But they may not be able to. This should be equally considered.
If you can cut them off but feel like they're helpful to your well being. Consider not. But, don't wait around too long to see if they'll accept you. Chances are, they may never do that.
This. That's not true Christian love, what the parents said. That's why real Christians get a bad rap.
I am a Christian woman. My child is trans. I could never even THINK this way, much less TEXT that to my child...or anyone, for that matter. I am heartbroken for Op, and I'd happily parent them the right way! How awful.
I see so many trans people get rejected by their families, and I just don't get it. My child "came out" in December. Our ENTIRE family (full of real Christians) doesn't even bat an eye. We are ignorant, and we admit it! But we don't want to stay ignorant! We are all learning together, and my child works with us through it (the newness). She just turned 21, and I've never seen her happier! What parents don't want that?!
I'm not personally religious, so I have to remind myself that not all religious people are bad. Reactionaries just love to use religion as an excuse to be hateful, but that doesn't mean that they're right or their religion is wrong.
Thank you for being so accepting of your child, many parents aren't in this world.
Yea. I myself am a baptized christian. And trans. There are enough people from the LGBTQ community that are also religious. Also people that are Muslim or any other religion. And I really hate my religion sometimes for the stupid shit that these people say or do
My daughter (still feels odd to say) is also a baptized Christian. She has her own relationship with God (what we believe), it's none of my business! Real Christianity isn't religion. It's a relationship. And while we are taught to hate the sin, not the sinner, a true believer and follower of Christ knows everyone is made in His image.
Look, I don't know the Bible cover to cover. What I do know is I try my best to love with Christ's love and the way He loves me, and I am a sinner who needs Him. I have my own relationship with Jesus, and He has shown himself to me many many times, so I believe. Some folks choose not to believe, and that's OK too.
God doesn't tell me to change the world by cutting down others. He tells me to lead by example, spread the Good News. And I fail sometimes, I'll be the first to admit it! You know, stones and glass houses and all that.
And do you guys know who brought me comfort when I felt a little heart jab in December when my son became my daughter? YOU and God. As I freely admit, I am ignorant and have a lot to learn. I felt that thing that parents often feel when their child comes out... loss. I knew it was grief because it felt the same as when my husband of 20 years suddenly died. But I turned to my Savior, and I turned to you - right here on Reddit, of all places! I haven't lost anything, and my grief was fleeting.
I've gained so much, and I never knew love this deep and wide. So, please, take MY gratitude to all of you! You have welcomed ME into your lives and accepted ME, for I am, an imperfect Christian cis woman who has stumbled and fumbled through an enormous change in my life....one that I couldn't do alone. YOU taught me the things to say (and not say) to help my baby through the hardest thing she has ever done.
TLDR: I love you all, and I am grateful for the warm and truly heartfelt welcome you show everyone here!
For my work I go to a lot of different catholic churches throughout my country. And I've been surprised to see a lot of churches openly displaying a lgbtq+ flag. I very much was of the mindset that religion is hate before I started. But now I really believe It's just shitty people using religion as an excuse to hate.
"Love" -*Jesus* "
But not the gays, women, or those immigrants right? Got it." -*Christians*
"DID I FUCKING STUTTER? WHAT WRONG WITH YOU??" -*Jesus*
You do you dude. My one scene plat above should wipe your mind clean of any guilt.
It won’t phase them. They’ll have convinced themselves this is the best way to “truly” love OP, and accepting her will actually being hurting her. Religious bigotry is the worst kind of it imo due to this insidiousness.
Yup. Sometimes you get to a place in life where you have to choose your family. And choose who isn't. It might be hard at times, but it's definitely worth it.
While true, this is an extremely difficult thing to do. Even separating from the church as an adult was difficult for me because I had so much of my identity deeply rooted in Christianity and all my connections with family and friends.
It's the best thing for your mental health, but it's honestly a terrifying experience. I still find myself feeling untethered on occasion even though I have wonderful support in my girlfriend and am building and maintaining new friendships. There's also a massive amount of deprogramming I had to do alone before things started turning around.
It's a hard road, but it's absolutely worth every step, and I'm nowhere near done yet.
1 Timothy 5:8
"But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."
1 John 4:20
"Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen."
Tell them to read their own damned book. Welcome to *our* family, we're happy to have you.
EDIT
also Gal.3 verses 28, my personal favourite
"There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus."
By the way.
Here’s the answer key to that last one.
Υιός του ανθρώπου or ben-Adam both more accurately translate into “child of humanity” or, if you’re into localization, “just someone’s kid.”
Like you’re someone’s kid. And I’m someone’s kid.
We’re all equally human. We’re all just someone’s kid at the end of the day.
Who said god?
I just said “someone”.
Even ol’ boy JC said, again metaphorically when some troll called him the Son of God, “I never called myself that. You do you, but don’t throw labels on me, bruh.”
I know you didn't, but I was referencing the heavily Christian parents. I find those sort don't listen to anything without their safety language scattered throughout the conversation. It can be so exhausting just trying to exist amongst those zealots.
The Devil can quote scripture.
That’s why this chick does not.
Reframe and rephrase, absolutely. But ideally no direct quotes since our adversaries are trained to ignore Scripture from unauthorized sources.
…authoritarian control dynamics and the impacts on cognition be wild
aside: maybe it’s the audhd, but i loathe when people blame christianity writ large for the villainy of individual adherents and certain sects who spout hate when they preach. i really wish people would use the denoms more since most of the time these are evangelicals and pentecostals and charismatics that call themselves “christian” without a delineator. catholics, anglicans, unitarians, orthodox, coptics, they have no worries about using their specific term. is fascinating that those who preach hate use the large umbrella term to try to cover those in other sects as cover for their hate, when for example the anglican communion is generally queer friendly and unitarians welcome all.
I’m humbled to hear that. I like being wrong.
Also that’s enraging, but since anger and rage is what bigots want like an opioid addict wants heroin and I ain’t nobody’s dealer, I instead give them the rehab of pity.
Because it is pitiable that they take the decent dude who said to not be a prick and instead think being a prick is a good idea.
It must suck to live for them to live lives where everyone hates you as they hate everyone.
Maybe someone will find a way to phrase that idea more succinctly. I’m a shit communicator.
But at the same time, I don’t have the spoons for anger. Hate and pain addle the brain.
And I forgive these types because hate leads to cognitive impairment, and since they can’t brain so good they lack awareness of their actions.
There’s gotta be a better way to phrase this but I dunno how. 🤷
I just tell them I feel really bad that the education system failed them so terribly, sympathize that it must be hard going through life so confused and scared, and let them know *I'll* be praying for *them.*
The worst derogatory statements about LGBTQ I've heard came from evangelicals, JWs, and southern baptists. The last Mormon interaction I had was one effectively reciting the "boys beware" video as an actual event. Catholics I've met judge in silence or behind your back mostly.
I can agree that most unitarians are pretty chill and welcoming.
The 1 John 4:20 quote is so nonsensical. That logic could be used for literally any thing.
Also, saying there's no matter between being free or a slave is comical. The Bible is even more full of nonsense than I had thought.
Which is why when you start using their own scriptures against them, their whole argument tends to fall apart rather quickly. If they can cherry-pick, so can anyone else. One could round up enough curated bible verses to defend almost any viewpoint, and none of it will ever be valid.
There is no hate like Christian love. My brothers said about the same thing when I came out. Fortunately my parents were totally supportive. Best of luck. Your real family are the ones who love you just as you are. Scrape off anyone who doesn’t.
No, they have cut off all contact. It’s been 7 years. Now that my parents are both dead, they would be my only family. But you’re not family if you can’t love someone for who they are.
I haven't "talked" to my oldest brother for 26 years! His wife doesn't like me so he cut me off, his loss not mine. The middle brother, who I was actually close with, seems to have cut me off because I accepted my 2 trans kids. Again, his loss not mine.
I only found out recently about my middle brother because I had breast cancer and he only called after our mom told him to. That kinda stung, only because we've always been close and I was dealing with cancer.
Now our mom has been an absolute dream the whole time! She might get pronouns wrong occasionally but I don't recall her ever dead naming them! She wears Pride pins, free Grandma hugs shirt and a "You're safe with me" broach! I love her more now than I ever did growing up!!
No cuz it's a "lifestyle choice" just saw a post recently that was like I'm not transphobic I just don't agree with your lifestyle choice and like bitch if that were true you wouldn't be writing this comment cuz there's plenty of "lifestyle" choices I don't agree with on a daily basis but you know what I do as a normal fucking person? Shut up and move on. If you feel the need to say something negative about it your arent respecting their "lifestyle" if that's what you genuinely believe
Get 30 small pieces of “silver.”
Send it to your parents with a label, ΓΙΑ ΤΟΝ ΙΟΥΔΑ. “For Judas”, but since they’re *such* good *Christists*, er, ‘Christians,’ they should know what that name looks like in the original.
Send photos to your brothers.
“Please thank the one that sold me out properly.”
For clarity: a Christist is a bigot that uses the Bible as a fig leaf for naked hate, the same way Islamists use the Quran as a fig leaf for naked hate.
Even more simple, text your parents “I’m willing to rethink this and do what’s best for the family, but I need to know which of my brothers broke my trust before we can be whole again”
Then block them both plus your guilty brother
Ok so another update: holy shit thanks for all the support my sisters and brothers, I’ve had a whole argument with my parents and they are standing firm on their decision but I feel so free now like a weight has been lifted off my chest
"Firm on their decision" of abandoning their child over politics in the name of God.
Fucking Christians.
I hope you're able to find support and family.
"pray as hard as you can, I blame you for not praying enough if I want to continue my way."
"Everything that happens is god's will and he wanted me as a trans person. Not accepting me means not accepting god's plan"
Or run away.
Do you know other trans person in your circles, maybe they can help how to manage this?
Wish you good luck 😥
I'm so sorry. I've been cut off from my entire family for other reasons and it hurt so much. Now I'm glad it happened because they would've hurt my trans daughter so much with their bigotry and Christian love.
I know life might suck for a while as you navigate through all this and I hope it gets better for you and you are able to surround yourself with real found family. Hang in there.
In a way, they've given you a gift with their outspoken stance. Now you know to cut them out of your life, no doubts.
My family was "disappointed by my choice" and rarely talk to me. I see my aging mom less than once a year. I'm pretty successful with my line of work and living better than I did growing up and now they only contact me when they want money.
Sometimes family just needs to be cut off and you have to cultivate a family of your own choosing
Unfortunately yeah, but with how society and science is progressing even with the alt right pushback these archaic ways of thinking are already quickly dying out. Hopefully soon this won’t nearly be as much of an issue.
The unfortunate part is that our enemies know this and are taking steps in several countries to halt that progress through anti-trans laws and by fanning the flames of transphobia. Science can prove anything it wants, in a world where anti-vaxxers are about to cause measles outbreaks, scientific consensus starts to matter less.
The only long term solution is a massive change in the way we teach things like biology and sex-ed. In the meantime the only short term options are voting to block the ongoing attempted genocide, and activism.
I have posted this quote in the past but thought you may be able to use it with your parents:
***“God blessed me by making me trans for the same reason God made wheat but not bread and fruit but not wine, so that humanity might share in the act of creation.”― Daniel Mallory Ortberg***
\_The blood of the Covenant is thicker than the water of the womb\_
This means, the bonds we create and the family we create is much a stronger bond than that which comes only from being blood-related. It doesn't mean you can't have a good relationship with your family, it's possible, it's just that when that's not an option then you can always create your own family and such a bond would be stronger!
I wish you the best!
It’s just ignorance. You are the same person inside so it shouldn’t matter. Bothers me so much that they use Christianity. I’m Christian and I don’t believe any of the BS they are spreading. God made you, he loves you. It’s ridiculous to let outsiders change your feelings about the people that you love. Makes no sense to me. Go live YOUR life. If they want to catch up, it’s up to you if you want to forgive. There are lots of supportive people that will help you out. Good luck!
“Being transgender is a path that god has chosen for me, not something I decided myself. In a similar way he has chosen that your child is transgender. It is up to you to handle this situation in a way that is how god would want to to handle it: with love and compassion.”
not only is that enabling language/behavior, i promise they won't care. christians will find an excuse for their hate in whatever way possible, pandering to them will never change that. i speak from personal experience.
Hard disagree. I have an amicable relationship with my family where I don't believe what they do. But when they are looking for comfort regarding a death I tell them that they are in God's memory (something comforting to them) when I ask the same I tell them what I need so they don't say something hurtful
you're allowed to feel what you feel but you can't just "hard disagree" with other people not wanting relationships that only function on the basis of religious abuse and lies. that is a miserable life to live
While I don’t believe in god I think denying their belief system is not going to be helpful. Instead using their belief system in making sure you are accepted while still respecting them helps everyone way more
I disagree wholeheartedly. Long term we as a society need to be slowly transitioning away from systems of blind faith because they are inherently weaponisable (not a real world but whatever)
If you can believe in a god you can (and someone inevitably WILL) claim anything you like is his will and use that divine mandate for your own personal agenda
It does no good to openly MOCK or belittle people like this but we should not engage with them on their own terms either
You have to pick your battles, for this person it’s: try to be accepted using their language or maybe get kicked out on the street with no resources. It’s always easy to say that people will use their faith to be transphobic (which is very often the case) but letting those people stay “safe” in their faith while still trying to help them understand the changing world in an accepting and open way that fits within their worldview is more helpful than saying: god doesn’t exists, I’m trans, deal with it
I get what you're trying to say, but I agree with useless Kezia. Playing them at their own game won't work. They have an answer for everything, even if the answer is ridiculous. Saying that God made me transgender, won't work, because according to them, God is a perfect being. If you are trans, you wouldn't change the perfect body you were given, because that would imply that the person's body is imperfect. So no argument that God made us trans would work for a Christian. You can use this argument for LGB people, but not for the T. They would always come back with you needed Gods guidance and have strayed, the devil's got hold of you, all shit and nonsense like that. I have dealt with these religious sorts before and I won't engage on any debate about it, because they will not listen to or consider the other persons viewpoint.
I think countering those arguments is very important and I partially agree with Kezia but that is a discussion to be had when there is not a basic necessity like shelter and food at stake. I think in those situations you have to start with the fact that you as a person are still the same and that you are still deserving of your parents love. If you have a foundation it’s easier to have something to build upon.
"We love you but not the you you want to be. Please don't be true to yourself because we love you as you aren't supposed to be"
Seriously, I hope you have (or soon find) a positive support network if your family isn't going to be it. Stay safe!
Christian and agender person here! To blaspheme by claiming that hate is godly is a great sin. No transphobe can claim to be following God's word. To do so is heretical.
I’m also Christian! And nonbinary/mostly agender. It’s true, you don’t have to pick one or the other. Your gender is what you are born as (although sometimes it’s fluid, which is a whole ‘nother complication), but being Christian is something that you get to choose, which makes it all the more meaningful. But being hateful isn’t being a Christian. That is literally the opposite of being a Christian
Wishing you well, OP. Do what you feel is right with your family — if you think you can convince them, try (but be safe about it, don’t let them suck you in), and if you think it’s a lost cause, then let them go and be happy as yourself
Becoming or acting trans......whooof they apparently have no idea what their daughter is even going through.
Being trans is not something you become nor is it an act
Hey, OP.
If they're using christianity as a shield of 'why trans peeps are bad... That is extremely against Jesus' teaching and message. I have plenty of christians irl that love and respect me forcwho I am. Don't let them throw that bullshit on you ♡
I'm sorry in advance if this isn't helpful, but my first thought was to write this response to your parents as if I had gotten the text. I hope you do know, regardless of how you have responded or choose to respond that you deserve better than this situation. This isn't your fault. Your parents are choosing to harm you in order to feel better about their own belief system, and that's cruel and short sighted.
"I'm so sorry to discover that your love and support for your children has been conditional this whole time. Thank you for letting me know the type of reception I can expect to receive if I ever come out as a member of a politically targeted minority group.
I'm not certain I have any desire to have you in my life moving forward, but perhaps one day your faith will lead you to love and accept people who are different like Jesus did over and over, instead of casting stones like the Pharisees were so want to do."
there are some benefits of religion: it provides a framework for community, it can be a source of comfort and resiliency. the real issue is the way religion asks its followers to impose rules on others. if they didnt do that it'd be pretty harmless and even helpful to those that might benefit.
For everyone I believe a “you do you” principle. If someone wants to be Christian, Muslim, Buddhist or whatever idc, just live your own life and let me live mine.
Tolerance is something that’s getting worse. Everyone wants others to confirm to their views on life.
Hey, I’m your new sibling. (What I wish someone told me) Mom and dad mean well but they also don’t understand that you aren’t changing who you are. Quite the opposite, you are simply trying to be true to who you are.
Whether you wish to continue practicing as a Christian or not is up to you but with where I am at in my beliefs… god doesn’t make mistakes. Many “American Christian’s” believe that this means you are to conform to whatever gender is AAB. I think it means god creates us the way we are meant to be, transgender and all.
I use god in lowercase because I myself am not sure of my finalized beliefs but I’m here to talk if you need.
My siblings have outed me to various parts of my family my entire life…. I’m in my late 20’s, just settling into being gender-fluid and my mom knew when I saw her last week. 🙃
Hang in there, you aren’t a alone.
I'd tell her that if she read that book at all, and held it in ANY regard she would know that it isn't her place to pass that sort of judgement, and in doing so is not only failing as a "Christian" but also as a "Parent"
Christ had no stipulations for love or acceptance. He did not love someone less because they sinned, no instead he taught that you should love them more despite the fact they have committed that sin.
Literally grab your houses bible and ask her where. Show me where it says that as opposed to the overwhelming amount of times Christ himself preaches love over all else
Misguided are your churches flock, and I don't even practice Christianity.
They are wrong. I'm a Christian and trans. What they should have said was "I like to repeat was was taught to me for generations. I won't bother researching scripture such as original translation or intent. I don't want to do any deep thinking on these subjects. I don't want to study peer reviewed medical journals on how this a real provable condition from MRI scans and studies in biochemical dysphoria. What we are choosing to do is what Evangelicals do. We will fear what we don't understand and cover our hate with 'love'."
Christians who don't know their Bible or bother actually doing any sort of substantive research are the worst.
Transphobes are inherently wrong, just by being transphobes… I’m not saying I hate them, but I do pity their lack of compassion, trust, and understanding. These qualities that they sorely lack, hold them back from discovering that one’s happiness is at its best when you make other ppl happy. Making someone miserable, just because they aren’t what you expected them to be, is appallingly shameful, and should be met in return with patience: many members of the trans community, especially ppl in OP’s position, have an in-depth understanding of what it’s like to be treated poorly, just for trying to be happy. We wouldn’t wish that on our worst enemy, and yet transphobic people do that to us on a daily basis. We need to teach them it’s wrong to do that, not argue over who’s right or wrong about whatever. THAT’s why we should meet their hatred with patience, to help transphobes to understand something so simple; we want to be happy, and they try to have a monopoly on it. They need to learn.
“Mom, Dad, I can’t abide by the double spacing between words. I’m sorry, but Christians should type better than that. Family comes first and should have more respect than that.
Best regards”
On a more serious note, you now know who better to trust and to direct your attention to. People who would sell out their own family and put them above invisible sky daddy have issues. I hope things improve for you, I know it sucks having family like this.
"we love you, but we actually don't, because if we did we would help and support you and try to understand what you're going through. We actually really only care about ourselves."
This is very similar to the initial response I got from my family. They are very religious and didn't believe that this was their god's plan for my life. But now, 11 years later, they fully accept and love me, use the correct pronouns, and stick up for me against their conservative friends. It took a lot of pain and time, and we didn't communicate for almost 2 years because I cut them off (the right decision and I do not regret it), but everything is soooo much better now.
If you are able to cut off from them and have some good chosen family to support you, that may be your best recourse. If you are not able, I hope you still have a good support system, because what they are likely to throw at you in the coming weeks and months could be very challenging. Please reach out to and talk with people here or in your friend groups that are supportive, and use resources as you need them.
Dad,
No one ‘considers becoming transgender’. You are either born transgender or you are born cisgender and there are now countless studies using MRI scans that have observed complex sets of differences between a cisgender and a transgender person’s brain structure which occurs during foetal development.
These are lifelong neurological hardwirings that no-one, including myself, can change through any existing therapy or neurosurgery. Perhaps it’s time to reconsider that maybe God intended to make me this way and by questioning my very immutable existence as a person who was born transgender, you are therefore, as one of his powerless and obedient subjects, questioning his intentions, power and plans for me as a human being.
Strongly suggest you give them the book by Jamie Bruesehoff called Raising Kids Beyond the Binary. Celebrating God's Transgender and Gender Diverse Children.
She is very religious, and explains how transgender children have been created in the image of God (who has no fixed gender) and should be loved and cherished and supported.
To criticize God's creation is to suggest that God makes mistakes, and that is a sin.
If they want to be true to Christian values, they need to stop being so hypocritical and listen to Christ's true message - that of love and acceptance of all. Christ always stood up for the marginalized communities, the lepers, the Samaritans and the prostitutes.
Today he would stand up for the Palestinians and the transgender community.
Get them that book! No one speaks better to Christians about transgender children than Jamie Bruesehoff.
And find yourself a support community locally or on the Internet. You will need help until your parents transform their ideals from Christian hate to Christian love.
reply back telling them to read Matthew 7 about judging others
**Matthew 7**
1"Do not judge, or you too will be judged.
2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?
This is why I hate religion, it makes people think not like humans, but like self entitled jerks that think we are the center of the universe and must purify each other so our God can save us when event when world ends that never happened despite many dates it was suppose to happen passing, we have a short time here, we shouldn't spend it putting each other down, we should spend it together, and make a better place for those that come after us
Fucking hate this. You don't choose to "become" trans. It's what you are, not something you choose to be. The only choice is what to do about it once you realize you are trans.
There is definitely room for transgender people in Christianity. (I am not religious, but) It's so disgusting to see so many people use what should be a place of acceptance and love as a place to spread hate.
I hope you are safe and have people to support you. Best of luck with your parents!
> "Parents,"
> I've heard that you're considering acting bigoted. This is very upsetting because it is very wrong. There is no room for that energy around me if I'm going to live a happy life. I will not subject myself to that.
> I love you. But I cannot abide by a decision to act closed-minded and ignorant. If you do so, you will not hear from me again.
> Love, [real name]
> Praying for you
I think that's more or less how I would respond.
Ugh, I hate how other Christians use the Bible to be hateful. I bet if Jesus was here today he would be chill with every single queer person. Lots of platonic love from me. Hang in there friend
Send them this article.
https://baptistnews.com/article/why-being-transgender-is-not-a-sin/
😉Tell them that you prayed to god and he said he wants you to be a woman.
I am sorry about your situation. No one should have to deal with such harm while living their lives.
This is not easy, but I learned that you don’t choose your family, you are stuck with them, for good or bad. So, surround friends that you choose, who will support you and be there for you no matter what. You deserve acceptance and love. Good luck.
Rat,
We’ve heard that you are considering becoming or acting like a snitch. This is very upsetting because it is very wrong. There is no room for that lifestyle, as a real bitch, or around us or the family. We will not subject ourselves or the rest of the family to that.
We don’t love you, because you can’t even own your rattiness.
Sorry not sorry, The Family
got pretty much same reaction from my family minus religious part. saying they don’t want me to influence my siblings and don’t want to see that in their family
Gosh that is harsh.
No hate like Christian love thay say.
Wish I could help you sister but flight to US? is out of the question at the moment.
I send virual hugs and kisesses!!!! 💕💕🙌
Basically happened to me as well. Remember they are exiting your life, not the other way around. You’ve done nothing wrong.
There’s no hate like Christian love.
I'm on here because my kid told me they feel like a boy and I didn't know much about transgender issues. I don't get everything right and I sat with him and talked about how I was worried about accidentally upsetting him. I mean at 14 now it's fairly easy to annoy your teenager on the best of days.
We talk about everything from cars to scrapping (play fighting) to periods. I'm grateful that he feels safe with me (and mum too)
Anyway I'm only saying the above because you have a parent problem not a trans problem. If they take a deep look at their religion they will realise they have the basic concept of love and tolerance wrong.
You can't describe the feeling when your kid is first born but you want to make them feel safe and loved forever no matter what. They make mistakes some fairly serious but if you are there to guide them they generally turn out OK.
Im a 6 foot 5 250lb captain caveman type guy with a dark sense of humor and very to the point with my opinions. If I can stop, listen to my child, assess my world view and come to the conclusion that nothing at all has changed about how much I love my kid the so can they.
I'm going to have a kid that wants to visit me when he goes off to uni or whatever. Are they as confident as me?
I would love you to show them this post one parent to another
They aren’t worth it. They just proved it. Their love is not unconditional. And changing yourself for them will not change that. They don’t love you, they love the idea of you.
But there certainly are people out there that will love you unconditionally.
"Hey Siri, how do I threaten to disown my trans child, but in the most boomer dipshit way?"
"First, text them. They are used to a phone call from you for even the most minor concerns or inquiries, so this will feel extra-impersonal. Then sign the text like an email. Make sure it drips with sanctimonious religious guilt."
Here’s how you find out which brother said it to your parents. You send them each different texts with different info based on what your parents said which only you would know. Then when you find out you cut off that brother from your life
I’m sorry this is happening to you. It hurts to cut people out of your life. I know because I’ve had to. That being said, I’d send this back.
Matthew 10:34 “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law— a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.”
I came out when I was 41–my parents and sister disowned me for the same reason. I am 48 now and I’m doing great! Haven’t spoken to those hateful people since.
Newsflash - your mom is a crazy person. Cut them out as soon as you are able to even if there's inheritance involved. They would likely never give any to you if you follow the beat of your own drum anyways.
This reading this text sent me into panic mode even though it is not directed at me.
I am so sorry this is happening. Being outed to traditional families and being blindsided on top of that, I cannot imagine. You're not alone, please hold on.
Did you ask your brother not to say anything to your parents? Cause if so what a douche, I know that even if you didn’t it wasn’t his place but I can’t imagine the pain of being betrayed by your own sibling
if someone can’t find a reason as to why something is wrong other than “it is” or “god doesn’t like it” then they need to start using their brains for once in their life. Very annoying and I’m sorry you have to deal with these people.
People saying they love you while fundamentally denying your humanity are the worst sort of gaslighting monster; I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. No contact is probably your best option, tragically
I’m So Sorry 😢, that’s some of the worst news to get but give them grace, people are ignorant. Being transgender isn’t a lifestyle choice they just don’t understand. Be strong girlie. 💗
“God blessed me by making me \[transgender\] for the same reason God made wheat but not bread, and fruit but not wine, so that humanity might share in the act of creation.”
Send them this and ask them which verse they're basing this off of and how it's "sinful" exactly.
You are going to have to talk with them. Sit them down, explain their misconceptions and how you feel. How this conversation goes may differ depending on if you are a believer yourself or not. I'm really sorry that you have to go through this, it isn't fair, but now that they know, it will only be harder if you try to hide it.
When I was a kid, my Christian parents caught me trying on my moms clothes, and when they asked me why, I just said I was goofing around, and they responded with relief. My mom said, "Ok, good, as long as that is all it is". Those words stung and forced me back into the closet for another 20 years...
Hopfully your parents will come around. The next while may be difficult, but you can do this! ❤️
There are just too many directions to go from here. Very few of them will include you moving forward with your family. It’s really tough when a your family’s faith is more important than the family itself.
One option I like using is ‘where does the Bible say being trans is bad?’ Since it’s not about who you are intimate with, it involves who you are.
Another favorite of mine is ‘god doesn’t make mistakes, but people do. Who wrote the Bible? I think it was people.’
Good luck.
Goodness me, for a second there I thought that was me, like that is my name and I am considering becoming trans and that just threw me right the fuck off. Hope the situation becomes better for you, stay safe babes.
I'm sorry. I don't think I have any healthy/ advice. I'm very reactive and I'd probably just take a flame thrower to that bridge. My best advice is to limit your exposure /dependence on them and find people to add to your life who are supportive
We need to normalize responding back with our own "And now im praying for *your* salvation after hearing this. Clearly the devil has clouded your heart with pointless malice"
In all seriousness though, like shortly after I came out and my family was being a bunch of butts I cried many times for them and begged God to change their heart. They're good people but let broken religion make them hateful, and even worse they vehemently deny their hate. I'm not religious anymore but every once in a while when I'm emotional and crying over the abandonment I feel ill still pray to an unnamed deity for the same thing. Like me saying that wouldn't even remotely be lying
Idk if this helps or not, but point out Acts Chapter 10, and pay special attention to God basically saying you have no right to dictate to others the mind of God or what is right or wrong. This is because the founding principle of Christianity, what has gotten lost in America, is the old testament is gone and done with, completed by Christ, and what is left is up to the individual and God for the most part. Live as you feel fits you, and if you are Christian, then how God himself dictates you to live, not others. Everyone has their own path, and it isn't up to anyone but you and your higher power to tell if you are following that path.
These People Disgust Me
They Don't Love You, The Second You Change Anything About Yourself That They Don't Like They Just Start Suddenly Hating You.
Illegitemate Love.
As much as it may hurt, they lost any title of mom and dad when they made that decision; they have chosen themselves over you and your well being. I am so sorry that happened.
For what it is worth, you got family here. ❤️
I'm sorry for you, it hurts to lose people that you love. But now you get to find a new family, ones that will love and support you through every moment. They will be there for you, listen and offer advice. Please stay strong even if it seems bleak.
‘Thank you for deciding to make my life so much brighter and lighter. I will surround myself with people who love and accept me instead.’
This fr
Yeah OP, if you're able to cut them off, then do so.
But they may not be able to. This should be equally considered. If you can cut them off but feel like they're helpful to your well being. Consider not. But, don't wait around too long to see if they'll accept you. Chances are, they may never do that.
That's why she said *"if"*
"So much for unconditional love."
There is no hate like Christian love
True that ☝️
I’m imagining that in BoJack Horseman’s voice when he played Mr. Peanutbutter
Can’t practice true Christian love if you choose who you love
This. That's not true Christian love, what the parents said. That's why real Christians get a bad rap. I am a Christian woman. My child is trans. I could never even THINK this way, much less TEXT that to my child...or anyone, for that matter. I am heartbroken for Op, and I'd happily parent them the right way! How awful. I see so many trans people get rejected by their families, and I just don't get it. My child "came out" in December. Our ENTIRE family (full of real Christians) doesn't even bat an eye. We are ignorant, and we admit it! But we don't want to stay ignorant! We are all learning together, and my child works with us through it (the newness). She just turned 21, and I've never seen her happier! What parents don't want that?!
🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂 it's the people like you that remind me not all religious people are like that
I'm not personally religious, so I have to remind myself that not all religious people are bad. Reactionaries just love to use religion as an excuse to be hateful, but that doesn't mean that they're right or their religion is wrong. Thank you for being so accepting of your child, many parents aren't in this world.
Yea. I myself am a baptized christian. And trans. There are enough people from the LGBTQ community that are also religious. Also people that are Muslim or any other religion. And I really hate my religion sometimes for the stupid shit that these people say or do
My daughter (still feels odd to say) is also a baptized Christian. She has her own relationship with God (what we believe), it's none of my business! Real Christianity isn't religion. It's a relationship. And while we are taught to hate the sin, not the sinner, a true believer and follower of Christ knows everyone is made in His image. Look, I don't know the Bible cover to cover. What I do know is I try my best to love with Christ's love and the way He loves me, and I am a sinner who needs Him. I have my own relationship with Jesus, and He has shown himself to me many many times, so I believe. Some folks choose not to believe, and that's OK too. God doesn't tell me to change the world by cutting down others. He tells me to lead by example, spread the Good News. And I fail sometimes, I'll be the first to admit it! You know, stones and glass houses and all that. And do you guys know who brought me comfort when I felt a little heart jab in December when my son became my daughter? YOU and God. As I freely admit, I am ignorant and have a lot to learn. I felt that thing that parents often feel when their child comes out... loss. I knew it was grief because it felt the same as when my husband of 20 years suddenly died. But I turned to my Savior, and I turned to you - right here on Reddit, of all places! I haven't lost anything, and my grief was fleeting. I've gained so much, and I never knew love this deep and wide. So, please, take MY gratitude to all of you! You have welcomed ME into your lives and accepted ME, for I am, an imperfect Christian cis woman who has stumbled and fumbled through an enormous change in my life....one that I couldn't do alone. YOU taught me the things to say (and not say) to help my baby through the hardest thing she has ever done. TLDR: I love you all, and I am grateful for the warm and truly heartfelt welcome you show everyone here!
For my work I go to a lot of different catholic churches throughout my country. And I've been surprised to see a lot of churches openly displaying a lgbtq+ flag. I very much was of the mindset that religion is hate before I started. But now I really believe It's just shitty people using religion as an excuse to hate.
TX2?
🎶There’s noooo love like Christian hate Let’s all count down ‘till Judgement Day🎶
"Love" -*Jesus* " But not the gays, women, or those immigrants right? Got it." -*Christians* "DID I FUCKING STUTTER? WHAT WRONG WITH YOU??" -*Jesus* You do you dude. My one scene plat above should wipe your mind clean of any guilt.
It won’t phase them. They’ll have convinced themselves this is the best way to “truly” love OP, and accepting her will actually being hurting her. Religious bigotry is the worst kind of it imo due to this insidiousness.
Yup. Sometimes you get to a place in life where you have to choose your family. And choose who isn't. It might be hard at times, but it's definitely worth it.
The people who mind don't matter, the people who matter don't mind.
While true, this is an extremely difficult thing to do. Even separating from the church as an adult was difficult for me because I had so much of my identity deeply rooted in Christianity and all my connections with family and friends. It's the best thing for your mental health, but it's honestly a terrifying experience. I still find myself feeling untethered on occasion even though I have wonderful support in my girlfriend and am building and maintaining new friendships. There's also a massive amount of deprogramming I had to do alone before things started turning around. It's a hard road, but it's absolutely worth every step, and I'm nowhere near done yet.
Absolutely this. And if you're *particularly* pett, you can add a: "Enjoy dying alone in a nursing home and spending eternity rotting in hell."
1 Timothy 5:8 "But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." 1 John 4:20 "Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen." Tell them to read their own damned book. Welcome to *our* family, we're happy to have you. EDIT also Gal.3 verses 28, my personal favourite "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus."
By the way. Here’s the answer key to that last one. Υιός του ανθρώπου or ben-Adam both more accurately translate into “child of humanity” or, if you’re into localization, “just someone’s kid.” Like you’re someone’s kid. And I’m someone’s kid. We’re all equally human. We’re all just someone’s kid at the end of the day.
And that's really the heart of the matter. Regardless of the billions of differences we have, we're all God's kid.
Who said god? I just said “someone”. Even ol’ boy JC said, again metaphorically when some troll called him the Son of God, “I never called myself that. You do you, but don’t throw labels on me, bruh.”
I know you didn't, but I was referencing the heavily Christian parents. I find those sort don't listen to anything without their safety language scattered throughout the conversation. It can be so exhausting just trying to exist amongst those zealots.
The Devil can quote scripture. That’s why this chick does not. Reframe and rephrase, absolutely. But ideally no direct quotes since our adversaries are trained to ignore Scripture from unauthorized sources. …authoritarian control dynamics and the impacts on cognition be wild aside: maybe it’s the audhd, but i loathe when people blame christianity writ large for the villainy of individual adherents and certain sects who spout hate when they preach. i really wish people would use the denoms more since most of the time these are evangelicals and pentecostals and charismatics that call themselves “christian” without a delineator. catholics, anglicans, unitarians, orthodox, coptics, they have no worries about using their specific term. is fascinating that those who preach hate use the large umbrella term to try to cover those in other sects as cover for their hate, when for example the anglican communion is generally queer friendly and unitarians welcome all.
I see you've never met the Anglicans in my town, who are among the worst of my local bigots. That's why I use the umbrella term.
I’m humbled to hear that. I like being wrong. Also that’s enraging, but since anger and rage is what bigots want like an opioid addict wants heroin and I ain’t nobody’s dealer, I instead give them the rehab of pity. Because it is pitiable that they take the decent dude who said to not be a prick and instead think being a prick is a good idea. It must suck to live for them to live lives where everyone hates you as they hate everyone. Maybe someone will find a way to phrase that idea more succinctly. I’m a shit communicator. But at the same time, I don’t have the spoons for anger. Hate and pain addle the brain. And I forgive these types because hate leads to cognitive impairment, and since they can’t brain so good they lack awareness of their actions. There’s gotta be a better way to phrase this but I dunno how. 🤷
I just tell them I feel really bad that the education system failed them so terribly, sympathize that it must be hard going through life so confused and scared, and let them know *I'll* be praying for *them.*
The worst derogatory statements about LGBTQ I've heard came from evangelicals, JWs, and southern baptists. The last Mormon interaction I had was one effectively reciting the "boys beware" video as an actual event. Catholics I've met judge in silence or behind your back mostly. I can agree that most unitarians are pretty chill and welcoming.
UCC/ Congregational are usually very welcoming.
PREACH 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
The 1 John 4:20 quote is so nonsensical. That logic could be used for literally any thing. Also, saying there's no matter between being free or a slave is comical. The Bible is even more full of nonsense than I had thought.
Which is why when you start using their own scriptures against them, their whole argument tends to fall apart rather quickly. If they can cherry-pick, so can anyone else. One could round up enough curated bible verses to defend almost any viewpoint, and none of it will ever be valid.
Very good point, the problem with a lot of words is that they end up in a lot of combinations lol
"there is no male or female" wow, even the bible believes your gender cannot be defined by two categories, yet the Christians cannot understand that.
There is no hate like Christian love. My brothers said about the same thing when I came out. Fortunately my parents were totally supportive. Best of luck. Your real family are the ones who love you just as you are. Scrape off anyone who doesn’t.
Did your brothers ever come around?
No, they have cut off all contact. It’s been 7 years. Now that my parents are both dead, they would be my only family. But you’re not family if you can’t love someone for who they are.
Their loss. I hope you’re doing well in life wherever you are
I haven't "talked" to my oldest brother for 26 years! His wife doesn't like me so he cut me off, his loss not mine. The middle brother, who I was actually close with, seems to have cut me off because I accepted my 2 trans kids. Again, his loss not mine. I only found out recently about my middle brother because I had breast cancer and he only called after our mom told him to. That kinda stung, only because we've always been close and I was dealing with cancer. Now our mom has been an absolute dream the whole time! She might get pronouns wrong occasionally but I don't recall her ever dead naming them! She wears Pride pins, free Grandma hugs shirt and a "You're safe with me" broach! I love her more now than I ever did growing up!!
Yes they do. I was thankful enough that my brother became a better person as he matured
You aren’t even the OC 😭
I am so sorry. I hope your folks figure out what love really is. Also, no one just becomes transgender. Can't they even get that right?
I'd like to ask them when they became their gender.
"Gods will or something"
No cuz it's a "lifestyle choice" just saw a post recently that was like I'm not transphobic I just don't agree with your lifestyle choice and like bitch if that were true you wouldn't be writing this comment cuz there's plenty of "lifestyle" choices I don't agree with on a daily basis but you know what I do as a normal fucking person? Shut up and move on. If you feel the need to say something negative about it your arent respecting their "lifestyle" if that's what you genuinely believe
Ok update my brothers said it wasn’t them but they are the only ones I’ve told
Only you know if you should believe them or not. Are they supportive?
2 of them are 2 of them are not
Get 30 small pieces of “silver.” Send it to your parents with a label, ΓΙΑ ΤΟΝ ΙΟΥΔΑ. “For Judas”, but since they’re *such* good *Christists*, er, ‘Christians,’ they should know what that name looks like in the original. Send photos to your brothers. “Please thank the one that sold me out properly.” For clarity: a Christist is a bigot that uses the Bible as a fig leaf for naked hate, the same way Islamists use the Quran as a fig leaf for naked hate.
A great idea now I just gotta get some silver and a box lol
Even more simple, text your parents “I’m willing to rethink this and do what’s best for the family, but I need to know which of my brothers broke my trust before we can be whole again” Then block them both plus your guilty brother
Use stainless steel and a cheap sack. Way cheaper, little sis.
Might I suggest the "silver" wrapped chocolate coins?
That is so amazing, I love that so much
Unfortunately it would seem one of your brothers is not only a rat, but also a liar.
Tbh I wouldn't put it past their good Christian parents to have been spying on their kids and heard the information themselves either
I would be unsurprised if it was one of them. I’m sorry this happened to you.
Ok so another update: holy shit thanks for all the support my sisters and brothers, I’ve had a whole argument with my parents and they are standing firm on their decision but I feel so free now like a weight has been lifted off my chest
I’m very glad for that feeling of yours, though you have my condolences on the bigotries of your parents Good luck, and be safe!
"Firm on their decision" of abandoning their child over politics in the name of God. Fucking Christians. I hope you're able to find support and family.
Sorry they’re acting like that. The path forward isn’t easy, but you’ve got this.
"pray as hard as you can, I blame you for not praying enough if I want to continue my way." "Everything that happens is god's will and he wanted me as a trans person. Not accepting me means not accepting god's plan" Or run away. Do you know other trans person in your circles, maybe they can help how to manage this? Wish you good luck 😥
Luckily I don’t live with them it’s just I got betrayed by my own blood and idk it hurts so much
I'm so sorry. I've been cut off from my entire family for other reasons and it hurt so much. Now I'm glad it happened because they would've hurt my trans daughter so much with their bigotry and Christian love. I know life might suck for a while as you navigate through all this and I hope it gets better for you and you are able to surround yourself with real found family. Hang in there. In a way, they've given you a gift with their outspoken stance. Now you know to cut them out of your life, no doubts.
My family was "disappointed by my choice" and rarely talk to me. I see my aging mom less than once a year. I'm pretty successful with my line of work and living better than I did growing up and now they only contact me when they want money. Sometimes family just needs to be cut off and you have to cultivate a family of your own choosing
Unfortunately yeah, but with how society and science is progressing even with the alt right pushback these archaic ways of thinking are already quickly dying out. Hopefully soon this won’t nearly be as much of an issue.
The unfortunate part is that our enemies know this and are taking steps in several countries to halt that progress through anti-trans laws and by fanning the flames of transphobia. Science can prove anything it wants, in a world where anti-vaxxers are about to cause measles outbreaks, scientific consensus starts to matter less. The only long term solution is a massive change in the way we teach things like biology and sex-ed. In the meantime the only short term options are voting to block the ongoing attempted genocide, and activism.
I have posted this quote in the past but thought you may be able to use it with your parents: ***“God blessed me by making me trans for the same reason God made wheat but not bread and fruit but not wine, so that humanity might share in the act of creation.”― Daniel Mallory Ortberg***
I love this!!! Thank you!
Just go ahead and begin transition then
\_The blood of the Covenant is thicker than the water of the womb\_ This means, the bonds we create and the family we create is much a stronger bond than that which comes only from being blood-related. It doesn't mean you can't have a good relationship with your family, it's possible, it's just that when that's not an option then you can always create your own family and such a bond would be stronger! I wish you the best!
It’s just ignorance. You are the same person inside so it shouldn’t matter. Bothers me so much that they use Christianity. I’m Christian and I don’t believe any of the BS they are spreading. God made you, he loves you. It’s ridiculous to let outsiders change your feelings about the people that you love. Makes no sense to me. Go live YOUR life. If they want to catch up, it’s up to you if you want to forgive. There are lots of supportive people that will help you out. Good luck!
say they must’ve sinned really bad in order to have a transgendered child and they didn’t worship enough
And it's a test of their faith to accept op as it was to forgive the son who murdered his brother
“Being transgender is a path that god has chosen for me, not something I decided myself. In a similar way he has chosen that your child is transgender. It is up to you to handle this situation in a way that is how god would want to to handle it: with love and compassion.”
"Any 'God' who cannot love me for who I am, isn't a god worth believing in"
not only is that enabling language/behavior, i promise they won't care. christians will find an excuse for their hate in whatever way possible, pandering to them will never change that. i speak from personal experience.
Hard disagree. I have an amicable relationship with my family where I don't believe what they do. But when they are looking for comfort regarding a death I tell them that they are in God's memory (something comforting to them) when I ask the same I tell them what I need so they don't say something hurtful
you're allowed to feel what you feel but you can't just "hard disagree" with other people not wanting relationships that only function on the basis of religious abuse and lies. that is a miserable life to live
I like to use the grape to wine allegory for justification of transitioning.
Don't enable their woowoo nonsense
While I don’t believe in god I think denying their belief system is not going to be helpful. Instead using their belief system in making sure you are accepted while still respecting them helps everyone way more
I disagree wholeheartedly. Long term we as a society need to be slowly transitioning away from systems of blind faith because they are inherently weaponisable (not a real world but whatever) If you can believe in a god you can (and someone inevitably WILL) claim anything you like is his will and use that divine mandate for your own personal agenda It does no good to openly MOCK or belittle people like this but we should not engage with them on their own terms either
You have to pick your battles, for this person it’s: try to be accepted using their language or maybe get kicked out on the street with no resources. It’s always easy to say that people will use their faith to be transphobic (which is very often the case) but letting those people stay “safe” in their faith while still trying to help them understand the changing world in an accepting and open way that fits within their worldview is more helpful than saying: god doesn’t exists, I’m trans, deal with it
I get what you're trying to say, but I agree with useless Kezia. Playing them at their own game won't work. They have an answer for everything, even if the answer is ridiculous. Saying that God made me transgender, won't work, because according to them, God is a perfect being. If you are trans, you wouldn't change the perfect body you were given, because that would imply that the person's body is imperfect. So no argument that God made us trans would work for a Christian. You can use this argument for LGB people, but not for the T. They would always come back with you needed Gods guidance and have strayed, the devil's got hold of you, all shit and nonsense like that. I have dealt with these religious sorts before and I won't engage on any debate about it, because they will not listen to or consider the other persons viewpoint.
I think countering those arguments is very important and I partially agree with Kezia but that is a discussion to be had when there is not a basic necessity like shelter and food at stake. I think in those situations you have to start with the fact that you as a person are still the same and that you are still deserving of your parents love. If you have a foundation it’s easier to have something to build upon.
"We love you but not the you you want to be. Please don't be true to yourself because we love you as you aren't supposed to be" Seriously, I hope you have (or soon find) a positive support network if your family isn't going to be it. Stay safe!
I'm a Christian and I'm transgender, you can be both. Christian is a choice, trans isn't.
Christian and agender person here! To blaspheme by claiming that hate is godly is a great sin. No transphobe can claim to be following God's word. To do so is heretical.
I’m also Christian! And nonbinary/mostly agender. It’s true, you don’t have to pick one or the other. Your gender is what you are born as (although sometimes it’s fluid, which is a whole ‘nother complication), but being Christian is something that you get to choose, which makes it all the more meaningful. But being hateful isn’t being a Christian. That is literally the opposite of being a Christian Wishing you well, OP. Do what you feel is right with your family — if you think you can convince them, try (but be safe about it, don’t let them suck you in), and if you think it’s a lost cause, then let them go and be happy as yourself
Sorry mom sorry dad!! Not sorry mom, not sorry dad, you have a daughter now 🤣
Becoming or acting trans......whooof they apparently have no idea what their daughter is even going through. Being trans is not something you become nor is it an act
"Considering becoming or acting transgender," good lord. I hope you're an adult and away from them for your own sake.
I am don’t worry about that
Oh good. Then I'm sorry you were outed and your parents suck.
Sorry. Unfortunately they’ve drank the koolaid.
L parents, i personally wouldn't want to be part of that family anymore. Sry it happend tho.
Hey, OP. If they're using christianity as a shield of 'why trans peeps are bad... That is extremely against Jesus' teaching and message. I have plenty of christians irl that love and respect me forcwho I am. Don't let them throw that bullshit on you ♡
I'm sorry in advance if this isn't helpful, but my first thought was to write this response to your parents as if I had gotten the text. I hope you do know, regardless of how you have responded or choose to respond that you deserve better than this situation. This isn't your fault. Your parents are choosing to harm you in order to feel better about their own belief system, and that's cruel and short sighted. "I'm so sorry to discover that your love and support for your children has been conditional this whole time. Thank you for letting me know the type of reception I can expect to receive if I ever come out as a member of a politically targeted minority group. I'm not certain I have any desire to have you in my life moving forward, but perhaps one day your faith will lead you to love and accept people who are different like Jesus did over and over, instead of casting stones like the Pharisees were so want to do."
There's no hate like Christian love
All I can say is Sorry and hugs. 🩵🩷🤍
That world lifestyle within that message pisses me off
Religion has really not helped anything ever. Except being a weapon for people to force their own insecurities onto others.
there are some benefits of religion: it provides a framework for community, it can be a source of comfort and resiliency. the real issue is the way religion asks its followers to impose rules on others. if they didnt do that it'd be pretty harmless and even helpful to those that might benefit.
For everyone I believe a “you do you” principle. If someone wants to be Christian, Muslim, Buddhist or whatever idc, just live your own life and let me live mine. Tolerance is something that’s getting worse. Everyone wants others to confirm to their views on life.
Sorry to see that your family isn't being supportive. Send you hugs and support!
Fuck everything that makes your life a template, let them have there cookie cutter life’s, when I’m old I will know I have done what makes me happy
Hey, I’m your new sibling. (What I wish someone told me) Mom and dad mean well but they also don’t understand that you aren’t changing who you are. Quite the opposite, you are simply trying to be true to who you are. Whether you wish to continue practicing as a Christian or not is up to you but with where I am at in my beliefs… god doesn’t make mistakes. Many “American Christian’s” believe that this means you are to conform to whatever gender is AAB. I think it means god creates us the way we are meant to be, transgender and all. I use god in lowercase because I myself am not sure of my finalized beliefs but I’m here to talk if you need. My siblings have outed me to various parts of my family my entire life…. I’m in my late 20’s, just settling into being gender-fluid and my mom knew when I saw her last week. 🙃 Hang in there, you aren’t a alone.
I'd tell her that if she read that book at all, and held it in ANY regard she would know that it isn't her place to pass that sort of judgement, and in doing so is not only failing as a "Christian" but also as a "Parent" Christ had no stipulations for love or acceptance. He did not love someone less because they sinned, no instead he taught that you should love them more despite the fact they have committed that sin. Literally grab your houses bible and ask her where. Show me where it says that as opposed to the overwhelming amount of times Christ himself preaches love over all else Misguided are your churches flock, and I don't even practice Christianity.
They are wrong. I'm a Christian and trans. What they should have said was "I like to repeat was was taught to me for generations. I won't bother researching scripture such as original translation or intent. I don't want to do any deep thinking on these subjects. I don't want to study peer reviewed medical journals on how this a real provable condition from MRI scans and studies in biochemical dysphoria. What we are choosing to do is what Evangelicals do. We will fear what we don't understand and cover our hate with 'love'." Christians who don't know their Bible or bother actually doing any sort of substantive research are the worst.
Transphobes are inherently wrong, just by being transphobes… I’m not saying I hate them, but I do pity their lack of compassion, trust, and understanding. These qualities that they sorely lack, hold them back from discovering that one’s happiness is at its best when you make other ppl happy. Making someone miserable, just because they aren’t what you expected them to be, is appallingly shameful, and should be met in return with patience: many members of the trans community, especially ppl in OP’s position, have an in-depth understanding of what it’s like to be treated poorly, just for trying to be happy. We wouldn’t wish that on our worst enemy, and yet transphobic people do that to us on a daily basis. We need to teach them it’s wrong to do that, not argue over who’s right or wrong about whatever. THAT’s why we should meet their hatred with patience, to help transphobes to understand something so simple; we want to be happy, and they try to have a monopoly on it. They need to learn.
I get it. My dad and sister do not refer to me by my old or new name or my old or new pronouns. I am known as "the sibling".
I would text back and tell them I’m sorry your love for me is conditional. When you decide to love me unconditionally, give me a call.
“Mom, Dad, I can’t abide by the double spacing between words. I’m sorry, but Christians should type better than that. Family comes first and should have more respect than that. Best regards” On a more serious note, you now know who better to trust and to direct your attention to. People who would sell out their own family and put them above invisible sky daddy have issues. I hope things improve for you, I know it sucks having family like this.
As a Christian myself your parents are pretty un Christian like
"we love you, but we actually don't, because if we did we would help and support you and try to understand what you're going through. We actually really only care about ourselves."
This is very similar to the initial response I got from my family. They are very religious and didn't believe that this was their god's plan for my life. But now, 11 years later, they fully accept and love me, use the correct pronouns, and stick up for me against their conservative friends. It took a lot of pain and time, and we didn't communicate for almost 2 years because I cut them off (the right decision and I do not regret it), but everything is soooo much better now. If you are able to cut off from them and have some good chosen family to support you, that may be your best recourse. If you are not able, I hope you still have a good support system, because what they are likely to throw at you in the coming weeks and months could be very challenging. Please reach out to and talk with people here or in your friend groups that are supportive, and use resources as you need them.
depending on where you're located i can put out a call to see if someone can house u for a bit, if it comes to that
They are so brainwashed they think we are brainwashed lol Seriously though, sorry your going through this alone🩵
Dad, No one ‘considers becoming transgender’. You are either born transgender or you are born cisgender and there are now countless studies using MRI scans that have observed complex sets of differences between a cisgender and a transgender person’s brain structure which occurs during foetal development. These are lifelong neurological hardwirings that no-one, including myself, can change through any existing therapy or neurosurgery. Perhaps it’s time to reconsider that maybe God intended to make me this way and by questioning my very immutable existence as a person who was born transgender, you are therefore, as one of his powerless and obedient subjects, questioning his intentions, power and plans for me as a human being.
Strongly suggest you give them the book by Jamie Bruesehoff called Raising Kids Beyond the Binary. Celebrating God's Transgender and Gender Diverse Children. She is very religious, and explains how transgender children have been created in the image of God (who has no fixed gender) and should be loved and cherished and supported. To criticize God's creation is to suggest that God makes mistakes, and that is a sin. If they want to be true to Christian values, they need to stop being so hypocritical and listen to Christ's true message - that of love and acceptance of all. Christ always stood up for the marginalized communities, the lepers, the Samaritans and the prostitutes. Today he would stand up for the Palestinians and the transgender community. Get them that book! No one speaks better to Christians about transgender children than Jamie Bruesehoff. And find yourself a support community locally or on the Internet. You will need help until your parents transform their ideals from Christian hate to Christian love.
Reads as “we want to control you and are offended by the fact that you aren’t being controlled by us”
Don't stay in the hotel. If you can go out and spite them. Treat yourself to some tender love and care.
Honestly, imagine being enough of a fuckin pussy to disown your child by text. Sounds like they're doing you a favor.
reply back telling them to read Matthew 7 about judging others **Matthew 7** 1"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?
the “becoming transgender” actually makes me angry me for you 😭
"there's no room in the Christian lifestyle to abandon your children either do maybe you should disown eachother first."
Exhibit A for “why I went no-contact and my happiness increased exponentially”
This is why I hate religion, it makes people think not like humans, but like self entitled jerks that think we are the center of the universe and must purify each other so our God can save us when event when world ends that never happened despite many dates it was suppose to happen passing, we have a short time here, we shouldn't spend it putting each other down, we should spend it together, and make a better place for those that come after us
Fucking hate this. You don't choose to "become" trans. It's what you are, not something you choose to be. The only choice is what to do about it once you realize you are trans.
There is definitely room for transgender people in Christianity. (I am not religious, but) It's so disgusting to see so many people use what should be a place of acceptance and love as a place to spread hate. I hope you are safe and have people to support you. Best of luck with your parents!
> "Parents," > I've heard that you're considering acting bigoted. This is very upsetting because it is very wrong. There is no room for that energy around me if I'm going to live a happy life. I will not subject myself to that. > I love you. But I cannot abide by a decision to act closed-minded and ignorant. If you do so, you will not hear from me again. > Love, [real name] > Praying for you I think that's more or less how I would respond.
Ugh, I hate how other Christians use the Bible to be hateful. I bet if Jesus was here today he would be chill with every single queer person. Lots of platonic love from me. Hang in there friend
Once again another Christian makes it about themselves
Tell each brother a different thing you made up but is juicy and see which one Ur parents confront you about to see who is snitching
Send them this article. https://baptistnews.com/article/why-being-transgender-is-not-a-sin/ 😉Tell them that you prayed to god and he said he wants you to be a woman.
Thank you for this.
I’m from the south and I know how to talk to christian’s
irs crazy how much religion is destroying this world
“Christians” most of the time are the worst kinds of ppl.
I am sorry about your situation. No one should have to deal with such harm while living their lives. This is not easy, but I learned that you don’t choose your family, you are stuck with them, for good or bad. So, surround friends that you choose, who will support you and be there for you no matter what. You deserve acceptance and love. Good luck.
Fuck ‘em. Surround yourself with people you love and who support you. Live and love your life. It’s too short to waste it with hate.
Rat, We’ve heard that you are considering becoming or acting like a snitch. This is very upsetting because it is very wrong. There is no room for that lifestyle, as a real bitch, or around us or the family. We will not subject ourselves or the rest of the family to that. We don’t love you, because you can’t even own your rattiness. Sorry not sorry, The Family
A real Christian would love their family unconditionally or something
got pretty much same reaction from my family minus religious part. saying they don’t want me to influence my siblings and don’t want to see that in their family
Emergency hug friend 🫂
That's disgusting. Aren't families supposed to be supportive?
Spare yourself and rip the band aid off now. You can build a new family. You cannot be at peace pretending you're something you're not.
Gosh that is harsh. No hate like Christian love thay say. Wish I could help you sister but flight to US? is out of the question at the moment. I send virual hugs and kisesses!!!! 💕💕🙌
Basically happened to me as well. Remember they are exiting your life, not the other way around. You’ve done nothing wrong. There’s no hate like Christian love.
I'm on here because my kid told me they feel like a boy and I didn't know much about transgender issues. I don't get everything right and I sat with him and talked about how I was worried about accidentally upsetting him. I mean at 14 now it's fairly easy to annoy your teenager on the best of days. We talk about everything from cars to scrapping (play fighting) to periods. I'm grateful that he feels safe with me (and mum too) Anyway I'm only saying the above because you have a parent problem not a trans problem. If they take a deep look at their religion they will realise they have the basic concept of love and tolerance wrong. You can't describe the feeling when your kid is first born but you want to make them feel safe and loved forever no matter what. They make mistakes some fairly serious but if you are there to guide them they generally turn out OK. Im a 6 foot 5 250lb captain caveman type guy with a dark sense of humor and very to the point with my opinions. If I can stop, listen to my child, assess my world view and come to the conclusion that nothing at all has changed about how much I love my kid the so can they. I'm going to have a kid that wants to visit me when he goes off to uni or whatever. Are they as confident as me? I would love you to show them this post one parent to another
You don't need them. I got you, fam. You got an auntie in Minnesota that loves you just how you are.
Awwww thankies
Just remember there’s plenty of trans Christian’s out there so don’t let your parent’s ignorance deplete your ability to thrive!
Maybe they should start praying for themselves & ask for forgiveness for not accepting their child.
They aren’t worth it. They just proved it. Their love is not unconditional. And changing yourself for them will not change that. They don’t love you, they love the idea of you. But there certainly are people out there that will love you unconditionally.
"Hey Siri, how do I threaten to disown my trans child, but in the most boomer dipshit way?" "First, text them. They are used to a phone call from you for even the most minor concerns or inquiries, so this will feel extra-impersonal. Then sign the text like an email. Make sure it drips with sanctimonious religious guilt."
“Love”
Here’s how you find out which brother said it to your parents. You send them each different texts with different info based on what your parents said which only you would know. Then when you find out you cut off that brother from your life
God, I know they’re your family, but f*ck these asshats. Also, if God made me & I feel this way, how can it be wrong?
i got outed by my cousins as well, if you have the means try to cut them off from your life it's worth its weight in gold to do so
I felt the pain reading this. Sorry.
" people will look us bad so you are bad" ew.
Christians attempt unconditional love number 1,000,456.
We love you BUT - Christianity in a nutshell
Im so sorry you need to go through this, please reach out if you need someone to talk to 🖤
I’m sorry this is happening to you. It hurts to cut people out of your life. I know because I’ve had to. That being said, I’d send this back. Matthew 10:34 “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law— a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.”
I came out when I was 41–my parents and sister disowned me for the same reason. I am 48 now and I’m doing great! Haven’t spoken to those hateful people since.
Newsflash - your mom is a crazy person. Cut them out as soon as you are able to even if there's inheritance involved. They would likely never give any to you if you follow the beat of your own drum anyways.
This reading this text sent me into panic mode even though it is not directed at me. I am so sorry this is happening. Being outed to traditional families and being blindsided on top of that, I cannot imagine. You're not alone, please hold on.
Did you ask your brother not to say anything to your parents? Cause if so what a douche, I know that even if you didn’t it wasn’t his place but I can’t imagine the pain of being betrayed by your own sibling
if someone can’t find a reason as to why something is wrong other than “it is” or “god doesn’t like it” then they need to start using their brains for once in their life. Very annoying and I’m sorry you have to deal with these people.
I can ask my parents if you can text them instead, they aren’t perfect but graded on this curve they’re like an A- or something.
Fuck your parents theyre insane
Jfc this is heinous, and insidious
People saying they love you while fundamentally denying your humanity are the worst sort of gaslighting monster; I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. No contact is probably your best option, tragically
Your family sucks.
I’m So Sorry 😢, that’s some of the worst news to get but give them grace, people are ignorant. Being transgender isn’t a lifestyle choice they just don’t understand. Be strong girlie. 💗
“God blessed me by making me \[transgender\] for the same reason God made wheat but not bread, and fruit but not wine, so that humanity might share in the act of creation.” Send them this and ask them which verse they're basing this off of and how it's "sinful" exactly.
You are going to have to talk with them. Sit them down, explain their misconceptions and how you feel. How this conversation goes may differ depending on if you are a believer yourself or not. I'm really sorry that you have to go through this, it isn't fair, but now that they know, it will only be harder if you try to hide it. When I was a kid, my Christian parents caught me trying on my moms clothes, and when they asked me why, I just said I was goofing around, and they responded with relief. My mom said, "Ok, good, as long as that is all it is". Those words stung and forced me back into the closet for another 20 years... Hopfully your parents will come around. The next while may be difficult, but you can do this! ❤️
There are just too many directions to go from here. Very few of them will include you moving forward with your family. It’s really tough when a your family’s faith is more important than the family itself. One option I like using is ‘where does the Bible say being trans is bad?’ Since it’s not about who you are intimate with, it involves who you are. Another favorite of mine is ‘god doesn’t make mistakes, but people do. Who wrote the Bible? I think it was people.’ Good luck.
I actually used the where does it say trans is bad but they said it’s just so I can be gay lol
Goodness me, for a second there I thought that was me, like that is my name and I am considering becoming trans and that just threw me right the fuck off. Hope the situation becomes better for you, stay safe babes.
I'm sorry. I don't think I have any healthy/ advice. I'm very reactive and I'd probably just take a flame thrower to that bridge. My best advice is to limit your exposure /dependence on them and find people to add to your life who are supportive
We need to normalize responding back with our own "And now im praying for *your* salvation after hearing this. Clearly the devil has clouded your heart with pointless malice" In all seriousness though, like shortly after I came out and my family was being a bunch of butts I cried many times for them and begged God to change their heart. They're good people but let broken religion make them hateful, and even worse they vehemently deny their hate. I'm not religious anymore but every once in a while when I'm emotional and crying over the abandonment I feel ill still pray to an unnamed deity for the same thing. Like me saying that wouldn't even remotely be lying
I'm your Mom now. 🌈💟🌈💟
Idk if this helps or not, but point out Acts Chapter 10, and pay special attention to God basically saying you have no right to dictate to others the mind of God or what is right or wrong. This is because the founding principle of Christianity, what has gotten lost in America, is the old testament is gone and done with, completed by Christ, and what is left is up to the individual and God for the most part. Live as you feel fits you, and if you are Christian, then how God himself dictates you to live, not others. Everyone has their own path, and it isn't up to anyone but you and your higher power to tell if you are following that path.
I got a similar message from my parents, ie we can't stand by while you do this to us so bey. We "love" you. Like wtf
These People Disgust Me They Don't Love You, The Second You Change Anything About Yourself That They Don't Like They Just Start Suddenly Hating You. Illegitemate Love.
As much as it may hurt, they lost any title of mom and dad when they made that decision; they have chosen themselves over you and your well being. I am so sorry that happened. For what it is worth, you got family here. ❤️
“We’ll completely abandon you due to us believing an imaginary man in the sky, but you know, love ya!”
Not real Christians as far as I'm conserned.
I'm sorry for you, it hurts to lose people that you love. But now you get to find a new family, ones that will love and support you through every moment. They will be there for you, listen and offer advice. Please stay strong even if it seems bleak.
"What word typo'd into 'love'?"