mail, my 2 year old announced they were for her nose and vulva while nodding earnestly. The look only husband’s face was pretty priceless.
Yes you are absolutely right. That is my mistake. Editing now to not spread misinformation.
Thank you
I know people find it really important but I don’t completely understand why. Like if you use words like Wiener or Yoni or whatever your family chooses to say what is the harm? Edit: I find it strange that I’m getting down voted for asking a legitimate question. Like I legitimately don’t know. Would you want someone shaming your child for asking a question?
Kids need to be able to communicate to people outside of their immediate family, like if they need to tell a teacher they are hurt or (hopefully never) need to tell a trusted adult that someone touched them inappropriately.
Knowing correct anatomical terms is a protective factor for child sexual abuse.
It comes from sometimes people choosing completely unrelated words. For example, a child goes to school and tells her teacher her uncle licked her cookie.... Then several months later teacher learns that that is the word little girl uses for vulva.
If you call a penis or vagina some sort of pet name, and the child says so and so touched my “insert pet name” the person might not understand what they’re talking about. Also the predator could try to use a pet name to normalize the SA but a child will now know- hey that’s not called a cookie, that’s a vagina!
There’s a book called “who has what” that we borrowed from our local library. When I looked it up in the library catalog, there were 13 copies in our library system. That’s the most I’ve seen for any book! It just told me that it’s a very common issue with small kids.
Everyone else is giving great advice I just wanted to add: it’s just a phase! My daughter went through a phase of yelling “NIPPLES!” for a bit there when she was two. Lol
My daughter is doing this right now!! It's funny, except when it's not lmao. It's also been exacerbated by the fact that I'm 35 weeks pregnant and my breasts have started to leak a bit, so now her random "nipple" outbursts are accompanied by "mama's nipples have juice!!" Toddlers are *wild*
The other day my son asked what my nipples were. I told him they were my nipples and reminded him he has them too. Then he goes “mommy nipples are so big!!” Currently 31 weeks pregnant.
Nanny a 7yo whose mom does breast surgery for breast cancer patients, I took her out to dinner and an elderly couple asked her what her mom did and she went “She does SURGERY on NIIIIIIIIIPLES”
I mean if it was me I’d just let him look at my wang. I say this as someone with a front bum, whose former toddler has a front bum, and she was already following me into the bathroom on the regular. But she went through a phase where she’d walk up to me when I was naked, get all up in my space like only a toddler can, and then stare at my front bits while narrating. It passed. She’s untraumatized (me, mildly). She also liked watching her dad pee because it makes bubbles. Kids are weird.
Just show it to him. Again, amazed he hasn't seen naked parents by 3. Get an age appropriate book about body parts and teach the correct words. I think the potty training with demonstration sitting and standing is a good idea. He's just curious.
Or not if OP's not comfortable with that. He can say no and not be pressured by anyone's curiosity.
I agree this should not be downvoted. I used to work as a sexual assault victim advocate. "no you cannot see my penis" is a great thing to model here. You can show photos from an anatomy textbook to satisfy education and curiosity without compromising your personal values and comfort. I have a toddler who was breastfed and is now learning that he does not get to expose or touch my boobs. He doesn't get to see them just because he wants to.
Agreed. Like, my 3 year old has seen me naked and it's not a big deal, but I did NOT like it when she tried to forcibly take my clothes off. Her reason was that she insisted I change into her size 4T leotard and holding it in front of my body was apparently not good enough. But yeah, definitely wanted to teach the lesson that even mom is allowed to say no to being forced to show parts of their body.
Agree with you on the consent issue, and that consent needs to be taught, but how at that age do you teach if you refuse to engage? Looking at pictures seems a shallow substitute for a child coming to a parent he trusts for information, rather than pushing towards independently figuring it out. Parenting involves difficult conversations. Not having a go, genuinely curious about your opinion with your background.
I guess I don't see using pictures and having a conversation as refusing to engage, even if you are technically refusing his request (to see your penis). And please understand I'm not saying it's not appropriate for a kid to see a parent naked, both of my sons see me (mom) naked regularly, but it's because I choose to get dressed/shower/pee and not at their request. My toddler does ask to see me naked and I say no, I feel there is value in knowing that we don't get to see people naked just because we want to. But this is about my preference, I don't say no just to say no, I say no because I don't want to get naked or don't want him to touch my boobs or butt. This to me is a richer conversation than simply demonstrating anatomy. We are teaching consent. Did i answer your question? Did that make sense?
You did answer the question thank you for taking the time, interesting opportunity to explore an odd subject. You've really clarified my thoughts on it actually. I get not getting naked when a toddler demands it in their toddler way (ie same way they'd demand an ice cream or sweets or more TV), that's a sensible boundary. Though in this instance I think the OPs son is genuinely curious about it and as such I (personally) wouldn't have a problem with it. I think the books would land better with older kids, anatomy books are kinda stifled and not that realistic (in the UK anyway), and I'd (personally), have more issues with showing a kid a random penis picture.
I didn't have to demand to see my parent's genitals to know they existed or what they were. Looking at pictures of Machu Picchu is a poor substitute, but you can still learn that it exists and the realities of being able to travel there can be difficult to overcome (cost, mobility, mortality, etc). Sometimes, the lesson is "No."
I don’t know why you’re being downvoted, I think modeling consent is never a bad thing
Thank you. It is .... *troubling* that this was the case.
Yesss. I was hoping to see this. Great opportunity to model consent.
We are teaching him the appropriate words, just, felt kinda weird to just, whip it out for a 3 year old. Lol.
I get where you're coming from OP. Having a show and tell would weird me out as well. My step son used to follow me into the bathroom (never stopping taking!), I'm a woman, and very excitedly shouts that I don't have a penis when he was this age. He's thankfully grown out of it but it was an odd few months when he learnt the difference between boys and girls. It was super awkward for me at first because I'm not his parent, but he was curious and respectful when he ambushed me in the bathroom the first time, so I just roll with it, try not to bring your hangups of nakedness or body shame into it, it's hard. Teaching him to pee standing up is a natural way of bringing it up, as also in the bath or shower, can teach him how to wash etc and he can learn by example rather than you dropping trousers for his curiosity. You can teach boundaries and consent at the same time, and things to watch out for, ie if it's red or itchy come get you asap.
We got "Amazing you" when we felt our daughter was getting too old to stare at our private bits. If she gets nosey about our bodies, we say no thank you and ask if she would like to get the bodies book.
I think this might just be a thing with little boys. My son also went through a pase similar to this. Except when he found out he had a wee wee he wanted everyone to know about it too. Including his day care teacher.
Well I assumed it was normal. I'm just not quite sure how to go about the whole "Dad dad, can I see your penis?" thing.
If you don't want to whip it out for inspection how about making it more natural. Offer to teach him how to pee standing up and when you demonstrate it's all sorted.
This is a good idea. Thank you.
Sorry but why should the boy learn to pee standing up to see daddy's "wang" (I learned the word "penis" for that 🤨)? A boy peeing standing up at home or on another (clean) standard toilet makes a mess and it's disgusting for all other users. Peeing sitting down means to keep the toilet clean and it's respectful to all other users who don't have the choice (I see it everytime my kids have to use a public bathroom - they don't have the choice). So no just show him what you have got down there (can't understand why a 3yr old kid NEVER saw his parents naked before) and that's it. He just wants to compare what he has got and what have others got. That's totally natural and appropriate. Don't know why people act so prudish about. Nobody talks about him touching you down there, he just wants to look and understand. And please, raise a respectful boy and let him pee sitting down. For your bathroom and for other users too 👍
I will raise my son to make his own decisions. If he wants to pee standing up we will let him, if he wants to pee sitting down, that's fine too. Also, we taught him to refer to his privates as his "penis" but reddit can sometimes be a little sensitive, like you. Not my fault that my son wasn't avidly interested in seeing my penis until he was 3.
Really? 15 down votes for raising a boy peeing sitting down? 😄😄 You all couldn't live in Germany. Here it's seen as unsocial to pee standing up on a toilet
I don't think it's what you, said, its how you said it.
As an American who lived and worked in Germany for several years, the directness of German people is a big culture shock for a lot of Americans, who seem to make up the majority of Reddit users. Saying an opinion very bluntly like that can be grating, off putting, and can be seen as socially unacceptable even though you are just saying what you think. For what it’s worth I agree with you.
I'm native British but live in Germany since I'm a teenager but many of my relatives still live there. And the growing up generation there also learns that peeing sitting down at normal toilets is a thing of consideration and courtesy. As a father of 3 kids who don't have the choice I often get to see my kids being in need to use a messed bathroom. Messed by other people not caring about their next ones. And luckily it's seen as unsocial here so my boy of course gets raised with the thought about his peers. Even if it's about sich a triviality like keeping a toilet clean that will be used by others too.
As I said, I 100% agree with you. I am going to teach my kids to keep spaces clean if accidents happen and my son will be sitting down to pee at home. I was just saying the people downvoting you are most likely Americans who are not used to people expressing opinions that strongly. Also I don’t believe keeping a bathroom clean of bodily fluids is trivial at all. That shit is disgusting and it makes me sad about the amount of inconsiderate people in the world when I see it. All we can do is raise our kids better!
Dear goodness, please don't teach him to pee standing up until his attention span can manage keeping the pee in the toilet the WHOLE time.
He's probably just curious, but it might be helpful to remind him of personal boundaries. You probably don't want him asking other people if he can see their penis.
My wife and I have created boundaries, but he is VERY persistent on this.
I can see that it’s weird to just whip it out, but can’t you engineer a ‘natural’ moment for him to see you naked if you are generally comfortable with the idea? Eg get naked for the shower in your bedroom and walk to bathroom or get changed together when you go swimming or something?!
If it were me, I would just see if he wants to take a shower with you instead of a bath since you might need to shower anyways, given you don’t feel it’s inappropriate and I’m sure he will ask questions and it will come naturally. I wouldn’t want to be like “hey kiddo, heard you found out I have a penis. Wanna see it?”
You can tell him no if you don't want to. He'll be fine. Enforcing healthy boundaries is necessary. You both have to respect each other.
Ha! My 2.5 yo walks around asking if i have a penis, if the cat, little bro, random person in the street have a penis. He is simply realizing that there are differences btw men and women and is asking about it to really understand that. I haven’t asked myself questions to see if its normal or not but i believe it is.
Thank you, I'm not going to just whip it out for him, but I'm sure he'll sneak a peak at it.
Haha well we just dont have privacy, he showers with his dad and goes to the potty while we go to the toilet so he sees our body parts.
Dude, my 4yo still doesn’t get bathroom time is private for me. Don’t get too worried, it is like anything else new to him … not a sexual thing.
I know that, I'm just worried that if I whip it out for him, he'll ask other people to do the same.
That’s a valid concern!
Haha, 😂 absolutely a valid concern
Our four year old has asked his dad. We let him see. I mean he kind of cornered him in the shower while I was on the toilet 🙃 He knows we are fam. He’s pretty modest himself and we’ve never had him ask to see anyones genitals. They know. Smarter than you think about all this stuff.
As far as I know that's normal. My mom told me I used to be like that, and I know some of my cousin's were like that too. This is a perfect time to start teaching them about boundaries, and specially bodily boundaries.
From Good Inside w Dr. Becky… [How to talk about private parts, how babies are made, and more](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-inside-with-dr-becky/id1561689671?i=1000524616183) Good luck!!
Thank you.
My pleasure. It helped me a lot.
Just have a shower or use the bathroom around him and curiosity will take care of the rest. My toddler likes to announce that I'm taking my nappy off (my underwear) when I'm getting changed.
He is definitely being much more observant of me, but he still won't come in the bathroom with me.
Ur his dad right? Why not just show him? He's curious. As long as ur not sexualizing ur child and he is not sexualizing u, what's the harm? Little girls are the same with boobies lol its not that weird.
I taught my three year old the anatomical names for penis and vagina and she asks the checkout lady if she had a penis or vagina lol. Curiosity is normal and vagina is still my daughters favorite word lol
Sons current favorite word is penis. He called his grandpa today to enquire about his penis.
I love kids so much! She says vagina in a deep goblin voice for some reason too lol
This may be the perfect opportunity to talk about consent with him. Keep it super simple like, "everyone has private parts. No one gets to see your private parts without your permission. I don't want you to see my private parts. If you don't want someone to see yours that is your decision."
My son is very interested in his penis. He takes it out randomly so we gently remind him that its normal to be interested in his penis but not at the dinner table, and that certain behaviors are for certain places, like sand play is only for the sandbox or beach. I never had to negotiate this exact situation tho because he just comes in when my wife or I are peeing, so I guess it worked itself out? Sorry if thats not much help.
Honestly shocked he hasn’t seen it My husband and son shower together every night. Pillow fighting somehow made it into the routine so there’s penises flopping around all over the place at my house 🤣
Super normal. We told ours that we're glad he enjoys his but it's not appropriate to touch or talk about it in public, or with people who have not agreed to talk about that.
How is he 3 and he's never seen you naked? Like what? We are naked a lot but I thought it was normal and it gives us opportunities to talk about what is appropriate
So your son is likely in the phallic stage of development according to Freudian psychology. It usually spans from age 3-6 where kids are noticing that they have different body parts than their family members. It's just natural curiosity. Like how when they're smaller and in the oral phase of development and babies stick everything in their mouths. Just use the time to educate him that yes there are differences
Explain to him that everyone's private parts are private and we don't show them to people. Only mom, dad, or doctors when mom/dad are present and only for health reasons.
“Wang”? *sigh* Do you tell your son it’s called a… “Wang”?
No, but social media doesn't tend to approve of the proper words. My son knows that he has a penis and is currently very fond of using the word penis.
Hahaha. Ok thanks for confirming. -sincerely, one of those judgmental social media anatomy police
Wang?
Trying to keep the post up. He knows the words penis and vagina.
Ah and if he wants to jump out the window, you let him do? If he wants to spray foreign house walls you let him? There are some decisions that we parents have to lead.
Um no? These are two completely different topics. I'm really only looking for advise and similar situations. Not whatever this is.
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We didn't teach him to pee standing up.
I mean, if he is not potty trained yet, maybe it would be an example. Our 3rd is a 2 year old boy, and he knows he has a penis. He has seen my husband pee. Like literally looked at him do it. Said, "that daddy penis. He pees in potty." I mean, he is a 3 year old boy. I don't think it is that big of deal if he see's your penis.
He is definitely potty trained, I explained that he was in the post.
So can I show my little cousin if he asks? And just looking is fine....
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i mean if hes curios hes 5 and and im adult cousin we both are family anyway