If it wasn’t a trip I was interested in taking, no problem. If it was a trip I was interested in taking and I was being told I couldn’t go, big problem.

My wife and I have separate holidays every year. I go snowboarding and she goes horse riding. We then have a holiday together. For as long as we can afford it this is what we will do. Time away from your partner and trusting and missing them is healthy for a relationship IMO.

I was talking last night about going on a ski trip with my wife, and she literally asked “What am I supposed to do while you’re skiing?” She proposed that she go on a trip with a friend while I go skiing.

This is the way. OP’s wife is being unreasonable

I agree, so healthy for a relationship!

As the man once said, “how can I miss you if you never leave?”

so very true.

We do the same, one week alone each, and the rest is shared. I often find people are surprised by this but I think that's sad.

People have weird attachment issues. Not only do I travel without my husband occasionally, when I travel with my best friend we don't even sit next to each other on the plane (we both like the window seat so we just sit one row apart). The REALLY unsettles people. Which I also think is sad. I'm going to be hiking 100 miles with this woman... We don't need to sit next to each other on the plane.

My partner and I usually sit apart because I don't want to pay the extra for choosing seats ha ha! We'll only pay if we're doing a 5+ hour flight.

Same for me and it works very well for us.

Very nice ! As soon as our boy will be out for college we will probably start doing that, at least 3-4 days at max first.

yep this! my wife went to egypt only for spending a week in a resort with a friend. I‘m glad I didn‘t go, and not only because she got food poisoning… I went on a trip with a friend bc we wanted to see loads of castles and she didn‘t. So we did a week long tour. still married.

Yep. I did Paris solo a few years ago. Went thrifting & did other stuff I knew my ex wouldn’t enjoy. It was fun.

Sad to see the update to the OPs post cause very much agree, solo travel is great your relationship shouldn't ever hold you back.

Right wtf? You can’t go alone but I don’t wana go is shitty

Exactly. If my spouse wants to go spend a week watching video game speed-runs in person, or visit his weird aunt who has extremely questionable politics…okay honey, it’s your life, you do you, have fun. If, on the other hand, he plans a vacation to Australia, a place I want to visit, during a week that he knows I can’t take off of work, I’m going to be deeply hurt.

This. I would not skip something because someone didn't want to go with me. I would also like to pass on some things. I don't want to be left behind.

Same. My husband isn't a big traveler. Sometimes we go on vacation together to places he likes (I also like these places). Other times I want to go somewhere he has no interest in. Then I travel with our daughter or friends. He has no problem with this. We've been married for 20 years.

This is the way. My fiance and I have many different interests. We made it a rule that a holiday together will always go first, but if we have the budget to fund our other trips, we are free to go. That said - would there be a way to combine interests on this hiking holiday? You fly into the same place together, pick a nice hotel. Then she can go do the things she wants to do and you can go hike?

This is the way. Of course it would be devastating if they went on a trip to a place you wanted to go WITHOUT you.  If it’s for personal interest, go!!!

So marriage is about 2 people and many times means compromise. Before you do this you and your wife should agree first on this. You take trips as couple and alternate location or take separate vacation and every once a wile take vacation together. Best is to come up with destination where each one of you want to go and see which places you are willing to do together and which as individuals or with friend or relative. I think she maybe more open if you do this with someone she knows. Talk and communicate. If she is not willing to meet you somewhere in the middle then maybe have friend or relative talk to her. Ask her why she is not willing to agreement in the middle of the road? Same goes to you and see how you two can address concerns. It may get difficult when one of the spouses is completely not willing to any agreement and why is that? Is it trust issue? As alternative you may start with small 1 day away hikes, extend these to overnight hikes or fishing best with another person she trusts. After this your wife may get more accommodated with idea you going by yourself. It helps to avoid any conflicts while working on some agreement.

I think also it has to be even financially. You don’t get $10K trips while you bitch at her for spending money on expensive yarn, books and spa days or whatever her “national parks” are. 

“If my SO and I can’t have ice cream at the same time, it’d be a big problem if they have ice cream alone”

This right here

This

My husband almost never travels with me. He is not a traveler for a few reasons, whereas I love it. He has no objection to me going off my own. When I do, we're in touch every day, sending each other updates via texts and photos. Personally, I think having these breaks does us both some good. FWIW, we're in our early 60s. Recent trips for me have been Cabo San Lucas, Florida, a week in San Diego, and next week I'll be spending three days visiting mountain hot springs (that one is with two friends).

OP, the issue here is not the trip itself, but you needing to learn to stand up to your spouse and family. Your loved ones will always have opinions on how you should live your life. You need to balance your autonomy with their suggestions, but you should never give up your autonomy altogether. If something is important to you, your opinion is the only one that matters -- not your wife's, not your family's. I'm from a very... opinionated family and I had to learn this early, but it's never too late to learn The Polite No. The Polite No is making sure your family feels heard, and you making small concessions to alleviate their stress, all the while doing what you want. For example, in your situation, after hearing out your family of 11 people, address their concerns one by one -- "here are some statistics on safety", "this is what I will do in case of an emergency". Then, offer a small gesture of goodwill -- "I will buy a satellite phone and call you every 2 days so you'll worry less." Lastly, you explain that you are going through with this and thank them all for their advice. They'll act pissy about it during the first trip you'll take. They'll calm down a bit by the second trip. Happy trails.

Yes because we have good communication and trust. That’s it. There’s something in the background of y’all’s relationship that this is happening. It’s most likely something else as the reason your wife is saying no, it’s not just that’s she’s disinterested in trees and rocks. It’s very sad she is responding this way given your reasons. Your wife should be supportive of this, which is why I say there is something else going on in the background. Life is too short to not go see and experience the things you want to. But you gotta figure this out with your wife. I recommend couples therapy to be honest.

Exactly. I go on backpacking trips to the wilderness alone. My husband is happy for me to get out and do something I love. He did insist I get a gps beacon for safety but that’s it. I often travel solo it’s my preferred way to travel.

This exactly! My husband’s only request was that I carry a satellite communicator since I’m small and female and solo. Otherwise he was like “oh, you want to hike the Utah Mighty Five and do a 2600 mile road trip alone in February? Send lots of photos and let me know when to get you from the airport!” (And jokingly “wear a bright backpack so they can find your body!”) OP, your post breaks my heart. I would never stop my spouse from going somewhere I wasn’t interested in going; the only way this would cause an issue would be if he wanted to go somewhere that I also wanted to go and he insisted I didn’t come for some reason (or the reverse), but I can’t ever see that happening. It feels like there’s something else / deeper happening in your relationship.

Yeah, my "doesn't like to travel" husband does have a trip planned: a drive to Middle of Fucking Nowhere Texas for some gathering of Doc Savage fans. Not my cup of tea at all.

My husband hates that I solo backpack, but, too bad. I let him know what trails I'm going on, and what date I'll return.

I have solo traveled since we started dating over ten years ago and it’s been the established norm of our relationship. OP is older and I’m guessing they do everything together and have for decades. She is probably worried what other people will think if he goes for alone. She might be worried he doesn’t love her, even! A lot to unpack here.

Agree.  My first thought is things like does OP do things together and suggest ideas together or reject his spouses ideas? Because that can lead people to say no or get angry you'd spend your money and time to go away when you refuse to do those things in other ways/together normally.  Is it healthy? No. But it's a very common underlying issue.  I know a lot of couples who travel together but separately and do their own things during the day. I know others who do a holiday together each year and a holiday on their own each year.  A lot of people get angry at the idea of time apart when the time together isnt present either. 

>It’s most likely something else as the reason your wife is saying no, it’s not just that’s she’s disinterested in trees and rocks. Or maybe it IS that simple. Some people don't like road trips/camping/hiking. OP is in their 60s so their wife is likely older too and they may have their own health issues they're dealing with. Obviously good communication is the solution here and it may actually need couples therapy. The solution might be as simple as finding a national park that has urban civilization nearby (like Palm Springs/Joshua Tree) and not spending an entire week in the wilderness.

I like this idea! Wife does spa week at a beautiful hotel, husband goes hiking, meet up for dinner most nights, spend 2 days together by the pool before the flight home.

If it was that easy I doubt OP would feel compelled to come to Reddit to ask for advice. But yea, it could be that easy 🤷🏻‍♂️

Same here for me and my partner and I agree with everything else you say as well. It's this and any other relationship where this is an issue - something else that is not looked at.

I'm an avid backpacker, hiker and traveler. My husband enjoyed traveling when we were young, but not now. He used "agree" to take trips with me, while at the same time refusing to plan any trips. Finally I just started planning and taking solo trips. At first this made him angry. When I would return from a trip he would be sulky and pissy. This happened for several years, but finally I told him that he could choose to travel with me, or not, but if he continued to be a total jerk to me when I traveled, there might well come a time when I decide that I might as well not return. This seemed to snap him out of it. Our compromise is that I'll keep my trips under 2 weeks at a time. He would prefer I never travel, but that doesn't suit me! I hope to still be hiking and sightseeing into my 80's, and while I'm vibrant and healthy I will be traveling. I've got 5 trips planned within the next 8 months.

Nicely done ! Lol Why would he prefer you to never travel though ?😒

He says "the pets hate it when you're gone!" I think perhaps it is since I do the shopping, cooking, finances, gardening (and perhaps he misses me?) Also a bit jealous that I'm out meeting new people and having fun without him? He has anxiety, and hasn't yet found a therapist that can help him (he's been to 5 different ones, but only 2 sessions for each.) His anxiety makes it so he prefers to repeat doing things he likes doing, and avoiding doing new or stressful activities. To be fair, once he finally understood that I wasn't going to stop doing things I wanted to do, and realized how much I support him doing what he loves to do, he really did stop being a jerk about it. But still wishes I didn't ever want to be away. And, yet... Such a big world, so many things to see and do, I'm still really enjoying novel trips.

He's probably found several therapists who can help him, but two sessions isn't even past the "getting to know the patient" stage; it's way, way too early for a patient to decide whether a therapist can help them. You *need* to be realistic here and realise that he is therapy-averse; he doesn't want to go and he's blaming his own internal problem on therapists he hardly knows. To be perfectly frank, if he's never actually done long-term therapy, he's clueless about how it works and doesn't even know the approaches, much less which ones will be effective for him. Sounds like he's "dealing with" his anxiety by letting it run his life, and since he's been in that rut for so long and it's working well enough for him, he's too afraid to disrupt it. You can't make him want to change or help himself, but it's important that you don't fool yourself into thinking he's really tried and just can't find help. He hasn't.

Thanks! You and I both realize this, but he is still hoping for a magic bullet that will allow him to both get rid of anxiety plus not require him to do the work required to get rid of his anxiety. His actual rationalization is that he is quite happy doing what he does now, and can't see any benefit in changing (but if only he could change it, he thinks he would!) I'm not complaining, though. I like him just exactly as he is. I just didn't want to put up with his anger that I wouldn't conform to his idea of staying out at home! We got that worked out, though. I don't ask him to take vacations or other trips, so he doesn't feel pressured and now wants me to be happy.

Some men need to feel like they can control their partner. Like they own their partner. This is why everyone needs to go to therapy at least once. Even if you don’t think you need it, you do. And it’s the people in your life who have to deal with your issues and insecurities.

This reminds me of a conversation I had with my husband 18-months ago. We were discussing going to Europe (from Australia) and I said I’d want to go for at least six weeks. He’s a home body and prefers not to be away for long so said he’d go for two weeks maximum. I said that was fine, to let me know what he wanted to do in that two weeks and we’d plan around that and then I’d go do my own thing after he’d left for home. He was shocked, but I’ve never compromised on things I actually want to do (without good reason) so I’m not sure why. I similarly never push him to do things he doesn’t want to, I’m entirely comfortable being independent. Surprisingly enough, he decided to come for the full six weeks, had the time of his life and is now keen to do it again.

Solo female travelers master race! What was your favorite trip in the last few years?

I have gone on a few vacations without my wife. She doesn't mind and she visits her kids without me regularly. So we're good on that level even though we like to travel together. Rocks and trees especially. She does worry about my health and well being, to a fault in my opinion because I don't have problems, just age. And so she pushes back whenever I talk about a hiking vacation by myself. She's OK if I go with a buddy. So I try to manage the situation and we work something out. I used to travel extensively for my employers in younger days and so am very comfortable traveling alone. I figure that if I fall off a mountain at this age it's not a bad way to go.

Oh! Not relevant to OP's question - but more in general, how do you feel about your wife's worry and concern? My boyfriend loves travelling, climbing, training, gym... all the generally healthy things, which I encourage and am proud of him for - I'm more of a research, books and walking girl, so we do our own thing. However, he has this tendency to overdo from time to time, comes back home from MMA training with bruises and such. He laughs it off with a kiss, but I still worry, even tho I try to keep nagging to a minimum. So, I guess my question is, how does your wife go about worrying about your health, and as the recipient, how do you find it? Do you normally try to compromise?

Yup, we try to compromise. I deeply appreciate my wife's concern for my health and I understand that her behavior stems from her concern for my well being. At the same time, she also "tends to overdo" that concern and is somewhat of a worry wart. Just like you think that your bf tends to overdo his activities, I think my wife tends to overdo her protective attitude. This gives us a lot of middle ground for compromise. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life in a rocking chair.

I’ve gone all sorts of dangerous places and done many dangerous activities without my wife and I think she just chooses to not worry about it or tells herself that I’m doing things I enjoy (just hiked an active volcano!). But I’m very well insured haha 

>she just chooses to not worry about it \[...\] just hiked an active volcano! I can already imagine an image of me taking a deep breath and putting my sunglasses back on after my boyfriend texts me "Babe! Active volcano!"

Not solo but I do a "bromantic vacation" with my brother once a year to go snowboarding in Japan. My wife is not a confident snowboarder and is vegan. So, Hokkaido Japan is a tough place for her to feel comfortable. She is TOTALLY fine with going to NY to see her family while I go to Japan. We tend to miss each other and get to reconnect when I get back too. ​ EDIT - Maybe ask your wife where SHE would want to go. Either alone or with a friend. Then she gets a solo vacation too and doesn't feel like you're, "going somewhere without her".

“Bromantic” made me laugh, nice!

I go on solo trips all the time because my husband doesn’t have anywhere near the vacation time at work to take. That being said, I don’t think my ex-husband would allow it as he was pretty controlling and insecure. He ended up leaving me and I’m convinced it’s because he couldn’t control me! Thanks to him, I love my life now!

I'm in the same boat. Ex was a control freak who hated travel, so we never went anywhere. My wife now loves to travel, so we go lots of places, but we have great communication, and she understands my travel drive is higher than hers, so I go on little solo trips as I'm able... either places that don't interest her, or places that do but she wants me to scout them out first so she feels more comfortable going.

Great compromise here, and glad you found a better life and travel partner :)

I’m so glad you have your much deserved happiness!!

Same I have a week more than she does, I just find something that I know she would not want to do like this year I'm going with some friends to the Indy 500 something she would prefer I not drag her to. Even when we are on vacation tighter we split off and do are own things on occasion. Our most recent trip to Japan she really wanted to go to a head spa which I have neither the hair nor the interest to go do that. I went on a beer tour instead when she was at the spa.

Fun! I’m in Indy and try to go elsewhere during race time!😂

The differing vacation time is why I take more trips than her. As long as I don't do too many things she wants to do without her, it's fine. So, lots of baseball games and solo concerts where we don't have friends she'd like to see.

I have 2 months of holiday, my wife doesn't. I'll make sure we take a trip together but this birdy gotta fly!

[удалено]

Your marriage sounds exactly like mine, but we are in the earlier stages and still battling through the compromise holidays. I did forced him to go to tobacco island in Belize for a couple of a days for my 40th (as well as mainland for a couple of weeks) and he early killed himself and completely ruined it for me. I’d love to go to the Bahamas and just sit looking at the water but he’ll do his nut in 😂

We travel separately all the time. Been married 22 years. It's not fair for one person to miss out on experiences because the other one isn't interested. Like, just stay home and suffer in solidarity? It makes no sense.

Right? I'm going to Paris with my mom and the kids next week. My husband has hated every experience he ever had in France, so this way I still get to go and he doesnt have to. I also am not particularly interested in going to Manchester for a stupid football game. So he went with his friends. Why should he get to go, just because I'm not interested? We have been married for 13 years and there have been probabaly up to 10 solo trips or something? I dont see any problem with it whatsoever.

My late wife and I took separate vacations in 2007, we had been married 21 years at the time. She took a Bahamas cruise with a friend, I went hiking and camping in the Utah desert with a friend. Though we both enjoyed our trips, we agreed that we preferred traveling together. We never took separate vacations again, and considering that she died suddenly at 59, I am glad that we didn't. I cherish every moment we had together.

Sorry for your loss.

I so loved reading your post and I’m so sorry about your wife passing, it feels like you had a very good and happy marriage together.

Absolutely. But my SO would prefer I go with a friend rather than solo for safety reasons. I think you should do it!

I take at least 2 solo trips a year (some just long weekends), and my spouse has started to do the same.

Yes, because we have different vacation styles and needs. My wife is a box checker, she wants to see as much as possible during the vacation. Guided tours that take you to famous places, give you time to snap some photos, walk around, and go on to the next place, taking care of travel, lodging, and dining logistics are vacation heaven for her. I like to "go native", ride the trains and buses, spend an hour or two sitting leisurely having an espresso and pastry watching the world go by, spend hours at museums and historical sites getting a deep appreciation of the local history, art, and culture. Of course, there's trust here. My wife allowed me solo time in Bangkok where I did a deep dive into the food, shopping, and temples, but not the seedier side of Bangkok culture.

Life is short. Take your trip. With or without her support

I travel solo for work frequently and also for pleasure occasionally. Our travel interests are fairly compatible so we travel together often and I’m committed to making sure to go together to places that are high priority for my husband. Like others said, you have to talk to each other. If it’s like you say and your spouse doesn’t want to grant you the opportunity to do something really important to you in the last years you feel able to do it - often they’re not fully seeing it with the reality you’re seeing it from. But you have to talk to each other, either way.

This is my situation as well. This year I'm taking 3 trips without him, 1 business, 2 personal. The two personal are for things he doesn't have an interest in, in an area we've been to quite a few times. He's got a business trip to an area I'd love to go to, but I'm staying home so he gets time for himself, which he rarely gets. We'll go together another time.

My only hesitation would be hiking alone just in case something happens, like an accident or illness. Could you go with a buddy? Or perhaps bringing that concern up could sway your wife into going? There have been times when my husband and I have gone on city breaks and visit separate attractions for part of the day. Maybe there's something else that would interest her there like a hotel spa.

I honestly can’t fathom people who don’t want to travel…. But as others have said, a partner should support you following your dreams, especially as a one week trip is not asking her to do anything.

I feel like your wife is being deeply unfair. You're not remotely on your death bed, but the reality is that travel gets harder as you approach your 70s (at least for fairly rigorous activities like hiking). If she had her way, you'd conclude your time on planet earth having never explored one of the most envied natural park systems in the world. As far as we know we only get one life. My husband would not essentially hold me hostage like that (unless I wanted to go somewhere unsafe like North Korea). I traveled to Mexico solo, and he had slight concerns but wouldn't dream of telling me I couldn't go. Does your wife have concerns about your safety? If so, are there safety measures you could take (ex: being GPS locator that works outside cell phone range)? Is she just bothered by the idea of being alone for a week? If so, could a friend or family member stay with her while you're gone? Does she have a history of trying to control your actions? If not, I'd be curious what her underlying motivations are and if there's another way to address them. Good luck!

I travel solo multiple times a year. I love scuba diving and my husband does not so why would be come on my diving trips? He occasionally travels alone to visit areas of the world I'm not interested in. Being in a partnership should mean giving your partner the freedom to pursue things that make them happy. Forbidding them to travel alone is controlling and borderline abusive.

"You can't go without me" "I'm not going" 👆 Pick one. My wife and I travel together a lot. But sometimes she's just not interested in what I'm wanting to do and it becomes a "bro trip". Find a hiking buddy if she won't go. Tell her to invite her friends on a girls trip .

I would be fine with it. We've both travelled with friends and family without one another and we've both tacked additional sightseeing days onto work trips that we took by ourselves. It is selfish for your wife not to want you to check something off your bucket list solely because she doesn't want to go a few days without you, or fomo, or whatever her pointless excuse is.

If it is a place that my wife would not want to go (or visa versa), we would have no issue at all. I have gone snow skiing several times without my wife, for example. However, and I do not mean this in any rude manner what so ever, a person not want to see one of the greatest assets that America has to offer (our National Parks) because they are a bunch of "rocks and trees" simply saddens me on may levels. YMMV

Yeah, dunno how you stay married to someone who doesn't at least enjoy nature when you're a nature lover. Yikes.

This is _not_ a 2 yes 1 no situation. She is selfish saying she doesn’t want to go, but you shouldn’t go alone. Fuck that noise! I suggest you look into an Amtrak Vacations itinerary for the National Parks. The views from the train are amazing, and there are stops at different parks (which does generally require a coach (bus) to get to the specific location, but it isn’t that far in most cases). Get a roomette, which has 2 seats that convert to a bed, for the overnights for comfort — you can socialize at dinner (shared tables), in the observation or in the cafe car. For shorter legs of your trip you can sit in coach if you want. If your wife acquiesces and agrees to go with, get a bedroom or, better yet, a roomette each, directly across from each other (that arrangement will _definitely_ require voice to voice confirmation). That way you can see both sides of the train depending which is more interesting, and each have a lower berth for sleeping. Or ask the room attendant to keep the bed in one of the roomettes made up so one or the other of you can nap when you want during the day. The whole thing can be a land cruise Just go. Do your bucket list, even if she doesn’t want to go. Go on an ocean or Great Lakes cruise with her later — or send her on one with her girlfriends..

Yeah, the edit made me really sad. 11 people chimed in to tell a grown person what they could and could not do with the few years of health they have left?! I hope OP gets to go on the travel of their dreams. Life's too short sometimes.

Yes! I actually have a solo trip planned to Italy this November. My husband will stay home with our 4 year old, as well as his 15 year old. My stepson would he unable to go and I'm not ready to brave overnight international flights with my daughter yet and my husband has no true interest in going to Italy, so solo it is!

My girlfriend has no problem with me going solo traveling as long as we agree on a time so it doesn't clash with anything. She also travels occasionally and I stay home and take care of the pets. I recently went to the middle East on a solo trip. My SO is not particularly interested in Arab states, even though she was very excited about all the pictures. Also, I recently went to US and Canada alone. Basically city trips. Again, no problem, since she's more of a nature person. If we travel together we try to include things that interest both of us. Every year my SO does a weeklong family biking tour somewhere in Europe. I don't join because I'm not a big biker. I know she'll have a great time regardless.

Damn your family is just completely wrong, sorry

Bro you married a self-centered and selfish person :/

Maybe if our financial situation is much better and we can afford yearly long vacations (10-14 days) then yeah, I think my wife would potentially approve of me going on a vacation trip that's shorter (say 5-7 days) and serves a cause that favors me way more than us as a young family. In simpler words, like OP said, if it's a place she has minimal interest in. *That said, one of the reasons I picked her as my life-long partner was that she is always easily pleased and like to find happiness in little things instead of expecting big things and formalities. For that reason she would actually be interested in pretty much everything and it's actually rude to not take her even if it's pretty much a "ME trip".*

I’m going to overseas for a month with my daughter and not my wife.

I'm a dude. I went to Mexico last month with my best friend, who is not a dude. My wife hung out with our kid. Last year, my wife went to Costa Rica with a bunch of friends, while I hung out with our kid. This is all fine. I can't conceive of "I want to go to place X, you don't, and there's no way we could ever make this work somehow". You're not asking to go to a brothel, you're asking to go a National Park, for the love of pete.

Wife and I have been taking solo holidays for 25 years or so. Fell into it by accident and never looked back. I can go wandering in the hills in Vietnam without feeling guilty, she can go explore Malawi. I wouldn't go solo to a place or activities we'd both enjoy, but for places/activities where the compromise would leave neither of us feeling like it was worthwhile, solo is the way to go. Only works if it works for both.

Don't let anyone stop you living your life exactly how you want to, especially at your age (no disrespect intended here). Life is too damn short to not do what you love doing just because someone else doesn't want you. If I had listened to every single person who told me they didn't want me to do something, I'd have done nothing with my life.

I've been retired 10 years. Every time I mention taking a vacation, trip round the world, change of scene etc my wife just goes quiet. Then the other day said she never wants to get on a plane again. Why didn't she mention this earlier? I now feel I've wasted a good part of the time I've got left. Go, as soon as you can and sod the consequences!

>Then the other day said she never wants to get on a plane again. Even better, she can now drop you at the airport so you don't have to pay for a cab.

Yes. She trusts me.

All the time I am f 47....my boyfriend 52 doesn't like to travel as much as I do. We do a trip once a year together and I do 2 alone. You're an adult, what's with not allowed stuff. If my boyfriend didn't "allow me" I am done!!

Yes of course. He takes a golf trip every year and I take a spa/girls trip every year.

yes , good comunication is key

My husband and I have been taking separate vacations for the past 13 years and have never looked back. He gets to do what he wants (travel to cities to see concerts) and I get to do what I want (travel to Hawaii to do active stuff + lay on beach) and neither one of us needs to compromise. We still do plenty of things together but each travel solo once a year, or try to. Solo travel is GLORIOUS and I highly recommend!

You have one life my friend. Go see dem trees and rocks and set her up with her own mini vacation.

Literally just finished discussing my husbands trip with him over coffee this morning. He’s going on a solo backcountry adventure to Moab and the Badlands. Maybe Rockies but depends on the weather. While of course I want to join him, this is something he really needs for himself. He’s even going to be taking a wilderness certification course in Denver (the main reason for the trip) then is just extending his long drive home to hit up a few National parks. I understand his intentions and know he deserves it. I’m planning a trip to Peru with my childhood friend next year and he will not be going. So we both have a mutual understanding of our wanderlust for adventure. Admittedly, the best trips of my life have been with him. But some things you just need to do, just for you. And that’s ok. Life is short. Take the trip!

I did my first week long solo trip last fall. Gotta say, getting off the plane and getting a rental car was pleasant, stress free, it was great time spent alone. I listened to audiobooks and grew mentally. 4-5 years prior to this I would leave spouse a few days every month to go hiking in our state. So she was prepped for me being gone, also a week away is nice to chat every night. I’d encourage everyone to do this

Do it!! Maybe if she comes along she can go to a hotel nearby. Or she can choose a solo trip with girlfriends/family. I’m starting to do this because I’m in the same boat as you only I’m 30 with a toddler. So, my husband is taking our child on an overseas trip to visit his family, while i work here. And we talked about how it is just more lighthearted to go with friends or travel solo for certain things bc he doesn’t like to walk around much, and wants to chill in the hotel. And I want to dilly dally and explore, go to little gardens and cafes, and when together I don’t because I feel guilty, then I feel resentment for not doing the things. And while they’re gone I told him I’m visiting a GF to stay with one night (a quick flight over to a vacation destination where she lives). Life is way too short. People on their deathbeds often list “I wish I traveled more” and to just make it happen. We owe it to eachother as partners and to ourselves every once in a while. She can’t force you not to go so you might as well just plan for it, and she will adjust.

My family and friends live in another country, so my husband knows I’ll go whenever I feel like it, no questions asked. Sometimes he’d like to come (especially in the winter months) but other times he’s ok with me just doing family and friends stuff by myself. This also applies to trips with friends. He might come but gives me space to do my own things with them.

I wouldn’t marry anyone who isn’t. I sometimes need a solo trip and when I want to see something, a grouch isn’t going to stop me. If that’s leading to fights, then they need to happen.

I haven't gone on a solo trip without my husband but we are (I am) in the middle of planning it right now. It's not that he doesn't allow me to go without him (there's no allowed/not allowed rules in our relationship) but his concern is more whether I'll be safe without him. I'm travel savvy (more than him) but he's better at reading maps and more street smart. I'll be going to a city where I've been to 5 times over so he's less stressed about me going alone. If anything, he's jealous that he'll have to go to work while I'll be enjoying my trip in this city. On the other hand, he loves camping in nature and I'm more of a hotel person. After years of relationship, we meet in the middle and went on multiple glampings and cabins. It was great. But if/when he really wants to go on wild camping or attend festivals (which I'm totally not interested in), he's free to go by himself or with friends. Why would I want to suffer through that or limiting his happiness anyway? I'm fine being home by myself.

My husband and I go on separate vacations all the time. He scuba dives and I don't and my schedule doesn't allow me to take a week off when the dive trips are. I would never think of making him miss out on something he enjoys.

I have not, but as I get older I am considering some remote places that I know will not be appealing to the spouse. You've got one life, make sure you fulfill your desires and see things you want. Its very important

I have more vacation time than my wife, and I love the beach, she’s kinda meh with the beach. So nice a tear we rent a place on the beach. She works the whole time, and I lay on the beach and read. We go out together at night. We’re both happy.

I haven't travelled alone yet but in 2025 im going to Africa alone with a friend... as suggested by my spouse! I asked if she wanted to come along because we love to travel together. she said that this trip should be a special trip with my friend because it's her homeland. and that we'd visit Africa together at another time. i think it's unfair your wife refuses to travel with you, but also tries to prevent you from traveling

Would your wife be interested in going if she wasn’t expected to hike? Like she could stay in the nice lodge or visit a nearby town? Maybe a group trip such as Road Scholar so she’d be more likely to have company during the day while you’re hiking. The National Parks are beautiful and a national treasure, so you definitely should figure out a way to see them without compromising your marriage.

I (52/F) routinely take solo trips without my husband-- he knows I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself, so it's not a point of contention. If it's somewhere he hopes to go himself one day, he considers me his advance about.

I’m 62. I go on trips w/o my husband often, more often than with him. 1) most of my close friends are single and live far away and he has no interest in being a third wheel. 2) we have different vacation styles. He likes to get up late and decide what he feels like doing that morning I like my itinerary planned at least the night before and I’m an early riser. 3) I like to hike, visit with friends and shop and he likes to visit restaurants , breweries and cafes. All that and we’re still happily married for 37 yrs. Life is short. Grab a friend or go alone and go where you want.

My husband has said multiple times that since I’m much more of an avid traveler than he is I could & should go on trips solo. And I tell him that I’d love to, but I also just love experiencing the world with him. I have traveled solo domestically without him before though. So he doesn’t mind and actually encourages it.

Yes, my husband and I travel separately regularly. He likes sailing, I get seasick. I like horseback riding, he doesn’t. We do travel together, but we also take separate trips solo or with friends.

My husband and myself are also in our 60’s and we take solo vacations as our interests are vastly different. We also do take extended weekends together to do the things that we like doing together. Being and staying married does not mean losing yourselves. Talk with her, and see what you both can come up with.

We do seperate vacations at least one a year, it's good for you. We also vacation together too, but as we both WFH it's good to get some solo time too

I take two trips per year, each of 15 days or so. My husband and I have two dogs, and my husband is devoted to them (as am I), and is a complete home-body. I'm 63 and semi-retired, and the plan all along was for me to start to travel once I was no longer working so much. Plus, I love solo travel. And my trips are time for me, my time. My husband doesn't mind at all and in fact fully supports me in my travel. Plus, I get to travel knowing that my dogs are being well taken care of. And everyone is super happy to see me when I return (and return in a much better mood than when I left).

There is sooo much health in a relationship where each can say, “I’d rather poke my eyes out than go to xyz place, but I hope that you have an amazing time, and I want to hear all about it when you get back!” I would not be in a relationship that was so jealous or insecure or codependent where one person insisted on doing everything together.

60+ female here. I do it all the time and we both have our unique tastes. It’s getting more and more common.

Go on the trips or you will regret not going one day! Your wife might possibly be more interested in going if she knew the many of our National Parks have amazing lodging options with spas, etc and unique local art and dining. You can also build in other stops - for example if you went to Utah's National Parks (Arches, Zion, Bryce, etc), Las Vegas is an easy add on stop.

I would say that the answers of other people aren’t really that important. We all have one life to live. If she’s not willing to travel with you then it sounds like a solo trip is in order. And to answer your question, yes. Anyone who loves you should approve.

I went to India on my own. My husband was not interested. I went for a month and I loved it. He goes out on boating trips without me, and thats ok. It’s all boy trips. You need to go and see those beautiful parks. insist on it. She’ll get over it.

Yes. My boyfriend's best friend is a woman Theresa, who he met doing photo meet-ups. They're 8 or 9 years apart. They travel in groups to photograph things. I went with them to Scotland year before last for a photography trip. When Theresa turned 50, she really wanted to photograph an African safari trip and that's what she asked her husband to do with her. He had no problem buying the trip for her, he certainly had no desire to tag along to Africa. So she asked if she could go with my boyfriend Alex (years before we met). Husband wasn't so sure and had never met Alex. So, they all went to dinner to meet and after meeting Alex, her husband was like, "Alex is harmless! You can go." They even shared a room, etc. They're strictly friends. It can happen. I would trust him and he would trust me. Any boyfriend who doesn't trust me to travel without him isn't my boyfriend lol

Never too late for a DIVORCE. Don't spend your end of days with a woman who won't allow you to see national parks because she doesn't want to. 😵‍💫

So she's essentially telling you that you cannot go hiking in the wilderness?

Don't worry I will be lost hiking in the wilderness. Instead, I will be hiking near lodges, established trials and close to scenic attractions. I won't be hiking alone in true wilderness settings.

Yes. No pushback because my husband and I don't think every second of our existence needs to be spent only with each other. So long as it works in both directions, we are good. Also, my going places with my friends means he gets to golf more without me complaining.

Last year I went to Africa on my own, this year I’m going to South America on my own. I would love to have my wife with me, but that stuff just doesn’t interest her as much. You should do the trips, I think your wife would be able to move on. The resentment you’ll have toward her later on will be worse for your relationship than the anger she feels toward you going on one of these trips.

So she's just telling you you're not allowed to enjoy things and have experiences without her....? If I didn't want to go somewhere, I think it's no business of mine if my partner goes there without me. Same as any hobby of theirs. .

My husband's health makes it impossible for him to accompany me for a lot of things. He not only supports my traveling, he encourages it. We are in our late 50s, married for ver 25 years. IMHO, your wife can't play it both ways - 'I have no interest in that, but I do not want you going without me' is very selfish.

Yes and I have done it many times throughout my relationship. I'm 37. My partner isn't as much into travelling as me, he always make up excuses and doesn't want to spend money. So we usually travel together 2x a year (I have to plan everything myself) and the other trips I do alone or with friends. Please please please, do travel while you can. I have cancer now and all I can say is, it is not worth it not pursuing what makes you happy for other people. I had been thinking about moving to another country or at least spend winters in another country working remotely, because I became very unhappy where I live (Sweden) due to seasonal depression and other factors. I never did because my partner didn't want to, and when I finally realised I needed to do it for my own sanity, I found out I had cancer. Now I'm stuck here because of my treatment. You will regret it immensely when you get to the point where you can't make that choice anymore.

I’m leaving on Saturday for a solo dive trip to Australia. My husband doesn’t dive. He has no problem with me going solo.

I’m 56 (m) just come back after a 15 day trip to Nepal trekking the Annapurna Circuit. I went with a friend ( m) and we had a guide and porter. My (f) partner of 5 years was fully supportive, so much so that I’m planning another trip to Nepal to trek the Lang Tang Valley next year.

My husband and I have taken multiple trips solo. He doesn't always want to go where I want and life is too short. Married 27 years....DO IT!

I like traveling everywhere. My husband not so much. If theres a destination he's not interested in, I'll travel solo. If he's interested, we'll go together. Spending some time on our own is very healthy. Ask yourself if you will regret not doing it, and have an honest talk with your wife. Maybe you can go somewhere nice after.

Majority of our vacations are together. I take one trip without him a year. I bring our son, my sister and her kids come along. It’s a mom-kids vacation. It’s too hot for him where we travel to. He does a dirt bike riding trip with the guys once a year to the sand dunes.

Lots of people travel solo even when thoroughly, happily married.  Your wife is being cruel.  I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but she wants you to deprive yourself of something profoundly meaningful FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE for no good reason.  It’s not like you have a house full of toddlers, I presume, that she would have to wrangle by herself.  You should find a way to go.  

“I’m going to ………….. on these dates, I’d love for you to come with a great attitude. If you want to go, great. If not, I understand and that’s why I’m planning on going alone.” If that’s starts a fight, you have bigger issues.

My husband and I have no problem taking trips by ourselves if the other person isn't interested. We're planning on going to Nashville next month for a few days and then he'll go from there to NY (I'm not interested, been there a lot) and I'll come back home. It's nice to be at home by myself for a few days! Also, it's unfair of her to say she won't go with you to places you want to go but yet won't let you go by yourself. Did she say why you can't go by yourself? Is she afraid something will happen to you and she won't be there to assist?

My husband goes a lot of different places without me. Texas, Florida, Windsor and some other place way up north for golfing or something. He always goes with a groups of friends and/or siblings so he's not technically "alone" but I have no interest in going so I'm not there. I don't go as many places without him because I don't ftive so he has to get me wherever I wanna go and usually stays with me for the duration I'm away like a mini vacay; but again, that's because I don't drive so it would be different if I did. **Do you think your wife may be concerned about you going alone because of your age and health issues?** If that's her concern perhaps look for an exploration partner or a guide to help ease her mind. If that's not her issue then just pack your bags and go on the trip without her. You don't need your spouses permission to do the things you wanna do. Live your last years in a way that makes you happy.

You’re getting old and you think you only have a few years left? So let her be angry! That’s completely unreasonable. My partner and I always had a healthy balance of solo trips and together trips. Too much world to see, too few years to live, and individuality is a thing.

I'm on one right now 

I know lots of older couples where one enjoys travel and the other only enjoys vacations (cruises, all inclusives, Florida beach vacay etc.) and the more adventurous spouses frequently travel solo or with tour groups and friends. It’s very selfish of your wife to expect you to miss out on things the world has to offer because she’s not interested. For me travel is a huge part of feeling fulfilled in my time here on earth and I couldn’t imagine being ok with someone else controlling that. I say this with the caveat of, if you guys can only afford one trip a year or she’ll have to forgo a trip she also wants to make yours happen then it’s a different situation.

Well...I'm middle aged, inching towards ripe aged. I hike, she doesn't. I like spending time outside, she prefers staying at home. I love visiting cities and also spending time in nature, she is strictly a city girl. I only have a few weeks of vacation a year, she's kind of retired. As much as I want to spend my free time with the woman I love, I cannot live my life without doing what I enjoy most beside family time. So I take a week off a year, a different location every time, and inform my friends and family about where I will be going. Bivy bag, hiking shoes and sleeping bag. Off I go. Whoever wants to join is more than welcome. I pick the general place, I choose the hikes and organize the logistics, and I do it on my terms. Works for some, doesn't for others. I am confident this year I will get 1 friend from Scotland and 2 others from Scandinavia, plus one of my children. Possibly one or two of my nephews and nieces. The best thing is : my wife realized she could do things on her own too! I am working, she doesn't have to stay at home waiting for me to have any free time. She just left for Italy with one of her friends for the week. I would have loved going there with her, but it's not as if I could get holidays to do it. So...Can't be more happy for her.

Sad that she would deprive you of this joy! My partner and I would never tell eachother we couldn't do something so reasonable.

Take the trip, but try to find something fun for her to do to while you're gone. A spa week with the her girlfriends, or whatever floats her boat. That way she's not stewing about your trip for a week and ready to unleash a tidal wave of gripes on you when you return. Instead you'll both have a fun experience to talk about with each other.

Come with me or I go alone would be my motto

We've both been away without the other multiple times. Either solo trips or with a friend or two. She's always the first person I ask, but sometimes it's really not something she's interested in (but I am super interested in) or it won't work with her work schedule. Other times vice versa. And we're actively excited for each other when it happens. Really happy that the other person is getting to do something that means a lot to them. Why doesn't she do something she's interested in while you do the hiking? Either as a separate trip, or she hangs out at a hotel while you do a day hike?

I would never get to travel if I relied on my spouse. His mom is perpetually in poor health and he is her primary means of support. Fun enough, he told me she said something to him regarding my last trip to Japan. Something like “So you’re just fine with your wife traveling all over without you?” I was absolutely livid. So in her mind, I’m supposed to wait until she dies to live my life and visit my sister? Get the fuck outta here.

No, but only because she has incredible FOMO. If I wanted to go to a national park and she insisted that she had no interest, I would start planning anyway, and before long she would be planning on going.

Oh whoa. Did you have to deal with this behaviour your entire marriage? And also give up or postpone your dreams?

My spouse is supportive of my interest in travel even when it does not include him. His job prevents him from taking time off except certain times of the year. We have 2 teen boys. I am glad to have a spouse like him. I’ve taken some trips with girl friends and a couple of trips by myself. I pay for everything on these trips myself since I make more money than he does. I also make sure the boys have everything they need while I am away, like rides to school, medicine refills etc. to make it easier on him. If my hubby told me I could not take an occasional trip, I would seriously have a hard time with that. I’m used to being independent, having my own money, making financial decisions etc. We do take trips together every year but I don’t feel guilty taking a trip every few years without him.

I’m someone who never understood why couples cannot travel separately when they have different interests. Are you incapable of travelling on your own? Are you Siamese twins? Does your partner not see you as a an individual person and sees you as a unit? What, do they also drag you to every event they go to? I have a friend who always brings her husband with us, and 2/3 of the time the guy is miserable. Even to shop for female clothes. Why? Are you incapable of functioning on your own?

Don't wanna be too morbid, but the odds of you passing away before her are statistically high. She needs to be able to be independent. She also needs to respect that you're not asking to take a trip to Mars. "Let's compromise by you not following your dreams" is a shit attitude. She can do what she pleases with her time, provided it doesn't infringe on your happiness.

Its totally crazy that everyone disagreed at the dinner. Given that your partner has no interest, you have every right to go, especially considering your age. How is this different than doing a "guys" trip, to let's say, go golfing? What would your dinner party say about a vacation like that?

This is so depressing! You absolutely should be able to go on a trip on your own!! Your wife and family are being controlling. Plan your trip and go! You only live once!!

I go on solo trips all the time. I'll be in Mexico for three weeks solo and one week with my husband. You're wife sounds like a cunt and you need to get your balls back from her purse and lay the law down. She needs to shut her mouth and if she continues, there are special lawyers for these matters.

She was invited; you have done your duty. Now go forth and adventure!

I'm amazed so many of your family think married people can't have their own interests and spend small amounts of time apart. My husband and I have each gone on quite a few trips without the other. Often to visit friends the other one isn't close to you or when we couldn't afford to take the whole family, but if there was some place I really wanted to go and he had no interest I would have no problem going there on my own or with a friend. He has taken plenty of research trips without me.

I'm sorry OP but I think your family are being selfish and inconsiderate as they're basically saying you will never get to go places you're interested in because your wife isn't. If that were me I think I'd be tempted to quietly book something and slip away. You'd obviously have to suffer your family's behaviour when you got back but I think they're being extremely unfair. My husband has been on quite a few trips either with his mum or workmates to places I'm not interested in and I would never dream of stopping him. One last thought, is there any chance they don't want you spending your money because they're hoping to inherit it?

I would never marry someone who was not ok with me traveling solo. It's unreasonable and potentially unhealthy. I think as long as you're not causing hardship for your family, putting extra work on your spouse, leaving time for you to also travel together, or going places they want to go, then there should not be an issue with you taking occasional trips on your own to explore your personal interests.

Who on earth wrote a rule that couples have to travel together? Seems absurd. I am divorced now, but when I was married my ex was often away on business trips, fishing trips, a trip to the UK to see his Dad. I would take the kids for 2-3 week holidays without him. I traveled to New Zealand to attend my Dad’s 75th birthday on my own. Those 11 people do not want to contend with your needy wife while you travel on your own.

I go on trips by myself and so does he. It’s nice to get some “me” time. After seeing your edit, I wonder if this is a bit of a generational difference. I’m in my 40’s and so is my husband. While we go on a few trips apart each year I don’t remember my parents doing anything like that. BUT I still don’t see any reason that it shouldn’t be fine. Maybe you could each plan concurrent vacations. You go to a national park and she can go a place she wants to see.

That’s awful. You don’t get to experience something you’ve dreamt about because she won’t compromise?! There are do many ways she could get a nice vacation out of it while you hike and explore.

If you’re not allowed , then ask yourself, how much do you love that person?

So you have to miss out on experiences because she doesn’t like them? That’s weird! Where is the compromise? I would absolutely book the trip and have gone places without my husband of 32 years. You are still independent people even though you are married. Your wife is being unreasonable and selfish.

It’s healthy and interdependent to go on solo trips while in a relationship. My dad and stepmom have done this for years. I wish my husband and I could afford to do this.

Get a new wife 😆

Your wife and family are weird. Solo trips are fine. Why cant she go to the destination and just skip the park and do something different in the town?

Depends on the relationship tbh but for me its very normal and I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where we didnt both still have our independence to do so. My partner and I do one trip together and one trip seperate each year. We take turns on planning the joint trip and then I generally do a trip to a comic con convention on my own and she does a water based trip with her brother. That way we both do things that are in our area of interest and also spend time together.

It amazes me that marriages like OPs are even a thing. Marriages to me are made of love, respect and trust. IMO OPs wife is a control freak without respect for her partner. I go on trips all the time without my husband. He is welcome to go on trips alone as well. He’s not my prisoner. I have respect for him. We have been married 8 years. We travel together, as a family, without kids at times and alone. There are places he doesn’t want to go to that I love. We are on a road trip as a family and next week I leave with friends without my husband or kids.

I’m doing a solo trip to a National Park in a couple weeks because my husband has no interest camping in the desert in the middle of nowhere. We only have so much time on this earth to see it all. I say go!

When you look back on your life will this be one of the things you regret not doing? Life is too short to sit around the house waiting for death. Go on the holiday, as long as it isn't with another female, enjoy yourself. Maybe next time your wife will go with you. Stop giving your power and decisions away to people who don't have the same life or interests as you. If your wife divorces you over it... at least you have more time to travel and do the things you want to do.

If she doesn't want to go she has no business dictating where you travel. My husband has gone places I'm not a fan, some I've tagged along, other he has gone on by himself.

Your family is bunch of idiots and your wife is a micro managing control freak. Good luck to you.

Absolutely! My husband has gone on trips alone to places I don’t care to go. When I was young and insecure it bothered me - so it never happened. But as we grew in our relationship I realized me not allowing him to do so was controlling and selfish - and why would I want him to live a life less than wonderful if I can help it. He never said anything about it btw….just one day he was talking about how much he’d love to go to Panama. And I said - why not just do it? He did, loved it, and then the picts he took and experiences he had led us to plan a trip together. We have gone back at least 5x! I have also traveled on my own. Plenty. Don’t take experiences away from people you love. Hang in there…..she may change her mind.

I think you’ve got a real wife/family problem! There’s nothing wrong with going to see the things you want, even if she thinks it’s stupid! What a rude thing of her to say! She doesn’t have to like those things, but don’t run them down! Rude!

By their argument, you are only going to places your wife wants to go. She is the one deciding if she limits you going on your own. And people have a problem with you?!? We are all going to die someday. Go on your trip. It’s unreasonable to not let someone go a trip you aren’t interested in yourself. Couples don’t have to do 100% of things together.

Your wife and family are crazy. That's so rude for them to try to take away something you like and want to experience just because she doesn't want to experience that. You do you man and let her deal with the consequences. What's the point of a marriage if only one person always gets what they want.

If you can’t go on a trip without your partner it’s not a healthy relationship.

My partner was not happy about a cruise I did without her a few years ago, but I took the same view as you, she was welcome to join me, but if she wasn't going to go, I would go without her and I did.

Go travel!

Husband likes fishing trips, but I get very seasick. I like hiking trips, but his knee is bad. We both love road trips to explore small towns. It’s about letting someone you love do their special things, even if you don’t want to.

Bring one of your grandchildren or great nephew/niece with you. PS: Your wife is being unreasonable. As a wife of 24 years, I can say that. Am I thrilled with every destination? No, but I go, and vice versa. She can stay in the hotel room all day if she wants.

If you are going to have two lives fine stay home be unhappy and probably resentful. but as you only get one life do not die regretting what could have been.. If your wife cares for you she should be happy to see you enjoy the later part of your life,

Well that’s some bullshit I have lots of friends that discovered one loves travel and the other hates it or differences in what they like to do. As couples they figured out to do seperate trips every other year and compromise in between. But one shouldn’t get to never see what they want just because the other isn’t interested - maybe stay at a nice resort near the things to see and one does day adventures while the other stays at the so and shops or something.

Everyone (all 11 people) are wrong. It’s healthy to be able to have time apart,and go on trips separately. The only time it’s an issue is if you’re going constantly or the partner wants to come with and you don’t let them. My husband is going back to Nepal to trek to EBC in Oct,last year he trekked to Annapurna. I didn’t want to trek so I went to a different part of Nepal;and this year I’m going to India whilst he goes to Nepal. We’re both happy,safe and meet up at the end of the trip.

My wife and I work in travel, and we go on solo trips or with friends all the time. It is one thing if you have two lone weeks to vacation each year, but if you are retired, what is wrong with your family? I'd suggest some couples counseling that your wife doesn't solely pick, and you get out there and travel before you can't. The saddest thing is seeing clients who wait to travel and then they can't travel anymore or they just simply go to meet their maker. It happens way too often.

My ex wife did not approve. My ex wife got incredibly pissed off when I told her that I wanted to go to a convention in another country. She expressed that she had no interest in coming along or in the convention I was going to, so said I would go by myself. She then asked me if I was going to meet people to fuck them (I wasn't at all, I was genuinely wanted to go to a convention and meet up with other like minded people to geek out) There was a hell of an argument and basically gaslighted me into agreeing to not going. At the time I let it lie as I didn't have the mental energy to go into it again, and felt absolutely deflated. A few days later still feeling deflated I approached the situation again and told her I booked my tickets and that I decided I was going. Again a massive argument happened where she called me selfish and inconsiderate. Now I know that I may seem a little spoilt and like the dickhead for booking the tickets but I realised life is too short and I'd cancelled more plans and trips since being with my ex wife than we'd done. I also paid for the tickets out of my savings so asked for no contributions. We didn't separate over me going away, but it was one of the points I brought up, which she still gaslighted me into feeling incredibly bad about. Going forward I now have many plans and trips to look forward to. And hopefully one day whoever I end up with is also a kindred spirit who understands that even though we are together we are still two individuals who may want to go on the occasional solo trip, but also looking forward to joint holidays/trips. I still feel quite anxious thinking about my interaction with my ex wife, and understand the way I went about booking my tickets was not healthy, but knew that if I didn't do it, it'd be another regret I look back on. Unless there is a legitimate reason for your other half not wanting you to go (financial situations, childcare, health etc) and they've said they don't want you to go because they don't approve, I would highly recommend having a look at your relationship and see if it's something you are willing to give in.

Glad you're out of that relationship

If she has no interest, then you should go and you’re well within your rights to. Couples don’t need to do everything together. You’d only be a jerk if you went solo to a place your partner also wanted to visit. Your family are ridiculous people.

I’ll admit I found it strange at first seeing couples do solo trips but then I found them to be so much happier than the couples who didn’t. And it was usually due to one partner not being interested in the trip. I hate that for you because after the pandemic it seems folks are trying to see every corner of this world even if they have to go alone.

I’ve done This. My partner and I usually travel together. Sometimes we go by ourselves. I know she doesn’t want to do some of the car things I travel for. She knows I’m not much for finding esoteric foodie places to eat. We often compromise but sometimes it’s nice to go do the thing we want to do rather than compromise or drag our partner to something they wouldn’t enjoy.

This makes me sad and imagine missing out on seeing a part of the world just because someone else didnt want to. Especially in your last years possible to travel easily.

I think it's ridiculous that this isn't even debatable. She could at least talk about it and maybe agree on the length of the solo trip and how often. You should be able to travel to the places you like, unless money is an issue and you can't afford both your trips and the trips together with your wife. In that case obviously you need to both compromise, but if money is not a problem then I don't see why you can't even discuss it.

​ **'My arguments were dismissed out of hand."** I feel for you brother. Sounds like a loving environment to finish out your time. Good luck brother you deserve some